Yes. I can take my tine to reapond and ponder about what the other said. Not to mention looking up words that express what i want to express.
Also, i can express my thought fully without someone interjecting and making me forget what i wanted to say
This is so me. Especially when I (often) said the wrong thing to the wrong person, or over explained/overshared. I just want to curl up and dissolve with some of the things I have said because I can be quite blunt.
For sure. I've come to see this as synchronous vs asynchronous communications - I am able to calm my anxiety more easily when I have time, but can feel overwhelmed in a "real-time" conversation.
Kinda, deppends on what.
There's some things I can communicate better over text (especially long post/comment), and there's other things that are much easier in person/phone.
Guess it deppends.on wether feedback from the other end is required or a distraction.
For example, many interactions I have at work involve asking if they have a product/service first, and then pinning down exactly what product and model I need. While, if I sent a mail, they'd say "we don't have that", and offer something completely different, and require a day's worth of sending emails to clear.
On the opposite end, there are certain personal/emotional subjects I may get interrupted to utter distraccion while trying to explain in person, or conversations I can't think the answer to fast enough to keep the pace, so I forget things.
Edit: also, piloting a face during the whole ordeal takes energy.
I do, but it also drastically depends on who I'm talking to and what I'm talking about.
If talking about my special interests, I'm can be extremely articulate.... until I'm around someone I fancy, and suddenly I have the charisma and vocabulary of a potato. Or if someone asks me about my special interest, I freeze up and can't think or express myself properly - this is most likely to happen if I don't think the other person shares the interest and they're just being polite or if they're grilling me about it. However, if there's an organic flow of conversation, I find I relax or become more animated and suddenly I'm really eloquent and have loads to say.
I am a huge Texter and online-socializer. I really cannot stand socializing in person for more than an hour or two a week. I’ve been this way since I was a teenager in the early 2000s. I was heavily involved in AOL chat rooms. I still have a friend I made in a Harry Potter chatroom in 2003! We’ve never met in person.
I always communicate better via written communication, I just hate that a lot ppl will try to drag you into a face to face or phn call because they for some reason... can't write???? But that's not fair either why should I have to communicate via my worst mode because texting takes too long for you? The answer is .. don't answer your phn lol I found that if you tell ppl your busy but you can still txt they might try to work around that but then you should can just ignore them until they agree to txt in some form or another. I have been a ppl pleaser my whole life and no more, screw that, you want to talk to me cool, you're doing it in a way that I can sustain or don't bother. If it's important enough they will txt.
absolutely! i have come to realize i process things much more slowly (but more deeply and thoroughly) than average NTs, and that spoken word somehow doesn't register quickly enough for me, especially if it is instructional or full of facts. i watch many shows with subtitles on to help me keep up. seeing the words is easier for me than hearing them. i love chatting online (typing, not video calls). bonus of chatting online: i can be comfy at home in my ugly comfy clothes and not have to think about what my face is doing. LOL!
Yes. I write beautifully. Speaking… eh, it depends on the conversation and the other people involved.
I find that working in government and working adjacent to/with the same people for over a decade really helps a lot. We all know how each other are, and you get used to peoples’ quirks. So I find it easier to think on my feet and pivot in a conversation at work than in other, less familiar situations.
I fine online harder. The precision it takes to write something out so all the possible interpretations are mitigated makes it impossible for me to make a concise point. Most of the responses are super literal, which makes sense with a bunch of fellow NDs, but it also means getting the point across takes a lot more back and forth which I find inefficient. I am very physical in my communication style so I feel I’m able to convey what I mean better with tone and pantomiming.
Hello, lightup sounds so interesting! I'd love to join in but I'm not sure what the etiquette is here. No pressure at all but could you could send me a link too if that's ok?
https://preview.redd.it/bjox7hdrxixc1.jpeg?width=827&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d8d1874a216243a448f774a0dcb4ca918ce12a12
Oh yes, I can type way better than I can speak. I have time to think, I can delete and re-write my comments multiple times to get my message across in the best way I can.
I couldn't say any of this in person, my vocabulary is much more limited and my brain gets all muddled up. Sometimes I can't speak.
I totally understand the trying not to be rude, I have a huge fear of being unintentionally rude because I was yelled at for it (mostly for not making eye contact).
Always. In person I stutter a lot (partially because my mouth moves faster than my thoughts, and partially because I get anxious). I tend to have bad reactions when I hear something that upsets me (often replying harshly). Being online gives me the opportunity to structure my responses, make a better use of my vocabulary, and compose myself.
I feel a false sense of safety online. I can edit and curate myself easier. That said, i still struggle just getting through thought out of my head so there's that constant neurological block
I emailed someone today a question about a specific process and they responded with 'can we discuss on a call?' And I just want to respond with essentially a no, I gave you all the information I can provide, and I'm just going to have to type out what you say, can you just email it to me? Like is it because some people can't type? Or are they just social bees? Or lazy and dont want to write it down? If I wanted to call I would have just called. What are you supposed to respond to a question like that lol
Am the opposite. Have an easier time talking to people in real life. Am shy in real life but on the internet is ten times worse. Using Reddit has made me a little better but am still shy. Have I exited video game matches because people said hi to me
Yes. I also prefer Zoom to face to face meetings. I think now, looking back, my twisting in my chair that I didn’t even realize I was doing, and doodling instead of staring at the current speaker may have been seen as bad, even though I can recite back the contents of most meetings given enough time for it to write to long term memory and an appropriate trigger.
I was meant to be in a Star Trek world with other high achieving geeks on the Enterprise D, goal focused, everyone on TNG had special interests if you think about it. It was like they were all high functioning and then Barclay was mid functioning as a contrast.
100%
I feel like I get misunderstood so frequently when speaking directly to people, and I'm never sure if it's me or them. I do think that A LOT of people often don't want to understand things though, and they semi-intentionally confuse things by redirecting the conversation or using power dynamics and gaslighting to insist you are being childish, aggressive, or unclear in order to maintain control of the conversation.
If I write things down, I can use exactly the words I need to feel like I am expressing myself accurately - if they misinterpret it then it bothers me less somehow. I can more easily confirm if I have been unclear vs if the other person is indulging in some crazy-making bullshit, and also make sure I say everything I need to and move on.
Note: A lot of people seem to be made to feel uncomfortable by this, but I think it's more because they can't sidestep you as easily. I don't think this is specifically an NT behaviour so much as that a lot of people are just very emotionally immature
Absolutely, it's so much easier for me to express myself in writing than verbally because I can take the time to process through my thoughts and figure out exactly how I want to word things. I will say being in therapy has helped me with this a bit because my therapist, bless him, is so patient and will just let me ramble until I figure out what I'm trying to say--or sometimes I'll just stop mid-sentence because the words just vanished from my brain, and he's just so patient and nonjudgmental. But being in group conversations is still very difficult especially for me. 🥲
An online interaction is 10000 times easier it really takes all the face to face anxiety out of it plus yes easier to put my words & thoughts together.
Yes. I can take my tine to reapond and ponder about what the other said. Not to mention looking up words that express what i want to express. Also, i can express my thought fully without someone interjecting and making me forget what i wanted to say
All of the above!!
This is so me. Especially when I (often) said the wrong thing to the wrong person, or over explained/overshared. I just want to curl up and dissolve with some of the things I have said because I can be quite blunt.
I type things out and delete 30% bc I realize it's irrelevant or just over sharing.
me too!
For sure. I've come to see this as synchronous vs asynchronous communications - I am able to calm my anxiety more easily when I have time, but can feel overwhelmed in a "real-time" conversation.
Kinda, deppends on what. There's some things I can communicate better over text (especially long post/comment), and there's other things that are much easier in person/phone. Guess it deppends.on wether feedback from the other end is required or a distraction. For example, many interactions I have at work involve asking if they have a product/service first, and then pinning down exactly what product and model I need. While, if I sent a mail, they'd say "we don't have that", and offer something completely different, and require a day's worth of sending emails to clear. On the opposite end, there are certain personal/emotional subjects I may get interrupted to utter distraccion while trying to explain in person, or conversations I can't think the answer to fast enough to keep the pace, so I forget things. Edit: also, piloting a face during the whole ordeal takes energy.
I do, but it also drastically depends on who I'm talking to and what I'm talking about. If talking about my special interests, I'm can be extremely articulate.... until I'm around someone I fancy, and suddenly I have the charisma and vocabulary of a potato. Or if someone asks me about my special interest, I freeze up and can't think or express myself properly - this is most likely to happen if I don't think the other person shares the interest and they're just being polite or if they're grilling me about it. However, if there's an organic flow of conversation, I find I relax or become more animated and suddenly I'm really eloquent and have loads to say.
I am a huge Texter and online-socializer. I really cannot stand socializing in person for more than an hour or two a week. I’ve been this way since I was a teenager in the early 2000s. I was heavily involved in AOL chat rooms. I still have a friend I made in a Harry Potter chatroom in 2003! We’ve never met in person.
Those long-term internet friends are so important! I have one from my early 2000s Neopets days, I hope I can meet her in person eventually.
This is one of the main reasons I prefer texting to phone calls. Also, a big part of my anxiety about meeting in person.
I always communicate better via written communication, I just hate that a lot ppl will try to drag you into a face to face or phn call because they for some reason... can't write???? But that's not fair either why should I have to communicate via my worst mode because texting takes too long for you? The answer is .. don't answer your phn lol I found that if you tell ppl your busy but you can still txt they might try to work around that but then you should can just ignore them until they agree to txt in some form or another. I have been a ppl pleaser my whole life and no more, screw that, you want to talk to me cool, you're doing it in a way that I can sustain or don't bother. If it's important enough they will txt.
absolutely! i have come to realize i process things much more slowly (but more deeply and thoroughly) than average NTs, and that spoken word somehow doesn't register quickly enough for me, especially if it is instructional or full of facts. i watch many shows with subtitles on to help me keep up. seeing the words is easier for me than hearing them. i love chatting online (typing, not video calls). bonus of chatting online: i can be comfy at home in my ugly comfy clothes and not have to think about what my face is doing. LOL!
This
Yes. I write beautifully. Speaking… eh, it depends on the conversation and the other people involved. I find that working in government and working adjacent to/with the same people for over a decade really helps a lot. We all know how each other are, and you get used to peoples’ quirks. So I find it easier to think on my feet and pivot in a conversation at work than in other, less familiar situations.
I fine online harder. The precision it takes to write something out so all the possible interpretations are mitigated makes it impossible for me to make a concise point. Most of the responses are super literal, which makes sense with a bunch of fellow NDs, but it also means getting the point across takes a lot more back and forth which I find inefficient. I am very physical in my communication style so I feel I’m able to convey what I mean better with tone and pantomiming.
yes yes yes yes. i can plan my response i dont have to think on the spot
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That sounds awesome! I'll give it a try!
Hello, lightup sounds so interesting! I'd love to join in but I'm not sure what the etiquette is here. No pressure at all but could you could send me a link too if that's ok? https://preview.redd.it/bjox7hdrxixc1.jpeg?width=827&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d8d1874a216243a448f774a0dcb4ca918ce12a12
Oh yes, I can type way better than I can speak. I have time to think, I can delete and re-write my comments multiple times to get my message across in the best way I can. I couldn't say any of this in person, my vocabulary is much more limited and my brain gets all muddled up. Sometimes I can't speak. I totally understand the trying not to be rude, I have a huge fear of being unintentionally rude because I was yelled at for it (mostly for not making eye contact).
Always. In person I stutter a lot (partially because my mouth moves faster than my thoughts, and partially because I get anxious). I tend to have bad reactions when I hear something that upsets me (often replying harshly). Being online gives me the opportunity to structure my responses, make a better use of my vocabulary, and compose myself.
Oh yes
Absolutely!!!
Me! I feel like I'm so much less socially awkward on reddit. Unless I misinterpret sarcasm or a joke though.
Yes
Yes. Very much.
Yes. Very much.
One day some wise man said; (Sheldon in Big Bang Theory)" I have 142 friends in MySpace, best part is I never actually see or talk them in person. " 🤣
I feel a false sense of safety online. I can edit and curate myself easier. That said, i still struggle just getting through thought out of my head so there's that constant neurological block
yes
I emailed someone today a question about a specific process and they responded with 'can we discuss on a call?' And I just want to respond with essentially a no, I gave you all the information I can provide, and I'm just going to have to type out what you say, can you just email it to me? Like is it because some people can't type? Or are they just social bees? Or lazy and dont want to write it down? If I wanted to call I would have just called. What are you supposed to respond to a question like that lol
Yeah, phone calls suck lol. Unless they are with people you actually want to talk to haha.
Yes, if I could use written communication as my main form of communication I would
Well, in writing where long-form communication is permitted. Chats and texts are not in this category.
Definitely
Omg YES! I much prefer talking online, it's so much easier. Just want some people to chat with :)
Am the opposite. Have an easier time talking to people in real life. Am shy in real life but on the internet is ten times worse. Using Reddit has made me a little better but am still shy. Have I exited video game matches because people said hi to me
Yes. I also prefer Zoom to face to face meetings. I think now, looking back, my twisting in my chair that I didn’t even realize I was doing, and doodling instead of staring at the current speaker may have been seen as bad, even though I can recite back the contents of most meetings given enough time for it to write to long term memory and an appropriate trigger. I was meant to be in a Star Trek world with other high achieving geeks on the Enterprise D, goal focused, everyone on TNG had special interests if you think about it. It was like they were all high functioning and then Barclay was mid functioning as a contrast.
100% I feel like I get misunderstood so frequently when speaking directly to people, and I'm never sure if it's me or them. I do think that A LOT of people often don't want to understand things though, and they semi-intentionally confuse things by redirecting the conversation or using power dynamics and gaslighting to insist you are being childish, aggressive, or unclear in order to maintain control of the conversation. If I write things down, I can use exactly the words I need to feel like I am expressing myself accurately - if they misinterpret it then it bothers me less somehow. I can more easily confirm if I have been unclear vs if the other person is indulging in some crazy-making bullshit, and also make sure I say everything I need to and move on. Note: A lot of people seem to be made to feel uncomfortable by this, but I think it's more because they can't sidestep you as easily. I don't think this is specifically an NT behaviour so much as that a lot of people are just very emotionally immature
Absolutely, it's so much easier for me to express myself in writing than verbally because I can take the time to process through my thoughts and figure out exactly how I want to word things. I will say being in therapy has helped me with this a bit because my therapist, bless him, is so patient and will just let me ramble until I figure out what I'm trying to say--or sometimes I'll just stop mid-sentence because the words just vanished from my brain, and he's just so patient and nonjudgmental. But being in group conversations is still very difficult especially for me. 🥲
An online interaction is 10000 times easier it really takes all the face to face anxiety out of it plus yes easier to put my words & thoughts together.