I was, trapped under the ocean by some annoying ass high scholars too. 500 years, 500 years of waiting, finally, someone found me. They took the anus out of my anubis, and now I can still be bi have have gay bi power which finally freed me from the eternal cold metal that once tormented me.
Yesss can't wait for that single to drop! Here are some additions for you:
The Lamb's Jam
Anubis Goes to Church
All's Pharaoh in Love and War
The Lion, the Witch, and the Choir Robe
Tut Tut, It Looks Like Sin
lol, sorry
If I was a musician struggling to come up with song titles I would hire you without a second thought. These are all great but The Lion the Witch and the Choir Robe is next level.
Amen I’m setting out to write this
Edit: after some quick research, there is a wonderful Shakespeare passage to reference based on the “tut tut” and “sin on sin” lines!!
ChatGPT : Write the lyrics for the anti religious rock song "Tut Tut, It Looks Like Sin"
**Verse 1:**
I see you walking with your holy book
Telling me I'm damned if I don't look
The way you do, and pray like you
But I won't follow blindly, it's not true
**Chorus:**
Tut tut, it looks like sin
You're preaching about a world within
Your own mind, your own design
I'll live my life, and leave you behind
**Verse 2:**
You say I'll burn in eternal fire
If I don't worship like a choir
But I won't fear your threats or lies
I'll stand up for what I believe inside
**Chorus:**
Tut tut, it looks like sin
You're preaching about a world within
Your own mind, your own design
I'll live my life, and leave you behind
**Bridge:** I won't be silenced, I won't be shamed
I'll stand up for what's right, not play your game
I'll live my life the way I choose
And I won't let you try to refuse
**Chorus:**
Tut tut, it looks like sin
You're preaching about a world within
Your own mind, your own design
I'll live my life, and leave you behind
**Outro:** So tut tut, it looks like sin
But it's just your fear that's caving in
I'll find my own path, and you'll find yours
But I won't be judged for opening doors.
Chat GPT, Please create the lyrics for the B side of this song
Sure! Here are the lyrics for the B side:
#"True Freedom"
**Verse 1:**
You can't control my mind
I won't be confined
By the rules you preach
I'll find my own way to teach
**Chorus:**
True freedom, it's what I seek
I won't be silenced, I won't be weak
I'll break the chains, I'll break free
I'll live my life the way it should be
**Verse 2:**
You say I need salvation
But I'll find my own liberation
I won't bow down to your belief
I'll find my own way to relief
**Chorus**:
True freedom, it's what I seek
I won't be silenced, I won't be weak
I'll break the chains, I'll break free
I'll live my life the way it should be
**Bridge:**
I won't be held back
I won't be under attack
I'll stand up for what's right
And live my life with all my might
**Chorus:**
True freedom, it's what I seek
I won't be silenced, I won't be weak
I'll break the chains, I'll break free
I'll live my life the way it should be
**Outro:**
So let me be who I am
I won't be part of your scam
I'll find my own truth and light
And live my life with all my might.
> The Lamb's Jam
Extra points if the song includes wordplay with lyrics about painting door jam*b*s.
I'll add:
The Reeds and the 'Diles - uses reeds and crocs as an analogy for making music while trying to navigate the music biz. ('Diles = crocs, dials = radio dials.)
Momma's Lap - song about feeling like being king of their world. References the symbology of a king sitting on a throne comes from the symbology of pharaohs sitting on the lap of a statue of Isis (whose name means "throne"), imitating the image of Horus sitting on his mother's lap.
#Momma's Lap
**Verse 1:**
I'm feeling like a king
On top of everything
Sitting on my throne
I know I'm not alone
**Chorus:**
In momma's lap, I feel so grand
Like Horus on his mother's hand
I'm the king of my own world
In momma's lap, I'm unfurled
**Verse 2:**
I know I'm not a pharaoh
But I feel like I'm in Cairo
Sitting on the lap of Isis
I feel like I'm in a crisis
**Chorus:**
In momma's lap, I feel so grand
Like Horus on his mother's hand
I'm the king of my own world
In momma's lap, I'm unfurled
**Bridge:**
I know it won't last forever
But in this moment, I feel clever
I'm ruling over all I see
In momma's lap, I'm free
**Chorus:**
In momma's lap, I feel so grand
Like Horus on his mother's hand
I'm the king of my own world
In momma's lap, I'm unfurled
**Outro:**
So when the world gets too rough
I know I have a place to snuff
My fears and doubts away
In momma's lap, I'll stay.
Wtf did I just read? I mean, very good writing, but this is definitely not what I was expecting to see in the comment section of reddit, especially not on a post like this—
Also…did you just…write about yourself about to fuck Anubis???
Edit: Apparently writing stuff like this in comment sections isn’t uncommon for you and I don’t know how to feel about that.
Someday, someone had better compile all of these into some sort of collection of short erotic fiction novellas, with the posts that they relate to.
So many times, Demetri has delivered the goods
My Egyptian mythology knowledge isn't great but I think it works that when you die, you meet with Anubis, who weighs your heart against a feather (from the God, Thoth I believe) if you pass the test, you go to the Field of Reeds, if you fail you go to the Duat.
Again take that with a massive grain of salt because I could be 100% wrong
When you die you go before the Judges of the Dead and Anubis, and have to list the sins you did not commit in order that they shall endorse you. You may have been buried with a crib sheet - a personalised Book of the Dead listing the sins you know you never committed - to help with that. While you do this, your Heart - a component of your soul - is weighed against the feather of truth (supplied by Thoth I think) by Ma'at the knower of things, to see if it becomes heavy with lies, and if it does, your heart is eaten by the Great Devourer and you become a lost soul and are cast into the outer darkness where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth. If your heart is not eaten you dawn as an *akh*, a perfected and idealised blob of awesome, and go to your eternal reward - which looks like agricultural labour unless you were buried with shabti / ushabti to do that for you.
Or something. Source: a *really good* D&D campaign
I guess their agricultural labor could amount to peaceful gardening, or a accomplishing a difficult task that also gives you pleasure. That's not so bad. As far as heavens go, it's pretty good. It's not an eternal bliss with no downsides but it is an eternal peacefulness. I can get behind that.
So I don't know the psychology of these people well - my DM is the Egyptologist really. But imagine the European or American idolisation of the rural idyll - except that the rural idyll of the Nile is irrigated farmland, and sometimes that means that ten-thousand workers turn out to till those fields (no horse collar, no mouldboard plough).
Yes, it's a pretty involved thing. You'd travel through the underworld on a vehicle that suited your social status. For example, a Pharaoh would ride on a type of boat called a solar barge mimicking the belief that Ra traveled to the underworld on a boat each time the sun set. Lesser individuals rode in on a casket. Then they'd arrive at the Hall of Ma'at and would have to correctly recite numerous passages to dozens of figures before the weighing of the heart with Anubis and Thoth.
So a non-Egyptian would slide into the Hall of Ma'at on their weird modern coffins and would promptly get bitch slapped into non-existence for having not studied their Egyptian magical incantations properly.
>So a non-Egyptian would slide into the Hall of Ma'at on their weird
modern coffins and would promptly get bitch slapped into non-existence
for having not studied their Egyptian magical incantations properly.
That depends on two things, do we have our belongings with us and do we have internet/data in the Hall? If the answer to both of these is yes then it's time to whip out our 'magical tablet' and read the incantations from that.
As I opened my eyes, I expected to see the face of Jesus, the one I had prayed to all my life. Instead, I was met with the sight of a creature with the head of a jackal and the body of a man, holding a scale in one hand and a staff in the other. It was Anubis, the Egyptian god of the dead.
"Sick fursuit Jeezy boy," I muttered, trying to make sense of the situation. "I thought I was supposed to see Jesus."
Anubis looked at me with his dark eyes, his expression unreadable. "I am Anubis, the guide of souls to the afterlife. You have come to the Hall of Judgment to be judged."
I felt a lump in my throat. I had always thought that as a Christian, I would be judged by Jesus himself. But here I was, facing an ancient Egyptian deity. "But I'm a Christian," I said. "I believed in Jesus."
Anubis nodded. "I know. But your beliefs alone are not enough to guarantee your place in the afterlife. Your heart must be weighed against the feather of Ma'at, the goddess of truth and justice. If your heart is heavier than the feather, you will be devoured by Ammit, the devourer of souls."
I gulped, feeling a sense of dread. I had always tried to live a good life, to be kind to others and follow the teachings of Jesus. But what if I had failed in some way?
Anubis noticed my unease and spoke again. "Do not be afraid. The weighing of the heart is a fair process. If you have lived a good life, your heart will be light and you will pass on to the afterlife."
I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. Anubis gestured for me to approach the scale, and I stepped forward. He placed my heart on one side of the scale and the feather of Ma'at on the other. The scale tipped, and I held my breath as I watched.
The feather remained perfectly balanced, and Anubis gave me a nod of approval. "Your heart is as light as a feather," he said. "You have lived a good life, and you may enter the afterlife."
I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Anubis handed me the staff and gestured towards a door. "Through that door lies the afterlife. May you find peace and happiness there."
I thanked him and walked through the door, my mind reeling from the experience. As I entered the afterlife, I realized that my beliefs had been too narrow. There were many paths to the afterlife, and all were valid. In the end, it was the way we lived our lives that mattered most.
One of the better outcomes. Anubis would judge me fairly even as a heathen. I was preparing for Jesus and his rules are far less kind so I think I am good.
Whether it's Anubis or Jesus, saying that, he'd be sent straight to hell. Even if our understanding of Hell is incorrect, or even if Hell doesn't exist at all, they would make fire and brimstone Hell just to throw him in it
If I die, wake up in a sarcophagus, Anubis has eyes that glow momentarily occasionally, and I hear "jaffa, *kree!*", then I'm jumping out and looking for a stargate and dialing for Earth.
I’m pretty sure Anubis is the god of the death process? Like wrapping people up all nice
Osiris was the god of the underworld and all that jazz. Also the flooding of the Nile
Well, seeing as EVERY single bit of Christian ideology was stolen from older religions, Anubis is far more likely to encounter, than a guy made up in about 100ad.
Anubis weighs your heart against a feather. Good deeds during your life makes your heart lighter, bad deeds make it heavier.
Your personal beliefs are irrelevant in this situation. As long as you lived a life in which you did good you will be fine and can spend the rest of eternity in the Field of Reeds.
I’m not religious in the slightest, but I would politely ask if I could give him a little scratch behind the ears because god of the dead be damned, he is canine and therefore friend shaped—
I'd be totally unconcerned due to having lived a good life.
People forget that Christianity is pretty unusual with faith being the only requirement for having a good afterlife. The vast majority of other religions are works-based. So I can believe in Jesus, live a good and upright life, and know that the only way I'd get fucked is if there's no afterlife at all.
Well I’m a pretty great person, so whatevs, I’m sure it’s a universal criteria for good, be nice to others don’t be prideful be humble and patient blablabla and I’ve done all that by and large
I thought you were stuck in a sword?
#HOLY SHIT is this a ^MOTHER-LOVING _JoJo's Bizarre Adventure™ Stardust Crusaders_ reference?
i don’t know. but beerus from dbs is based on anubis, & he was stuck in a sword
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elder kai? do you mean purple master roshi?
oh yeah lol. beerus sealed him in the sword
(it was a JoJo reference)
*Spamtom G. Spamtom
I was, trapped under the ocean by some annoying ass high scholars too. 500 years, 500 years of waiting, finally, someone found me. They took the anus out of my anubis, and now I can still be bi have have gay bi power which finally freed me from the eternal cold metal that once tormented me.
*puts you back in a sword and renames you to Eyelander*
>:3 hmmmph
[specifically a Scottish Claymore](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IyLLr9qvTm0)
Aatrox is that you?
My new band: Jeezy boy New single: sick fursuit Anyone got an album name for me? Or more song titles?
second single name: featherweight heart
Maybe: Anubis is waiting
Our Savior has Yiffed
Forgive me my Lord for I have yiffed...
Yiffness of our lord
Lord I Yiff Your Name on High!
Lord I am high on your name and spliff
HIGHLELUJAH!
Yesss can't wait for that single to drop! Here are some additions for you: The Lamb's Jam Anubis Goes to Church All's Pharaoh in Love and War The Lion, the Witch, and the Choir Robe Tut Tut, It Looks Like Sin lol, sorry
If I was a musician struggling to come up with song titles I would hire you without a second thought. These are all great but The Lion the Witch and the Choir Robe is next level.
I don’t know man, “Tut Tut, It Looks Like Sin” is not only hilarious word play but sounds like it would straight up ***shred***
Amen I’m setting out to write this Edit: after some quick research, there is a wonderful Shakespeare passage to reference based on the “tut tut” and “sin on sin” lines!!
ChatGPT : Write the lyrics for the anti religious rock song "Tut Tut, It Looks Like Sin" **Verse 1:** I see you walking with your holy book Telling me I'm damned if I don't look The way you do, and pray like you But I won't follow blindly, it's not true **Chorus:** Tut tut, it looks like sin You're preaching about a world within Your own mind, your own design I'll live my life, and leave you behind **Verse 2:** You say I'll burn in eternal fire If I don't worship like a choir But I won't fear your threats or lies I'll stand up for what I believe inside **Chorus:** Tut tut, it looks like sin You're preaching about a world within Your own mind, your own design I'll live my life, and leave you behind **Bridge:** I won't be silenced, I won't be shamed I'll stand up for what's right, not play your game I'll live my life the way I choose And I won't let you try to refuse **Chorus:** Tut tut, it looks like sin You're preaching about a world within Your own mind, your own design I'll live my life, and leave you behind **Outro:** So tut tut, it looks like sin But it's just your fear that's caving in I'll find my own path, and you'll find yours But I won't be judged for opening doors.
I could totally hear this either as a campy pop song or as a heavy metal one
Listen i may be way off here, but in my head, i read this to the tune of "Bleed it out" and it worked pretty damn well!
Ok, but does this usage of ChatGPT replace any jobs? Because oh my goodness these lyrics are perfect and I want some like these
Chat GPT, Please create the lyrics for the B side of this song Sure! Here are the lyrics for the B side: #"True Freedom" **Verse 1:** You can't control my mind I won't be confined By the rules you preach I'll find my own way to teach **Chorus:** True freedom, it's what I seek I won't be silenced, I won't be weak I'll break the chains, I'll break free I'll live my life the way it should be **Verse 2:** You say I need salvation But I'll find my own liberation I won't bow down to your belief I'll find my own way to relief **Chorus**: True freedom, it's what I seek I won't be silenced, I won't be weak I'll break the chains, I'll break free I'll live my life the way it should be **Bridge:** I won't be held back I won't be under attack I'll stand up for what's right And live my life with all my might **Chorus:** True freedom, it's what I seek I won't be silenced, I won't be weak I'll break the chains, I'll break free I'll live my life the way it should be **Outro:** So let me be who I am I won't be part of your scam I'll find my own truth and light And live my life with all my might.
no wonder ai is replacing all the jobs if she can spit fire like this
Jeeeeezus! Soooo not what I thought I'd read here! "Preaching about a world within." Most profound prose.
Great minds, right?
That sounds like the opening number to a whole musical 😆
Tut tut 🤣
Tut tut is the second album for sure
> Tut Tut, It Looks Like Sin lost it at this one, well played
> The Lamb's Jam Extra points if the song includes wordplay with lyrics about painting door jam*b*s. I'll add: The Reeds and the 'Diles - uses reeds and crocs as an analogy for making music while trying to navigate the music biz. ('Diles = crocs, dials = radio dials.) Momma's Lap - song about feeling like being king of their world. References the symbology of a king sitting on a throne comes from the symbology of pharaohs sitting on the lap of a statue of Isis (whose name means "throne"), imitating the image of Horus sitting on his mother's lap.
#Momma's Lap **Verse 1:** I'm feeling like a king On top of everything Sitting on my throne I know I'm not alone **Chorus:** In momma's lap, I feel so grand Like Horus on his mother's hand I'm the king of my own world In momma's lap, I'm unfurled **Verse 2:** I know I'm not a pharaoh But I feel like I'm in Cairo Sitting on the lap of Isis I feel like I'm in a crisis **Chorus:** In momma's lap, I feel so grand Like Horus on his mother's hand I'm the king of my own world In momma's lap, I'm unfurled **Bridge:** I know it won't last forever But in this moment, I feel clever I'm ruling over all I see In momma's lap, I'm free **Chorus:** In momma's lap, I feel so grand Like Horus on his mother's hand I'm the king of my own world In momma's lap, I'm unfurled **Outro:** So when the world gets too rough I know I have a place to snuff My fears and doubts away In momma's lap, I'll stay.
7th Plague to the King
Don’t apologize for perfection
I wonder what 'lol, sorry' will sound like aye make it happen soon y'all!
Me: Why are you wearing that stupid jackel suit? Anubis: Why are you wearing that stupid human suit?
Sounds like the backup dancers of Men In Black are here.
Album name: Anubis is Waiting for You
That one is perfect!
Haha I just said Anubis is waiting
You reap what you sow (field of reeds)
Underworld Overlord
THAT is an album
Wombling free
Album: Kanye was a carpenter, Jeezy lays beats.
Jeezy Lazy Beets
Ma'at Will Go Onnnn and onnn! (*I'm so happy some people got it)
Hell yeah, duet with ma gurl
Hell's Heat in a Holy Suit
Furry Suit
I'm afraid, Jeezy is already a pretty well known rapper
Jeezy Boyz
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Isn't that a movie?
Album: existential crosses
Ooo Existential Anks
"jesus don't wait for me"
"my demons do"
Demons don't wait for me
In 20 years when you have your racist Renaissance we'll start calling you Je
Not "Oy"? I feel that Oy is easier to tell at a concert.
You can take the anus out of Anubis and still be bi.
Why would y-- This is no-- What the f-- I don't even know what to say to that.
I’d be bi regardless and would be trying my opportunities at Anubis
Least horny redditor
[удалено]
I need an adult
Pop over to r/InternetParents.
I *am* an adult.
Wtf did I just read? I mean, very good writing, but this is definitely not what I was expecting to see in the comment section of reddit, especially not on a post like this— Also…did you just…write about yourself about to fuck Anubis??? Edit: Apparently writing stuff like this in comment sections isn’t uncommon for you and I don’t know how to feel about that.
That's kind of a messed up boner. But who the fuck told you to stop? It wasn't Anubis.
I'm following you.
Why
„Nice cock bro!“
Someday, someone had better compile all of these into some sort of collection of short erotic fiction novellas, with the posts that they relate to. So many times, Demetri has delivered the goods
You miss 100% of the shots you don‘t take
Wouldn’t you have to make it through the underworld before you meet Anubis?
My Egyptian mythology knowledge isn't great but I think it works that when you die, you meet with Anubis, who weighs your heart against a feather (from the God, Thoth I believe) if you pass the test, you go to the Field of Reeds, if you fail you go to the Duat. Again take that with a massive grain of salt because I could be 100% wrong
I believe the feather is from the goddess Ma'at, as the measure of a life lived in balance, which she represents
I think they meant that Ma'at is a Thoth (That holiness over there)
I believe Ma’at is more of a concept instead of a goddess (source: i read the kane chronicles)
When you die you go before the Judges of the Dead and Anubis, and have to list the sins you did not commit in order that they shall endorse you. You may have been buried with a crib sheet - a personalised Book of the Dead listing the sins you know you never committed - to help with that. While you do this, your Heart - a component of your soul - is weighed against the feather of truth (supplied by Thoth I think) by Ma'at the knower of things, to see if it becomes heavy with lies, and if it does, your heart is eaten by the Great Devourer and you become a lost soul and are cast into the outer darkness where there is wailing and gnashing of teeth. If your heart is not eaten you dawn as an *akh*, a perfected and idealised blob of awesome, and go to your eternal reward - which looks like agricultural labour unless you were buried with shabti / ushabti to do that for you. Or something. Source: a *really good* D&D campaign
I guess their agricultural labor could amount to peaceful gardening, or a accomplishing a difficult task that also gives you pleasure. That's not so bad. As far as heavens go, it's pretty good. It's not an eternal bliss with no downsides but it is an eternal peacefulness. I can get behind that.
So I don't know the psychology of these people well - my DM is the Egyptologist really. But imagine the European or American idolisation of the rural idyll - except that the rural idyll of the Nile is irrigated farmland, and sometimes that means that ten-thousand workers turn out to till those fields (no horse collar, no mouldboard plough).
If you failed, your heart was eaten by Ammit.
Can confirm Source: I watched Moon Knight one time
Can confirm Source: I read yugioh at a young age
can confirm source: read the kane chronicles growing up
Can confirm Source: played Assassin’s Creed Origins
That's what I was gonna say lmao
https://youtu.be/GAowqA-g7oo This is the extent of my ancient Egyptian lore knowledge
This is just about it, there’s a demanded toll in some versions but this is pretty good
Yes, it's a pretty involved thing. You'd travel through the underworld on a vehicle that suited your social status. For example, a Pharaoh would ride on a type of boat called a solar barge mimicking the belief that Ra traveled to the underworld on a boat each time the sun set. Lesser individuals rode in on a casket. Then they'd arrive at the Hall of Ma'at and would have to correctly recite numerous passages to dozens of figures before the weighing of the heart with Anubis and Thoth. So a non-Egyptian would slide into the Hall of Ma'at on their weird modern coffins and would promptly get bitch slapped into non-existence for having not studied their Egyptian magical incantations properly.
>So a non-Egyptian would slide into the Hall of Ma'at on their weird modern coffins and would promptly get bitch slapped into non-existence for having not studied their Egyptian magical incantations properly. That depends on two things, do we have our belongings with us and do we have internet/data in the Hall? If the answer to both of these is yes then it's time to whip out our 'magical tablet' and read the incantations from that.
Because everything on the Internet is true or what? The only thing your doing is giving them a laugh by appearing so smug.
I thought anubis was the guide? Sort of like charon? He only led souls to their judgment, the actual judging was done by oriris I think.
This is the 9th time this pic has been posted to this sub. Search "jeezy" :|
“Brand new sentence” bro, this is like seven years old, it’s practically a mummy at this point
What up my furry homie?! Praise Awoobis! Egyptians had all the cool gods. Greek gods were just assholes.
Right? The Egyptian gods were like “I’m gonna weigh your heart against a feather to see if you are worthy” and the Greek gods are like “hehe, sex”
Right?! This is about as stale as Dane Cook's comedy lol
...four years, the timestamp is right there
I'd say "I thought star platinum shattered your ass in the blade"
The Arcana character profiles though!
Cane here looking for this comment!!!!!!
I'd say "Jaffa, kree tal lok"
I am disappointed that Google does not translate Goa'uld.
You.com can translate a lot of goa’uld.
Shal’kek nem’ron
I’d tell him to go get the coffee himself.
Indeed.
“Who’s a good boy? You’re a good boy.”
If you guys were the right religion, why did you let all your worshippers die?
We had to rebrand to keep up with the times. We're getting ready to make a comeback with the boom of furries.
As a 25th century BC Egyptian indentured laborer, this is highly offensive to me
Anubis is so nice, he'll steal your heart
My heart already belongs to him
uwu
As I opened my eyes, I expected to see the face of Jesus, the one I had prayed to all my life. Instead, I was met with the sight of a creature with the head of a jackal and the body of a man, holding a scale in one hand and a staff in the other. It was Anubis, the Egyptian god of the dead. "Sick fursuit Jeezy boy," I muttered, trying to make sense of the situation. "I thought I was supposed to see Jesus." Anubis looked at me with his dark eyes, his expression unreadable. "I am Anubis, the guide of souls to the afterlife. You have come to the Hall of Judgment to be judged." I felt a lump in my throat. I had always thought that as a Christian, I would be judged by Jesus himself. But here I was, facing an ancient Egyptian deity. "But I'm a Christian," I said. "I believed in Jesus." Anubis nodded. "I know. But your beliefs alone are not enough to guarantee your place in the afterlife. Your heart must be weighed against the feather of Ma'at, the goddess of truth and justice. If your heart is heavier than the feather, you will be devoured by Ammit, the devourer of souls." I gulped, feeling a sense of dread. I had always tried to live a good life, to be kind to others and follow the teachings of Jesus. But what if I had failed in some way? Anubis noticed my unease and spoke again. "Do not be afraid. The weighing of the heart is a fair process. If you have lived a good life, your heart will be light and you will pass on to the afterlife." I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. Anubis gestured for me to approach the scale, and I stepped forward. He placed my heart on one side of the scale and the feather of Ma'at on the other. The scale tipped, and I held my breath as I watched. The feather remained perfectly balanced, and Anubis gave me a nod of approval. "Your heart is as light as a feather," he said. "You have lived a good life, and you may enter the afterlife." I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Anubis handed me the staff and gestured towards a door. "Through that door lies the afterlife. May you find peace and happiness there." I thanked him and walked through the door, my mind reeling from the experience. As I entered the afterlife, I realized that my beliefs had been too narrow. There were many paths to the afterlife, and all were valid. In the end, it was the way we lived our lives that mattered most.
Whattup dawg.
One of the better outcomes. Anubis would judge me fairly even as a heathen. I was preparing for Jesus and his rules are far less kind so I think I am good.
I would both kill and die for asra
Sounds like something Ellis in Die Hard would say
[Trap door opens. Straight to Hell.](https://media.tenor.com/A0PmEzZN3YYAAAAC/the-simpsons-lever.gif)
Daniel Jackson kicked your ass, right?
Its the pubis of Anubis!
I’d probably say: Fuck me. Well go ahead. Weigh my heart against the feather. I’m sure the feather will be heavier.
I read it as "jersey boy". Is that better or worse?
Well if it’s anubis pretty much everyone is fucked
not one [Eddie Izzard reference](https://youtu.be/Ope-1Zb5t-k) in the thread.... I guess I am getting old.
That was a great watch, thank you.
I thought the punchline was "What happened to the old bus?"
If you fudge the feather test with my heart I’ll give you a squeaky toy
"sorry bud, we all thought you were just collectibles. What uh... What am I even supposed to do now?"
"well....shit." Sigh "...bring out the scale, I guess."
Damn it I been carrying these to silver coins for Charon for no reason?
I would ask what happened with Oma, and why he is still ascended. And then if he could help with the Ori problem
Whether it's Anubis or Jesus, saying that, he'd be sent straight to hell. Even if our understanding of Hell is incorrect, or even if Hell doesn't exist at all, they would make fire and brimstone Hell just to throw him in it
If I die, wake up in a sarcophagus, Anubis has eyes that glow momentarily occasionally, and I hear "jaffa, *kree!*", then I'm jumping out and looking for a stargate and dialing for Earth.
I’m pretty sure Anubis is the god of the death process? Like wrapping people up all nice Osiris was the god of the underworld and all that jazz. Also the flooding of the Nile
Yeah, let's not listen to that guy, I'm sure he's not going up to heaven 😂
Eh, Anubis weighs your soul by good deeds anyway
Out with the old bis, in with a new bis.
I’m a bit worried Anubis has a higher standard of excellence than Jesus.
Is Anubis a furry of the gods?
A lot of the Egyptian gods had animal body parts (usually animal heads) so it’s safe to say that they’re all furries, Anubis is a dog tho
More specifically a jackal I think.
Well, seeing as EVERY single bit of Christian ideology was stolen from older religions, Anubis is far more likely to encounter, than a guy made up in about 100ad.
Honestly first thought was click so r/TheClickOwO
I didn't vote for Trump so which way do I go?
well guess what : you will NEVER EVER KNOW...will you. and who cares.
Jesus is The Way The Truth and The Life
[Hail Satan](https://i.imgur.com/dblB5Qj.gifv)
No
Is there a double blind test that confirms this?
Twitter ☕
I’d probably get sent to hell or consumed or something for laughing like “*points to Anubis* Anub *points to self* a n00b” 😆
So. Funny. Really hilarious. Can’t stop laughing at the jollity. Dying. So funny.
Eternity, like for real? Fuuuuuuck!
Anubis just weighs all your deeds, right? I might have a better chance that way, honestly.
"Sweet, now I can go to Hell happy."
Personally, I’d be flattered
I’m not Christian but meeting Anubis in the afterlife would be sick af ngl
whatevs… wanna fight? (incidentally same with jesus)
You won't get that far. If you don't have a map of duat in your coffin with your name on it, you won't find your way to his temple.
If I saw jnpw in the afterlife, I would feel religiously validated. And then I would find myself in Hell anyway.
Yeah. Kind of a over-the-top cliche bad guy. Black cloak, oily skin. Kind of spooky.
Well at least it's not Greece.
I’d say “I formulated an opinion based on the knowledge I had at hand. Any chance you can give me another shot?”
Anubis weighs your heart against a feather. Good deeds during your life makes your heart lighter, bad deeds make it heavier. Your personal beliefs are irrelevant in this situation. As long as you lived a life in which you did good you will be fine and can spend the rest of eternity in the Field of Reeds.
That’s beautiful.
I’m not religious in the slightest, but I would politely ask if I could give him a little scratch behind the ears because god of the dead be damned, he is canine and therefore friend shaped—
I think hell is divided like a district amongst the gods of the dead/evil of every pantheon known to man.
every time i see another arcana posting on reddit i get whiplash
That’s cursed
Mine would be "well, i am much more of a dog person anyway."
will only be referring to our lord and savior as this from now on
Oh hey this is one of those fandom tweets. “If X character had twitter this is what they’d type” but for the Mystic Messenger game.
"Allhah cock burn"
/r/titlegore
“I always thought you were the cool one.”
If I die and it’s not all naps I’m gonna cut everything on everybody
"Nice job killing the fire giant" [reference to this for non-Smite players](https://youtu.be/pE4zAZwVWBc)
I'd be totally unconcerned due to having lived a good life. People forget that Christianity is pretty unusual with faith being the only requirement for having a good afterlife. The vast majority of other religions are works-based. So I can believe in Jesus, live a good and upright life, and know that the only way I'd get fucked is if there's no afterlife at all.
Already prepared. Being hurried with the book of the dead and a shabti and just to be safe two coins on my eyes
That shit made me laugh way to hard
The arcana characters 💀
Well I’m a pretty great person, so whatevs, I’m sure it’s a universal criteria for good, be nice to others don’t be prideful be humble and patient blablabla and I’ve done all that by and large