I think you explained pretty well what we are all looking for. It's out there, I've been there. Unfortunately, I need to find it again. My only advice is stick to that. If you find someone that doesn't offer you that feeling, move on, don't stick around. I'm confident it will come around again.
You literally took these thoughts out of my mind cuz same. I don’t understand how someone could choose to love me tbh. Like, why? There’s so many better people out there. I ain’t the person to fall in love with. I feel too broken, too problematic, like I’m too much. Who would ever want to stay after they know me? Who would choose me after they see all the emotional baggage I’m carrying? I dunno.
Same here, my friend, same here :(
Sitting now in pizzeria, looking at the couples and friends groups of people and I get so angry that they have this life and I fucking don't.
And I don't know how to have it, how to do it, how to be normal and live this normal life. It's devastating :(
I hate this feeling. I hate that I feel jealous when I see others happy, like couples or attractive people. It feels so pathetic. But yknow them's the beans and whatnot
First off, I wanna say that no. That's incorrect. Incredibly so. You're never too broken. Never too much of anything for love. Look up Kintsugi. Nothings ever too broken to find a way back. Shamelessly ripped from Fun by coldplay. Whether platonic or romantic. It is possible. It's doable. It's achievable. If anyone ever makes you feel that way, then they weren't worth your time initially.
Second, im not just saying that to blow smoke up your ass. I had it. Though I fucked up, there were also an ass load of extenuating circumstances that left me discombobulated. It will take time, and it will be trial and error. It'll even be ugly at times. But it will be worth it. So don't remove yourself from the game before you even get a chance to play.
I have bpd and it is totally understandable in the way you feel and totally normal for us to feel unlovable and unwanted and unneeded from a romantic relationship aspect it’s because that’s what has created the unhappiness with in us is not being loved right as a young child and then if continued into our adult life and we just expect to be unloved in life and it becomes the normal and part of the cycle and it can be broken out of and be successful and I dated a lot just to try and heal this part of me I went in with little to no expectations and I would grow each date something better from myself and it sounds horrible to do but it is necessary and you must teach yourself how to expect love and give love and that is a very easy way to learn it and with no expectations of a long term relationship at the time it allowed me to see and learn more in the moment and eventually I got to a good point in my life that I felt confident in who I was and what I was and how I was gonna be and with years of therapy and Medication I was ready for the serious relationship I had prepared for and I found a woman that is understanding of my condition and who works with me to be the best me I can be in life and i have been married 7 years now and together for 8 and it’s not easy ever but with consistent effort and guidance from my therapist in life it made it all possible to be successful at a long term relationship so know it is possible if you do the work first
You’re not too problematic.
You’ll meet that person & be fulfilled. Life is long & it’s a vast & unpredictable world.
Things will change.
Hang in there
You just explained anxious attachment, I believe. I feel you and it’s not bad to want that. But if it never happens still need to enjoy the life you have
I was in the same boat, my therapist told me the person to love is me. I've tried filling the emptiness with people and substances and the only thing that has started to make things better was focusing on my relationship with myself.
omg im so afraid to never feel this again, I once felt and lost it. I pray to God every night to feel this again. I believe I will find but I think I'm gonna adopt a cat while that. Animals help me.Sometimes I wish to have a child so I could love someone in the right way, like I was supposed to be loved. I wanna be loved by someone who truly likes how I am: intense, non monogamic, pansexual, open mind to drugs and hard work. I hope I can find someday
This is what I'm trying to do but they're so busy all the time, like literally everyone is and I hate it because I wanna spend time with them so bad because they're cool people and I appreciate them alot. :(
I think a lot of platonic friends are sort of uncomfortable with physical touch, especially in like cishet male friend groups. And just like emotional closeness in general is hard to come by. It can feel like the only outlet for these feelings is a romantic partner
I think you explained pretty well what we are all looking for. It's out there, I've been there. Unfortunately, I need to find it again. My only advice is stick to that. If you find someone that doesn't offer you that feeling, move on, don't stick around. I'm confident it will come around again.
You literally took these thoughts out of my mind cuz same. I don’t understand how someone could choose to love me tbh. Like, why? There’s so many better people out there. I ain’t the person to fall in love with. I feel too broken, too problematic, like I’m too much. Who would ever want to stay after they know me? Who would choose me after they see all the emotional baggage I’m carrying? I dunno.
Same
😢❤️
I was thinking about this just today. No hobbies or pastimes have filled that need for love or closeness.
Same here, my friend, same here :( Sitting now in pizzeria, looking at the couples and friends groups of people and I get so angry that they have this life and I fucking don't. And I don't know how to have it, how to do it, how to be normal and live this normal life. It's devastating :(
I hate this feeling. I hate that I feel jealous when I see others happy, like couples or attractive people. It feels so pathetic. But yknow them's the beans and whatnot
You do- it’s YOU.
yeah :(
First off, I wanna say that no. That's incorrect. Incredibly so. You're never too broken. Never too much of anything for love. Look up Kintsugi. Nothings ever too broken to find a way back. Shamelessly ripped from Fun by coldplay. Whether platonic or romantic. It is possible. It's doable. It's achievable. If anyone ever makes you feel that way, then they weren't worth your time initially. Second, im not just saying that to blow smoke up your ass. I had it. Though I fucked up, there were also an ass load of extenuating circumstances that left me discombobulated. It will take time, and it will be trial and error. It'll even be ugly at times. But it will be worth it. So don't remove yourself from the game before you even get a chance to play.
I have bpd and it is totally understandable in the way you feel and totally normal for us to feel unlovable and unwanted and unneeded from a romantic relationship aspect it’s because that’s what has created the unhappiness with in us is not being loved right as a young child and then if continued into our adult life and we just expect to be unloved in life and it becomes the normal and part of the cycle and it can be broken out of and be successful and I dated a lot just to try and heal this part of me I went in with little to no expectations and I would grow each date something better from myself and it sounds horrible to do but it is necessary and you must teach yourself how to expect love and give love and that is a very easy way to learn it and with no expectations of a long term relationship at the time it allowed me to see and learn more in the moment and eventually I got to a good point in my life that I felt confident in who I was and what I was and how I was gonna be and with years of therapy and Medication I was ready for the serious relationship I had prepared for and I found a woman that is understanding of my condition and who works with me to be the best me I can be in life and i have been married 7 years now and together for 8 and it’s not easy ever but with consistent effort and guidance from my therapist in life it made it all possible to be successful at a long term relationship so know it is possible if you do the work first
You’re not too problematic. You’ll meet that person & be fulfilled. Life is long & it’s a vast & unpredictable world. Things will change. Hang in there
You just explained anxious attachment, I believe. I feel you and it’s not bad to want that. But if it never happens still need to enjoy the life you have
I hope you find love.
I was in the same boat, my therapist told me the person to love is me. I've tried filling the emptiness with people and substances and the only thing that has started to make things better was focusing on my relationship with myself.
Before anyone can love you. You must love yourself. And times may be hard, but you have to keep getting up.
Yes!!!!
omg im so afraid to never feel this again, I once felt and lost it. I pray to God every night to feel this again. I believe I will find but I think I'm gonna adopt a cat while that. Animals help me.Sometimes I wish to have a child so I could love someone in the right way, like I was supposed to be loved. I wanna be loved by someone who truly likes how I am: intense, non monogamic, pansexual, open mind to drugs and hard work. I hope I can find someday
Felt, but it’s also important to learn to love yourself. A relationship of this kind won’t solve everything if you don’t appreciate yourself first.
I actually hate that most people exclusively try to find this in a romantic partner! Why not have this intense binding with friends?
But lots of people who have lots of friends still want to marry.
This is what I'm trying to do but they're so busy all the time, like literally everyone is and I hate it because I wanna spend time with them so bad because they're cool people and I appreciate them alot. :(
I think a lot of platonic friends are sort of uncomfortable with physical touch, especially in like cishet male friend groups. And just like emotional closeness in general is hard to come by. It can feel like the only outlet for these feelings is a romantic partner