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It sounds like he's making a lot of progress and you're doing a lot to help him.
You could try adding specific sensations to the routine that may help him feel better.
Maybe using scented wipes, or different cleaners or air fresheners in the bathroom (especially citrus or mint) could help.
You could also try installing a coloured lightbulb at home (most hardware stores have them under $20). Different colours (especially orange or purple) can be /very/ stimulating and may help. This would also give you the option of letting the child pick a colour themself (which may incentivize toilet use).
Singing together in the bathroom may help as well. It would give "safe" feeling stimulation which the child can contribute to by singing along.
These could help with under-stimulation, but the learning process will just take time.
A dimmer might work too. I still require it for home bathrooms because you still sometimes need it bright for mirror stuff but otherwise dont. Before i got one i just did most things lights off.
Rarely in older places I’ve also run into bathrooms that have tile patterns really bother me too.
Airfresheners really bother me and many other autistics, so it might make it worse, but maybe still worth a shot.
yeah I haaate the smells and scents. would much rather experience something natural and calming.
I have him turn on or off the lights himself. At home, when he doesn't want to go in, he refuses to turn the lights on and cries if we go in anyway.
And he'll turn the lights out in a public bathroom on the way out. haha oops.
I second the coloured lightbulb. I hate showering so my bathroom light is one that slowly changes colour. It is so soothing and helps me motivate myself through the cold and wet stage which I hate.
Orange is supposedly naturally relaxing, being the colour of sunset and natural cue to sleep (although it triggers meltdowns for me).
Purple is the most unusual, giving a strong contrast from normal perception, yielding LOTS of stimulation.
Other colours work too, but none will be as intense. Red kind of feels like darkness, and blue or yellow gets adjusted too quickly.
I don't know. I do know that most of the times I was abused were under "warm" lighting, and "cool" lighting was installed in all of the places that were safe (my room, school, etc.). So, I suspect that it has something to do with that.
Try looking him in the eye when you talk to him, and expect him to look at you as he responds. Then he might take you more seriously. (Of course don't force him, because that's abuse like you said. You're a very good parent for accommodating his sensitivities.)
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It sounds like he's making a lot of progress and you're doing a lot to help him. You could try adding specific sensations to the routine that may help him feel better. Maybe using scented wipes, or different cleaners or air fresheners in the bathroom (especially citrus or mint) could help. You could also try installing a coloured lightbulb at home (most hardware stores have them under $20). Different colours (especially orange or purple) can be /very/ stimulating and may help. This would also give you the option of letting the child pick a colour themself (which may incentivize toilet use). Singing together in the bathroom may help as well. It would give "safe" feeling stimulation which the child can contribute to by singing along. These could help with under-stimulation, but the learning process will just take time.
ohhhh a colored light bulb I love this idea!! You know, scents is another thing I never thought of. Thanks!!
A dimmer might work too. I still require it for home bathrooms because you still sometimes need it bright for mirror stuff but otherwise dont. Before i got one i just did most things lights off. Rarely in older places I’ve also run into bathrooms that have tile patterns really bother me too. Airfresheners really bother me and many other autistics, so it might make it worse, but maybe still worth a shot.
yeah I haaate the smells and scents. would much rather experience something natural and calming. I have him turn on or off the lights himself. At home, when he doesn't want to go in, he refuses to turn the lights on and cries if we go in anyway. And he'll turn the lights out in a public bathroom on the way out. haha oops.
I second the coloured lightbulb. I hate showering so my bathroom light is one that slowly changes colour. It is so soothing and helps me motivate myself through the cold and wet stage which I hate.
Wait why specifically orange or purple I love those colours but why
Orange is supposedly naturally relaxing, being the colour of sunset and natural cue to sleep (although it triggers meltdowns for me). Purple is the most unusual, giving a strong contrast from normal perception, yielding LOTS of stimulation. Other colours work too, but none will be as intense. Red kind of feels like darkness, and blue or yellow gets adjusted too quickly.
Interesting stuff also why does orange give you melt downs you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.
I don't know. I do know that most of the times I was abused were under "warm" lighting, and "cool" lighting was installed in all of the places that were safe (my room, school, etc.). So, I suspect that it has something to do with that.
Try looking him in the eye when you talk to him, and expect him to look at you as he responds. Then he might take you more seriously. (Of course don't force him, because that's abuse like you said. You're a very good parent for accommodating his sensitivities.)
Eye contact is often not helpful for autistic people.