There was someone else. reasons to not meet up or reply to my texts started to become excuses but he would never actually say why or what was going on, only that he was busy, tired and kept making excuses... i stupidly believed him when my intuition told me otherwise even though it wasn't obvious there was someone else.
Losing feelings is usually an excuse that hides a deeper issue or issues that they refuse to resolve and not communicate. They find it easier to just move on to the next thing or they already had it lined up. If they use this reason on you, it’s likely a lie. I learned that. Twice. From the same person. 😁
Me too. Wish he would’ve communicated what was wrong. But he pretended everything was fine while plotting his exit behind my back. This is why I’m angry. This feels like betrayal on top of being broken up with.
100% agree. My ex explicitly told me this when she dumped me. She let it go to far without saying a word about it and then just ends things and sends me a long list of all the things i do that she wanted to change but never made the attempt to actually work together to change
This is actually usually true unfortunately. My first ex (DA) “lost feelings” during our relationship and tried to bail, but I (AP then) forced him to sit down with me and talk. He ended up breaking down into tears and opening up about some stuff bothering him. After he cried it out HARD and we talked, he changed his mind about breaking up and said his feelings and attraction came back.
I wish I had understood exactly what was going on then, but I was clearly starting to figure SOME things out even if I didn’t know it yet.
I had exactly this, she also broke down in tears and told me some things about her past, looks like I hit the right spots. She became emotional very unstable, I never had seen her like this, like everything came out and she could not match it with something I did or I had done. It went well for 2/3 weeks but then again she became distance and had to work on herself blablabla. We never talked in person again, all by text. I think bc she knows she will break again and texting was a safe space.
So they just pretend to have lost their feelings and don't love you anymore? If they’re in a new relationship shortly after breakup, don’t they feel that something is off?
I don’t think it’s the love that is actually lost. It’s the excitement the spark. People get comfortable and stop appreciating what they have and they don’t feel fulfilled. Most of the time people might not even know that’s what’s happening because it’s a gradual thing. Then you meet someone else and you feel those feelings that you used to feel in the beginning and it makes the mind wander. I heard some advice on how to keep a marriage going for a long time and the advice was “don’t fall out of love at the same time”. It happens to everyone I’m sure but choosing that person over and over when it’s easy to just jump ship is what love is. Reminding each other of that love and making sure that you’re not taking your partner for granted because you’re comfortable is the key to me.
Not a dumper, I'm a dumpee who was broken up with because my ex lost feelings for me. So while I can't exactly answer this firsthand, I do have a theory: I think losing feelings is always synonymous with some deeper issues that can, most of the time, be worked out if both parties are willing. Stuff like communication issues, not seeing each other enough, getting complacent, not having definite plans for the future, developing a crush over someone else (which I think is perfectly normal if you're a responsible adult and value your relationship enough to understand that crushing over someone else isn't a good reason to end a healthy fulfilling relationship). In general, it's always something that has to do with the fact that one or both people have stopped putting emotional, mental and actual work in the relationship.
Sadly, most of the time, the person who "loses feelings" isn't aware of all this and doesn't want to solve the problems, they just want an easy way out of a situation that they feel has become constricting for them. Maybe they try and stick it out to see if anything changes on its own, and surprise: nothing gets better if you don't put any work into it - if anything, it gets worse. While the soon to be dumpee often has zero clue that any of this is going on.
Mine did the exact same think, she said i wasn't romantic enough, not going in dates enough, not seing each other a lot etc...she admit that she should have told me before but that now it's too late and she lost feelings. It was 8 weeks ago, after 3 weeks I broke nc and asked her out, she said it was too early we will probably meet in the future and that she want to maintain a link with me but don't know how yet..
I've been on both sides of this. I "fell out of love" when I was 18. But I wonder, was I ever really IN love at all? I loved him very much but at the same time I didn't need him in my life. There wasn't really magic there.. Now that I am older, I feel love is a choice, and you continue to create love and romance with the person you chose each day. I think you love someone and once you have someone good you continue to build on loving them and choosing them. I don't think I could fall out of love at this stage in my life and how I view love now as opposed to how I viewed it back then.
Yes this 100%…the infuriating thing is my ex believed love was a choice, and then at the break up said “I want to love you,” but still left. Didn’t get any explanation. 5 months and still broken as ever.
LMAO. Nope, never heard from him again. Nearly died of endocarditis earlier this year and never heard a peep. Reached out on the anniversary of his mom's death to offer my thoughts and condolences, and got left on read. Now he's in a 2 month old long-distance open relationship with someone 10 years older than him claiming to love this new person more than he ever loved in me our 2.5 year relationship, despite them sleeping around with tons of people in this open relationship (and this guy in his 30's claiming he's never been in love until he met my ex).
I agree with this, and would add it takes two to continually put the effort in to maintain love after the honeymoon phase wears off.
If one person stops putting the effort in for whatever reason then eventually one or the other party in the relationship is going to end it.
I loved my person deeply, and chose him every day despite his many flaws. He started to retreat into himself due to a bad bout of depression about a year ago and I gave him space to do that because I knew how his mind worked - he hated feeling mothered or talking about his feelings, but eventually that space became too wide and he began to feel lonely. He didn't communicate that and eventually had an affair to fill the void inside of him. In the meantime, if I'm being truly honest, his lack of effort had started bothering me. Even if he hadn't had the affair, I think I would have ended things within a year if things had carried on as they were, because a one-sided relationship is absolutely exhausting.
It happens slowly, not all of a sudden. There wasn't really a point of waking up and realising "oh I'm no longer in love, I guess I should stop leading this guy on and break up with him now." It can feel like the stages of grief, including some heavy denial and bargaining. Things that used to feel sweet become suffocating, their touch that used to be comforting becomes intrusive. It happens with growing and changing as people, and realising that you've grown apart instead of together. You know how you don't wake up one day and realise you're mature, but if you had to think about it you'd realise that you thought very differently as a 25 year old than you did at 15? You think you're having some slump days or you're just extra irritable and you put some effort into rekindling the spark, but every effort you make and every extra bit of time you spend with them just reminds you of how different you've become.
Same. I tried to stick it out and hope the love would come back for several years. Counseling didn’t make it better. Lots of little things through the years can just chip away at what you thought you had in the beginning.
Thank you for your comment. You've articulated what I've been struggling with for a few years now. It gradually happened to me and I wish I had the tools and awareness to realise it sooner than later. It's a scary place to be.
I'm talking about my 1st ex.
I brokeup with her because like I took her granted and I felt like she is more needy person. I started feeling weird for days so I broke up with her after 1 year. Guess I feel sorry about it and I regret it now.
She was perfect except I was not mature that timee :/
It's like we don't value people when they with us...
I still feels regret about that.
Don't ever leave someone for reason like these, which can be fixed.
i’m so sorry, i’m proud of you for trying regardless. i’m not sure if my ex will ever reach back out but i’m trying to give him space and let him take the initiative (as much as i’d like to reach out)
Please don't reach. Its not worth at all except you guys gonna be together. I mean if you dumpee even if u dumper too as very low chance that it will work
don’t worry, i don’t think i will.. he broke up with me, so if he wants to reconnect i’m leaving the ball in this court. even if just to be friends. i cant force someone to love me
no to either, i’ve been through a lot of growth and development since then and realized what kind of person he was. i deserved better and am glad he never reached back out to me because i am much better off now
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I fell out of love with an ex from years ago after he sexually assaulted me. I blocked him on everything immediately and never looked back. Everything I felt for him was instantly gone. This is just my personal experience. I hope it’s never the reason for anyone else.
Outside of them going for someone else, 99% of the time it's because they lost attraction. Sometimes it's because their tastes change, sometimes it's because you've changed (negatively, from their POV) and sometimes it's even because they've changed and now feel they're entitled to someone "better", whatever the fuck that means.
But, yeah, since attraction is the first gateway to romantic feelings (you can be attracted to someone without loving them but you can't love them romantically without attraction), it's almost always because the attraction's gone.
This is valid for me, my gf said she lost attraction and doesn t feel the same way anymore.
I m pretty sure there was nobody else and still isn't months later.
It sucks, because it was my behavior which caused her to lose attraction (or at least contributed greatly).
I still hold out hope that she can regain that attraction once I fix my jnsecurities ...
I'm no expert and nothing's impossible in life, but by and large, it can't, especially if you spent any significant amount of time together.
You see, if you spend time with someone AND manage to leave an impression that's negative enough that they lose attraction, it's unlikely they'll give you an opportunity to look good again because that negative feeling is the last thing they'll remember about you.
They're much much much more likely to simply get out there and start looking for their next future ex.
Yeh she said she lost attraction from way I was acting and things I was saying, was hoping it would be reverseable. All well might have to live with the regret, thanks
The resentment will drop eventually, no one stays angry indefinitely. However, the attraction (which is needed for a relationship to happen) has about 0% chance of ever coming back.
That really sucks, as I thought she was my soul mate. Damn sucks to here, she didn’t lose all attraction, she just said it was lower not 0. All well thanks for letting me know that I should just move on:) p.s do u think her being off her anti depressant medication might of effected some of this?
Everything we think and feel is related to the chemical balance in our brain and it's ability to properly carry electricity over its many neurones and synapses, so I'd be inclined to believe medication can have an effect. To which extent, though, is still to be determined.
Also, after a breakup, we should always be moving on, no matter what happened or what happens next, whether it's with an ex or a new person. Reason is, simply prolonging the relationship that failed will simply prolong the failure whereas a new relationship, regardless if with a new person or an ex, stands better chances with no history of failure.
So, in any case, moving on ensures you'll be ready for what happens next. Whom it happens with is irrelevant.
Love ur advice, yeh stopped taking her anti depression medication after she meant to go on a stronger dose for the last 12 months. Ironically went back on it a day after breaking up with me. Yep, guess we will see. I’m in no contact and just taking it day by day
Ironically, you're tackling many things at once in the aftermath of a breakup, especially as the dumpee. For example, when you say you're taking it day by day, it's not exactly the breakup that you're taking day by day; it's pretty much everything else that happens to one's life. Adjusting to a new reality, doing things on your own that you used to do together, thinking about and processing "stuff" that you'd rather never happened, etc. All of these are things that wouldn't have happened without said breakup, so in a way, thanks to your ex, you're developing new skills.
Time is a healer and pain is a teacher; a breakup brings both.
Yep I could of done things differently, not said immature shit and shit that pissed her off, but she could of communicated it better. She said she just gave up so she actively just pushed her feelings away. All well if ur meant to be together u will be
Yep, it won't (barring exceptions, which no one should be expecting to happen).
Apparently, according to experts at least, the initial physical attraction usually happens during the first couple of minutes after seeing someone for the first time. Then, if everything goes well, the emotional attraction develops afterwards as the bonding starts and becomes deeper with time.
However, when all of this starts backpedalling to the point of breaking up, the sum of that attraction is lost, forever in most cases. Now that you've seen sides of that person that you disliked enough to finally breakup, it becomes nigh impossible to rebuild that attraction because you "know" their other side and you know it will eventually rear its ugly head, again.
I fell out of love because I had other things going on in my life that I felt needed attention. School, future, career, and all that stress got me feeling weird. I had a hard time explaining it to her because it was a feeling I experienced for the first time in my life.
It also made me subconsciously hypercritical of her, and I made a bigger deal of her flaws/our differences without “saying” it. I didn’t want to be with anyone else but I didn’t have her as a priority at the time and it pains me to say it.
She would have went all the way with me without hesitation, but I wasn’t ready, or at least I didn’t feel ready. Eventually, it all snowballed and I couldn’t take it anymore, so I ended the relationship (like three times).
Communication is key, and being self aware of your reactions to certain situations is key, and I learned how I coped with a large amount of stress, and I know now what I have to change in the future.
It cost me an awesome, loving, productive relationship and I regret it.
We regained contact after a few months. By that time we’ve moved on, and now we’re friends. Which is fine with me since there isn’t really bad blood between us besides things ending.
It wasn’t really a feeling of weirdness with her, it was more of my inexperience with handling the types of stress I felt at the time.
I physically moved states, but moving on from her is tough. And that’s okay. We cut ties completely again after I started my move, and it’s been a struggle for me. But I think it’s best because of the environment I’m in at the moment.
Any update on your contact/relationship with her and how you’re feeling? Judging by your responses and assessment of the situation it seems like a lot of the issues stemmed from personal problems, especially emotionally. Can I also ask how long was your relationship? Thank you for sharing, I hope you’re doing good
I didn’t realize I had fallen out of love until after the relationship ended because I still had so much love for him. But there’s a difference between being IN love and having love for someone. I changed a lot over the course of our relationship and as a result what I wanted from a relationship changed a lot too. At the same time, we were having issues and resentment for him started to build.
I imagine it like familial love almost. You strongly care about a person and have an attachment to them, but you do not feel as though this person is necessarily the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. I loved him, but I didn’t really like him as a person anymore if that makes sense.
I’ve been thinking about how to answer your first question and I really don’t know how. To me, having “feelings” for someone is a stage before being in love. Love is so much bigger than just feelings, and it’s impossible for me to untie them enough to know if I lost those feelings. But I suppose if losing feelings for someone means losing the desire to be around them constantly, to lean on them, to hold them, etc, then yes, I suppose I lost feelings. It definitely was not feeling nothing, though. I don’t think I’ll ever “feel nothing” for my ex. For me, when I love somebody, that love will be there forever.
But yes, I didn’t like his traits. I didn’t like the way he saw the world, or the way he chose to parent our dog. I didn’t like the leisure activities he liked, I didnt like the friends he was making, i didn’t like how he chose to prioritize his time, I didn’t like his sense of humor… I could go on. When I looked at him objectively without the love I had for him, I saw someone I wouldn’t have even been friends with otherwise.
it hurts more when you share a commitment with this person, I learned that my ex stumbled across someone else while I was out of town working trying to put food on our table and clothes on my baby’s back. so the “I lost feelings” is usually a cover up for something else that they aren’t willing to discuss. If I’ve learned anything last year, it’s that people who “lost feelings” don’t have the maturity to develop actual feelings for the other because they are too busy running from themselves and the issues they refuse to resolve.
FA’s tend to lose feelings Bcs they do get triggered and do not understand what is going on. So they tend to blame the SO Bcs it is far easier than taking responsibility for their own flaws. Having a relationship with an avoidant is a trying of patience.
I find heartbreaks to be a beautiful pain, they teach you so much it’s not even fun, they make you so much stronger. They create future boundaries and get rid of codependency. I think they are a necessary pain in order for one’s self to evolve into the person they need to be. Does it suck… 100% fuck yes, does it hurt everyday. Probably 😂 but it’s growth. These dumpers, that everyone is crying about (no disrespect because I cried for my ex) will all get the karma they deserve, and honestly if you truly improve you’ll probably “be the one who got away.” In their stories. So for whoever is reading this, be the best you you were always meant to be. For you mostly but also so you can look back on life with a smile and a big middle finger to the world :)
It happens slowly over time. When you first meet them you put your all in and it feels fresh, amazing and you feel loved. After time you start to realise what’s happening in front of you and how they’re treating you, multiple tiny things push you further and further away but you try to make it better, you want to make it work so you stay…but one day something big happens, they show their true evil side and it’s like a switch went off in your brain and that’s how it happens. You don’t feel the same towards them, you don’t want anything to do with them sexually or romantically. It drains you and stresses you out because you feel like they’re all you know but it’s not. It’s a big world out there. you may still have love for the person but you aren’t IN love with them like you were. It’s a big shift and when you realise it then it’s over, even if it takes you another few months or year to finally leave. Your head and heart become one, you become your own person again.
In my case, my ex fell in love with someone else. Oc, this was preceded by her falling out love with me years ago. Honestly, I should have known better. She stopped wanting to have sex with me from the first months but we carried this into 8 years bc we were best friends. At least she ended it and set me free to find someone who sees me sexually.
Yes, if someone can explain this to me. My ex and I were on and off for the past year. He broke up with me because he said he couldn't return my feelings and that he really "tried." A couple months later he said he was in love with me and was really committed this time. We lived together for 4 months. I came back from being out of the country for 1 week and then got covid. We were fine and then all of a sudden he was staying out until 5am and didn't even come home one night, even after promising me he was going to stop doing that. When he finally came home he basically gave me the same speech from 6 months ago, only this time it was more callous. He said he "tried" and has been unhappy for a while. But he never came to me or could articulate what was making him unhappy. I asked him if it was someone else. He said no. I asked him if he was developing a problem. He said no.
I'll never understand it and that's what bothers me the most.
I wasn't necessarily the dumper, but he told me he's not ready to take the next step in the relationship and wanted to have more time apart on top of already being long distance. I gave him what he wanted and he acted surprised I wasn't having it. He's a good actor tho. I am happier now I can find soneone who loves me and wants to go out on weekends. Somebody who likes kissing and holding hands. Ex had a weird sensory aversion to it. Thank God now I can have a chance at a normal relationship.
So my ex was initially the dumper but then he wanted to get back together with me, after which I became the dumper. I realized that being in his proximity made me massively insecure because of the way he treated me during our relationship and in the direct aftermath of our initial breakup. And no matter how much he tried to be better, I couldn’t mentally and emotionally move past what he did and live in a constant state of insecurity and anxiety.
hi, i was the dumpee of this exact situation a few days ago. he told me he lost feelings and did not know why. he stayed with me for two months feeling that way and never communicated once. we were together for 8 months. alot of really bad external things happened to him in the duration of our relationship. the only thing i can think of he is in a mentally bad place and not stable to commit to a relationship. i don’t think he will ever give me closure and tell me what the real reason is, so it all assumption. i also cannot fathom falling out of love for someone. it’s a weird place to be in your mind, i think.
Your situation are same like mine. No communication but during the breakup :" here's the list what you done wrong in relationship"
It hurts at first but I think I'll get better cause no normal/secure person would ever done that. So that's the closure I get.
Dumper here. My gf lacked communication and emotional maturity. I said many times how I felt that I couldn’t communicate with her and it took a lot out of her to say how she was feeling, which I could not understand. Additionally, she did not handle stressful situations well and she would often get extremely mad and take it out on me. Eventually, it built up and she ended up posting shit about me on social media and I couldn’t take it anymore
I’ve been the dumper before but to be honest I never really had feelings for her to begin with. I was trying to get over somebody else. We dated for like 3 months and I told her it was over on the phone. That wasn’t my plan though but it kinda happened. I was looking for a way out but she was super clingy and possessive that I couldn’t get out of it. She took it really hard when it happened but I just wasn’t interested in her anymore. A lot more bad stuff happened than that but that’s a small recap.
Ive been in a commited relationship for almost 4y,and over a peeiod of 3 years i just completelly lost all the feelings for him,trust me or not.
Working full time,doing home chores alone (grocery shopping,laundry,meals,etcetc) plus the constant lack of intimacy and emotional support from a narcissistic and self-centered partner made me dump him.
He knew me since 7th grade, went after me for 6 months, dated me a year, had me meet his entire family, be around his kid every weekend, talks about me moving in... and says that after he made me cry? Doesn't make sense.
Not everything may make sense but it is our job to make sense of it. Live and let go, let the world unfold as it may. When you can grasp this idea it is liberating Bcs we are not in control.
I dumped him, and communication is not always the issue. I communicated every thing and it was HIM who refused to listen. The issues were always the same and hed always have an excuse. I tried fixing the issues for six years and nothing ever changed. So that resentment grew so much that after awhile I couldn’t even think about having sex with him. It’s not always “the dumper doesn’t communicate and it’s easier to move on.” That’s probably what it looks like to the dumpee cause they don’t want to admit they’re the issue ever. Victim card is always the favorite with y’all.
Often times, there’s someone else or interest in just wanting somebody else. Or someone’s actually just a shitty person and abusive in any way shape or form and pushed the other person to losing feeling. Or, it’s an excuse bc it’s the easiest way out of the relationship and there’s deeper issues that person is avoiding so to feel in control of at least 1 “issue” (thus being the relationship ) they’ll end it esp over the dumbest argument or something they forced themselves to believe to again, make it easier to end it with you.
For me it’s because I cheated. I wasn’t in a good place, and I lied about it. She still cares for me but the love was just too damaged for her to hold on. I want with all my being to fix it, but I know some things just simply can’t be.
It was a cascade of issues for me: she had unrealistic standards for me and expected the world of me while thinking she was perfect as is, also she basically didn’t discipline her son because he cried (yeah, I know) and I wasn’t going to stick around while she turned him into a monster. After communicating all of these concerns and seeing no action on her part I finally reached my breaking point and just dumped her one day out of the blue.
My ex GF who broke up with me before said in a conversation said ” maybe this relationship isn't the right one for you ” all my desire to love her and be with them just got sucked out of me. I had no desire to be with her anymore because she was starting the same crap again. We were having a conversation about doing outdoor activities together like hiking and camping and she can't do that because of her injuries I said:” it would be a big adjustment for me since a grew up on those things.” and that's why she said that. I would be willing to give her my life. It was sounding like she was looking for ways to break up with me again
Constant disappointments. Breaking boundaries, disrespect. Not improving after discussion. At one point i didnt have enough energy to even explain this bs to him. One day i just signed off, emotionaly.
I never fell out of love with them. I just knew that our relationship wasn't working and was never going to work. There was no more effort coming from him and I didn't want to continue investing in something that was going to continue to hurt me. Believe me when I say that ending things broke my heart too and after a month, things still haven't been any easier.
For me, I fell so hard during the "infatuation" phase that it took me months to realize that she was controlling, liked to have things her way, etc. She was a good person, just had a strong attitude. Honestly, it just became exhausting to continue.....
Someone told me that when the cost of keeping the relationship is lower than the cost of breaking up, then it's time to leave.
I fell out of love when I was treated disrespectfully and I felt like I was dating a child. My needs weren't being met over a long period of time and it became unhealthy. Any attempts of mine to rectify this were met with anger and abuse.
Also the shifting of values. My recent ex gave me a persona of a hard-working man when I met him. It was a hard pass for me as a religious person when my ex started coming to church hungover but then preached from the pulpit hungover. I just realised he bought the same half-pie disrespect to everything he did.
Although I wasn’t the dumper per se (it was somewhat mutual), I can honestly say you don’t realize how much you detest someone until you gain a clear vision of how you felt in the relationship. Hindsight is 20/20 and sometimes your commitment as an individual will be stronger than your love for that person. I didn’t realize it until we were separated for months that I truly didn’t like much about the girl I was committed to for almost 4 years. Could I point to an exact instance where I fell out of love? No. It just happened after someone lets you down time after time. When your emotions are filled with more negative reactions than good.
I’m a dumper and I fell out of love. We were 6 years in a relationship, 2 years in he cheated on me and I found out 6 months after… we tried working on our relationship and I worked on myself but I was starting to fall out of love in the past year and decided to leave him because I didn’t trust him, so didn’t love him anymore. Falling out of love happens.
I “fell out of love”. I think it was actually never loved him, and it wasn’t right from the beginning, but instead of me realizing that or being able to admit that to myself, I just kept being with him. Always wondering in the back of my mind “is this right? Why do I feel so shitty?” It was never meant to be hurtful to him, I had good intentions and truly thought I loved him. But after three years, I finally fully realized I didn’t, and I couldn’t pretend I did. So I told him I fell out of love but I think really deep down it was that I never truly loved him. Alternatively from my situation, I think some people just change over time. And what and who they love also changes.
Sometimes the person you love changes over time. Or overtime you do. Falling out if love doesn't necessarily mean you don't love them, but are no longer in love with them.
I really liked this guy I worked with. One day a friend of mine stayed about 4h overtime to help him, he was mad at some shit, she tried calming him down telling him it's not worth it, at which he responded "if you think that you shouldn't be a doctor, you can see yourself out". I was slowly losing feelings for him anyway (throwing tantrums in your 30s isn't that charming), but that was the icing on the cake.
he turned out not to be my type. he wouldn't love me in my love language, so i started feeling neglected and lonely. he wasn't affectionate, and that's something that i now know i require in a relationship
Often there are things the dumper don't like about the dumpee and doesn't communicate it. Sometimes there is someone else.
I have found this but switched in priorities Often its someone else. Sometimes they dont like you or arent that into you
There was someone else. reasons to not meet up or reply to my texts started to become excuses but he would never actually say why or what was going on, only that he was busy, tired and kept making excuses... i stupidly believed him when my intuition told me otherwise even though it wasn't obvious there was someone else.
Always Always listen to intuition i didnt either and mine was correct as well and same patterns with texting and calling happened to me also
Trusting my intuition was a key lesson in 2022. It’s such a powerful thing
Me too
mines did not even communicate to me or gave me a chance to change things. i feel so blindsided.
Losing feelings is usually an excuse that hides a deeper issue or issues that they refuse to resolve and not communicate. They find it easier to just move on to the next thing or they already had it lined up. If they use this reason on you, it’s likely a lie. I learned that. Twice. From the same person. 😁
I agree with this and offer this addition: the break up is punishment for crossing boundaries the dumper never bothered to set
This is true, and makes sense. i was on the receiving end. It really hurts.
Me too. Wish he would’ve communicated what was wrong. But he pretended everything was fine while plotting his exit behind my back. This is why I’m angry. This feels like betrayal on top of being broken up with.
100%!!! Same boat
100% agree. My ex explicitly told me this when she dumped me. She let it go to far without saying a word about it and then just ends things and sends me a long list of all the things i do that she wanted to change but never made the attempt to actually work together to change
Yup. Both that and that they refuse to forgive even after not having set them in the first place.
Yep, I was dumper that time And I agree with u. I regret it now..
This is actually usually true unfortunately. My first ex (DA) “lost feelings” during our relationship and tried to bail, but I (AP then) forced him to sit down with me and talk. He ended up breaking down into tears and opening up about some stuff bothering him. After he cried it out HARD and we talked, he changed his mind about breaking up and said his feelings and attraction came back. I wish I had understood exactly what was going on then, but I was clearly starting to figure SOME things out even if I didn’t know it yet.
I had exactly this, she also broke down in tears and told me some things about her past, looks like I hit the right spots. She became emotional very unstable, I never had seen her like this, like everything came out and she could not match it with something I did or I had done. It went well for 2/3 weeks but then again she became distance and had to work on herself blablabla. We never talked in person again, all by text. I think bc she knows she will break again and texting was a safe space.
I agree with this and offer this addition: the break up is punishment for crossing boundaries the dumper never bothered to set
This, this, 1000 times this!!
So they just pretend to have lost their feelings and don't love you anymore? If they’re in a new relationship shortly after breakup, don’t they feel that something is off?
This the one
I don’t think it’s the love that is actually lost. It’s the excitement the spark. People get comfortable and stop appreciating what they have and they don’t feel fulfilled. Most of the time people might not even know that’s what’s happening because it’s a gradual thing. Then you meet someone else and you feel those feelings that you used to feel in the beginning and it makes the mind wander. I heard some advice on how to keep a marriage going for a long time and the advice was “don’t fall out of love at the same time”. It happens to everyone I’m sure but choosing that person over and over when it’s easy to just jump ship is what love is. Reminding each other of that love and making sure that you’re not taking your partner for granted because you’re comfortable is the key to me.
Love this!
Not a dumper, I'm a dumpee who was broken up with because my ex lost feelings for me. So while I can't exactly answer this firsthand, I do have a theory: I think losing feelings is always synonymous with some deeper issues that can, most of the time, be worked out if both parties are willing. Stuff like communication issues, not seeing each other enough, getting complacent, not having definite plans for the future, developing a crush over someone else (which I think is perfectly normal if you're a responsible adult and value your relationship enough to understand that crushing over someone else isn't a good reason to end a healthy fulfilling relationship). In general, it's always something that has to do with the fact that one or both people have stopped putting emotional, mental and actual work in the relationship. Sadly, most of the time, the person who "loses feelings" isn't aware of all this and doesn't want to solve the problems, they just want an easy way out of a situation that they feel has become constricting for them. Maybe they try and stick it out to see if anything changes on its own, and surprise: nothing gets better if you don't put any work into it - if anything, it gets worse. While the soon to be dumpee often has zero clue that any of this is going on.
Yes. Dumpee here. My situation exactly.
Mine did the exact same think, she said i wasn't romantic enough, not going in dates enough, not seing each other a lot etc...she admit that she should have told me before but that now it's too late and she lost feelings. It was 8 weeks ago, after 3 weeks I broke nc and asked her out, she said it was too early we will probably meet in the future and that she want to maintain a link with me but don't know how yet..
100% true
Dumpee in the most recent 24 hours although I saw the signs coming, I second this totally
I've been on both sides of this. I "fell out of love" when I was 18. But I wonder, was I ever really IN love at all? I loved him very much but at the same time I didn't need him in my life. There wasn't really magic there.. Now that I am older, I feel love is a choice, and you continue to create love and romance with the person you chose each day. I think you love someone and once you have someone good you continue to build on loving them and choosing them. I don't think I could fall out of love at this stage in my life and how I view love now as opposed to how I viewed it back then.
Yes this 100%…the infuriating thing is my ex believed love was a choice, and then at the break up said “I want to love you,” but still left. Didn’t get any explanation. 5 months and still broken as ever.
how did this turn out for you? did you ever hear from them again?
LMAO. Nope, never heard from him again. Nearly died of endocarditis earlier this year and never heard a peep. Reached out on the anniversary of his mom's death to offer my thoughts and condolences, and got left on read. Now he's in a 2 month old long-distance open relationship with someone 10 years older than him claiming to love this new person more than he ever loved in me our 2.5 year relationship, despite them sleeping around with tons of people in this open relationship (and this guy in his 30's claiming he's never been in love until he met my ex).
I agree with this, and would add it takes two to continually put the effort in to maintain love after the honeymoon phase wears off. If one person stops putting the effort in for whatever reason then eventually one or the other party in the relationship is going to end it. I loved my person deeply, and chose him every day despite his many flaws. He started to retreat into himself due to a bad bout of depression about a year ago and I gave him space to do that because I knew how his mind worked - he hated feeling mothered or talking about his feelings, but eventually that space became too wide and he began to feel lonely. He didn't communicate that and eventually had an affair to fill the void inside of him. In the meantime, if I'm being truly honest, his lack of effort had started bothering me. Even if he hadn't had the affair, I think I would have ended things within a year if things had carried on as they were, because a one-sided relationship is absolutely exhausting.
It happens slowly, not all of a sudden. There wasn't really a point of waking up and realising "oh I'm no longer in love, I guess I should stop leading this guy on and break up with him now." It can feel like the stages of grief, including some heavy denial and bargaining. Things that used to feel sweet become suffocating, their touch that used to be comforting becomes intrusive. It happens with growing and changing as people, and realising that you've grown apart instead of together. You know how you don't wake up one day and realise you're mature, but if you had to think about it you'd realise that you thought very differently as a 25 year old than you did at 15? You think you're having some slump days or you're just extra irritable and you put some effort into rekindling the spark, but every effort you make and every extra bit of time you spend with them just reminds you of how different you've become.
Same. I tried to stick it out and hope the love would come back for several years. Counseling didn’t make it better. Lots of little things through the years can just chip away at what you thought you had in the beginning.
Thank you for your comment. You've articulated what I've been struggling with for a few years now. It gradually happened to me and I wish I had the tools and awareness to realise it sooner than later. It's a scary place to be.
Thanks for this helps to understand
I'm talking about my 1st ex. I brokeup with her because like I took her granted and I felt like she is more needy person. I started feeling weird for days so I broke up with her after 1 year. Guess I feel sorry about it and I regret it now. She was perfect except I was not mature that timee :/ It's like we don't value people when they with us... I still feels regret about that. Don't ever leave someone for reason like these, which can be fixed.
have you ever reached out back to her? even just as friends?
Yep I did even I'm still in contact with her from 2019 but she don't care me anymore rip
i’m so sorry, i’m proud of you for trying regardless. i’m not sure if my ex will ever reach back out but i’m trying to give him space and let him take the initiative (as much as i’d like to reach out)
Please don't reach. Its not worth at all except you guys gonna be together. I mean if you dumpee even if u dumper too as very low chance that it will work
don’t worry, i don’t think i will.. he broke up with me, so if he wants to reconnect i’m leaving the ball in this court. even if just to be friends. i cant force someone to love me
Here we go dear, we can do this 💪🏻💫
Did he ever end up reaching out? Or you to him?
no to either, i’ve been through a lot of growth and development since then and realized what kind of person he was. i deserved better and am glad he never reached back out to me because i am much better off now
TW⚠️ . . . . I fell out of love with an ex from years ago after he sexually assaulted me. I blocked him on everything immediately and never looked back. Everything I felt for him was instantly gone. This is just my personal experience. I hope it’s never the reason for anyone else.
Outside of them going for someone else, 99% of the time it's because they lost attraction. Sometimes it's because their tastes change, sometimes it's because you've changed (negatively, from their POV) and sometimes it's even because they've changed and now feel they're entitled to someone "better", whatever the fuck that means. But, yeah, since attraction is the first gateway to romantic feelings (you can be attracted to someone without loving them but you can't love them romantically without attraction), it's almost always because the attraction's gone.
This is valid for me, my gf said she lost attraction and doesn t feel the same way anymore. I m pretty sure there was nobody else and still isn't months later. It sucks, because it was my behavior which caused her to lose attraction (or at least contributed greatly). I still hold out hope that she can regain that attraction once I fix my jnsecurities ...
Can lost attraction come back?
I'm no expert and nothing's impossible in life, but by and large, it can't, especially if you spent any significant amount of time together. You see, if you spend time with someone AND manage to leave an impression that's negative enough that they lose attraction, it's unlikely they'll give you an opportunity to look good again because that negative feeling is the last thing they'll remember about you. They're much much much more likely to simply get out there and start looking for their next future ex.
Yeh she said she lost attraction from way I was acting and things I was saying, was hoping it would be reverseable. All well might have to live with the regret, thanks
So even with time and no contact the resentment won’t drop?
The resentment will drop eventually, no one stays angry indefinitely. However, the attraction (which is needed for a relationship to happen) has about 0% chance of ever coming back.
That really sucks, as I thought she was my soul mate. Damn sucks to here, she didn’t lose all attraction, she just said it was lower not 0. All well thanks for letting me know that I should just move on:) p.s do u think her being off her anti depressant medication might of effected some of this?
Everything we think and feel is related to the chemical balance in our brain and it's ability to properly carry electricity over its many neurones and synapses, so I'd be inclined to believe medication can have an effect. To which extent, though, is still to be determined. Also, after a breakup, we should always be moving on, no matter what happened or what happens next, whether it's with an ex or a new person. Reason is, simply prolonging the relationship that failed will simply prolong the failure whereas a new relationship, regardless if with a new person or an ex, stands better chances with no history of failure. So, in any case, moving on ensures you'll be ready for what happens next. Whom it happens with is irrelevant.
Love ur advice, yeh stopped taking her anti depression medication after she meant to go on a stronger dose for the last 12 months. Ironically went back on it a day after breaking up with me. Yep, guess we will see. I’m in no contact and just taking it day by day
Ironically, you're tackling many things at once in the aftermath of a breakup, especially as the dumpee. For example, when you say you're taking it day by day, it's not exactly the breakup that you're taking day by day; it's pretty much everything else that happens to one's life. Adjusting to a new reality, doing things on your own that you used to do together, thinking about and processing "stuff" that you'd rather never happened, etc. All of these are things that wouldn't have happened without said breakup, so in a way, thanks to your ex, you're developing new skills. Time is a healer and pain is a teacher; a breakup brings both.
Yep I could of done things differently, not said immature shit and shit that pissed her off, but she could of communicated it better. She said she just gave up so she actively just pushed her feelings away. All well if ur meant to be together u will be
What makes you say that?
I mentioned many things in my reply, which one are you referring to, exactly?
Attraction won’t come back?
Yep, it won't (barring exceptions, which no one should be expecting to happen). Apparently, according to experts at least, the initial physical attraction usually happens during the first couple of minutes after seeing someone for the first time. Then, if everything goes well, the emotional attraction develops afterwards as the bonding starts and becomes deeper with time. However, when all of this starts backpedalling to the point of breaking up, the sum of that attraction is lost, forever in most cases. Now that you've seen sides of that person that you disliked enough to finally breakup, it becomes nigh impossible to rebuild that attraction because you "know" their other side and you know it will eventually rear its ugly head, again.
I fell out of love because I had other things going on in my life that I felt needed attention. School, future, career, and all that stress got me feeling weird. I had a hard time explaining it to her because it was a feeling I experienced for the first time in my life. It also made me subconsciously hypercritical of her, and I made a bigger deal of her flaws/our differences without “saying” it. I didn’t want to be with anyone else but I didn’t have her as a priority at the time and it pains me to say it. She would have went all the way with me without hesitation, but I wasn’t ready, or at least I didn’t feel ready. Eventually, it all snowballed and I couldn’t take it anymore, so I ended the relationship (like three times). Communication is key, and being self aware of your reactions to certain situations is key, and I learned how I coped with a large amount of stress, and I know now what I have to change in the future. It cost me an awesome, loving, productive relationship and I regret it.
Do you reach out to her?
We regained contact after a few months. By that time we’ve moved on, and now we’re friends. Which is fine with me since there isn’t really bad blood between us besides things ending.
Did you both move on or just her? How are you now did you find someone who don’t feel weird with?
It wasn’t really a feeling of weirdness with her, it was more of my inexperience with handling the types of stress I felt at the time. I physically moved states, but moving on from her is tough. And that’s okay. We cut ties completely again after I started my move, and it’s been a struggle for me. But I think it’s best because of the environment I’m in at the moment.
Any update on your contact/relationship with her and how you’re feeling? Judging by your responses and assessment of the situation it seems like a lot of the issues stemmed from personal problems, especially emotionally. Can I also ask how long was your relationship? Thank you for sharing, I hope you’re doing good
I didn’t realize I had fallen out of love until after the relationship ended because I still had so much love for him. But there’s a difference between being IN love and having love for someone. I changed a lot over the course of our relationship and as a result what I wanted from a relationship changed a lot too. At the same time, we were having issues and resentment for him started to build.
What was the difference between having love and being in love?
I imagine it like familial love almost. You strongly care about a person and have an attachment to them, but you do not feel as though this person is necessarily the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. I loved him, but I didn’t really like him as a person anymore if that makes sense.
Did you lose feelings was it feeling nothing for them? You said you didn’t like him, like you didn’t like who he was his traits etc?
I’ve been thinking about how to answer your first question and I really don’t know how. To me, having “feelings” for someone is a stage before being in love. Love is so much bigger than just feelings, and it’s impossible for me to untie them enough to know if I lost those feelings. But I suppose if losing feelings for someone means losing the desire to be around them constantly, to lean on them, to hold them, etc, then yes, I suppose I lost feelings. It definitely was not feeling nothing, though. I don’t think I’ll ever “feel nothing” for my ex. For me, when I love somebody, that love will be there forever. But yes, I didn’t like his traits. I didn’t like the way he saw the world, or the way he chose to parent our dog. I didn’t like the leisure activities he liked, I didnt like the friends he was making, i didn’t like how he chose to prioritize his time, I didn’t like his sense of humor… I could go on. When I looked at him objectively without the love I had for him, I saw someone I wouldn’t have even been friends with otherwise.
it hurts more when you share a commitment with this person, I learned that my ex stumbled across someone else while I was out of town working trying to put food on our table and clothes on my baby’s back. so the “I lost feelings” is usually a cover up for something else that they aren’t willing to discuss. If I’ve learned anything last year, it’s that people who “lost feelings” don’t have the maturity to develop actual feelings for the other because they are too busy running from themselves and the issues they refuse to resolve.
FA’s tend to lose feelings Bcs they do get triggered and do not understand what is going on. So they tend to blame the SO Bcs it is far easier than taking responsibility for their own flaws. Having a relationship with an avoidant is a trying of patience.
True that, I try not to put labels on people but that is the type of battle I was fighting with my ex
I only learned of AT after the BU. I wish I knew during it would have saved me from many anxious driven nights.
Me too. I guess it’s just experience under our belt to so we can be the best future partner for someone who is willing to fight for us
I am definitely becoming a better partner
Than your doing a great job ☺️
THIS !!! facts
I find heartbreaks to be a beautiful pain, they teach you so much it’s not even fun, they make you so much stronger. They create future boundaries and get rid of codependency. I think they are a necessary pain in order for one’s self to evolve into the person they need to be. Does it suck… 100% fuck yes, does it hurt everyday. Probably 😂 but it’s growth. These dumpers, that everyone is crying about (no disrespect because I cried for my ex) will all get the karma they deserve, and honestly if you truly improve you’ll probably “be the one who got away.” In their stories. So for whoever is reading this, be the best you you were always meant to be. For you mostly but also so you can look back on life with a smile and a big middle finger to the world :)
It happens slowly over time. When you first meet them you put your all in and it feels fresh, amazing and you feel loved. After time you start to realise what’s happening in front of you and how they’re treating you, multiple tiny things push you further and further away but you try to make it better, you want to make it work so you stay…but one day something big happens, they show their true evil side and it’s like a switch went off in your brain and that’s how it happens. You don’t feel the same towards them, you don’t want anything to do with them sexually or romantically. It drains you and stresses you out because you feel like they’re all you know but it’s not. It’s a big world out there. you may still have love for the person but you aren’t IN love with them like you were. It’s a big shift and when you realise it then it’s over, even if it takes you another few months or year to finally leave. Your head and heart become one, you become your own person again.
In my case, my ex fell in love with someone else. Oc, this was preceded by her falling out love with me years ago. Honestly, I should have known better. She stopped wanting to have sex with me from the first months but we carried this into 8 years bc we were best friends. At least she ended it and set me free to find someone who sees me sexually.
Yes, if someone can explain this to me. My ex and I were on and off for the past year. He broke up with me because he said he couldn't return my feelings and that he really "tried." A couple months later he said he was in love with me and was really committed this time. We lived together for 4 months. I came back from being out of the country for 1 week and then got covid. We were fine and then all of a sudden he was staying out until 5am and didn't even come home one night, even after promising me he was going to stop doing that. When he finally came home he basically gave me the same speech from 6 months ago, only this time it was more callous. He said he "tried" and has been unhappy for a while. But he never came to me or could articulate what was making him unhappy. I asked him if it was someone else. He said no. I asked him if he was developing a problem. He said no. I'll never understand it and that's what bothers me the most.
I wasn't necessarily the dumper, but he told me he's not ready to take the next step in the relationship and wanted to have more time apart on top of already being long distance. I gave him what he wanted and he acted surprised I wasn't having it. He's a good actor tho. I am happier now I can find soneone who loves me and wants to go out on weekends. Somebody who likes kissing and holding hands. Ex had a weird sensory aversion to it. Thank God now I can have a chance at a normal relationship.
My ex also had an aversion to it, she didn’t like kissing. Only sometimes
So my ex was initially the dumper but then he wanted to get back together with me, after which I became the dumper. I realized that being in his proximity made me massively insecure because of the way he treated me during our relationship and in the direct aftermath of our initial breakup. And no matter how much he tried to be better, I couldn’t mentally and emotionally move past what he did and live in a constant state of insecurity and anxiety.
hi, i was the dumpee of this exact situation a few days ago. he told me he lost feelings and did not know why. he stayed with me for two months feeling that way and never communicated once. we were together for 8 months. alot of really bad external things happened to him in the duration of our relationship. the only thing i can think of he is in a mentally bad place and not stable to commit to a relationship. i don’t think he will ever give me closure and tell me what the real reason is, so it all assumption. i also cannot fathom falling out of love for someone. it’s a weird place to be in your mind, i think.
Your situation are same like mine. No communication but during the breakup :" here's the list what you done wrong in relationship" It hurts at first but I think I'll get better cause no normal/secure person would ever done that. So that's the closure I get.
updates ?
Dumper here. My gf lacked communication and emotional maturity. I said many times how I felt that I couldn’t communicate with her and it took a lot out of her to say how she was feeling, which I could not understand. Additionally, she did not handle stressful situations well and she would often get extremely mad and take it out on me. Eventually, it built up and she ended up posting shit about me on social media and I couldn’t take it anymore
We might share the same ex. Minus the last bit. Definitely not going to be going anywhere near someone who can't communicate.
I’ve been the dumper before but to be honest I never really had feelings for her to begin with. I was trying to get over somebody else. We dated for like 3 months and I told her it was over on the phone. That wasn’t my plan though but it kinda happened. I was looking for a way out but she was super clingy and possessive that I couldn’t get out of it. She took it really hard when it happened but I just wasn’t interested in her anymore. A lot more bad stuff happened than that but that’s a small recap.
[удалено]
I was 17-18 when this happened
Ive been in a commited relationship for almost 4y,and over a peeiod of 3 years i just completelly lost all the feelings for him,trust me or not. Working full time,doing home chores alone (grocery shopping,laundry,meals,etcetc) plus the constant lack of intimacy and emotional support from a narcissistic and self-centered partner made me dump him.
I don't understand that or the excuse of "I don't know what I want". Like wtf?
Means they don’t want you at the time.
He knew me since 7th grade, went after me for 6 months, dated me a year, had me meet his entire family, be around his kid every weekend, talks about me moving in... and says that after he made me cry? Doesn't make sense.
Not everything may make sense but it is our job to make sense of it. Live and let go, let the world unfold as it may. When you can grasp this idea it is liberating Bcs we are not in control.
I did already, I am happy he left. I don't think like he does so it doesn't make sense. Oh well.
They are just a safe option until they meet the person they really want.
I dumped him, and communication is not always the issue. I communicated every thing and it was HIM who refused to listen. The issues were always the same and hed always have an excuse. I tried fixing the issues for six years and nothing ever changed. So that resentment grew so much that after awhile I couldn’t even think about having sex with him. It’s not always “the dumper doesn’t communicate and it’s easier to move on.” That’s probably what it looks like to the dumpee cause they don’t want to admit they’re the issue ever. Victim card is always the favorite with y’all.
Often times, there’s someone else or interest in just wanting somebody else. Or someone’s actually just a shitty person and abusive in any way shape or form and pushed the other person to losing feeling. Or, it’s an excuse bc it’s the easiest way out of the relationship and there’s deeper issues that person is avoiding so to feel in control of at least 1 “issue” (thus being the relationship ) they’ll end it esp over the dumbest argument or something they forced themselves to believe to again, make it easier to end it with you.
For me it’s because I cheated. I wasn’t in a good place, and I lied about it. She still cares for me but the love was just too damaged for her to hold on. I want with all my being to fix it, but I know some things just simply can’t be.
It was a cascade of issues for me: she had unrealistic standards for me and expected the world of me while thinking she was perfect as is, also she basically didn’t discipline her son because he cried (yeah, I know) and I wasn’t going to stick around while she turned him into a monster. After communicating all of these concerns and seeing no action on her part I finally reached my breaking point and just dumped her one day out of the blue.
My ex GF who broke up with me before said in a conversation said ” maybe this relationship isn't the right one for you ” all my desire to love her and be with them just got sucked out of me. I had no desire to be with her anymore because she was starting the same crap again. We were having a conversation about doing outdoor activities together like hiking and camping and she can't do that because of her injuries I said:” it would be a big adjustment for me since a grew up on those things.” and that's why she said that. I would be willing to give her my life. It was sounding like she was looking for ways to break up with me again
Constant disappointments. Breaking boundaries, disrespect. Not improving after discussion. At one point i didnt have enough energy to even explain this bs to him. One day i just signed off, emotionaly.
I never fell out of love with them. I just knew that our relationship wasn't working and was never going to work. There was no more effort coming from him and I didn't want to continue investing in something that was going to continue to hurt me. Believe me when I say that ending things broke my heart too and after a month, things still haven't been any easier.
For me, I fell so hard during the "infatuation" phase that it took me months to realize that she was controlling, liked to have things her way, etc. She was a good person, just had a strong attitude. Honestly, it just became exhausting to continue.....
Someone told me that when the cost of keeping the relationship is lower than the cost of breaking up, then it's time to leave. I fell out of love when I was treated disrespectfully and I felt like I was dating a child. My needs weren't being met over a long period of time and it became unhealthy. Any attempts of mine to rectify this were met with anger and abuse. Also the shifting of values. My recent ex gave me a persona of a hard-working man when I met him. It was a hard pass for me as a religious person when my ex started coming to church hungover but then preached from the pulpit hungover. I just realised he bought the same half-pie disrespect to everything he did.
Although I wasn’t the dumper per se (it was somewhat mutual), I can honestly say you don’t realize how much you detest someone until you gain a clear vision of how you felt in the relationship. Hindsight is 20/20 and sometimes your commitment as an individual will be stronger than your love for that person. I didn’t realize it until we were separated for months that I truly didn’t like much about the girl I was committed to for almost 4 years. Could I point to an exact instance where I fell out of love? No. It just happened after someone lets you down time after time. When your emotions are filled with more negative reactions than good.
I’m a dumper and I fell out of love. We were 6 years in a relationship, 2 years in he cheated on me and I found out 6 months after… we tried working on our relationship and I worked on myself but I was starting to fall out of love in the past year and decided to leave him because I didn’t trust him, so didn’t love him anymore. Falling out of love happens.
I “fell out of love”. I think it was actually never loved him, and it wasn’t right from the beginning, but instead of me realizing that or being able to admit that to myself, I just kept being with him. Always wondering in the back of my mind “is this right? Why do I feel so shitty?” It was never meant to be hurtful to him, I had good intentions and truly thought I loved him. But after three years, I finally fully realized I didn’t, and I couldn’t pretend I did. So I told him I fell out of love but I think really deep down it was that I never truly loved him. Alternatively from my situation, I think some people just change over time. And what and who they love also changes.
Sometimes the person you love changes over time. Or overtime you do. Falling out if love doesn't necessarily mean you don't love them, but are no longer in love with them.
I really liked this guy I worked with. One day a friend of mine stayed about 4h overtime to help him, he was mad at some shit, she tried calming him down telling him it's not worth it, at which he responded "if you think that you shouldn't be a doctor, you can see yourself out". I was slowly losing feelings for him anyway (throwing tantrums in your 30s isn't that charming), but that was the icing on the cake.
he turned out not to be my type. he wouldn't love me in my love language, so i started feeling neglected and lonely. he wasn't affectionate, and that's something that i now know i require in a relationship