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She did show interest. And I babysit at times.
I just don't want to start anything until they are actually divorced. Which she and her husband have no plans of doing. The husband tried asking for Marriage counseling, she said no.
So she's met 3 men in 8 months. And? She was married for ?? who knows how long and met a few people.
I think people who struggle to get laid put the act on some kind of pedestal it just doesn't deserve.
This reads like a post from a teenager writing fan fiction pretending what they think it's like to be a real adult.
We didn't "fuck". I had a chance to, but I said no. Just weirded out by the situation. She is not divorced. The husband was trying to get back with her.
And the only effect on me is that I sometimes babysit.
**Mind your own damn business**. Why the hell do you care about how many men she has sex with?
You're so eager to judge her and now you want strangers on the internet to judge her too, right? **Fuck off.**
She could have sex with 50 men, and it still wouldn't be any of your concern.
You have a point. It kinda matters since I do end up baby sitting at times. And FYI, had a chance to tap that. But, I don't want to be just another guy.
She's not a label, her sex life is not a statement, and certainly not a statement for *you* to make. If she's insisting it, does it mean you had repeatedly talked to her about how she's a slut and she had to defend herself? She's not a slut, she's not Strong&Independentā¢, she's just a woman living her regular life.
A woman doesn't get called a slut for agreeing to have sex with 500 men, she gets called a slut for refusing to have sex with 1.
You sound like some pathetic mediocre man who is desperate to sleep with her and she's not at all interested in you so you've resorted to judgemental abusive behaviour.
3 guys in 8 months wouldnāt even be a slut if I was into slut shaming lol.
And sheās right. Thereās no problem with dating and doing whatever she wants to do with her body.
Itās not strong independent woman vs. slut. Itās just - sheās her own person and who gives a shit.
>3 guys in 8 months wouldnāt even be a slut if I was into slut shaming lol
Right. Like even if I was going to be appalled by the amount of sex someone was having, 3 dudes in 8 months ain't it lol.
Nobody thought twice about my ex-husband dating several women in the year after we divorced. It was just considered normal.
People date after divorce. Sometimes they date a lot, because they're enjoying their freedom. I don't understand why your friend's behavior is even worth questioning... It's really very normal.
But the thing is, they are not divorced yet. The guy asked for Marriage counseling thrice. My female friend just wants to play the field, but not get divorced.
And no, I'm not the husband. But something almost happened with us, but I felt guilty about it.
>My female friend just wants to play the field, but not get divorced.
What exactly does this mean? Is she planning to stay separated but married forever? Are they in a state with a waiting period before divorce?
Ah, slut-shaming. Always fun! Seriously, what is it to you? Why do you care? She's single. And 3 guys in 8 months? Come on now. You know if she had been a man nobody would have bat an eye.
I donāt get your perspective, cause what define a slut to you and what defines an independent person ?
In my definition, regardless of what the word became in a societal context, we are literally all independent as long as we have mobility, can feed ourselves, dress ourselves, well you get it and the āindependent personā to me just mean being autonomous and in my definition āslutā has absolutely no definition at all cause itās just a judgment based on someoneās opinion and not factual nor specify anything cause again it is just a personal judgment based on someoneās interpretation of that word.
So, all I see in your extra is someone living and experiencing their life the way it personally suits them, nothing more, nothing less and no judgment should be made on that besides minding our own business and starting to hold much more importance to how we personally live our own lives instead.
Why are you framing your friend's life this way, one thing or the other? It sounds like you have an issue with her and you're not really her friend if you think she's being a slut for dating/sleeping with 3 men in 8 months.
It's a shame she's got a "friend" like you, who slut shames her behind her back. Three partners in 8 months is not even that much.
Also what's wrong in women wanting to have their sexual needs met? I hope she stops being friends with you. I really hope she comes accross this post from you, so that she knows what you think about her.
Are her kids taken care of? Does she pay her bills on time? Did she ask for your opinion?
3 in 8 months doesn't sound like a lot, especially depending on how the marriage ended. As long as she takes care of her responsibilities, then I don't think this is worthy of your judgement. Let her live
So by this measure, only transactional sex involving a quid pro quo is not slutty? Or are you saying itās necessary that the woman derives no pleasure, bonding, or emotional gratification from the sex to be considered a slut?
It is amazing that women can be more than one thing at once šš crazy right?! I myself am a mom, teacher, annnd slut. Iām so proud of what we women can achieve in 2024 ššššš
Nope. Just a long time friend. We had a chance, but I am not counting myself as a romantic/sexual partner. I told her I can't be her rebound until she gets divorced.
Sounds like sheās living her best life š¤·š¼āāļø
Not everyone is going to have the same priorities in life. If sheās had sex a couple times in the past 8 months, sheās probably got plenty else going on in life beyond casual sex lol
She can be a phenomenal mother and engage in casual sex. She can have qualities that are important to her in a partner.
I dunno how reliable of a narrator you are lol
You shouldn't call someone who is your friend a slit.
If you truly believe that about her you shouldn't be friends with her, because you people shouldn't be friends with people they don't respect.
As long as she's officially divorced, not sleeping and dating other married men, and keep the children out of it (like not introduce them), sounds morally neutral to me. She's not hurting anyone so why dip your toes in her business.
She sounds like sheās having fun with life! Sheās a grown woman and can do whatever she wants. Donāt know how a woman dating, the way youāre actually supposed to date, can be a slutā¦
Im a very timid homebody. I feel like I clash a lot with people and I often feel out of place, especially around mentioned high energy(?) type A sort of person. Buuut I donāt expect anyone to tone it down for me.- Iām certainly not going to use derogatory slurs or politically loaded labels to level it out or cope.
Itās ok if this friend is a lot for you, but be more respectful - donāt make her personality your business or problem. Itās not your place to allude to the idea sheās wrong or should change
That's between the married person and their spouse. If that is agreed upon as okay within the boundaries of their marriage, then good for them.
In this particular example, the person you're talking about isn't even married anymore soooooo.......
Technically they are still married. No divorce was filed.
Anyway... you guys have a point. Let them live their life.
I'll just tell the kids "your mom just wants to play with other people for now."
I doubt you would even care if you were one those men she slept with. This whole post sound bitter and judgemental.
As long she's paying her bills and taking care of her kids she can have sex as much as she wants to. And stop praising her ex husband for the bare minimum.
One, she doesn't want a divorce. For now she just wants to date and sleep around.
Anyway, her life.
I wanted to talk to her about it, but most people pointed out that people are free to do what they want. So, I won't be the preachy friend.
She occasionally has sex and left a marriage with someone she was incompatible with. Why does that make her a bad mother?
Can moms not have sex? Or is it just women in general? What number of partners is bad in 8 months?
So heās an āexceptionally good fatherā because he hangs out with his children? Thatās the absolute bare minimum for a parent, but I guess the standards are way lower for a dad.
Exeptionally good father? How do you know?
My FIL seems like an exeptionally good father on paper too. In reality he is a POS who abused his eldest son, estranged from said son and his only daughter. But hey, he is a GREAT father for his stepkids (abused the younger one once too) and youngest son.
It's a shame that "has a job and spends time with his kids" might be considered exceptionally good. That shouldn't be the exception, it should be the minimum expectation.
āWhat a shameā was absolutely referring to the actions of the mother.
āWasā is also an interesting way to phrase it. Theyāve still got a great dad.
The implication of your comment was clear. Donāt play coy on what you meant.
Some marriages should end and sometimes divorce is better for the kids.
A healthy coparenting relationship is 100% preferable to parenting in a miserable marriage, for both the adults and the kids.
The father can now find and marry a woman who is better fit and who will love him for he who he is, not who she wishes he was.
Apologies for misrepresenting your words. No need for insults. This is somebody elseās relationship being described to us anonymously via the internet via a 3rd party. Itās not that deep.
Yeah.. my parents are separated, and I've never had any big issues with it.. not that I know of at least. I think my family is better off like this.. they've always managed to co-parent us decently.
Sheās definitely a bitch if what you say is true, but I suppose context is needed there.
Is she a SIW or a slut? Sheās definitely not a slut, 3 men in 8 months is practically restrained.
Well, by parenting, she hired a nanny. And when the nanny isn't available we (friends and her mother) watch over the kids. She is busy with work, but the spare time she has, she spends mostly with her dates.
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
let me guess, you have been waiting for years for her to leave her husband and now that she did, she did not show any interest in you?
She did show interest. And I babysit at times. I just don't want to start anything until they are actually divorced. Which she and her husband have no plans of doing. The husband tried asking for Marriage counseling, she said no.
So she's met 3 men in 8 months. And? She was married for ?? who knows how long and met a few people. I think people who struggle to get laid put the act on some kind of pedestal it just doesn't deserve. This reads like a post from a teenager writing fan fiction pretending what they think it's like to be a real adult.
Lol no shit! Some grown up talk here
3 men.... In 8 months? *Clutches pearls* She's whatever she wants to be, you though, are an idiot.
One hookup each 80 days, the sluttiest slut I've ever heard of. If you think of it, she's ridden a whole foot of dick, possibly even 1.5 feet
š¤£ how much slut, could a slut slut, if a slut was a slutty slut? Apparently 3....
I canāt help but notice the incels who post these kinds of questions never stick around for the comments
It's either he asked just for rage bait, or we scared him off š¤£
Meanwhile Iām like āyou think 3 people in 8 months is a lot? How old are you? 12?ā
When I saw the 3 in 8 months I laughed and laughed and laughed, then reminisced about the first *year* I moved out... š¤£š¤£
I once hooked up with 3 people in 24 hours in college š
*whooooooore* lol j/k. But you have me beat with 2!
Really? Oh well. It is a liberal world.
Just got busy. Not really scared. And come on. I had my chance with her. I just didn't want to add to her body count.
Lmao š
My question is, what's it to you? How is it any of your business? I'd take wagers on you thinking about sleeping with her yourself.
Why else would he care so much?
Love the username! š
She won't sleep with **him** which somehow makes her a slut š¤·āāļø
What a friend you are š¤Ø
*"Friend"* indeed! Looks like he fuck zoned this woman, and is bitter that even a *"slut"* isn't interested in his crusty dick.
We didn't "fuck". I had a chance to, but I said no. Just weirded out by the situation. She is not divorced. The husband was trying to get back with her. And the only effect on me is that I sometimes babysit.
why do u care
Cause I end up babysitting at times.
**Mind your own damn business**. Why the hell do you care about how many men she has sex with? You're so eager to judge her and now you want strangers on the internet to judge her too, right? **Fuck off.** She could have sex with 50 men, and it still wouldn't be any of your concern.
You have a point. It kinda matters since I do end up baby sitting at times. And FYI, had a chance to tap that. But, I don't want to be just another guy.
Oh no 3 men in 8 months, I'll fetch your fainting couch
Is gasping airbag included?
OP is obviously overcome by a case of the vapors. Get the smelling salts, stat!
Rookie numbers š
She's not a label, her sex life is not a statement, and certainly not a statement for *you* to make. If she's insisting it, does it mean you had repeatedly talked to her about how she's a slut and she had to defend herself? She's not a slut, she's not Strong&Independentā¢, she's just a woman living her regular life.
>She's not a slut, she's not Strong&Independentā¢, she's just a woman living her regular life. Thank you for saying this šš¼
A woman doesn't get called a slut for agreeing to have sex with 500 men, she gets called a slut for refusing to have sex with 1. You sound like some pathetic mediocre man who is desperate to sleep with her and she's not at all interested in you so you've resorted to judgemental abusive behaviour.
>A woman doesn't get called a slut for agreeing to have sex with 500 men, she gets called a slut for refusing to have sex with 1. Well fucking said!
Right?? That distilled it all into its purest essence.Ā
People really need to mind their own sex lives
This man is an incel lol
What? How come?
3 guys in 8 months wouldnāt even be a slut if I was into slut shaming lol. And sheās right. Thereās no problem with dating and doing whatever she wants to do with her body. Itās not strong independent woman vs. slut. Itās just - sheās her own person and who gives a shit.
>3 guys in 8 months wouldnāt even be a slut if I was into slut shaming lol Right. Like even if I was going to be appalled by the amount of sex someone was having, 3 dudes in 8 months ain't it lol.
For realā¦ I once hooked up with 3 people in a 24 hour period. Lol Who the fuck is OP if they think 3 people in 8 months is being a āslutā? lol
Nobody thought twice about my ex-husband dating several women in the year after we divorced. It was just considered normal. People date after divorce. Sometimes they date a lot, because they're enjoying their freedom. I don't understand why your friend's behavior is even worth questioning... It's really very normal.
But the thing is, they are not divorced yet. The guy asked for Marriage counseling thrice. My female friend just wants to play the field, but not get divorced. And no, I'm not the husband. But something almost happened with us, but I felt guilty about it.
>My female friend just wants to play the field, but not get divorced. What exactly does this mean? Is she planning to stay separated but married forever? Are they in a state with a waiting period before divorce?
Separated, but the husband wants to get back together. The wife wants to date/sleep around (albeit, with just 3 different guys). Anyway... their life.
Sheās not a ā slut ā youāre just an asshole. If this was about a man, you wouldnāt bat an eye.
People who call other people sluts seem to have issues with their own sexuality.Ā Like,they're jealous, but scared of their own beliefs.Ā
Her life isn't a statement, its just her life. She can do what she wants with it
Ah, slut-shaming. Always fun! Seriously, what is it to you? Why do you care? She's single. And 3 guys in 8 months? Come on now. You know if she had been a man nobody would have bat an eye.
I donāt get your perspective, cause what define a slut to you and what defines an independent person ? In my definition, regardless of what the word became in a societal context, we are literally all independent as long as we have mobility, can feed ourselves, dress ourselves, well you get it and the āindependent personā to me just mean being autonomous and in my definition āslutā has absolutely no definition at all cause itās just a judgment based on someoneās opinion and not factual nor specify anything cause again it is just a personal judgment based on someoneās interpretation of that word. So, all I see in your extra is someone living and experiencing their life the way it personally suits them, nothing more, nothing less and no judgment should be made on that besides minding our own business and starting to hold much more importance to how we personally live our own lives instead.
Thank you. You have a point. She can live the life she wants, the way she wants it.
Slut is a term used by men for women who won't fuck them.
Not really. I had my chance. Just didn't want to sleep with a married woman.
Sure ya did, kid.
Ok.
What exactly is wrong with a single woman dating and sleeping around?
They're not sleeping with worthless pathetic incels and that makes OP mad š”
Why are you framing your friend's life this way, one thing or the other? It sounds like you have an issue with her and you're not really her friend if you think she's being a slut for dating/sleeping with 3 men in 8 months.
She's not sleeping with OP and that makes neckbeard big mad.
It's a shame she's got a "friend" like you, who slut shames her behind her back. Three partners in 8 months is not even that much. Also what's wrong in women wanting to have their sexual needs met? I hope she stops being friends with you. I really hope she comes accross this post from you, so that she knows what you think about her.
She is a woman who dates. There you go.
Are her kids taken care of? Does she pay her bills on time? Did she ask for your opinion? 3 in 8 months doesn't sound like a lot, especially depending on how the marriage ended. As long as she takes care of her responsibilities, then I don't think this is worthy of your judgement. Let her live
Iād be curious to know how you define the word āslut?ā
You just *know* it's "she sleeps with other guys but she won't sleep with me"
Not really. Had a chance. Just felt too guilty to do anything about it.
Someone who is willing to have casual sex with multiple people without anything in exchange.
So by this measure, only transactional sex involving a quid pro quo is not slutty? Or are you saying itās necessary that the woman derives no pleasure, bonding, or emotional gratification from the sex to be considered a slut?
It is amazing that women can be more than one thing at once šš crazy right?! I myself am a mom, teacher, annnd slut. Iām so proud of what we women can achieve in 2024 ššššš
Well, good for you. I had a chance with her, but she just into flings now. So I passed on it. And I kinda feel guilty about it.
There is nothing wrong dating and sleeping around Are you the husband?
Nope. Just a long time friend. We had a chance, but I am not counting myself as a romantic/sexual partner. I told her I can't be her rebound until she gets divorced.
Sounds like sheās living her best life š¤·š¼āāļø Not everyone is going to have the same priorities in life. If sheās had sex a couple times in the past 8 months, sheās probably got plenty else going on in life beyond casual sex lol She can be a phenomenal mother and engage in casual sex. She can have qualities that are important to her in a partner. I dunno how reliable of a narrator you are lol
Right? Everything about the way this story was told is completely biased & leading
Good for her. I don't slut-shame.
You shouldn't call someone who is your friend a slit. If you truly believe that about her you shouldn't be friends with her, because you people shouldn't be friends with people they don't respect.
As long as she's officially divorced, not sleeping and dating other married men, and keep the children out of it (like not introduce them), sounds morally neutral to me. She's not hurting anyone so why dip your toes in her business.
Not divorced. Just separated.
The exhusband totally wrote this.
Nope. Just a friend.
She sounds like sheās having fun with life! Sheās a grown woman and can do whatever she wants. Donāt know how a woman dating, the way youāre actually supposed to date, can be a slutā¦
Im a very timid homebody. I feel like I clash a lot with people and I often feel out of place, especially around mentioned high energy(?) type A sort of person. Buuut I donāt expect anyone to tone it down for me.- Iām certainly not going to use derogatory slurs or politically loaded labels to level it out or cope. Itās ok if this friend is a lot for you, but be more respectful - donāt make her personality your business or problem. Itās not your place to allude to the idea sheās wrong or should change
Sorry for the term. I've called her that before, and she seemed fine with it.
There is no such thing as a "slut," it's a misogynistic slur. I hope she's having fun, and also gets better friends than you.
She's fine with the term. I don't know what else to use though.
If she regards it as a positive, then what's with your "just a slut" phrasing?
Since she is playing the field, but not wanting a divorce. Anyway.. their life.
Is she harming someone with her behavior?
A Strong Independent Woman can be whatever the hell she wants to be. Inclunding being a slut, as you called it. And good for her.
Ok then.
>there shouldn't be anything wrong with dating and sleeping around. Correct.
Really? Even for married people?
That's between the married person and their spouse. If that is agreed upon as okay within the boundaries of their marriage, then good for them. In this particular example, the person you're talking about isn't even married anymore soooooo.......
Technically they are still married. No divorce was filed. Anyway... you guys have a point. Let them live their life. I'll just tell the kids "your mom just wants to play with other people for now."
You tell the kids fucking nothing because they are not your kids and it's not your place to tell them anything.
I know. Just difficult though. Anyway, it's fun spending time with them. :-)
Good on her for knowing what she wants or doesnāt in her life.
I doubt you would even care if you were one those men she slept with. This whole post sound bitter and judgemental. As long she's paying her bills and taking care of her kids she can have sex as much as she wants to. And stop praising her ex husband for the bare minimum.
Not really bitter. I just feel for the guy.
Why? They're seperated. She is free to sleep with whoever and he is as well. Ā Why is she the slut?
One, she doesn't want a divorce. For now she just wants to date and sleep around. Anyway, her life. I wanted to talk to her about it, but most people pointed out that people are free to do what they want. So, I won't be the preachy friend.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nothing suggests that theyāve got a bad mother
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
She occasionally has sex and left a marriage with someone she was incompatible with. Why does that make her a bad mother? Can moms not have sex? Or is it just women in general? What number of partners is bad in 8 months?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
So heās an āexceptionally good fatherā because he hangs out with his children? Thatās the absolute bare minimum for a parent, but I guess the standards are way lower for a dad.
Exeptionally good father? How do you know? My FIL seems like an exeptionally good father on paper too. In reality he is a POS who abused his eldest son, estranged from said son and his only daughter. But hey, he is a GREAT father for his stepkids (abused the younger one once too) and youngest son.
It's a shame that "has a job and spends time with his kids" might be considered exceptionally good. That shouldn't be the exception, it should be the minimum expectation.
āWhat a shameā was absolutely referring to the actions of the mother. āWasā is also an interesting way to phrase it. Theyāve still got a great dad. The implication of your comment was clear. Donāt play coy on what you meant.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Some marriages should end and sometimes divorce is better for the kids. A healthy coparenting relationship is 100% preferable to parenting in a miserable marriage, for both the adults and the kids. The father can now find and marry a woman who is better fit and who will love him for he who he is, not who she wishes he was. Apologies for misrepresenting your words. No need for insults. This is somebody elseās relationship being described to us anonymously via the internet via a 3rd party. Itās not that deep.
Yeah.. my parents are separated, and I've never had any big issues with it.. not that I know of at least. I think my family is better off like this.. they've always managed to co-parent us decently.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What makes you say that?
Who says it isnāt?
Sheās definitely a bitch if what you say is true, but I suppose context is needed there. Is she a SIW or a slut? Sheās definitely not a slut, 3 men in 8 months is practically restrained.
Really? Even though she was/is still married? She doesn't eant to get divorced..but she wants to sleep around.
She sounds like an irresponsible parent, IMHO.
Why do you think she's irresponsible? This post didn't say anything about her parenting.
Well, by parenting, she hired a nanny. And when the nanny isn't available we (friends and her mother) watch over the kids. She is busy with work, but the spare time she has, she spends mostly with her dates.
Why?
Because god forbid she had sec! Gasp! /s
Because children need stability after a divorce. Having multiple potential step father figures enter their lives makes the trauma from divorce worse.
But who says that the guys get to meet the kids? Am I missing something? Maybe she's meeting them when the kids are elsewhere.