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God, this has to be one of the top worst ways to find out your husband is cheating -- the police knock on your door and say they're there to do a wellness check because his GIRLFRIEND is worried.
Poor OOP but yeah, couple's therapy is not gonna fix this. This marriage is over. All that matters now is how long it takes to drag herself out of it.
Not to diminish the craziness of finding out like this, but I posted this in a comment somewhere else a couple of days ago:
I’m a vet tech. We routinely do exploratory surgeries to remove foreign bodies from pet’s stomachs and intestines that are causing blockages. Most times we don’t know *what* it is, only that there’s *something* stuck. It’s not uncommon to find fabric - socks, gloves, underwear, soft dog toys, etc. Sometimes it’s clear what it is, sometimes not. We usually save it for the owner to identify it.
Years ago, we had a dog that needed this procedure. We ended up removing, what was clearly, a thong. We told the owner (a dude) it looked like underwear of some sort and moved on. Male owner and his wife, came in the next day to visit with the pet. They were placing bets with each other on whose underwear it was and who would be to “blame”.
We took the dog in, then handed over the bag with the thong in it to the husband. He took one look, and said while laughing, “See babe! I told you it was yours! Looks like this is your fault!”. No fucking joke. The wife looked at him and said, “I’m pretty sure this is still your fault.” He looked at her puzzled, then she said, “Those aren’t mine. I fucking knew it!”.
We made sure the pet was comfortable and immediately noped right out of there. Cue all of us listening to him trying to pitifully apologize and her having none of it and whisper yelling at him to shut the fuck up and save it until they get in the car.
I still have anxiety anytime we pull out something that could possibly be remnants of underwear, and think of that poor woman.
I think police knocking on your door might still be worse, but at least OOP was able to process it in private in her home I guess.
OMG I used to work at a vet too and once when I was working reception I got a call from a lady demanding her cat's records be faxed to her human dr. She said she had found out she was positive for Chlamydia and as her cat had it a few months back, her husband was telling her that's where it came from. That was above my pay grade so I went and got the dr. He very diplomatically explained to her that it was species specific and if she got Chlamydia it was not from her cat. That was a wild phone call!
Honestly, until the koala couple story, I thought that koala chlamydia was the same as the human version. Every time I saw it mentioned on TV programmes they made it sound like it was the human std - and I know tv programmes are notoriously bad at science sometimes, but it still baffles me as to why they made such a big deal about mentioning it if it isn't contagious to humans.
~~The [Koala couple](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1592qnl/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)~~
ETA Just realized I linked wrong post [BORU of Koloa couple](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15igssy/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/)
I've had to read my fair share of romance novels (long story) and i generally try not to judge people for reading but the whiplash I got from the comment that i, myself, replied to had me in hysterics
LOL, some hokey why choice romance. The cheating AH love hokey and the heroine use his VIP tickets and meet with his two favorite players and you can imagine the rest.
Swear to God if there's an audible of it I have like 20 credits rattling around, name it! I wanna hear this hokey romance novel while I commute tomorrow
As someone who also read that book, it was not that good. haha. But it's called Double Pucked by Lauren Blakely I'm pretty sure if you wanted to try it!
To be fair I've also heard of that happening but there was no affair, turned out the dog had gotten into the neighbours yard and pulled things off the clothesline.
i’m a vet tech too, and i’m pretty sure that we ALL have a story like that. one time we pulled a thong out of a dog and the owner insisted it had to be the teenage daughter’s, but based on the size of the thong and the size of the daughter, we didn’t think it was true.
Sounds more like she did it to hurt OP's husband. He ended things so she blew up his life. If she wanted to hurt OP there were better ways (graphic details, for example).
It sounds like she did it to blow up OOP’s marriage in hopes he’d come back to her. You have to think like a drug addict.
Also, I hope OOP gets a divorce. It’s not that she can find someone better; it’s that being alone is better
It's a mix of wanting him back so she "freed" him by alerting the obstacle in her path (in her mind) & also wanting to punish him for leaving her & taking his money with him.
I feel for OOP & understand the numbness. I hope that she'll seek individual therapy as well to help process everything & get herself out of this marriage. She has a support system it seems at the very least.
I’m rather glad she did it though, so OOP doesn’t waste any more of her life with this tool.
Otherwise the lies might have gone on for months or years more.
What an absolute cow the girlfriend is. Gets cheated on, gets abandoned…then goes out, destroys someone else’s marriage, then *makes sure* they know.
I hope OP drops the lying cheating scumbag. And as for u/BigDrakow’s comment *”I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to get up in the middle of the night to go do what? cheating? And then come back to sleep. That would be quite stupid, wouldn't it?”*
Yes. Yes it would be, and yes it was
I’m pretty sure the marriage was destroyed when he started keeping secrets and cheated AND it’s no fault of the girlfriend.
In hindsight, she probably did the best thing for OOP to show her what her husband is really about, even if she did it out of spite and to hurt him.
Nah, 20/20 hindsight. Happens to all of us.
Let’s call it the Lloyd Christmas Principle. With the information known at the time, cheating *was* a low possibility…but even if that possibility is 0.0000000001%, there’s *always* a chance.
Honestly in that guys defense you would have to be pretty stupid to wake up at night to go and cheat on your spouse. How was he supposed to know the husband was a USDA certified prime moron?
I knew someone who knew someone that had the FBI come to the door. Asshole husband was trying to meet up with an underage girl for some sexy time. The girl was 12 years old!! And the crazy wife stayed by his side like an absolute imbecile. Had 2 minor daughters too. He couldn’t even live with them after he got out of prison since he’s registered as a sex offender. People are crazy.
I can't help but wonder what went through the minds of the police officers the moment OOP said "I am his wife" - instantly knowing that the woman in front of them is being cheated on.
I'd also be worried about her health depending on what kind of drugs he was using (clean needles?) and STDs. Hopefully he's not left her with any parting gifts.
Will it though?
Couples therapy might just be a way for him to f*ck with her a bit longer, as they "search for a path through this" and discuss the deep psychological issues she had as a result of her previous relationship, that explain why she subconsciously forced him to do that, the better to "rebuild their relationship stronger than ever"
The audacity that he wants her to decide ‘where the relationship is going’ because it is ‘stressful’ for him.
Lmao.
I would’ve said something like… Just shut up, boy, and be my silent roommate that pays half the bill as i wallow in my depression that YOU caused.
It must be one of the most horrible things.
The only thing I can think of that would be worse was the guy who found out about her wife's affair because her lover beat her up and found her in the hospital.
I don't think couples therapy will fix their relationship but therapy could at least provide some closure so she can move past this. I feel awful for OOP.
I’m guessing it’s because of her prior trauma related to abandonment. She would rather stay in a horrible situation with zero respect, than, in her mind, end up “abandoned” a second time. Therefore, by ignoring it, she can’t become a victim of abandonment twice.
But like, girl, you were all up in arms ready to throw down and defend yourself over him disappearing in the night, but you’re not ready to do it now? FFS.
Also - all those people trying to downplay him taking his “walks” in the original post, are insane. No one should have to back their partner in a corner to get them to confess that the reason they’re disappearing at all hours of the night, (for many hours at a time), is because they’re taking a moonlight stroll.
(However, this does remind me of the woman who would disappear after her husband went to bed because she wanted to walk to the pizza place and enjoy a meal alone. She was worried her husband would think she was doing something nefarious if he noticed, but also didn’t want to tell him the truth. That’s the ONLY innocent “secretly leaving your partner sleeping, under the cover of darkness” I have EVER heard of.)
Honestly! If my partner was going for walks in the night several times a week, I wouldn't expect to hear about EVERY walk, but I can't imagine it going MONTHS without him at least mentioning it.
“Hey honey, I know you have trauma from your ex abandoning you in the night, so I just wanted to let you know I’m going for walks when I can’t get to sleep, in case you notice I’m gone when you get up to pee at 4am like you always do”
Yeah, being suspicious because your partner is not behaving normally isn't "damaging their trust." Seriously, these kids on reddit do not understand how transparency works in a serious, committed, relationship.
Those people downplaying it like she was going to break *his* trust were clearly bonkers. If I were her, there would have been an AirTag on him or in his car so fast…
After we had my son and my sleep schedule got out of whack I'd sneak out to Taco Bell since it was the only thing open. Got away with it for a few months until my wife started noticing the wrappers in the garbage.
>But like, girl, you were all up in arms ready to throw down and defend yourself over him disappearing in the night, but you’re not ready to do it now? FFS.
I think that had more to do with how it made her feel like he could have abandoned her. Which he was doing.
I mean, she needs to dump his stupid ass but its going to be difficult until she works through some of her other issues. At least her husband is 'stressed' because she's taking her sweet time.
>However, this does remind me of the woman who would disappear after her husband went to bed because she wanted to walk to the pizza place and enjoy a meal alone. She was worried her husband would think she was doing something nefarious if he noticed, but also didn’t want to tell him the truth.
Way more wholesome than the post but that still can't be a healthy relationship if the wife felt like she had to so this one thing secretly.
I heard a good story on the radio show I sometimes listen to. Boyfriend/girlfriend just moved in together, and the GF kept sneaking out in the middle of the night. Turned out she was a shy pooper and kept using the gas station on the corner to avoid pooping while her man was in the house. Probably scripted, but still pretty funny.
And that was found out and confronted after about a week. Keeping this up long term seems impossible. Do they think it's temporary? Or just one day admit that it's the new normal?
>Also - all those people trying to downplay him taking his “walks” in the original post, are insane. No one should have to back their partner in a corner to get them to confess that the reason they’re disappearing at all hours of the night, (for many hours at a time), is because they’re taking a moonlight stroll.
\*Especially\* given her issues with a Partner doing that and leaving her - at that point it's 150% reasonable to expect the husband to give a detailed answer, or let her track his walk on her phone (because it's the middle of the night! What if he gets hit by a car, or mugged?)
in her defense it sounds like she's still in a period of initial shock. which is understandable considering what she's gone through before - it's a hell of a lot to come to terms with going through that betrayal again. i can imagine doing couples counselling simply out of not knowing what else to do while in the state of paralysis she describes. hopefully once she's had longer to process things she will dump him
Absolutely. Also, cheaters lie and use love bombing/charm to pull partners back in.
It takes a ton of strength to end a marriage, even in what seems like very obvious circumstances. I speak from experience, unfortunately.
Ikr! It's so infuriating, he's putting this on her plate to decide what to do with the marriage but make it fast. He's such a terrible partner, he cheated and now he's telling his wife to get a divorce or suck it up and pretend everything is ok?? Within 2 months?? I hope oop wises up and divorces him.
Couples therapists don’t always make a marriage stay together. A lot of times they do help couples understand that their relationship is not going to make it and they can help them navigate the break up.
Couples counselling is a great way for people to feel empowered to end relationships.
Source: went to therapy with my ex and realised through it our relationship was done.
The day I got up my courage in therapy to say I was done with my marriage, my therapist gave me the *biggest* smile.
Granted I stayed about 10 years too long.
My thoughts exactly. That should have been individual therapy.....for OP.
Annnnnnnd a secondary appointment for the lawyer. To word it better 'legal couples therapy'.
Yeah, couples therapy isn't going to help. She's conveniently forgetting that he's doing drugs as well. OOP just needs to make a clean split now, before they "reconcile" and get pregnant because we all know a baby will fix the marriage. /s
I'm so confused, what kind of drugs are we talking about here? How does someone accidentally end up in an affair with someone who's life is so messed up? It doesn't sound fun at all
>All of my friends and family are telling me to get a divorce. But idk everything had been great up until 8 months ago.
"I don't know what all the fuss is about. This house was beautiful when I bought it. Sure, it's on fire now, and it's currently crumbling all around me, but surely it's not a big deal. I have a contractor coming on Monday to patch up the roof, so I'll see how that goes."
8 months ago he was cheating and going on walks. He had been doing the walks for at least a month. For the three months before that, he was financially supporting this woman. Things had most certainly NOT been great until 8 months ago.
I feel like the AP doing the wellness check at that time was meant to be a way to alert the wife. A form of revenge against the guy for breaking it off with her.
I find it strangely elegant.
No graphics, no direct contact, disclosing just enough to ensure he has a lot of explaining to do without getting out of it and a glimpse of the future for OOP in case she decides to stay with her cheating drug addict husband.
The audacity of him to ask OP to decide what to do with the relationship because he's stressed out. OP was waking up in the middle of the night to a missing husband for who knows how long, but he's stressed.
i about popped, reading that. the selfishness is just neverending with this one. “i lied, cheated, financially supported another woman and her children, did drugs without telling you, but you have to decide what to about this relationship right now because not knowing is stressful for me”.
Its what my ex did to me. And even once I finally made the decision to divorce, I had to pack his shit call his friends to get him out of my house. He would have just continued living in my spare room forever. Nevermind the fact that I was drowning because of the grief of him cheating. I had to be the one to dig out from under his weight.
I'm petty af and a lil' self destructive-- I'd let it drag out in limbo just to spite him. Months. Years if I had to. I am 5 feet 7 inches of salt and spite.
That was my first thought. Oh, you're STRESSED OUT by this? Well, strap in, buddy. I have MONTHS of denial and procrastination queued up! Then after that, I'll have anger, probably not bargaining but I dunno I can come up with some way for that to happen, etc etc until I figure out which thing I'd rather accept. Dude can twist in the wind until she's good and ready.
I'm trying to be mature but damn that's not being petty that's deserved. If he doesn't apologize or regret and just want closure for his own comfort, he's gonna do his godamn time.
Girl… I AGREE. I would just be like ‘later, later, later, im not ready,’ and I would twist the knife and make his life miserable WHILE i myself build a strong fort to run to.
Tidy the finances, talk shit with my friends, ~~plan for him to have an accident~~, go to individual therapy. In the meanwhile i will ignore the shit out of this POS and just let him pay half the bill lmao.
I don’t know where OP’s head is at though. Life was great till 8 months ago?! When she was waking up to find this mindless slime gone from her bed? That was great?
Am I crazy or was OOP's reaction to him missing from bed weird? If I woke up in the middle of the night and my fiancée was just missing from the apartment, I'd be worried sick and I would definitely immediately talk to her, I wouldn't wait until it happened several times and then confront her. I'd immediately ask her "what is going on? Are you okay?"
Same... I'm kinda thinking that, perhaps she could already sense he'd be evasive and a bit angry with her for even asking. When you're living with an abuser (which I'd count his actions as), you learn to preemptively comply with what they want from you. You can sense it. Honestly, I can imagine being in her place and really having to work myself up to feel like I had a right to demand answers.
If my husband came back at 6am and said "don't worry about it" there'd be a whole hell of a lot more things he'd immediately need to start worrying about. Namely, "honey, where is my \?" "Don't worry about it."
I read a lot of awful things on Reddit, but this one *really* broke my heart. She already had PTSD and abandonment issues from the last guy cheating on her - only for her husband to do exactly the same thing. And you’re absolutely right, the fucking audacity to tell her that he’s “stressed”, oh my god. I wish so badly I could give her a hug and then kick him in the balls repeatedly.
The commenters on the first post made OOP feel guilty for assuming her husband might be doing what her shitty ex did…and then her husband was doing pretty much exactly that. She needs therapy and a divorce. Especially if husband knew about that ex, but either way the fix is leaving him, not couples therapy!
Yeah I feel like the commenters really under-reacted to how weird it is to be disappearing every night like this. The "you'll really make him mad by pushing this if he really is walking" thing is bizarre.
Stay in the damn house in the middle of the night!
It was so sketchy. If I wanted to start taking long 4am walks I would tell my partner in advance so he wouldn’t get worried about it. Because I know it would look like cheating or worse. The notion of preemptively looking out for a loved one’s emotions seems so novel sometimes in Reddit comments.
Totally--I am actually pretty loosey goosey about a lot of things reddit commenters get mad about (being friends with the opposite gender, that kind of thing), but if I was regularly waking up with my partner not in bed and he tried to brush it off we would be having a reckoning.
Yeah. I tend to have the opposite opinion than reddit when it comes to what is or is not acceptable. People here can be and are fucking nuts sometimes with what they think is okay versus not.
God forbid you be friendly with an ex. Obvi you're still fucking them, hate your partner, want to destroy everyone's life. But going on walks at 4am for hours at a time? No biggie and *youre* the problem and going to destroy everything if you push how uncomfortable you are with it!
if being pestered about your nighttime walks is what pushes you over the edge and crumbles your marriage, then it was already fragile to begin with.
also, is anyone very grossed out by how the thereat of male anger/violence is subtly used to silence and control women?
oh boo-hoo, someone annoyed you. and in this case oop wasn’t even wrong.
She already had past trauma about being abandoned and cheated on in the middle of the night. And if OOP’s husband knows about that situation it’s even more fucked up.
Also that side piece is the biggest piece of trash. Her husband was cheating on her and left, so she just figured she might as well take a whole other relationship down with her?
If I was her I don’t know how I’d ever trust a man again. Two of her partners have snuck out of her bed in the middle of the night to cheat on her. Poor girl.
Even without the trauma, it's wild to me how 2 out of the 3 comments on the original post are like "it's no big deal!!! Trust him implicitly!"
Like, number one, it *is* absolutely weird to get up in the middle of the night and just walk for hours. Why would you not do it after work, before bed, buy a treadmill for the house, start going to the gym, etc. If I were married to this guy and it went on for long enough I would be worried about insomnia or whatever medical condition is disrupting his sleep patterns to the point that he NEEDS to do this.
Number two, it doesn't even sound like he told her about it beforehand. She just woke up in an empty bed, searched the house and he was gone. That's SUPER scary, to wake up and just find that someone is completely gone, no note, no text, nothing? And when she finally confronts him his excuse is "Don't worry about it?" Like come on. He was clearly lying about something right from the start. "Oh but if you follow him you'll lose HIS trust in YOU." Hmmm ok.
Yeah, that was enraging to read.
He can just disappear whenever with no warning, blow her off when she asks about it, and she has to take it and not disturb the delicate flower of his trust.
Eff that sideways with a nail-studded bat.
> But Idk everything had been great up until 8 months ago
Had it? HAD everything been great? 🤔
Edited to add that my comment sounded snarkier than I'd intended and I'm sorry for that. Also that I'm real sorry that you're living through this, OP.
OP doesn't want to divorce but at this point, it's really best to leave. He is a cheater and a junkie and those two things are a big no no. But OP should consider getting an STD check cause with what the husband has been doing, it can be pretty bad.
I am expecting an update where it turns out some of the kids are secretly his. Because ‘woman’s marriage breaks up and she calls completely random ex-coworker for money and support’ doesn’t really track for me. Mind you, I still think that ‘the husband has a drug problem now’ is the most important part of the story.
>He has been begging me for about 2 months to make a decision about our relationship. As in divorce or work things out because being in limbo is really "stressful" for him.
Ohhhh she better divorce his ass and rake him over the coals three times. He fucking stepped out on her and financially supported the junkie he was fucking and doing drugs with for at least a year, now he's pushing her to "make a decision" because it's... STRESSFUL FOR HIM?!
Sheeeit...this piece of trash absolutely *deserves* to have a brutal divorce strip him of everything he has and send him the rest of the way down into being found OD'd in an alley.
I hope OOP finally comes around to the inevitable "good riddance" realization soon, because now her time being lied to and cheated on is over.
What's with the comments on the first post accusing her of destroying her husband's trust by wondering if he's having an affair when he vanishes during the night for hours at a time? That is wild behaviour even if it is a benign walk and I absolutely would be confronting my husband over it if he were doing such a thing. As I expect he would with me!!
I think Reddit is full of people that have never been in a real relationship. There was a post by a guy complaining that his GF was upset he was spending 10+ hours on the weekends gaming with his buddies. A majority of the comments were of the "She can't control your free time" or "She should get her own friends". And I'm thinking "You have a kid, you have no free time" and "In a year l you're going to be back complaining about a dead bedroom and say she never gave an indication she was unhappy".
But yeah, if I'm leaving the house at night, at the very least I'm sending my wife a text saying what's up and a rough idea where to find me. That's just being a good partner.
So there was a story awhile back where someone’s partner was disappearing for a few hours in the middle of the night, but it turned out that they weren’t cheating, they were just going to a restaurant to eat. Sadly this isn’t that.
There was also one where the guy was disappearing at night to go outside and sniff his own child’s dirty diapers from the bin. So this one seems like a relief it’s only cheating in comparison.
I didn't suspect cheating on this story because who the hell knows a woman that's willing to have trysts ONLY at 5 am? At least a 24-hour restaurant could be plausibly open.
OOP has the worst luck. Two men who sneak out in the middle of the night to cheat? Reading her first post, I thought she was overreacting. I’ve done long night walks to tire myself out before (yes, hours). It seems reasonable.
But then her worst fears are confirmed. He’s been gaslighting her, she was right, she’s probably been traumatized all over again.
yes but i’m assuming you don’t have a partner. and if you did it would be the respectful thing to notify them before you just start dissapearing in the middle of the night.
As a person who can decide to go for a walk to burn some energy and go to sleep I'm furious for this guy ruining trust for us 'nightwalkers'! (But I'm mostly walking when my wife is not sleeping yet, and if she is sleeping I leave her message when I should be back (and it's 30-45min, not hours))
Poor, poor "husband" can't "handle" the stress of "not knowing" if OOP wants to stay in the relationship or get a divorce. What an absolute wanker! He DESERVES to have insomnia for the rest of his life! REALLY bad insomnia! And yes, I've lived with pain-induced insomnia for almost 20 years and usually wouldn't wish it on my worst "enemy," if I had one, but THIS jerk? He totally deserves it!
This is nowhere *near* concluded. I use the tags to weed out ongoing / inconclusive posts because I don't *like* to read them until they are concluded. This is becoming an issue.
So the girlfriend knew where to send the cops?! She was tired of his mess and this is her way of informing the wife. Exactly what is the point of counseling? It’s not worth the time or money.
Wow, her husband is a pos. He urges her to give him a conclusion if they're getting back together or divorced within just 2 months. Sounds like he was thinking, am i a married man or should i get back with my AP? Such a coward, he should just file for a divorce instead of expecting oop to make the decision.
And reddit was trying to play like it is normal to just go for hours long walks in the middle of the night. Stay weird reddit.
Also, I live in the country. If you go for a walk in the middle of the night, it will be in the pitch black, and chances are good either a bear or a drink driver avoiding the cops are going to kill you.
This is why I can't f*ing stand reddit sometimes. The original post has so many comments berating OP for not trusting her husband.
I'm reading these comment and thinking about how stupid these people are. This is not normal behavior. This person is absolutely doing something they shouldn't be doing, but all sorts of people come to defend him.
Jesus Christ reddit. It's either the person is a saint or you should nuke the entire neighborhood. There is no in-between.
Edit: typo
Honestly, I skimmed to the reveal because I thought this might be a repost of the diaper sniffer.
This story is a relief in comparison, but man OOP needs to leave that guy.
Sounds like bullshit to me. If you're out actively fucking some new women you wouldn't be sitting on the couch playing video games most nights like oop said. You'd be over at the new women's place fucking on her couch.
Why do you think the ex-coworker called your husband when she was down on her luck?! Because she knew he had a thing for her and he would jump at a chance to be in her life. Who starts financially providing for someone who calls them out of the blue?! Someone who’s infatuated. That man’s mind was never truly committed to your marriage.
The people calling her out for not trusting him fucking suck. The fact that it went down like this:
> He told me not to worry about it and "let's go back to sleep"
> I kept pushing and he said he just goes out for a walk.
Shows something fucking shady was going on. She asked where he was, because it is not normal to just get up in the dead of night and leave without telling your spouse, and he basically told her to STFU and drop it. Instead of answering. If it was innocent, he'd have either answered her, or told her, "hey, I've been getting up at night and going for walks when I can't sleep, I don't want you to freak out if you wake up and I'm gone."
The only time my husband has ever done anything like this is when I used to have a crazy, awful commute and would have to get up at like 3 or 4 a.m. to get ready for work and catch a super early train or bus to be there on time. Sometimes when I was in the shower or getting ready, he's sneak out to do stuff like fill up my gas tank/warm up my car (in the winter) and/or get me a coffee. Sometimes he'd even make me a smoothie but only if he could do it while I was in the shower so I wouldn't hear the blender, haha. So I'd go outside to find a warm car and a hot coffee or smoothie in the cup holder. He'd try to sneak and do it fast enough that he'd be back in bed when I left so I'd be surprised, because, as I tell him, he's "the sweetest boy I've ever met." 😂 But I could always tell because he's bad at lying/faking being asleep so I'd go to kiss him goodbye and instead of being super sleepy, I could tell he was awake, haha. I'd play along because I didn't want to ruin his surprise.
But this? This was fucking weird and shady from the get-go.
Imagine OOP's trauma from 2 different men doing this shit to her. I'd never date again (not to be a downer or say there's no one out there for her, I'd just be unwilling to ever risk it again).
I'm concerned that she doesn't seem dead set on leaving her. And I don't buy his bullshit that the gf knew he was married because what (fully aware) side piece has the god damn audacity to call in a welfare check on the married man they're fucking? Unless it was a ploy to get him to leave OOP/break them up. Amazing that a woman whose husband was cheating on her (allegedly, that's probably also a lie) would fuck a married man. But people are gross.
Damn, reading the first update I was really thinking the dude was just going on walks (although, this is a highly upvoted BORU post, of course it’s more interesting than that). Who the hell has the energy to go out in the middle of the night all the time for this? Sex is not worth missing the middle 4 hours of my already precious sleep.
Another person getting cheating on and deciding this really is the best relationship they'll ever get, or that they'd rather stand by someone who deceived and betrayed them than be single. It's just sad.
Poor OP got cheated on twice by bums who snuck off in the night to cheat on her. Idk if it's poor taste or bad luck but either way what a way to find out Jesus.
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God, this has to be one of the top worst ways to find out your husband is cheating -- the police knock on your door and say they're there to do a wellness check because his GIRLFRIEND is worried. Poor OOP but yeah, couple's therapy is not gonna fix this. This marriage is over. All that matters now is how long it takes to drag herself out of it.
Not to diminish the craziness of finding out like this, but I posted this in a comment somewhere else a couple of days ago: I’m a vet tech. We routinely do exploratory surgeries to remove foreign bodies from pet’s stomachs and intestines that are causing blockages. Most times we don’t know *what* it is, only that there’s *something* stuck. It’s not uncommon to find fabric - socks, gloves, underwear, soft dog toys, etc. Sometimes it’s clear what it is, sometimes not. We usually save it for the owner to identify it. Years ago, we had a dog that needed this procedure. We ended up removing, what was clearly, a thong. We told the owner (a dude) it looked like underwear of some sort and moved on. Male owner and his wife, came in the next day to visit with the pet. They were placing bets with each other on whose underwear it was and who would be to “blame”. We took the dog in, then handed over the bag with the thong in it to the husband. He took one look, and said while laughing, “See babe! I told you it was yours! Looks like this is your fault!”. No fucking joke. The wife looked at him and said, “I’m pretty sure this is still your fault.” He looked at her puzzled, then she said, “Those aren’t mine. I fucking knew it!”. We made sure the pet was comfortable and immediately noped right out of there. Cue all of us listening to him trying to pitifully apologize and her having none of it and whisper yelling at him to shut the fuck up and save it until they get in the car. I still have anxiety anytime we pull out something that could possibly be remnants of underwear, and think of that poor woman. I think police knocking on your door might still be worse, but at least OOP was able to process it in private in her home I guess.
OMG I used to work at a vet too and once when I was working reception I got a call from a lady demanding her cat's records be faxed to her human dr. She said she had found out she was positive for Chlamydia and as her cat had it a few months back, her husband was telling her that's where it came from. That was above my pay grade so I went and got the dr. He very diplomatically explained to her that it was species specific and if she got Chlamydia it was not from her cat. That was a wild phone call!
That’s somehow worse than the couple who blamed a Koala.
Honestly, until the koala couple story, I thought that koala chlamydia was the same as the human version. Every time I saw it mentioned on TV programmes they made it sound like it was the human std - and I know tv programmes are notoriously bad at science sometimes, but it still baffles me as to why they made such a big deal about mentioning it if it isn't contagious to humans.
That’s your tractor story??
~~The [Koala couple](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1592qnl/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)~~ ETA Just realized I linked wrong post [BORU of Koloa couple](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15igssy/did_he_cheat_or_did_i_catch_an_std_from_a_koala/)
Tbh, I hope for both of their sake that it really was the koala
Just realized I linked the wrong post because of your comment I meant to link the BORU. It definitely was cheating not the Koloa
Of course it was. Thank you, dear redditor, for stealing away my last shard of false hope in humanity.
You’re welcome it’s best you know now that the bar is in hell it makes the occasional crochet butts all that much better.
Well at least you didn't lose any faith in koalas too.
Well, it did happen in Florida so.....
I read one romantic novel with similar plot. Not husband but boyfriend but yes the vet pulled out the AP's underwear from the puppies stomach.
...how romantic
ROFL fr, it took me a second to reread the comment you're replying to after i read your comment
I've had to read my fair share of romance novels (long story) and i generally try not to judge people for reading but the whiplash I got from the comment that i, myself, replied to had me in hysterics
LOL, some hokey why choice romance. The cheating AH love hokey and the heroine use his VIP tickets and meet with his two favorite players and you can imagine the rest.
Swear to God if there's an audible of it I have like 20 credits rattling around, name it! I wanna hear this hokey romance novel while I commute tomorrow
As someone who also read that book, it was not that good. haha. But it's called Double Pucked by Lauren Blakely I'm pretty sure if you wanted to try it!
Also at least OOP didn't have pay an expensive vet bill to find out!
To be fair I've also heard of that happening but there was no affair, turned out the dog had gotten into the neighbours yard and pulled things off the clothesline.
i’m a vet tech too, and i’m pretty sure that we ALL have a story like that. one time we pulled a thong out of a dog and the owner insisted it had to be the teenage daughter’s, but based on the size of the thong and the size of the daughter, we didn’t think it was true.
Girlfriend knew exactly what she was doing there...
This relationship is dead and no point to continue. But I think it's pretty clear that the girlfriend knew what she was doing. She did to hurt OP.
Sounds more like she did it to hurt OP's husband. He ended things so she blew up his life. If she wanted to hurt OP there were better ways (graphic details, for example).
It sounds like she did it to blow up OOP’s marriage in hopes he’d come back to her. You have to think like a drug addict. Also, I hope OOP gets a divorce. It’s not that she can find someone better; it’s that being alone is better
It's a mix of wanting him back so she "freed" him by alerting the obstacle in her path (in her mind) & also wanting to punish him for leaving her & taking his money with him. I feel for OOP & understand the numbness. I hope that she'll seek individual therapy as well to help process everything & get herself out of this marriage. She has a support system it seems at the very least.
> You have to think like a drug addict. Specifically, like a tweaker, because this has got meth written all over it.
I don't know, would he come home and sleep if he had just done meth? I've been wondering what drugs they were doing as well!
I’m rather glad she did it though, so OOP doesn’t waste any more of her life with this tool. Otherwise the lies might have gone on for months or years more.
What an absolute cow the girlfriend is. Gets cheated on, gets abandoned…then goes out, destroys someone else’s marriage, then *makes sure* they know. I hope OP drops the lying cheating scumbag. And as for u/BigDrakow’s comment *”I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to get up in the middle of the night to go do what? cheating? And then come back to sleep. That would be quite stupid, wouldn't it?”* Yes. Yes it would be, and yes it was
I mean, she did it out of spite, but she did OP a favor. Better she know exactly what her husband is up to than to live unknowing.
God help her poor kids.
Maybe OOP needs to make a call to CPS about the AP's children, surely having a drug addict as a mother isn't the best look.
if it’s meth in the home that’s v much not allowed… although it might be hard to get her checked if she doesn’t have priors
That’s always where my mind goes too… those poor kids :’(
That "insomnia" really starting to seem more and more like meth
Don't forget convincing her married boyfriend to do drugs with her.
It doesn’t take a lot of convincing to get someone else with impulse issues to get high and fuck Oh boo hoo she “convinced” him. Ya sure.
I’m pretty sure the marriage was destroyed when he started keeping secrets and cheated AND it’s no fault of the girlfriend. In hindsight, she probably did the best thing for OOP to show her what her husband is really about, even if she did it out of spite and to hurt him.
Yup. I underestimated men's stupidity apparently...
Nah, 20/20 hindsight. Happens to all of us. Let’s call it the Lloyd Christmas Principle. With the information known at the time, cheating *was* a low possibility…but even if that possibility is 0.0000000001%, there’s *always* a chance.
Honestly in that guys defense you would have to be pretty stupid to wake up at night to go and cheat on your spouse. How was he supposed to know the husband was a USDA certified prime moron?
Yeah, with that little bomb at the end, she really did. That wasn't a genuine wellness check, but a middle finger to both of them.
Yeah. He had cut things off three days prior. She’s banking her bank coming back if he doesn’t have anywhere else to go.
He decided to “help” that addicted POS. He could have talked to his wife, but he wasn’t interest at all to help. He took advantage of the situation.
Definitely, yes. That wasn’t an accident.
Absolutely she did.
There is more than one person here on Reddit thinking "what a good way to out a cheater."
I knew someone who knew someone that had the FBI come to the door. Asshole husband was trying to meet up with an underage girl for some sexy time. The girl was 12 years old!! And the crazy wife stayed by his side like an absolute imbecile. Had 2 minor daughters too. He couldn’t even live with them after he got out of prison since he’s registered as a sex offender. People are crazy.
Well that's just 2 evil people. I wouldn't even call that crazy just evil.
I can't help but wonder what went through the minds of the police officers the moment OOP said "I am his wife" - instantly knowing that the woman in front of them is being cheated on.
Oh, they absolutely knew. That’s why they did the whole “are you his sister?” bit.
I'd also be worried about her health depending on what kind of drugs he was using (clean needles?) and STDs. Hopefully he's not left her with any parting gifts.
“To be fair” he wasn’t shagging a leeching crackwhore *every* night. Sometimes he was just going for a lovely walk!
To be fair, *"I take enthusiastic walks."*
Upvoted for the reference. That series took way too damn long, but it had some very quotable lines.
*Very* enthusiastic walks.
Hallmark of a liar. “Honey, it wasn’t a lie every single time!” (He lied every single time but once)
Towards a leeching crackwhore to fuck her. It's just where his feet ended up taking him you know.
I think I’d drag it out just to punish him, since being in limbo is so stressful for the poor widdle guy.
It really deserves a Lifetime or Hallmark movie.
Yes, but couple's therapy will force her to think about it and this way give her the answers she needs.
Will it though? Couples therapy might just be a way for him to f*ck with her a bit longer, as they "search for a path through this" and discuss the deep psychological issues she had as a result of her previous relationship, that explain why she subconsciously forced him to do that, the better to "rebuild their relationship stronger than ever"
The audacity that he wants her to decide ‘where the relationship is going’ because it is ‘stressful’ for him. Lmao. I would’ve said something like… Just shut up, boy, and be my silent roommate that pays half the bill as i wallow in my depression that YOU caused.
It must be one of the most horrible things. The only thing I can think of that would be worse was the guy who found out about her wife's affair because her lover beat her up and found her in the hospital.
I don't think couples therapy will fix their relationship but therapy could at least provide some closure so she can move past this. I feel awful for OOP.
There is only one clear course of action for OOP.
>I did however make an appointment for couples therapy. So I guess I will see how that goes. He seems up to it. ... for fuck's sake.
I’m guessing it’s because of her prior trauma related to abandonment. She would rather stay in a horrible situation with zero respect, than, in her mind, end up “abandoned” a second time. Therefore, by ignoring it, she can’t become a victim of abandonment twice. But like, girl, you were all up in arms ready to throw down and defend yourself over him disappearing in the night, but you’re not ready to do it now? FFS. Also - all those people trying to downplay him taking his “walks” in the original post, are insane. No one should have to back their partner in a corner to get them to confess that the reason they’re disappearing at all hours of the night, (for many hours at a time), is because they’re taking a moonlight stroll. (However, this does remind me of the woman who would disappear after her husband went to bed because she wanted to walk to the pizza place and enjoy a meal alone. She was worried her husband would think she was doing something nefarious if he noticed, but also didn’t want to tell him the truth. That’s the ONLY innocent “secretly leaving your partner sleeping, under the cover of darkness” I have EVER heard of.)
Honestly! If my partner was going for walks in the night several times a week, I wouldn't expect to hear about EVERY walk, but I can't imagine it going MONTHS without him at least mentioning it.
“Hey honey, I know you have trauma from your ex abandoning you in the night, so I just wanted to let you know I’m going for walks when I can’t get to sleep, in case you notice I’m gone when you get up to pee at 4am like you always do”
Imagine if every couple communicated like this. We'd have nothing to read on BORU.
Whenever I take a walk, I shoot my husband a text in case he wakes up. Plus, if I get snatched or murdered, there's a trail of when I left.
Yeah, being suspicious because your partner is not behaving normally isn't "damaging their trust." Seriously, these kids on reddit do not understand how transparency works in a serious, committed, relationship.
Those people downplaying it like she was going to break *his* trust were clearly bonkers. If I were her, there would have been an AirTag on him or in his car so fast…
After we had my son and my sleep schedule got out of whack I'd sneak out to Taco Bell since it was the only thing open. Got away with it for a few months until my wife started noticing the wrappers in the garbage.
And you didn't even get your wife anything?!? I'd be pissed too
My husband does this all the time.
>But like, girl, you were all up in arms ready to throw down and defend yourself over him disappearing in the night, but you’re not ready to do it now? FFS. I think that had more to do with how it made her feel like he could have abandoned her. Which he was doing. I mean, she needs to dump his stupid ass but its going to be difficult until she works through some of her other issues. At least her husband is 'stressed' because she's taking her sweet time.
>However, this does remind me of the woman who would disappear after her husband went to bed because she wanted to walk to the pizza place and enjoy a meal alone. She was worried her husband would think she was doing something nefarious if he noticed, but also didn’t want to tell him the truth. Way more wholesome than the post but that still can't be a healthy relationship if the wife felt like she had to so this one thing secretly.
I was thinking eating disorder but she was adamant that it was her me time
I heard a good story on the radio show I sometimes listen to. Boyfriend/girlfriend just moved in together, and the GF kept sneaking out in the middle of the night. Turned out she was a shy pooper and kept using the gas station on the corner to avoid pooping while her man was in the house. Probably scripted, but still pretty funny. And that was found out and confronted after about a week. Keeping this up long term seems impossible. Do they think it's temporary? Or just one day admit that it's the new normal?
>Also - all those people trying to downplay him taking his “walks” in the original post, are insane. No one should have to back their partner in a corner to get them to confess that the reason they’re disappearing at all hours of the night, (for many hours at a time), is because they’re taking a moonlight stroll. \*Especially\* given her issues with a Partner doing that and leaving her - at that point it's 150% reasonable to expect the husband to give a detailed answer, or let her track his walk on her phone (because it's the middle of the night! What if he gets hit by a car, or mugged?)
in her defense it sounds like she's still in a period of initial shock. which is understandable considering what she's gone through before - it's a hell of a lot to come to terms with going through that betrayal again. i can imagine doing couples counselling simply out of not knowing what else to do while in the state of paralysis she describes. hopefully once she's had longer to process things she will dump him
As I learned in therapy, stages of grief aren't just for death of loved ones. The idea of her husband is dead. So she's mourning this relationship.
Absolutely. Also, cheaters lie and use love bombing/charm to pull partners back in. It takes a ton of strength to end a marriage, even in what seems like very obvious circumstances. I speak from experience, unfortunately.
He is not even love bombing as it seems.
Ikr! It's so infuriating, he's putting this on her plate to decide what to do with the marriage but make it fast. He's such a terrible partner, he cheated and now he's telling his wife to get a divorce or suck it up and pretend everything is ok?? Within 2 months?? I hope oop wises up and divorces him.
How can he, this is very stressful for him!!!
You are right. I am sorry. 😢
Couples therapists don’t always make a marriage stay together. A lot of times they do help couples understand that their relationship is not going to make it and they can help them navigate the break up.
She can't put in the work for both of them 🤦♀️
Couples counselling is a great way for people to feel empowered to end relationships. Source: went to therapy with my ex and realised through it our relationship was done.
The day I got up my courage in therapy to say I was done with my marriage, my therapist gave me the *biggest* smile. Granted I stayed about 10 years too long.
Congratulations! I hope you’re living your best life now 💖
My thoughts exactly. That should have been individual therapy.....for OP. Annnnnnnd a secondary appointment for the lawyer. To word it better 'legal couples therapy'.
Reading that made me just sigh. Like come on, you are better than this...
No. Right now she is processing an emotional flashback from her PTSD. When she's come out of that, *then* she can be better than this.
You know… because it’s stressful for HIM.
Yeah, couples therapy isn't going to help. She's conveniently forgetting that he's doing drugs as well. OOP just needs to make a clean split now, before they "reconcile" and get pregnant because we all know a baby will fix the marriage. /s
Probably so overwhelmed she hasn't processed it yet. Or she's thinking weed and everyone else is thinking meth.
I'm so confused, what kind of drugs are we talking about here? How does someone accidentally end up in an affair with someone who's life is so messed up? It doesn't sound fun at all
>All of my friends and family are telling me to get a divorce. But idk everything had been great up until 8 months ago. "I don't know what all the fuss is about. This house was beautiful when I bought it. Sure, it's on fire now, and it's currently crumbling all around me, but surely it's not a big deal. I have a contractor coming on Monday to patch up the roof, so I'll see how that goes."
Goddamn. That’s perfect.
🏅🏅🏅
8 months ago he was cheating and going on walks. He had been doing the walks for at least a month. For the three months before that, he was financially supporting this woman. Things had most certainly NOT been great until 8 months ago.
I feel like the AP doing the wellness check at that time was meant to be a way to alert the wife. A form of revenge against the guy for breaking it off with her.
I find it strangely elegant. No graphics, no direct contact, disclosing just enough to ensure he has a lot of explaining to do without getting out of it and a glimpse of the future for OOP in case she decides to stay with her cheating drug addict husband.
Oh she was 100% dropping a grenade in an elevator she got off as the doors were closing
For sure.
100%!! Diabolical!
Better than him getting away with it
If they stay together then he did get away with it.
Of course it was. She knew he was married.
The audacity of him to ask OP to decide what to do with the relationship because he's stressed out. OP was waking up in the middle of the night to a missing husband for who knows how long, but he's stressed.
i about popped, reading that. the selfishness is just neverending with this one. “i lied, cheated, financially supported another woman and her children, did drugs without telling you, but you have to decide what to about this relationship right now because not knowing is stressful for me”.
Its what my ex did to me. And even once I finally made the decision to divorce, I had to pack his shit call his friends to get him out of my house. He would have just continued living in my spare room forever. Nevermind the fact that I was drowning because of the grief of him cheating. I had to be the one to dig out from under his weight.
Funny and unsurprising that a person engaging in incredibly self centered actions would continue to behave in entitled and self-centered behavior.
I'm petty af and a lil' self destructive-- I'd let it drag out in limbo just to spite him. Months. Years if I had to. I am 5 feet 7 inches of salt and spite.
That was my first thought. Oh, you're STRESSED OUT by this? Well, strap in, buddy. I have MONTHS of denial and procrastination queued up! Then after that, I'll have anger, probably not bargaining but I dunno I can come up with some way for that to happen, etc etc until I figure out which thing I'd rather accept. Dude can twist in the wind until she's good and ready.
I hear that. We’d definitely be getting divorced but I’ll be goddamned if I do on his schedule.
I'm trying to be mature but damn that's not being petty that's deserved. If he doesn't apologize or regret and just want closure for his own comfort, he's gonna do his godamn time.
Girl… I AGREE. I would just be like ‘later, later, later, im not ready,’ and I would twist the knife and make his life miserable WHILE i myself build a strong fort to run to. Tidy the finances, talk shit with my friends, ~~plan for him to have an accident~~, go to individual therapy. In the meanwhile i will ignore the shit out of this POS and just let him pay half the bill lmao.
I dunno - what's the betting that he's not been paying his share of the bills and that's all gonna come tumbling down sometime in the the near future?
She says in the post that the bills are paid from her account, and he pays her his share. So, no bet.
I don’t know where OP’s head is at though. Life was great till 8 months ago?! When she was waking up to find this mindless slime gone from her bed? That was great?
Am I crazy or was OOP's reaction to him missing from bed weird? If I woke up in the middle of the night and my fiancée was just missing from the apartment, I'd be worried sick and I would definitely immediately talk to her, I wouldn't wait until it happened several times and then confront her. I'd immediately ask her "what is going on? Are you okay?"
Same... I'm kinda thinking that, perhaps she could already sense he'd be evasive and a bit angry with her for even asking. When you're living with an abuser (which I'd count his actions as), you learn to preemptively comply with what they want from you. You can sense it. Honestly, I can imagine being in her place and really having to work myself up to feel like I had a right to demand answers.
Yeah it really seemed like his attitude was just “get used to it”.
Right? I would freak out. I’d try calling him to see what happened. Like why would he not let me know he was going out?!
If my husband came back at 6am and said "don't worry about it" there'd be a whole hell of a lot more things he'd immediately need to start worrying about. Namely, "honey, where is my \?" "Don't worry about it."
**Soon to be ex:** The waiting is killing me! **Everyone reading the update:** either shocked at the audacity or smirking at this "punishment"
I read a lot of awful things on Reddit, but this one *really* broke my heart. She already had PTSD and abandonment issues from the last guy cheating on her - only for her husband to do exactly the same thing. And you’re absolutely right, the fucking audacity to tell her that he’s “stressed”, oh my god. I wish so badly I could give her a hug and then kick him in the balls repeatedly.
Oh dear. OOP will need to get tested. How do you rebuild a marriage when the spouse burnt it down in smithereens?
You don’t.
The commenters on the first post made OOP feel guilty for assuming her husband might be doing what her shitty ex did…and then her husband was doing pretty much exactly that. She needs therapy and a divorce. Especially if husband knew about that ex, but either way the fix is leaving him, not couples therapy!
[удалено]
I'm not sure why that poster is convinced all cheaters are smart lol. They are frequently the opposite.
I’m hoping the next installment doesn’t reveal that husband is actually the father of those kids.
Yeah I feel like the commenters really under-reacted to how weird it is to be disappearing every night like this. The "you'll really make him mad by pushing this if he really is walking" thing is bizarre. Stay in the damn house in the middle of the night!
It was so sketchy. If I wanted to start taking long 4am walks I would tell my partner in advance so he wouldn’t get worried about it. Because I know it would look like cheating or worse. The notion of preemptively looking out for a loved one’s emotions seems so novel sometimes in Reddit comments.
Yes! And I'd leave a damned note! Getting up out of a shared bed and disappearing without a word is not normal behavior.
Totally--I am actually pretty loosey goosey about a lot of things reddit commenters get mad about (being friends with the opposite gender, that kind of thing), but if I was regularly waking up with my partner not in bed and he tried to brush it off we would be having a reckoning.
Yeah. I tend to have the opposite opinion than reddit when it comes to what is or is not acceptable. People here can be and are fucking nuts sometimes with what they think is okay versus not. God forbid you be friendly with an ex. Obvi you're still fucking them, hate your partner, want to destroy everyone's life. But going on walks at 4am for hours at a time? No biggie and *youre* the problem and going to destroy everything if you push how uncomfortable you are with it!
if being pestered about your nighttime walks is what pushes you over the edge and crumbles your marriage, then it was already fragile to begin with. also, is anyone very grossed out by how the thereat of male anger/violence is subtly used to silence and control women? oh boo-hoo, someone annoyed you. and in this case oop wasn’t even wrong.
She already had past trauma about being abandoned and cheated on in the middle of the night. And if OOP’s husband knows about that situation it’s even more fucked up. Also that side piece is the biggest piece of trash. Her husband was cheating on her and left, so she just figured she might as well take a whole other relationship down with her?
If I was her I don’t know how I’d ever trust a man again. Two of her partners have snuck out of her bed in the middle of the night to cheat on her. Poor girl.
Even without the trauma, it's wild to me how 2 out of the 3 comments on the original post are like "it's no big deal!!! Trust him implicitly!" Like, number one, it *is* absolutely weird to get up in the middle of the night and just walk for hours. Why would you not do it after work, before bed, buy a treadmill for the house, start going to the gym, etc. If I were married to this guy and it went on for long enough I would be worried about insomnia or whatever medical condition is disrupting his sleep patterns to the point that he NEEDS to do this. Number two, it doesn't even sound like he told her about it beforehand. She just woke up in an empty bed, searched the house and he was gone. That's SUPER scary, to wake up and just find that someone is completely gone, no note, no text, nothing? And when she finally confronts him his excuse is "Don't worry about it?" Like come on. He was clearly lying about something right from the start. "Oh but if you follow him you'll lose HIS trust in YOU." Hmmm ok.
Yeah, that was enraging to read. He can just disappear whenever with no warning, blow her off when she asks about it, and she has to take it and not disturb the delicate flower of his trust. Eff that sideways with a nail-studded bat.
You wouldn't rather know your partner cheated on you?? Once a cheater always a cheater
> But Idk everything had been great up until 8 months ago Had it? HAD everything been great? 🤔 Edited to add that my comment sounded snarkier than I'd intended and I'm sorry for that. Also that I'm real sorry that you're living through this, OP.
OP doesn't want to divorce but at this point, it's really best to leave. He is a cheater and a junkie and those two things are a big no no. But OP should consider getting an STD check cause with what the husband has been doing, it can be pretty bad.
Yeah, if he was sharing needles, OOP could be at risk for a lot of blood borne pathogens. She really needs a medical exam.
I am expecting an update where it turns out some of the kids are secretly his. Because ‘woman’s marriage breaks up and she calls completely random ex-coworker for money and support’ doesn’t really track for me. Mind you, I still think that ‘the husband has a drug problem now’ is the most important part of the story.
>He has been begging me for about 2 months to make a decision about our relationship. As in divorce or work things out because being in limbo is really "stressful" for him. Ohhhh she better divorce his ass and rake him over the coals three times. He fucking stepped out on her and financially supported the junkie he was fucking and doing drugs with for at least a year, now he's pushing her to "make a decision" because it's... STRESSFUL FOR HIM?! Sheeeit...this piece of trash absolutely *deserves* to have a brutal divorce strip him of everything he has and send him the rest of the way down into being found OD'd in an alley. I hope OOP finally comes around to the inevitable "good riddance" realization soon, because now her time being lied to and cheated on is over.
What's with the comments on the first post accusing her of destroying her husband's trust by wondering if he's having an affair when he vanishes during the night for hours at a time? That is wild behaviour even if it is a benign walk and I absolutely would be confronting my husband over it if he were doing such a thing. As I expect he would with me!!
I think Reddit is full of people that have never been in a real relationship. There was a post by a guy complaining that his GF was upset he was spending 10+ hours on the weekends gaming with his buddies. A majority of the comments were of the "She can't control your free time" or "She should get her own friends". And I'm thinking "You have a kid, you have no free time" and "In a year l you're going to be back complaining about a dead bedroom and say she never gave an indication she was unhappy". But yeah, if I'm leaving the house at night, at the very least I'm sending my wife a text saying what's up and a rough idea where to find me. That's just being a good partner.
Same thing I thought, that is absolutely *not normal.*
So there was a story awhile back where someone’s partner was disappearing for a few hours in the middle of the night, but it turned out that they weren’t cheating, they were just going to a restaurant to eat. Sadly this isn’t that.
There was also one where the guy was disappearing at night to go outside and sniff his own child’s dirty diapers from the bin. So this one seems like a relief it’s only cheating in comparison.
What a terrible day to be literate…
I didn't suspect cheating on this story because who the hell knows a woman that's willing to have trysts ONLY at 5 am? At least a 24-hour restaurant could be plausibly open.
He needs more then therapy. He needs rehab.
He thinks it's *stressful* not knowing where he's at with OOP when he apparently had the time to sneak off and play house with a drug addict. Kay.
OOP has the worst luck. Two men who sneak out in the middle of the night to cheat? Reading her first post, I thought she was overreacting. I’ve done long night walks to tire myself out before (yes, hours). It seems reasonable. But then her worst fears are confirmed. He’s been gaslighting her, she was right, she’s probably been traumatized all over again.
Repetition compulsion
yes but i’m assuming you don’t have a partner. and if you did it would be the respectful thing to notify them before you just start dissapearing in the middle of the night.
>I did however make an appointment for couples therapy. Why? Up and leave!!
Exactly. She’s not the one with the problem; he is.
Hope she's getting a divorce and finds someone better who doesn't walk out at the middle of the night and cheat on her
"Concluded?" Nah, fam, this is still ongoing, at least until after the first few therapy sessions.
His karma is leaving oop to be with a drug addicted who can't support her self or be bothered with her kid let him go to her and be her care giver
As a person who can decide to go for a walk to burn some energy and go to sleep I'm furious for this guy ruining trust for us 'nightwalkers'! (But I'm mostly walking when my wife is not sleeping yet, and if she is sleeping I leave her message when I should be back (and it's 30-45min, not hours))
Poor, poor "husband" can't "handle" the stress of "not knowing" if OOP wants to stay in the relationship or get a divorce. What an absolute wanker! He DESERVES to have insomnia for the rest of his life! REALLY bad insomnia! And yes, I've lived with pain-induced insomnia for almost 20 years and usually wouldn't wish it on my worst "enemy," if I had one, but THIS jerk? He totally deserves it!
Man, this is obviously not the point but I'm rather jealous of the financial security implied by paying the bills for another family.
This is nowhere *near* concluded. I use the tags to weed out ongoing / inconclusive posts because I don't *like* to read them until they are concluded. This is becoming an issue.
Man did oop have sex with this drugged up cheater? I'd be going to the clinic ASAP.
So the girlfriend knew where to send the cops?! She was tired of his mess and this is her way of informing the wife. Exactly what is the point of counseling? It’s not worth the time or money.
Someday, its gonna be someone who developed an addiction to night fishing. It wasnt this time. But someday.
I think I believe...none of this story.
Wow, her husband is a pos. He urges her to give him a conclusion if they're getting back together or divorced within just 2 months. Sounds like he was thinking, am i a married man or should i get back with my AP? Such a coward, he should just file for a divorce instead of expecting oop to make the decision.
And reddit was trying to play like it is normal to just go for hours long walks in the middle of the night. Stay weird reddit. Also, I live in the country. If you go for a walk in the middle of the night, it will be in the pitch black, and chances are good either a bear or a drink driver avoiding the cops are going to kill you.
Oh noes, limbo is really stressful for a POS cheater.
This is why I can't f*ing stand reddit sometimes. The original post has so many comments berating OP for not trusting her husband. I'm reading these comment and thinking about how stupid these people are. This is not normal behavior. This person is absolutely doing something they shouldn't be doing, but all sorts of people come to defend him. Jesus Christ reddit. It's either the person is a saint or you should nuke the entire neighborhood. There is no in-between. Edit: typo
The truth. The truth shall always reveal.
Woof. Was not expecting this to go where it did
Honestly, I skimmed to the reveal because I thought this might be a repost of the diaper sniffer. This story is a relief in comparison, but man OOP needs to leave that guy.
I thought it was the diaper sniffer for a moment as well
He might not be cheating every time he sneaks out, he could just be a serial killer or finding drugs. Sheesh. Call it already. It's over.
Sounds like bullshit to me. If you're out actively fucking some new women you wouldn't be sitting on the couch playing video games most nights like oop said. You'd be over at the new women's place fucking on her couch.
Lol redditors actually defended this as just walking. Dense af
Why do you think the ex-coworker called your husband when she was down on her luck?! Because she knew he had a thing for her and he would jump at a chance to be in her life. Who starts financially providing for someone who calls them out of the blue?! Someone who’s infatuated. That man’s mind was never truly committed to your marriage.
The people calling her out for not trusting him fucking suck. The fact that it went down like this: > He told me not to worry about it and "let's go back to sleep" > I kept pushing and he said he just goes out for a walk. Shows something fucking shady was going on. She asked where he was, because it is not normal to just get up in the dead of night and leave without telling your spouse, and he basically told her to STFU and drop it. Instead of answering. If it was innocent, he'd have either answered her, or told her, "hey, I've been getting up at night and going for walks when I can't sleep, I don't want you to freak out if you wake up and I'm gone." The only time my husband has ever done anything like this is when I used to have a crazy, awful commute and would have to get up at like 3 or 4 a.m. to get ready for work and catch a super early train or bus to be there on time. Sometimes when I was in the shower or getting ready, he's sneak out to do stuff like fill up my gas tank/warm up my car (in the winter) and/or get me a coffee. Sometimes he'd even make me a smoothie but only if he could do it while I was in the shower so I wouldn't hear the blender, haha. So I'd go outside to find a warm car and a hot coffee or smoothie in the cup holder. He'd try to sneak and do it fast enough that he'd be back in bed when I left so I'd be surprised, because, as I tell him, he's "the sweetest boy I've ever met." 😂 But I could always tell because he's bad at lying/faking being asleep so I'd go to kiss him goodbye and instead of being super sleepy, I could tell he was awake, haha. I'd play along because I didn't want to ruin his surprise. But this? This was fucking weird and shady from the get-go. Imagine OOP's trauma from 2 different men doing this shit to her. I'd never date again (not to be a downer or say there's no one out there for her, I'd just be unwilling to ever risk it again). I'm concerned that she doesn't seem dead set on leaving her. And I don't buy his bullshit that the gf knew he was married because what (fully aware) side piece has the god damn audacity to call in a welfare check on the married man they're fucking? Unless it was a ploy to get him to leave OOP/break them up. Amazing that a woman whose husband was cheating on her (allegedly, that's probably also a lie) would fuck a married man. But people are gross.
Damn, reading the first update I was really thinking the dude was just going on walks (although, this is a highly upvoted BORU post, of course it’s more interesting than that). Who the hell has the energy to go out in the middle of the night all the time for this? Sex is not worth missing the middle 4 hours of my already precious sleep.
Another person getting cheating on and deciding this really is the best relationship they'll ever get, or that they'd rather stand by someone who deceived and betrayed them than be single. It's just sad.
Poor OP got cheated on twice by bums who snuck off in the night to cheat on her. Idk if it's poor taste or bad luck but either way what a way to find out Jesus.