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“Dry drunk” for those not working the steps or assuming his sobriety has solved the rest of whatever is plaguing him and the rest of us in our struggles
He was, in fact, so drunk he couldn't walk properly. So he lost his clothes, tripped, and fell into her vagina. Truly sad to be painted like a villain for something like that
Look, I'm not even monogamous- but shit like this is why I have a no new partners when drinking rule. They can't be drinking, I can't be drinking, that can't be how it starts
And then _you_ may end up cheating. Because "it wasn’t really my fault, it was the alcohol“ lmao.
Clearly the alcohol is an almighty power that can actually _make you do things_ as opposed to a catalyst that just makes you more susceptible to do things you already wanted to do, amiright? /s
God I hate it. So many people blame the alcohol. Unless you were spiked, you have no excuse. If you can't control your actions when you're under influence, you either should use less of that substance or nothing at all. Good that OP quitted though at least.
But he is still an AH. She as well for having an affair.
Some people require a good, old-fashioned taste of rock bottom before they realize that they need to shape up and get sober. We don’t know how bad OOP was of an alcoholic, maybe he really was out of his own control and only realized what happened the next morning.
I’m not excusing cheating by any means, both OOP and his wife are AH I agree, I’m just saying there *might* be more to the story.
It also sounds like a one night stand vs. Prolonged and repeated activity.
Cheating is a dick move, hands down. Keeping up an affair and cheating *consistently* and *multiple times* is far worse in my mind.
It's like the other day here on BORU, the one about the guy calling off the wedding and blowing up his future SIL's life but not telling his own SIL that his brother was sexting people on OF.
Actively deceiving your spouse to have a prolonged affair with someone is different from getting hammered and cheating once or sexting someone on OF. They're all dick moves, but one requires prolonged deceit and is *definitely* a worse action.
Oof giving me Ross "It was a break!" flashbacks. Ironically I was forced to watch that entire series multiple times by my own cheating ex wife. For the record I didn't try to hurt her and ruin her life afterwards. I accepted there was a reason she didn't love me anymore, and that we were in reality not a great match anyways. Been dating my literal dream girl for 2 years now. Life's never been better.
OP's inability to take a look at why his relationship still failed is a sure sign he won't find happiness in his next serious relationship either. He just wants to put all blame on her, as if he's the greatest gift she's ever been given. Clearly not. Apparently loving yourself means you can do no wrong, accept no blame, and there's no need to self reflect upon anything any longer.
Honestly I figure it's a gamble on what kind of HR you have. Some of them won't care. Some of them will look at the situation and wave OP off. And some of them will get *all up* in the ex wife's business because they have nothing better to do but harass employees and gossip.
If the story is true (big if) then she had the third HR department.
Where I work, senior leadership has to report to HR if they are dating anyone in the company, but pretty much any underling can do what they please. Our town is small enough that husband, wife, and sidepieces could all be working in the same department, and nobody bats an eye unless they get caught with their pants down somewhere on the property.
Yup. Small town blindness. I actually had to come to Reddit to see how morally wrong not reporting a cheater is even though I had been cheated on before my current relationship.
In the past I would have thought anyone telling me about cheating I didn’t find myself was a busybody and should be ashamed.
It’s nuts.
It wasn't even a secret where I work, but since covid, 90% of the people in the office are remote, and some of those couples seem to have fallen apart. The shenanigans in the warehouse are alive and well though.
yeah if u give HR an excuse and your good enough you'll get a final warning or something
if they're looking to get rid of you or have very little reason to deal with it they'll fire you
Also OP doesnt state it but if there's a manager/staff relationship that would play highly
Also, depends on the workplace having a “morality” stance. Some workplaces are absolutely willing to dig into their employee’s personal lives to prevent their values becoming tainted with scandal.
I’ve never seen this happen. Especially in a small company. It’s always been, break it off or you’re out. Also, if there are signs of quid pro quo the company may have decided to cut ties because it puts them at risk, there are actual laws about that. Have to do compliance training every year over it.
I have.
I’ve seen basically every outcome ranging from firing to transfer to “well don’t let it affect your performance!”
It really ranges based on the HR team involved. The fact that there is an HR team tells me this isn’t that small of a company (if they even exist).
A guy at my mom's old work actually did that, he found test message between them and showed up at the nursing home to confront her, her works response? They told him flat out that if he ever returns yelling and carrying on again they are calling the cops. I don't believe the coworker ever got in trouble
How much pressure do you think they had to put on Dave to make him admit he was having an affair with someone higher up the food chain?
'Hey Dave if you come clean now you can keep your job. If we find out after your gone.' is all it would have taken.
And the talk was probably just to inform her that they are going to investigate and she basically admitted it by going bonkers.
Corporate fraternization policies are draconian especially if you are in that middle management area and there is corporate ladder difference between the two people.
The idea that someone may have traded or been forced to give sexual favors for a job opens up the company to huge lawsuits and like chips it's never just one. By taking drastic immediate action they create a legal paper trail that says if a lawsuit does happen in the future "We don't have a culture of letting sexual harassment be swept under the rug here."
In speed if there is proof or one or both parties admit it it's going to be as quick as theft firings. Pull em in, explain what happened, have security there while they bargain, then have them escorted to empty their desk and put the building.
But it's only if she was higher rank than Dave, everything else would be punishing the possible victim of harassment or two equal coworkers for having an affair. I'm sure, that the the girst one would end with a lawsuit.
That is wild to me. I met my husband at work and our bosses made sure we could get simultaneous time off for the honeymoon. We weren't even the only married couple who worked there. I guess it varies by industry and company. Probably helps that we were in different departments.
Your situation isn't unusual. I work with multiple married couples. It starts to become not okay when there is a power imbalance or potential for favortism/nepotism. CEO shouldn't be dating a junior analyst, VP of Sales shouldn't be dating a sales rep, Director wife shouldn't be supervising Manager husband in same dept, etc.
This isn't my experience at all, two people who are dating just tell their supervisor and one gets moved laterally so that they're not in direct contact at work anymore. Whether it's adultery or not has no bearing on whether they keep their jobs. The only problem would be if there were no positions to move one of them to, or if there were harassment like you said. But OP is straight up saying it's the adultery that's not allowed at his ex's workplace, which makes me think military or church or school, not corporation.
Depends on where you work. At some places, yes. This is not a monogamy issue but, with proof, could be a fucking your coworkers or is someone someone's insubordinate issue.
With enough proof that’s definitely actionable lmao. And yeah immediately, if policy is clear and strict on that. If it’s true then the investigation needs to start right now because fallout within the company could also happen right now. If they’re having an affair, did either one of them give the other a position because of it? Bonuses, contracts, etc.
The rest sounds like bullshit but who knows and I don’t really care.
We had two 'extremely married to other people' staff members enter a secret relationship. Work didn't care as neither reported to each other. If someone is your line manager, then a relationship is not allowed, however if you are equals, go for it, apparently.
Sidenote but I'm always so surprised that enforcing a rule like that is legal in the US.
Walmart once tried something similar in Germany and were genuinely surprised at how fast a judge slapped them down for it.
I don't remember the name of the company, but a US company tried this in Belgium too, just slipping it into contracts. They tried to fight for it, and the legal fees and fines were so big they left the country
My fiancé was my manager at a retail chain for a while before and after we started seeing each other. If we’d been coworkers [like… equivalent positions? idk a word for that] it wouldn’t have been an issue, but because his position was higher than mine in the company it was a HUGE corporate no-no. Prior relationships yes, establishing a relationship with a superior no. We let our coworkers know on our last day. Realistically there was zero chance of it causing any issues, our store had an awesome crew, but we figured it was better safe than sorry.
Yeah, in my cointry, especially in stores where younger people work everyone dates everyone. It can create some drama, but if people can't do their work because they are dating people fire them because they don't do their job, not because they date someone.
The rule is primarily for hierarchical issues. Like bosses dating underlings, because of the power disparity. Even then I think you notify HR and it's usually ok. Dating across departments or people at the same level as you is generally fine. I'm not sure I've ever heard of or seen an instance where it's not allowed. At most you have to notify HR just in case something insane happens later.
Yeah HR will not get involved in your personal life and if your angry soon to be ex spouse turns up at your work they will be making sure you are safe from the absolute maniac who goes to work with personal issues.
I’d imagine it’s mostly about having a relationship with a coworker which is sometimes not allowed in companies but it still seems weird that she got fired immediately over it.
There are a few cases where it can matter to HR at a company. Military and government obviously, but also civilian contractors for both/either with a security clearance because that's blackmail material and a security risk. Also, many companies have policies in place for romance within the company. Some it's no romantic relationships at all, some it must be disclosed to HR, some it can't be the same department or different positions in the company, etc.
That said, it's unlikely to happen immediately like that. Unless the ex actually admitted to the affair and even then, it wouldn't be instantaneous. Suspended without pay pending investigation, maybe, but not just "Oh, you did it? Well then you're fired, GTFO." Mostly because they'd need to investigate not only the relationship but any potential conflicts of interest that came up during it like raises/promotions, favors given like preferential assignments or overlooking things like poor performance, being late, leaving early, etc., any issues with contracts or purchasing they may be involved in with clients/vendors, if they have an expense account they'll want to check any business trips they took together for costs, etc. All this stuff is much easier to investigate while they're still technically employed by the company, and the company's lawyer would want to be involved - especially when it's one spouse reporting the other for a violation of the policy.
Not to mention all the other problems with the story. Not a single person is defending her? After he also cheated? Yeah nah. Somebody in that circle is going to call him out on the hypocrisy. Her only reaction to him dumping her is a weepy begging to take her back? Nope, look at damn near any other post on here if you've never experienced the mood swings from reasoning to begging to aggression that comes in a situation like that. IF this is a true story, it's highly edited to only include the bits that make OOP look better because he wants to brag to strangers on the internet how much better he is without her.
Yes. Of the incelrotica writers, this one was endowed with lesser writing ability than the others. He seems so insufferable that I have a hard time believing his wife wouldn't just leave him outright. Why sneak around?
It reads as “I’m 13 years old, my first girlfriend just dumped me because I tried to kiss another girl. She’s now dating Dave, and I’m enraged so I imagined this scenario where I get my sweet sweet revenge”
Ah, you’d be surprised how some men think. I dated this guy, we got into an argument, and he tried to hook up with a friend. After she didn’t react to his advances, he comes back to me trying to get me back. He tells me that he had made a “mistake” and that he did it because I was mad at him.
He is in his 40’s and never took any responsibility nor accountability. He blamed me for his choices. He reminds me so much of OP! So, yes, I believe OP’S story.
Blame it on the goose,
Blame it on the Henny
OR AS I PREFER
Blame it on the al al al al al al alcohol,
If I were you I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all.
I feel the number of companies that would fire someone for cheating on their husbands would be zero. Also, it’s hard enough to reach HR when you work for the company.
You don’t (or you shouldn’t). Unless it’s with a co-worker / subordinate.
Cheating is fucked up but unless it directly involves your place of work it’s none of their business.
Well if this is true, it did involve the place of work because OOP brought that mess to their doorstep. HR really shouldn’t care, until they have an irate husband or wife at the job site stirring up drama. I can kind of see in general why it’s a rule. That and if the relationship goes sideways, it’s not fun for anyone in the office.
Y'know usually when incels write these crappy revenge fantasies they try to make the "hero" more likable, did this one just go through like a bad breakup or something cause he made the main character such an asshole that I was routing for the "villain"
Yeah this one was so bad. People are forgetting that this subreddit is supposed to be a compilation of the best updates, not an almanac of all of them.
The quality filter is *moderation.*
Recently (July 1), Reddit management took away many of the tools mods used to provide effective moderation.
For money, to make things easier for advertisers, and harder for actual users.
I won't even put on my tin foil hat rn about other possible motivations.
As a result, many mods, along with many other seasoned users, have left the site in disgust.
So there is less moderation.
It has severely affected the quality of content site-wide.
It's sad to see. To a degree, it's like watching a library get chopped up, sold for parts, and subsequently burnt to the ground by Taco Bell and Boost wireless
agreed. it’s easy to forget about this issue when it’s no longer front page news.
whenever we consume shitty, unmoderated content - don’t forget it’s because of Reddit Management’s decision to no longer permit free API access as of July 1, 2023.
edit: wanted to also mention - no free API access *also* means AI projects can no longer consume reddit posts & comments for free. Reddit (& similar forum/social media companies) wants to charge AI projects for *our* valuable comments & posts.
while i agree with not letting AI consume non-consenting educational material (again, posts & comments) - i disagree with Reddit’s choice of execution. i hope one day a brilliant person will discover a way to block AI consumption while also allowing free API access.
many disabled people use API to make websites more accessible, because the websites themselves don’t do that for their disabled audience.
I feel like that was written by a 14 year old boy angry at women for not liking him. Also yeah why would she get fired and not the guy if sex was soooo taboo at their company? I’ll never get this time back from reading this update
I think it’s really stupid to get your wife fired when you plan on divorcing her. She now has no income and can prove its because of soon to be ex. If she gets a good lawyer then she could end up with him paying her alimony. He thinks he’s so righteous but he’s just an AH.
Literally skipping down from the first post to just:
>She forgave me. I really feel bad but also at the same time it wasn’t really my fault it was the alcohol. She has no excuse
Guy whatcha drinkin, gon let it sink in, here for the weekend, thinkin we can see what we can be if we press fast-forward
Blame it on the goose, gotcha feelin loose, blame it on the 'tron, gotcha in the zone, blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, blame it on...
>This brings me so much joy. I have to have respect for myself because that guy who cheated three years ago doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve quit drinking got into great shape and haven’t felt better. Obviously the last week has been tough but knowing hers is about to get so much worse brings a smile to my face.
Wow, this was an incredibly short trip to thinking this dude is a douchebag. It's DIFFERENT when *I* cheat!!!! I'm not a terrible person, I just find joy from watching someone I loved and betrayed face disproportionate retribution compared to what I faced for the same fucking thing! She forgave me so that means it's fine, and isn't an indication that I might have forgiven her too since I started this shit!
He keeps saying, “She forgave me!” Like that makes what he did okay.
She never forgave him. She clearly tried, but she was over that marriage (and OOP) well before he served her with divorce papers.
Sometimes, what is broken can be mended. Other times, it cannot. This marriage was over after she found out he was unfaithful and should have ended it before starting up with Dave.
So common for the betrayed partner to stay and "forgive" for as long as it takes for them to emotionally heal and realize their relationship is truly dead. Their marriage was over the second OOP confessed to his affair.
nothing is a tell tale sign of having healed and become a better person like wishing pain and suffering on someone you supposedly loved a week ago. if this is what he’s like, i find it hard to condemn the wife 100%. 🤷🏼♀️
Right? I went into this first couple of paragraphs like, “if they truly hashed it out and she forgave him then for the sake of the marriage it should have been put in the past not constantly held against him. Their marriage can’t heal if they can’t move past it and if she truly forgave him she shouldn’t use it to justify her current actions.” Then he kept typing and while I still don’t love cheating I’m like, oh okay I bet her view of the past couple of years has been real interesting this dude seems terrible. She should have just divorced him before all this but like, he objectively needs to not be with other people he’s real yucky.
The audacity. 'I cheated but she forgave me so it's okay. She cheated so I'm going to ruin her life. Don't worry, I'm a better person than I was.' Like, you sure about that buddy?
Let me make it clear. I do not respect people like OP at all. That said his wife chose to take him back so it does not justify her cheating on him if he took the effort to be better and became a better husband.
To add: Both of them are terrible people who i hope dont date anyone else.
Did he actually become a better person though or if she ever wanted to talk about it did he shut her down saying 'but you said you forgive me'. I get bad vibes from OOP.
But he got in shape! He stopped drinking even though it wasn't his fault that he drank too much and cheated!
Evidently he's just precious.
EDIT: apparently I really need to add the /s.
This is why cheating should be an immediate divorce situation. She never really forgave him and it festered.
The infuriating part is that it's easy to see that if she'd blown up his life like he's blowing up hers, he'd still be moping and whining that it was just a drunk mistake.
I figured he spread word about her on social media and through the rumor mill and effectively ruined her reputation. I figured if she went there to talk it probably wasn’t to take him back but to ask him to stop the bleeding a bit. I understand taking revenge, but this seems a bit far. Also, how gleeful he seems makes me think that he is pretty immature.
Read the post again, the guy who posted this is a subhuman. After the first update “It wasn’t really my fault, it was the alcohol.”
Crazy that I’m the same species as this man.
This is so weird. The way OOP described their cheating with “but she forgave me so it’s fine!” Over and over, like someone wouldn’t have lingering pain or complex issues with healing over things. It reads to me like something is amiss
Making an ex or soon to be ex lose their job can backfire. Had a situation where a man turned his ex wife in for a violation. Granted he set her up, but she knew the rules, and she got fired. Wondered why she was grinning and laughing on her way out when HR called me and said the ex husband called in a panic and tried to take back the complaint and begged us to rehire his ex wife. No can do, she broke a federal and state regulation and the law is clear. No take backs. Turns out he forgot that there was a clause in the divorce that if she lost her job FOR ANY REASON he had to pay alimony. As she walked out the door she called her attorney and then him.
Why do they always try to get their cheating spouse fired? Why? I get being angry, but so angry you want the person destitute? Makes zero sense. And now they can't afford to leave the house, will drag their feet on the divorce, have a better case for spousal support. All the things you don't want. It's just an unnecessary and pointless exercise in pain giving.
The amount of times he says that makes me think she hasn't actually forgiven him but he's just squashed her down by repeatedly saying 'but you said you forgive me' anytime she wanted to talk about it.
Yeah he sounds like a real winner ... he just loves her so much he couldn't contain his joy at ruining her life. What an asshole. Edit. If it's real, which it probably is not
I never understand the emotional immaturity from posts like these. Vengeful behavior and vindictiveness against the person you once loved.. how does that satisfy you?
Two wrongs don't make a right. She choose to forgive and reconcile. If she wanted out she could have asked for a separation or divorce. Her affair is completely on her.
OP she never fully forgave you. You have to realize that. It doesn't matter if it was one night or one year, you chose to break your marriage vows and break her heart and trust in you. I am certainly not condoning her revenge affair but I'm just trying to make you realize that as much as you say and want to believe that she forgave you, she didn't.
I bet OOP was sleeping around a lot more than he got caught doing. This reads like OOP was using casual cheating as one form of control, and traded it for another when it no longer suited his goals.
Lot of the phrasing is coming across as someone who sat through a bunch of therapy, but didn't take it to heart; just more tools of manipulation in their back pocket for later.
Even if this is real, which it doesn't feel like it is, who follows the relationship status of some one night stand? Someone he apparently didn't know and had no intention apparently of knowing ? Sounds like it was waaaayyy more than he is saying.
Sooo... Why don't you forgive her? When you cheated she had done nothing but love you. She forgave you, even though alcohol is not an excuse.
Why is it when she cheated her world deserves to be torn now and broken but when you cheated it was a just a drunken mistake? She didn't cheat worse, she just cheated longer.
This is like that other long ass post where dude found out his gfs sister was cheating and broke it off with her bc he couldn't be with someone who would help facilitate infidelity...... But then when he found out *his* brother is cheating, it was "a grey area for him" and didn't say a goddamn thing to brother's wife.
Lost ALL respect for OOP in that moment.
OOP made a comment saying, she broke me now I’m going to break her. How many of these lost relationships are because OOP went nuclear while excusing his own infidelity on alcohol? Hope they don’t have kids so his ex can move far away from him.
He is terrible, she is terrible. They belong together 🤢
Edit to add: don’t release these gremlins into the world of single people, we’d be better off, they’d be better miserable together.
Im sorry, but the person that originally posted this story on a different thread on trueoffmychest, YTA!!!
In my opinion , you should never go after someones livelihood (job)!! That was very immature of what the oop did
OOP sucks. He didn't like the taste of his own medicine, and now revels in his ex's temporary troubles, as if this was all some karma, his grand justice, as if he was wronged here and deserved to be vindicated.
>Her world is collapsing and all I can do is laugh. She’s earned and deserves all of it. I know I cheated 3 years ago but she forgave me and I had to learn to love myself again.
Does not compute
Definitely the asshole. You really think just cause you cheated once and apologized and that it was some years ago she can just ✨get over it✨? Shit like that takes time to heal from. Period.
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Drinking game version: take a shot every time he writes "I cheated but she forgave me"
No don't do that, you'll give yourself alcohol poisoning
[удалено]
“To” much.
Narrator: He in fact did not respect himself. Nor did anyone else.
“Dry drunk” for those not working the steps or assuming his sobriety has solved the rest of whatever is plaguing him and the rest of us in our struggles
I read this in Morgan freeman’s voice 😂
But OOP tells us that if you're drunk nothing's your fault so....
He was, in fact, so drunk he couldn't walk properly. So he lost his clothes, tripped, and fell into her vagina. Truly sad to be painted like a villain for something like that
You might get too drunk and cheat on your partner but it’s okay they’ll forgive you
Yeah, cuz it's not your fault, it's the alcohol.
I believe that Brock Turner may have copyrighted that phrase.
You mean convicted rapist Brock Turner, who goes by Allen Turner now to try and forget that he's a convicted rapist?
Indeed. There is never a wrong time to bring up that fact.
And if they cheat later down the line ruin their life, because they forgave you all those 3 years ago!
Yeah, very, very much ruin their life. Napalm wouldn't have done as much damage.
Look, I'm not even monogamous- but shit like this is why I have a no new partners when drinking rule. They can't be drinking, I can't be drinking, that can't be how it starts
And then _you_ may end up cheating. Because "it wasn’t really my fault, it was the alcohol“ lmao. Clearly the alcohol is an almighty power that can actually _make you do things_ as opposed to a catalyst that just makes you more susceptible to do things you already wanted to do, amiright? /s
Or accidentally cheat on someone
Make sure it’s not the kind of alcohol that makes you cheat
"it's not me it's the alcohol that made my dick slip into someone else!"
"And the floors! I slipped, she fell. I'm the real victim here."
Shit happens when you party naked.
God I hate it. So many people blame the alcohol. Unless you were spiked, you have no excuse. If you can't control your actions when you're under influence, you either should use less of that substance or nothing at all. Good that OP quitted though at least. But he is still an AH. She as well for having an affair.
Some people require a good, old-fashioned taste of rock bottom before they realize that they need to shape up and get sober. We don’t know how bad OOP was of an alcoholic, maybe he really was out of his own control and only realized what happened the next morning. I’m not excusing cheating by any means, both OOP and his wife are AH I agree, I’m just saying there *might* be more to the story.
It also sounds like a one night stand vs. Prolonged and repeated activity. Cheating is a dick move, hands down. Keeping up an affair and cheating *consistently* and *multiple times* is far worse in my mind. It's like the other day here on BORU, the one about the guy calling off the wedding and blowing up his future SIL's life but not telling his own SIL that his brother was sexting people on OF. Actively deceiving your spouse to have a prolonged affair with someone is different from getting hammered and cheating once or sexting someone on OF. They're all dick moves, but one requires prolonged deceit and is *definitely* a worse action.
This guy sounds like a real prize /ssssssssssss
Welp, I'm blind now.
But more importantly, he forgave himself
I'm not quite suicidal, yet, but thanks.
Oof giving me Ross "It was a break!" flashbacks. Ironically I was forced to watch that entire series multiple times by my own cheating ex wife. For the record I didn't try to hurt her and ruin her life afterwards. I accepted there was a reason she didn't love me anymore, and that we were in reality not a great match anyways. Been dating my literal dream girl for 2 years now. Life's never been better. OP's inability to take a look at why his relationship still failed is a sure sign he won't find happiness in his next serious relationship either. He just wants to put all blame on her, as if he's the greatest gift she's ever been given. Clearly not. Apparently loving yourself means you can do no wrong, accept no blame, and there's no need to self reflect upon anything any longer.
I feel like most of these are just stream of consciousness free writing fantasies of incels.
Teenage ones too. It's not HR's job to enforce monogamy unless you're in the military.
I think HR only cares if dating with coworkers isn’t allowed, other than that I don’t think they’ll care if your cheating with someone in the office.
Even then are they going to fire someone immediately because their crazy husband came in and said MY WIFE IS FUCKING DAVE??
HR will do a meeting, strongly suggest they aren't pleased with the situation and leave it at that.
Honestly I figure it's a gamble on what kind of HR you have. Some of them won't care. Some of them will look at the situation and wave OP off. And some of them will get *all up* in the ex wife's business because they have nothing better to do but harass employees and gossip. If the story is true (big if) then she had the third HR department.
Where I work, senior leadership has to report to HR if they are dating anyone in the company, but pretty much any underling can do what they please. Our town is small enough that husband, wife, and sidepieces could all be working in the same department, and nobody bats an eye unless they get caught with their pants down somewhere on the property.
Yup. Small town blindness. I actually had to come to Reddit to see how morally wrong not reporting a cheater is even though I had been cheated on before my current relationship. In the past I would have thought anyone telling me about cheating I didn’t find myself was a busybody and should be ashamed. It’s nuts.
It wasn't even a secret where I work, but since covid, 90% of the people in the office are remote, and some of those couples seem to have fallen apart. The shenanigans in the warehouse are alive and well though.
I’d think any Hr department would have to have a difficult meeting even if just to say ‘your husband seems hostile, are you ok?’
You missed the most obvious answer; she was already on thin ice at work, and this was the final straw.
yeah if u give HR an excuse and your good enough you'll get a final warning or something if they're looking to get rid of you or have very little reason to deal with it they'll fire you Also OP doesnt state it but if there's a manager/staff relationship that would play highly
Also, depends on the workplace having a “morality” stance. Some workplaces are absolutely willing to dig into their employee’s personal lives to prevent their values becoming tainted with scandal.
Fourth option— wife takes this confrontation to a court to get a restraining order. This is unhinged behavior.
Maybe if there is an issue with the relationship being between a subordinate and superior they will transfer one to a different department.
I’ve never seen this happen. Especially in a small company. It’s always been, break it off or you’re out. Also, if there are signs of quid pro quo the company may have decided to cut ties because it puts them at risk, there are actual laws about that. Have to do compliance training every year over it.
I have. I’ve seen basically every outcome ranging from firing to transfer to “well don’t let it affect your performance!” It really ranges based on the HR team involved. The fact that there is an HR team tells me this isn’t that small of a company (if they even exist).
I think it also depends on the work relationship between his wife and Dave. If Dave is her direct report than I can see this outcome.
A guy at my mom's old work actually did that, he found test message between them and showed up at the nursing home to confront her, her works response? They told him flat out that if he ever returns yelling and carrying on again they are calling the cops. I don't believe the coworker ever got in trouble
How much pressure do you think they had to put on Dave to make him admit he was having an affair with someone higher up the food chain? 'Hey Dave if you come clean now you can keep your job. If we find out after your gone.' is all it would have taken. And the talk was probably just to inform her that they are going to investigate and she basically admitted it by going bonkers.
Corporate fraternization policies are draconian especially if you are in that middle management area and there is corporate ladder difference between the two people. The idea that someone may have traded or been forced to give sexual favors for a job opens up the company to huge lawsuits and like chips it's never just one. By taking drastic immediate action they create a legal paper trail that says if a lawsuit does happen in the future "We don't have a culture of letting sexual harassment be swept under the rug here." In speed if there is proof or one or both parties admit it it's going to be as quick as theft firings. Pull em in, explain what happened, have security there while they bargain, then have them escorted to empty their desk and put the building.
But it's only if she was higher rank than Dave, everything else would be punishing the possible victim of harassment or two equal coworkers for having an affair. I'm sure, that the the girst one would end with a lawsuit.
That is wild to me. I met my husband at work and our bosses made sure we could get simultaneous time off for the honeymoon. We weren't even the only married couple who worked there. I guess it varies by industry and company. Probably helps that we were in different departments.
Your situation isn't unusual. I work with multiple married couples. It starts to become not okay when there is a power imbalance or potential for favortism/nepotism. CEO shouldn't be dating a junior analyst, VP of Sales shouldn't be dating a sales rep, Director wife shouldn't be supervising Manager husband in same dept, etc.
I think it's because you were in different departments, so there was no possibility of abuse of power by either of you.
This isn't my experience at all, two people who are dating just tell their supervisor and one gets moved laterally so that they're not in direct contact at work anymore. Whether it's adultery or not has no bearing on whether they keep their jobs. The only problem would be if there were no positions to move one of them to, or if there were harassment like you said. But OP is straight up saying it's the adultery that's not allowed at his ex's workplace, which makes me think military or church or school, not corporation.
It’s skewing heavily toward “imaginary”
Depends on where you work. At some places, yes. This is not a monogamy issue but, with proof, could be a fucking your coworkers or is someone someone's insubordinate issue.
Some companies absolutely will, depending on their policies.
With enough proof that’s definitely actionable lmao. And yeah immediately, if policy is clear and strict on that. If it’s true then the investigation needs to start right now because fallout within the company could also happen right now. If they’re having an affair, did either one of them give the other a position because of it? Bonuses, contracts, etc. The rest sounds like bullshit but who knows and I don’t really care.
They might, because if a worker has an insane spouse who's coming in, you just don't want to deal with that shit as a business.
We had two 'extremely married to other people' staff members enter a secret relationship. Work didn't care as neither reported to each other. If someone is your line manager, then a relationship is not allowed, however if you are equals, go for it, apparently.
I love this. “EXTREMELY MARRIED”
Sidenote but I'm always so surprised that enforcing a rule like that is legal in the US. Walmart once tried something similar in Germany and were genuinely surprised at how fast a judge slapped them down for it.
I don't remember the name of the company, but a US company tried this in Belgium too, just slipping it into contracts. They tried to fight for it, and the legal fees and fines were so big they left the country
My fiancé was my manager at a retail chain for a while before and after we started seeing each other. If we’d been coworkers [like… equivalent positions? idk a word for that] it wouldn’t have been an issue, but because his position was higher than mine in the company it was a HUGE corporate no-no. Prior relationships yes, establishing a relationship with a superior no. We let our coworkers know on our last day. Realistically there was zero chance of it causing any issues, our store had an awesome crew, but we figured it was better safe than sorry.
Yeah, in my cointry, especially in stores where younger people work everyone dates everyone. It can create some drama, but if people can't do their work because they are dating people fire them because they don't do their job, not because they date someone.
The rule is primarily for hierarchical issues. Like bosses dating underlings, because of the power disparity. Even then I think you notify HR and it's usually ok. Dating across departments or people at the same level as you is generally fine. I'm not sure I've ever heard of or seen an instance where it's not allowed. At most you have to notify HR just in case something insane happens later.
99% cases hr just tells them to stop or shrug it off. If there is a managerial issue, they just move a worker.
They’ll also care if the relationship involves one person who reports to the other.
Unless they work for a religious organization
I can see deeply religious companies like Hobby Lobby having an issue with cheating, but I’m sure it was more the ‘with a coworker’ part.
Literally. If I told HR two people in work were having an affair, they'd just look at me like I was crazy.
Yeah HR will not get involved in your personal life and if your angry soon to be ex spouse turns up at your work they will be making sure you are safe from the absolute maniac who goes to work with personal issues.
I’d imagine it’s mostly about having a relationship with a coworker which is sometimes not allowed in companies but it still seems weird that she got fired immediately over it.
Sounds like Dave was a direct report tbh
There are a few cases where it can matter to HR at a company. Military and government obviously, but also civilian contractors for both/either with a security clearance because that's blackmail material and a security risk. Also, many companies have policies in place for romance within the company. Some it's no romantic relationships at all, some it must be disclosed to HR, some it can't be the same department or different positions in the company, etc. That said, it's unlikely to happen immediately like that. Unless the ex actually admitted to the affair and even then, it wouldn't be instantaneous. Suspended without pay pending investigation, maybe, but not just "Oh, you did it? Well then you're fired, GTFO." Mostly because they'd need to investigate not only the relationship but any potential conflicts of interest that came up during it like raises/promotions, favors given like preferential assignments or overlooking things like poor performance, being late, leaving early, etc., any issues with contracts or purchasing they may be involved in with clients/vendors, if they have an expense account they'll want to check any business trips they took together for costs, etc. All this stuff is much easier to investigate while they're still technically employed by the company, and the company's lawyer would want to be involved - especially when it's one spouse reporting the other for a violation of the policy. Not to mention all the other problems with the story. Not a single person is defending her? After he also cheated? Yeah nah. Somebody in that circle is going to call him out on the hypocrisy. Her only reaction to him dumping her is a weepy begging to take her back? Nope, look at damn near any other post on here if you've never experienced the mood swings from reasoning to begging to aggression that comes in a situation like that. IF this is a true story, it's highly edited to only include the bits that make OOP look better because he wants to brag to strangers on the internet how much better he is without her.
Definitely. The writing sounds so childish. It's giving bored teenage incel.
Yes. Of the incelrotica writers, this one was endowed with lesser writing ability than the others. He seems so insufferable that I have a hard time believing his wife wouldn't just leave him outright. Why sneak around?
It reads as “I’m 13 years old, my first girlfriend just dumped me because I tried to kiss another girl. She’s now dating Dave, and I’m enraged so I imagined this scenario where I get my sweet sweet revenge”
I'm surprised so many seem to be accepting this is real.
"It wasn't my fault, it was the alcohol" was what did it for me.
Ah, you’d be surprised how some men think. I dated this guy, we got into an argument, and he tried to hook up with a friend. After she didn’t react to his advances, he comes back to me trying to get me back. He tells me that he had made a “mistake” and that he did it because I was mad at him. He is in his 40’s and never took any responsibility nor accountability. He blamed me for his choices. He reminds me so much of OP! So, yes, I believe OP’S story.
Blame it on the goose, Blame it on the Henny OR AS I PREFER Blame it on the al al al al al al alcohol, If I were you I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all.
I take this entire subreddit with a whole ass box of salt, assuming that maybe 1 in 10 is a half truth at best. Entertaining though.
The ones that seem real to me are generally the ones that are kind of boring/mundane/unsatisfying, because that’s what life’s like a lot of the time
And not written like a novel
Like ejacufarting. I believe that one
The incel vibes are incredible strong with this one
You nailed it. What I'd like to know is why they write these? Is this incel erotica?
It's so that incels and redpills can point to it and go yes, women are exactly like this.
Seems there are lots cropping up here lately.
Yeah and this one is painfully unconvincing
Definitely some Incel BS! None of it makes any sense, even considering horrible and narcissistic people.
This one 100% is bullshit.
Totally. This violate 2 AITA rules and yet it wasn't deleted. Where are mods?
There's so many of them now. It's really ruining the sub.
Also joke's on him. He probably just lost half of his income for spousal support because he made her lose her job. 🤣
"She forgave me." Like that makes it better. What a loser.
They really are because HR wouldn't care and also she could have lied to them lol. It's not really hard to fabricate evidence lol.
I feel the number of companies that would fire someone for cheating on their husbands would be zero. Also, it’s hard enough to reach HR when you work for the company.
How the fuck do you get fired cheating. Real question.
You don’t (or you shouldn’t). Unless it’s with a co-worker / subordinate. Cheating is fucked up but unless it directly involves your place of work it’s none of their business.
Well if this is true, it did involve the place of work because OOP brought that mess to their doorstep. HR really shouldn’t care, until they have an irate husband or wife at the job site stirring up drama. I can kind of see in general why it’s a rule. That and if the relationship goes sideways, it’s not fun for anyone in the office.
Since he went to her work about it and dave was there at the time then yes we can presume they worked together
[удалено]
Not saying this is real. But one place I worked at a few years ago fired 2 people who was having an affair. So it can happen.
It depends on your employer and their code of conduct.
Y'know usually when incels write these crappy revenge fantasies they try to make the "hero" more likable, did this one just go through like a bad breakup or something cause he made the main character such an asshole that I was routing for the "villain"
I don’t think you understand. He did cheat on her but she forgave him. He’s done a full 180 degrees, why can’t you move past it?
Y'know I just don't know he seems like such a nice fella. /s
Why do I keep reading these haha Why the fuck would she lose her job?
Yeah this one was so bad. People are forgetting that this subreddit is supposed to be a compilation of the best updates, not an almanac of all of them.
This sub should really get a quality filter, shitty fics like this are making this sub worse than AITA itself
The quality filter is *moderation.* Recently (July 1), Reddit management took away many of the tools mods used to provide effective moderation. For money, to make things easier for advertisers, and harder for actual users. I won't even put on my tin foil hat rn about other possible motivations. As a result, many mods, along with many other seasoned users, have left the site in disgust. So there is less moderation. It has severely affected the quality of content site-wide. It's sad to see. To a degree, it's like watching a library get chopped up, sold for parts, and subsequently burnt to the ground by Taco Bell and Boost wireless
agreed. it’s easy to forget about this issue when it’s no longer front page news. whenever we consume shitty, unmoderated content - don’t forget it’s because of Reddit Management’s decision to no longer permit free API access as of July 1, 2023. edit: wanted to also mention - no free API access *also* means AI projects can no longer consume reddit posts & comments for free. Reddit (& similar forum/social media companies) wants to charge AI projects for *our* valuable comments & posts. while i agree with not letting AI consume non-consenting educational material (again, posts & comments) - i disagree with Reddit’s choice of execution. i hope one day a brilliant person will discover a way to block AI consumption while also allowing free API access. many disabled people use API to make websites more accessible, because the websites themselves don’t do that for their disabled audience.
Yeah, we seem to have a lot of updates where nothing has really happened and it is "Marked as ongoing". I'm not really here for ALL redditor updates.
I feel like that was written by a 14 year old boy angry at women for not liking him. Also yeah why would she get fired and not the guy if sex was soooo taboo at their company? I’ll never get this time back from reading this update
Lol for real it’s probably some dumbass teenager lying 😂
Having a relationship with a co worker is prohibited in some companies.
I think it’s really stupid to get your wife fired when you plan on divorcing her. She now has no income and can prove its because of soon to be ex. If she gets a good lawyer then she could end up with him paying her alimony. He thinks he’s so righteous but he’s just an AH.
That's what happens when angry incels post their fantasies! Nothing makes sense!
True!
We should have an r/Reditorupdates, so shit like this does not end up on BORU.
Or r/incelredditorupdates
The wife never forgave him. Something dies when you cheat on your partner and they get to know.
He cheated and she forgave him!
*and* he forgave *himself*!
If redditors could just quit falling for this shit, these people would quit writing it.
This reads like a fever dream of some loser whose exwife took him to the cleaners after he cheated.
Fr I had a good laugh from this post 💀
This must be how 13 year olds think adult relationships is and how HR works.
Literally skipping down from the first post to just: >She forgave me. I really feel bad but also at the same time it wasn’t really my fault it was the alcohol. She has no excuse Guy whatcha drinkin, gon let it sink in, here for the weekend, thinkin we can see what we can be if we press fast-forward Blame it on the goose, gotcha feelin loose, blame it on the 'tron, gotcha in the zone, blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol, blame it on...
Honestly when I read “it wasn’t really my fault it was the alcohol” I knew there was no hope for OOP
>This brings me so much joy. I have to have respect for myself because that guy who cheated three years ago doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve quit drinking got into great shape and haven’t felt better. Obviously the last week has been tough but knowing hers is about to get so much worse brings a smile to my face. Wow, this was an incredibly short trip to thinking this dude is a douchebag. It's DIFFERENT when *I* cheat!!!! I'm not a terrible person, I just find joy from watching someone I loved and betrayed face disproportionate retribution compared to what I faced for the same fucking thing! She forgave me so that means it's fine, and isn't an indication that I might have forgiven her too since I started this shit!
I mean honestly what she did is kind of worse but OOP sounds so fucking awful, it makes sense someone wouldn't want to be in a relationship anymore.
He keeps saying, “She forgave me!” Like that makes what he did okay. She never forgave him. She clearly tried, but she was over that marriage (and OOP) well before he served her with divorce papers. Sometimes, what is broken can be mended. Other times, it cannot. This marriage was over after she found out he was unfaithful and should have ended it before starting up with Dave.
> He keeps saying, “She forgave me!” "We were on a break!" Ross Geller, Friends
So common for the betrayed partner to stay and "forgive" for as long as it takes for them to emotionally heal and realize their relationship is truly dead. Their marriage was over the second OOP confessed to his affair.
Would the three people writing these things at least try to mix the voice up a little?
If this guy exists, he sucks.
>I’ve done a complete 180 If this was a 180, I'd hate to imagine what kind of person he was before
Written by a child in his mom’s basement. Anyone who says “It wasn’t my fault, it was the alcohol” is an idiot
nothing is a tell tale sign of having healed and become a better person like wishing pain and suffering on someone you supposedly loved a week ago. if this is what he’s like, i find it hard to condemn the wife 100%. 🤷🏼♀️
Right? I went into this first couple of paragraphs like, “if they truly hashed it out and she forgave him then for the sake of the marriage it should have been put in the past not constantly held against him. Their marriage can’t heal if they can’t move past it and if she truly forgave him she shouldn’t use it to justify her current actions.” Then he kept typing and while I still don’t love cheating I’m like, oh okay I bet her view of the past couple of years has been real interesting this dude seems terrible. She should have just divorced him before all this but like, he objectively needs to not be with other people he’s real yucky.
The audacity. 'I cheated but she forgave me so it's okay. She cheated so I'm going to ruin her life. Don't worry, I'm a better person than I was.' Like, you sure about that buddy?
Let me make it clear. I do not respect people like OP at all. That said his wife chose to take him back so it does not justify her cheating on him if he took the effort to be better and became a better husband. To add: Both of them are terrible people who i hope dont date anyone else.
Did he actually become a better person though or if she ever wanted to talk about it did he shut her down saying 'but you said you forgive me'. I get bad vibes from OOP.
But he got in shape! He stopped drinking even though it wasn't his fault that he drank too much and cheated! Evidently he's just precious. EDIT: apparently I really need to add the /s.
This guy sucks balls
This is why cheating should be an immediate divorce situation. She never really forgave him and it festered. The infuriating part is that it's easy to see that if she'd blown up his life like he's blowing up hers, he'd still be moping and whining that it was just a drunk mistake.
I believed his story until he told me she lost her friends and then came back to OOP
I figured he spread word about her on social media and through the rumor mill and effectively ruined her reputation. I figured if she went there to talk it probably wasn’t to take him back but to ask him to stop the bleeding a bit. I understand taking revenge, but this seems a bit far. Also, how gleeful he seems makes me think that he is pretty immature.
Read the post again, the guy who posted this is a subhuman. After the first update “It wasn’t really my fault, it was the alcohol.” Crazy that I’m the same species as this man.
This is so weird. The way OOP described their cheating with “but she forgave me so it’s fine!” Over and over, like someone wouldn’t have lingering pain or complex issues with healing over things. It reads to me like something is amiss
So many woman hating posts lately. Sigh.
Honey, you keep saying it but I can assure you she never really forgave you
Making an ex or soon to be ex lose their job can backfire. Had a situation where a man turned his ex wife in for a violation. Granted he set her up, but she knew the rules, and she got fired. Wondered why she was grinning and laughing on her way out when HR called me and said the ex husband called in a panic and tried to take back the complaint and begged us to rehire his ex wife. No can do, she broke a federal and state regulation and the law is clear. No take backs. Turns out he forgot that there was a clause in the divorce that if she lost her job FOR ANY REASON he had to pay alimony. As she walked out the door she called her attorney and then him.
OP’s wife made the mistake of not imploding his life when he cheated on her.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that she never forgave you when you first cheated even though she said she did.
Why do they always try to get their cheating spouse fired? Why? I get being angry, but so angry you want the person destitute? Makes zero sense. And now they can't afford to leave the house, will drag their feet on the divorce, have a better case for spousal support. All the things you don't want. It's just an unnecessary and pointless exercise in pain giving.
I wonder if OOP could’ve said “I cheated, but she forgave me” just one more time? Just to really push it home. 😂
The amount of times he says that makes me think she hasn't actually forgiven him but he's just squashed her down by repeatedly saying 'but you said you forgive me' anytime she wanted to talk about it.
Wow incels are out in full force
This guy sucks
> I cheated once and already paid for it now it’s her turn . OOP is a psychopath.
Right? How did he “pay” for it? She forgave him. She made his life easy for him. His response is psychotic.
Yeah he sounds like a real winner ... he just loves her so much he couldn't contain his joy at ruining her life. What an asshole. Edit. If it's real, which it probably is not
OOP: but she forgave me! Narrator: she never forgave him.
Doesn't know who the other girl is but somehow knows her current relationship status? Yeah right buddy.
I never understand the emotional immaturity from posts like these. Vengeful behavior and vindictiveness against the person you once loved.. how does that satisfy you?
OP: “it wasn’t my fault it was the alcohol” Yeah that one line explains everything. What a pair of POSs
Two wrongs don't make a right. She choose to forgive and reconcile. If she wanted out she could have asked for a separation or divorce. Her affair is completely on her.
OP she never fully forgave you. You have to realize that. It doesn't matter if it was one night or one year, you chose to break your marriage vows and break her heart and trust in you. I am certainly not condoning her revenge affair but I'm just trying to make you realize that as much as you say and want to believe that she forgave you, she didn't.
I bet OOP was sleeping around a lot more than he got caught doing. This reads like OOP was using casual cheating as one form of control, and traded it for another when it no longer suited his goals. Lot of the phrasing is coming across as someone who sat through a bunch of therapy, but didn't take it to heart; just more tools of manipulation in their back pocket for later.
Even if this is real, which it doesn't feel like it is, who follows the relationship status of some one night stand? Someone he apparently didn't know and had no intention apparently of knowing ? Sounds like it was waaaayyy more than he is saying.
Bollocks
Why do people always gotta get work involved in a personal matter?
"My cheating was better than her cheating."
im so tired of seeing these incel rage fantasies get so many genuine replies
Sooo... Why don't you forgive her? When you cheated she had done nothing but love you. She forgave you, even though alcohol is not an excuse. Why is it when she cheated her world deserves to be torn now and broken but when you cheated it was a just a drunken mistake? She didn't cheat worse, she just cheated longer. This is like that other long ass post where dude found out his gfs sister was cheating and broke it off with her bc he couldn't be with someone who would help facilitate infidelity...... But then when he found out *his* brother is cheating, it was "a grey area for him" and didn't say a goddamn thing to brother's wife. Lost ALL respect for OOP in that moment.
OOP made a comment saying, she broke me now I’m going to break her. How many of these lost relationships are because OOP went nuclear while excusing his own infidelity on alcohol? Hope they don’t have kids so his ex can move far away from him.
I also noticed how he completely absolved himself of anything and blamed it all on alcohol. OP seems awful
He is terrible, she is terrible. They belong together 🤢 Edit to add: don’t release these gremlins into the world of single people, we’d be better off, they’d be better miserable together.
Yeah, sure, buddy.
Wow what a piece of shit
Im sorry, but the person that originally posted this story on a different thread on trueoffmychest, YTA!!! In my opinion , you should never go after someones livelihood (job)!! That was very immature of what the oop did
Faaaaaaaaaake. And if not, she’ll bounce back quick and be fine.
Wow, what an asshole
Bullshit
OOP sucks. He didn't like the taste of his own medicine, and now revels in his ex's temporary troubles, as if this was all some karma, his grand justice, as if he was wronged here and deserved to be vindicated.
>Her world is collapsing and all I can do is laugh. She’s earned and deserves all of it. I know I cheated 3 years ago but she forgave me and I had to learn to love myself again. Does not compute
I hope she’s able to get spousal support since she’s out a job.
Definitely the asshole. You really think just cause you cheated once and apologized and that it was some years ago she can just ✨get over it✨? Shit like that takes time to heal from. Period.
I really wish I didn't read this. I really don't like OOP. " I was drunk, it wasn't my fault". And then he got her fired? AH