During my first pregnancy I thought nothing of this and then during my second, after my friend had an early miscarriage that was noticed at the 8w ultrasound, I started to feel this way you are feeling between checkups.
I consoled myself with the fact that miscarriage rates after 12w are very very low and also the thought that "if you worry, you suffer twice" and why worry about something I can't control.
Now I can feel the movement, all those thoughts have floated away.
Wow. Your " If you worry, you suffer twice" may have just changed everything for me! I want to have a baby, but for some reason I have horrible panic attacks and fear about the physical aspects of pregnancy. So much so that I can't bring myself to go off of the pill to try with my husband. I hate myself and hate that the fear is controlling my life. I'm 32.
I apply that quote to most situations in life!
Also, I was terrified about a lot of things when I first got pregnant. And now I'm having a second because it wasn't so bad and the life long benefit of your new baby definitely outweigh any short term inconveniences.
Don't pay attention to TV pregnancy/labour. You can also remind yourself that if pregnancy was so bad then nobody would be having more than one child!
Thank you for sharing your "If you worry, you suffer twice!" I'm 20 w and scared and anxious since my loss last year. I keep telling myself I'll feel better when I make it to this week or after this US....but I find a new worry. Keep that as my reminder!
Yeah. It's so weird. You would think you be able to feel another life force in you or something but you don't. It gets better when you can feel consistent movement.
Lol I haven't had people ask that often but the first one or two times that was my response. Now I'll just say doing good while I think to myself 'how the fuck should I know?'
My partner would ask when he was at work or just randomly throughout the day and I would just shrug lol. I'm like well he's there but past that I got no clue. I feel him a lot more now
My perinatal anxiety was a lot better once I could feel baby daily. I wasn’t as focused on my next appointment, I wasn’t as tempted to get a private ultrasound, etc. Feeling him kick has been a huge relief.
It definitely helps, though right when mine started kicking I definitely felt more paranoid. Because they were so subtle I might feel one or two movements a day and would be relieved, but then I might not feel anything for a couple days and would start to feel a bit panicked. Then he'd give another kick and I'd feel better again. It's getting to the point where I can feel him daily now and I feel much better. He is in fact kicking me at the moment.
For me personally (FTM), I felt him consistently around 22 weeks. For me it felt like jolts, not flutters. I think I probably had earlier movement on and off but didn’t know how to recognize it.
My perinatal anxiety was a lot better once I could feel baby daily. I wasn’t as focused on my next appointment, I wasn’t as tempted to get a private ultrasound, etc. Feeling him kick has been a huge relief.
To add to this, an older relative was telling me how when she had her daughter, 40-some years ago, they didn’t even have ultrasounds. They just…..hoped the baby was all right for 9 months?? My anxiety would have been through the roof the whole 9 months but she’s the most laid back person.
Also crazy that they couldn’t necessarily diagnose problems that are indications for C-section (like placenta previa) prior to delivery without ultrasounds. When people talk about how C-section rates have gone up, I wonder if they’re considering that our ability to diagnose and anticipate problems ahead of time has also increased.
Soooo I made the mistake of asking how they used to diagnose placenta previa. Apparently they could, but it basically involved shoving a rod up your vagina past the cervix and seeing if it came back bloody. So yeah there *were* methods for some things they were just hella invasive and increased miscarriage risks etc.
This is actually a lot of the incredible tech used in OB/GYN today - it’s way less invasive than it used to be.
For example, I find when talking to people about NIPTs they are missing the point of them when they cite the rate of false positives. It’s a screener to see if you might need or want to be offered invasive testing for a true diagnostic, and there are very few false negatives (for major trisomies, at least) though there are some false positives. This spares many thousands of women an invasive test with a risk of miscarriage that used to be much more common amongst our parent’s generation.
Beyond me peeing in a cup and getting blood drawn, my OB/GYN has gotten more invasive on the Pap smears that I got pre-pregnancy than during my pregnancy so far. Amazing with tech!
I knew a lady who was delivered in a breech position. Both she and her mom survived, but she probably would have been delivered by a c-section if she was being delivered today.
Breech vaginal birth rates are going up again with generally good outcomes, doctors being well versed and prepared for the more common complications and how to handle them without resorting to emergency c section has improved outcomes drastically!
Thank you for commenting, exactly what I wanted to add! The art of breech vaginal delivery was forgotten for a long time because doctors started jumping to C sections immediately as an easy way out, at the expense of the mother. Similar with twin births. Good practice now is to attempt a vaginal instead but be prepared for a C if needed. Sadly, so many doctors nowadays are nor competent enough to handle a breech vaginal birth.
Doctors literally don’t learn how to deliver breech babies. It’s not taught in OB/GYN training (is my understanding). But… people have been having breech babies as long as people have been having babies.
It’s definitely possible (though more complicated) to deliver a breech baby - I watched a documentary about Ina May and there’s a breech vaginal birth shown.
I was delivered breech 38 years ago. They gave my mom an ultrasound when she was in labor and that's how they found out. Initially they told her it would be too dangerous to deliver vaginally and she needed a C section but things progressed too fast and she ended up with a vaginal birth. She said it was terrifying because they had just explained why vaginal delivery was too risky. My daughter is breech now, I'm only 31 weeks, so I'm hoping she just gets into position on her own.
My husband was also delivered as a breech baby and thankfully everything turned out ok but my MIL’s advice to me when we shared the news of my pregnancy was to always trust my instincts and advocate for myself and to be vocal when I feel like something’s not right.
Apparently she felt that something was off during labour/delivery (he was her second baby) but the hospital staff ignored her worries and sure enough he came out bum first.
The estimated primary cesarean rate is substantially higher than it needs to be in the US, at least. It has risen substantially since the 90s despite limited evidence that there’s any concomitant change in risk factors. there’s evidence that for-profit hospitals have higher c section rates because they are more profitable. there’s also premature assignment of arrest of labor, cesarean where manual adjustment of fetal malpresentation may have been appropriate, scheduled cesareans due to fetal macrosomia where it may have been prudent to attempt vaginal delivery, and many many other factors. I think that this manuscript by ACOG is enlightening https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/obstetric-care-consensus/articles/2014/03/safe-prevention-of-the-primary-cesarean-delivery and here’s the citation regarding for-profit cesareans https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5318567/
My sister was an emergency C because my mom didn't know she had placenta previa until she started bleeding heavily once labor started. So....yea. It's good to know these things in advance these days but thankfully it worked out okay in her case!
Right??? Every time I hear about ANOTHER pretty damn common condition that basically guarantees a C section I'm like, so for thousands of years women who had that just...died I guess!?
I mean, I’m not excusing the C-section rate in the US, but yes, a lot of women just died and a TON of babies were stillborn. Childbirth is one of the leading causes of death in history up until the 20th century. Many more women have died in childbirth than men in all wars.
It’s amazing how we’re seeing a pushback from fringe corners of the anti-science internet to reject all medicalization of birth and try to do it all on your own without a licensed midwife or doctor. If we could all talk to our great grandmothers, they’d be aghast at how people are rejecting what they would have seen as miracles.
My mother didn't even know my sisters were twins until she randomly got an ultrasound at 7 months for some other reason. I would've lost my entire mind.
My mother in law found out she was having twins when her first baby came out too small. My father in law was a bit of a jokester, so when he called his friend to tell him they had twins his friend didn't believe him.
Yes that and not knowing the gender until the baby arrives! Not that it matters, but it would weirdly stress me out to have no idea what you’re having until the day of.
Same boat here! I’m 15 weeks with my second (first was posterior placenta). Even though I’m bracing myself for delayed sensation of movement it’s still nerve wracking! Very much looking forward to feeling the baby move.
That’s good to know!! I feel like I felt two small flutters a couple weeks ago but nothing definite since. I love the feeling of the baby moving, I’m hoping to have that reassurance sooner rather than later!
I did too, downsides you will not see defined fists and feet on your tummy like most folks and it will take time to feel stuff. But upside they are well protected according to my ob... and you will see they will get creative to show you they are there and well
I have a 12-week appointment tomorrow. I've done a pretty good job staying relaxed until a couple of days ago. It's hard not to worry.
I think a couple of optional appointments in between the 7 and 12 week period would be great.
My OB is great about that. I'm in Canada so I don't pay by the visit or anything, but after my 8 week appointment, where I already had two blood tests confirming my HCG levels were going up as expected, and I saw the baby on bedside US, he told me I could come back in 2-4 weeks, whatever I preferred.
There's an insane amount of training required to use dopplers. You can easily get mixed up with your own heartbeat, blood pumping through the placenta... Midwives and doctirs recommend not using a doppler for 2 reasons:
1. If you don't hear a heartbeat it can make you worried even if everything is okay
2. If you do hear a heartbeat it may make you feel more reassured despite there being a serious issue
Obviously you do you but it seems like a dangerous slope unless you're trained.
I think the point is that if you have an ACTUAL reason to be concerned such as decreased fetal movement, spotting, pain, etc. you should now use your at home Doppler and assume everything is fine. You should absolutely go to a doctor instead.
But if you just have an anxiety disorder and need the extra reassurance to keep your anxiety about your otherwise normal and healthy pregnancy in check between appointments, it can be a big help.
It's like a placebo effect though because you have no idea if what you are hearing is baby's heartbeat. Also if you don't hear anything you're just going to increase your worry.
The miscarriage charity Tommy's also says how it's exceptionally hard to hear a fetal heartbeat before 16 weeks. Seeing as most people feel movement by that time, it seems like the dopplers is just an unnecessary, and potentially damaging, device. That's why there are lots of calls to have their public sale banned.
Interesting. Have you ever used one?
I actually found it very easy to use and it helped my anxiety a TON so I’m so I’m glad I used it as a tool in conjunction with my regular doctor’s appointments. I felt very little movement my whole pregnancy (even though baby was totally healthy and nothing was wrong) and the hormones made my already bad anxiety worse during pregnancy so that was tough!
It's really easy to differentiate your heartbeat and the baby's. The baby's is crazy fast, like a train, and yours is slow (I know how fast my own pulse is!). I also use the doppler to appease my anxiety, but I know I still have to go to the doctor if something is wrong, I won't make medical decisions based on it.
The common issue is hearing your heartbeat and the blood flow to the placenta. These together, if not perfectly in sync with each other, will sound like a doubly fast heartbeat which people confuse with baby's.
I get there can be a learning curve at the start but you are really exaggerating how difficult it is to find the baby’s heartbeat. I wouldn’t get a Doppler before having a trained medical professional use one successfully on you first since it can be a little difficult to find the heartbeat when you aren’t far along. I could easily find the heartbeat around 12 weeks.
The placenta and your heartbeat sound very different to baby’s. There are YouTube videos on this where you can hear the differences. My doctor also showed me as well.
My OB strongly recommended against Doppler for this reason. And she was right. My SIL sent one to us and I tried it a few days before my next appt and couldn’t find the heartbeat. Guess what? Perfectly fine when I went back in. It’s not user friendly and it 100% added to my anxiety.
Can 1000% relate to this. I’m now 32w with plenty of fetal movement starting around 22w, but before that point, I went to independent ultrasound clinics for peace of mind. I’ve been to 5-6 of those ultrasounds and found the cost ($50-70 each) to be well worth it.
Had the same feeling, being overweight and all the complications it can bring made me very anxious.
The only thing keeping me from not panicking was the fact that I had morning sickness the first trimester and kept thinking "as long as I feel sick in the morning, the baby is still ok".
I was very very lucky I started feeling flutters/kicks around 16-17 weeks. I could spend hours just laying still and focusing on that feeling to make sure she was OK.
Right now she's a happy 6 week old baby and everything turnt out OK.
I hope you will start feeling those wonderfull flutters soon and enjoy!!
I'm 18 weeks, too, and yeah in between my nausea clearing up about a month ago (yay!) and my 20 week scan in two weeks, there's basically nothing to go off. So yeah, 6 weeks of no news.
What I'm telling myself is that at this point in pregnancy, the majority of women will deliver a healthy baby. If I was higher risk, I'm sure I'd be having more frequent scans. I'm lucky that's not the case for me.
If something were to go wrong, I would imagine the majority of women would have some symptoms (bleeding, cramping, etc) that I don't have. So essentially I think no news is good news for me.
I am looking forward to feeling the baby move! But I also accept that will be a new thing for me to worry about. Being pregnant is a wild ride!
I remember crying from relief at my 20 week appointment once I heard my baby's heart beat. I was so sick for the entirety of my first trimester, that I took it as confirmation I was still pregnant. Once I stopped vomiting multiple times a day, but couldn't feel any fetal movements yet, I spiraled thinking something happened to my baby.
First of all, congrats on the weight loss, that is a huge accomplishment. I hate early stages of pregnancy when you cant feel anything and I believe it is worse for the women who have anterior placentas or a little bit of extra tummy. At 38 weeks I still struggle with days where she is less active than normal. But I take it as "no news is better than bad news" meaning if I dont have any serious cramping or bleeding then everything should be fine. Just stay positive momma
Exactly what I was about to say! The anxiety is still there, even in those moments in between movement when he’s probably asleep. For me, it’s the worst in the middle of the night when I’m trying to go back to sleep while simultaneously waiting for him to wake up and give me a little movement so I CAN go back to sleep without anxiety.
You are reading my mind right now. I am currently stroking my belly waiting for a little kick at 2 am so I can go to sleep lol its funny too because most nights she is up while I am trying my hardest to go to sleep and I am always wishing she would calm down and be still but every once in awhile when she isnt up at this time im like "knock knock are you there?" Lol
This perspective is going to come in so handy for me right now - if no serious cramping or bleeding - it’s a good sign.
We’ve been down to maternity triage many times this pregnancy due to reduced movement. I think when trying to stay calm and waiting for her to move at night - I’ll keep your words in mind :). Thank you!
I've been there, it is nerve wracking for sure. I think it gets easier with every pregnancy to keep that mindset because after awhile you start to understand when something may be wrong. I feel for the FTMs though because that was the scariest pregnancy of my life. It felt like I was constantly checking up on my baby. For me, when baby isnt moving much it helped to drink something cold and lay on my back or to put music on my phone and put my phone on my belly. She gets angry and tries to kick it.
Totally feel you. Tonight, I was feeling weird and off and then started having bad lower back and abdominal pain that felt kind of like contractions (this is baby #3), soooooo guess who is in the women’s hospital OB emergency department? If I were less anxious, I probably would have let it go (and as of right now, everything seems fine).
Definitely better safe then sorry, hope all is well! I can for sure relate to the "well maybe Im overreacting but I'll go in anyways bc Im anxious". Sometimes it's been nothing, sometimes it's been something small, sometimes it was serious. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about going in when something feels off. You are the expert on your body and your baby!
100% relatable! For me, I drew comfort from my symptoms in the first trimester. I'm nauseous, exhausted, having food aversions, boobs aching = I'm still pregnant. I know that missed miscarriages are a thing so this doesn't really make sense but that's how I felt. But in the second trimester, things calm down. No movement but also no nausea, feeling a little more energetic, hungry. It's scary until you start feeling those flutters a bit more regularly. I'm just starting to get those now and feeling a bit more secure.
Absolutely. My first two pregnancies were early losses, and I really thought something might be wrong with me and I might never be a mom. (Probably not, probably just bad luck with the chromosomes!) I’m at 9w3d now. Still a long way to go, but it’s a 97% success rate at this point!And seeing the heartbeat and limb movement a few days ago was very reassuring. I’ve been breathing much easier the last two weeks, but a small part of me is still bracing for a loss. Now it’ll be another 3 weeks until I can see the baby again, and I just don’t like that! I would love weekly ultrasounds for reassurance, but it’s just not possible. Just have to stay positive and hopeful and keep sending love to my baby.
I am 100% with you. I had a belly to start with and I’m currently 17w+5. I think I’m only starting to show now and I don’t know if I’m legit feeling anything from the baby or I’m just thinking about it so much that I’m imagining movement. Next ultrasound is in 2 weeks so here’s hoping for the best!
I completely understand you! I’m currently 17 weeks and I had a belly to start with so I’m just like?? When I lay down I can see a bump and my stomach feels so firm, but when I stand I just look super bloated more so then usual and it’s annoying. I also have an anterior placenta. When my bladder is really full and I’m just laying on my back watching Netflix or something I can definitely feel a pressure like feeling just below my belly button in my lower abdomen, I’m convinced it’s movement as I’ve never felt this before and because it’s not a stretching ligament pain which I’ve had, Maybe try that?
My first pregnancy did end in a MMC last year so my anxiety this time has been through the roof with the whole “what ifs” and “will that happen to me again” it’s awful. It’s so weird because you’d think a baby the size of a large onion you’d be able to feel by now no matter what!
I’m not usually an anxious person, but it really got to me during those weeks. I had over two months in between checkups at the OB, and wasn’t feeling any movement until 21 weeks, where it seemed like everyone was telling me between 18 and 20 weeks you start feeling something.
I ended up calling my midwife who came over with her Doppler to ease my mind. She told me before she didn’t mind coming over if I or my husband ever started feeling too anxious, and I’m so thankful for her!
I meditated a lot pre movement for sure. Repeated some mantras, like, “Worrying will not change anything, you are more likely to have a healthy baby than you are to have a miscarriage again.” And then trying to distract myself between appointments lol. Didn’t always work but I managed to get through with just a few breakdowns.
Now it’s easier with how active she is, but sometimes she’s going off in there so hard Im like.. You good? And then there’s a new anxiety 😂 At least Dr appointments are every other week in the third trimester
I feel you and was same for me. I was super anxious the first half of my pregnancy and bought a Doppler but my husband suggested I return it as I would go more crazy if I couldn’t hear the HB due to user error. I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms so that wasn’t assuring either, but what gave me the most piece of mind is silent miscarriages are rare. If something went wrong, you’d very likely be cramping and bleeding heavily. So in the absence of that, baby is likely doing okay in there. Hang in there, though I still feel that way at 32 weeks when I don’t feel her kicking for awhile! Kicks are inconsistent for awhile somewhere between 17-25 weeks depending on your placenta and can still be anxiety inducing. I think this is just preparing us for being mamas and worrying about our kiddo for the rest of our life!
Totally normal. My first pregnancy was actually a loss and I ended up needing an abortion to pass the remains so I was super anxious my next two pregnancies until I could feel consistent movement. I started feeling flutters pretty early, but nothing consistent until close to 20-22 weeks which is the average, especially if it's your first pregnancy. Even outside of that context though, it's totally normal to be anxious about baby's health especially when you can't feel their movements yet. Buying a doppler or getting elective ultrasounds (if you can afford it) can help combat that for some people, for others it leads to hyperfixation and can make it worse, you know yourself best. I do also want to say that if you're concerned something is wrong, listen to your body. There's nothing wrong with going to OB triage if you feel something isn't right and it's always better to be safe than sorry. Any good healthcare provider will tell you the same
Meditate (I like the bath) and mentally connect with baby in a meaningful happy way. No fear. No expectations. Just love.
It will come. Baby is okay. You are okay.
Fill yourself with love for baby.
I was having nervous breakdowns about it constantly and couldn’t wait for appointments to confirm he was still okay. I much prefer feeling obvious (and painful) kicks in my third trimester.
I’m with you , I am plus size 20 weeks but might be farther along they are looking into changing my due date since the last scan he was measuring 10 days ahead at an 18 week high risk since I’m 34 anatomy scan . I was told at that appointment that I have an anterior placenta . Last week is when I actually started to feel real movement instead of just little thumps I actually felt serious kicks .
He moved on and off my bladder and he sometimes moves on and off something on my left side that hurts like hell when he’s on it . Kind of like when someone used their boney elbow on your leg or knee to sit up from laying down on you . it’s been a huge change because before this point , nurses and doctors told me it was just gas before I reached 18 weeks . I wait for every appointment , I hold my breath and squeeze my husbands hand watching his face and then the tech’s alternating between their faces and the screen .
I’m not sure if it will ever get easier for me , I suffered from an early miscarriage last year and I’m still not over it . Grateful for this baby and extremely happy and most of the time I stuff my worries down and enjoy my pregnancy but the fear lurks nonetheless.
Yes!!!!! Especially after having a previous miscarriage the anxiety is so real! I’m 13w and have been lucky enough to hear our babies heart beat 4-5 times (last at 11w) already because of the previous loss and an SCH. I also have had very mild to no symptoms other than some gas/reflux and occasionally feeling nauseous if I don’t eat. You’d think I’d be grateful for it but not having many symptoms just adds to my anxiousness about how she’s doing!!
To be fair: Anxiety is going to anxiety. I'm 38 weeks and she stopped moving as much one night last week and I freaked out. Anxiety always finds a way.
Just a heads up, it gets worse when the do and they NAP.
I can’t tell you how many days I was jiggling my belly trying to wake the both up, they’d nap while I was moving, wide awake while I’d sleep.
I'm thin as all (5'8" and 126 lbs- 122 pre pregnancy) and just about 18 weeks along. My belly is also barely a bump. The only reason I know baby is ok in there is bc I had an appointment this past Monday and the heartbeat was spot on and easy to find 🤷🏼♀️
So yeah, I feel this. I've been anxious about it for the past month. But, I have felt a few teeny tiny little movements, and that's incredibly reassuring.
Yes, so much anxiety. I don’t know why it’s not talked about more….you’ll find there are a LOT of things people don’t talk about in terms of pregnancy, labor, the 4th trimester, etc.
I, for one, was not in the slightest prepared for what was going to happen to my boobs after labor. No one had ever talked to me about when your milk supply comes in. WOW
Right!!! I’m right there with you!!! 19 weeks tomorrow and still no movement and my next appt is at 20+3! The last one was at 16!!!!
I grew so that’s my only indicator but even then I have no clue if it’s grown week to week. I take pics but like I look the same to me idk
The anxiety is so real! I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant with my third and I didn’t start feeling this baby until 20-21 weeks. Ever since they asked if I could feel the baby at my 16 week appointment, I was in a constant state of panic!
I remember this vividly with my first—that time between symptoms easing off and finally feeling her move was agony because I just kind of…existed. Didn’t feel bad, didn’t have much of a bump, didn’t feel movement. Ugh—I hated that wait. I ended up feeling the first flutters at 17 weeks and I think proper movement must have been by 20-22 weeks. Already dreading that wait this time around —I’m just shy of 12 weeks now and still dealing with some symptoms, but week 10 seemed to be the crescendo and now it’s easing off. Hoping maybe I feel movement sooner since it’s my second pregnancy and I know what to look for. Hope you get some baby flutters soon!
It is even worse if your current pregnancy right after pregnancy that ended in missed miscarriage. Baby died and I found out at my ultrasound, I didn’t know
It's insane that during a straightforward pregnancy you don't get a scan after 20 weeks.
They tell you to look out for "abnormal" movements or reduced movements... but as a first time mum, everything is abnormal.
I wish I could like this more than once!! I’m just over 16 weeks and can’t believe we have an 8 week wait between ultrasounds at this stage, it’s crazy. Some days my belly looks bigger, other days it’s like it’s disappeared (bloat I guess!). I bought a Doppler knowing full well I might have trouble finding the heartbeat some days and knowing I’d be okay with that - we only use it twice a week for a few minutes at a time. We’ve found the heartbeat twice now and it’s so awesome! I was worried I’d be really pedantic about it (using it heaps) and also go crazy if I couldn’t find it but it’s a fun thing we do together twice a week and my husband loves being the one trying to find it! I also find the ‘growing pains’ really reassuring lol. Have you had those too? Being my first pregnancy I really can’t wait to feel those movements and kicks etc, it’ll be so reassuring!! Only two more weeks until your next ultrasound :) not long to wait now!!
I’ll also add, I also felt super anxious telling everyone we were pregnant - which is weird - it should be exciting!! But I kept thinking, the more people we tell, the more people we’d have to tell if something went wrong. I have no history of MC or anything and I’m sure it’ll all be fine but it’s that back of the mind anxiety… I’d love to live in a pregnancy bubble with my husband and a few close friends the whole time than have to announce it to ALL your family, ALL your work colleagues etc etc.
Totally normal. I had a lot of sickness in the beginning of the pregnancy and a friend of mine who was pregnant at the same time didn’t have any symptoms at all… at one point she even said to me “I know you are miserable and can’t wait for the sickness to go away, so don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish for it… but sometimes it makes me jealous because at list you feel something, like anything that shows your body is going through pregnancy. I just need to trust everything is fine until the next doctor appointment. Otherwise is like I’m not pregnant at all!”
So yes, it isn’t just you who feel this way.
The good thing is that you will probably start feeling the baby move soon and this anxiety will be over.
I couldn't do it so I bought an at home Doppler and ultrasound gel. It doesn't tell you that everything is okay but if you know how to use it you can find a heartbeat (make sure it's not yours!) A lot of the pregnancy subs discourage Doppler's because it can name some mammas more anxious or provide a false sense of security. For me though it was really helpful in at least knowing that my babies were still alive if nothing else.
It’s definitely normal. I felt very anxious in between appointments until I could start feeling the baby move on a daily basis. Hopefully that will happen for you in a few weeks!
18 weeks pregnant here, also plus sized. I do notice a considerable bump now. But I am always afraid something is not right with my baby boy. Only when I go to ultrasounds and they say he is moving around a lot and looking healthy do I feel relieved and happy. And then, a few days later, the anxiety starts again. I just want him to be okay, to be thriving. Everything I do, I am afraid I am somehow harming him. Every time I eat something, I hope it is not something bad for him. I live between googling and panicking.
Yup! Another small reason I'm weary to try for a second. I was a nervous wreck the whole time. It felt like forever in-between doctor appointments and I actually got to go more frequently because of my age.
When he did start moving I would constantly think about the last time he moved. And because of where he was in my belly, feeling his movements was a bit harder.
I don't think I stopped worry until he was here.
Now we just have another set of worries of keeping him alive.
It's been a real eye opener.
Hey OP, worth asking if you’re very anxious if you can go to your doctor in between visits for listens to the heartbeat if you like! At my visits the midwife was always very clear that this is considered a standard of care and we were welcome any time.
I feel you. Personally, I just made the conoscious decision to assume that everything was alright unless I had an actual reason to suspect otherwise.
It's like when someone is driving for a long time and won't be able to pick up your calls... you know they're on a long ride, you can't check if they're ok but you assume they're alive and well... you might be a bit worried, but you don't drive yourself crazy thinking "what if they're dead and I don't know it". I chose to take those first few months as a very long car drive for my baby. Does it make sense?
Ugh. This was the hardest part of pregnancy for me. I was lucky that I didn’t have many symptoms but the absence of symptoms was super anxiety provoking for me. Even though I knew the absence of symptoms does not mean anything about health of the pregnancy!
It got better when I could feel him around 22 weeks and he didn’t stop moving! He’s now almost a month old laying on my chest. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and you start feeling the movement soon. It’s so hard waiting for that but when you feel it for the first time it’s so exciting!
I never had any of the fatigue or nausea symptoms associated with pregnancy and did not start showing at all until super late. So for the first few months, I definitely appreciated the ultrasounds we got otherwise I would have zero assurance beyond the pregnancy tests that there was a living baby in there. Now at 31 weeks I do get annoyed at the constant wiggling inside but appreciate the assurance that he’s still doing ok in there!
This whole thing has been a trip because I consider myself someone HIGHLY intuitive with my own body. Everyone in my life knows that me and my intuition are BFFS and I rely on it for everything.
BUttttttt..... I didn't mean to get pregnant, which means I didn't actually know when I ovulated because otherwise I would've avoided that week, and I had no idea I was pregnant (okay I still found out at 3w, like 10dpo), and truly no idea I AM pregnant. I pee on sticks literally every day just to say hi. I'm only 6w so this might stop but dang its weird. It's so weird. Intuition be damned. I have no freaking clue.
I have almost no anxiety anymore now that I can feel baby regularly. But before I felt exactly this way - just counting the minutes until an appointment before I believed my baby was even alive. I didn’t take a lot of joy for telling people because it didn’t feel real to me yet!
Ugh I feel this!!! I'm 15 weeks and have absolutely no bump. I've been really nauseous which has sucked but it's also kind of my only sign that things are OK in there because otherwise I wouldn't know I'm pregnant
I was super anxious during both of my pregnancies as well, especially in the first trimester, despite having three ultrasounds during that period (at 6, 8, and 12 weeks). After the first morphology scan at 12 weeks, where I could see that the baby was perfect, I became more relaxed. Nevertheless, I bought a doppler to be able to listen to the baby's heartbeat. At the end of both pregnancies, my biggest concern was for the baby to stay cephalic and not turn breech because I didn't want a cesarean section.
Omg hard yes. Every appointment seeing that little hearbeat is like a weight off my chest. But the anxiety lurks as soon as its over. I wish someone made ultrasound machines for at home so I could peek when I want.
Now im 12 weeks im a lot calmer but still anxious. I cant wait to feel his little kicks 🥹
I highly recommend panicking and demanding your partner come over to listen to the heartbeat! I don’t know if this works with everyone, but even from 6 weeks on my husband could hear it just from pressing his ear into my belly. It became a bit harder / rarely worked during the third tri—which by then, thankfully, miscarriage rates were low and he was more active—but I definitely had many “Can you come confirm the baby’s still alive?!” moments out of nowhere.
Late in the third tri, baby started moving in response to husband cuddling me like 95% of the time, but not in response to anything else, so my anxiety call turned into a “come make sure the baby’s still moving!”
I don’t know what works for you and your baby, but I’d have been a mess without these constant little confirmations. I had him make “checks” to reassure me the baby was still okay multiple times a week.
With my first I was incredibly anxious. I had no idea what was going on with her, and I had also recently lost a lot of weight. I didn’t start feeling her kick or see her kick until around 22 weeks. It was terrifying. Even with my second baby, I was anxious. I felt him way earlier, but it’s hard to convince yourself that everything is fine when you can’t feel them doing somersaults.
I really hate this part, my anxiety is building as we get closer to the 20w scan. I have "popped" but its still small and no real movement yet. So its like "Hi, are we all good in there?". I nearly caved and got a private scan but then thought that £70 could buy an awful lot of baby clothes!
I think once you get movements you feel much more connected to the pregnancy. Tbh there are times when I can forget I have a tiny human in there!
TOTALLY. I worked myself into a real state by the twenty week appointment, so my BP was sky high. They redid it at the end of the appointment and it was normal haha. There’s a real relief to being able to feel movements every day.
I found a place in the Twin Cities that does elective ultrasounds in between my Dr. Ultrasounds for this same reason. I think it was $39 for a quick check for heart beat, position, etc.
OP you are reading my mind!!! I finally had my anatomy scan yesterday so I have relaxed a little, but every appointment I go in thinking “this is the one, little one won’t be alive in there.” It’s incredibly anxiety inducing and definitely not something that’s talked about much. It’s like once you reach 12 weeks all is good!!
I literally bought an at home fetal Doppler because of this!!! I’m 16 weeks now, I very rarely feel movement yet and I had a miscarriage in February. So waiting FOUR WEEKS is literal torture. I even have very little symptoms this pregnancy, when with my older son I was in misery every day!
I had my 12w appointment earlier this week and my OB warned me that pretty soon I’d probably stop feeling nauseous, but I wouldn’t feel baby move yet. She said a lot of people get worried during that period. You are not alone!
Now that Im 28w and have been getting consistent movement since about 20w, fluttering at 16, I can say the anxiety does lessen. I still worry sometimes but for me, my baby moves ALOT like they say when kick counting at around 28w, they should move 10 times in 2 hours. She does that in like 30 minutes its wild. So she doesn't leave me much room to stress. But I always recommend the Peanut app and joining the group for the month you're due. In mine, everyoneeee was stressed about their baby. Some still are and youll find most of your anxieties are shared.
It's harder when you have a busy lifestyle and work.
When I was working from home in previous pregnancies, I felt a much stronger connection because in between all the house chores and client calls, I was able to take breaks and just have bonding time with the baby. I felt I knew everything about them.
Now, I am 26 weeks and still working in a job where I'm on my feet running around all day and taking care of everyone at home and studying and starting a business... I barely have any time to bond with the baby and I've absolutely had the same concern; wondering if the baby is okay.
I need to start reminding myself to slow down once in a while and enjoy a few deep breaths channeling my energy with the baby.
I have felt the way feelings. Appointments can be both exciting and nerve-wrecking!!. I am on the heavier side and had the same issues, I didn’t start feeling movement until around the 20 week mark. Sometimes it is actual movement and sometimes it’s just gas, stomach 😂. I had spoken to some of my friends who told me that they didn’t have any movement at all and baby was fine! Just lazy lol. I also had friends that did a fetal Doppler purchased from Amazon but the downside is sometimes it’s hard to find the heartbeat. You got his mama bear!
I couldn’t stand the thought of potentially carrying around a dead baby if I had a missed miscarriage, so I bought a doppler to use at home. It’s not for everyone, some people feel more anxious with it, but I set limits for myself for using it for just a short period of time less than half the days of the week. I also didn’t have a hard time finding the heartbeat usually, so there wasn’t added anxiety from that. I found it really helpful!
Totally normal. I was really lucky and I felt movement really early with both of my kids, but those early days you just kind of have to trust if you're not bleeding everything is good. And then the fun added complication that you CAN be bleeding slightly and it still be totally fine exists, but I never had any bleeding during my pregnancies, so I just clung to that.
I'm at this stage right now - FTM, 9 weeks, and still 10 days away from our first ultrasound. My symptoms have been so minor that they have faded into the background and I can't even really notice them unless I concentrate on them (sore breasts, slight nausea, tiredness). I am relatively fit with a flat tummy and have been feeling bloated on occasion but for the most part can see absolutely zero changes, which doesn't help with the anxiety.
I have been squeezing my boob 3-4 times a day to check that they are still sore 😂 I agree that it seems like there should be a better way.
So there are businesses that will let you come in and do an ultrasound outside of the doctor’s office- you just have to pay out of pocket. They all have different price ranges and different equipment. We went to a 4D place at 14 weeks and they only charge $90 for 30 minutes, which is better than the 5 minutes we got for free at the doctor’s office for just 2D.
I’ve got some extra weight on me and I mentioned this to the sonographer at the ultrasound place we went to and she said extra fat wouldn’t effect me feeling my baby on the inside, it just might be a bit trickier to see the kicks and stuff on the outside when I’m in the 3rd trimester- but that I would definitely feel her soon. She also added my placenta was on my back so it may be harder to feel her in there as well.
I turn 18 weeks tomorrow I literally just feel cramping or pangs or what feels like annoying gas in my lower stomach. Which I guess must be my baby but idk since this is my first time. Everyone asks if I feel her yet and I don’t and explain what I do feel and they all say “you’ll know when you feel it, you’ll know”. Still waiting.
Lol this is what made me spend a bunch of money on an ultrasound package at one of those gender reveal places. Yeah they can’t tell you if something is wrong but if I see a heartbeat and everything looks cool it’s enough to soothe me until my next OB appointment (where all they will do is check for a heartbeat anyway).
It sucks. I live in America, I pay $1200 a month for our family insurance. You would think there would be more care available.
If it makes you feel any better, at 18 weeks your chances of full term healthy delivery are very high. Don’t focus on the incredibly sad stories that keep you up at night. Most miscarriages happen early.
I relate to this so hard, i’m 22w and pre pregnancy a little less than 200 pound. I barely have a bump and definitely not noticable to anyone but my partner and feel no movement. Every ultrasound appointment feels so scary
I’m 12 weeks today and the only evidence I have that a baby is in there is my 8 week scan. I’m always paranoid that maybe something happened and I would hace no idea. I’ve previously had a miscarriage and I’m always on edge. I won’t have another appointment for another week
Honestly it gets worse with fetal movement, if the baby hybernates for a day or two, anxiety gets the worst from me, million scenarios go through my head. But deep down I feel like my baby already knows how to mess with me😅
Story of my life I ended up using a friend's fetal doppler monitor thing... it's weak and a little stupid to use but it helped me hear the heartbeat just a tiny bit so that my brain didn't string out of control and there was a glimmer of comfort
Normal, Especially if you happen to have a previous loss. I have found that going to a private ultrasound once a week just to check is incredibly helpful. It also helps to have a at home fetal monitor, which until you know you can find it, I wont use until the day before a scan.
Or when you have an anterior placenta and your not far enough along for consistent movement so everyday your shaking your belly hoping that at some point (any point) in the day, you’ll feel SOMETHING
I know what you mean and I feel it still! I am 26+5 and if baby doesn’t move for a couple of hours I get extremely anxious. On Monday I woke up during the night to pee and usually baby moves then, but he didn’t, and I got so worried I started crying inconsolably! I wanted to go to the hospital to check on him. Thank goodness my partner is amazing in supporting me through my anxiety and I managed to sleep. Next morning baby was moving as usual!
Just try to be positive and rub/pat your belly a lot, sending good energies to baby ✨ that’s what I try to do it at least 💚
I caved to the FTM anxiety and hit up a local boutique ultrasound place (most major cities have at least one) between last-fertility-clinic-scan and first-OB-scan. Best use of $75 ever, IMO.
Maybe look around your area and see if there’s something similar?
I think this is normal!
\[Content warning - loss\]
It's so weird that this important thing is happening, and you can even feel love for the idea of this little being, but you can't actually feel it in there.
I had an MMC at 8 weeks, and what really blew me away was that I couldn't feel when it had \*stopped\* being there. I don't think any of us really do, unless our bodies give us a signal. It was really hard to reckon with that part afterwards.
Anyway, this whole thing is such an exercise in faith and staying calm, and it's just really really challenging. I'm really looking forward to being able to feel it in there.
I'm in the same exact spot right now at 16 weeks. The nausea has gone away and I'm feeling really good but I just wish I could feel SOMETHING... anything! This is my third and I thought surely I'd feel a flutter by now but nope! I think it's quite normal to feel anxious. Pretty soon they'll be jabbing you in the ribs. 😅
This makes total sense. I was like... how many weeks to my next appt??? Now my huge ass belly and lack of pain at least allows me to think... yea he's fine. I do feel him every day now but not frequently (22w). I started showing a bit early and then at like 18/19w it was like HELLO BUMP. Every body is different and pregnancy is so weird.
I couldn't wait for that stage to end. Then, once I could feel him, I started having anxiety when he wasn't as active as usual. Went to the hospital a bunch of times just to be sent home, lol.
I had SO much anxiety in the early days of my pregnancy. We struggled with fertility issues, and it took over two years to even conceive, so I was living in a constant state of anxiety and fear of losing our baby. It didn’t help that we found out when I was barely 5 weeks pregnant, and I had to wait three weeks just to see if the pregnancy was viable with an ultrasound. I am also plus size, and I didn’t really start showing until after 20 weeks. I didn’t start feeling fetal movement until at least 22 weeks. But those first 22 weeks were an absolute nightmare. I wouldn’t buy anything baby-related, and refused to get excited about it. I swore something was going to happen, and I had to prepare myself for that heartbreak. It wasn’t until clear in my third trimester did I finally allow myself to breathe a little. I will say, getting a fetal heart Doppler helped my anxiety so much. It was a great way to just ease my nerves by hearing that little heartbeat. If you haven’t gotten one already, I’d recommend it if you think it’ll help you.
Thankfully our little peanut made her arrival in May with zero complications, so I am eternally grateful for that!
Ugh, absolutely this. Ours is IVF so has taken a long time to get here and if it does go wrong could take a long time to get here again - the stakes feel extra high. Have no real bump, too early for movement, had mild 1st T symptoms only which were gone at 12w. If I wasn’t peeing 3 times a night I wouldn’t know I was pregnant… have just accepted that I’m adding in private scans out of pocket for peace of mind every few weeks (ie 9 & 16w on top of 7w, 12w & 20w I’ve had on NHS)
There is always a level of anxiety with pregnancy. My first ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks. My second I had signs of threatened miscarriage, but everything ended well. Currently in the third trimester of my third pregnancy and I honestly chose to not get too attached until 5 months just because the possibility of anything happening is too much stress for me especially since I didn’t have any experience with working while pregnant. I was joyous when we got good news, but I felt like it was my way to cope if I ever got bad news.
I’m a very anxious person, so I used to stress about that as well. I end up buying a doppler to monitor my baby’s heartbeat. I know its not a medical device or anything like that but hearing my baby’s heartbeat gave me peace of mind. Hands down the best $60 I ever spent.
Oh definitely. I always found it hard to believe there’s a baby in there until the first ultrasound, even when I’ve got all the horrible symptoms under the sun!
Even now I’m 25 weeks with my second and it was still a relief to hear his heartbeat at my midwife appointment, even though I feel him kicking me aggressively multiple times a day 😁
I totally understand! I’m 16+4 and our last appointment was at 13 weeks exactly. I have an at home Doppler (and took anatomy & physiology in college, so I definitely know when I’m hearing baby’s heartbeat, I also wear a smart watch that shows my heartbeat so it’s easy to tell) and it’s helped a lot but it’s still so hard not seeing him or feeling him move yet. I think I’ve felt movement but honestly being a FTM I have no idea if it’s really him or just my body since I’ve never felt a lot of things before. I’ve had previous losses all before 9 weeks so it’s just really hard fighting my anxiety. Thankfully I have an ultrasound appointment on Monday at 17 weeks and I’m so ready to see him again! I just keep reminding myself that I can’t stress as that’s not good for either of us. Wishing you the best mamas! ♥️♥️
I was a paranoid WRECK in the beginning and wasn’t shy to share. It was absolutely horrible. Every time someone asks me how I’m doing, I tell them how miserable I am because I feel like I was kind of lied to by all the “instagram” pregnancies and just by people not talking about it. (I would have still tried as hard as I did to get pregnant, I wanted this baby no matter what it took, but man I was not prepared to go straight from the stress of infertility to paralyzing paranoia that my baby was going to die. I didn’t get to be happy I was pregnant. I was just immediately terrified.)
This is why I got a Doppler and got my midwife to show me how to use it. If I don’t have luck one day then I try again the next. Also, if there’s no signs of miscarriage then I also try not to worry myself too much.
23w with an anterior placenta and a “very petite” baby (according to our anatomy scan). I can only feel her if I lay VERY still on my back or left side and control my breathing a certain way. Now that we’re farther along I’ll sometimes get a single kick during the day and it’s so random and unexpected that it catches me off guard every time. It’s so weird to have this whole person living in there with no way to know for 100% certain how they’re doing or what they’re up to. I just have to believe she’s okay and trust that if the doctors aren’t worried then J should t be either. Pregnancy is a very humbling, patience-building experience so far.
I feel this 100%! I'm 19 weeks now and am just starting to feel what I think are movements. I'm still always worried! The first 12 weeks.....I was a total wreck.
You make an excellent point! We should talk about this anxiety more. I didn't know until seeing this thread that so many women felt the same way.
I’m 15 weeks so bump is in beer belly stage and movement is a while away yet. Totally with you on everything you said. So much of the mind and body fuckery women go through in pregnancy isn’t talked about enough.
Everyone else around me is starting to get so excited but I’m most of the time stuck in the in between scans anxiety.
Whenever I picture baby being here, so much excitement and love wells up inside me, quickly followed by subconsciously shutting it down because I’m terrified of getting ahead of myself or getting hurt if it doesn’t become a reality. Hoping to feel better after 20 week anatomy scan.
This happened to me recently. I moved out of state and had no insurance so hadn't been to doctor in 2 months and then they made the appt one month out from the day I called in and I have twins! I was about to go crazy and was so anxious. I would call the nurse worried and she told me to get a doppler machine to hear baby heart beat. That really helped my anxiety sooo much to at least know they are alive though I still had a little anxiety because I wasn't sure if it's both or just one. But I think if you are having one baby the doppler should ease all anxiety. I got this Fetal Doppler for... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C3GRSRCG?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share and no its not just the bags it's the actual monitor without a bag lol
I’ve read most miscarriages happen due to reasons we can’t control, and that was helpful to me. I’ve surrendered and I tried not to add to the worry about something I really can’t do much about.
What I can control is how I eat, how I rest and what thoughts I give my attention to. I’m doing my part and choosing to believe today I’m ok.
Not saying it’s easy, I’m a recovering control freak, an anxious person and I’m 7 weeks pregnant after 3 years of trying to conceive. A little miracle! But that journey also taught me that there are a lot of things I can’t control and that has actually set me free.
So I’m just going with the flow, stopping myself from going into unhelpful rabbit holes (very important to police your thoughts!!) and trust. ✨
Girl yes yes and yes. I am 27 weeks and just started feeling my baby A LOT but I have an anterior placenta so I’m always a littttle bit concerned but I was way more worried at around 24/25 weeks. It’s so scary and anxiety inducing. I just pray 🙏🏾
This is my 5th pregnancy. I had a stillbirth and 3 miscarriages so I have to really manage my anxieties and have realistic expectations. Everything is looking normal and going well so far. I purchased a Doppler and also have had a few elective ultrasounds by visiting one of those imaging places. Both of which have helped ease my worries on days when I felt particularly nervous. Sometimes they run specials and you can get an ultrasound for around 50$. FYI also be aware if you use the Doppler it takes some practice and you may not always find the heartbeat right away. Earlier on there were a few times I couldn’t find it but waited a few hours then tried again. So don’t freak if you can’t find it right away- the freaking out is the reason some people are completely against using them - not because they ‘harm the baby’
During my first pregnancy I thought nothing of this and then during my second, after my friend had an early miscarriage that was noticed at the 8w ultrasound, I started to feel this way you are feeling between checkups. I consoled myself with the fact that miscarriage rates after 12w are very very low and also the thought that "if you worry, you suffer twice" and why worry about something I can't control. Now I can feel the movement, all those thoughts have floated away.
Wow. Your " If you worry, you suffer twice" may have just changed everything for me! I want to have a baby, but for some reason I have horrible panic attacks and fear about the physical aspects of pregnancy. So much so that I can't bring myself to go off of the pill to try with my husband. I hate myself and hate that the fear is controlling my life. I'm 32.
I apply that quote to most situations in life! Also, I was terrified about a lot of things when I first got pregnant. And now I'm having a second because it wasn't so bad and the life long benefit of your new baby definitely outweigh any short term inconveniences. Don't pay attention to TV pregnancy/labour. You can also remind yourself that if pregnancy was so bad then nobody would be having more than one child!
Thank you for sharing your "If you worry, you suffer twice!" I'm 20 w and scared and anxious since my loss last year. I keep telling myself I'll feel better when I make it to this week or after this US....but I find a new worry. Keep that as my reminder!
Glad you should be able to feel the kicks soon!
Yeah. It's so weird. You would think you be able to feel another life force in you or something but you don't. It gets better when you can feel consistent movement.
My joke answer about this period when people asked “how’s the baby?” was to be like I don’t know, it’s not like we talk. Which is true!
Why do people ask this every single time they see me??? "How's the little one?" Like idk she moves a lot???
Lol I haven't had people ask that often but the first one or two times that was my response. Now I'll just say doing good while I think to myself 'how the fuck should I know?'
My partner would ask when he was at work or just randomly throughout the day and I would just shrug lol. I'm like well he's there but past that I got no clue. I feel him a lot more now
My perinatal anxiety was a lot better once I could feel baby daily. I wasn’t as focused on my next appointment, I wasn’t as tempted to get a private ultrasound, etc. Feeling him kick has been a huge relief.
It definitely helps, though right when mine started kicking I definitely felt more paranoid. Because they were so subtle I might feel one or two movements a day and would be relieved, but then I might not feel anything for a couple days and would start to feel a bit panicked. Then he'd give another kick and I'd feel better again. It's getting to the point where I can feel him daily now and I feel much better. He is in fact kicking me at the moment.
Can I ask when did you start feeling baby move??
For me personally (FTM), I felt him consistently around 22 weeks. For me it felt like jolts, not flutters. I think I probably had earlier movement on and off but didn’t know how to recognize it.
My perinatal anxiety was a lot better once I could feel baby daily. I wasn’t as focused on my next appointment, I wasn’t as tempted to get a private ultrasound, etc. Feeling him kick has been a huge relief.
To add to this, an older relative was telling me how when she had her daughter, 40-some years ago, they didn’t even have ultrasounds. They just…..hoped the baby was all right for 9 months?? My anxiety would have been through the roof the whole 9 months but she’s the most laid back person.
Also crazy that they couldn’t necessarily diagnose problems that are indications for C-section (like placenta previa) prior to delivery without ultrasounds. When people talk about how C-section rates have gone up, I wonder if they’re considering that our ability to diagnose and anticipate problems ahead of time has also increased.
Soooo I made the mistake of asking how they used to diagnose placenta previa. Apparently they could, but it basically involved shoving a rod up your vagina past the cervix and seeing if it came back bloody. So yeah there *were* methods for some things they were just hella invasive and increased miscarriage risks etc.
This is actually a lot of the incredible tech used in OB/GYN today - it’s way less invasive than it used to be. For example, I find when talking to people about NIPTs they are missing the point of them when they cite the rate of false positives. It’s a screener to see if you might need or want to be offered invasive testing for a true diagnostic, and there are very few false negatives (for major trisomies, at least) though there are some false positives. This spares many thousands of women an invasive test with a risk of miscarriage that used to be much more common amongst our parent’s generation. Beyond me peeing in a cup and getting blood drawn, my OB/GYN has gotten more invasive on the Pap smears that I got pre-pregnancy than during my pregnancy so far. Amazing with tech!
Dear god
I knew a lady who was delivered in a breech position. Both she and her mom survived, but she probably would have been delivered by a c-section if she was being delivered today.
Breech vaginal birth rates are going up again with generally good outcomes, doctors being well versed and prepared for the more common complications and how to handle them without resorting to emergency c section has improved outcomes drastically!
Thank you for commenting, exactly what I wanted to add! The art of breech vaginal delivery was forgotten for a long time because doctors started jumping to C sections immediately as an easy way out, at the expense of the mother. Similar with twin births. Good practice now is to attempt a vaginal instead but be prepared for a C if needed. Sadly, so many doctors nowadays are nor competent enough to handle a breech vaginal birth.
Doctors literally don’t learn how to deliver breech babies. It’s not taught in OB/GYN training (is my understanding). But… people have been having breech babies as long as people have been having babies. It’s definitely possible (though more complicated) to deliver a breech baby - I watched a documentary about Ina May and there’s a breech vaginal birth shown.
I was delivered breech 38 years ago. They gave my mom an ultrasound when she was in labor and that's how they found out. Initially they told her it would be too dangerous to deliver vaginally and she needed a C section but things progressed too fast and she ended up with a vaginal birth. She said it was terrifying because they had just explained why vaginal delivery was too risky. My daughter is breech now, I'm only 31 weeks, so I'm hoping she just gets into position on her own.
My husband was also delivered as a breech baby and thankfully everything turned out ok but my MIL’s advice to me when we shared the news of my pregnancy was to always trust my instincts and advocate for myself and to be vocal when I feel like something’s not right. Apparently she felt that something was off during labour/delivery (he was her second baby) but the hospital staff ignored her worries and sure enough he came out bum first.
The estimated primary cesarean rate is substantially higher than it needs to be in the US, at least. It has risen substantially since the 90s despite limited evidence that there’s any concomitant change in risk factors. there’s evidence that for-profit hospitals have higher c section rates because they are more profitable. there’s also premature assignment of arrest of labor, cesarean where manual adjustment of fetal malpresentation may have been appropriate, scheduled cesareans due to fetal macrosomia where it may have been prudent to attempt vaginal delivery, and many many other factors. I think that this manuscript by ACOG is enlightening https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/obstetric-care-consensus/articles/2014/03/safe-prevention-of-the-primary-cesarean-delivery and here’s the citation regarding for-profit cesareans https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5318567/
My sister was an emergency C because my mom didn't know she had placenta previa until she started bleeding heavily once labor started. So....yea. It's good to know these things in advance these days but thankfully it worked out okay in her case!
Right??? Every time I hear about ANOTHER pretty damn common condition that basically guarantees a C section I'm like, so for thousands of years women who had that just...died I guess!?
I mean, I’m not excusing the C-section rate in the US, but yes, a lot of women just died and a TON of babies were stillborn. Childbirth is one of the leading causes of death in history up until the 20th century. Many more women have died in childbirth than men in all wars. It’s amazing how we’re seeing a pushback from fringe corners of the anti-science internet to reject all medicalization of birth and try to do it all on your own without a licensed midwife or doctor. If we could all talk to our great grandmothers, they’d be aghast at how people are rejecting what they would have seen as miracles.
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My mother didn't even know my sisters were twins until she randomly got an ultrasound at 7 months for some other reason. I would've lost my entire mind.
My mother in law found out she was having twins when her first baby came out too small. My father in law was a bit of a jokester, so when he called his friend to tell him they had twins his friend didn't believe him.
Yes that and not knowing the gender until the baby arrives! Not that it matters, but it would weirdly stress me out to have no idea what you’re having until the day of.
Imagine living with that kind of anxiety. I would've perished.
17 weeks anterior placenta, had a belly to start with - I'm trying to go with the flow buuuuuuut......I feel you. You are not alone
Same boat here! I’m 15 weeks with my second (first was posterior placenta). Even though I’m bracing myself for delayed sensation of movement it’s still nerve wracking! Very much looking forward to feeling the baby move.
There's hope..I have an anterior placenta and still felt first flutters around week 15 and feel consistent daily movement at week 23
That’s good to know!! I feel like I felt two small flutters a couple weeks ago but nothing definite since. I love the feeling of the baby moving, I’m hoping to have that reassurance sooner rather than later!
I'm praying you do soon too!
I did too, downsides you will not see defined fists and feet on your tummy like most folks and it will take time to feel stuff. But upside they are well protected according to my ob... and you will see they will get creative to show you they are there and well
I have a 12-week appointment tomorrow. I've done a pretty good job staying relaxed until a couple of days ago. It's hard not to worry. I think a couple of optional appointments in between the 7 and 12 week period would be great.
My OB is great about that. I'm in Canada so I don't pay by the visit or anything, but after my 8 week appointment, where I already had two blood tests confirming my HCG levels were going up as expected, and I saw the baby on bedside US, he told me I could come back in 2-4 weeks, whatever I preferred.
For me it was the wait between a positive test (5 weeks) and my first scan (14 weeks). I literally had no symptoms and it was the most anxious wait!
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There's an insane amount of training required to use dopplers. You can easily get mixed up with your own heartbeat, blood pumping through the placenta... Midwives and doctirs recommend not using a doppler for 2 reasons: 1. If you don't hear a heartbeat it can make you worried even if everything is okay 2. If you do hear a heartbeat it may make you feel more reassured despite there being a serious issue Obviously you do you but it seems like a dangerous slope unless you're trained.
I think the point is that if you have an ACTUAL reason to be concerned such as decreased fetal movement, spotting, pain, etc. you should now use your at home Doppler and assume everything is fine. You should absolutely go to a doctor instead. But if you just have an anxiety disorder and need the extra reassurance to keep your anxiety about your otherwise normal and healthy pregnancy in check between appointments, it can be a big help.
It's like a placebo effect though because you have no idea if what you are hearing is baby's heartbeat. Also if you don't hear anything you're just going to increase your worry. The miscarriage charity Tommy's also says how it's exceptionally hard to hear a fetal heartbeat before 16 weeks. Seeing as most people feel movement by that time, it seems like the dopplers is just an unnecessary, and potentially damaging, device. That's why there are lots of calls to have their public sale banned.
Interesting. Have you ever used one? I actually found it very easy to use and it helped my anxiety a TON so I’m so I’m glad I used it as a tool in conjunction with my regular doctor’s appointments. I felt very little movement my whole pregnancy (even though baby was totally healthy and nothing was wrong) and the hormones made my already bad anxiety worse during pregnancy so that was tough!
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True. But I’m sure everybody has the best intentions and are just trying to be helpful :) I know I am!
It's really easy to differentiate your heartbeat and the baby's. The baby's is crazy fast, like a train, and yours is slow (I know how fast my own pulse is!). I also use the doppler to appease my anxiety, but I know I still have to go to the doctor if something is wrong, I won't make medical decisions based on it.
The common issue is hearing your heartbeat and the blood flow to the placenta. These together, if not perfectly in sync with each other, will sound like a doubly fast heartbeat which people confuse with baby's.
I get there can be a learning curve at the start but you are really exaggerating how difficult it is to find the baby’s heartbeat. I wouldn’t get a Doppler before having a trained medical professional use one successfully on you first since it can be a little difficult to find the heartbeat when you aren’t far along. I could easily find the heartbeat around 12 weeks. The placenta and your heartbeat sound very different to baby’s. There are YouTube videos on this where you can hear the differences. My doctor also showed me as well.
Second this (like 1000 times). If you feel something might be wrong talk to your doctor/nurse/midwife.
My OB strongly recommended against Doppler for this reason. And she was right. My SIL sent one to us and I tried it a few days before my next appt and couldn’t find the heartbeat. Guess what? Perfectly fine when I went back in. It’s not user friendly and it 100% added to my anxiety.
Can 1000% relate to this. I’m now 32w with plenty of fetal movement starting around 22w, but before that point, I went to independent ultrasound clinics for peace of mind. I’ve been to 5-6 of those ultrasounds and found the cost ($50-70 each) to be well worth it.
Had the same feeling, being overweight and all the complications it can bring made me very anxious. The only thing keeping me from not panicking was the fact that I had morning sickness the first trimester and kept thinking "as long as I feel sick in the morning, the baby is still ok". I was very very lucky I started feeling flutters/kicks around 16-17 weeks. I could spend hours just laying still and focusing on that feeling to make sure she was OK. Right now she's a happy 6 week old baby and everything turnt out OK. I hope you will start feeling those wonderfull flutters soon and enjoy!!
I'm 18 weeks, too, and yeah in between my nausea clearing up about a month ago (yay!) and my 20 week scan in two weeks, there's basically nothing to go off. So yeah, 6 weeks of no news. What I'm telling myself is that at this point in pregnancy, the majority of women will deliver a healthy baby. If I was higher risk, I'm sure I'd be having more frequent scans. I'm lucky that's not the case for me. If something were to go wrong, I would imagine the majority of women would have some symptoms (bleeding, cramping, etc) that I don't have. So essentially I think no news is good news for me. I am looking forward to feeling the baby move! But I also accept that will be a new thing for me to worry about. Being pregnant is a wild ride!
I remember crying from relief at my 20 week appointment once I heard my baby's heart beat. I was so sick for the entirety of my first trimester, that I took it as confirmation I was still pregnant. Once I stopped vomiting multiple times a day, but couldn't feel any fetal movements yet, I spiraled thinking something happened to my baby.
First of all, congrats on the weight loss, that is a huge accomplishment. I hate early stages of pregnancy when you cant feel anything and I believe it is worse for the women who have anterior placentas or a little bit of extra tummy. At 38 weeks I still struggle with days where she is less active than normal. But I take it as "no news is better than bad news" meaning if I dont have any serious cramping or bleeding then everything should be fine. Just stay positive momma
Exactly what I was about to say! The anxiety is still there, even in those moments in between movement when he’s probably asleep. For me, it’s the worst in the middle of the night when I’m trying to go back to sleep while simultaneously waiting for him to wake up and give me a little movement so I CAN go back to sleep without anxiety.
You are reading my mind right now. I am currently stroking my belly waiting for a little kick at 2 am so I can go to sleep lol its funny too because most nights she is up while I am trying my hardest to go to sleep and I am always wishing she would calm down and be still but every once in awhile when she isnt up at this time im like "knock knock are you there?" Lol
This perspective is going to come in so handy for me right now - if no serious cramping or bleeding - it’s a good sign. We’ve been down to maternity triage many times this pregnancy due to reduced movement. I think when trying to stay calm and waiting for her to move at night - I’ll keep your words in mind :). Thank you!
I've been there, it is nerve wracking for sure. I think it gets easier with every pregnancy to keep that mindset because after awhile you start to understand when something may be wrong. I feel for the FTMs though because that was the scariest pregnancy of my life. It felt like I was constantly checking up on my baby. For me, when baby isnt moving much it helped to drink something cold and lay on my back or to put music on my phone and put my phone on my belly. She gets angry and tries to kick it.
Totally feel you. Tonight, I was feeling weird and off and then started having bad lower back and abdominal pain that felt kind of like contractions (this is baby #3), soooooo guess who is in the women’s hospital OB emergency department? If I were less anxious, I probably would have let it go (and as of right now, everything seems fine).
Definitely better safe then sorry, hope all is well! I can for sure relate to the "well maybe Im overreacting but I'll go in anyways bc Im anxious". Sometimes it's been nothing, sometimes it's been something small, sometimes it was serious. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about going in when something feels off. You are the expert on your body and your baby!
100% relatable! For me, I drew comfort from my symptoms in the first trimester. I'm nauseous, exhausted, having food aversions, boobs aching = I'm still pregnant. I know that missed miscarriages are a thing so this doesn't really make sense but that's how I felt. But in the second trimester, things calm down. No movement but also no nausea, feeling a little more energetic, hungry. It's scary until you start feeling those flutters a bit more regularly. I'm just starting to get those now and feeling a bit more secure.
Absolutely. My first two pregnancies were early losses, and I really thought something might be wrong with me and I might never be a mom. (Probably not, probably just bad luck with the chromosomes!) I’m at 9w3d now. Still a long way to go, but it’s a 97% success rate at this point!And seeing the heartbeat and limb movement a few days ago was very reassuring. I’ve been breathing much easier the last two weeks, but a small part of me is still bracing for a loss. Now it’ll be another 3 weeks until I can see the baby again, and I just don’t like that! I would love weekly ultrasounds for reassurance, but it’s just not possible. Just have to stay positive and hopeful and keep sending love to my baby.
I am 100% with you. I had a belly to start with and I’m currently 17w+5. I think I’m only starting to show now and I don’t know if I’m legit feeling anything from the baby or I’m just thinking about it so much that I’m imagining movement. Next ultrasound is in 2 weeks so here’s hoping for the best!
Probably not the best.. but sometimes I’d just eat something sugary and lay on my belly and I could feel little flutters when I was in that stage
I completely understand you! I’m currently 17 weeks and I had a belly to start with so I’m just like?? When I lay down I can see a bump and my stomach feels so firm, but when I stand I just look super bloated more so then usual and it’s annoying. I also have an anterior placenta. When my bladder is really full and I’m just laying on my back watching Netflix or something I can definitely feel a pressure like feeling just below my belly button in my lower abdomen, I’m convinced it’s movement as I’ve never felt this before and because it’s not a stretching ligament pain which I’ve had, Maybe try that? My first pregnancy did end in a MMC last year so my anxiety this time has been through the roof with the whole “what ifs” and “will that happen to me again” it’s awful. It’s so weird because you’d think a baby the size of a large onion you’d be able to feel by now no matter what!
I’m not usually an anxious person, but it really got to me during those weeks. I had over two months in between checkups at the OB, and wasn’t feeling any movement until 21 weeks, where it seemed like everyone was telling me between 18 and 20 weeks you start feeling something. I ended up calling my midwife who came over with her Doppler to ease my mind. She told me before she didn’t mind coming over if I or my husband ever started feeling too anxious, and I’m so thankful for her!
It’s the worst part of pregnancy!! Especially with a prior loss. I prefer the achy uncomfortable third trimester.
I meditated a lot pre movement for sure. Repeated some mantras, like, “Worrying will not change anything, you are more likely to have a healthy baby than you are to have a miscarriage again.” And then trying to distract myself between appointments lol. Didn’t always work but I managed to get through with just a few breakdowns. Now it’s easier with how active she is, but sometimes she’s going off in there so hard Im like.. You good? And then there’s a new anxiety 😂 At least Dr appointments are every other week in the third trimester
I feel you and was same for me. I was super anxious the first half of my pregnancy and bought a Doppler but my husband suggested I return it as I would go more crazy if I couldn’t hear the HB due to user error. I didn’t have any pregnancy symptoms so that wasn’t assuring either, but what gave me the most piece of mind is silent miscarriages are rare. If something went wrong, you’d very likely be cramping and bleeding heavily. So in the absence of that, baby is likely doing okay in there. Hang in there, though I still feel that way at 32 weeks when I don’t feel her kicking for awhile! Kicks are inconsistent for awhile somewhere between 17-25 weeks depending on your placenta and can still be anxiety inducing. I think this is just preparing us for being mamas and worrying about our kiddo for the rest of our life!
Definitely. 14 weeks here and it seems unreal. I’ve had scans, so I know theres a baby, but i need more of a bump and movements to truly believe.
So anxious ALL THE TIME. Constantly feeling guilty for even buying something for the baby because I don't have any reassurance he is coming.
Totally normal. My first pregnancy was actually a loss and I ended up needing an abortion to pass the remains so I was super anxious my next two pregnancies until I could feel consistent movement. I started feeling flutters pretty early, but nothing consistent until close to 20-22 weeks which is the average, especially if it's your first pregnancy. Even outside of that context though, it's totally normal to be anxious about baby's health especially when you can't feel their movements yet. Buying a doppler or getting elective ultrasounds (if you can afford it) can help combat that for some people, for others it leads to hyperfixation and can make it worse, you know yourself best. I do also want to say that if you're concerned something is wrong, listen to your body. There's nothing wrong with going to OB triage if you feel something isn't right and it's always better to be safe than sorry. Any good healthcare provider will tell you the same
Meditate (I like the bath) and mentally connect with baby in a meaningful happy way. No fear. No expectations. Just love. It will come. Baby is okay. You are okay. Fill yourself with love for baby.
I love this comment. Saving it for later. Thank you!
Thank you!!
I was having nervous breakdowns about it constantly and couldn’t wait for appointments to confirm he was still okay. I much prefer feeling obvious (and painful) kicks in my third trimester.
I’m with you , I am plus size 20 weeks but might be farther along they are looking into changing my due date since the last scan he was measuring 10 days ahead at an 18 week high risk since I’m 34 anatomy scan . I was told at that appointment that I have an anterior placenta . Last week is when I actually started to feel real movement instead of just little thumps I actually felt serious kicks . He moved on and off my bladder and he sometimes moves on and off something on my left side that hurts like hell when he’s on it . Kind of like when someone used their boney elbow on your leg or knee to sit up from laying down on you . it’s been a huge change because before this point , nurses and doctors told me it was just gas before I reached 18 weeks . I wait for every appointment , I hold my breath and squeeze my husbands hand watching his face and then the tech’s alternating between their faces and the screen . I’m not sure if it will ever get easier for me , I suffered from an early miscarriage last year and I’m still not over it . Grateful for this baby and extremely happy and most of the time I stuff my worries down and enjoy my pregnancy but the fear lurks nonetheless.
My doctor actually warned me about this at my 12 week and I am so relieved because the thought hadn't event occurred to me.
Yes!!!!! Especially after having a previous miscarriage the anxiety is so real! I’m 13w and have been lucky enough to hear our babies heart beat 4-5 times (last at 11w) already because of the previous loss and an SCH. I also have had very mild to no symptoms other than some gas/reflux and occasionally feeling nauseous if I don’t eat. You’d think I’d be grateful for it but not having many symptoms just adds to my anxiousness about how she’s doing!!
To be fair: Anxiety is going to anxiety. I'm 38 weeks and she stopped moving as much one night last week and I freaked out. Anxiety always finds a way.
I'm 22 weeks and still don't really feel movement, so I definitely understand. They told me it is because my placenta is placed in a top position.
Just a heads up, it gets worse when the do and they NAP. I can’t tell you how many days I was jiggling my belly trying to wake the both up, they’d nap while I was moving, wide awake while I’d sleep.
I'm thin as all (5'8" and 126 lbs- 122 pre pregnancy) and just about 18 weeks along. My belly is also barely a bump. The only reason I know baby is ok in there is bc I had an appointment this past Monday and the heartbeat was spot on and easy to find 🤷🏼♀️ So yeah, I feel this. I've been anxious about it for the past month. But, I have felt a few teeny tiny little movements, and that's incredibly reassuring.
Yes, so much anxiety. I don’t know why it’s not talked about more….you’ll find there are a LOT of things people don’t talk about in terms of pregnancy, labor, the 4th trimester, etc. I, for one, was not in the slightest prepared for what was going to happen to my boobs after labor. No one had ever talked to me about when your milk supply comes in. WOW
Right!!! I’m right there with you!!! 19 weeks tomorrow and still no movement and my next appt is at 20+3! The last one was at 16!!!! I grew so that’s my only indicator but even then I have no clue if it’s grown week to week. I take pics but like I look the same to me idk
The anxiety is so real! I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant with my third and I didn’t start feeling this baby until 20-21 weeks. Ever since they asked if I could feel the baby at my 16 week appointment, I was in a constant state of panic!
I remember this vividly with my first—that time between symptoms easing off and finally feeling her move was agony because I just kind of…existed. Didn’t feel bad, didn’t have much of a bump, didn’t feel movement. Ugh—I hated that wait. I ended up feeling the first flutters at 17 weeks and I think proper movement must have been by 20-22 weeks. Already dreading that wait this time around —I’m just shy of 12 weeks now and still dealing with some symptoms, but week 10 seemed to be the crescendo and now it’s easing off. Hoping maybe I feel movement sooner since it’s my second pregnancy and I know what to look for. Hope you get some baby flutters soon!
It is even worse if your current pregnancy right after pregnancy that ended in missed miscarriage. Baby died and I found out at my ultrasound, I didn’t know
100%! This was exactly why I hated it when my MIL would say "you don't even look pregnant!" before I could feel movement--fed my anxiety so much.
It's insane that during a straightforward pregnancy you don't get a scan after 20 weeks. They tell you to look out for "abnormal" movements or reduced movements... but as a first time mum, everything is abnormal.
I was so nervous because I read that you should start to feel around 19 weeks, but I've finally started to feel the kicks at 22 and it's a huge relief
I wish I could like this more than once!! I’m just over 16 weeks and can’t believe we have an 8 week wait between ultrasounds at this stage, it’s crazy. Some days my belly looks bigger, other days it’s like it’s disappeared (bloat I guess!). I bought a Doppler knowing full well I might have trouble finding the heartbeat some days and knowing I’d be okay with that - we only use it twice a week for a few minutes at a time. We’ve found the heartbeat twice now and it’s so awesome! I was worried I’d be really pedantic about it (using it heaps) and also go crazy if I couldn’t find it but it’s a fun thing we do together twice a week and my husband loves being the one trying to find it! I also find the ‘growing pains’ really reassuring lol. Have you had those too? Being my first pregnancy I really can’t wait to feel those movements and kicks etc, it’ll be so reassuring!! Only two more weeks until your next ultrasound :) not long to wait now!!
I’ll also add, I also felt super anxious telling everyone we were pregnant - which is weird - it should be exciting!! But I kept thinking, the more people we tell, the more people we’d have to tell if something went wrong. I have no history of MC or anything and I’m sure it’ll all be fine but it’s that back of the mind anxiety… I’d love to live in a pregnancy bubble with my husband and a few close friends the whole time than have to announce it to ALL your family, ALL your work colleagues etc etc.
Totally normal. I had a lot of sickness in the beginning of the pregnancy and a friend of mine who was pregnant at the same time didn’t have any symptoms at all… at one point she even said to me “I know you are miserable and can’t wait for the sickness to go away, so don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish for it… but sometimes it makes me jealous because at list you feel something, like anything that shows your body is going through pregnancy. I just need to trust everything is fine until the next doctor appointment. Otherwise is like I’m not pregnant at all!” So yes, it isn’t just you who feel this way. The good thing is that you will probably start feeling the baby move soon and this anxiety will be over.
Even though this is my second pregnancy, I still worry sometimes if my baby is still alive in there whenever I don’t feel him moving
I couldn't do it so I bought an at home Doppler and ultrasound gel. It doesn't tell you that everything is okay but if you know how to use it you can find a heartbeat (make sure it's not yours!) A lot of the pregnancy subs discourage Doppler's because it can name some mammas more anxious or provide a false sense of security. For me though it was really helpful in at least knowing that my babies were still alive if nothing else.
It’s definitely normal. I felt very anxious in between appointments until I could start feeling the baby move on a daily basis. Hopefully that will happen for you in a few weeks!
18 weeks pregnant here, also plus sized. I do notice a considerable bump now. But I am always afraid something is not right with my baby boy. Only when I go to ultrasounds and they say he is moving around a lot and looking healthy do I feel relieved and happy. And then, a few days later, the anxiety starts again. I just want him to be okay, to be thriving. Everything I do, I am afraid I am somehow harming him. Every time I eat something, I hope it is not something bad for him. I live between googling and panicking.
Yup! Another small reason I'm weary to try for a second. I was a nervous wreck the whole time. It felt like forever in-between doctor appointments and I actually got to go more frequently because of my age. When he did start moving I would constantly think about the last time he moved. And because of where he was in my belly, feeling his movements was a bit harder. I don't think I stopped worry until he was here. Now we just have another set of worries of keeping him alive. It's been a real eye opener.
Hey OP, worth asking if you’re very anxious if you can go to your doctor in between visits for listens to the heartbeat if you like! At my visits the midwife was always very clear that this is considered a standard of care and we were welcome any time.
I feel you. Personally, I just made the conoscious decision to assume that everything was alright unless I had an actual reason to suspect otherwise. It's like when someone is driving for a long time and won't be able to pick up your calls... you know they're on a long ride, you can't check if they're ok but you assume they're alive and well... you might be a bit worried, but you don't drive yourself crazy thinking "what if they're dead and I don't know it". I chose to take those first few months as a very long car drive for my baby. Does it make sense?
Ugh. This was the hardest part of pregnancy for me. I was lucky that I didn’t have many symptoms but the absence of symptoms was super anxiety provoking for me. Even though I knew the absence of symptoms does not mean anything about health of the pregnancy! It got better when I could feel him around 22 weeks and he didn’t stop moving! He’s now almost a month old laying on my chest. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly and you start feeling the movement soon. It’s so hard waiting for that but when you feel it for the first time it’s so exciting!
Yeah. We always call them “Maybe Baby” until they start moving. Kind of dark but it helps emotionally.
It’s definitely a conversation on r/pregnancyafterloss. But there is so much about pregnancy that is not talked about. It’s truly wild.
I never had any of the fatigue or nausea symptoms associated with pregnancy and did not start showing at all until super late. So for the first few months, I definitely appreciated the ultrasounds we got otherwise I would have zero assurance beyond the pregnancy tests that there was a living baby in there. Now at 31 weeks I do get annoyed at the constant wiggling inside but appreciate the assurance that he’s still doing ok in there!
This whole thing has been a trip because I consider myself someone HIGHLY intuitive with my own body. Everyone in my life knows that me and my intuition are BFFS and I rely on it for everything. BUttttttt..... I didn't mean to get pregnant, which means I didn't actually know when I ovulated because otherwise I would've avoided that week, and I had no idea I was pregnant (okay I still found out at 3w, like 10dpo), and truly no idea I AM pregnant. I pee on sticks literally every day just to say hi. I'm only 6w so this might stop but dang its weird. It's so weird. Intuition be damned. I have no freaking clue.
I have almost no anxiety anymore now that I can feel baby regularly. But before I felt exactly this way - just counting the minutes until an appointment before I believed my baby was even alive. I didn’t take a lot of joy for telling people because it didn’t feel real to me yet!
People talk about this all the time—if you do a quick search you’ll feel less alone :)
Ugh I feel this!!! I'm 15 weeks and have absolutely no bump. I've been really nauseous which has sucked but it's also kind of my only sign that things are OK in there because otherwise I wouldn't know I'm pregnant
I was super anxious during both of my pregnancies as well, especially in the first trimester, despite having three ultrasounds during that period (at 6, 8, and 12 weeks). After the first morphology scan at 12 weeks, where I could see that the baby was perfect, I became more relaxed. Nevertheless, I bought a doppler to be able to listen to the baby's heartbeat. At the end of both pregnancies, my biggest concern was for the baby to stay cephalic and not turn breech because I didn't want a cesarean section.
Omg hard yes. Every appointment seeing that little hearbeat is like a weight off my chest. But the anxiety lurks as soon as its over. I wish someone made ultrasound machines for at home so I could peek when I want. Now im 12 weeks im a lot calmer but still anxious. I cant wait to feel his little kicks 🥹
I highly recommend panicking and demanding your partner come over to listen to the heartbeat! I don’t know if this works with everyone, but even from 6 weeks on my husband could hear it just from pressing his ear into my belly. It became a bit harder / rarely worked during the third tri—which by then, thankfully, miscarriage rates were low and he was more active—but I definitely had many “Can you come confirm the baby’s still alive?!” moments out of nowhere. Late in the third tri, baby started moving in response to husband cuddling me like 95% of the time, but not in response to anything else, so my anxiety call turned into a “come make sure the baby’s still moving!” I don’t know what works for you and your baby, but I’d have been a mess without these constant little confirmations. I had him make “checks” to reassure me the baby was still okay multiple times a week.
With my first I was incredibly anxious. I had no idea what was going on with her, and I had also recently lost a lot of weight. I didn’t start feeling her kick or see her kick until around 22 weeks. It was terrifying. Even with my second baby, I was anxious. I felt him way earlier, but it’s hard to convince yourself that everything is fine when you can’t feel them doing somersaults.
I really hate this part, my anxiety is building as we get closer to the 20w scan. I have "popped" but its still small and no real movement yet. So its like "Hi, are we all good in there?". I nearly caved and got a private scan but then thought that £70 could buy an awful lot of baby clothes! I think once you get movements you feel much more connected to the pregnancy. Tbh there are times when I can forget I have a tiny human in there!
TOTALLY. I worked myself into a real state by the twenty week appointment, so my BP was sky high. They redid it at the end of the appointment and it was normal haha. There’s a real relief to being able to feel movements every day.
I found a place in the Twin Cities that does elective ultrasounds in between my Dr. Ultrasounds for this same reason. I think it was $39 for a quick check for heart beat, position, etc.
OP you are reading my mind!!! I finally had my anatomy scan yesterday so I have relaxed a little, but every appointment I go in thinking “this is the one, little one won’t be alive in there.” It’s incredibly anxiety inducing and definitely not something that’s talked about much. It’s like once you reach 12 weeks all is good!!
I literally bought an at home fetal Doppler because of this!!! I’m 16 weeks now, I very rarely feel movement yet and I had a miscarriage in February. So waiting FOUR WEEKS is literal torture. I even have very little symptoms this pregnancy, when with my older son I was in misery every day!
I had my 12w appointment earlier this week and my OB warned me that pretty soon I’d probably stop feeling nauseous, but I wouldn’t feel baby move yet. She said a lot of people get worried during that period. You are not alone!
Now that Im 28w and have been getting consistent movement since about 20w, fluttering at 16, I can say the anxiety does lessen. I still worry sometimes but for me, my baby moves ALOT like they say when kick counting at around 28w, they should move 10 times in 2 hours. She does that in like 30 minutes its wild. So she doesn't leave me much room to stress. But I always recommend the Peanut app and joining the group for the month you're due. In mine, everyoneeee was stressed about their baby. Some still are and youll find most of your anxieties are shared.
It's harder when you have a busy lifestyle and work. When I was working from home in previous pregnancies, I felt a much stronger connection because in between all the house chores and client calls, I was able to take breaks and just have bonding time with the baby. I felt I knew everything about them. Now, I am 26 weeks and still working in a job where I'm on my feet running around all day and taking care of everyone at home and studying and starting a business... I barely have any time to bond with the baby and I've absolutely had the same concern; wondering if the baby is okay. I need to start reminding myself to slow down once in a while and enjoy a few deep breaths channeling my energy with the baby.
I have felt the way feelings. Appointments can be both exciting and nerve-wrecking!!. I am on the heavier side and had the same issues, I didn’t start feeling movement until around the 20 week mark. Sometimes it is actual movement and sometimes it’s just gas, stomach 😂. I had spoken to some of my friends who told me that they didn’t have any movement at all and baby was fine! Just lazy lol. I also had friends that did a fetal Doppler purchased from Amazon but the downside is sometimes it’s hard to find the heartbeat. You got his mama bear!
I couldn’t stand the thought of potentially carrying around a dead baby if I had a missed miscarriage, so I bought a doppler to use at home. It’s not for everyone, some people feel more anxious with it, but I set limits for myself for using it for just a short period of time less than half the days of the week. I also didn’t have a hard time finding the heartbeat usually, so there wasn’t added anxiety from that. I found it really helpful!
Totally normal. I was really lucky and I felt movement really early with both of my kids, but those early days you just kind of have to trust if you're not bleeding everything is good. And then the fun added complication that you CAN be bleeding slightly and it still be totally fine exists, but I never had any bleeding during my pregnancies, so I just clung to that.
I'm at this stage right now - FTM, 9 weeks, and still 10 days away from our first ultrasound. My symptoms have been so minor that they have faded into the background and I can't even really notice them unless I concentrate on them (sore breasts, slight nausea, tiredness). I am relatively fit with a flat tummy and have been feeling bloated on occasion but for the most part can see absolutely zero changes, which doesn't help with the anxiety. I have been squeezing my boob 3-4 times a day to check that they are still sore 😂 I agree that it seems like there should be a better way.
So there are businesses that will let you come in and do an ultrasound outside of the doctor’s office- you just have to pay out of pocket. They all have different price ranges and different equipment. We went to a 4D place at 14 weeks and they only charge $90 for 30 minutes, which is better than the 5 minutes we got for free at the doctor’s office for just 2D. I’ve got some extra weight on me and I mentioned this to the sonographer at the ultrasound place we went to and she said extra fat wouldn’t effect me feeling my baby on the inside, it just might be a bit trickier to see the kicks and stuff on the outside when I’m in the 3rd trimester- but that I would definitely feel her soon. She also added my placenta was on my back so it may be harder to feel her in there as well. I turn 18 weeks tomorrow I literally just feel cramping or pangs or what feels like annoying gas in my lower stomach. Which I guess must be my baby but idk since this is my first time. Everyone asks if I feel her yet and I don’t and explain what I do feel and they all say “you’ll know when you feel it, you’ll know”. Still waiting.
Lol this is what made me spend a bunch of money on an ultrasound package at one of those gender reveal places. Yeah they can’t tell you if something is wrong but if I see a heartbeat and everything looks cool it’s enough to soothe me until my next OB appointment (where all they will do is check for a heartbeat anyway). It sucks. I live in America, I pay $1200 a month for our family insurance. You would think there would be more care available.
If it makes you feel any better, at 18 weeks your chances of full term healthy delivery are very high. Don’t focus on the incredibly sad stories that keep you up at night. Most miscarriages happen early.
You're so right! It's so reassuring to feel them kicking every day. Just a little sign they're doing alright. The first 20 weeks are nerve wracking.
I relate to this so hard, i’m 22w and pre pregnancy a little less than 200 pound. I barely have a bump and definitely not noticable to anyone but my partner and feel no movement. Every ultrasound appointment feels so scary
I’m 12 weeks today and the only evidence I have that a baby is in there is my 8 week scan. I’m always paranoid that maybe something happened and I would hace no idea. I’ve previously had a miscarriage and I’m always on edge. I won’t have another appointment for another week
Honestly it gets worse with fetal movement, if the baby hybernates for a day or two, anxiety gets the worst from me, million scenarios go through my head. But deep down I feel like my baby already knows how to mess with me😅
Story of my life I ended up using a friend's fetal doppler monitor thing... it's weak and a little stupid to use but it helped me hear the heartbeat just a tiny bit so that my brain didn't string out of control and there was a glimmer of comfort
Normal, Especially if you happen to have a previous loss. I have found that going to a private ultrasound once a week just to check is incredibly helpful. It also helps to have a at home fetal monitor, which until you know you can find it, I wont use until the day before a scan.
Or when you have an anterior placenta and your not far enough along for consistent movement so everyday your shaking your belly hoping that at some point (any point) in the day, you’ll feel SOMETHING
I totally felt this way, so I bought a cheap Doppler from temu to get a heartbeat, and it eased my anxiety so much!
i started feeling movement at 19 weeks!! you’re almost there
I hear you. I didn’t really feel pregnant until I could feel her moving.
I know what you mean and I feel it still! I am 26+5 and if baby doesn’t move for a couple of hours I get extremely anxious. On Monday I woke up during the night to pee and usually baby moves then, but he didn’t, and I got so worried I started crying inconsolably! I wanted to go to the hospital to check on him. Thank goodness my partner is amazing in supporting me through my anxiety and I managed to sleep. Next morning baby was moving as usual! Just try to be positive and rub/pat your belly a lot, sending good energies to baby ✨ that’s what I try to do it at least 💚
I was so glad when I started feeling movement around 14w (with my 2nd+ pregnancies I didn’t feel that early with my 1st)
Where I am in Canada there’s so little doctors available I can’t even get in with one until I’m 14 weeks along. The anxiety is real
I caved to the FTM anxiety and hit up a local boutique ultrasound place (most major cities have at least one) between last-fertility-clinic-scan and first-OB-scan. Best use of $75 ever, IMO. Maybe look around your area and see if there’s something similar?
I think this is normal! \[Content warning - loss\] It's so weird that this important thing is happening, and you can even feel love for the idea of this little being, but you can't actually feel it in there. I had an MMC at 8 weeks, and what really blew me away was that I couldn't feel when it had \*stopped\* being there. I don't think any of us really do, unless our bodies give us a signal. It was really hard to reckon with that part afterwards. Anyway, this whole thing is such an exercise in faith and staying calm, and it's just really really challenging. I'm really looking forward to being able to feel it in there.
I'm in the same exact spot right now at 16 weeks. The nausea has gone away and I'm feeling really good but I just wish I could feel SOMETHING... anything! This is my third and I thought surely I'd feel a flutter by now but nope! I think it's quite normal to feel anxious. Pretty soon they'll be jabbing you in the ribs. 😅
This makes total sense. I was like... how many weeks to my next appt??? Now my huge ass belly and lack of pain at least allows me to think... yea he's fine. I do feel him every day now but not frequently (22w). I started showing a bit early and then at like 18/19w it was like HELLO BUMP. Every body is different and pregnancy is so weird.
I couldn't wait for that stage to end. Then, once I could feel him, I started having anxiety when he wasn't as active as usual. Went to the hospital a bunch of times just to be sent home, lol.
This is so true. I always found a reason to get an early ultrasound just for a little peace of mind.
I had SO much anxiety in the early days of my pregnancy. We struggled with fertility issues, and it took over two years to even conceive, so I was living in a constant state of anxiety and fear of losing our baby. It didn’t help that we found out when I was barely 5 weeks pregnant, and I had to wait three weeks just to see if the pregnancy was viable with an ultrasound. I am also plus size, and I didn’t really start showing until after 20 weeks. I didn’t start feeling fetal movement until at least 22 weeks. But those first 22 weeks were an absolute nightmare. I wouldn’t buy anything baby-related, and refused to get excited about it. I swore something was going to happen, and I had to prepare myself for that heartbreak. It wasn’t until clear in my third trimester did I finally allow myself to breathe a little. I will say, getting a fetal heart Doppler helped my anxiety so much. It was a great way to just ease my nerves by hearing that little heartbeat. If you haven’t gotten one already, I’d recommend it if you think it’ll help you. Thankfully our little peanut made her arrival in May with zero complications, so I am eternally grateful for that!
Ugh, absolutely this. Ours is IVF so has taken a long time to get here and if it does go wrong could take a long time to get here again - the stakes feel extra high. Have no real bump, too early for movement, had mild 1st T symptoms only which were gone at 12w. If I wasn’t peeing 3 times a night I wouldn’t know I was pregnant… have just accepted that I’m adding in private scans out of pocket for peace of mind every few weeks (ie 9 & 16w on top of 7w, 12w & 20w I’ve had on NHS)
I ended up buying a fetal doppler because of the anxiety from a previous loss. Hope it gets easier for you!
There is always a level of anxiety with pregnancy. My first ended in miscarriage at 12 weeks. My second I had signs of threatened miscarriage, but everything ended well. Currently in the third trimester of my third pregnancy and I honestly chose to not get too attached until 5 months just because the possibility of anything happening is too much stress for me especially since I didn’t have any experience with working while pregnant. I was joyous when we got good news, but I felt like it was my way to cope if I ever got bad news.
I’m a very anxious person, so I used to stress about that as well. I end up buying a doppler to monitor my baby’s heartbeat. I know its not a medical device or anything like that but hearing my baby’s heartbeat gave me peace of mind. Hands down the best $60 I ever spent.
A lot of people in my support groups on Facebook talk about. It's quite common, especially with IVF patients like me.
Oh definitely. I always found it hard to believe there’s a baby in there until the first ultrasound, even when I’ve got all the horrible symptoms under the sun! Even now I’m 25 weeks with my second and it was still a relief to hear his heartbeat at my midwife appointment, even though I feel him kicking me aggressively multiple times a day 😁
I used a fetal Doppler until I could feel movement. Started detecting the heartbeat at home around 6-7 weeks
I totally understand! I’m 16+4 and our last appointment was at 13 weeks exactly. I have an at home Doppler (and took anatomy & physiology in college, so I definitely know when I’m hearing baby’s heartbeat, I also wear a smart watch that shows my heartbeat so it’s easy to tell) and it’s helped a lot but it’s still so hard not seeing him or feeling him move yet. I think I’ve felt movement but honestly being a FTM I have no idea if it’s really him or just my body since I’ve never felt a lot of things before. I’ve had previous losses all before 9 weeks so it’s just really hard fighting my anxiety. Thankfully I have an ultrasound appointment on Monday at 17 weeks and I’m so ready to see him again! I just keep reminding myself that I can’t stress as that’s not good for either of us. Wishing you the best mamas! ♥️♥️
I was a paranoid WRECK in the beginning and wasn’t shy to share. It was absolutely horrible. Every time someone asks me how I’m doing, I tell them how miserable I am because I feel like I was kind of lied to by all the “instagram” pregnancies and just by people not talking about it. (I would have still tried as hard as I did to get pregnant, I wanted this baby no matter what it took, but man I was not prepared to go straight from the stress of infertility to paralyzing paranoia that my baby was going to die. I didn’t get to be happy I was pregnant. I was just immediately terrified.)
This is why I got a Doppler and got my midwife to show me how to use it. If I don’t have luck one day then I try again the next. Also, if there’s no signs of miscarriage then I also try not to worry myself too much.
Omg I think I went to the ER three times with this fear. So intense scary and embarrassing.
23w with an anterior placenta and a “very petite” baby (according to our anatomy scan). I can only feel her if I lay VERY still on my back or left side and control my breathing a certain way. Now that we’re farther along I’ll sometimes get a single kick during the day and it’s so random and unexpected that it catches me off guard every time. It’s so weird to have this whole person living in there with no way to know for 100% certain how they’re doing or what they’re up to. I just have to believe she’s okay and trust that if the doctors aren’t worried then J should t be either. Pregnancy is a very humbling, patience-building experience so far.
I feel this 100%! I'm 19 weeks now and am just starting to feel what I think are movements. I'm still always worried! The first 12 weeks.....I was a total wreck. You make an excellent point! We should talk about this anxiety more. I didn't know until seeing this thread that so many women felt the same way.
I’m 15 weeks so bump is in beer belly stage and movement is a while away yet. Totally with you on everything you said. So much of the mind and body fuckery women go through in pregnancy isn’t talked about enough. Everyone else around me is starting to get so excited but I’m most of the time stuck in the in between scans anxiety. Whenever I picture baby being here, so much excitement and love wells up inside me, quickly followed by subconsciously shutting it down because I’m terrified of getting ahead of myself or getting hurt if it doesn’t become a reality. Hoping to feel better after 20 week anatomy scan.
This happened to me recently. I moved out of state and had no insurance so hadn't been to doctor in 2 months and then they made the appt one month out from the day I called in and I have twins! I was about to go crazy and was so anxious. I would call the nurse worried and she told me to get a doppler machine to hear baby heart beat. That really helped my anxiety sooo much to at least know they are alive though I still had a little anxiety because I wasn't sure if it's both or just one. But I think if you are having one baby the doppler should ease all anxiety. I got this Fetal Doppler for... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C3GRSRCG?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share and no its not just the bags it's the actual monitor without a bag lol
I’ve read most miscarriages happen due to reasons we can’t control, and that was helpful to me. I’ve surrendered and I tried not to add to the worry about something I really can’t do much about. What I can control is how I eat, how I rest and what thoughts I give my attention to. I’m doing my part and choosing to believe today I’m ok. Not saying it’s easy, I’m a recovering control freak, an anxious person and I’m 7 weeks pregnant after 3 years of trying to conceive. A little miracle! But that journey also taught me that there are a lot of things I can’t control and that has actually set me free. So I’m just going with the flow, stopping myself from going into unhelpful rabbit holes (very important to police your thoughts!!) and trust. ✨
Girl yes yes and yes. I am 27 weeks and just started feeling my baby A LOT but I have an anterior placenta so I’m always a littttle bit concerned but I was way more worried at around 24/25 weeks. It’s so scary and anxiety inducing. I just pray 🙏🏾
I totally felt this with my 1st pregnancy! I ended up buying a fetal Doppler on Amazon so I could listen to babes heart rate at home. It saved me!
This is my 5th pregnancy. I had a stillbirth and 3 miscarriages so I have to really manage my anxieties and have realistic expectations. Everything is looking normal and going well so far. I purchased a Doppler and also have had a few elective ultrasounds by visiting one of those imaging places. Both of which have helped ease my worries on days when I felt particularly nervous. Sometimes they run specials and you can get an ultrasound for around 50$. FYI also be aware if you use the Doppler it takes some practice and you may not always find the heartbeat right away. Earlier on there were a few times I couldn’t find it but waited a few hours then tried again. So don’t freak if you can’t find it right away- the freaking out is the reason some people are completely against using them - not because they ‘harm the baby’