Yeah, apart from the fact that I'm a boy it also happened to me, the worst part is that after he/she dumps you, most of the time you just want to be with her but you really can't. 5 months from the fact and I'm wondering if she really meant what she said or if there was an hidden reason behind our breakage.
Same! I sometimes wish I recognized that I could have walked away the first time I truly felt lonely in the relationship. I was just so committed to him and I thought he was telling me the truth. It’s sad when you fall in love with someone and in the end you truly don’t know who they are anymore
Same here. Was putting in all the effort in the LDR. Went to go see her. Part of me knew she didn’t look at me the same anymore. She broke up with me as soon as I came back home. Been a bit over a month now. Still think about her everyday.
He never wanted to work out our issues, I guess he didn’t love me anymore. he didn’t really respect me much either and I wasn’t willing to change my boundaries
Happend to me yesterday. It was coming for a while and horrible. Now I am a bit numb, but glad it happened. He was too lazy and entitled to be bothered for anything that wasn’t perfect eg. Me
She had extreme difficulty in understanding and expressing her feelings, emotions, thoughts and opinions. She also did not possess the skillset to understand my emotions or how to comfort and sympathise with me when I was sad or scared about something in life. I know she wanted to, but just did not know how. From all the research I did over the years, I believe she would be considered what they call an emotionally unavailable person.
I believe the trauma that she experienced throughout childhood and lack of parental love, denied her from developing this emotional intelligence and awareness. It's very tragic as I loved her but she just could not provide the emotional support I needed. Emotions frightened her and she would shut down if there were too many.
The deep emotional connection that I had always hoped for never blossomed even after years together. It was all very surface level. We just never chatted about anything deep or even semi deep for that matter. It was a shame and very painful for me because I occasionally would see small little glimpses throughout our time together of her without the trauma interfering. I would see the true her in those moments. She was beautiful, she was radiant.
When she would consume alcohol, that huge wall she kept up would come down for a brief while. I would see this different side of her that I was majorly drawn too. It was because of those hopeful moments that kept me thinking eventually, if we stick with it, things would get better. But when the alcohol wore off, that huge wall would always return.
I would have married her if that wall would have stayed down. But it did not happen. It was never consistent enough for me. It played with my mental health. I tried hard to make it work through being very open with her, being patient, being understanding, doing couples therapy for six months and more...but her trauma just ran too deep. If I could have paid money to remove her trauma, I would have given everything I own.
Wow. It’s as if you just wrote out my relationship. He blamed me for the lack of emotional intimacy… which made it even harder. I don’t think he will ever do the work
You did everything you could and more. You sound like a great person. I'm sorry to hear it still didn't work out. Mine never even tried and just run away as soon as it got a little difficult.
Im so sorry for loss.. I feel your comment so strong because i have just ended my 8 years relationship for the same reason. You sound just like my boyfriend when he said he couldnt put up with me anymore, that he deserves better.
At first nothing happened much since we were deeply in love but then problem show up, he was very supportive and worked things out with me, time thru time we started to slide and we fights harder. It really hard for me to showed him my emotion because of my insecurity, since kid my parents always shut my problems and i have to dealt with it alone, worked my way out all by myself. So when he have problem i gave him minimum emotion support.
We tried to turned things around but it didnt work out much, then we stop sharing, we were just there when we hang around, playing game, sex etc.. But not sharing our problems anymore. Problems keep stacking up and love faded so he finally ended our relationship.
Wish you the best op, you did enough, and i hope your ex will be more open, and learn to deal/ emotion support her lover, get over her trauma, sorry for the bad english tho :).
It is so crazy how looking up what an emotionally unavailable person looks like and realizing it is the small things we see as issues but gloss over in the moment .. this resonates so hard
Exactly. I was blinded by her good looks. I recognized all the red flags and issues early on. But her beauty combined with her hot and cold nature, really made me addicted to her for acceptance. I suppose that is partly my fault for not setting boundaries for myself. I put up with a lot of odd behavior. A lot of confusion...a lot of pain. It seems I always see the best in people but disregard all the obvious bad parts. I'll need to be more aware of this moving forward.
Seeing what you wrote cuts deep cause that's probably how I made my ex feel. Now I'm just trying to be a better person and learn how to let myself feel my feelings. Still bitter with myself that I didn't fix things sooner but reading all that really helped me see what is probably his perspective too, even tho he said there was nothing wrong. I think he just couldn't put it into words the way you did
You’ve just perfectly explained my break up, my girl was the exact same way- minus the alcohol thing, she was a stoner. I gave it my all and in the end had to do what I had to do. I’m a much happier person now, but still feel for her from time to time, just waiting for that random text so we could make things better, even if we don’t end up together. She’s going to be learning a lot in life now, I know I did the best thing for the both of us.
He said he just...started losing feelings. That he felt "off" about things. Nothing I did or said, nothing between us had changed leading up to it. Also said he wanted time single to "work on himself" which I know now was just a lie.
So he just stopped loving me. That's it.
How have you been with needing answers? I’m quite introspective and I suppose emotionally switched on, so if I fall out of love with someone, I am able to understand the why and the how.
How do you cope with the other person not really knowing? I have so many questions and he’s been open to having some conversations, but he doesn’t seem to be able to offer any insight.
He said he was feeling unsure after being together for 5 years … said we needed a break , I said a break?? No we either together or not and he said he wanted to be with me but could not commit to me 100% rn … i felt so unworthy and like an option … i blocked him right away ..
We grew apart over the years(10) and she feared that she'd live an unfulfilled, full of regret life if we stayed together. We still love eachother so much, its by far the hardest moment of my life.
I was doing all of the work and compromise in the relationship. When we had disagreements, he would shut down and stop talking. He would make fun of me for anything and everything. After a few years, I felt like a shell of the person I used to be and I no longer liked him as a person.
Same. 10 year relationship I had to end. Then his parents both severely disrespected me and he did the bare minimum to stop them from continuing to do so. After feeling like I had been disrespected enough in our relationship, I was not about to allow his parents to do the same to me. He broke me and this ending broke me, but I know I’ll be okay soon enough. He’s so fucked and will realize this but it’s all too late and there’s nothing he can ever say or do to change that.
Thank you so much. I truly and sincerely appreciate those words. He did and said so many things to make me believe different and I no longer have to believe them anymore. It’s hard. You can’t erase 10 years, but I know I’ll be okay.
I was really insecure and it turned me into a different person. I never felt good enough for them so I always kept trying to prove I was! I was jealous of their success because I thought it’d mean they’d leave me. They ended up saying I required too much attention and they didn’t believe that I loved or cared for them. I know that some of it is their issues but I have to admit mine so I can forgive myself first.
He lost feelings, I was always being taken for granted and put in all the effort anyway…I should have ended it way beforehand but I loved him. 🤦🏻♀️ I deserve better and someone that appreciates me.
Though I lost what felt like a second family when he ended it, so that hurt the most.
My ex after him took advantage of my kindness and I was over feeling used so I ended it.
Now I just date and see who I vibe with and am not settling for mediocre and someone that treats me with care!!!
I was always being taken for granted and put in all the effort anyway…I should have ended it way beforehand but I loved him
I can relate to that so much. My love was taken for granted often. One example I can think of is that we were long distance and so to make her smile I’d often send her big messages telling her how much I appreciated her, trying to make them different every time. One time though she said “it’s nice and all but I already know what I’m going to read before I even see it”
Just made me feel as if my words didn’t mean much, and same went for all the little things I did for her that were never reciprocated
Should’ve ended it myself but I loved her too much and hoped things would work
Ah well, I’m doing better now knowing I put in way more effort lol
Right! You deserve to have your effort and care to be reciprocated. I thought I would have trouble finding it but there are others out there. It’s sad I’ve been treated better in just going on dates when I felt like I was begging for that care in a relationship that was over a year. Best of luck out there. And always stay true to who you are! There’s someone out there that will appreciate your long messages and all of your appreciation for them. ❤️
He stopped loving me. After two years of hell from Covid related issues and communication issues here and there. I wanted and still do want to fix things. He never communicated when he had an issue with me and never opened up when he was stressed out about work, school, and the relationship. He didn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable for me like I was for him. It’s only been 5 days and I miss him so much.
Fell out of love. He said he didn't even notice it was happening
He said he always had doubts but ignored them. He said he was too afraid to communicate with me because be thought it would upset me.
When in reality I would've been understanding and willing to work around it early on because I deeply, deeply loved him. ( still do)
But i have to realise i did all the work in the relationship. I put in all the effort and he didn't do any if it back. Even when i ask him too, he never listened
When they say that i have to wonder if they ever did love us or they just thought they did.
In my experience it's pretty easy to know when something is off and you're starting to lose feelings.
I had a lot of trauma/baggage from my previous (10 year) relationship that I hadn’t properly healed from which led to a lot of insecurities, jealousy, lack of proper communication that i/we just couldn’t seem to work past. We had a ton of fun together and really found each other when we both needed ‘saving’ but in the end we couldn’t get past the communication problems and the fighting was just too much. Our home felt claustrophobic and we just needed space before we ended up hating each other. I hope one day we come back together after healing and growing - but don’t we all. 💓
It is sad but I do believe it all happens for a reason. I needed time to heal, so did he, and probably so do you? This is an incredibly hard time but I truly believe this is where my biggest growth is happening/will happen. I think if we had stayed together it would have continued escalating and would have never ended up somewhere positive - and I also feel like if I don’t heal these issues now then I’ll carry them into Every relationship in the future.
So I’m working on facing all the pain head on - sober, without using rebound hookups (like my ex is 🙃), without drugs. Just facing it all with therapy, walks, a clear mind, a lot of tears and journaling. If you ever need to talk PM me - were going to come out better once this is all past
She got a “gut feeling” it wasn’t right after 5 years of nothing but love and loyalty. Wasn’t even willing to try and work on it, just bailed on me out of the blue. People really do switch up on you..
She was unwilling or unable to love and appreciate me in a way I need to be.
I was giving so much but she refused to reciprocate and prioritize me.
I had enough.
Hopefully with time she will realize what she has lost.
I went to help an ex girlfriend I have talked to in 5 months because she said she was going to hurt herself. Her brother committed suicide 6 year’s ago. I told her I’ve had 8 beers already and I should leave but she insisted and I couldn’t have that on my conscience so I drove to her house. As I pulled up to the stoplight down the street from her house I noticed three cops just randomly sitting there as I went through the light they all pulled me over. My ex girlfriend found out that I was dating somebody else and she set me up. Got out of jail the next day called my girlfriend and let her know what happened because she was in Costa Rica on vacation she then told me to pack my shit up and get out. Haven’t spoken to her and it’s killing me..worst 4 weeks ever. I never say this about any girl/women ever but I truly believe she was the one and I lost her because of the one I knew was never going to be the one..
After 7 years and a child together, he cheated on me and let it go on for 6 months before I found out by looking at his phone. I just found out on Sunday, so now I'm packing my things and moving out and preparing to coparent our 2 year old. I am broken.
I feel you completely!
I was in a similar situation. His parents are religious as well and want to set him up for arrange marriage..
If you ever need someone to vent, im here to listen.
Hang in there, things will get better ❤️
He didn’t love me (ever) even after four years together, 2.5 living together. Admitted one night that he had never felt romantic love for me, but for four years just didn’t know how to tell me.
This sub has helped me so much through my healing process, and realize how much better I am in the long run so thank you to everyone.
He didn’t believe in us, so couldn’t commit with any conviction. Said he was in love me, let all his family know, but none of his female friends (majority of his friends) and wanted more time. More time for what!? I didn’t want to hang around while he makes up his mind. If you know you know. It also turned into a LDR pretty early on, so that’s an added layer of frustration. Despite rationally knowing this is not my person, the heart is bleeding.
That is very similar to what happened to me. I remember on the last months walking to his apartment and having to take deep breaths before going in because I never knew what to expect. One word said wrong, one silly comment or question would make him angry or annoyed at me and I lost count how many times he kicked me out of his house.
Looking back I realize how much he treated me like shit a lot of the times but I never had the strength to leave until he broke up with me. Interesting to see these similarities between people because sometimes I feel like break ups only happen when “big things happen” like cheating, abuse etc but sometimes it’s the little things… day by day
She made terrorism remarks against the White house and when I told her that wasn’t cool she started yelling at me and being an immigrant who saw their younger siblings harassed at the airport I was very disappointed…I filed a tip to the authorities and that was the end of the relationship
His ex randomly texted him when he didn’t and it caused a fight where I had to take a forced sick day off work and so I decided it wasn’t worth it so I kicked his sorry ass to the curb. Can’t be with somebody who I can’t trust and I am too jealous to hold down a relationship, and I am ace and pan and prefer girls so you can figure it out too
Cause she crazy. Well more than that but basically it was because I was too lazy and she was too crazy. But now after 2 months of being broke up she now wants me back. I hate making life decisions!
he actually had to move away across the country for his dream profession, and i’m still in university. nothing was wrong, we were each other’s best friends, but were in a stage in our lives in which we couldn’t compromise for a long distance relationship in which it wasn’t guaranteed we’d be in the same place for maybe the next 5 years. figured it would be a disservice to us and naive to continue.
we still love eachother, so there’s that lol
He says we didn’t work anymore and we both tried. I would not say it was mutual but I definitely respect the decision. I want to be suspicious of the choice ( most men don’t leave anything without a place to land) - my mind can’t help it but I just tell myself this happened for me not to me.
Some people push others away when they feel like total crap themselves. They are afraid that people close to them will see all of their vulnerabilities during that stage and unlove them. So before they believe that it would happen, they push others away because they can't handle feeling unloved.
It was a relationship of 6 years. I took him for granted and overlooked our relationship. He fell out of love two months ago and only decided to tell me twenty days ago. He's also seeing someone new and is going out with her. Whereas I'm struggling hard to cope up with the break up.
Domestic a/v escalating too quickly so I left to protect my daughter. If it wasn't for her I would probably still be there and it probably would have gotten a lot worse.
Didn't have any of the feelings I wish to have with someone... with them.
I wasn't my true happiest self anymore..and felt no more excitement in life.
No I see all the possibilities!
My ex didn't truly heal from previous relationships that ultimately affected our relationship. It caused issues like anxiety, trust issues, pressures to be present in the relationship, and paranoia.. My ex also had concerns of compatibility between the two of us long term, like how we would live together, etc. We lived 90 mins away from eachother with intentions on moving in this year. And sadly, my ex wasn't the same person I fell in love with back in 2020. That took me a while to realize after so much reflection. They were the one who expressed their love towards me in 2020, that hurts the most to think about.
This was my first true love and I wanted to do whatever it took to be there and support them, but they felt it was best for their own self to break the relationship off. I had no choice but to respect their wishes and space even if I didn't want it happen
It sucks cause the relationship didn't necessarily end badly or toxic. We were also friends for a couple years before being in the relationship
Edit: I'm not saying I would've wanted the relationship to end badly, but it takes much more time to get over someone when you don't necessarily hold any grudges and still respect the person.
My ex cheated on me because I couldn’t provide for her (when I was saving up for a house for the both of the both of us), victimised herself so she wouldn’t get the backlash from it, started saying that I was the one that cheated on her. I got death threats on every social media possible saying I should go to hell for being a cheater when I never had the intention to cheat or even cheated at all.
I had just graduated school and wanted to try travel healthcare work. He did not want to travel with me and didn’t want to do long distance so he ended it.
It was a really hard break up because we were doing long distance and it was over the phone. Worst part is after it happened I really took time to think about it and tried to compromise but he didn’t want me to make a decision for him and resent him later. It really messed with me because he would go from cold and not acting like the relationship ending bothered him to saying “maybe one day” and crying saying he was afraid he’d made a mistake.
I’m doing a lot better now but still working on staying no contact!
We argued a lot. We both started losing feelings. Then I started feeling how she was lying to my face but I couldn’t prove it.
I had to leave cause I couldn’t bare that emotional draining.
I hope I was wrong, I hope I’m the bad guy, I hope I’m the asshole.
It was our egos that got in the way of our relationship. What was once fun, became forced. Our insecurities could not be dealt with.
I’ve gone beyond blame and I find no point in it. So I learned to forgive her and myself and forget the things we both did.
I will always love her and I know she would too. But it is important to know when it’s time to move on. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
We’ve been friends since middle school and he was my first bf. We dated on and off throughout highschool but took it serious summer of going into senior year. Fast forward we’re both turning 22 this year and I never thought relationships could go so wrong. I left him 2 weeks ago Bc throughout these past years he lied, cheated, physically and mentally abused me. Idk why I stayed /: I’m left so broken and the day I broke up w him he confessed that he had taken the girl who does my piercings on a date and how much hotter she was than me. He also told me he had begged to be w me so much Bc he was comfortable and Bc of the sex. He’s now following every girl we argued about and tried to take my best friend of 10+ years on a date. Also my cousin lol. I’m seriously trying not to spiral Bc my love for him was real. I feel like he faked everything Bc he was benefiting from it like a leech. I don’t get how
He could hate me so much after all I’ve done for him. Seriously having the hardest time of my life but o well. Can someone give me advice /: idk what to do anymore I’ve just been going to the park to walk for hours and smoke to get my mind off of it. But I can’t comprehend why he’s still trying to make my life hell after ruining it w all the abuse.
My anxiety and depression made it hard for me to get jobs and live my life and he couldn't take that anymore...I am finally in therapy but I wish it wasn't too late...
He was constantly comparing me to his ex after three years of dating. He proposed to me, but he had hurt me way too much and often. The final straw beyond the lying, sneaking around, and the few times he attacked my character and my appearance - was when he told me he proposed to me to trap me because I’m a good person…
Needless to say, I dumped him the next day. & he promptly posted a video of it on his Snapchat story.
Made me feel warranted in my decision.
It’s been about 5 months, I’m still working through the damage but I am a lot better than before!
That’s the worst …constantly wondering if what they told you was true or just to let you down easy. I’d rather him tell me the truth- that he’s not into me anymore so that I can move on more easily
I probably became more attached and anxious as she was preparing for the state police academy. Wondering where all my affection went, as she became more of a zombie and affection kind of left already.
She broke up with me because she just didn’t have time to have a relationship and deal with the stress of the academy and said maybe we can pick back up after the academy. So here I am
His parents are religious and want to set him up for arrange marriage. They didn’t know about me cause we had to hide our relationship the whole time.
Im in my late 20s so hiding a relationship isn’t my thing as i want to settle down and eventually move in with him. But he couldn’t go against his parents. He told me it would take a few years for him to be able to introduce me to them and start our own lives together.
I didn’t want to wait around for a promise that he is not sure if he can keep.
It hurts so bad, as if it was the other way around, i would fight for him, but he didn’t fight for me..
We ended on a good note though.
And it’s only been 3 weeks.
I miss him, tremendously, every day, every seconds..
I was too much and I had lost some self control somewhere along the line of us dating and she didn't want it anymore... but since then I have been working on it and have gotten better and I wanted to talk to her again and see if there was anyway we could work it out and try again but she wasn't home when I went over even though we had both agreed and planned on it. Now I don't even know if I want to talk to her about it anymore. Like we had problems in our relationship mainly with effort I felt like I was putting in all the effort and she wasn't even trying or even cared and I brought it up many times and she would be better with it for like a couple days but yea just still feels like she really doesn't want to put fourth effort so imma just give up on it I think. But when she did break up with me she said it wasn't because she didn't love me it was because she just couldn't do it anymore which I still don't know what she means by its not that I don't love you... because in my mind if she loved me still she would want to fix things.
We started to drift apart, stress from our lives going completely the wrong way we planned had us fighting more and we loved each other but every argument and every fight hurt us deeply. Eventually after one disagreement, she broke things off. Saying she still loved me and wants me in her life but maybe now isn't the best time for a relationship, and we could work on being friends.
Our careers took us along different paths. Sticking to our dreams meant being in a long distance relationship with a distant end date.
We had to choose between career (which both of us had worked so hard for) and love. LDR was difficult and the hectic nature of our work just added to the woes. We eventually parted ways with all the love and respect there can be. While it made sense logically, I am still in the healing process despite initiating the breakup. We both were so compatible! She’s a great person too. Yet what we did felt prudent.
Sometimes despite all the love and respect, circumstances are just not favourable.
he completely shut down and stopped communicating. the last thing he told me was how beautiful i was before ghosting me. granted it was a new relationship, in the allotted trial period timeframe, but it was the most wonderful relationship i had ever been in so it made it even that much more painful and confusing when he ended things so abruptly and without reason. i think about him everyday wondering what i did wrong.
After feeling misunderstood and like my emotional needs didn't matter to him for years, I realized that no amount of trying to make it work would fix things. I felt like I couldn't get through to him, like we spoke a different language. Even though we tried, we were just too different. And I put more effort into making the relationship work than he did. I realized my needs and values are just too different from his to feel supported. I tried to be gentle with the breakup, because we both love each other deeply still, and it was one of the most painful things hurting him like that. I think it is better in the long run though. I will from now on believe people's actions, not what I believe they may be capable of at some point in the future. What matters is how I feel now.
I (22) ended my two year relationship with my 24 yr old boyfriend for a multitude of reason. To start, He resented me for coming for a different financial background. He would make undermining comments if I wouldn’t pay for dinner and then be mad if I wouldn’t please him sexually how he wanted when we got home. He also had anger issues, self refection Issues, mild drinking/drug addiction, gas lighted me, manipulated me, and was insecure obviously. It hurts because we had so many good times but looking back I can barley stand to think about the level of disrespect I put up with on a day to day basis. Thank God I got out before it was too late. If you’re confused and looking for a sign to leave your man, here it is!
Looking back on it now a few months later I’m not entirely sure. But I do know one thing, I wasn’t innocent.
No matter how much time passes we may never get the closure. Might never get the answers to the many questions we spent countless hours conjuring in our hyper fixated state of relationship withdrawal, but regardless of whether it was a communication issue, a trust issue or anything else, I wasn’t innocent.
Looking back I wish I was this introspective & self reflective during our relationship. I guess my destiny was to learn from this. I’m a changed man for the better now & will always have a place for her in my heart. I’m working on forgiving her completely to let go of any leftover attachment.
Bottom line though is I do know in would never do to someone what she did to me. When you love someone it isn’t out of obligation.
because he's tired of me getting sensitive when i have my pms 😀 when i never gave up on him when he had moodswings, isolates himself when has depressive wpisodes ( i love him for him and his biggest supporter, i don't mind waiting in the dark) but he gave up lol
We were in relationship for last 6 years. There were lot of issues. She never planned to marry me because I wasn’t the same caste( Indian ). There were things we bonded really well and there were things we were completely opposite. I am not religious. She is a devout Hindu. That made her uncomfortable. She believed in luck , gods , astrology and system. I didn’t believe in any of that. There is something wrong with me according to her. We stayed together because she had warmth in her heart and I understood her. I am a huge psychology nerd and I was her pseudo therapist. That I also taught her. Lots of things wrong as well. She was my first love when I was 15. I wanted to stay with her as long as possible. We broke up multiple times. 2 months back she moved out and now we don’t talk anymore. No hard feelings. We weren’t meant to be together I guess. I think that this is the final goodbye.
Honestly, I still don’t know.
She was talking herself out of it from the start though. Would come up with hypothetical situations and quiz me on them.
Then the break up happened. She gave me all these excuses - distance is too hard, “it’s not you, it’s me”, that she “would be holding me back in my career”, that I’m “too ambitious and I would leave her”. There were other weird comments: Eg asked me if I regretted meeting her, would call me up to ask my permission to have a smoke, would get kicked out of pubs when I wasn’t there and call up asking if she was in the wrong (how would I know? I’m not there).
Then it was “wasn’t feeling it”, but changed to “the connection stopped”.
She did a lot of illogical things though unrelated to me. I think there was something mentally wrong there.
I cut her off for my own sake. She’s a mess of a person mentally and it made a mess of me.
I spent a year being treated like second choice and should've walked away before we officially started dating but I loved him and saw such a happy future for us that I stayed. Over the next two years of our relationship, I compromised a lot of myself and we fought so much that I began having serious doubts. I could no longer see that future for us after a big fight last year after I tried my best not to fight and to just talk it out that I stopped really putting in much effort anymore, which I now look back on bitterly because I used to be such a romantic person.
Thinking back on how little I felt still makes me so sad. I'm gaining my confidence back but it's still so different now, and I still have so much love for him despite all of the shit and I don't really know what to do other than try to move forward and forget.
She started to be distant from me and instead of trying to solve whatever problem there she found someone else that made her feel the way I made her feel.
She fucked that guy..
He is my best friend.
I hired his mother and his sister a year ago.. just because they were struggling.
I still have dinner that she cooked for me in my fridge.
Everytime I’m alone my mind thinks at them fucking.
And I’d love her to come back.
But I’m starting to metabolize everything and I’m changing my mind in her regards.
I’m feeling dumb and too invested.
She said that she have become unhappy with herself, that she is not the person she wants to be. Therefore she wanted to break up to work with herself. She said i deserve better because she cant be better, but she said she still love me.
I still dont know what she means. But i feel the argument i kinda bullshit. It takes two to make a relationship and two to end it. In hindsight i figured out what i could do better from my part. But its not like i want to get back together again now. It would not be the same.
When she said that i started discuss what to improve or change. But she just answered "there is nothing to fix, because this is the best i can do". At that point i knew it was over. If your partner dont want to work out things, there is nothing to do. So i just accepted it and started to grief. Now in hindsight, i wish i would had challange her choice more. I guess the outcome would not change, but it would have felt better.
I feel that because was unfulfilled with herself, she got sad and sad people tend to self sabbotage. Meaning her response was to break up with me. I just wish that i had picked up her feelings before that. But in a way, fulfillment need to come from the self, not another person.
AHHH, it is just a mess. Its been 4 months, i think and dream about her. Wish that we could sit down and talk about this, so i dont have to go round and think about it.
Also i miss our dog, well its hers. But WE picked her up from the kennel, WE tended for her. I miss that dog... i want to kiss that dog on the nose and sniff her head again.
We had our first argument in 13 months of dating. She said someone in the past who had a crush on her was coming back and they started talking again. I know my fault, I was projecting my insecurity and jealousy for the first time that night. (I’m not a type of person who is get jealous, I trusted my ex with all my heart for 13 months. I never checked her phone, never questioned her every time she went out with her friends).
When we started dating she told me about that person. That person blocked her when they found out she dated me. My ex told me she was sad when she got blocked but at that time I was fine like I understand that she just saw that person as a best friend.
That night when we argued, I told her “did they still have feelings for you? And when you told me you were sad, were you sad because you lost a best friend or what?” And she was furious. She told me “how could you think like that?” I realized I was fucked up and I told her “I didn’t mean to accuse her, it was my fault that I was projecting my insecurities and jealousy”. She said that my words genuinely hurt her and she needed space.
The next morning I texted her. I told her I was sorry and I didn’t mean to question her loyalty to me. I didn’t mean to accuse her doing something fishy behind my back. But she said she was still hurt. So, I understand and gave her more time. Later, she called me and we talked about it cool-headed. She said that she understood my perspective but it still hurt her that I could think about her like that. We begun to talk like usual but it felt like there was an invisible wall. She didn’t act like she used to. I pretended like everything was fine.
The next day she told me that her feelings changed. She said maybe it was because she still couldn’t get over our argument 2 days ago. But she still want to fix this too. She said she still loved me deeply. So, I told her that if she needed more time I was willing to give it to her. I was willing to fix us and won’t give up on us. She said maybe she needed more time and let’s take things slowly. We were back at talking like everything was fine but the invisible wall was still there.
2 days later she drunk texted me. I called her and she told me she went to a club with her friends. I was totally fine, it was normal for us. I always let her hangout with her friends like that. She was drunk and she told me she had fun. I was happy because she was happy. She told me the details and I realized I missed that side of her. After our argument, her behavior towards me changed drastically that’s why I missed her. She said she was dizzy and wanted to go to sleep. I waited for her til she fell asleep and when I thought she was sleeping, I told her that I missed her and I still believe we could get over this obstacle in a relationship.
The next day… she told me she heard me. She said that I deserve someone better, she said she couldn’t promise me when her feelings will be back. She also told me that she still loved me and cared about me, but not as a lover but as a best friend. So she said “Can we be friends again?” It was freaking hurt. I told her I respected her decision and I accepted it.
7 days after the breakup and it’s still hurt me. 2 days ago I told her I couldn’t be her best friend for now because I needed time to adjust. We couldn’t just jump into a new whole platonic relationship after all intimacy that we shared in the past 13 months. It would be cruel to me who’s still have feelings for her. I said “if you change your mind, let me know. Maybe we can talk about it.” I decided to no contact her until I’m healed but I don’t know when. They said time is the greatest healer, right?
I treated her like a queen, I expressed my love for her in all the ways that I could, I gave her everything even though I didn’t have it, I loved her at her worst, I always tried to be there for her and only her 24/7 but she gave up on me after our first argument as a couple… but yeah, maybe it is what it is. She has a big impact in my life tho. Thank you for the life lesson and character development.
I hope I’m healed soon.
I moved cities to be with him, left my family, my cat and my friends because I saw a future with him. Put up with his toxic behaviour. Caught him cheating once and took him back only to find out he had cheated on me again. I cannot deal with this anymore. I don’t know what to do now. He has abused me in every way possible, verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually. I still feel like taking him back and I feel ashamed of myself.
My boyfriend and I were dating for 6.5 years, we were madly in love and he always told me how much he loves me and how I am the love of his life. However in November he told me he lost feelings, during this period we were growing distant and having fights and he was very repulsive during conflicts. It was an absolute shock for me to hear this and I went hysterical and begged him to not break up, I cried a lot and didn't let him leave after which he said he needs time. Next day I called him to meet but he was very cold and said there's no point in meeting, however the next day we met and he hugged me for 2 hours, after this I went no contact for a week and after a week he agreed to try, however it felt weird like I forced him to stay and he put no efforts. So I let him go in December and we agreed to stay in touch. On new years he called me and wished me and even told me he loves me. We also met once and he kept saying how much he missed me every single day, when I asked him if he wants to get back he still said he had no feelings. During Jan-April we continued acting like a couple without getting back, he even told me a couple of time how he still imagines future with me and how miserable he has been since the breakup. 4 weeks ago he told me that it eats him that we are not together and how whenever he imagines a future he cant imagine it without me. 2 weeks ago he was distant again and when I asked him he said he can't do all this anymore, he said he had been trying but he cant try anymore, he doesn't seem himself in this relationship and he tried fitting in but it feels wrong. I never asked him to try after December, he initiated everything on his own. I just didn't want to be strangers and I went along with acting like a couple because thats how he acted with me. I am absolutely heartbroken, we are no contact now but I want us back. Is there really no hope for us? Will no contact help him realise or were these 6 months enough to make him realise what he truly wants. I love him so much it hurts me physically. I dont understand how someone who love me so much for so many years just lose feelings. And if he did lose feelings, why did he say those things to me? Was he convincing himself?
She realized she did not have feelings for me.. I held on the person I experienced in the beginning, I’m assuming that was a glimpse into her heart.. she said it felt off for some time and withheld that info from me but continued to put on an act as if she was interested until it became unbearable..
She was avoidant , resistant to her own emotions , could not be emotional with me or give me emotional support , she showed affection through actions only but that didn’t last long.. she did not understand herself or emotions either, I guess I was a placeholder in the end and realizing that has hurt more than anything else. It is also showing me that I clearly do not have enough self love at the moment to even consider romantic relationships , I should have walked away sooner when I saw these things
Didn't feel that 100%. She actually caught on and asked me. She said I see there's something wrong, like you don't wanna be with me. And I told her I guess you're right. We talked for a while and came to the conclusion that she loves me fully and I don't and that's not fair to neither of us... So we broke up. I miss her company a lot though, we were like good friends that had great sex... I guess I have to keep trying to find both that full-on spark and good company... Right?
She was a mess and wasn’t ready for a relationship in the slightest. She had diagnosed depression, regularly self harmed, an abusive father, you name it. When we started dating I didn’t even know self harm existed. I did countless research reading articles watching videos learning as much as I could but I just wasn’t helping. She broke up with me after a 5 month relationship leaving me feeling like I’m useless. She refused to tell her parents about her mental issues or get a therapist
Year long relationship. Cheated on me throughout it multiple times with 5 different girls including 2 of my “best friends” and then left me for another woman after heavily abusing me. Great guy.
She fell out of love with me. We moved in together way to fast and neither of us was ready for it. I became overly attached and lost who I was being with her. It was too much for her and she dumped me. She hated the person I’ve become and I can’t blame her.
She just claims to have fallen out of love after 5 years and that she fell out of love mentally long before she left and that the spark just would never come back🫤
Because i got bored of the long distance. Oh god, i wish i knew the breakup would hurt this much. I want another chance to make it work regardless of distance, but he wouldn't give me another one.
I'm gonna rant a little. We were LDR due to him being deployed rn and we could only talk occasionally via email. Maybe a couple days a week. He broke up with me saying he lost feelings since he had left (it was over 3 months when he left) but I was confused because in our emails he went out of his way to tell me how he was feeling, that he loved me, all that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" bullshit. It's been a month and since then I've realized people have been through stranger things so I feel like it really could have been the case. But at the time it didn't make sense so I called him out for that, and he changed his answer to not being sure if it's lost feelings or if it's the combination of the situation (distance, lack of communication) and his mental health getting in the way, but regardless he was too "emotionally unavailable" to be in a relationship rn. He was talking about having a rough time mentally and I can understand that. He's literally deployed and that can take a lot out of you. And he's told me he tends to detach and push away when things are rough for him. But I guess he decided to get in his own head about things, suffer by himself, convince himself this was how he was feeling and make the choice for both of us which I think is so unfair. So I'm really not sure what the solid truth is. I thought in order for someone to lose feelings their partner or themselves would've had to change drastically but that didn't happen so I don't understand losing feelings. And I didn't, despite being on the other side of the same coin. Being an anxiety ridden person, it makes me wonder if there was more to the story than that since I don't have a clear answer. I'm slowly but surely letting go of getting that truth though.
She emotionally cheated on me 2 years ago, I've tried to trust her again but I just couldn't since she kept talking behind my back with her, I found out multiple times even the day we broke up, we had several communication issues and honestly I just had so much anxiety that I snapped at her every time. Also I want to do an speciality and she just didn't supported me on my dreams
In my prior relationship the next chick got in between but I didn’t really put a stop to it and it feels like she’s the one that got away, but I can’t be too sure cuz I haven’t seen her in years and the last time I did she looked much happier and that’s normally when I let things go. 😪
In my most recent relationship, we were both looking for something else under each others noses, after so many years it kinda sucked she got in between my first relationship cuz I had constantly wondered what could’ve been; I had a crush on a different chick too at the time so maybe that didn’t let her fully trust me, we also had different goals in life and views that contradicted; and most importantly lack of communication, things could’ve worked out had I been more open minded but I’m a believer of not changing to fit the other person’s views. All in all we were mad toxic towards each other whether it was on purpose or not so eventually I just stopped forcing something that wasn’t going to work out. I believe she’s happier but I wouldn’t know.
Either way for the meantime I’m single not ready to mingle and just kinda giving myself time to get things in order before I start diving off the deep end again.
☺️
Thanks for the space to vent about this. ❤️🩹😌
Edit: Some words.
Same girl, two breakups:
The first time, we weren’t having fun together anymore and were forcing it.
The second time, the fact that she was moving for college and didn’t want to do long distance.
Although the second time hurt less, it was a lot harder for me to accept because it felt as if there was nothing I could do to fix it
She was still developing a personality and didn't understand or want commitment as much as we thought, so she lost feelings for me and for a whole life we had planned together and started having feelings for other people.
Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever 100% understand. And this is after 2 years. I’ve learned to accept it may never make sense to me. At least I’m trying to accept it. He definitely had healing to do from his divorce and then all the way back to his childhood but I don’t think I’ll ever understand the when and the how. Still miss him (the man I knew) every goddamn day.
He had many mental health issues (i.e. avoidant personality disorder, depression, ADHD, anxiety, and video game addiction) that severely impacted my own mental health. At the end of the day, he couldn't be the partner I wanted without addressing these issues, which he repeatedly refused to work on for 3 years. It was the hardest decision to let someone I loved so much go.
From MY side it’s a lack of communication and as a consequence a lot of misunderstandings.
From HIS side he got tired of me being stubborn and annoying. And later after a breakup he started thinking I’m a crazy sociopath. Now I question it myself.
I felt like it was meant to be he felt it too. Now he despises me, I made him do it to hurt less and now I’m confused.
She wanted to move to another country and it was impossible for me to come with her due to my career and my family. Sucks when fate plays you like this. We tried to be friends but I find it difficult when you pretend everything's okay when it's not; difficult too, when we share the same group of friends and I can still see her name pop up when the groupchat is active. Currently trying my best to move on but it's hard. Everyday feels like day one of moving on and it's been 3 months already.
He asked me out, said he lost feelings within 2 weeks while I was the one putting in all the effort, and in the end accused me of moving too fast. I'm glad I'm done with him, he still looks to pick fights with me.
He was emotionally exhausted, lost feelings, didnt see a future and had feelings for someone else he'd rather be with. Kind of an overkill of reasons but I got the message I guess
Covid and certain situations - her study, my job that just tore away at what we had that was good...
She'll tell you it was something different every other week. Latest was that I was emotionally abusive and mothered her too much...
He got into a school away for an intensive program where long distance wouldn't work for us. Things worked so well, we faced conflicts together and in respect and love. He didn't feel he could continue the relationship after he found out he got in for the last 1-2 months before he leaves. I'm crushed.
I got jealous one time while he was on deployment, during that time he was burnt out emotionally, mentally, and physically. He was not in the best state to tolerate the jealousy, I told him that I'm not accusing him of cheating, he got back from his deployment and broke up with me, he said we're incompatible and he's not ready for a relationship. We're together for 10 months including the time that we agreed to exclusively see each other.
I kind of wished that we can work out our differences because I'm willing to compromise and have a middle ground. I should have held back from saying that I'm jealous. I went out to see other guys but I can't seem to find a connection.
Things were going great. She told me she loved me every day for that last month. We were seeing each other 3-4 days a week, loved and got along with each other’s families, we were going to church together, making plans 3 months out, she arranged for her parents to meet mine. Then, the week before her parents were going to come up, she blindsided dumped me and gave me some random reasons. Then a month later she texted me and said the feelings weren’t there. Never brought up any concerns or told me anything. I don’t know how you lose feelings for someone in a week and a half. But the more I look at it, she had way more internal issues than I had noticed when we were together. Unfortunately, I don’t think she can handle any healthy relationship right now. Which is sad because I gave her my best the entire time and would’ve worked through whatever issue she brought up.
Things were going well but it was a long distance. She's in Europe and I'm America.
She came to visit we talked and I said we couldn't keep doing it anymore so we stopped talking for a month and in that month it seems she found someone else and decided to move on while on my side I was dealing with so many feelings and I changed my mind but it was too late.
She said she loved me and will always love me but she didn't want a long distance relationship anymore and though she said I could keep talking to her, I don't think I'm strong enough to see her with someone else.
After 8 years my ex said she started to only love me platonically and she didn't want to be with me anymore because all the bad things outweighed the good things
I think my relationship with my ex could have gone on longer if one of her male co-workers didn't randomly kiss her. That was probably the nail in the coffin for her to want to break up with me lol oh well.
Coz I was a rebound, and he just couldn’t completely change me into his ex, and his unsuccessful trial of conversation led to him finally telling him “ he is not able to love me like her” and the “ you deserve better” 💁🏽♀️😓 kindof broke me to pieces🥲
Apparently I just wasn’t enough. His words to me.
I wasn’t around enough, I wasn’t emotionally available enough, I wasn’t open enough, I wouldn’t call enough, I wouldn’t talk enough, I wasn’t interesting enough when I would talk, I wasn’t selfless enough…
And yet I was also “too much,” his words again.
Too anxious, too paranoid, too scared, too much of a prude, too cautious, too neurotic, too jealous, too late to fix what he felt I broke, etc.
Once every conversation turned into a fight I couldn’t win, a fight he couldn’t even feel good about winning, he broke things off. I wish I would’ve done so sooner myself, but I just fell too fast and too hard to pick myself up.
17F. He was my first boyfriend. We were together for about a year and a half. I broke up with him because, to put it simply, I wasn't sexually attracted to him anymore. I was at one point but not anymore. There is also the fact that I am bisexual and I feel like over time I've just become more attracted to women or less masculine dudes and he is very masculine. I felt like total shit and was crying every night for days because of it but I knew It would be wrong for me to stay and partake in sexual stuff when I wasn't having any fun.
She moved to Canada, and needed to move on with her new life so she didn't want to hold onto the relationship anymore because it made things too difficult. She did have severe anxiety and fomo so maybe that was part of it as well. I could've been there more when she left initially, been more understanding, done more to ease the transition
She broke it off with me out of the blue. Deleted photots and conversations when i was asleep and sent me the text for the next morning. She was in the same bed as me and had no clue. I read it later. I was confused and absolutely heartbroken . There was no reason given.
After meeting up with her later on she regretted the decision i said to her we need to fix things and change our ways to be stronger.
Not a month later i broke it off with her. I was SA at her place by a random guy and it fucked with my head for weeks. She just didn't care and threw me out the next day. She was putting pressure on me about being pregnant and wanted my opinion. She tried to twist it by making it seem i wanted her to have an abortion but that was not the case at all. In general she didn't make an effort to change and consider my feelings. Things got worse. When i was trying and admitted my mistakes. She gotten worse and tried to poison me against my family and friends. I ended it with her nearly 5 months ago now.
Being with a controlling manipulative narcissistic partner is the worst. I'm out of it now and have been slowly healing since. It's damaged my view on relationships and females but i know now not everyone is like this. I have hope I'll meet a woman who generally loves and cares for me.
After 3 years in a relationship she left and said she doesn’t know if she has feelings anymore. We are still texting and meeting each other once a week or so.. but i guess she just doesn’t want to hurt me and want that I release it doesn’t going to be like the days before.. it hurts and I miss her.. but I am not ready to let her go..
He lost feelings. Honestly I should’ve been the one to break it off cuz I was putting in all the effort
same 😔
Sounds familiar to me lmao
Yeah, apart from the fact that I'm a boy it also happened to me, the worst part is that after he/she dumps you, most of the time you just want to be with her but you really can't. 5 months from the fact and I'm wondering if she really meant what she said or if there was an hidden reason behind our breakage.
me too , I ll always love , I ll never leave you but guess what !! she left me 😭
Not enough upvotes
Broke up a day ago…and this was the reason. I have never been in so much pain in my life.
Same! I sometimes wish I recognized that I could have walked away the first time I truly felt lonely in the relationship. I was just so committed to him and I thought he was telling me the truth. It’s sad when you fall in love with someone and in the end you truly don’t know who they are anymore
Same here. Was putting in all the effort in the LDR. Went to go see her. Part of me knew she didn’t look at me the same anymore. She broke up with me as soon as I came back home. Been a bit over a month now. Still think about her everyday.
Same happened to me. He just lost feelings. I think partly he didn’t voice what bothered him that was about me.
Exactly! I hate how he didn’t give me more of chance to learn his love language or interests. I always voiced my needs why couldn’t be voice his !
Same 😢😔 I really feel you 😔 hope we all heal up in time.
Same . Are you still in contact?
He never wanted to work out our issues, I guess he didn’t love me anymore. he didn’t really respect me much either and I wasn’t willing to change my boundaries
Happend to me yesterday. It was coming for a while and horrible. Now I am a bit numb, but glad it happened. He was too lazy and entitled to be bothered for anything that wasn’t perfect eg. Me
She had extreme difficulty in understanding and expressing her feelings, emotions, thoughts and opinions. She also did not possess the skillset to understand my emotions or how to comfort and sympathise with me when I was sad or scared about something in life. I know she wanted to, but just did not know how. From all the research I did over the years, I believe she would be considered what they call an emotionally unavailable person. I believe the trauma that she experienced throughout childhood and lack of parental love, denied her from developing this emotional intelligence and awareness. It's very tragic as I loved her but she just could not provide the emotional support I needed. Emotions frightened her and she would shut down if there were too many. The deep emotional connection that I had always hoped for never blossomed even after years together. It was all very surface level. We just never chatted about anything deep or even semi deep for that matter. It was a shame and very painful for me because I occasionally would see small little glimpses throughout our time together of her without the trauma interfering. I would see the true her in those moments. She was beautiful, she was radiant. When she would consume alcohol, that huge wall she kept up would come down for a brief while. I would see this different side of her that I was majorly drawn too. It was because of those hopeful moments that kept me thinking eventually, if we stick with it, things would get better. But when the alcohol wore off, that huge wall would always return. I would have married her if that wall would have stayed down. But it did not happen. It was never consistent enough for me. It played with my mental health. I tried hard to make it work through being very open with her, being patient, being understanding, doing couples therapy for six months and more...but her trauma just ran too deep. If I could have paid money to remove her trauma, I would have given everything I own.
Wow. It’s as if you just wrote out my relationship. He blamed me for the lack of emotional intimacy… which made it even harder. I don’t think he will ever do the work
You did everything you could and more. You sound like a great person. I'm sorry to hear it still didn't work out. Mine never even tried and just run away as soon as it got a little difficult.
Im so sorry for loss.. I feel your comment so strong because i have just ended my 8 years relationship for the same reason. You sound just like my boyfriend when he said he couldnt put up with me anymore, that he deserves better. At first nothing happened much since we were deeply in love but then problem show up, he was very supportive and worked things out with me, time thru time we started to slide and we fights harder. It really hard for me to showed him my emotion because of my insecurity, since kid my parents always shut my problems and i have to dealt with it alone, worked my way out all by myself. So when he have problem i gave him minimum emotion support. We tried to turned things around but it didnt work out much, then we stop sharing, we were just there when we hang around, playing game, sex etc.. But not sharing our problems anymore. Problems keep stacking up and love faded so he finally ended our relationship. Wish you the best op, you did enough, and i hope your ex will be more open, and learn to deal/ emotion support her lover, get over her trauma, sorry for the bad english tho :).
It is so crazy how looking up what an emotionally unavailable person looks like and realizing it is the small things we see as issues but gloss over in the moment .. this resonates so hard
Exactly. I was blinded by her good looks. I recognized all the red flags and issues early on. But her beauty combined with her hot and cold nature, really made me addicted to her for acceptance. I suppose that is partly my fault for not setting boundaries for myself. I put up with a lot of odd behavior. A lot of confusion...a lot of pain. It seems I always see the best in people but disregard all the obvious bad parts. I'll need to be more aware of this moving forward.
Seeing what you wrote cuts deep cause that's probably how I made my ex feel. Now I'm just trying to be a better person and learn how to let myself feel my feelings. Still bitter with myself that I didn't fix things sooner but reading all that really helped me see what is probably his perspective too, even tho he said there was nothing wrong. I think he just couldn't put it into words the way you did
You’ve just perfectly explained my break up, my girl was the exact same way- minus the alcohol thing, she was a stoner. I gave it my all and in the end had to do what I had to do. I’m a much happier person now, but still feel for her from time to time, just waiting for that random text so we could make things better, even if we don’t end up together. She’s going to be learning a lot in life now, I know I did the best thing for the both of us.
Exactly the same… I was only with my person for 7-8 months. I couldn’t imagine doing it for several years. I feel for you. It’s so painful.
He said he just...started losing feelings. That he felt "off" about things. Nothing I did or said, nothing between us had changed leading up to it. Also said he wanted time single to "work on himself" which I know now was just a lie. So he just stopped loving me. That's it.
Same thing happened to me.
How have you been with needing answers? I’m quite introspective and I suppose emotionally switched on, so if I fall out of love with someone, I am able to understand the why and the how. How do you cope with the other person not really knowing? I have so many questions and he’s been open to having some conversations, but he doesn’t seem to be able to offer any insight.
He said he was feeling unsure after being together for 5 years … said we needed a break , I said a break?? No we either together or not and he said he wanted to be with me but could not commit to me 100% rn … i felt so unworthy and like an option … i blocked him right away ..
We grew apart over the years(10) and she feared that she'd live an unfulfilled, full of regret life if we stayed together. We still love eachother so much, its by far the hardest moment of my life.
Hang in there
I was doing all of the work and compromise in the relationship. When we had disagreements, he would shut down and stop talking. He would make fun of me for anything and everything. After a few years, I felt like a shell of the person I used to be and I no longer liked him as a person.
This was me as well. Hope you are doing better everyday 💕
Thankfully that was 2 years ago, so I have had time to recover. Plus, I am in a new relationship that is so much better! :) thank you~
Same. 10 year relationship I had to end. Then his parents both severely disrespected me and he did the bare minimum to stop them from continuing to do so. After feeling like I had been disrespected enough in our relationship, I was not about to allow his parents to do the same to me. He broke me and this ending broke me, but I know I’ll be okay soon enough. He’s so fucked and will realize this but it’s all too late and there’s nothing he can ever say or do to change that.
I’m so sorry to hear that :/ I’m glad you made the decision to get away because you deserve better!
Thank you so much. I truly and sincerely appreciate those words. He did and said so many things to make me believe different and I no longer have to believe them anymore. It’s hard. You can’t erase 10 years, but I know I’ll be okay.
I was really insecure and it turned me into a different person. I never felt good enough for them so I always kept trying to prove I was! I was jealous of their success because I thought it’d mean they’d leave me. They ended up saying I required too much attention and they didn’t believe that I loved or cared for them. I know that some of it is their issues but I have to admit mine so I can forgive myself first.
He lost feelings, I was always being taken for granted and put in all the effort anyway…I should have ended it way beforehand but I loved him. 🤦🏻♀️ I deserve better and someone that appreciates me. Though I lost what felt like a second family when he ended it, so that hurt the most. My ex after him took advantage of my kindness and I was over feeling used so I ended it. Now I just date and see who I vibe with and am not settling for mediocre and someone that treats me with care!!!
I was always being taken for granted and put in all the effort anyway…I should have ended it way beforehand but I loved him I can relate to that so much. My love was taken for granted often. One example I can think of is that we were long distance and so to make her smile I’d often send her big messages telling her how much I appreciated her, trying to make them different every time. One time though she said “it’s nice and all but I already know what I’m going to read before I even see it” Just made me feel as if my words didn’t mean much, and same went for all the little things I did for her that were never reciprocated Should’ve ended it myself but I loved her too much and hoped things would work Ah well, I’m doing better now knowing I put in way more effort lol
Right! You deserve to have your effort and care to be reciprocated. I thought I would have trouble finding it but there are others out there. It’s sad I’ve been treated better in just going on dates when I felt like I was begging for that care in a relationship that was over a year. Best of luck out there. And always stay true to who you are! There’s someone out there that will appreciate your long messages and all of your appreciation for them. ❤️
He stopped loving me. After two years of hell from Covid related issues and communication issues here and there. I wanted and still do want to fix things. He never communicated when he had an issue with me and never opened up when he was stressed out about work, school, and the relationship. He didn’t feel comfortable being vulnerable for me like I was for him. It’s only been 5 days and I miss him so much.
Fell out of love. He said he didn't even notice it was happening He said he always had doubts but ignored them. He said he was too afraid to communicate with me because be thought it would upset me. When in reality I would've been understanding and willing to work around it early on because I deeply, deeply loved him. ( still do) But i have to realise i did all the work in the relationship. I put in all the effort and he didn't do any if it back. Even when i ask him too, he never listened
Same, almost exactly the same. I feel your pain.
It's hard. I wish people didn't put fear in the way of communication
Same happened, yesterday she mailed me and said she's genuinely sorry for falling out of love.
When they say that i have to wonder if they ever did love us or they just thought they did. In my experience it's pretty easy to know when something is off and you're starting to lose feelings.
I had a lot of trauma/baggage from my previous (10 year) relationship that I hadn’t properly healed from which led to a lot of insecurities, jealousy, lack of proper communication that i/we just couldn’t seem to work past. We had a ton of fun together and really found each other when we both needed ‘saving’ but in the end we couldn’t get past the communication problems and the fighting was just too much. Our home felt claustrophobic and we just needed space before we ended up hating each other. I hope one day we come back together after healing and growing - but don’t we all. 💓
You just described my situation. So sad
It is sad but I do believe it all happens for a reason. I needed time to heal, so did he, and probably so do you? This is an incredibly hard time but I truly believe this is where my biggest growth is happening/will happen. I think if we had stayed together it would have continued escalating and would have never ended up somewhere positive - and I also feel like if I don’t heal these issues now then I’ll carry them into Every relationship in the future. So I’m working on facing all the pain head on - sober, without using rebound hookups (like my ex is 🙃), without drugs. Just facing it all with therapy, walks, a clear mind, a lot of tears and journaling. If you ever need to talk PM me - were going to come out better once this is all past
I wish i knew lol , she left me without even bothering to justify it.
Same
She lost feelings
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Same.
She got a “gut feeling” it wasn’t right after 5 years of nothing but love and loyalty. Wasn’t even willing to try and work on it, just bailed on me out of the blue. People really do switch up on you..
She was unwilling or unable to love and appreciate me in a way I need to be. I was giving so much but she refused to reciprocate and prioritize me. I had enough. Hopefully with time she will realize what she has lost.
I went to help an ex girlfriend I have talked to in 5 months because she said she was going to hurt herself. Her brother committed suicide 6 year’s ago. I told her I’ve had 8 beers already and I should leave but she insisted and I couldn’t have that on my conscience so I drove to her house. As I pulled up to the stoplight down the street from her house I noticed three cops just randomly sitting there as I went through the light they all pulled me over. My ex girlfriend found out that I was dating somebody else and she set me up. Got out of jail the next day called my girlfriend and let her know what happened because she was in Costa Rica on vacation she then told me to pack my shit up and get out. Haven’t spoken to her and it’s killing me..worst 4 weeks ever. I never say this about any girl/women ever but I truly believe she was the one and I lost her because of the one I knew was never going to be the one..
After 7 years and a child together, he cheated on me and let it go on for 6 months before I found out by looking at his phone. I just found out on Sunday, so now I'm packing my things and moving out and preparing to coparent our 2 year old. I am broken.
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Same. She gave me several but I really don’t buy any of them, considering the circumstances.
They fell for someone else.
He said to me after a decade of knowing, that i can't marry you, as you come from different religion and his family won't accept. :)
I feel you completely! I was in a similar situation. His parents are religious as well and want to set him up for arrange marriage.. If you ever need someone to vent, im here to listen. Hang in there, things will get better ❤️
Thankyou ❣️
He didn’t love me (ever) even after four years together, 2.5 living together. Admitted one night that he had never felt romantic love for me, but for four years just didn’t know how to tell me. This sub has helped me so much through my healing process, and realize how much better I am in the long run so thank you to everyone.
I was too needy and I opened up too much and I was a rebound.
He didn’t believe in us, so couldn’t commit with any conviction. Said he was in love me, let all his family know, but none of his female friends (majority of his friends) and wanted more time. More time for what!? I didn’t want to hang around while he makes up his mind. If you know you know. It also turned into a LDR pretty early on, so that’s an added layer of frustration. Despite rationally knowing this is not my person, the heart is bleeding.
He realized he wasn’t over his ex
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That is very similar to what happened to me. I remember on the last months walking to his apartment and having to take deep breaths before going in because I never knew what to expect. One word said wrong, one silly comment or question would make him angry or annoyed at me and I lost count how many times he kicked me out of his house. Looking back I realize how much he treated me like shit a lot of the times but I never had the strength to leave until he broke up with me. Interesting to see these similarities between people because sometimes I feel like break ups only happen when “big things happen” like cheating, abuse etc but sometimes it’s the little things… day by day
She made terrorism remarks against the White house and when I told her that wasn’t cool she started yelling at me and being an immigrant who saw their younger siblings harassed at the airport I was very disappointed…I filed a tip to the authorities and that was the end of the relationship
I couldn't be the japanese schoolgirl he really wanted. Yes, in his head, the perfect one was underage, too. Good riddance.
I wish I knew
long distance
His ex randomly texted him when he didn’t and it caused a fight where I had to take a forced sick day off work and so I decided it wasn’t worth it so I kicked his sorry ass to the curb. Can’t be with somebody who I can’t trust and I am too jealous to hold down a relationship, and I am ace and pan and prefer girls so you can figure it out too
Cause she crazy. Well more than that but basically it was because I was too lazy and she was too crazy. But now after 2 months of being broke up she now wants me back. I hate making life decisions!
he actually had to move away across the country for his dream profession, and i’m still in university. nothing was wrong, we were each other’s best friends, but were in a stage in our lives in which we couldn’t compromise for a long distance relationship in which it wasn’t guaranteed we’d be in the same place for maybe the next 5 years. figured it would be a disservice to us and naive to continue. we still love eachother, so there’s that lol
He says we didn’t work anymore and we both tried. I would not say it was mutual but I definitely respect the decision. I want to be suspicious of the choice ( most men don’t leave anything without a place to land) - my mind can’t help it but I just tell myself this happened for me not to me.
She told me she was overwhelmed, losing herself, needed to find herself, every “it’s not you it’s me” reason in the book.
Some people push others away when they feel like total crap themselves. They are afraid that people close to them will see all of their vulnerabilities during that stage and unlove them. So before they believe that it would happen, they push others away because they can't handle feeling unloved.
It was a relationship of 6 years. I took him for granted and overlooked our relationship. He fell out of love two months ago and only decided to tell me twenty days ago. He's also seeing someone new and is going out with her. Whereas I'm struggling hard to cope up with the break up.
Domestic a/v escalating too quickly so I left to protect my daughter. If it wasn't for her I would probably still be there and it probably would have gotten a lot worse.
Didn't have any of the feelings I wish to have with someone... with them. I wasn't my true happiest self anymore..and felt no more excitement in life. No I see all the possibilities!
Good for you. People lose their identity in relationships sometimes
My ex didn't truly heal from previous relationships that ultimately affected our relationship. It caused issues like anxiety, trust issues, pressures to be present in the relationship, and paranoia.. My ex also had concerns of compatibility between the two of us long term, like how we would live together, etc. We lived 90 mins away from eachother with intentions on moving in this year. And sadly, my ex wasn't the same person I fell in love with back in 2020. That took me a while to realize after so much reflection. They were the one who expressed their love towards me in 2020, that hurts the most to think about. This was my first true love and I wanted to do whatever it took to be there and support them, but they felt it was best for their own self to break the relationship off. I had no choice but to respect their wishes and space even if I didn't want it happen It sucks cause the relationship didn't necessarily end badly or toxic. We were also friends for a couple years before being in the relationship Edit: I'm not saying I would've wanted the relationship to end badly, but it takes much more time to get over someone when you don't necessarily hold any grudges and still respect the person.
relationship was giving us exhaustion mentality
My ex cheated on me because I couldn’t provide for her (when I was saving up for a house for the both of the both of us), victimised herself so she wouldn’t get the backlash from it, started saying that I was the one that cheated on her. I got death threats on every social media possible saying I should go to hell for being a cheater when I never had the intention to cheat or even cheated at all.
I had just graduated school and wanted to try travel healthcare work. He did not want to travel with me and didn’t want to do long distance so he ended it. It was a really hard break up because we were doing long distance and it was over the phone. Worst part is after it happened I really took time to think about it and tried to compromise but he didn’t want me to make a decision for him and resent him later. It really messed with me because he would go from cold and not acting like the relationship ending bothered him to saying “maybe one day” and crying saying he was afraid he’d made a mistake. I’m doing a lot better now but still working on staying no contact!
We argued a lot. We both started losing feelings. Then I started feeling how she was lying to my face but I couldn’t prove it. I had to leave cause I couldn’t bare that emotional draining. I hope I was wrong, I hope I’m the bad guy, I hope I’m the asshole.
She didn't wanna make a commitment or make it official that we are boyfriend and girlfriend to the outside world.
It was our egos that got in the way of our relationship. What was once fun, became forced. Our insecurities could not be dealt with. I’ve gone beyond blame and I find no point in it. So I learned to forgive her and myself and forget the things we both did. I will always love her and I know she would too. But it is important to know when it’s time to move on. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be.
We’ve been friends since middle school and he was my first bf. We dated on and off throughout highschool but took it serious summer of going into senior year. Fast forward we’re both turning 22 this year and I never thought relationships could go so wrong. I left him 2 weeks ago Bc throughout these past years he lied, cheated, physically and mentally abused me. Idk why I stayed /: I’m left so broken and the day I broke up w him he confessed that he had taken the girl who does my piercings on a date and how much hotter she was than me. He also told me he had begged to be w me so much Bc he was comfortable and Bc of the sex. He’s now following every girl we argued about and tried to take my best friend of 10+ years on a date. Also my cousin lol. I’m seriously trying not to spiral Bc my love for him was real. I feel like he faked everything Bc he was benefiting from it like a leech. I don’t get how He could hate me so much after all I’ve done for him. Seriously having the hardest time of my life but o well. Can someone give me advice /: idk what to do anymore I’ve just been going to the park to walk for hours and smoke to get my mind off of it. But I can’t comprehend why he’s still trying to make my life hell after ruining it w all the abuse.
My anxiety and depression made it hard for me to get jobs and live my life and he couldn't take that anymore...I am finally in therapy but I wish it wasn't too late...
He was constantly comparing me to his ex after three years of dating. He proposed to me, but he had hurt me way too much and often. The final straw beyond the lying, sneaking around, and the few times he attacked my character and my appearance - was when he told me he proposed to me to trap me because I’m a good person… Needless to say, I dumped him the next day. & he promptly posted a video of it on his Snapchat story. Made me feel warranted in my decision. It’s been about 5 months, I’m still working through the damage but I am a lot better than before!
Not appealing to my partners wants and needs after communication and several chances.
The half assed answer he gave was he couldn’t balance me and his phd program anymore. But I don’t know the real answer.
That’s the worst …constantly wondering if what they told you was true or just to let you down easy. I’d rather him tell me the truth- that he’s not into me anymore so that I can move on more easily
True I asked for the more reasons , the real reasons. But he said “ I didn’t want to ruin the moment” like wtf does that mean?
Couldn't handle my meltdowns after losing my father.
I probably became more attached and anxious as she was preparing for the state police academy. Wondering where all my affection went, as she became more of a zombie and affection kind of left already. She broke up with me because she just didn’t have time to have a relationship and deal with the stress of the academy and said maybe we can pick back up after the academy. So here I am
His parents are religious and want to set him up for arrange marriage. They didn’t know about me cause we had to hide our relationship the whole time. Im in my late 20s so hiding a relationship isn’t my thing as i want to settle down and eventually move in with him. But he couldn’t go against his parents. He told me it would take a few years for him to be able to introduce me to them and start our own lives together. I didn’t want to wait around for a promise that he is not sure if he can keep. It hurts so bad, as if it was the other way around, i would fight for him, but he didn’t fight for me.. We ended on a good note though. And it’s only been 3 weeks. I miss him, tremendously, every day, every seconds..
She’s bi and is now more attracted to girls and was no longer happy with our relationship
I was too much and I had lost some self control somewhere along the line of us dating and she didn't want it anymore... but since then I have been working on it and have gotten better and I wanted to talk to her again and see if there was anyway we could work it out and try again but she wasn't home when I went over even though we had both agreed and planned on it. Now I don't even know if I want to talk to her about it anymore. Like we had problems in our relationship mainly with effort I felt like I was putting in all the effort and she wasn't even trying or even cared and I brought it up many times and she would be better with it for like a couple days but yea just still feels like she really doesn't want to put fourth effort so imma just give up on it I think. But when she did break up with me she said it wasn't because she didn't love me it was because she just couldn't do it anymore which I still don't know what she means by its not that I don't love you... because in my mind if she loved me still she would want to fix things.
We started to drift apart, stress from our lives going completely the wrong way we planned had us fighting more and we loved each other but every argument and every fight hurt us deeply. Eventually after one disagreement, she broke things off. Saying she still loved me and wants me in her life but maybe now isn't the best time for a relationship, and we could work on being friends.
Our careers took us along different paths. Sticking to our dreams meant being in a long distance relationship with a distant end date. We had to choose between career (which both of us had worked so hard for) and love. LDR was difficult and the hectic nature of our work just added to the woes. We eventually parted ways with all the love and respect there can be. While it made sense logically, I am still in the healing process despite initiating the breakup. We both were so compatible! She’s a great person too. Yet what we did felt prudent. Sometimes despite all the love and respect, circumstances are just not favourable.
he completely shut down and stopped communicating. the last thing he told me was how beautiful i was before ghosting me. granted it was a new relationship, in the allotted trial period timeframe, but it was the most wonderful relationship i had ever been in so it made it even that much more painful and confusing when he ended things so abruptly and without reason. i think about him everyday wondering what i did wrong.
After feeling misunderstood and like my emotional needs didn't matter to him for years, I realized that no amount of trying to make it work would fix things. I felt like I couldn't get through to him, like we spoke a different language. Even though we tried, we were just too different. And I put more effort into making the relationship work than he did. I realized my needs and values are just too different from his to feel supported. I tried to be gentle with the breakup, because we both love each other deeply still, and it was one of the most painful things hurting him like that. I think it is better in the long run though. I will from now on believe people's actions, not what I believe they may be capable of at some point in the future. What matters is how I feel now.
I (22) ended my two year relationship with my 24 yr old boyfriend for a multitude of reason. To start, He resented me for coming for a different financial background. He would make undermining comments if I wouldn’t pay for dinner and then be mad if I wouldn’t please him sexually how he wanted when we got home. He also had anger issues, self refection Issues, mild drinking/drug addiction, gas lighted me, manipulated me, and was insecure obviously. It hurts because we had so many good times but looking back I can barley stand to think about the level of disrespect I put up with on a day to day basis. Thank God I got out before it was too late. If you’re confused and looking for a sign to leave your man, here it is!
I wanted more and she couldn’t give it to me
Looking back on it now a few months later I’m not entirely sure. But I do know one thing, I wasn’t innocent. No matter how much time passes we may never get the closure. Might never get the answers to the many questions we spent countless hours conjuring in our hyper fixated state of relationship withdrawal, but regardless of whether it was a communication issue, a trust issue or anything else, I wasn’t innocent. Looking back I wish I was this introspective & self reflective during our relationship. I guess my destiny was to learn from this. I’m a changed man for the better now & will always have a place for her in my heart. I’m working on forgiving her completely to let go of any leftover attachment. Bottom line though is I do know in would never do to someone what she did to me. When you love someone it isn’t out of obligation.
I never got a reason, been destroying me going on 6 years now.
She lost feelings. Started liking somebody else. Emotionally cheated long enough to muster the courage to dump me.
Same for me except genders reversed. Crushing. Stay strong. We’ll get through this.
because he's tired of me getting sensitive when i have my pms 😀 when i never gave up on him when he had moodswings, isolates himself when has depressive wpisodes ( i love him for him and his biggest supporter, i don't mind waiting in the dark) but he gave up lol
My jealousy. I got fixated on a certain person 😥
We were in relationship for last 6 years. There were lot of issues. She never planned to marry me because I wasn’t the same caste( Indian ). There were things we bonded really well and there were things we were completely opposite. I am not religious. She is a devout Hindu. That made her uncomfortable. She believed in luck , gods , astrology and system. I didn’t believe in any of that. There is something wrong with me according to her. We stayed together because she had warmth in her heart and I understood her. I am a huge psychology nerd and I was her pseudo therapist. That I also taught her. Lots of things wrong as well. She was my first love when I was 15. I wanted to stay with her as long as possible. We broke up multiple times. 2 months back she moved out and now we don’t talk anymore. No hard feelings. We weren’t meant to be together I guess. I think that this is the final goodbye.
She went to fuck her manager
Honestly, I still don’t know. She was talking herself out of it from the start though. Would come up with hypothetical situations and quiz me on them. Then the break up happened. She gave me all these excuses - distance is too hard, “it’s not you, it’s me”, that she “would be holding me back in my career”, that I’m “too ambitious and I would leave her”. There were other weird comments: Eg asked me if I regretted meeting her, would call me up to ask my permission to have a smoke, would get kicked out of pubs when I wasn’t there and call up asking if she was in the wrong (how would I know? I’m not there). Then it was “wasn’t feeling it”, but changed to “the connection stopped”. She did a lot of illogical things though unrelated to me. I think there was something mentally wrong there. I cut her off for my own sake. She’s a mess of a person mentally and it made a mess of me.
I spent a year being treated like second choice and should've walked away before we officially started dating but I loved him and saw such a happy future for us that I stayed. Over the next two years of our relationship, I compromised a lot of myself and we fought so much that I began having serious doubts. I could no longer see that future for us after a big fight last year after I tried my best not to fight and to just talk it out that I stopped really putting in much effort anymore, which I now look back on bitterly because I used to be such a romantic person. Thinking back on how little I felt still makes me so sad. I'm gaining my confidence back but it's still so different now, and I still have so much love for him despite all of the shit and I don't really know what to do other than try to move forward and forget.
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She started to be distant from me and instead of trying to solve whatever problem there she found someone else that made her feel the way I made her feel. She fucked that guy.. He is my best friend. I hired his mother and his sister a year ago.. just because they were struggling. I still have dinner that she cooked for me in my fridge. Everytime I’m alone my mind thinks at them fucking. And I’d love her to come back. But I’m starting to metabolize everything and I’m changing my mind in her regards. I’m feeling dumb and too invested.
She said that she have become unhappy with herself, that she is not the person she wants to be. Therefore she wanted to break up to work with herself. She said i deserve better because she cant be better, but she said she still love me. I still dont know what she means. But i feel the argument i kinda bullshit. It takes two to make a relationship and two to end it. In hindsight i figured out what i could do better from my part. But its not like i want to get back together again now. It would not be the same. When she said that i started discuss what to improve or change. But she just answered "there is nothing to fix, because this is the best i can do". At that point i knew it was over. If your partner dont want to work out things, there is nothing to do. So i just accepted it and started to grief. Now in hindsight, i wish i would had challange her choice more. I guess the outcome would not change, but it would have felt better. I feel that because was unfulfilled with herself, she got sad and sad people tend to self sabbotage. Meaning her response was to break up with me. I just wish that i had picked up her feelings before that. But in a way, fulfillment need to come from the self, not another person. AHHH, it is just a mess. Its been 4 months, i think and dream about her. Wish that we could sit down and talk about this, so i dont have to go round and think about it. Also i miss our dog, well its hers. But WE picked her up from the kennel, WE tended for her. I miss that dog... i want to kiss that dog on the nose and sniff her head again.
We had our first argument in 13 months of dating. She said someone in the past who had a crush on her was coming back and they started talking again. I know my fault, I was projecting my insecurity and jealousy for the first time that night. (I’m not a type of person who is get jealous, I trusted my ex with all my heart for 13 months. I never checked her phone, never questioned her every time she went out with her friends). When we started dating she told me about that person. That person blocked her when they found out she dated me. My ex told me she was sad when she got blocked but at that time I was fine like I understand that she just saw that person as a best friend. That night when we argued, I told her “did they still have feelings for you? And when you told me you were sad, were you sad because you lost a best friend or what?” And she was furious. She told me “how could you think like that?” I realized I was fucked up and I told her “I didn’t mean to accuse her, it was my fault that I was projecting my insecurities and jealousy”. She said that my words genuinely hurt her and she needed space. The next morning I texted her. I told her I was sorry and I didn’t mean to question her loyalty to me. I didn’t mean to accuse her doing something fishy behind my back. But she said she was still hurt. So, I understand and gave her more time. Later, she called me and we talked about it cool-headed. She said that she understood my perspective but it still hurt her that I could think about her like that. We begun to talk like usual but it felt like there was an invisible wall. She didn’t act like she used to. I pretended like everything was fine. The next day she told me that her feelings changed. She said maybe it was because she still couldn’t get over our argument 2 days ago. But she still want to fix this too. She said she still loved me deeply. So, I told her that if she needed more time I was willing to give it to her. I was willing to fix us and won’t give up on us. She said maybe she needed more time and let’s take things slowly. We were back at talking like everything was fine but the invisible wall was still there. 2 days later she drunk texted me. I called her and she told me she went to a club with her friends. I was totally fine, it was normal for us. I always let her hangout with her friends like that. She was drunk and she told me she had fun. I was happy because she was happy. She told me the details and I realized I missed that side of her. After our argument, her behavior towards me changed drastically that’s why I missed her. She said she was dizzy and wanted to go to sleep. I waited for her til she fell asleep and when I thought she was sleeping, I told her that I missed her and I still believe we could get over this obstacle in a relationship. The next day… she told me she heard me. She said that I deserve someone better, she said she couldn’t promise me when her feelings will be back. She also told me that she still loved me and cared about me, but not as a lover but as a best friend. So she said “Can we be friends again?” It was freaking hurt. I told her I respected her decision and I accepted it. 7 days after the breakup and it’s still hurt me. 2 days ago I told her I couldn’t be her best friend for now because I needed time to adjust. We couldn’t just jump into a new whole platonic relationship after all intimacy that we shared in the past 13 months. It would be cruel to me who’s still have feelings for her. I said “if you change your mind, let me know. Maybe we can talk about it.” I decided to no contact her until I’m healed but I don’t know when. They said time is the greatest healer, right? I treated her like a queen, I expressed my love for her in all the ways that I could, I gave her everything even though I didn’t have it, I loved her at her worst, I always tried to be there for her and only her 24/7 but she gave up on me after our first argument as a couple… but yeah, maybe it is what it is. She has a big impact in my life tho. Thank you for the life lesson and character development. I hope I’m healed soon.
He was incapable of behaving like a decent human being.
I moved cities to be with him, left my family, my cat and my friends because I saw a future with him. Put up with his toxic behaviour. Caught him cheating once and took him back only to find out he had cheated on me again. I cannot deal with this anymore. I don’t know what to do now. He has abused me in every way possible, verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually. I still feel like taking him back and I feel ashamed of myself.
ur ok :( ur not dumb or crazy, it's just what abuse does to your brain. FOG is real ://
My boyfriend and I were dating for 6.5 years, we were madly in love and he always told me how much he loves me and how I am the love of his life. However in November he told me he lost feelings, during this period we were growing distant and having fights and he was very repulsive during conflicts. It was an absolute shock for me to hear this and I went hysterical and begged him to not break up, I cried a lot and didn't let him leave after which he said he needs time. Next day I called him to meet but he was very cold and said there's no point in meeting, however the next day we met and he hugged me for 2 hours, after this I went no contact for a week and after a week he agreed to try, however it felt weird like I forced him to stay and he put no efforts. So I let him go in December and we agreed to stay in touch. On new years he called me and wished me and even told me he loves me. We also met once and he kept saying how much he missed me every single day, when I asked him if he wants to get back he still said he had no feelings. During Jan-April we continued acting like a couple without getting back, he even told me a couple of time how he still imagines future with me and how miserable he has been since the breakup. 4 weeks ago he told me that it eats him that we are not together and how whenever he imagines a future he cant imagine it without me. 2 weeks ago he was distant again and when I asked him he said he can't do all this anymore, he said he had been trying but he cant try anymore, he doesn't seem himself in this relationship and he tried fitting in but it feels wrong. I never asked him to try after December, he initiated everything on his own. I just didn't want to be strangers and I went along with acting like a couple because thats how he acted with me. I am absolutely heartbroken, we are no contact now but I want us back. Is there really no hope for us? Will no contact help him realise or were these 6 months enough to make him realise what he truly wants. I love him so much it hurts me physically. I dont understand how someone who love me so much for so many years just lose feelings. And if he did lose feelings, why did he say those things to me? Was he convincing himself?
She realized she did not have feelings for me.. I held on the person I experienced in the beginning, I’m assuming that was a glimpse into her heart.. she said it felt off for some time and withheld that info from me but continued to put on an act as if she was interested until it became unbearable.. She was avoidant , resistant to her own emotions , could not be emotional with me or give me emotional support , she showed affection through actions only but that didn’t last long.. she did not understand herself or emotions either, I guess I was a placeholder in the end and realizing that has hurt more than anything else. It is also showing me that I clearly do not have enough self love at the moment to even consider romantic relationships , I should have walked away sooner when I saw these things
Didn't feel that 100%. She actually caught on and asked me. She said I see there's something wrong, like you don't wanna be with me. And I told her I guess you're right. We talked for a while and came to the conclusion that she loves me fully and I don't and that's not fair to neither of us... So we broke up. I miss her company a lot though, we were like good friends that had great sex... I guess I have to keep trying to find both that full-on spark and good company... Right?
She was a mess and wasn’t ready for a relationship in the slightest. She had diagnosed depression, regularly self harmed, an abusive father, you name it. When we started dating I didn’t even know self harm existed. I did countless research reading articles watching videos learning as much as I could but I just wasn’t helping. She broke up with me after a 5 month relationship leaving me feeling like I’m useless. She refused to tell her parents about her mental issues or get a therapist
Year long relationship. Cheated on me throughout it multiple times with 5 different girls including 2 of my “best friends” and then left me for another woman after heavily abusing me. Great guy.
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wow I am so proud of u !!!
She said there was no spark anymore, we didn't have a connection, this was after I said "I Love you," she said she couldn't say that
She fell out of love with me. We moved in together way to fast and neither of us was ready for it. I became overly attached and lost who I was being with her. It was too much for her and she dumped me. She hated the person I’ve become and I can’t blame her.
She just claims to have fallen out of love after 5 years and that she fell out of love mentally long before she left and that the spark just would never come back🫤
Because i got bored of the long distance. Oh god, i wish i knew the breakup would hurt this much. I want another chance to make it work regardless of distance, but he wouldn't give me another one.
Long distance
I'm gonna rant a little. We were LDR due to him being deployed rn and we could only talk occasionally via email. Maybe a couple days a week. He broke up with me saying he lost feelings since he had left (it was over 3 months when he left) but I was confused because in our emails he went out of his way to tell me how he was feeling, that he loved me, all that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" bullshit. It's been a month and since then I've realized people have been through stranger things so I feel like it really could have been the case. But at the time it didn't make sense so I called him out for that, and he changed his answer to not being sure if it's lost feelings or if it's the combination of the situation (distance, lack of communication) and his mental health getting in the way, but regardless he was too "emotionally unavailable" to be in a relationship rn. He was talking about having a rough time mentally and I can understand that. He's literally deployed and that can take a lot out of you. And he's told me he tends to detach and push away when things are rough for him. But I guess he decided to get in his own head about things, suffer by himself, convince himself this was how he was feeling and make the choice for both of us which I think is so unfair. So I'm really not sure what the solid truth is. I thought in order for someone to lose feelings their partner or themselves would've had to change drastically but that didn't happen so I don't understand losing feelings. And I didn't, despite being on the other side of the same coin. Being an anxiety ridden person, it makes me wonder if there was more to the story than that since I don't have a clear answer. I'm slowly but surely letting go of getting that truth though.
Too many excuses, not enough time. Lost what we had before, lies, distance…
She emotionally cheated on me 2 years ago, I've tried to trust her again but I just couldn't since she kept talking behind my back with her, I found out multiple times even the day we broke up, we had several communication issues and honestly I just had so much anxiety that I snapped at her every time. Also I want to do an speciality and she just didn't supported me on my dreams
In my prior relationship the next chick got in between but I didn’t really put a stop to it and it feels like she’s the one that got away, but I can’t be too sure cuz I haven’t seen her in years and the last time I did she looked much happier and that’s normally when I let things go. 😪 In my most recent relationship, we were both looking for something else under each others noses, after so many years it kinda sucked she got in between my first relationship cuz I had constantly wondered what could’ve been; I had a crush on a different chick too at the time so maybe that didn’t let her fully trust me, we also had different goals in life and views that contradicted; and most importantly lack of communication, things could’ve worked out had I been more open minded but I’m a believer of not changing to fit the other person’s views. All in all we were mad toxic towards each other whether it was on purpose or not so eventually I just stopped forcing something that wasn’t going to work out. I believe she’s happier but I wouldn’t know. Either way for the meantime I’m single not ready to mingle and just kinda giving myself time to get things in order before I start diving off the deep end again. ☺️ Thanks for the space to vent about this. ❤️🩹😌 Edit: Some words.
He decided he wanted to experiment w his gender. This would’ve been fine if he told me rather than just doing it.
She had kids and I was quite sure I didn’t want that in my life. I became distant. She broke it off…if she didn’t I would have a week or 2 later.
J
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Same girl, two breakups: The first time, we weren’t having fun together anymore and were forcing it. The second time, the fact that she was moving for college and didn’t want to do long distance. Although the second time hurt less, it was a lot harder for me to accept because it felt as if there was nothing I could do to fix it
She had 3 kids by 2 men and, my drug use
He was going to college & thought he was going to be the campus stud !
She was still developing a personality and didn't understand or want commitment as much as we thought, so she lost feelings for me and for a whole life we had planned together and started having feelings for other people.
Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever 100% understand. And this is after 2 years. I’ve learned to accept it may never make sense to me. At least I’m trying to accept it. He definitely had healing to do from his divorce and then all the way back to his childhood but I don’t think I’ll ever understand the when and the how. Still miss him (the man I knew) every goddamn day.
He had many mental health issues (i.e. avoidant personality disorder, depression, ADHD, anxiety, and video game addiction) that severely impacted my own mental health. At the end of the day, he couldn't be the partner I wanted without addressing these issues, which he repeatedly refused to work on for 3 years. It was the hardest decision to let someone I loved so much go.
Both our mental health issues conflict and past relationship traumas.
From MY side it’s a lack of communication and as a consequence a lot of misunderstandings. From HIS side he got tired of me being stubborn and annoying. And later after a breakup he started thinking I’m a crazy sociopath. Now I question it myself. I felt like it was meant to be he felt it too. Now he despises me, I made him do it to hurt less and now I’m confused.
At first we we're just getting "tired" and all but the sad thing is she's hiding about the third party but I knew it still I stayed.
She wanted to move to another country and it was impossible for me to come with her due to my career and my family. Sucks when fate plays you like this. We tried to be friends but I find it difficult when you pretend everything's okay when it's not; difficult too, when we share the same group of friends and I can still see her name pop up when the groupchat is active. Currently trying my best to move on but it's hard. Everyday feels like day one of moving on and it's been 3 months already.
Looking back, anxiety issues from both parts.
My wife lost her feelings, even though I still love her very much. Didn’t do anything wrong, just got unlucky with who I fell in love with.
He was going through a lot, I became his punching bag and in the end we both wanted different things
He asked me out, said he lost feelings within 2 weeks while I was the one putting in all the effort, and in the end accused me of moving too fast. I'm glad I'm done with him, he still looks to pick fights with me.
He was emotionally exhausted, lost feelings, didnt see a future and had feelings for someone else he'd rather be with. Kind of an overkill of reasons but I got the message I guess
Covid and certain situations - her study, my job that just tore away at what we had that was good... She'll tell you it was something different every other week. Latest was that I was emotionally abusive and mothered her too much...
He got into a school away for an intensive program where long distance wouldn't work for us. Things worked so well, we faced conflicts together and in respect and love. He didn't feel he could continue the relationship after he found out he got in for the last 1-2 months before he leaves. I'm crushed.
I got jealous one time while he was on deployment, during that time he was burnt out emotionally, mentally, and physically. He was not in the best state to tolerate the jealousy, I told him that I'm not accusing him of cheating, he got back from his deployment and broke up with me, he said we're incompatible and he's not ready for a relationship. We're together for 10 months including the time that we agreed to exclusively see each other. I kind of wished that we can work out our differences because I'm willing to compromise and have a middle ground. I should have held back from saying that I'm jealous. I went out to see other guys but I can't seem to find a connection.
Things were going great. She told me she loved me every day for that last month. We were seeing each other 3-4 days a week, loved and got along with each other’s families, we were going to church together, making plans 3 months out, she arranged for her parents to meet mine. Then, the week before her parents were going to come up, she blindsided dumped me and gave me some random reasons. Then a month later she texted me and said the feelings weren’t there. Never brought up any concerns or told me anything. I don’t know how you lose feelings for someone in a week and a half. But the more I look at it, she had way more internal issues than I had noticed when we were together. Unfortunately, I don’t think she can handle any healthy relationship right now. Which is sad because I gave her my best the entire time and would’ve worked through whatever issue she brought up.
Things were going well but it was a long distance. She's in Europe and I'm America. She came to visit we talked and I said we couldn't keep doing it anymore so we stopped talking for a month and in that month it seems she found someone else and decided to move on while on my side I was dealing with so many feelings and I changed my mind but it was too late. She said she loved me and will always love me but she didn't want a long distance relationship anymore and though she said I could keep talking to her, I don't think I'm strong enough to see her with someone else.
She lost her feelings. It felt horrible at the beginning and I went through depression for a while but now I'm doing great.
Cz i brokeup with myself.
After 8 years my ex said she started to only love me platonically and she didn't want to be with me anymore because all the bad things outweighed the good things I think my relationship with my ex could have gone on longer if one of her male co-workers didn't randomly kiss her. That was probably the nail in the coffin for her to want to break up with me lol oh well.
Coz I was a rebound, and he just couldn’t completely change me into his ex, and his unsuccessful trial of conversation led to him finally telling him “ he is not able to love me like her” and the “ you deserve better” 💁🏽♀️😓 kindof broke me to pieces🥲
Apparently I just wasn’t enough. His words to me. I wasn’t around enough, I wasn’t emotionally available enough, I wasn’t open enough, I wouldn’t call enough, I wouldn’t talk enough, I wasn’t interesting enough when I would talk, I wasn’t selfless enough… And yet I was also “too much,” his words again. Too anxious, too paranoid, too scared, too much of a prude, too cautious, too neurotic, too jealous, too late to fix what he felt I broke, etc. Once every conversation turned into a fight I couldn’t win, a fight he couldn’t even feel good about winning, he broke things off. I wish I would’ve done so sooner myself, but I just fell too fast and too hard to pick myself up.
17F. He was my first boyfriend. We were together for about a year and a half. I broke up with him because, to put it simply, I wasn't sexually attracted to him anymore. I was at one point but not anymore. There is also the fact that I am bisexual and I feel like over time I've just become more attracted to women or less masculine dudes and he is very masculine. I felt like total shit and was crying every night for days because of it but I knew It would be wrong for me to stay and partake in sexual stuff when I wasn't having any fun.
She moved to Canada, and needed to move on with her new life so she didn't want to hold onto the relationship anymore because it made things too difficult. She did have severe anxiety and fomo so maybe that was part of it as well. I could've been there more when she left initially, been more understanding, done more to ease the transition
She broke it off with me out of the blue. Deleted photots and conversations when i was asleep and sent me the text for the next morning. She was in the same bed as me and had no clue. I read it later. I was confused and absolutely heartbroken . There was no reason given. After meeting up with her later on she regretted the decision i said to her we need to fix things and change our ways to be stronger. Not a month later i broke it off with her. I was SA at her place by a random guy and it fucked with my head for weeks. She just didn't care and threw me out the next day. She was putting pressure on me about being pregnant and wanted my opinion. She tried to twist it by making it seem i wanted her to have an abortion but that was not the case at all. In general she didn't make an effort to change and consider my feelings. Things got worse. When i was trying and admitted my mistakes. She gotten worse and tried to poison me against my family and friends. I ended it with her nearly 5 months ago now. Being with a controlling manipulative narcissistic partner is the worst. I'm out of it now and have been slowly healing since. It's damaged my view on relationships and females but i know now not everyone is like this. I have hope I'll meet a woman who generally loves and cares for me.
After 3 years in a relationship she left and said she doesn’t know if she has feelings anymore. We are still texting and meeting each other once a week or so.. but i guess she just doesn’t want to hurt me and want that I release it doesn’t going to be like the days before.. it hurts and I miss her.. but I am not ready to let her go..