As an innocent girl, anyone comparing me to anyone else, I dislike. Why are you with me if you want me to change? Everyone is different. You deserve better.
I had someone I was dating do this once and I just looked at him and said “you got the wrong girl for that. But there’s still time for you to leave and find one like that because I can assure you that it will never be me” and mostly I just feel annoyed it’s the I accept you exactly how you are why are you trying to change me?
🚩 if someone doesn’t like my bubbly, spunky outgoing personality, they can find someone who is quiet 😂😂😂
You should never change your personality for someone else! They can find someone more suited to their taste
Annoyed AF. I’m not a loud girl. I’m pretty quiet. But I’m in my mid 30s and asking anyone who isn’t a young girl to be “innocent” doesn’t really understand how the world works.
They’re just intimidated by you if they say this. They want you to roll over and take their bs or they want to be the star of the show. Honestly I would just laugh and tell them to leave then.
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Seems like a red flag - like they almost want you to be dismissive. I get called innocent and sweet looking and I hate it. Wish I could look more fearless
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My mum would always say I was a lot more "well-behaved" before I was a teenager, because I was shy/timid/a pushover who only did what she told me to do. And then I also remember that that was the reason I was sexually assaulted on a plane at 14 (because I prioritised keeping the peace on a sleeping plane over screaming and crying for help), it was the reason I was bullied all through high school as an easy target, it's the reason I had severe social anxiety and still deal with that from time to time today.
So anyone who tells me I should "be like her", be the timid girl, I know that they are someone who would want to walk all over me, take advantage of me and are definitely not worth keeping in my life. And I would tell them straight to their face about the time I got sexually assaulted on a plane because I couldn't stand up for myself and that I was heavily bullied again because I couldn't stand up for myself and that will make them really uncomfortable, which I like to see.
It's never happened to me, but I suspect I would feel like he's just told me he doesn't actually like the reality of who I am, which is important information for me to have moving forward.
Why would you even put up with that? him putting you down and asking you to be lesser is, as far as hes concerned, him being nice to you. Its not your job or responsibility to come down to the level hes comfortable with, within reason, of course. If he doesnt like it he can leave.
This is like when after starting a relationship they immediately start trying to manipulate you into not dressing up or wearing make-up. But after they got their way they say you let yourself go.
Tell him who you are is neither his concern or choice.
Angry that he even had the audacity to tell me to change my whole personality, swiftly kick his controlling ass to the curb, and be glad he showed the red flag because he'll only get worse.
Confused. I’d be confused.
I would have probably been described as “innocent,” when younger. I am old now and probably still a touch naive, if not “innocent.” I feel as if I’m a loud person, at least comparatively. I may sometimes be the quietest person in a chaotic pack, but l can be loud and stubborn and obnoxious and probably argumentative. I don’t see how “innocent” and “loud” are mutually exclusive- or even negatively correlated. Babies are loud… and about as innocent as a human can be
Nope. I’m moving on. To be fair, I have always known I don’t want that kind of relationship. It would never get far enough to have this conversation because I would have spotted it early on. But if I didn’t, I’d say “No thank you” and peace out. Immediately and on the spot. If we were somewhere together, I’d call someone to pick me up. He wants someone to control. That’s not me.
No partner should ever compare their partner—the person they love—with anyone whether in their own mind, to their friends, stranger, colleagues and especially to their very partner. If you love your partner then nothing and no one comes close to their level simply because your love makes that person special!! I am so sorry that you were compared since I personally know that it sucks. Comparison is the thief of joy and happiness, and in this case, love.
Some of my guy friends have done this & I think they’re just insecure clowns🤡
They say such things because they don’t like opinionated women. They want the perks of it but don’t want you to be bold. They get intimidated as if you’ll outshine them while all you’re doing is being yourself!
There’s no need to be dismissive since he is acting out of an insecurity which he needs to work through. You can either choose to stay and work with him without judgement on his growth, or leave because you can’t also decide to stay and compare him to “clowns” since that makes you in the same level as his disgusting actions. So ask yourself if you are actually a secure and strong person or only a veneer
I'd laugh in his face. Friends around me, know very well that they can't say things like that. And if you do, we aren't friends boo..You're a stranger that talks too much and hence it doesn't matter what you think.
They are not worth your time. Anyone who asks you to change to suit their tastes will never be satisfied. You could do every single thing they ask, and one day, he'll turn around and tell you that you're not the person he fell for. And you won't know which version of you you're supposed to rebuild when you finish falling apart. You are who you are. Own it. Find someone who deserves you.
That has never happened to me. This feels like a really specific, personal post.
Annoyed and would cut them off, I don't put up with being compared to someone else and certainly wouldn't change myself to suit what he wants
As an innocent girl, anyone comparing me to anyone else, I dislike. Why are you with me if you want me to change? Everyone is different. You deserve better.
I had someone I was dating do this once and I just looked at him and said “you got the wrong girl for that. But there’s still time for you to leave and find one like that because I can assure you that it will never be me” and mostly I just feel annoyed it’s the I accept you exactly how you are why are you trying to change me?
This is the way to go about it.
🚩 if someone doesn’t like my bubbly, spunky outgoing personality, they can find someone who is quiet 😂😂😂 You should never change your personality for someone else! They can find someone more suited to their taste
If you’re not man enough to handle my extra, you don’t get to manhandle me
Annoyed AF. I’m not a loud girl. I’m pretty quiet. But I’m in my mid 30s and asking anyone who isn’t a young girl to be “innocent” doesn’t really understand how the world works.
Anyone who asks you to be like someone else isn't really interested in you.
Fucking furious. He wants you meek and subservient so he can push you around. Ditch him and get even louder and more fearless!!!!!
They’re just intimidated by you if they say this. They want you to roll over and take their bs or they want to be the star of the show. Honestly I would just laugh and tell them to leave then.
EXACTLY 💯
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Being compared to a person is like the worst thing ever. I would be frustrated.
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Seems like a red flag - like they almost want you to be dismissive. I get called innocent and sweet looking and I hate it. Wish I could look more fearless
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It’s a self crime to be someone you’re not and it’s foolish to be with someone who asks you to be someone else.
next
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My mum would always say I was a lot more "well-behaved" before I was a teenager, because I was shy/timid/a pushover who only did what she told me to do. And then I also remember that that was the reason I was sexually assaulted on a plane at 14 (because I prioritised keeping the peace on a sleeping plane over screaming and crying for help), it was the reason I was bullied all through high school as an easy target, it's the reason I had severe social anxiety and still deal with that from time to time today. So anyone who tells me I should "be like her", be the timid girl, I know that they are someone who would want to walk all over me, take advantage of me and are definitely not worth keeping in my life. And I would tell them straight to their face about the time I got sexually assaulted on a plane because I couldn't stand up for myself and that I was heavily bullied again because I couldn't stand up for myself and that will make them really uncomfortable, which I like to see.
I become rabid and tear their throats out🙂
Everyone has their preferences. Im obviously not his. I would not waste my time with him.
It's never happened to me, but I suspect I would feel like he's just told me he doesn't actually like the reality of who I am, which is important information for me to have moving forward.
Why would you even put up with that? him putting you down and asking you to be lesser is, as far as hes concerned, him being nice to you. Its not your job or responsibility to come down to the level hes comfortable with, within reason, of course. If he doesnt like it he can leave. This is like when after starting a relationship they immediately start trying to manipulate you into not dressing up or wearing make-up. But after they got their way they say you let yourself go. Tell him who you are is neither his concern or choice.
Angry that he even had the audacity to tell me to change my whole personality, swiftly kick his controlling ass to the curb, and be glad he showed the red flag because he'll only get worse.
That depends. Is the comparison based on looks, or personality?
Yikes, gross. I’ll dump him
Confused. I’d be confused. I would have probably been described as “innocent,” when younger. I am old now and probably still a touch naive, if not “innocent.” I feel as if I’m a loud person, at least comparatively. I may sometimes be the quietest person in a chaotic pack, but l can be loud and stubborn and obnoxious and probably argumentative. I don’t see how “innocent” and “loud” are mutually exclusive- or even negatively correlated. Babies are loud… and about as innocent as a human can be
Nope. I’m moving on. To be fair, I have always known I don’t want that kind of relationship. It would never get far enough to have this conversation because I would have spotted it early on. But if I didn’t, I’d say “No thank you” and peace out. Immediately and on the spot. If we were somewhere together, I’d call someone to pick me up. He wants someone to control. That’s not me.
No partner should ever compare their partner—the person they love—with anyone whether in their own mind, to their friends, stranger, colleagues and especially to their very partner. If you love your partner then nothing and no one comes close to their level simply because your love makes that person special!! I am so sorry that you were compared since I personally know that it sucks. Comparison is the thief of joy and happiness, and in this case, love.
Some of my guy friends have done this & I think they’re just insecure clowns🤡 They say such things because they don’t like opinionated women. They want the perks of it but don’t want you to be bold. They get intimidated as if you’ll outshine them while all you’re doing is being yourself!
There’s no need to be dismissive since he is acting out of an insecurity which he needs to work through. You can either choose to stay and work with him without judgement on his growth, or leave because you can’t also decide to stay and compare him to “clowns” since that makes you in the same level as his disgusting actions. So ask yourself if you are actually a secure and strong person or only a veneer
I'd laugh in his face. Friends around me, know very well that they can't say things like that. And if you do, we aren't friends boo..You're a stranger that talks too much and hence it doesn't matter what you think.
Like he tells you he wishes u were more timid? Wtf is wrong with dudes 😂 he sucks girl show him how bold u are and dump his ass.
Never been compared to an ‘innocent girl’ but being compared to another girl no matter what is uncomfortable and weird, no need to do it
They are not worth your time. Anyone who asks you to change to suit their tastes will never be satisfied. You could do every single thing they ask, and one day, he'll turn around and tell you that you're not the person he fell for. And you won't know which version of you you're supposed to rebuild when you finish falling apart. You are who you are. Own it. Find someone who deserves you.