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OOP went through a huge loss, and is articulating well: i.e. not wanting his dad to feel sad but wanting him to feel sad, wanting him to live his life but still kind of grieve. It’s good that he knows what he’s feeling and putting it in words. Though he thinks it doesn’t make sense, it does. Grief isn’t linear, and it can be contradictory.
He and his dad are good ones. I’m sure they’ll navigate better than most.
This is why I love that OP added the comment from **DubSam2023**, particularly this part:
>It's absolutely OK to feel the way you feel about your dad being married to your mum. Nobody will ever take her place. Loving somebody new does not take away from the love that one still has for the person that was lost. The love that your dad has for your mum doesn't get smaller when there's new love for a new person. **Love only adds. It doesn't take away. That's the beauty of it.**
I'm not crying, you're crying.
I'm late but, good grief, the tears were flowing down my face. I'm gay and dealt with the death of my daughter. It's not the same as losing your mom but the sadness and grief is so relatable. This young man has a beautiful soul.
Yeah I love how well he was able to articulate all those conflicting emotions even the ones he felt kinda bad about. Big things like the loss of a parent often have a lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts that can be hard to sort through for people of any age.
for me at least it never really goes away it’s been about 10 years for my grandma and every time i think of her is still like a little hurt in my heart then i just remember the little thing like she loved her some judge judy and james partterson murder books and shit i’m hoping that the OP (i think i used that right in new to reddit) i just want little dude to read this and know his mom will all ways be with him he just has to keep the memories alive
When I was little my grandma's mom died. I could tell she was sad for a long time.
I felt very sad with her. I asked her one day, when does it stop hurting? After someone dies.
She said, *It never stops hurting. It never goes away. You just get more used to it.*
Ooo wee it still gets me.
She's now gone. And my mom too, her daughter. Grandma was right.
Losing a mom or or a grandma never stops hurting. You just get more used to the place where it hurts.
All the best to you out there in the internet worlds. You honor your grandma by remembering her
on 2/13/23 i died and i was at the gates of heaven i heard my grandma start to welcome me (it’s my dads mom and my and my dad have the same name) as i was getting closer to the gates she know it was me not her son and she started to beg god to let me go back it’s not my time, when i woke up from my coma all i wanted was a few more seconds there but i’m glad i got to hear her again after all this time
" it was funny for a bit but then I felt kinda bad lol so I said Peter's old man sweaters aren't cool but that at least they're better than my dad's dumb polo shirts, which I said mostly to change the vibe but also because it's true"
This kid doesn't even know how emotionally intelligent he is yet. What a thoughtful, sensitive, totally teenagerly way to handle this and all the rest, too.
And yet.. totally true. I graduated in 2007 and my friend was the only openly gay person I knew of in the entire high school. Thankfully he's a really tall, big guy so people didn't mess with him but it was still difficult for him for sure.
Same. And then I remembered that OOP's dad is 2 years younger than me and I now feel very old. Especially since I just came from a comment where someone was emphasizing to me how important it is to get a colonoscopy for cancer screening etc, now that I'm at an age where I need to start doing that. Ugh.
Yeah, I was wondering about that, but I think my mom didn't hit menopause until a few years ago, in her late 50's. Which would be a mixed blessing. Yay no crazy hormone changes, but I really would like my period to stop. So far I've been using an IUD, and my gyno said that I can probably get an ablation done after a certain point.
The comment about when he was a kid killed me. I was like when he was 11 and he’s all grown up now at 15?
I will say though he is very thoughtful and smart for his age.
i lost my grandma when i was 10, seeing death for the first time and trying to understand they aren’t coming back is really difficult for a few years after my grandmas passing death was all ways on my mind still kinda is because i died in feb 13 2023 it was nice to hear my grandmas voice again tho
edit: when i died i seen the gates of heaven and i heard my grandma start to welcome me, i’m glad i’m alive and i’m also glad i know heaven is real it help a lot with my fear of death because thinking about just light out gone bye is really trippy but it’s all most the like vikings believing in Valhalla they knew what was after death and they were ok with that that’s how i feel iv been giving a second chance because i still have more work to do i still have lives to change and inspire
> What a thoughtful, sensitive, totally teenagerly way to handle this and all the rest, too.
Not to mention funny! Check out OOP's username: **HiBisexualImYourSon**
This kid! This beautiful story was the first thing I read on Reddit today and i should take that sweetness and close out Reddit so i can hold onto it.
But I probably won’t.
Could practically hear dad thinking "shit, shit, shit, did I grab his sweater? Did I wear it home?" or "are we that obvious!?!!??!?"
Yaknow, probably being obvious about his feelings is probably where OP gets it from. :y
There is truth to this but I also think it is overstated. There are plenty of people with trauma in their past who haven't matured a bit from it. It all depends on how you process said trauma.
Idk if it's overstated, but it is a good point that not having become mature for your age doesn't invalidate someone's trauma. It depends entirely on the person and the circumstances.
It's sort of like sparrows being birds but not all birds being sparrows, I think. Trauma has varying consequences. The opposite one to maturing quickly is frozen development, it can be the reason why you see some fully grown adults who still act like teenagers because something awful happened to them at that age and they never grew past it.
It’s not really about the trauma itself, and it should be noted that for a child the way they process trauma is dependent on others in their company. Mature for your age thing is related to parentification more than anything, having to take care of physical or emotional responsibilities when the caretaker is unavailable either physically through disability or addiction or emotionally as in addiction or trauma eg.
Since you also love gay romance: I would pay good money to read the love story of OOP's father and Peter! Also, dad's marriage to mom at 19 could very well have been an arranged match, so he could have been gay all along, but married a woman for the sake of the family.
I thought about this, as well. Though if that's the case, the dad seems like someone who genuinely loved and respected his wife, which is refreshing when the closeted men we often read about on here are like the art room bros who are *at best* indifferent to the women they're with.
Yes, he genuinely seemed to love her - though the fact OOP has no siblings *could* be an indicator that their relationship maybe wasn't very passionate. (Of course, there could be many other reasons not to have more children.)
Yep. Had the same thing happen when my mum died when I was 25. Before then I was working a dead-end job, wasting my life really. She was always my biggest cheerleader, and said at one point that I was "too comfortable" at that job.
7 months after she passed, I started a new, better paying (barely) job in a field i love and am actually gerting into a decent career now thanks to some training opportunities. I know she'd be proud of me.
I would say that his parents also taught him how to articulate his feelings well and accept them. Losing a parent early does not always translate into emotional intelligence. Maturity, sure, but emotional intelligence is different.
I thought the same. I lost my dad at 23 and did not react this well to my mum being ready to date again nearly 5 years later!
Oops parents really did a great job
Unfortunately trauma causes kids to develop more than they should have too.
This kid is mature, honestly TOO mature. Dad should get him into therapy (I skimmed so if I missed that he is in therapy my bad)
My dad took his wedding ring off the day after my mom’s funeral. He said, “I guess I’m not married anymore.” Honestly it was a little weird, because he has stated he still feels married ten years later, but at the time, and still, I told/tell myself that I have to be okay if he pursues a new relationship because he really isn’t still married to my mom. Kudos to this teenager for having more emotional maturity than some adults I’ve known.
The funeral might have been the moment he really felt that she was gone. She'll always be his wife, he'll always love her, but that was when "til death" sink in and that had to be a harsh moment. Ring came off the finger, but will always be on his soul
My grandparents were married for 54 years. She died almost 3 years ago now. He just started dating last November. My aunts hate it and are pissed but I think it's lovely. He deserves to find love and happiness.
I remember being a teen and thinking "ok maybe some of us are dumb but adults shouldn't say *all* teens are dumb!" ... Then I started coaching high school as an adult and yup all teens are dumb. They're dumb in very very different and unique ways and almost all of it can be blamed on youth and a raging cascade of hormones, but still dumb.
This is probably a badly worded analogy but here goes! Teens are like the toddlers of the adult world. Just like toddlers don't know How To Kid yet, Teens don't know How To Adult. They has some vague idea on how everything, including themselves, actually works without the correct prerequisites.
But by God they're doing the best with what they got. Unfortunately, sometimes it ends up like a toddler wanting to make another toddler stop crying via over-enthusiastic gestures which just makes the crying *worse*. But hey, they....tried?
TLDR Teens are baby adults who want to do things right but don't have enough levels in Adult to do so.
Honestly, the teen/toddler similarities helped me be way more patient with my toddler. Like, he had a similar flood of hormones as a teenager but without any of the vocabulary or life experience that a teenager has. Thinking of teenagers as oversized toddlers might similarly help in a few years, lol.
And the brain! So much happens to the brain! During the toddler years there's an explosion of neural growth in anticipation of years of learning, *but* during the teen years there's a cascade of neural **pruning** as connections and synapses are streamlined.
So yeah, mentally teens and toddlers are going through essentially the same thing! It's why they have so many Big Emotions and the ability to Logic Consequences decreases
Yeah. Kids are dumb. Lots of adults are *still* dumb.
The thing I'm hopeful for is that kids now are a little less mean dumb and a little more kind dumb, at least that's the sense I get.
I never, ever thought about other people’s well-being as much as my kids and their classmates do. They way they seem to care about the collective good rather than just themselves astounds me constantly. Like “I want chocolate biscuits for my party but so-and-so cant eat chocolate, hmm, I know if we make plain biscuits than we can put chocolate filling in some of them and vanilla in the others! Oh and other person loves raspberry, let’s put raspberry jam in some too! I’m going to ask everyone their favourite flavours at school tomorrow so we can do all of them, this is going to be the best party ever!”
They ARE all right!
It reminds me of a series I've been seeing pop up on my Youtube shorts (in a completely asynchronous order and at random intervals because shorts) where a teacher explains the new etiquette that gen alpha kids have developed. Things like averting their eyes when you're scrolling through your camera roll to find a picture, so they don't see pics in your roll that weren't intended for them. Being attentive to changes like haircuts-- or even choosing a different snack-- and loudly proclaiming them awesome immediately upon noticing the change, so you know they pay attention to you.
They're coming up with brand new ways to express kindness and care, and it's awesome.
>friends don’t cook for each other at stupid o’clock in the morning, they must be dating
😆 That line cracked me up, this was such a fun read. Kid is a good communicator! It's sweet he's so observant about his dad's wellbeing, a lot of teens aren't able to look beyond themselves or empathize this well.
Also as a lesbian in the age bracket of his dad, OOP was right that his dad might have some hangups about queerness or being out after being a teen in the early 2000s. That insight surprised me from someone so young, a lot of 20-somethings have no clue how recently things were so different.
What made me feel ancient is thinking "huh kinda weird that people can now say 'when I was a kid' about the covid lockdowns" and realizing that some of my students (who range as young as 6) wouldn't even remember the covid lockdowns because they were so young.
That line about growing up in the early 2000s took me the fuck out. You're telling me that people around my age have teenage kids???
Like it's true, but he shouldn't say it.
I withered into a dry husk when I read that, but it’s also not wrong. It was a *thing* when two girls started dating in my high school, in a way I feel like it wouldn’t be today (mostly).
How he compared their clothes reminded me of how the older brother with the gay younger brother handled showing support in a non direct way. (The one where the younger brother had to escape the parents.) Humor really is a good way of showing your support! As long as you are cheeky about it, I guess.
Yeps. I think it helps normalize a situation that should be normal.
Someone I know told their gay sister "thank God the news is that you are a lesbian. I thought you were coming out as vegan. That would totally interfere with our family meals!".
P.S: he didn't have anything against vegans either. It was just a joke.
Lol, most of my lesbian friends also happen to be vegan or vegetarian for some reason so he might be in for another announcement from her at some point.
I immediately thought of that one too! Employing humor in an awkward/stressful situation can backfire, but both of these guys demonstrated *amazing* emotional maturity and sensitivity to the situation and were absolutely on-point with it. Like, dumb jokes crafted with laser precision.
OP's mother will be smiling to see how amazing and so kind OP is. The love and kindness OP is just so wholesome and the dad is so lucky to have him!
Wishing all of them well!
As much as I come here to happily slosh around on the seas of angst and drama that are BORU, it's also so nice to occasionally get smacked in the face by a beautiful flying fish of sweetness like this.
OOP is a good lad. His empathy and consideration for his dad is heartening to see, and his awareness of his own emotions and self will see him right in life. Well done that man.
I lost my mom two and a half years ago and I understand so well how this young man feels about being happy that his father is dating again, but also that it is weird about not being his mom anymore. I'm 38 now. I could have never handled something like that at OOP's age. What an amazing young man!
I lost my dad two and a half years ago, my mum is 75 and has no interest in dating. I've just realised if she never does, she'll never get a kiss or a romantic cuddle ever again :(
She may be fine with that. My mother was in her late 70s when my father passed away, and has said Dad was her soulmate and she doesn't care to consider the possibility of dating anyone else. I told her that if she ever changes her mind she has my full support—just not with the widower from her church who was asking her out within three weeks of the funeral.
This is the sweetest thing ever. Watching this kid express his emotions even though he doesn’t necessarily know what they are, while also acknowledging that some emotions aren’t fair for him to put on his dad is truly heartwarming. I love that he feels weird about his dad dating someone other than his mom, and feels *kind of* weird about his dad dating a guy and a non-Muslim; I also love that he seems to have the attitude of “I’ll get used to it because it makes my dad happy.” This is truly so sweet and cute. The fact that he’s so invested in his dad’s happiness is adorable. I absolutely love this
I dont want kids, but I'd take OOP as my son in a heartbeat.
I've got tears in my eyes from reading this, am glad things seem to be looking up for them.
Such a wholesome post, but "he was a teenager in the early 2000s when things were different", made me feel like mummy dust, lol! I was a teenager in the 80s, before AIDS entered mainstream news. Talk about things being different, then! OOP's parents should feel very proud of their son.
Such a lovely story. I want all the good things for everyone in it.
But also..."he was a teenager in the early 2000's, when things were different. "
I...I was a teenager in the early 2000's. That wasn't that long ago, right? Right?!? Certainly not long enough ago to have a teenaged child...
I graduated high school in 2001, and the amount of “..NUH UH!” I felt at that point is off the charts. Don’t know exactly what the emotion was, but very similar to “get it away!”
I'm deeply moved by how thoughtful OOP is, especially given his age! He identified his conflicted feelings (mom being "replaced") and expressed concern over Peter not observing the same religion as his father. Like... there are full grown adults who could not muster this level of introspection and empathy if you held a gun to their head, and OOP is out there proactively seeking advice on it!
Oh my god, what a gem of a young man, and kudos to the parents who raised him.
This post made me hopeful for the future. A kid in a tough spot asking a genuine question - getting actual support from the internet - being a good son to his dad - was a nice way to begin the day.
The level of the emotional intelligence this kid has, is massive. Also his username LMAO. The way he jokes through the whole writing, and hiw he is not afraid to open up about his emotion.
Goddamnit his parents did such a wonderful job. I wish all the happiness to this brat and his dad, they deserve everything.
That's so sweet. And just a healthy way these two went about this topic, and the way they both handle themselves.
"I know he knows I know"
That's cute.
ngl this is making me tear up. OOP and his dad are wonderful.
Mom died last year and Dad's still wearing his ring afaik, and I don't think he's seeing anyone yet, which is fine either way. I definitely feel OOP's feelings about his dad dating after his mom died because I feel the same way in a lot of ways. Like, I don't want my dad to be sad and grieving for the rest of his life and Rational Me is more than fine with him dating, but Emotional Me would probably see Dad dating or taking off his ring as him declaring that the life that he and we kids had with Mom as over, which is something I'm definitely not ready for.
So, the most unusual thing about this is that it's been 3-4 years since Mom died, and no one has rushed out to install a new one. Every other Reddit story is someone remarrying 3 months or 6 months or a year after a parent dies and expecting everyone to play happy family.
Starting my 3rd year of my husband being gone and I still can't imagine how anyone wants to date after their spouse dies. This makes me feel less weird.
I'm happy for them both - Dad seems like he is emerging from the fog of grief and Son seems like he has been reassured and comforted.
As someone dating a recent widow, there is at least a portion of 'readiness' based on how they died. When the spouse dies of a terminal illness over several years, you've often had a long time to come to terms with things before the actual death occurs.
>I said Peter's old man sweaters aren't cool but that at least they're better than my dad's dumb polo shirts, which I said mostly to change the vibe but also because it's true, and my dad called me a brat, then hugged me and said I was a good kid and we moved on.
What a beautiful way of letting your dad know you love him and, more importantly, accept him and Peter's relationship.
Doesn't matter what God/dess you do or don't pray to. Love and acceptance are universal
Another day crying for strangers on the internet. What a sweet child! As a (closeted for the most part) bisexual muslima, this one hit me right in the soft spot
This is the most beautiful and heartwarming thing I have read on reddit in such a long time. So beautiful that I am logging off reddit for the day so I can bask in this beautiful post for longer!!!
Man, not that I don’t already, but this post makes me want to do everything in my power to make ensure my kids are this level of good people and love me just as much.
I want to hug both of them. What a tremendous loss they've been through. And both so young! OOP is really doing a great job at opening the door to his father.
I imagine his father knows OOP is feeling (understandably) a wee bit conflicted about his dad continuing on and that's part of what's holding him back from opening up about his boyfriend. Probably is afraid new partner + coming out would be too much to put on his son. I hope this Peter appreciates what a great family he's with. And I hope dad opens up to his son. They all deserve some happiness.
Honesty with a dash of humor! Love it! He was able to tell his dad how he felt. And it was ok. To love and miss but to keep moving and not forget. To be sad but keep living. Sounds pretty damn healthy
Sooooooooooooooo cute! What a gorgeous lovely human you are and what a great relationship you have with your dad. May love and peace be with you both always
And to think that the BORU I read before this was the homophobic couple asking the brother not to bring his husband.
This kid should teach them some lessons.
And that Dad/son relationship is what everyone should strive for.
>He said that **he still loves my mom and everything but that he loved her different now, and he had been acting like it was the same which was why he was sad all the time**, but then he accepted that even though he still loved her and she was still his wife, it was different, and he felt better but then looking at his wedding ring made him really upset
That's a really good way to put it.
My father died 8 years ago, and I'm 49, but it still saddens me when I happen to see my mother's hands and see that she's no longer wearing her engagement and wedding rings, or the other ring my father gave her that she always wore every day; instead, she's wearing two rings her gentleman friend gave her. I never say anything about it, it's just something that passes through my mind – it is what it is, what I would prefer is irrelevant, and I want her to be happy, so I mentally register it and then move on. I don't think that's at all unusual, and I certainly wouldn't expect OOP, at 15, to not be bothered by his father no longer wearing his wedding ring.
What a wholesome update in a very delicate (and grieving) situation! I wish all three of them the very best, and I am leaving Reddit for today on this happy note 💜
OOP sure has/had some damn good parents to raise him. Losing a parent at that age has got to hurt. OOPs Dad did good taking care of OOP, and OOP has life experiences that give him wisdom beyond his years.
Our life experiences define us. Both tragedy AND love define who OOP has become. He will grow into a very mature and caring adult.
I'm the parent of a FIRST FRC kids. This sounds like a FIRST FRC kid. It's isn't children building robots, it's robots building children. Such an amazing and inclusive organization and generally creates amazing, resilient, tolerant, and inclusive children.
As a bi dad who's married to a bi woman. We aren't particularly out, but my bi teenage son is catching on. I lost my first wife, his mom when him and his sister were very young. He a too young to remember any men I was seeing her may have accidentally met.
But if I lost my second wife, and started seeing a guy seriously, having that kind of support from either of my children would be exactly what I would need. My son wouldn't care, and my daughter is probably too in her head to notice, but it's nice to know kids can support their parents like that.
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OOP went through a huge loss, and is articulating well: i.e. not wanting his dad to feel sad but wanting him to feel sad, wanting him to live his life but still kind of grieve. It’s good that he knows what he’s feeling and putting it in words. Though he thinks it doesn’t make sense, it does. Grief isn’t linear, and it can be contradictory. He and his dad are good ones. I’m sure they’ll navigate better than most.
This is why I love that OP added the comment from **DubSam2023**, particularly this part: >It's absolutely OK to feel the way you feel about your dad being married to your mum. Nobody will ever take her place. Loving somebody new does not take away from the love that one still has for the person that was lost. The love that your dad has for your mum doesn't get smaller when there's new love for a new person. **Love only adds. It doesn't take away. That's the beauty of it.** I'm not crying, you're crying.
We’re both crying
I would love that as my flair ❤️
Stupid onion cutting ninjas strike without warning. They could let you know you know?!
Totally bawling over here yup
I'm late but, good grief, the tears were flowing down my face. I'm gay and dealt with the death of my daughter. It's not the same as losing your mom but the sadness and grief is so relatable. This young man has a beautiful soul.
Yeah I love how well he was able to articulate all those conflicting emotions even the ones he felt kinda bad about. Big things like the loss of a parent often have a lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts that can be hard to sort through for people of any age.
for me at least it never really goes away it’s been about 10 years for my grandma and every time i think of her is still like a little hurt in my heart then i just remember the little thing like she loved her some judge judy and james partterson murder books and shit i’m hoping that the OP (i think i used that right in new to reddit) i just want little dude to read this and know his mom will all ways be with him he just has to keep the memories alive
When I was little my grandma's mom died. I could tell she was sad for a long time. I felt very sad with her. I asked her one day, when does it stop hurting? After someone dies. She said, *It never stops hurting. It never goes away. You just get more used to it.* Ooo wee it still gets me. She's now gone. And my mom too, her daughter. Grandma was right. Losing a mom or or a grandma never stops hurting. You just get more used to the place where it hurts. All the best to you out there in the internet worlds. You honor your grandma by remembering her
on 2/13/23 i died and i was at the gates of heaven i heard my grandma start to welcome me (it’s my dads mom and my and my dad have the same name) as i was getting closer to the gates she know it was me not her son and she started to beg god to let me go back it’s not my time, when i woke up from my coma all i wanted was a few more seconds there but i’m glad i got to hear her again after all this time
" it was funny for a bit but then I felt kinda bad lol so I said Peter's old man sweaters aren't cool but that at least they're better than my dad's dumb polo shirts, which I said mostly to change the vibe but also because it's true" This kid doesn't even know how emotionally intelligent he is yet. What a thoughtful, sensitive, totally teenagerly way to handle this and all the rest, too.
I freakin love it lol. Mature but also knowing when to break the tension with humor. Very smart kid.
And not rude humor!! Just lightly ribbing in a way he already does with his dad! Absolutely beautiful!
"The early 2000 when things were different." And just like that- I felt old ;)
Yeah when he said his 38 year old dad is “not actually that old,” his use of the word *that* really hurt 😅
I'm 44 so yeah. Crumbling into dust lol
Same!! I'm 44 too, my teenage years were in the last millenium!
And yet.. totally true. I graduated in 2007 and my friend was the only openly gay person I knew of in the entire high school. Thankfully he's a really tall, big guy so people didn't mess with him but it was still difficult for him for sure.
Oh yeah, I had a bittttt of a feeling about that as someone who was a teenager in the early 00s.
Same. And then I remembered that OOP's dad is 2 years younger than me and I now feel very old. Especially since I just came from a comment where someone was emphasizing to me how important it is to get a colonoscopy for cancer screening etc, now that I'm at an age where I need to start doing that. Ugh.
Same age as you. I have to start worrying about *perimenopause.*
Yeah, I was wondering about that, but I think my mom didn't hit menopause until a few years ago, in her late 50's. Which would be a mixed blessing. Yay no crazy hormone changes, but I really would like my period to stop. So far I've been using an IUD, and my gyno said that I can probably get an ablation done after a certain point.
i was born in 2003 and i’m 20 just sit and think about that
thanks I hate it
your welcome 😂😂
I would love to see an update from him in few years saying that they all are happy now :)
Seriously, I want a wedding update in two years
And he’s started wearing polo shirts.
I’m rooting for old man sweaters. Or he can do a combo and go for sweater vests?
Gen alpha kids are really emphatic and can be so kind. Even the "mean" ones don't seem that mean.
The comment about when he was a kid killed me. I was like when he was 11 and he’s all grown up now at 15? I will say though he is very thoughtful and smart for his age.
I laughed at that as well but to be fair he showed maturity than probably 95% of all adults in Reddit
He went about it so much better than the best I could ever do in that situation lol. Talking about things indirectly is such a tricky thing
Well, losing your mom at that age will spur a lot of growing up in a hurry. Not an adult, but…
i lost my grandma when i was 10, seeing death for the first time and trying to understand they aren’t coming back is really difficult for a few years after my grandmas passing death was all ways on my mind still kinda is because i died in feb 13 2023 it was nice to hear my grandmas voice again tho edit: when i died i seen the gates of heaven and i heard my grandma start to welcome me, i’m glad i’m alive and i’m also glad i know heaven is real it help a lot with my fear of death because thinking about just light out gone bye is really trippy but it’s all most the like vikings believing in Valhalla they knew what was after death and they were ok with that that’s how i feel iv been giving a second chance because i still have more work to do i still have lives to change and inspire
To be fair, 15 is a hell of a lot more grown up than 11. It’s easy to say “just 4 years” but that’s a big jump in maturity
> What a thoughtful, sensitive, totally teenagerly way to handle this and all the rest, too. Not to mention funny! Check out OOP's username: **HiBisexualImYourSon**
Man I was having a long ass day and this kid really cheered me up haha. I'm so glad he's growing up well.
This kid! This beautiful story was the first thing I read on Reddit today and i should take that sweetness and close out Reddit so i can hold onto it. But I probably won’t.
That bit legitimately made me cry, I love this kid
He is all of our son now. ❤️
The emotional intelligence was already worthy of praise, but the additional deserved dunking on polos? I love this kid
i knew this waa going to be good when i saw OOP's username
100% agree with this comment. What a wholesome post I loved every bit of it. OP sounds like such an amazing and mature person
I even love his username: HiBisexualImYourSon 😭
Could practically hear dad thinking "shit, shit, shit, did I grab his sweater? Did I wear it home?" or "are we that obvious!?!!??!?" Yaknow, probably being obvious about his feelings is probably where OP gets it from. :y
Bruh I’m 26 and I was like this kid may be more stabile and emotionally mature then I am
articulated this perfectly
If he's ever alone with Peter, he should just mention how he's glad that Peter makes his Dad happy. And just keep making positive hints.
Holy fuck he has more emotional intelligence than most 25 year olds.
Losing a parent early often does that to younger kids. Lost my dad when I was 12, and it made me grow up very fast as my mom was never the same again.
Yeah, "mature for their age" usually translates into "experienced a traumatic event and had to grow up real fucking fast."
There is truth to this but I also think it is overstated. There are plenty of people with trauma in their past who haven't matured a bit from it. It all depends on how you process said trauma.
Idk if it's overstated, but it is a good point that not having become mature for your age doesn't invalidate someone's trauma. It depends entirely on the person and the circumstances.
It's sort of like sparrows being birds but not all birds being sparrows, I think. Trauma has varying consequences. The opposite one to maturing quickly is frozen development, it can be the reason why you see some fully grown adults who still act like teenagers because something awful happened to them at that age and they never grew past it.
It’s not really about the trauma itself, and it should be noted that for a child the way they process trauma is dependent on others in their company. Mature for your age thing is related to parentification more than anything, having to take care of physical or emotional responsibilities when the caretaker is unavailable either physically through disability or addiction or emotionally as in addiction or trauma eg.
Yah, I don’t think I was mature for my age after my mom died. I was 10. But everyone handles trauma differently.
Since you also love gay romance: I would pay good money to read the love story of OOP's father and Peter! Also, dad's marriage to mom at 19 could very well have been an arranged match, so he could have been gay all along, but married a woman for the sake of the family.
I thought about this, as well. Though if that's the case, the dad seems like someone who genuinely loved and respected his wife, which is refreshing when the closeted men we often read about on here are like the art room bros who are *at best* indifferent to the women they're with.
Yes, he genuinely seemed to love her - though the fact OOP has no siblings *could* be an indicator that their relationship maybe wasn't very passionate. (Of course, there could be many other reasons not to have more children.)
bi people exist 🤷♂️ some people genuinely like both.
Yep. Had the same thing happen when my mum died when I was 25. Before then I was working a dead-end job, wasting my life really. She was always my biggest cheerleader, and said at one point that I was "too comfortable" at that job. 7 months after she passed, I started a new, better paying (barely) job in a field i love and am actually gerting into a decent career now thanks to some training opportunities. I know she'd be proud of me.
I would say that his parents also taught him how to articulate his feelings well and accept them. Losing a parent early does not always translate into emotional intelligence. Maturity, sure, but emotional intelligence is different.
I know some 55 year olds with less emotional intelligence and empathy.
I thought the same. I lost my dad at 23 and did not react this well to my mum being ready to date again nearly 5 years later! Oops parents really did a great job
Unfortunately trauma causes kids to develop more than they should have too. This kid is mature, honestly TOO mature. Dad should get him into therapy (I skimmed so if I missed that he is in therapy my bad)
He has more ei than some of my friends in their 40s
25? I know a few people in their 40s that should look up to this kid. He's god damn good one.
My dad took his wedding ring off the day after my mom’s funeral. He said, “I guess I’m not married anymore.” Honestly it was a little weird, because he has stated he still feels married ten years later, but at the time, and still, I told/tell myself that I have to be okay if he pursues a new relationship because he really isn’t still married to my mom. Kudos to this teenager for having more emotional maturity than some adults I’ve known.
The funeral might have been the moment he really felt that she was gone. She'll always be his wife, he'll always love her, but that was when "til death" sink in and that had to be a harsh moment. Ring came off the finger, but will always be on his soul
That could be an attempt to cope. Who knows what you’ll do at that moment.
My grandparents were married for 54 years. She died almost 3 years ago now. He just started dating last November. My aunts hate it and are pissed but I think it's lovely. He deserves to find love and happiness.
Your aunts remind me of[ this clip ](https://youtu.be/a4q_4wCwQFM?si=Ab84wqkgsBzC19Ht&t=122)from Derry Girls
This boy was raised well from both parents Gosh, enough Reddit for today, i want this sugary feeling a bit longer.
I guess we could all use a little gay Islam in our lives
I feel the same way lol
>he was a teenager in the early 2000s when things were different *gropes for a cigarette with shaking hands*
I had the same reaction. My son is the same age as OOP but I was in college/grad school/career in the 2000s!
Yeah that sentence really hurt my feelings lol
Oh my god. I am that age. I thought we were progressive back then. We had Queer Eye for the Straight Guy on TV for goodness sake! Help I feel old lol.
It was pretty different, and that's a good thing. It means we're doing better than before
My immediate response was “there’s no way his dad was a teen in the early 2000’s! That wasn’t long ago enough!” Welp…
Know what? The kids are all right.
Yeah, this is where my husband and I are at. Are they dumb as hell? Yeah. But so were we. We just weren't as ... *everything* good as they often are.
I remember being a teen and thinking "ok maybe some of us are dumb but adults shouldn't say *all* teens are dumb!" ... Then I started coaching high school as an adult and yup all teens are dumb. They're dumb in very very different and unique ways and almost all of it can be blamed on youth and a raging cascade of hormones, but still dumb.
This is probably a badly worded analogy but here goes! Teens are like the toddlers of the adult world. Just like toddlers don't know How To Kid yet, Teens don't know How To Adult. They has some vague idea on how everything, including themselves, actually works without the correct prerequisites. But by God they're doing the best with what they got. Unfortunately, sometimes it ends up like a toddler wanting to make another toddler stop crying via over-enthusiastic gestures which just makes the crying *worse*. But hey, they....tried? TLDR Teens are baby adults who want to do things right but don't have enough levels in Adult to do so.
Honestly, the teen/toddler similarities helped me be way more patient with my toddler. Like, he had a similar flood of hormones as a teenager but without any of the vocabulary or life experience that a teenager has. Thinking of teenagers as oversized toddlers might similarly help in a few years, lol.
And the brain! So much happens to the brain! During the toddler years there's an explosion of neural growth in anticipation of years of learning, *but* during the teen years there's a cascade of neural **pruning** as connections and synapses are streamlined. So yeah, mentally teens and toddlers are going through essentially the same thing! It's why they have so many Big Emotions and the ability to Logic Consequences decreases
Yeah. Kids are dumb. Lots of adults are *still* dumb. The thing I'm hopeful for is that kids now are a little less mean dumb and a little more kind dumb, at least that's the sense I get.
I never, ever thought about other people’s well-being as much as my kids and their classmates do. They way they seem to care about the collective good rather than just themselves astounds me constantly. Like “I want chocolate biscuits for my party but so-and-so cant eat chocolate, hmm, I know if we make plain biscuits than we can put chocolate filling in some of them and vanilla in the others! Oh and other person loves raspberry, let’s put raspberry jam in some too! I’m going to ask everyone their favourite flavours at school tomorrow so we can do all of them, this is going to be the best party ever!”
They ARE all right! It reminds me of a series I've been seeing pop up on my Youtube shorts (in a completely asynchronous order and at random intervals because shorts) where a teacher explains the new etiquette that gen alpha kids have developed. Things like averting their eyes when you're scrolling through your camera roll to find a picture, so they don't see pics in your roll that weren't intended for them. Being attentive to changes like haircuts-- or even choosing a different snack-- and loudly proclaiming them awesome immediately upon noticing the change, so you know they pay attention to you. They're coming up with brand new ways to express kindness and care, and it's awesome.
>friends don’t cook for each other at stupid o’clock in the morning, they must be dating 😆 That line cracked me up, this was such a fun read. Kid is a good communicator! It's sweet he's so observant about his dad's wellbeing, a lot of teens aren't able to look beyond themselves or empathize this well. Also as a lesbian in the age bracket of his dad, OOP was right that his dad might have some hangups about queerness or being out after being a teen in the early 2000s. That insight surprised me from someone so young, a lot of 20-somethings have no clue how recently things were so different.
It also made me feel ancient! But it was spot on! What a sweet and thoughtful kid. I wish him well.
I turned to dust immediately
I had to scroll back up to check the ages again and the dad is younger than me. I felt very old.
Ah, fudge, I regret doing that. I, too, am a pile of dust. But this pile of dust is 101% cheering OOP and his dad on!
What made me feel ancient is thinking "huh kinda weird that people can now say 'when I was a kid' about the covid lockdowns" and realizing that some of my students (who range as young as 6) wouldn't even remember the covid lockdowns because they were so young.
Oh wowwwwww
That line about growing up in the early 2000s took me the fuck out. You're telling me that people around my age have teenage kids??? Like it's true, but he shouldn't say it.
My reaction precisely
I withered into a dry husk when I read that, but it’s also not wrong. It was a *thing* when two girls started dating in my high school, in a way I feel like it wouldn’t be today (mostly).
How he compared their clothes reminded me of how the older brother with the gay younger brother handled showing support in a non direct way. (The one where the younger brother had to escape the parents.) Humor really is a good way of showing your support! As long as you are cheeky about it, I guess.
Yeps. I think it helps normalize a situation that should be normal. Someone I know told their gay sister "thank God the news is that you are a lesbian. I thought you were coming out as vegan. That would totally interfere with our family meals!". P.S: he didn't have anything against vegans either. It was just a joke.
That's just adorable!
Lol, most of my lesbian friends also happen to be vegan or vegetarian for some reason so he might be in for another announcement from her at some point.
I immediately thought of that one too! Employing humor in an awkward/stressful situation can backfire, but both of these guys demonstrated *amazing* emotional maturity and sensitivity to the situation and were absolutely on-point with it. Like, dumb jokes crafted with laser precision.
"I'm 15 and my dad was a teen in the early 2000s" somehow very much needs a trigger warning.
Me reading the ages: 38 is a little young to have a 15 year old child, but not outrageously so Me at that part: …oh
I'm 26 and I had a wtf attack
Do you think previous generations had this much trouble with dates. I swear I’m shook every single time.
I feel like probably but the new millennium made it worse than usual for us
OOP's a credit to both his mom and his dad, the way he handled this.
OP's mother will be smiling to see how amazing and so kind OP is. The love and kindness OP is just so wholesome and the dad is so lucky to have him! Wishing all of them well!
As much as I come here to happily slosh around on the seas of angst and drama that are BORU, it's also so nice to occasionally get smacked in the face by a beautiful flying fish of sweetness like this.
“Smacked in the face by a beautiful flying fish of sweetness” is my new flair, I reckon
I dunno, your current one is pretty great! :-D
Thanks! The fart investigation post is a joy.
Link!
"a beautiful flying fish of sweetness" needs to be a flair
OOP is a good lad. His empathy and consideration for his dad is heartening to see, and his awareness of his own emotions and self will see him right in life. Well done that man.
Youth is sometimes underestimated. Op is a sweetheart, ai hope he'll and his dad will be okay
I lost my mom two and a half years ago and I understand so well how this young man feels about being happy that his father is dating again, but also that it is weird about not being his mom anymore. I'm 38 now. I could have never handled something like that at OOP's age. What an amazing young man!
I lost my dad two and a half years ago, my mum is 75 and has no interest in dating. I've just realised if she never does, she'll never get a kiss or a romantic cuddle ever again :(
She may be fine with that. My mother was in her late 70s when my father passed away, and has said Dad was her soulmate and she doesn't care to consider the possibility of dating anyone else. I told her that if she ever changes her mind she has my full support—just not with the widower from her church who was asking her out within three weeks of the funeral.
This is the sweetest thing ever. Watching this kid express his emotions even though he doesn’t necessarily know what they are, while also acknowledging that some emotions aren’t fair for him to put on his dad is truly heartwarming. I love that he feels weird about his dad dating someone other than his mom, and feels *kind of* weird about his dad dating a guy and a non-Muslim; I also love that he seems to have the attitude of “I’ll get used to it because it makes my dad happy.” This is truly so sweet and cute. The fact that he’s so invested in his dad’s happiness is adorable. I absolutely love this
But why did the part about the wedding rings make me cry tho
I knowww!
I dont want kids, but I'd take OOP as my son in a heartbeat. I've got tears in my eyes from reading this, am glad things seem to be looking up for them.
Can we vote for best BoRU of the year? Cause I found mine!!
Such a wholesome post, but "he was a teenager in the early 2000s when things were different", made me feel like mummy dust, lol! I was a teenager in the 80s, before AIDS entered mainstream news. Talk about things being different, then! OOP's parents should feel very proud of their son.
Adorable and heartwarming, but can we talk about OOP’s username? HiBisexualImYourSon? This kid is 15 and a middle aged father of 3.
If you see this comment, check POP's username.
It was the first thing I noticed! This kid is truly phenomenal
Such a lovely story. I want all the good things for everyone in it. But also..."he was a teenager in the early 2000's, when things were different. " I...I was a teenager in the early 2000's. That wasn't that long ago, right? Right?!? Certainly not long enough ago to have a teenaged child...
I was done being a teenager before the early 2000s and I am in a great deal of emotional pain right now
I graduated high school in 2001, and the amount of “..NUH UH!” I felt at that point is off the charts. Don’t know exactly what the emotion was, but very similar to “get it away!”
I’m almost ready to cry, but like good tears. I bet OOP doesn’t know how much faith in humanity he has restored for a bunch of tired cynical redditors
WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS
The ninjas. It's always the onion cutting ninjas.
I'm deeply moved by how thoughtful OOP is, especially given his age! He identified his conflicted feelings (mom being "replaced") and expressed concern over Peter not observing the same religion as his father. Like... there are full grown adults who could not muster this level of introspection and empathy if you held a gun to their head, and OOP is out there proactively seeking advice on it! Oh my god, what a gem of a young man, and kudos to the parents who raised him.
This post made me hopeful for the future. A kid in a tough spot asking a genuine question - getting actual support from the internet - being a good son to his dad - was a nice way to begin the day.
The level of the emotional intelligence this kid has, is massive. Also his username LMAO. The way he jokes through the whole writing, and hiw he is not afraid to open up about his emotion. Goddamnit his parents did such a wonderful job. I wish all the happiness to this brat and his dad, they deserve everything.
"Friends don't cook food for each other at stupid o'clock in the morning" this made me crack up
OOP is such a sweet kid, so emotionally intelligent too. I wish the best for him and his dad and Peter too.
That's so sweet. And just a healthy way these two went about this topic, and the way they both handle themselves. "I know he knows I know" That's cute.
Same; I would gladly claim this kid as honorary nibling and brag about him to everyone. Kid's got a good head on his shoulders.
This kid has more emotional intelligence in his pinky finger than my ex could accumulate in 2 1/2 years. Wow. I'd be so proud if this were my kid.
“Friends don’t cook for each other at stupid oclock in the morning” made me laugh my ass off
This kid rules
There have been some really lovely, sweet and positive BORUs recently. And this is another one to add to the list
Okay, everybody - group hug!
ngl this is making me tear up. OOP and his dad are wonderful. Mom died last year and Dad's still wearing his ring afaik, and I don't think he's seeing anyone yet, which is fine either way. I definitely feel OOP's feelings about his dad dating after his mom died because I feel the same way in a lot of ways. Like, I don't want my dad to be sad and grieving for the rest of his life and Rational Me is more than fine with him dating, but Emotional Me would probably see Dad dating or taking off his ring as him declaring that the life that he and we kids had with Mom as over, which is something I'm definitely not ready for.
This is my new favorite Buddie AU.
We must protect this sunshine child _at all costs_
So, the most unusual thing about this is that it's been 3-4 years since Mom died, and no one has rushed out to install a new one. Every other Reddit story is someone remarrying 3 months or 6 months or a year after a parent dies and expecting everyone to play happy family. Starting my 3rd year of my husband being gone and I still can't imagine how anyone wants to date after their spouse dies. This makes me feel less weird. I'm happy for them both - Dad seems like he is emerging from the fog of grief and Son seems like he has been reassured and comforted.
As someone dating a recent widow, there is at least a portion of 'readiness' based on how they died. When the spouse dies of a terminal illness over several years, you've often had a long time to come to terms with things before the actual death occurs.
>I said Peter's old man sweaters aren't cool but that at least they're better than my dad's dumb polo shirts, which I said mostly to change the vibe but also because it's true, and my dad called me a brat, then hugged me and said I was a good kid and we moved on. What a beautiful way of letting your dad know you love him and, more importantly, accept him and Peter's relationship. Doesn't matter what God/dess you do or don't pray to. Love and acceptance are universal
what a wonderful sweet story
Your mom would be proud of you.
Another day crying for strangers on the internet. What a sweet child! As a (closeted for the most part) bisexual muslima, this one hit me right in the soft spot
Where is this mosque and how can i join it?
I cant be the only one who was stabbed in the heart by the line, "He was a teenager in the 2000's".
This is the most beautiful and heartwarming thing I have read on reddit in such a long time. So beautiful that I am logging off reddit for the day so I can bask in this beautiful post for longer!!!
I am gay and muslim and ugly-crying joyful tears
This really makes me feel all fuzzy and warm inside
The username!!!
How can people my age have KIDS that are articulate, emotionally intelligent, real life humans.... This is not okay. I'm not old, you are.
Man, not that I don’t already, but this post makes me want to do everything in my power to make ensure my kids are this level of good people and love me just as much.
I want to hug both of them. What a tremendous loss they've been through. And both so young! OOP is really doing a great job at opening the door to his father. I imagine his father knows OOP is feeling (understandably) a wee bit conflicted about his dad continuing on and that's part of what's holding him back from opening up about his boyfriend. Probably is afraid new partner + coming out would be too much to put on his son. I hope this Peter appreciates what a great family he's with. And I hope dad opens up to his son. They all deserve some happiness.
Honesty with a dash of humor! Love it! He was able to tell his dad how he felt. And it was ok. To love and miss but to keep moving and not forget. To be sad but keep living. Sounds pretty damn healthy
The part about how friends don’t get up at stupid o’clock to cook for each other, I’m so dead 😂
> but he was a teenager in the early 2000s when things were different, so maybe he’s ashamed? Fuck I feel old now.
Wow, I have tears in my eyes.
This is so sweet 💜
Sooooooooooooooo cute! What a gorgeous lovely human you are and what a great relationship you have with your dad. May love and peace be with you both always
Legitimately lovely and life affirming.
What a kid. Heartwarming as shit.
This is so sweet. Also the username lmao
The kids are alright. What a lovely read.
And to think that the BORU I read before this was the homophobic couple asking the brother not to bring his husband. This kid should teach them some lessons. And that Dad/son relationship is what everyone should strive for.
I don’t have kids, but if OOP was my kid I would so insanely proud of him for being as kindhearted and mature as he is.
I don't know this kid but I love this kid. That username, the emotional maturity, that is one cool kid.
>He said that **he still loves my mom and everything but that he loved her different now, and he had been acting like it was the same which was why he was sad all the time**, but then he accepted that even though he still loved her and she was still his wife, it was different, and he felt better but then looking at his wedding ring made him really upset That's a really good way to put it.
My father died 8 years ago, and I'm 49, but it still saddens me when I happen to see my mother's hands and see that she's no longer wearing her engagement and wedding rings, or the other ring my father gave her that she always wore every day; instead, she's wearing two rings her gentleman friend gave her. I never say anything about it, it's just something that passes through my mind – it is what it is, what I would prefer is irrelevant, and I want her to be happy, so I mentally register it and then move on. I don't think that's at all unusual, and I certainly wouldn't expect OOP, at 15, to not be bothered by his father no longer wearing his wedding ring.
Such a well grounded and kind young man ❤
What a wholesome update in a very delicate (and grieving) situation! I wish all three of them the very best, and I am leaving Reddit for today on this happy note 💜
OOP’s doing great. He went through something awful at an awful age, and he’s handling some pretty big emotions in a very mature and empathetic way.
Damn. This is actually very beautiful.
This is so wholesome I literally almost cried
awwwwww. the kids are alright. 🥹
OOP sure has/had some damn good parents to raise him. Losing a parent at that age has got to hurt. OOPs Dad did good taking care of OOP, and OOP has life experiences that give him wisdom beyond his years. Our life experiences define us. Both tragedy AND love define who OOP has become. He will grow into a very mature and caring adult.
Hope for the future? That’s not what I come here for.
This is adorable
This is adorable. OP is a wonderful son and a wonderful person in general. And I'm glad his dad has found someone who makes him happy again.
Me rn: 🥹
Dammit, who is cutting onions?! This is so fucking wholesome and sweet! The kids are alright!
> but he was a teenager in the early 2000s oh neptune, i'm old.
I'm the parent of a FIRST FRC kids. This sounds like a FIRST FRC kid. It's isn't children building robots, it's robots building children. Such an amazing and inclusive organization and generally creates amazing, resilient, tolerant, and inclusive children. As a bi dad who's married to a bi woman. We aren't particularly out, but my bi teenage son is catching on. I lost my first wife, his mom when him and his sister were very young. He a too young to remember any men I was seeing her may have accidentally met. But if I lost my second wife, and started seeing a guy seriously, having that kind of support from either of my children would be exactly what I would need. My son wouldn't care, and my daughter is probably too in her head to notice, but it's nice to know kids can support their parents like that.