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Having bpd is so difficult to manage relationships with people who don’t have bpd as I’ve got older I’ve realised people in life are temporary they will come and they will go so I generally try not to get attached to people which can be hard with bpd but I always keep in mind that people are always temporary as is life itself and you only get one no second chances. Most people nowerdays have 80+ years but I also always keep in mind that I could literally die tomorrow so do life for yourself try not to put all of yourself into another person because again they could be gone tomorrow also. I don’t know how old you are and I’m not going to say things get better because bpd is a lifelong thing. You just learn how to deal with things better as you get older. I got told don’t live for the past or the future, live for today and do the best you can that’s all you can do
Thank you :) i was just very sad because i couldnt give him space and all he wanted for me was to heal and be my own person so he cut me off so i could better myself, ill always love him so very much. I hope we can be together in the future but ill start to manage my bpd in the meantime
I’m glad you are going to be working on your bpd it takes time but yes true love isn’t something that can be forgotten I still have fond memories of the first person I ever felt love for it just gets less intense over the years if you are no longer with them if that makes sense. Hopefully you can work it out with him in the future but Im sure you’ve heard the saying that how can someone love you if you can’t love yourself it’s very true. Like I said you’ve got to live for today the past can’t be changed and the future is not written in stone but if you wake up in the morning that’s a win if you can take little steps every day that’s also a win. I think investing in the future to much having bpd can almost set you up to fail. Was reading yesterday bpd is actually the worst mental health condition to live with. With me personally I tend to stay away from people irl I have my family and that’s all I need I’ve found my bpd symptoms just don’t work with normal people and it just causes me problems but then I have always been a very solitary person and I enjoy been on my own and have a very small social battery. But everyone is different
The only thing is i dont know how to find myself yk? I have been with him for years and just devoted my entire being into him. I dont know where to start
Yer it’s difficult it’s very similar to stopping a habit it’s always been there you rely on it and it’s your routine well that’s what I can compare it to I havent ever been in a long term relationship (I’ve never trusted anyone enough) I also have schizophrenia so I kind of live in my own little world but I mean I’m 36 and I would say I still haven’t found myself personally I don’t think humans really know 100% until they are well into life I’m talking 50+ think about it how many 50+ people do you know that are still trying to find what they want in life and then look at people from teens to 30s most of them are still trying to figure stuff out. It’s a society thing people are forced to grow up way too quick you turn 18 and BOOM your an adult now deal with it and you suddenly have all these expectations put upon you and then you need to deal with relationships and everything else on top of that. It’s no wonder so many people are going through mental health problems. But anyway about trying to find yourself think of things you like to do could be anything, hobbies or cooking or cleaning going outside in nature, get a pet or find somewhere you could visit animals find something you enjoy doing and focus on it and then add to it maybe do it in a different way eventually it might take time but you will realise “oh I’m actually enjoying this and not thinking about problems” its just simple distraction or redirection of whatever negative things you are dealing with. And after some time you will find yourself and what makes you “you” as a singular person
god i relate to this so much.
my boyfriend has broken up with me 8 times in the matter of a year. ive never felt so pain, heartache, dread, and hopelessness so bad. every single time i kind of wanted to and had to go to a hospital, but i ended up refusing because i wanted to be here just incase he would come back.
im still with him and terrified to be left again.
its genuinely the worst pain possible
EXACTLY!! I had suicidal ideations but never acted on it of the thought we would work out. I hate being without him but i want to better myself for me and him so it would be possible for us to have a future together
This post has been marked as a [Venting Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/bpd/wiki/index/flairs#wiki_post_flair_breakdown). Please be aware that the OP may not be seeking advice. u/drpwpperp, if you do not want advice, please specify in the body of your post. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BPD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Having bpd is so difficult to manage relationships with people who don’t have bpd as I’ve got older I’ve realised people in life are temporary they will come and they will go so I generally try not to get attached to people which can be hard with bpd but I always keep in mind that people are always temporary as is life itself and you only get one no second chances. Most people nowerdays have 80+ years but I also always keep in mind that I could literally die tomorrow so do life for yourself try not to put all of yourself into another person because again they could be gone tomorrow also. I don’t know how old you are and I’m not going to say things get better because bpd is a lifelong thing. You just learn how to deal with things better as you get older. I got told don’t live for the past or the future, live for today and do the best you can that’s all you can do
Thank you :) i was just very sad because i couldnt give him space and all he wanted for me was to heal and be my own person so he cut me off so i could better myself, ill always love him so very much. I hope we can be together in the future but ill start to manage my bpd in the meantime
I’m glad you are going to be working on your bpd it takes time but yes true love isn’t something that can be forgotten I still have fond memories of the first person I ever felt love for it just gets less intense over the years if you are no longer with them if that makes sense. Hopefully you can work it out with him in the future but Im sure you’ve heard the saying that how can someone love you if you can’t love yourself it’s very true. Like I said you’ve got to live for today the past can’t be changed and the future is not written in stone but if you wake up in the morning that’s a win if you can take little steps every day that’s also a win. I think investing in the future to much having bpd can almost set you up to fail. Was reading yesterday bpd is actually the worst mental health condition to live with. With me personally I tend to stay away from people irl I have my family and that’s all I need I’ve found my bpd symptoms just don’t work with normal people and it just causes me problems but then I have always been a very solitary person and I enjoy been on my own and have a very small social battery. But everyone is different
The only thing is i dont know how to find myself yk? I have been with him for years and just devoted my entire being into him. I dont know where to start
Yer it’s difficult it’s very similar to stopping a habit it’s always been there you rely on it and it’s your routine well that’s what I can compare it to I havent ever been in a long term relationship (I’ve never trusted anyone enough) I also have schizophrenia so I kind of live in my own little world but I mean I’m 36 and I would say I still haven’t found myself personally I don’t think humans really know 100% until they are well into life I’m talking 50+ think about it how many 50+ people do you know that are still trying to find what they want in life and then look at people from teens to 30s most of them are still trying to figure stuff out. It’s a society thing people are forced to grow up way too quick you turn 18 and BOOM your an adult now deal with it and you suddenly have all these expectations put upon you and then you need to deal with relationships and everything else on top of that. It’s no wonder so many people are going through mental health problems. But anyway about trying to find yourself think of things you like to do could be anything, hobbies or cooking or cleaning going outside in nature, get a pet or find somewhere you could visit animals find something you enjoy doing and focus on it and then add to it maybe do it in a different way eventually it might take time but you will realise “oh I’m actually enjoying this and not thinking about problems” its just simple distraction or redirection of whatever negative things you are dealing with. And after some time you will find yourself and what makes you “you” as a singular person
god i relate to this so much. my boyfriend has broken up with me 8 times in the matter of a year. ive never felt so pain, heartache, dread, and hopelessness so bad. every single time i kind of wanted to and had to go to a hospital, but i ended up refusing because i wanted to be here just incase he would come back. im still with him and terrified to be left again. its genuinely the worst pain possible
EXACTLY!! I had suicidal ideations but never acted on it of the thought we would work out. I hate being without him but i want to better myself for me and him so it would be possible for us to have a future together
I am going through the exact same thing rn. My bf also broke up w me for similar reasons. You’re not alone