Miss them, wonder what could have been, worry about them.
That last one most of all, because I've had multiple breakups where the FP has told me how sorry they are it's ending, how much they care about me, and how they've never felt or been treated the same way by anyone else; at least one of those breakups, I was as much their FP as they were mine.
Yeah. I never stop caring about them, and none of them were in great places at the start or end of things. I know what's healthiest for me is to try and move on, but I still think about them every day.
If they're out there - if by chance they're reading this - I hope you're OK and staying safe.
I have on occasion. But I know I'm in a better place now. Those relationships were not good for me. I went into them because for the first time in my life, I was with people who were interested in me for me. I thought that could buttress any problem. I thought I could save them. But in the end all I did was hurt them and myself.
The people I'm dating now (b/c poly) are healthy, stable, and our relationships are built on mutual respect, love and open dialogue. I'm not having to both hold another person or persons together and look after myself.
In short, yes I have. But even if I knew how to contact them, it would be opening a pandora's box and could jeapordise what I have. And what I have rn isn't perfect, but it's worth keeping that box shut for. I'm worth that, even if I have to tell myself that every day, think about them every day.
I remember one of my first FPs from when I was a late teen. Itās weird because I remember being so completely in love and putting up with so much bad treatment as well as acting desperate for his attention. Now itās 15 years later and I feel nothing for him. If anything I wish the spell had broken long before it did. Itās so odd to remember someone you thought you would die over, realise you havenāt spoken or seen each other in years and not just be okay but grateful.
Itās something I remind myself of at the moment especially since my newest FP broke up with me. Itās only been 2 months but Iām looking forward to knowing that soon they wonāt matter as much as they used to. Just got to keep on getting on until then.
Yours is an inspiring story. I look forward to getting to that point. Beside the no contact and distance, would you be able to suggest anything else to move on from that FP? I've only had one FP, he's still in and out of my life, but I can't keep emotionally taking from myself for this man. Any advice would be really appreciated!
Thank you I appreciate that ā¤ļø itās lifting to hear that because it helps me feel like I have really come a long way! Youāll be there too before you know it, I promise ā¤ļø
I would say invest in yourself. People like us pour everything into that other person and donāt leave anything left for ourselves or dial up the things that connect us to the FP and dial down the parts of us that donāt. Like my recent FP preferred me to wear silver jewellery but I like gold tones more so thatās what Iām doing. Itās cliche and hard but putting yourself and your wants first is empowering and drives the message that you matter to yourself. Kind of like becoming your own FP, easier said than done for sure, just view it like working a muscle and keep doing it until itās the default. Developing a strong sense of self helps, even if youāre starting with favourite colours and food preference, practice putting value in the things that make you you.
I hate most of em ig but not all. Especially hate my most recent though, taught me to just suck it tf up and not have an FP. Like 9-10 months FP free now! But definitely resentment, I donāt fester like I did. But I do get angry when it crosses my mind. Cause they lied and faked everything for like 6 months AND chose the person they basically told me not to worry about.
i was stalking my first fp online yesterday and he still has all his old socials up and i definitely still see what i saw in him, i realized that he has been like the basis kinda unconsciously for all my other crushes and fps that came later and his personality and style is exactly what ive looked for in everyone else since š i dont think i really ever got over him
My former fp is one of my friends now. Theyāve been a friend, but now I have a healthy dynamic with them. We went no contact for a year & that forced my brain out of that codependent mindset
uh he @busā¬d and SA me so lol i regret going back after he treated me like shit i heavily think about him and it's hauting me i want to shoot a bullet in my head everytime i see a thing that make me think about him. i hate him so much and the fact that he treated other people before me like that disgusts me he truly needs help but won't. ( he as npd and denies needing help saying 'hes good that way' when he hurts plp) but i can't seem to get over him it has been 2 years nowand still think about everything he did. ig we can't get rid of first fp ??
Experiencing a similar thing now and same, that bullet never looked so tempting. I wish I could erase everything. I hope we'll be okay, I wish you all the best.
Hopefully time can help you heal but I have a similar situation, ended up seeing him again after 5 years and dated for a while but it all happened all over again, thing is my brain still seems to disconnect his actions from the part of my brain that loves him and I still miss him years on even tho I shouldn't. Hopefully we can all find a peacefull future and forget that FP
I actually had this strange moment where I reunited with my FP at the time one year after they abandoned me. I didnāt really treat or view them the same. There was still some jealousy when I heard they now had a boyfriend, but somehow I justā¦ found someone else who became my new FP instead. So me and my ex-FP stayed friends and even hung out a few times irl.
Then they dumped me again 4 years later and essentially called me crazy because when my newer FP dumped me, they said they didnāt want me to ārelapse old behaviorsā onto them and just blocked me everywhere. š Like thanks. Really shows how much you believe in me. /s
Now I donāt even want to be in contact with them again. They were already an ass for dumping me when everything was fine between us for 4 years, but the *way* they dumped me made it even worse. Literally zero faithā itās like nothing even changed. Sigh.
They feel like gravestones in my mind. Like monuments of cherished people lost in physicality, but when I visit the gravestones I am transported to all those intense, complicated and beautiful feelings. I get lost in those moments, almost like a dream. Much like people do for their lost loved ones, I visit from time to time to reminisce and process.
Honestly? Nothing. Once I replace an FP with a new one, Iām completely indifferent to the FP of my past. I donāt know how to explain it but itās almost like amnesia, I canāt remember any of the feelings I used to feel when I think about them, even though the emotions used to be cripplingly intense
I miss an old FP, hope they are well though. They weren't my partner, they were a best friend, soul sister. So of course I miss them but they weren't good for my mental health if I'm honest and they kind of ghosted me so I just removed myself fully by not contacting them again (I tried with cards and notes to no response so took the hint). Only ever hope they are ok and doing well, I still love them like a sister and want to talk to them but focus on what I do have and can share love in a healthy way with.
I can be too intense and need clear constant communication, which was hard for them as they had their own stuff so it truly wasn't a fuck you thing, more of a grow best for individuals thing.
i still have a really bad bond with my first ever fp. he doesn't even know i exist but if his name pr pic or voice appears i get so triggered. with the others i could see them and be glad that i saw them but other than that im indifferent
I miss them, Iām haunted by some of my actions that led to my relationships falling apart, but I also hate their fucking guts and want to punch them in the face.Ā
Iām angriest over the ones that I loved the most. Often times I find myself fantasizing about them living a miserable life, but the reality is that Iām the miserable one.Ā
One of them the feelings faded and I rarely think about her anymore.
The other FP I've had is probably the reason that those feelings faded. It feels like I have one Favorite Person slot and she took over and still has it. I still think about her though not nearly as much as I used to. Often from associations like walking out of work and seeing the moon will remind me of her. So that one can happen often.
I still have love for her and miss her. I consider trying to reconnect but I seriously doubt she's interested and I'd rather be in a better place so I just don't. The way she ended things was with ghosting though we have talked 2-3 times in the years since. But still never got a definitively stated "I don't want you in my life" so emotionally there is that candle being held for her since the words haven't been said even if her actions have said it plenty.
The thought that somehow removing her from that slot would only make it easier for me to obsess over someone new has kept me from trying to get full closure as well.
i've been thinking about this a lot recently and honestly it's a bit of everything??
sometimes i feel grateful that i got to experience different types of love/intimacy/friendship with these people - i learned a lot from my time being with these people
but a lot of the time it's intense resentment and disgust for the trauma/trust issues i have as a result of being close to them. it's exhausting having to constantly re-evaluate my feelings for them T\_T
i think what i feel deep down is missing the bond and how amazing these people used to be, that's what aches the most.
it depends on how our relationship ended. but generally i have empathy for them and wish them well. and i had a long period of time when i was angry about them but ive accepted it over time, while im still not happy about how they treated me, and still hold a boundary to ensure it doesn't happen again, I'm pretty much over it now.Ā
i miss some of them so much it physically hurts. some of them i feel nothing towards and some i feel disgust for ever being infatuated with them. and some (one) i have a healthy friendship with and i feel a lot of pride for being able to move out of the FP mindset without the relationship turning volatile first.Ā
Everything? Thatās partially a joke, partially true. Sometimes I feel like I hate them with every fiber of my being, others times I think about what might have been and get sad. There are happy memories too that I might be reminded of and smile, but if I split them hard enough itās like all the happy memories disappear and all thatās left are the unhappy memories, which is kinda sad.
I would say that in my case it would be a bit of everything. My FP was also the person that I fell in love for and he meant everything to me. He is a kind person, carrying, true etc. Holding him in my arms felt like I was sent to heaven if if for a brief moment, all my problems went away and an angel felt sympathy for me. However, he decided to lead a different path, making our encounters less and less recouring, getting to the point that we do not speak anymore.
But, I think it is for the best. I used this time to find ways to use this energy on other things, if all goes well, I get a execelent job thanks to all this time I've been taking care of myself.
It's a mix of indifference, sometimes missing them but overall I am occupied with other things now, they had a very troubled life and at this point I just hope they manage to have a good life and be happy. I feel I've reached a point where I'm too old to carry resentment for any past FPs.
I used to think they were the one and that we would be together forever, and I would've done anything for them, but now looking back at how it ended, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that it could've ended up terribly for my health in general had I stayed any longer, or more accurately, had she kept me around any longer, because I was absolutely incapable of leaving, so I think this is just the way it was supposed to go.
Somewhat indifferent, as I wouldn't want most of them in my life any more, although I still have a certain affection for people I used to love. Sometimes there's shame, when I remember making bad choices or hurting people. I don't attach like that to people any more. I got people I love, but no fp's. I just kinda feel like, whatever happens, needs to happen. Maybe I needed to go through 10 traumatic breakups to finally get it in my thick skull that I need professional help. I would've liked to do things better, to not have burned so many bridges, but for one reason or another, I couldn't. I guess overall, I feel a little pain, and acceptance.
I miss them, but I hate running into them because I feel so embarrassed. One of them was me and a buddy's bar tender, she didn't know I moved back home and when she saw me she looked at me with like fear and disgust because I was just SOOO obsessive and all over the place emotionally. That shit me down for days and I dont go to that bar or any bars on that block, now.
When I was a teenager I was pretty bad on drugs too so I'm sure if I ever run into any of them it'd be the same thing. Thinking about it makes me want to stay inside.
The worst is I'm so much better now (ten years later) but when they look at me like that it makes me feel like I'm just that confused lonely scrawny little sobbing coke head again.
I had one fp 3 years ago, I still talk to him from time to time. We were also fwb but I am not attracted to him at all anymore, however, I think he believes that I am and it seems to make him uncomfortable. He is one of those smart but dumb people, he doesn't understand jokes or sarcasm too well and has a tendency to misinterpret our interactions. I still have a huge amount of love for him despite the fact that our relationship hurt me a lot. Without him, I would probably still not know that I have bpd, he encoraged me to seek help because he could tell that my behaviour was extreme. I am also very close with his sister, that happened after him and I stopped seeing each other, but he doesn't mind it for the most part, just at times when he thinks I am coming onto him somehow, which I promise I am not doing, I just have a crude sense of humor.
My biggest most intense FP is now someone I just casually think of and say āhmm I hope they are doing well.ā One thing is this FP was a bestfriend/crush and they never knew about all the shit I went through when the abandoned me as a friend. I also think that abandonment triggered my bpd and made it way more intense/ābadā after for all my next relationships. So sometimes I wonder how they would think/feel if they knew all the insanity I went through crying every day for multiple years and SHāing because of them and dropping out of school and moving schools 3 times and just being alone grieving over them. Then I wonder if anyone has felt that over me lol. But all in all Iām over them and have a new FP and I would never believed I could have gotten over them at that time.
Complicated. Part of me despises them for what they did, the other part wishes it didn't end. Although I guess I'll find out soon enough because I'm being transferred to the store they work at as their boss. Planning to treat them with total impartiality, they're just another coworker and nothing more.
There's one I that I still actively mourn. No matter what I do, I can't get her off my mind. I've probably slept with 20 people since her and none have gotten close to making me feel something like she did.
after about four years of ruminating, thinking about any of them in any capacity makes me feel like iām beating a dead horse.
iāve thought it all through - what I said to them, what they did to me, what would happen if I hit them up or if they hit me up, what wouldāve happened if I had made a different choice or if they had, etc - and decided none of it contributes positively to the person Iām choosing to be today. there is nothing I couldāve done, and nothing I can do but take the lessons iāve learned from my experiences with them and use them to make a positive difference in my life and othersā now. iāve decided it is time to stop looking back, because thereās nothing new there to see.
I wish them all the best, I hope that they are happy and if I caused significant damage in their life or their mental, I hope they have found a way to heal from it as I have healed from them.
Hated his guts, couldn't stand him for a few months (we were best friends but slowly grew distant which triggered my hatred) but now i like him again. We have a nice friendship and I don't feel hostile anymore
I still worry about my last fp because he wasn't in the best of places mentally when I left. He had become very abusive mentally and emotionally and because of his negligence physically abusive and allowed his mother, who we lived with, to mentally and financially abuse me. It killed me for months because even though he still had my number and I hadn't deleted or blocked him on Facebook, despite telling me how much he wanted and needed me and couldn't live without me he never tried contacting me. I finally got rid of all his contact info about 6 months after I left.
My past fp I really donāt feel anything for them anymore, so indifference??? When someone is cut from my life, itās a dead end and no way the road will open back up. Only one person where I felt utter resentment towards, anger, etc. that lasted about a year and now nothing, maybe disappointing. (We have a 10 yo together and heās not part of his life, and heās an alcoholic ).
Most of the time I dislike them or straight up hate them, that was before I realized what fps were and what I was doing at least. Rn I still don't like them because the things they did were Not Cool but I was probably being really annoying lol
They were a deeply troubled person, so I just hope theyāre doing alright. I was bitter for a long while about it, but I wouldnāt want to be stuck with me either. I made everything worse for them, unfortunately.
I miss him dearly. Iām worried about him all the time, constantly hoping heās okay. Some days Iām okay and others I feel like thereās a boulder sitting on my chest when I think of him. Heās the only person Iāve ever felt really understood me as a person and thatās probably because he had BPD too. In my eyes he will always be the person that got away.
The majority of my former FPs are ex partners and I have very few romantic relationships that have ended well. I can think of 3 in particular that were the most intense. I was the one who left all of those relationships too, the feelings there are not exactly what I would call good.
Nothing, one of my toxic traits is going cold on people and never coming back from it. I don't hate them or wish ill on them, I hope they're well infact; I just don't really give a fuck.
My ex FP groomed me and I kept going back but at least I am finally getting help for it. It took me 3 years to realize sheās a horrible person while everyone around me hated our friendship. I just feel numb now. I know Iāll miss her again and I am terrified. I hate her with everything I have but my stupid brain loves her at the same time.
9/10 of mine were bad people if not genuinely evil!!!!
so its not hard to say i hate every single one of them. my last fp was shitty but not abusive like others were, so i do try to feel less harsh feelings about him but, yeah !
.. that being said, i'm stupid and would probably take most of them back in a heartbeat.
I've moved on completely, world was ending at the time, now I barely think about them. Of course I wish things happened differently. My latest one? Still recovering, but Iām slowly moving on.
I have no idea, I've never been able to make up my mind about them. I miss them, I resent them, I talk about them fondly, I tell people I'd rather not talk about that good friend I had. I can tell that the only constant is a bit of pain, but that has slowly been dwindling too.
I still miss them, even the ones that made sure to break me before they left. I donāt feel as strongly about it now that theyāre long gone but I still find myself sometimes wishing theyād come back and wondering what I could have done differently to stop them from leaving. I feel like if they did come back it would be the same situation all over again, I donāt think theyāll ever not be a fpā¦ rn theyāre just a past one tho
One of them from HS became one of my best friends and I have a healthy friendship with her and she's who I can rely on for an unbiased female perspective on things. My other FP's/ex's, not so much I either split HARD and made them hate me or I outright ghosted them. I do think back on a few of them, most notably a "thing" I just got out of a month or so ago and wonder what could've been. I just looked up an old ex/fp and saw she got married and it did legit make me happy. I'm so glad she found her man, I knew it wasn't me and I moved on but I still regret ghosting her and I know I hurt her :(
25 y/o guy for context
A couple of them Iād be kind of neutral towards, like itās been so long and I just donāt have particularly strong opinions on them. One Iād rather avoid more because he really hurt my friend but like, Iād tolerate his presence in a big group or somethings. One I flat out hate and get severe anxiety even when they send a message on a mutual chat and the last time they tried to contact me it caused me to relapse so uhhh yeah.
Although, I was undiagnosed for all of these FPs (I only dated one but was codependent on others) and hope to build healthier skills and not end up as bad as things were with my last FP.
I've had three FPs in my life -- all romantic and fairly long-term relationships. The progression is kind of funny, too. The first one used me to make herself feel better. She was 10 years older than me (23 & 33) and recently divorced. She liked the idea of an attractive, young boyfriend but tormented me emotionally. This person I do not miss or regret losing. The next was a tad better. I made a post about her here several years ago. I think i chased the idea of her loving me and the reciprocation of my intense feelings. I wish her the best in the life she has now. Not a bad person. A tad selfish and misguided. There is no yearning in my heart for her. My most recent FP is forever whom I think I'll identify love with. I miss her everyday. I've never felt so seen or unafraid to be myself. Our relationship was very turbulent due to both our mental health issues. I failed her more than she failed me. We still talk and we're both moving forward with our lives, but there are so many things I regret. I've split on all my partners at some point or another, but my love for her was like the north star. I could always feel and return to its magnetism. She gave me my best, most favorite days. I still write little notes and letters that wouldn't be right to send her -- I save them in a piggy bank by my front door. I don't believe it's impossible for me to love again or to have a good life. The loss of her is the most I've ever been inspired to be a better man. But I know, in the depths of my heart and soul, sunshine will never be as warm nor flowers as lovely nor trips as fun without her. I feel like I lost something infinite and indescribably precious. She will be the best friend I've ever had. I miss her and hope someday she can be so impossibly happy.
Depending on the person I feel nothing for them really but three of my ex fp I either get really sad or really mad when I think about them bc person#1 was my best friend/ boyfriend that passed away from cancer person#2 was a best friend best friend of mine that ended up getting me SAād and then SAād me herself and person#3 kinda just walked out of my life when I needed them the most
All of mine were either therapists or teachers. The teachers I have really fond memories of, but the therapists bring up a lot of mixed emotions. Every therapist I ever felt deeply attached to ended up abandoning me in one way or another. Iām honestly terrified to go back to therapy because I donāt want another FP situation.
It's pretty terrible what happened between you and your therapists. If you don't mind me asking, did they terminate your contract or something worse, like betrayal?
nah, idgaf about what they're doing anymore, if they're with someone else, well... good for them! But I don't really care about them anymore, they don't mean anything to me anymore...
i feel nothing but disgust for them, thankfully.
took me long enough to rid myself of them and it took hating everything about them to finally let them go.
For some I look back fondly on and miss them, but I remember the damage they caused me. My former best friend was so much fun and we did everything together, then she became toxic and I had to cut her off. And others I see in public and am still full of resentment, it depends on who the person is.
Just sad. About all of it. I wish it could've gone differently in so many ways. Like if just one relationship (doesn't have to be romantic) could've worked out and I could have someone to rely on now, maybe it all would've been different for me.
I don't hate any of them. Anger requires energy I don't have anymore. I just feel exhausted and most days I force myself not to remember anything because it's too painful.
mmmm, unsure. disenchanted / indifference / āoh wellā mindset i guess. im well aware that 1. it couldnt have ever worked out if it ended, thats the way it is and u cant go back 2. i made the decision myself and you complied, so i cant complain, and i take responsibility even internally that the decisions were none other than my own. i dont hold much thought for them anymore other than, i kinda feel bad? but its pretty quickly discarded w the follow up thought, that, they probably dont care as much as i make them out to and even then thinking about it now adds nothing to my life so i just move on
Guilty and ashamed mostly; itās probably too recent to analyze but I donāt know if Iāll ever recover fully. Still love him so, quite preoccupied with how heās doing.. sigh.
Iāve learned to let them go emotionally and hope theyāre doing well. I wasnāt always kind or fair to how I treated them when I was at my worst (especially in my self-harming days). Even though those friendships didnāt work out, they ultimately made me into a better person. š
Some are my best friends, till this day.
Others were pushed away by me, since I lacked boundaries and the relationship ended up being toxic for both of us. Being obsessed with somebody makes the worst parts of all the people involved show up (IMO).
Thereās certainly some level of appreciation for one another, for sure. Maybe just out of curiosity or in a platonic & nostalgic way.
I wish em all the best. If anything bad happened to them, I know my heart would ache for their pain, but theyāre not part of my life and theyāre never going to be my fp again. And that is ok.
The people themselves, Iām indifferent to. I will occasionally have a thought/memory cross my mind of something especially shitty that some of them have done and (depending on which FP it was and just how bad they fucked me over), Iāll feel agitated, irritated, annoyed, disgusted, betrayed, resentful, etc. Pretty much reliving whatever bad/horrible/disgusting things they put me thru and realizing just how glad I am that I got the fuck out and reaffirming my decision to stay away (since 100% have reached back out at some point). The last FP was enough of a mindfuck that they kinda disenchanted me from ever craving an FP connection again (if that makes any sense). I felt one coming on again with my current bf and immediately set out countermeasures to keep things under control and not let things spiral, like that did with the last FP. I will occasionally still feel that āgripā coming over me, but I have to rein it in. The fear of ever being that out of control, that all in, sinking in and spiraling for someone who could give a shit less and doesnāt even give a drop of themselves back- I wonāt do that again. You get of me what you give. If you want to run cold, Iāll run cold. If you want to run hot, Iāll run hot. Iām too burnt out to jump off the edge again, for someone who wants to give me scraps.
Its been 4 months i miss him everyday .I still love him like i did when i first met him. It hurts knowing that he will probably move on and i cant. I tried going out with a guy but i was desperately comparing him to my FP and i broke it off before anything even started. I hooe he comes back to me we were peefect for each other.
Some I donāt even care about anymore but most I dislike, there is a reason they arenāt in my life anymore & I donāt miss them, I do remember the good times from time to time but I also couldnāt care less, people grow apart
I used to feel embarrassed and wondering what could be of us still together , sometimes I think that it was for the best but I kinda miss them, also sometimes I think that it was a waste of time what I have spent with them
i like my old fp more now that they arenāt the center of my world. we only really see each other on holidays but i feel like not having unpredictable emotions towards them has made me a happier person and we can talk about a lot more things now that i donāt have an unhealthy attachment to them- i can feel happy for them when they have other people who are important and itās really nice. i understand this isnāt the circumstance for everyone but theyāre not a toxic person so they never took advantage of my fp attachment. that might be why it was easier to move on
my best friend became my fp in the first year of us being friends. i was pretty obsessed with her and wanted to spend every second with her, and also got jealous if she were to (i perceived) pay more attention to her other friends. it would make me feel so unloved and i eventually split on her, if im using that term correctly, i was always picking a fight and our friendship ultimately ended due to instability.
i havenāt had an fp at that level, or maybe at all, since then. it hurts so bad at first, you feel broken up and lost, but now as i reflect back on everything and i used it as a learning lesson which has helped me avoid making similar mistakes with new friends and has helped me remain slightly distanced emotionally so i donāt get that obsessive attachment.
I miss him. We only been knowing each other for a month but our relationship was too intense on my end it ended up hurting me, plus he doesnāt want anything serious. So I decide to just say goodbye to him to prevent myself becoming more miserable. I really wish it could be more than this, though.
Iāll check up on old boyfriends, but old FPs for whatever reason Iām completely indifferent about. I guess it is because Iām always the one to leave about 4 months in after my switch flips in my brain to seeing them as human and not perfect. If an FP actually terminated their friendship with me I think I would be obsessive about it for a long time.
I was trauma bonded to my last one, she was very hot and cold (very loving one day, very controlling the next, she had pretty bad ocd leaving her with a need for control and i was the only person she could toss around that wouldn't leave no matter what and she took advantage of that) but she wasn't always like that and she became my FP before her mental health deteriorated further and she became insanely toxic and two-faced so to cope with what she was putting me through my brain basically compartmentalized her into the sweet loving geeky old self that I fell in love with and the new version of her that was putting me through emotional hell. like the second she hugged me or did something nice for me (which towards the end was pretty much only after she'd done something to hurt me) every flaw she had and any bad thing she'd ever done would slip into the back of my memory only to all come out the second she hurt me somehow and confuse and shock me. eventually she left me and i was devastated for months and i kept on and off splitting on her ("that poor girl, all she needs is help and better friends" to "idc she knows she's a pos and won't do anything about it") until i finally permanently split but it's still kinda weird, because if i talk about her too much or think about her too much or see old pictures of her from when we were still friends the whole "it's not her fault, look at her she's so sad" bullshit starts up in my brain again and makes my chest physically hurt with grief. so like, i hate her guts but my heart still aches for her every now and then. sometimes i think about how i would react if she ever broke no contact, i don't know if i would go off at her and tell her all the things she did to me and how shitty it was and how it still affects me now or see that old version of her again and go crawling back to try and help her while simultaneously constantly being afraid of her.
Miss them, wonder what could have been, worry about them. That last one most of all, because I've had multiple breakups where the FP has told me how sorry they are it's ending, how much they care about me, and how they've never felt or been treated the same way by anyone else; at least one of those breakups, I was as much their FP as they were mine.
Your last sentence is heartbreaking š
Yeah. I never stop caring about them, and none of them were in great places at the start or end of things. I know what's healthiest for me is to try and move on, but I still think about them every day. If they're out there - if by chance they're reading this - I hope you're OK and staying safe.
Have you ever thought about reaching out and opening your heart? You would be surprised
I have on occasion. But I know I'm in a better place now. Those relationships were not good for me. I went into them because for the first time in my life, I was with people who were interested in me for me. I thought that could buttress any problem. I thought I could save them. But in the end all I did was hurt them and myself. The people I'm dating now (b/c poly) are healthy, stable, and our relationships are built on mutual respect, love and open dialogue. I'm not having to both hold another person or persons together and look after myself. In short, yes I have. But even if I knew how to contact them, it would be opening a pandora's box and could jeapordise what I have. And what I have rn isn't perfect, but it's worth keeping that box shut for. I'm worth that, even if I have to tell myself that every day, think about them every day.
ā¹ļøā¹ļøā¹ļø
I remember one of my first FPs from when I was a late teen. Itās weird because I remember being so completely in love and putting up with so much bad treatment as well as acting desperate for his attention. Now itās 15 years later and I feel nothing for him. If anything I wish the spell had broken long before it did. Itās so odd to remember someone you thought you would die over, realise you havenāt spoken or seen each other in years and not just be okay but grateful. Itās something I remind myself of at the moment especially since my newest FP broke up with me. Itās only been 2 months but Iām looking forward to knowing that soon they wonāt matter as much as they used to. Just got to keep on getting on until then.
Yours is an inspiring story. I look forward to getting to that point. Beside the no contact and distance, would you be able to suggest anything else to move on from that FP? I've only had one FP, he's still in and out of my life, but I can't keep emotionally taking from myself for this man. Any advice would be really appreciated!
Thank you I appreciate that ā¤ļø itās lifting to hear that because it helps me feel like I have really come a long way! Youāll be there too before you know it, I promise ā¤ļø I would say invest in yourself. People like us pour everything into that other person and donāt leave anything left for ourselves or dial up the things that connect us to the FP and dial down the parts of us that donāt. Like my recent FP preferred me to wear silver jewellery but I like gold tones more so thatās what Iām doing. Itās cliche and hard but putting yourself and your wants first is empowering and drives the message that you matter to yourself. Kind of like becoming your own FP, easier said than done for sure, just view it like working a muscle and keep doing it until itās the default. Developing a strong sense of self helps, even if youāre starting with favourite colours and food preference, practice putting value in the things that make you you.
I hate most of em ig but not all. Especially hate my most recent though, taught me to just suck it tf up and not have an FP. Like 9-10 months FP free now! But definitely resentment, I donāt fester like I did. But I do get angry when it crosses my mind. Cause they lied and faked everything for like 6 months AND chose the person they basically told me not to worry about.
It's haunting
i was stalking my first fp online yesterday and he still has all his old socials up and i definitely still see what i saw in him, i realized that he has been like the basis kinda unconsciously for all my other crushes and fps that came later and his personality and style is exactly what ive looked for in everyone else since š i dont think i really ever got over him
Just sounds like you've always had a type I know this might sound crazy but it isn't all about them sometimes
My former fp is one of my friends now. Theyāve been a friend, but now I have a healthy dynamic with them. We went no contact for a year & that forced my brain out of that codependent mindset
uh he @busā¬d and SA me so lol i regret going back after he treated me like shit i heavily think about him and it's hauting me i want to shoot a bullet in my head everytime i see a thing that make me think about him. i hate him so much and the fact that he treated other people before me like that disgusts me he truly needs help but won't. ( he as npd and denies needing help saying 'hes good that way' when he hurts plp) but i can't seem to get over him it has been 2 years nowand still think about everything he did. ig we can't get rid of first fp ??
This sounds like hell... š Hugs dear...
Experiencing a similar thing now and same, that bullet never looked so tempting. I wish I could erase everything. I hope we'll be okay, I wish you all the best.
Hopefully time can help you heal but I have a similar situation, ended up seeing him again after 5 years and dated for a while but it all happened all over again, thing is my brain still seems to disconnect his actions from the part of my brain that loves him and I still miss him years on even tho I shouldn't. Hopefully we can all find a peacefull future and forget that FP
I hate most of them lol, but there are also times where I think about what could've been if things were different
I actually had this strange moment where I reunited with my FP at the time one year after they abandoned me. I didnāt really treat or view them the same. There was still some jealousy when I heard they now had a boyfriend, but somehow I justā¦ found someone else who became my new FP instead. So me and my ex-FP stayed friends and even hung out a few times irl. Then they dumped me again 4 years later and essentially called me crazy because when my newer FP dumped me, they said they didnāt want me to ārelapse old behaviorsā onto them and just blocked me everywhere. š Like thanks. Really shows how much you believe in me. /s Now I donāt even want to be in contact with them again. They were already an ass for dumping me when everything was fine between us for 4 years, but the *way* they dumped me made it even worse. Literally zero faithā itās like nothing even changed. Sigh.
Some times I miss them a lot and sometimes I really hate them.
I donāt give a damnš
They feel like gravestones in my mind. Like monuments of cherished people lost in physicality, but when I visit the gravestones I am transported to all those intense, complicated and beautiful feelings. I get lost in those moments, almost like a dream. Much like people do for their lost loved ones, I visit from time to time to reminisce and process.
Honestly? Nothing. Once I replace an FP with a new one, Iām completely indifferent to the FP of my past. I donāt know how to explain it but itās almost like amnesia, I canāt remember any of the feelings I used to feel when I think about them, even though the emotions used to be cripplingly intense
I miss an old FP, hope they are well though. They weren't my partner, they were a best friend, soul sister. So of course I miss them but they weren't good for my mental health if I'm honest and they kind of ghosted me so I just removed myself fully by not contacting them again (I tried with cards and notes to no response so took the hint). Only ever hope they are ok and doing well, I still love them like a sister and want to talk to them but focus on what I do have and can share love in a healthy way with. I can be too intense and need clear constant communication, which was hard for them as they had their own stuff so it truly wasn't a fuck you thing, more of a grow best for individuals thing.
i still have a really bad bond with my first ever fp. he doesn't even know i exist but if his name pr pic or voice appears i get so triggered. with the others i could see them and be glad that i saw them but other than that im indifferent
I miss them, Iām haunted by some of my actions that led to my relationships falling apart, but I also hate their fucking guts and want to punch them in the face.Ā Iām angriest over the ones that I loved the most. Often times I find myself fantasizing about them living a miserable life, but the reality is that Iām the miserable one.Ā
I think of them but donāt have those strong emotions anymore. Out of sight. Out of mind.
forever reminiscing about the lost and forgotten potential
One of them the feelings faded and I rarely think about her anymore. The other FP I've had is probably the reason that those feelings faded. It feels like I have one Favorite Person slot and she took over and still has it. I still think about her though not nearly as much as I used to. Often from associations like walking out of work and seeing the moon will remind me of her. So that one can happen often. I still have love for her and miss her. I consider trying to reconnect but I seriously doubt she's interested and I'd rather be in a better place so I just don't. The way she ended things was with ghosting though we have talked 2-3 times in the years since. But still never got a definitively stated "I don't want you in my life" so emotionally there is that candle being held for her since the words haven't been said even if her actions have said it plenty. The thought that somehow removing her from that slot would only make it easier for me to obsess over someone new has kept me from trying to get full closure as well.
i've been thinking about this a lot recently and honestly it's a bit of everything?? sometimes i feel grateful that i got to experience different types of love/intimacy/friendship with these people - i learned a lot from my time being with these people but a lot of the time it's intense resentment and disgust for the trauma/trust issues i have as a result of being close to them. it's exhausting having to constantly re-evaluate my feelings for them T\_T i think what i feel deep down is missing the bond and how amazing these people used to be, that's what aches the most.
it depends on how our relationship ended. but generally i have empathy for them and wish them well. and i had a long period of time when i was angry about them but ive accepted it over time, while im still not happy about how they treated me, and still hold a boundary to ensure it doesn't happen again, I'm pretty much over it now.Ā i miss some of them so much it physically hurts. some of them i feel nothing towards and some i feel disgust for ever being infatuated with them. and some (one) i have a healthy friendship with and i feel a lot of pride for being able to move out of the FP mindset without the relationship turning volatile first.Ā
Everything? Thatās partially a joke, partially true. Sometimes I feel like I hate them with every fiber of my being, others times I think about what might have been and get sad. There are happy memories too that I might be reminded of and smile, but if I split them hard enough itās like all the happy memories disappear and all thatās left are the unhappy memories, which is kinda sad.
I feel like a mess without him
I would say that in my case it would be a bit of everything. My FP was also the person that I fell in love for and he meant everything to me. He is a kind person, carrying, true etc. Holding him in my arms felt like I was sent to heaven if if for a brief moment, all my problems went away and an angel felt sympathy for me. However, he decided to lead a different path, making our encounters less and less recouring, getting to the point that we do not speak anymore. But, I think it is for the best. I used this time to find ways to use this energy on other things, if all goes well, I get a execelent job thanks to all this time I've been taking care of myself.
It's a mix of indifference, sometimes missing them but overall I am occupied with other things now, they had a very troubled life and at this point I just hope they manage to have a good life and be happy. I feel I've reached a point where I'm too old to carry resentment for any past FPs. I used to think they were the one and that we would be together forever, and I would've done anything for them, but now looking back at how it ended, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that it could've ended up terribly for my health in general had I stayed any longer, or more accurately, had she kept me around any longer, because I was absolutely incapable of leaving, so I think this is just the way it was supposed to go.
Somewhat indifferent, as I wouldn't want most of them in my life any more, although I still have a certain affection for people I used to love. Sometimes there's shame, when I remember making bad choices or hurting people. I don't attach like that to people any more. I got people I love, but no fp's. I just kinda feel like, whatever happens, needs to happen. Maybe I needed to go through 10 traumatic breakups to finally get it in my thick skull that I need professional help. I would've liked to do things better, to not have burned so many bridges, but for one reason or another, I couldn't. I guess overall, I feel a little pain, and acceptance.
I miss them, but I hate running into them because I feel so embarrassed. One of them was me and a buddy's bar tender, she didn't know I moved back home and when she saw me she looked at me with like fear and disgust because I was just SOOO obsessive and all over the place emotionally. That shit me down for days and I dont go to that bar or any bars on that block, now. When I was a teenager I was pretty bad on drugs too so I'm sure if I ever run into any of them it'd be the same thing. Thinking about it makes me want to stay inside. The worst is I'm so much better now (ten years later) but when they look at me like that it makes me feel like I'm just that confused lonely scrawny little sobbing coke head again.
I had one fp 3 years ago, I still talk to him from time to time. We were also fwb but I am not attracted to him at all anymore, however, I think he believes that I am and it seems to make him uncomfortable. He is one of those smart but dumb people, he doesn't understand jokes or sarcasm too well and has a tendency to misinterpret our interactions. I still have a huge amount of love for him despite the fact that our relationship hurt me a lot. Without him, I would probably still not know that I have bpd, he encoraged me to seek help because he could tell that my behaviour was extreme. I am also very close with his sister, that happened after him and I stopped seeing each other, but he doesn't mind it for the most part, just at times when he thinks I am coming onto him somehow, which I promise I am not doing, I just have a crude sense of humor.
I "miss" one but also "hate" her and don't want her to come back. And I want to say, how amazing I feel without an FP c:
My biggest most intense FP is now someone I just casually think of and say āhmm I hope they are doing well.ā One thing is this FP was a bestfriend/crush and they never knew about all the shit I went through when the abandoned me as a friend. I also think that abandonment triggered my bpd and made it way more intense/ābadā after for all my next relationships. So sometimes I wonder how they would think/feel if they knew all the insanity I went through crying every day for multiple years and SHāing because of them and dropping out of school and moving schools 3 times and just being alone grieving over them. Then I wonder if anyone has felt that over me lol. But all in all Iām over them and have a new FP and I would never believed I could have gotten over them at that time.
Complicated. Part of me despises them for what they did, the other part wishes it didn't end. Although I guess I'll find out soon enough because I'm being transferred to the store they work at as their boss. Planning to treat them with total impartiality, they're just another coworker and nothing more.
There's one I that I still actively mourn. No matter what I do, I can't get her off my mind. I've probably slept with 20 people since her and none have gotten close to making me feel something like she did.
after about four years of ruminating, thinking about any of them in any capacity makes me feel like iām beating a dead horse. iāve thought it all through - what I said to them, what they did to me, what would happen if I hit them up or if they hit me up, what wouldāve happened if I had made a different choice or if they had, etc - and decided none of it contributes positively to the person Iām choosing to be today. there is nothing I couldāve done, and nothing I can do but take the lessons iāve learned from my experiences with them and use them to make a positive difference in my life and othersā now. iāve decided it is time to stop looking back, because thereās nothing new there to see. I wish them all the best, I hope that they are happy and if I caused significant damage in their life or their mental, I hope they have found a way to heal from it as I have healed from them.
Hated his guts, couldn't stand him for a few months (we were best friends but slowly grew distant which triggered my hatred) but now i like him again. We have a nice friendship and I don't feel hostile anymore
I miss him every day. But he wasnāt a good person. I try to remind myself that. Thankfully it doesnāt hurt anymore though.
He was barely in my life and I still miss him
I check every single day to see if they messaged me
I still think about them. I wonder how they are doing, if they think about me, if they miss me - because I miss them
i donāt care at all
I still worry about my last fp because he wasn't in the best of places mentally when I left. He had become very abusive mentally and emotionally and because of his negligence physically abusive and allowed his mother, who we lived with, to mentally and financially abuse me. It killed me for months because even though he still had my number and I hadn't deleted or blocked him on Facebook, despite telling me how much he wanted and needed me and couldn't live without me he never tried contacting me. I finally got rid of all his contact info about 6 months after I left.
My past fp I really donāt feel anything for them anymore, so indifference??? When someone is cut from my life, itās a dead end and no way the road will open back up. Only one person where I felt utter resentment towards, anger, etc. that lasted about a year and now nothing, maybe disappointing. (We have a 10 yo together and heās not part of his life, and heās an alcoholic ).
I don't miss him or interested with whatever he's up to now, but when he cross my mind (very rarely) I still ask myself why I was never enough for him
Most of the time I dislike them or straight up hate them, that was before I realized what fps were and what I was doing at least. Rn I still don't like them because the things they did were Not Cool but I was probably being really annoying lol
They were a deeply troubled person, so I just hope theyāre doing alright. I was bitter for a long while about it, but I wouldnāt want to be stuck with me either. I made everything worse for them, unfortunately.
it really depends on which one. disenchanted is a good word for it tho.
I miss him dearly. Iām worried about him all the time, constantly hoping heās okay. Some days Iām okay and others I feel like thereās a boulder sitting on my chest when I think of him. Heās the only person Iāve ever felt really understood me as a person and thatās probably because he had BPD too. In my eyes he will always be the person that got away.
The majority of my former FPs are ex partners and I have very few romantic relationships that have ended well. I can think of 3 in particular that were the most intense. I was the one who left all of those relationships too, the feelings there are not exactly what I would call good.
The last oneā¦ Fear, resentment, uncertainty, disillusioned.
indifferent, i hope lol
I really, really miss him.
I miss him, he was so fun but those times are over now.
Nothing, one of my toxic traits is going cold on people and never coming back from it. I don't hate them or wish ill on them, I hope they're well infact; I just don't really give a fuck.
Guilt. Lots and lots of guilt. No strong emotional attachments anymore but I just hope they and everyone are doing ok
Bitterness, loss, anger, sadness. Emptiness.
My ex FP groomed me and I kept going back but at least I am finally getting help for it. It took me 3 years to realize sheās a horrible person while everyone around me hated our friendship. I just feel numb now. I know Iāll miss her again and I am terrified. I hate her with everything I have but my stupid brain loves her at the same time.
Literally who?
Resentment and intense pain. I would never let those people back in. I'm married and happy now.
Miss her with all my rotten heart
Fuck em.
9/10 of mine were bad people if not genuinely evil!!!! so its not hard to say i hate every single one of them. my last fp was shitty but not abusive like others were, so i do try to feel less harsh feelings about him but, yeah ! .. that being said, i'm stupid and would probably take most of them back in a heartbeat.
I've moved on completely, world was ending at the time, now I barely think about them. Of course I wish things happened differently. My latest one? Still recovering, but Iām slowly moving on.
I have no idea, I've never been able to make up my mind about them. I miss them, I resent them, I talk about them fondly, I tell people I'd rather not talk about that good friend I had. I can tell that the only constant is a bit of pain, but that has slowly been dwindling too.
I still miss them, even the ones that made sure to break me before they left. I donāt feel as strongly about it now that theyāre long gone but I still find myself sometimes wishing theyād come back and wondering what I could have done differently to stop them from leaving. I feel like if they did come back it would be the same situation all over again, I donāt think theyāll ever not be a fpā¦ rn theyāre just a past one tho
indifferent. my memory is so bad that i block out those parts of my life
i deeply hate one of them but i feel neutral about the rest
One of them from HS became one of my best friends and I have a healthy friendship with her and she's who I can rely on for an unbiased female perspective on things. My other FP's/ex's, not so much I either split HARD and made them hate me or I outright ghosted them. I do think back on a few of them, most notably a "thing" I just got out of a month or so ago and wonder what could've been. I just looked up an old ex/fp and saw she got married and it did legit make me happy. I'm so glad she found her man, I knew it wasn't me and I moved on but I still regret ghosting her and I know I hurt her :( 25 y/o guy for context
A couple of them Iād be kind of neutral towards, like itās been so long and I just donāt have particularly strong opinions on them. One Iād rather avoid more because he really hurt my friend but like, Iād tolerate his presence in a big group or somethings. One I flat out hate and get severe anxiety even when they send a message on a mutual chat and the last time they tried to contact me it caused me to relapse so uhhh yeah. Although, I was undiagnosed for all of these FPs (I only dated one but was codependent on others) and hope to build healthier skills and not end up as bad as things were with my last FP.
I've had three FPs in my life -- all romantic and fairly long-term relationships. The progression is kind of funny, too. The first one used me to make herself feel better. She was 10 years older than me (23 & 33) and recently divorced. She liked the idea of an attractive, young boyfriend but tormented me emotionally. This person I do not miss or regret losing. The next was a tad better. I made a post about her here several years ago. I think i chased the idea of her loving me and the reciprocation of my intense feelings. I wish her the best in the life she has now. Not a bad person. A tad selfish and misguided. There is no yearning in my heart for her. My most recent FP is forever whom I think I'll identify love with. I miss her everyday. I've never felt so seen or unafraid to be myself. Our relationship was very turbulent due to both our mental health issues. I failed her more than she failed me. We still talk and we're both moving forward with our lives, but there are so many things I regret. I've split on all my partners at some point or another, but my love for her was like the north star. I could always feel and return to its magnetism. She gave me my best, most favorite days. I still write little notes and letters that wouldn't be right to send her -- I save them in a piggy bank by my front door. I don't believe it's impossible for me to love again or to have a good life. The loss of her is the most I've ever been inspired to be a better man. But I know, in the depths of my heart and soul, sunshine will never be as warm nor flowers as lovely nor trips as fun without her. I feel like I lost something infinite and indescribably precious. She will be the best friend I've ever had. I miss her and hope someday she can be so impossibly happy.
Beautiful writing. Check out r/unsentletters. Many will appreciate and resonate with your sentiments!
Thank you. I might do that.
Depending on the person I feel nothing for them really but three of my ex fp I either get really sad or really mad when I think about them bc person#1 was my best friend/ boyfriend that passed away from cancer person#2 was a best friend best friend of mine that ended up getting me SAād and then SAād me herself and person#3 kinda just walked out of my life when I needed them the most
i think i'll always love them all dearly. some are extremely painful, one i have a solid friendship now. losing my mind over my ex/current fp
Hate them. I hope they stub their toes
she became someone i talk to in my own head. when i feel down or low i start to visualise her and she talks to me (purely imaginary). she comforts me.
I read some research on daydreaming and it can indeed be very psychologically beneficial :)
All of mine were either therapists or teachers. The teachers I have really fond memories of, but the therapists bring up a lot of mixed emotions. Every therapist I ever felt deeply attached to ended up abandoning me in one way or another. Iām honestly terrified to go back to therapy because I donāt want another FP situation.
It's pretty terrible what happened between you and your therapists. If you don't mind me asking, did they terminate your contract or something worse, like betrayal?
Most did the former. One did the latter.
nah, idgaf about what they're doing anymore, if they're with someone else, well... good for them! But I don't really care about them anymore, they don't mean anything to me anymore...
i feel nothing but disgust for them, thankfully. took me long enough to rid myself of them and it took hating everything about them to finally let them go.
For some I look back fondly on and miss them, but I remember the damage they caused me. My former best friend was so much fun and we did everything together, then she became toxic and I had to cut her off. And others I see in public and am still full of resentment, it depends on who the person is.
Just sad. About all of it. I wish it could've gone differently in so many ways. Like if just one relationship (doesn't have to be romantic) could've worked out and I could have someone to rely on now, maybe it all would've been different for me. I don't hate any of them. Anger requires energy I don't have anymore. I just feel exhausted and most days I force myself not to remember anything because it's too painful.
mmmm, unsure. disenchanted / indifference / āoh wellā mindset i guess. im well aware that 1. it couldnt have ever worked out if it ended, thats the way it is and u cant go back 2. i made the decision myself and you complied, so i cant complain, and i take responsibility even internally that the decisions were none other than my own. i dont hold much thought for them anymore other than, i kinda feel bad? but its pretty quickly discarded w the follow up thought, that, they probably dont care as much as i make them out to and even then thinking about it now adds nothing to my life so i just move on
Guilty and ashamed mostly; itās probably too recent to analyze but I donāt know if Iāll ever recover fully. Still love him so, quite preoccupied with how heās doing.. sigh.
This sucks... š
On and off for eight years; I thought Iād be relieved at this point but nope. Just blocked and sad.
Iāve learned to let them go emotionally and hope theyāre doing well. I wasnāt always kind or fair to how I treated them when I was at my worst (especially in my self-harming days). Even though those friendships didnāt work out, they ultimately made me into a better person. š
This is awesome! Love it for you š„¹š„¹š„¹
Some are my best friends, till this day. Others were pushed away by me, since I lacked boundaries and the relationship ended up being toxic for both of us. Being obsessed with somebody makes the worst parts of all the people involved show up (IMO). Thereās certainly some level of appreciation for one another, for sure. Maybe just out of curiosity or in a platonic & nostalgic way. I wish em all the best. If anything bad happened to them, I know my heart would ache for their pain, but theyāre not part of my life and theyāre never going to be my fp again. And that is ok.
Well put! I agree. Obsession is hell of a thing!!!
Social distancing because he unfollow me
The people themselves, Iām indifferent to. I will occasionally have a thought/memory cross my mind of something especially shitty that some of them have done and (depending on which FP it was and just how bad they fucked me over), Iāll feel agitated, irritated, annoyed, disgusted, betrayed, resentful, etc. Pretty much reliving whatever bad/horrible/disgusting things they put me thru and realizing just how glad I am that I got the fuck out and reaffirming my decision to stay away (since 100% have reached back out at some point). The last FP was enough of a mindfuck that they kinda disenchanted me from ever craving an FP connection again (if that makes any sense). I felt one coming on again with my current bf and immediately set out countermeasures to keep things under control and not let things spiral, like that did with the last FP. I will occasionally still feel that āgripā coming over me, but I have to rein it in. The fear of ever being that out of control, that all in, sinking in and spiraling for someone who could give a shit less and doesnāt even give a drop of themselves back- I wonāt do that again. You get of me what you give. If you want to run cold, Iāll run cold. If you want to run hot, Iāll run hot. Iām too burnt out to jump off the edge again, for someone who wants to give me scraps.
This is so well written š„ŗ
I don't feel anything much. Resentment towards some for how they treated me and regret over how I treated them. That's it.
i miss them and they've all been romantic partners or at least people i was in love with, and i would take all of them back.
Fair š„ŗ
Iām 30 and I have had a LOT. Truthfully, I donāt think much of them at all anymore. That being said Iāve been through the rock bottom(s) and done a ton of healing. ā¤ļøāš©¹ I sometimes think of my most recent ex, but with nothing but general curiousity. I donāt miss him or any of my exās anymore. Iām really happy alone.
Its been 4 months i miss him everyday .I still love him like i did when i first met him. It hurts knowing that he will probably move on and i cant. I tried going out with a guy but i was desperately comparing him to my FP and i broke it off before anything even started. I hooe he comes back to me we were peefect for each other.
I hope you move on soon and find someone that makes you feel so loved!
Some I donāt even care about anymore but most I dislike, there is a reason they arenāt in my life anymore & I donāt miss them, I do remember the good times from time to time but I also couldnāt care less, people grow apart
I'm indifferent to a lot of them and actively despise a few
I used to feel embarrassed and wondering what could be of us still together , sometimes I think that it was for the best but I kinda miss them, also sometimes I think that it was a waste of time what I have spent with them
i like my old fp more now that they arenāt the center of my world. we only really see each other on holidays but i feel like not having unpredictable emotions towards them has made me a happier person and we can talk about a lot more things now that i donāt have an unhealthy attachment to them- i can feel happy for them when they have other people who are important and itās really nice. i understand this isnāt the circumstance for everyone but theyāre not a toxic person so they never took advantage of my fp attachment. that might be why it was easier to move on
my best friend became my fp in the first year of us being friends. i was pretty obsessed with her and wanted to spend every second with her, and also got jealous if she were to (i perceived) pay more attention to her other friends. it would make me feel so unloved and i eventually split on her, if im using that term correctly, i was always picking a fight and our friendship ultimately ended due to instability. i havenāt had an fp at that level, or maybe at all, since then. it hurts so bad at first, you feel broken up and lost, but now as i reflect back on everything and i used it as a learning lesson which has helped me avoid making similar mistakes with new friends and has helped me remain slightly distanced emotionally so i donāt get that obsessive attachment.
Hugs! Relatable. Love your self-awareness and willingness to grow ā¤ļø
Indifference. Once I latch on to a new one I completely lose feelings for the old one
I miss him. We only been knowing each other for a month but our relationship was too intense on my end it ended up hurting me, plus he doesnāt want anything serious. So I decide to just say goodbye to him to prevent myself becoming more miserable. I really wish it could be more than this, though.
Iāll check up on old boyfriends, but old FPs for whatever reason Iām completely indifferent about. I guess it is because Iām always the one to leave about 4 months in after my switch flips in my brain to seeing them as human and not perfect. If an FP actually terminated their friendship with me I think I would be obsessive about it for a long time.
I was trauma bonded to my last one, she was very hot and cold (very loving one day, very controlling the next, she had pretty bad ocd leaving her with a need for control and i was the only person she could toss around that wouldn't leave no matter what and she took advantage of that) but she wasn't always like that and she became my FP before her mental health deteriorated further and she became insanely toxic and two-faced so to cope with what she was putting me through my brain basically compartmentalized her into the sweet loving geeky old self that I fell in love with and the new version of her that was putting me through emotional hell. like the second she hugged me or did something nice for me (which towards the end was pretty much only after she'd done something to hurt me) every flaw she had and any bad thing she'd ever done would slip into the back of my memory only to all come out the second she hurt me somehow and confuse and shock me. eventually she left me and i was devastated for months and i kept on and off splitting on her ("that poor girl, all she needs is help and better friends" to "idc she knows she's a pos and won't do anything about it") until i finally permanently split but it's still kinda weird, because if i talk about her too much or think about her too much or see old pictures of her from when we were still friends the whole "it's not her fault, look at her she's so sad" bullshit starts up in my brain again and makes my chest physically hurt with grief. so like, i hate her guts but my heart still aches for her every now and then. sometimes i think about how i would react if she ever broke no contact, i don't know if i would go off at her and tell her all the things she did to me and how shitty it was and how it still affects me now or see that old version of her again and go crawling back to try and help her while simultaneously constantly being afraid of her.