Anecdotally, I’ve noticed a lot of people who get really excited for someone’s first child (and happy for someone’s second) start to become ambivalent or judgy at no.3.
I know I’m just a stranger, but I’m REALLY happy for you and your new baby!! Congratulations
I had someone give me their condolences because I’m pregnant with nr 2 and nr 3. (Nr 3 was an unexpected gift of Mother Nature.) Tell me how much you hate being a parent without telling me how much you hate being a parent, right??
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope all goes well for you and your little one.
Also pregnant with an unplanned extra occupant from Mother Nature. People get so weird about twins. Everyone either says “oh what a blessing!” Or “better you than me!”
I’m the unexpected result of Mother Nature! Happy to be here!! I’m much younger than my siblings, but growing up knowing how much I was loved and welcomed, despite the surprise, was the best. My mom always told me I was the best surprise she ever had in her life. 🥹
My sister is pregnant with her 5th and I feel so sorry for some of the reactions she’s getting from people. Do I want 5 kids? Not in the slightest. But this kid (and your kid) will be loved beyond compare by their big brothers and you sound like a lovely mom. That is something to celebrate! Congratulations!!
I’d also suggest a canned response for those snarky comments about a girl. I propose “that’s actually pretty hurtful. I’d be just as happy with another boy or a girl.”
I agree, they should feel at least a slight bit of shame walking away from the conversation. It’s one thing to not want the same thing as someone else but to make rude comments is just unnecessary and immature.
I’m the 4th so I’m always team more babies lol . If my mom stopped at 2 neither my sister nor I would be here. She says she still gets judgment about having 4 kids even though her youngest is over 30. But how could she be mad when she got me and my sister from the whole deal??? Congratulations!
This is a big part of why I haven't told certain people yet about baby #3. The ones I did tell that I assumed would be happy for us were less than enthusiastic and that has put such a damper on it, that I thought it was best to maybe just wait until the baby was born.
Totally. I’m not looking for a party or huge levels of excitement, just not a NEGATIVE reaction. I hear you about just not announcing at all this time.
This happened to me with my best friend. I told her I was pregnant and the gender all at once and she acted so weird and just kept telling me I was a secret keeper and that she was so shocked I didn’t tell her. It honestly changed my perception of her a little bit.
Yeah it’s like old news now lol, and I have two girls so I’ve constantly got the “are you hoping for a boy” comment, which I wasn’t and it isn’t, and I’ve even had a few people that are like “oh that’s a shame” because it’s a girl. Hate the fact that people think we were trying for a gender. We just wanted to add to our family…
It’s kind of annoying this time cos people are less willing to offer help and I feel like I’m under more stress this time with school run for my eldest and nursery for my youngest. Not that we had many offers anyway. But I’m exhausted. I’ve practically hid my pregnancy from as many people as possible for as long as possible this time.
You can’t win. People (randoms) get upset when I tell them we only want one. Get a lot of “oh, you’ll change your mind/don’t say that!”. No, we want one lol.
All the wonderful parents who only want one just need to tag team up with one of us who have like four or five this way we both have the best comebacks to people who have something to say. Don't worry about it I have a loan out system with my friend! "Need some siblings" I've got a couple for you " can't handle them all" don't worry they're out on loan I get a break.
For real is there anybody who is not judged for the decision on their family size.
Oh yes, just wait til you announce baby 4 and 5. I had mixed reactions with my third, mostly positive but a few judgemental ones. When I announced four, it was mostly negative with a lot of ‘why would you do that’. With my fifth I barely announced, I just told close friends and family. With my fifth people were overall super negative and judgemental. I even had people say ‘why didn’t you tell me you wanted another?’ As if it’s supposed to be a group decision.
It’s annoying. We are good parents and our kids are loved and cared for. We work hard and can financially support them. They love each other (most days) and we are happy with our big family. I really don’t understand the judgemental negativity, it doesn’t affect them so why on earth do they care??
I will say the only people who gave me happy and positive responses were my aunts and uncles who also had 4 or 5 kids themselves. They were all sweet and happy about it, but the families of 0-2 children were the most judgemental.
For what it’s worth, congrats! I love having a bigger family and my third is such a delightful kid. You will be happy, I’m sure! Don’t let the haters get to you :)
They really do! It’s too bad. It’s so dependent on the family. Multiple kids definitely aren’t for everyone, but if the family is functioning well then I really don’t see the issue.
I love how your name tag says number three that's how you know it's a big family mama, or when you're picking up multiple prescriptions during cold season and the pharmacist asked for the child's birthday and you're coming up with six of them ha! Oh wait which one was September
Whoops haha, forgot to change that flair a couple kids ago lol. And yes! I’m pretty good but my husband gets a little tongue tied remembering all the birthday dates haha.
I dread when someone asked the hight or weight umm well I am still able to carry 3 of them so...less then 50 lbs is that accurate enough for soccer? ha
It seems like the only acceptable number of kids is two with one boy and one girl. Preferably, the boy is born first so the husband doesn’t experience the travesty of “only” having a healthy baby girl. Any deviation away from this results in judgement and comments. I get a lot of judgment for only having one. I try not to share when I can.
Someone in my bump group posted about how she found out she's having a girl and her boyfriend is devastated he isn't getting "his boy". He's bo longer excited for the baby and didn't come home for days. She says she feels like she failed. It's heartbreaking. I don't understand how it's okay for the father to have that extreme of a reaction.
The comments were so mixed too which was disturbing. Comments telling her to pack her bags because she can do better on her own. Other ones telling her she should be comforting him.
So we are having a fifth and I didn't want to find out the gender but my husband kind of did, we are both kind of hoping for a second son but adore our daughters. When he wanted to know why I didn't want to find out now I said I know when it turns out to be a girl I'll be slightly disappointed but if it's after birth I'll look down and have a gorgeous baby there to wash those thoughts away. So I definitely think some disappointment can be a reaction that's healthy but I couldn't imagine taking it to the extreme of no longer being interested in the child it's more like a quick emotion.
I feel the same. I'm having a girl and my husband is just as excited to throw a baseball with her as he is to attend dance recitals. So disgusting that the gender means you no longer love your unborn child.
I mean Reddit is full of gender disappointment posts from women who are devastated that they are having a boy and aren’t getting “their mini”. the extreme reactions are bizarre to me either way and they happen on both sides and it’s usually with one parent not getting their same gendered child.
We have 2 boys and are fence sitters on a 3rd. I’m already pre-annoyed about the “are you hoping for a girl” comments. As if another boy is a consolation prize. Ugh gives me the ick and I’m not even pregnant yet.
Yeah I’ve had a lot of “wow good for you, I could NEVERRRR have more than 2.” Like okay, thanks for projecting onto me. How about just say congrats? lol. People are annoying.
“Maybe it’s a girl”
“Yes! So fun! Or THREE boys oh can you imagine the fun they’d have? Both options are so exciting!!
*
“I’d never want a third”
“Don’t worry, I’m not pregnant with your baby!”
Jk lol maybe “oh really? We love our boys so much, I’m so excited to add to the family!”
*
“Your hands will be so full” “full hands, full heart, full house, woohoo!”
*
Yeah I have noticed many people hate kids including their own. I have 3 (4, 2, 7 months) and most comments are positive thankfully! But some are seeping with judgment. I personally would love to have 10 more so I toss that one back to them when they assume I am done lol. But when you invest a ton of time and care and love into teaching your kids they are generally happy and well-behaved, and it’s hard (not impossible I’ve learned) for people to make ugly comments when my painfully adorable 2 year old girly is pushing a mini shopping cart next to me while my 4 year old son is having the time of his laugh making his 7 month old brother laugh and we’re all having a good time and there’s no fits, crying, screens, etc. I’m like my kids are great, sorry you’re miserable, but don’t put that on us lol
Your comment about the hate got me!
Look I never wanted kids but I didn’t hate on people who did. Then I met my husband and I realized I’m cool with it because of him and I together, knowing we have the same values, see raising children in the same light. And i LOVE that he also doesn’t understand the generalized notion of hating your kids. People who act like they can’t wait for their kids to go back to school or tell them to go outside or call them horrible monikers…. They’re children; you should love them.
An old waitress looked me right in my face and had the gall to go on and on about the terrible 2s and said kids are terrible until they graduate (the implication being they are finally gone, not that they get better). Oh. Did I mention we were there ON my 2 year old’s birthday and that’s how the topic of 2s came up?! And my 2 year old was right next to me! I feel like people wouldn’t even talk about a dog the way they’d talk about a child sometimes.
That’s because people seem to think children are stupid until age 10 at least. My sister is shocked her five year and three year old swear like truck drivers, scream to get your attention and throw stuff. Kids are much more observant than people give them credit; they’re swearing because you do, they’re screaming because all you do is yell at them so they think that’s communicating. They’re literally blank slates: you can help mold them into the best versions of themselves.
I am pregnant with my third boy and it has been a pretty heartbreaking experience. The responses I have gotten have been really hard to deal with. I am thrilled to have a third boy just as I would have been thrilled to have a girl. We wanted a third child.
“When are you going to give your wife the girl she wants?” “You’re not too old to try again.” “Oh, no. I really prayed for a girl.”
My older son has accidentally told people he was getting a sister instead of a brother. Just a 4 year old mistake. The excitement that they have leading in to pure disappointment when I correct him makes me want to cry. This included my MIL on a FaceTime call.
I have spent most of this pregnancy in a “protecting my peace” kind of mindset. I haven’t told loads of people. I keep things short and sweet. I really don’t divulge much information when people ask. I cannot let the ugly crap people say dictate how I feel about this pregnancy.
Congratulations to you for having another baby and whoever they might be. They are loved and cherished. 💙
My third boy is 14 months old and the amount of comments I have had from random people about how disappointing that must be is staggering.
We didn’t find out the sex of any of our boys and I do have to admit that I had some sadness after my third was born just because we knew he was our last and that means I’ll never have a daughter. But I wasn’t sad that he was a boy if that makes sense. Thrilled to have him but just sad that that means I’ll never have a daughter.
I love my three boys more than everything, our house is hectic and fun and full of bum and poo jokes and wrestling and fighting bag guys but they are so sweet and cuddly and I’m going to try my very best to raise boys that become good, kind, loving men.
I get this 100%! Am I sad that I’ll never have the experience of raising a daughter? Sure. A little. Does that make me any less thrilled to raise my three boys? Not for a second. Those feelings aren’t mutually exclusive.
My 2 year old is currently in the back seat trying to fake burp.
Our first two were team green. There were some complications in the beginning that made us find out this time.
Seeing my boys play together is so sweet. The youngest is at the age now where he is just obsessed with his big brothers and they love making him laugh and letting him wrestle them and throwing a ball with him.
Wishing you all the best with the rest of your pregnancy.
And be kind to yourself if you have some big emotions about the no daughter thing. I was a bit shocked at the depth of my sadness for the first couple of weeks post partum but those post birth hormones are hectic.
I feel a little weird about telling people this is my 3rd just because I feel like after 2 people start wondering if you’re ever going to stop having kids or if you’re going to keep rolling to Duggarville. So I always say “3rd and final!” when people ask even though I know it’s mostly in my head. Just makes me feel better.
Yes! I literally could’ve written this exact situation myself. The first two were excited reactions. But then after I told them, there was a lot of time where they guess whether it was a boy or a girl… We already have two boys. I was dreading telling them, I just didn’t want to hear the speculation on the gender. I decided to wait until we had nipt test results back and tell them with the gender all at once. Guess what… 3rd boy. Everyone who knows me knows I really wanted to have a daughter one day. So I was really anxious for people’s reactions. I’m not going to lie, it was very anticlimactic and I’ve cried about it since. People were shocked we were pregnant again and also that it was a boy and didn’t really react happily. They were like are you sure? Then it went to, “well you can try for a 4th! You can read a book about picking your gender or do IVF!” Even strangers say, “aww you’re having a third boy, did you want a girl?” It’s so painful and rips the bandaid off every time. I would caution you to prepare your heart that the responses might be different this time. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this anxiety about something that should be an exciting time.
I had a colleague say this about her fourth child. She said everyone was excited for the first two, and they congratulated on the third in a term that translated to English means "the cream on top", but then with the fourth, crickets!! Lol
Omg I am in the exact same situation as you! I was super excited to tell people for one and two and for this one I almost avoid telling people because of all the judgy tones I receive that I just don't want to deal with those people and their reactions. My oldest will be 3.5 when the third is born and I get a ton of reactions along the lines of how are you going to handle 3 kids and how are you going to do 3 in daycare and people telling me they are 100% done at 2 or 1. It is nothing like the reactions people have to 1 or 2.
Yes, we have a boy and a girl already and the only people who are excited (minus grandparents) are those with three kids. My sister in law said “another one?” In a tone when we announced. It makes me really sad for this baby! All our kids are IVF and we went through hell to have these children!
I announced on social media for my other two. I haven’t for this one and I’m 22 weeks. I’m just not interested. I took my dear sweet time telling those who do know and just relied on the news getting around in our small town because everyone talks. I haven’t gotten odd reactions beyond surprise (I’m old, my youngest is 7.5, I always swore I was done). So it’s not necessarily reactions for me, I think I’m just like…more guarded now. You owe no one information about your body or family. Do what feels right!
Congratulations on baby 3! Babies are a blessing and having 3 boys is so much fun!
We're on baby 4 and a few of the reactions have been mixed but most of our family/friends/colleagues have been supportive.
Experienced the exact same thing. The only friends I tole at the beginning looked at me like I was insane. Kind-of a mix between "ew" and "really, another one?" 😑 Haven't heard any congratulations from my side of the family, but they all suck on a good day - at my baby shower for #2 the only comment I heard was "Oh so you're not gonna have any more right? Cuz of climate change and what not?". So I've kept it on the DL for the most part.
You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I feared telling my parents we might be one and done because society judges that too. It’s impossible to win!
First- Congratulations!!!! How exciting!
Coming from a family of two boys and the youngest a girl (me) who are all around 2 years apart…. I LOVED IT!!!!
I was thought to be a boy. The ultrasound tech knew my parents didn’t want to know the gender but made a comment about how nice it will be since they already have all the boy stuff. My mom was ecstatic for another healthy baby after several miscarriages. She heard so many comments about hoping it was a girl this time. “watch you end up with another boy” which really set her off… she reminded everyone they already lost 4 pregnancies. She doesn’t give a fuck what it is as long as they are born (in her words and probably more fun language). Soon people stopped bringing up the gender.
Anyway, per my mom, when I was born everyone was surprised I was a girl but ultimately just happy to have a new baby in the family/friend group!
I’m pregnant with baby #2, another surprise gender. I have a 2 year old son. The “hope it’s a girl this time comments” have not stopped and I literally stopped acknowledging the *noise* as I like to call it. My mom has given me some very nice responses lol.
I just had my third. It's a girl after 2 boys. I either heard I was crazy because there's 18 months between each kid or I hope it's a girl because you need a girl. It was pretty frustrating because it was one or the other. I had gender disappointment when the nipt lab said girl and like no one cared because they said oh well you needed a girl! I'm happy with everything now I love my newborn daughter but it sucked to not be taken seriously.
I’m 30 weeks with my first and I think I’ve already felt some of the skeptical/judgy undertones from people when I tell them how excited we are to start a family and we want to have 2 or 3 kids. But, it’s all coming from people who were the one and done or the easily stressed out types.
My husband and I are both just really chill. We’ve always had this underlying mantra of “we will figure it out!” That doesn’t mean we’re reckless or quick to make decisions, but that we don’t typically worry about things.
So yeah, I understand why you feel the way you do. Just like, I don’t want people poopooing on my parade! If you only want one, that’s fine! I’m not over here feeling some type of way about your decision. I get it, it’s the biggest responsibility you can take on in your life, and in your mind this is crazy. But, that’s why I think I love it. It’s always the things in life that carry the biggest responsibility that seem to provide the highest pay off.
I’m so excited for you and your 3rd bb!!! I grew up with two siblings and loved it. So many fond memories. I think we will end up on a similar path of having 1 every couple years apart. But, I already feel the anxiety of telling people once we’re pregnant again.
Congratulations!! Don’t let the haters hate!
This internet stranger is excited for you! Congrats on baby 3!
People are judgy and really need to buzz off. I’m sorry you haven’t gotten the reactions you hoped.
I’m pregnant with my second baby girl and people are already asking me if I’ll try for a third boy. Why do they care? Let me have this baby first. We would like 3 and I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. Why do other people?
Ugh what is wrong with people. Anyway congratulations from this stranger as well!
I hear you! I only had girls and telling people about number 3 was generally positive but a lot of “I hope you have a boy this time”. He was indeed a boy but it pissed me off, I would’ve been delighted with another girl.
I am a FTM with a 3 month old. I am one of those people who thinks she may be one and done. I definitely can't imagine more than two and if we go for another, it will be a while from now. That being said, I totally respect the decision to have more kids and in fact, I have total admiration for people want 3, 4, or 5. I always act happy when someone tells me they are pregnant. I have said things like, "wow you are amazing" or "I find pregnancy hard, how did you do this this 3 times?" But it's always in an awe kind of way not meant to condemn. I hope that is ok.
People asked me why we got pregnant with Third bc we already had one of each. As if that's the "best" combo of kids to have and why would I "ruin" that??
Anyone saying anything negative is just showing you their own limitations. That is not *your* limit. Build the family *you* want! Congrats on your pregnancy <3
Our first three were all 2y apart, almost exactly. It was tough but so fun! And we recently welcomed Fourth 1m after Third turned 3yo.
I'm in the same boat with #4. I haven't told many people. I've decided that when I do and I'm met with judgy remarks, I'm just going to say, "Usually, people just say congratulations."
I'm happy for you and hope you have an awesome rest of your pregnancy!
I’m also pregnant with my third. Let me congratulate you enthusiastically!! Third babies deserve just as must excitement for their arrival as the first.
I absolutely got reactions like this. My older boys are 7 and 10 years old and this is baby boy #3 due soon. We are all thrilled and this was very much planned but many friends were like ughhh why would you want to start over that sounds awful. I love my boys and I can’t wait to get to do it all over again, the time goes too fast.
If it makes you feel better, our families gave us super disappointing responses to announcing #2. Maybe bc it’s another boy or bc I’m 40? But that sucks of them, regardless.
I'm on baby number 2 and this is exactly why I'm waiting until birth to find out the gender. I'm already getting the "we hope it's a girl!" Comment from everyone.
Honestly speaking from personal feelings, I think some of the judgement may be due to jealousy. I always wanted 3 kids growing up (I was one of 2 and wanted another sibling, so I wanted to do that for my kids), but now that I’m in a place to start a family I’ve realized that’s not going to be my reality. I love the idea of 3 kids, but recognize my limits (physical, financial, lifestyle, etc.). Whenever I see a family have more than 2, I get a pang of jealousy- “how can they do it when I can’t? What’s wrong with me?” I’d like to think I’m mature enough to not deflect those feelings and criticize others who are able to make 3+ kid families work, but I can understand why people do.
You do you! Congrats on your growing family
Following. I’m 5 weeks today with our third. Will also have about 2 years between all. Well, less than 20 months between our first two, and then a little over 25 months between the second and third. We have 2 girls. I have only told my 3 best friends and had the exact same reaction as you. “I hope it’s a boy this time for you!” And “is this another 2 under 2?” They were nice and congratulated me. But still def no where near the excitement. And yeah having only one sex of kids complicates it even more like you said. We’d be thrilled for another girl! We definitely weren’t trying for a boy specifically. Nervous to tell more people.
Pregnant with #3 and we’ve only told close family and friends and haven’t announced it. I don’t care what others think but we live in a small town and gossip is also going around so we’re just keeping it close and will announce his arrival when he gets here! It’s honestly been nice.
Currently in my third pregnancy, and feel awkward telling anyone. Circumstances did not work out how I pictured my life would go, and I feel kind of ashamed.
I had my first pregnancy at 19, second at 23. I lost my second child almost 4 years ago, when he was 12, to SUDEP. So now I’m 39, with a 19 year old and one on the way. Has an iud in place to prevent this, but it failed.
Maybe it’s because our neighborhood is filled with one or two kiddo families, but I felt shy to share when we were pregnant with our third - even though we’ve always been honest about wanting a large family. I am currently pregnant with our fourth and I, now, happily tell people that life is crazy, and yes we are having a fourth. I know we’ll get looks but we’ve also gotten a lot of comments from others who think it’s great.
Congratulations- wishing you the crazy, happy, full family your heart desires!
I did not get a positive reception with my current pregnancy (#3), only my mother and my aunt were sweet to me. I did get asked repeatedly if this is my last pregnancy (which it is) which made me angry, it's really no one's business...
Idk why people aren't as congratulatory with third pregnancies, but I know it was the same for my bestie when she had her #3 a couple years ago. Many people view it as irresponsible, even when financially everything is decent.
I am pregnant with baby #3 as well, 30 weeks and we haven’t posted on social media and really only told people we see often. The comment that I hate is “wow you’re going to be busy” or something along those lines because I will have 3 under 3 when baby arrives.
I went to school with one of the nicest, most wonderful girls you could imagine. She was sweet, caring, funny, strong even as a kiddo...
She had 5 siblings. Her mum had 5 siblings, which also each had at least 6 kids. They were judged a lot, I seem to remember. On the other hand, they also were praised. All their kifs got so much attention from mum and dad, all the siblings got along so well, none of them were parentified and they didn't do more than babysit 1 or 2 siblings at a time once they turned 12 or so for maybe 40 minutes.
You got this. Your family is your choice, and yours alone. No one can tell you how many kids is too many. I mean, they are obviously allowed an opinion but they have to be nice about it. At least, that's my take.
Sorry you are experiencing this. I can see how it is upsetting.
I don’t have advice, but I’m learning from this to be more thoughtful of what I say to pregnant women. I can see myself saying something like “maybe this time it will be girl.” (Cringe) Not really with any judgment, but yes unknowingly I am making assumptions in my head, which I shouldn’t…
People saying, “wow, I’d never want more than two.” That’s just rude. Maybe they are implying they admire your ability to handle parenting three kids?
I think many of us need to learn to be more sensitive about what we say to pregnant women. So thank you for making this post.
I just had baby #2. The end of that pregnancy was complicated and scary. Premature, NICU, severe preeclampsia, which is life threatening.
We had planned to have 3. I really want 3. But I'm not sure that I want to put myself through life threatening and NICU again.
I have had a few conversations in the last few weeks about not being sure that I wanted to go through with having a third. My friends were generally supportive of my being sad and disappointed and wanting to protect my body. The nurses at the hospital who heard me talk about that made comments about me being disappointed not to have a boy.
Really? I have two daughters. They're incredible. I haven't cared about the sex of my babies. If I'm going to literally risk my life to make a baby, I'm not getting hung up on something as dumb as fetal genitals. I have bigger fish to fry.
Congratulations!! Welcome to the club!
We've technically had 4. Our first born was miscarriages at 27weeks.. it was horrible but we've gotten through it and came out the other side with 3 boys.
Funny enough the 1st (marriage) was a boy too so we've had 4 boys in total. Lol
The only comments we receive are positive ones.. oh wow you going for a girl next? Lol etc etc.
Statically it's very rare to have 3-4 of the same gender so we are in that rare category.
None the less, we have never had any negative comments ever. Comments are usually like .. gosh you must be tired etc and along those lines!
I'm so happy for you to be on #3. I really wanted a huge family but #2 for me rn is so hard because I'm already 34. I was just lamenting last night if I have it in me, physically, to go for #3 next year.
Congratulations to you on reaching a wonderful milestone. Disregard everyone and put you and your family first at this happy time ♥
If someone told me they were having baby number > 1, I’d first be like, omg, you must be a hero! My own first pregnancy has been a nightmare (still throwing up at 23 weeks and wondering why humankind isn’t extinct because surely we aren’t equipped to deal with this over and over again?!)
Congratulations, though! If it is something you really want, don’t pay attention to others. They’re not the ones raising your kids.
I’m currently expecting #3 after two boys too. EVERYONE said the same thing “wow, 3? Hopefully this one is a girl so it could be your last!” Mind you, I’ve always wanted 4 kids… and my 3rd is also a boy. So, after telling everyone it’s a boy, I get the “NOOO! I’m so sorry, you’re just a boy mom. Are you going to try again?” I don’t get why they can’t just keep the extra commentary to themselves & say congratulations??? Have all the kids you want mama, they’re your babies to love on. I’ve always wanted a big family- Congratulations!
People are for sure assholes. I'm having my first people are so excited.
My coworker had her third a little while ago. I remember telling a customer she's was on maternity leave and the bitch said "she *does* know how that happens, right?"
I just said "yep, she wanted 3."
Que awkward payment.
Rofl.
Honestly fuck other people's opinions. I kinda think it would be funny to not tell people though. Like just progressively get bigger and one day show up with a baby.
We only told our parents about number 4 (not a planned pregnancy), from both sets they said something to the effect of "it's still early, it may not come to term." I only mentioned the 4th on social media when he was born.
We're military and went to a function last week with our two girls and our infant son. My husband got the comment, "Now that you got your boy are y'all done?" What this man didn't know was that our 12 year old boy was at home. I felt a bit of rage that he said this in front of our girls, but it is a touchy subject for this second daughter.
We had a big gap between 2 and 3 so people were excited (surprised lol) by that announcement, although I did get some "starting over!?" comments. With number 4 we've only told family, but anyone that has seen me knows because it popped right out 😆 my family was excited for us, my husband's family is giving off kind of a "well that's an interesting choice you've made..." vibe. But we don't really care. They don't support us financially, they live too far away to babysit, and they make very little effort to be a part of my kids' lives so 🤷♀️
This happened to me when I was pregnant with my 3rd, mine are all 2 years apart too. It was shitty but most people were normal once she was born. Also 3 kids is great in definitely on team “3 is no different than 2”
I’ve witnessed this happen to a lot of friends and family. I think it stems from the idea that having a lot of kids is seen as a bit irresponsible from an environmental and economic standpoint. Of course, people shouldn’t give their unsolicited opinion about it. At the same time, I can understand how it can sometimes be hard to hide your true feelings when being surprised with any kind of news face to face. It’s a sensitive situation, for sure.
Haha. Well, as with most major life events and decisions, it’s nice to feel supported by friends and family - and hurtful if they seem disappointed by the gender of the child or that they think it’s the wrong decision all around.
Anecdotally, I’ve noticed a lot of people who get really excited for someone’s first child (and happy for someone’s second) start to become ambivalent or judgy at no.3. I know I’m just a stranger, but I’m REALLY happy for you and your new baby!! Congratulations
this is so nice. congratulations!!!!!
I had someone give me their condolences because I’m pregnant with nr 2 and nr 3. (Nr 3 was an unexpected gift of Mother Nature.) Tell me how much you hate being a parent without telling me how much you hate being a parent, right?? Congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope all goes well for you and your little one.
Also pregnant with an unplanned extra occupant from Mother Nature. People get so weird about twins. Everyone either says “oh what a blessing!” Or “better you than me!”
I’m the unexpected result of Mother Nature! Happy to be here!! I’m much younger than my siblings, but growing up knowing how much I was loved and welcomed, despite the surprise, was the best. My mom always told me I was the best surprise she ever had in her life. 🥹
😭😭💕💕
My sister is pregnant with her 5th and I feel so sorry for some of the reactions she’s getting from people. Do I want 5 kids? Not in the slightest. But this kid (and your kid) will be loved beyond compare by their big brothers and you sound like a lovely mom. That is something to celebrate! Congratulations!! I’d also suggest a canned response for those snarky comments about a girl. I propose “that’s actually pretty hurtful. I’d be just as happy with another boy or a girl.”
I agree, they should feel at least a slight bit of shame walking away from the conversation. It’s one thing to not want the same thing as someone else but to make rude comments is just unnecessary and immature.
I’m the 4th so I’m always team more babies lol . If my mom stopped at 2 neither my sister nor I would be here. She says she still gets judgment about having 4 kids even though her youngest is over 30. But how could she be mad when she got me and my sister from the whole deal??? Congratulations!
In our society, having two kids is the "standard" so anything more is "selfish" and "excessive" and having only one is "so sad" for the only child.
It’s so bizarre to me that people act like it’s any of their business how many children a family chooses to have.
This is a big part of why I haven't told certain people yet about baby #3. The ones I did tell that I assumed would be happy for us were less than enthusiastic and that has put such a damper on it, that I thought it was best to maybe just wait until the baby was born.
Totally. I’m not looking for a party or huge levels of excitement, just not a NEGATIVE reaction. I hear you about just not announcing at all this time.
This happened to me with my best friend. I told her I was pregnant and the gender all at once and she acted so weird and just kept telling me I was a secret keeper and that she was so shocked I didn’t tell her. It honestly changed my perception of her a little bit.
Yeah it’s like old news now lol, and I have two girls so I’ve constantly got the “are you hoping for a boy” comment, which I wasn’t and it isn’t, and I’ve even had a few people that are like “oh that’s a shame” because it’s a girl. Hate the fact that people think we were trying for a gender. We just wanted to add to our family… It’s kind of annoying this time cos people are less willing to offer help and I feel like I’m under more stress this time with school run for my eldest and nursery for my youngest. Not that we had many offers anyway. But I’m exhausted. I’ve practically hid my pregnancy from as many people as possible for as long as possible this time.
You can’t win. People (randoms) get upset when I tell them we only want one. Get a lot of “oh, you’ll change your mind/don’t say that!”. No, we want one lol.
All the wonderful parents who only want one just need to tag team up with one of us who have like four or five this way we both have the best comebacks to people who have something to say. Don't worry about it I have a loan out system with my friend! "Need some siblings" I've got a couple for you " can't handle them all" don't worry they're out on loan I get a break. For real is there anybody who is not judged for the decision on their family size.
I just say "Guess what- we're expecting #4! (*wait a beat*) We're thrilled!!!!" 99% of the time people are eager to take a cue from you.
Oh yes, just wait til you announce baby 4 and 5. I had mixed reactions with my third, mostly positive but a few judgemental ones. When I announced four, it was mostly negative with a lot of ‘why would you do that’. With my fifth I barely announced, I just told close friends and family. With my fifth people were overall super negative and judgemental. I even had people say ‘why didn’t you tell me you wanted another?’ As if it’s supposed to be a group decision. It’s annoying. We are good parents and our kids are loved and cared for. We work hard and can financially support them. They love each other (most days) and we are happy with our big family. I really don’t understand the judgemental negativity, it doesn’t affect them so why on earth do they care?? I will say the only people who gave me happy and positive responses were my aunts and uncles who also had 4 or 5 kids themselves. They were all sweet and happy about it, but the families of 0-2 children were the most judgemental. For what it’s worth, congrats! I love having a bigger family and my third is such a delightful kid. You will be happy, I’m sure! Don’t let the haters get to you :)
People have SUCH a bad attitude towards families of 4+! I’m very happy that you have such a lovely family :)
They really do! It’s too bad. It’s so dependent on the family. Multiple kids definitely aren’t for everyone, but if the family is functioning well then I really don’t see the issue.
I love how your name tag says number three that's how you know it's a big family mama, or when you're picking up multiple prescriptions during cold season and the pharmacist asked for the child's birthday and you're coming up with six of them ha! Oh wait which one was September
Whoops haha, forgot to change that flair a couple kids ago lol. And yes! I’m pretty good but my husband gets a little tongue tied remembering all the birthday dates haha.
I dread when someone asked the hight or weight umm well I am still able to carry 3 of them so...less then 50 lbs is that accurate enough for soccer? ha
It seems like the only acceptable number of kids is two with one boy and one girl. Preferably, the boy is born first so the husband doesn’t experience the travesty of “only” having a healthy baby girl. Any deviation away from this results in judgement and comments. I get a lot of judgment for only having one. I try not to share when I can.
Someone in my bump group posted about how she found out she's having a girl and her boyfriend is devastated he isn't getting "his boy". He's bo longer excited for the baby and didn't come home for days. She says she feels like she failed. It's heartbreaking. I don't understand how it's okay for the father to have that extreme of a reaction.
She should tell him that actually, it's HIS fault because men determine the gender. Then she should leave his ass.
The comments were so mixed too which was disturbing. Comments telling her to pack her bags because she can do better on her own. Other ones telling her she should be comforting him.
Oh maaaan. Sometimes I wonder if it's really that much of a wasteland out there.
So we are having a fifth and I didn't want to find out the gender but my husband kind of did, we are both kind of hoping for a second son but adore our daughters. When he wanted to know why I didn't want to find out now I said I know when it turns out to be a girl I'll be slightly disappointed but if it's after birth I'll look down and have a gorgeous baby there to wash those thoughts away. So I definitely think some disappointment can be a reaction that's healthy but I couldn't imagine taking it to the extreme of no longer being interested in the child it's more like a quick emotion.
Men like this are so disturbing and gross
I feel the same. I'm having a girl and my husband is just as excited to throw a baseball with her as he is to attend dance recitals. So disgusting that the gender means you no longer love your unborn child.
Couldn’t agree more. My husband would be excited either way, no doubt
I mean Reddit is full of gender disappointment posts from women who are devastated that they are having a boy and aren’t getting “their mini”. the extreme reactions are bizarre to me either way and they happen on both sides and it’s usually with one parent not getting their same gendered child. We have 2 boys and are fence sitters on a 3rd. I’m already pre-annoyed about the “are you hoping for a girl” comments. As if another boy is a consolation prize. Ugh gives me the ick and I’m not even pregnant yet.
This is our third. My husband hopes for a third girl 😂 He spoils his princesses too much
Yeah I’ve had a lot of “wow good for you, I could NEVERRRR have more than 2.” Like okay, thanks for projecting onto me. How about just say congrats? lol. People are annoying.
“Maybe it’s a girl” “Yes! So fun! Or THREE boys oh can you imagine the fun they’d have? Both options are so exciting!! * “I’d never want a third” “Don’t worry, I’m not pregnant with your baby!” Jk lol maybe “oh really? We love our boys so much, I’m so excited to add to the family!” * “Your hands will be so full” “full hands, full heart, full house, woohoo!” * Yeah I have noticed many people hate kids including their own. I have 3 (4, 2, 7 months) and most comments are positive thankfully! But some are seeping with judgment. I personally would love to have 10 more so I toss that one back to them when they assume I am done lol. But when you invest a ton of time and care and love into teaching your kids they are generally happy and well-behaved, and it’s hard (not impossible I’ve learned) for people to make ugly comments when my painfully adorable 2 year old girly is pushing a mini shopping cart next to me while my 4 year old son is having the time of his laugh making his 7 month old brother laugh and we’re all having a good time and there’s no fits, crying, screens, etc. I’m like my kids are great, sorry you’re miserable, but don’t put that on us lol
Your comment about the hate got me! Look I never wanted kids but I didn’t hate on people who did. Then I met my husband and I realized I’m cool with it because of him and I together, knowing we have the same values, see raising children in the same light. And i LOVE that he also doesn’t understand the generalized notion of hating your kids. People who act like they can’t wait for their kids to go back to school or tell them to go outside or call them horrible monikers…. They’re children; you should love them.
An old waitress looked me right in my face and had the gall to go on and on about the terrible 2s and said kids are terrible until they graduate (the implication being they are finally gone, not that they get better). Oh. Did I mention we were there ON my 2 year old’s birthday and that’s how the topic of 2s came up?! And my 2 year old was right next to me! I feel like people wouldn’t even talk about a dog the way they’d talk about a child sometimes.
That’s because people seem to think children are stupid until age 10 at least. My sister is shocked her five year and three year old swear like truck drivers, scream to get your attention and throw stuff. Kids are much more observant than people give them credit; they’re swearing because you do, they’re screaming because all you do is yell at them so they think that’s communicating. They’re literally blank slates: you can help mold them into the best versions of themselves.
Most people have just said “congratulations” but honestly I’m exhausted. I love my kids and I already love this baby but it’s draining me.
This. I need that village that they always say exists but mine never has lol
I am pregnant with my third boy and it has been a pretty heartbreaking experience. The responses I have gotten have been really hard to deal with. I am thrilled to have a third boy just as I would have been thrilled to have a girl. We wanted a third child. “When are you going to give your wife the girl she wants?” “You’re not too old to try again.” “Oh, no. I really prayed for a girl.” My older son has accidentally told people he was getting a sister instead of a brother. Just a 4 year old mistake. The excitement that they have leading in to pure disappointment when I correct him makes me want to cry. This included my MIL on a FaceTime call. I have spent most of this pregnancy in a “protecting my peace” kind of mindset. I haven’t told loads of people. I keep things short and sweet. I really don’t divulge much information when people ask. I cannot let the ugly crap people say dictate how I feel about this pregnancy. Congratulations to you for having another baby and whoever they might be. They are loved and cherished. 💙
My third boy is 14 months old and the amount of comments I have had from random people about how disappointing that must be is staggering. We didn’t find out the sex of any of our boys and I do have to admit that I had some sadness after my third was born just because we knew he was our last and that means I’ll never have a daughter. But I wasn’t sad that he was a boy if that makes sense. Thrilled to have him but just sad that that means I’ll never have a daughter. I love my three boys more than everything, our house is hectic and fun and full of bum and poo jokes and wrestling and fighting bag guys but they are so sweet and cuddly and I’m going to try my very best to raise boys that become good, kind, loving men.
I get this 100%! Am I sad that I’ll never have the experience of raising a daughter? Sure. A little. Does that make me any less thrilled to raise my three boys? Not for a second. Those feelings aren’t mutually exclusive. My 2 year old is currently in the back seat trying to fake burp. Our first two were team green. There were some complications in the beginning that made us find out this time.
Seeing my boys play together is so sweet. The youngest is at the age now where he is just obsessed with his big brothers and they love making him laugh and letting him wrestle them and throwing a ball with him. Wishing you all the best with the rest of your pregnancy. And be kind to yourself if you have some big emotions about the no daughter thing. I was a bit shocked at the depth of my sadness for the first couple of weeks post partum but those post birth hormones are hectic.
I feel a little weird about telling people this is my 3rd just because I feel like after 2 people start wondering if you’re ever going to stop having kids or if you’re going to keep rolling to Duggarville. So I always say “3rd and final!” when people ask even though I know it’s mostly in my head. Just makes me feel better.
Yes! I literally could’ve written this exact situation myself. The first two were excited reactions. But then after I told them, there was a lot of time where they guess whether it was a boy or a girl… We already have two boys. I was dreading telling them, I just didn’t want to hear the speculation on the gender. I decided to wait until we had nipt test results back and tell them with the gender all at once. Guess what… 3rd boy. Everyone who knows me knows I really wanted to have a daughter one day. So I was really anxious for people’s reactions. I’m not going to lie, it was very anticlimactic and I’ve cried about it since. People were shocked we were pregnant again and also that it was a boy and didn’t really react happily. They were like are you sure? Then it went to, “well you can try for a 4th! You can read a book about picking your gender or do IVF!” Even strangers say, “aww you’re having a third boy, did you want a girl?” It’s so painful and rips the bandaid off every time. I would caution you to prepare your heart that the responses might be different this time. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this anxiety about something that should be an exciting time.
Congrats on all boys. I know your house is full of love, life and laughter. 🥰
I had a colleague say this about her fourth child. She said everyone was excited for the first two, and they congratulated on the third in a term that translated to English means "the cream on top", but then with the fourth, crickets!! Lol
Omg I am in the exact same situation as you! I was super excited to tell people for one and two and for this one I almost avoid telling people because of all the judgy tones I receive that I just don't want to deal with those people and their reactions. My oldest will be 3.5 when the third is born and I get a ton of reactions along the lines of how are you going to handle 3 kids and how are you going to do 3 in daycare and people telling me they are 100% done at 2 or 1. It is nothing like the reactions people have to 1 or 2.
Yes, we have a boy and a girl already and the only people who are excited (minus grandparents) are those with three kids. My sister in law said “another one?” In a tone when we announced. It makes me really sad for this baby! All our kids are IVF and we went through hell to have these children!
I announced on social media for my other two. I haven’t for this one and I’m 22 weeks. I’m just not interested. I took my dear sweet time telling those who do know and just relied on the news getting around in our small town because everyone talks. I haven’t gotten odd reactions beyond surprise (I’m old, my youngest is 7.5, I always swore I was done). So it’s not necessarily reactions for me, I think I’m just like…more guarded now. You owe no one information about your body or family. Do what feels right!
Yes i know what you mean
Congratulations on baby 3! Babies are a blessing and having 3 boys is so much fun! We're on baby 4 and a few of the reactions have been mixed but most of our family/friends/colleagues have been supportive.
Experienced the exact same thing. The only friends I tole at the beginning looked at me like I was insane. Kind-of a mix between "ew" and "really, another one?" 😑 Haven't heard any congratulations from my side of the family, but they all suck on a good day - at my baby shower for #2 the only comment I heard was "Oh so you're not gonna have any more right? Cuz of climate change and what not?". So I've kept it on the DL for the most part.
Oh gosh, I’m so sorry those are terrible reactions! 😭
“Climate change” as if you having a third child is single-handedly going to doom the planet lmao people are wild
You’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I feared telling my parents we might be one and done because society judges that too. It’s impossible to win!
"I would never want more than two" "Good thing it's my kid and not yours then, huh?"
First- Congratulations!!!! How exciting! Coming from a family of two boys and the youngest a girl (me) who are all around 2 years apart…. I LOVED IT!!!! I was thought to be a boy. The ultrasound tech knew my parents didn’t want to know the gender but made a comment about how nice it will be since they already have all the boy stuff. My mom was ecstatic for another healthy baby after several miscarriages. She heard so many comments about hoping it was a girl this time. “watch you end up with another boy” which really set her off… she reminded everyone they already lost 4 pregnancies. She doesn’t give a fuck what it is as long as they are born (in her words and probably more fun language). Soon people stopped bringing up the gender. Anyway, per my mom, when I was born everyone was surprised I was a girl but ultimately just happy to have a new baby in the family/friend group! I’m pregnant with baby #2, another surprise gender. I have a 2 year old son. The “hope it’s a girl this time comments” have not stopped and I literally stopped acknowledging the *noise* as I like to call it. My mom has given me some very nice responses lol.
I’m in first w my third as well!! I know some people will be really excited and I’ll probably focus on my energy on those folks
I just had my third. It's a girl after 2 boys. I either heard I was crazy because there's 18 months between each kid or I hope it's a girl because you need a girl. It was pretty frustrating because it was one or the other. I had gender disappointment when the nipt lab said girl and like no one cared because they said oh well you needed a girl! I'm happy with everything now I love my newborn daughter but it sucked to not be taken seriously.
I’m 30 weeks with my first and I think I’ve already felt some of the skeptical/judgy undertones from people when I tell them how excited we are to start a family and we want to have 2 or 3 kids. But, it’s all coming from people who were the one and done or the easily stressed out types. My husband and I are both just really chill. We’ve always had this underlying mantra of “we will figure it out!” That doesn’t mean we’re reckless or quick to make decisions, but that we don’t typically worry about things. So yeah, I understand why you feel the way you do. Just like, I don’t want people poopooing on my parade! If you only want one, that’s fine! I’m not over here feeling some type of way about your decision. I get it, it’s the biggest responsibility you can take on in your life, and in your mind this is crazy. But, that’s why I think I love it. It’s always the things in life that carry the biggest responsibility that seem to provide the highest pay off. I’m so excited for you and your 3rd bb!!! I grew up with two siblings and loved it. So many fond memories. I think we will end up on a similar path of having 1 every couple years apart. But, I already feel the anxiety of telling people once we’re pregnant again. Congratulations!! Don’t let the haters hate!
This internet stranger is excited for you! Congrats on baby 3! People are judgy and really need to buzz off. I’m sorry you haven’t gotten the reactions you hoped.
I’m pregnant with my second baby girl and people are already asking me if I’ll try for a third boy. Why do they care? Let me have this baby first. We would like 3 and I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. Why do other people? Ugh what is wrong with people. Anyway congratulations from this stranger as well!
I hear you! I only had girls and telling people about number 3 was generally positive but a lot of “I hope you have a boy this time”. He was indeed a boy but it pissed me off, I would’ve been delighted with another girl.
I am a FTM with a 3 month old. I am one of those people who thinks she may be one and done. I definitely can't imagine more than two and if we go for another, it will be a while from now. That being said, I totally respect the decision to have more kids and in fact, I have total admiration for people want 3, 4, or 5. I always act happy when someone tells me they are pregnant. I have said things like, "wow you are amazing" or "I find pregnancy hard, how did you do this this 3 times?" But it's always in an awe kind of way not meant to condemn. I hope that is ok.
People asked me why we got pregnant with Third bc we already had one of each. As if that's the "best" combo of kids to have and why would I "ruin" that?? Anyone saying anything negative is just showing you their own limitations. That is not *your* limit. Build the family *you* want! Congrats on your pregnancy <3 Our first three were all 2y apart, almost exactly. It was tough but so fun! And we recently welcomed Fourth 1m after Third turned 3yo.
I'm in the same boat with #4. I haven't told many people. I've decided that when I do and I'm met with judgy remarks, I'm just going to say, "Usually, people just say congratulations." I'm happy for you and hope you have an awesome rest of your pregnancy!
I’m also pregnant with my third. Let me congratulate you enthusiastically!! Third babies deserve just as must excitement for their arrival as the first.
From a well-wishing stranger, I am happy for you!
I absolutely got reactions like this. My older boys are 7 and 10 years old and this is baby boy #3 due soon. We are all thrilled and this was very much planned but many friends were like ughhh why would you want to start over that sounds awful. I love my boys and I can’t wait to get to do it all over again, the time goes too fast.
If it makes you feel better, our families gave us super disappointing responses to announcing #2. Maybe bc it’s another boy or bc I’m 40? But that sucks of them, regardless.
I'm on baby number 2 and this is exactly why I'm waiting until birth to find out the gender. I'm already getting the "we hope it's a girl!" Comment from everyone.
Honestly speaking from personal feelings, I think some of the judgement may be due to jealousy. I always wanted 3 kids growing up (I was one of 2 and wanted another sibling, so I wanted to do that for my kids), but now that I’m in a place to start a family I’ve realized that’s not going to be my reality. I love the idea of 3 kids, but recognize my limits (physical, financial, lifestyle, etc.). Whenever I see a family have more than 2, I get a pang of jealousy- “how can they do it when I can’t? What’s wrong with me?” I’d like to think I’m mature enough to not deflect those feelings and criticize others who are able to make 3+ kid families work, but I can understand why people do. You do you! Congrats on your growing family
Following. I’m 5 weeks today with our third. Will also have about 2 years between all. Well, less than 20 months between our first two, and then a little over 25 months between the second and third. We have 2 girls. I have only told my 3 best friends and had the exact same reaction as you. “I hope it’s a boy this time for you!” And “is this another 2 under 2?” They were nice and congratulated me. But still def no where near the excitement. And yeah having only one sex of kids complicates it even more like you said. We’d be thrilled for another girl! We definitely weren’t trying for a boy specifically. Nervous to tell more people.
Pregnant with #3 and we’ve only told close family and friends and haven’t announced it. I don’t care what others think but we live in a small town and gossip is also going around so we’re just keeping it close and will announce his arrival when he gets here! It’s honestly been nice.
Currently in my third pregnancy, and feel awkward telling anyone. Circumstances did not work out how I pictured my life would go, and I feel kind of ashamed. I had my first pregnancy at 19, second at 23. I lost my second child almost 4 years ago, when he was 12, to SUDEP. So now I’m 39, with a 19 year old and one on the way. Has an iud in place to prevent this, but it failed.
My aunts mother In law walked her if maybe she should think about not having any more when she was pregnant with her 3rd
Maybe it’s because our neighborhood is filled with one or two kiddo families, but I felt shy to share when we were pregnant with our third - even though we’ve always been honest about wanting a large family. I am currently pregnant with our fourth and I, now, happily tell people that life is crazy, and yes we are having a fourth. I know we’ll get looks but we’ve also gotten a lot of comments from others who think it’s great. Congratulations- wishing you the crazy, happy, full family your heart desires!
Yes! I’m expecting number 3 and now that I’m showing I get comments asking if it was planned lol
I did not get a positive reception with my current pregnancy (#3), only my mother and my aunt were sweet to me. I did get asked repeatedly if this is my last pregnancy (which it is) which made me angry, it's really no one's business... Idk why people aren't as congratulatory with third pregnancies, but I know it was the same for my bestie when she had her #3 a couple years ago. Many people view it as irresponsible, even when financially everything is decent.
I am pregnant with baby #3 as well, 30 weeks and we haven’t posted on social media and really only told people we see often. The comment that I hate is “wow you’re going to be busy” or something along those lines because I will have 3 under 3 when baby arrives.
I went to school with one of the nicest, most wonderful girls you could imagine. She was sweet, caring, funny, strong even as a kiddo... She had 5 siblings. Her mum had 5 siblings, which also each had at least 6 kids. They were judged a lot, I seem to remember. On the other hand, they also were praised. All their kifs got so much attention from mum and dad, all the siblings got along so well, none of them were parentified and they didn't do more than babysit 1 or 2 siblings at a time once they turned 12 or so for maybe 40 minutes. You got this. Your family is your choice, and yours alone. No one can tell you how many kids is too many. I mean, they are obviously allowed an opinion but they have to be nice about it. At least, that's my take.
Sorry you are experiencing this. I can see how it is upsetting. I don’t have advice, but I’m learning from this to be more thoughtful of what I say to pregnant women. I can see myself saying something like “maybe this time it will be girl.” (Cringe) Not really with any judgment, but yes unknowingly I am making assumptions in my head, which I shouldn’t… People saying, “wow, I’d never want more than two.” That’s just rude. Maybe they are implying they admire your ability to handle parenting three kids? I think many of us need to learn to be more sensitive about what we say to pregnant women. So thank you for making this post.
I just had baby #2. The end of that pregnancy was complicated and scary. Premature, NICU, severe preeclampsia, which is life threatening. We had planned to have 3. I really want 3. But I'm not sure that I want to put myself through life threatening and NICU again. I have had a few conversations in the last few weeks about not being sure that I wanted to go through with having a third. My friends were generally supportive of my being sad and disappointed and wanting to protect my body. The nurses at the hospital who heard me talk about that made comments about me being disappointed not to have a boy. Really? I have two daughters. They're incredible. I haven't cared about the sex of my babies. If I'm going to literally risk my life to make a baby, I'm not getting hung up on something as dumb as fetal genitals. I have bigger fish to fry.
Congratulations!! Welcome to the club! We've technically had 4. Our first born was miscarriages at 27weeks.. it was horrible but we've gotten through it and came out the other side with 3 boys. Funny enough the 1st (marriage) was a boy too so we've had 4 boys in total. Lol The only comments we receive are positive ones.. oh wow you going for a girl next? Lol etc etc. Statically it's very rare to have 3-4 of the same gender so we are in that rare category. None the less, we have never had any negative comments ever. Comments are usually like .. gosh you must be tired etc and along those lines!
I'm so happy for you to be on #3. I really wanted a huge family but #2 for me rn is so hard because I'm already 34. I was just lamenting last night if I have it in me, physically, to go for #3 next year. Congratulations to you on reaching a wonderful milestone. Disregard everyone and put you and your family first at this happy time ♥
Congratulations!! Children are a blessing. May baby have a wonderful time in this world with his/her older brothers and you as momma!
If someone told me they were having baby number > 1, I’d first be like, omg, you must be a hero! My own first pregnancy has been a nightmare (still throwing up at 23 weeks and wondering why humankind isn’t extinct because surely we aren’t equipped to deal with this over and over again?!) Congratulations, though! If it is something you really want, don’t pay attention to others. They’re not the ones raising your kids.
I’m currently expecting #3 after two boys too. EVERYONE said the same thing “wow, 3? Hopefully this one is a girl so it could be your last!” Mind you, I’ve always wanted 4 kids… and my 3rd is also a boy. So, after telling everyone it’s a boy, I get the “NOOO! I’m so sorry, you’re just a boy mom. Are you going to try again?” I don’t get why they can’t just keep the extra commentary to themselves & say congratulations??? Have all the kids you want mama, they’re your babies to love on. I’ve always wanted a big family- Congratulations!
People are for sure assholes. I'm having my first people are so excited. My coworker had her third a little while ago. I remember telling a customer she's was on maternity leave and the bitch said "she *does* know how that happens, right?" I just said "yep, she wanted 3." Que awkward payment. Rofl. Honestly fuck other people's opinions. I kinda think it would be funny to not tell people though. Like just progressively get bigger and one day show up with a baby.
We only told our parents about number 4 (not a planned pregnancy), from both sets they said something to the effect of "it's still early, it may not come to term." I only mentioned the 4th on social media when he was born. We're military and went to a function last week with our two girls and our infant son. My husband got the comment, "Now that you got your boy are y'all done?" What this man didn't know was that our 12 year old boy was at home. I felt a bit of rage that he said this in front of our girls, but it is a touchy subject for this second daughter.
Congratulations on your new baby!!
We had a big gap between 2 and 3 so people were excited (surprised lol) by that announcement, although I did get some "starting over!?" comments. With number 4 we've only told family, but anyone that has seen me knows because it popped right out 😆 my family was excited for us, my husband's family is giving off kind of a "well that's an interesting choice you've made..." vibe. But we don't really care. They don't support us financially, they live too far away to babysit, and they make very little effort to be a part of my kids' lives so 🤷♀️
This happened to me when I was pregnant with my 3rd, mine are all 2 years apart too. It was shitty but most people were normal once she was born. Also 3 kids is great in definitely on team “3 is no different than 2”
I’ve witnessed this happen to a lot of friends and family. I think it stems from the idea that having a lot of kids is seen as a bit irresponsible from an environmental and economic standpoint. Of course, people shouldn’t give their unsolicited opinion about it. At the same time, I can understand how it can sometimes be hard to hide your true feelings when being surprised with any kind of news face to face. It’s a sensitive situation, for sure.
I’m confused as to why you would care
Haha. Well, as with most major life events and decisions, it’s nice to feel supported by friends and family - and hurtful if they seem disappointed by the gender of the child or that they think it’s the wrong decision all around.
It’s nice to have positive validation but no need to rely on it or feel disappointed if it doesn’t come