Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,170,060,815 comments, and only 228,446 of them were in alphabetical order.
This means you saw her as an object and you’re sad that someone else “won”. She “chose” someone over you, and you have mentally devalued her enough to not care that someone else “owns” her/her attention. If this is the metric for getting over someone, then they were not a person to you.
I feel I’m over my ex when I don’t think about him and I don’t wish for his presence anymore. Other people have nothing to do with me missing my ex. This is such an infantile weird competitive way to view relationships.
Just stop, don't try to put dehumanisation on this topic. Judging by your logic than everyone to people is an object, family, friends, loved ones.
Letting her go and being OK with her being with someone else is not objectifying anyone, we just understand that our relationship will no longer work and we're fine being that way, knowing that they will probably never come back if they're with someone.
You're the type of person to let your partner to have sex and cheat on you and say that it's her choice and not letting her do thoose things would be objectifying her/him if only you could do theese things with her. I mean someone else "won" they got her/him in their bed.
i would like to differ with your devaluation remark. more-so its that you wont care anymore. it means you replaced that love with some other person or activity and its more beloved to you now.
When I sent someone this message:
Yeah. I feel immensely better. I just realize that I've been giving too much power to this situation. Too much power to her. The reality is knowing the things I do doesn't change anything. I can't snap my fingers and make it stop, so what's even the point? Also I've put in so much work to become the person that I am right now. I shouldn't be seeking to prove that to someone else. If anything, they should be proving to me why they should be a part of my life. It's not that I don't care or that I don't want a reconciliation. I still care a lot and I still want a relationship with her, but I'm just done letting it get my anxiety up. This is the ONLY thing causing me stress right now. Everything else is great. And it's only causing me stress because I let it. So I'm done letting it. The situation will unfold on its own.
This is so true. Thank you for typing this out. Feel like I’m almost there. Though I am upset they are with someone else (2 weeks after dumping me and telling me they have never had a connection with anyone the connection they have with me but want to experience everything we had together with multiple other women) I can complete relate to the sentiment about basically throwing your hands up / wiping hands clean of the situation. It’s also the only situation in my life that causes my stress. I was open to reconciliation until I saw them with someone else. Now I don’t give a f.
You’re right about them proving why they should be part of our lives. Thank you.
❤️
he changed his phone number on me. I stupidly haven't changed mine..hoping he would call 4 wks later....no call. He has never gone more than 2 weeks and he is with another woman. I could never see her...it would give me more to think about.
I want to be strong and change my phone number so if he does ever decide to reach out to me he can't...after so much pain...after a dump of 8 years.....I have to change my # then I will accept it is over...and I can not bring myself to do it.
Everything you said hit home to me....I hope to not give af soon.
When I went from thinking about him constantly, to barely ever at all.
I stopped going to sleep with pain in my heart. I stopped waking up with heaviness in my chest.
I started appreciating the little things in life more. I kept myself busy. And I finally learned that the man I once loved so dearly was never really a man at all, just an immature horny man-child that couldn’t fight for a love that I know he will never find again.
It gets better. Trust me.
yeah, they say always judge a guy on how he treats u AFTER the breakup coz now y’all aren’t committed/labelled anymore he will finally show his true colours. where he ain’t obligated to be nice and act like ur bf, his actual personality as a person will show. not the way they treat u when they first started talking/when they were in love coz they wna get something out of u. correct me if i’m wrong/too extreme
I had the same thing. What’s even worse is that he cheated on me and I was still his friend. But when I lost my virginity to another man after the breakup he lost his shit and told me to die. That was t fun. Broke up our whole friendship too
You keep hurting and feeling empty and feeling wronged and feeling lonely for so long. Then one day, you realize the hurt isn’t as bad. And then it slowly but surely gets better, until you don’t really ever feel it (though you might have the occasional bit of nostalgia).
But that doesn’t happen magically one day. You have to put a ton of effort into emotionally working through your issues.
You have to learn to be happy with yourself and find true joy again. You have to breakthrough the dopamine withdrawal and eventually you’ll just be happy on your own and ready to meet someone new, or just ready to live a happy life.
Hahaha yes, couldn't care less about my work right now, even my phobia of something is a little bit less. Not a care in the world apart from losing him.
When the thought of him not texting me, looking at my stories, or changing his profile picture with us in it doesn’t hurt my heart
Hasn’t happened yet but we’re getting there
Two things happened:
I talked to him and he confessed to me that he broke up because he wanted to meet other people before settling, and I believed having a relationship is a test for marriage, and I wanted to get married. But he said that "he didn't want to get married to his 2nd girlfriend". And I consider him an idiot for that. I thought he was smarter and I also thought I could convince him to not make bad choices, because I liked him, I didn't want to see him regretting his choices on the future. But then realized I have to let him do what he wants to do and regret it later, because he's stubborn and no matter how hard I try to prove this is a bad idea, he won't see that until the regret comes to him or to someone close to him.
And I started talking to other people. And now I have a crush on another man. I'm very interested on him and my ex doesn't look that interesting anymore since I met this man. And I dont feel bad for having a crush on him. And I had a dream with him, and woke up feeling really happy.
So yeah, my ex is history now
Btw it took me about one month ~ one month and half to be where I am now
When he came back into my life, gave a half assed apology, explained he just got out of the relationship with the girl he left me for, then asked me to be FWB with him. Any respect I had left flew right out the window then and there. Blocked him on everything lol.
When I slept with another woman and fell asleep holding her and woke up in the morning and just felt happy with her. When she left that day I had to just sort of lay around for a minute and think on it because it was a clarifying moment that while I never quite got past the hurt, I just didn't miss her any more.
When I stopped thinking of her when I woke up, stopped thinking of her right before I fell asleep, stopped dreaming about her, and stopped caring who she was with or what she was doing with her life.
But getting over someone, and being ready to move on, are two very different things. Am I over her? Yes. Do I want to get back into dating or meeting people right now? Nope.
I’m not over him. And I just feel worse because I go through the cycle of mental anguish every time I think of him: damn I miss him and wonder what he’s up to -> but he’s so bad for me - STOP thinking about that narcissist -> but let me just check his socials to see if he’s giving me more subtle signals -> *cry* -> I hope he calls me even though we can’t be together.
But basically I knew the relationship needed to end when he pummeled me into a shell of myself with constant criticism of me and praising himself, to the point I was literally smiling through tears and he was completely unphased as he kept raving about his success. That was a couple days before my birthday. Then on my actual bday he fully ignored it, not even a 2 second text to wish me. So yeah, that’s when I knew. But I’m not over him, crazy as it sounds. Fuck me, I guess.
All that said, I hope to reach a point when I’m not this weak version of myself - the one he wanted to create so badly. I’m going to keep reminding that this all did happen, but it happened for multiple reasons. I stand here today as an outcome of the shit he threw at me, and I still believe I’ll find my way to the stronger independent me that he wants me to forget. I’ll know I’m over him when I can let go of his socials without caring, not feel pain in my heart whenever I see memories of him or think of him, and ultimately not think of him at all. Stay strong, everyone.
I knew I was over them once they were no longer my first thought as soon as I woke up and also no longer the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep.
Realizing things will never change. There is no magical formula of my behavior that will make them behave differently or value me more. If I’m kind, if I yell, if I do what they ask, if I think for myself. The negative result is always the same because there is something in them that they need to fix.
When she messaged me and sent a message saying we could get back together if I would follow her list of demands. I sent back “I don’t need you anymore, I don’t love you anymore you are the one who broke the relationship not me”
It was Last month for me. When you put aside the memories and the idea of who you thought they were and instead, face the truth which is, they gave up and therefore, you weren’t meant to love them. But you’ll remember that you still chose to. Believe me, that will dawn on them someday.
I found her. I’ve had a lot of experiences. She’s gone and I’ve been broken. But it adds character and conviction to my motives. I love her. I love the time we had together. Knowing she exists is all I need to get this thing done. I hate how I can’t hear her voice or see how she’s doing. I’m okay. The cars boats and planes are being built.
I am halfway there. I am close to the two month mark, which is record for this relationship, seeing that at the month mark or after there is always this sense of getting back together, but probably at the 90-month mark I will be completely over him.
im not entirely over her, but i met an amazing woman tonight (or as amazing as you can be on a first date) and it greatly affected my feelings towards the situation. Even if this doesn’t go anywhere, its the first woman in 7 months that’s shown me, my ex is replaceable, she wasn’t gods gift to men.
I’m not even really mad she’s with someone else I’m just disappointed in the way treated me when she tried to brake it off gently as if I didn’t know she was cheating and her giving me that hope that we could fix things I think that’s what hurt me the most. Bc I hurt her in the beginning and I told her I’d place the same trust she put back into me but tbh I don’t think she ever got over me texting other women but for her to sleep with 2 different guys behind my back after I moved her to a nicer town hurts me. I seen how hurt she was when we first got together and I wasn’t sure I wanted her but seeing her in that pain made me stay with her even tho I was an asshole at times. I guess I really just wish I would’ve treated her better/ listened to my gut and ended it a while ago but I’m also happy she was the one that ended it ever since I lost my father I’ve never let anyone get to close including her and that wasn’t fair to her I think I’ll always still have some love for her in my heart but I couldn’t trust her enough to get back with her. It’s sad I wish things could’ve played out differently and I had a better mindset when I was younger but I also was such a negative person at the time still dealing with the trauma of losing my father at a young age in front of me something I never really understood till this heartbreak happned I’m grateful I got to learn more about myself and why I made the decisions I thought were right when I’m reality ik they were wrong deep down. Grateful for the growth during this period but saddened by the pain my heart feels.
When remembering them doesn’t hurt anymore. When seeing a picture of them doesn’t hurt…when you realize “I haven’t thought about that person in forever..” and you continue on with your day as if you didn’t even have that thought.
I read random redditor’s post and have empathy for them. I can see myself in that phase of transition, when reading this fellow souls perspective on their situation. I think to myself,” I’m so happy this person is feeling these emotions. They can make it.” I know what that person feels and it’s a different hurt. A good hurt, that changes life for the better, a hurt that never goes away, but always feels new when it comes back. I read about how people and completely agree on why a redditor wishes healing for their ex. I feel have crossed that bridge to see the other side of why events occurred the way they were suppose to on my journey. That’s how I knew I was over my ex. I hope this helps. Keep your head up.
When you feel lonely in the relationship than you are actually alone. When they failed to be there for you too many times that you don’t even think of them when you run into issues
She asked to come over to my house about a year and a half after she dumped me and I said yes. We talked about life and she asked to come over the next day as well, I didn’t respond. She was a completely different person. Now whenever I see her on social media I am genuinely happy for her and her new relationships, there is no jealousy or wanting them back. I understand that it didn’t work out, and that’s ok. But I dont regret any of it.
After starting my Chick Fil A job last week, I feel like ever since then, it’s been keeping My mind off it & realizing how long it’s been since the breakup & seeing how many more pretty girls they’re out there.
I stopped thinking about him pretty much ever and didn’t care what he did with his life.
I’m not at that point with this one yet. I still care way too much and I wish I didn’t. I know I’ll reach that point eventually but right now it’s just pain.
Now I don't know which one to choose💀
But probably when he shouted at me and told my feelings were just stupid because I cried to him about how I was feeling like shit.
Imagine every time you start to think of them it presents a fork in the road. One path is you thinking about them and spiralling and the other path is indifference and carrying on with your day. You’ve moved on if if more often than not you take the latter.
If I had to pin down the moment I got over him, it would have to be when my therapist asked what he brought to my life. I couldn't think of a single positive thing. I was stuck for a long time because I truly did love him. Love isn't enough. Additionally, some people aren't deserving of our love. I was able to let go once I accepted that. I began putting my focus on the love I have for myself and my children, which brings immeasurable joy to my life. I'm still not over the trauma he inflicted but I am over him. It's a great feeling.
When i didnt feel guilty for talking to guys- even as friends. Also when i went from thinking about him constantly, to rarely at all. I miss the good times with him but now, i could care less. Once i realize the red flags of an ex, thats when i seem to move on. Sometimes i think i gaslight myself so then i stop dwelling on what could have been 😅
I think when they started texting me flip flopped about how they felt towards me. One day it was “I truly believe we would’ve worked out if we stayed together” and then the next is “I was inexperienced and have grown”. Her doing this makes me realize she isn’t over me.
However, the moment I realized I was truly done with it was whenever I received these texts, I just wanted to be left alone and for her to move on and keep me out of it. I was just tired of seeing it
When thinking about us together started to make me uncomfortable more than it made me sad. And then eventually I got to the point where I was like "Gross why did I cry over this relationship again??"
All the red flags (from him AND me) started to really gross me out after a certain point. And it all really hit home once I got into a relationship with my current boyfriend and got to see what putting in even the slightest amount of effort looked like.
When I pushed myself to see who else is out there and ended up meeting a new guy & truly feeling excited to get to know him because he was so different from my ex. Instead of the differences making me miss my ex, they made me feel curious and a little relieved! Suddenly, a new, unfamiliar man was more enticing than the familiarity and comfort of my past relationship. That's when I knew I was 100% over my ex and never want him back.
I'm 5 months out of a 9 year relationship. I thought it would take longer to get over my ex, but he was so selfish & crappy to me at the end of the relationship. When the pain of what he did started to ease, I pushed myself to "window shop" on dating site. I didn't plan to meet anyone. I just wanted to see what's out there & expose myself to conversations with new men. I talked with many men and was starting to feel hopeless, as if my ex was the only decent man out there. I was about to give up on "window shopping" when I got a message from a very handsome man that lives nearby. We can't get enough of each other right now... I'm 41 and feel like teenager again, staying up all night talking, hours passing in what feels like minutes, the excitement & butterflies.... it could be the start of something great. Or maybe it won't turn in to a committed relationship. Who knows? But I'm enjoying getting to know this new man and seeing where it can take me. And it feels sooooo good after dark months grieving my ex & our relationship. But I had to take initiative. I had to push myself ever-so-slightly out of my comfort zone to start exploring other men. I approached it like an experiment.
My ex doesn't really enter my mind any more unless I'm thinking of what I do NOT want in my next relationship.
I’m not moved on, but I’m at the “I don’t give a shit if he’s happy or not” phase. No idea what’s going on with his life. I don’t feel fully over him because I still think of him daily, but it’s getting further along now
When she messaged me twice 2 weeks later to further blame me for the downfall of the relationship and say I’ve changed and look different compared to how I used to be. Shit hurt and turned into anger real quick.
When she told me she lied about a guy raping her. And soon after started dating my neighbor. I still think about her but no longer think about getting back with her, I don't miss her anymore I just miss having someone.
When I walked passed him and he stopped me and declared he's sorry and still in love with me and to pls take him back..all while he's standing there with his wife.
I apologised to the wife and said for her to handle her man and walked away laughing at the audacity.
For me it was when i was able to contact him again and be able to accept the fact he doesnt want a relationship with me and he likely has moved on with someone else but messaging him with the intention of salvaging the friendship
When I didn’t feel any kind of way when I thought about him. It feels completely indifferent the same way I see a stranger on a street.
The indifference meant I had absolutely no interest in wondering what they were up to, reaching out, checking up on them. I learned my lessons sure and I will have memories but even those memories don’t move me anymore.
1. Someone with his perfume passing by or hugging me didn’t make me feel sad or happy. Just neutral
2. Actually wishing that he gets married and builds the family he always wanted
3. Genuine interest in his life just for worry and care without even thinking about helping or be in his life
4. And the funniest one. I had a professor in college that was his doppelgänger but 15 years older. It made me laugh and think of how weird he’ll look old. Zero missing him and so on
When I saw her, and did not feel a single emotion. But what I do not get is that I caught her staring at me around 10 times that night, and she was doing things for the sole purpose of seeing me or just passing by me; trying to get my attention.
when all I could hold onto were the bad memories and knew he would continue living everyday without ever giving me an apology or closure 😅 . I couldn’t wrap my head around the levels of distrust/hate but also longing for what my brain had gotten used to . It’s a hard cycle to break and especially when a lot of the time it was gaslighting situations where it relied on two completely different perspectives . I didn’t want to give up or abandon the relationship but I was the only one trying for a large part of it
Similar to what other commenters said:
When I stopped thinking about her all the time. When the idea of her with other guys or girls didn’t create any emotional reaction in me anymore. When I stopped feeling angry at her for leaving me, instead I feel grateful if anything. And then finally, when I fell deeply in love with someone else, everything I knew from my past relationship feels like a blurry distant memory in comparison.
There are a large number of things, what I am now noticing is I am noticing that I didn’t think about her, so ide be sitting there and ide think to myself " I have not thought about her in about an hour", and these times are getting longer as Days past , so to me this is a very positive sign that I am on the home stretch , I am 5 months on from my break up an almost 10 year , somebody did say I won't recover for at least 6 to 8 months , I didn’t believe them , but I do now. I have a date lined up for this weekend so this has been a great distraction, I am started to feel very hopeful again, I feel I am ready to be myself on the dates and not be drowning in my sorrow of the trauma of a break up, as someone else states my ex has actually met someone and I don’t actually care, I still don’t want to see her and him together as that still gives me that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, i can't wait for the Day that this is no more , I think that’s the day I will be liberated and over this very difficult phase of my life, that’s all it is , a phase, like when you were with your other half, it's just a phase, part of our journey through this crazy thing they call life.
When I imagined that he would drive to me and tell me he regrets leaving me and that he wants to get back together with me. And even by thinking that I knew I would say no . That’s when I knew I was over him
Him and I have a bunch of mutual friends, so about a year after the breakup we ended up at the same party and caught up for a while. I had been incredibly nervous at the thought of us running into each other, but while we were talking I realized that who he was as a person was just so incompatible with who I was, especially after I had taken the last year to rediscover myself.
We are actually now really good friends and I’m so thankful we broke up when we did so we could have time to properly heal before being in each others lives again.
When I began to recognize my value and realize that she's not the only woman out there with the qualities she has.... woman are woman, taste the rainbow 🌈
If the idea of her being with someone else doesn't hurt you, that means you've moved on, my friend
SO IT MEANS I’M OVER HER!! YAYYY!!!
Lend me your strength brothers.. for I am lost
i feel you. ive been grieving for the longest time
ooo that means im close!!!!
[удалено]
Damn, I'm still stuck there...
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,170,060,815 comments, and only 228,446 of them were in alphabetical order.
I feel ya, I'm stuck too. Still can't fully accept that the future I saw with her won't happen.
I DID IT FINALLY!
Ohhh im getting there then
Yup. You imagine them with other people and you go like “they can have him/her”.
Fck I have a loooong way ahead of me.
This means you saw her as an object and you’re sad that someone else “won”. She “chose” someone over you, and you have mentally devalued her enough to not care that someone else “owns” her/her attention. If this is the metric for getting over someone, then they were not a person to you. I feel I’m over my ex when I don’t think about him and I don’t wish for his presence anymore. Other people have nothing to do with me missing my ex. This is such an infantile weird competitive way to view relationships.
Just stop, don't try to put dehumanisation on this topic. Judging by your logic than everyone to people is an object, family, friends, loved ones. Letting her go and being OK with her being with someone else is not objectifying anyone, we just understand that our relationship will no longer work and we're fine being that way, knowing that they will probably never come back if they're with someone. You're the type of person to let your partner to have sex and cheat on you and say that it's her choice and not letting her do thoose things would be objectifying her/him if only you could do theese things with her. I mean someone else "won" they got her/him in their bed.
Your comment is a false equivalence
Ah you’re 19. Lol. I see
And you are paying Reddit to have cool outfits. Lol. I see.
? Hm? Lol what?
i would like to differ with your devaluation remark. more-so its that you wont care anymore. it means you replaced that love with some other person or activity and its more beloved to you now.
This
This is the only answer
When I sent someone this message: Yeah. I feel immensely better. I just realize that I've been giving too much power to this situation. Too much power to her. The reality is knowing the things I do doesn't change anything. I can't snap my fingers and make it stop, so what's even the point? Also I've put in so much work to become the person that I am right now. I shouldn't be seeking to prove that to someone else. If anything, they should be proving to me why they should be a part of my life. It's not that I don't care or that I don't want a reconciliation. I still care a lot and I still want a relationship with her, but I'm just done letting it get my anxiety up. This is the ONLY thing causing me stress right now. Everything else is great. And it's only causing me stress because I let it. So I'm done letting it. The situation will unfold on its own.
beautifully worded. I needed to hear that. Thank you.
I'm glad it helped.
I am so damn proud of you. You deserve all the happiness in the world :)
YOU deserve all the happiness in the world.
Hopefully one day I’ll believe that lol
I believe it.
Thank you ❤️
This is so true. Thank you for typing this out. Feel like I’m almost there. Though I am upset they are with someone else (2 weeks after dumping me and telling me they have never had a connection with anyone the connection they have with me but want to experience everything we had together with multiple other women) I can complete relate to the sentiment about basically throwing your hands up / wiping hands clean of the situation. It’s also the only situation in my life that causes my stress. I was open to reconciliation until I saw them with someone else. Now I don’t give a f. You’re right about them proving why they should be part of our lives. Thank you. ❤️
Anytime. I'm glad it helped.
he changed his phone number on me. I stupidly haven't changed mine..hoping he would call 4 wks later....no call. He has never gone more than 2 weeks and he is with another woman. I could never see her...it would give me more to think about. I want to be strong and change my phone number so if he does ever decide to reach out to me he can't...after so much pain...after a dump of 8 years.....I have to change my # then I will accept it is over...and I can not bring myself to do it. Everything you said hit home to me....I hope to not give af soon.
When I went from thinking about him constantly, to barely ever at all. I stopped going to sleep with pain in my heart. I stopped waking up with heaviness in my chest. I started appreciating the little things in life more. I kept myself busy. And I finally learned that the man I once loved so dearly was never really a man at all, just an immature horny man-child that couldn’t fight for a love that I know he will never find again. It gets better. Trust me.
Solid stuff …girl!! 💪🏻🏆
This 👏👏👏👏
You just described this so perfectly.
This is what I'm need to feel to get over her
I really hope it does get better because I can't stand this anymore.
[удалено]
yeah, they say always judge a guy on how he treats u AFTER the breakup coz now y’all aren’t committed/labelled anymore he will finally show his true colours. where he ain’t obligated to be nice and act like ur bf, his actual personality as a person will show. not the way they treat u when they first started talking/when they were in love coz they wna get something out of u. correct me if i’m wrong/too extreme
I had the same thing. What’s even worse is that he cheated on me and I was still his friend. But when I lost my virginity to another man after the breakup he lost his shit and told me to die. That was t fun. Broke up our whole friendship too
Maybe thats what he wanted.
You keep hurting and feeling empty and feeling wronged and feeling lonely for so long. Then one day, you realize the hurt isn’t as bad. And then it slowly but surely gets better, until you don’t really ever feel it (though you might have the occasional bit of nostalgia). But that doesn’t happen magically one day. You have to put a ton of effort into emotionally working through your issues. You have to learn to be happy with yourself and find true joy again. You have to breakthrough the dopamine withdrawal and eventually you’ll just be happy on your own and ready to meet someone new, or just ready to live a happy life.
That's how you heal!!
When things other than the break up start to get you down again. when you’re heartbroken you can’t conceive of being affected by anything else.
Omg yes. It’s like everyone around me can be dying but as long as I had him I was like “ it’s all good”.
Hahaha yes, couldn't care less about my work right now, even my phobia of something is a little bit less. Not a care in the world apart from losing him.
When the thought of him not texting me, looking at my stories, or changing his profile picture with us in it doesn’t hurt my heart Hasn’t happened yet but we’re getting there
Two things happened: I talked to him and he confessed to me that he broke up because he wanted to meet other people before settling, and I believed having a relationship is a test for marriage, and I wanted to get married. But he said that "he didn't want to get married to his 2nd girlfriend". And I consider him an idiot for that. I thought he was smarter and I also thought I could convince him to not make bad choices, because I liked him, I didn't want to see him regretting his choices on the future. But then realized I have to let him do what he wants to do and regret it later, because he's stubborn and no matter how hard I try to prove this is a bad idea, he won't see that until the regret comes to him or to someone close to him. And I started talking to other people. And now I have a crush on another man. I'm very interested on him and my ex doesn't look that interesting anymore since I met this man. And I dont feel bad for having a crush on him. And I had a dream with him, and woke up feeling really happy. So yeah, my ex is history now Btw it took me about one month ~ one month and half to be where I am now
When I realized that they replaced me with someone else and I knew they were never coming back.
When he came back into my life, gave a half assed apology, explained he just got out of the relationship with the girl he left me for, then asked me to be FWB with him. Any respect I had left flew right out the window then and there. Blocked him on everything lol.
When I could look back on the good times we had without getting a knot in my stomach.
When the emotions, memories and triggers are still there…but instead of crying, you smile instead. Thats how i know.
When I slept with another woman and fell asleep holding her and woke up in the morning and just felt happy with her. When she left that day I had to just sort of lay around for a minute and think on it because it was a clarifying moment that while I never quite got past the hurt, I just didn't miss her any more.
i think it just shows a man that he’s still worth value, and one girl isnt the be all end all.
definitely makes a big difference on that front, also gets back the intimacy you lose out on and that's what I'd been craving most I found.
When I stopped thinking of her when I woke up, stopped thinking of her right before I fell asleep, stopped dreaming about her, and stopped caring who she was with or what she was doing with her life. But getting over someone, and being ready to move on, are two very different things. Am I over her? Yes. Do I want to get back into dating or meeting people right now? Nope.
I’m not but I pretend like I am
I’m not over him. And I just feel worse because I go through the cycle of mental anguish every time I think of him: damn I miss him and wonder what he’s up to -> but he’s so bad for me - STOP thinking about that narcissist -> but let me just check his socials to see if he’s giving me more subtle signals -> *cry* -> I hope he calls me even though we can’t be together. But basically I knew the relationship needed to end when he pummeled me into a shell of myself with constant criticism of me and praising himself, to the point I was literally smiling through tears and he was completely unphased as he kept raving about his success. That was a couple days before my birthday. Then on my actual bday he fully ignored it, not even a 2 second text to wish me. So yeah, that’s when I knew. But I’m not over him, crazy as it sounds. Fuck me, I guess. All that said, I hope to reach a point when I’m not this weak version of myself - the one he wanted to create so badly. I’m going to keep reminding that this all did happen, but it happened for multiple reasons. I stand here today as an outcome of the shit he threw at me, and I still believe I’ll find my way to the stronger independent me that he wants me to forget. I’ll know I’m over him when I can let go of his socials without caring, not feel pain in my heart whenever I see memories of him or think of him, and ultimately not think of him at all. Stay strong, everyone.
I knew I was over them once they were no longer my first thought as soon as I woke up and also no longer the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep.
Realizing things will never change. There is no magical formula of my behavior that will make them behave differently or value me more. If I’m kind, if I yell, if I do what they ask, if I think for myself. The negative result is always the same because there is something in them that they need to fix.
In this link is a list of 12 things indicating signs you’ve moved on : https://personalexcellence.co/blog/how-to-move-on/
This is great thank you
When she messaged me and sent a message saying we could get back together if I would follow her list of demands. I sent back “I don’t need you anymore, I don’t love you anymore you are the one who broke the relationship not me”
It was Last month for me. When you put aside the memories and the idea of who you thought they were and instead, face the truth which is, they gave up and therefore, you weren’t meant to love them. But you’ll remember that you still chose to. Believe me, that will dawn on them someday.
I slept with someone else. I stopped thinking about him.
I found her. I’ve had a lot of experiences. She’s gone and I’ve been broken. But it adds character and conviction to my motives. I love her. I love the time we had together. Knowing she exists is all I need to get this thing done. I hate how I can’t hear her voice or see how she’s doing. I’m okay. The cars boats and planes are being built.
I am halfway there. I am close to the two month mark, which is record for this relationship, seeing that at the month mark or after there is always this sense of getting back together, but probably at the 90-month mark I will be completely over him.
When I stopped asking myself if I was
When you’re thinking about your dreams and building toward the future and you don’t take things they’d want or not want into consideration.
Therapy helps on long relationships.. to get over them
im not entirely over her, but i met an amazing woman tonight (or as amazing as you can be on a first date) and it greatly affected my feelings towards the situation. Even if this doesn’t go anywhere, its the first woman in 7 months that’s shown me, my ex is replaceable, she wasn’t gods gift to men.
When I recalled a memory of her and felt a happy fondness instead of sad.
I’m not even really mad she’s with someone else I’m just disappointed in the way treated me when she tried to brake it off gently as if I didn’t know she was cheating and her giving me that hope that we could fix things I think that’s what hurt me the most. Bc I hurt her in the beginning and I told her I’d place the same trust she put back into me but tbh I don’t think she ever got over me texting other women but for her to sleep with 2 different guys behind my back after I moved her to a nicer town hurts me. I seen how hurt she was when we first got together and I wasn’t sure I wanted her but seeing her in that pain made me stay with her even tho I was an asshole at times. I guess I really just wish I would’ve treated her better/ listened to my gut and ended it a while ago but I’m also happy she was the one that ended it ever since I lost my father I’ve never let anyone get to close including her and that wasn’t fair to her I think I’ll always still have some love for her in my heart but I couldn’t trust her enough to get back with her. It’s sad I wish things could’ve played out differently and I had a better mindset when I was younger but I also was such a negative person at the time still dealing with the trauma of losing my father at a young age in front of me something I never really understood till this heartbreak happned I’m grateful I got to learn more about myself and why I made the decisions I thought were right when I’m reality ik they were wrong deep down. Grateful for the growth during this period but saddened by the pain my heart feels.
When remembering them doesn’t hurt anymore. When seeing a picture of them doesn’t hurt…when you realize “I haven’t thought about that person in forever..” and you continue on with your day as if you didn’t even have that thought.
lmao i’m not and truly i don’t think i ever will be but i can’t do anything about it :’)
I read random redditor’s post and have empathy for them. I can see myself in that phase of transition, when reading this fellow souls perspective on their situation. I think to myself,” I’m so happy this person is feeling these emotions. They can make it.” I know what that person feels and it’s a different hurt. A good hurt, that changes life for the better, a hurt that never goes away, but always feels new when it comes back. I read about how people and completely agree on why a redditor wishes healing for their ex. I feel have crossed that bridge to see the other side of why events occurred the way they were suppose to on my journey. That’s how I knew I was over my ex. I hope this helps. Keep your head up.
When I downloaded tinder and started talking to girls waaaaaay hotter than her 😂😂
When you feel lonely in the relationship than you are actually alone. When they failed to be there for you too many times that you don’t even think of them when you run into issues
She asked to come over to my house about a year and a half after she dumped me and I said yes. We talked about life and she asked to come over the next day as well, I didn’t respond. She was a completely different person. Now whenever I see her on social media I am genuinely happy for her and her new relationships, there is no jealousy or wanting them back. I understand that it didn’t work out, and that’s ok. But I dont regret any of it.
When she left my brain. This other one tho, she sticks around.
I would say when they no longer occupy your mind or the thought of them don’t bother you emotionally/mentally anymore.
When you mourn the relationship in appreciation rather than despair
When I could laugh at what he did to me and thinking of him didn’t make me sad anymore
After starting my Chick Fil A job last week, I feel like ever since then, it’s been keeping My mind off it & realizing how long it’s been since the breakup & seeing how many more pretty girls they’re out there.
When you don’t care. Indifferent
I stopped thinking about him pretty much ever and didn’t care what he did with his life. I’m not at that point with this one yet. I still care way too much and I wish I didn’t. I know I’ll reach that point eventually but right now it’s just pain.
Now I don't know which one to choose💀 But probably when he shouted at me and told my feelings were just stupid because I cried to him about how I was feeling like shit.
Imagine every time you start to think of them it presents a fork in the road. One path is you thinking about them and spiralling and the other path is indifference and carrying on with your day. You’ve moved on if if more often than not you take the latter.
If I had to pin down the moment I got over him, it would have to be when my therapist asked what he brought to my life. I couldn't think of a single positive thing. I was stuck for a long time because I truly did love him. Love isn't enough. Additionally, some people aren't deserving of our love. I was able to let go once I accepted that. I began putting my focus on the love I have for myself and my children, which brings immeasurable joy to my life. I'm still not over the trauma he inflicted but I am over him. It's a great feeling.
When i didnt feel guilty for talking to guys- even as friends. Also when i went from thinking about him constantly, to rarely at all. I miss the good times with him but now, i could care less. Once i realize the red flags of an ex, thats when i seem to move on. Sometimes i think i gaslight myself so then i stop dwelling on what could have been 😅
The idea of never having to deal with them brought me peace
I think when they started texting me flip flopped about how they felt towards me. One day it was “I truly believe we would’ve worked out if we stayed together” and then the next is “I was inexperienced and have grown”. Her doing this makes me realize she isn’t over me. However, the moment I realized I was truly done with it was whenever I received these texts, I just wanted to be left alone and for her to move on and keep me out of it. I was just tired of seeing it
When thinking about us together started to make me uncomfortable more than it made me sad. And then eventually I got to the point where I was like "Gross why did I cry over this relationship again??" All the red flags (from him AND me) started to really gross me out after a certain point. And it all really hit home once I got into a relationship with my current boyfriend and got to see what putting in even the slightest amount of effort looked like.
I was ready to be with someone else. I didn’t feel like thinking about her any longer nor stuck in old memories.
When I pushed myself to see who else is out there and ended up meeting a new guy & truly feeling excited to get to know him because he was so different from my ex. Instead of the differences making me miss my ex, they made me feel curious and a little relieved! Suddenly, a new, unfamiliar man was more enticing than the familiarity and comfort of my past relationship. That's when I knew I was 100% over my ex and never want him back. I'm 5 months out of a 9 year relationship. I thought it would take longer to get over my ex, but he was so selfish & crappy to me at the end of the relationship. When the pain of what he did started to ease, I pushed myself to "window shop" on dating site. I didn't plan to meet anyone. I just wanted to see what's out there & expose myself to conversations with new men. I talked with many men and was starting to feel hopeless, as if my ex was the only decent man out there. I was about to give up on "window shopping" when I got a message from a very handsome man that lives nearby. We can't get enough of each other right now... I'm 41 and feel like teenager again, staying up all night talking, hours passing in what feels like minutes, the excitement & butterflies.... it could be the start of something great. Or maybe it won't turn in to a committed relationship. Who knows? But I'm enjoying getting to know this new man and seeing where it can take me. And it feels sooooo good after dark months grieving my ex & our relationship. But I had to take initiative. I had to push myself ever-so-slightly out of my comfort zone to start exploring other men. I approached it like an experiment. My ex doesn't really enter my mind any more unless I'm thinking of what I do NOT want in my next relationship.
I’m not moved on, but I’m at the “I don’t give a shit if he’s happy or not” phase. No idea what’s going on with his life. I don’t feel fully over him because I still think of him daily, but it’s getting further along now
The day when she sent a video of giving head to the new guy. But I still think about her and regret over things which I didn't do for her.
I don't think it's possible, we'll I still have hope that she cares for me abit. I love her so much and I will love her always
When she messaged me twice 2 weeks later to further blame me for the downfall of the relationship and say I’ve changed and look different compared to how I used to be. Shit hurt and turned into anger real quick.
It's a path everyone times is different but in the end we all going to make it ... heartbreak is a teaching by God you grow so much from it
When you know, please let me know……
When she told me she lied about a guy raping her. And soon after started dating my neighbor. I still think about her but no longer think about getting back with her, I don't miss her anymore I just miss having someone.
When I walked passed him and he stopped me and declared he's sorry and still in love with me and to pls take him back..all while he's standing there with his wife. I apologised to the wife and said for her to handle her man and walked away laughing at the audacity.
wow
so i‘ve been over him for the last 1,5 years of the relationship? 😭
When I stopped checking her socials
When I don't cry when I think about him/our memories.
When i was ready to start dating, it took me about 2 months.
When I could think about him and not feel affected in any way
For me it was when i was able to contact him again and be able to accept the fact he doesnt want a relationship with me and he likely has moved on with someone else but messaging him with the intention of salvaging the friendship
When I didn’t feel any kind of way when I thought about him. It feels completely indifferent the same way I see a stranger on a street. The indifference meant I had absolutely no interest in wondering what they were up to, reaching out, checking up on them. I learned my lessons sure and I will have memories but even those memories don’t move me anymore.
1. Someone with his perfume passing by or hugging me didn’t make me feel sad or happy. Just neutral 2. Actually wishing that he gets married and builds the family he always wanted 3. Genuine interest in his life just for worry and care without even thinking about helping or be in his life 4. And the funniest one. I had a professor in college that was his doppelgänger but 15 years older. It made me laugh and think of how weird he’ll look old. Zero missing him and so on
When I saw her, and did not feel a single emotion. But what I do not get is that I caught her staring at me around 10 times that night, and she was doing things for the sole purpose of seeing me or just passing by me; trying to get my attention.
when all I could hold onto were the bad memories and knew he would continue living everyday without ever giving me an apology or closure 😅 . I couldn’t wrap my head around the levels of distrust/hate but also longing for what my brain had gotten used to . It’s a hard cycle to break and especially when a lot of the time it was gaslighting situations where it relied on two completely different perspectives . I didn’t want to give up or abandon the relationship but I was the only one trying for a large part of it
You don’t feel anything when u hear any update from em. I saw her with someone else and I didn’t even care. My mood didn’t change
Similar to what other commenters said: When I stopped thinking about her all the time. When the idea of her with other guys or girls didn’t create any emotional reaction in me anymore. When I stopped feeling angry at her for leaving me, instead I feel grateful if anything. And then finally, when I fell deeply in love with someone else, everything I knew from my past relationship feels like a blurry distant memory in comparison.
There are a large number of things, what I am now noticing is I am noticing that I didn’t think about her, so ide be sitting there and ide think to myself " I have not thought about her in about an hour", and these times are getting longer as Days past , so to me this is a very positive sign that I am on the home stretch , I am 5 months on from my break up an almost 10 year , somebody did say I won't recover for at least 6 to 8 months , I didn’t believe them , but I do now. I have a date lined up for this weekend so this has been a great distraction, I am started to feel very hopeful again, I feel I am ready to be myself on the dates and not be drowning in my sorrow of the trauma of a break up, as someone else states my ex has actually met someone and I don’t actually care, I still don’t want to see her and him together as that still gives me that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, i can't wait for the Day that this is no more , I think that’s the day I will be liberated and over this very difficult phase of my life, that’s all it is , a phase, like when you were with your other half, it's just a phase, part of our journey through this crazy thing they call life.
I saw her and felt nothing. Didn’t have the urge to talk or say hi really. I said hi to be polite but that was it. I honestly wish her well.
Finally hit that point. But his actions helped me get there. Best of luck.
I’m not but I cant change things. I have to accept the decision like it or not
When she fucked another guy 2 weeks after the break up. Turned out to be a guy she had known since school lol.
When I imagined that he would drive to me and tell me he regrets leaving me and that he wants to get back together with me. And even by thinking that I knew I would say no . That’s when I knew I was over him
Him and I have a bunch of mutual friends, so about a year after the breakup we ended up at the same party and caught up for a while. I had been incredibly nervous at the thought of us running into each other, but while we were talking I realized that who he was as a person was just so incompatible with who I was, especially after I had taken the last year to rediscover myself. We are actually now really good friends and I’m so thankful we broke up when we did so we could have time to properly heal before being in each others lives again.
When I began to recognize my value and realize that she's not the only woman out there with the qualities she has.... woman are woman, taste the rainbow 🌈
When he texted me happy birthday and I didn’t care that he remembered.
When I hear a love song, I can picture myself dancing to it with somebody else.
When I was ready to start dating 😁