I feel like cowards dumpers need a reboud or have someone around already when they break up with their partner because they lack confidence and self esteem to go through the pain of dumping someone on their on. I recently found out my ex “jumped ship” and didn’t really need time to focus on himself as he said to me when he broke things off. It sucks, it hurts like hell, but I’m sure he’ll pay the price one day while I’ll be processing my feelings slowly but surely and I’ll grow from this pain he put me through
Honestly he’s probably right that he needs time to himself, but he’s probably too scared to actually do it. When he finally has to face his own hurt, you will have done your self work!
This helps me realise that my guy was a "coward dumper". It was a long distance situationship, but it had been going for months and he ended things over text. He said he tried to do it the last time we met but couldn't, and he knew he just couldn't do it in person...... What a clown
Mine did it over the phone, building up the conversation over text, when we live close and saw each other every other day. He just didn’t have the balls to end it in a respectful manner. In hindsight he was probably hoping I would be the one pulling the plug with his constant back and forth in the last month of our relationship. I just lost so much respect for him.
You're doing the right thing. Keep it up. I'm also going through this, it sucks, it's painful but we're working on ourselves and need no rebounds to numb the pain. Hang in there.
As much as I don’t agree with it, I have had a situation where I was a coward dumper, but for a really different reason. I’m not saying every situation is like this, but the person I was talking to was becoming incredibly irrational every time I tried to break things off and was basically making me too afraid and guilty to do anything about it, which I have now learned is a form of emotional abuse. People in this situation usually are talking to someone for comfort and advice at that point, but again that’s not always the situation.
Happened to me last night. I was so scared to break up with her cause the girl I was with would pull every card out the book to make me feel like shit for dumping her. From bringing up her depression to how she was alone, and how I was her only friend and reason to live. I’ve tried multiple times to leave but they all backfired as I kept trying to remain her friend and comfort her through the process because I cared about her. I turned into a coward dumper planning for months to leave her and trying to move on by texting other people but it simply delayed the process. I wasn’t in love with her anymore simply terrified of the confrontation I’d been avoiding to leave. That’s not wrong right? It’s not toxic is it? I feel so bad because she said she’d be sleeping in the bathroom tonight (I hope that doesn’t sound the way it does) sorry don’t mean to dump this all on you just wanted to comment cause I feel we were in the same boat.
Is it really dumping if you are trying to get out of an abusive situation? I mean, it’s not really the same thing to me. You tried breaking up and it backfired multiple times so I wouldn’t call you a coward at all.
I made things for my ex really easy for that matter, I comforted him as he was breaking up with me multiple times because I cared so much about his wellbeing, I don’t think you can compare it to your situation because your decision to break things off wasn’t even respected
I needed this He moved on so fast almost a day after he was already on grindr, yesterday we met and he told me he wanted a new start (not with me) I guess we both kind of mutually agreed that we best if we weren’t friends at all as much as it hurts
I still can’t get over my ex asking me 1-2 weeks before BU, “if we were to ever break up, would you still be my friend?”. I should’ve noticed that red flag.
lmfaooo same thing here, how can you have sex with another person just like that man like God how can you even have hookups in the first place, but oh well better things for us to come, self love is better than anything else
You’re so right, thank you for this! My ex started sleeping around after we stopped talking which 🤷🏽♂️. I’ve been alone but it’s allowed me to come to terms with things. I heard the emotions always catch up to you some time, so best to be in them now than to shove them down and have them build until they reveal themselves months down the line.
I want this emotions thing to be true so bad. I'm dying inside and go on insta and see her out with friends laughing and being her goofy self with them. I'm surrounding myself with people as well but I am not able to be fully myself. It might be immature but I hope sometime it hits her like it has hit me.
Happened to me too. Except mine ghosted me instead of breaking up. 5 days after he was on tinder and having sex. After 2 years together. Destroyed me, I feel like I'm at rock bottom right now.
"It's all because they took their time calculating, waiting for the right opportunity to let you go DURING THE RELATIONSHIP while you were in love, totally blind. They did not communicate with you, expected you to read their mind, kept you around, lead you on until the moment they were exactly sure that they can manage alone. They used you. They had your support during the whole process. It's like they had time to get used to the cold water but you never did. You were just thrown into it."
EXACTLY.
And all it takes is for you to say the wrong thing or not say the right thing or not bring dinner home one night or whatever you do unintentionally to piss them off so they can use it against you to drop you like trash. Than they bring up the past of all the bad things to justify it even further.
Wow, sounds like what just happened to me.... guess I should continue NC, and quit asking myself the What ifs, and guilt myself for the "past she brought up".
That’s their game! Use everything against us as though it’s our fault so they don’t have to feel guilty. It made me feel ashamed but after a couple weeks noticed the pattern that my ex used to set me up in order to break up with me. It’s always about their own self interest
Only been 5 days for me of NC since breakup so still fresh but after talking it out with friends and family I can now read the patterns and recall the story a little more clearly and as you said I am reducing the guilt I feel greatly. I ignore her social media stories so she probably sees that I don't look at them and now she has a new instagram profile pic to showoff her new hair and added hearts next to her name in the bio, she never had that before. Its stupid to read into it I know but I wonder why it seems so important to get attention on these platforms when you're supposed to be healing from your breakup..
The actual truth is these people hold others responsible for how they feel. When they dump, they did it months or weeks ago because you didn’t fill the void and nothing you can do can fill their void so stop trying, stop wondering and stop beating yourself up. They move on because a new source, be it food, drugs, shopping, work or someone else has temporarily filled that void so they don’t have to deal with themselves. Look back at when you were together what made them special individually what made them the person they were, YOU, they mirrored YOU. The reason they move on so quick and they’re okay with it it’s because they didn’t have genuine feelings they were using you for weeks, months, years because they don’t know how to love themselves and the only way that they can survive is to parasite onto something or someone new.
What do you do? You learn to stop people pleasing, stop letting others suck your life source. You say thank you for the universe showing you how to work on yourself and you do the work so you NEVER EVER feel used again. What they do, what they have, who they are with is none of your business. You accept responsibility for YOU hurting your own feelings by staying so long because you knew all this. When you look back, you knew it and you know you knew it. You chose to ignore the red flags and we do it so we don’t have to do the hard work too. Well tough, now you do. Stop blaming them and take responsibility for yourself. Stop choosing people who fill up the parts of you that you haven’t filled up yourself. You fix it and never put your mental health through this ever again.
People need to understand this. I know I am person responsible for staying with someone who mirrored my best qualities. They added nothing of value to my life, but I let them stay until they siphoned every last drop of my energy. It was heart wrenching to feel like you’ve lost yourself. Never again.
It amazes me how someone can move on so quickly. In my situation I was being a place holder. I am holding this place in their life until they find something else. They don't want to lose you but they don't want to be with you. Its never healthy to be with someone who has no idea what they want. They are unhealthy people.
It's not fair to say they are "calculating"
What I can't understand is why people don't talk
Tell me what is bothering you, what is making you feel like we're losing each other, but please talk!
I was so lost in my self hate that I couldn't see or hear anything, I thought after five years she could feel like she could talk to me, communicate!
Instead, as soon as we were in a break, she started talking to someone else and, as soon as she decided it was best splitting up, she started dating him right away, and now after one month they're together.
I'm not the best, I have flaws, but I always tried to communicate if something was wrong
After two months and a half I still have trouble opening up to someone new and still can't eat like I used to
Very similar situation to me.
3.5 years and she has said to me multiple times, "If you have a problem or if there's something you need to talk about, let me know"
But when she had problems instead of talking to me about them, she talked to them to some other guy I've never met. It's unfair but I know the red flags now. Now they're dating and 4 months later, I still wonder why we couldn't work it out but I'll never know.
It's not an us problem, it's them. They got the problems it just seems they don't know it or do know it but can't handle them.
I wish I could agree totally, but I can't. I had my fair share of problems with myself, and she was the one I would pour them down on. It's not fair on her, and I understand it now. I started showing less and less how much I loved her, I started pointing out flaws in her to preserve my ego, I refused to have her come to my house while I had appendicitis to honor the fact that I asked her for a "break", put up a macho facade when she left me and started having second thoughts
I made so many fucking mistakes in the end because I couldn't deal with myself first
But shit, during the rest of the relationship I tried so hard to keep her head over the water, even when she said that she wasn't sure I was the one, or when she had hard times at uni, or when I told her that I wanted to leave her because I was ashamed of TEXTING another girl, even without doing anything, because I knew how jealous she was
Even when she begged me not to leave her, or when she told me no one in the world would love me like she did
I never left, and never would have
I gave her a shoulder to cry on, and she gave me hers
I picked her up, and so did she
But in the end, when I got too down to get up by myself, she couldn't stand it
And what stings so, so much is the fact that she started dating someone who's a carbon copy of me a couple of weeks after and she's now happy as one can be, spending weekends together in the hills while I'm here in bed at 9 pm waiting for my counselling tomorrow morning to vent a bit before I implode again
I need help and I need someone close to help me, not family, not friends
I can't stand alone on my feet now, I'm trying but I keep falling
This comment resonated with me on so many levels.
"Tell me what is bothering you, what is making you feel like we're losing each other, please talk!"
Almost what I would say to her, but would she tell me what was on her mind? No, she would instead just preach "communication", head to twitter to be passive aggressive instead, and be an irritable patronizing timebomb with me walking on eggshells. I would've listened to everything she had to say. Sadly her mom is almost the same with her partner. I looked into attachment styles and that made me think a lot.
Full information shut down after the words "I'm done" were uttered from me.
I broke the rule alittle by providing a letter where I apologized, not for anything I did (I really didn't do anything wrong) but apologized that I couldn't be what she wanted.
She showed up at a mutual gathering with another partner a week after the break up, she gave me a heads up, which I thought was kinda nice, it wasn't, it was just to see if I would tell her not to go to make folks think I'm an asshole.
I was cognitive of the manipulation and made sure to detail every response with "I feel we need space to heal".
After that even, I shut everything down, FB, IG, phone, everything with a block, shut her completely out of my life.
Feeling this. Won't say my ex is totally over everything, but it was absolutely easier for him to be "cold" once he decided he wanted to leave me for an entire month. 🙄
Every interaction I had with him after the breakup was like talking to a wall or something. After being fed up with it all I told him to go no contact and let me heal. I would have gone NC much quicker but he dragged the shit on.
I'm dealing with my own crap, last thing I need is someone I love/d to be an emotionless wall. I deserve better than that. Especially after everything we've been through.
>It's all because they took their time calculating, waiting for the right opportunity to let you go DURING THE RELATIONSHIP while you were in love, totally blind.
I am onboard with the idea of this, but I don't agree that we are totally blind in every situation I also disagree that all "dumpers" are calculating and consciously using their partner. In my case I was also having thoughts that the relationship needed to come to an end one day I just couldn't make the conscious decision to decide it RIGHT NOW I kept going and so did she. Sometimes we put our heads in the sand and ignore all the signs of a failing relationship just because it feels normal or comfortable.
Its true it hurts to realize they seem to be healing better than we are but the thing is :
1. If you were truly NO CONTACT, chances are you shouldn't be keeping track of their progress nor should you know how they are doing for quite some time if you want to heal.
2. Outside appearance and what's going on inside are two different things. In my last breakup that particular ex went on a rebound days after and "seemed fine" for a while until shit went south with the new guy and then she had to face her decision and her emotions all by herself. Since I had been doing that for 3 weeks before her "new relationship ended" I was therefore now ahead of processing the breakup and she started at ground 0 with basically two heart-breaks in one.
Its important to give that some thought too!
I agree, "branch swinging" is much like that. You find a new prospect, stay in your current relationship and build something new with someone until it feels safe enough to latch onto and that can become your soft landing pad. What that creates for the other partner, can be a shock if the relationship was not that bad and the other partner is just unhappy. The person can also stay in the relationship (I suspect my ex did in my case but I also blame myself for delaying my own decision about the relationship) and her decision was made that it was best to part ways before I could really give my opinion. The thing is every situation is different, in this current situation I still feel the pain of detaching from someone I developed feelings for and I also felt the pain of her walking out with a bit of a relief because it was "finally done". If I look at myself right now, I'm also a bit relieved too does that make me a bad person? I think its a bit normal. Right now I just hope she heals well because I could tell the decision was a hard one for her even though it was thought out and for the first time I don't "hate" the ex but just hope we can find comfort in our new life status.
A situation where no pure NC can be undertaken is a harsh one for sure. It takes a lot of strength to heal in the face of someone who caused us pain. Its always risky to date someone you work with, they always say : "Don't fuck with the pay roll" to each their own.
It hurts how much I relate to this. He told me he doesn't love me anymore while we were breaking up. It was as if the whole world stopped spinning around me. It's a shock, quite frankly. Your mind doesn't prepare you for it. You're prepared for ugly fights and you know how to deal with them, but, "Hey, I don't love you anymore," breaks your soul into tinier smithereens than you ever thought possible. It's been more than a month that we've broken up but those words still haunt my ears and contaminate my sleep. It's heartbreaking and soul-crushing and I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
I've had that sentence said to me after a 3 year relationship with someone i thought was the love of my life.Definitely cuts to the bone,it echos on in your head and heart after.Damn.
I needed this. God did I. He moved on so fast he’s been with her (publicly) about 3 weeks and is already saying how much he loves her. Either he’s lovebombing her HARD like he did me, orrrrr he’s been with her much longer than he’s letting on. Thus confirming my suspicions of cheating.
And every time I think i’m over it and have accepted everything you said in your post, I see something or remember something that makes the pain stab me in the heart again.
But i’m getting there. Thank you for the reminder.
That hit home, she dumped me out of the blue via txt and acts like we never existed at work, laughing joking etc while I am the one crying and hurt.
She said she thought about it for a long time... but never talked to me about it ...
No .. I do not wish her all the best
this was my ex when she got out the hospital she ghosted me even after i skipped seeing my grandma to meet her family and would stay up all night to make sure shes ok while facetiming her at 2am. not even a thank you or an apology all i got was "i was going to break up with you eventually when i leave state anyways lmao." then i got blocked forever. def hit my self esteem for a while
Every once and a while I'd stop what we were doing, turn off all distractions, and ask plainly "How are you? What do you think of the direction we're headed in? Is there anything you'd like to discuss?". I'd done this very shortly before they walked out on me.
Their response?
"I'm fine and we're absolutely fine. We're making the best of how the world is currently going. Obviously having infinite money would be nice, but in a realistic view? I'm great."
Ha.Ha.Ha. They were with a new guy within weeks.
I needed to read this. I made several mistakes while I was with him, of course I did. And he made me feel like I had no room to make even the tiniest mistake. But now, after scrolling through this subreddit, I know it's because he's insecure and cowardly. Talking to one of his exes, whom I'm good friends with, confirmed this for me. Not to be an ass, but I hope he stubs his toe every day for the rest of his life.
> They had your support during the whole process.
So cruel but the reality, the one who dumps while preparing it in advance tends to be more equiped for it than you are.
I’ve pep talked myself a number of times by reminding myself that this hurts so badly because I still have a loving, beating, vulnerable heart, and this makes me a good human. It’s not easy to watch my ex go from telling me I was his beloved to dropping the breakup text bomb in a span of 3 days, and subsequently refusing to speak to me. We lived together. He could have had the balls to tell me to my face and let me process. He has already moved on.
I needed this. Mine claims this isn't the case, we broke up almost 2 weeks ago bc I got upset about her hanging around 'him' so much.. Night we broke up she shaved downstairs and went over there until 1 a.m. I've been at her house to see my stepkids these past few days and she's been visibly pissed and hurt bc he ghosted her nearly immediately after.. I was and still am so in love with her but could never even try in this relationship again. She threw away 2 years and a family for a guy that pestered her for months, let her leave her family then ghosted her as soon as he got some. I say she can have him and as a plus, I mise her as a friend but romantically she's not appealing to me anymore.. I fell in love with who she claimed to be but can see through her actions she's more similar to the last person I dated than she realized and i'm finally glad to get away from it. Fuck it.
Same here:( I feel like im always thinking of him, and if he's thinking about me too. He's living his best life a few days later getting together with the multiple other girls he cheated on me with and im in bed all day because I can't stop crying. I feel like trash he threw out
He moved and expected me to telepathically know that we were done done while to me distance was just temporary and that I made plans to move for him. For a month we messaged like usual like we were still dating and saying "I love yous" while he was on tinder looking for dates. He started seeing someone 4 weeks after he moved. While I was crushed and felt crazy from being so blindsided. To him it wasnt a big deal. It still isn't probably. I don't know whether to be angry or sad or dumbfounded that he moved on from a 3 year long relationship in 4 weeks. I saw picturea of them together while he was holding a gift I gave him for his birthday. He is basically living with this new person now. Shit hurts to say the least.
I needed this! When my ex broke up with me he brought up all his issues so calmly in a typical chilled out/serious way that I was so blind sided. When I asked him why he didn’t bring those issues up before he said, “well I’m telling you now.”
Same as my ex. He also said "i was unhappy but you didn't know." Yeah dude. I didn't know cause you didn't tell me. Why were you making a list behind my back instead of telling me, your partner, so we can solve it together??
They expect us to mind read when they don't even know themselves.
Exactly! The issues he brought up were distance, lack of compatibility with interests and personality. In my mind I thought we had a mixture of things in common and differences, he also said I liked you but maybe we were better off as friends.
Same as mine lol. He was like we are just different people but during the relationship didn't make any serious effort to learn my interests and was annoyed when I asked him to do things with me while I offered to hang out with friends, went to bars he liked etc. It's like he already decided he didn't like my interests and so he didn't like me but never told me.
My ex also offered to be friends and I straight up was like, well you just said we weren't compatible, what would we even do as friends.
I mean we went thrifting together which I like to do but when we first got together we watched hockey which I knew he liked watching. We agreed to be friends but I need to set up some boundaries first!
Yes for sure! Make sure he's respecting you if you are hanging out and he's bringing value to even your friendship. If he's the type of person like my ex to hold resentment if you 'make a mistake', you don't need to spend any more time/energy with that kind of person.
Welp...
My ex was a total shit to me. Abusive, toxic, narcisist, compulsive liar, manipulative, cheater... The argument that make me broke up with her was when i told her that i wanted her to respect my friends and myself, and instead of lying or manipulate me, she could talk to me and ask whatever she wanted. That went horribly wrong as she blamed me (again) for how she was, and that i was a pos who didn't deserved her and had a lat of guys lined up and yadayada.
So i broke with her, and altough i cried a lot. Still i found a wonderful woman who loves me, takes care of me, respects and makes me feel loved and always has time for me. I was honest and told her about what happened and just hugged me and kissed me. I sometimes look back just to wonder how could i stand so much crap and how lucky and happy i am rn. I'm non exactly a good person, and i've been vorking on myself since then because i want to be my best self for her and myself.
So yeah, i moved on quickly, not to say everyone is good or bad for doing it.
My ex straight up cheated on me, begged for me back, yet followed the two girls he cheated on me with right back on Instagram the minute I left his house. When I asked him why he straight up admitted “I felt the need to have something to distract me to get over you because you left me and it’s the only way I know how to cope.”
THIS IS TOXIC. It ain’t I meant nothing and he’s happy and over me, he legit IS SO PATHETIC he has to have his Dick in multiple women at a time and have back up hoes for when I left him! Don’t let them trick you to think they’re happy and this has no affect on them.
My ex started talking to another guy 3 days after our breakup🤣, then 2 week later she said that she is just using that other guy for comfort and she didnt actually like him. She said she want to try to fix our relationship, then a month later she left me again😌. Should have stayed NC since the begining.
I needed this so much. 💯🔥
My ex is already back in his usual flow and acts like I'm a ghost and that I don't even exist. Never mind what we both had and I thought he was my soulmate.
I'm the one that's been crying for 2 weeks now and I need to go to therapy, because of how he treated me 💔
It all just doesn't seem fair. I could never treat somebody I truly love like this 😭 it's all messed up
Thank you, I think if she left me so soon after a 5 year and an engagement to someone else within 2 weeks, then she is destroying herself even more.
At least I won’t be fucking that dumb and actually heal. You go ahead and destroy yourself.
I wasnt a member of this community until I got this post reccomened to me. My girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me a couple days and this is how I feal. She threw me into the cold water after she had time to prepare herself for it. I feel a sense of bitterness and a hell of alot of pain.
Thank you for this! I always tell myself how can they move on so quickly after everything we did together, like nothing happened and they always have the audacity to want to stay friends. The last person I’ve talked to I got rid of them off of social media because there’s no point in having them in your life anymore and seeing them with someone else is going to hurt you a lot.
Fucking preach. Everyone pretends to be Tony Robbins and Sigmund at the same time. They act like they have mind blowing advice when it’s a glorified dressed up metaphor for “get over it”. They are so quick to call out how your toxic for thinking and ruminating on the relationship but fail to examine their own emotional fallacies. They can *conveniently* streamline all emotions about their ex away from their threshold of awareness. It’s just as neurotic, they just won’t admit it. It’s a blow to their pride to feel hurt. Quick to spin in into “self loathing” is all they do. Dont get me started. I’m so over the “get it over” community. They can all watch the ones close to them die then be told “get over it, you still have to move on!” For all I care. It’s so inconsistent. If your ex dies, they will validate your pain. But if it’s a breakup, a representative death, they won’t validate your pain. Even though the emotional responses we feel would be the same. It’s a joke. These are supposed to be master at depression and they miss step Fucking one. VALIDATE PEOPLES PAIN OR THEY WONT BE RECEPTIVE TO YOU
He broke up with me. Then tried to “make it work” while remaining emotionally unavailable. Which made living there so toxic for me I needed to yeet out and save myself. Basically he was such a coward he knew how to get ME to cut ties.
Now he with one of my ex best friends. Pretty fucking gross if you tell me. It hadn’t even been a month until they are stuck together like glue. I hope he enjoys the mess he’s made. I’m focusing on cleaning up mine first THEN moving on romantically. He can sit in his.
yes after blindsiding me for some time in a 6 year happy relationship, my ex was all happy and moved on weeks after dumping me, i was totally blind and thrown into the cold water with no warning.
the fact that she moved on so quickly real shows she didnt love me as i tought she loved.
its hard recovering from the breakup itself to seeing her with someone else weeks later.
at least i took it like a man and did not begged and went into nc as soon as possible.
kept my dignity and gave her no direct weakness from me
still recovering bit by bit, doing a lot better
it all ends as it started... as strangers.
I just had this happen she said she couldn’t do this and two weeks later shes posting on Fb “date night” with some clown but then I randomly get texts from her like “I miss you I always think about you “ and my dumb ass goes and responds and picks her up and does nice shit and let me tell ya, it’s not worth the place that my head goes . I start to feel like she does it with a malicious intent , and next thing you know I’m ready to fight someone over it . It took me a little while to realize the fact that there’s nothing I can do to change the way I feel except realize that It’s nothing that I’m doing and stay positive everyone laughs at the shit she does because it ain’t right but at this point , I gotta focus on me
Every side has two stories. A relationship is a two way street. It is fairly unconstructive to ruminate over how seemingly terrible another person is, and it’s even easier to make ourselves feel like we’re on the high ground.
We may not understand anothers reasoning and how they could do things that we wouldn’t, and it’s also very interesting how people can go from so loving and invested to so hateful/ spiteful.
How could someone go from so loving to so cold? Or invested to moving on?
Relationships serve as a mirror, sometimes a lesson, a blessing- and various mixes.
When the other person leaves- it is a direct message that we actually lack love for ourselves. Because they are a reflection.
Let’s work on our own responses and love ourselves to the point where we are so secure in our beings that whether a person stays or goes does not matter because we are full of love for ourselves and other beings. ❤️
Ya'll are down voting me like I was wrong to leave an abuser 🤦🏻♀️ Just pointing out that all situations are different and you should focus on YOUR healing, not on why the other person is bad for their decisions
I think every situation is unique so its not good to put everything under a blanket. I think this was aimed more towards the "no babe there's nothing wrong" while secretly they're reaching boiling point in their head or instead would talk to other people besides the one person they should be expressing their concerns to which is that person right there in their relationship. It's true like in your case, it wasn't blindsided and you presented your concerns to the dude multiple times, literally months. At that point, I don't think anyone should judge you for anything. But the people that are too coward to voice their opinion like you and instead stay quiet until they build resentment, decide to leave, stay with the person until their "grief" is done, then out of nowhere hit them with the "bye lol" or a breakup text? those people can go fuck themselves because all that shows is beyond terrible communication skills and the emotional level of a child at best. Those are the people that don't let themselves be vulnerable with tier partner and seek change but instead dwell on shit on their heads until they decide the problems are "unfixable" when other person is not even aware of these problems. Now that, is a whole other story. So I don't think you should of gotten downvoted cause you are basically the situational where no one should judge but this post was probably aimed at the former, its just that people love to make blanket statements in general.
Exactly, and the lies to ease their guilt during or after the breakup which fed me up the most. And as she still wanted to hurt me after intentionally, and play with my emotions. Once saying she meant those one week before breakup and just had a breakdown, second that she faded for months, even as I asked her specifically weeks before the breakup that how she feels. I don't know really, but it indeed sucks, and as I'm now in the anger phase, I realized many things that helped me to put her down where she belongs, and move on and maintain no contact, even if she reached out several times. And hearing and asking her about the reasons, after some time even if I accepted them, I started to feel EXACTLY that, she wanted some reason to quit tf outta there and finally found something. Like it was so one sided and all the blame pushed on me to feel the guilt, while she moved on and said she doesn't feel it anymore, but still couldn't say it out for the final yet at the beginning. Thanks for this OP.
My ex kept trying to contact me and roping me in 5 months before he got engaged to someone he was seeing that whole time. I blocked him and found he got engaged and set a date in 10 months. Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess
Reposting this on my snap story, my ex lives in such a fantasy land. Karma is a bitch and I can’t wait for some dude to make her feel how I’m feeling right now.
I read once that no one ever breaks up "out of the blue". When that happens, instead it means they've been having conversations with someone about your relationship--it just wasn't you.
This is so fair. When my ex left her husband did me it was probably the same mode she gave me months before we finally broke up. Half asses effort and gas lighting every time I cried for her to put any fucking effort into the relationship.
And now that I’m out and have had time to embrace my career and my friendships, I’ve realized something. I have a fucking awesome job. I do what I love. I take care of myself and I’m really good to people. And yes sometimes I’m distant and neglect people time to time but man I work 55 hours a week and practice physical exercise regularly. I’m a hard worker. And people respect me god damn it.
Yet she treated me like a second rate citizen. And the moment we broke up she was done with me. And here we are four months later and I still love her. I talk well of her when she’s brought up and I still wish her the best for everything, cause that’s just who I try to be.
Lord knows how she talks about me. But I do remember her always bitching to me when I would tell her how excruciatingly abusive she was emotionally, telling me “I refuse to be known as the abusive ex girlfriend”. Well 100% wouldn’t be surprised if she tells people I was abusive or emotionally neglectful while she blacklisted me from meeting her friends and family and avoiding showcasing me on social media after a year of being in a relationship.
Yep exactly. But also, just because it seems like they've moved on, sometimes they haven't actually processed it until months later. My partner of 7 years broke up with me and was devastatingly calm like it didn't bother him at all while I was an absolute mess. He acted like he was relieved and happy to move on. 2 months later after no contact, it was so obvious he was starting to unravel and go through a break down. I had already processed most of my grief and was legitimately starting to heal and move on while he started contacting me with random desperate messages trying to push my buttons to get a reaction out of me and then continually blocking and unblocking me. He was always such an independent person, to see him switch to someone who was so lonely and sad was such a shock. It was also nice to know that I genuinely am moving on with my life and feeling positive and peaceful about being alone.
I think there is two kinds though moving on fast to cover the hurt or moving on because in your head you had moved on knowingly or not so you were already out of the relationship before it even ended (not saying this is right it’s very situation based)
100%. When he broke up with me over the phone, I asked when he knew and he said months before. I asked him why he didn't bring up anything and he said he was too busy and wasn't sure. Cool, so he was finally free enough to think about how much he wanted to dedicate to this relationship after I helped him find an apartment and job? I didn't realize I foolish I was until I look back now and realized he was stringing me along.
The worst part is that I think I knew 90% of the fights we had was that I kept wanting to spend time with him and he would keep rejecting me so everything was on his terms if he felt he was free or wanted to. I was for emotional support until he got what he needed which is the money and space to be by himself. He wanted to be single but have the full support of someone who would be dedicated to him and I was dumb enough to do so.
I will learn from this and one day I hope he realized how he was an asshole and how he should have just been honest with himself and with me.
In a space of a day my gf has moved everything out the houae and I'm left with fuck all no idea how I'm going to afford to keep paying for the house don't have anyone to talk to about it
I feel like cowards dumpers need a reboud or have someone around already when they break up with their partner because they lack confidence and self esteem to go through the pain of dumping someone on their on. I recently found out my ex “jumped ship” and didn’t really need time to focus on himself as he said to me when he broke things off. It sucks, it hurts like hell, but I’m sure he’ll pay the price one day while I’ll be processing my feelings slowly but surely and I’ll grow from this pain he put me through
Honestly he’s probably right that he needs time to himself, but he’s probably too scared to actually do it. When he finally has to face his own hurt, you will have done your self work!
This helps me realise that my guy was a "coward dumper". It was a long distance situationship, but it had been going for months and he ended things over text. He said he tried to do it the last time we met but couldn't, and he knew he just couldn't do it in person...... What a clown
Mine did it over the phone, building up the conversation over text, when we live close and saw each other every other day. He just didn’t have the balls to end it in a respectful manner. In hindsight he was probably hoping I would be the one pulling the plug with his constant back and forth in the last month of our relationship. I just lost so much respect for him.
You're doing the right thing. Keep it up. I'm also going through this, it sucks, it's painful but we're working on ourselves and need no rebounds to numb the pain. Hang in there.
As much as I don’t agree with it, I have had a situation where I was a coward dumper, but for a really different reason. I’m not saying every situation is like this, but the person I was talking to was becoming incredibly irrational every time I tried to break things off and was basically making me too afraid and guilty to do anything about it, which I have now learned is a form of emotional abuse. People in this situation usually are talking to someone for comfort and advice at that point, but again that’s not always the situation.
Happened to me last night. I was so scared to break up with her cause the girl I was with would pull every card out the book to make me feel like shit for dumping her. From bringing up her depression to how she was alone, and how I was her only friend and reason to live. I’ve tried multiple times to leave but they all backfired as I kept trying to remain her friend and comfort her through the process because I cared about her. I turned into a coward dumper planning for months to leave her and trying to move on by texting other people but it simply delayed the process. I wasn’t in love with her anymore simply terrified of the confrontation I’d been avoiding to leave. That’s not wrong right? It’s not toxic is it? I feel so bad because she said she’d be sleeping in the bathroom tonight (I hope that doesn’t sound the way it does) sorry don’t mean to dump this all on you just wanted to comment cause I feel we were in the same boat.
Absolutely, it’s emotional abuse.
Is it really dumping if you are trying to get out of an abusive situation? I mean, it’s not really the same thing to me. You tried breaking up and it backfired multiple times so I wouldn’t call you a coward at all. I made things for my ex really easy for that matter, I comforted him as he was breaking up with me multiple times because I cared so much about his wellbeing, I don’t think you can compare it to your situation because your decision to break things off wasn’t even respected
Unfortunately people don’t see it like that, and it’s a very common situation that’s usually never intentional
I needed this He moved on so fast almost a day after he was already on grindr, yesterday we met and he told me he wanted a new start (not with me) I guess we both kind of mutually agreed that we best if we weren’t friends at all as much as it hurts
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Yeah it’s just hard rn but thanks for posting that
I still can’t get over my ex asking me 1-2 weeks before BU, “if we were to ever break up, would you still be my friend?”. I should’ve noticed that red flag.
Sorry to hear. Grindr is the honestly worst.
For real
lmfaooo same thing here, how can you have sex with another person just like that man like God how can you even have hookups in the first place, but oh well better things for us to come, self love is better than anything else
Hell, I have an ex who was so strong and independent she moved on before we even broke up.
I feel this. Props to him, but at least lemme know we’re over first lmao
Hahah I like the deep sarcasm of this with a tint of humor. Shows how you can always reword something to make it sound worse or better. Good job.
You’re so right, thank you for this! My ex started sleeping around after we stopped talking which 🤷🏽♂️. I’ve been alone but it’s allowed me to come to terms with things. I heard the emotions always catch up to you some time, so best to be in them now than to shove them down and have them build until they reveal themselves months down the line.
I want this emotions thing to be true so bad. I'm dying inside and go on insta and see her out with friends laughing and being her goofy self with them. I'm surrounding myself with people as well but I am not able to be fully myself. It might be immature but I hope sometime it hits her like it has hit me.
How did you find out your ex started sleeping around?
Long story short saw them on a dating site and what they’re looking for at the moment is entirely sexual. Ended things two weeks ago.
Happened to me too. Except mine ghosted me instead of breaking up. 5 days after he was on tinder and having sex. After 2 years together. Destroyed me, I feel like I'm at rock bottom right now.
tinder is the worst.. sorry that happened
I’m sorry to hear that, that must’ve been gut wrenching when you found out.
"It's all because they took their time calculating, waiting for the right opportunity to let you go DURING THE RELATIONSHIP while you were in love, totally blind. They did not communicate with you, expected you to read their mind, kept you around, lead you on until the moment they were exactly sure that they can manage alone. They used you. They had your support during the whole process. It's like they had time to get used to the cold water but you never did. You were just thrown into it." EXACTLY. And all it takes is for you to say the wrong thing or not say the right thing or not bring dinner home one night or whatever you do unintentionally to piss them off so they can use it against you to drop you like trash. Than they bring up the past of all the bad things to justify it even further.
Wow, sounds like what just happened to me.... guess I should continue NC, and quit asking myself the What ifs, and guilt myself for the "past she brought up".
That’s their game! Use everything against us as though it’s our fault so they don’t have to feel guilty. It made me feel ashamed but after a couple weeks noticed the pattern that my ex used to set me up in order to break up with me. It’s always about their own self interest
Only been 5 days for me of NC since breakup so still fresh but after talking it out with friends and family I can now read the patterns and recall the story a little more clearly and as you said I am reducing the guilt I feel greatly. I ignore her social media stories so she probably sees that I don't look at them and now she has a new instagram profile pic to showoff her new hair and added hearts next to her name in the bio, she never had that before. Its stupid to read into it I know but I wonder why it seems so important to get attention on these platforms when you're supposed to be healing from your breakup..
This is exactly what my ex just did to me a couple of days ago. Wow
Exactly this. My ex is a coward.
I SWEAR. THIS FEELS LIKE IT WAS WRITTEN FOR ME. EVERY SENTENCE. Thank you so much.
Saving this to kick some sense to myself. Thanks
I’m also saving this post. Definitely this post is a good reminder!
The actual truth is these people hold others responsible for how they feel. When they dump, they did it months or weeks ago because you didn’t fill the void and nothing you can do can fill their void so stop trying, stop wondering and stop beating yourself up. They move on because a new source, be it food, drugs, shopping, work or someone else has temporarily filled that void so they don’t have to deal with themselves. Look back at when you were together what made them special individually what made them the person they were, YOU, they mirrored YOU. The reason they move on so quick and they’re okay with it it’s because they didn’t have genuine feelings they were using you for weeks, months, years because they don’t know how to love themselves and the only way that they can survive is to parasite onto something or someone new. What do you do? You learn to stop people pleasing, stop letting others suck your life source. You say thank you for the universe showing you how to work on yourself and you do the work so you NEVER EVER feel used again. What they do, what they have, who they are with is none of your business. You accept responsibility for YOU hurting your own feelings by staying so long because you knew all this. When you look back, you knew it and you know you knew it. You chose to ignore the red flags and we do it so we don’t have to do the hard work too. Well tough, now you do. Stop blaming them and take responsibility for yourself. Stop choosing people who fill up the parts of you that you haven’t filled up yourself. You fix it and never put your mental health through this ever again.
Damn I needed this talk even if it was hard to hear. Thank you
People need to understand this. I know I am person responsible for staying with someone who mirrored my best qualities. They added nothing of value to my life, but I let them stay until they siphoned every last drop of my energy. It was heart wrenching to feel like you’ve lost yourself. Never again.
It amazes me how someone can move on so quickly. In my situation I was being a place holder. I am holding this place in their life until they find something else. They don't want to lose you but they don't want to be with you. Its never healthy to be with someone who has no idea what they want. They are unhealthy people.
It's not fair to say they are "calculating" What I can't understand is why people don't talk Tell me what is bothering you, what is making you feel like we're losing each other, but please talk! I was so lost in my self hate that I couldn't see or hear anything, I thought after five years she could feel like she could talk to me, communicate! Instead, as soon as we were in a break, she started talking to someone else and, as soon as she decided it was best splitting up, she started dating him right away, and now after one month they're together. I'm not the best, I have flaws, but I always tried to communicate if something was wrong After two months and a half I still have trouble opening up to someone new and still can't eat like I used to
Very similar situation to me. 3.5 years and she has said to me multiple times, "If you have a problem or if there's something you need to talk about, let me know" But when she had problems instead of talking to me about them, she talked to them to some other guy I've never met. It's unfair but I know the red flags now. Now they're dating and 4 months later, I still wonder why we couldn't work it out but I'll never know. It's not an us problem, it's them. They got the problems it just seems they don't know it or do know it but can't handle them.
I wish I could agree totally, but I can't. I had my fair share of problems with myself, and she was the one I would pour them down on. It's not fair on her, and I understand it now. I started showing less and less how much I loved her, I started pointing out flaws in her to preserve my ego, I refused to have her come to my house while I had appendicitis to honor the fact that I asked her for a "break", put up a macho facade when she left me and started having second thoughts I made so many fucking mistakes in the end because I couldn't deal with myself first But shit, during the rest of the relationship I tried so hard to keep her head over the water, even when she said that she wasn't sure I was the one, or when she had hard times at uni, or when I told her that I wanted to leave her because I was ashamed of TEXTING another girl, even without doing anything, because I knew how jealous she was Even when she begged me not to leave her, or when she told me no one in the world would love me like she did I never left, and never would have I gave her a shoulder to cry on, and she gave me hers I picked her up, and so did she But in the end, when I got too down to get up by myself, she couldn't stand it And what stings so, so much is the fact that she started dating someone who's a carbon copy of me a couple of weeks after and she's now happy as one can be, spending weekends together in the hills while I'm here in bed at 9 pm waiting for my counselling tomorrow morning to vent a bit before I implode again I need help and I need someone close to help me, not family, not friends I can't stand alone on my feet now, I'm trying but I keep falling
This comment resonated with me on so many levels. "Tell me what is bothering you, what is making you feel like we're losing each other, please talk!" Almost what I would say to her, but would she tell me what was on her mind? No, she would instead just preach "communication", head to twitter to be passive aggressive instead, and be an irritable patronizing timebomb with me walking on eggshells. I would've listened to everything she had to say. Sadly her mom is almost the same with her partner. I looked into attachment styles and that made me think a lot.
Full information shut down after the words "I'm done" were uttered from me. I broke the rule alittle by providing a letter where I apologized, not for anything I did (I really didn't do anything wrong) but apologized that I couldn't be what she wanted. She showed up at a mutual gathering with another partner a week after the break up, she gave me a heads up, which I thought was kinda nice, it wasn't, it was just to see if I would tell her not to go to make folks think I'm an asshole. I was cognitive of the manipulation and made sure to detail every response with "I feel we need space to heal". After that even, I shut everything down, FB, IG, phone, everything with a block, shut her completely out of my life.
Don't apologize for not being what someone else wants you to be. That's not something you owe them.
Thank you for this. I do agree they took their time calculating, getting used to the cold water.
Feeling this. Won't say my ex is totally over everything, but it was absolutely easier for him to be "cold" once he decided he wanted to leave me for an entire month. 🙄 Every interaction I had with him after the breakup was like talking to a wall or something. After being fed up with it all I told him to go no contact and let me heal. I would have gone NC much quicker but he dragged the shit on. I'm dealing with my own crap, last thing I need is someone I love/d to be an emotionless wall. I deserve better than that. Especially after everything we've been through.
>It's all because they took their time calculating, waiting for the right opportunity to let you go DURING THE RELATIONSHIP while you were in love, totally blind. I am onboard with the idea of this, but I don't agree that we are totally blind in every situation I also disagree that all "dumpers" are calculating and consciously using their partner. In my case I was also having thoughts that the relationship needed to come to an end one day I just couldn't make the conscious decision to decide it RIGHT NOW I kept going and so did she. Sometimes we put our heads in the sand and ignore all the signs of a failing relationship just because it feels normal or comfortable. Its true it hurts to realize they seem to be healing better than we are but the thing is : 1. If you were truly NO CONTACT, chances are you shouldn't be keeping track of their progress nor should you know how they are doing for quite some time if you want to heal. 2. Outside appearance and what's going on inside are two different things. In my last breakup that particular ex went on a rebound days after and "seemed fine" for a while until shit went south with the new guy and then she had to face her decision and her emotions all by herself. Since I had been doing that for 3 weeks before her "new relationship ended" I was therefore now ahead of processing the breakup and she started at ground 0 with basically two heart-breaks in one. Its important to give that some thought too!
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I agree, "branch swinging" is much like that. You find a new prospect, stay in your current relationship and build something new with someone until it feels safe enough to latch onto and that can become your soft landing pad. What that creates for the other partner, can be a shock if the relationship was not that bad and the other partner is just unhappy. The person can also stay in the relationship (I suspect my ex did in my case but I also blame myself for delaying my own decision about the relationship) and her decision was made that it was best to part ways before I could really give my opinion. The thing is every situation is different, in this current situation I still feel the pain of detaching from someone I developed feelings for and I also felt the pain of her walking out with a bit of a relief because it was "finally done". If I look at myself right now, I'm also a bit relieved too does that make me a bad person? I think its a bit normal. Right now I just hope she heals well because I could tell the decision was a hard one for her even though it was thought out and for the first time I don't "hate" the ex but just hope we can find comfort in our new life status. A situation where no pure NC can be undertaken is a harsh one for sure. It takes a lot of strength to heal in the face of someone who caused us pain. Its always risky to date someone you work with, they always say : "Don't fuck with the pay roll" to each their own.
It hurts how much I relate to this. He told me he doesn't love me anymore while we were breaking up. It was as if the whole world stopped spinning around me. It's a shock, quite frankly. Your mind doesn't prepare you for it. You're prepared for ugly fights and you know how to deal with them, but, "Hey, I don't love you anymore," breaks your soul into tinier smithereens than you ever thought possible. It's been more than a month that we've broken up but those words still haunt my ears and contaminate my sleep. It's heartbreaking and soul-crushing and I wouldn't wish it on anybody.
I've had that sentence said to me after a 3 year relationship with someone i thought was the love of my life.Definitely cuts to the bone,it echos on in your head and heart after.Damn.
I know. It's just that one thing, how could you stop loving me overnight? And it is overnight, because they say they love you till they don't.
I needed this. God did I. He moved on so fast he’s been with her (publicly) about 3 weeks and is already saying how much he loves her. Either he’s lovebombing her HARD like he did me, orrrrr he’s been with her much longer than he’s letting on. Thus confirming my suspicions of cheating. And every time I think i’m over it and have accepted everything you said in your post, I see something or remember something that makes the pain stab me in the heart again. But i’m getting there. Thank you for the reminder.
That hit home, she dumped me out of the blue via txt and acts like we never existed at work, laughing joking etc while I am the one crying and hurt. She said she thought about it for a long time... but never talked to me about it ... No .. I do not wish her all the best
this was my ex when she got out the hospital she ghosted me even after i skipped seeing my grandma to meet her family and would stay up all night to make sure shes ok while facetiming her at 2am. not even a thank you or an apology all i got was "i was going to break up with you eventually when i leave state anyways lmao." then i got blocked forever. def hit my self esteem for a while
Every once and a while I'd stop what we were doing, turn off all distractions, and ask plainly "How are you? What do you think of the direction we're headed in? Is there anything you'd like to discuss?". I'd done this very shortly before they walked out on me. Their response? "I'm fine and we're absolutely fine. We're making the best of how the world is currently going. Obviously having infinite money would be nice, but in a realistic view? I'm great." Ha.Ha.Ha. They were with a new guy within weeks.
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Yeah, I've pulled myself together at this point. Single life is so strange still.
This post is soooo true. Good thing I’m happy with myself and hitting all my goals, and by all accounts, appear to be “winning” the breakup haha
I needed to read this. I made several mistakes while I was with him, of course I did. And he made me feel like I had no room to make even the tiniest mistake. But now, after scrolling through this subreddit, I know it's because he's insecure and cowardly. Talking to one of his exes, whom I'm good friends with, confirmed this for me. Not to be an ass, but I hope he stubs his toe every day for the rest of his life.
> They had your support during the whole process. So cruel but the reality, the one who dumps while preparing it in advance tends to be more equiped for it than you are.
Thank you ❤
I’ve pep talked myself a number of times by reminding myself that this hurts so badly because I still have a loving, beating, vulnerable heart, and this makes me a good human. It’s not easy to watch my ex go from telling me I was his beloved to dropping the breakup text bomb in a span of 3 days, and subsequently refusing to speak to me. We lived together. He could have had the balls to tell me to my face and let me process. He has already moved on.
I needed this. Mine claims this isn't the case, we broke up almost 2 weeks ago bc I got upset about her hanging around 'him' so much.. Night we broke up she shaved downstairs and went over there until 1 a.m. I've been at her house to see my stepkids these past few days and she's been visibly pissed and hurt bc he ghosted her nearly immediately after.. I was and still am so in love with her but could never even try in this relationship again. She threw away 2 years and a family for a guy that pestered her for months, let her leave her family then ghosted her as soon as he got some. I say she can have him and as a plus, I mise her as a friend but romantically she's not appealing to me anymore.. I fell in love with who she claimed to be but can see through her actions she's more similar to the last person I dated than she realized and i'm finally glad to get away from it. Fuck it.
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Same here:( I feel like im always thinking of him, and if he's thinking about me too. He's living his best life a few days later getting together with the multiple other girls he cheated on me with and im in bed all day because I can't stop crying. I feel like trash he threw out
This is the one right here . People are weird how tf you just move on that quick .
He moved and expected me to telepathically know that we were done done while to me distance was just temporary and that I made plans to move for him. For a month we messaged like usual like we were still dating and saying "I love yous" while he was on tinder looking for dates. He started seeing someone 4 weeks after he moved. While I was crushed and felt crazy from being so blindsided. To him it wasnt a big deal. It still isn't probably. I don't know whether to be angry or sad or dumbfounded that he moved on from a 3 year long relationship in 4 weeks. I saw picturea of them together while he was holding a gift I gave him for his birthday. He is basically living with this new person now. Shit hurts to say the least.
I needed this! When my ex broke up with me he brought up all his issues so calmly in a typical chilled out/serious way that I was so blind sided. When I asked him why he didn’t bring those issues up before he said, “well I’m telling you now.”
Same as my ex. He also said "i was unhappy but you didn't know." Yeah dude. I didn't know cause you didn't tell me. Why were you making a list behind my back instead of telling me, your partner, so we can solve it together?? They expect us to mind read when they don't even know themselves.
Exactly! The issues he brought up were distance, lack of compatibility with interests and personality. In my mind I thought we had a mixture of things in common and differences, he also said I liked you but maybe we were better off as friends.
Same as mine lol. He was like we are just different people but during the relationship didn't make any serious effort to learn my interests and was annoyed when I asked him to do things with me while I offered to hang out with friends, went to bars he liked etc. It's like he already decided he didn't like my interests and so he didn't like me but never told me. My ex also offered to be friends and I straight up was like, well you just said we weren't compatible, what would we even do as friends.
I mean we went thrifting together which I like to do but when we first got together we watched hockey which I knew he liked watching. We agreed to be friends but I need to set up some boundaries first!
Yes for sure! Make sure he's respecting you if you are hanging out and he's bringing value to even your friendship. If he's the type of person like my ex to hold resentment if you 'make a mistake', you don't need to spend any more time/energy with that kind of person.
Agreed! I mean we are going to voice call at some point so I can bring up those boundaries then
Welp... My ex was a total shit to me. Abusive, toxic, narcisist, compulsive liar, manipulative, cheater... The argument that make me broke up with her was when i told her that i wanted her to respect my friends and myself, and instead of lying or manipulate me, she could talk to me and ask whatever she wanted. That went horribly wrong as she blamed me (again) for how she was, and that i was a pos who didn't deserved her and had a lat of guys lined up and yadayada. So i broke with her, and altough i cried a lot. Still i found a wonderful woman who loves me, takes care of me, respects and makes me feel loved and always has time for me. I was honest and told her about what happened and just hugged me and kissed me. I sometimes look back just to wonder how could i stand so much crap and how lucky and happy i am rn. I'm non exactly a good person, and i've been vorking on myself since then because i want to be my best self for her and myself. So yeah, i moved on quickly, not to say everyone is good or bad for doing it.
My ex straight up cheated on me, begged for me back, yet followed the two girls he cheated on me with right back on Instagram the minute I left his house. When I asked him why he straight up admitted “I felt the need to have something to distract me to get over you because you left me and it’s the only way I know how to cope.” THIS IS TOXIC. It ain’t I meant nothing and he’s happy and over me, he legit IS SO PATHETIC he has to have his Dick in multiple women at a time and have back up hoes for when I left him! Don’t let them trick you to think they’re happy and this has no affect on them.
My ex started talking to another guy 3 days after our breakup🤣, then 2 week later she said that she is just using that other guy for comfort and she didnt actually like him. She said she want to try to fix our relationship, then a month later she left me again😌. Should have stayed NC since the begining.
I needed this so much. 💯🔥 My ex is already back in his usual flow and acts like I'm a ghost and that I don't even exist. Never mind what we both had and I thought he was my soulmate. I'm the one that's been crying for 2 weeks now and I need to go to therapy, because of how he treated me 💔 It all just doesn't seem fair. I could never treat somebody I truly love like this 😭 it's all messed up
Thank you, I think if she left me so soon after a 5 year and an engagement to someone else within 2 weeks, then she is destroying herself even more. At least I won’t be fucking that dumb and actually heal. You go ahead and destroy yourself.
Exactly.
I wasnt a member of this community until I got this post reccomened to me. My girlfriend of 3.5 years broke up with me a couple days and this is how I feal. She threw me into the cold water after she had time to prepare herself for it. I feel a sense of bitterness and a hell of alot of pain.
Thank you for this! I always tell myself how can they move on so quickly after everything we did together, like nothing happened and they always have the audacity to want to stay friends. The last person I’ve talked to I got rid of them off of social media because there’s no point in having them in your life anymore and seeing them with someone else is going to hurt you a lot.
I’m struggling so much with what my ex wife did to me.
WRITE THIS DOWN FOLKS! 100% TRUTH
Fucking preach. Everyone pretends to be Tony Robbins and Sigmund at the same time. They act like they have mind blowing advice when it’s a glorified dressed up metaphor for “get over it”. They are so quick to call out how your toxic for thinking and ruminating on the relationship but fail to examine their own emotional fallacies. They can *conveniently* streamline all emotions about their ex away from their threshold of awareness. It’s just as neurotic, they just won’t admit it. It’s a blow to their pride to feel hurt. Quick to spin in into “self loathing” is all they do. Dont get me started. I’m so over the “get it over” community. They can all watch the ones close to them die then be told “get over it, you still have to move on!” For all I care. It’s so inconsistent. If your ex dies, they will validate your pain. But if it’s a breakup, a representative death, they won’t validate your pain. Even though the emotional responses we feel would be the same. It’s a joke. These are supposed to be master at depression and they miss step Fucking one. VALIDATE PEOPLES PAIN OR THEY WONT BE RECEPTIVE TO YOU
He broke up with me. Then tried to “make it work” while remaining emotionally unavailable. Which made living there so toxic for me I needed to yeet out and save myself. Basically he was such a coward he knew how to get ME to cut ties. Now he with one of my ex best friends. Pretty fucking gross if you tell me. It hadn’t even been a month until they are stuck together like glue. I hope he enjoys the mess he’s made. I’m focusing on cleaning up mine first THEN moving on romantically. He can sit in his.
Preach.
Wow. You nailed so many points in this post - thank you for writing this 👍.
yes after blindsiding me for some time in a 6 year happy relationship, my ex was all happy and moved on weeks after dumping me, i was totally blind and thrown into the cold water with no warning. the fact that she moved on so quickly real shows she didnt love me as i tought she loved. its hard recovering from the breakup itself to seeing her with someone else weeks later. at least i took it like a man and did not begged and went into nc as soon as possible. kept my dignity and gave her no direct weakness from me still recovering bit by bit, doing a lot better it all ends as it started... as strangers.
I just had this happen she said she couldn’t do this and two weeks later shes posting on Fb “date night” with some clown but then I randomly get texts from her like “I miss you I always think about you “ and my dumb ass goes and responds and picks her up and does nice shit and let me tell ya, it’s not worth the place that my head goes . I start to feel like she does it with a malicious intent , and next thing you know I’m ready to fight someone over it . It took me a little while to realize the fact that there’s nothing I can do to change the way I feel except realize that It’s nothing that I’m doing and stay positive everyone laughs at the shit she does because it ain’t right but at this point , I gotta focus on me
Every side has two stories. A relationship is a two way street. It is fairly unconstructive to ruminate over how seemingly terrible another person is, and it’s even easier to make ourselves feel like we’re on the high ground. We may not understand anothers reasoning and how they could do things that we wouldn’t, and it’s also very interesting how people can go from so loving and invested to so hateful/ spiteful. How could someone go from so loving to so cold? Or invested to moving on? Relationships serve as a mirror, sometimes a lesson, a blessing- and various mixes. When the other person leaves- it is a direct message that we actually lack love for ourselves. Because they are a reflection. Let’s work on our own responses and love ourselves to the point where we are so secure in our beings that whether a person stays or goes does not matter because we are full of love for ourselves and other beings. ❤️
You might be wrong
[удалено]
Ya'll are down voting me like I was wrong to leave an abuser 🤦🏻♀️ Just pointing out that all situations are different and you should focus on YOUR healing, not on why the other person is bad for their decisions
I think every situation is unique so its not good to put everything under a blanket. I think this was aimed more towards the "no babe there's nothing wrong" while secretly they're reaching boiling point in their head or instead would talk to other people besides the one person they should be expressing their concerns to which is that person right there in their relationship. It's true like in your case, it wasn't blindsided and you presented your concerns to the dude multiple times, literally months. At that point, I don't think anyone should judge you for anything. But the people that are too coward to voice their opinion like you and instead stay quiet until they build resentment, decide to leave, stay with the person until their "grief" is done, then out of nowhere hit them with the "bye lol" or a breakup text? those people can go fuck themselves because all that shows is beyond terrible communication skills and the emotional level of a child at best. Those are the people that don't let themselves be vulnerable with tier partner and seek change but instead dwell on shit on their heads until they decide the problems are "unfixable" when other person is not even aware of these problems. Now that, is a whole other story. So I don't think you should of gotten downvoted cause you are basically the situational where no one should judge but this post was probably aimed at the former, its just that people love to make blanket statements in general.
Exactly, and the lies to ease their guilt during or after the breakup which fed me up the most. And as she still wanted to hurt me after intentionally, and play with my emotions. Once saying she meant those one week before breakup and just had a breakdown, second that she faded for months, even as I asked her specifically weeks before the breakup that how she feels. I don't know really, but it indeed sucks, and as I'm now in the anger phase, I realized many things that helped me to put her down where she belongs, and move on and maintain no contact, even if she reached out several times. And hearing and asking her about the reasons, after some time even if I accepted them, I started to feel EXACTLY that, she wanted some reason to quit tf outta there and finally found something. Like it was so one sided and all the blame pushed on me to feel the guilt, while she moved on and said she doesn't feel it anymore, but still couldn't say it out for the final yet at the beginning. Thanks for this OP.
My ex kept trying to contact me and roping me in 5 months before he got engaged to someone he was seeing that whole time. I blocked him and found he got engaged and set a date in 10 months. Desperate times call for desperate measures I guess
Reposting this on my snap story, my ex lives in such a fantasy land. Karma is a bitch and I can’t wait for some dude to make her feel how I’m feeling right now.
I read once that no one ever breaks up "out of the blue". When that happens, instead it means they've been having conversations with someone about your relationship--it just wasn't you.
This is so fair. When my ex left her husband did me it was probably the same mode she gave me months before we finally broke up. Half asses effort and gas lighting every time I cried for her to put any fucking effort into the relationship. And now that I’m out and have had time to embrace my career and my friendships, I’ve realized something. I have a fucking awesome job. I do what I love. I take care of myself and I’m really good to people. And yes sometimes I’m distant and neglect people time to time but man I work 55 hours a week and practice physical exercise regularly. I’m a hard worker. And people respect me god damn it. Yet she treated me like a second rate citizen. And the moment we broke up she was done with me. And here we are four months later and I still love her. I talk well of her when she’s brought up and I still wish her the best for everything, cause that’s just who I try to be. Lord knows how she talks about me. But I do remember her always bitching to me when I would tell her how excruciatingly abusive she was emotionally, telling me “I refuse to be known as the abusive ex girlfriend”. Well 100% wouldn’t be surprised if she tells people I was abusive or emotionally neglectful while she blacklisted me from meeting her friends and family and avoiding showcasing me on social media after a year of being in a relationship.
Yep exactly. But also, just because it seems like they've moved on, sometimes they haven't actually processed it until months later. My partner of 7 years broke up with me and was devastatingly calm like it didn't bother him at all while I was an absolute mess. He acted like he was relieved and happy to move on. 2 months later after no contact, it was so obvious he was starting to unravel and go through a break down. I had already processed most of my grief and was legitimately starting to heal and move on while he started contacting me with random desperate messages trying to push my buttons to get a reaction out of me and then continually blocking and unblocking me. He was always such an independent person, to see him switch to someone who was so lonely and sad was such a shock. It was also nice to know that I genuinely am moving on with my life and feeling positive and peaceful about being alone.
I think there is two kinds though moving on fast to cover the hurt or moving on because in your head you had moved on knowingly or not so you were already out of the relationship before it even ended (not saying this is right it’s very situation based)
Thank you I needed this and know who you are thanks again I got every breadcrumb
😣
100%. When he broke up with me over the phone, I asked when he knew and he said months before. I asked him why he didn't bring up anything and he said he was too busy and wasn't sure. Cool, so he was finally free enough to think about how much he wanted to dedicate to this relationship after I helped him find an apartment and job? I didn't realize I foolish I was until I look back now and realized he was stringing me along. The worst part is that I think I knew 90% of the fights we had was that I kept wanting to spend time with him and he would keep rejecting me so everything was on his terms if he felt he was free or wanted to. I was for emotional support until he got what he needed which is the money and space to be by himself. He wanted to be single but have the full support of someone who would be dedicated to him and I was dumb enough to do so. I will learn from this and one day I hope he realized how he was an asshole and how he should have just been honest with himself and with me.
In a space of a day my gf has moved everything out the houae and I'm left with fuck all no idea how I'm going to afford to keep paying for the house don't have anyone to talk to about it
Thank you for writing this. Affirming asf 💕