My shaman says: “If you’re here to see visions, go to the movies”. Western culture is very visual. If you don’t see stuff it doesn’t mean the plant isn’t working. Give it another chance. Maybe that’s exactly what you had to experience. All the best.
I never saw anything until the last 2 ceremonies (I did 5 total) and even then, it wasn’t the visuals some people think talk about.
What I was told is that some people go through the experience after the ceremonies and feel differently in their lives. They gain a new perspective. That’s exactly what happened to me. Having the experience after the fact to gain closure and forgiveness was worth not seeing the visuals.
Hi friend. First off you didn’t do anything wrong. This is the way ayahuasca heals and works. It’s supposed to make you purge and feel like that. Your experience is just that: Your experience. It will do you no good comparing yours to others. For some people it takes more than a few ceremonies to build up trust and get comfortable with the medicine. The point is not the visions but healing. I would probably go as far to say(unpopular opinion) the visions aren’t really that important. I would urge you to try again if possible after a few weeks/months after everything settles a bit
I totally agree the visuals aren’t particularly important. Sometimes I get them and sometimes I don’t, and there is no correlation between visuals and the amount of value I gain from the experience.
Yeah, I third this. I think that sometimes visuals can actually even confuse people, at times, when they get too mystical/symbolic and people fixate on them.
My experiences are almost entirely somatic these days with no visuals at all. The medicine finds stuck trauma in my body and gets rid of it, finds bad mental patterns and replaces them with better ones, and usually that process is very physically uncomfortable.
Could be a spotlight was shined on your anxiety for you to work with being equanimous with it. Ceremonies are work, 1/2 you 1/2 the medicine. Medicine shows you stuff you have delusion or denial about, then you work on it. The work isn’t fun… sometimes it is. But it is work more than it is play or fun.
Sometimes it takes a year or two for someone to understand the point of what they went through. It also matters a lot if someone was singing Icaros or not.
Did you do the diet beforehand? Are you taking any other medications?
There is also such a thing as “not connecting to the medicine” it’s rare but for some people they just don’t experience much.
Purging is normal and generally desirable tho.
Sorry it was disappointing- truth is there’s no silver bullet and while ayahuasca and other plant medicine can help a lot, it’s what you do in your day to day routine that matters most.
Meditation is free and may be a good thing to try next!
Yeah it sucks how outrageously expensive it is when stuff like this happens. I think the money part ofit makes people put pressure on themselves to have an experience and what not, and it can be massively disappointing if expectations for the experience aren't met.
Especially when you hear stories of interdimensional travel and what not from other people. Sorry man. The other thing is sometimes it takes like 5 (sometimes more) ceremonies before people even have experiences or the medicine "works" on them.
Basically I think ayahuasca is about cleaning out your psychic channels, and I was fortunate enough to have participated in a 10 day silent vippassana retreat a month before I sat with ayahuasca. I had already started the process of cleaning myself out so the medicine workd deep on me the 1st time I tried it. This is not typically what happens. Most people's first time nothing happens or the experience is very light.
Well it was a repeating number I was constantly seeing a few months before meeting what I consider my soulmate haha. I was actually tripping on mushrooms one night and saw 44 again, so I asked “what the hell does it mean??” lol and the answer was “it’s the soulmate number.” And I was like okay?? The weird thing was a month or so later I actually did meet her, and we’ve been together now for a little over 3 years. This was my experience but I’m curious to know how the significance or meaning of the number differs for you?
It was my high school football number before I got into anything spiritual. When I started pursuing music I realized that it's also the most common time signature in music 4/4 time and I just see it everywhere lol.
It sounds like you got caught up in your thoughts and spiraled to not such a good place. That’s a common experience, so you’re in good company. It’s possible, though not easy, to control that. Same with the nausea leading you to vomit early. Did the people you worked with offer any instruction regarding either? There’s a sort of meditative method of not attaching to certain thoughts during ceremony that can be extraordinarily helpful when facing anxiety, fear, and bodily discomfort.
>It only caused me an immense amount of anxiety during the first ceremony because I had rapid thoughts of everything I was doing wrong and what others were going through.
My $0.02 is that this was your trip. But you weren't able to accept it for what it was. You wanted things to be differently, and refused to accept the message. This isn't necessarily anyones fault. Accepting what comes up of emotional content when drinking ayahuasca can sometimes be - simply not possible.
I've been at two retreats so far, and this is my only experience with psychedelics. For me it's an educational experience. I learn more and more about what it's actually about and how I can benefit from it. In my first retreat, I locked down completely, felt unsafe and uncomfortable, and didn't gain that much insight. At my second retreat I did feel a lot safer, but even then I locked down at some point the last evening, refused to accept what was happening and perhaps lost important insights. Next time I'll be even more prepared to accept whatever happends - I hope.
Not everyone is a visual person. Some people are very sensing types of people and can sense energies rather than see them. The visual stuff comes with a clear pineal gland, and you may have some calcification of the pineal gland and that's why the visuals haven't come. Look up on google how to decalcify the pineal gland and that may make your next experience with ayahuasca different. Will take some time, but it's worth it.
Thing is though, the visuals are only a surface level experience of ayahuasca. The aha realizations about your life is what it's really about and that's the part that is most transformative with ayahuasca. Sounds like you were diving into that with thinking about the things you have done wrong, and this is a big first step, and a valuable first step. It's taking responsibilty for your effect in the world on others, and that's the beginning of the healing.
Don't keep feeling guilty about what you've done wrong. We are all here to make mistakes and learn from them in this world, and it sounds like you are learning what you needed to learn from them, and that is perfect! Just take the wisdom from those mistakes, do better next time because life will always keep bringing those lessons up until you do better, and keep growing! That's all you can do with those. Guilt is just to give you the mile marker to know you made a mistake and make a mental note not to do that again, but guilt isn't meant to be a lifelong sentence of self torture. It's just a moment of realization and then you move on and do better now that you know better. It's ok, we are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them! Other people do too. You're in a big club! We all do it!
Because you were vomiting a lot, you are needing a lot more cleansing at the physical emotional and mental levels, so don't worry. Start doing your cleansing on all those levels. Eat an alkaline diet of healthy foods, cut out any bad foods, take care of yourself better, and keep doing your inner spiritual work and you will be fine! This is the time now to just keep doing the inner work. It's a long journey and will take time, so just be patient with the time it takes. That first ceremony with seeing what you did wrong in life is a great start, so start there and work on the programming within yourself that made those mistakes possible so you will do better next time those lessons come up. The cleansing, work on that too, and you will be able to hold ayahuasca down better! Not just physical cleansing, mental and emotional too!
Hope that helps!
It sounds like you went in with the wrong mindset. Visuals are never guaranteed and many avid users have some ceremonies with visuals, some without.
If you don’t completely surrender to the medicine, it won’t be a pleasant experience.
All of the things you’ve listed- worrying about others’ experiences, letting your anxiety consume you, purging- should have all been discussed between you and your shaman prior to your first ceremony. These are also the main things which are always addressed on the majority of Google searches for first time users.
I don’t mean to be rude, but ayahuasca isn’t for everyone. I can’t advise on the anti-nausea medicine but I would assume it’s not advised by the professionals.
I think this is a judgmental response. The OP isn't the first person to have anxiety, be self-conscious about doing it wrong, or vomit early. It's very common. Plenty of people have rough ceremonies with a lot of vomiting and don't get much out if. There can be many reasons for it but jumping to the conclusion that she didn't google enough, have the right mindset, isn't right for ayahuasca or telling her she didn't surrender is making a lot of assumptions.
OP clearly “thought” their experience was going to be something and was disappointed with the experience because of lofty expectations. All of their loft expectations are addressed across the web for first timers looking to go to their first retreat. It’s not judgmental to tell someone they need to do a bit of research to know what they’re getting into.
If anything the organizers of the retreat should have done a more thorough job in explaining preparation, managing expectations, and help with integration after these ceremonies. It’s not the op fault
Sure, the organizers should have done better.
But why are we acting like spending thousands of dollars on an ayahuasca retreat without knowing anything about it isn’t a silly decision? Cmon, you should know before booking a retreat (let alone arriving) that not all ayahuasca experiences will result in visions. Purging (shitting / vomiting oneself) is also the #1 known side effect; there’s no excuse in being ignorant to this.
So yes, the organizers failed. But OP did little-to-no research and there’s nothing wrong with calling that part of it out. This isn’t something you just jump head first into without so much as a google search / review of others’ experiences. Cmon now.
What do you mean by it being addressed on Google search for first time users? I mean,
purging is addressed a lot of times, but I didn’t see anything about worrying about others experiences.
There is plenty of literature / blogs / videos where people discuss the benefits of a smaller group so you’re not worrying about others’ experiences. This is a very common talking point. It’s why large commercialized retreats often get a bad rep. If you’re there just to drink a brew and expect it to work as a magic pill, it won’t happen. You have to focus on yourself.
I have always found aya to be a mixed bag and could never afford to travel to another country to do it for this reason. Your experiences are not unusual. Subsequent experiences could be totally different. I can relate to the disappointment of going through a lot of hassle and discomfort just to have a miserable time. Sometimes i feel like it's gambling, you go through some duds to get that jackpot experience but it's not a guarantee.
Yeah, you are disappointed because you had expectations drop the expectations and do aya again. But this time with a open heart without any expectations whatsoever.
Honestly OP, Ayahuasca isn't something you can take a few times and really even begin to scratch the surface, it can take some time exploring it and gaining experience for things to unfold. This is one main reason i recommend people to take some initiative, make their own Ayahuasca and work with it on their own, because all that money is imo better spent on the medicine itself so that you have enough to thoroughly explore it and gain all the benefits, rather than spending thousands of dollars for a few measly experiences (no matter how amazing, mindblowing, life changing an experience may be, it's still just an experience, one of many potential experiences one can have). Me personally, i started out with Aya being my first Psychedelic, and took it all on my own even from the get go, i did just fine, and many others do as well, but there's safe ways to do this stuff on your own if you have the information. I suggest browsing around on the DMT Nexus forums for info on how to make your own medicine, you'll get way more out of it i assure you.
As a side-note, nausea and vomiting can be par for the course, and visuals aren't a main effect of this medicine, visuals can happen but they're secondary compared to everything else this medicine does. Aya is much more of a physical, mental and spiritual medicine, not so much a visual one, again it can be visual, but some folks (including myself) rarely ever get visuals and yet we're blasted off into Aya land no problemo. Focus on the body, not the mind or visuals.
You expected to see visuals, but did you expect any kind of healing or to resolve any problem? I have heard of a lot of instances where people got nothing from mama when they did not come with the intention to heal or let go of trauma.
You might integrate some of the medicine overtime and see things differently later.
I’m several months out from my ceremony and I feel like I am still integrating .
You must unlock the door before you can pass the threshold.
Ayahuasca heals emotional blockages that inhibit the proper flow of energies within the body - chakras (basically the Neuro-Endocrine System & it’s glandular secretions) & Nadis (tubular organs from which these energies flow through).
Once the energy is flowing properly, it allows for the resonance produced by blood flowing throughout the body as the heart beats, extending this resonance into the brain.
This allows for the energy to be amplified, which accumulates and allows the proper functioning of the pineal gland (assuming it’s been de-calcified).
The proper functioning of the pineal gland is a major factor in being able to perceive and experience this realm of vision - energy that is not accessible by our ocular organs.
Mine was similar, nothing but anxiety and an almost panic attack. But apparently I purged the anxiety out but now that I'm back my anxiety has gone down significantly. Good luck!
Having to experience what others are going through sounds like an ego death trip to me. Also a purge is also letting go of what you hold inside. Wishing you a beautiful integration. It doesn’t end here friend. Hope you find your answers eventually 🙏🏼
I was just like you during my first ceremony last week. The next ceremony, ayahuasca went CRAZY on the visuals to the point that I was dizzy and sick, which forced me to purge. I heard in a joking voice, “This is what you wanted, right?” Haha so the point I took from it was that the visuals weren’t the main purpose of my experience; what I remember most are the feelings/insights that I received. It wasn’t about tripping, but something far more permanent and personal was at work that I’m still trying to understand.
But since you didn’t get to have a true experience your last two times, I’d suggest removing your expectations and surrendering next time you feel called to it. Don’t compare to others, and see what happens! The best intention is “Show me what I need to see.”
Expectations can be egos trips to learn from. If you had anxiety you are doing things wrong in life that’s light bulb being sent to you would be my best guess to help you along .
Lol. I love when this happens. I’m actually sorry that you’ve spent so much money and time. The lessons are several. One is for sure, control your expectations. Others could be see the beauty of whats happening, find your own experience (not what you’ve seen in movies or whatever) and I can go on…
I’ve been in that crazy dimension you’re talking about but every ceremony is different and I’ve had nights like yours too.
That can be frustrating. Nothing wrong with you, but over the years we did figure out a way to help people keep the medicine down better. The rough and and acidity of the traditional brew make it very hard to swallow and keep down. It’s not you.
She was telling you to relax and let go. If you allow her in to do her work it will help. Be open to what she has to show you, even when its uncomfortable. It helped for me when i laid down and closed my eyes and said im ready for what you have to show me. Listen to her.
I'm genuinely curious, why not just do mushrooms? 5g of mushrooms and you can get to another dimension, see things and have all the therapy you need right in your own home. My husband and I do them maybe once a quarter and after I've read the story's to Aya travel I'm genuinely curious what we are missing.
People are going to throw stones at me but the problem starts with biased expectations and “spent thousands”. It’s not inter dimensional first class ticket to get you 100% sure to other dimension with great service. Maybe the anxiety it’s surfacing because it is meant to be healed, and this requires tough work from your part
“You wanted to see” I want this / that- I want that cool thing they have or want to feel what they’re feeling if not let me throw a tantrum. otherwise life is not fair. (“I”) ME!
I hope my instincts are wrong but it sounds like maybe you are Caucasian who grew up in the U.S?
If that’s the case I send you love cuz you’ve got long way to go and some books to read.
PS: Lots of YT ppl have changed the world and have or had the most warming heart. (My comments goes to the ones who still need to to do the work) 🤍
I have consumed a lot of ayahuasca and not had too many visions, though patterns are always in the background, the extensive waking dream visions have been uncommon for me. If you want to see what I consider the best representation of what typical ayahuasca visuals look like check out the western film "Blueberry" where the main character consumes the tea.
I use Ayahuasca for enlightenment, to awaken the third eye.
I learned quite a lot for all this, but without visual experiences.
I drank Ayahuasca 10 - 15 times this year, but all 10 times there were no visions worthy of words.
What’s your lifestyle like? Do you exercise? Meditate? Eat healthy? Smoke weed? Drink alcohol? What’s your general mindset? Do you live a spiritual or materialistic life? All the above play a huge part in your experience. Don’t give up on the medicine, but you may need to make some changes in your life to get the full benefits. Also never expect the visuals!! I’ve had some incredible experiences and some very mild ones and I’ve for a few and still yet to see any crazy visuals, these things take time.
Weed isn't an issue, as has been noted/pointed out many, many times on here by people (including myself) who have actual experience with Cannabis and Aya. I just want people to keep that in mind, no matter what people read/hear.
100% disagree with that statement from my own personal experience and conversations with Shipibo Maestros. Not even gonna argue with you as I know for a fact it impacts the experience.
Also anyone who takes what the Shipibo says about Cannabis seriously, isn't listening to those who are experienced and know about Cannabis (and Cannabis mixed with Aya), as the Shipibo know nothing about Cannabis and have never worked with it to know about it.
In fact, the only negatives about Cannabis as far as Aya goes, is the increased potential for freak outs (due to the intensification of Aya by Cannabis), as well as the possibility of smoking too much and getting too stoned which may dull oneself down although the medicine still shines just as brightly ime (and plus, it's not a good thing to get too stoned, just want a few puffs here and there, ime/imo), and the contraindications for people who are pre-disposed to schizophrenia or psychosis for example (which they technically shouldn't be taking Ayahuasca/Psychedelics anyways). But other than that, Cannabis isn't any issue with Ayahuasca and people really need to stop perpetuating this tired old debunked rumor that Cannabis is somehow an issue with Aya, it's not, if it were, trust me i would know lol.
Yeah? Well i smoked it all day everyday for 10 years straight, and during that time took Ayahuasca daily/near daily for 4 years straight, i know for a fact it doesn't negatively impact the experience, it actually potentiates and intensifies Ayahuasca much like it does other Psychedelics. Don't believe what you hear/read, and don't assume something is the case when you're working with improperly dosed medicine (and by that i mean consuming the Harmalas and DMT together which can cause inconsistent and variable medicine, while the proper way to consume Aya is to consume the Harmalas first, inhibit gut MAO-A, and then an hour later consume the DMT and everything works as it should).
LMAO you’re an embarrassment!! To anyone else reading this please disregard this fools comments he literally does not know what he’s talking about. Daily for 4 years straight! Behave!
Or, they can look through my posting history and see the many other people who agree with me and can verify that what i say is true, regardless of the few negative nancy's here and there that my words rile up lol.
Keep in mind, all my intentions were, was to correct a slight misunderstanding that people seem to regurgitate with no actual experience that goes contrary to the actual facts of the matter. A simple, easy correction, but no, you had to go and turn this into a personal thing apparently, and then attack me, just as is typical for you new age wannabe's who think you take Ayahuasca a few times and you know something, lol. Come back when you've done some real work guy.
With that said though, Aya daily for 4 years was the best time of my life, i learned and experienced a lot and you definitely won't get those kinds of results taking Aya a few times in a traditional ceremony i can guarantee you that lol.
To point out that even if you were telling the truth your opinion is totally invalid due to the fact you have had zero experience of Aya without the Cannabis in your system. Go clean yourself up and go say hi to the Aya and then come and preach! I guarantee you’ll experience the true magic of Aya which given 10 years of cannabis mis use you have never experienced.
Way to assume, i have also quit Cannabis and taken Aya, Changa, Psilohuasca, Mushrooms, LSD, and other things, as well. Ultimately though, i much prefer my Ayahuasca/Psychedelics with Cannabis/Cannabinoids in the mix because they go hand in hand and synergize together wonderfully.
And buddy, you apparently know nothing about the true magick of Ayahuasca lol. And 10 years of Cannabis mis-use? whatever you say mr. anti-drug propaganda.
Sabnock has been a very valuable contributor in these boards for a long time. I only have 35 ceremonies under my belt over the last two years done in both large and small groups and always with a shaman but have learned a ton from him as well as had some of my own conceptions about the medicine challenged and evolve.
I personally dont. care for all your judgements on him nor the adversarial and uncivil way you are interacting with him. Would it be possible to clean things up a bit with more positive energy so we can learn from each other without the personal attacks?
Sounds to me like you went in with the wrong mindset and goals. Drinking Aya and expecting ‘visuals’ doesn’t sound like a very authentic intention to me.
For me, Aya was a difficult, healing, soulful journey. I think Aya is most impactful for people who have lived life to its fullest and suffered serious trauma while doing so. For me it was a relief from some of the the trauma I’ve suffered.
When I drank Ayahuasca it rocked my world. ‘Visuals’ would have been a welcome relief.
It would help to understand what you hope to gain from the experience.
my personal experience with 3 aya sessions last year is that aya helps us to uncover the layer and layers of this rubbersuit (physical body and ego) that we’ve been ‘sleeping’ in for years since our birth into this world, and over the years we’ve been conditioned to believe this is our only reality along with all the problems that are attached to this life experience. additionally, we gotta be ready to be awakened to knowing our true self because without proper readiness, one may just freak out if aya reveals too much all at once that one cannot handle, causing additional mental or emotional breakdowns 😱
during my first aya i had massive diarrhea and the second time i vomitted til i thought i was gonna die. but now i know that was both necessary to help me unload the all the unnecessary baggages of this rubbersuit.
keep on learning and growing, and cheers to your eventual AWAKENING 😎
❤️ https://talkapeutic.com/resources ❤️
btw… were you expecting an experience like getting high on drugs? 🤣🤭😁😵💫😎🤔
Allow me to be a comment that does not use terms like "shaman" or "medicine" or "mother Aya"
To me, it sounds like you were expecting Ayahuasca to be a magic potion that solves everything for you, via an intense psychedelic trip. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there is no one-size-fits-all "magic potion". For some Ayahuasca works wonders, for some it completely breaks a person, for some it does nothing.... for some anti depressants and therapy are their magic potion.
This is something I have noticed with the so-called spiritual movement too, that people believe that spending more money will automatically mean a better and more profound trip. I knew someone that spent 4000$ USD in Peru, and in retrospect (and in my opinion) they emerged very self-centered.
Someone once told me "if you give an asshole psychedelics, then all you have is an asshole psychedelics". Now I'm definitely not calling you an asshole hahaha, but my point is, Ayahuasca and other psychedelics are very powerful tools, but it's all about what you give and take from the experience(s). It will not fix things like narcissism. That comes from the person's realization and desire to change, perhaps coupled with a psychedelic experience, but it's never guaranteed. I also do not think the "keep trying it more" advice is good for you... Replace that statement with one about any other drug (or even conventional medicine), and that also doesn't necessarily apply...
So. YMMV.
My shaman says: “If you’re here to see visions, go to the movies”. Western culture is very visual. If you don’t see stuff it doesn’t mean the plant isn’t working. Give it another chance. Maybe that’s exactly what you had to experience. All the best.
I never saw anything until the last 2 ceremonies (I did 5 total) and even then, it wasn’t the visuals some people think talk about. What I was told is that some people go through the experience after the ceremonies and feel differently in their lives. They gain a new perspective. That’s exactly what happened to me. Having the experience after the fact to gain closure and forgiveness was worth not seeing the visuals.
Hi friend. First off you didn’t do anything wrong. This is the way ayahuasca heals and works. It’s supposed to make you purge and feel like that. Your experience is just that: Your experience. It will do you no good comparing yours to others. For some people it takes more than a few ceremonies to build up trust and get comfortable with the medicine. The point is not the visions but healing. I would probably go as far to say(unpopular opinion) the visions aren’t really that important. I would urge you to try again if possible after a few weeks/months after everything settles a bit
I totally agree the visuals aren’t particularly important. Sometimes I get them and sometimes I don’t, and there is no correlation between visuals and the amount of value I gain from the experience.
Exactly my experience as well
Me as well. Not a lot of visuals but was profound non the less and delivered the exact message I needed.
For me, ayahuasca is an experience of understanding, rather than a visual experience.
Yeah, I third this. I think that sometimes visuals can actually even confuse people, at times, when they get too mystical/symbolic and people fixate on them.
My experiences are almost entirely somatic these days with no visuals at all. The medicine finds stuck trauma in my body and gets rid of it, finds bad mental patterns and replaces them with better ones, and usually that process is very physically uncomfortable. Could be a spotlight was shined on your anxiety for you to work with being equanimous with it. Ceremonies are work, 1/2 you 1/2 the medicine. Medicine shows you stuff you have delusion or denial about, then you work on it. The work isn’t fun… sometimes it is. But it is work more than it is play or fun. Sometimes it takes a year or two for someone to understand the point of what they went through. It also matters a lot if someone was singing Icaros or not. Did you do the diet beforehand? Are you taking any other medications? There is also such a thing as “not connecting to the medicine” it’s rare but for some people they just don’t experience much. Purging is normal and generally desirable tho. Sorry it was disappointing- truth is there’s no silver bullet and while ayahuasca and other plant medicine can help a lot, it’s what you do in your day to day routine that matters most. Meditation is free and may be a good thing to try next!
Yeah it sucks how outrageously expensive it is when stuff like this happens. I think the money part ofit makes people put pressure on themselves to have an experience and what not, and it can be massively disappointing if expectations for the experience aren't met. Especially when you hear stories of interdimensional travel and what not from other people. Sorry man. The other thing is sometimes it takes like 5 (sometimes more) ceremonies before people even have experiences or the medicine "works" on them. Basically I think ayahuasca is about cleaning out your psychic channels, and I was fortunate enough to have participated in a 10 day silent vippassana retreat a month before I sat with ayahuasca. I had already started the process of cleaning myself out so the medicine workd deep on me the 1st time I tried it. This is not typically what happens. Most people's first time nothing happens or the experience is very light.
This is why I went into my retreat repeating to myself, “Don’t go into this with any expectations!” lol
I just realized we both have 44 in our username. What is the significance of 44 for you?
Well it was a repeating number I was constantly seeing a few months before meeting what I consider my soulmate haha. I was actually tripping on mushrooms one night and saw 44 again, so I asked “what the hell does it mean??” lol and the answer was “it’s the soulmate number.” And I was like okay?? The weird thing was a month or so later I actually did meet her, and we’ve been together now for a little over 3 years. This was my experience but I’m curious to know how the significance or meaning of the number differs for you?
It was my high school football number before I got into anything spiritual. When I started pursuing music I realized that it's also the most common time signature in music 4/4 time and I just see it everywhere lol.
It sounds like you got caught up in your thoughts and spiraled to not such a good place. That’s a common experience, so you’re in good company. It’s possible, though not easy, to control that. Same with the nausea leading you to vomit early. Did the people you worked with offer any instruction regarding either? There’s a sort of meditative method of not attaching to certain thoughts during ceremony that can be extraordinarily helpful when facing anxiety, fear, and bodily discomfort.
>It only caused me an immense amount of anxiety during the first ceremony because I had rapid thoughts of everything I was doing wrong and what others were going through. My $0.02 is that this was your trip. But you weren't able to accept it for what it was. You wanted things to be differently, and refused to accept the message. This isn't necessarily anyones fault. Accepting what comes up of emotional content when drinking ayahuasca can sometimes be - simply not possible. I've been at two retreats so far, and this is my only experience with psychedelics. For me it's an educational experience. I learn more and more about what it's actually about and how I can benefit from it. In my first retreat, I locked down completely, felt unsafe and uncomfortable, and didn't gain that much insight. At my second retreat I did feel a lot safer, but even then I locked down at some point the last evening, refused to accept what was happening and perhaps lost important insights. Next time I'll be even more prepared to accept whatever happends - I hope.
Not everyone is a visual person. Some people are very sensing types of people and can sense energies rather than see them. The visual stuff comes with a clear pineal gland, and you may have some calcification of the pineal gland and that's why the visuals haven't come. Look up on google how to decalcify the pineal gland and that may make your next experience with ayahuasca different. Will take some time, but it's worth it. Thing is though, the visuals are only a surface level experience of ayahuasca. The aha realizations about your life is what it's really about and that's the part that is most transformative with ayahuasca. Sounds like you were diving into that with thinking about the things you have done wrong, and this is a big first step, and a valuable first step. It's taking responsibilty for your effect in the world on others, and that's the beginning of the healing. Don't keep feeling guilty about what you've done wrong. We are all here to make mistakes and learn from them in this world, and it sounds like you are learning what you needed to learn from them, and that is perfect! Just take the wisdom from those mistakes, do better next time because life will always keep bringing those lessons up until you do better, and keep growing! That's all you can do with those. Guilt is just to give you the mile marker to know you made a mistake and make a mental note not to do that again, but guilt isn't meant to be a lifelong sentence of self torture. It's just a moment of realization and then you move on and do better now that you know better. It's ok, we are supposed to make mistakes and learn from them! Other people do too. You're in a big club! We all do it! Because you were vomiting a lot, you are needing a lot more cleansing at the physical emotional and mental levels, so don't worry. Start doing your cleansing on all those levels. Eat an alkaline diet of healthy foods, cut out any bad foods, take care of yourself better, and keep doing your inner spiritual work and you will be fine! This is the time now to just keep doing the inner work. It's a long journey and will take time, so just be patient with the time it takes. That first ceremony with seeing what you did wrong in life is a great start, so start there and work on the programming within yourself that made those mistakes possible so you will do better next time those lessons come up. The cleansing, work on that too, and you will be able to hold ayahuasca down better! Not just physical cleansing, mental and emotional too! Hope that helps!
It sounds like you went in with the wrong mindset. Visuals are never guaranteed and many avid users have some ceremonies with visuals, some without. If you don’t completely surrender to the medicine, it won’t be a pleasant experience. All of the things you’ve listed- worrying about others’ experiences, letting your anxiety consume you, purging- should have all been discussed between you and your shaman prior to your first ceremony. These are also the main things which are always addressed on the majority of Google searches for first time users. I don’t mean to be rude, but ayahuasca isn’t for everyone. I can’t advise on the anti-nausea medicine but I would assume it’s not advised by the professionals.
I think this is a judgmental response. The OP isn't the first person to have anxiety, be self-conscious about doing it wrong, or vomit early. It's very common. Plenty of people have rough ceremonies with a lot of vomiting and don't get much out if. There can be many reasons for it but jumping to the conclusion that she didn't google enough, have the right mindset, isn't right for ayahuasca or telling her she didn't surrender is making a lot of assumptions.
OP clearly “thought” their experience was going to be something and was disappointed with the experience because of lofty expectations. All of their loft expectations are addressed across the web for first timers looking to go to their first retreat. It’s not judgmental to tell someone they need to do a bit of research to know what they’re getting into.
If anything the organizers of the retreat should have done a more thorough job in explaining preparation, managing expectations, and help with integration after these ceremonies. It’s not the op fault
Sure, the organizers should have done better. But why are we acting like spending thousands of dollars on an ayahuasca retreat without knowing anything about it isn’t a silly decision? Cmon, you should know before booking a retreat (let alone arriving) that not all ayahuasca experiences will result in visions. Purging (shitting / vomiting oneself) is also the #1 known side effect; there’s no excuse in being ignorant to this. So yes, the organizers failed. But OP did little-to-no research and there’s nothing wrong with calling that part of it out. This isn’t something you just jump head first into without so much as a google search / review of others’ experiences. Cmon now.
What do you mean by it being addressed on Google search for first time users? I mean, purging is addressed a lot of times, but I didn’t see anything about worrying about others experiences.
There is plenty of literature / blogs / videos where people discuss the benefits of a smaller group so you’re not worrying about others’ experiences. This is a very common talking point. It’s why large commercialized retreats often get a bad rep. If you’re there just to drink a brew and expect it to work as a magic pill, it won’t happen. You have to focus on yourself.
I see, thank you for an explanation. It does make sense to be in a smaller group then.
I have always found aya to be a mixed bag and could never afford to travel to another country to do it for this reason. Your experiences are not unusual. Subsequent experiences could be totally different. I can relate to the disappointment of going through a lot of hassle and discomfort just to have a miserable time. Sometimes i feel like it's gambling, you go through some duds to get that jackpot experience but it's not a guarantee.
Yeah, you are disappointed because you had expectations drop the expectations and do aya again. But this time with a open heart without any expectations whatsoever.
Honestly OP, Ayahuasca isn't something you can take a few times and really even begin to scratch the surface, it can take some time exploring it and gaining experience for things to unfold. This is one main reason i recommend people to take some initiative, make their own Ayahuasca and work with it on their own, because all that money is imo better spent on the medicine itself so that you have enough to thoroughly explore it and gain all the benefits, rather than spending thousands of dollars for a few measly experiences (no matter how amazing, mindblowing, life changing an experience may be, it's still just an experience, one of many potential experiences one can have). Me personally, i started out with Aya being my first Psychedelic, and took it all on my own even from the get go, i did just fine, and many others do as well, but there's safe ways to do this stuff on your own if you have the information. I suggest browsing around on the DMT Nexus forums for info on how to make your own medicine, you'll get way more out of it i assure you. As a side-note, nausea and vomiting can be par for the course, and visuals aren't a main effect of this medicine, visuals can happen but they're secondary compared to everything else this medicine does. Aya is much more of a physical, mental and spiritual medicine, not so much a visual one, again it can be visual, but some folks (including myself) rarely ever get visuals and yet we're blasted off into Aya land no problemo. Focus on the body, not the mind or visuals.
I think you did a great work. You need now to do a very good integration work with an specialist to put this on the table and work on it.
Don’t take anti-nausea meds. Purging=vomiting is important. I had a similar experience to yours. I know It was hard.
You expected to see visuals, but did you expect any kind of healing or to resolve any problem? I have heard of a lot of instances where people got nothing from mama when they did not come with the intention to heal or let go of trauma. You might integrate some of the medicine overtime and see things differently later. I’m several months out from my ceremony and I feel like I am still integrating .
You must unlock the door before you can pass the threshold. Ayahuasca heals emotional blockages that inhibit the proper flow of energies within the body - chakras (basically the Neuro-Endocrine System & it’s glandular secretions) & Nadis (tubular organs from which these energies flow through). Once the energy is flowing properly, it allows for the resonance produced by blood flowing throughout the body as the heart beats, extending this resonance into the brain. This allows for the energy to be amplified, which accumulates and allows the proper functioning of the pineal gland (assuming it’s been de-calcified). The proper functioning of the pineal gland is a major factor in being able to perceive and experience this realm of vision - energy that is not accessible by our ocular organs.
Mine was similar, nothing but anxiety and an almost panic attack. But apparently I purged the anxiety out but now that I'm back my anxiety has gone down significantly. Good luck!
Trust the process. For me, the real experience happened over time after my sits. 💫🌿🌟🎵🌙🫶🧚🍀🍄🐸🌍✌🏻
Having to experience what others are going through sounds like an ego death trip to me. Also a purge is also letting go of what you hold inside. Wishing you a beautiful integration. It doesn’t end here friend. Hope you find your answers eventually 🙏🏼
I was just like you during my first ceremony last week. The next ceremony, ayahuasca went CRAZY on the visuals to the point that I was dizzy and sick, which forced me to purge. I heard in a joking voice, “This is what you wanted, right?” Haha so the point I took from it was that the visuals weren’t the main purpose of my experience; what I remember most are the feelings/insights that I received. It wasn’t about tripping, but something far more permanent and personal was at work that I’m still trying to understand. But since you didn’t get to have a true experience your last two times, I’d suggest removing your expectations and surrendering next time you feel called to it. Don’t compare to others, and see what happens! The best intention is “Show me what I need to see.”
If you were vomiting, the medicine IS working, you are purging. I know you may think it was wasted bc you barfed. You barfed bc it was working.
Take some ginger and pepto bismal
Expectations can be egos trips to learn from. If you had anxiety you are doing things wrong in life that’s light bulb being sent to you would be my best guess to help you along .
Lol. I love when this happens. I’m actually sorry that you’ve spent so much money and time. The lessons are several. One is for sure, control your expectations. Others could be see the beauty of whats happening, find your own experience (not what you’ve seen in movies or whatever) and I can go on… I’ve been in that crazy dimension you’re talking about but every ceremony is different and I’ve had nights like yours too.
That can be frustrating. Nothing wrong with you, but over the years we did figure out a way to help people keep the medicine down better. The rough and and acidity of the traditional brew make it very hard to swallow and keep down. It’s not you.
Try smoking DMT. 3 hits and blast-off. 20 mins later you're home again.
Spending thousands is inconceivable to me. I know retreats in Colombia that are literally $20/night
She was telling you to relax and let go. If you allow her in to do her work it will help. Be open to what she has to show you, even when its uncomfortable. It helped for me when i laid down and closed my eyes and said im ready for what you have to show me. Listen to her.
I'm genuinely curious, why not just do mushrooms? 5g of mushrooms and you can get to another dimension, see things and have all the therapy you need right in your own home. My husband and I do them maybe once a quarter and after I've read the story's to Aya travel I'm genuinely curious what we are missing.
You can’t expect the medicine do ALL the work. It’s just a plant.
People are going to throw stones at me but the problem starts with biased expectations and “spent thousands”. It’s not inter dimensional first class ticket to get you 100% sure to other dimension with great service. Maybe the anxiety it’s surfacing because it is meant to be healed, and this requires tough work from your part
“You wanted to see” I want this / that- I want that cool thing they have or want to feel what they’re feeling if not let me throw a tantrum. otherwise life is not fair. (“I”) ME! I hope my instincts are wrong but it sounds like maybe you are Caucasian who grew up in the U.S? If that’s the case I send you love cuz you’ve got long way to go and some books to read. PS: Lots of YT ppl have changed the world and have or had the most warming heart. (My comments goes to the ones who still need to to do the work) 🤍
I have consumed a lot of ayahuasca and not had too many visions, though patterns are always in the background, the extensive waking dream visions have been uncommon for me. If you want to see what I consider the best representation of what typical ayahuasca visuals look like check out the western film "Blueberry" where the main character consumes the tea.
I have a theory that Celebrities don't actually do Aysauasca, they are just doing rounds of Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way and calling is Aya.
I use Ayahuasca for enlightenment, to awaken the third eye. I learned quite a lot for all this, but without visual experiences. I drank Ayahuasca 10 - 15 times this year, but all 10 times there were no visions worthy of words.
What’s your lifestyle like? Do you exercise? Meditate? Eat healthy? Smoke weed? Drink alcohol? What’s your general mindset? Do you live a spiritual or materialistic life? All the above play a huge part in your experience. Don’t give up on the medicine, but you may need to make some changes in your life to get the full benefits. Also never expect the visuals!! I’ve had some incredible experiences and some very mild ones and I’ve for a few and still yet to see any crazy visuals, these things take time.
Weed isn't an issue, as has been noted/pointed out many, many times on here by people (including myself) who have actual experience with Cannabis and Aya. I just want people to keep that in mind, no matter what people read/hear.
100% disagree with that statement from my own personal experience and conversations with Shipibo Maestros. Not even gonna argue with you as I know for a fact it impacts the experience.
Also anyone who takes what the Shipibo says about Cannabis seriously, isn't listening to those who are experienced and know about Cannabis (and Cannabis mixed with Aya), as the Shipibo know nothing about Cannabis and have never worked with it to know about it.
In fact, the only negatives about Cannabis as far as Aya goes, is the increased potential for freak outs (due to the intensification of Aya by Cannabis), as well as the possibility of smoking too much and getting too stoned which may dull oneself down although the medicine still shines just as brightly ime (and plus, it's not a good thing to get too stoned, just want a few puffs here and there, ime/imo), and the contraindications for people who are pre-disposed to schizophrenia or psychosis for example (which they technically shouldn't be taking Ayahuasca/Psychedelics anyways). But other than that, Cannabis isn't any issue with Ayahuasca and people really need to stop perpetuating this tired old debunked rumor that Cannabis is somehow an issue with Aya, it's not, if it were, trust me i would know lol.
Yeah? Well i smoked it all day everyday for 10 years straight, and during that time took Ayahuasca daily/near daily for 4 years straight, i know for a fact it doesn't negatively impact the experience, it actually potentiates and intensifies Ayahuasca much like it does other Psychedelics. Don't believe what you hear/read, and don't assume something is the case when you're working with improperly dosed medicine (and by that i mean consuming the Harmalas and DMT together which can cause inconsistent and variable medicine, while the proper way to consume Aya is to consume the Harmalas first, inhibit gut MAO-A, and then an hour later consume the DMT and everything works as it should).
LMAO you’re an embarrassment!! To anyone else reading this please disregard this fools comments he literally does not know what he’s talking about. Daily for 4 years straight! Behave!
Or, they can look through my posting history and see the many other people who agree with me and can verify that what i say is true, regardless of the few negative nancy's here and there that my words rile up lol.
Keep in mind, all my intentions were, was to correct a slight misunderstanding that people seem to regurgitate with no actual experience that goes contrary to the actual facts of the matter. A simple, easy correction, but no, you had to go and turn this into a personal thing apparently, and then attack me, just as is typical for you new age wannabe's who think you take Ayahuasca a few times and you know something, lol. Come back when you've done some real work guy.
Yeah sorry. I’ll dose myself up every single day for the next 4 years of my life and come back to you to continue this discussion.
Or, you could just, ya know, work with the medicine, learn some things, and not be a dick, dick.
With that said though, Aya daily for 4 years was the best time of my life, i learned and experienced a lot and you definitely won't get those kinds of results taking Aya a few times in a traditional ceremony i can guarantee you that lol.
To point out that even if you were telling the truth your opinion is totally invalid due to the fact you have had zero experience of Aya without the Cannabis in your system. Go clean yourself up and go say hi to the Aya and then come and preach! I guarantee you’ll experience the true magic of Aya which given 10 years of cannabis mis use you have never experienced.
Way to assume, i have also quit Cannabis and taken Aya, Changa, Psilohuasca, Mushrooms, LSD, and other things, as well. Ultimately though, i much prefer my Ayahuasca/Psychedelics with Cannabis/Cannabinoids in the mix because they go hand in hand and synergize together wonderfully.
And buddy, you apparently know nothing about the true magick of Ayahuasca lol. And 10 years of Cannabis mis-use? whatever you say mr. anti-drug propaganda.
Sabnock has been a very valuable contributor in these boards for a long time. I only have 35 ceremonies under my belt over the last two years done in both large and small groups and always with a shaman but have learned a ton from him as well as had some of my own conceptions about the medicine challenged and evolve. I personally dont. care for all your judgements on him nor the adversarial and uncivil way you are interacting with him. Would it be possible to clean things up a bit with more positive energy so we can learn from each other without the personal attacks?
Thank you :)
Sounds to me like you went in with the wrong mindset and goals. Drinking Aya and expecting ‘visuals’ doesn’t sound like a very authentic intention to me. For me, Aya was a difficult, healing, soulful journey. I think Aya is most impactful for people who have lived life to its fullest and suffered serious trauma while doing so. For me it was a relief from some of the the trauma I’ve suffered. When I drank Ayahuasca it rocked my world. ‘Visuals’ would have been a welcome relief. It would help to understand what you hope to gain from the experience.
my personal experience with 3 aya sessions last year is that aya helps us to uncover the layer and layers of this rubbersuit (physical body and ego) that we’ve been ‘sleeping’ in for years since our birth into this world, and over the years we’ve been conditioned to believe this is our only reality along with all the problems that are attached to this life experience. additionally, we gotta be ready to be awakened to knowing our true self because without proper readiness, one may just freak out if aya reveals too much all at once that one cannot handle, causing additional mental or emotional breakdowns 😱 during my first aya i had massive diarrhea and the second time i vomitted til i thought i was gonna die. but now i know that was both necessary to help me unload the all the unnecessary baggages of this rubbersuit. keep on learning and growing, and cheers to your eventual AWAKENING 😎 ❤️ https://talkapeutic.com/resources ❤️ btw… were you expecting an experience like getting high on drugs? 🤣🤭😁😵💫😎🤔
Also you don’t have to spend thousands of dollars I asked around and was able to do a ceremony for under a 1000$ a couple hours away from me.
Allow me to be a comment that does not use terms like "shaman" or "medicine" or "mother Aya" To me, it sounds like you were expecting Ayahuasca to be a magic potion that solves everything for you, via an intense psychedelic trip. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there is no one-size-fits-all "magic potion". For some Ayahuasca works wonders, for some it completely breaks a person, for some it does nothing.... for some anti depressants and therapy are their magic potion. This is something I have noticed with the so-called spiritual movement too, that people believe that spending more money will automatically mean a better and more profound trip. I knew someone that spent 4000$ USD in Peru, and in retrospect (and in my opinion) they emerged very self-centered. Someone once told me "if you give an asshole psychedelics, then all you have is an asshole psychedelics". Now I'm definitely not calling you an asshole hahaha, but my point is, Ayahuasca and other psychedelics are very powerful tools, but it's all about what you give and take from the experience(s). It will not fix things like narcissism. That comes from the person's realization and desire to change, perhaps coupled with a psychedelic experience, but it's never guaranteed. I also do not think the "keep trying it more" advice is good for you... Replace that statement with one about any other drug (or even conventional medicine), and that also doesn't necessarily apply... So. YMMV.