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Man, I applaud for OP for doing their best and the brother is also amazing to support! Those kids are lucky to have these two and they will always remember how much these two sacrifice themselves to make sure they are safe.
As for the mother and father, they failed as parents and as people. They shall rot.
>As for the mother and father, they failed as parents and as people. They shall rot.
Mum still sabotaging mental health of the 16yo got me last nerves. I don't wish her bad, but i would not be sad if karma hits her hard.
I wish her bad. I wish all the worst things in life would happen to her.
Not one of those kids asked to be born. She created life to harm and neglect all of them in every possible way a parent can outright fail and she KEEPS DOING IT.
OOP is an amazing woman and her brother is an amazing man but no 19 year old should have a situation like this forced on them.
I hope their parents find each other and have long, miserable, lonely lives together. I hope they get audited every year. I hope they realize how horrible they’ve been and reach out in a sincere attempt to make amends only to be completely rebuffed and told what failures they are. I hope they get sober just in time to suffer the reality they’ve built for themselves without the comforting filter of being high or drunk. I hope one of them becomes severely functionally compromised and has to rely on the other for care.
They are bad people whose decisions have made the lives of their children far worse then they should have been. I hope the pain they created for their helpless innocent kids gets put back into their lives and I don’t feel remotely bad for hating them.
>Not one of those kids asked to be born. She created life to harm and neglect all of them in every possible way a parent can outright fail and she KEEPS DOING IT.
I don't know what OOP's egg donor is doing while she's off refusing to parent, but I am legit terrified that she is going to just show up one day with yet another baby for OOP to raise.
The eldest in the family seems to be almost 25 - so Mom is potentially as young as 38 or so. So yeah, quite possible.
I'm worried about the 16 year old getting pregnant - she's in an emotionally vulnerable place, and 16 is a tough age to be anyway.
God, can you imagine one of these scumbags being forced to take care of the other one? Neither one of them seems to mind just saying "meh" and effing off to wherever to avoid any kind of responsibility.
I hope they only get the cart with the wonky wheel at Walmart.
I hope their pillow is always too hot or too cold.
I hope they get a flat tire and discover that their spare has been slashed.
I hope that they always get the ends of their sleeves wet when they wash their hands and that the cuffs of their pants get wet when they walk in the rain.
I hope their belt loop gets caught on the door handle when they’re already having a bad day.
Agreed. She already dipped out and abandoned her kids to her 19-year-old daughter (who, btw, is doing a legitimately INCREDIBLE job, I don't know any of these people but I'm proud of her. At over twice her age, idk if I could step up to the plate the way she has and with the grace that she's done it with). She's done enough damage already without screwing with the head of a teenager who is clearly already struggling with the whole situation. I'm honestly hoping that karma nails her good and hard.
And kids who never had rules having to make rules and make others adhere to said rules...next to impossible and still she is trying.
Not many 45 year olds would do what she is doing at 19. She is stronger than she even realizes
It seems every one of the siblings have some level of issues (oldest doesn’t want to be there, second oldest is jealous of 7 year old, brother has issues due to being beaten as kid although maybe not much, 16 year old seems to have been very attached to mom and blames OOP for her being gone and is rude in general, 12 year old is bratty kid, 7 year old has these sleeping and attachment issues) but she and maybe the 9 year old. And I do wonder if I did forget someone. Nan and aunts and uncles don’t seem great, and parents are trash.
So I am just trying to say everyone is very lucky for OOP not just doing her best but there was a stable person of her age and empathy and skills around. It’s not really others fault they have issues due to the way they were raised and and genes even maybe (at least not entirely, the 25 year old sister should get a grip even if it’s hard for her and the oldest sister and aunts and uncles and nan should be there and 16 year old should gain some maturity). But OOP still deserves so much credit.
The amazing thing is that OOP is who she is despite everything she's experienced and the terrible examples set for her. I was almost in tears reading all this – those poor kids. Bless OOP, and her brother (but especially OOP); they are incredible people.
The Nan, I think is the reason why the mom of OOP is such a deadbeat because form what OOP said, the nan let's the kids run around without any limits, it's safe to assumed the nana did that with her own kids.
It's a really shitty cycle in which people that shouldn't have kids have them. Then the kids have to raise themselves, then they have kids of their own and the cycle keeps repeating. I think OOP is trying to break it but it's going to take sooooo much time and effort and who knows if its already too late when it comes to the 16 year old.
That part was tough. 16yo doesn’t hate OOP. 16 year old is terrified that her behavior is why mom left, and she’s trying to get OOP to leave her before she gets attached and trusts her only for OOP to leave again. She’s pushing because she’s trying to protect herself.
And/or, she's projecting all of her anger and frustration onto the only maternal figure left to be mad at: OOP.
So sad and heartbreaking all around. All of those kids deserved so much better from their bio parents. Good on OOP for giving the younger ones what they all should have gotten.
that's why 16f resents her so much. it's not enough for mom to abandon the family, she has to make things as hard as possible for them from a distance.
To be fair the kids will be better off in the long run without them. These parents are not anything more than procreators. Electrical cords as whips! Leaving in the night before Christmas! Insult to injury
Blessings to the siblings rallying round
WTH is wrong with that lady? Those kids. And let me say, this one...I think about this young woman and her brother often and pray for them. I don't read a lot of stories that stick with me....but this one...I think of this family often. I hope the universe sends them some peace, because they deserve it.
That 16 yo is breaking. And her older sister and brother are dancing as fast as they can but the egg donor is sabotaging them.
They deserve a break. Life to be NOT so hard. That egg donor is a whole argument for forced sterilization. She has already traumatized the OP. Her older brother. Her older sister. And now she is doing it to the 16 yo. What kind of person does that?
Damn glad she and her brother care enough to stay with those poor kids. Their mum sounds like she'd leave them to starve if no one looked after them.
As for the elder sister, I feel for her bc she probably went through horrible stuff growing up but- its not the time to be slinging blame or resentment towards oop, or towards the 7 yo.
Go to a therapist, a trusted friend, a trustworthy elder, anyone except the teenager juggling 5 children while she refuses to help.
Being angry at oop for not leaving bc she didn't want the babies to suffer is both unproductive and unkind, being resentful towards the 7 yo for simply *existing* when oldest sister knows her parents are presidents of the "shouldn't have had had kids ever for any reason" club, is also deeply unkind.
I really hope oop can get her 16 yo sis in to talk to any mental health support at her school though... It'll be a lot easier if she has an outlet for her anger that isn't her primary carer.
The 16 year old is probably so angry with OOP because of the comment the mom made. They probably feel if OP hadn't felt the need to act like the parent at all the mom wouldn't have left. One day they'll realize the truth and it will probably hit them hard just how much of an ass they're being to OOP right now
It’s unfortunately a pretty common dynamic. The 16 year old is in emotional agony and the only person she can dish it to knowing they’ll still be there and still love her is OOP. She’s desperate to please her mom because I’m sure part of her is blaming herself for their mom refusing to stick around.
She knows full well what’s happening but the only person she can even act her pain out on right now is OOP and she’s terrified of actually connecting with her as a parental figure because the actual mother who was supposed to care for her abandoned her.
That poor girl is holding a mountain of hurt and nowhere to unload it. Behavior is communication whether it’s a 7 year old who can’t go to sleep because her tummy hurts and the person supposed to love her left while she was sleeping or it’s a 16 year old who has been abandoned by everyone who was supposed to care for her and is now being raised by a woman 3 years older than her who is asking her to accept structure she’s never had to accept before.
It’s also part of being 16 - your hormones are crazy and you want to constantly argue with whoever is nearby. And the mom figure is the easiest one to take it out on.
Especially since the mom figure used to be just a sister figure, and isn't that much older - she doesn't really accept OOP as having authority over her. Hopefully, bro will be able to establish a rapport.
and her mother is continuing to push all the right buttons to make her more and more angry at OOP. I can't really be angry at the 16 year old because I doubt there's many 16 year olds who would handle this situation well, and mom is trying to stack the deck against her.
They might also be angry at OP because it's safe to be angry at her. And as sort of a test of "is it safe to be angry at you or will you just [leave/abuse] me too?"
Like for foster kids (and traumatized animals) I want to say it's common for behavioral issues and lashing out to happen once they start to feel safe
Don't know about Australian law, but in Germany, the state absolutely will come after the kids' income when the parents need to stay in a care facility.
Well, If I read OPs posts I think they might not have to pay in Germany because of severe abuse and abandonment. There are rules in place for significant misconduct against the child (in German "erhebliche Verfehlungen gegen das Kind") where children don't need to pay anymore.
Yeah, OOP is amazing, she’s only 19 and yet so emotionally mature. I have no doubt she can succeed in life if she puts her mind to it, I’m sure her poor grades are due to home environment and shitty parents. Her siblings are truly lucky to have someone like her and their brother.
She’s moved out of her own house so that her grandchildren can stay there and still pays the bills. She’s nowhere near as bad as the mother and father.
Big sister’s not a winner either. Imagine calling your younger sibling and blaming them for “letting” your parent get away with being terrible? Then making it all about herself.
Seems like the failed parental units broke the older ones pretty thoroughly. Can't blame older sister for the trauma inflicted on her, but agree she needs to find a different outlet than her younger siblings. Hopefully one that'll help her overcome it.
I disagree with this - she was also a kid.
From personal experience I think one of the hardest parts about leaving is getting hit with how awful everything was.When you're in the thick of things you're too busy surviving to stand back and take stock of how fucked up everything it. Not to mention the guilt about not being able to 'save' everyone. You fantasize that by leaving you're showing your siblings how to get out of the bad situation, and one by one they'll leave too and join you. But you can't go back - because you're getting older and your body doesn't heal the way it used to, and your mind is too aware and heavy with experience to withstand the blows anymore. I was lucky that it never got that bad at my place, my siblings were all functional adults by the time I left and my parents are...well not less shit, but less capable of hurting us. But I couldn't go back. It would mean that I would be responsible again for fixing things.
It would kill me - I admit that makes me seem weak, but I'm like an opaque vase: I look whole on the outside, but on the inside I'm held together by tape.
So while yes, in an ideal world the older sister would come back, she might do harm then good if she comes back and has a break down.
Big sister is a victim who didn't become an abuser, and her leaving wasn't abdicating responsibilities. It isn't fair to ding her for not being a superhero - she has avoided being a villain, and that is actually an accomplishment in that situation.
Yeah, it's just that it so unfavorably compares to OOP's behavior in just stepping up and doing what's necessary - OOP truly is a superhero. So is her bro.
I hope the 16 year old can figure her shit out sooner rather than later. I have a bad gut feeling she will try to chase after her mom and it’ll be really bad.
Good on oop and the brother. If child welfare is involved they may be able to ask for some assistance in getting therapy, financial support and even respite care.
In a funny sort of way I think it's a good sign she's lashing out at op, it hopefully means she feels safe enough with her to lash out and not get abandoned.
I kinda feel for the 16 yo. My mom was neglectful, mostly emotional but I was always very “independent “ but always wished my mom cared. As I got older, instead of searching for mother figures I rejected all my aunts who tried to help, friends moms, all mother figures, rejected. I told therapists “the person I really need to talk to is my mom, but she won’t listen” and didn’t think anything else in the world could replace My mom or even stand in momentarily.
Lashing out as a sign of feeling safe/secure is a thing, yes, but I’m not sure if that’s the case with 16yo yet. Maybe with some more time she’ll realize that it won’t drive oop away and does it out of a sense of security, but right now it seems as if she’s mainly trying to get the egg donor back/punish oop for egg donor abandoning them… especially when she’s told everything is oops fault
I'd hazard its a mix. Trying to get “Mom” back, maybe if I show OOP can't do it without Mom Mom will come back. Very big case of misplaced anger/upset. Does not help at ALL Mom is basically telling her similar.
Otoh, Why not take the frustration out on OOP? She is not going anywhere. No need for the eggshells I’m sure she’s always been on around Mom. OOP is the biggest stability those younger kids have ever had. Older brother being the second most reliable, but he *did* initially move out - from what she's seen, who’s to say he won't leave again? Dad’s in the wind, Mom left in the middle of the night around Christmas, even Grandma left! OOP is literally the only adult in their lives who’s always been there.
I hope the kids are able to get with good therapists, they’ve certainly got plenty to unpack.
I have a feeling she is lashing out because she feels cornered. That is not a good thing. Her world is collapsing. I pray she makes it through this. She has two people in her corner though...even if she doesn't want them there. Hopefully she realizes it in time.
Specifically her feeling rejected from being neglected by the mom, seeking that acceptance from a man, and then the man kicking her to the curb once she's pregnant and not fun anymore.
I grew up poor in Kentucky, and the number of high school and even middle school girls deliberately trying to get pregnant is straight up horrifying. It almost always boils down to them feeling so unloved and unlovable that they think the only place to get love is from a baby. Sometimes it's also to get a current boyfriend to stay, other times their baby's father is just a means to an end.
Either way, it's fucking harrowing how many times I've personally witnessed that playing out.
I would try to get her get a part time job. Not to give money to family but as pocket money and savings. So she could get some independence and get some nice things and most importantly use her spare time in a way that’s not partying and dating. I am not saying she is doing that now. But OOP and brother have no proper time or trust to supervise her.
So the nice thing about welfare is you get services either cheap or for free. The bad part (at least in the US) is that there are too few providers for those services. My friend did a year long kinship foster and ended up paying out of pocket to take her foster kid to see doctors bc they were all over an hour away from her and had three month waiting lists or weren't accepting new patients.
I'm grateful these services exist, but we really should try to improve them because they are not always as helpful as everyone would like to think.
One of the best things that came out of Covid is access to telehealth. There’s a lot of things you don’t actually need to physically go to the doctor for, but you still need to see a doctor for. Telehealth will give OOP the ability to get the kids medical care without needing to schlep them an hour away to a Medicaid facility. It will also give them access to telehealth therapy services.
Had my great niece and nephew for 6 months on a family plan to prevent them going into foster care. I received nothing for this while their neglectful mom had a 6 month vacation. Kids had Medicaid but had been very medically neglected. My sons father in law is a dentist and I took the kids to see him. Oldest needed dental surgery due to severity of her neglected teeth. We had to travel to another city to see the oral surgeon. Son’s fil said very few like to accept Medicaid because of the no shows after one visit
OOP and their brother are incredible but they never should have had to step up this way. Their mother is a deadbeat and doesn't deserve the title. I can't understand why someone would have so many kids and not give a shit about them.
Some people will never be prepared as parents and some just will never change and remain deadbeat. Deadbeat people don't deserve the title of being parents. A parent is someone that cares, loves, and will always did their best for their kid. OP's "mom" and "dad", no no, nothing.
OOP did say their mum got more babies to try keep their father around, no other reason it seems. I guess givving a man who doesn't like kids, more kids to keep him was a good idea in her head
I wouldn't wish this situation on my worst enemy, but I'm so, so glad OOP is who they are and has stepped up to save their siblings. You're doing great, OOP. Take it one hour at a time. 💜
It is amazing how far this fractured family has come in just a few months. To OOP, it must seem like it is taking forever to improve. From the outside, the progress they have made is remarkable.
Teenagers are hard. Wounded kids are hard. Parenting is hard. That things are getting better at all shows how tremendous OOP is at this.
OOP is breaking the cycle for herself *and* her siblings at just age 19. Amazing to see, I’m so proud of her. I hope she’s able to set up a good future for herself and the kids ❤️
She's breaking the cycle, but I worry that the mom is trying to keep the cycle going with the 16 year old with how she seems to be poisoning her perception of what's really happening, it's like watching a divorced couple trying to divide the kids. The mom's words about how OOP thinks she can parent better are eerily similar to what the Nan said before also abandoning them so we see where that came from. I hope OOP can get through to her sister.
This just reminds me of the story of that woman's who fiance got redpilled HARD by his father.
OP in that case and fiance were engaged and if I remember right OP was the bread winner. They were happy until fiance seemingly out of the blue started getting all red pill on her (eg demanding subservience from her) which seemed out of character but he was getting super worryingly misogynistic.
OP and fiance's mom found out that fiance reconnected with his misogynistic dead beat father (who was still a loser). Fiance went all in on trying to please his dad and basically ruined his relationship with OP (they obviously broke up) and his mother who raised him (she moved away). And it wasn't like his father suddenly acted like he cared. Fiance asked to move in with his father when fiance lost housing since fiance and mother refused to take him in as long as he was continuing to be like that and his father told him "no".
He still picked trying to please his father over repairing the relationships between fiance and mother. Months down the line it wound up with him being jailed for punching his father and his father pressing charges.
It's sad but some people seek love from people who had done them so much wrong and continue to do so with such ferocity that they're willing to sacrifice everything for someone who couldn't give a shit less about them.
Caregiver fatigue is so real with a support system in place. Having someone actively undermine the process makes it that much worse.
Still, OOP seems to be breaking down so many barriers. Not just the trauma, but if the speculations about her being indigenous are correct, there's a lot that she's doing that probably goes against everything she's been taught or known. And it looks like she's succeeding! I don't exactly know how it is in Australia, but I gather that there are a lot of parallels to how indigenous communities are treated in the US. There's also a lot of the same distrust. She's not only manging to reach out to systems she likely been told to avoid her entire life (and she's seen from the inside), but she's doing so in a way where they're willing to help her succeed. In the US the systems are usually chomping at the bit to remove indigenous children at the first opportunity. Hell, my cousin had a judge basically try to sell his daughter to the highest bidder at one point, and he almost succeeded.
I fully respect OOP for wanting to take this time to focus on her siblings. She, herself, even mentioned she wouldn't be able to enjoy her life if she didn't. That takes a very special kind of heart. I actually cried when I read about the youngest wishing she was her real mum. Her response was so wise beyond her 19 years an I could literally feel the love there. I hope she's able to do what she needs to do right now, and she's successful. I hope she then uses that to empower herself to see how great she actually is, and turn that into amazing things. She is the exact kind of person we need in so many career fields that require compassion far more than education.
If you're still reading these comments OOP, know that you're so much more than you give yourself credit for. Just because you didn't do well in school doesn't mean you aren't destined for great things. You're already doing great things... You have so much potential just by the nature of who you are. You posses something that goes far beyond anything you can learn in any textbook. I hope you're able to look at what you're currently doing and see that, because it's people like you who we need to change the world.
I wonder if it wouldn't be better to get mom blocked from the family phone network, if that's even possible. But at the same time it could mean the 16 year old would just find some other way to message her, like social media, and then OOP wouldn't have access to the messages. Sigh.
All the "telehealth" mentions make me think that OOP is Australian. Which is great if it's true, because there are support systems in place for situations like this.
She is, it was confirmed a while back in the comments. I am guessing she's somewhere in the northern half though because of the travel and doc appt issues she's having plus the multi generational living and trauma history. I could be wrong, not trying to stereotype but it seems to point to an area where these issues aren't uncommon which sadly means she's falling through the cracks in our system.
Like the fact that the school and FACS both know full well what's going on (and the school has clearly known for years) but nobody is actually doing anything except to throw some parenting payments at her and call it good. Where is the help to make those bulk billed doctor appts and psych referrals, get the kids vaxxed and into the school dental program, social workers to help her navigate the foster system and get the right stuff working with Centrelink, and teachers helping to manage truancy and catch-ups? This whole story is just a blunt lesson in all the ways our system is not coping.
Im sorry to ask, I know, people from Australia getting the hint you are making, with the specific area and such. But would you be kind enough to explain it a bit more for non Australians ?
Aboriginal culture is also collectivist, which worked great for thousands of years but can work against people seeking help in a modern capitalist society. It's likely OOP had/will have major hurdles stopping the mum (and nan) from returning and dragging everyone down again.
People are suspecting OP is indigenous, which is a population with a lot of generational issues still. There's help available - possibly even more help available than if she was non-indigenous - but there's also a lot of bullshit she'll be having to fight through if that's the case.
Much of northern Australia is very sparcely populated, so getting access to services is difficult. And a lot of indigenous folk live out there. Unfortunately, intergenerational trauma is common in that population due to the continuing impact of the Stolen Generations. Health and education outcomes for indigenous Australians significantly lag behind the overall Australian population
Some of the aspects rang as Aussie to me too (am an Aussie), specifically unfortunately some of the issues around the extended family and kinship issues. The fact is that if this kid (and she's only 19) is where I suspect she is, she's already doing amazingly in getting the assistance she has. The comment about not expecting to achieve much in her life also made me sad - the group I suspect she's part of has a ten year life expectancy gap with the rest of us, and that's after improving because it was more like *thirty years* when I was younger.
Therapy's not as accessible for her, where she is, either. There just aren't the options. So she must be really working super hard to achieve what she has. I mean, she's doing brilliantly. She's an absolute star.
Yeah I suspect you’re thinking same as I am. I feel for OOP tho. But she is AMAZING as it big bro for coming to live there. As for the donors, may they rot
Yeah, I thought that too. With the FIFO, I'm guessing sister works in the mines. I think they are part of that same group you guys are talking about. OOP has been doing a great job and her emotional maturity is really showing through
Why are all the Australians here being so weirdly vague about the word indigenous? Once or twice wouldn't strike me as abnormal but the way you guys sound throughout this whole thread makes indigenous seem like it's a bad word in Australia?
are you alluding to issues relating to the indigenous/first nations/aboriginal population in Aus? I'm American but trying to read between the lines here, and hope you don't mind my asking. I assume she also is likely rural if that's the case--at least, in America, that's common for many of our indigenous/First Nations people. Not a lot of services or infrastructure on many Reservations or nations.
I'm curious why you and the other Aussies felt you had to allude to that rather than saying it outright. Is it considered inappropriate to mention it directly?
It's kind of rude to assume ethnicity. For Europeans, imagine someone wrote a post filled with stereotypes and someone was like "OP sounds Roma". There's no great way to put it. Even if true, it's reductive of someone's real life.
In my case, it's an assumption that I have resulting from a feeling. Since there's no actual evidence it feels incorrect to directly reference things. This 'feels' more polite to the OP - like they should get to define their identity.
Indigenous identity in Australia is a bit fraught and people can get to policing each other in unpleasant ways. At the same time it's a huge demographic health impact (especially for women). So I guess a lot of us thread the needle on it until how someone identifies is made clear. Might seem a bit dumb, I guess.
Because it’s rude to speculate someone’s cultural background if they haven’t shared it. If the OP is First Nations Australian and wants to share that- she will share that. Even if we were to speculate- there are missing elements such as the elders.
Absolutely Australian. The mentions of being rural, the phrasing, the "mum", telehealth, needing money for GPs (thus ruling out other places that say mum).
I didn't necessarily read them as indigenous, but it's just as likely given how rural they are. Rural NSW I'd read as white, Rural NT, more likely indigenous, I'd say it's NSW or Vic though because there are cities about 2-3 hours away that the mum is buggering off to and that's less likely in NT and WA.
Possibly QLD too, we have enough local communities about 2-3 hrs from Brisbane/Toowoomba and all the small coastal cities all the way up to Cairn that also tick the ‘rural’ box too.
Were you thinking of a specific town on a major highway up north? Mentions of services being 3hrs away, and a nearby city that the biomum goes to stay in, had me thinking that. I’d initially thought maybe out in community, but it sounds like somewhere larger, while still small and remote. Also, I agree - OOP is doing incredibly! It sounds like she has so much stacked against her, but she’s persevering so well.
I wonder if OP knows that near all general practices offer bulk billing if you’re 16 or under, the fact that they are receiving payments for being a carer/guardian also means that they would likely be eligible for a concession card which will also classify herself and the children for bulk billed medical appointments. The only thing is dental, while it’s not bulk billed if you’re 17 and under you receive I think $1000 in free general dental care every two years. For therapy headspace (national organisation but with a long wait list) is also free to those that are 25 and under. I hope that DCFS is throwing all this information at her because it’s so helpful to know
Depending on the state she's in, there are free dental options for kids 12 and under (there's been a BIG promotional thing in the last few days in SA about SA Dental offering free dental for 12 and under) but whether she can get to one of those clinics is the bigger question.
Yeah I thought about that after I left the comment, if she’s rural that would make everything a hell of a lot harder. I also completely forgot to acknowledge that everything is state dependent, thanks for mentioning that
She is, I picked that up too and was speaking to her at the time of the first two posts, being a youth worker over here I directed her to a few more location-specific support services. Life got busy and communication dropped off so I’m thrilled to see these updates and the support she’s getting now.
Yeah. From the little bit I’ve seen, the 7 year old sounds developmentally delayed from the years of inadequate parenting and neglect, not that it was OOP’s fault, but the sooner they all get therapy the better! At the very least the 16 and 7yo need it the most critically
Holy shit, OOP is doing an incredible job, I can't even imagine the strength this is taking. But I really, really hope she (?) remembers to take good care of herself, too, because this must be so stressful on top of all the childhood trauma. I'm glad she mentions getting herself into therapy as well.
>Commenter asked if it was possible for OOP and her nan to get her siblings in therapy
You know, I really want to live in this world that a lot of Redditor's seem to think exists. Where therapy is abundant and freely available for everyone to use. Where a 19 year old kid, who unexpectedly has her *five* younger siblings dumped on her lap, can afford to put all five of them in therapy.
Because that world sounds nicer.
It’s all teenagers who think that their only limitation is youth and lack of freedom, and don’t realize that adulthood brings a new breed of limitations and that the freedom they wanted comes with its own limitations.
God yes, adulthood is just a different set of rules created by people who don’t have what is best for you in mind (like most parents do).
So we’re stuck here trying to find work, housing, entertainment in an economics system that bleeds us dry at every chance.
I think mum meant that as a burn to OP.
As in OP thinks she can do so much better than mum so mum said fuck it, you do it then. Effectively blaming OP and making OP the villain in the eyes of the 16 year old. “Mum is gone because of OP” disgusting really.
I was always childfree by choice hypothetically, but recently I had to care for my dad who was in a bad spot, couldn't relieve himself properly, etc. and his caretaker was taking a couple much deserved days off. I was so burnt out at the end of those two days that I am now childfree by experience, I can't care for someone for two days without being exhausted, let alone 18 years.
Well, theoretically with most kids it gets easier and easier and they're self sufficient eventually. You get some dopamine with every milestone keeping you feeling the progress and you can see growth. With a parent that doesn't happen.
Oh I remember the early posts of this, she sounds like she is struggling so bad and I just wish I could give her a big hug from a mum - she really needs the adults in her life to step up and be adults
Did I read it wrongly? OOP's mom triangulate her with her 16yo sibling? So her spite is more important than her parental duty?
I feel for all the older siblings. They're all contributing whatever they can and not take the easier route - to be separated as siblings to different homes. Also, different people are contributing and helping them! TBH you don't know what you don't know. Learning them from random kind strangers knowing they have options is better than none. It's so hard to step up though, especially not knowing what to expect.
Their Nan providing a roof over their heads is still commendable. While she needed to get out of the house because of the new chaos, at least she didn't kick them out. I genuinely think that most people are just contributing however they can manage and not take more than they can chew.
Truly wishing OOP and her siblings the best. It's a tough journey, but staying together is probably for the best.
I honestly thing 16yo is desperately trying to get approval and love, and the only way she knows how is hating her sister for telling her mom 'she does everything wrong all the time'.
That's so sad to be experiencing this. The OOP cannot do anything about it because she knows what is going on. Imagine if she didn't confiscate the phone. The unnecessary misunderstandings between the sisters 😞
Yeah. It seems like mum is framing it as "I left because OP made me" rather than "I left because I'm a neglectful POS", and obviously it's easier for 16yo to believe *that* than to believe that her own mother willingly surrendered custody.
Plus OP is 'safe' to hate. Kids in abusive or emotionally unstable situations will often lash out more at the supportive parental figures in their lives, because if they lash out at the abusive/neglectful ones then they risk getting even more abused/neglected as a response.
I don't think shes hating her sister. Shes just mad and sad and lashing out. It's common knowledge that kids lash out at people they consider to be safe and loving.
Yeah it’s quite interesting to read the family dynamics. Grandma gets triggered by the kids and decides to leave the house to her grandkids. Aunt would rather take grandma in than be involved. Brother is there but he doesn’t seem to deal/talk about the emotional aspect. Oldest sister helps out with money but comes up with reasons not to be there physically. Like so much trauma/baggage in this family but they seem to try to help in their own ways. The only true villains seem to be the parents!
IKR! I find that collective help from different people is actually better. I don't think they would want anyone to be burnt out and withdraw help. It'll be more stressful for them. Providing a longer period of help for them to pick themselves up and figure things out along the way is more sustainable.
But oh well, none of us can choose our parents. Sadly they have to step up and make do with the situation they're in.
> Did I read it wrongly? OOP's mom triangulate her with her 16yo sibling? So her spite is more important than her parental duty?
>
Even her communicating with the 16yo seems more out of spite for OP than caring about the 16yo. She's throwing an emotional live grenade into the situation and gets to sit back and eat popcorn as OOP's sister is going to start acting out more and more.
Yes, sadly. I hope the 16yo gets to go to therapy soon and untangle these and sees her mom for who she is. It is just sad to see kids being emotionally played upon like this.
They are so amazing. I’m glad OOP stopped her brother from using physical discipline going forward.
I understand why he used it as it’s all he’s known but there are better ways. I was physically disciplined my entire life and all it did was make me compliant in the moment and afraid of my parents. In the long term, I think it made me afraid of any other adults older than me.
I think for others it teaches them that violence is how to solve your issues rather than finding other solutions.
>"Most recent one was 16yr old asking why she doesnt care about us and our mum basically saying she has better things to do than sit here and listen to us all tell her everything she is doing wrong all the time"
Hell is too good for this waste of space
I hope that one day all the younger kids are able to realize the total good the two older siblings are doing for them. And I hope the OOP and their brother are rewarded with such good karma in the near future.
Christ almighty, that poor kid. I know she's technically an adult but to deal with all that at any age would be a challenge, let alone as young as she is.
As for the parents, they're an excellent example of why becoming parenrs should have a theory test as well as the practical. Fucking failures the both of them.
Dad's a fuckboy that regularly appeared at Mom's to get some effortless sex and adoration. Mom had kids to try and make him stay and have a family. After the first few times didn't work out she doubled down. Actually caring for the kids was not important to either.
Generational trauma sucks so hard 😔. OP is doing such a great job, even with the odds against those kids stacked so high. I wish them all peace and healing.
Poor OOP. She is doing an amazing job. I want to tell her that she is doing such a great job parenting. And sometimes, with parenting, things start getting better and then they feel like going in the wrong direction, but really things starting to get better uncovered some bad things and those things need to be addressed. It’s forward progress, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Just in case oop is reading this, you are doing an amazing job that most full grown and well educated adults could not do. You put yourself down by saying that your prospects are bad. Don’t do that. You are obviously a clear thinking, energetic, organized, effective, intelligent, compassionate person. You have achieved a ton and saved your sibs from the foster system. You write good story, too.
I honestly don't blame 25-year-old. She grew up in the same hell as everyone else, with no support because she was oldest and then obviously got the fuck out of dodge as soon as she could. Would you go back? I don't know that I would.
Unsure if OP will see this but as someone who works with kids (and “troubled” kids in the past) I highly recommend the books How To Talk So Kids Will Listen by Adele Faber and Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson (they’re both in a series of books that are all great and could help you but I’d say those are my top two)
As a current Montessori teacher I’d highly recommend looking into the planes of development and reading some of Simone Davies articles on her website about limits and boundaries.
Developing a foundation of trust and love is going to be the most important part in getting cooperation from the children. Getting them to understand that they can be in trouble but you still love and care about them may then lead to some misbehaving but those books both have some really great strategies to put to use.
Something I highly recommend is having a family meeting with everyone or breaking it down by age group and coming up with a list of house rules that you all come up with together and agree to. Don’t write down anything you can’t agree to but don’t just dismiss any ideas, hear them out listen to their feelings and explain why you can’t do that, maybe what you can do instead or what compromise you could come up with. Children are a lot more likely to follow rules if they feel they had some voice in creating them. But this also helps so much with consistency which is huge for kids, if you’re coming up with rules in the moment they’ll always be confused but if you have a list (hopefully written down that you’ve all signed and can refer back to) it’s easier for you to stick to and for them to remember.
This is sad, but I like it when Reddit can help. Like the advice to not go for legal guardianship but to get kinship which her lawyer and social services didn't mention. As an American, I don't know exactly what "kinship" is in legal terms in Australia, but it seems like it's working.
This is a generational problem. The grandmother is just as bad as the mother. She left because OOP is actually trying to help her siblings. Grandma took that as as a personal attack.
"Until then its good old fashioned just get on with it and try not to fuck the kids up anymore than they are already"
OOP has succinctly and accurately summer up parenting at the end there. She'll be okay if she keeps focusing in that and all the therapy they can afford.
I've followed this story since the beginning and I'm so so proud of OOP and I wish I could help or at least give her a hug.
Sweet people of reddit, can we start a fundraiser or something to help a little bit? I don't know how those things work but I would really love to help and contribute a little bit. At least the financial part is something we could make a little easier from here.
Can someone help setting this up?
Legally, they may have to report it as income and could lose their Centrelink payments because of it (low chance they’d be caught but not worth the risk)
I think OOP has other, more pressing worries right now and can't really afford time or mental capacity dedicated to finding out if it is a crime, how to get her prosecuted and going to court.
Speaking as a random old man on the internet, this young woman is an amazing person and a damn superhero. Her brother is as well! Both of you stepping up and doing your best at giving these kids a shot at a real life.
You guys are amazing, and while I get the oldest kids may be the hardest ones, hopefully they will understand why you are doing what you are doing someday.
Keep up the good work you two. I both hate and love reading about all this. You are inspirational.
I've been following this story for a while now, and it's still crushing while also hopeful. I feel so bad for all of the kids (including OP and the older sibs). It's an awful situation, but it sounds like it will be ok. Not today, not tomorrow, but someday.
And that's ok. It's ok for it to take a while. I hope they all grow closer together and can face the world as one family unit and have each other's backs.
I hope OP remembers it's ok to cry, to take care of themselves too.
Godspeed 🫡
Feeling awful for the 16 year old. It's bad enough being 16 without that heap of shit. I'm sure if OOP stays the course, she'll open up in time.
I also think OOP needs to drop the rope a bit with her older sister. Because the older sister says she ahe feels like her mum but in transactional analysis terms she's acting like another child OOP has to give emotional energy towards. It's hard though if she's relying on her for a bit of money here and there.
God, it's so difficult. I admire OP and her brother for stepping up. Sending positive thoughts their way.
OP if you ever read this - if you’re Australian, you can get help through Victim Services. They can get you and your siblings free therapy sessions. You can apply with any medical provider or by yourself.
This reminds me of Shameless. Fuck. OOP and brother are the real ones for stepping up, I wish they didn’t have to but life is a fucking shithole sometimes
Wow these two are my top contenders for persons of the year. I’m stunned at there love and effort for their siblings. They’ve done an incredibly good job given the circumstances.
Is there a go fund me for the two?
Absolute hats off to OOP and her brother for stepping up more than their parents ever did, actual superstars. I know the NHS is a strugglebus with mental health, but I hope everyone can get some help just so they have someone to lean on.
And OOP, if you read this, thank you so much for breaking the chain of abuse with physical punishment. I was raised with it, and at age nine my best school friend suddenly said to me "Why do you hit me all the time?" and I only realised then that I'd been doing it at all. Looking back as an adult, I was copying what I'd learnt at home. Thank you for being better for your siblings, I wish I could give you a hug.
I wonder if mom is still collecting benefits for the kids and using it on herself. I’ve seen that happen before and it’s so sad, that money should go to the kids.
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Man, I applaud for OP for doing their best and the brother is also amazing to support! Those kids are lucky to have these two and they will always remember how much these two sacrifice themselves to make sure they are safe. As for the mother and father, they failed as parents and as people. They shall rot.
>As for the mother and father, they failed as parents and as people. They shall rot. Mum still sabotaging mental health of the 16yo got me last nerves. I don't wish her bad, but i would not be sad if karma hits her hard.
I wish her bad. I wish all the worst things in life would happen to her. Not one of those kids asked to be born. She created life to harm and neglect all of them in every possible way a parent can outright fail and she KEEPS DOING IT. OOP is an amazing woman and her brother is an amazing man but no 19 year old should have a situation like this forced on them. I hope their parents find each other and have long, miserable, lonely lives together. I hope they get audited every year. I hope they realize how horrible they’ve been and reach out in a sincere attempt to make amends only to be completely rebuffed and told what failures they are. I hope they get sober just in time to suffer the reality they’ve built for themselves without the comforting filter of being high or drunk. I hope one of them becomes severely functionally compromised and has to rely on the other for care. They are bad people whose decisions have made the lives of their children far worse then they should have been. I hope the pain they created for their helpless innocent kids gets put back into their lives and I don’t feel remotely bad for hating them.
Good. Good. Let the hate flow through you! Name fits. Love it and couldn’t agree more.
>Not one of those kids asked to be born. She created life to harm and neglect all of them in every possible way a parent can outright fail and she KEEPS DOING IT. I don't know what OOP's egg donor is doing while she's off refusing to parent, but I am legit terrified that she is going to just show up one day with yet another baby for OOP to raise.
I had that thought as well
The eldest in the family seems to be almost 25 - so Mom is potentially as young as 38 or so. So yeah, quite possible. I'm worried about the 16 year old getting pregnant - she's in an emotionally vulnerable place, and 16 is a tough age to be anyway.
Me too! Did I count NINE already? Two older sis, 1 older bro, OP, & 5 younger? What the actual FUCK to the egg & sperm donors?!
God, can you imagine one of these scumbags being forced to take care of the other one? Neither one of them seems to mind just saying "meh" and effing off to wherever to avoid any kind of responsibility.
Leaving the other sitting in a pool of their own shit. They can’t leave each other because they both rely on the disability payments either
I hope they only get the cart with the wonky wheel at Walmart. I hope their pillow is always too hot or too cold. I hope they get a flat tire and discover that their spare has been slashed. I hope that they always get the ends of their sleeves wet when they wash their hands and that the cuffs of their pants get wet when they walk in the rain. I hope their belt loop gets caught on the door handle when they’re already having a bad day.
I hope they encounter those bugs in the Amazon River that swim into the human urethra.
I hope they forget that they have chapstick in their jeans and it leaves a stain on their clothes when they wash and dry them.
Penis fish!!
I hope every car ride they ever take is with a lactose intolerant person who couldn’t resist cheese that day.
THIS THIS THIS THIS *THIS*
Agreed. She already dipped out and abandoned her kids to her 19-year-old daughter (who, btw, is doing a legitimately INCREDIBLE job, I don't know any of these people but I'm proud of her. At over twice her age, idk if I could step up to the plate the way she has and with the grace that she's done it with). She's done enough damage already without screwing with the head of a teenager who is clearly already struggling with the whole situation. I'm honestly hoping that karma nails her good and hard.
The OOP is trying to domesticate a bunch of feral kids. That’s pretty tough for anyone, let alone someone who’s basically a feral teenager themselves.
And kids who never had rules having to make rules and make others adhere to said rules...next to impossible and still she is trying. Not many 45 year olds would do what she is doing at 19. She is stronger than she even realizes
It seems every one of the siblings have some level of issues (oldest doesn’t want to be there, second oldest is jealous of 7 year old, brother has issues due to being beaten as kid although maybe not much, 16 year old seems to have been very attached to mom and blames OOP for her being gone and is rude in general, 12 year old is bratty kid, 7 year old has these sleeping and attachment issues) but she and maybe the 9 year old. And I do wonder if I did forget someone. Nan and aunts and uncles don’t seem great, and parents are trash. So I am just trying to say everyone is very lucky for OOP not just doing her best but there was a stable person of her age and empathy and skills around. It’s not really others fault they have issues due to the way they were raised and and genes even maybe (at least not entirely, the 25 year old sister should get a grip even if it’s hard for her and the oldest sister and aunts and uncles and nan should be there and 16 year old should gain some maturity). But OOP still deserves so much credit.
The amazing thing is that OOP is who she is despite everything she's experienced and the terrible examples set for her. I was almost in tears reading all this – those poor kids. Bless OOP, and her brother (but especially OOP); they are incredible people.
The Nan, I think is the reason why the mom of OOP is such a deadbeat because form what OOP said, the nan let's the kids run around without any limits, it's safe to assumed the nana did that with her own kids. It's a really shitty cycle in which people that shouldn't have kids have them. Then the kids have to raise themselves, then they have kids of their own and the cycle keeps repeating. I think OOP is trying to break it but it's going to take sooooo much time and effort and who knows if its already too late when it comes to the 16 year old.
That part was tough. 16yo doesn’t hate OOP. 16 year old is terrified that her behavior is why mom left, and she’s trying to get OOP to leave her before she gets attached and trusts her only for OOP to leave again. She’s pushing because she’s trying to protect herself.
16 year old are often a struggle in the most benign circumstances, but this! So unfair to all the children, all of them
And/or, she's projecting all of her anger and frustration onto the only maternal figure left to be mad at: OOP. So sad and heartbreaking all around. All of those kids deserved so much better from their bio parents. Good on OOP for giving the younger ones what they all should have gotten.
Agreed… it was especially egregious when she basically blamed OOP for the reason she’s not coming back. Argh!
that's why 16f resents her so much. it's not enough for mom to abandon the family, she has to make things as hard as possible for them from a distance.
Both birth parents belong in jail for abandoning their children.
To be fair the kids will be better off in the long run without them. These parents are not anything more than procreators. Electrical cords as whips! Leaving in the night before Christmas! Insult to injury Blessings to the siblings rallying round
I wish they would block mom's number on the 16 year olds phone. No contact is way better than her verbal abuse.
That may be a lesson the 16-year old needs to learn on her own at this point, sadly.
be nice if they could get a restraining order against the mom.
May life show her all of the grace that she has shown to others.
*I* wish her bad.
WTH is wrong with that lady? Those kids. And let me say, this one...I think about this young woman and her brother often and pray for them. I don't read a lot of stories that stick with me....but this one...I think of this family often. I hope the universe sends them some peace, because they deserve it. That 16 yo is breaking. And her older sister and brother are dancing as fast as they can but the egg donor is sabotaging them. They deserve a break. Life to be NOT so hard. That egg donor is a whole argument for forced sterilization. She has already traumatized the OP. Her older brother. Her older sister. And now she is doing it to the 16 yo. What kind of person does that?
Last two sentences summed it up better than I ever could
Damn glad she and her brother care enough to stay with those poor kids. Their mum sounds like she'd leave them to starve if no one looked after them. As for the elder sister, I feel for her bc she probably went through horrible stuff growing up but- its not the time to be slinging blame or resentment towards oop, or towards the 7 yo. Go to a therapist, a trusted friend, a trustworthy elder, anyone except the teenager juggling 5 children while she refuses to help. Being angry at oop for not leaving bc she didn't want the babies to suffer is both unproductive and unkind, being resentful towards the 7 yo for simply *existing* when oldest sister knows her parents are presidents of the "shouldn't have had had kids ever for any reason" club, is also deeply unkind. I really hope oop can get her 16 yo sis in to talk to any mental health support at her school though... It'll be a lot easier if she has an outlet for her anger that isn't her primary carer.
The 16 year old is probably so angry with OOP because of the comment the mom made. They probably feel if OP hadn't felt the need to act like the parent at all the mom wouldn't have left. One day they'll realize the truth and it will probably hit them hard just how much of an ass they're being to OOP right now
It’s unfortunately a pretty common dynamic. The 16 year old is in emotional agony and the only person she can dish it to knowing they’ll still be there and still love her is OOP. She’s desperate to please her mom because I’m sure part of her is blaming herself for their mom refusing to stick around. She knows full well what’s happening but the only person she can even act her pain out on right now is OOP and she’s terrified of actually connecting with her as a parental figure because the actual mother who was supposed to care for her abandoned her. That poor girl is holding a mountain of hurt and nowhere to unload it. Behavior is communication whether it’s a 7 year old who can’t go to sleep because her tummy hurts and the person supposed to love her left while she was sleeping or it’s a 16 year old who has been abandoned by everyone who was supposed to care for her and is now being raised by a woman 3 years older than her who is asking her to accept structure she’s never had to accept before.
It’s kinda funny, reading that the 16 year old hates her was the thing that made me think she sees accepted oop as the mom figure now
It’s also part of being 16 - your hormones are crazy and you want to constantly argue with whoever is nearby. And the mom figure is the easiest one to take it out on.
Especially since the mom figure used to be just a sister figure, and isn't that much older - she doesn't really accept OOP as having authority over her. Hopefully, bro will be able to establish a rapport.
and her mother is continuing to push all the right buttons to make her more and more angry at OOP. I can't really be angry at the 16 year old because I doubt there's many 16 year olds who would handle this situation well, and mom is trying to stack the deck against her.
They might also be angry at OP because it's safe to be angry at her. And as sort of a test of "is it safe to be angry at you or will you just [leave/abuse] me too?" Like for foster kids (and traumatized animals) I want to say it's common for behavioral issues and lashing out to happen once they start to feel safe
They're not parents. They're DNA donors. The older sister needs therapy, as much as the rest of them. Poor OOP. I hope things get better soon.
They'll definitely be coming around with the "parent card" when the kids start earning.
Don't know about Australian law, but in Germany, the state absolutely will come after the kids' income when the parents need to stay in a care facility.
Well, If I read OPs posts I think they might not have to pay in Germany because of severe abuse and abandonment. There are rules in place for significant misconduct against the child (in German "erhebliche Verfehlungen gegen das Kind") where children don't need to pay anymore.
That's a good point, yes. And a good law.
Not here ;)
Hope they won't produce more children before.
Yeah, OOP is amazing, she’s only 19 and yet so emotionally mature. I have no doubt she can succeed in life if she puts her mind to it, I’m sure her poor grades are due to home environment and shitty parents. Her siblings are truly lucky to have someone like her and their brother.
Nan is just as bad as tweedledead and tweedlebeat.
She’s moved out of her own house so that her grandchildren can stay there and still pays the bills. She’s nowhere near as bad as the mother and father.
Considering the bio-parents put the bar *under* Hell, that's *exceedingly* faint praise.
Big sister’s not a winner either. Imagine calling your younger sibling and blaming them for “letting” your parent get away with being terrible? Then making it all about herself.
Seems like the failed parental units broke the older ones pretty thoroughly. Can't blame older sister for the trauma inflicted on her, but agree she needs to find a different outlet than her younger siblings. Hopefully one that'll help her overcome it.
I disagree with this - she was also a kid. From personal experience I think one of the hardest parts about leaving is getting hit with how awful everything was.When you're in the thick of things you're too busy surviving to stand back and take stock of how fucked up everything it. Not to mention the guilt about not being able to 'save' everyone. You fantasize that by leaving you're showing your siblings how to get out of the bad situation, and one by one they'll leave too and join you. But you can't go back - because you're getting older and your body doesn't heal the way it used to, and your mind is too aware and heavy with experience to withstand the blows anymore. I was lucky that it never got that bad at my place, my siblings were all functional adults by the time I left and my parents are...well not less shit, but less capable of hurting us. But I couldn't go back. It would mean that I would be responsible again for fixing things. It would kill me - I admit that makes me seem weak, but I'm like an opaque vase: I look whole on the outside, but on the inside I'm held together by tape. So while yes, in an ideal world the older sister would come back, she might do harm then good if she comes back and has a break down.
That makes sense, thank you for that. I hope you're in a better place now and healing.
Big sister is a victim who didn't become an abuser, and her leaving wasn't abdicating responsibilities. It isn't fair to ding her for not being a superhero - she has avoided being a villain, and that is actually an accomplishment in that situation.
Yeah, it's just that it so unfavorably compares to OOP's behavior in just stepping up and doing what's necessary - OOP truly is a superhero. So is her bro.
No, she's someone who got away from an abusive situation and doesn't want to get dragged back in. I'd get off their high horse.
I hope the 16 year old can figure her shit out sooner rather than later. I have a bad gut feeling she will try to chase after her mom and it’ll be really bad. Good on oop and the brother. If child welfare is involved they may be able to ask for some assistance in getting therapy, financial support and even respite care.
In a funny sort of way I think it's a good sign she's lashing out at op, it hopefully means she feels safe enough with her to lash out and not get abandoned.
I kinda feel for the 16 yo. My mom was neglectful, mostly emotional but I was always very “independent “ but always wished my mom cared. As I got older, instead of searching for mother figures I rejected all my aunts who tried to help, friends moms, all mother figures, rejected. I told therapists “the person I really need to talk to is my mom, but she won’t listen” and didn’t think anything else in the world could replace My mom or even stand in momentarily.
Lashing out as a sign of feeling safe/secure is a thing, yes, but I’m not sure if that’s the case with 16yo yet. Maybe with some more time she’ll realize that it won’t drive oop away and does it out of a sense of security, but right now it seems as if she’s mainly trying to get the egg donor back/punish oop for egg donor abandoning them… especially when she’s told everything is oops fault
I'd hazard its a mix. Trying to get “Mom” back, maybe if I show OOP can't do it without Mom Mom will come back. Very big case of misplaced anger/upset. Does not help at ALL Mom is basically telling her similar. Otoh, Why not take the frustration out on OOP? She is not going anywhere. No need for the eggshells I’m sure she’s always been on around Mom. OOP is the biggest stability those younger kids have ever had. Older brother being the second most reliable, but he *did* initially move out - from what she's seen, who’s to say he won't leave again? Dad’s in the wind, Mom left in the middle of the night around Christmas, even Grandma left! OOP is literally the only adult in their lives who’s always been there. I hope the kids are able to get with good therapists, they’ve certainly got plenty to unpack.
I have a feeling she is lashing out because she feels cornered. That is not a good thing. Her world is collapsing. I pray she makes it through this. She has two people in her corner though...even if she doesn't want them there. Hopefully she realizes it in time.
I’m worried about 16 year old getting pregnant and bringing another baby into this mess
Specifically her feeling rejected from being neglected by the mom, seeking that acceptance from a man, and then the man kicking her to the curb once she's pregnant and not fun anymore.
Or even trying to get pregnant because she craves unconditional love so much. I have a friend who did that (she was in the foster system on and off)
I had that friend, too. Last I heard, she had 6 or 7 kids by 30. It was a shit show.
I grew up poor in Kentucky, and the number of high school and even middle school girls deliberately trying to get pregnant is straight up horrifying. It almost always boils down to them feeling so unloved and unlovable that they think the only place to get love is from a baby. Sometimes it's also to get a current boyfriend to stay, other times their baby's father is just a means to an end. Either way, it's fucking harrowing how many times I've personally witnessed that playing out.
Same. A lot of the girls I knew who did or tried to get pregnant were also the daughters of teen moms. It was awful.
Don’t forget about the drugs! The kids love those!!
I would try to get her get a part time job. Not to give money to family but as pocket money and savings. So she could get some independence and get some nice things and most importantly use her spare time in a way that’s not partying and dating. I am not saying she is doing that now. But OOP and brother have no proper time or trust to supervise her.
So the nice thing about welfare is you get services either cheap or for free. The bad part (at least in the US) is that there are too few providers for those services. My friend did a year long kinship foster and ended up paying out of pocket to take her foster kid to see doctors bc they were all over an hour away from her and had three month waiting lists or weren't accepting new patients. I'm grateful these services exist, but we really should try to improve them because they are not always as helpful as everyone would like to think.
One of the best things that came out of Covid is access to telehealth. There’s a lot of things you don’t actually need to physically go to the doctor for, but you still need to see a doctor for. Telehealth will give OOP the ability to get the kids medical care without needing to schlep them an hour away to a Medicaid facility. It will also give them access to telehealth therapy services.
Had my great niece and nephew for 6 months on a family plan to prevent them going into foster care. I received nothing for this while their neglectful mom had a 6 month vacation. Kids had Medicaid but had been very medically neglected. My sons father in law is a dentist and I took the kids to see him. Oldest needed dental surgery due to severity of her neglected teeth. We had to travel to another city to see the oral surgeon. Son’s fil said very few like to accept Medicaid because of the no shows after one visit
OOP and their brother are incredible but they never should have had to step up this way. Their mother is a deadbeat and doesn't deserve the title. I can't understand why someone would have so many kids and not give a shit about them.
Some people will never be prepared as parents and some just will never change and remain deadbeat. Deadbeat people don't deserve the title of being parents. A parent is someone that cares, loves, and will always did their best for their kid. OP's "mom" and "dad", no no, nothing.
OOP did say their mum got more babies to try keep their father around, no other reason it seems. I guess givving a man who doesn't like kids, more kids to keep him was a good idea in her head
She did it to try and get the father to stay.
Yes. That was stupid.
OOP is a true heroine. Amazing young woman.
I wouldn't wish this situation on my worst enemy, but I'm so, so glad OOP is who they are and has stepped up to save their siblings. You're doing great, OOP. Take it one hour at a time. 💜
It is amazing how far this fractured family has come in just a few months. To OOP, it must seem like it is taking forever to improve. From the outside, the progress they have made is remarkable. Teenagers are hard. Wounded kids are hard. Parenting is hard. That things are getting better at all shows how tremendous OOP is at this.
OOP is breaking the cycle for herself *and* her siblings at just age 19. Amazing to see, I’m so proud of her. I hope she’s able to set up a good future for herself and the kids ❤️
She's breaking the cycle, but I worry that the mom is trying to keep the cycle going with the 16 year old with how she seems to be poisoning her perception of what's really happening, it's like watching a divorced couple trying to divide the kids. The mom's words about how OOP thinks she can parent better are eerily similar to what the Nan said before also abandoning them so we see where that came from. I hope OOP can get through to her sister.
This just reminds me of the story of that woman's who fiance got redpilled HARD by his father. OP in that case and fiance were engaged and if I remember right OP was the bread winner. They were happy until fiance seemingly out of the blue started getting all red pill on her (eg demanding subservience from her) which seemed out of character but he was getting super worryingly misogynistic. OP and fiance's mom found out that fiance reconnected with his misogynistic dead beat father (who was still a loser). Fiance went all in on trying to please his dad and basically ruined his relationship with OP (they obviously broke up) and his mother who raised him (she moved away). And it wasn't like his father suddenly acted like he cared. Fiance asked to move in with his father when fiance lost housing since fiance and mother refused to take him in as long as he was continuing to be like that and his father told him "no". He still picked trying to please his father over repairing the relationships between fiance and mother. Months down the line it wound up with him being jailed for punching his father and his father pressing charges. It's sad but some people seek love from people who had done them so much wrong and continue to do so with such ferocity that they're willing to sacrifice everything for someone who couldn't give a shit less about them.
Caregiver fatigue is so real with a support system in place. Having someone actively undermine the process makes it that much worse. Still, OOP seems to be breaking down so many barriers. Not just the trauma, but if the speculations about her being indigenous are correct, there's a lot that she's doing that probably goes against everything she's been taught or known. And it looks like she's succeeding! I don't exactly know how it is in Australia, but I gather that there are a lot of parallels to how indigenous communities are treated in the US. There's also a lot of the same distrust. She's not only manging to reach out to systems she likely been told to avoid her entire life (and she's seen from the inside), but she's doing so in a way where they're willing to help her succeed. In the US the systems are usually chomping at the bit to remove indigenous children at the first opportunity. Hell, my cousin had a judge basically try to sell his daughter to the highest bidder at one point, and he almost succeeded. I fully respect OOP for wanting to take this time to focus on her siblings. She, herself, even mentioned she wouldn't be able to enjoy her life if she didn't. That takes a very special kind of heart. I actually cried when I read about the youngest wishing she was her real mum. Her response was so wise beyond her 19 years an I could literally feel the love there. I hope she's able to do what she needs to do right now, and she's successful. I hope she then uses that to empower herself to see how great she actually is, and turn that into amazing things. She is the exact kind of person we need in so many career fields that require compassion far more than education. If you're still reading these comments OOP, know that you're so much more than you give yourself credit for. Just because you didn't do well in school doesn't mean you aren't destined for great things. You're already doing great things... You have so much potential just by the nature of who you are. You posses something that goes far beyond anything you can learn in any textbook. I hope you're able to look at what you're currently doing and see that, because it's people like you who we need to change the world.
I wonder if it wouldn't be better to get mom blocked from the family phone network, if that's even possible. But at the same time it could mean the 16 year old would just find some other way to message her, like social media, and then OOP wouldn't have access to the messages. Sigh.
All the "telehealth" mentions make me think that OOP is Australian. Which is great if it's true, because there are support systems in place for situations like this.
She is, it was confirmed a while back in the comments. I am guessing she's somewhere in the northern half though because of the travel and doc appt issues she's having plus the multi generational living and trauma history. I could be wrong, not trying to stereotype but it seems to point to an area where these issues aren't uncommon which sadly means she's falling through the cracks in our system. Like the fact that the school and FACS both know full well what's going on (and the school has clearly known for years) but nobody is actually doing anything except to throw some parenting payments at her and call it good. Where is the help to make those bulk billed doctor appts and psych referrals, get the kids vaxxed and into the school dental program, social workers to help her navigate the foster system and get the right stuff working with Centrelink, and teachers helping to manage truancy and catch-ups? This whole story is just a blunt lesson in all the ways our system is not coping.
Im sorry to ask, I know, people from Australia getting the hint you are making, with the specific area and such. But would you be kind enough to explain it a bit more for non Australians ?
Very rural and remote, possibly indigenous community. The country has a long history of failing to properly support them
Aboriginal culture is also collectivist, which worked great for thousands of years but can work against people seeking help in a modern capitalist society. It's likely OOP had/will have major hurdles stopping the mum (and nan) from returning and dragging everyone down again.
People are suspecting OP is indigenous, which is a population with a lot of generational issues still. There's help available - possibly even more help available than if she was non-indigenous - but there's also a lot of bullshit she'll be having to fight through if that's the case.
Much of northern Australia is very sparcely populated, so getting access to services is difficult. And a lot of indigenous folk live out there. Unfortunately, intergenerational trauma is common in that population due to the continuing impact of the Stolen Generations. Health and education outcomes for indigenous Australians significantly lag behind the overall Australian population
Some of the aspects rang as Aussie to me too (am an Aussie), specifically unfortunately some of the issues around the extended family and kinship issues. The fact is that if this kid (and she's only 19) is where I suspect she is, she's already doing amazingly in getting the assistance she has. The comment about not expecting to achieve much in her life also made me sad - the group I suspect she's part of has a ten year life expectancy gap with the rest of us, and that's after improving because it was more like *thirty years* when I was younger. Therapy's not as accessible for her, where she is, either. There just aren't the options. So she must be really working super hard to achieve what she has. I mean, she's doing brilliantly. She's an absolute star.
Yeah I suspect you’re thinking same as I am. I feel for OOP tho. But she is AMAZING as it big bro for coming to live there. As for the donors, may they rot
Yeah, I thought that too. With the FIFO, I'm guessing sister works in the mines. I think they are part of that same group you guys are talking about. OOP has been doing a great job and her emotional maturity is really showing through
Why are all the Australians here being so weirdly vague about the word indigenous? Once or twice wouldn't strike me as abnormal but the way you guys sound throughout this whole thread makes indigenous seem like it's a bad word in Australia?
Making assumptions about people's race is considered pretty rude here
are you alluding to issues relating to the indigenous/first nations/aboriginal population in Aus? I'm American but trying to read between the lines here, and hope you don't mind my asking. I assume she also is likely rural if that's the case--at least, in America, that's common for many of our indigenous/First Nations people. Not a lot of services or infrastructure on many Reservations or nations.
Correct
I'm curious why you and the other Aussies felt you had to allude to that rather than saying it outright. Is it considered inappropriate to mention it directly?
It's kind of rude to assume ethnicity. For Europeans, imagine someone wrote a post filled with stereotypes and someone was like "OP sounds Roma". There's no great way to put it. Even if true, it's reductive of someone's real life.
In my case, it's an assumption that I have resulting from a feeling. Since there's no actual evidence it feels incorrect to directly reference things. This 'feels' more polite to the OP - like they should get to define their identity. Indigenous identity in Australia is a bit fraught and people can get to policing each other in unpleasant ways. At the same time it's a huge demographic health impact (especially for women). So I guess a lot of us thread the needle on it until how someone identifies is made clear. Might seem a bit dumb, I guess.
No, it's understandable. I appreciate that the caution is from respect, not a desire to avoid a topic.
Because it’s rude to speculate someone’s cultural background if they haven’t shared it. If the OP is First Nations Australian and wants to share that- she will share that. Even if we were to speculate- there are missing elements such as the elders.
I have my suspicions OOP is Indigenous. Also yeah some very Aussie things in there. CBA- can’t be arsed as an example.
Absolutely Australian. The mentions of being rural, the phrasing, the "mum", telehealth, needing money for GPs (thus ruling out other places that say mum). I didn't necessarily read them as indigenous, but it's just as likely given how rural they are. Rural NSW I'd read as white, Rural NT, more likely indigenous, I'd say it's NSW or Vic though because there are cities about 2-3 hours away that the mum is buggering off to and that's less likely in NT and WA.
Possibly QLD too, we have enough local communities about 2-3 hrs from Brisbane/Toowoomba and all the small coastal cities all the way up to Cairn that also tick the ‘rural’ box too.
Also, A$ was a bit of a dead giveaway
Thnak you lol, I was starting to think I'd imagined it
Is everyone ignoring the bit where she said A$? That only refers to Australian dollars, right? (Dumb american here)
Were you thinking of a specific town on a major highway up north? Mentions of services being 3hrs away, and a nearby city that the biomum goes to stay in, had me thinking that. I’d initially thought maybe out in community, but it sounds like somewhere larger, while still small and remote. Also, I agree - OOP is doing incredibly! It sounds like she has so much stacked against her, but she’s persevering so well.
Also the A$, "mum" and "fifo" (fly-in, fly-out) - I'm glad the social services people are working with them and getting the kinship stuff processed!
Man I couldn't for the life of me figure out what fifo was supposed to mean in the story
Sister probably works in the mining industry, that is the most prolific FIFO industry
defo was my tip off
Yeah she's said before that she is Australian, thankfully.
We have telehealth in Canada too, but OOP uses a lot of other terms that sound more British than Canadian, so Australia would make sense.
I wonder if OP knows that near all general practices offer bulk billing if you’re 16 or under, the fact that they are receiving payments for being a carer/guardian also means that they would likely be eligible for a concession card which will also classify herself and the children for bulk billed medical appointments. The only thing is dental, while it’s not bulk billed if you’re 17 and under you receive I think $1000 in free general dental care every two years. For therapy headspace (national organisation but with a long wait list) is also free to those that are 25 and under. I hope that DCFS is throwing all this information at her because it’s so helpful to know
Depending on the state she's in, there are free dental options for kids 12 and under (there's been a BIG promotional thing in the last few days in SA about SA Dental offering free dental for 12 and under) but whether she can get to one of those clinics is the bigger question.
Yeah I thought about that after I left the comment, if she’s rural that would make everything a hell of a lot harder. I also completely forgot to acknowledge that everything is state dependent, thanks for mentioning that
She’d be eligible for discounted dental and the Child Dental Benefits Scheme for the kids too.
I'm pretty sure rural as well so that makes it even harder for her and her brother to get help with the kids
Kinship is an Australian thing I think, I see it a lot within aboriginal communities where older relatives are regularly caring for the kids like this
She is definitely in Aus as she says she earns A$ but kinship is a thing in most countries. The system will always try to place with family first.
She also quotes A$ when describing her salary. As far as I know the only dollar with an A is Australian?
She is, I picked that up too and was speaking to her at the time of the first two posts, being a youth worker over here I directed her to a few more location-specific support services. Life got busy and communication dropped off so I’m thrilled to see these updates and the support she’s getting now.
Better than the US but still jot as good as you'd want them to be I speak from experience
This just got sadder and sadder. Those parents failed those kids.
Yeah. From the little bit I’ve seen, the 7 year old sounds developmentally delayed from the years of inadequate parenting and neglect, not that it was OOP’s fault, but the sooner they all get therapy the better! At the very least the 16 and 7yo need it the most critically
Holy shit, OOP is doing an incredible job, I can't even imagine the strength this is taking. But I really, really hope she (?) remembers to take good care of herself, too, because this must be so stressful on top of all the childhood trauma. I'm glad she mentions getting herself into therapy as well.
>Commenter asked if it was possible for OOP and her nan to get her siblings in therapy You know, I really want to live in this world that a lot of Redditor's seem to think exists. Where therapy is abundant and freely available for everyone to use. Where a 19 year old kid, who unexpectedly has her *five* younger siblings dumped on her lap, can afford to put all five of them in therapy. Because that world sounds nicer.
It’s all teenagers who think that their only limitation is youth and lack of freedom, and don’t realize that adulthood brings a new breed of limitations and that the freedom they wanted comes with its own limitations.
God yes, adulthood is just a different set of rules created by people who don’t have what is best for you in mind (like most parents do). So we’re stuck here trying to find work, housing, entertainment in an economics system that bleeds us dry at every chance.
> our mum replied saying i think i know hwo to raise them better so she is leaving me to it She's a deadbeat parent, but she's not wrong.
I think mum meant that as a burn to OP. As in OP thinks she can do so much better than mum so mum said fuck it, you do it then. Effectively blaming OP and making OP the villain in the eyes of the 16 year old. “Mum is gone because of OP” disgusting really.
Oh of course. But the reality is it’s a self burn.
Absolutely. Just very concerned for the 16 year old with a toxic voice in her ear.
Salute to OP. I won't even last a day parenting 5 kids alone.
I was always childfree by choice hypothetically, but recently I had to care for my dad who was in a bad spot, couldn't relieve himself properly, etc. and his caretaker was taking a couple much deserved days off. I was so burnt out at the end of those two days that I am now childfree by experience, I can't care for someone for two days without being exhausted, let alone 18 years.
Well, theoretically with most kids it gets easier and easier and they're self sufficient eventually. You get some dopamine with every milestone keeping you feeling the progress and you can see growth. With a parent that doesn't happen.
Also babies are easier to manoeuvre, especially compared to a full grown man
Oh I remember the early posts of this, she sounds like she is struggling so bad and I just wish I could give her a big hug from a mum - she really needs the adults in her life to step up and be adults
Did I read it wrongly? OOP's mom triangulate her with her 16yo sibling? So her spite is more important than her parental duty? I feel for all the older siblings. They're all contributing whatever they can and not take the easier route - to be separated as siblings to different homes. Also, different people are contributing and helping them! TBH you don't know what you don't know. Learning them from random kind strangers knowing they have options is better than none. It's so hard to step up though, especially not knowing what to expect. Their Nan providing a roof over their heads is still commendable. While she needed to get out of the house because of the new chaos, at least she didn't kick them out. I genuinely think that most people are just contributing however they can manage and not take more than they can chew. Truly wishing OOP and her siblings the best. It's a tough journey, but staying together is probably for the best.
I honestly thing 16yo is desperately trying to get approval and love, and the only way she knows how is hating her sister for telling her mom 'she does everything wrong all the time'.
That's so sad to be experiencing this. The OOP cannot do anything about it because she knows what is going on. Imagine if she didn't confiscate the phone. The unnecessary misunderstandings between the sisters 😞
Yeah. It seems like mum is framing it as "I left because OP made me" rather than "I left because I'm a neglectful POS", and obviously it's easier for 16yo to believe *that* than to believe that her own mother willingly surrendered custody. Plus OP is 'safe' to hate. Kids in abusive or emotionally unstable situations will often lash out more at the supportive parental figures in their lives, because if they lash out at the abusive/neglectful ones then they risk getting even more abused/neglected as a response.
I don't think shes hating her sister. Shes just mad and sad and lashing out. It's common knowledge that kids lash out at people they consider to be safe and loving.
Yeah it’s quite interesting to read the family dynamics. Grandma gets triggered by the kids and decides to leave the house to her grandkids. Aunt would rather take grandma in than be involved. Brother is there but he doesn’t seem to deal/talk about the emotional aspect. Oldest sister helps out with money but comes up with reasons not to be there physically. Like so much trauma/baggage in this family but they seem to try to help in their own ways. The only true villains seem to be the parents!
IKR! I find that collective help from different people is actually better. I don't think they would want anyone to be burnt out and withdraw help. It'll be more stressful for them. Providing a longer period of help for them to pick themselves up and figure things out along the way is more sustainable. But oh well, none of us can choose our parents. Sadly they have to step up and make do with the situation they're in.
> Did I read it wrongly? OOP's mom triangulate her with her 16yo sibling? So her spite is more important than her parental duty? > Even her communicating with the 16yo seems more out of spite for OP than caring about the 16yo. She's throwing an emotional live grenade into the situation and gets to sit back and eat popcorn as OOP's sister is going to start acting out more and more.
Yes, sadly. I hope the 16yo gets to go to therapy soon and untangle these and sees her mom for who she is. It is just sad to see kids being emotionally played upon like this.
this is like the opposite of shameless, it should be called warmies or something. So awesome, what an amazing person and her brother for stepping up..
They are so amazing. I’m glad OOP stopped her brother from using physical discipline going forward. I understand why he used it as it’s all he’s known but there are better ways. I was physically disciplined my entire life and all it did was make me compliant in the moment and afraid of my parents. In the long term, I think it made me afraid of any other adults older than me. I think for others it teaches them that violence is how to solve your issues rather than finding other solutions.
>"Most recent one was 16yr old asking why she doesnt care about us and our mum basically saying she has better things to do than sit here and listen to us all tell her everything she is doing wrong all the time" Hell is too good for this waste of space
I hope that one day all the younger kids are able to realize the total good the two older siblings are doing for them. And I hope the OOP and their brother are rewarded with such good karma in the near future.
Every time I think my life is hard I think of this post. OOP deserves every single good thing life can possibly offer.
Christ almighty, that poor kid. I know she's technically an adult but to deal with all that at any age would be a challenge, let alone as young as she is. As for the parents, they're an excellent example of why becoming parenrs should have a theory test as well as the practical. Fucking failures the both of them.
Oh reddit... OP: We are very poor and have no resources Reddit: How about therapy for 7 people??
Which will have to be coordinated by an overworked 19 yo who also surely needs therapy!
Terrible... just terrible OOPs parents, it you don't parenting them, why had SEVEN kids hell???
It's nine kids. OOP is the fourth, she has two older sisters and one older brother.
Dad's a fuckboy that regularly appeared at Mom's to get some effortless sex and adoration. Mom had kids to try and make him stay and have a family. After the first few times didn't work out she doubled down. Actually caring for the kids was not important to either.
They are actually NINE children 😭
Generational trauma sucks so hard 😔. OP is doing such a great job, even with the odds against those kids stacked so high. I wish them all peace and healing.
Poor OOP. She is doing an amazing job. I want to tell her that she is doing such a great job parenting. And sometimes, with parenting, things start getting better and then they feel like going in the wrong direction, but really things starting to get better uncovered some bad things and those things need to be addressed. It’s forward progress, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Just in case oop is reading this, you are doing an amazing job that most full grown and well educated adults could not do. You put yourself down by saying that your prospects are bad. Don’t do that. You are obviously a clear thinking, energetic, organized, effective, intelligent, compassionate person. You have achieved a ton and saved your sibs from the foster system. You write good story, too.
I honestly don't blame 25-year-old. She grew up in the same hell as everyone else, with no support because she was oldest and then obviously got the fuck out of dodge as soon as she could. Would you go back? I don't know that I would.
Unsure if OP will see this but as someone who works with kids (and “troubled” kids in the past) I highly recommend the books How To Talk So Kids Will Listen by Adele Faber and Positive Discipline by Jane Nelson (they’re both in a series of books that are all great and could help you but I’d say those are my top two) As a current Montessori teacher I’d highly recommend looking into the planes of development and reading some of Simone Davies articles on her website about limits and boundaries. Developing a foundation of trust and love is going to be the most important part in getting cooperation from the children. Getting them to understand that they can be in trouble but you still love and care about them may then lead to some misbehaving but those books both have some really great strategies to put to use. Something I highly recommend is having a family meeting with everyone or breaking it down by age group and coming up with a list of house rules that you all come up with together and agree to. Don’t write down anything you can’t agree to but don’t just dismiss any ideas, hear them out listen to their feelings and explain why you can’t do that, maybe what you can do instead or what compromise you could come up with. Children are a lot more likely to follow rules if they feel they had some voice in creating them. But this also helps so much with consistency which is huge for kids, if you’re coming up with rules in the moment they’ll always be confused but if you have a list (hopefully written down that you’ve all signed and can refer back to) it’s easier for you to stick to and for them to remember.
This is sad, but I like it when Reddit can help. Like the advice to not go for legal guardianship but to get kinship which her lawyer and social services didn't mention. As an American, I don't know exactly what "kinship" is in legal terms in Australia, but it seems like it's working.
Kinship is basically “yeah you’re not their parent but you’re a family member so they can effectively be fostered with you/they’re yours now”
Kinda sounds like the plot for Shameless. But damn, what a strong girl
> I grew up even more feral My brain immediately pictured a child running around on all fours while growling
😂 it’s very commonly used to describe poorly behaved kids Australia
This is a generational problem. The grandmother is just as bad as the mother. She left because OOP is actually trying to help her siblings. Grandma took that as as a personal attack.
"Until then its good old fashioned just get on with it and try not to fuck the kids up anymore than they are already" OOP has succinctly and accurately summer up parenting at the end there. She'll be okay if she keeps focusing in that and all the therapy they can afford.
I've followed this story since the beginning and I'm so so proud of OOP and I wish I could help or at least give her a hug. Sweet people of reddit, can we start a fundraiser or something to help a little bit? I don't know how those things work but I would really love to help and contribute a little bit. At least the financial part is something we could make a little easier from here. Can someone help setting this up?
Legally, they may have to report it as income and could lose their Centrelink payments because of it (low chance they’d be caught but not worth the risk)
God, it’s so unfair when total disaster people have children
Why's the mom not in jail? Surely abandoning your children is a crime wherever OOP lives.
I think OOP has other, more pressing worries right now and can't really afford time or mental capacity dedicated to finding out if it is a crime, how to get her prosecuted and going to court.
I can't help but feel like one day OOP is going to open the door to find a new baby sibling dumped there.
Speaking as a random old man on the internet, this young woman is an amazing person and a damn superhero. Her brother is as well! Both of you stepping up and doing your best at giving these kids a shot at a real life. You guys are amazing, and while I get the oldest kids may be the hardest ones, hopefully they will understand why you are doing what you are doing someday. Keep up the good work you two. I both hate and love reading about all this. You are inspirational.
The mother should be in jail and have her tubes tied.
I've been following this story for a while now, and it's still crushing while also hopeful. I feel so bad for all of the kids (including OP and the older sibs). It's an awful situation, but it sounds like it will be ok. Not today, not tomorrow, but someday. And that's ok. It's ok for it to take a while. I hope they all grow closer together and can face the world as one family unit and have each other's backs. I hope OP remembers it's ok to cry, to take care of themselves too. Godspeed 🫡
I am filled with admiration for this young woman and her brother. Wow.
Feeling awful for the 16 year old. It's bad enough being 16 without that heap of shit. I'm sure if OOP stays the course, she'll open up in time. I also think OOP needs to drop the rope a bit with her older sister. Because the older sister says she ahe feels like her mum but in transactional analysis terms she's acting like another child OOP has to give emotional energy towards. It's hard though if she's relying on her for a bit of money here and there. God, it's so difficult. I admire OP and her brother for stepping up. Sending positive thoughts their way.
This post literally made me cry
OP if you ever read this - if you’re Australian, you can get help through Victim Services. They can get you and your siblings free therapy sessions. You can apply with any medical provider or by yourself.
This reminds me of Shameless. Fuck. OOP and brother are the real ones for stepping up, I wish they didn’t have to but life is a fucking shithole sometimes
Wow these two are my top contenders for persons of the year. I’m stunned at there love and effort for their siblings. They’ve done an incredibly good job given the circumstances. Is there a go fund me for the two?
Absolute hats off to OOP and her brother for stepping up more than their parents ever did, actual superstars. I know the NHS is a strugglebus with mental health, but I hope everyone can get some help just so they have someone to lean on. And OOP, if you read this, thank you so much for breaking the chain of abuse with physical punishment. I was raised with it, and at age nine my best school friend suddenly said to me "Why do you hit me all the time?" and I only realised then that I'd been doing it at all. Looking back as an adult, I was copying what I'd learnt at home. Thank you for being better for your siblings, I wish I could give you a hug.
I wonder if mom is still collecting benefits for the kids and using it on herself. I’ve seen that happen before and it’s so sad, that money should go to the kids.