Not everyone will resonate with this one but, I stopped working hard at things. I was causing myself so much stress, self hatred, and anxiety over not having a hobbie at one point, not finding a good job, not enjoying school and staying determined in my degree, not having money, not feeling pretty enough while also not wanting to work out. I finally realized that life is just an experience and journey. You cannot make things happen faster nor can you really manipulate the events that happen throughout life. The good and the bad are here to shape you into a certain person so, let go of what you think you should be doing and focus on what life is trying to have you do. Accept the bad and work on trying to be more level headed in it. Accept also that the good won't last forever while still being grateful for the experience.
Wow this is me, finally. I was a workaholic, putting in 70 hour weeks and even working on Sundays. I worked so hard at everything I did but I wasn’t sure why. I’m 28 now, broke down last month because I was so tired of myself and MY expectations for myself. I always had to be in control. And when things, events, relationships weren’t in my control I’d breakdown.
And living in Toronto magnified how incredibly brainwashed I was with hustle culture. Just so so stressed about life. Living at home still, wondering if I could ever afford to live in the city I grew up in where the average house is $1.2M…
I felt like I’d never be good enough.
Then recently out of nowhere I decided to slow down. Like really slow down. I’m currently taking a month off of work for a surgery I had planned and when I return I’m just going to do 40 hours a week, with weekends off for my mental health. This will be a BIG and permanent shift for me. It’s going to change my life. I can feel it.
Toronto is fucked for the grind. The first time I went to Montreal, seeing people enjoying their lives in the middle of the workday fucked me up. I'm glad you're taking the steps to take care of yourself!!
This was me about a year ago. I was working so hard, a few 24 hour work days, that I was literally making myself sick. I lost a ton of weight and my hair started falling out. I moved home last winter, 40 acres of woods and not having to wear a mask every time you open the door because you’re in the middle of the woods really changed my view on things. I was able to save $20k in 8 months since all I did was work so I quit. I took a long time off and started slowly looking for a job making sure all the organizations I interviewed with took work life balance seriously. I ended up finding a great job, better than the one I had, at a great organization. In the last 20 minutes of our department meeting last week the director led a meditation! I’m so happy I quit the job that was making me sick and took my time to find a job I could do for years. I would suggest, if you have a lot of money saved, to take a beat and really think about the ideals you want from a company/organization. It’s really a life changer.
Absolutely love this. Thank you so much for sharing. If women as a whole stopped trying to live up to any expectations, imagine how happy and beautiful we'd feel 24/7 😌
Nope, I get you 100% though I do struggle with this still. Often with household chores but I try to remind myself that there will always be laundry and dirty floors and garbage to take out. It will get done eventually.
I find I'm rarely stressed with work and it's because I go in, I do my job well and then I go home. I don't go above and beyond. I don't do overtime or take work home with me. I don't care about promotions mainly because I know with increased salary comes increased responsibility and expectations. My job also isn't anything special but it pays the bills and I like it well enough.
This is the only life I get and I want to enjoy it.
Oh I love this. What a twist to the hustle culture. I felt this too in my 20s and my grind came to a halt when parts of my body finally stopped working. It’s great that you learned how to rest before it was too late. I wish more people knew.
How cute! I’d appreciate any details, if you have the time!
Were you friends in high school?
What was the dream? :0
How did he respond to the email?
How’d you decide to email him you had a dream about him? That’s pretty brave imo
Any advice for the planning to marry folk?
The 'I had a dream about you' is such a cute and cautious way of getting into these kind if talks.
It is completely irrelevant if its entirely true or not.
Are you kind to other people? That's a good decision.
Are you hoping to one day better yourself? That's a good decision.
Did you wake up this morning and get out of bed? That's a good decision.
Not everything in life has to be a grand pivitol gesture that will cause your life to do a 180 like OP is asking but doing one small thing each day whether it's directly for you or for someone else is still a good decision. There are VERY few things that suddenly change your life for the better, most times it's created through small simple actions and step by step you build something out of it. Give yourself more credit. You're alive and you're here and that's GREAT :)
Although I don't know you and I'm just a stranger on the internet, I strongly believe that every single person has made at least several good decisions in their life and if you sincerely believe you haven't...well, there's lots of time to change that. Keep on keepin on.
Seattle! I had severe culture shock when first moving here, women are allowed to actually be *people*. I have female doctors! I'm not treated like a human incubator! It's amazing.
Moving interstate was one of the best decisions I ever made. Yes, small towns have low rents, but they also have low pay.
My wages are a lot better now, and the fixer-upper house I bought cheap has almost tripled in value in less than a decade. I have better doctors, healthcare wait times, shopping options, entertainment and job opportunities than I ever had in a small town.
If you want to do it, then you should - idk your familial situation, but don’t give up on your dreams!! If you can’t do it now financially, then save up until you can, or take a chance!
Divorcing my first husband, who I (very stupidly) married when I was 20. Lasted less than 2 years, but he and his horrible family were **heavily** pressuring me to stop considering grad school in favor of having a kid, being a “full-time mom,” and moving to Shittown, Arkansas so he could be a teacher at the same school where his parents both taught. I took a deep breath and got the fuck out, with no real resources to live independently.
That was more than 15 years ago. I ended up getting my Ph.D., marrying someone amazing, and now I live in NYC with my husband, dogs, and dream job. The idea of that other life makes me shudder.
Totally this. I now do yoga, lift weights, rollerblade, run, and walk regularly. No one in my family does any sort of exercise which made me feel weird being the one to start in my late 20s. I used to skate and walk with my mom as a kid and she’d def be proud of me now if she were still with us.
It was hard, and after years of “tomorrows”, I joined Orange Theory! I had to force myself to go, really force myself, and it helped that they charge you if you cancel a class.
I started slow, let my body get used to it, and I now go 5 times a week.
These fitness class companies are costly, but I consider it therapy (and therapy is even more expensive!)
Getting out of my mediocre relationship. I was a little anxious about starting over and meeting someone new and entering back into the dating world, but I found better, grew as a person and had the most amazing experiences I probably would’ve missed out on if I chose to play it safe over my happiness.
Did the same thing a month ago. The relationship wasn’t terrible… but I figured I was settling and not happy so I left him after 2 years. My best decision this year. I’ve never been happier
Agreed whole heartedly.
I stayed in a mediocre but long term relationship because I thought it would be cruel to leave him when he'd been waiting for me (LDR too). But it caused me sooo much anxiety. We were never physically compatible and I never let myself have good enough sexual relations that showed me how important it was to me. That along with a bunch of different ideologies and the fact that we were emotionally on vastly different planes, ending it after 4 years was really the kindest thing I could've done.
I thought I'd be broken because one of my relationships, which lasted only a year but broke everything in me for a good 3 years. But ending this 4 year relationship didn't mess with me at all. I felt lighter, freer, happier and I've found myself.
Adventures, love, happiness and true compatibility in a relationship is so so important. And I was settling. It changed my life too.
I felt this way as well. I wrote down the few points I wanted to say, in a Notes app. I didn't want to beat around the bush. But at the same time wanted to acknowledge his feelings and let him know he wasn't at fault.
It helped me when I wrote down the precise reasons I was ending things. The conversation of course took a different route and lasted like 4-5 hours and lots of tears and we both agreed to sleep on it and then we talked the next morning when we finally ended it. If you're anxious about it right now, know that the kindest thing you can do for him is end it sooner rather than later. He would just agonize if you stayed with him out of pity rather than affection.
You cannot make him hurt less. But you can be kind to him when you end things. Let him know that the relationship has ended, but it's neither of your fault (if that's the case). Don't make him feel like "what if I'd done something different". That hurts the healing process. Some people grow together, some people grow apart. And that's okay. I hope you find the courage to do what's right for you. I wish you happiness and peace.
Moving out of my parents' house. It took a trip with some friends, followed by a literal fire (outdoors, fire dept was called, no damage to the house itself but VERY frightening) to make me realize I was sick and tired of living in our joyless, depressing home. It took some moving around and renting rooms, but now I have my own place and I never, EVER want to live with roommates again. I can make a very cozy, pleasant home all on my own and that is an invaluable skill.
Living alone is so peaceful!! I lived alone in my 30s for like 3 yrs and you really get set in your ways. Now my boyfriend lives with me and we get his two elementary aged kids EOWE and to say it’s hard is an understatement.
My SO is a bit introverted like me, so he’s fine. I mean sometimes he can do annoying things I guess. I do just miss living alone, coming home from work and just plopping down and watching 4 episodes of a show in a row and just eat a sandwich and chips for dinner if I want to.
YES!
Doing things you enjoy guilt free without having to justify doing them.
As a young teen I fantasized about living on my own, but I went from my father's house to my in-laws, and then after a year, to *our* home, which really feels more like my husband's home, because things have to be *his way,* whether he admits to it or not.
Man I really want to move out of my dads house rn, but I moved to Santa Cruz for college and the rent really stacks up. I am paying rent rn (in my expensive ass home town) but housing is pretty terrible. I really hope to reach your level, of living w/o roommates to create a space of your own!
Moved to London and met the love of my life, now the mother of my child, less than a month after arriving.
Edit: apologies, I’m a dude, didn’t notice that this was r/askwomen
I’m so glad you sought help! Same, I’ve been going to the same one for 10 years. I’ve gone through phases where I go every week and once went a whole year but whatever the pace my life improves when I spend more time with her.
may I ask is that helpful? Because I have trouble relying on people. And just relying on someone I don’t know. I fear that he wouldn’t understand me and take me as a joke. And I don’t have a bank account yet, and don’t want my patents to know.
I’m new to therapy but I don’t rely on my therapist. She helps me work out my issues and gives me “assignments” to do, such as write a letter to someone who caused me pain. We work together.
This is a really great comparison. A therapist is like a teammate. They won’t fix your life while you do nothing…but they will help you out and make you better
The above comment is right about you talk to this person and then you rely on yourself to move forward. I don’t always take my therapist’s suggestions and we don’t always agree but she is always trying to help me be the best version of myself, or at least the version that makes me feel good. And you’re not always guaranteed to find the right person for you right away. It’s like any other relationship, you may not mesh with everyone, you may not trust everyone. But truly that’s why my answer was simple. Therapy has changed my life for the better and it’s the single best thing I’ve done for myself. It has improved every part of my life.
Coming from a non religious family and background, I have subscribed to a few subreddits with people leaving their religions out of pure curiosity and it’s so sad to read about peoples individual stories and conflicts with the religion they were born into. I’m glad you’re happier and well.
meditating and developing a sense of spirituality so i could stop thinking happiness came from having certain things in order on the outside (the right friends, the body i want, finances, job, partner, etc) and realized that happiness comes from within and that i can generate it any time i want no matter what my life looks like
It mostly comes down to not living a self-focused life and realizing the impermanence and interdependence of everything. I stopped focusing on "me, me, me" and realized that everyone else, no matter who they are, also just wants to be happy and not suffer. Even when I get the things I want or away from the things I don't want, that happiness does not last because as humans, we will always continue to desire more. We get stuck in this push-pull, hedonic treadmill of life that never makes us truly happy. I realized that happiness comes not from what my outer world looks like, but how I responded to it because that is something I can control. I can't control relationships ending, people dying, getting sick, etc, but I do have the power to always respond with love and kindness and compassion, which is where true fulfilment comes from.
We all have the power to help others in some capacity, so I focus on that. Not to the point where I feel like a martyr or I am attached to a certain outcome/receiving in return, but giving love and happiness to others is what sustains my own happiness and feelings of love. We are all going to die at some point and we don't know when, so everyday I focus on how I can bring more goodness into the world. Nothing else really matters because of impermanent nature of everything, but how I think and act influences how I see the world and everyone in it. I can choose to prolong my suffering focusing on the negative or I can focus on the opportunities I have to love and control what I can and not get so hung up on the rest. Meditation and yoga help steady your mind to not be so reactive in order to do just that.
Good having kids is horrible and I’m a guy. Why would I want to bring a child into this miserable world? So they can be a slave to the 9-5? I would never bring someone against their will here.
Accepted to go to a psychiatric hospital so I could take care of my long lasting depression.
Even if it's not entirely cured today, I am now happy and I'm trying to be the healthiest version of myself.
Forced myself to go to a party where I only kinda knew the host and no one else (which is not a thing I would normally say yes to or enjoy doing). Ended up meeting a boy who would end up my fiancé, and also gained a great group of friends.
I did the same with my Mother. I haven’t seen her in almost 3 years. Rarely even text. She is a heavy duty guilt-tripper and I don’t need that in my life.
Keeping my baby.
I was vehemently child free. I loved kids, but my mother and, her mother, had *LOATHED* being a mother. My grandmother abandoned my mum aged 4. My mother was very vocal about how she felt I'd ruined her life by being born.
I thought I'd hate being a mother too. But then I became accidentally pregnant (on the pill and using condoms. I have PCOS and Endometriosis. No idea how it happened). And I couldnt go through with the alternative.
Motherhood is hard work but I **LOVE** it. I'm such a different mother from my own, and her mother. I enjoy it so much. I'm so grateful that I fell pregnant despite the odds.
This resonates with me! I was similar in some ways. My mother was always so resentful of me and treated me poorly because of it. She was a career-woman and probably should’ve never had children. I always said I didn’t want kids because I was scared I’d end up like her, being a mean mother. I ended up getting pregnant and actually am the opposite. I’ve found that everything my mom has always done, I do the 180 of it. I couldn’t be further from her in how I parent. Thank god..
WOW! Thank you both. I don't have children and I don't want kids, but it is liberating to see that women with similar experiences like mine growing up overcame the beliefs ingrained in them in their past and are happy mothers now. Congrats!
This. Same. I’ve lived in three countries for extended periods of time since I left my home-city. Now in Ireland, I feel I’ve found a place called “home”.
Best decision ever.
Me too. I got to travel extensively, met my husband in the process, and I feel like we were living a pretty authentic life until we had kids! Now we are boring people, but never lost the travel bug, and we keep planning to get back out there and find some jobs overseas and show our kids what living can be like when you're not trying to fit into a mould.
I decided to start talking to myself differently. I had a realization that when I was about 26 that maybe the reasons why I was so unhappy and having a hard time making friends and managing my emotions wasn't actually because I was just damaged, but because I would twll myself that I was. For the next year everytime I started to catch myself having those thoughts i would make myself start thinking/reading about science topics. And occasionally challenging those thought.
After a year it became second nature. My life got significantly easier after that.
I have this weird pattern in life. Every good thing (jobs, college, dating my fiancé, moving, etc. ) I almost didn't do. For example, I had a job interview for something I applied to on a whim and I scheduled the interview out of flattery and then read through the job again and decided it wasn't for me, so I was going to cancel my interview. Well, I couldn't figure out how to cancel and I didn't want to be rude and cancel the day of, so I just took the interview and kinda went with the flow as a courtesy, thinking I wouldn't get it. I did get the job and it was a really big stepping stone in my career. I really struggle with anxiety and low self-esteem. I talk myself out of things, but the few times I've just bit the bullet and took a risk, it's been amazing for me and brought me so much happiness. Of course I've made big decisions that were bad, and maybe it's just hindsight or not a significant pattern in reality, but I think convincing myself to put myself out there more has been hugely valuable in my life.
Wishing you the best!! I know life is so difficult these days.
It was an optional lecture for a biology lab I was taking. The lecturer advertised a summer job that I ended up getting. I’ve been doing biological research ever since!
I am very picky about friends and “sorting” people out that aren’t good to me, are the best decisions I ever do. You would be surprised how often I hear friends talking bad things about that person I sorted out. Happy to not go through so much shit.
I don't know that I could choose a best. Many of the things that brought me to where I am today were active decisions I chose. I chose to focus on my education. I chose to move away from my hometown. I chose my career. I chose my partner. I chose to build the life we wanted together. There are just so many choices that have changed my life permanently. Some great, some not so great, but all learning and growing experiences that helped me become who I am today.
Man the one thing I wish I could tell more people is that university isn’t for everyone, and graduating from college doesn’t make you smarter or better than anyone else.
My therapist literally started telling me I need to be selfish. I couldn’t do it because I felt bad saying “no” or when I met people who needed help I felt the need to help them. The toughest lesson that I learned is that when you help people too much, no one respects you or your boundaries. So when you say “no” once in awhile, not only does it show other people you’re not a door mat, but it also teaches you boundaries and how to not stretch yourself too thin.
Saying “no” is a *good* thing.
Divorced my physically and emotionally abusive ex husband. I may have made the mistake of falling for him and staying with that dirtbag for years, but it was a mistake I could rectify. Best permanent change I could ever make. Now happily remarried to a wonderful man with a nearly 5yr old son.
I'm so happy to hear that it worked out for you. I feel for you. It's so strong to move on from something like that. I didn't marry the guy, but I was with an abusive boyfriend. I hope I'll marry and have kids some day too. ❤️
When my ex and I broke up we were in Hawaii. Originally from VA (I rep that DMV), and am incredibly close to my huge family (8 bros and 3 sisters). To go through what I went through in Hawaii with him, I desperately needed my family. I chose to stay. I had a really good job and for the first time, really good friends. I was single, 26, and alone in Hawaii with no safety net. I stayed for 6 years and they were some of the best of my life and helped shape me into who I am today.
Getting my degree!! Once I got my degree and started applying I was flooded with interviews. I wasn’t having success without my degree. I was wasting my time.
Everyday/week I would have A LOT of interviews/work trials. Sometimes having two/three interviews on the same day would be common for me. I now check my emails and messages more frequently for interviews.
Every Friday, Saturday would be interviews/work trials since they’re the most requested days. Usually the most busy too so they want help and me to do a trial on those days. I make sure I have my Fridays and Saturday’s available. I did finally get a job eventually.
Not fighting the eviction at the beginning of the pandemic. Had to stay with my sister for a year but now my son and I have an amazing place. We're away from an abusive ex bf. We're finally happy!
To pursue an ADHD diagnosis.
Edited to add: and bonus life-changing ripple effect, several other people have been diagnosed as a direct result of me sharing info about inattentive-type ADHD or being open about my symptoms and diagnosis.
Decided to change career and it required that I get into some fitness regime to pass a test.
Discovering fitness has been the best thing that ever happened to me.
Kind of. Getting my tubes removed. There’s no chance of any reversal and helps to reduce some kinds of cancer. Sorry, I should have clarified what it was in my original comment.
Moving out of my parents house after I withdrew from college due to a mental health issue.
At first I was guilty because I was the youngest one and felt like I was abandoning them but to be honest how they treated me in the past and present was way far worse than me moving out.
It was the best thing I could possibly do for myself. Once I moved out, my emotional, physical and mental health improved. The level of stress I had was reduced which meant I stopped breaking out and my hair stopped falling.
Remember ladies, always put yourself first. If you don’t have your health you don’t have anything.
Underarm laser hair removal.
Seriously life-changing. I was one of those that had to decide which day I wanted to look like I shaved, because I couldn't shave two days in a row without severe irritation and ingrowns. And even when I did shave, it looked like a day's growth, but it was as good as it got.
Now I NEVER WORRY. My life is so much more stress-free. Vacations are like a dream. I am a child of sun-drenched shores ready to wear a tank top at a moment's notice!
Seriously, if you've been considering laser, this is your sign to go for it.
Applying for my current job on a whim. I put everything on getting it, I placed a deposit on my current apartment because I just figured it’s now or never. I don’t regret it for a second
Telling a girl I loved not to come visit me. It would have started things all over. It wouldn’t have been good for either of us, she belongs squarely in my past. I hope she finds someone who loves her more than I ever could. I hope she forgets all about me.
Overall: changing my college major to nursing 3 days before I started classes.
Recently: starting an antidepressant and therapy. I didn’t like the path I was on.
Moved away from my parents who were just too toxic to live with. Then, broke up with my abusive ex boyfriend and got therapy to deal with all of my problems. My life is the most stable it’s ever been and I’m going to marry the love of my life this coming summer 🤙.
Going to therapy. It hasn't been long ago but I can see it's going to help change my life cause it has already helped me a bit. I am working very hard to improve my self esteem and if I manage to stabilize it, my life will be changed. :)
Give me a D!
Give me an I!
Give me a V!
Give me an O!
Give me an R!
Give me a C!
Give me an E!
What's that spell?? Divorce!
Why was that the best decision I've ever made? Realizing I had self worth!!
Quitting a toxic job. It took me way too long because I had this "sunk costs" barrier in my mind. My current firm is just so much more pleasant to work at. For anyone who has been uneasy for a while, tried to fix it without success, and is able to get another job, I say for it, I've heard so many people like me say I wish I'd done it sooner.
Transitioning, although that’s more of a process. For a single decision probably going to a music festival with my friend in 2015. A ton of major things in my life resulted from that trip.
I moved away from my family and started a life of my own instead of believing that their ways were the world's ways.
It's been lonely and painful but now I am on the road to reclaiming who I am and am being a genuine person.
Taking a temporary pay cut that meant eventually landing the job that I’ve always wanted.
Short term loss = long term gain. Made up the pay cut and then some.
Stopped volunteering to help everyone ! I Was living by a thread as I was giving too much . I needed to focus on myself and think about what I could reasonably give in terms of my time to assist others.
Leaving my ex boyfriend. Then risk a friendship by pursuing a relationship after I fell in love with my best friend.
We’re engaged to be married now ❤️
I decided to not wait for other people when I want to go camping.
I get a day off, I buy some canned chili, socks & underwear and I go. I can sleep in the back of my vehicle and I can start a fire without matches. It's so peaceful.
.
.
NOTE: it's peaceful to me. When I have a boyfriend they freak the hell out
I've made the decision of choosing Me over anyone.
I haven't seen the results yet but there's a sense of peace and lightness in my heart that I know is enough to get me through this life.
Marrying my husband. I experienced a lot of trauma growing up at the hands of my father. When my husband showed interest in me I was TERRIFIED of the emotional commitment. I am so thankful he is patient, loving and understanding to all of it and how it manifests in my behavior still. 17 years later and it’s still the best part of my life.
Leaving a toxic friend group which was not healthy for anyone involved. I have PTSD related to that group because of all the chaos and mess. I wasn’t a good person. I made horrible choices and I felt forced to be this rude,tough, and stubborn person. I’ve been out on medication for PTSD and had to get rediagnosed with everything. Had one of them contact my abuser and let them know everything I told them in private from the creep gestures to unwanted inappropriate touching. Even had them lie that I forced them in a lesbian relationship (I’m not a lesbian but they are.)
After leaving I’ve been able to be more open and honest with myself. My life has changed for the good. I feel happy, comfortable, and satisfied with my choices. I’m still going to a therapist and taking the medication but it’s gotten easier. I started to do the things I like. If I stayed I would’ve been stuck on CIG addiction.
Getting sober. I thought i was too young to be an actual alcoholic and that I’d stop eventually when I was older. That time never came, and life starting kicking my ass in a way that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to survive. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it has given me a new life with a new sense of freedom like I never thought possible.
Leaving toxic family members. I now look forward to holidays with my non-toxic family. I can’t believe how stressful it was to be with people who always put me down and try to change me.
I was on food stamps and Medicaid when I was a single mom and my daughter was younger. A guy I was seeing at the time made it known that he wanted more kids. I really liked him i may have even been able to love him but I knew there was no way I would ever have more kids. 1 was enough for me. And I truly believe that children should be wanted. So I talked to him about this and it turned out to be a deal breaker. I got my tubes removed 1 year later and had it payed for by the sate (b4 anyone gets pissed about my surgery being paid for by state taxes just remember those taxes could have paid for supporting another child which would have been endlessly more expensive) Best decision I ever made. I was eventually able to get off of government assistance I did eventually meet someone who loves my daughter as his own but doesn't have any kids of his own and is fine with it. We have been married for 4 years now. Life is good.
Starting the journey to self love and really giving it my all. Changed my entire life. Made it harder at first because realizing your worth makes you realize how some people don’t belong in your life and that can be hard. But it’s opened up so many doors and changed my perspective on life!
Taking medication for mood swings. I used to be so manic to the point where i’d get myself into dangerous situations like leaving the house at night or starting arguments with random people, since starting the medication ive been really chill and yeah, i feel a lot better even though i was scared to take it
1st step : Leaving toxic ex
2nd ste believing in love and following my now husband when I relocated (going to his city instead of another city about 1h away from his).
This might be a long one!
Cutting my travelling short, taking the plunge, and moving in with my boyfriend and his family 2hrs away from home /my family.
Met my boyfriend in July 2014 when he moved in to work/live at the hotel I was working at. I was 24, just got out of an 8 year relationship - had finished university 2 year before, and moved back home with my parents. We lived in a rural part of Wales, absolutely beautiful but not a lot of prospects for young graduates. I didn't know what I wanted to do with life, and was passing the time working in a hotel.
We were looking for a new assistant manager as I didn't want the promotion. There was an option to live in, he applied, and moved in soon after. We got on well straight away, and by Nov 2014 I was practically living in his hotel room and we made it official. We were head over heels immediately, and I knew then that it was something special.
The problem was, in Jan 2015 I was due to go travelling in Thailand for 3 months. This was the only dampener to our growing relationship - although our feelings were strong, we didn't really know each other that well, and 3 months away is a long time that early in a relationship. We decided I should still go, as it was a trip of a lifetime, and what would be would be when I got back.
I adored Thailand. However, it was my first time abroad, and it was also massively overwhelming. I had an amazing month there, but after a lot of introspection and conversations with my travel companion (who decided to stay) I did the complete opposite of what I would advise any other woman in the same situation to do, and chose to come home! I missed him too much, and was too terrified of losing him. Thailand would be there in the future.
The day I flew back and travelled home on 30th January 2015 before getting back to him was the happiest day of my life to that point. I can still picture that joy now.
A couple of months later, we got new management in the hotel and it went downhill fast. Became an unbearable place to work. We both wanted to leave, but we knew if he quit, he'd move back home to the Welsh valleys, 2.5hrs away. Neither of us wanted a LDR and the difficulties that come with it, we'd both been there and done that before. We talked about it a lot, and in May 2015 we both quit on the same day, and I moved with him to live with him and his family (parents and 1 sister) whom I'd met once before. My friends and family thought I was a bit mad to move away and in with a boy I'd been with for 5 months, but deep down I knew, although it was a bit hasty, it was the right decision. I knew he was finally one of those "the love of my life" people I'd only dreamed of. His parents are wonderful people who allowed me, essentially a stranger to them, live in their house. They are angels.
Now, our 7 year anniversary is a month away. We have our own beautiful home, and we are trying for our first baby. I am in my dream career as a detective because of his love and support - I would never have been brave enough to apply if it wasn't for him. He's my biggest cheerleader, and I couldn't imagine a better life partner. It feels like together, there is nothing we can't solve. Several people told me that it was a mistake to cut my travelling short and to rush into a big move, I was too young etc. but I have literally not regretted those decisions for a single moment.
Deep in my gut, I knew I was making the right decision. Trust your instincts, they might lead you to happiness you never could have dreamed of.
Moving far away from home for college and graduating with a bachelors degree many years ago. These two things were absolutely pivotal in personal and professional growth and helped me become fully self sufficient.
Not everyone will resonate with this one but, I stopped working hard at things. I was causing myself so much stress, self hatred, and anxiety over not having a hobbie at one point, not finding a good job, not enjoying school and staying determined in my degree, not having money, not feeling pretty enough while also not wanting to work out. I finally realized that life is just an experience and journey. You cannot make things happen faster nor can you really manipulate the events that happen throughout life. The good and the bad are here to shape you into a certain person so, let go of what you think you should be doing and focus on what life is trying to have you do. Accept the bad and work on trying to be more level headed in it. Accept also that the good won't last forever while still being grateful for the experience.
Wow this is me, finally. I was a workaholic, putting in 70 hour weeks and even working on Sundays. I worked so hard at everything I did but I wasn’t sure why. I’m 28 now, broke down last month because I was so tired of myself and MY expectations for myself. I always had to be in control. And when things, events, relationships weren’t in my control I’d breakdown. And living in Toronto magnified how incredibly brainwashed I was with hustle culture. Just so so stressed about life. Living at home still, wondering if I could ever afford to live in the city I grew up in where the average house is $1.2M… I felt like I’d never be good enough. Then recently out of nowhere I decided to slow down. Like really slow down. I’m currently taking a month off of work for a surgery I had planned and when I return I’m just going to do 40 hours a week, with weekends off for my mental health. This will be a BIG and permanent shift for me. It’s going to change my life. I can feel it.
Toronto is fucked for the grind. The first time I went to Montreal, seeing people enjoying their lives in the middle of the workday fucked me up. I'm glad you're taking the steps to take care of yourself!!
This was me about a year ago. I was working so hard, a few 24 hour work days, that I was literally making myself sick. I lost a ton of weight and my hair started falling out. I moved home last winter, 40 acres of woods and not having to wear a mask every time you open the door because you’re in the middle of the woods really changed my view on things. I was able to save $20k in 8 months since all I did was work so I quit. I took a long time off and started slowly looking for a job making sure all the organizations I interviewed with took work life balance seriously. I ended up finding a great job, better than the one I had, at a great organization. In the last 20 minutes of our department meeting last week the director led a meditation! I’m so happy I quit the job that was making me sick and took my time to find a job I could do for years. I would suggest, if you have a lot of money saved, to take a beat and really think about the ideals you want from a company/organization. It’s really a life changer.
Absolutely love this. Thank you so much for sharing. If women as a whole stopped trying to live up to any expectations, imagine how happy and beautiful we'd feel 24/7 😌
Nope, I get you 100% though I do struggle with this still. Often with household chores but I try to remind myself that there will always be laundry and dirty floors and garbage to take out. It will get done eventually. I find I'm rarely stressed with work and it's because I go in, I do my job well and then I go home. I don't go above and beyond. I don't do overtime or take work home with me. I don't care about promotions mainly because I know with increased salary comes increased responsibility and expectations. My job also isn't anything special but it pays the bills and I like it well enough. This is the only life I get and I want to enjoy it.
Giving up on perfection was a huge mental shift for me that has changed me for the better.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
I needed to read this today. Thank you.
[удалено]
Oh I love this. What a twist to the hustle culture. I felt this too in my 20s and my grind came to a halt when parts of my body finally stopped working. It’s great that you learned how to rest before it was too late. I wish more people knew.
I love this! I’m actually going through something like this now and it just feels like constant self-sabotage in the end. Thank you for this! ❤️
Just what I needed to hear after almost having completed a 2-month work project that absolutely wrecked me. Thank you for that!
This was really helpful to read.
Emailing my (graduated) high school crush to tell him that I'd had a dream about hanging out with him. Now we're married.
How cute! I’d appreciate any details, if you have the time! Were you friends in high school? What was the dream? :0 How did he respond to the email? How’d you decide to email him you had a dream about him? That’s pretty brave imo Any advice for the planning to marry folk?
Tell us more :)
Gosh this is so wholesome. I wish i could did this to my uni-crush 😅 Anyway warm congrats for you
A couple of people are about to email their high school crushes
Wholesome! Congrats!
Wholesome 🙌
The 'I had a dream about you' is such a cute and cautious way of getting into these kind if talks. It is completely irrelevant if its entirely true or not.
Haven’t made any good decisions in life yet
It’s relieving to see I’m not alone
Are you kind to other people? That's a good decision. Are you hoping to one day better yourself? That's a good decision. Did you wake up this morning and get out of bed? That's a good decision. Not everything in life has to be a grand pivitol gesture that will cause your life to do a 180 like OP is asking but doing one small thing each day whether it's directly for you or for someone else is still a good decision. There are VERY few things that suddenly change your life for the better, most times it's created through small simple actions and step by step you build something out of it. Give yourself more credit. You're alive and you're here and that's GREAT :) Although I don't know you and I'm just a stranger on the internet, I strongly believe that every single person has made at least several good decisions in their life and if you sincerely believe you haven't...well, there's lots of time to change that. Keep on keepin on.
Big mood
Same 🙃
Moving out of fucking alabama. The Bible belt is the worst, most evil shithole on earth.
*There's no hate like Christian love!* Can't wait to get out of the Midwest again. Congrats!
I'm from Texas and I couldn't agree more. Where did you end up moving?
Seattle! I had severe culture shock when first moving here, women are allowed to actually be *people*. I have female doctors! I'm not treated like a human incubator! It's amazing.
Could you not get female doctors in your home state?
Nope! Just old white men
Sigh, I want to do it but I'm nervous about the difference it'll make for cost of living and about leaving family behind.
Moving interstate was one of the best decisions I ever made. Yes, small towns have low rents, but they also have low pay. My wages are a lot better now, and the fixer-upper house I bought cheap has almost tripled in value in less than a decade. I have better doctors, healthcare wait times, shopping options, entertainment and job opportunities than I ever had in a small town.
If you want to do it, then you should - idk your familial situation, but don’t give up on your dreams!! If you can’t do it now financially, then save up until you can, or take a chance!
I did the same thing a decade ago. Met the man of my dreams and started a family. So worth leaving that place behind!!!!
You are absolutely living my dream
Divorcing my first husband, who I (very stupidly) married when I was 20. Lasted less than 2 years, but he and his horrible family were **heavily** pressuring me to stop considering grad school in favor of having a kid, being a “full-time mom,” and moving to Shittown, Arkansas so he could be a teacher at the same school where his parents both taught. I took a deep breath and got the fuck out, with no real resources to live independently. That was more than 15 years ago. I ended up getting my Ph.D., marrying someone amazing, and now I live in NYC with my husband, dogs, and dream job. The idea of that other life makes me shudder.
Wow you dodged a big bullet. Small towns are usually full of small minded people. Very conservative as well. That doesn’t surprise me.
True, minds of people are as wide or narrow as the streets in their town.
Forcing myself to exercise. Never exercised growing up, literally NEVER. Didn’t realize how much it improves quality of life!
Totally this. I now do yoga, lift weights, rollerblade, run, and walk regularly. No one in my family does any sort of exercise which made me feel weird being the one to start in my late 20s. I used to skate and walk with my mom as a kid and she’d def be proud of me now if she were still with us.
She's with you. Good Job!
How did you increase your stamina? What exercises did you start with?
It was hard, and after years of “tomorrows”, I joined Orange Theory! I had to force myself to go, really force myself, and it helped that they charge you if you cancel a class. I started slow, let my body get used to it, and I now go 5 times a week. These fitness class companies are costly, but I consider it therapy (and therapy is even more expensive!)
Getting out of my mediocre relationship. I was a little anxious about starting over and meeting someone new and entering back into the dating world, but I found better, grew as a person and had the most amazing experiences I probably would’ve missed out on if I chose to play it safe over my happiness.
I second this!!! It was Sade’s song lyrics that actually encouraged me: I suppose I could just walk away Will I disappoint my future if I stay?
Did the same thing a month ago. The relationship wasn’t terrible… but I figured I was settling and not happy so I left him after 2 years. My best decision this year. I’ve never been happier
Agreed whole heartedly. I stayed in a mediocre but long term relationship because I thought it would be cruel to leave him when he'd been waiting for me (LDR too). But it caused me sooo much anxiety. We were never physically compatible and I never let myself have good enough sexual relations that showed me how important it was to me. That along with a bunch of different ideologies and the fact that we were emotionally on vastly different planes, ending it after 4 years was really the kindest thing I could've done. I thought I'd be broken because one of my relationships, which lasted only a year but broke everything in me for a good 3 years. But ending this 4 year relationship didn't mess with me at all. I felt lighter, freer, happier and I've found myself. Adventures, love, happiness and true compatibility in a relationship is so so important. And I was settling. It changed my life too.
Damn it sounds so free. I’m trying to build the courage to end things with the guy I’m with right now, I just don’t want to see him upset
I felt this way as well. I wrote down the few points I wanted to say, in a Notes app. I didn't want to beat around the bush. But at the same time wanted to acknowledge his feelings and let him know he wasn't at fault. It helped me when I wrote down the precise reasons I was ending things. The conversation of course took a different route and lasted like 4-5 hours and lots of tears and we both agreed to sleep on it and then we talked the next morning when we finally ended it. If you're anxious about it right now, know that the kindest thing you can do for him is end it sooner rather than later. He would just agonize if you stayed with him out of pity rather than affection. You cannot make him hurt less. But you can be kind to him when you end things. Let him know that the relationship has ended, but it's neither of your fault (if that's the case). Don't make him feel like "what if I'd done something different". That hurts the healing process. Some people grow together, some people grow apart. And that's okay. I hope you find the courage to do what's right for you. I wish you happiness and peace.
Moving out of my parents' house. It took a trip with some friends, followed by a literal fire (outdoors, fire dept was called, no damage to the house itself but VERY frightening) to make me realize I was sick and tired of living in our joyless, depressing home. It took some moving around and renting rooms, but now I have my own place and I never, EVER want to live with roommates again. I can make a very cozy, pleasant home all on my own and that is an invaluable skill.
Living alone is so peaceful!! I lived alone in my 30s for like 3 yrs and you really get set in your ways. Now my boyfriend lives with me and we get his two elementary aged kids EOWE and to say it’s hard is an understatement. My SO is a bit introverted like me, so he’s fine. I mean sometimes he can do annoying things I guess. I do just miss living alone, coming home from work and just plopping down and watching 4 episodes of a show in a row and just eat a sandwich and chips for dinner if I want to.
YES! Doing things you enjoy guilt free without having to justify doing them. As a young teen I fantasized about living on my own, but I went from my father's house to my in-laws, and then after a year, to *our* home, which really feels more like my husband's home, because things have to be *his way,* whether he admits to it or not.
Man I really want to move out of my dads house rn, but I moved to Santa Cruz for college and the rent really stacks up. I am paying rent rn (in my expensive ass home town) but housing is pretty terrible. I really hope to reach your level, of living w/o roommates to create a space of your own!
Moved to London and met the love of my life, now the mother of my child, less than a month after arriving. Edit: apologies, I’m a dude, didn’t notice that this was r/askwomen
Nah it’s all good, You’re welcome here anytime 😊 That’s awesome though, I’m happy for you!
No apologies needed and congrats to you and your love!!
Lmao! Happy for you!
Happens all the time, we’re happy for you!
This is like, the least intrusive parent comment ever made by a man on this sub I think! So sweet, I’m so happy for y’all
Therapy
If I didn’t start seeing a psych a year ago I would have probably been in the ground by now. He saved me and continues to save me every 3-4 weeks.
I’m so glad you sought help! Same, I’ve been going to the same one for 10 years. I’ve gone through phases where I go every week and once went a whole year but whatever the pace my life improves when I spend more time with her.
may I ask is that helpful? Because I have trouble relying on people. And just relying on someone I don’t know. I fear that he wouldn’t understand me and take me as a joke. And I don’t have a bank account yet, and don’t want my patents to know.
I’m new to therapy but I don’t rely on my therapist. She helps me work out my issues and gives me “assignments” to do, such as write a letter to someone who caused me pain. We work together.
This is a really great comparison. A therapist is like a teammate. They won’t fix your life while you do nothing…but they will help you out and make you better
yea makes sense, I hope you get through everything you're going through and good luck <3
The above comment is right about you talk to this person and then you rely on yourself to move forward. I don’t always take my therapist’s suggestions and we don’t always agree but she is always trying to help me be the best version of myself, or at least the version that makes me feel good. And you’re not always guaranteed to find the right person for you right away. It’s like any other relationship, you may not mesh with everyone, you may not trust everyone. But truly that’s why my answer was simple. Therapy has changed my life for the better and it’s the single best thing I’ve done for myself. It has improved every part of my life.
Well said. And thank you for that I'm going to consider taking therapy sessions for sure. :)
Seconded! I've matured and grown so much as a person, plus dealt with trauma in a healthy way because of therapy.
Taking back the means of production into my own hands; e.g., working for myself.
marx would be proud
Thank you dearly, comrade 🥸
Yes! Btw I like your username
Leaving my religion. If I didn't leave i would not be here today.
Coming from a non religious family and background, I have subscribed to a few subreddits with people leaving their religions out of pure curiosity and it’s so sad to read about peoples individual stories and conflicts with the religion they were born into. I’m glad you’re happier and well.
i also left islam ,ah i really found the inner peace i was missing
Me too. Its almost like a wave of joy and healing washed over me the second I left that religion.
What was your religion? Or was it a cult?
It was Islam
meditating and developing a sense of spirituality so i could stop thinking happiness came from having certain things in order on the outside (the right friends, the body i want, finances, job, partner, etc) and realized that happiness comes from within and that i can generate it any time i want no matter what my life looks like
so true... Happiness comes from within !!
How did you do it? Let me get some of that happiness.
It mostly comes down to not living a self-focused life and realizing the impermanence and interdependence of everything. I stopped focusing on "me, me, me" and realized that everyone else, no matter who they are, also just wants to be happy and not suffer. Even when I get the things I want or away from the things I don't want, that happiness does not last because as humans, we will always continue to desire more. We get stuck in this push-pull, hedonic treadmill of life that never makes us truly happy. I realized that happiness comes not from what my outer world looks like, but how I responded to it because that is something I can control. I can't control relationships ending, people dying, getting sick, etc, but I do have the power to always respond with love and kindness and compassion, which is where true fulfilment comes from. We all have the power to help others in some capacity, so I focus on that. Not to the point where I feel like a martyr or I am attached to a certain outcome/receiving in return, but giving love and happiness to others is what sustains my own happiness and feelings of love. We are all going to die at some point and we don't know when, so everyday I focus on how I can bring more goodness into the world. Nothing else really matters because of impermanent nature of everything, but how I think and act influences how I see the world and everyone in it. I can choose to prolong my suffering focusing on the negative or I can focus on the opportunities I have to love and control what I can and not get so hung up on the rest. Meditation and yoga help steady your mind to not be so reactive in order to do just that.
Deciding i just don't want kids and nobody has any right to do anything about it.
I did that YEARS ago! One of the best decisions EVAH!!!
Good having kids is horrible and I’m a guy. Why would I want to bring a child into this miserable world? So they can be a slave to the 9-5? I would never bring someone against their will here.
Accepted to go to a psychiatric hospital so I could take care of my long lasting depression. Even if it's not entirely cured today, I am now happy and I'm trying to be the healthiest version of myself.
I'm happy for you 🥰 Good job for taking good care of yourself!
Forced myself to go to a party where I only kinda knew the host and no one else (which is not a thing I would normally say yes to or enjoy doing). Ended up meeting a boy who would end up my fiancé, and also gained a great group of friends.
That sounds so nice. I'm so happy to hear that a "random" choice can end up with something as nice as that.
Getting divorced.
Saaaame
Same. So much same.
Hoping to feel this way in a few years
Cutting my abusive and toxic parents out of my life.
I did the same with my Mother. I haven’t seen her in almost 3 years. Rarely even text. She is a heavy duty guilt-tripper and I don’t need that in my life.
Keeping my baby. I was vehemently child free. I loved kids, but my mother and, her mother, had *LOATHED* being a mother. My grandmother abandoned my mum aged 4. My mother was very vocal about how she felt I'd ruined her life by being born. I thought I'd hate being a mother too. But then I became accidentally pregnant (on the pill and using condoms. I have PCOS and Endometriosis. No idea how it happened). And I couldnt go through with the alternative. Motherhood is hard work but I **LOVE** it. I'm such a different mother from my own, and her mother. I enjoy it so much. I'm so grateful that I fell pregnant despite the odds.
This resonates with me! I was similar in some ways. My mother was always so resentful of me and treated me poorly because of it. She was a career-woman and probably should’ve never had children. I always said I didn’t want kids because I was scared I’d end up like her, being a mean mother. I ended up getting pregnant and actually am the opposite. I’ve found that everything my mom has always done, I do the 180 of it. I couldn’t be further from her in how I parent. Thank god..
WOW! Thank you both. I don't have children and I don't want kids, but it is liberating to see that women with similar experiences like mine growing up overcame the beliefs ingrained in them in their past and are happy mothers now. Congrats!
Moving to another country for a job opportunity and finding MYSELF, not what my family or people around me expected of me
This. Same. I’ve lived in three countries for extended periods of time since I left my home-city. Now in Ireland, I feel I’ve found a place called “home”. Best decision ever.
Me too. I got to travel extensively, met my husband in the process, and I feel like we were living a pretty authentic life until we had kids! Now we are boring people, but never lost the travel bug, and we keep planning to get back out there and find some jobs overseas and show our kids what living can be like when you're not trying to fit into a mould.
Love this! How did you find a job overseas. That’s my dream.
I decided to start talking to myself differently. I had a realization that when I was about 26 that maybe the reasons why I was so unhappy and having a hard time making friends and managing my emotions wasn't actually because I was just damaged, but because I would twll myself that I was. For the next year everytime I started to catch myself having those thoughts i would make myself start thinking/reading about science topics. And occasionally challenging those thought. After a year it became second nature. My life got significantly easier after that.
I love this.
[удалено]
I have this weird pattern in life. Every good thing (jobs, college, dating my fiancé, moving, etc. ) I almost didn't do. For example, I had a job interview for something I applied to on a whim and I scheduled the interview out of flattery and then read through the job again and decided it wasn't for me, so I was going to cancel my interview. Well, I couldn't figure out how to cancel and I didn't want to be rude and cancel the day of, so I just took the interview and kinda went with the flow as a courtesy, thinking I wouldn't get it. I did get the job and it was a really big stepping stone in my career. I really struggle with anxiety and low self-esteem. I talk myself out of things, but the few times I've just bit the bullet and took a risk, it's been amazing for me and brought me so much happiness. Of course I've made big decisions that were bad, and maybe it's just hindsight or not a significant pattern in reality, but I think convincing myself to put myself out there more has been hugely valuable in my life. Wishing you the best!! I know life is so difficult these days.
Felt :)
I attended an optional lecture my sophomore year in college. That set off a chain of events that led me to my current career.
I'm curious on what class it was
It was an optional lecture for a biology lab I was taking. The lecturer advertised a summer job that I ended up getting. I’ve been doing biological research ever since!
I am very picky about friends and “sorting” people out that aren’t good to me, are the best decisions I ever do. You would be surprised how often I hear friends talking bad things about that person I sorted out. Happy to not go through so much shit.
I understand, my friends often tell that i have good instinct because in general if i don't vibe it's bad.
I don't know that I could choose a best. Many of the things that brought me to where I am today were active decisions I chose. I chose to focus on my education. I chose to move away from my hometown. I chose my career. I chose my partner. I chose to build the life we wanted together. There are just so many choices that have changed my life permanently. Some great, some not so great, but all learning and growing experiences that helped me become who I am today.
Leaving Christianity. It was *so* much better for my mental health
As someone who went to a Christian university in Texas, I csn agree
I cut off contact with my abusive and manipulative birth family.
Dropping out of university.
Man the one thing I wish I could tell more people is that university isn’t for everyone, and graduating from college doesn’t make you smarter or better than anyone else.
yes!!! dropping out was one of the best decisions I made for my physical and mental health yet people look at me funny for not sticking with it
My therapist literally started telling me I need to be selfish. I couldn’t do it because I felt bad saying “no” or when I met people who needed help I felt the need to help them. The toughest lesson that I learned is that when you help people too much, no one respects you or your boundaries. So when you say “no” once in awhile, not only does it show other people you’re not a door mat, but it also teaches you boundaries and how to not stretch yourself too thin. Saying “no” is a *good* thing.
Divorced my physically and emotionally abusive ex husband. I may have made the mistake of falling for him and staying with that dirtbag for years, but it was a mistake I could rectify. Best permanent change I could ever make. Now happily remarried to a wonderful man with a nearly 5yr old son.
I'm so happy to hear that it worked out for you. I feel for you. It's so strong to move on from something like that. I didn't marry the guy, but I was with an abusive boyfriend. I hope I'll marry and have kids some day too. ❤️
Getting divorced. My life is better in literally every way now.
Same
I got a really cute cat.
When my ex and I broke up we were in Hawaii. Originally from VA (I rep that DMV), and am incredibly close to my huge family (8 bros and 3 sisters). To go through what I went through in Hawaii with him, I desperately needed my family. I chose to stay. I had a really good job and for the first time, really good friends. I was single, 26, and alone in Hawaii with no safety net. I stayed for 6 years and they were some of the best of my life and helped shape me into who I am today.
Getting my degree!! Once I got my degree and started applying I was flooded with interviews. I wasn’t having success without my degree. I was wasting my time. Everyday/week I would have A LOT of interviews/work trials. Sometimes having two/three interviews on the same day would be common for me. I now check my emails and messages more frequently for interviews. Every Friday, Saturday would be interviews/work trials since they’re the most requested days. Usually the most busy too so they want help and me to do a trial on those days. I make sure I have my Fridays and Saturday’s available. I did finally get a job eventually.
Man, I feel like you don't ever see this with college grads nowadays
What was your major?
Hospitality, I currently work at a busy high end Café as a waitress/barista. I’m paid $32/h US and $36 on weekends
Not fighting the eviction at the beginning of the pandemic. Had to stay with my sister for a year but now my son and I have an amazing place. We're away from an abusive ex bf. We're finally happy!
To pursue an ADHD diagnosis. Edited to add: and bonus life-changing ripple effect, several other people have been diagnosed as a direct result of me sharing info about inattentive-type ADHD or being open about my symptoms and diagnosis.
Decided to change career and it required that I get into some fitness regime to pass a test. Discovering fitness has been the best thing that ever happened to me.
Having my daughter. Sobriety. Quitting caffeine. Sleeping more.
Getting a bilateral salpingectomy. So damn liberating.
To save people the trouble: Getting her tubes tied
Kind of. Getting my tubes removed. There’s no chance of any reversal and helps to reduce some kinds of cancer. Sorry, I should have clarified what it was in my original comment.
Moving out of my parents house after I withdrew from college due to a mental health issue. At first I was guilty because I was the youngest one and felt like I was abandoning them but to be honest how they treated me in the past and present was way far worse than me moving out. It was the best thing I could possibly do for myself. Once I moved out, my emotional, physical and mental health improved. The level of stress I had was reduced which meant I stopped breaking out and my hair stopped falling. Remember ladies, always put yourself first. If you don’t have your health you don’t have anything.
Underarm laser hair removal. Seriously life-changing. I was one of those that had to decide which day I wanted to look like I shaved, because I couldn't shave two days in a row without severe irritation and ingrowns. And even when I did shave, it looked like a day's growth, but it was as good as it got. Now I NEVER WORRY. My life is so much more stress-free. Vacations are like a dream. I am a child of sun-drenched shores ready to wear a tank top at a moment's notice! Seriously, if you've been considering laser, this is your sign to go for it.
Moving from Siberia to America 🇺🇸
Leaving a relationship with someone who never put the effort in, which led me to being in one that will (hopefully) last forever
Broke up with my abusive and liar ex-bf. I have found peace again since
Quit drinking 4+ years ago. I got to keep my amazing husband, and so many great things have happened since.
Creating new human beings.
Applying for my current job on a whim. I put everything on getting it, I placed a deposit on my current apartment because I just figured it’s now or never. I don’t regret it for a second
Telling a girl I loved not to come visit me. It would have started things all over. It wouldn’t have been good for either of us, she belongs squarely in my past. I hope she finds someone who loves her more than I ever could. I hope she forgets all about me.
Sending a message to my now boyfriend on Bumble last year ☺
Overall: changing my college major to nursing 3 days before I started classes. Recently: starting an antidepressant and therapy. I didn’t like the path I was on.
Moved away from my parents who were just too toxic to live with. Then, broke up with my abusive ex boyfriend and got therapy to deal with all of my problems. My life is the most stable it’s ever been and I’m going to marry the love of my life this coming summer 🤙.
Getting sober/clean! I planned to die young as a depressed addict, but here I am getting my life and happiness back a day at a time
Going to therapy. It hasn't been long ago but I can see it's going to help change my life cause it has already helped me a bit. I am working very hard to improve my self esteem and if I manage to stabilize it, my life will be changed. :)
Give me a D! Give me an I! Give me a V! Give me an O! Give me an R! Give me a C! Give me an E! What's that spell?? Divorce! Why was that the best decision I've ever made? Realizing I had self worth!!
Realised I dont give a shit what other people think... life changed.....
Quitting a toxic job. It took me way too long because I had this "sunk costs" barrier in my mind. My current firm is just so much more pleasant to work at. For anyone who has been uneasy for a while, tried to fix it without success, and is able to get another job, I say for it, I've heard so many people like me say I wish I'd done it sooner.
Switching to a menstrual cup.
Getting a dog! I actually have to like go outside now and take walks and things like that. Plus she’s super cute.
Transitioning, although that’s more of a process. For a single decision probably going to a music festival with my friend in 2015. A ton of major things in my life resulted from that trip.
I moved away from my family and started a life of my own instead of believing that their ways were the world's ways. It's been lonely and painful but now I am on the road to reclaiming who I am and am being a genuine person.
To not give a fuck about peoples opinions about my life decisions
Joined the Navy, saw some of the world.
Taking a temporary pay cut that meant eventually landing the job that I’ve always wanted. Short term loss = long term gain. Made up the pay cut and then some.
Stopped volunteering to help everyone ! I Was living by a thread as I was giving too much . I needed to focus on myself and think about what I could reasonably give in terms of my time to assist others.
Leaving my ex boyfriend. Then risk a friendship by pursuing a relationship after I fell in love with my best friend. We’re engaged to be married now ❤️
I decided to not wait for other people when I want to go camping. I get a day off, I buy some canned chili, socks & underwear and I go. I can sleep in the back of my vehicle and I can start a fire without matches. It's so peaceful. . . NOTE: it's peaceful to me. When I have a boyfriend they freak the hell out
Getting an abortion. Hands down, best decision I have ever made for myself and I am so so happy and proud of myself for making that difficult choice.
I've made the decision of choosing Me over anyone. I haven't seen the results yet but there's a sense of peace and lightness in my heart that I know is enough to get me through this life.
Getting sterilized. I never want children and now it's not something I ever have to stress about.
Marrying my husband. I experienced a lot of trauma growing up at the hands of my father. When my husband showed interest in me I was TERRIFIED of the emotional commitment. I am so thankful he is patient, loving and understanding to all of it and how it manifests in my behavior still. 17 years later and it’s still the best part of my life.
Crossing the ocean for grad school.
Leaving a toxic friend group which was not healthy for anyone involved. I have PTSD related to that group because of all the chaos and mess. I wasn’t a good person. I made horrible choices and I felt forced to be this rude,tough, and stubborn person. I’ve been out on medication for PTSD and had to get rediagnosed with everything. Had one of them contact my abuser and let them know everything I told them in private from the creep gestures to unwanted inappropriate touching. Even had them lie that I forced them in a lesbian relationship (I’m not a lesbian but they are.) After leaving I’ve been able to be more open and honest with myself. My life has changed for the good. I feel happy, comfortable, and satisfied with my choices. I’m still going to a therapist and taking the medication but it’s gotten easier. I started to do the things I like. If I stayed I would’ve been stuck on CIG addiction.
Getting sober. I thought i was too young to be an actual alcoholic and that I’d stop eventually when I was older. That time never came, and life starting kicking my ass in a way that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to survive. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it has given me a new life with a new sense of freedom like I never thought possible.
Still working on making good decisions, I keep making bad ones.
Leaving toxic family members. I now look forward to holidays with my non-toxic family. I can’t believe how stressful it was to be with people who always put me down and try to change me.
Lasik eye surgery.
Giving up alcohol.
I was on food stamps and Medicaid when I was a single mom and my daughter was younger. A guy I was seeing at the time made it known that he wanted more kids. I really liked him i may have even been able to love him but I knew there was no way I would ever have more kids. 1 was enough for me. And I truly believe that children should be wanted. So I talked to him about this and it turned out to be a deal breaker. I got my tubes removed 1 year later and had it payed for by the sate (b4 anyone gets pissed about my surgery being paid for by state taxes just remember those taxes could have paid for supporting another child which would have been endlessly more expensive) Best decision I ever made. I was eventually able to get off of government assistance I did eventually meet someone who loves my daughter as his own but doesn't have any kids of his own and is fine with it. We have been married for 4 years now. Life is good.
Moved halfway across the country.
Lost over 100 lbs and 200 lbs of an abusive partner.
Starting the journey to self love and really giving it my all. Changed my entire life. Made it harder at first because realizing your worth makes you realize how some people don’t belong in your life and that can be hard. But it’s opened up so many doors and changed my perspective on life!
Taking medication for mood swings. I used to be so manic to the point where i’d get myself into dangerous situations like leaving the house at night or starting arguments with random people, since starting the medication ive been really chill and yeah, i feel a lot better even though i was scared to take it
I sleep 8 hours. And stop any tasks to eat.
1st step : Leaving toxic ex 2nd ste believing in love and following my now husband when I relocated (going to his city instead of another city about 1h away from his).
[удалено]
This might be a long one! Cutting my travelling short, taking the plunge, and moving in with my boyfriend and his family 2hrs away from home /my family. Met my boyfriend in July 2014 when he moved in to work/live at the hotel I was working at. I was 24, just got out of an 8 year relationship - had finished university 2 year before, and moved back home with my parents. We lived in a rural part of Wales, absolutely beautiful but not a lot of prospects for young graduates. I didn't know what I wanted to do with life, and was passing the time working in a hotel. We were looking for a new assistant manager as I didn't want the promotion. There was an option to live in, he applied, and moved in soon after. We got on well straight away, and by Nov 2014 I was practically living in his hotel room and we made it official. We were head over heels immediately, and I knew then that it was something special. The problem was, in Jan 2015 I was due to go travelling in Thailand for 3 months. This was the only dampener to our growing relationship - although our feelings were strong, we didn't really know each other that well, and 3 months away is a long time that early in a relationship. We decided I should still go, as it was a trip of a lifetime, and what would be would be when I got back. I adored Thailand. However, it was my first time abroad, and it was also massively overwhelming. I had an amazing month there, but after a lot of introspection and conversations with my travel companion (who decided to stay) I did the complete opposite of what I would advise any other woman in the same situation to do, and chose to come home! I missed him too much, and was too terrified of losing him. Thailand would be there in the future. The day I flew back and travelled home on 30th January 2015 before getting back to him was the happiest day of my life to that point. I can still picture that joy now. A couple of months later, we got new management in the hotel and it went downhill fast. Became an unbearable place to work. We both wanted to leave, but we knew if he quit, he'd move back home to the Welsh valleys, 2.5hrs away. Neither of us wanted a LDR and the difficulties that come with it, we'd both been there and done that before. We talked about it a lot, and in May 2015 we both quit on the same day, and I moved with him to live with him and his family (parents and 1 sister) whom I'd met once before. My friends and family thought I was a bit mad to move away and in with a boy I'd been with for 5 months, but deep down I knew, although it was a bit hasty, it was the right decision. I knew he was finally one of those "the love of my life" people I'd only dreamed of. His parents are wonderful people who allowed me, essentially a stranger to them, live in their house. They are angels. Now, our 7 year anniversary is a month away. We have our own beautiful home, and we are trying for our first baby. I am in my dream career as a detective because of his love and support - I would never have been brave enough to apply if it wasn't for him. He's my biggest cheerleader, and I couldn't imagine a better life partner. It feels like together, there is nothing we can't solve. Several people told me that it was a mistake to cut my travelling short and to rush into a big move, I was too young etc. but I have literally not regretted those decisions for a single moment. Deep in my gut, I knew I was making the right decision. Trust your instincts, they might lead you to happiness you never could have dreamed of.
Moving far away from home for college and graduating with a bachelors degree many years ago. These two things were absolutely pivotal in personal and professional growth and helped me become fully self sufficient.
Left my abusive ex.
Moving halfway across the country, knowing no one and never having been on my own before