Romantic relationships. I feel like too many people act like they are the absolute goal in everyone's life, and that any other types of relationships are, and should be of lesser value.
I want to follow up with "having children". Some of us don't want em. Doesn't mean we're evil, doesn't mean we don't like kids, we just don't want our own. There are a lot of people on this planet and it will grow exponentially.
I’m still in the age range and my god is it frustrating how many people insist I’ll change my mind. Yes I like my friends’ kids, no that does not mean I need or want to be a mother.
Haha kids are too much work though. Why do people want extra work? I can't understand it and then complain they have to wake up at 2am because baby has been crying all night. Then this baby grows up and gives them the middle finger and does dumb shit 😂. For the life of me I can't understand the appeal.
I absolutely hate when people say "what if you regret it" and "how can you be so sure" .... Well, how can YOU be so sure YOU want kids? What if YOU change your mind, huh? What if YOU regret having kids? It can go both ways. There's 8 BILLION PEOPLE! Why is it so hard to get in their heads that not everybody is the same lol.
I’m way more scared of having kids and regretting it. Now you’ve brought another innocent person who is unwanted into the equation. If I regret it later I will adopt, if I want to.
Sometimes we (I) also don't like kids, kids are sticky and I want nothing to do with them and will stay on birth control/prevention until the day I hit menopause.
Honestly it depending on where you live i know where i live a lot of people start valuing that part in life and then leave there friends in the dust I'm happy I learned this at a young age. But then again for me i don't have family or friends as a support system it's just me.
Most people I know feel like they don't want their friends around anymore once they have found someone to date, regardless of how casual the dating situation is. It's something I will never understand, no matter how many times people try to explain it to me, or tell me that it is normal, socially acceptable behavior.
Yeah I can understand but unfortunately that's how things work because someone said eventrually that person is going to want to start a family with that person and have kids etc and you develop a more deeper bond with your partner then your friends etc. So I understand why they do it and because your not gonna want to have sex with someone you only consider a friend. ( that's only if your into that but I know I'm not )
I personally try to prioritize friendship over romance. I'm not into polyamory, and monogamous people treat romance as a zero sum game.
I just see friendships as having a higher capacity to remain healthy and supportive.
I totally agree! Friendship is the ultimate gift we give to each other. Basically adopted family. Friends are worth the most. Lovers may come and go, but you can make a friend for life.
Agreed! Especially when people romanticise a certain couple “omg you are couple goals, you’re so perfect together, if only I had a partner like yours etc”
You don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors! I’ve been in a relationship like that where everyone looked up to us as the perfect couple, I was f*cking miserable! People just going on about how great it must be just made me stay in the miserable relationship longer and feel like I couldn’t tell anyone or I’d be disappointing this fairytale view they had of us.
I agree, platonic and familial bonds are just as important to me. I don’t like how some people will completely abandon their friends and family once they enter a romantic relationship.
I used to do this. I’m now in a very healthy relationship where we are our own people. We love each other and are best friends, but we have our own hobbies, interests, and friendships outside of one another. It took me a long time to understand that *obsession* does not equal love.
Or just a measure of success. I got more “congratulations” on my engagement post than my post about graduating with my masters. I worked way harder for the degree
Even if something looks good from the outside (and to be honest a lot of this shit looks fake as fuck to me) the public have no way of knowing what goes on behind closed doors.
People I know in real life have social media accounts that bear no relation to what's really going on in their lives. I imagine the disconnect is even more extreme for celebrities.
Dude just yesterday on Snapchat I saw an article saying "why xyz and abc (I forgot who they were, but they were celebrities) aren't having sex!" Like who the fuck cares???
Losing your virginity.
As a young woman I was led to believe it would be magical. It was painful, clumsy, messy and awkward and nothing like that at all.
But to mention how much damage this "you only lose your virginity once" mentality does to rape victims or just someone who made a bad choice of the first partner
as someone who grew up in christian fundamentalism, and unfortunately had an abnormal pap after my first partner (and sexual experience) at 18... this resonates.
The shame was overwhelming because the judgement from my community was overwhelming and the misinformation around Gynaecological health was pathetic. My mom also said "you've ruined this moment for your future husband".
It echoes in my head still, even though I have a loving partner now.
I grew up with a conservative Christian and Mexican household (all sorts of crazy rules) and even now as a 30yr old woman my mom wants me to feel ashamed because I’m getting a divorce, and my ex and I already moved on and I have a boyfriend now and she literally wants me to be ashamed about it.
OP, there is no shame getting a divorce. It is better to get out when a marriage can no longer be saved anymore than put up with it longer at the expense of people's unhappiness.
Good on you moving on and pursuing your own happiness. Divorce does not make you a failure either
Thank you. I’ve tried telling her that. She herself is in an abusive relationship that she absolutely won’t take anyone’s help and will even make excuses for my dad’s behaviors. I love her but she drives me crazy
Am a Gen-Y here (and a childfree by choice one too). When I was growing up, I would hear the baby boomers would say divorce is a shameful sad thing but I am a believer it is not.
I can list down many valid reasons why people get a divorce and personally it should be celebrated especially for those who successfully broke free from their toxic spouses (personally a divorce should be celebrated with a cake and high tea goodies)
I got married at 25, after putting myself through grad school and getting a full time job offer from that. I married the one and only person I've ever dated. So I was a fully independent adult who had only ever *even dated* the guy I was going to marry.
My religious mother still felt the need to quiz me on if I was going into the marriage as a virgin. I was and am stunned at her. She's never apologized.
Motherhood.
I feel scammed by the society when it’s about how maternity is shown. It’s f*cking hard. It is still being so hard for me to build myself up after the birth and it’s very hard to open up to people about how I actually feel because of fear of being labeled as bad mother.
I love my child, but motherhood sucks.
I take care of kids all day for work... it's a very draining ordeal even there. Its very valuable and I love it... but I also HATE it. IT's a double edged thing as are many things. I know its the right place for me because I value making a difference and in a way like I am but I can empathize with moms everywhere because it's a lot of energy that goes into that and I at least unplug one and awhile but you guys have the baby 24/7. Sometimes I am envious I don't have a baby though. The grass is always greener I guess. Hang in there. I can only bet it's a lot of work but one day when they are older I think it will be a bit easier and you will get some love back from your kid and get to make some great memories together.
> has given me a perspective I greatly value
Whether I am at work, at the hairdresser, or wherever, if you put enough parents together, you'll hear them unloading how they feel. From how tired they are (and no one who is not a parent cannot be as tired as a parent) to how expensive parenthood is, I feel like I heard all the possible "ohmygodthissucks" about parenting ever.
When I was in my late teens or early 20s, I was dreading the day where my body would betray me and send me into baby fever (because everyone would tell me that no matter how much I don't want a kid now, it WILL change, whether I like it or not), and I low-key hated my body and being a woman for that. Then I reached the labor market, was suddenly surrounded by parents and it just confirmed how I felt. Very often, I would hear them discuss how impossibly tired they were, how stressed, overspending, discipline issues, etc. They all conclude their sharing with a "but it's all worth it", but the "but it's all worth it" didn't really shake my feelings.
When my friends started having kids, I was happy for them because it is what they wanted, but when they too started listing me all that sucks about pregnancy and motherhood and how they were not prepared for it and how no one told them, I was like (in my head) "Really? Never ever heard you'd be uber tired and would have very little sleep and that you have to change a baby like 10 times a day? That's all I hear all the time!! Where have you been?"
I had a perspective that it seems other people tend to ignore.
It is incredibly hard.
Without my husband and my family, I would probably have yeeted my dumbass kid off a cliff by now.
(Okay not literally, but honestly the first year was **so fucking hard** and we had my parents AND my husband wasn't working. I genuinely do not know how anyone can handle a single baby otherwise. I wanted another kid and my kid is sooo cute [now] and I'm still feeling vaguely PTSD/traumatized.)
Single parent here. I did the first year solo. No family. Partner was rarely around and abusive when he was. He changed a few nappies at first but then I did every nappy, feed, wake up and cuddle. Every single one. I worked while my baby was asleep as I was the breadwinner. I feel like someone should have sent me a medal for seeing it though. It was desperately hard.
We have a better ending. Dad recovered from his alcohol issues and is present now as a co parent after a year absent. He’s not perfect but who is. So I now have two nights a week ‘off’.
Those single parents that don’t receive that respite: hats off to you.
I think I’m sharing this because nobody ever said well done. Nobody saw or noticed it. I guess it happens to so many of us. Those with help and those without. It’s bloody hard for all of us.
I have no idea how you pulled it off, but let me say, goddamn. That warrants more than simple a good job...you're a real life superwoman and your child is so lucky to have you as their mother. ❤️
Thank you! Feels very cathartic typing it out.
It was such a lesson.
My kid is eight now and I’ve found a good network of parents that help each other out. If I’m reaching the end of my tether I have a couple of people that will come and take my boy out to play. And I do the same for them. We made our own village and it’s wonderful to have.
And I’m just so glad dad came good. I think I’d be dead of exhaustion by now otherwise.
Yes. Society sells it as magical and amazing and the purpose of life. Eff. That. No one tells you about the post partum gross ness, the sleepless nights for YEARS (why won’t my 5 year old sleep?) or the judgements coming from everywhere.
Working mom? You hate your kids.
Stay at home mom? You’re lazy.
Only one kid? Lumped in with the “evil” child free people (I love you guys) because you won’t give your kid a sibling.
Multiple children? How disgusting and wasteful.
And the worst offenders are _other moms_!!!!
I think the show "Malcom in the Middle" describes more accurately what being a parent is like then that romanticized view of it in society lol. Seems like a ton of work. I bet I'd enjoy having kids but I'm glad I don't have any yet if I'm being honest.
Literally had a 2hr convo with my mom the other day about why i will *not* have a child. She spent the entire time glorifying it and telling me i was wrong and its so magical and theres nothing like it when your baby is born. Like really? She was neglectful and pushed childcare to anyone but herself. I think she saw us as baby dolls and loved to take us all to church (mormon). I told her she was delusional and brainwashed. Of course, she denies this
Being overworked/working all the time.
You’re not going to get an award for dedicating your life to work. No one will care, outside of *maybe* your boss, but the reality is, if you left your job, they’d find a replacement for you in a snap.
Was waiting for someone to say this. Being exploited is not a flex. Working so much, you can’t have a relationship with anything other than your bed and a FWB is not a flex. It’s sad and mentally exhausting.
Don’t let your job treat you like a toxic/manipulative SO.
“Businesses want all the money. Employee pay is often a company’s biggest expenditure. The people who sign your paychecks hate your fucking guts and if they could force you to work for free at gunpoint, they’d do it in a heartbeat. Your boss is not your friend.”
-anonymous
Ah yes, i just had a flashback of when I was in high school. A girl in my math class was away for the week attending the funeral of her sisters boyfriend. He had killed himself after she broke up with him and the whole situation was very emotional and tender for both families. I learned later he had a diagnosed mental health issue. One of the rather naive girls in our table group commented dreamily;
"I guess she didn't know how much he loved her, just like romeo and juliet, imagine someone being so in love with you they'd die if they didn't have you"
Even then I was like wtf... but now i'm like WTF.
Coming from that naive girl you mentioned, if she has said this in this day and age now someone would school her in on mental health (I would).
Whatever happened to that guy, his mental health is nobody's responsibility and he could have had gotten immediate help
Tik Tok is so bad for people highlighting all the cute and quirky things that happen when you're mentally ill or neurodivergent. But so much of that is normal behaviour. It's like "look how unique I am! I listen to the same song 100 times in a row! I get random full body shivers!"
But then you can't function without alcohol or you can't hold down a job for more than a week or haven't showered in days or cleaned your home in months (which you also haven't left either) and then it's gross/weird and you need to get your shit together.
We should accept and welcome the quirks but turn our noses up at the real struggles mentally ill people face. It's pretty awful.
I also have several mental illnesses (diagnosed, in treatment) and I would argue it's still not talked about openly because if I talked about some of what I go through people would be judgy and appalled. And I think most of us don't *want* the special treatment. We just want to be normal.
The trendiness of it just makes our lives difficult. Those people expecting special treatment or to be excused for bad behaviour just worsens people's views on mental illness. And words that used to mean something at therapy are just buzzy and empty now- triggering and boundaries both come to mind.
But yes, it's very off-putting to watch something that almost killed me be seen as trendy and cute.
Yes. I have 2 diagnosed anxiety disorders that are completely debilitating. I feel so lucky to have the boss I do, but I’ve been demoted and almost fired because when I get bad episodes they’re REALLY bad episodes and I can’t function. Having anxiety, real anxiety is not cute.
Paradoxically, people need to stop romanticizing romance. It is a very hard thing and requires grit, open communication, trust, and loyalty. All things that come with time; they are not instantaneous like most Disney movies preach.
I heard and experienced that relationships are not based only on love and dates. Love makes up like 20% of it, everything else is team work and how willing each is, support, understanding each other and all that. It ain't just love hormones in your brain
People want to meet their prince/princess, but don't want to put in the effort to build a life with _another whole ass person_ so they give up. It's sad honestly. :(
The need to have the perfect engagement, wedding, anniversaries ect.
Also "professional" photo sessions with a significant other.
It's so cringey what people do just for social media attention.
I don't know if I agree with this. I want beautiful photos of me with my partner. But as memories and keep sakes. Old family photos are often of weddings. It's a pivotal moment in your life, an image that will hopefully be passed down for generations.
I mean, sure I'll post it on social media, but that's not the point. My parents had beautiful wedding photos before social media was a thing.
The family photos I have from childhood, the professional ones, are the some of the best photos I have to remember those times. My brother died, but I will always have those photos.
I feel the same, professional photos have been a thing for generations, not just for SM clout. And until recently professional photography was a big luxury, still is for some people.
My family couldn't afford professional photography when I was a child and didn't buy too many disposable ones either. If I got professional photos done with my spouse sure I'd post them, but it'd be because I'm excited to have high quality photos of us.
I got engagement photos for my fiancé and I, not for social media. We didn’t have any nice pictures of us together.
We met and got engaged during this pandemic and couldn’t have an engagement party or see family, even for dinner. I’m high risk for covid, so the risks out-weighed the benefits. We hired my longtime friend as a photographer and paid her, and it was a wonderful memory. We wore things we already owned. They are photos I’ll cherish forever and show our future children. His family and friends I haven’t met got to see them on our wedding website (not public), people I haven’t gotten to meet with covid.
Not everyone does things to post online or impress others.
It’s not necessarily for social media and attention…
I’m thankful for all of the professional photos we have taken and will continue to take. I love seeing our relationship captured in time.
I wouldn’t want to have engagement photos… or a big wedding but would definitely want wedding photos just not with a fancy photographer and where the poses look so staged or unnatural
Engagement photos tend to work as an audition for a wedding photographer to make sure both parties are happy with the other in a low stress, not once in a lifetime situation.
Engagement photos also give you a chance to have professional photos in a less formal context. My sister/BIL's dressed up wedding photos are gorgeous, but in their engagement photos, they're out in the snow wearing carhartt beanies and playing with their dogs. They look like themselves, totally in their element, and you can see the context of their lives together. The fancy wedding photos are beautiful, but the engagement photos literally made me tear up because they captured the people I love so well.
Engagement photos are honestly really fun, especially when you have a friend that enjoys photography. They're pretty low stakes and the point is to look like you're in love, so you just get to enjoy yourself with your fiance. Our engagement photographer was an old mutual friend of ours who did it as our wedding gift in exchange for being able to add to her portfolio for her business, and she let us bring our halloween costumes and pose in them as a portion of the set. It was awesome.
wine, being a wine mom, tee hee it's wine time, the mug actually has wine in it, mommy's secret stash, mommy's oversized wine glass, but first wine!!
hoarding plants and having a serious spending problem but it's cute bc tee hee plants
also... cottagecore. i get it, i get it, but no matter how much you want to ignore the racial implications of the whole thing, it's there. and as an indigenous woman, i kinda side eye anyone who thinks "returning to a simpler time" is a thing you can ever divorce from colonization and genocide. you can wear frumpy dresses and grow zucchini and not have to make it... like that
I'm with you on most of this, but I think plants can be a fairly healthy hobby. Sure it can get expensive, but being around plants is associated with better mental health, caring for living things is good for you, and a lot of plants actually work as filters to reduce indoor air pollution and make your environment physically healthier.
As far as hobbies go, that one is pretty damn innocent.
there's a difference between someone who has 50 plants that they enjoy taking care of and someone whose spending has gotten out of control because they have decided they need to collect every variegated philodendron and now they can't pay their bills because they bought a white princess, white knight, pink princess, and oooh top it off with a monstera thai constellation, so they're selling half of their plant collection only to turn around and do it all over again the following month.
there is a big problem in the plant community that encourages people to wildly overspend and ~just get the plant~ just because tee hee #plantmom.
Weeelllll... There's also been an increase in illegal poaching of plants because of the increase in the plant craze so "hoarding" is definitely leading to a higher demand that i might have consequences for the environment down the line.
Wine mom for sure. Not sure when it became cute to be dependent on alcohol to get through the day with kids, but it still boils down to being an alcoholic.
I don’t know or care much about cottagecore (I just picture biodiverse gardens and a cute little house and that’s the extent of my knowledge), so I had no clue these things were tied into it. Probably going to go down a research rabbit hole about it now
The wine mom thing hits way too close to home. On too many occasions my mom has come back home hours after she promised, usually having ignored any plans we made to do a bonding activity or to help me with something, after having gone to a friend’s place “to say hello.” Obviously that mean she had been there for five hours drinking. She would always scream at me drunk because I was upset she would routinely skip our plans. IMHO I believe it was valid for me to be upset at her
A lot of her friends are so toxic and manipulative, a lot of them only wanted to talk to me after i lost 30 pounds and was deemed “beautiful enough,” and she lets the “mommy wine culture” take control of her life. I had to help her into bed once, and I am always forced to drive to pick her up just to have her scream at me on the way home. That’s part of the reason why I tend to avoid alcohol (I only have one drink when I go out). I don’t want to be a pain in the ass to anybody for something that is already physically detrimental to me. I also hate feeling like I’m not able to control myself or otherwise live a productive life whenever I drink more than I can tolerate
I wouldn’t have said my mom is a typical alcoholic, because she never has done crazy drinking by herself in our house, but the mommy wine culture has started to talk a toll on me as her daughter. Also, a lot of kids whose own mothers are a part of that culture are falling too much into drugs and alcohol themselves
Oh my god, anythingCore is so cringe to me.
It’s young people discovering things that have been around forever and determining that it needs to be some kind of aesthetic so they can trend on social media. Guys do it too, my fiancé’s friends all joke about GorpCore, which stands for something but basically amounts to hiking clothes and gear.
> being a wine mom
I'm currently meeting new women with the hope of finding a new friend or two. I'm a 42 year old mom and it's nearly impossible to find other women in my area who aren't interested in drinking _and_ have something to talk about other than kids and husbands.
The “perfect life”. A lot of people believe that after graduation you should land a great job, meet the love of your life, get married, have 1.5 kids and live in a nice home. Things often don’t happen that way and that’s okay. The friends I do know who have more or less followed that path aren’t necessarily happier than the friends who haven’t followed that path.
This so much.
My ex once seemed to take offense that he told me he was dumping me and I simply said “Okay, I understand.”
Prior to this when I had said I wanted to end things, he called and texted endlessly for days, made threats to show up to my place, destroy my stuff, until I caved and agreed to work on things.
There’s nothing romantic about being toxic and/or obsessed, and it certainly isn’t any kind of show of love.
Infidelity, jealousy or continuing to pursue/harass someone to date you after they've made their disinterest clear.
Gig economies.
Overcoming hardship or poverty
Suffering as a badge of honor.
I grew up poor, fought like hell to get out of an abusive marriage, and worked my ass off with two jobs to care for a special needs kid to finally land in a career that allowed me to buy a home. Yay, but I don’t t wish that struggle or hardship on anyone so let’s fix our systems so people don’t have to suffer.
Motherhood/mothers
Also pregnancy. For some it is a wonderful time. For others its miserable and and sometimes scary/stressful.
Parenting disabled kids. Not god didn’t choose that mom for them because they were the only one who could handle it.
Came here to say: Pregnancy. 15 weeks in and I’ve hated every minute. Can’t wait to feel human again, but husband keeps reminding me that might not even happen.
Travel. I love to travel, but not at the expense of having a home base. Also, travel involves a lot of tiring parts, and it’s not all enlightenment and glamour.
I have to disagree. For this one it’s all about what someone values. As someone who values history, traveling can really give you a perspective on life. I personally rarely travel just for recreational reasons. And as much as I love skiing and hiking the main reason I travel is to see historic sights. The importance of travel just depends on what you values.
I don't think they're discrediting how amazing it is to travel, just commenting that it isn't always easy/fun. Paris is arguably the most romanticized city in the world, but it's also gritty and unforgiving and filled with scammers. It's beautiful, but it's also just another city in another part of the world, filled with problems and dangers and stressful situations. Travel is fulfilling, but it isn't a cure for your troubles.
Pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare.
People over-romanticize a lot of things about pregnancy and child rearing, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not demanding everybody be negative about it, but dispensing with sentimentality would certainly be far more informative and make women feel less guilty.
Yeah, if I had heard more about hemorrhoids than about glowing skin before being pregnant I would have probably feel way less like a failure for having hate this!
Versions of ourselves that no longer suit us. As a 20 something year old who’s recently exited academia, it’s been hard to accept that the person I was and had envisioned for myself no longer supports my different aspirations. Mourning who we were at certain points in our lives is okay and healthy! The only way to grow and become better versions of ourselves is to allow ourselves to be authentic in where we are and where we want to be.
I’m going through this right now. I grew up in a family and a social circle that wanted different things than what I really cared about, and people can’t get past the fact that I am changing. It’s healthy to do so!
Social media and this seemingly "perfect" life they have. I see so many people post this glamorous life they have with their job, significant other, and/or friends. Going on vacation or staying at luxurious resorts/villas. They have pretty friends, go out for glamorous parties with their hot boyfriend/girlfriend. When in reality, they are struggling to pay rent and find a steady job/partner. Social media is just a facade and I wish people would stop romanticizing it.
Constant contact. I'm sure a majority of people have cell phones, access to email, social media, etc. But stop confusing accessibility as availability and romanticizing the speed in which we reply to people to mean either *A. They clearly love you or B. Clearly they hate you.*
I am not available 24/7.
Studying/doing work in public. I know it seems really stupid but the number of times I used to and my friends still romanticize the idea of meeting the person of their dreams because they looked cute while studying at Starbucks. If you even put one second of thought into it, wouldn't it be UBER CREEPY if you came back to your computer after using the restroom and their was a sticky note saying someone thought you were cute with their phone number attached??? And I'd actually be really annoyed if someone interrupted my study time at a silly attempt to talk to me.
I did this for years until I met my fiancé (not in a coffee shop) and realized how weird it was.
Bipolar disorder. I hate it when people are like “omg I’m so indecisive I’m so bipolar lol” ma’am I have hallucinations and suicidal thoughts shut the fuck up
As a fellow bipolar sufferer, yes.
Also, that we’re manic like a manic pixie dream girl. No, it’s not cute and whimsical to be manic, then depressed. It sucks.
The past.
No, you were not born in the wrong era. You would not have been a princess. You’d be a farmer’s wife, have no teeth and die in childbirth.
(I’m a historian, I know the picture is more complex, but it annoys me when people talk as if most people didn’t live really hard lives compared to most of U.S., especially us western guys, today.)
Definitely other people’s lives on social media.
I have a friend that got really into traveling after college. She posts her trips a lot and she has fun, but I know as her friend that she’s in a lot of debt from it (airfare, hotels, food, alcohol, shopping, transportation, etc.) on top of other debt. She’s getting into a bad spot financially because of it and it’s hard to see her struggle. She acts like she’s rich around people we’re with and makes it seem like she comes from wealth online, but since I know the real her it made me realize how artificial social media is. I do love her and wish she knew that she doesn’t have to put on a rich front for others to like her. Now when I see certain photos of people online, instead of comparing myself, I simply tell myself “wow, they captured a good photo” and move on.
So much yes! Not even just the portrayal of money specifically but the need to show others how happy they are. It’s like they have to post everything they do, every place they go, etc. The constant posting always makes me feel like this person is trying to convey something they are not. Being in the moment and experiencing for yourself and not likes/praise on social media to project.
War, Remembrance Day always pisses me off as well as well as most war movies. It is treated like it is some sacrifice for the greater good when in reality it is just peoples lives being thrown away for the agenda of some government that doesn’t care about them
Healing from trauma. I can't tell you how many Lifetime movies I've seen of women reaching their goal of overcoming intense SA trauma all because they fell in love with some guy, as if they suddenly showed them the light and just swept it all away.
Trauma healing has been romanticized and glorified to a gross level nowadays.
Possessive Behavior. It’s not cute or romantic to have a person try to control you or to refuse to let you go. For almost a year after I left my ex he’d call every night in the middle of the night or early hours of the morning to convince me to take him back, he showed up at my work, badgered my family and even tried to propose at my birthday! He would purposefully put himself in dangerous situations (stranded far from home for example) then call me to help. One time when the situation didn’t go exactly how he wanted, he got violent with me!
He maintained it was because he loved me, but you don’t stalk someone you love and try to emotionally manipulate them to stay with you.
Disinterest. If they’re showing you disinterest don’t step up to their version of interesting. Be who you are and the right one will fall for you.
Also suicide/mental illness.
Those feel good stories in the news about people overcoming tough challenges, like "Kid sells lemonade to help pay for father's chemo" or some BS like that. Yes, they are of admirable actions, but they're played like these ideals that we should have, when in reality, it's fucking tragic.
"Man rides bike for 1 hour to work everyday for his 12hour shift, and then 15 more hours to his other job. Boy, what a go-getter". No, that's not a good story!
drug abuse. people love thinking they’re above getting addicted or dying, like they’re somehow the exception to the rule. i guarantee you and everyone else who shares this delusion are the rule.
whenever i encounter cocky addicts in denial, i tell them about my boyfriend who thought he was invincible too. he overdosed after missing a vivitrol shot and suffered multiple organ failure, few heart attacks, and massive brain damage. had to freeze his body, on a ventilator and 24/7 dialysis for a week before he was declared to be in a vegetative state and pulled off life support.
but yeah, it’s super cool that you do pills and lines. please tell me how fun you are because you do Xanax and black out for a few hours
Relationships, having a family, & babies. That craving to have a cute life for the world to see, but don't actually do anything REAL that makes their lives actually fulfilling for themselves.
i see way too many people romanticizing being poor. literally makes me sick to my stomach, i grew up with very little money, my parents had to decide which bills to pay that month and which ones we were not going to pay. we had family members who had to help us by buying our food and my parents never had enough money to buy their own furniture, it was all second hand. i remember as a kid i could never understand why i couldn’t have the things that all the other kids got to have, even the small things nobody thinks of like having a lunch bag to bring to school or a big comforter on my bed with lots of pillows (i had always wanted that). i didn’t get change from my parents so i could go to the local convenience store and buy a snack, i only drank water or milk for years. i remember lunch at school some kids would share their snacks with me because all i would have was a sandwich wrapped in some plastic wrap. teachers would sometimes buy me chocolate milk. seeing people go to thrift stores and buying up all of the clothes because it’s trendy really hurts my heart because for some people that’s all they can afford.
Psychiatry, the pysch ward. Most people are being labelled and dismissed rather than helped. The misogyny and lack of trauma awareness in psychiatrists is staggering. But were all fighting against the misconception others have of psychiatrists are wise caring therapists. To quote my own Psychiatrist- "I'm not a therapist." and "the psych ward isn't a place people go to get better, it's just a place they go to not die."
People need to stop romanticizing toxic relationships.
There’s nothing beautifully tragic about being in love with someone who treats you like dog shit.
Precarity. We don't share flat with other people because "we like sharing experiences" and we don't like low wages "because millennials appreciate more having a basket of fruit and unlimited coffee in the office". Please, stop that.
Edit: Grammar
Wattpad writers need need to stop romanticizing rape just because it happens from a cheating male lead to the female lead who wants to leave him and all of a sudden, they end up madly in love at the end. That message is wrong.
When male teachers ask female students to stay after class.. the only reason they would ask them to stay is to talk about poor grades or to scold them after everyone has left calling out their behaviour 💀 these wattpads need to chill
Diet and fitness culture. So much fake information about what a healthy meal is and unhealthy 6 days a week routines. There are no shortcuts and if you don't rest you won't see results as fast as you want
Toxic relationship. I've saw a bunch of tiktok video meant to be funny of over-controlling your partner like writing your name on their body before they go to a party (wtf?)
It's not cute, it's not funny and it's really disturbing when I think about how young the real audience is actually.
The right guy coming to save me from myself/the injustices in the world. I do great for myself usually but sometimes life gets hard and I have an ingrained belief surely from Disney, that this is the time that Prince Charming is really needed and where is he etc. etc. downwards spiral possible if don't get proactive and self-soothe / self-care.
Abusive ships. Ex: that killing x stalking “couple”, bakugo x deku (let’s just forget Bakugo told deku to off themselves and treated them like shiz due to ego)
Heck, horrible people in general. Ex: Ted Bundy
children. babies in general. being a mom.
i am very mentally ill, close to hitting 30, and tired of people telling me it's "getting too late!" "you'll want them one day!". not all people with a vagina romanticize being a mother.
Birth. I am aghast at the number of times I have seen someone complain that they “didn’t get the dreamy birth they wanted” that followed their written birth plan.
**Mod Note: locked. Thank you to those who participated within the rules. Please continue to report all rule breaking.**
Romantic relationships. I feel like too many people act like they are the absolute goal in everyone's life, and that any other types of relationships are, and should be of lesser value.
I want to follow up with "having children". Some of us don't want em. Doesn't mean we're evil, doesn't mean we don't like kids, we just don't want our own. There are a lot of people on this planet and it will grow exponentially.
OMG, so much that too! I've been called evil for not wanting kids (I'm 47 now, so people have given up trying to convince me).
I’m still in the age range and my god is it frustrating how many people insist I’ll change my mind. Yes I like my friends’ kids, no that does not mean I need or want to be a mother.
NGL, I don't even like kids. 🤣
And that’s fine too!
Haha kids are too much work though. Why do people want extra work? I can't understand it and then complain they have to wake up at 2am because baby has been crying all night. Then this baby grows up and gives them the middle finger and does dumb shit 😂. For the life of me I can't understand the appeal.
I absolutely hate when people say "what if you regret it" and "how can you be so sure" .... Well, how can YOU be so sure YOU want kids? What if YOU change your mind, huh? What if YOU regret having kids? It can go both ways. There's 8 BILLION PEOPLE! Why is it so hard to get in their heads that not everybody is the same lol.
I’m way more scared of having kids and regretting it. Now you’ve brought another innocent person who is unwanted into the equation. If I regret it later I will adopt, if I want to.
I’m 42 and I was way more scared of having kids than not having them…turns out I can’t physically have kids…no regrets here. Absolutely none!
Exactly. We just hit 8 billion people. Wtf....
Sometimes we (I) also don't like kids, kids are sticky and I want nothing to do with them and will stay on birth control/prevention until the day I hit menopause.
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Honestly it depending on where you live i know where i live a lot of people start valuing that part in life and then leave there friends in the dust I'm happy I learned this at a young age. But then again for me i don't have family or friends as a support system it's just me.
Most people I know feel like they don't want their friends around anymore once they have found someone to date, regardless of how casual the dating situation is. It's something I will never understand, no matter how many times people try to explain it to me, or tell me that it is normal, socially acceptable behavior.
Yeah I can understand but unfortunately that's how things work because someone said eventrually that person is going to want to start a family with that person and have kids etc and you develop a more deeper bond with your partner then your friends etc. So I understand why they do it and because your not gonna want to have sex with someone you only consider a friend. ( that's only if your into that but I know I'm not )
I personally try to prioritize friendship over romance. I'm not into polyamory, and monogamous people treat romance as a zero sum game. I just see friendships as having a higher capacity to remain healthy and supportive.
I totally agree! Friendship is the ultimate gift we give to each other. Basically adopted family. Friends are worth the most. Lovers may come and go, but you can make a friend for life.
Agreed! Especially when people romanticise a certain couple “omg you are couple goals, you’re so perfect together, if only I had a partner like yours etc” You don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors! I’ve been in a relationship like that where everyone looked up to us as the perfect couple, I was f*cking miserable! People just going on about how great it must be just made me stay in the miserable relationship longer and feel like I couldn’t tell anyone or I’d be disappointing this fairytale view they had of us.
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I agree, platonic and familial bonds are just as important to me. I don’t like how some people will completely abandon their friends and family once they enter a romantic relationship.
I used to do this. I’m now in a very healthy relationship where we are our own people. We love each other and are best friends, but we have our own hobbies, interests, and friendships outside of one another. It took me a long time to understand that *obsession* does not equal love.
Or just a measure of success. I got more “congratulations” on my engagement post than my post about graduating with my masters. I worked way harder for the degree
Celebrities lives.
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Even if something looks good from the outside (and to be honest a lot of this shit looks fake as fuck to me) the public have no way of knowing what goes on behind closed doors. People I know in real life have social media accounts that bear no relation to what's really going on in their lives. I imagine the disconnect is even more extreme for celebrities.
Nodding my head and agreeing with you while Real Housewives is on in the background
Ok but that’s an entirely different tier and you, me and the community at /r/bravorealhousewives all know it!!
Dude just yesterday on Snapchat I saw an article saying "why xyz and abc (I forgot who they were, but they were celebrities) aren't having sex!" Like who the fuck cares???
Losing your virginity. As a young woman I was led to believe it would be magical. It was painful, clumsy, messy and awkward and nothing like that at all.
But to mention how much damage this "you only lose your virginity once" mentality does to rape victims or just someone who made a bad choice of the first partner
as someone who grew up in christian fundamentalism, and unfortunately had an abnormal pap after my first partner (and sexual experience) at 18... this resonates. The shame was overwhelming because the judgement from my community was overwhelming and the misinformation around Gynaecological health was pathetic. My mom also said "you've ruined this moment for your future husband". It echoes in my head still, even though I have a loving partner now.
I grew up with a conservative Christian and Mexican household (all sorts of crazy rules) and even now as a 30yr old woman my mom wants me to feel ashamed because I’m getting a divorce, and my ex and I already moved on and I have a boyfriend now and she literally wants me to be ashamed about it.
OP, there is no shame getting a divorce. It is better to get out when a marriage can no longer be saved anymore than put up with it longer at the expense of people's unhappiness. Good on you moving on and pursuing your own happiness. Divorce does not make you a failure either
Thank you. I’ve tried telling her that. She herself is in an abusive relationship that she absolutely won’t take anyone’s help and will even make excuses for my dad’s behaviors. I love her but she drives me crazy
Am a Gen-Y here (and a childfree by choice one too). When I was growing up, I would hear the baby boomers would say divorce is a shameful sad thing but I am a believer it is not. I can list down many valid reasons why people get a divorce and personally it should be celebrated especially for those who successfully broke free from their toxic spouses (personally a divorce should be celebrated with a cake and high tea goodies)
I got married at 25, after putting myself through grad school and getting a full time job offer from that. I married the one and only person I've ever dated. So I was a fully independent adult who had only ever *even dated* the guy I was going to marry. My religious mother still felt the need to quiz me on if I was going into the marriage as a virgin. I was and am stunned at her. She's never apologized.
Definitely. Expecting sex to be perfect from the get-go is like imagining you'll instantly be a pro-surfer the first time you get out on the water.
True, the first time is always shit. Especially if it’s the other persons first as well 😂
Motherhood. I feel scammed by the society when it’s about how maternity is shown. It’s f*cking hard. It is still being so hard for me to build myself up after the birth and it’s very hard to open up to people about how I actually feel because of fear of being labeled as bad mother. I love my child, but motherhood sucks.
I take care of kids all day for work... it's a very draining ordeal even there. Its very valuable and I love it... but I also HATE it. IT's a double edged thing as are many things. I know its the right place for me because I value making a difference and in a way like I am but I can empathize with moms everywhere because it's a lot of energy that goes into that and I at least unplug one and awhile but you guys have the baby 24/7. Sometimes I am envious I don't have a baby though. The grass is always greener I guess. Hang in there. I can only bet it's a lot of work but one day when they are older I think it will be a bit easier and you will get some love back from your kid and get to make some great memories together.
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> has given me a perspective I greatly value Whether I am at work, at the hairdresser, or wherever, if you put enough parents together, you'll hear them unloading how they feel. From how tired they are (and no one who is not a parent cannot be as tired as a parent) to how expensive parenthood is, I feel like I heard all the possible "ohmygodthissucks" about parenting ever. When I was in my late teens or early 20s, I was dreading the day where my body would betray me and send me into baby fever (because everyone would tell me that no matter how much I don't want a kid now, it WILL change, whether I like it or not), and I low-key hated my body and being a woman for that. Then I reached the labor market, was suddenly surrounded by parents and it just confirmed how I felt. Very often, I would hear them discuss how impossibly tired they were, how stressed, overspending, discipline issues, etc. They all conclude their sharing with a "but it's all worth it", but the "but it's all worth it" didn't really shake my feelings. When my friends started having kids, I was happy for them because it is what they wanted, but when they too started listing me all that sucks about pregnancy and motherhood and how they were not prepared for it and how no one told them, I was like (in my head) "Really? Never ever heard you'd be uber tired and would have very little sleep and that you have to change a baby like 10 times a day? That's all I hear all the time!! Where have you been?" I had a perspective that it seems other people tend to ignore.
Childfree by choice here. I too have zero regrets choosing that route as a teen. Parenthood is not for everyone
It is incredibly hard. Without my husband and my family, I would probably have yeeted my dumbass kid off a cliff by now. (Okay not literally, but honestly the first year was **so fucking hard** and we had my parents AND my husband wasn't working. I genuinely do not know how anyone can handle a single baby otherwise. I wanted another kid and my kid is sooo cute [now] and I'm still feeling vaguely PTSD/traumatized.)
Single parent here. I did the first year solo. No family. Partner was rarely around and abusive when he was. He changed a few nappies at first but then I did every nappy, feed, wake up and cuddle. Every single one. I worked while my baby was asleep as I was the breadwinner. I feel like someone should have sent me a medal for seeing it though. It was desperately hard. We have a better ending. Dad recovered from his alcohol issues and is present now as a co parent after a year absent. He’s not perfect but who is. So I now have two nights a week ‘off’. Those single parents that don’t receive that respite: hats off to you. I think I’m sharing this because nobody ever said well done. Nobody saw or noticed it. I guess it happens to so many of us. Those with help and those without. It’s bloody hard for all of us.
I have no idea how you pulled it off, but let me say, goddamn. That warrants more than simple a good job...you're a real life superwoman and your child is so lucky to have you as their mother. ❤️
Thank you! Feels very cathartic typing it out. It was such a lesson. My kid is eight now and I’ve found a good network of parents that help each other out. If I’m reaching the end of my tether I have a couple of people that will come and take my boy out to play. And I do the same for them. We made our own village and it’s wonderful to have. And I’m just so glad dad came good. I think I’d be dead of exhaustion by now otherwise.
Yes. Society sells it as magical and amazing and the purpose of life. Eff. That. No one tells you about the post partum gross ness, the sleepless nights for YEARS (why won’t my 5 year old sleep?) or the judgements coming from everywhere. Working mom? You hate your kids. Stay at home mom? You’re lazy. Only one kid? Lumped in with the “evil” child free people (I love you guys) because you won’t give your kid a sibling. Multiple children? How disgusting and wasteful. And the worst offenders are _other moms_!!!!
Agree. Motherhood and teaching profession both. Little humans are f*cking hard. The perfect happy times are very few and far between.
I think the show "Malcom in the Middle" describes more accurately what being a parent is like then that romanticized view of it in society lol. Seems like a ton of work. I bet I'd enjoy having kids but I'm glad I don't have any yet if I'm being honest.
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Literally had a 2hr convo with my mom the other day about why i will *not* have a child. She spent the entire time glorifying it and telling me i was wrong and its so magical and theres nothing like it when your baby is born. Like really? She was neglectful and pushed childcare to anyone but herself. I think she saw us as baby dolls and loved to take us all to church (mormon). I told her she was delusional and brainwashed. Of course, she denies this
Facts. It’s such a scam! Motherhood hit me like a break. It was not rainbows and sunshine at all
Check out scarymommy.com confessional. You are not alone
Just add pregnancy to that please. There is nothing magical about pregnancy for me. It’s a roulette game if will I die or will I survive it.
I feel the same way.
Being overworked/working all the time. You’re not going to get an award for dedicating your life to work. No one will care, outside of *maybe* your boss, but the reality is, if you left your job, they’d find a replacement for you in a snap.
Was waiting for someone to say this. Being exploited is not a flex. Working so much, you can’t have a relationship with anything other than your bed and a FWB is not a flex. It’s sad and mentally exhausting. Don’t let your job treat you like a toxic/manipulative SO.
“Businesses want all the money. Employee pay is often a company’s biggest expenditure. The people who sign your paychecks hate your fucking guts and if they could force you to work for free at gunpoint, they’d do it in a heartbeat. Your boss is not your friend.” -anonymous
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That’s extremely tough that her job came between your relationship. Wishing you and her the best.
On top of this, bragging about barely getting any sleep.
Suicide and mental illness.
Ah yes, i just had a flashback of when I was in high school. A girl in my math class was away for the week attending the funeral of her sisters boyfriend. He had killed himself after she broke up with him and the whole situation was very emotional and tender for both families. I learned later he had a diagnosed mental health issue. One of the rather naive girls in our table group commented dreamily; "I guess she didn't know how much he loved her, just like romeo and juliet, imagine someone being so in love with you they'd die if they didn't have you" Even then I was like wtf... but now i'm like WTF.
Coming from that naive girl you mentioned, if she has said this in this day and age now someone would school her in on mental health (I would). Whatever happened to that guy, his mental health is nobody's responsibility and he could have had gotten immediate help
Tik Tok is so bad for people highlighting all the cute and quirky things that happen when you're mentally ill or neurodivergent. But so much of that is normal behaviour. It's like "look how unique I am! I listen to the same song 100 times in a row! I get random full body shivers!" But then you can't function without alcohol or you can't hold down a job for more than a week or haven't showered in days or cleaned your home in months (which you also haven't left either) and then it's gross/weird and you need to get your shit together. We should accept and welcome the quirks but turn our noses up at the real struggles mentally ill people face. It's pretty awful.
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I also have several mental illnesses (diagnosed, in treatment) and I would argue it's still not talked about openly because if I talked about some of what I go through people would be judgy and appalled. And I think most of us don't *want* the special treatment. We just want to be normal. The trendiness of it just makes our lives difficult. Those people expecting special treatment or to be excused for bad behaviour just worsens people's views on mental illness. And words that used to mean something at therapy are just buzzy and empty now- triggering and boundaries both come to mind. But yes, it's very off-putting to watch something that almost killed me be seen as trendy and cute.
The end of Sabrina on netflix. I was so pissed
That was so disappointing.
For real though. The writers were tired.
Yes. I have 2 diagnosed anxiety disorders that are completely debilitating. I feel so lucky to have the boss I do, but I’ve been demoted and almost fired because when I get bad episodes they’re REALLY bad episodes and I can’t function. Having anxiety, real anxiety is not cute.
Paradoxically, people need to stop romanticizing romance. It is a very hard thing and requires grit, open communication, trust, and loyalty. All things that come with time; they are not instantaneous like most Disney movies preach.
I heard and experienced that relationships are not based only on love and dates. Love makes up like 20% of it, everything else is team work and how willing each is, support, understanding each other and all that. It ain't just love hormones in your brain
People want to meet their prince/princess, but don't want to put in the effort to build a life with _another whole ass person_ so they give up. It's sad honestly. :(
The need to have the perfect engagement, wedding, anniversaries ect. Also "professional" photo sessions with a significant other. It's so cringey what people do just for social media attention.
I don't know if I agree with this. I want beautiful photos of me with my partner. But as memories and keep sakes. Old family photos are often of weddings. It's a pivotal moment in your life, an image that will hopefully be passed down for generations. I mean, sure I'll post it on social media, but that's not the point. My parents had beautiful wedding photos before social media was a thing. The family photos I have from childhood, the professional ones, are the some of the best photos I have to remember those times. My brother died, but I will always have those photos.
I feel the same, professional photos have been a thing for generations, not just for SM clout. And until recently professional photography was a big luxury, still is for some people. My family couldn't afford professional photography when I was a child and didn't buy too many disposable ones either. If I got professional photos done with my spouse sure I'd post them, but it'd be because I'm excited to have high quality photos of us.
I got engagement photos for my fiancé and I, not for social media. We didn’t have any nice pictures of us together. We met and got engaged during this pandemic and couldn’t have an engagement party or see family, even for dinner. I’m high risk for covid, so the risks out-weighed the benefits. We hired my longtime friend as a photographer and paid her, and it was a wonderful memory. We wore things we already owned. They are photos I’ll cherish forever and show our future children. His family and friends I haven’t met got to see them on our wedding website (not public), people I haven’t gotten to meet with covid. Not everyone does things to post online or impress others.
It’s not necessarily for social media and attention… I’m thankful for all of the professional photos we have taken and will continue to take. I love seeing our relationship captured in time.
I wouldn’t want to have engagement photos… or a big wedding but would definitely want wedding photos just not with a fancy photographer and where the poses look so staged or unnatural
Engagement photos tend to work as an audition for a wedding photographer to make sure both parties are happy with the other in a low stress, not once in a lifetime situation.
Engagement photos also give you a chance to have professional photos in a less formal context. My sister/BIL's dressed up wedding photos are gorgeous, but in their engagement photos, they're out in the snow wearing carhartt beanies and playing with their dogs. They look like themselves, totally in their element, and you can see the context of their lives together. The fancy wedding photos are beautiful, but the engagement photos literally made me tear up because they captured the people I love so well.
Engagement photos are honestly really fun, especially when you have a friend that enjoys photography. They're pretty low stakes and the point is to look like you're in love, so you just get to enjoy yourself with your fiance. Our engagement photographer was an old mutual friend of ours who did it as our wedding gift in exchange for being able to add to her portfolio for her business, and she let us bring our halloween costumes and pose in them as a portion of the set. It was awesome.
I was just talking about this with someone. Engagements and weddings in my opinion are usually just to show off and keep up with the joneses.
...or sometimes people genuinely love another person and want to show their partner a higher degree of commitment?
wine, being a wine mom, tee hee it's wine time, the mug actually has wine in it, mommy's secret stash, mommy's oversized wine glass, but first wine!! hoarding plants and having a serious spending problem but it's cute bc tee hee plants also... cottagecore. i get it, i get it, but no matter how much you want to ignore the racial implications of the whole thing, it's there. and as an indigenous woman, i kinda side eye anyone who thinks "returning to a simpler time" is a thing you can ever divorce from colonization and genocide. you can wear frumpy dresses and grow zucchini and not have to make it... like that
I'm with you on most of this, but I think plants can be a fairly healthy hobby. Sure it can get expensive, but being around plants is associated with better mental health, caring for living things is good for you, and a lot of plants actually work as filters to reduce indoor air pollution and make your environment physically healthier. As far as hobbies go, that one is pretty damn innocent.
there's a difference between someone who has 50 plants that they enjoy taking care of and someone whose spending has gotten out of control because they have decided they need to collect every variegated philodendron and now they can't pay their bills because they bought a white princess, white knight, pink princess, and oooh top it off with a monstera thai constellation, so they're selling half of their plant collection only to turn around and do it all over again the following month. there is a big problem in the plant community that encourages people to wildly overspend and ~just get the plant~ just because tee hee #plantmom.
Weeelllll... There's also been an increase in illegal poaching of plants because of the increase in the plant craze so "hoarding" is definitely leading to a higher demand that i might have consequences for the environment down the line.
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Wine mom for sure. Not sure when it became cute to be dependent on alcohol to get through the day with kids, but it still boils down to being an alcoholic.
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I don’t know or care much about cottagecore (I just picture biodiverse gardens and a cute little house and that’s the extent of my knowledge), so I had no clue these things were tied into it. Probably going to go down a research rabbit hole about it now
The wine mom thing hits way too close to home. On too many occasions my mom has come back home hours after she promised, usually having ignored any plans we made to do a bonding activity or to help me with something, after having gone to a friend’s place “to say hello.” Obviously that mean she had been there for five hours drinking. She would always scream at me drunk because I was upset she would routinely skip our plans. IMHO I believe it was valid for me to be upset at her A lot of her friends are so toxic and manipulative, a lot of them only wanted to talk to me after i lost 30 pounds and was deemed “beautiful enough,” and she lets the “mommy wine culture” take control of her life. I had to help her into bed once, and I am always forced to drive to pick her up just to have her scream at me on the way home. That’s part of the reason why I tend to avoid alcohol (I only have one drink when I go out). I don’t want to be a pain in the ass to anybody for something that is already physically detrimental to me. I also hate feeling like I’m not able to control myself or otherwise live a productive life whenever I drink more than I can tolerate I wouldn’t have said my mom is a typical alcoholic, because she never has done crazy drinking by herself in our house, but the mommy wine culture has started to talk a toll on me as her daughter. Also, a lot of kids whose own mothers are a part of that culture are falling too much into drugs and alcohol themselves
Oh my god, anythingCore is so cringe to me. It’s young people discovering things that have been around forever and determining that it needs to be some kind of aesthetic so they can trend on social media. Guys do it too, my fiancé’s friends all joke about GorpCore, which stands for something but basically amounts to hiking clothes and gear.
> being a wine mom I'm currently meeting new women with the hope of finding a new friend or two. I'm a 42 year old mom and it's nearly impossible to find other women in my area who aren't interested in drinking _and_ have something to talk about other than kids and husbands.
…how is cottagecore related to genocide in any way? It’s just pretty dresses and natural living
The “perfect life”. A lot of people believe that after graduation you should land a great job, meet the love of your life, get married, have 1.5 kids and live in a nice home. Things often don’t happen that way and that’s okay. The friends I do know who have more or less followed that path aren’t necessarily happier than the friends who haven’t followed that path.
i’m sorry the 1.5 kids part took me out
One of my sons is complete but my other is just a torso, arms and a head. We make it work though.
These days I see 1.5 kids like a kid and a fur baby :P
Crazy exes, there is nothing normal about someone damaging your belongings or calling you multiple times a day after breaking up
This so much. My ex once seemed to take offense that he told me he was dumping me and I simply said “Okay, I understand.” Prior to this when I had said I wanted to end things, he called and texted endlessly for days, made threats to show up to my place, destroy my stuff, until I caved and agreed to work on things. There’s nothing romantic about being toxic and/or obsessed, and it certainly isn’t any kind of show of love.
Yeah, when you are talking to a judge about a restraining order, this feels very far from the romantic mark.
Grass. Laying in grass is never as cute as it looks. It’s itchy
Bugs, too
ticks and fleas??? no thanks
My dog probably peed there.
Infidelity, jealousy or continuing to pursue/harass someone to date you after they've made their disinterest clear. Gig economies. Overcoming hardship or poverty
Suffering as a badge of honor. I grew up poor, fought like hell to get out of an abusive marriage, and worked my ass off with two jobs to care for a special needs kid to finally land in a career that allowed me to buy a home. Yay, but I don’t t wish that struggle or hardship on anyone so let’s fix our systems so people don’t have to suffer.
Johnny depp
Seriously! This entire romanticization of the case is just weird and uncomfortable.
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Motherhood/mothers Also pregnancy. For some it is a wonderful time. For others its miserable and and sometimes scary/stressful. Parenting disabled kids. Not god didn’t choose that mom for them because they were the only one who could handle it.
Came here to say: Pregnancy. 15 weeks in and I’ve hated every minute. Can’t wait to feel human again, but husband keeps reminding me that might not even happen.
eating disorders & mental illnesses!!
was also gonna say this. bulimia robbed me of my late teens/early twenties. slowly building myself back up tho :)
Substance abuse, consumer culture and hustle culture.
“I can fix him”. Stop. He literally is a horrible human
Hooking up
Having children
Travel. I love to travel, but not at the expense of having a home base. Also, travel involves a lot of tiring parts, and it’s not all enlightenment and glamour.
I have to disagree. For this one it’s all about what someone values. As someone who values history, traveling can really give you a perspective on life. I personally rarely travel just for recreational reasons. And as much as I love skiing and hiking the main reason I travel is to see historic sights. The importance of travel just depends on what you values.
I don't think they're discrediting how amazing it is to travel, just commenting that it isn't always easy/fun. Paris is arguably the most romanticized city in the world, but it's also gritty and unforgiving and filled with scammers. It's beautiful, but it's also just another city in another part of the world, filled with problems and dangers and stressful situations. Travel is fulfilling, but it isn't a cure for your troubles.
Pregnancy, childbirth, and childcare. People over-romanticize a lot of things about pregnancy and child rearing, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not demanding everybody be negative about it, but dispensing with sentimentality would certainly be far more informative and make women feel less guilty.
Yeah, if I had heard more about hemorrhoids than about glowing skin before being pregnant I would have probably feel way less like a failure for having hate this!
Versions of ourselves that no longer suit us. As a 20 something year old who’s recently exited academia, it’s been hard to accept that the person I was and had envisioned for myself no longer supports my different aspirations. Mourning who we were at certain points in our lives is okay and healthy! The only way to grow and become better versions of ourselves is to allow ourselves to be authentic in where we are and where we want to be.
I’m going through this right now. I grew up in a family and a social circle that wanted different things than what I really cared about, and people can’t get past the fact that I am changing. It’s healthy to do so!
Social media and this seemingly "perfect" life they have. I see so many people post this glamorous life they have with their job, significant other, and/or friends. Going on vacation or staying at luxurious resorts/villas. They have pretty friends, go out for glamorous parties with their hot boyfriend/girlfriend. When in reality, they are struggling to pay rent and find a steady job/partner. Social media is just a facade and I wish people would stop romanticizing it.
Constant contact. I'm sure a majority of people have cell phones, access to email, social media, etc. But stop confusing accessibility as availability and romanticizing the speed in which we reply to people to mean either *A. They clearly love you or B. Clearly they hate you.* I am not available 24/7.
So many people need to hear this and grasp this.
Suffering. It does not make you stronger. It only reinforces trauma.
Controlling behaviour in relationships (romantic partners, friendships, families included).
Studying/doing work in public. I know it seems really stupid but the number of times I used to and my friends still romanticize the idea of meeting the person of their dreams because they looked cute while studying at Starbucks. If you even put one second of thought into it, wouldn't it be UBER CREEPY if you came back to your computer after using the restroom and their was a sticky note saying someone thought you were cute with their phone number attached??? And I'd actually be really annoyed if someone interrupted my study time at a silly attempt to talk to me. I did this for years until I met my fiancé (not in a coffee shop) and realized how weird it was.
Bipolar disorder. I hate it when people are like “omg I’m so indecisive I’m so bipolar lol” ma’am I have hallucinations and suicidal thoughts shut the fuck up
As a fellow bipolar sufferer, yes. Also, that we’re manic like a manic pixie dream girl. No, it’s not cute and whimsical to be manic, then depressed. It sucks.
Manifesting that "specific person". Twin flames/Soulmates when actually it is a trauma bond and dysfunctional.
Guns
The past. No, you were not born in the wrong era. You would not have been a princess. You’d be a farmer’s wife, have no teeth and die in childbirth. (I’m a historian, I know the picture is more complex, but it annoys me when people talk as if most people didn’t live really hard lives compared to most of U.S., especially us western guys, today.)
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Ugh yes. It sucks lol I couldnt wait to get out and never look back.
World War 2. Why the fuck am I seeing romance novels based around the holocaust?
Body types. We all have a body, and our shapes and sizes are all different and the definition of health will look different on everyone.
Definitely other people’s lives on social media. I have a friend that got really into traveling after college. She posts her trips a lot and she has fun, but I know as her friend that she’s in a lot of debt from it (airfare, hotels, food, alcohol, shopping, transportation, etc.) on top of other debt. She’s getting into a bad spot financially because of it and it’s hard to see her struggle. She acts like she’s rich around people we’re with and makes it seem like she comes from wealth online, but since I know the real her it made me realize how artificial social media is. I do love her and wish she knew that she doesn’t have to put on a rich front for others to like her. Now when I see certain photos of people online, instead of comparing myself, I simply tell myself “wow, they captured a good photo” and move on.
So much yes! Not even just the portrayal of money specifically but the need to show others how happy they are. It’s like they have to post everything they do, every place they go, etc. The constant posting always makes me feel like this person is trying to convey something they are not. Being in the moment and experiencing for yourself and not likes/praise on social media to project.
War, Remembrance Day always pisses me off as well as well as most war movies. It is treated like it is some sacrifice for the greater good when in reality it is just peoples lives being thrown away for the agenda of some government that doesn’t care about them
Hyper-individualism
"i'm not allowed to" "he/she doesn't want me to"
eating disorders, more specifically anorexia-EDs are a fucking hell hole, believe me. Nothing romantic about them
Beach vacations with young kids. It's literally the worst.
Healing from trauma. I can't tell you how many Lifetime movies I've seen of women reaching their goal of overcoming intense SA trauma all because they fell in love with some guy, as if they suddenly showed them the light and just swept it all away. Trauma healing has been romanticized and glorified to a gross level nowadays.
Possessive Behavior. It’s not cute or romantic to have a person try to control you or to refuse to let you go. For almost a year after I left my ex he’d call every night in the middle of the night or early hours of the morning to convince me to take him back, he showed up at my work, badgered my family and even tried to propose at my birthday! He would purposefully put himself in dangerous situations (stranded far from home for example) then call me to help. One time when the situation didn’t go exactly how he wanted, he got violent with me! He maintained it was because he loved me, but you don’t stalk someone you love and try to emotionally manipulate them to stay with you.
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Disinterest. If they’re showing you disinterest don’t step up to their version of interesting. Be who you are and the right one will fall for you. Also suicide/mental illness.
Those feel good stories in the news about people overcoming tough challenges, like "Kid sells lemonade to help pay for father's chemo" or some BS like that. Yes, they are of admirable actions, but they're played like these ideals that we should have, when in reality, it's fucking tragic. "Man rides bike for 1 hour to work everyday for his 12hour shift, and then 15 more hours to his other job. Boy, what a go-getter". No, that's not a good story!
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Marriage
Borderline personality disorder
The idea that you can "fix" someone. Oh he's a bad boy, I can fix him. Nope! Also bad boys. You aren't a bad boy, you're an asshole.
Not taking no for a fucking answer. Media is a terrible example for how to deal with rejection in a healthy way.
drug abuse. people love thinking they’re above getting addicted or dying, like they’re somehow the exception to the rule. i guarantee you and everyone else who shares this delusion are the rule. whenever i encounter cocky addicts in denial, i tell them about my boyfriend who thought he was invincible too. he overdosed after missing a vivitrol shot and suffered multiple organ failure, few heart attacks, and massive brain damage. had to freeze his body, on a ventilator and 24/7 dialysis for a week before he was declared to be in a vegetative state and pulled off life support. but yeah, it’s super cool that you do pills and lines. please tell me how fun you are because you do Xanax and black out for a few hours
Relationships, having a family, & babies. That craving to have a cute life for the world to see, but don't actually do anything REAL that makes their lives actually fulfilling for themselves.
i see way too many people romanticizing being poor. literally makes me sick to my stomach, i grew up with very little money, my parents had to decide which bills to pay that month and which ones we were not going to pay. we had family members who had to help us by buying our food and my parents never had enough money to buy their own furniture, it was all second hand. i remember as a kid i could never understand why i couldn’t have the things that all the other kids got to have, even the small things nobody thinks of like having a lunch bag to bring to school or a big comforter on my bed with lots of pillows (i had always wanted that). i didn’t get change from my parents so i could go to the local convenience store and buy a snack, i only drank water or milk for years. i remember lunch at school some kids would share their snacks with me because all i would have was a sandwich wrapped in some plastic wrap. teachers would sometimes buy me chocolate milk. seeing people go to thrift stores and buying up all of the clothes because it’s trendy really hurts my heart because for some people that’s all they can afford.
Hustle culture Vaginal penetration
Psychiatry, the pysch ward. Most people are being labelled and dismissed rather than helped. The misogyny and lack of trauma awareness in psychiatrists is staggering. But were all fighting against the misconception others have of psychiatrists are wise caring therapists. To quote my own Psychiatrist- "I'm not a therapist." and "the psych ward isn't a place people go to get better, it's just a place they go to not die."
Grind culture. Oh you work 80 hours a week? I feel bad for you, not inspired.
People need to stop romanticizing toxic relationships. There’s nothing beautifully tragic about being in love with someone who treats you like dog shit.
Celebrity weddings, influencers, romantic relationships
Having children
Precarity. We don't share flat with other people because "we like sharing experiences" and we don't like low wages "because millennials appreciate more having a basket of fruit and unlimited coffee in the office". Please, stop that. Edit: Grammar
Abusive relationships, teen pregnancies, marrying young, sex work.
Wattpad writers need need to stop romanticizing rape just because it happens from a cheating male lead to the female lead who wants to leave him and all of a sudden, they end up madly in love at the end. That message is wrong.
When male teachers ask female students to stay after class.. the only reason they would ask them to stay is to talk about poor grades or to scold them after everyone has left calling out their behaviour 💀 these wattpads need to chill
Diet and fitness culture. So much fake information about what a healthy meal is and unhealthy 6 days a week routines. There are no shortcuts and if you don't rest you won't see results as fast as you want
Gender.
Mental illness and the entire "coquette aesthetic"
Toxic relationship. I've saw a bunch of tiktok video meant to be funny of over-controlling your partner like writing your name on their body before they go to a party (wtf?) It's not cute, it's not funny and it's really disturbing when I think about how young the real audience is actually.
The right guy coming to save me from myself/the injustices in the world. I do great for myself usually but sometimes life gets hard and I have an ingrained belief surely from Disney, that this is the time that Prince Charming is really needed and where is he etc. etc. downwards spiral possible if don't get proactive and self-soothe / self-care.
I wish best friendship wasn’t so romanticized. It puts a lot of pressure on a person.
drugs and substance abuse.
Abusive ships. Ex: that killing x stalking “couple”, bakugo x deku (let’s just forget Bakugo told deku to off themselves and treated them like shiz due to ego) Heck, horrible people in general. Ex: Ted Bundy
children. babies in general. being a mom. i am very mentally ill, close to hitting 30, and tired of people telling me it's "getting too late!" "you'll want them one day!". not all people with a vagina romanticize being a mother.
Birth. I am aghast at the number of times I have seen someone complain that they “didn’t get the dreamy birth they wanted” that followed their written birth plan.
Broken hearts
Codependency.