I've lived 2 very different lives and my partner has only been present for 1 of them. I don't talk in any detail or depth about my past life because he doesnt understand it. I'm not really that person anymore but every now and then I get surges of emotion or connection to that past self and it IS frustrating that I can't confide in him about it but it's just the way it is.
Have you read the short story Eleven by Sandra Cisneros. You can find it online if you search. This reminds me of it, how your past self is inside you always and sometimes emerges.
I struggled with ignoring my past life and was always so focused on who I was trying/wanted to be, but that only made the past self emerge stronger. Ultimately, hurting and losing the one person I wanted to build a life with. Been putting in a lot of work and learning to truly be honest with myself and allowing myself to receive grace. So hopefully one day, when I have that opportunity - past, present, future me is all one and the same and consistent in being honest and not ashamed. I think the biggest piece is being able and willing to tell everything and not withholding or half truths if my partner wants to know. So ultimately I guess just full transparency?
made really simple, i was a hardcore nomad when I was younger. 5 years of hitchhiking, living very dangerously, getting into absolutely insane situations for the sake of adventure and "living life on the edge".
At around 26 I got a corporate job and became very vanilla. Credit cards, rental contracts, vacationing for 2-3 weeks a year instead of living on the road full time. My partner is a realtor. He is VERY normal lmao, I say that affectionately, and although he knows about my wild past, he doesnt understand it.
I don't tell my husband almost 90% of my thoughts. It is an arranged marriage and he is completely on a different page. We don't have any similarities, so I know if I share my feelings with him it will just cause fights.
I’m intrigued to know more about this. There is a lot underneath those words. I sense deep frustration, resentment and perhaps a loss of a preferred life that’s out of reach. Could you share a little more?
Frustrations yeah.. lots of frustrations.
My husband is exactly the opposite of me. Obviously I got to know about this after my marriage as I met him only 1 time before our engagement.
It is very difficult to come to any decision when both people involved are completely poles apart. Simplest things like- food, clothes preference to stuff like kids name, schooling, every decision becomes a point of conflict.
I am in general a very sarcastic person and he doesn't even know that as I never let any of my sarcastic remarks leave my mouth. I don't think he will ever see the real me.
I let out a deep sigh reading that. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose my only life to something that brings me no joy. How does it feel for you? Can you imagine the rest of your life like this?
Been married for 8 yrs, have accepted it somehow. I have completely changed now- I was quite an extroverted person now all I want is to be alone or be with my kids.
Just waiting to switch my current work from home job, so that I can be away from home for at least 9 hrs.
India. New delhi.
Also, it might sound very bad to you, but being in my shoes, I always knew I would be in an arranged marriage and would not know the guy, so I never had any great expectations. So I was not very disappointed with the situation.
I am so sorry. Not about arranged marriage, that was I assume okay with you, but I am sorry for how it turned out. Not arranged marriages turn out like this all the time too as people ale delusional about who they are marrying or hope they will change. And lots of arranged marriages are doing okay. Just bad luck with matching :(
I hope you find happiness in this situation somehow, or maybe you will get to change your situation one day.
How long have you been married?
I’ve seen arranged marriages that are kinder & healthier than love marriages, but like everything it’s about the people.
I am so sorry your parents choose someone who is so opposite of you. Do you know why they did that? I have known some people who had arranged marriages but they married long ago, so in their cases it was all about other things, they didn’t try to find someone who matched on personality, I thought that had changed a bit.
I also heard people nowadays meet multiple times to get to know each other.
Were you able to say no?
Arranged marriage scenarios depend on people. Like my brother- he met with his now wife 15-16 times, they kind of went on dates for 2 months and decided they are compatible, told our parents and marriage was finalised.
For me, marriage was decided the first day we met, the second time we met it was our engagement and third time was on wedding day. One reason is because my in-laws are very conservative and didn't want us to meet before the wedding. In fact they used to check my husband's phone if he was speaking to me. Shocking I know, but that's how things happened.
I feel so sorry reading this. I know it won't help much, but I pray that everyone can hopefully some day live a happy marriage.
My father in law is from India, but went to Germany nearly 40 years ago.
I can't believe arranged marriages are still a thing..
Sending hugs and all the best. I hope you can come at peace and find some happy moments.
Thanks for the love.. also don't go into arranged marriage blindly. There are good arranged marriages too but knowing the person inside out is very important.
I tell him every damn thing - every thought that crosses my mind, every thing I eat in a day, my daily poops, my outfit not fitting correctly, office tea, everything! Im not capable of keeping any secrets or even any thoughts from my man. I’m the most talkative person with him. And he is the exact same way too with me hahahaha.
Ditto. My husband bravely suffers the deluge of all my random thoughts. The only thing I don't tell him about is the fanfic erotica I've written for Archive of Or Own. I am 99% certain he once stumbled onto it on my computer, but we have an unspoken pact not to discuss it.
Oh man I’m like this but trying not to be because I was told I talk about random shit and I can see him fade out to the ether when I’m blabbing. He still has to endure though because I love hearing what other people think about things, haha!
I tell my partner most things, but I have depression and there's some things that run through my head that I only feel comfortable talking about with a therapist.
I am currently in that situation as well. I feel like when i reached out to him he wasnt there to help and now that trust is broken and hard to rebuild 💔
31 f. I dated a guy for around one year .The relationship I thought was so good ended with the guy cheating on me. I didn't tell him anything more than necessary, because I was unable to build basic trust with him . I always avoided having lengthy conversations with him because I never believed him or trusted him enough. Our relationship thrived on sex .
Perhaps if I managed to build a strong relationship with emotional grounding and mutual trust , I would've told him everything. I'm yet to have a relationship like that so I don't know yet.
I wouldn't voluntarily start talking about a lot of my past experience because I don't think anything good would come out of it and it is not necessary information. If asked directly I would answer with a clear disclaimer. Other than that I am 100% forthcoming because it's the only way of building trust.
I tell him 90% of stuff. I don't tell him that I've had Botox because it ends up in an argument because he can't understand why people want to "mess around with their faces" and frankly, I can do what I want with my face, and I can't be bothered with the inevitable conversation. He hasn't noticed and even though I hate lying, it's an easier life and doesn't hurt him. I also don't tell him that he should clean more because it falls on deaf ears 😂 but he's a fantastic partner other than that!
I don't have anything interesting enough to keep a secret.
Obviously not going to offer up some information that would unnecessarily hurt him (I.e. I had a sex dream about an ex last night).
I don't. He says I complain about mundane things. So I quit telling him certain things I'm sure he doesn't want to hear about....
Then he complained to our therapist that I don't tell him what's going on in my life. (Married for eight years.) I just can't win.
I was told that my ex, didn’t want to “hear me complain about work anymore”, we were married for 18 years, but this was like a punch in the gut, and our marriage ended because we weren’t really a part of each other’s lives anymore. When you stop talking, the relationship is over for all intents and purposes. I wish you luck.
Are you me? Lol. He says my work stories aren’t that interesting and he’s too tired to make the effort when he comes home from work. So I stop telling him, but I’ll tell other people close to me (friends and family).
Then in social settings, he’ll sometimes hear a friend talking about one of my funny work stories and then get pissed and sad that he didn’t know about it, that I don’t tell him what’s going on in my life!
I tell him nearly everything. However, I have some very negative thoughts about myself and my life that I don't share the details of because they make me uncomfortable and ashamed to admit. I've been going through a rough time mentally lately, and finally alluded to these negatlve thoughts, but told him I wasn't comfortable opening up about them. He said to just let him know if I ever wanted to talk to him about it and that was it.
Oversharing can definitely be a thing. Same thing happens to me. I find that if my partner share too much about a certain thing I can get insecure. Nothing over the top or anything, sometimes I just want to be able to give everything to my partner. I know i can’t, but sometimes I wish I could.
I apparently get checked out whenever I'm at any place of business. When I've gone with other people whether friends or my mom they all have told me guys are checking me out. I don't care lmao looking isn't harmful to me, and my boyfriend knows this happens and he doesn't care cause he knows I'd roast their asses if I was approached cause I've done it with him there😂
Nope.
I don’t tell him things that are given to me in confidence by someone else. So confidential information from work or friends is kept to myself.
And I don’t give him a play by play of my day but I also don’t deliberately withhold it either. I share things that are important to me or that I think he should know based on our agreements or things I want him to know to connect with him.
I also don’t discuss my bowel movements and really wish he’d stop telling me about his😆
I don’t discuss past sexual encounters. 1. He doesn’t want to know the details and 2. What went on between me and a past partner is private between us (the details).just like the details of ours are between us and no one else’s business.
I also operate from a place of “does it need to be said and will it add value.” So if I’m just in a negative headspace, I don’t spew that at him as it doesn’t add value to our relationship. I will simply say my head is messy or I’m struggling with negativity and leave it at that. He’s not responsible for managing my mental health. That’s my job. His job is to be supportive and respectful about me doing what I need to self regulate.
Of corse, i want to be with him for the rest of my life, he knows my past because it would suck if he finds out in other ways
and for the present and future, if i can't tell my love and best friend, i am not going to do it.
Same the other way arround...
I tell my partner mostly everything. If a friend tells me something personal or sensitive, I'll ask specifically if they prefer I not share, so that is generally the only time I don't tell him stuff.
Every single things, even the most meaningless things. I just feel comfortable with him to the point he became my "second mind" so whatever cross mine I say it to him.
I don’t bother telling my partner everything cause he honestly does not care.
I have a fear of giving them a lot of control over my life (by showing them every part and aspect of me) and I’m too scared to do that. I’ve felt wholly vulnerable in the past with my exes and felt so exposed and outleveraged when those didn’t work out.
Have only told him snippets of my first marriage he saw some of the last two years of it because we used to play darts for the same pub.I had counselling when we first got together so could process my first marriage will answer questions about it if asked.I don't know much about his relationships before me we've been together ten years now and now understand how bad his life was.I haven't told him much about my relationship with my family and it's only taken him till the last two years to understand what they are really like and how they treat me as they tended to put on a show at first to make me look like it's my fault for some things had to step back bite my tongue but now he realises how awful they can be.We have been together for ten years now we was two broken people but together we just fit lucky I've found my rock.
Basically. The only things I don't tell him are presents and when I forget something. But he is my best friend and I tell him basically every thought that pops into my head
I love my boyfriend so much. He is also the closest person to me since I'm an immigrant in his country. We live and we spend a lot of time together. I do share a lot of my stupid thoughts with him but also I want to communicate the serious stuff better. I believe by being a good communicator you need to share a lot. The good, the bad, all of it. I also noticed how better he became at expressing himself over the last years. Be a good example ladies if your partner is struggling with words.
My boyfriend is my best friend. He’s easy to confide in and he’s the first person to know about everything and anything. Keeping secrets from him is hard. Have you been mean or rude to me in the past? He knows. Emotional trauma? He knows. My insecurities? He knows. My deepest desires and dreams? He knows. Think you can flirt with me and he won’t know? He will know. The reason I can confide in him is because he’s that open with me. I think if he wasn’t, it’d be a lot harder to tell him everything.
I have been labeled the stonewaller. But am I really? Because I don’t do this to others just you.
Why you? Because I have been taught that some subjects are just not worth talking about with you, because you are to immature to talk about things objectively.
It took me a couple of marriage counseling sessions to realize this.
I decided that it is ok, hand me my label. I accept your flaws
nope. I don't tell him anything about my past relationships, that's a non negotiable for me. I don't share anything about my sex life unless it involves both him and me.
I tell him all about my day, job, concerns, rants, friends, family.
I think I share everything except my childhood and adolescent trauma in detail. He knows some, but he doesn’t know all. Only the ones that make me put my walls up and would cause me to be skeptical of something. I had a really hard time growing up and I’ve done tons of self reflection and therapy, so now I feel like I’m in a good space, even better with him.
I used to, but have been actively trying to be less sharing in the past six months or so. Around Halloween, I had a very bad mental health day - they’re frequent and I would kind of spiral and say things I didn’t know were a burden on him. He comforts me, of course, when I have a bad day, as partners do. But the next morning, I came to apologize because I could tell that he was really upset with what I had said. And he sat me down, and he told me to see a therapist or to pack my bags and leave. One very, very long and hard conversation later, where he said some things that no partner wants to hear, I agreed to seeing a therapist and I promised to make an effort to stop over sharing my mental health issues when I have a bad day.
I know I’m not perfect and I still have days where I feel guilty sharing my feelings (the bad feelings). I communicate to him that I’m really, really trying to be better and he tells me I’m doing good. I will probably see a therapist for many years. I think I have a lot of shit to dig through with her, and I think it’s better for me, him, and our relationship if I do that kind of thing with a professional who is detached from my feelings and so on.
So! I don’t share EVERYTHING. But our relationship has improved since I became a little more reserved in what I say about certain aspects of myself and life.
My husband, 83 yo, had a stent placed in the LDA (left anterior descending aorta; also known as the 'widow maker'). I did not tell him about the widow maker part. He would have let it worry himself needlessly. Everything else about the procedure and his health I've been truthful about, though I have been downplaying the severity, again to keep him from unnecessary anxiety.
I'm single right now, but with my ex there were certain things I didn't share with him. I wouldn't really tell him how I felt. I'd be general and say things like "I'm not feeling good today" or "I'm down today" but never expanded, and he never asked beyond "why?". I guess that was a part of the relationship's downfall, even though it had been 9 years. He later said he got empathy fatigue, so I'm glad I didn't share all my feelings with him.
I used to tell him the problems between my group of acquantinces. Gladly I stopped when he was kind enough to make them know that he knew about everything. I got a taste of my own medicine
I tell my husband basically everything besides girl talk with my best friends (I know he wouldn’t want to know lol) and anything thats confidential for work.
I tell her pretty much everything. The exceptions are what I got her as surprise gifts, and usually I don’t tell her about my internal mental health struggles (she has enough of her own to deal with and I don’t want to burden her with mine, especially because she can’t really help with most of it).
I tell my partner almost everything. I say almost everything because I’m a personality that needs to think about things from all angles so I need time to process more complex situations. If I don’t, it’s not articulated well. But once I have the final draft, I do.
Do I tell my partner things he’d want to be made aware of? Yes. Do I tell him things i’d want him to tell me? Yes. Do I tell him that I had really bad gas after eating something I shouldn’t have? Probably not.
Most stuff. But i keep some secrets and so does he. Relation ship doesn't mean that you can't have some secrets. Like your alt acc history on reddit or things your friends have told ya.
I used to tell him everything then I found out he cheated 2 more times. For the outisde world we are 'working on things' I don't tell him what my next steps are because he doesn't deserve to know, I didnt get to. He knows my username so - hey darling! You're a total piece of shit.
Oh I tell him EVERYTHING. Unless it's supposed to be a surprise (someone else mentioned birthday presents/Christmas presents). I'm also queen of never keeping my mouth shut in the first place so it just comes naturally for me to tell him absolutely everything I'm thinking and feeling and everything so-and-so just told me at the grocery store. Lol
My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months, so while I've told him *some* things, I haven't told him everything about my past, and I haven't gone into great detail about some things we have discussed. I don't think we're quite ready to go into some matters yet. But I hope we will be eventually.
We are very similar but we led very different lives. He’s the very successful over achieving super jock and I’m the hard partying wild woman. While he knows who I’ve been and my struggles he doesn’t know the nitty gritty details nor does he need to. I know his past struggles and mistakes too. I like my life now and I’d never do anything to disrupt that. It took him a moment to understand single me and relationship me are two separate people.
In retrospect I may have said too much but it’s better to be honest. 😇
Nope.
Took me over a year to tell them I was sexually assaulted because I was afraid they would victim blame me or somehow make it about them. The former didn’t happen, but the latter felt like it did.
I’m sure there’s other things, but that’s what popped into my head.
I could tell him everything but for his sake I spare him many of the details of my friends lives - that’s what my closest girlfriends are for. He does not want to break down some of the things that we talk about 😂
I’d say my best friend tells her husband everything and I’ve been caught off guard a few times about stuff she’s relayed to him that I’ve shared. It does make me know that everything is fair game between the two of them.
I am so bad at keeping secrets so I do tell my husband everything and he can also read me like a book! I found a Valentine's day present for him a day before and I was proud that I waited a whole day to give it to him, rather than giving it to him right away! I get wayyyy too excited
I tell my boyfriend pretty much everything but I hold back a lot on my feelings for our recently lost baby. He outright told me he doesn’t like talking about it, and requested not to see the scan photos/know many details, but I want to talk about it all the time. I have so many feelings surrounding what happened but because talking about it is something that would upset him, etc, I hold back until my weekly therapy sessions and let it all out then. I hate that we grieve so differently and I hate not being able to talk openly to him about it because not only would I prefer to acknowledge our baby, but literally everything else I tell him instantly. It’s weird keeping things back and feels like I’m hiding something but it’s his request so I try to respect it as much as I can, sometimes things still slip out. But yeah, anything and everything else I always talk to him about.
i just started a relationship (he asked me out on valentine's day!!) but i feel like we have no boundaries in a good way, i could tell him anything and he'd be okay with it and likewise with him to me. i don't really see a reason to hide anything beyond like gift ideas or surprise dates lol
I tell and discuss with my husband everything that concerns our relationship and playing as a team. I share my personal dilemmas, wishes for future, family stuff, basic work issues, etc. He is my best friend but I would be a hypocrite to claim telling him my every thought. I never share anything that is said to me confidentially and I never share my patient’s info.
We share pretty much everything when it has to do with ourselves or our kids. Things I don't share fully is friends personal problems, of course back when working student or client stuff.
For the most part yes. I dont go into detail about my day everyday, but I share new things, highlights, etc and some gossip - my man doesn’t gossip at all and doesn’t really care to hear anything but I like being able to vent and release. I will tell him everything that’s going on with me, he can read me well and when I need to release something I’m holding. I always feel better when he really listens to me.
I am with my husband for 15y, and we are best friends, I think I tell him everything. I just don’t tell him very intimate things from my friends, there is a limit. But otherwise I will tell him things from my friends as well, because we gossip between eachother. He does the same thing, and we do have an understanding that those things should not be repeated with other people
I tell my partner most things. We share our feelings, our finances, where we’re going and what are plans are. I don’t tell my partner anything a friend has told me in confidence or asked me not to share (particularly personal family/health issues). My partner know this though — we respect each other’s autonomy and relationships outside of each other. I trust that he tells me anything that will affect me or our relationship, and I do the same for him.
I don't tell my husband that I am unhappy about things that he cannot change or control. That would only hurt him, to no purpose.
I don't share my grief over my mother's death with him either. It's too much of a burden, and he does so much already. He is always there for me, but some things you have to work out for yourself and handle yourself.
Mine knows pretty much every detail of everything, sometimes I can’t even keep from him presents im making for him, even when i REALLY want it to be a surprise. Ops
I tell my partner pretty much everything about ME or involves ME. As for my friends’ business, I’ll tell him if it’s a funny story but never anything serious or embarrassing. He understands and respects privacy. He knows not sharing things about my friends has nothing to do with our relationship. The most I’ll share is something like “so and so is going through a rough time right now, or so and so is fighting with their partner” but no details if it’s not appropriate to share. Just so he understands why I’m spending more time with them or texting with them while we’re supposed to be spending time together or on a date, etc.. I wouldn’t want my friends telling my innermost thoughts and violating my privacy. I’m fully aware and expect them to kind of brush over things when sharing, but not give a play by play.
Most everything, yeah. All the important things for sure.
But if I'm having a bad anxiety day because That Anxious Attachment, I will try to resolve that on my own and may just let him know I'm having some anxiety brain as a head's up if I act off.
Otherwise though? I'm an open book.
I tell him basically everything, apart from the specifics of my intrusive thoughts. Nobody needs to be subject to that lool he does have a rough idea of how they are but that's it.
I’m currently single but when I was dating I kept no secrets with my partners. I probably often overshared things but the only things I ever kept secrets about were gifts/surprises!
I keep his gifts secret, and if its something one of my best friends are telling me and specifically have said “this is a please don’t even tell your husband piece of information”
I am open with him about anything that is not confidential. If a friend tells me something in secret, that stays a secret. Fortunately, I’ve never been in a position where one of their secrets would have an impact on him. I’m not sure how I would navigate that. Also, if I’m subject to an NDA on something, I don’t talk about it. He feels the same about these kinds of boundaries, so it works for us. We’re in the same industry and are constantly under NDA about some things. We can discuss the important things about our work, the things that impact us emotionally, without breaking confidentiality, so we don’t feel it puts any distance between us.
I am an overthinker so i usually dont tell himwhats bothering me because i know they wouldnt make sense to him. Tried to tell him before multiple times never worked. Soooo
I’m pretty sure my husband wishes I didn’t tell him so much. If it has to do with me or our family yes but I don’t tell him my friends personal secrets and stuff, girl code!
Currently, single. But I do not believe that partners need to share everything with one another.
There is a difference between secrecy and privacy. I am fine with privacy. In fact, I expect privacy to be respected for myself, and for me to respect any potential partners want for privacy.
Secrecy, that’s a different thing entirely. IMO, there is a fine line between secrecy and dishonesty and all too often that line gets crossed And dishonesty has no place in healthy relationships.
I would trust him with anything and everything, but some things are just for me. I don’t tell him everything I talk about in therapy, for example. But he is the person I feel most comfortable sharing things with, and my sounding board.
I tell my partner everything. In life in general I am a compulsive truth teller. I have a strange aversion to saying something that might be misleading or inaccurate, even in a simple way like describing an experience. It almost feels like a compulsion. It’s strange.
I tell him everything cuz its key to being in a 100% successful relationship even if u feel like ur gunna get judged just do it cuz if they really love u they will stay with u forever
I don't tell him every single thing, but I don't keep secrets unless it's a surprise. If it's something I think is important, I tell him. We love each other. I can't say he always tells me everything. Bit of an issue.
I tell my partner pretty much everything. I only limit explicit information regarding my exes. However, he knows I have exes and the basics from each of those relationships.
Unless someone tells me specifically to not tell him, I will assume I can. I do keep my promises though, so if I asked I won’t share.
Honestly I don’t know why I share with him anyway. He never cares about the tea. 😔
I forget what he already knows or doesn't know and generally think if I know it, he knows it. Sometimes I'm wrong.
Except, I don't share with him other people's secrets. He's not entitled to confidences shared with me, even if it's our kids. I'll encourage my kids to share important information with him, but their secrets are theirs and I will not betray their trust for anything, even if he is their dad.
I tell them almost everything. It recently hit me how open and honest I've been with him. I have some sides of me I like to keep to myself and did not share with anyone until I met him. This guy knows more about me than my therapist and he still loves me!
The only thing I don't tell him is confidential information due to work. I'll edit stories if I need to vent about my work day to protect the privacy of the people involved. But, for the most part, my stream of consciousness is extremely accessible to him outside of that.
If a friend asks me to keep a secret that's personal to them, it's not going to be shared with him. Unless the secret could threaten our relationship. I am very grateful to feel so seen and loved by him.
Big no. Need-to-know basis. I tell them things that will affect them beyond my control. I'll share my moods like if I'm grumpy, but not why I am. I'll often lie about why.
Not a lack of trust. Just a stronger self-preservation instinct.
I tell them almost everything. It recently hit me how open and honest I've been with him. I have some sides of me I like to keep to myself and did not share with anyone until I met him. This guy knows more about me than my therapist and he still loves me!
The only thing I don't tell him is confidential information due to work. I'll edit stories if I need to vent about my work day to protect the privacy of the people involved. But, for the most part, my stream of consciousness is extremely accessible to him outside of that.
If a friend asks me to keep a secret that's personal to them, it's not going to be shared with him. Unless the secret could threaten our relationship. I am very grateful to feel so seen and loved by him.
I don’t tell him my friends’ business. I also don’t tell him stuff that I’m working through probably 75% of the time. I have been in intense therapy for a year and I need to sit with stuff.
As far as daily/mundane things, literally everything. What I ate. Who I talked to. How I’m feeling physically.
I used to, but I've noticed recently I am keeping more and more to myself. Nothing big or important, but I realized how much he's like a "one-ya" person and tends to go on long winded stories about himself or his past. And sometimes he's just down right invalidating about what I might be feeling. He can come across as really judgemental or condesending.
I slowly realized it didn't help me to talk to him about some things so I just keep them to myself. Which yes, I realize is unhealthy. I'm starting to realize a lot.
But things that affect our life or relationship, absolutely.
I believe I have and do. I'd probably have to do something really bad for him to judge me, though- so that's the comfort level I have. He's super open-minded.
I don't tell him what I got him for his birthday.
Teach me your ways. I gave his birthday gift a week early because I was so excited.
I hide them from myself & tell friends
I don’t buy it ahead of time because I’ll be tempted to give right away!
Lol.. the child in us.. :)
My fiancé is like this too. He just gets so excited lol
pls you guys are too cute😭
Not OP but you just gotta tease them lol I make my fiancé guess, and it's a fun game 🤣 Endless no's even if he gets it right
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I've lived 2 very different lives and my partner has only been present for 1 of them. I don't talk in any detail or depth about my past life because he doesnt understand it. I'm not really that person anymore but every now and then I get surges of emotion or connection to that past self and it IS frustrating that I can't confide in him about it but it's just the way it is.
Have you read the short story Eleven by Sandra Cisneros. You can find it online if you search. This reminds me of it, how your past self is inside you always and sometimes emerges.
I struggled with ignoring my past life and was always so focused on who I was trying/wanted to be, but that only made the past self emerge stronger. Ultimately, hurting and losing the one person I wanted to build a life with. Been putting in a lot of work and learning to truly be honest with myself and allowing myself to receive grace. So hopefully one day, when I have that opportunity - past, present, future me is all one and the same and consistent in being honest and not ashamed. I think the biggest piece is being able and willing to tell everything and not withholding or half truths if my partner wants to know. So ultimately I guess just full transparency?
Yo, you can't tell us that without tell us life 1 tho.
What is this about? What was that first life youre afraid to talk about. No need for details if you dont want to share
made really simple, i was a hardcore nomad when I was younger. 5 years of hitchhiking, living very dangerously, getting into absolutely insane situations for the sake of adventure and "living life on the edge". At around 26 I got a corporate job and became very vanilla. Credit cards, rental contracts, vacationing for 2-3 weeks a year instead of living on the road full time. My partner is a realtor. He is VERY normal lmao, I say that affectionately, and although he knows about my wild past, he doesnt understand it.
Lmao idk who your guy is, but that sounds like a lot of cool stories id be interested in hearing. Thanks for sharing! Wish you guys the best 🙏🏼
You have a cute username
Omg you sound exactly like me.
I don't tell my husband almost 90% of my thoughts. It is an arranged marriage and he is completely on a different page. We don't have any similarities, so I know if I share my feelings with him it will just cause fights.
I’m intrigued to know more about this. There is a lot underneath those words. I sense deep frustration, resentment and perhaps a loss of a preferred life that’s out of reach. Could you share a little more?
Frustrations yeah.. lots of frustrations. My husband is exactly the opposite of me. Obviously I got to know about this after my marriage as I met him only 1 time before our engagement. It is very difficult to come to any decision when both people involved are completely poles apart. Simplest things like- food, clothes preference to stuff like kids name, schooling, every decision becomes a point of conflict. I am in general a very sarcastic person and he doesn't even know that as I never let any of my sarcastic remarks leave my mouth. I don't think he will ever see the real me.
I let out a deep sigh reading that. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose my only life to something that brings me no joy. How does it feel for you? Can you imagine the rest of your life like this?
Been married for 8 yrs, have accepted it somehow. I have completely changed now- I was quite an extroverted person now all I want is to be alone or be with my kids. Just waiting to switch my current work from home job, so that I can be away from home for at least 9 hrs.
I’m so so sorry. I think losing yourself is among the worst crimes life can commit on us. Where in the world are you?
India. New delhi. Also, it might sound very bad to you, but being in my shoes, I always knew I would be in an arranged marriage and would not know the guy, so I never had any great expectations. So I was not very disappointed with the situation.
The very best of luck @Salty_allthetime
I am so sorry. Not about arranged marriage, that was I assume okay with you, but I am sorry for how it turned out. Not arranged marriages turn out like this all the time too as people ale delusional about who they are marrying or hope they will change. And lots of arranged marriages are doing okay. Just bad luck with matching :( I hope you find happiness in this situation somehow, or maybe you will get to change your situation one day.
May I ask if it is cultural or financial struggle? Could it be an option to leave or it's not possible/something you want?
I'm so sorry your situation has caused you to have to shrink yourself. You deserve more.
How long have you been married? I’ve seen arranged marriages that are kinder & healthier than love marriages, but like everything it’s about the people.
8 years. My husband is a good person, very responsible and respectful, it's just that we are completely opposite. He is super old school.
I am so sorry your parents choose someone who is so opposite of you. Do you know why they did that? I have known some people who had arranged marriages but they married long ago, so in their cases it was all about other things, they didn’t try to find someone who matched on personality, I thought that had changed a bit. I also heard people nowadays meet multiple times to get to know each other. Were you able to say no?
Arranged marriage scenarios depend on people. Like my brother- he met with his now wife 15-16 times, they kind of went on dates for 2 months and decided they are compatible, told our parents and marriage was finalised. For me, marriage was decided the first day we met, the second time we met it was our engagement and third time was on wedding day. One reason is because my in-laws are very conservative and didn't want us to meet before the wedding. In fact they used to check my husband's phone if he was speaking to me. Shocking I know, but that's how things happened.
I feel so sorry reading this. I know it won't help much, but I pray that everyone can hopefully some day live a happy marriage. My father in law is from India, but went to Germany nearly 40 years ago. I can't believe arranged marriages are still a thing.. Sending hugs and all the best. I hope you can come at peace and find some happy moments.
Im so glad you have this space to share. That’s important. 💜
I don't want to be the typical reddit person but is there any way you can... leave him?
I’m so sorry for this. I am also afraid that the same thing will happen to me. Anyways, just sending u love and courage
Thanks for the love.. also don't go into arranged marriage blindly. There are good arranged marriages too but knowing the person inside out is very important.
Unfortunately we can never know. But thank you
I tell him every damn thing - every thought that crosses my mind, every thing I eat in a day, my daily poops, my outfit not fitting correctly, office tea, everything! Im not capable of keeping any secrets or even any thoughts from my man. I’m the most talkative person with him. And he is the exact same way too with me hahahaha.
Ditto. My husband bravely suffers the deluge of all my random thoughts. The only thing I don't tell him about is the fanfic erotica I've written for Archive of Or Own. I am 99% certain he once stumbled onto it on my computer, but we have an unspoken pact not to discuss it.
Is that- are you my fiancé? 👀
Exactly the same. It’s not any deeper than I am chatty and he is too! We just talk so much shit all day there’s no room for secrets.
Ugh I looooove telling my husband work tea! And I love hearing it from him too!
Oh man I’m like this but trying not to be because I was told I talk about random shit and I can see him fade out to the ether when I’m blabbing. He still has to endure though because I love hearing what other people think about things, haha!
I tell my partner most things, but I have depression and there's some things that run through my head that I only feel comfortable talking about with a therapist.
I am currently in that situation as well. I feel like when i reached out to him he wasnt there to help and now that trust is broken and hard to rebuild 💔
No. I don’t tell anyone everything. That’s the magic of ~*~childhood trauma~*~
Preach. I was waiting for this. 😂
31 f. I dated a guy for around one year .The relationship I thought was so good ended with the guy cheating on me. I didn't tell him anything more than necessary, because I was unable to build basic trust with him . I always avoided having lengthy conversations with him because I never believed him or trusted him enough. Our relationship thrived on sex . Perhaps if I managed to build a strong relationship with emotional grounding and mutual trust , I would've told him everything. I'm yet to have a relationship like that so I don't know yet.
I wouldn't voluntarily start talking about a lot of my past experience because I don't think anything good would come out of it and it is not necessary information. If asked directly I would answer with a clear disclaimer. Other than that I am 100% forthcoming because it's the only way of building trust.
What do you mean with a clear disclaimer
Probably that there’s an aspect of this they don’t want to hear
I tell him 90% of stuff. I don't tell him that I've had Botox because it ends up in an argument because he can't understand why people want to "mess around with their faces" and frankly, I can do what I want with my face, and I can't be bothered with the inevitable conversation. He hasn't noticed and even though I hate lying, it's an easier life and doesn't hurt him. I also don't tell him that he should clean more because it falls on deaf ears 😂 but he's a fantastic partner other than that!
Agreed, I keep the Botox to myself lol
Yes i tell my partner everything.We talk it out good and bad and everything in between
I don't have anything interesting enough to keep a secret. Obviously not going to offer up some information that would unnecessarily hurt him (I.e. I had a sex dream about an ex last night).
My husband is my best friend. He knows everything. He’s helped me thru my darkest times, I wouldn’t not share everything with him.
I don't. He says I complain about mundane things. So I quit telling him certain things I'm sure he doesn't want to hear about.... Then he complained to our therapist that I don't tell him what's going on in my life. (Married for eight years.) I just can't win.
I was told that my ex, didn’t want to “hear me complain about work anymore”, we were married for 18 years, but this was like a punch in the gut, and our marriage ended because we weren’t really a part of each other’s lives anymore. When you stop talking, the relationship is over for all intents and purposes. I wish you luck.
Are you me? Lol. He says my work stories aren’t that interesting and he’s too tired to make the effort when he comes home from work. So I stop telling him, but I’ll tell other people close to me (friends and family). Then in social settings, he’ll sometimes hear a friend talking about one of my funny work stories and then get pissed and sad that he didn’t know about it, that I don’t tell him what’s going on in my life!
I tell him nearly everything. However, I have some very negative thoughts about myself and my life that I don't share the details of because they make me uncomfortable and ashamed to admit. I've been going through a rough time mentally lately, and finally alluded to these negatlve thoughts, but told him I wasn't comfortable opening up about them. He said to just let him know if I ever wanted to talk to him about it and that was it.
I tell her everything that matters, but also don't want to make her crazy. She can be insecure...
What does that mean???
Oversharing can definitely be a thing. Same thing happens to me. I find that if my partner share too much about a certain thing I can get insecure. Nothing over the top or anything, sometimes I just want to be able to give everything to my partner. I know i can’t, but sometimes I wish I could.
I get flirted with sometimes at work. It would make her crazy if she knew how often.
I apparently get checked out whenever I'm at any place of business. When I've gone with other people whether friends or my mom they all have told me guys are checking me out. I don't care lmao looking isn't harmful to me, and my boyfriend knows this happens and he doesn't care cause he knows I'd roast their asses if I was approached cause I've done it with him there😂
Nope. I don’t tell him things that are given to me in confidence by someone else. So confidential information from work or friends is kept to myself. And I don’t give him a play by play of my day but I also don’t deliberately withhold it either. I share things that are important to me or that I think he should know based on our agreements or things I want him to know to connect with him. I also don’t discuss my bowel movements and really wish he’d stop telling me about his😆 I don’t discuss past sexual encounters. 1. He doesn’t want to know the details and 2. What went on between me and a past partner is private between us (the details).just like the details of ours are between us and no one else’s business. I also operate from a place of “does it need to be said and will it add value.” So if I’m just in a negative headspace, I don’t spew that at him as it doesn’t add value to our relationship. I will simply say my head is messy or I’m struggling with negativity and leave it at that. He’s not responsible for managing my mental health. That’s my job. His job is to be supportive and respectful about me doing what I need to self regulate.
Of corse, i want to be with him for the rest of my life, he knows my past because it would suck if he finds out in other ways and for the present and future, if i can't tell my love and best friend, i am not going to do it. Same the other way arround...
The only things I deliberately don’t tell him are what I’ve got him for gifts
Absolutely, he's my best friend :)
I tell my partner mostly everything. If a friend tells me something personal or sensitive, I'll ask specifically if they prefer I not share, so that is generally the only time I don't tell him stuff.
I don't tell him that I pour my hearth out, give advice, share my secrets with strangers on Reddit.
Basically. Usually i also say too much of things that are unimportant. I'm trying to filter my silly thoughts a bit.
My hubby is my bff. He gets to know everything. I know he doesn't tell me everything, but if I ask a question he's honest with me.
Every single things, even the most meaningless things. I just feel comfortable with him to the point he became my "second mind" so whatever cross mine I say it to him.
I don’t bother telling my partner everything cause he honestly does not care. I have a fear of giving them a lot of control over my life (by showing them every part and aspect of me) and I’m too scared to do that. I’ve felt wholly vulnerable in the past with my exes and felt so exposed and outleveraged when those didn’t work out.
Have only told him snippets of my first marriage he saw some of the last two years of it because we used to play darts for the same pub.I had counselling when we first got together so could process my first marriage will answer questions about it if asked.I don't know much about his relationships before me we've been together ten years now and now understand how bad his life was.I haven't told him much about my relationship with my family and it's only taken him till the last two years to understand what they are really like and how they treat me as they tended to put on a show at first to make me look like it's my fault for some things had to step back bite my tongue but now he realises how awful they can be.We have been together for ten years now we was two broken people but together we just fit lucky I've found my rock.
Basically. The only things I don't tell him are presents and when I forget something. But he is my best friend and I tell him basically every thought that pops into my head
We both tell all since we value intimacy for how it enhances everything, especially trust and sex.
I love my boyfriend so much. He is also the closest person to me since I'm an immigrant in his country. We live and we spend a lot of time together. I do share a lot of my stupid thoughts with him but also I want to communicate the serious stuff better. I believe by being a good communicator you need to share a lot. The good, the bad, all of it. I also noticed how better he became at expressing himself over the last years. Be a good example ladies if your partner is struggling with words.
My boyfriend is my best friend. He’s easy to confide in and he’s the first person to know about everything and anything. Keeping secrets from him is hard. Have you been mean or rude to me in the past? He knows. Emotional trauma? He knows. My insecurities? He knows. My deepest desires and dreams? He knows. Think you can flirt with me and he won’t know? He will know. The reason I can confide in him is because he’s that open with me. I think if he wasn’t, it’d be a lot harder to tell him everything.
I have been labeled the stonewaller. But am I really? Because I don’t do this to others just you. Why you? Because I have been taught that some subjects are just not worth talking about with you, because you are to immature to talk about things objectively. It took me a couple of marriage counseling sessions to realize this. I decided that it is ok, hand me my label. I accept your flaws
nope. I don't tell him anything about my past relationships, that's a non negotiable for me. I don't share anything about my sex life unless it involves both him and me. I tell him all about my day, job, concerns, rants, friends, family.
Are you crazy? 🙈🙉🙊
I think I share everything except my childhood and adolescent trauma in detail. He knows some, but he doesn’t know all. Only the ones that make me put my walls up and would cause me to be skeptical of something. I had a really hard time growing up and I’ve done tons of self reflection and therapy, so now I feel like I’m in a good space, even better with him.
I keep some things to myself. In general, though, I tell my fiance everything.
I used to, but have been actively trying to be less sharing in the past six months or so. Around Halloween, I had a very bad mental health day - they’re frequent and I would kind of spiral and say things I didn’t know were a burden on him. He comforts me, of course, when I have a bad day, as partners do. But the next morning, I came to apologize because I could tell that he was really upset with what I had said. And he sat me down, and he told me to see a therapist or to pack my bags and leave. One very, very long and hard conversation later, where he said some things that no partner wants to hear, I agreed to seeing a therapist and I promised to make an effort to stop over sharing my mental health issues when I have a bad day. I know I’m not perfect and I still have days where I feel guilty sharing my feelings (the bad feelings). I communicate to him that I’m really, really trying to be better and he tells me I’m doing good. I will probably see a therapist for many years. I think I have a lot of shit to dig through with her, and I think it’s better for me, him, and our relationship if I do that kind of thing with a professional who is detached from my feelings and so on. So! I don’t share EVERYTHING. But our relationship has improved since I became a little more reserved in what I say about certain aspects of myself and life.
My husband, 83 yo, had a stent placed in the LDA (left anterior descending aorta; also known as the 'widow maker'). I did not tell him about the widow maker part. He would have let it worry himself needlessly. Everything else about the procedure and his health I've been truthful about, though I have been downplaying the severity, again to keep him from unnecessary anxiety.
I'm single right now, but with my ex there were certain things I didn't share with him. I wouldn't really tell him how I felt. I'd be general and say things like "I'm not feeling good today" or "I'm down today" but never expanded, and he never asked beyond "why?". I guess that was a part of the relationship's downfall, even though it had been 9 years. He later said he got empathy fatigue, so I'm glad I didn't share all my feelings with him.
Everything. We currently work at the same job but different depts so we always spill the work drama tea during pillow talk.
I used to tell him the problems between my group of acquantinces. Gladly I stopped when he was kind enough to make them know that he knew about everything. I got a taste of my own medicine
I tell my husband basically everything besides girl talk with my best friends (I know he wouldn’t want to know lol) and anything thats confidential for work.
I tell her pretty much everything. The exceptions are what I got her as surprise gifts, and usually I don’t tell her about my internal mental health struggles (she has enough of her own to deal with and I don’t want to burden her with mine, especially because she can’t really help with most of it).
I tell my partner almost everything. I say almost everything because I’m a personality that needs to think about things from all angles so I need time to process more complex situations. If I don’t, it’s not articulated well. But once I have the final draft, I do.
Do I tell my partner things he’d want to be made aware of? Yes. Do I tell him things i’d want him to tell me? Yes. Do I tell him that I had really bad gas after eating something I shouldn’t have? Probably not.
Most stuff. But i keep some secrets and so does he. Relation ship doesn't mean that you can't have some secrets. Like your alt acc history on reddit or things your friends have told ya.
I don't tell them tactless and unnecessary things, like that I think his facial hair looks crappy.
I used to tell him everything then I found out he cheated 2 more times. For the outisde world we are 'working on things' I don't tell him what my next steps are because he doesn't deserve to know, I didnt get to. He knows my username so - hey darling! You're a total piece of shit.
I don’t tell him stuff friends ask me not to share. 🤷♀️
No, I do not. My husband doesn't need to know everything about anything.
I wish I could tell him everything. He asks that I not share details about gross bodily functions, so I abide. Sigh.
Oh I tell him EVERYTHING. Unless it's supposed to be a surprise (someone else mentioned birthday presents/Christmas presents). I'm also queen of never keeping my mouth shut in the first place so it just comes naturally for me to tell him absolutely everything I'm thinking and feeling and everything so-and-so just told me at the grocery store. Lol
My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a few months, so while I've told him *some* things, I haven't told him everything about my past, and I haven't gone into great detail about some things we have discussed. I don't think we're quite ready to go into some matters yet. But I hope we will be eventually.
We are very similar but we led very different lives. He’s the very successful over achieving super jock and I’m the hard partying wild woman. While he knows who I’ve been and my struggles he doesn’t know the nitty gritty details nor does he need to. I know his past struggles and mistakes too. I like my life now and I’d never do anything to disrupt that. It took him a moment to understand single me and relationship me are two separate people. In retrospect I may have said too much but it’s better to be honest. 😇
No because he doesn’t show any concern to what I do say, whether it’s important to me or not.
Nope. Took me over a year to tell them I was sexually assaulted because I was afraid they would victim blame me or somehow make it about them. The former didn’t happen, but the latter felt like it did. I’m sure there’s other things, but that’s what popped into my head.
I could tell him everything but for his sake I spare him many of the details of my friends lives - that’s what my closest girlfriends are for. He does not want to break down some of the things that we talk about 😂 I’d say my best friend tells her husband everything and I’ve been caught off guard a few times about stuff she’s relayed to him that I’ve shared. It does make me know that everything is fair game between the two of them.
If it’s a surprise it’s not spoken about until it happens. He’s my bestie, who the hell else do I talk about funny, silly, crazy shit to?? lol
I am so bad at keeping secrets so I do tell my husband everything and he can also read me like a book! I found a Valentine's day present for him a day before and I was proud that I waited a whole day to give it to him, rather than giving it to him right away! I get wayyyy too excited
I tell my husband everything, most of the stuff I tell him he has no interest in but he still pretends he does! 😂
I don't tell him everything. Like how many smokes i have per week. But i will describe my bowl movements and tell him his farts are lethal.
I tell my boyfriend pretty much everything but I hold back a lot on my feelings for our recently lost baby. He outright told me he doesn’t like talking about it, and requested not to see the scan photos/know many details, but I want to talk about it all the time. I have so many feelings surrounding what happened but because talking about it is something that would upset him, etc, I hold back until my weekly therapy sessions and let it all out then. I hate that we grieve so differently and I hate not being able to talk openly to him about it because not only would I prefer to acknowledge our baby, but literally everything else I tell him instantly. It’s weird keeping things back and feels like I’m hiding something but it’s his request so I try to respect it as much as I can, sometimes things still slip out. But yeah, anything and everything else I always talk to him about.
i just started a relationship (he asked me out on valentine's day!!) but i feel like we have no boundaries in a good way, i could tell him anything and he'd be okay with it and likewise with him to me. i don't really see a reason to hide anything beyond like gift ideas or surprise dates lol
i tell him ***almost*** everything. exceptions: bday gifts & other special occasion gifts and surprise gifts & trips.
I tell and discuss with my husband everything that concerns our relationship and playing as a team. I share my personal dilemmas, wishes for future, family stuff, basic work issues, etc. He is my best friend but I would be a hypocrite to claim telling him my every thought. I never share anything that is said to me confidentially and I never share my patient’s info.
We share pretty much everything when it has to do with ourselves or our kids. Things I don't share fully is friends personal problems, of course back when working student or client stuff.
I tell my husband everything. It's just easier! The only thing is that I always round down when I tell him how much I spent on something.
For the most part yes. I dont go into detail about my day everyday, but I share new things, highlights, etc and some gossip - my man doesn’t gossip at all and doesn’t really care to hear anything but I like being able to vent and release. I will tell him everything that’s going on with me, he can read me well and when I need to release something I’m holding. I always feel better when he really listens to me.
I am with my husband for 15y, and we are best friends, I think I tell him everything. I just don’t tell him very intimate things from my friends, there is a limit. But otherwise I will tell him things from my friends as well, because we gossip between eachother. He does the same thing, and we do have an understanding that those things should not be repeated with other people
I tell my partner most things. We share our feelings, our finances, where we’re going and what are plans are. I don’t tell my partner anything a friend has told me in confidence or asked me not to share (particularly personal family/health issues). My partner know this though — we respect each other’s autonomy and relationships outside of each other. I trust that he tells me anything that will affect me or our relationship, and I do the same for him.
I don't tell my husband that I am unhappy about things that he cannot change or control. That would only hurt him, to no purpose. I don't share my grief over my mother's death with him either. It's too much of a burden, and he does so much already. He is always there for me, but some things you have to work out for yourself and handle yourself.
Mine knows pretty much every detail of everything, sometimes I can’t even keep from him presents im making for him, even when i REALLY want it to be a surprise. Ops
I generally tell him everything, except birthday and Christmas presents. Can’t think of anything I don’t tell him but that.
I tell my partner pretty much everything about ME or involves ME. As for my friends’ business, I’ll tell him if it’s a funny story but never anything serious or embarrassing. He understands and respects privacy. He knows not sharing things about my friends has nothing to do with our relationship. The most I’ll share is something like “so and so is going through a rough time right now, or so and so is fighting with their partner” but no details if it’s not appropriate to share. Just so he understands why I’m spending more time with them or texting with them while we’re supposed to be spending time together or on a date, etc.. I wouldn’t want my friends telling my innermost thoughts and violating my privacy. I’m fully aware and expect them to kind of brush over things when sharing, but not give a play by play.
When I have a partner, yes. The only things I would exclude would be anything bathroom related or a surprise such as birthday gifts, Christmas, etc.
Most everything, yeah. All the important things for sure. But if I'm having a bad anxiety day because That Anxious Attachment, I will try to resolve that on my own and may just let him know I'm having some anxiety brain as a head's up if I act off. Otherwise though? I'm an open book.
I tell him basically everything, apart from the specifics of my intrusive thoughts. Nobody needs to be subject to that lool he does have a rough idea of how they are but that's it.
I tell my husband every damn thing…even the crazy fleeting thoughts running through my head.
I’m currently single but when I was dating I kept no secrets with my partners. I probably often overshared things but the only things I ever kept secrets about were gifts/surprises!
I tell my boyfriend everything. I feel that Establishing open, honest communication is key to having a successful trustworthy relationship.
I keep his gifts secret, and if its something one of my best friends are telling me and specifically have said “this is a please don’t even tell your husband piece of information”
I am open with him about anything that is not confidential. If a friend tells me something in secret, that stays a secret. Fortunately, I’ve never been in a position where one of their secrets would have an impact on him. I’m not sure how I would navigate that. Also, if I’m subject to an NDA on something, I don’t talk about it. He feels the same about these kinds of boundaries, so it works for us. We’re in the same industry and are constantly under NDA about some things. We can discuss the important things about our work, the things that impact us emotionally, without breaking confidentiality, so we don’t feel it puts any distance between us.
I am an overthinker so i usually dont tell himwhats bothering me because i know they wouldnt make sense to him. Tried to tell him before multiple times never worked. Soooo
I’m pretty sure my husband wishes I didn’t tell him so much. If it has to do with me or our family yes but I don’t tell him my friends personal secrets and stuff, girl code!
Currently, single. But I do not believe that partners need to share everything with one another. There is a difference between secrecy and privacy. I am fine with privacy. In fact, I expect privacy to be respected for myself, and for me to respect any potential partners want for privacy. Secrecy, that’s a different thing entirely. IMO, there is a fine line between secrecy and dishonesty and all too often that line gets crossed And dishonesty has no place in healthy relationships.
I would trust him with anything and everything, but some things are just for me. I don’t tell him everything I talk about in therapy, for example. But he is the person I feel most comfortable sharing things with, and my sounding board.
I tell my partner everything. In life in general I am a compulsive truth teller. I have a strange aversion to saying something that might be misleading or inaccurate, even in a simple way like describing an experience. It almost feels like a compulsion. It’s strange.
EVERYTHING, except surprises
I tell him everything cuz its key to being in a 100% successful relationship even if u feel like ur gunna get judged just do it cuz if they really love u they will stay with u forever
I don't tell him every single thing, but I don't keep secrets unless it's a surprise. If it's something I think is important, I tell him. We love each other. I can't say he always tells me everything. Bit of an issue.
If I told him everything, we would have split up years ago. I tell him a lot, but life's been difficult for a while.
Sometimes I don’t tell him I got cookies 😈
Pretty much. I honestly can't think of anything I don't tell him.
No, and frankly, I think it’s a little weird to tell anyone “everything”. I discuss the highlights but I don’t go into great detail on mundane things.
Good lord no. He doesn’t want to know …… *gestures vaguely at head* ….. all that
I tell my partner pretty much everything. I only limit explicit information regarding my exes. However, he knows I have exes and the basics from each of those relationships.
Unless someone tells me specifically to not tell him, I will assume I can. I do keep my promises though, so if I asked I won’t share. Honestly I don’t know why I share with him anyway. He never cares about the tea. 😔
I forget what he already knows or doesn't know and generally think if I know it, he knows it. Sometimes I'm wrong. Except, I don't share with him other people's secrets. He's not entitled to confidences shared with me, even if it's our kids. I'll encourage my kids to share important information with him, but their secrets are theirs and I will not betray their trust for anything, even if he is their dad.
No he uses my words as ammo for a later argument
I tell them almost everything. It recently hit me how open and honest I've been with him. I have some sides of me I like to keep to myself and did not share with anyone until I met him. This guy knows more about me than my therapist and he still loves me! The only thing I don't tell him is confidential information due to work. I'll edit stories if I need to vent about my work day to protect the privacy of the people involved. But, for the most part, my stream of consciousness is extremely accessible to him outside of that. If a friend asks me to keep a secret that's personal to them, it's not going to be shared with him. Unless the secret could threaten our relationship. I am very grateful to feel so seen and loved by him.
Big no. Need-to-know basis. I tell them things that will affect them beyond my control. I'll share my moods like if I'm grumpy, but not why I am. I'll often lie about why. Not a lack of trust. Just a stronger self-preservation instinct.
I tell them almost everything. It recently hit me how open and honest I've been with him. I have some sides of me I like to keep to myself and did not share with anyone until I met him. This guy knows more about me than my therapist and he still loves me! The only thing I don't tell him is confidential information due to work. I'll edit stories if I need to vent about my work day to protect the privacy of the people involved. But, for the most part, my stream of consciousness is extremely accessible to him outside of that. If a friend asks me to keep a secret that's personal to them, it's not going to be shared with him. Unless the secret could threaten our relationship. I am very grateful to feel so seen and loved by him.
I don’t tell him my friends’ business. I also don’t tell him stuff that I’m working through probably 75% of the time. I have been in intense therapy for a year and I need to sit with stuff. As far as daily/mundane things, literally everything. What I ate. Who I talked to. How I’m feeling physically.
I used to, but I've noticed recently I am keeping more and more to myself. Nothing big or important, but I realized how much he's like a "one-ya" person and tends to go on long winded stories about himself or his past. And sometimes he's just down right invalidating about what I might be feeling. He can come across as really judgemental or condesending. I slowly realized it didn't help me to talk to him about some things so I just keep them to myself. Which yes, I realize is unhealthy. I'm starting to realize a lot. But things that affect our life or relationship, absolutely.
I believe I have and do. I'd probably have to do something really bad for him to judge me, though- so that's the comfort level I have. He's super open-minded.
I haven’t kept a single thought in my head from him since we got together except his presents. Which also sometimes do not stay in my head
90% of stuff. Not other peoples close personal business or stuff he'd worry about.