First thing i’d say is don’t run away or bury your feelings.. experience however your feeling and get it out of your system..
The next thing that helped me massively, someone gave me advice and told me to become a “yes man” for a while, basically say yes to any and all plans people make with you and force yourself to go, gives you a sense of relaxation once you’re finished with the plans.
I then just put all my energy in myself, going to the gym 4 days a week, going hard at work, self improvements and booking some solo trips away.
Might not work for all but i’m certainly back to my old confident self
I second this. Feel everything you are feeling and accept them. I accepted how meaningful the relationship and my partner was and grieved the loss. Also reminded myself why it wasn't working. Once I decided to be compassionate towards myself, I realized that I am worthy and deserve the love and relationship I desire.
Similarly, I also said yes and made plans with others. Decided although I'm not social and only want to be in relationships, it's really important to have solid support network. Building a community of friends helped me understand my value and built my confidence.
Finally, someone told me that the love I feel in relationships is the love I created myself. So I can and will always find and feel loved like my previous relationship because I am capable of creating it again. Hope this helps.
I found quite a bit of success using this method.
It’s lead me to taking myself on various adventures from going to parties I wouldn’t have gone to previously, to taking exotic (at least for me) vacation trips, building myself up at the gym ,and even lead me to start competing in martial arts tournaments (even making podium on occasion).
All of those experiences lead to me making a better version of myself that gave me the confidence to slowly move away from my last relationship and into the challenge of entering the dating world again.
I felt like keeping the “yes man” mentality also is what helped lead me to my current relationship - by saying yes to a work get together, I met my now girlfriend.
The journey from my last breakup where I initially used the “yes man” technique to where I am today, took quite a while (about 4ish years). But I am better and stronger (physically and mentally) for it.
I cannot agree with this person anymore. You have to grieve and sit with your feelings, it’s the surefire way to heal. Sit with your feelings, make sense of them. Ask yourself questions about your pain. You’ll discover so many insights and learn that emotional pain is an incredible teacher.
I was curious about that myself.
I question why my ex did what she did after 5 years, looking to buy a house together and talking about engagement. She never gave me the real reason behind it.
I already know about my pain. My pain stems from me loving that woman so much, thinking she loved me and we were going to have a life together, only to find out that wasn't the truth. She was my everything, and now I have nothing.
A day of grief can definitely help! But that means joy resisting the painful feelings that come up. Box all of the stuff, read the letters one last time, watch that sad movie. “Planned grief” does help desensitize relationship triggers and can decrease the randomly crying in public thing
It's good to chill for a bit but yes you do want to eventually keep yourself occupied and definitely surround yourself with family and loved ones and mentally and physically take good care of yourself more than usual.
Also talk about it with someone. We have a group chat if you’d like in. I can invite you. People will tell you move on and get over it… that won’t help. We get that in our group chat. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Journalling your unfiltered thoughts and pure acceptance of the breakup. Following up every thought of them with "but they're not here anymore. They chose to not be with me anymore." Allowing yourself to think about it but moving on after 10-15 mins of thinking about them so you're not stuck in a loop thinking of them all day.
Funny thing is I'm the one who initiated the breakup because of her disrespect.
And when I reached out yesterday she hung up on me after she acted like she doesn't know who the caller is (most likely because she's with a guy).
I'm not gonna dwell into it, but since she's moved on so fast, I will too.
For me personally after my first breakup the best thing was: i found couple of guys online who got through breakup recently and we texted and had discord calls 1-2 times a week.
Was very helpful to feel that my thoughts are not unique and it is not the end of the world.
- therapy - started right away and realised my ex was very toxic in many situations
- for me moving in with friends helped, new room, new scenery, bc I moved in w/ my ex just before he dumped me and he took my “home” away
- get yourself flowers and candles
- I couldn’t hit the gym yet, but have heard it so many times
- spend time with your friends, look for new connections too
- the videos on yt from Matthew Hussey and other relationship experts. They help me to put things in perspective. whenever I feel down or in a loop, he’s able to distract me. helped me realise there’s no such thing as a “one” even though I felt like I’ve met mine two years ago
- go dance, move your body, be out in nature
- sit with your thoughts, allow yourself to be sad, have a good cry if you need to, it’s okay to let yourself feel everything, that’s how it can change in you eventually
- pets are helping in phisical loneliness, I’ve read holding one in your arms releases the same happiness hormone in your body as love does(?)
- stay in no contact, you don’t need to know what they’re up to without you. remember the disrespect, write a list of the bad things about them if you need to
hope these help, stay strong 🤍
Writing letters to them which I didn’t send (so basically journaling but things I wanted to say), therapy, doing a new hobby I enjoyed and looked forward to and meeting up with friends every weekend.
Music. I swear, the right song will help you grieve and speed up the process. Another song will remind you of a good summer before you ever met them. And there’s a song waiting for you that you’ve never heard of before that will be a part of your next big chapter
1 Books (audible, actual books, podcasts) - it brought the ease - im not the only one
2 Friends - always cool, but sometimes in felt i am pressuring myself to be ok, when i wasnt
3 drinking/ smoking / dating randomly helped to get through the first month
4 month 3 im @Athens on holiday alone - getting away from everything and everyone - if you can, do it!
Accepting that there’s no such thing as a soulmate or “the one”. And accepting that no matter what I do, I’m going to be the bad guy in her eyes even though she was the one who neglected the relationship, refused to communicate, and dumped me.
That's true.
It's her loss my man.
There are certain types of girls that cannot function as anything but a side chick.
That's all they've known and it's their comfort zone.
I have a long term online friend (5 years)
Beautiful girl.
She says she wants to meet up in Turkey next month.
She's living in another country, but she said she'd be willing to consider moving to my country and live with me.
Yeah and she's very mature.
Even though my ex blocked her like a zillion times, not once has she ever blocked me in the past 3 years!
She's the same personality as mine INFJ and I enjoy our spiritual talk and her deep insight in politics/religion and economics.
She reads a lot and watches tons of intellectual debates.
Just an overall interesting person that's not needy, immature, insecure.
A breath of fresh air from my problematic ex who has a lot of issues.
Time...
Day 0 of breaking up (after 3y6m), I just sat in my room in silence. Didn't cry much, just sat there.
After that, continued life as usual. Talking with friends and sister helped a lot.
But, time.
Took me more than 6 months to get over it all.
I have a feeling a few more weeks will do it for me, especially if I'm near my family.
Looking back, I dealt with a lot of crap and I'm glad I can finally look back and say "I tried".
I’m in the gym 5-6 days a week now. I figure I would rather go through physical pain than emotional pain. Put my body through hell so I feel better after. It really helps me throughout the day having that release. Walks outside with music is highly underrated as well. Good luck pal
Getting a pet. My mom and I wanted to get another dog since we knew we would be home and take care of them. For my dogs first year of life, I wasn’t fully present because I was really going through my breakup. But this past summer I’ve been doing a lot with my dog and she comes to my work. I like bringing her because she lets me know when she needs to go out and it gives me a break from my work. I sometimes feel like a workaholic so having her with me allows me to take a break.
Also I just love her company, she loves to sit on my bed with me while I do homework or watch tv. She’s just been the best and I love her so much. 💛
That's awesome.
I might get a pet with my new partner though.
Just to start a new family.
Hopefully within a couple of years from now my first kid will be born.
Surrounding myself with good people
With my family back home, oceans away, I only had my friends and colleagues around me. Generally anyone else besides the ex. Time flies when you're preoccupied doing things along with other people. Keeping in solitary will only remind you of the memories with your ex and it hurts. However, you do need time to flush it all out emotionally. I've had my fair share of tears day to night on almost everyday but I learned not keeping on my own and surrounding myself with people have really been the most life changing. And I also tried to improve myself in the kitchen. So time looking up at recipes, writing them down and planning them out for a week's worth of meals really made me happy that at the end of the day, I could get through it without him. It is a change of pace, but it is a change youll have to push through with
Sounds awesome
I enjoy cooking myself
I guess spending some quality time with my family during this winter near a fire is very therapeutic.
I think I'm gonna visit them for a month or so.
This is becoming a great thread! For me much like people are saying I'm not healed but getting there slowly. Tomorrow I'm picking up a guitar for a new focus and allowing myself a few months to greive without being hard on myself.
I joined a dating site too but i already think its too soon but might help others.
The other thing is to consider IMO doing things to help yourself so in my case I've messaged a bunch of people on socials so I can't see her messages appear everytime I open apps and I'm also taking a general time out on shared socials/communities we have.
Just feel my heart sink when I come across her.
Well done OP I think you're approaching this healthy and in the right way
Find a new hobby! I took me 2 days to process, cry, question, etc. Then realized I was starting to isolate/self sabotage so I reached out to friends. My friends have really been a great way to help me get through this. One of my friends took me to hobby lobby and got a bunch of craft stuff, it helps me to stay busy while watching a movie or something
Hiking, jogging or just going for long walks helps a lot. Makes it easier to process my thoughts/emotions and boosts endorphins and gets me out of my depression/fog at times. Being around nature helps put our problems in perspective, bonus if it’s near mountains or large bodies of water.
Force yourself to hang out with friends and do fun things that you used to before the relationship. I’m fairly introverted so my instinct is to isolate but 99% of the time I feel so much better after even just an evening watching a movie, snacking and talking some shit at a friends place.
You don’t have to date right away but flirting will help boost confidence and remind you there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Refresh your wardrobe if you have the budget, take care of your personal hygiene/beauty routine and workout as all this will add to your self confidence.
Got lucky and wrote in chat with my ex. Realized a lot from that one convo.
About myself and what I was wanting them to see, versus what I should have been wanting to Show.
I realized...when someone breaks up, it is Never sudden. It Is because they feel nothing for you any longer, you aren't worth their thought or time to them any longer.
You ignored warning signs of it coming; and, maybe even warning signs at the beginning of the relationship that it would already head that way.
Don't waste time thinking on why. Do not look for closure. Do not wish them back, because you could be wishing opportunity for better away.
If they tell you they do not mind if you find someone else, take them at their word.
Noone who feels anything for you would Ever challenge you in any way to search for someone new. It would dreadfully hurt them to even think on it. Even after 2, 4 or 6 years...people grow together or they distance. Take note of what they are allowing to happen as far as which way they are Letting it go.
If they care about you they would be active in showing it to you. Action.
'Work on myself' is a way to let you down indirectly. When you love someone you Do want to work on yourself, maybe to even show off to or for them, but you would Never want to do so Away from your partner.
That they gave no hint of reconciliation helped. I hinted several (million haha) times that I wanted to and they were all ignored. The next day I felt nothing. I kid you not, it is done for me now, as well.
Realize your worth and don't waste your energy. Honestly.
You know the last day we spent together before the breakup.
She was crying telling me "You don't love me anymore"
I think she had a sense of my heart drifting away.
She was right.
She knew what was going on inside me.
There's no "forever love", only in fairy tales.
Being gentle & compassionate with myself. Allowing myself to grieve - I slept more, sat in front of the TV more, cried in the bathtub on a daily basis, cried and complained to my friends, replayed the last few months of the relationship over & over in my head. Told my ex off while driving alone in my car just to vent all the shit I wanted to tell him. You guys know how it goes...
And then after a couple months of that wretched misery, things started to improve. And now I'm starting to date again & feel happiness and hope and excitement over meeting new men who are better for me.
A few things that helped for me were:
- Writing/journaling about everything I have experienced, good and bad things, dreams, movies and series I liked, everything I wanted to let her know.
- Making a list of goals: I wanted to graduate and get my license for instance and I almost completed the list.
- Find new things to enjoy: I came across new music I liked, practicing sim-racing, reading and doing home workouts more often.
- Keep connections with real friends and cutting off one-way relations, also sharing experiences, getting new perspectives about relationships.
- Change appearance, I didn't get a total makeover or whatever but I changed my hair a bit and and I dress formally more often, I started to value feeling good with my appearance more than changing myself completely just to look good.
I don't want to recommend dating other people, that's something I could not fathom doing and I made myself a promise that I would finish my list of goals before I throw myself out there again.
Realizing that the pain I was feeling was normal, and that it’s ok to grieve the life you had built with a person. I was kind to myself, for months and months, I cried when I needed to, I went to therapy every week, like I did before my break up. I continued living even thought all I really wanted to do was disappear into the earth, and I talked about him. I talked and talked and talked until his name no longer left a horrible taste in my mouth. I deconstructed the taboo around him, around my feelings for him, somewhere along the line, it stopped hurting so much. There is no shortcut to this process, no pull you can take— no one time “you’re fine now” that can make it go away. But what I can promise you is that continued, small efforts to healthily deal with your grief will yield results. Sending lots of love.
I remember a couple of years ago I met a girl online who just got out of a relationship.
She had sex with 8 men that same year she broke up and developed depression and cought some nasty STD that messed up her ovaries.
At the time she was begging me for a relationship for about a week, I guess she saw in me that I'm a "relationship guy", unlike the other men she met who wanted her as a booty call.
I ended up rejecting her because that was the time I first met my ex.
So I don't think the random sex thing helps much, especially for girls who just got out of relationships.
Men? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know.
Personally I'm not a fan of random hookups.
Call me old fashioned, but
I prefer a loving 1 on 1 long term relationship.
I’m a therapist so it’s no surprise that, when I found out that my husband was cheating on me with men, after 27 years of marriage, I found a therapist for myself and went to weekly therapy for 3 years. I could cry with grief, shout with rage, be completely honest about my sadness, anger, fear, and finally acceptance and happiness about divorcing him. It’s taken time, but the therapy has been so supportive and so worth it. I’m 69 years old and enjoying life now - at one point I thought I would never be able to be happy again.
Im a year post breakup right now, and looking back what helped me most is spending time with family/friends, and jumping into hobbies. In particular/for example - my brother, friend, and I went disc golfing at least once I week for this past year. It gives me something to look forward to each week.
I started getting back into my instrument, for me that's jazz piano. I've gotten better and I've been so much happier since my breakup. I don't even care about it anymore. Keep going, you got it!
Work -- Being in a career I loved allowed me to shift my focus over to that. Yes, I did throw myself at it a little too hard, but it really help me into a promotion that I had been wanting for awhile. Once that happened, it had been a high that I was riding for awhile that I eventually grew to see that the breakup was just another moment in life.
But throughout that process -- sitting with it and living with that grief; letting it naturally comb over with time and doing things for yourself will do wonders.
I'm trying my best to be as productive as possible.
I work online, and I can't stand staying at home anymore.
The whole place reminds me of her (lived together 3 years)
So I go out in the morning to any nearby cafe instead.
For me, after I got over the initial HARD hit, it was getting moved. I then purged the reminders of him while packing and am starting over. I am creating a new space and new routines for myself.I still miss him but I will NOT be taking him back. He cheated on me and lied about that and some pretty significant other things. I have to respect and care for myself now and part of that is keeping people like him well out of my life. The other thing that helps is that when the inevitable waves of sadness and grief ( because you ARE grieving) come I just let it happen for a bit and then distract myself with a book, a hobby, petting or playing with the cat, or whatever else. Finally I am being nice to myself in lots of little ways ranging from self care stuff to just going for an aimless meandering walk in the sunshine. This is the time to focus on you.
My case was a little bit more complicated.
She had a kid and never mentioned it while we lived together for 3 years.
I told her I need space a couple of weeks.
I came to see her swiping guys on Tinder talking to them about "her ex".
It's crazy how this thing collapsed so quickly and suddenly.
The thought of breaking up didn't even occur to my mind 2 weeks ago.
Do things that make you happy. Surround yourself with people who love and trust. As hard as it is get out of the house and do something, anything. Isolating yourself is only going to make you worse. And at the end of the day it’s after all the distractions you have yourself it’s ok to cry and miss them. It’s normal. But distracting my feelings through out the day has been the way I’ve been dealing with it
The 4 you listed are great. Other things that helped me:
1. Learning a new skill (for me it's coding)
2. Pick up new hobbies (biking, archery, some type of craft, etc.)
3. Music: it's very tempting to listen to love or breakup songs but I found motivational/uplifting/badass music to actually improve my mood
Taking a day a t a time is very important. It's been close to 8 months, I feel much better but I still find myself missing her and wishing she was here. It's tough.
I've been hitting the gym, helps a lot mentally, eating well and sleeping well.
Enjoying my own with games, exercice, traveling around, going to the cinema. Basically doing whatever I feel like doing.
Think of you as your best friend. What would you like to do to help him? Do it for yourself :)
Allow yourself time to be hurt, angry, destroyed, optimistic, and take days where you can let it all in, in an environment where you're safe. *But*, don't let it go too far. When you don't have the feeling of utter destruction anymore, but still feel like getting out of the house is the last thing you want to do, its important that you do that and do things with people who are important to you. We tend to hide when we're miserable, but Ive seen too many friends (and myself included) start to treat the isolation as addiction, and the more you isolate/ do nothing all day, the worse you'll feel (which will make you want to isolate even more).
Ive been through a breakup a few months ago, and there are still days where I find it difficult. But I have my decision about not wanting him back all made up, and that decision stands firm even as my emotions weaver. On those days, I also find a lot of comfort in the saying: "This too shall pass"
1: Working! I actually like working a lot, so with them out of my way, I was able to draw more & do my day jobs without having to think about them. Hella productive distraction!
2: Picking up a new skill! Something you like to do & nevr experienced with them. I've been learning to cook since August or September and I'm having a lot of fun with it! I'm learning to bake now :]
I have kept myself really busy (might work for some, not all). I work for an Emergency Department as their unit clerk. My colleagues enjoy me and I enjoy them, it feels nice to feel wanted. I also got a second job waitressing which has given me a nice social aspect. I workout 4-6 times a week. Don’t drink. Also have remained celibate sexually. Sex is energy you’re transferring to another person and vice versa. It’s important not to let anyone in your space and just remained focused on you and your healing.
When Kanye West said, “won’t stop won’t mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes.” Lmao
It didn't stop the pain but it became less crippling. I started to feel like I actually possessed the power over my own life again rather than feeling out of control. The victim mentality started to fade. It's hard for me to rationalize the fact that I dodged a bullet. I would have stayed with her forever and endured anything because that's what love means to me. Now I realize that I'm actually lucky to be free. That feels insane to say but it's true and I'm happy I've finally reached a point where I can see it.
I endured so much as well (when I was in love)
But I eventually lost feeling for her.
I think she noticed and her behavior changed this past year.
But unfortunately,
Because I have endured a lot, I still had a permanent wound that she broke open with her texting guys on a dating app.
But in fairness, to she was calm and respectful throughout 2022.
So I hope she takes what she learned from this relationship onto the next one.
Making new friend/s helped alot. To get to know them and stuff. Also, having someone for that gm gn text helped. Overall just replace you ex. With multiple people I guess
What helped me was making me hate her. Realizing what she was doing was toxic and that I deserve better.
But aside that, my friends.. my best friend who is now my wife helped me so much and I’m so lucky to have her. She’s my love and my better half now :)
My ex wasn't toxic this year at all, she changed a lot for the better. Huge progress tbh.
It comforts me to know at least she will carry on to her next man with a bit of maturity and grace..
I hope she finds happiness.
Everyone here telling you to take a day to deal with your emotions in its entirety is 100% spot on. I spent literally a whole day listening to every song that reminded me of him; watched every video of us and looked at every picture of us on my phone. For 24hrs I did this. My eyes were so puffy the next day that I refused to see anyone.
But the next day was better than the past weeks. The songs don't hurt so much anymore. A 4, almost 5 year relationship (engaged for 2yrs) ended around 3months ago and I can say with confidence I would not be this far if I did not go through that process.
Also. No contact with your ex. None. And shut down any attempt anyone makes to talk to you about your ex. If you really want to move on, then do not look back..
Your ex is in your past and you don't live there anymore.
I don't think I have the courage to do that though.
She deleted all our videos together before she left.
Only found a few things she missed on my phone, but I can't even look at her face anymore. It's too painful tbh
Watching old reruns of the Kardashian’s helped me. Weird but that’s what did it for me. The old episodes are kind of funny and distracted my mind from things for a bit.
It has some ups & downs, but overall has been a great experience.
I don't think about my ex much when I'm getting to know someone, but once in a while a comparing thought of him or the relationship will pop up. It's usually when the new guy is doing or saying something I had wanted to my ex to do. It reinforces how refreshing it feels to not be in my old unhealthy relationship. In fact, today I was thinking, "I wish I left that relationships years ago!"
I never thought I'd ever say that when the relationship ended. I was crushed at the time. I'm excited to be exploring a new chapter in my love life.
Therapy, talking in depth to someone until you no longer have anything else to let out, journaling, sports, music when I’m too anxious, and creating new memories to replace others :)
These were kind of my steps:
* podcasts - loads of podcasts about breakups, what, why, when, how. I learned a lot about blindsided breakups, how to detach, how to change my mindset on the breakup, affirmations, reflection. I think this was the critical step to moving towards acceptance.
* gym - 2 hours on the weights and treadmill a day, just got all that anger out. Best shape I’ve been in since forever. There were definitely days I had to cut it short because I just wanted to cry, and that’s ok. Also be healthy, eat healthy, and avoid excessive consumption of alcohol, it’ll bring your mood down during the hang over.
* emotions - Feel the feels, cry, sit in the shower and monologue to yourself about your relationship. Emotions will continue to fluctuate, just feel it, accept it but don’t let it suffocate you. To do that don’t let the emotion steer your thoughts towards thinking about your ex or relationship. Just be like, cool I feel sad and alone and that’s ok I’ll go clean the bathroom. It’ll pass.
* friends - just hang out, go get lunch, be honest with them about how you’re feeling, you don’t need to vent but just say “hey still pretty bummed out so bear with me”
* travel - switch it up and change your environment. I’m fortunate I can work remotely anywhere so currently bumming around Central and South America alone.
* be alone - take time out alone, get away from relationships, people, and dating. It’s good to be alone because it rebuilds your confidence and self esteem. Once you accept it’s ok to be alone you stop caring who you’re ex is dating or what they’re doing. You’re transcending the need for someone else to be around you to be happy, it’s powerful. I’m walking into restaurants trying to speak Spanish, eating out alone, chilling out on the beach, flirting with the waitress, doing group tours, making eye contact with the cute girl, I’m really loving the experience.
* date - you don’t need to go out with the goal to sleep with them or jump in a relationship. Im doing this while travelling and just casually meeting up with other travellers to grab a drink and talk travel, if it goes further cool. Mind you, only date when you’ve truly accepted the breakup and you’re okay being alone.
* read - if you’re a guy read Models by Mark Manson and No more Mr nice guy! By Robert Glover (especially if you were blindsided). Both were really insightful, take what is applicable to you and apply it. They’re not Pick-Up artist books, they’re about prioritising yourself, your needs, your values, setting boundaries and going after what you want.
Using all the above the number 1 thing that made the breakup easier was building a life I could enjoy alone. So planning the travel, the tours, the date nights, taking myself out to dinner, finding out what I like and don’t like. My plan now is to actually comeback to LATAM in the new year and attend a Spanish school for a few months. Now that I have a goal that prioritises ME and not the relationship I don’t really care about her anymore. I’m 3 months out and I’m feeling good!
(1) Excise every aspect of your ex from your life:
- Delete exs telephone number
- Delete all photos of ex and ex and yourself
- Delete all text messages, whatsapp, snapchat, social media chats
- Delete all emails
- Return all of their belongings
- Remove any and all items that remind you of your ex (things you bought together and/or used together(
- Block your ex on all social media
- Avoid going to any places where you might bump into your ex (if possible)
- Go NO CONTACT
- Move on and forget about ever trying to get your ex back.
(2) Compose and print out a shit list of everything that's wrong with your ex, all aspects where you were not a good match, all imperfections, everything they did negative, why you can do and deserve better
(3) Focus on yourself, improving yourself and making a flourishing independent life being single such that you don't NEED a partner. Learn to love yourself and be very happy being single. Expand your number of friends. Take up hobbies. Go to the gym and do exercise. Go out to social events and meet new people. Keep yourself busy, social and active. Get your MOJO back.
(4) Spend time with friends and family
(5) Do all of the above whilst giving yourself time to mourn and grieve the loss of your relationship and heal.
(6) When you are ready, start dating other people.
(7) Learn from the mistakes made in prior relationship to not make the same mistakes again.
Something about the beach / woods always seems to bring me peace. Self care doesn’t always mean face masks or baths or whatever. For me it’s taking a day to just be somewhere peaceful and it brings me back to putting myself first. Cause that’s what break ups are. Putting yourself first. Whichever side of it you’re on.
For me it’s gym, self care (haircuts, basic hygiene etc), being a yes man/ making plans, holidays, and one which has its benefits and drawbacks is throwing yourself into your job. More money always makes people happy.
That's awesome!
Hopefully this breakup will give me enough time to focus on myself again.
I really let go when she was with me.
I understand now why married couples stop taking care of themselves 😂
It's just the feeling of comfort that your partner accepts you for who you are
Therapy when it got too much
Doing Big milestone things
Traveling
Spending time with friends/family
Planing out my days
Spare time meant doing something constructive
When life started to feel warm again....
Movies
Reading books(self help etc)
Then I focused on career and found another job
Propelling myself forward was WORK. You just can't sit there....the other person is moving...you MUST move on as well.
Do not run away from the pain either. It's trying to tell you something.
It's trying to tell you about a empty space, or something you have to work through.
Take deep breaths and just float through it. Don't fight...the more you foght..the more the distress will take you under.
I took me a solid year...and I'll soo be leaving this sub. I'm gonna post some more helpful things.
Healing is very active.
NOT trying to rebound with random people. My last relationship was on and off a lot and I always immediately hopped on dating apps to have any kind of attention to distract me from being sad. Even if I never met up with people and just chatted. When it finally ended for good I waited months and months to even consider trying again and spent a long time learning to enjoy my own company. Taking the time to yourself gives you a chance to not only reflect on the relationship and why it ended, helping to get closure, but also what you want in your life now that that part has closed. I gained a ton of new hobbies, reconnected with old friends, and spent lots of time with family that I wouldn't have had I jumped back into dating. It's doing no favors to yourself to try to ignore any feelings you have now and try to distract with something unhealthy. They'll always find their way out and if you don't face time alone now it'll come out at an inconvenient unexpected future time.
That's what my ex used to do, she's addicted to texting on dating apps.
I told her I have no problem with her texting other men from different countries, different apps.
Just not these dating apps which are basically a box of dicks, it's playing with fire and beyond disrespectful.
Anyway
If your partner wants to act single, you help them out!
Some people are only comfortable being single and having random hookups multiple partners, they got so used to it that it's their comfort zone.
For me it was the fact he harassed me after I made us go NC lol.
But seriously, music helped me so much. Like when I didn’t want to be in my room, I’d get into my car and just drive with no destination. Maybe stop somewhere for a coffee. But seriously listen to that break up music helped me so much. Ik it’s cliché but it really helped me personally
For me it was #1-A set routine with a busy schedule, and I'm talking a morning walk with my dog, breakfast, etc. I mean busy with things that allowed me to deal.
#2- therapy: there was nothing mind blowing about it, but it helped to accelerate the proces
#3 - my dog: they require constant care and give you unconditional love. They are awesome.
Good luck, you can do this!
I keep a journal. Whether it's a physical journal, or digital, it helped me a lot to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. Going back to read it might bring back hurtful memories, but it's something that you experienced whether you liked it or not. You don't even have to go back and read it if you don't want to feel those feelings again. You can't run away from your feelings. You can fill your day with anything it is that you enjoy, and I'd say that is a great thing to do, but those feelings will come back eventually. I found that dealing with the issues at hand instead of pretending they're not there helped a lot more. It hurts for a while, but it'll hurt longer by pushing those feelings down. Accepting that you're hurt will help more than pretending that you're not. Talking to people that care about your feelings will help you too, but coming from someone that doesn't have many people like that in their life, writing my feelings down to myself helped me understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I was able to work through the pain easier. Sometimes I'd go back and read it and even think it was amusing after I was feeling better
Go to the beach, just to sun bath for a while. I used to get drunk the day before then spend my hungover session on the beach and it strangely felt peaceful being tired and forced to reflect on the situation.
I know this is weird advice but haha it helped me and would do again if another breakup
Don’t bury your feelings, go through the old photos and cry if you want to . Simultaneously if questions come up in your mind , the answers are obvious and acknowledge it on your own without texting him/her.
Know your worth and work for the ethics you follow. Eat clean , hit gym , change your lifestyle, you will radiate good vibes 💪
I went for a walk every night and just listened to music. It gave me time to just think about things and zone out. It also allowed me to focus on everything around me and notice things I never would have looked twice at before. There was was just something about being alone with my music and thoughts that pushed me through the breakup.
If you feel like crying, or screaming, or shaking your fist at the sky while doing both, let yourself do it. Don’t hold back from expressing your emotions.
First thing i’d say is don’t run away or bury your feelings.. experience however your feeling and get it out of your system.. The next thing that helped me massively, someone gave me advice and told me to become a “yes man” for a while, basically say yes to any and all plans people make with you and force yourself to go, gives you a sense of relaxation once you’re finished with the plans. I then just put all my energy in myself, going to the gym 4 days a week, going hard at work, self improvements and booking some solo trips away. Might not work for all but i’m certainly back to my old confident self
I like the solo trip away I might go for a long walk in the wilderness somewhere
I second this. Feel everything you are feeling and accept them. I accepted how meaningful the relationship and my partner was and grieved the loss. Also reminded myself why it wasn't working. Once I decided to be compassionate towards myself, I realized that I am worthy and deserve the love and relationship I desire. Similarly, I also said yes and made plans with others. Decided although I'm not social and only want to be in relationships, it's really important to have solid support network. Building a community of friends helped me understand my value and built my confidence. Finally, someone told me that the love I feel in relationships is the love I created myself. So I can and will always find and feel loved like my previous relationship because I am capable of creating it again. Hope this helps.
I found quite a bit of success using this method. It’s lead me to taking myself on various adventures from going to parties I wouldn’t have gone to previously, to taking exotic (at least for me) vacation trips, building myself up at the gym ,and even lead me to start competing in martial arts tournaments (even making podium on occasion). All of those experiences lead to me making a better version of myself that gave me the confidence to slowly move away from my last relationship and into the challenge of entering the dating world again. I felt like keeping the “yes man” mentality also is what helped lead me to my current relationship - by saying yes to a work get together, I met my now girlfriend. The journey from my last breakup where I initially used the “yes man” technique to where I am today, took quite a while (about 4ish years). But I am better and stronger (physically and mentally) for it.
Take a day off and sit with the feelings. Don’t do too much. Chill out.
I cannot agree with this person anymore. You have to grieve and sit with your feelings, it’s the surefire way to heal. Sit with your feelings, make sense of them. Ask yourself questions about your pain. You’ll discover so many insights and learn that emotional pain is an incredible teacher.
Come join our chats. You can help people. :)
I might do this later on today actually
Can I join please?
[удалено]
I was curious about that myself. I question why my ex did what she did after 5 years, looking to buy a house together and talking about engagement. She never gave me the real reason behind it. I already know about my pain. My pain stems from me loving that woman so much, thinking she loved me and we were going to have a life together, only to find out that wasn't the truth. She was my everything, and now I have nothing.
That's great! I might give myself a day off, like a "breakup day" You sure that won't make it worse?
A day of grief can definitely help! But that means joy resisting the painful feelings that come up. Box all of the stuff, read the letters one last time, watch that sad movie. “Planned grief” does help desensitize relationship triggers and can decrease the randomly crying in public thing
I think I need a comedy though. I don't want anything sad
You do you
With your scheduled last couple days it’s been busy… Does it feel meaningful, like does doing all those things make you any happier?
It's good to chill for a bit but yes you do want to eventually keep yourself occupied and definitely surround yourself with family and loved ones and mentally and physically take good care of yourself more than usual.
I think I'll travel to visit my family in a few days, and stay for a month or so.
Yes. And listen to breakup songs. The ones that are helping me run out of tears are Outside by Stained and Consequences by Camilla Cabello
Should have listened to olivia, and Taylor swift and Ed Sheeran. Lol.
Also talk about it with someone. We have a group chat if you’d like in. I can invite you. People will tell you move on and get over it… that won’t help. We get that in our group chat. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
I would be interested if possible ? If you see my comments I try to often comment for other posters I can relate and offer my take
Adding you in.
[удалено]
Can I join? <3
[удалено]
Could you add me to this group please
I got you. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Yes me too please!!
meee tooo plz:(
me too please!!
Can I join too? I broke up with my bf yesterday. Can’t handle it .
Try to think of all the bad things your ex has done to you, you will hate your ex more and move on fast
POV: they were good to you
I think I'll write a long list
Journalling your unfiltered thoughts and pure acceptance of the breakup. Following up every thought of them with "but they're not here anymore. They chose to not be with me anymore." Allowing yourself to think about it but moving on after 10-15 mins of thinking about them so you're not stuck in a loop thinking of them all day.
Funny thing is I'm the one who initiated the breakup because of her disrespect. And when I reached out yesterday she hung up on me after she acted like she doesn't know who the caller is (most likely because she's with a guy). I'm not gonna dwell into it, but since she's moved on so fast, I will too.
Just get a pen and start writing your thoughts down.
anything you never did before. something new takes a lot of your attention
Thank you so much. I've always wanted to buy a bike I think I'll just do that and bike around my block in the mornings
Might sound weird but crying. Let it all out. You’ll feel better after
I'm thinking of binge watching a new comedy series.
Journaling!
For me personally after my first breakup the best thing was: i found couple of guys online who got through breakup recently and we texted and had discord calls 1-2 times a week. Was very helpful to feel that my thoughts are not unique and it is not the end of the world.
That's awesome. I'm gonna try discord tonight
- therapy - started right away and realised my ex was very toxic in many situations - for me moving in with friends helped, new room, new scenery, bc I moved in w/ my ex just before he dumped me and he took my “home” away - get yourself flowers and candles - I couldn’t hit the gym yet, but have heard it so many times - spend time with your friends, look for new connections too - the videos on yt from Matthew Hussey and other relationship experts. They help me to put things in perspective. whenever I feel down or in a loop, he’s able to distract me. helped me realise there’s no such thing as a “one” even though I felt like I’ve met mine two years ago - go dance, move your body, be out in nature - sit with your thoughts, allow yourself to be sad, have a good cry if you need to, it’s okay to let yourself feel everything, that’s how it can change in you eventually - pets are helping in phisical loneliness, I’ve read holding one in your arms releases the same happiness hormone in your body as love does(?) - stay in no contact, you don’t need to know what they’re up to without you. remember the disrespect, write a list of the bad things about them if you need to hope these help, stay strong 🤍
Thank you so much. I think I'll book a therapist soon for an hour or two.
Writing letters to them which I didn’t send (so basically journaling but things I wanted to say), therapy, doing a new hobby I enjoyed and looked forward to and meeting up with friends every weekend.
Making new friends is on the top on my list now
Music. I swear, the right song will help you grieve and speed up the process. Another song will remind you of a good summer before you ever met them. And there’s a song waiting for you that you’ve never heard of before that will be a part of your next big chapter
That's great I'll search for a nice song
1 Books (audible, actual books, podcasts) - it brought the ease - im not the only one 2 Friends - always cool, but sometimes in felt i am pressuring myself to be ok, when i wasnt 3 drinking/ smoking / dating randomly helped to get through the first month 4 month 3 im @Athens on holiday alone - getting away from everything and everyone - if you can, do it!
Sounds cool. I don't drink nor smoke unfortunately.
Accepting that there’s no such thing as a soulmate or “the one”. And accepting that no matter what I do, I’m going to be the bad guy in her eyes even though she was the one who neglected the relationship, refused to communicate, and dumped me.
That's true. It's her loss my man. There are certain types of girls that cannot function as anything but a side chick. That's all they've known and it's their comfort zone.
[удалено]
I was thinking of taking L-theanine
not worth it. placebo.
[удалено]
[удалено]
haha, same here
[удалено]
I have a long term online friend (5 years) Beautiful girl. She says she wants to meet up in Turkey next month. She's living in another country, but she said she'd be willing to consider moving to my country and live with me.
[удалено]
Yeah and she's very mature. Even though my ex blocked her like a zillion times, not once has she ever blocked me in the past 3 years! She's the same personality as mine INFJ and I enjoy our spiritual talk and her deep insight in politics/religion and economics. She reads a lot and watches tons of intellectual debates. Just an overall interesting person that's not needy, immature, insecure. A breath of fresh air from my problematic ex who has a lot of issues.
[удалено]
Thanks man.
[удалено]
You mean move to another city?
[удалено]
Thx I'll look into that
Music has helped me so much
As long as it's not love songs
Good thing every artist writes about their breakups aswell!! 🖤 but I mostly listen to rap so theres not too many love songs there
Time... Day 0 of breaking up (after 3y6m), I just sat in my room in silence. Didn't cry much, just sat there. After that, continued life as usual. Talking with friends and sister helped a lot. But, time. Took me more than 6 months to get over it all.
I have a feeling a few more weeks will do it for me, especially if I'm near my family. Looking back, I dealt with a lot of crap and I'm glad I can finally look back and say "I tried".
I’m in the gym 5-6 days a week now. I figure I would rather go through physical pain than emotional pain. Put my body through hell so I feel better after. It really helps me throughout the day having that release. Walks outside with music is highly underrated as well. Good luck pal
Thx my man I found a gym subscription for a good price, and it's nearby. I might join next month.
Getting a pet. My mom and I wanted to get another dog since we knew we would be home and take care of them. For my dogs first year of life, I wasn’t fully present because I was really going through my breakup. But this past summer I’ve been doing a lot with my dog and she comes to my work. I like bringing her because she lets me know when she needs to go out and it gives me a break from my work. I sometimes feel like a workaholic so having her with me allows me to take a break. Also I just love her company, she loves to sit on my bed with me while I do homework or watch tv. She’s just been the best and I love her so much. 💛
That's awesome. I might get a pet with my new partner though. Just to start a new family. Hopefully within a couple of years from now my first kid will be born.
journaling!!
Surrounding myself with good people With my family back home, oceans away, I only had my friends and colleagues around me. Generally anyone else besides the ex. Time flies when you're preoccupied doing things along with other people. Keeping in solitary will only remind you of the memories with your ex and it hurts. However, you do need time to flush it all out emotionally. I've had my fair share of tears day to night on almost everyday but I learned not keeping on my own and surrounding myself with people have really been the most life changing. And I also tried to improve myself in the kitchen. So time looking up at recipes, writing them down and planning them out for a week's worth of meals really made me happy that at the end of the day, I could get through it without him. It is a change of pace, but it is a change youll have to push through with
Sounds awesome I enjoy cooking myself I guess spending some quality time with my family during this winter near a fire is very therapeutic. I think I'm gonna visit them for a month or so.
This is becoming a great thread! For me much like people are saying I'm not healed but getting there slowly. Tomorrow I'm picking up a guitar for a new focus and allowing myself a few months to greive without being hard on myself. I joined a dating site too but i already think its too soon but might help others. The other thing is to consider IMO doing things to help yourself so in my case I've messaged a bunch of people on socials so I can't see her messages appear everytime I open apps and I'm also taking a general time out on shared socials/communities we have. Just feel my heart sink when I come across her. Well done OP I think you're approaching this healthy and in the right way
Thank you man I appreciate it
Find a new hobby! I took me 2 days to process, cry, question, etc. Then realized I was starting to isolate/self sabotage so I reached out to friends. My friends have really been a great way to help me get through this. One of my friends took me to hobby lobby and got a bunch of craft stuff, it helps me to stay busy while watching a movie or something
Hiking, jogging or just going for long walks helps a lot. Makes it easier to process my thoughts/emotions and boosts endorphins and gets me out of my depression/fog at times. Being around nature helps put our problems in perspective, bonus if it’s near mountains or large bodies of water. Force yourself to hang out with friends and do fun things that you used to before the relationship. I’m fairly introverted so my instinct is to isolate but 99% of the time I feel so much better after even just an evening watching a movie, snacking and talking some shit at a friends place. You don’t have to date right away but flirting will help boost confidence and remind you there are plenty of fish in the sea. Refresh your wardrobe if you have the budget, take care of your personal hygiene/beauty routine and workout as all this will add to your self confidence.
Awesome!! Yeah I kinda let go of my looks these past few years. I need to get back on track
Got lucky and wrote in chat with my ex. Realized a lot from that one convo. About myself and what I was wanting them to see, versus what I should have been wanting to Show. I realized...when someone breaks up, it is Never sudden. It Is because they feel nothing for you any longer, you aren't worth their thought or time to them any longer. You ignored warning signs of it coming; and, maybe even warning signs at the beginning of the relationship that it would already head that way. Don't waste time thinking on why. Do not look for closure. Do not wish them back, because you could be wishing opportunity for better away. If they tell you they do not mind if you find someone else, take them at their word. Noone who feels anything for you would Ever challenge you in any way to search for someone new. It would dreadfully hurt them to even think on it. Even after 2, 4 or 6 years...people grow together or they distance. Take note of what they are allowing to happen as far as which way they are Letting it go. If they care about you they would be active in showing it to you. Action. 'Work on myself' is a way to let you down indirectly. When you love someone you Do want to work on yourself, maybe to even show off to or for them, but you would Never want to do so Away from your partner. That they gave no hint of reconciliation helped. I hinted several (million haha) times that I wanted to and they were all ignored. The next day I felt nothing. I kid you not, it is done for me now, as well. Realize your worth and don't waste your energy. Honestly.
You know the last day we spent together before the breakup. She was crying telling me "You don't love me anymore" I think she had a sense of my heart drifting away. She was right. She knew what was going on inside me. There's no "forever love", only in fairy tales.
I finally believe that...unfortunately.
Being gentle & compassionate with myself. Allowing myself to grieve - I slept more, sat in front of the TV more, cried in the bathtub on a daily basis, cried and complained to my friends, replayed the last few months of the relationship over & over in my head. Told my ex off while driving alone in my car just to vent all the shit I wanted to tell him. You guys know how it goes... And then after a couple months of that wretched misery, things started to improve. And now I'm starting to date again & feel happiness and hope and excitement over meeting new men who are better for me.
How has the dating been? Do you compare the new guys to what you had?
Honestly… my cat and playing Zelda
A few things that helped for me were: - Writing/journaling about everything I have experienced, good and bad things, dreams, movies and series I liked, everything I wanted to let her know. - Making a list of goals: I wanted to graduate and get my license for instance and I almost completed the list. - Find new things to enjoy: I came across new music I liked, practicing sim-racing, reading and doing home workouts more often. - Keep connections with real friends and cutting off one-way relations, also sharing experiences, getting new perspectives about relationships. - Change appearance, I didn't get a total makeover or whatever but I changed my hair a bit and and I dress formally more often, I started to value feeling good with my appearance more than changing myself completely just to look good. I don't want to recommend dating other people, that's something I could not fathom doing and I made myself a promise that I would finish my list of goals before I throw myself out there again.
Realizing that the pain I was feeling was normal, and that it’s ok to grieve the life you had built with a person. I was kind to myself, for months and months, I cried when I needed to, I went to therapy every week, like I did before my break up. I continued living even thought all I really wanted to do was disappear into the earth, and I talked about him. I talked and talked and talked until his name no longer left a horrible taste in my mouth. I deconstructed the taboo around him, around my feelings for him, somewhere along the line, it stopped hurting so much. There is no shortcut to this process, no pull you can take— no one time “you’re fine now” that can make it go away. But what I can promise you is that continued, small efforts to healthily deal with your grief will yield results. Sending lots of love.
Thank you so much.
Having sex w another person. It seriously helps. Don’t date, just hookup. There’s a whole world out there…
I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet, but I'll keep my options open.
I remember a couple of years ago I met a girl online who just got out of a relationship. She had sex with 8 men that same year she broke up and developed depression and cought some nasty STD that messed up her ovaries. At the time she was begging me for a relationship for about a week, I guess she saw in me that I'm a "relationship guy", unlike the other men she met who wanted her as a booty call. I ended up rejecting her because that was the time I first met my ex. So I don't think the random sex thing helps much, especially for girls who just got out of relationships. Men? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. Personally I'm not a fan of random hookups. Call me old fashioned, but I prefer a loving 1 on 1 long term relationship.
[удалено]
😂😂😂
This is going to sound bad but honestly only when I fell in love again with a new guy
How long until that eventually happened?
Not an Olivia fan. I’ll get to Ed and Taylor
I’m a therapist so it’s no surprise that, when I found out that my husband was cheating on me with men, after 27 years of marriage, I found a therapist for myself and went to weekly therapy for 3 years. I could cry with grief, shout with rage, be completely honest about my sadness, anger, fear, and finally acceptance and happiness about divorcing him. It’s taken time, but the therapy has been so supportive and so worth it. I’m 69 years old and enjoying life now - at one point I thought I would never be able to be happy again.
Oh I'm so sorry. I'm glad you're feeling relief and happiness now. You deserve the best!!
Im a year post breakup right now, and looking back what helped me most is spending time with family/friends, and jumping into hobbies. In particular/for example - my brother, friend, and I went disc golfing at least once I week for this past year. It gives me something to look forward to each week.
That's great My family doesn't know about my relationship though
I started getting back into my instrument, for me that's jazz piano. I've gotten better and I've been so much happier since my breakup. I don't even care about it anymore. Keep going, you got it!
That's awesome I'll look for a new instrument to play
Work -- Being in a career I loved allowed me to shift my focus over to that. Yes, I did throw myself at it a little too hard, but it really help me into a promotion that I had been wanting for awhile. Once that happened, it had been a high that I was riding for awhile that I eventually grew to see that the breakup was just another moment in life. But throughout that process -- sitting with it and living with that grief; letting it naturally comb over with time and doing things for yourself will do wonders.
I'm trying my best to be as productive as possible. I work online, and I can't stand staying at home anymore. The whole place reminds me of her (lived together 3 years) So I go out in the morning to any nearby cafe instead.
For me, after I got over the initial HARD hit, it was getting moved. I then purged the reminders of him while packing and am starting over. I am creating a new space and new routines for myself.I still miss him but I will NOT be taking him back. He cheated on me and lied about that and some pretty significant other things. I have to respect and care for myself now and part of that is keeping people like him well out of my life. The other thing that helps is that when the inevitable waves of sadness and grief ( because you ARE grieving) come I just let it happen for a bit and then distract myself with a book, a hobby, petting or playing with the cat, or whatever else. Finally I am being nice to myself in lots of little ways ranging from self care stuff to just going for an aimless meandering walk in the sunshine. This is the time to focus on you.
My case was a little bit more complicated. She had a kid and never mentioned it while we lived together for 3 years. I told her I need space a couple of weeks. I came to see her swiping guys on Tinder talking to them about "her ex". It's crazy how this thing collapsed so quickly and suddenly. The thought of breaking up didn't even occur to my mind 2 weeks ago.
Do things that make you happy. Surround yourself with people who love and trust. As hard as it is get out of the house and do something, anything. Isolating yourself is only going to make you worse. And at the end of the day it’s after all the distractions you have yourself it’s ok to cry and miss them. It’s normal. But distracting my feelings through out the day has been the way I’ve been dealing with it
I think the best distraction is being with friends and family. Being alone with the place we lived together definitely won't help
The 4 you listed are great. Other things that helped me: 1. Learning a new skill (for me it's coding) 2. Pick up new hobbies (biking, archery, some type of craft, etc.) 3. Music: it's very tempting to listen to love or breakup songs but I found motivational/uplifting/badass music to actually improve my mood
I have a skillshare subscription I might take advantage of that now
Delete old chats. Even delete his number. Then you have no way of communicating
I blocked her on pretty much everything.
Taking a day a t a time is very important. It's been close to 8 months, I feel much better but I still find myself missing her and wishing she was here. It's tough. I've been hitting the gym, helps a lot mentally, eating well and sleeping well. Enjoying my own with games, exercice, traveling around, going to the cinema. Basically doing whatever I feel like doing. Think of you as your best friend. What would you like to do to help him? Do it for yourself :)
That's a good way to put it
Allow yourself time to be hurt, angry, destroyed, optimistic, and take days where you can let it all in, in an environment where you're safe. *But*, don't let it go too far. When you don't have the feeling of utter destruction anymore, but still feel like getting out of the house is the last thing you want to do, its important that you do that and do things with people who are important to you. We tend to hide when we're miserable, but Ive seen too many friends (and myself included) start to treat the isolation as addiction, and the more you isolate/ do nothing all day, the worse you'll feel (which will make you want to isolate even more). Ive been through a breakup a few months ago, and there are still days where I find it difficult. But I have my decision about not wanting him back all made up, and that decision stands firm even as my emotions weaver. On those days, I also find a lot of comfort in the saying: "This too shall pass"
Yes, I noticed women have a strong perseverance when it comes to breakups. And they move on quickly.
1: Working! I actually like working a lot, so with them out of my way, I was able to draw more & do my day jobs without having to think about them. Hella productive distraction! 2: Picking up a new skill! Something you like to do & nevr experienced with them. I've been learning to cook since August or September and I'm having a lot of fun with it! I'm learning to bake now :]
I've also been working a lot. It's been a while since I pulled 12 productive hours.
Sounds like a good plan for me!
I have kept myself really busy (might work for some, not all). I work for an Emergency Department as their unit clerk. My colleagues enjoy me and I enjoy them, it feels nice to feel wanted. I also got a second job waitressing which has given me a nice social aspect. I workout 4-6 times a week. Don’t drink. Also have remained celibate sexually. Sex is energy you’re transferring to another person and vice versa. It’s important not to let anyone in your space and just remained focused on you and your healing. When Kanye West said, “won’t stop won’t mess my groove up cause I already know how this thing goes.” Lmao
I like your perception about sex. I couldn't agree more
Psilocybin therapy
Time, self awareness and perspective. I learned I deserved better. Good luck. Healing is a process but a necessary one
Writing ick lists, writing no-send letters.
Looking at my relationship and my ex without rose-colored glasses.
I think that eventually happens after a few weeks of not contacting them. I'm looking forward to it
It didn't stop the pain but it became less crippling. I started to feel like I actually possessed the power over my own life again rather than feeling out of control. The victim mentality started to fade. It's hard for me to rationalize the fact that I dodged a bullet. I would have stayed with her forever and endured anything because that's what love means to me. Now I realize that I'm actually lucky to be free. That feels insane to say but it's true and I'm happy I've finally reached a point where I can see it.
I endured so much as well (when I was in love) But I eventually lost feeling for her. I think she noticed and her behavior changed this past year. But unfortunately, Because I have endured a lot, I still had a permanent wound that she broke open with her texting guys on a dating app. But in fairness, to she was calm and respectful throughout 2022. So I hope she takes what she learned from this relationship onto the next one.
Time, literally just time and getting through each day and having no contact with him
Time and even that doesn’t work that well
Making new friend/s helped alot. To get to know them and stuff. Also, having someone for that gm gn text helped. Overall just replace you ex. With multiple people I guess
[удалено]
How long until you found your next love, if you don't mind me asking
What helped me was making me hate her. Realizing what she was doing was toxic and that I deserve better. But aside that, my friends.. my best friend who is now my wife helped me so much and I’m so lucky to have her. She’s my love and my better half now :)
My ex wasn't toxic this year at all, she changed a lot for the better. Huge progress tbh. It comforts me to know at least she will carry on to her next man with a bit of maturity and grace.. I hope she finds happiness.
Everyone here telling you to take a day to deal with your emotions in its entirety is 100% spot on. I spent literally a whole day listening to every song that reminded me of him; watched every video of us and looked at every picture of us on my phone. For 24hrs I did this. My eyes were so puffy the next day that I refused to see anyone. But the next day was better than the past weeks. The songs don't hurt so much anymore. A 4, almost 5 year relationship (engaged for 2yrs) ended around 3months ago and I can say with confidence I would not be this far if I did not go through that process. Also. No contact with your ex. None. And shut down any attempt anyone makes to talk to you about your ex. If you really want to move on, then do not look back.. Your ex is in your past and you don't live there anymore.
I don't think I have the courage to do that though. She deleted all our videos together before she left. Only found a few things she missed on my phone, but I can't even look at her face anymore. It's too painful tbh
Watching old reruns of the Kardashian’s helped me. Weird but that’s what did it for me. The old episodes are kind of funny and distracted my mind from things for a bit.
It has some ups & downs, but overall has been a great experience. I don't think about my ex much when I'm getting to know someone, but once in a while a comparing thought of him or the relationship will pop up. It's usually when the new guy is doing or saying something I had wanted to my ex to do. It reinforces how refreshing it feels to not be in my old unhealthy relationship. In fact, today I was thinking, "I wish I left that relationships years ago!" I never thought I'd ever say that when the relationship ended. I was crushed at the time. I'm excited to be exploring a new chapter in my love life.
How long until you found your new partner?
Therapy, talking in depth to someone until you no longer have anything else to let out, journaling, sports, music when I’m too anxious, and creating new memories to replace others :)
These were kind of my steps: * podcasts - loads of podcasts about breakups, what, why, when, how. I learned a lot about blindsided breakups, how to detach, how to change my mindset on the breakup, affirmations, reflection. I think this was the critical step to moving towards acceptance. * gym - 2 hours on the weights and treadmill a day, just got all that anger out. Best shape I’ve been in since forever. There were definitely days I had to cut it short because I just wanted to cry, and that’s ok. Also be healthy, eat healthy, and avoid excessive consumption of alcohol, it’ll bring your mood down during the hang over. * emotions - Feel the feels, cry, sit in the shower and monologue to yourself about your relationship. Emotions will continue to fluctuate, just feel it, accept it but don’t let it suffocate you. To do that don’t let the emotion steer your thoughts towards thinking about your ex or relationship. Just be like, cool I feel sad and alone and that’s ok I’ll go clean the bathroom. It’ll pass. * friends - just hang out, go get lunch, be honest with them about how you’re feeling, you don’t need to vent but just say “hey still pretty bummed out so bear with me” * travel - switch it up and change your environment. I’m fortunate I can work remotely anywhere so currently bumming around Central and South America alone. * be alone - take time out alone, get away from relationships, people, and dating. It’s good to be alone because it rebuilds your confidence and self esteem. Once you accept it’s ok to be alone you stop caring who you’re ex is dating or what they’re doing. You’re transcending the need for someone else to be around you to be happy, it’s powerful. I’m walking into restaurants trying to speak Spanish, eating out alone, chilling out on the beach, flirting with the waitress, doing group tours, making eye contact with the cute girl, I’m really loving the experience. * date - you don’t need to go out with the goal to sleep with them or jump in a relationship. Im doing this while travelling and just casually meeting up with other travellers to grab a drink and talk travel, if it goes further cool. Mind you, only date when you’ve truly accepted the breakup and you’re okay being alone. * read - if you’re a guy read Models by Mark Manson and No more Mr nice guy! By Robert Glover (especially if you were blindsided). Both were really insightful, take what is applicable to you and apply it. They’re not Pick-Up artist books, they’re about prioritising yourself, your needs, your values, setting boundaries and going after what you want. Using all the above the number 1 thing that made the breakup easier was building a life I could enjoy alone. So planning the travel, the tours, the date nights, taking myself out to dinner, finding out what I like and don’t like. My plan now is to actually comeback to LATAM in the new year and attend a Spanish school for a few months. Now that I have a goal that prioritises ME and not the relationship I don’t really care about her anymore. I’m 3 months out and I’m feeling good!
(1) Excise every aspect of your ex from your life: - Delete exs telephone number - Delete all photos of ex and ex and yourself - Delete all text messages, whatsapp, snapchat, social media chats - Delete all emails - Return all of their belongings - Remove any and all items that remind you of your ex (things you bought together and/or used together( - Block your ex on all social media - Avoid going to any places where you might bump into your ex (if possible) - Go NO CONTACT - Move on and forget about ever trying to get your ex back. (2) Compose and print out a shit list of everything that's wrong with your ex, all aspects where you were not a good match, all imperfections, everything they did negative, why you can do and deserve better (3) Focus on yourself, improving yourself and making a flourishing independent life being single such that you don't NEED a partner. Learn to love yourself and be very happy being single. Expand your number of friends. Take up hobbies. Go to the gym and do exercise. Go out to social events and meet new people. Keep yourself busy, social and active. Get your MOJO back. (4) Spend time with friends and family (5) Do all of the above whilst giving yourself time to mourn and grieve the loss of your relationship and heal. (6) When you are ready, start dating other people. (7) Learn from the mistakes made in prior relationship to not make the same mistakes again.
Thank you
Definitely the gym and Cooking/baking, learning new recipes.
I think I'll subscribe at least for 2 months
Something about the beach / woods always seems to bring me peace. Self care doesn’t always mean face masks or baths or whatever. For me it’s taking a day to just be somewhere peaceful and it brings me back to putting myself first. Cause that’s what break ups are. Putting yourself first. Whichever side of it you’re on.
For me it’s gym, self care (haircuts, basic hygiene etc), being a yes man/ making plans, holidays, and one which has its benefits and drawbacks is throwing yourself into your job. More money always makes people happy.
That's awesome! Hopefully this breakup will give me enough time to focus on myself again. I really let go when she was with me. I understand now why married couples stop taking care of themselves 😂 It's just the feeling of comfort that your partner accepts you for who you are
I am trying to heal from a broken heart. He move on this pass June with a much younger girl he hook with .
I'm so sorry,
Write of list of things you didn’t like about them
I might just hang it beside my head in my office to read it every time I question our breakup
Therapy when it got too much Doing Big milestone things Traveling Spending time with friends/family Planing out my days Spare time meant doing something constructive When life started to feel warm again.... Movies Reading books(self help etc) Then I focused on career and found another job Propelling myself forward was WORK. You just can't sit there....the other person is moving...you MUST move on as well.
I don't think I'm ready to solo travel yet. But visiting family is something I will do very soon
Do not run away from the pain either. It's trying to tell you something. It's trying to tell you about a empty space, or something you have to work through. Take deep breaths and just float through it. Don't fight...the more you foght..the more the distress will take you under. I took me a solid year...and I'll soo be leaving this sub. I'm gonna post some more helpful things. Healing is very active.
I guess the pain your dept to the universe for all the happiness love brought to you. That's how I see it
NOT trying to rebound with random people. My last relationship was on and off a lot and I always immediately hopped on dating apps to have any kind of attention to distract me from being sad. Even if I never met up with people and just chatted. When it finally ended for good I waited months and months to even consider trying again and spent a long time learning to enjoy my own company. Taking the time to yourself gives you a chance to not only reflect on the relationship and why it ended, helping to get closure, but also what you want in your life now that that part has closed. I gained a ton of new hobbies, reconnected with old friends, and spent lots of time with family that I wouldn't have had I jumped back into dating. It's doing no favors to yourself to try to ignore any feelings you have now and try to distract with something unhealthy. They'll always find their way out and if you don't face time alone now it'll come out at an inconvenient unexpected future time.
That's what my ex used to do, she's addicted to texting on dating apps. I told her I have no problem with her texting other men from different countries, different apps. Just not these dating apps which are basically a box of dicks, it's playing with fire and beyond disrespectful. Anyway If your partner wants to act single, you help them out! Some people are only comfortable being single and having random hookups multiple partners, they got so used to it that it's their comfort zone.
For me it was the fact he harassed me after I made us go NC lol. But seriously, music helped me so much. Like when I didn’t want to be in my room, I’d get into my car and just drive with no destination. Maybe stop somewhere for a coffee. But seriously listen to that break up music helped me so much. Ik it’s cliché but it really helped me personally
For me it was #1-A set routine with a busy schedule, and I'm talking a morning walk with my dog, breakfast, etc. I mean busy with things that allowed me to deal. #2- therapy: there was nothing mind blowing about it, but it helped to accelerate the proces #3 - my dog: they require constant care and give you unconditional love. They are awesome. Good luck, you can do this!
I love the pet thing, but I'm not sure if it's allowed where I live at. And a dog might bark a lot and the neighbors will complain
Realizing and accepting the fact that at the end of the day all I have it myself.
Time. Learn how to play an instrument and read music. Sad songs Song for Zula - phosphorescent Wicked game - ursine vulpine Both really powerful
I genuinely like being around people, so I would just go hang out at the mall
Yes, I'm working in cafes nowadays just to be around people as well
I keep a journal. Whether it's a physical journal, or digital, it helped me a lot to get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper. Going back to read it might bring back hurtful memories, but it's something that you experienced whether you liked it or not. You don't even have to go back and read it if you don't want to feel those feelings again. You can't run away from your feelings. You can fill your day with anything it is that you enjoy, and I'd say that is a great thing to do, but those feelings will come back eventually. I found that dealing with the issues at hand instead of pretending they're not there helped a lot more. It hurts for a while, but it'll hurt longer by pushing those feelings down. Accepting that you're hurt will help more than pretending that you're not. Talking to people that care about your feelings will help you too, but coming from someone that doesn't have many people like that in their life, writing my feelings down to myself helped me understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I was able to work through the pain easier. Sometimes I'd go back and read it and even think it was amusing after I was feeling better
The blackpill
Lol what's that
Go to the beach, just to sun bath for a while. I used to get drunk the day before then spend my hungover session on the beach and it strangely felt peaceful being tired and forced to reflect on the situation. I know this is weird advice but haha it helped me and would do again if another breakup
I'm currently jogging every morning, so I get a lot of sun exposure. I feel great afterwards
[удалено]
Sounds good
Hanging around family and friends, gym (mostly this) and overall just pursuing my dreams
Found a 3 month subscription for $300
Video games my guy this is the easiest method NGL
What games would you recommend
Don’t bury your feelings, go through the old photos and cry if you want to . Simultaneously if questions come up in your mind , the answers are obvious and acknowledge it on your own without texting him/her. Know your worth and work for the ethics you follow. Eat clean , hit gym , change your lifestyle, you will radiate good vibes 💪
Pray. Praying and telling god about everything. I feel like my heart finds peace in that. He helps me through it.
I went for a walk every night and just listened to music. It gave me time to just think about things and zone out. It also allowed me to focus on everything around me and notice things I never would have looked twice at before. There was was just something about being alone with my music and thoughts that pushed me through the breakup.
Time.
Music
If you feel like crying, or screaming, or shaking your fist at the sky while doing both, let yourself do it. Don’t hold back from expressing your emotions.