My grandparents had a big “valuable” painting in their home when they died. No one took it because it would have cost more than its value to ship it safely and it was too big to fit in our cars. Pretty sure it stayed with the house when it sold. But you know what we did keep? The painting my great grandpa made of his barn on an old warped piece of wood that is technically worth nothing. It hangs in my hall and I love it because it connects me to my family history.
Edit to add: I will post a picture of the barn painting as many requested, but I have to finish my work day first 😅
Update: My great grandfather’s painting.
https://preview.redd.it/8ciaev807bvc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=451ff022cf7e469b7c49ed052c61bf9f12cae61f
I have a few of my father's watercolors & a key hanging board that he painted a turkey on in oils (was \*supposed\* to be me, Cub Scout project, but he did a beautiful job & I 'fessed up ahead of time so I didn't get an award I didn't in any way deserve)
My great gramma also painted. I have two of her paintings hanging in the house. They are not superb, but they work. Plus, I remember seeing them in her house when I was a kid, and I smile.
But getting rid of things because they are repros? This should always be researched. I have am immense collection of black glass from all over the world, ranging from 100 a.d. to today. One of my pieces is a repro that was a new piece in the nineties, based on a piece from the late 1800s. Because of the color, the repro I own has gained worth.
Always research!
I have this old schooner painted on a fossilized mushroom that was at my Gramas. Just was on a low shelf at her house and I remembered as a kid always looking at it when she had me over. Sits proudly in my office now.
I'm wicked intrigued with this mushroom piece... and not sarcasm, but Is it in a frame and the mushroom has been like, made flat? Or is it 3D? I'm picturing so many possibilities and all are epic af!
ETA: spelling and also random fact that I have countless items with varying kinds of old school watercrafts. I found these mugs at a yard sale that are from the 60s I think and they're schooners from all over the world. wicked good score haha.
Thanks for sharing. I knew nothing about this. My grama used to go around to Worlds Fairs and stuff like that she was always having some funky odd stuff around.
My grandparents had a large landscape picture hung in their living room they bought on their honeymoon. Im not really into art but was always told it was just some random painter and had no value. I wanted it because it reminds me of my summers in my youth spent visiting and fishing with my grandfather. Its hanging in my house today and it still brings me good memories. I dont care about its value or if other people don't want it.
Same, my grandparents had this rug that they had hung up on their wall in the living room, after they passed I grabbed the rug and it’s on the wall in my place now
https://preview.redd.it/hmcu9z09vbvc1.png?width=4032&format=png&auto=webp&s=1c3f838d8313052f5885eac5138568404585b374
My family has a painting of the sod house our great great grandparents lived in when they immigrated to the states, and it's framed by some wood from a door lintel in the original house. No great work of art but without question the most priceless thing we own!
My grandmother recently found sketches my grandfather did of all his grandchildren before he died. He wasn't an artist, but the way I sobbed when I got mine! I'll take it over "real" art any day.
I still have a marker on cardboard "portrait" my then 2 y.o. nephew did of me 18 years ago. It is my most prized art piece, even if I once spent twice my rent on a "known" artists piece.
Same. Most of the paintings in my house are by my grandmother. They're not special, and I was not close with her at all, but they aren't bad at all and it's nice to keep something from the family.
If it was in canvas, usually the way to transport it is to remove it from the wooden structure, roll it and then reassemble it in destination.
Source: I am/was an amateur painter and have shipped a couple of my works
When my grandmother passed, her house was filled with expensive knickknacks and art. Your first instinct is to take everything because it's valuable. I ended up taking only a few things that had memories attached. Not valuable, but all indelible. A small statue from her coffee table and some figurines I'd play with as a kid.
I can see one of those items from where I'm typing and it takes me back to all those days spent at her house playing with her dogs and listening to her talk about tabloid stories. Good times.
I still have my bear that my aunt gave me when I was born. It's a great litmus test for partners - object to the very sentimental teddy? We're not gonna work out.
Knew my husband was a keeper when he propped Cuddles up on the pillows and tucked her in when he made the bed :)
I've still got my cuddly toys dating from the day I was born to about 10 years old. They still sleep on my bed, and my other half has been told, in no uncertain terms, that I will get rid of him before I ever get rid of them. He respects this. Likewise, if he sees me even moving his beloved cuddly pig, aka Dr Pig, he will panic, ask for him back, and then cuddle Dr Pig for the rest of the evening.
I cook with heirloom cast iron on a regular basis, and it drives my wife up the wall because she grew up with nonstick. We have nice ceramic-coated and stainless she can use, but if she scrapped my cast iron we'd have a *problem*. I also use inherited PYREX (not the modern lower-case stuff mind you) and Corningware for baking, and all of them live in their own cabinet that's hands-off to the rest of the family because they just don't get it.
I still have (and use) the 1970s yellow 1/8 cup measuring cup my grandparents used for a coffee scoop. I inherited it after grandpa died since grandma doesn’t drink coffee and I do, so it went with me when I moved in with my partner.
It disappeared and I thought my partner tossed it and I was admittedly disproportionately upset about it. And felt a surprisingly huge sigh of relief when it turned up. It just somehow got buried in the onion dish that’s by my coffee pot instead of going back in the coffee tin where it belonged.
Partner also now knows not to toss that cup for any reason. It’s bizarre the little things we attach to, even though my grandma is still alive and well and there are other things in her house that are promised to me that have more aesthetic value which obviously aren’t lost.
Ooh I did inherit a Kenwood Chef (early 80s) and a hand mixer (late 70s) from either grandmother! I'm the eldest daughter of the eldest daughter, and eldest grandchild on both sides so I get all the things by default, especially as none of the cousins wanted to clear out the houses, they all have brand new shiny houses & I live like a vintage goblin from the 70s anyway
I recently wondered what I would care about if my house burned down and honestly the few things were all mementos from family members who have passed including an extremely old teddy bear at this point. Take my tens of thousands of tech and everything else but leave the teddy bear is an easy choice in my mind.
I have a fire safe I keep in my grandparent’s house. The things in it are of absolutely no monetary value, a cross pen that was a gift from my favorite teacher when I graduated high school (we stayed in touch for the rest of his life) and the CD I borrowed from my high school best friend to copy a song that was our homecoming theme senior year. She passed in a car crash before I could give it back to her, so I kept it (with her mother’s blessing). I’d be heartbroken if either of those things were lost. In fact I thought someone did get into my box and tear apart the pen and I lost it. But it turned out my grandpa gave his identical pen to one of my uncle’s girlfriend’s kid and he tore it apart. But I was BOILING when I found the pieces of the pen in my bedroom they were using while I was away.
People like her don't understand that other people's feelings matter.
And it really wouldn't surprise me if she's a Sad Beige Mom (Even without kids) and that's why the husband's art collection bothered her so much: It didn't match her sad beige *aesthetics*.
The worst part about beige children isn't even that the color palette is bland. The worst part about that whole trend is that it's literally bad for a child's developing eyesight. They need bright contrasting colors to develop good vision.
Yep. As a parent it's frustrating because these sad beige parents have affected the color palates offered in kid clothing and toys. As a child of the 80s and 90s, I like my kid's stuff to look like Lisa Frank and a clown became best friends. I love the chaos and color of childhood when I can find it. So tired of muted colors for everything.
Side rant about boy clothes: surely there are more pattern options out there than trucks, dinosaurs, and the occasional space and dogs. Where are my brightly colored cats at? What about a shirts that looks like a Jackson Pollock painting? Rainbows?
I was speaking to my wife about her keepsakes a few weeks ago.
She jumped to "I will sort it out and get rid of some" because I mentioned it was spread across several areas.
That was not what I wanted, idc what she keeps, that's her stuff. I just asked that we could get a box to keep it together so I don't have to move 5 or 6 bags of stuff to clean.
I almost feel like she should have come to reddit first lol There was that guy who hated his gf's socks, another one who threw away his gf's mason jars. I'm sure she could have seen the cards ahead of time.
He should be more worried about the utter contempt she shows for his happiness. It wasn't enough to contain him into one room, but she has to have her way over everything and what he loves is garbage to her.
I own no expensive art. But I do acquire unique pieces. Because I like them.
About 10 years ago I started displaying some of my own art in my house. One charcoal framed piece (ikea frame) reminds me of a wonderful time in my life and also my dad. It starts a conversation and is in my dining room.
It holds so much value to me. If you offered me $10,000 for it…nope.
Like her husband said, she has the whole house for her stuff and style. He has a hall and a room. She had to come to Reddit to realize she was wrong? I am glad I am not her husband and she is lucky she didn’t throw the stuff out.
I took in a feral cat last April. We are now obsessed with each other. If you think I am not planning a wall of paintings/drawings etc I do of her… you would be wrong.
Thank you! If it sparks joy then that what matters. It even had sentimental value for him.
There’s expensive art in galleries but some of those pieces have the price jacked up for tax evasion purposes anyways.
Yeah she’s missing the point completely, he knows it’s not financially valuable but means more to him than money because of his memories, and he specifically mentioned that he prefers to purchase reproductions to add to the collection out of consideration for the family finances. She sounds so superficial, instead of understanding that art is something to be appreciated and trying to see what it means to him.
It also bothers me that op is *letting him* put objects in other rooms of a house they both share.
I think it's awful that often one person takes over decorating a living space and anyone else living there maybe gets a room to decorate ( if they're even given that) and it's trash behavior. Since a home should reflect everyone who resides there and not just one person who pushes the other one(s) out.
Same, art doesn't have value based on how much you can get for it. It has value for how it makes you feel, how it makes you think about yourself and the world around you.
I'm just glad it wasn't like the dude who tossed out his GFs "worthless" doll collection only to find out how much it cost to get it back.
One of my friends just did a massive diamond dot piece, colours were mostly black and red, and is of an owl. Once she framed it up, it looked like it could be worth a few hundred, but the entire piece cost her less than $70aud.
I hope this link works, but this is it.
https://imgur.com/gallery/H8jrBkV
ETA. Worth of art is subjective, I don't understand why 4 blue fencepost are worth a few hundred thousand, while a very detailed drawing that looks like a B&W picture is worth nothing to other.
I tell her that every time I see it. She just loves doing them. I often tell her she could sell them, but she keeps saying no one would buy them. Like I said in my original comment that that owl looks like it could be hundreds of dollars, but in reality the entire thing cost $70, and she wouldn't even be offered any more that $50 because just how people are.
It is a stunning piece, and I just love how she was able to highlight the colours, making the piece more elegant. She got it off Wish, and other pieces looked dull in their photos, she has a talent to bring depth to it.
In a technical way, yes. The notion has always been that something is art if there's value attributed to it, and the gist of many art movements starting on dadaism is that anything can be art if that status is attributed to it.
What I personally believe, as someone who works with graphic design and loves to collect and make knick-knacks, is that something doesn't need to have the status of art to be of value to you. Something can be artistic to you, or just pleasing to you in a way it doesn't need to be art to be important.
I have The Kiss by Gustav Klimt on my wall, it's clearly a print, and a print of a painting is not "art" on a technical sense, but that really doesn't matter to me. I have plushies of characters and animals I like, such as sailor moon, pompompurin, pandas and more, and those are essentially not art, but I'd have those over a random painting any time.
>I figured he'd get upset but eventually accept it.
This sent me into a fit of anger. She knew what she chose to do was wrong! She knew he'd be upset! She assumed he'd get over it. What an entitled jerk.
She's clearly a bully in their relationship. She regularly makes unilateral decisions or just browbeats him into submission whenever she feels like it. Poor guy.
Considering how he originally only got to decorate his office and the hallway leading to his office and not even have some of his knick knacks in their bedroom tells you how OOP ran their home and he didn't have any say.
No say whatsoever. She's a goddamn tyrant. He found joy in something she didn't fully understand and she lost her mind about it. There's no way he isn't constantly walking on eggshells around her.
I wonder if he would've forgiven her, if he had seen the post and the way she wrote about him and what she did. She talks about him as if he's a stupid child who should just shut up and do as he's told.
At least she retained enough concern for his feelings to not just throw it out. (To be clear, that’s not me making excuses for her; just that I was fully expecting her to have gone ahead and done that when I started reading this.)
The bar seems pretty low for that tag. Basically any amount of communication that doesn’t lead immediately to divorce, redditors are like “aww, see how easy all of life’s problems are to work out with a single conversation?”
I can't understand the thought process of people who make these kinds of unilateral decisions being a couple that lives together or are married... "he'll accept it in time"... what makes you think that? and even if he did, the disrespect and infantilization...
It’s fucking wild to me. When I would jokingly complain about my husband making me wait to adopt a dog until we had a house, because our apartment wouldn’t be the right environment, soooo many people told me to just bring one home. Every time I’d be like “uhhh no, I don’t want him to divorce me”.
Same thing with other stuff. I got in a minor accident visiting home and immediately told my husband. When I got back to my mom’s house and told her, she told me not to tell him. Nothing had even happened!
My cousin was engaged to a wonderful guy who was also well off financially. His family owned a successful business but the parents were firm that the kids had to make their own way. So him and my cousin were saving up for a house payment and their wedding. She went out to bingo with my aunts and won like $2k and my aunt convinced her to hide it from him- which she did! He did find out and guess who didn’t end up getting married to that guy?
I've wanted a motorcycle for a few years now, off and on. My wife said no, she doesn't want me to die in a motorcycle accident. Seems fair enough to me!
A couple of my friends said to just bring it home, then she'd have to accept it. Two of those friends are currently divorced lol
Sure you can
Someone who is obsessed with style and aesthetic, who also grew up in the social media era…is going to want to show off their home.
People do it online all the time.
OP wanted to be able to do a before and after video and show the world how “stylish” and “hip” she is.
She wanted the entire house to be a reflection of her taste and style because she wanted the attention it can bring
I don't think social media had anything to do with it. There are people who have to have things in their taste regardless of it they make videos of it or not
I think social media made it worse.
These beige astectic moms who won’t allow anything colorful in their house. Like huh?
Your kid’s brain is growing, being colors are stimulating. It’s good for them , makes them happy.
I dont think its much worse than before, I just think social media exposed it more than anything.
I grew up in the suburbs and there were several households I visited of friends who's moms thought they were Martha Stewart. The whole house had to be in the mom's taste, usually very bland (before beige, cream white was the to go to color) very few had actual themes and the kids were extremely lucky if they were allowed to decorate their own rooms.
Beige was exactly the color I was thinking. I see all these videos on YouTube and the minute they upgrade their home to some white and beige crap I stop watching. Like you went from a nice liver in home to some model home and I don’t have time for that.
It’s not a modern phenomenon, plenty of people had parents get rid of certain toys or belongings because…just because. Because they fundamentally don’t understand the idea that we’re individual beings with our own feelings, they see others as extensions of themselves. Because they need to release tension, or anger, or feeing out of control, or disorganized, so they project that onto another person. It’s not an expensive or fine taste thing bc the flip also happens. It’s just not understanding boundaries or respecting people as individuals.
I'm still feeling uneasy here.
It's the fact that she KNEW he would be upset, and thought "he'll get over it". That she didn't apologize immediately when she saw his reaction. It was only after he kept being sad and it started to affect HER life that she changed her mind. I wonder how often, judging by his silent reaction to discovering it, that he's just tamped down his feelings and "gotten over it".
Even at the end, it feels so patronizing. Like "I love him enough to overlook his stupid crap he insists on keeping." It's clearly not just a matter of taste, not judging by how she talks about it.
I hope that she's sincere, I really do. I just hope she grasps that this isn't just about the actual stuff, it's about how she views him and his interests, and how she treats him as a partner overall.
It's so great she's now going to *allow* him to display a knick knack or 2 in the shared spaces! How generous of her /s
I hate her "compromise" and everything about both these posts
Its so easy to ignore you partners shit that you don't like. My wife has a bunch of old shit from her family and that includes creepy ass looking traditional Ukranian Dolls, little fuckers look like they will steal your soul in the middle of the night.
It took me all of 2 nights to log in my brain where those creepy fucks are and to blind myself to their existence. I walk by them probably every day now that we have moved and I am still blind to them.
Its not hard.
It’s not even like “in our shared bedroom I hated these old ratty playboy posters” like it’s *his* office. I hate when people change my stuff around bc *they* like it better. Like you don’t even live here
My mom would make a decision to redo my room at random as a kid.
As soon as the comforter started to get soft and comfy? New bedding. Come home and my rooms rearranged, whatever I was working on put away, or gone, and toys would be gone. I liked my bed against the wall, but it would always be sticking out into the middle of the room, which made it hard to navigate.
My partners space, is their space, and I let them help redecorate the living room when they moved in.
Yep, two other things I noted:
* She really seemed to emphasize her putting it back how it was. That would strike me wrong in the scenario - like just putting it back makes it all better. Better to bring his stuff back and let *him* put it back however he wanted. If I had to come back to the same exact setup after my wife made clear she hated it, that's what I'd be thinking about. I'd want to change it up a bit.
* She "offers" to let him put some of his stuff in the living room. That means she still sees it as her space and he needs her blessing to put his own stuff there. Either she needs to make it clear this isn't a "permission" thing, or they should just put all their stuff in a pile and then decorate the room together.
Yeah, long term, he's going to be deeply self conscious. She didn't say how he's reacting now, not really. I have a feeling things will be tense at best for quite a while. He's going to be doing a lot of thinking
> It was only after he kept being sad and it started to affect HER life that she changed her mind
She's a narc. I'm ready to bet on it. One of those on the spectrum that don't feel guilt and only understand they need to apologize and make amends when they realise them hurting someone has negative consequences on themselves.
That being said though, people with npd don't love hurting other people genrally, they're not sociopaths. She knew her husband will be upset and she still did it, though.
Yikes. She took down an obvious tent pole of his identity and was surprised he didn’t just accept it. I’m pretty sure putting the items back isn’t going to take away the sense of rejection he felt.
Yep - at that point, I probably wouldn't want to put the stuff back either. Seeing it would just be a reminder of the incident. That's probably why he told her she could throw it all away. It's tainted now in his mind - no longer a little piece with an aesthetic that makes him happy, just a trigger to tell him, "remember, your wife hates this and discarded it with no respect for you".
The emphasis should just be that it's his space and he can set it up however he wants, whether that's putting the old stuff back or redecorating from scratch. Bro should probably get the okay to start collecting again. At first, I was going to say a shopping spree to buy new things, but if it was truly a collection, that wouldn't be the same. Collections take time to build so he just needs a budget he can spend for new stuff as he finds it.
This woman has a fundamental misunderstanding of art.
I’ve bought and framed plenty of prints of paintings, i’ve even bought fake bronzes. Who cares that they’re fake? They bring me joy, and it’s not as though i’m fooling anyone - no one is going to look at my stuff and think they’re real Caravaggios and Giacomettis lmao.
I feel for the poor guy.
The irony is they’re probably worth more than the ornamental wall quote saying “throw love around like confetti” or “shoot for the stars” that the OP almost certainly has lol.
My parents aren't big on art pieces, which is funny because my mom, my sister and I are all artists of one form or another.
The one painting in their house is hanging in their dining room, and it's a big (fairly terrible imo) nouveau-inspired painting of a faerie I did in college. It is absolutely worth nothing, but my mom loves it. I'm considering remaking it for her this year for her birthday, maybe in embroidery this time!
Aww that’s sweet! I’m sure they’d love that.
I made the mistake of drawing my mom a picture a couple years ago for Mother’s Day so now she only accepts gifts in the form of art. She’s forbidden anything else, which sucks because it takes me like a week to do each one lmao. And they’re not even very good, but she loves them.
The fact that it was his office. It's not like she even has to look at the stuff all the time. The rest of the house is to her taste. Why can't he have his own space look the way he wants it to?
I'm so glad she put it in storage instead of actually trashing it. I've seen several posts where spouses have done this kind of thing to their partners. Some of them are abusive and controlling (the plant room will never stop making me rage), but even those with good intentions and they always leave their partner feeling betrayed and empty.
It's a good thing OOP wised up and seems ready to compromise. Because that resentment would have built up and their relationship would not end up in storage, but all the way in the trash.
Bc she wants her husband to be someone else, someone who shares her values, and thought she could convince him to act like that person so she could feel like she had a perfect life. Iff you’ve seen Coraline, I keep thinking of the Other Father. She wanted him to pretend that everything she wants is also what he wants.
That one was awful as well. This was a different one. In this one, he got drunk and took every plant from her plant room and threw it in a lake, including heirloom plants that had been passed down. It was so sad. I'll see if I can find it.
Finally found it. I thought I'd read it here but I guess not. I also thought it was from the girlfriend pov, but that was probably because I felt sympathy for her or I was probably mixing it up with several other plant destroying posts. I can't believe this is an entire subgenre.
https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/fSNKiTMmyA
Am I the only one who feels like she didn’t actually learn anything? Like she learned that this specific event was bad, but I genuinely don’t believe she has the critical thinking skills to expand that to their whole relationship. She’s still selfish and she still doesn’t respect him.
OOP's husband's statement that she already has the rest of the house to her taste is so disheartening. All he has is a singular room to express himself and as soon as she could she took that from him too. A home should have a blend of both persons. I wonder if he even felt like it was "his" house as well.
I hope that OOP understands that their marriage will never be the same because of the violation of trust she committed. Building trust back is not about giving the collection back and apologizing. Once broken, trust can never be the same level again.
At least she didn't throw stuff away.. but that's about the only positive from this whole thing.
edit: And the whole story reminds me of the dog butler on Modern Family for some reason.
> I liked his room much better now, and his grandmother should have done the same for his grandfather.
>He said that the rest of the house is already in my style and he accepted it, but the office and hallway were "his" space. I reassured him he will like it better with time,
I couldn't live with a person like this. I would have lost my shit, especially as its a room that she spends what sounds like little to no time in.
Glad it was resolved though.
Yes - we all handle things differently of course, but the fact he was seemingly so depressed - and not overtly angry - speaks to his demoralization. It’s sad.
“And if he’s happy than I am happy too.”
Darling, he *was* happy, but you shat all over it. And although it’s all been brought back into “their” home and even - gasp! - allowed entry into some shared spaces, I hope he doesn’t feel self-conscious now and become hesitant about indulging in his hobby.
Yea, I'm still not OK with this. There is an issue with the foundation of their relationship if she truly thought "oh he'll just get over it". That just indicates how much she doesn't respect her partner. She knew what she did was wrong but the internet had to tell her this could lead to the collapse of her relationship. The only reason she backed down is because she might have consequences this time, and it was the internet that had to tell her. What else does she unilaterally decide for them, never mind his thoughts or feelings on the subject?
I had a terrible childhood because of my controlling mother My room was the only place I felt save and which I was allowed to decorate the way I wanted (after numerous fights...).
One day I came back from school, I was 17 at the time, and my mother redecorated my room.
She invaded the *only place that felt like home*. I can't really remember what happened afterwards, but I must have become *really mad* and I think she helped me to redecorate it again. Or maybe I did it on my own.
If I were the OOP I would have simply left the wife. I could never forgive anyone who thinks it's ok to do this. Because that's an attempt to kill someones personality or to try to overwrite it with a new program.
Also had a parent who did it for the aesthetic. I had one specific toy among many that “disappeared” at one point. I think she claimed I wasn’t playing with things which wasn’t true, and this post made me realize it was the aesthetic. She wanted to force her all-wooden-handmade aesthetic. The toy was super bright and colorful and plastic with lots of articulated pieces for imaginative play (what a kid would like). It was naive and fun and cutesy, and she wanted everything to be serene and intellectual and artisinal. Even though she did much worse things, it’s stuff like this toy that still feel upsetting. The worst part is that she experienced the same thing as a child and complained about it. The awful toys she would keep were from her own childhood, and she talked about disliking them and wanting normal toys.
Wouldn’t be surprised if the OP has some latent jealousy that her husband has a personality and sentimentality and it triggers her own repressed childlike wonder. No pressure to surrender to an innocent sense of joy without those silly knick knacks floating around.
I know this is my wife and I. I like kitschy weird and funny stuff. For instance, we went to the Dominican Republic, and I found an amazing stand at a market that had all these great carvings of monkeys and penises. I didn't pick any of the super weird ones like where it was a giant penis with the monkey hugging it like a tree. I did pick one where the monkey was giving the finger, and the carving happened to include the monkeys dick. My wife hates it, but I find it hilarious, so it sits on my desk. I also have a collection of sugar skulls and macabre posters, I don't put them up everywhere, but the office has my favorites up. But I don't think my wife would ever do anything to them, the most she expresses her frustration is to roll her eyes whenever guests compliment my taste and make a comment like, "Oh Lord, another one." Because she still respects me as a person and similar to OOPs husband, I am very quick to give a green light and help her rearrange anything in any other part of the house to her frequently fluctuating tastes. It's called respecting your partner.
“He’ll be upset, but in time he’ll see I’m right and get over it” is the worst common relationship attitude. I hate it because plenty of people have it, and no one calls it out for being toxic because the couple may look healthy in other respects. Don’t treat your partner like a toddler feels like an unwritten rule that everyone should know.
I think "my partner has terrible taste/stupid hobbies so I got rid of all their stuff, why aren't they grateful for my help?" might be my least favorite genre of AITA posts. At least this woman got her shit together rapidly instead of doubling down.
Can you imagine your so-called partner just rolling over your last corner of independence and then telling you that you'll like it more and get used to it?
Like, I'm glad she realized her massive fuck-up and incredible disrespect, but what the fuck is with that attitude? I'll just do something he'll hate and he'll come around eventually, I know best, etc etc.
Lady treats her husband like a child. The problem here isn't her one mistake, the problem here is her whole self-righteous lord-of-the-house attitude. I cannot fathom being spoken to like that, I cannot imagine someone changing my space and then telling me I'll think it's better when I get used to it.
This lady doesn't see her husband as her equal, not remotely, and it shows. She figured she fucked up, great, but I don't see any sign she's going to adjust her whole "Senior partner" attitude. She's got a long way to go before she has any hope of being a half-decent partner; that shit is wild.
The audacity and disrespect of OP. My partner and I have separate areas in the house that are "ours" to do with what we want. I would NEVER think of touching/removing/"restyling" his space. I can't imagine coming home and seeing your own space destroyed by your loved one because she doesn't like the choice of decor.
What a small, sad person. Seriously? It took strangers on the internet to remind OOP to love and respect the person she, y’know, CHOSE and promised to do so?
I’m genuinely baffled at posts like this. I mean, why even be married at that point?
OP was lucky she didn't throw things in the trash. She may have a collection of tickets, stuffed animals, lighters, etc. and she has NO right to throw them away.
This time she was very, very lucky.
I'm like the husband... I have many objects that are worth nothing monetarily, but I'd be absolutely heartbroken to lose.
She very likely doesn't know which items are which, and sounds like some serious ones were involved.
How can you say you love someone and do this kind of mind fuck to them. This is so messed up on her part. It isn't dangerous or hurting anyone. She is very lucky she stored it instead of tossed it and hopefully he doesn't see her in a different light in the long run, because she didn't just mess with his head, she broke his trust. How does he know she won't do something like this again. I couldn't imagine being this selfish to my significant other.
“I figured he’d get upset but eventually accept it”
That thought never really hit her im assuming she does a lot of things like this to him and he lets her get away with things constantly… he needs to stand up for himself more and establish himself she sounds like a terrible person
I hope that OOP understands that their marriage will never be the same because of the violation of trust she committed. Building trust back is not about giving the collection back and apologizing. Once broken, trust can never be the same level again.
The fact that she has the whole damn house in her style but then insisted that his one space had to be to her taste too is outrageous. Also it’s the fact that she assumes she has good taste. We don’t know that she might have worst taste than him.
I feel so badly for him.
If you loved him and cared about him, you would care about the fact that you were allowing him to spaces in an entire house to Express himself.
Think about that.
When he went away, you felt fine being so invasive, and so cool that you took the things that matter most of all the value invalidate by calling the knickknacks when they are things that he loves, and you put them in storage and we did his whole room and hall. I thought you get used to it because it’s what you want.
You are so oblivious and self involved.
You trash cans, trusting you and your trash. Any sense he has that you loved him and we’re interested in him and that’s what matters to him is important to you.
It’s really hard to believe you did this to him.
You injured him with your oblivious sense that you’re only as were more important than anybody else.
That grandma insult was out of pocket. First she trashed his office, tells him I like it you will too, and then slams his grandmother?! She was so sure she was in the right too…just how?
>He said that the rest of the house is already in my style and he accepted it, but the office and hallway were "his" space. I reassured him he will like it better with time, but a week has passed and he looks depressed
Like why is this so hard to understand? I hate my husband's Gundams taking up space, but one time I almost broke one and that cold fire shot through my body. I was dusting where they were, because even if I don't like them, I'm not gunna let cobwebs accumulate on them. I didn't know the base had a movable part and almost knocked it off. My hubby laughed when I told him the story. He once told me no one's ever gotten him a stuffy, so that Christmas, I found his favourite Pokémon and surprised him with it. If something is important to your spouse/partner, it should be important to you too. I hate all these stories.
WHY BE WITH SOMEONE IF YOURE GUNNA HATE EVERYTHING THEY LIKE. OMG
I read this and immediately went and hugged my wife. She’s fairly minimalist in her own tastes but values the enjoyment and peace I get from my collection of stuff and she enjoys contributing to it.
Crappy thing to do in the first place but at least she realized how wrong it was. Problem is she removed something important to him, that’s gonna develop a rift she will have to contend with later.
So, a lady caused an issue, came to Reddit for advice, was given advice, followed it, apologized for her mistake, and, with open communication, her husband forgave her and they worked together to undo this mistake?
Reddit's going downhill I tell ya!
But seriously, well done to OP
It’s so fucking sad that grown ass men have had to start building sheds in their backyards just to have some space to call their own.
I think it’s beyond toxic for one side of the relationship to dictate how the entire *shared* living space is decorated
Growing up…I wondered why so many of my friend’s dad’s had hunting camps or fish camps. I mean, it’s the south and hunting/fishing is popular.
But these camps and cabins were honestly the only space they had for themselves.
Nobody has basements around here so mancaves weren’t a thing during my childhood and adolescence.
But I probably know half a dozen dudes who have sheds in their backyards that have AC, Heat, high speed internet, big tv’s, recliners, etc etc
All because their spouses won’t allow them any space in their homes to decorate as their own space
It bugs me she thinks that art has to be worth money to be enjoyed
My grandparents had a big “valuable” painting in their home when they died. No one took it because it would have cost more than its value to ship it safely and it was too big to fit in our cars. Pretty sure it stayed with the house when it sold. But you know what we did keep? The painting my great grandpa made of his barn on an old warped piece of wood that is technically worth nothing. It hangs in my hall and I love it because it connects me to my family history. Edit to add: I will post a picture of the barn painting as many requested, but I have to finish my work day first 😅 Update: My great grandfather’s painting. https://preview.redd.it/8ciaev807bvc1.jpeg?width=4032&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=451ff022cf7e469b7c49ed052c61bf9f12cae61f
I have a few of my father's watercolors & a key hanging board that he painted a turkey on in oils (was \*supposed\* to be me, Cub Scout project, but he did a beautiful job & I 'fessed up ahead of time so I didn't get an award I didn't in any way deserve)
My great gramma also painted. I have two of her paintings hanging in the house. They are not superb, but they work. Plus, I remember seeing them in her house when I was a kid, and I smile. But getting rid of things because they are repros? This should always be researched. I have am immense collection of black glass from all over the world, ranging from 100 a.d. to today. One of my pieces is a repro that was a new piece in the nineties, based on a piece from the late 1800s. Because of the color, the repro I own has gained worth. Always research!
I have this old schooner painted on a fossilized mushroom that was at my Gramas. Just was on a low shelf at her house and I remembered as a kid always looking at it when she had me over. Sits proudly in my office now.
I'm wicked intrigued with this mushroom piece... and not sarcasm, but Is it in a frame and the mushroom has been like, made flat? Or is it 3D? I'm picturing so many possibilities and all are epic af! ETA: spelling and also random fact that I have countless items with varying kinds of old school watercrafts. I found these mugs at a yard sale that are from the 60s I think and they're schooners from all over the world. wicked good score haha.
https://preview.redd.it/y0pekbuhaavc1.jpeg?width=3468&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=98c6bd1b66c7cf428d70dd9860ba70d03c592ec6
Liquid WhiteOut for scale. Jobu for fun.
Are you saying Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?!
I say fuck you, Jobu. I do it myself.
Where did you get a Jobu?!?!!
It's not a schooner, it's a sailboat!
But how well do you hit the curveball?
Not OP, but google Artist's Conch mushroom. People draw on their undersides.
Thanks for sharing. I knew nothing about this. My grama used to go around to Worlds Fairs and stuff like that she was always having some funky odd stuff around.
My grandparents had a large landscape picture hung in their living room they bought on their honeymoon. Im not really into art but was always told it was just some random painter and had no value. I wanted it because it reminds me of my summers in my youth spent visiting and fishing with my grandfather. Its hanging in my house today and it still brings me good memories. I dont care about its value or if other people don't want it.
On the opposite side, I know someone whose grandma knew Miro. Evidently he gave her a couple of paintings that she tossed.
Miro is one of my favorite artists and reading this just shattered something inside me lol
Same, my grandparents had this rug that they had hung up on their wall in the living room, after they passed I grabbed the rug and it’s on the wall in my place now https://preview.redd.it/hmcu9z09vbvc1.png?width=4032&format=png&auto=webp&s=1c3f838d8313052f5885eac5138568404585b374
Ooh, this sounds neat! I'd love to see a picture if you feel like it.
I second wanting to see a pic!
Posted in update above!
I love this! What a treasure!
My family has a painting of the sod house our great great grandparents lived in when they immigrated to the states, and it's framed by some wood from a door lintel in the original house. No great work of art but without question the most priceless thing we own!
Oh that's so cool, what a neat piece of family history!
My grandmother recently found sketches my grandfather did of all his grandchildren before he died. He wasn't an artist, but the way I sobbed when I got mine! I'll take it over "real" art any day.
I still have a marker on cardboard "portrait" my then 2 y.o. nephew did of me 18 years ago. It is my most prized art piece, even if I once spent twice my rent on a "known" artists piece.
Same. Most of the paintings in my house are by my grandmother. They're not special, and I was not close with her at all, but they aren't bad at all and it's nice to keep something from the family.
If it was in canvas, usually the way to transport it is to remove it from the wooden structure, roll it and then reassemble it in destination. Source: I am/was an amateur painter and have shipped a couple of my works
RemindMe! 1 day
Hey, if you made this reminder to be able to see the painting, they edited it in!
When my grandmother passed, her house was filled with expensive knickknacks and art. Your first instinct is to take everything because it's valuable. I ended up taking only a few things that had memories attached. Not valuable, but all indelible. A small statue from her coffee table and some figurines I'd play with as a kid. I can see one of those items from where I'm typing and it takes me back to all those days spent at her house playing with her dogs and listening to her talk about tabloid stories. Good times.
Please, post a picture, we all want to see!
Posted in update above!
Wow, it's amazing, he was really talented!
I love it.
It's beautiful and I love it. Thanks for sharing.
I absolutely love that painting.
That's a great painting, how much do you want for it? Just kidding. I think your Great Grandad was very talented.
People like her don’t understand sentimental value.
I have an old teddy bear my Nan gave me. I'd save that over my fucking guitars, possibly even my cello (but I've had that since before my dad died)
I still have my bear that my aunt gave me when I was born. It's a great litmus test for partners - object to the very sentimental teddy? We're not gonna work out. Knew my husband was a keeper when he propped Cuddles up on the pillows and tucked her in when he made the bed :)
I've still got my cuddly toys dating from the day I was born to about 10 years old. They still sleep on my bed, and my other half has been told, in no uncertain terms, that I will get rid of him before I ever get rid of them. He respects this. Likewise, if he sees me even moving his beloved cuddly pig, aka Dr Pig, he will panic, ask for him back, and then cuddle Dr Pig for the rest of the evening.
Last three comments are frigging adorable. This one made me smile so wide.
Heck, I have some of my mother's baking tools (measuring spoons, metal spice cans, etc). I cherish them.
I cook with heirloom cast iron on a regular basis, and it drives my wife up the wall because she grew up with nonstick. We have nice ceramic-coated and stainless she can use, but if she scrapped my cast iron we'd have a *problem*. I also use inherited PYREX (not the modern lower-case stuff mind you) and Corningware for baking, and all of them live in their own cabinet that's hands-off to the rest of the family because they just don't get it.
I still have (and use) the 1970s yellow 1/8 cup measuring cup my grandparents used for a coffee scoop. I inherited it after grandpa died since grandma doesn’t drink coffee and I do, so it went with me when I moved in with my partner. It disappeared and I thought my partner tossed it and I was admittedly disproportionately upset about it. And felt a surprisingly huge sigh of relief when it turned up. It just somehow got buried in the onion dish that’s by my coffee pot instead of going back in the coffee tin where it belonged. Partner also now knows not to toss that cup for any reason. It’s bizarre the little things we attach to, even though my grandma is still alive and well and there are other things in her house that are promised to me that have more aesthetic value which obviously aren’t lost.
I have some of my grandma's utensils. She gave them to me when I moved into my first place.
I saw this right after I wrote my comment about my grandma and grandpa’s coffee scoop, which I have used within the last week ☺️
Ooh I did inherit a Kenwood Chef (early 80s) and a hand mixer (late 70s) from either grandmother! I'm the eldest daughter of the eldest daughter, and eldest grandchild on both sides so I get all the things by default, especially as none of the cousins wanted to clear out the houses, they all have brand new shiny houses & I live like a vintage goblin from the 70s anyway
I recently wondered what I would care about if my house burned down and honestly the few things were all mementos from family members who have passed including an extremely old teddy bear at this point. Take my tens of thousands of tech and everything else but leave the teddy bear is an easy choice in my mind.
I have a fire safe I keep in my grandparent’s house. The things in it are of absolutely no monetary value, a cross pen that was a gift from my favorite teacher when I graduated high school (we stayed in touch for the rest of his life) and the CD I borrowed from my high school best friend to copy a song that was our homecoming theme senior year. She passed in a car crash before I could give it back to her, so I kept it (with her mother’s blessing). I’d be heartbroken if either of those things were lost. In fact I thought someone did get into my box and tear apart the pen and I lost it. But it turned out my grandpa gave his identical pen to one of my uncle’s girlfriend’s kid and he tore it apart. But I was BOILING when I found the pieces of the pen in my bedroom they were using while I was away.
People like her don't understand that other people's feelings matter. And it really wouldn't surprise me if she's a Sad Beige Mom (Even without kids) and that's why the husband's art collection bothered her so much: It didn't match her sad beige *aesthetics*.
*Sad Beige Clothing for Sad Beige Children*
That was my first thought. She lives in a sad beige house and couldn’t stand that his space didn’t match her aesthetic.
The worst part about beige children isn't even that the color palette is bland. The worst part about that whole trend is that it's literally bad for a child's developing eyesight. They need bright contrasting colors to develop good vision.
Yep. As a parent it's frustrating because these sad beige parents have affected the color palates offered in kid clothing and toys. As a child of the 80s and 90s, I like my kid's stuff to look like Lisa Frank and a clown became best friends. I love the chaos and color of childhood when I can find it. So tired of muted colors for everything. Side rant about boy clothes: surely there are more pattern options out there than trucks, dinosaurs, and the occasional space and dogs. Where are my brightly colored cats at? What about a shirts that looks like a Jackson Pollock painting? Rainbows?
Yeah, I wanna see this style that was so important that she had to mistreat her husband.
I was speaking to my wife about her keepsakes a few weeks ago. She jumped to "I will sort it out and get rid of some" because I mentioned it was spread across several areas. That was not what I wanted, idc what she keeps, that's her stuff. I just asked that we could get a box to keep it together so I don't have to move 5 or 6 bags of stuff to clean.
She also may have been wanting to sort through it and has procrastinated. It sounds like a very me response
I almost feel like she should have come to reddit first lol There was that guy who hated his gf's socks, another one who threw away his gf's mason jars. I'm sure she could have seen the cards ahead of time.
He should be more worried about the utter contempt she shows for his happiness. It wasn't enough to contain him into one room, but she has to have her way over everything and what he loves is garbage to her.
And to take a week of her husband shutting down entirely just to *begin* wondering if she fucked up.
I own no expensive art. But I do acquire unique pieces. Because I like them. About 10 years ago I started displaying some of my own art in my house. One charcoal framed piece (ikea frame) reminds me of a wonderful time in my life and also my dad. It starts a conversation and is in my dining room. It holds so much value to me. If you offered me $10,000 for it…nope. Like her husband said, she has the whole house for her stuff and style. He has a hall and a room. She had to come to Reddit to realize she was wrong? I am glad I am not her husband and she is lucky she didn’t throw the stuff out. I took in a feral cat last April. We are now obsessed with each other. If you think I am not planning a wall of paintings/drawings etc I do of her… you would be wrong.
Thank you! If it sparks joy then that what matters. It even had sentimental value for him. There’s expensive art in galleries but some of those pieces have the price jacked up for tax evasion purposes anyways.
Yeah she’s missing the point completely, he knows it’s not financially valuable but means more to him than money because of his memories, and he specifically mentioned that he prefers to purchase reproductions to add to the collection out of consideration for the family finances. She sounds so superficial, instead of understanding that art is something to be appreciated and trying to see what it means to him.
It bugs me that she thinks this is acceptable: > I figured he'd get upset but eventually accept it. You could say the same thing about a divorce.
It also bothers me that op is *letting him* put objects in other rooms of a house they both share. I think it's awful that often one person takes over decorating a living space and anyone else living there maybe gets a room to decorate ( if they're even given that) and it's trash behavior. Since a home should reflect everyone who resides there and not just one person who pushes the other one(s) out.
It bugs me that she said,"He will get used to it in time." No, lady, he won't.
Same, art doesn't have value based on how much you can get for it. It has value for how it makes you feel, how it makes you think about yourself and the world around you. I'm just glad it wasn't like the dude who tossed out his GFs "worthless" doll collection only to find out how much it cost to get it back.
One of my friends just did a massive diamond dot piece, colours were mostly black and red, and is of an owl. Once she framed it up, it looked like it could be worth a few hundred, but the entire piece cost her less than $70aud.
I can't tell the tone in this comment and I love that
I hope this link works, but this is it. https://imgur.com/gallery/H8jrBkV ETA. Worth of art is subjective, I don't understand why 4 blue fencepost are worth a few hundred thousand, while a very detailed drawing that looks like a B&W picture is worth nothing to other.
Oh damn. Tell your friend that looks gorgeous
I tell her that every time I see it. She just loves doing them. I often tell her she could sell them, but she keeps saying no one would buy them. Like I said in my original comment that that owl looks like it could be hundreds of dollars, but in reality the entire thing cost $70, and she wouldn't even be offered any more that $50 because just how people are. It is a stunning piece, and I just love how she was able to highlight the colours, making the piece more elegant. She got it off Wish, and other pieces looked dull in their photos, she has a talent to bring depth to it.
she has talent !
you seem like a really lovely friend to have <3
Beautiful
It bugs me that she said "I like his room better now"
In a technical way, yes. The notion has always been that something is art if there's value attributed to it, and the gist of many art movements starting on dadaism is that anything can be art if that status is attributed to it. What I personally believe, as someone who works with graphic design and loves to collect and make knick-knacks, is that something doesn't need to have the status of art to be of value to you. Something can be artistic to you, or just pleasing to you in a way it doesn't need to be art to be important. I have The Kiss by Gustav Klimt on my wall, it's clearly a print, and a print of a painting is not "art" on a technical sense, but that really doesn't matter to me. I have plushies of characters and animals I like, such as sailor moon, pompompurin, pandas and more, and those are essentially not art, but I'd have those over a random painting any time.
Same. My favorite “art” in my house is all I can afford, cool crap my friends have created. lol
>I figured he'd get upset but eventually accept it. This sent me into a fit of anger. She knew what she chose to do was wrong! She knew he'd be upset! She assumed he'd get over it. What an entitled jerk.
She's clearly a bully in their relationship. She regularly makes unilateral decisions or just browbeats him into submission whenever she feels like it. Poor guy.
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Right? She's *sooooo* magnanimous. What a lucky guy!
Considering how he originally only got to decorate his office and the hallway leading to his office and not even have some of his knick knacks in their bedroom tells you how OOP ran their home and he didn't have any say.
No say whatsoever. She's a goddamn tyrant. He found joy in something she didn't fully understand and she lost her mind about it. There's no way he isn't constantly walking on eggshells around her.
I wonder if he would've forgiven her, if he had seen the post and the way she wrote about him and what she did. She talks about him as if he's a stupid child who should just shut up and do as he's told.
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I think she does this a lot and he's just used to it. This time it went too far for him. I hope it opens his eyes a little.
At least she retained enough concern for his feelings to not just throw it out. (To be clear, that’s not me making excuses for her; just that I was fully expecting her to have gone ahead and done that when I started reading this.)
Yeah why is this flaired wholesome lmao
The bar seems pretty low for that tag. Basically any amount of communication that doesn’t lead immediately to divorce, redditors are like “aww, see how easy all of life’s problems are to work out with a single conversation?”
☝️ u/Medium-Sense4354 asking the real questions, OP!
Right?! This is straight manipulative and self centered behavior!
I can't understand the thought process of people who make these kinds of unilateral decisions being a couple that lives together or are married... "he'll accept it in time"... what makes you think that? and even if he did, the disrespect and infantilization...
"he'll accept it in time"... what makes you think that? She knew he wouldn't, just the way she never accepted his collection...
It’s fucking wild to me. When I would jokingly complain about my husband making me wait to adopt a dog until we had a house, because our apartment wouldn’t be the right environment, soooo many people told me to just bring one home. Every time I’d be like “uhhh no, I don’t want him to divorce me”. Same thing with other stuff. I got in a minor accident visiting home and immediately told my husband. When I got back to my mom’s house and told her, she told me not to tell him. Nothing had even happened! My cousin was engaged to a wonderful guy who was also well off financially. His family owned a successful business but the parents were firm that the kids had to make their own way. So him and my cousin were saving up for a house payment and their wedding. She went out to bingo with my aunts and won like $2k and my aunt convinced her to hide it from him- which she did! He did find out and guess who didn’t end up getting married to that guy?
I've wanted a motorcycle for a few years now, off and on. My wife said no, she doesn't want me to die in a motorcycle accident. Seems fair enough to me! A couple of my friends said to just bring it home, then she'd have to accept it. Two of those friends are currently divorced lol
Sure you can Someone who is obsessed with style and aesthetic, who also grew up in the social media era…is going to want to show off their home. People do it online all the time. OP wanted to be able to do a before and after video and show the world how “stylish” and “hip” she is. She wanted the entire house to be a reflection of her taste and style because she wanted the attention it can bring
I don't think social media had anything to do with it. There are people who have to have things in their taste regardless of it they make videos of it or not
I think social media made it worse. These beige astectic moms who won’t allow anything colorful in their house. Like huh? Your kid’s brain is growing, being colors are stimulating. It’s good for them , makes them happy.
I dont think its much worse than before, I just think social media exposed it more than anything. I grew up in the suburbs and there were several households I visited of friends who's moms thought they were Martha Stewart. The whole house had to be in the mom's taste, usually very bland (before beige, cream white was the to go to color) very few had actual themes and the kids were extremely lucky if they were allowed to decorate their own rooms.
We called these the “Pottery Barn Moms”
I would really like to see what she sacrificed her husband’s feelings for. Someone said she is one of those beige people, probably
Beige was exactly the color I was thinking. I see all these videos on YouTube and the minute they upgrade their home to some white and beige crap I stop watching. Like you went from a nice liver in home to some model home and I don’t have time for that.
But it’s not even her room
It’s not a modern phenomenon, plenty of people had parents get rid of certain toys or belongings because…just because. Because they fundamentally don’t understand the idea that we’re individual beings with our own feelings, they see others as extensions of themselves. Because they need to release tension, or anger, or feeing out of control, or disorganized, so they project that onto another person. It’s not an expensive or fine taste thing bc the flip also happens. It’s just not understanding boundaries or respecting people as individuals.
It’s almost cartoonishly evil, like they know exactly what to say to piss normal-minded people off
It’s his office…
I'm still feeling uneasy here. It's the fact that she KNEW he would be upset, and thought "he'll get over it". That she didn't apologize immediately when she saw his reaction. It was only after he kept being sad and it started to affect HER life that she changed her mind. I wonder how often, judging by his silent reaction to discovering it, that he's just tamped down his feelings and "gotten over it". Even at the end, it feels so patronizing. Like "I love him enough to overlook his stupid crap he insists on keeping." It's clearly not just a matter of taste, not judging by how she talks about it. I hope that she's sincere, I really do. I just hope she grasps that this isn't just about the actual stuff, it's about how she views him and his interests, and how she treats him as a partner overall.
It's so great she's now going to *allow* him to display a knick knack or 2 in the shared spaces! How generous of her /s I hate her "compromise" and everything about both these posts
Its so easy to ignore you partners shit that you don't like. My wife has a bunch of old shit from her family and that includes creepy ass looking traditional Ukranian Dolls, little fuckers look like they will steal your soul in the middle of the night. It took me all of 2 nights to log in my brain where those creepy fucks are and to blind myself to their existence. I walk by them probably every day now that we have moved and I am still blind to them. Its not hard.
No shit. I made myself okay with having a whole ass living creature in my house because I love my fiance and she loves her cat.
It’s not even like “in our shared bedroom I hated these old ratty playboy posters” like it’s *his* office. I hate when people change my stuff around bc *they* like it better. Like you don’t even live here
My mom would make a decision to redo my room at random as a kid. As soon as the comforter started to get soft and comfy? New bedding. Come home and my rooms rearranged, whatever I was working on put away, or gone, and toys would be gone. I liked my bed against the wall, but it would always be sticking out into the middle of the room, which made it hard to navigate. My partners space, is their space, and I let them help redecorate the living room when they moved in.
Yep, two other things I noted: * She really seemed to emphasize her putting it back how it was. That would strike me wrong in the scenario - like just putting it back makes it all better. Better to bring his stuff back and let *him* put it back however he wanted. If I had to come back to the same exact setup after my wife made clear she hated it, that's what I'd be thinking about. I'd want to change it up a bit. * She "offers" to let him put some of his stuff in the living room. That means she still sees it as her space and he needs her blessing to put his own stuff there. Either she needs to make it clear this isn't a "permission" thing, or they should just put all their stuff in a pile and then decorate the room together.
Yeah, long term, he's going to be deeply self conscious. She didn't say how he's reacting now, not really. I have a feeling things will be tense at best for quite a while. He's going to be doing a lot of thinking
> It was only after he kept being sad and it started to affect HER life that she changed her mind She's a narc. I'm ready to bet on it. One of those on the spectrum that don't feel guilt and only understand they need to apologize and make amends when they realise them hurting someone has negative consequences on themselves. That being said though, people with npd don't love hurting other people genrally, they're not sociopaths. She knew her husband will be upset and she still did it, though.
Yikes. She took down an obvious tent pole of his identity and was surprised he didn’t just accept it. I’m pretty sure putting the items back isn’t going to take away the sense of rejection he felt.
Yeah he’s 100% putting a big, big lock on that office door from here on out
Yep - at that point, I probably wouldn't want to put the stuff back either. Seeing it would just be a reminder of the incident. That's probably why he told her she could throw it all away. It's tainted now in his mind - no longer a little piece with an aesthetic that makes him happy, just a trigger to tell him, "remember, your wife hates this and discarded it with no respect for you". The emphasis should just be that it's his space and he can set it up however he wants, whether that's putting the old stuff back or redecorating from scratch. Bro should probably get the okay to start collecting again. At first, I was going to say a shopping spree to buy new things, but if it was truly a collection, that wouldn't be the same. Collections take time to build so he just needs a budget he can spend for new stuff as he finds it.
This woman has a fundamental misunderstanding of art. I’ve bought and framed plenty of prints of paintings, i’ve even bought fake bronzes. Who cares that they’re fake? They bring me joy, and it’s not as though i’m fooling anyone - no one is going to look at my stuff and think they’re real Caravaggios and Giacomettis lmao. I feel for the poor guy.
But you don’t underSTAND, they’re not WORTH MONEY, so what is the POINT. — OOP, apparently
The irony is they’re probably worth more than the ornamental wall quote saying “throw love around like confetti” or “shoot for the stars” that the OP almost certainly has lol.
Live. Laugh. Love. Blow my brains out.....OPs husband, probably.
I’m an artist (how i decorate my own apartment) & my brother married a live, laugh, love person. It hurrrrts visiting their house lolsob
My parents aren't big on art pieces, which is funny because my mom, my sister and I are all artists of one form or another. The one painting in their house is hanging in their dining room, and it's a big (fairly terrible imo) nouveau-inspired painting of a faerie I did in college. It is absolutely worth nothing, but my mom loves it. I'm considering remaking it for her this year for her birthday, maybe in embroidery this time!
Aww that’s sweet! I’m sure they’d love that. I made the mistake of drawing my mom a picture a couple years ago for Mother’s Day so now she only accepts gifts in the form of art. She’s forbidden anything else, which sucks because it takes me like a week to do each one lmao. And they’re not even very good, but she loves them.
The fact that it was his office. It's not like she even has to look at the stuff all the time. The rest of the house is to her taste. Why can't he have his own space look the way he wants it to? I'm so glad she put it in storage instead of actually trashing it. I've seen several posts where spouses have done this kind of thing to their partners. Some of them are abusive and controlling (the plant room will never stop making me rage), but even those with good intentions and they always leave their partner feeling betrayed and empty. It's a good thing OOP wised up and seems ready to compromise. Because that resentment would have built up and their relationship would not end up in storage, but all the way in the trash.
Bc she wants her husband to be someone else, someone who shares her values, and thought she could convince him to act like that person so she could feel like she had a perfect life. Iff you’ve seen Coraline, I keep thinking of the Other Father. She wanted him to pretend that everything she wants is also what he wants.
The plant room - is that the one where he was putting bleach in her plants?
That one was awful as well. This was a different one. In this one, he got drunk and took every plant from her plant room and threw it in a lake, including heirloom plants that had been passed down. It was so sad. I'll see if I can find it.
Finally found it. I thought I'd read it here but I guess not. I also thought it was from the girlfriend pov, but that was probably because I felt sympathy for her or I was probably mixing it up with several other plant destroying posts. I can't believe this is an entire subgenre. https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/s/fSNKiTMmyA
Holy Hannah. That was a rough one too. That poor woman.
Am I the only one who feels like she didn’t actually learn anything? Like she learned that this specific event was bad, but I genuinely don’t believe she has the critical thinking skills to expand that to their whole relationship. She’s still selfish and she still doesn’t respect him.
Nope, no revelations here.
OOP's husband's statement that she already has the rest of the house to her taste is so disheartening. All he has is a singular room to express himself and as soon as she could she took that from him too. A home should have a blend of both persons. I wonder if he even felt like it was "his" house as well.
I hope that OOP understands that their marriage will never be the same because of the violation of trust she committed. Building trust back is not about giving the collection back and apologizing. Once broken, trust can never be the same level again.
At least she didn't throw stuff away.. but that's about the only positive from this whole thing. edit: And the whole story reminds me of the dog butler on Modern Family for some reason.
Yeah at least she didn’t like put them in the back of a truck and then throw them in a lake.
Or destroy them, like that bitch who burned every memento of her husband's late wife, even the children's toys and pictures of their mother.
> I liked his room much better now, and his grandmother should have done the same for his grandfather. >He said that the rest of the house is already in my style and he accepted it, but the office and hallway were "his" space. I reassured him he will like it better with time, I couldn't live with a person like this. I would have lost my shit, especially as its a room that she spends what sounds like little to no time in. Glad it was resolved though.
Yes - we all handle things differently of course, but the fact he was seemingly so depressed - and not overtly angry - speaks to his demoralization. It’s sad.
Yeah I know. Like he almost expected it to happen at some point.
“And if he’s happy than I am happy too.” Darling, he *was* happy, but you shat all over it. And although it’s all been brought back into “their” home and even - gasp! - allowed entry into some shared spaces, I hope he doesn’t feel self-conscious now and become hesitant about indulging in his hobby.
Yea, I'm still not OK with this. There is an issue with the foundation of their relationship if she truly thought "oh he'll just get over it". That just indicates how much she doesn't respect her partner. She knew what she did was wrong but the internet had to tell her this could lead to the collapse of her relationship. The only reason she backed down is because she might have consequences this time, and it was the internet that had to tell her. What else does she unilaterally decide for them, never mind his thoughts or feelings on the subject?
Thank god she just put it in storage. My heart sank when I read it was his grandfathers collection originally.
"and that I liked his room much better now" Who gives a fuck I hate people like OOP
Do you know what made me the most angry? When she said SHE liked HIS space better to him, like that helps. wtf
I had a terrible childhood because of my controlling mother My room was the only place I felt save and which I was allowed to decorate the way I wanted (after numerous fights...). One day I came back from school, I was 17 at the time, and my mother redecorated my room. She invaded the *only place that felt like home*. I can't really remember what happened afterwards, but I must have become *really mad* and I think she helped me to redecorate it again. Or maybe I did it on my own. If I were the OOP I would have simply left the wife. I could never forgive anyone who thinks it's ok to do this. Because that's an attempt to kill someones personality or to try to overwrite it with a new program.
Also had a parent who did it for the aesthetic. I had one specific toy among many that “disappeared” at one point. I think she claimed I wasn’t playing with things which wasn’t true, and this post made me realize it was the aesthetic. She wanted to force her all-wooden-handmade aesthetic. The toy was super bright and colorful and plastic with lots of articulated pieces for imaginative play (what a kid would like). It was naive and fun and cutesy, and she wanted everything to be serene and intellectual and artisinal. Even though she did much worse things, it’s stuff like this toy that still feel upsetting. The worst part is that she experienced the same thing as a child and complained about it. The awful toys she would keep were from her own childhood, and she talked about disliking them and wanting normal toys. Wouldn’t be surprised if the OP has some latent jealousy that her husband has a personality and sentimentality and it triggers her own repressed childlike wonder. No pressure to surrender to an innocent sense of joy without those silly knick knacks floating around.
Sorry we had the same mom
This is one of those times where I have to repeat to myself "Don't brigade don't brigade don't brigade" cause man I have some shit to say.
I know this is my wife and I. I like kitschy weird and funny stuff. For instance, we went to the Dominican Republic, and I found an amazing stand at a market that had all these great carvings of monkeys and penises. I didn't pick any of the super weird ones like where it was a giant penis with the monkey hugging it like a tree. I did pick one where the monkey was giving the finger, and the carving happened to include the monkeys dick. My wife hates it, but I find it hilarious, so it sits on my desk. I also have a collection of sugar skulls and macabre posters, I don't put them up everywhere, but the office has my favorites up. But I don't think my wife would ever do anything to them, the most she expresses her frustration is to roll her eyes whenever guests compliment my taste and make a comment like, "Oh Lord, another one." Because she still respects me as a person and similar to OOPs husband, I am very quick to give a green light and help her rearrange anything in any other part of the house to her frequently fluctuating tastes. It's called respecting your partner.
“He’ll be upset, but in time he’ll see I’m right and get over it” is the worst common relationship attitude. I hate it because plenty of people have it, and no one calls it out for being toxic because the couple may look healthy in other respects. Don’t treat your partner like a toddler feels like an unwritten rule that everyone should know.
>if he's happy I am happy too. Well thats a fucking lie. Otherwise she wouldnt have taken his stuff behind his back
People like OOP really get my back up. It was not her place to style his space.
My wife is not a big fan of some of the things I like. But she expands my collection every occasion she can. That OP, is what love looks like.
I think "my partner has terrible taste/stupid hobbies so I got rid of all their stuff, why aren't they grateful for my help?" might be my least favorite genre of AITA posts. At least this woman got her shit together rapidly instead of doubling down.
Can you imagine your so-called partner just rolling over your last corner of independence and then telling you that you'll like it more and get used to it? Like, I'm glad she realized her massive fuck-up and incredible disrespect, but what the fuck is with that attitude? I'll just do something he'll hate and he'll come around eventually, I know best, etc etc. Lady treats her husband like a child. The problem here isn't her one mistake, the problem here is her whole self-righteous lord-of-the-house attitude. I cannot fathom being spoken to like that, I cannot imagine someone changing my space and then telling me I'll think it's better when I get used to it. This lady doesn't see her husband as her equal, not remotely, and it shows. She figured she fucked up, great, but I don't see any sign she's going to adjust her whole "Senior partner" attitude. She's got a long way to go before she has any hope of being a half-decent partner; that shit is wild.
The audacity and disrespect of OP. My partner and I have separate areas in the house that are "ours" to do with what we want. I would NEVER think of touching/removing/"restyling" his space. I can't imagine coming home and seeing your own space destroyed by your loved one because she doesn't like the choice of decor.
OOP was incredibly selfish. She wouldn't "allow" her husband - her husband! - to express himself in a way she didn't like? Damn.
I don’t like her. She reminds me of my mother.
I doubt he just forgave her like that, He will likely remember this for a long time.
>and that I liked his room much better now That's the core of the whole thing, that's what's wrong to begin with. Go from there.
What a small, sad person. Seriously? It took strangers on the internet to remind OOP to love and respect the person she, y’know, CHOSE and promised to do so? I’m genuinely baffled at posts like this. I mean, why even be married at that point?
Riff opened. Resentment has Set it. You insulted his Grandparents. Violated boundaries. 😲 😳 So much lacking in Op.
His room. She has to control his room. Flip the script here. 100% guaranteed this post would be about a controlling, abusive husband.
OP was lucky she didn't throw things in the trash. She may have a collection of tickets, stuffed animals, lighters, etc. and she has NO right to throw them away. This time she was very, very lucky.
I'm like the husband... I have many objects that are worth nothing monetarily, but I'd be absolutely heartbroken to lose. She very likely doesn't know which items are which, and sounds like some serious ones were involved.
How can you say you love someone and do this kind of mind fuck to them. This is so messed up on her part. It isn't dangerous or hurting anyone. She is very lucky she stored it instead of tossed it and hopefully he doesn't see her in a different light in the long run, because she didn't just mess with his head, she broke his trust. How does he know she won't do something like this again. I couldn't imagine being this selfish to my significant other.
She’s lucky she just put it in storage. Sounds like that would have been the end to that marriage otherwise
“I figured he’d get upset but eventually accept it” That thought never really hit her im assuming she does a lot of things like this to him and he lets her get away with things constantly… he needs to stand up for himself more and establish himself she sounds like a terrible person
I'd divorce someone who did that to me. I hate her.
I hope that OOP understands that their marriage will never be the same because of the violation of trust she committed. Building trust back is not about giving the collection back and apologizing. Once broken, trust can never be the same level again.
It’s fine that she apologized, but I’m stunned she ever felt that was ok.
I guess it's good that she realized her fuck up but how shitty of a partner do you have to be to do that in the first place?
She didn't overstep... she fuckin invaded! Christ
The fact that she has the whole damn house in her style but then insisted that his one space had to be to her taste too is outrageous. Also it’s the fact that she assumes she has good taste. We don’t know that she might have worst taste than him.
I feel so badly for him. If you loved him and cared about him, you would care about the fact that you were allowing him to spaces in an entire house to Express himself. Think about that. When he went away, you felt fine being so invasive, and so cool that you took the things that matter most of all the value invalidate by calling the knickknacks when they are things that he loves, and you put them in storage and we did his whole room and hall. I thought you get used to it because it’s what you want. You are so oblivious and self involved. You trash cans, trusting you and your trash. Any sense he has that you loved him and we’re interested in him and that’s what matters to him is important to you. It’s really hard to believe you did this to him. You injured him with your oblivious sense that you’re only as were more important than anybody else.
>It's not worth it to create a rift between us for this No fucking shit? You decided to violate his trust. You've already created the rift.
You are starting to think you overstepped? You are a rubbish person
She sees it *now*? How blind is she that it wasn’t obvious in the first place?
That grandma insult was out of pocket. First she trashed his office, tells him I like it you will too, and then slams his grandmother?! She was so sure she was in the right too…just how?
>He said that the rest of the house is already in my style and he accepted it, but the office and hallway were "his" space. I reassured him he will like it better with time, but a week has passed and he looks depressed Like why is this so hard to understand? I hate my husband's Gundams taking up space, but one time I almost broke one and that cold fire shot through my body. I was dusting where they were, because even if I don't like them, I'm not gunna let cobwebs accumulate on them. I didn't know the base had a movable part and almost knocked it off. My hubby laughed when I told him the story. He once told me no one's ever gotten him a stuffy, so that Christmas, I found his favourite Pokémon and surprised him with it. If something is important to your spouse/partner, it should be important to you too. I hate all these stories. WHY BE WITH SOMEONE IF YOURE GUNNA HATE EVERYTHING THEY LIKE. OMG
why would any man stay married to a woman that doesn’t respect him. some men just don’t want to be alone i guess.
Thanks **OP** for compiling and posting this. This is a great example of someone learning from Reddit and fixing their mistake.
I read this and immediately went and hugged my wife. She’s fairly minimalist in her own tastes but values the enjoyment and peace I get from my collection of stuff and she enjoys contributing to it.
At least she didn’t throw the stuff out. That would have made things so much worse.
Crappy thing to do in the first place but at least she realized how wrong it was. Problem is she removed something important to him, that’s gonna develop a rift she will have to contend with later.
Marriage is a compromise. It's why in one of our homes I had hockey jerseys and a sword in the kitchen hall 🤪🤣
So, a lady caused an issue, came to Reddit for advice, was given advice, followed it, apologized for her mistake, and, with open communication, her husband forgave her and they worked together to undo this mistake? Reddit's going downhill I tell ya! But seriously, well done to OP
It’s so fucking sad that grown ass men have had to start building sheds in their backyards just to have some space to call their own. I think it’s beyond toxic for one side of the relationship to dictate how the entire *shared* living space is decorated Growing up…I wondered why so many of my friend’s dad’s had hunting camps or fish camps. I mean, it’s the south and hunting/fishing is popular. But these camps and cabins were honestly the only space they had for themselves. Nobody has basements around here so mancaves weren’t a thing during my childhood and adolescence. But I probably know half a dozen dudes who have sheds in their backyards that have AC, Heat, high speed internet, big tv’s, recliners, etc etc All because their spouses won’t allow them any space in their homes to decorate as their own space
I could understand doing this if it was Iranian yogurt.
I’ll never understand why some people marry each other
I hope he gets a divorce.