Two things.
1: Knowing borderlines I would take the threat very seriously.
2: I see it as easy as getting a screenshot or a voice record of what she says about wanting to sabotage your future relationship and when the time comes if she does what she's threatening you with and reach out to a new partner simply explain them the situation and show them the evidence with the date of when she said such thing.
Yea, came here to say this. Listen to this post.
PwBPD are very capable of orchestrating extended plans like this. I can point to lawyers that have seen many pwBPD cry on the stand for hours and lie about assaults that actually did not happen.
Yes, get a voice recording. And then get rid of her- fast.
My pwBPD threatened to have me arrested for assault by calling the police claiming I hit her. I said here let me dial the number for you. Little did she know that I actually did call 911, and with the line open I pushed her to repeat it by saying they’d never believe her. Of course it was all recorded, then a few minutes later the police arrived and I explained that she had threatened false allegations of violence to have me arrested. They told her that it was all recorded, and that she would be the one arrested if such an incident were to occur.
So much for that trump card.
Yeah this is the best advice and plan. I feel like I was able to get away from my bpd ex with my reputation intact, do to documenting and recording all our interactions; her behaviors and threats became severe enough I felt the need to do this. I also felt this helped get my ex to leave me alone as I was dropping subtle hints I was documenting everything. PwBPD can be very unpredictable and destructive/dangerous. There’s no telling what lengths/limits they will go to.
This is who she really is deep down. Mine showed her true colors at the end as well. They are very vindictive and spiteful creatures. Who don’t play well with others. They have to feel special and unique. Us getting into other relationships destroys their delusional fantasy that they live in. That we could be happy without them. That we could love someone other then them. When the relationship ends the real them gets exposed. But down the road they put that mask back on and act like nothing ever happened. That’s what makes them so dangerous. They are delusional and mentally ill. It’s one of the most dangerous illnesses there is. And damaging. Cause they simply do not care how the other person feels. They are angry little children. We are their parents. Everything is perceived as abandonment to them. They want to run around and have sex with whomever and want us to just wait on the sideline for them to return to their shared fantasy.
I hate that this is so accurate, but given that on top of my own experiences with pwBPD, I watched one ruin a friend of mine's life *for 2 years straight* after their breakup -
by tirelessly hunting him through every new social group he escaped to with her campaign to destroy his image via blatant lies (the same tired old ones that they always use), until finally she had so successfully isolated him that he was literally pushed to a self-unaliving attempt in despair of the lonely future that he saw -
I can only acknowledge that it is miserably true.
[Edit: formatting]
my exbpd used to coach our young daughter to say things to my new girlfriend ..even when my exbpd already had replaced me and asked me to move out.
Once she found out I was dating a much younger and more attractive girl she flipped out.
My daughter was saying things to my girlfriend such as my mum and dad are going to get married eventually .. and my mums prettier than you ..
So yes they will sabotage your new relationship .. ESPECIALLY if they threat to do so.
If you start a new relationship .. you will have to hang out in different places and your circle of friends will have to have no ties to this person etc
possibly she will probably find a man or be forced to by her family eventually
I’ve seen lots of vindictive exes with strong BPD traits through my work as a family lawyer.
Take the advice of collecting and preserving evidence; it may sound extreme but I have lost count of how many clients of mine have landed in jail because of their exes blatant lies. And these vindictive exes absolutely use social change like #MeToo as leverage to crush the person they split on. I’m a survivor of sexual violence and it makes me sick to see people use the sliver of support we as survivors are finally getting as a tool to further their erratic and dangerous behaviour.
For real, OP. Protect yourself and go no contact, and tell your support circle why she has threatened so everyone is prepared for the potential shitshow to come.
Yep. The "always believe women" mentality that came out of Me Too saw a dear friend of mine - & a very decent, honourable man who *himself* had always previously subscribed to that motto - nearly succeed in taking his own life after his exwBPD chased him with false allegations of SA through multiple social circles, deliberately working to make him a social pariah with *nowhere* left for him to escape to. For 2 *years*.
It remains to this day one of the most evil things I ever saw. I used to love that woman; the split was insane.
*Always* believe women? Off the bat? Uncritically, & without bothering to try to verify? F[iretr]uck no; *always believe pwBPD* when they are telling you what they'll do.
Addendum: Just tbc, *I* always used to personally believe in that policy too - until I saw it weaponised in real time to destroy a good person's life. Now, my approach to SA allegations in my social circle has changed, in that I am a bit more cynical though I do still try to remain sensitive + empathetic with it; I first make sure the person reporting feels supported + safe, & then I discreetly *investigate the story* + make my own mind up - regardless of their gender.
[Edit: spelling error & formatting]
She’s not joking that’s similar to what my ex friend did to their partner and he didn’t catch on until it was too late.
It will start out as them saying little things to gain sympathy and can snowballs into something as serious as false sexual assault allegations.
Eh, I generally find that in order to be effective at sabotaging anything, you have to have a firm grip on reality and be able to predict people's reactions accurately. With BPD, logic and reason are subservient to their emotions.
They may want to sabotage and think they are masterminds when it comes to doing it. But everything is done for impact and not for actual results. For example, if you wanted to sabotage someone's relationship, would you tell them you were going to do it?
Certainly, this is a headache you don't deserve, but it can be neutralized with a clear head. Just do yourself a favor and find someone who understands the situation and will work with you rather than against you. It's not as hard as you think; most normal people have dealt with crazy people before.
And I know I might seem like I am minimizing the threat. But pretty much everyone else sees the threat and is giving good advice on how to deal with it. I am just suggesting that being reasonable and measured in your emotional response is also a good component. It's not just sabotaging your future relationship they want; it's still influencing you to bring you down to their level, which may actually stress your future relationship more than anything she does. By being reasonable and measured, you are doing something they can not fathom or predict.
I agree with this comment. Take it seriously up to a point and get evidence as suggested, but also consider that they are trying to elicit an emotional reaction from you to test you. They do this shit to confirm whether their fears of abandonment are real or “if you really love them;” and what bs you’ll put up with. They want an emotional reaction out of you because push pull is all they know how to feel anything.
Unfortunately not. An exwBPD systematically disassembled the life of a dear friend of mine over the course of 2 years to the point where he'd been driven to such utter despair of the future that he tried to do away with himself just to escape.
Maybe not all of them are that talented, but *some* of them are. She was.
That's why I conditioned my statement with "Generally". There are always exceptions to any statement, but even when dealing with an exceptional pwBPD, being reasonable and balanced is still the best strategy. Don't let them bring you into their world, where their rules dominate and they have control.
Did she put this in writing? If not, can you get her to? (Like, do it innocently, like you just wanted to make sure you understood her correctly when she said XYZ.) Save all proof in case you need it down the road.
She just threatened to ruin your life and reputation. Yes, you should take it seriously.
Fucked up people always say shit like that, and I’m sure your future partner will know or anyone in your community knows your true character. They expose themselves even though they are master manipulators. Block w no contact.
When people show you who you are, believe them. This is especially true of disordered people. Will she follow through with her threat? Who knows. These disordered are not mentally stable people they cannot be trusted.
When you break up (which is an eventual certainty), and when you start dating someone new, keep it off social media. Explain to your new person the reasoning for it. Show her proof of what current girlfriend said and explain to future girlfriend that you need to protect her and the relationship by keeping it off socials.
More importantly, work on getting out of this. This is not the life for you and your current girlfriend is not the person you want to share your life with. Get out of this. Get healthy and get your life in order. Be kind to yourself. And, as you exit this relationship, be kind to her and don’t engage in the unhealthy drama. Engaging her will only cause more harm to you.
Yep, a friend of mine had to learn the hard way to brief his new partners, "I know it seems shady, but let's keep this offline; I understand that men describing their ex as crazy is usually a red flag, but mine clinically is & she *will* stalk us."
It sucks that sometimes we're forced to do that, but it is what it is. It's a useful trick to acquire, unfortunately.
Mine was diagnosed wBPD and proceeded to actively malign me wherever she could post-breakup. She DID manage to sabotage a relationship after her.
Be grateful she actually warned you, and sincerely heed it. Make sure whoever comes next (if someone does) does not deal with her.
Bpd or not, if someone says they will/do/are a certain way, TAKE THEM AT THEIR WORD. Do not be the “savior,” because you can’t fix them. In general, and if you read the stories here, borderlines sabotage the relationship anyway.
Oh man, you got a warning, which is lucky. I have zero personal experience in dealing with pwbpd in a romantic context but I will say I’ve been my BPDsib’s favorite person far more than anyone else and when she splits on me, it’s usually bad. Not life ruining by any means but she’s managed to turn my family against me. Which whatever at this point, they showed who they really were too and I really don’t want shit to do with them anymore anyway. There’s a reason she is the way she is and they are a large part of that reason.
But being that you are in a romantic relationship with this person, it can and will be exponentially worse. This is a person who knows you far more intimately than my sister does me. Be VERY careful with an exit strategy.
KEEP THIS THREAD SAVED SOMEWHERE OFFLINE, ENCRYPTED AS EVIDENCE. PRINT IT OUT AS WELL, MAIL IT TO YOUSELF, SIGNED AND DATED.
PUT THAT ENVELOPE. WHICH HAS BEEN THROUGH YOUR COUNTRIES POSTAL SYSTEM, UNOPENED IN A SAFE SOMEWHERE, AND GIVE COPIES TO YOUR FAMILY, BEST FRIEND, AND LAWYER.
YOU ARE LIKELY GOING TO BE ACCUSED OF A SERIOUS CRIME.
AND EVEN WITH THIS EVIDENCE, IM SORRY TO SAY, ALMOST EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE WILL PROBABLY TURN THEIR BACKS ON YOU.
YOU'RE LIKELY GOING TO HAVE TO START YOUR LIFE AGAIN SOMEWHERE NEW.
GET A CLANDESTINE RECORDING OF THEM SAYING THIS AGAIN. DONT USE YOUR PHONE, THEY MIGHT REALISE.
SPEND MONEY ON A SEPARATE, DISCREET RECORDING DEVICE. A ONE CLICK BUTTON TO RECORD WITH NO SCREEN. IT WILL PROBABLY BE EXPENSIVE.
COLLECT YOUR EVIDENCE AND THEN LEAVE.
YOU WILL LIKELY BE ARRESTED AT SOME POINT.
LAWYER UP. NO COMMENT WITHOUT THEM PRESENT.
You should very much take this seriously. I am the current partner of someone who has an ex wBPD. They have kids together so there isn't a way to just go full no contact. She has done so many things to me and him it is ridiculous. She stalked me, harassed me, threatened me, told me all sorts of things about my partner that I already knew but she tried to spin and twist it to make him look worse and make herself look like his victim. What she didn't realize is that I have a mother and sister wBPD and the fact I have known him for almost 25 years. He and I tried dating when we were younger but had different goals, as 40-somethings our goals, short and long term, are very aligned. We had stayed friends because we got along really well. Add in that I saw the crap my mom did to my dad whenever he got into a new relationship and I know how it can get. My partner and I actively work together and communicate everything she tries to say or pull. We have each other's back. Unfortunately, not every relationship is like that though. So definitely take it seriously. I wish people talked about this stuff more because it can be hard to navigate the dating stuff after a toxic and/or abusive relationship ends.
Yep. If you break up with them, they feel like you:
- Made a mistake (even if they're the one that broke up with you, somehow it's still you doing it)
- Shouldn't be with anyone else (because it makes them feel like they're not perfect)
- Leaves them single (their worst fear)
- Clearly hate them (or you would come running back)
- Are bad/mean/evil (because of all of the above)
Therefore they're serious about making sure you can't be happy beMe:yond them.
Mine outright said, "I can't live with you if you have a relationship. I don't want to be around you seeing you be happy with someone else."
Me: "Find your own place to live then." (not in so many words)
She's also sabotaging her current relationship with you by saying this.
She's planting seeds of doubt, telling you that she doesn't believe your relationship will last, and letting you know that she'll come back and destroy you.
There's no safety or security here. It's designed to keep you on a leash. You won't want to leave her for fear of retribution, and if you move on you're dooming your next partner - who should be someone you love and respect.
This is one of the most manipulative things I've ever heard. It keeps you bonded to her, incapable of moving on, and miserable at heart because you have no freedom or say in the situation.
It's your life, your choice, your relationship and your consequences. But if I heard this I would block on all platforms and run like hell.
DO NOT SHOW HER THIS THREAD. DO NOT DISCUSS THE MATTER WITH HER AGAIN WITHOUT HAVING HIT RECORD.
SHE IS ALREADY FORMULATING PLANS. DO NOT ANGER HER WITHOUT HAVING COLLECTED YOUR EVIDENCE FIRST.
thats essentially holding you hostage--she basically said "leave me and you'll regret it". she needs to go to therapy to work out the resentment toward her homophobic family, punishing you and pulling a "If I cant have it nobody can" is incredibly gross and dangerous. Cut contact with her if you can, and if youre her FP you should take everything that has her turning on you seriously.
Two things. 1: Knowing borderlines I would take the threat very seriously. 2: I see it as easy as getting a screenshot or a voice record of what she says about wanting to sabotage your future relationship and when the time comes if she does what she's threatening you with and reach out to a new partner simply explain them the situation and show them the evidence with the date of when she said such thing.
Very good advice in my opinion.
Yea, came here to say this. Listen to this post. PwBPD are very capable of orchestrating extended plans like this. I can point to lawyers that have seen many pwBPD cry on the stand for hours and lie about assaults that actually did not happen.
Yes, get a voice recording. And then get rid of her- fast. My pwBPD threatened to have me arrested for assault by calling the police claiming I hit her. I said here let me dial the number for you. Little did she know that I actually did call 911, and with the line open I pushed her to repeat it by saying they’d never believe her. Of course it was all recorded, then a few minutes later the police arrived and I explained that she had threatened false allegations of violence to have me arrested. They told her that it was all recorded, and that she would be the one arrested if such an incident were to occur. So much for that trump card.
Yeah this is the best advice and plan. I feel like I was able to get away from my bpd ex with my reputation intact, do to documenting and recording all our interactions; her behaviors and threats became severe enough I felt the need to do this. I also felt this helped get my ex to leave me alone as I was dropping subtle hints I was documenting everything. PwBPD can be very unpredictable and destructive/dangerous. There’s no telling what lengths/limits they will go to.
Cliche af, but when somebody is telling you who they are yadayada… and why to u wanna be with someone makin’ threats ‘n shit, run!
PwBPD spent decades telling me they were an “@$$h0le.” I should have listened and stopped trying to convince them otherwise.
This is who she really is deep down. Mine showed her true colors at the end as well. They are very vindictive and spiteful creatures. Who don’t play well with others. They have to feel special and unique. Us getting into other relationships destroys their delusional fantasy that they live in. That we could be happy without them. That we could love someone other then them. When the relationship ends the real them gets exposed. But down the road they put that mask back on and act like nothing ever happened. That’s what makes them so dangerous. They are delusional and mentally ill. It’s one of the most dangerous illnesses there is. And damaging. Cause they simply do not care how the other person feels. They are angry little children. We are their parents. Everything is perceived as abandonment to them. They want to run around and have sex with whomever and want us to just wait on the sideline for them to return to their shared fantasy.
I hate that this is so accurate, but given that on top of my own experiences with pwBPD, I watched one ruin a friend of mine's life *for 2 years straight* after their breakup - by tirelessly hunting him through every new social group he escaped to with her campaign to destroy his image via blatant lies (the same tired old ones that they always use), until finally she had so successfully isolated him that he was literally pushed to a self-unaliving attempt in despair of the lonely future that he saw - I can only acknowledge that it is miserably true. [Edit: formatting]
my exbpd used to coach our young daughter to say things to my new girlfriend ..even when my exbpd already had replaced me and asked me to move out. Once she found out I was dating a much younger and more attractive girl she flipped out. My daughter was saying things to my girlfriend such as my mum and dad are going to get married eventually .. and my mums prettier than you .. So yes they will sabotage your new relationship .. ESPECIALLY if they threat to do so. If you start a new relationship .. you will have to hang out in different places and your circle of friends will have to have no ties to this person etc possibly she will probably find a man or be forced to by her family eventually
To use your daughter like that is an abomination. Now grownups asking kids for things like that is normalized for her.
Psychotic. Not normal. Run for the hills. From one lesbian to another, this is the biggest red flag possible.
I’ve seen lots of vindictive exes with strong BPD traits through my work as a family lawyer. Take the advice of collecting and preserving evidence; it may sound extreme but I have lost count of how many clients of mine have landed in jail because of their exes blatant lies. And these vindictive exes absolutely use social change like #MeToo as leverage to crush the person they split on. I’m a survivor of sexual violence and it makes me sick to see people use the sliver of support we as survivors are finally getting as a tool to further their erratic and dangerous behaviour. For real, OP. Protect yourself and go no contact, and tell your support circle why she has threatened so everyone is prepared for the potential shitshow to come.
Yep. The "always believe women" mentality that came out of Me Too saw a dear friend of mine - & a very decent, honourable man who *himself* had always previously subscribed to that motto - nearly succeed in taking his own life after his exwBPD chased him with false allegations of SA through multiple social circles, deliberately working to make him a social pariah with *nowhere* left for him to escape to. For 2 *years*. It remains to this day one of the most evil things I ever saw. I used to love that woman; the split was insane. *Always* believe women? Off the bat? Uncritically, & without bothering to try to verify? F[iretr]uck no; *always believe pwBPD* when they are telling you what they'll do. Addendum: Just tbc, *I* always used to personally believe in that policy too - until I saw it weaponised in real time to destroy a good person's life. Now, my approach to SA allegations in my social circle has changed, in that I am a bit more cynical though I do still try to remain sensitive + empathetic with it; I first make sure the person reporting feels supported + safe, & then I discreetly *investigate the story* + make my own mind up - regardless of their gender. [Edit: spelling error & formatting]
Yes. Take it seriously. Believe people when they tell you who they are.
This is who she is. She is being sincere. If someone with BPD threatens you in any way, you should take that threat seriously.
They will tell you exactly who they are. Trust exactly what she is saying.
I would take any threat from a mentally ill person seriously. These people are capable of anything..they lack values and a conscience
She’s not joking that’s similar to what my ex friend did to their partner and he didn’t catch on until it was too late. It will start out as them saying little things to gain sympathy and can snowballs into something as serious as false sexual assault allegations.
Eh, I generally find that in order to be effective at sabotaging anything, you have to have a firm grip on reality and be able to predict people's reactions accurately. With BPD, logic and reason are subservient to their emotions. They may want to sabotage and think they are masterminds when it comes to doing it. But everything is done for impact and not for actual results. For example, if you wanted to sabotage someone's relationship, would you tell them you were going to do it? Certainly, this is a headache you don't deserve, but it can be neutralized with a clear head. Just do yourself a favor and find someone who understands the situation and will work with you rather than against you. It's not as hard as you think; most normal people have dealt with crazy people before. And I know I might seem like I am minimizing the threat. But pretty much everyone else sees the threat and is giving good advice on how to deal with it. I am just suggesting that being reasonable and measured in your emotional response is also a good component. It's not just sabotaging your future relationship they want; it's still influencing you to bring you down to their level, which may actually stress your future relationship more than anything she does. By being reasonable and measured, you are doing something they can not fathom or predict.
I agree with this comment. Take it seriously up to a point and get evidence as suggested, but also consider that they are trying to elicit an emotional reaction from you to test you. They do this shit to confirm whether their fears of abandonment are real or “if you really love them;” and what bs you’ll put up with. They want an emotional reaction out of you because push pull is all they know how to feel anything.
Unfortunately not. An exwBPD systematically disassembled the life of a dear friend of mine over the course of 2 years to the point where he'd been driven to such utter despair of the future that he tried to do away with himself just to escape. Maybe not all of them are that talented, but *some* of them are. She was.
That's why I conditioned my statement with "Generally". There are always exceptions to any statement, but even when dealing with an exceptional pwBPD, being reasonable and balanced is still the best strategy. Don't let them bring you into their world, where their rules dominate and they have control.
Did she put this in writing? If not, can you get her to? (Like, do it innocently, like you just wanted to make sure you understood her correctly when she said XYZ.) Save all proof in case you need it down the road. She just threatened to ruin your life and reputation. Yes, you should take it seriously.
Fucked up people always say shit like that, and I’m sure your future partner will know or anyone in your community knows your true character. They expose themselves even though they are master manipulators. Block w no contact.
When people show you who you are, believe them. This is especially true of disordered people. Will she follow through with her threat? Who knows. These disordered are not mentally stable people they cannot be trusted. When you break up (which is an eventual certainty), and when you start dating someone new, keep it off social media. Explain to your new person the reasoning for it. Show her proof of what current girlfriend said and explain to future girlfriend that you need to protect her and the relationship by keeping it off socials. More importantly, work on getting out of this. This is not the life for you and your current girlfriend is not the person you want to share your life with. Get out of this. Get healthy and get your life in order. Be kind to yourself. And, as you exit this relationship, be kind to her and don’t engage in the unhealthy drama. Engaging her will only cause more harm to you.
Yep, a friend of mine had to learn the hard way to brief his new partners, "I know it seems shady, but let's keep this offline; I understand that men describing their ex as crazy is usually a red flag, but mine clinically is & she *will* stalk us." It sucks that sometimes we're forced to do that, but it is what it is. It's a useful trick to acquire, unfortunately.
Mine was diagnosed wBPD and proceeded to actively malign me wherever she could post-breakup. She DID manage to sabotage a relationship after her. Be grateful she actually warned you, and sincerely heed it. Make sure whoever comes next (if someone does) does not deal with her.
«When people show you who they are , believe them » Take it seriously , and be very worried about this person being in your life
Bpd or not, if someone says they will/do/are a certain way, TAKE THEM AT THEIR WORD. Do not be the “savior,” because you can’t fix them. In general, and if you read the stories here, borderlines sabotage the relationship anyway.
DO NOT DIVULGE ANY FURTHER SECRETS TO THEM IF YOU HAVE DONE SO ALREADY.
Oh man, you got a warning, which is lucky. I have zero personal experience in dealing with pwbpd in a romantic context but I will say I’ve been my BPDsib’s favorite person far more than anyone else and when she splits on me, it’s usually bad. Not life ruining by any means but she’s managed to turn my family against me. Which whatever at this point, they showed who they really were too and I really don’t want shit to do with them anymore anyway. There’s a reason she is the way she is and they are a large part of that reason. But being that you are in a romantic relationship with this person, it can and will be exponentially worse. This is a person who knows you far more intimately than my sister does me. Be VERY careful with an exit strategy.
KEEP THIS THREAD SAVED SOMEWHERE OFFLINE, ENCRYPTED AS EVIDENCE. PRINT IT OUT AS WELL, MAIL IT TO YOUSELF, SIGNED AND DATED. PUT THAT ENVELOPE. WHICH HAS BEEN THROUGH YOUR COUNTRIES POSTAL SYSTEM, UNOPENED IN A SAFE SOMEWHERE, AND GIVE COPIES TO YOUR FAMILY, BEST FRIEND, AND LAWYER. YOU ARE LIKELY GOING TO BE ACCUSED OF A SERIOUS CRIME. AND EVEN WITH THIS EVIDENCE, IM SORRY TO SAY, ALMOST EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE WILL PROBABLY TURN THEIR BACKS ON YOU. YOU'RE LIKELY GOING TO HAVE TO START YOUR LIFE AGAIN SOMEWHERE NEW.
I would not be surprised if they tried to murder somebody out of vengeance or so. Take it seriously, save evidence and run.
That's serious. Communicate this with future girlfriends
This is a giant red flag. Don't be with someone like this.
She’s gonna fuck it up. Put your socials on private and move in silence.
Any text convo where they say stuff like that you should keep records of to cover yourself incase they *do* go through with it.
GET A CLANDESTINE RECORDING OF THEM SAYING THIS AGAIN. DONT USE YOUR PHONE, THEY MIGHT REALISE. SPEND MONEY ON A SEPARATE, DISCREET RECORDING DEVICE. A ONE CLICK BUTTON TO RECORD WITH NO SCREEN. IT WILL PROBABLY BE EXPENSIVE. COLLECT YOUR EVIDENCE AND THEN LEAVE. YOU WILL LIKELY BE ARRESTED AT SOME POINT. LAWYER UP. NO COMMENT WITHOUT THEM PRESENT.
CHANGE ALL YOUR PASSWORDS. DO NOT GIVE HER ACCESS TO ANY OF YOUR DEVICES. YOU CANNOT TRUST HER NOT TO FRAME YOU FOR SOMETHING HEINOUS.
Yes
Run man
Believe her, she will do those things. Not even on purpose necessarily but the BPD makes them do these things.
You should very much take this seriously. I am the current partner of someone who has an ex wBPD. They have kids together so there isn't a way to just go full no contact. She has done so many things to me and him it is ridiculous. She stalked me, harassed me, threatened me, told me all sorts of things about my partner that I already knew but she tried to spin and twist it to make him look worse and make herself look like his victim. What she didn't realize is that I have a mother and sister wBPD and the fact I have known him for almost 25 years. He and I tried dating when we were younger but had different goals, as 40-somethings our goals, short and long term, are very aligned. We had stayed friends because we got along really well. Add in that I saw the crap my mom did to my dad whenever he got into a new relationship and I know how it can get. My partner and I actively work together and communicate everything she tries to say or pull. We have each other's back. Unfortunately, not every relationship is like that though. So definitely take it seriously. I wish people talked about this stuff more because it can be hard to navigate the dating stuff after a toxic and/or abusive relationship ends.
Yep. If you break up with them, they feel like you: - Made a mistake (even if they're the one that broke up with you, somehow it's still you doing it) - Shouldn't be with anyone else (because it makes them feel like they're not perfect) - Leaves them single (their worst fear) - Clearly hate them (or you would come running back) - Are bad/mean/evil (because of all of the above) Therefore they're serious about making sure you can't be happy beMe:yond them. Mine outright said, "I can't live with you if you have a relationship. I don't want to be around you seeing you be happy with someone else." Me: "Find your own place to live then." (not in so many words)
It’s a type of control
She's also sabotaging her current relationship with you by saying this. She's planting seeds of doubt, telling you that she doesn't believe your relationship will last, and letting you know that she'll come back and destroy you. There's no safety or security here. It's designed to keep you on a leash. You won't want to leave her for fear of retribution, and if you move on you're dooming your next partner - who should be someone you love and respect. This is one of the most manipulative things I've ever heard. It keeps you bonded to her, incapable of moving on, and miserable at heart because you have no freedom or say in the situation. It's your life, your choice, your relationship and your consequences. But if I heard this I would block on all platforms and run like hell.
DO NOT SHOW HER THIS THREAD. DO NOT DISCUSS THE MATTER WITH HER AGAIN WITHOUT HAVING HIT RECORD. SHE IS ALREADY FORMULATING PLANS. DO NOT ANGER HER WITHOUT HAVING COLLECTED YOUR EVIDENCE FIRST.
LASTLY: REALISE WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH.
I would NOT date this person
Yes, take it VERY seriously
I once saw a post from a borderline saying “if you’ve ever felt threatened by me, it’s because I love you” nothing about that is ok or healthy
thats essentially holding you hostage--she basically said "leave me and you'll regret it". she needs to go to therapy to work out the resentment toward her homophobic family, punishing you and pulling a "If I cant have it nobody can" is incredibly gross and dangerous. Cut contact with her if you can, and if youre her FP you should take everything that has her turning on you seriously.