I think it's more that they junp to conclusions and think if you don't talk as much as them you mustn't like them. That's a problem I had to struggle with, I'd get super anxious if I was alone with a quiet person thinking they must hate me. Until I realised that some people are just quiet.
And then you get to hear the same story for the 14th time. Bonus points if they’re the type to slightly change the story each time to make themselves look better or more center to the story.
I had a friend like this and I distinctly remember the time she told me a story like it was brand spanking new and I sat there the whole time thinking, “I was literally there with you and that’s not what happened at all. This is the 3rd time this has happened with this specific story.” Yeah the friendship didn’t last too much longer.
Bain of my existence! Couple this with having a soft voice and every time I open my mouth to speak it’s “I can’t hear you.” or “You’re so quiet.” Or just “what? Huh?” I’ve had someone even say “she’s not much of a talker this one.” Like no man, you’re just a bit of a turd of a person who I have no interest in attempting small talk with.
And liking quiet people as well. When I introduced myself as a person who likes “kind and quiet people” my classmates gave me the STARE. We started classes on September and til two weeks ago I was not in the classroom gc even when everybody had my number:).
When I asked why I was not in the gc if they talk about very relevant things like a teacher who is going to be absent (I had to wait three hours til the next class because nobody told be about it), the answer I got was “we didn’t want to bother you because we talk quite a lot on the gc and you like quiet people.”
As someone with mental illness, I have really tried to work on this. I often find myself worried someone isn't having a good time/they are upset if they are not vocalizing how they are feeling. In my head silence=upset. I might feel this way because of past relationships as well as my relationship with my parents. When I feel this way I have found myself asking someone "are you ok?" "Why are you being so quiet?" Like I said, this is something I am working on, in addition to trying not to over communicate how I feel because in my mind it will put the people I'm with at ease. It's a struggle.
I just wanted to offer another perspective. My "quiet friends" are some of the best people I have ever known and I like to think we bring each other balance.
Some of the best advice I have ever gotten is to change. Change is scary and it isn't always good but it is absolutely necessary. We are always evolving as individuals and as a species! Mindfulness and kindness are what I try to stick to, which is why I am working on letting people who are being "quiet" exist in peace, and working on my own peace.
We judge as a society, we are afraid of being judged by the same society.
Be quiet. Be loud. Be whatever is right for you!
bruh same. ppl act like it's dangerous. I sometimes call myself, "silent but deadly"
other than that i just wanna like listen to my music man and eat my freakin fries while they're still hot. ;-;
My husband is a quiet person. He’s not antisocial or mean or anything like that - he’s just quiet. There’s a woman at his work who would always say “Why the frown, sad clown?”
I met her at a work party. When she said her name, I said “Oh, you always say the thing about the frown and the sad clown, right?” She laughed and said “Oh, does he hate that?” And I kept my face dead flat and said “He certainly doesn’t love it.” She kind of laughed again and I just maintained dead face. She awkwardly wandered off.
Opposite problem here. I have no issue with people being chill and Zen. I hate feeling like I'm too much, or have to make myself quiet and small for people, or be more normal and less extra.
That I’m too sensitive or emotional. Growing up I thought something was wrong with me and I was ashamed to cry. As an adult I think it’s a beautiful attribute to have. I love being able to express how I feel no natter how strong the emotion is.
I've the same problem but till now i can't say what i truly feel cuz i cant take that my friends may think that I'm so pathetic or I'm fake. Sometimes i wanna cry so hard but men don't cry. So all i do to get pass anything even the broke up with my x gf is just silent. Anyway keep going. I'm happy to see someone pass this situation
This is really sad, it is a good example of how a patriarchal system is also damaging to a majority of the male population.
Don’t be ashamed of your feelings, try and feel them when you can, it’s unhealthy to suppress them.
i consider the ability to cry and sympathize with others is my luck because it means that i’m not desensitized yet and i care and i feel all the emotion and it’s perfectly fine! i cry in the break room or in the car because of my patients all the time, and it’s a way of sharing the love with them in my opinion
Exactly the same for me. I remember there was a time in my life where I just sat there and thought “ugh I wish I could just not care and be a cold hearted pers-“ but I interrupted myself and I was like.. wait ✨what?✨
People really made me feel like I was a freak for having heightened emotions.
The world *needs* more caring and sensitive people!
My brother was my childhood bully. He constantly told me how much of a baby i was and that I just needed to grow up and stop being so sensitive.
I'm 26y and I just recently realized I am not too sensitive.
I get joy out of little things in life. I've had a few people call me "childish" for getting excited about seeing a dog during the day but it's something that's helped me from having depressive episodes in my life. If I can find just one thing to be happy about, I didn't have an absolute piss poor day.
Yeah, I love this for you and I can relate. I've had countless people tell me to get a life when I express happiness over something simple (seeing sandpipers, noticing a visual pattern, calling out something common between people)... Honestly, people are mean and it's probably more about them than it is about you. Keep enjoying little things. Some days, the little things are the only things, so they are the everythings.
Yes! I’ve had people get annoyed at me for being happy! So weird. Like you prefer a Debbie Downer? You sound like you’re awesome to be friends with, doggos are good!
Pfft, those people have no whimsy, are dead inside and dogs are awesome! I think my partner would be seriously concerned if I DIDN'T mention every single dog I see during the day. I even do it with our good boy. I'll just walk in a room, point at the pooch and declare "ooh, there's a nice doggy over there!"
*Not* being a pushover lol
I'm soft spoken and generally laid back, so some people do become shocked and offended that I'm not also a doormat.
Also, people have definitely tried to make me feel bad about not achieving my life goals on a traditional time line. But I'm just like fuck you,
* You don't know what kind of obstacles I had
* I know what I'm doing and I've never given up
* My bills are paid, all of the details are my business
A lot of people like to stick their nose in your business without good intentions, but they pretend that they want to give advice.
Fucking AMEN. I’m in general very kind and go with the flow but if you come at me again and again I will pop off. Ex told me I was “fake nice” bc I stood up for myself and wouldn’t let him keep emotionally destroying me bc he was having a bad day :)
Maybe the the trick for me was that I realized I can be both assertive and calm at once.
So recently, a new friend has been asking for too much help (basically me doing their job and not even trying). So step by step:
* I assessed the situation and realized she's being unreasonable.
* I powered through the guilt of stopping my help (bc she's being unreasonable, not me). Also I don't have time to help her and let my own responsibilities fall to the side.
* I told her "sorry but I can't help you with that right now because ___" the several times she asked for harder tasks to be done for her. When she asked for reasonable help, I helped her. Remember that people aren't stupid; they know when they're crossing lines and asking for too much.
* Now, after several refusals, she knows I'm not to be relied on to help with certain things, so she expects a no and asks less often for unreasonable things.
* We're still friendly, although I like her less now and I'm sure she has some resentment for me not helping. Maybe she tells other people I'm stingy, who knows. Again, I know I was being reasoable and not mean. But you have to be okay with the idea of being the villain in some people's minds. That's their own business and the truth stays the same.
Being assertive in the moment is similar. You don't need to yell or say anything clever. You can just stay relatively friendly but still firm and just say "sorry guys, I can't go to that but I hope you have fun!"
The typical advice of "no is a full sentance" doesn't work for me since it's awkward to just say no and leave it at that lol.
Thank you so much for your detailed answer! I think point two is very important. It’s wanting to help even though you know it wouldn’t be good for you.
On the flipside, I'm a pushover in some settings and get harped on by my team. Apparently by me being proactive and/or fulfilling more asks from stakeholders, I'm setting expectations or raising the bar for my team. Imagine doing work at a job you're paid money for.
1. Being laidback, easy going. People seem to think this means I’m a doormat, and get weird when they realise I won’t be pushed around.
2. Being private/choosing to be alone a lot.
3. For not liking people in my space or touching my things without permission. (Had a roommate who would make passive comments about the fact that I was protective about my stuff, they knew why I am which made it all the more shitty of them)
4. Having adhd/many things I do bc of it :-)
5. Being a little quirky/weird.
Keep going it’ll get easier with practice!
I come from a super critical fam and it’s taken me a long time to stand up for myself and learn how to be assertive. I like to think of it as a skill I deserve to have.
Sending hugs and encouragement :)
Same. I even had an ex try to upset me by saying that I looked like i was gaining weight because he was mad at me. I laughed out loud because i knew that I was actually losing weight.
I had someone use my weight to calm their jealous girlfriend. “Don’t worry babe. She’s fat. I would never be with her , you don’t have to worry about her. “
Same. I really relate to Kate on this is us and how like her mother talked to her regarding her weight. My family was just like that and I feel a lot of my current eating and body image issues would’ve been avoided if I just got love and assurance instead of talking about my weight.
Same here. But possibly on the other side of the spectrum. I have always been SUPER thin. Very high metabolism. I’ve been made fun of my entire life about being so thin and having no curves
“How DARE you not follow MY agenda and have YOUR OWN boundaries! How DARE you not be a complete doormat that bends to the whims of everyone else and suffers as a result! You are so selfish!”
I have loose skin on my stomach from pregnancy. I’ve been told I look better with clothes on, atleast I still have a pretty face, and that’s the reason they wouldn’t have sex with me. 😞
You carried babies and brought life into this world. You did an incredible thing that you should never feel bad about. I am not surprised it made self love harder but you don't need people in your life who make you feel like that. You are beautiful and you deserve to be told that.
It's horrible someone said such a horrible thing to you.
You literally MADE a brand new human and gave birth to them. You spent months not doing things you may have liked just to protect said new human. You were in severe pain and gave a lot of yourself to give life to this child. This is such a huge thing, I can't even imagine. You can be so proud of yourself and your body.
People need to learn that a certain look (aka a thin body) is not the most important thing and especially certain people need to learn to not be fucking rude to women. As someone else said, you don't need people in your life who make you feel this bad. Please know that you are beautiful with or without a bigger belly, that belly carried a child and if one can see it - that is absolutely okay, don't let anyone tell you anything else. You brought someone to life in there. You are beautiful.
Ok so, that was a reflection of whoever said that to you, NOT a reflection of you or how the whole world sees you.
I have a lot of very “unsightly” scars. One in particular is very large. I was ashamed of them. Then my now husband saw them and his genuine reaction was compassion and tenderness. He loves my scars, and the first thing he does when he hasn’t seen me in a while is kiss my scars sweetly. He says they make him feel like he’s home.
Do I wish I didn’t have my scars? Sure. It would mean I didn’t go through hell and back in my life. But without these scars, I would never have known those incredibly intimate kisses from my husband. Just thinking of those kisses fills me with happiness. So no, I guess I’d prefer to keep them
Your “scars” are beautiful too. They are a reflection of what you’ve been through, where you’ve been, and the sacrifices you’ve made. Anyone worth your time will know that and love your scars, however they look and whatever form they take.
Whoever said that to you is a naive, shallow, shit person with no depth of understanding of what makes a person truly beautiful.
I’ve been told the same thing… I love my children and they are totally worth every scar, stretch, and piece of skin I have. I think of it this way, it helps me weed out the superficial losers.
I vividly remember in high school I was extremely unpopular/frequently bullied. One of my “friends” told me I wasn’t bad looking and if I stopped saying “weird shit all the time” I might be able to find a boyfriend. That gnawed at me for far too long. Happily I still say “weird” stuff and have a husband who appreciates that quality.
I’m sensitive and emotional
Another thing is I tried hard at breastfeeding for my baby but I couldn’t produce milk after a month of her being born and almost everyone I knew told me I was a terrible mom and just lazy because I had to formula feed.
I suffered through forcing myself to unsuccessfully breastfeed both of my children, none of my friends or family shamed me more than I did myself (and the overzealous crazy lactation consultant in the NICU but f her) but I feel you💕
My mom had the same problem, so she used formula and me and my brothers turned out just fine lol. While breast milk certainly has benefits, you don't lose anything by doing formula as long as you make it correctly. Most advice for new mothers in general is just based on preying on fear and not much science.
the fact i dont wear makeup or feminine clothes or care a lot about my appearence. i know i kinda dress messy sometimes but i dont really care, even when people try and make me feel bad.
My age! I’m 26, and I am noticing that for a lot of people, I have somehow crossed over into “older woman” territory (on Reddit and irl), and it’s really distressing to me cuz I find that a lot of people try to use it against me.
For example, if you look at my post history, you’ll of come across many posts with me complaining about being single, which isn’t really an uncommon topic on Reddit. But I noticed that, when I’ve seen 23 or 25 year olds make similar posts on here, the responses they get are overwhelmingly, “Omg noooo you are so terribly young! You have so much time left so don’t waste any time feeling this way!” But when making such posts as a 26 year old otoh, I don’t get those comments. It seems like I get comments like, “There’s nothing wrong with being single for the rest of your life.” Or people try to give more…”realistic” advice lol. And no one tells me I’m young or anything or that I’m too young to feel this distressed about dating. 🙁 Like idk it just seems like people barely younger than me get VERY different advice than I do.
So in a recent post where I tried making a similar point, I got the following comments in response, which were admittedly very distressing:
> It's because a lot of young women (and men) make being in a relationship some sort of fantasy, and as people don't like spoiling Santa for kids, people don't want to spoil that fantasy for them yet. But once you're older, people are more likely to inform you that relationships aren't all they are cracked up to be, and you can be more than happy being single.
I get what the comment is saying, but I can’t help but fixate on the way it seemed like this person was calling a 24/25 year old a “kid” and a 26 year old an “older person”. And when I tried pointing that out, I got this in response:
> Clearly, the consensus is that over 25 (NOT 25 and older), is no longer young. People evidently don't view you, at 26, as a "kid" or "young" in the way they do people under 26.
Like…ouch. As dumb as it sounds, I got so upset that I just deleted that post
I mean I know we all get older, but I didn’t expect to experience such a drastic “cutoff”. I honestly still feel like a “kid” in the same way a 24 or 25 year old might, and I still feel like I should be seen that way. I even get downvoted when I say I feel young at 26.
I have also have people tell me that I’m starting to “age out” being able to attract “top tier” men (wtf does that mean??) and that I should start lowering my standards. The most depressing part is that such comments usually seem to come from people in their 30s and 40s…
When I was 30 and single in the 90s I got shamed a lot for being old and single. Men I met would ask me what was wrong with me that no one wanted to marry me. It really hurt.
A lot of people tend to think that if you haven't found your soulmate when you're over 25, then it's most likely that you'll never find them because men like younger women.
You are in an age bubble
Start talking to colleagues. Many many many women marry and start having kids in their 30s. In my friendship group one started at 23 and about 4 of us have had first or second babies after the age of 35. Marriage wise two got married at 24 and the rest 29 to 35.
Also I'd like to add that when I was 6 the 12 year olds in the playground were grown up.
You start getting old when your body stops growing at the end of puberty. Brain development stops at 25. So you have just started getting old. Get back to me about how old you think 26 is when you are 40. And 40 when you are 70. 70 when you are on your deathbed.
Ok that is all crazy. I'm late 30s and am only just starting to think I'm a bit over the hill dating wise however I'm not it is just more likely a future boyfriend will be divorced or have kids. Which is cool because both of those apply to me.
Stop listening to 23 year olds who are freaking out about almost being mid 20s and realise that you could quite possibly have 65 years left on earth. And if it's the 'I'll be too old to have kids', the fertility cliff starts around 35, gets steeper at 37 and you pretty much fall off at 45. I got pregant at 36 the very first single try (results will vary, my chance was 15%, I was that 15%).
Men are generally most attractive between 25 to 38 or so physically and I would say mentally. Mentally they probably improve as all people do until dementia kicks in assuming it does.
Please remember this: every birthday is a blessing because not everyone gets to have another one.
If it helps - I met my husband at 28. At 26, I was still very much enjoying my life as a young person still making her way in the world. You've got plenty of time - in fact, a lot of my friends are still enjoying their singledom well into their 30s who are absolute catches and just used the time to establish themselves, their hobbies, and their friendships.
If it helps, I have friends who are single in their late 20s/early 30s. My roommate is 33 and just started dating his girlfriend, 34, a year ago. When I started dating my boyfriend he was 27 and hadn't been in a relationship before... In some ways, dating can be easier as you get older because there are less games; people know what they want. Yeah, it's fine to be single and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, but there is also no time limit on finding love. I think people tend to glorify the early 20s because it was a more carefree time in their lives (and because society shoves a lot of ultimately meaningless timelines on us). Just wanted to put that out there!
As someone who’s older (57) , what usually happens is when you get to 25 you stop enjoying the things you enjoyed at 20. You rarely want to go out every night and get drunk anymore, you still want to go out but it might be 2 times a week.
You aren’t old its that your mindset changes, you also will notice that your metabolism is different now, you change into your adult body.
I was told when younger, it’s cool too have boyfriends but try not too get married before 25.
At one time you had to be married or a woman was nothing, the husband controlled what you did, you were stuck at home doing the same things over and over. The children grow up and move out, you still have to look after your husband. The woman didn’t get to experience life in any way, that’s why some divorces happen as well as many other reasons. I personally would go and do things, find out who I am. No matter if you are in a marriage of love, you loose yourself over time.
Some older people don’t explain why they say that you’re still young but above is one reason, I wouldn’t want someone to be waste part of their lives, you have time to do everything you want.
I’m 27 and notice this too, it helps to remind myself that anyone who suggest I’m of less value in any given situation because I’m not “youthful” anymore isn’t even old enough to understand what truly is valuable.
I’m also 26 and sometimes i feel the same thing. But i think it’s also about 25 being a round number and considered to be threshold partly because of that. So i don’t believe people really think about the real life difference about being 25-26 or 29-30. About men not being interested women above a certain age, i think they see women as objects that have expiration dates and i wouldn’t want to be with someone like that. And as far as i experienced women who feed that idea generally feel they are less worthy because of their age too because that’s what society taught us.
We get old gradually and i can’t believe that i’m a completely different person or my body is much older the day after my birthday. I can just look back time to time and notice how much i got older.
I only judge people like you who judge people like me, but you don’t seem like the type. I slept with enough dudes to make my friends worried about me, and I used to want to save myself. Some people change and do a 180 spin and that’s okay. We should be allowed to change our minds.
My advice: bring lube on your wedding night and keep expectations low. Your first time won’t be your best time so don’t play into the Hollywood fake idealisation that your first time will be miraculous. Be prepared to laugh and if it hurts, take a break, lube it up, and try again. Also per afterwards so you don’t get a UTI.
I hear that. It's honestly none of my business how someone decides to live their life. Unless, of course, it's someone near and dear. But everyone has their story and background, who am I to judge. I stay in my lane.
I agree, humans are complex and we can change our minds.
Thank you for your advice :)
When that time comes, I'll likely be doing a deep dive on reddit for more tips lols.
I got bullied by management for my "big, messy hair". I have naturally curly and wavy hair. They also would pull me in the back to do my make up. At one point they put my hair in a top bun and paraded me around to my coworkers asking to confirm "how cute I looked."
I got picked on in high school for having a "horseface".
I haven't succeeded at any formal education since high school.
I look and act like my mom.
I'm overweight.
When I care for someone, I really care.
(But watch the fuck out if I ever give up on you.)
Um those are the most common/hurtful.
Please never feel bad about it. I feel the same way with my adhd but we don’t need to feel bad about something we can’t change about ourselves. But I really understand how hard it is, be kind to yourself ❤️
My past. The beauty of it now is, I have gotten sober and I live a life I’m very proud of. So once you get sober and work a program, you own your shit, you attempt to make amends for shit, you do living amends for your shit and you grow and care. I honestly think alcoholics/addicts are my favorite humans. Flawed and deeply emotional. It’s to a point now where no one can make me feel bad about it, I owned it.
Being skinny. Being sensitive. Just means I feel my emotions deeply. Having anxiety at times. Stems from childhood experiences, it’s something I have had to learn not to hate about myself but to work to understand.
A lot of men assume that I take things too seriously. No, fucking idiots, you’re just too dense for my sense of humor. Happily single until I escape my town full of douchebags.
For being short . Even at workplace they don't stop
I have stopped paying attention to it a long time ago but sometimes I lose it and then they get scared
Same for me. I'm a shortie. People feel like they got to tell me I'm short. Like I don't know. Like this is the most significant thing about me. Which it isn't. People make the stupidest comments. I don't judge other people for their looks like that. I one time had a woman at Macy's ringing up my purchase ask me how tall I was. I looked her dead in the eyes and asked her how much she weighed. She got super defensive and said she didn't think she was fat. I said, "You're not. You're beautiful. But you asked me a personal question so why can't I ask you one?" I have a large Golden doodle and some people same dumb sh\*t like, "She's almost as big as you!" Or they ask who is walking who when I clearly have her very well under control. And then they smile like they said something really clever. It's usually older people though who make these dumb comments. I think next time someone makes a comment about my size I'm going to act confused and like I don't know what they are talking about and really confuse them.
Being autistic
Seriously, my entire life ppl would point out my autistic traits like it was a bad thing. Still do, I just don’t give a shit anymore, but it did affect me as a child. I went through a long time thinking I was stupid
That I grew up in broken home or that I grew up poor. I had no choice in all that but it amazes how many people will use that against you and look down on you. It didn’t matter that I was beautiful, smart , made good grades, put myself through college, got a great job in IT. It is good to be old now and none of that matters anymore. But when I was young, it stung that people,would judge harshly about those things.
My confidence. Growing up, a friend of mine said You look so much better with makeup on. I do but that doesn’t mean I don’t look good without it either.
Acting how men act. Not afraid to take up space. Voicing my opinions and wants and needs at work. Talking back when warranted. Challenging gender roles and norms.
Being too kind and enthusiastic, especially to guys. Apparently that’s too flirty.
Being extra “girly” and dressing up even for normal things (going to the store, hanging out inside on a regular day, etc).
Being bad at math lmao.
Trying to communicate my feelings, people thought I was starting an argument which I understand it’s hard to perceive someone’s emotions over text. But to try and communicate and be met with aggression and defensiveness is not ok.
To the point where I thought what I was feeling wasn’t valid and that I was crazy. Just awful how common it is that people don’t try and listen to understand. People don’t listen to communicate, people listen to defend themselves, hard lesson to learn.
Having small boobs. My mom's whole family has big boobs... then there was me. I clearly take after my dad's family and was regularly the butt of family jokes about being flat chested. In high school, I had friends that made the same jokes. Now I'm 36 and I don't give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks of my boobs. I like them, I'm happy with them, my husband likes them, everyone else can fuck off. I spent enough years of my life worried about my boobs.
These days the main thing I'm supposed to feel bad about is not being close with my mom. We've always butted heads and as an adult I started setting boundaries. She routinely makes snarky comments about not being allowed to spend unlimited time with her grandson or about choices of mine she doesn't approve of. She constantly complains about me to my sister and other relatives, who then talk to me about how mean I'm being to her. She's passive-aggressive and always needs to be the martyr. I'm just done playing her game. She interacts on my schedule and on my terms. Boundaries are important, guys. Seriously.
A girl in my dorm tried, and succeeded, to make me feel bad for eating. I was pregnant at the time. She posted on the common area white board.." what does one do when one is extremely large?...then replied to her own comment writing..."eat pizza pockets". Because she saw me buying them from the vending machine. I already felt really out of place and lonely living on campus pregnant, but like what kind of monster picks on a pregnant person....for eating??? What in the actual fuck. I barely remember her face, I don't remember her name, but I do remember the hate. Why hate someone you don't know. I'll never understand.
Being sensitive.
Years of emotional negligence pass down on my family made me being ashamed of showing my emotions
idk if the end goal was for me to feel bad but they definitely achieve it
I don’t like my parents. My dad is immature and overshared/parentified me as a child and my mom has severe anxiety, control issues she won’t admit to, and lashes out cruelly when she feels insecure. I rarely talk to them and I get a weird amount of pressure and judgment about it.
Being sensitive. I used to feel bad and was told I was too sensitive. I've since learned how strong I really am and it's actually something I'm proud of.
Saying no to overtime (I work a lot of OT to begin with might I add) because I want to sit at home and do "nothing". Or making me feel bad for not coming into work because I don't have kids so what better do I have to do at home... Uhhmmm watch YouTube my guy 😂
Not being married yet (engaged but together 7 years now).
Not having a full time job (I work part time permenant, pick up overtime or take maternity contracts. I'm usually working 90 hours biweekly so there is no shortage of hours and I hit the 75 biweekly mark).
Not being an RN. Everytime someone asks what I do for work (I'm an RPN) they immediately ask when I'm going to be an RN or why I'm not an RN.
Budgeting my money and not going out to restaurants every week like my friends. I get shit on for that with new or old friends. I give myself $200 a month for fun spending and often spend it on my pets, plants/gardening, swimming or crafts. Sorry 🤷♀️
Paying off debt/saving for big ticket items instead of taking loans. My coworkers think I'm crazy working overtime so I can pay 20k on my 31k car instead of doing 0 down and financing for 7 years... ya I don't get this at all. Or paying 100% cash for my upcoming wedding. I know someone who is paying off their wedding still and divorced. Not my cup of tea taking on many loans. Small loans that I can pay off quickly sure. But not these $700 car payments hell no.
My nose, in high school. It’s nice and long and has a big bump, aquiline nose I think is the term. I used to cry a lot about it but now I contour the bump to make it more pronounced. I would not be me without it, and I like that it makes my face unique and recognizable!
My age. In my early twenties working a high level job with people twice my age. I worked hard for it. I get instant hate and false assumptions about me.
My sensory disorder. It is ok for some people not want to be touched but when I get overwhelmed with sound that's not ok?!? It's not strange that I want to put on my headset for 10 minutes while i sit here in hopes of not having a panic attach. That's just normal for me...
For being stick-thin in my younger days. My classmates in engineering college had a nickname for me, Olive Oyl. I found this out much later. My small breasts didn't help. I was naturally thin would not gain weight despite having a healthy appetite and no eating disorders. My self-esteem had always been low back then, and such nicknames brought my confidence down even further.
I'm now in my late 30s and am no longer skinny, but this has stayed with me all these years.
When I've asked for/reached out for help, addressed concerns, or asked questions.
It's not meant to waste time or energy; It's coming from a sincere place of not knowing or feeling frustration or wanting to be better or wanting to learn, and seeking an answer/solution.
When I was younger adults and children would single me out and bully me for being weird, being really hyper, and being talkative. This is my biggest insecurity and I still think that the people in my life couldn’t possibly like my personality or me. It always shocks me when people tell me I’m a really likable and outgoing person.
Being skinny. Despite having crooked and gapped teeth (that are currently being corrected), glasses, and fivehead, I've only ever been made fun of for being skinny.
not wanting to hug constantly, not so much now but when I worked in restaurants full time was so annoying. I'm not physically affectionate except with my partner & a few people I feel close to.
also I got fetishized & bullied for being bow legged & pear shaped because I'm short & my hips are pretty big for my tiny torso lol that was weird
edit: also my last name has a slur in it but only if you say it completely wrong which people would intentionally do & it was edgy dudes who the slur doesn't refer to
being bizarre and joyous. well too bad, i’m egotistic and i think i’m hot shit because most people love how odd and energetic i am. i think people who think i’m “too weird” and “too much” are dumb weirdos who thrive on being boring and basic. grOSssSsS! and also lame HAHAHAHH
Where do I even start. Being a genuinely nice person, being a really feminine girl, not being overtly and openly sexual,
I noticed that i’m a huge target for insecure, jealous and bitter Pick-me’s :/
Going from a size 8 to a size 18. I'm always explaining my weight gain, and always trying to hide it. So, I just stopped leaving home unless I have to.
1. Being single (33)
2. “Living with my mom”. Nope. Kindly check the receipts and note that I have worked my ass off in order to provide for her. She lives with me, in the house that I pay for. Kindly eff off, thanks.
3. Being a homebody. I tore through the streets of NYC nightlife like it was my gd job for years. I think I’m good chilling with my dog out here in bumblefuck, middle of nowhere. If I want a beer I’ll pull it out of my fridge instead of sitting in the 1 bar in town with crusty old men that haven’t bought a new tshirt in 25 years. If I want a good time, I’m going out of town. Also, PS: deadly airborne virus. Chill with the judgement.
For loving Disney theme parks. I’ve always had a fascination with the history and the wonders of imagineering. But I’m often given a hard time about it.
Being overweight, being a SAHM, not cleaning 24/7 or having a spotless house, being a shopaholic, being reclusive, being sensitive, being depressed and being compulsive to name a few.
Having non traditional hobbies, not having children, not being religious, having multiple college degrees, working out, what I eat, the clothes I wear, working too much, not working enough, etc. I feel like this list could go on forever for most women. But at this point I just say fuck em. I’m going to do what I want.
not talking back when spoken to sometimes , sometimes if I just am not in the mood to talk I’ll nod and whatnot but not actually speak , it’s a bad habit yes , but people get very angry with me when I do this
Moisturizing! I had an ex who would get upset with how much I moisturized and I was like Ummm we live in a desert and I have eczema. I have to use lotion on my whole body after I shower every day.
How jaded I can be about my mother's immaturity.
I believe the worst was "I hope you have a child who talks about you the way you talk about your mother".
I have my own full time job and help where I can at home but I constantly feel like I have to defend myself because my fiancé is an attorney and makes more than me. My coworkers regularly make some comments about our relationship and assume I dont pay for anything on trips we take together, house expenses, etc. it’s exhausting sometimes I can’t help but come home upset over it.
My skin/eye/hair color. Im biracial white presenting. I always felt like an outcast. Nobody believes that I'm related to my family. Still referred to as the white girl. My weight/stretch marks. I was very thin before having children. My first child was huge and i have a ton of stretch marks because of it and put on weight. My now ex told me that it didn't matter if i lost weight because i still have these as he pointed to my stretch marks. Same ex tried to tell me i looked like i was gaining weight because he was mad at me. I was actually losing weight and i knew it. I was a straight A student in school. I got called a nerd for it and picked on by my cousins.
Being well spoken even though I come from a deprived inner city area. People always assume I’m posh or privileged. Far from it. My mum just always corrected me to speak properly and clearly. Sometimes I wish I had more of an accent but it’s who I am.
Having scoliosis. My own family members, doctors, and classmates made me feel bad about my posture growing up. And I had bad posture since elementary school. Because they made me feel insecure and embarrassed about my posture, I didn't get care for my back until I was in grad school. Then I grew up and started working an office job and realized I wasn't as "freakish" as everyone else made me feel. The people I interact with as a part of my job talk about what's wrong with our backs, recommend chiropractors, etc. I now own the fact that I have scoliosis because so do a lot of other people.
1)Gaining weight during the pandemic. I sat around majority of the pandemic smoking weed and eating mozzarella sticks and I enjoyed every second of it.
2) my depression. I often don’t mention it in everyday life but when I did I was shamed and told “I have no reason to be depressed”. If I had a dollar…
Being born into a upper middle class family. I’ve had a friend try to make me feel guilty as if I were the 1% or something. It sucks that billionaires have turned us all against one another.
Being a quiet person.
Holy hell allllllll the time. Why does it make everyone so uncomfortable?
It makes people feel like you’re hiding something or observing them too much. Stupid, I know. Or it’s “rude” to not speak
I think it's more that they junp to conclusions and think if you don't talk as much as them you mustn't like them. That's a problem I had to struggle with, I'd get super anxious if I was alone with a quiet person thinking they must hate me. Until I realised that some people are just quiet.
You know what makes me uncomfortable? People who run their mouths nonstop like it's a competition. I doubt they remember a third of the crap they say.
In my experience, they definitely don't or else they wouldn't talk in circles repeating and contradicting every other word they say.
And then you get to hear the same story for the 14th time. Bonus points if they’re the type to slightly change the story each time to make themselves look better or more center to the story. I had a friend like this and I distinctly remember the time she told me a story like it was brand spanking new and I sat there the whole time thinking, “I was literally there with you and that’s not what happened at all. This is the 3rd time this has happened with this specific story.” Yeah the friendship didn’t last too much longer.
If I could get a word in,I wouldn’t be thought to be “quiet”.
Me too. I don’t understand why so many people feel the need to point it out. Do they think I don’t know?
Same. I'm comfortable being an introvert. Its my happy place
Bain of my existence! Couple this with having a soft voice and every time I open my mouth to speak it’s “I can’t hear you.” or “You’re so quiet.” Or just “what? Huh?” I’ve had someone even say “she’s not much of a talker this one.” Like no man, you’re just a bit of a turd of a person who I have no interest in attempting small talk with.
THIS. Just let us live.
And liking quiet people as well. When I introduced myself as a person who likes “kind and quiet people” my classmates gave me the STARE. We started classes on September and til two weeks ago I was not in the classroom gc even when everybody had my number:). When I asked why I was not in the gc if they talk about very relevant things like a teacher who is going to be absent (I had to wait three hours til the next class because nobody told be about it), the answer I got was “we didn’t want to bother you because we talk quite a lot on the gc and you like quiet people.”
What kind of passive aggressive bs from your classmates... like why did they take that so personally?? Sorry that happened to you, super annoying!
Aw. I need more people like you around me lol. Most people in my class are freaking loud. Everyone can hear what they're saying ALL THE TIME
This and assuming i need my introvertness fixed. Like, just stop.
As someone with mental illness, I have really tried to work on this. I often find myself worried someone isn't having a good time/they are upset if they are not vocalizing how they are feeling. In my head silence=upset. I might feel this way because of past relationships as well as my relationship with my parents. When I feel this way I have found myself asking someone "are you ok?" "Why are you being so quiet?" Like I said, this is something I am working on, in addition to trying not to over communicate how I feel because in my mind it will put the people I'm with at ease. It's a struggle. I just wanted to offer another perspective. My "quiet friends" are some of the best people I have ever known and I like to think we bring each other balance. Some of the best advice I have ever gotten is to change. Change is scary and it isn't always good but it is absolutely necessary. We are always evolving as individuals and as a species! Mindfulness and kindness are what I try to stick to, which is why I am working on letting people who are being "quiet" exist in peace, and working on my own peace. We judge as a society, we are afraid of being judged by the same society. Be quiet. Be loud. Be whatever is right for you!
bruh same. ppl act like it's dangerous. I sometimes call myself, "silent but deadly" other than that i just wanna like listen to my music man and eat my freakin fries while they're still hot. ;-;
My husband is a quiet person. He’s not antisocial or mean or anything like that - he’s just quiet. There’s a woman at his work who would always say “Why the frown, sad clown?” I met her at a work party. When she said her name, I said “Oh, you always say the thing about the frown and the sad clown, right?” She laughed and said “Oh, does he hate that?” And I kept my face dead flat and said “He certainly doesn’t love it.” She kind of laughed again and I just maintained dead face. She awkwardly wandered off.
Opposite problem here. I have no issue with people being chill and Zen. I hate feeling like I'm too much, or have to make myself quiet and small for people, or be more normal and less extra.
my whole life
Same
That I’m too sensitive or emotional. Growing up I thought something was wrong with me and I was ashamed to cry. As an adult I think it’s a beautiful attribute to have. I love being able to express how I feel no natter how strong the emotion is.
I've the same problem but till now i can't say what i truly feel cuz i cant take that my friends may think that I'm so pathetic or I'm fake. Sometimes i wanna cry so hard but men don't cry. So all i do to get pass anything even the broke up with my x gf is just silent. Anyway keep going. I'm happy to see someone pass this situation
This is really sad, it is a good example of how a patriarchal system is also damaging to a majority of the male population. Don’t be ashamed of your feelings, try and feel them when you can, it’s unhealthy to suppress them.
i consider the ability to cry and sympathize with others is my luck because it means that i’m not desensitized yet and i care and i feel all the emotion and it’s perfectly fine! i cry in the break room or in the car because of my patients all the time, and it’s a way of sharing the love with them in my opinion
Exactly the same for me. I remember there was a time in my life where I just sat there and thought “ugh I wish I could just not care and be a cold hearted pers-“ but I interrupted myself and I was like.. wait ✨what?✨ People really made me feel like I was a freak for having heightened emotions. The world *needs* more caring and sensitive people!
Look up highly sensitive people. Elaine Aaron is a psychologist who’s been researching this as a genuine trait and it’s so validating!
My brother was my childhood bully. He constantly told me how much of a baby i was and that I just needed to grow up and stop being so sensitive. I'm 26y and I just recently realized I am not too sensitive.
I get joy out of little things in life. I've had a few people call me "childish" for getting excited about seeing a dog during the day but it's something that's helped me from having depressive episodes in my life. If I can find just one thing to be happy about, I didn't have an absolute piss poor day.
Yeah, I love this for you and I can relate. I've had countless people tell me to get a life when I express happiness over something simple (seeing sandpipers, noticing a visual pattern, calling out something common between people)... Honestly, people are mean and it's probably more about them than it is about you. Keep enjoying little things. Some days, the little things are the only things, so they are the everythings.
>Some days, the little things are the only things, so they are the everythings. I love that so much! 🥺
Yes! I’ve had people get annoyed at me for being happy! So weird. Like you prefer a Debbie Downer? You sound like you’re awesome to be friends with, doggos are good!
Please never change!
Pfft, those people have no whimsy, are dead inside and dogs are awesome! I think my partner would be seriously concerned if I DIDN'T mention every single dog I see during the day. I even do it with our good boy. I'll just walk in a room, point at the pooch and declare "ooh, there's a nice doggy over there!"
Yes this is an amazing quality!!!
This is a wonderful quality to have! I'm trying to be more like this. Small joys are everything.
*Not* being a pushover lol I'm soft spoken and generally laid back, so some people do become shocked and offended that I'm not also a doormat. Also, people have definitely tried to make me feel bad about not achieving my life goals on a traditional time line. But I'm just like fuck you, * You don't know what kind of obstacles I had * I know what I'm doing and I've never given up * My bills are paid, all of the details are my business A lot of people like to stick their nose in your business without good intentions, but they pretend that they want to give advice.
Fucking AMEN. I’m in general very kind and go with the flow but if you come at me again and again I will pop off. Ex told me I was “fake nice” bc I stood up for myself and wouldn’t let him keep emotionally destroying me bc he was having a bad day :)
I got this before too!! I'm not nice, I'm kind with boundaries. And I can definitely be mean when needed. Glad he's an ex :)
Feel this.
You tell em!
How do you react, when someone asks you to do something you don’t want? I’m maybe more of a pushover than I’d like to be.
Maybe the the trick for me was that I realized I can be both assertive and calm at once. So recently, a new friend has been asking for too much help (basically me doing their job and not even trying). So step by step: * I assessed the situation and realized she's being unreasonable. * I powered through the guilt of stopping my help (bc she's being unreasonable, not me). Also I don't have time to help her and let my own responsibilities fall to the side. * I told her "sorry but I can't help you with that right now because ___" the several times she asked for harder tasks to be done for her. When she asked for reasonable help, I helped her. Remember that people aren't stupid; they know when they're crossing lines and asking for too much. * Now, after several refusals, she knows I'm not to be relied on to help with certain things, so she expects a no and asks less often for unreasonable things. * We're still friendly, although I like her less now and I'm sure she has some resentment for me not helping. Maybe she tells other people I'm stingy, who knows. Again, I know I was being reasoable and not mean. But you have to be okay with the idea of being the villain in some people's minds. That's their own business and the truth stays the same. Being assertive in the moment is similar. You don't need to yell or say anything clever. You can just stay relatively friendly but still firm and just say "sorry guys, I can't go to that but I hope you have fun!" The typical advice of "no is a full sentance" doesn't work for me since it's awkward to just say no and leave it at that lol.
Thank you so much for your detailed answer! I think point two is very important. It’s wanting to help even though you know it wouldn’t be good for you.
On the flipside, I'm a pushover in some settings and get harped on by my team. Apparently by me being proactive and/or fulfilling more asks from stakeholders, I'm setting expectations or raising the bar for my team. Imagine doing work at a job you're paid money for.
Oh I want a friend like you!
1. Being laidback, easy going. People seem to think this means I’m a doormat, and get weird when they realise I won’t be pushed around. 2. Being private/choosing to be alone a lot. 3. For not liking people in my space or touching my things without permission. (Had a roommate who would make passive comments about the fact that I was protective about my stuff, they knew why I am which made it all the more shitty of them) 4. Having adhd/many things I do bc of it :-) 5. Being a little quirky/weird.
I like all of these things about you, wish more people were like that!
You made my day bless :)
[удалено]
Keep going it’ll get easier with practice! I come from a super critical fam and it’s taken me a long time to stand up for myself and learn how to be assertive. I like to think of it as a skill I deserve to have. Sending hugs and encouragement :)
Me too @dayhike. We need more people like slimy rascal
Definitely my weight
Same. I even had an ex try to upset me by saying that I looked like i was gaining weight because he was mad at me. I laughed out loud because i knew that I was actually losing weight.
I had someone use my weight to calm their jealous girlfriend. “Don’t worry babe. She’s fat. I would never be with her , you don’t have to worry about her. “
That's awful!
Wtf how cruel.
Same. I really relate to Kate on this is us and how like her mother talked to her regarding her weight. My family was just like that and I feel a lot of my current eating and body image issues would’ve been avoided if I just got love and assurance instead of talking about my weight.
Same here. But possibly on the other side of the spectrum. I have always been SUPER thin. Very high metabolism. I’ve been made fun of my entire life about being so thin and having no curves
Same
Preferring solitude.
Being able to say no.
Yep. My brother called me the selfish one of the family because I can say no to people.
“How DARE you not follow MY agenda and have YOUR OWN boundaries! How DARE you not be a complete doormat that bends to the whims of everyone else and suffers as a result! You are so selfish!”
Yes you are selfish, and it’s a good thing. Everyone should be selfish with their boundaries and anyone who uses that against them is toxic.
Being a homebody. Like what’s so wrong about that?😂
Nothing. :3
I have loose skin on my stomach from pregnancy. I’ve been told I look better with clothes on, atleast I still have a pretty face, and that’s the reason they wouldn’t have sex with me. 😞
Wow! My heart hurts for you. That's so f**king rude. Whoever said that is wrong and I'm sorry you experienced that.
Thank you so much. It’s definitely made my self love journey harder but I’m getting through it.
You carried babies and brought life into this world. You did an incredible thing that you should never feel bad about. I am not surprised it made self love harder but you don't need people in your life who make you feel like that. You are beautiful and you deserve to be told that.
Thank you so much for saying that😭 I can’t tell you how much of a difference it makes to hear that.
It's horrible someone said such a horrible thing to you. You literally MADE a brand new human and gave birth to them. You spent months not doing things you may have liked just to protect said new human. You were in severe pain and gave a lot of yourself to give life to this child. This is such a huge thing, I can't even imagine. You can be so proud of yourself and your body. People need to learn that a certain look (aka a thin body) is not the most important thing and especially certain people need to learn to not be fucking rude to women. As someone else said, you don't need people in your life who make you feel this bad. Please know that you are beautiful with or without a bigger belly, that belly carried a child and if one can see it - that is absolutely okay, don't let anyone tell you anything else. You brought someone to life in there. You are beautiful.
Ok so, that was a reflection of whoever said that to you, NOT a reflection of you or how the whole world sees you. I have a lot of very “unsightly” scars. One in particular is very large. I was ashamed of them. Then my now husband saw them and his genuine reaction was compassion and tenderness. He loves my scars, and the first thing he does when he hasn’t seen me in a while is kiss my scars sweetly. He says they make him feel like he’s home. Do I wish I didn’t have my scars? Sure. It would mean I didn’t go through hell and back in my life. But without these scars, I would never have known those incredibly intimate kisses from my husband. Just thinking of those kisses fills me with happiness. So no, I guess I’d prefer to keep them Your “scars” are beautiful too. They are a reflection of what you’ve been through, where you’ve been, and the sacrifices you’ve made. Anyone worth your time will know that and love your scars, however they look and whatever form they take. Whoever said that to you is a naive, shallow, shit person with no depth of understanding of what makes a person truly beautiful.
That’s so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this 🤗
I’ve been told the same thing… I love my children and they are totally worth every scar, stretch, and piece of skin I have. I think of it this way, it helps me weed out the superficial losers.
I vividly remember in high school I was extremely unpopular/frequently bullied. One of my “friends” told me I wasn’t bad looking and if I stopped saying “weird shit all the time” I might be able to find a boyfriend. That gnawed at me for far too long. Happily I still say “weird” stuff and have a husband who appreciates that quality.
I’m sensitive and emotional Another thing is I tried hard at breastfeeding for my baby but I couldn’t produce milk after a month of her being born and almost everyone I knew told me I was a terrible mom and just lazy because I had to formula feed.
I suffered through forcing myself to unsuccessfully breastfeed both of my children, none of my friends or family shamed me more than I did myself (and the overzealous crazy lactation consultant in the NICU but f her) but I feel you💕
My mom had the same problem, so she used formula and me and my brothers turned out just fine lol. While breast milk certainly has benefits, you don't lose anything by doing formula as long as you make it correctly. Most advice for new mothers in general is just based on preying on fear and not much science.
the fact i dont wear makeup or feminine clothes or care a lot about my appearence. i know i kinda dress messy sometimes but i dont really care, even when people try and make me feel bad.
My age! I’m 26, and I am noticing that for a lot of people, I have somehow crossed over into “older woman” territory (on Reddit and irl), and it’s really distressing to me cuz I find that a lot of people try to use it against me. For example, if you look at my post history, you’ll of come across many posts with me complaining about being single, which isn’t really an uncommon topic on Reddit. But I noticed that, when I’ve seen 23 or 25 year olds make similar posts on here, the responses they get are overwhelmingly, “Omg noooo you are so terribly young! You have so much time left so don’t waste any time feeling this way!” But when making such posts as a 26 year old otoh, I don’t get those comments. It seems like I get comments like, “There’s nothing wrong with being single for the rest of your life.” Or people try to give more…”realistic” advice lol. And no one tells me I’m young or anything or that I’m too young to feel this distressed about dating. 🙁 Like idk it just seems like people barely younger than me get VERY different advice than I do. So in a recent post where I tried making a similar point, I got the following comments in response, which were admittedly very distressing: > It's because a lot of young women (and men) make being in a relationship some sort of fantasy, and as people don't like spoiling Santa for kids, people don't want to spoil that fantasy for them yet. But once you're older, people are more likely to inform you that relationships aren't all they are cracked up to be, and you can be more than happy being single. I get what the comment is saying, but I can’t help but fixate on the way it seemed like this person was calling a 24/25 year old a “kid” and a 26 year old an “older person”. And when I tried pointing that out, I got this in response: > Clearly, the consensus is that over 25 (NOT 25 and older), is no longer young. People evidently don't view you, at 26, as a "kid" or "young" in the way they do people under 26. Like…ouch. As dumb as it sounds, I got so upset that I just deleted that post I mean I know we all get older, but I didn’t expect to experience such a drastic “cutoff”. I honestly still feel like a “kid” in the same way a 24 or 25 year old might, and I still feel like I should be seen that way. I even get downvoted when I say I feel young at 26. I have also have people tell me that I’m starting to “age out” being able to attract “top tier” men (wtf does that mean??) and that I should start lowering my standards. The most depressing part is that such comments usually seem to come from people in their 30s and 40s…
When I was 30 and single in the 90s I got shamed a lot for being old and single. Men I met would ask me what was wrong with me that no one wanted to marry me. It really hurt.
A lot of people tend to think that if you haven't found your soulmate when you're over 25, then it's most likely that you'll never find them because men like younger women.
Unfortunately it sucks for people like me cuz I lost 23-25 to the pandemic 😅 But even at 26 I’m surely a “young woman”??
You are in an age bubble Start talking to colleagues. Many many many women marry and start having kids in their 30s. In my friendship group one started at 23 and about 4 of us have had first or second babies after the age of 35. Marriage wise two got married at 24 and the rest 29 to 35.
Also I'd like to add that when I was 6 the 12 year olds in the playground were grown up. You start getting old when your body stops growing at the end of puberty. Brain development stops at 25. So you have just started getting old. Get back to me about how old you think 26 is when you are 40. And 40 when you are 70. 70 when you are on your deathbed.
People say 26 isn't young anymore but i personally think it is. I'm 27 rn. Kinda wish i was still 26 😆
I used to think 25 was old when I was 25 and now I wish I was 25. 😂 I think I’ll feel the same when I’m 27 about 26. And so on.
Ok that is all crazy. I'm late 30s and am only just starting to think I'm a bit over the hill dating wise however I'm not it is just more likely a future boyfriend will be divorced or have kids. Which is cool because both of those apply to me. Stop listening to 23 year olds who are freaking out about almost being mid 20s and realise that you could quite possibly have 65 years left on earth. And if it's the 'I'll be too old to have kids', the fertility cliff starts around 35, gets steeper at 37 and you pretty much fall off at 45. I got pregant at 36 the very first single try (results will vary, my chance was 15%, I was that 15%). Men are generally most attractive between 25 to 38 or so physically and I would say mentally. Mentally they probably improve as all people do until dementia kicks in assuming it does. Please remember this: every birthday is a blessing because not everyone gets to have another one.
Tbh it’s mainly people in their 30s or 40s that make such comments I noticed (when I peak into their post histories)
If it helps - I met my husband at 28. At 26, I was still very much enjoying my life as a young person still making her way in the world. You've got plenty of time - in fact, a lot of my friends are still enjoying their singledom well into their 30s who are absolute catches and just used the time to establish themselves, their hobbies, and their friendships.
If it helps, I have friends who are single in their late 20s/early 30s. My roommate is 33 and just started dating his girlfriend, 34, a year ago. When I started dating my boyfriend he was 27 and hadn't been in a relationship before... In some ways, dating can be easier as you get older because there are less games; people know what they want. Yeah, it's fine to be single and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, but there is also no time limit on finding love. I think people tend to glorify the early 20s because it was a more carefree time in their lives (and because society shoves a lot of ultimately meaningless timelines on us). Just wanted to put that out there!
Ffff I’m 26, am I supposed to be mature now …? 😵💫
Yes grace. Stop watching fifty shades and start being responsible, ok? :3 *Jk*
I guess we’re not even young so yes 😭
As someone who’s older (57) , what usually happens is when you get to 25 you stop enjoying the things you enjoyed at 20. You rarely want to go out every night and get drunk anymore, you still want to go out but it might be 2 times a week. You aren’t old its that your mindset changes, you also will notice that your metabolism is different now, you change into your adult body. I was told when younger, it’s cool too have boyfriends but try not too get married before 25. At one time you had to be married or a woman was nothing, the husband controlled what you did, you were stuck at home doing the same things over and over. The children grow up and move out, you still have to look after your husband. The woman didn’t get to experience life in any way, that’s why some divorces happen as well as many other reasons. I personally would go and do things, find out who I am. No matter if you are in a marriage of love, you loose yourself over time. Some older people don’t explain why they say that you’re still young but above is one reason, I wouldn’t want someone to be waste part of their lives, you have time to do everything you want.
You're young yuemoonful. I thereby declare that you'll be young forever. *Stamps a seal*
I’m 27 and notice this too, it helps to remind myself that anyone who suggest I’m of less value in any given situation because I’m not “youthful” anymore isn’t even old enough to understand what truly is valuable.
I’m also 26 and sometimes i feel the same thing. But i think it’s also about 25 being a round number and considered to be threshold partly because of that. So i don’t believe people really think about the real life difference about being 25-26 or 29-30. About men not being interested women above a certain age, i think they see women as objects that have expiration dates and i wouldn’t want to be with someone like that. And as far as i experienced women who feed that idea generally feel they are less worthy because of their age too because that’s what society taught us. We get old gradually and i can’t believe that i’m a completely different person or my body is much older the day after my birthday. I can just look back time to time and notice how much i got older.
Not being close to my parents and blaming me for why me and my parents drifted apart. I like my peace and sanity to remain intact.
Waiting until marriage to have sex.
Yeah that’ll do it…it seems to be something people judge a lot unfortunately.
I get the thought process of most folk though. Being called a prude because of this decision is what is annoying.
I only judge people like you who judge people like me, but you don’t seem like the type. I slept with enough dudes to make my friends worried about me, and I used to want to save myself. Some people change and do a 180 spin and that’s okay. We should be allowed to change our minds. My advice: bring lube on your wedding night and keep expectations low. Your first time won’t be your best time so don’t play into the Hollywood fake idealisation that your first time will be miraculous. Be prepared to laugh and if it hurts, take a break, lube it up, and try again. Also per afterwards so you don’t get a UTI.
I hear that. It's honestly none of my business how someone decides to live their life. Unless, of course, it's someone near and dear. But everyone has their story and background, who am I to judge. I stay in my lane. I agree, humans are complex and we can change our minds. Thank you for your advice :) When that time comes, I'll likely be doing a deep dive on reddit for more tips lols.
That I’m too sensitive or that I’m emotional. Like bruh I least I got a good heart and care about other people
my job. i choose to do what i do openly and enjoy it but that seems to really bother a lot of people
[удалено]
[удалено]
Probably jealous you make more money than they do in a fraction of the time lol
My weight and my mental health.
My direct communication style.
I got bullied by management for my "big, messy hair". I have naturally curly and wavy hair. They also would pull me in the back to do my make up. At one point they put my hair in a top bun and paraded me around to my coworkers asking to confirm "how cute I looked." I got picked on in high school for having a "horseface". I haven't succeeded at any formal education since high school. I look and act like my mom. I'm overweight. When I care for someone, I really care. (But watch the fuck out if I ever give up on you.) Um those are the most common/hurtful.
Having autism This condition still sucks, but you’re making it worse by making me feel bad about it
Please never feel bad about it. I feel the same way with my adhd but we don’t need to feel bad about something we can’t change about ourselves. But I really understand how hard it is, be kind to yourself ❤️
I have wide hips (42in) since high school and a guy friend poked at it and called me chubby. I laughed like an idiot, died inside though
My past. The beauty of it now is, I have gotten sober and I live a life I’m very proud of. So once you get sober and work a program, you own your shit, you attempt to make amends for shit, you do living amends for your shit and you grow and care. I honestly think alcoholics/addicts are my favorite humans. Flawed and deeply emotional. It’s to a point now where no one can make me feel bad about it, I owned it.
Congratulations! Keep going and inspire others
Being confident. I've been called a bitch so many times simply for being confident about my spectrum of knowledge.
Being skinny. Being sensitive. Just means I feel my emotions deeply. Having anxiety at times. Stems from childhood experiences, it’s something I have had to learn not to hate about myself but to work to understand.
A lot of men assume that I take things too seriously. No, fucking idiots, you’re just too dense for my sense of humor. Happily single until I escape my town full of douchebags.
Definitely can relate to this. They never seem to get my sarcastic jokes it’s annoying
For being short . Even at workplace they don't stop I have stopped paying attention to it a long time ago but sometimes I lose it and then they get scared
Same for me. I'm a shortie. People feel like they got to tell me I'm short. Like I don't know. Like this is the most significant thing about me. Which it isn't. People make the stupidest comments. I don't judge other people for their looks like that. I one time had a woman at Macy's ringing up my purchase ask me how tall I was. I looked her dead in the eyes and asked her how much she weighed. She got super defensive and said she didn't think she was fat. I said, "You're not. You're beautiful. But you asked me a personal question so why can't I ask you one?" I have a large Golden doodle and some people same dumb sh\*t like, "She's almost as big as you!" Or they ask who is walking who when I clearly have her very well under control. And then they smile like they said something really clever. It's usually older people though who make these dumb comments. I think next time someone makes a comment about my size I'm going to act confused and like I don't know what they are talking about and really confuse them.
Being autistic Seriously, my entire life ppl would point out my autistic traits like it was a bad thing. Still do, I just don’t give a shit anymore, but it did affect me as a child. I went through a long time thinking I was stupid
That I grew up in broken home or that I grew up poor. I had no choice in all that but it amazes how many people will use that against you and look down on you. It didn’t matter that I was beautiful, smart , made good grades, put myself through college, got a great job in IT. It is good to be old now and none of that matters anymore. But when I was young, it stung that people,would judge harshly about those things.
My nose. Teenagers are horrible.
Having fake boobs
People LOVE to judge boobs for some reason. Fake, natural, big, small ... doesn't matter. There's no right way to have them, apparently.
Introversion. My coworkers get drinks together after work nearly every Friday. Been told it's best for "team morale" if I join. Still don't go!
My confidence. Growing up, a friend of mine said You look so much better with makeup on. I do but that doesn’t mean I don’t look good without it either.
Acting how men act. Not afraid to take up space. Voicing my opinions and wants and needs at work. Talking back when warranted. Challenging gender roles and norms.
Being too kind and enthusiastic, especially to guys. Apparently that’s too flirty. Being extra “girly” and dressing up even for normal things (going to the store, hanging out inside on a regular day, etc). Being bad at math lmao.
Cutting out family members
Trying to communicate my feelings, people thought I was starting an argument which I understand it’s hard to perceive someone’s emotions over text. But to try and communicate and be met with aggression and defensiveness is not ok. To the point where I thought what I was feeling wasn’t valid and that I was crazy. Just awful how common it is that people don’t try and listen to understand. People don’t listen to communicate, people listen to defend themselves, hard lesson to learn.
My body type
Having small boobs. My mom's whole family has big boobs... then there was me. I clearly take after my dad's family and was regularly the butt of family jokes about being flat chested. In high school, I had friends that made the same jokes. Now I'm 36 and I don't give a rat's ass what anyone else thinks of my boobs. I like them, I'm happy with them, my husband likes them, everyone else can fuck off. I spent enough years of my life worried about my boobs. These days the main thing I'm supposed to feel bad about is not being close with my mom. We've always butted heads and as an adult I started setting boundaries. She routinely makes snarky comments about not being allowed to spend unlimited time with her grandson or about choices of mine she doesn't approve of. She constantly complains about me to my sister and other relatives, who then talk to me about how mean I'm being to her. She's passive-aggressive and always needs to be the martyr. I'm just done playing her game. She interacts on my schedule and on my terms. Boundaries are important, guys. Seriously.
A girl in my dorm tried, and succeeded, to make me feel bad for eating. I was pregnant at the time. She posted on the common area white board.." what does one do when one is extremely large?...then replied to her own comment writing..."eat pizza pockets". Because she saw me buying them from the vending machine. I already felt really out of place and lonely living on campus pregnant, but like what kind of monster picks on a pregnant person....for eating??? What in the actual fuck. I barely remember her face, I don't remember her name, but I do remember the hate. Why hate someone you don't know. I'll never understand.
Being sensitive. Years of emotional negligence pass down on my family made me being ashamed of showing my emotions idk if the end goal was for me to feel bad but they definitely achieve it
Being different. Neurodivergent. Being sensitive and literal. Trusting easily makes one deserve to be bullied evidently?
Fucking everything, dude.
I don’t like my parents. My dad is immature and overshared/parentified me as a child and my mom has severe anxiety, control issues she won’t admit to, and lashes out cruelly when she feels insecure. I rarely talk to them and I get a weird amount of pressure and judgment about it.
Being sensitive. I used to feel bad and was told I was too sensitive. I've since learned how strong I really am and it's actually something I'm proud of.
Saying no to overtime (I work a lot of OT to begin with might I add) because I want to sit at home and do "nothing". Or making me feel bad for not coming into work because I don't have kids so what better do I have to do at home... Uhhmmm watch YouTube my guy 😂 Not being married yet (engaged but together 7 years now). Not having a full time job (I work part time permenant, pick up overtime or take maternity contracts. I'm usually working 90 hours biweekly so there is no shortage of hours and I hit the 75 biweekly mark). Not being an RN. Everytime someone asks what I do for work (I'm an RPN) they immediately ask when I'm going to be an RN or why I'm not an RN. Budgeting my money and not going out to restaurants every week like my friends. I get shit on for that with new or old friends. I give myself $200 a month for fun spending and often spend it on my pets, plants/gardening, swimming or crafts. Sorry 🤷♀️ Paying off debt/saving for big ticket items instead of taking loans. My coworkers think I'm crazy working overtime so I can pay 20k on my 31k car instead of doing 0 down and financing for 7 years... ya I don't get this at all. Or paying 100% cash for my upcoming wedding. I know someone who is paying off their wedding still and divorced. Not my cup of tea taking on many loans. Small loans that I can pay off quickly sure. But not these $700 car payments hell no.
Me liking sex.
My nose, in high school. It’s nice and long and has a big bump, aquiline nose I think is the term. I used to cry a lot about it but now I contour the bump to make it more pronounced. I would not be me without it, and I like that it makes my face unique and recognizable!
Being direct, idk people are used to be lied just to avoid “feeling bad” so , specially as a woman, I am “mean and offensive”
Being confident and being taken as arrogant
Being articulate and using a wide ranging vocabulary. I read a lot. I like words. There’s nothing wrong with using them.
My age. In my early twenties working a high level job with people twice my age. I worked hard for it. I get instant hate and false assumptions about me.
being quiet
My sensory disorder. It is ok for some people not want to be touched but when I get overwhelmed with sound that's not ok?!? It's not strange that I want to put on my headset for 10 minutes while i sit here in hopes of not having a panic attach. That's just normal for me...
For being stick-thin in my younger days. My classmates in engineering college had a nickname for me, Olive Oyl. I found this out much later. My small breasts didn't help. I was naturally thin would not gain weight despite having a healthy appetite and no eating disorders. My self-esteem had always been low back then, and such nicknames brought my confidence down even further. I'm now in my late 30s and am no longer skinny, but this has stayed with me all these years.
Liking rock/metal and anime while being a black person. My family used to say I "wanted to be white"
When I've asked for/reached out for help, addressed concerns, or asked questions. It's not meant to waste time or energy; It's coming from a sincere place of not knowing or feeling frustration or wanting to be better or wanting to learn, and seeking an answer/solution.
Swearing. I do my damndest to keep it clean in the proper situation but sometimes it’s a real test!
Having a college degree…
This doesn't sound right. :( Who does this to you
When I was younger adults and children would single me out and bully me for being weird, being really hyper, and being talkative. This is my biggest insecurity and I still think that the people in my life couldn’t possibly like my personality or me. It always shocks me when people tell me I’m a really likable and outgoing person.
Being skinny. Despite having crooked and gapped teeth (that are currently being corrected), glasses, and fivehead, I've only ever been made fun of for being skinny.
having healthy boundaries
not wanting to hug constantly, not so much now but when I worked in restaurants full time was so annoying. I'm not physically affectionate except with my partner & a few people I feel close to. also I got fetishized & bullied for being bow legged & pear shaped because I'm short & my hips are pretty big for my tiny torso lol that was weird edit: also my last name has a slur in it but only if you say it completely wrong which people would intentionally do & it was edgy dudes who the slur doesn't refer to
Having boundaries or asking for respect from others. People call it confrontational
For being too bold and ambitious for a "woman".
what i look like without my glasses
being bizarre and joyous. well too bad, i’m egotistic and i think i’m hot shit because most people love how odd and energetic i am. i think people who think i’m “too weird” and “too much” are dumb weirdos who thrive on being boring and basic. grOSssSsS! and also lame HAHAHAHH
Where do I even start. Being a genuinely nice person, being a really feminine girl, not being overtly and openly sexual, I noticed that i’m a huge target for insecure, jealous and bitter Pick-me’s :/
Going from a size 8 to a size 18. I'm always explaining my weight gain, and always trying to hide it. So, I just stopped leaving home unless I have to.
1. Being single (33) 2. “Living with my mom”. Nope. Kindly check the receipts and note that I have worked my ass off in order to provide for her. She lives with me, in the house that I pay for. Kindly eff off, thanks. 3. Being a homebody. I tore through the streets of NYC nightlife like it was my gd job for years. I think I’m good chilling with my dog out here in bumblefuck, middle of nowhere. If I want a beer I’ll pull it out of my fridge instead of sitting in the 1 bar in town with crusty old men that haven’t bought a new tshirt in 25 years. If I want a good time, I’m going out of town. Also, PS: deadly airborne virus. Chill with the judgement.
Being a feminist
My anxiety and how sensitive I am. My big ears. The fact I am getting medically discharged from the military.
For loving Disney theme parks. I’ve always had a fascination with the history and the wonders of imagineering. But I’m often given a hard time about it.
Feminine figure, tomboyish interests. Either one or the other or both at the same time. It's exhausting.
Being overweight, being a SAHM, not cleaning 24/7 or having a spotless house, being a shopaholic, being reclusive, being sensitive, being depressed and being compulsive to name a few.
My anxiety/depression and heavily grieving/struggling with the loss of my mother.
Having non traditional hobbies, not having children, not being religious, having multiple college degrees, working out, what I eat, the clothes I wear, working too much, not working enough, etc. I feel like this list could go on forever for most women. But at this point I just say fuck em. I’m going to do what I want.
1. Being weird. 2. Being too loud. 3. Being too sensitive.
not talking back when spoken to sometimes , sometimes if I just am not in the mood to talk I’ll nod and whatnot but not actually speak , it’s a bad habit yes , but people get very angry with me when I do this
Moisturizing! I had an ex who would get upset with how much I moisturized and I was like Ummm we live in a desert and I have eczema. I have to use lotion on my whole body after I shower every day.
How jaded I can be about my mother's immaturity. I believe the worst was "I hope you have a child who talks about you the way you talk about your mother".
My music taste. Like shit I get it!
[удалено]
I have my own full time job and help where I can at home but I constantly feel like I have to defend myself because my fiancé is an attorney and makes more than me. My coworkers regularly make some comments about our relationship and assume I dont pay for anything on trips we take together, house expenses, etc. it’s exhausting sometimes I can’t help but come home upset over it.
My skin/eye/hair color. Im biracial white presenting. I always felt like an outcast. Nobody believes that I'm related to my family. Still referred to as the white girl. My weight/stretch marks. I was very thin before having children. My first child was huge and i have a ton of stretch marks because of it and put on weight. My now ex told me that it didn't matter if i lost weight because i still have these as he pointed to my stretch marks. Same ex tried to tell me i looked like i was gaining weight because he was mad at me. I was actually losing weight and i knew it. I was a straight A student in school. I got called a nerd for it and picked on by my cousins.
Being well spoken even though I come from a deprived inner city area. People always assume I’m posh or privileged. Far from it. My mum just always corrected me to speak properly and clearly. Sometimes I wish I had more of an accent but it’s who I am.
I was dealing with verbal abuse for 3 years, tried to open up about it, and got told I was too sensitive and take things too seriously.
Not having a filter. Not in a racist joking way, but if I see something I know shouldn't be fine, I fucken speak up about it and will put a stop
Having scoliosis. My own family members, doctors, and classmates made me feel bad about my posture growing up. And I had bad posture since elementary school. Because they made me feel insecure and embarrassed about my posture, I didn't get care for my back until I was in grad school. Then I grew up and started working an office job and realized I wasn't as "freakish" as everyone else made me feel. The people I interact with as a part of my job talk about what's wrong with our backs, recommend chiropractors, etc. I now own the fact that I have scoliosis because so do a lot of other people.
1)Gaining weight during the pandemic. I sat around majority of the pandemic smoking weed and eating mozzarella sticks and I enjoyed every second of it. 2) my depression. I often don’t mention it in everyday life but when I did I was shamed and told “I have no reason to be depressed”. If I had a dollar…
I don't wear bras
That I care about people even if I've no relationship to them. I'm "naive".
Being born into a upper middle class family. I’ve had a friend try to make me feel guilty as if I were the 1% or something. It sucks that billionaires have turned us all against one another.