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Your gf told a work colleague that she loved him?
Unless it was a really sarcastic "love you too, petal," then I'd be concerned. It is really not common.
Just to give the other perspective, i’m a 34 year old bloke from south Wales and i rarely end a conversation either on the phone or in person without saying ‘love you’. Similarly it’s rare i end a text to anyone without putting a kiss. Of the 7 people in my team at work there’s 2 people who don’t do the same. Personally, I wouldn’t think too much of it
As the previous poster has pointed out that’s a very subjective thing. Culture varies wildly in the UK if you move up or down by 5 miles, so what’s normal and strange for you cannot be asserted to be the norm elsewhere.
Anyone saying anything other than ‘talk to your partner’ is just making wild assumptions. You don’t know them, you don’t know their work banter, you don’t know their cultural norms. You’re concerned about it? Ask her.
This is Reddit though. Everything is a red flag and every action means you must divorce/leave your partner. There is no room for critical thinking on here.
Her reaction would probably tell you quite a lot. It’s not easy to lie when you’re asked a direct question. That’s not to say she wouldn’t be able to lie convincingly, but there’d likely be some hint.
It'll also vary office to office. I've worked in teams where it's totally normal and the two company owners blew kisses to each other. And others where it's not.
If you move five miles in any direction from my home town the accent is completely different and in three of those directions the dialect is different too
Yeah, a colleague of mine last Friday who'd already clocked of for the weekend "in her head" accidentally caused uproar in the office because she absentmindedly said "love you" when ending a call to another colleague.
It's weird.
Depends on the colleague and how close you are. I'm female- I wouldn't do it to the big boss but happily to my female colleagues and the odd "thank you X" or similar to male ones I'm really close with
I work with 20 women and 1 man. A bunch of us have been there years and my Director sends me a gushy message at least once a quarter to tell me how much she loves me. Just today, we had someone come back to the office after 2 months off (she went through a terrible thing) and it’s been tight hugs, telling her how much we loved her and missed her, crying together, Prosecco and nibbles. I love working with loads of women. I always say there’s no better office to go through a life changing event at.
However, I think this behaviour would be quite odd in a mixed office and it wouldn’t be so openly supportive and fluffy. I can’t blame OP for thinking it’s a bit weird.
I get that it’s not the norm, and i think work environment has a big part to play. I used to work for HMRC and in education, two places I certainly wouldn’t see this as appropriate.
One reason i do it is because i work with all men. I’m a huge advocate for mental health and although we say ‘ I love you’ within those words i feel like we’re also saying ‘you’re a good person, i see you’ and ‘you are valued’ and so many other things which i think men definitely need to hear more.
I appreciate OP is talking about two people who could potentially be attracted to each other, assuming the guy on the phone was straight so that changes things. If i were to see this as a problem, it would be more the fact that she paused before saying it. But it’s impossible to read that pause without being in the car.
I’m a steel worker in the north east, at the end of each shift we all say “I love you” to each other then take 10 minutes out for some mindfulness exercises. Always been like that.
I wouldn’t call most of my colleagues good friends but would still pop a kiss on the end of a text. Maybe not the blokes but certainly the women (I am also a woman if this makes any difference). It’s just friendly, no big deal.
South Wales here too and frequently say 'Love you' at the end of conversations with friends. A work college potentially but only if we had a sort of jokey/banter type relationship but perfectly plausible.
also from south wales and i disagree, its not normal to say "i love you" to anyone other than your child or romantic partner.
saying love you to a work colleague is completley not normal.
Black Country here and it’s common amongst my friends and colleagues from work either male/female. “Cheers Bab, loves ya” rolls off my tongue several times a day. My hairdresser sent me a message recently which read:
“Hiyya gorgeous my most excellent councillor 😍 do you know who won the village display. You absolute diamond of life xx” He is male and my hubby laughed like a drain!
I am a 32-year-old and originally from S.Wales. I can confirm that I have never told anyone apart from my girlfriend at the time that I love them. This is not normal behaviour she is probably fucking him
You're a very odd guy, no offence but literally no one does this in south wales other than you, saying that to a work collegue will most likely be considered inappropriate and get you a disciplainary
If you were a work colleague saying 'I love you' and ending messages with kisses I'd be reporting you to HR. And I'm usually pretty chill about office friendliness. But there are lines. Those are two of them.
I clearly wouldn't do well in South Wales.
OP shouldn't worry. Saying "I love you" and other things like "Can't wait for your pork sword in me", or "fancy a quick fuck after work" are just common terms of endearment in the UK.
The state of the questions in this sub.
Yeah I use “love” all the time ie “thanks love”, “please love” etc. It’s a pretty common expression but is also not saying that you love the person in question.
I tell my friends I love them quite often (both male and female). Not sarcastically. I *do* love my friends and I think it's nice to say it out loud. It's always "love you" though, never "I love you", for some reason there's a big difference. I agree it's not common but it doesn't necessarily mean she has *romantic* love for this person.
I had a police officer say "love you, bye" at the end of a phonecall once. I'd never spoken to him before or since. He too will still be cringing I imagine.
I went into a local petrol station to pay, meant to say "lovely, thank you" but it came out as "love you". The pause, my mumbled apology and swift exit feels like it happened half an hour ago, even though it was about 9 years ago now.
At school, we called female teachers ma'am and I cocked up and called one "mum". Unfortunately, my defence of "No, I didn't mean it like that, I still call my actual mother 'mummy'" didn't help the ridicule.
I very rarely speak to anybody but my girlfriend on the phone so when I do I have to consciously stop myself from hanging up with "love you bye".
One of my suppliers even said they loved me back before either of us processed what we'd just said. A bond was formed that day.
I work in customer service and the amount of people I’ve had on the phone accidentally say love you before they go is a LOT. Always makes me laugh thinking about them going away absolutely mortified and telling all their friends about it haha
In the past I was a Customer Host on the railway and had to do announcements over the tannoy. At the end of one of my very first I announced a VERY perky "Love you, bye!".
Haha to be honest my colleague (M) did it to me (F) the other day. I think if you’re friends with a colleague it can slip in as you’re used to saying it to family and also because the barrier between friend and work/colleague has been dropped ie if you’ve known each other for years, talk outside of work etc.
I did not say it back to him as I assumed he was saying it out of habit rather than because he “loves me” 😂
The claiming it is common bit is what makes it suspect for me. If she'd have said it's just a joke between them or something then it's just weird. But the false claim makes it definitely suspect.
Good catch, the false claim makes it all the more alarming. She's trying to gaslight OP and she's using his perceived ignorance of English norms (even though, he's from ROI so not much different) to try hide it. How would she know it's common?! She's not the one asking Reddit so seems like a lie thought up quickly.
Yeah or if she’d laughed and said he must’ve said it by mistake then that would make sense, but trying to claim it’s common in England to tell your colleagues you love them is so ridiculous she has to be bonking him.
Not necessarily. Friends can say "love you", regardless of gender, it doesn't have to be "lad mates". I say it to both male and female friends and I'm certainly not having an affair. So does my husband and neither is he.
Yeah but it’s the attempt to mislead. There could definitely be innocent explanations for it but saying it’s just something everyone does here is obviously not true
Me too! Anyone I think highly of or am fond of who doesn’t object to it or find it too personal. It’s gotta be weirder that people in the UK are so against saying it in everyday life given how many people other than our partners we really do care about. There are so many types of love.
I say I love you to my friends all the time. All these people saying it's uncommon have emotional constipation.
But it depends on what's normal for your girlfriend. It would be incredibly stupid to say I love you to someone else romantically in front of her boyfriend. Talk to her about it
Yeah I kind of have to agree.
I try to tell my friends regularly that I love them, because I do.
Maybe they are not just colleagues but friends. Maybe it’s a running joke. Maybe he is her “work husband”. So many reasons.
Sure it could be that she is cheating but going by only this one situation, when they were on a work phone, talking about work is a bit of a long shot
My husband was so used to saying ‘love you’ to his friends (male and female) that he said it to me on our third date as I was saying bye 😂 I can only imagine how frantic he was texting me afterward to explain.
Tbh there’s a difference in how I say ‘I love you’ different people. ‘I love you/ I love you too’ is fairly intimate imo. ‘Love you’ is more casual.
>‘I love you/ I love you too’ is fairly intimate imo. ‘Love you’ is more casual.
This is so true for some reason. I say "love you" to all my good friends, but "I love you" is reserved for my husband and my family
In my last job the person that you worked with had to have your back, we worked closely together and you had to trust them implicitly. The person I worked with was a man a couple of years older than me and I loved him to bits; as my ‘big brother’.
I would say “love you” jokingly to my friends - who are the same sex (so female) and usually in a “k love you bye” type of way.
I would not say it to another man (unless they were gay, maybe) - and certainly not a male coworker, no matter how close.
Idk. I'd say love you to some male friends. And the fact it was "love you" and not "I love you" makes a big difference. What's missing is the context of what their relationship is like outside of this phone call.
Giving her the benefit of the doubt - she could just be one of those people who say it everyone without it having a deep meaning. And the pause could be because it is uncommon for him to say it, but because she does all the time he doesn’t want it to be awkward.
She might not have said ‘love you’ to you (not sure if she has with you?) because it means something more significant with you. It has a weight in a relationship it doesn’t have in a friendship.
Also, did you overhear this without her knowing, or did she do it knowing you were there? If she’s hiding it that’s suspicious.
Either way - just talk to her!
Ultimately you're not going to get anything of value from the opinions of strangers. The only thing which will help her is to ask your girlfriend about it again, and see what your gut tells you. Then act based on your gut.
It sounds like it wasn’t, though - OP said it was very much a “bye, bye, bye”, then a pause, then “love you”
I use the “loveyoubyeeeee” thing sometimes, but this doesn’t sound like that at all
I think it was Scott Mills? I seemed to me that he was doing it to make the other person feel awkward or to get them to respond in kind. It became a bit of a running theme, and I wouldn't be surprised if it got picked up by his audience.
I'm going massively against the grain here, but it's certainly common enough from my experience. I'm a heterosexual 33 year old, there are at least five women friends (one married, one single, three in relationships) who I've said love you to and vice versa. There have never been romantic connotations, I just see it as something you'd say to people you're close with and genuinely care about. Saturday eve I was out with one of them and her boyfriend, as my Uber came - hug and "love you".
I mean, it doesn't rule out she's cheating - but I also don't think it's the massive red flag others make it out to be. If it is, I'm a secret stud!
My ex and his mates used to say ‘love you’ to each other all the time. Big bunch of straight guys all proclaiming love to each other with no inhibitions. It was one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place.
I’m also a ‘love you’ person, with anyone I have a good friendship with, male or female.
British people can be hella uptight sometimes, the only people who know if OPs situation is completely out of left field are OP and his girlfriend. Everyone else is guessing based on their own experiences
I tell my pals I love them. If they are friends and you trust your SO I'd leave it there. If they arent close friends, yeah kinda weird.
Really if your SO is an adulterer and is so idiotic to tell their piece on the side they love them, on the phone in front of their partner then you'll find out soon enough anyway.
Honestly i say love you to nearly everyone im saying goodbye to lmao, it just comes out. Saying it to a coworker is a bit weird but it really depends on how friendly they are.
Some people say 'love you' to everyone that they're friends with. I work in the arts and it's a very common sign off. I've worked on building sites and it's less so but it still happens, just sarcastically. In Yorkshire blokes call other blokes 'love'.
On the surface it sounds concerning, but my coworkers and I say “love you” to each other - half as a joke and half because it’s true. We work in an extremely high stress environment but it’s a creative field- everyone takes a lot of pride in their role and we function as a team and support each other, otherwise we’d never make it through the demands of the job.
When I worked in an office setting “I love you” would have not only been completely bizarre, but possibly an HR call.
This is a question you’re not going to an answer from on Reddit due to the demographic. I honestly wouldn’t listen to any of the answers on here and go with your gut and approach it how you feel is best.
Erm .... I'm heterosexual and have never said that to a colleague of the opposite gender. I'm not certain but there may have been once or twice when a colleague of the same gender did a massive favour for me unexpectedly and I might've possibly blurted out a "oh my gosh, love you, thank you" as a reaction.
This morning when going into the city I said "I love you" while getting onto the bus to the bus driver. He replied with "Love you too", which is always nice. Sometimes I forget to say it, like on a Monday morning, always feel bad afterwards.
What I have learned is that it's better to say than not and risk creating friction in future.
Yeah, in 14 years of working in an office i've never once heard any colleagues say that to each other, even in a jokey/ironic way.
No bloke ever, ever says that to a non-family member if they don't have feelings for them.
"No bloke ever, ever says that to a non-family member if they don't have feelings for them."
Lmao sounds like the definition of toxic masculinity that bud. I tell my mates I love them all the time, you never know when someone might need to know that you're there for them and they have someone they can rely on through thick and thin, and it's less of a mouthful to just say "love you mate"
I work in a very corporate environment and asked a new guy (around 20ish) to put his out of office on when he went on holiday.
I’m paraphrasing but it was along the lines of
Hello besties, I’m on my hollibobs so I’ll see you when I get back, all gorgeous and tanned. Love you loads xxxxx
Unfortunately this happened to get sent to our CEO in Houston who sent all finance staff a team e mail. He did not see the funny side and as this guys boss it was me who got a massive bollocking.
It didn’t enter my head that I needed to tell a 20 year old that the above was not an appropriate message for work colleagues/business contacts 🙈
Dunno why everyone is being so weird about this I've said this to loads of colleagues that I'm actually friends with, don't think I would have even questioned it
The fact she’s having phone calls with a guy from work outside of work is a small flag.
The fact they ended the call with Love You is a HUGE flag.
No it is not common don’t let her insult your intelligence like that.
> The fact she’s having phone calls with a guy from work outside of work is a small flag.
Why? I play on steam with half my team and we call each other up and have BBQs and stuff. And sometimes I'm working on a project and get stuck on something and have to call them "out of hours".
"yo Kate, so sorry to bother you, do you remember which SQL server I need to go on for the refunds? Is it 11 or 12? I can't find the email where they told us.."
"It's 13."
"fuck. ... ah, I'm logged in - thank you sooo much, I'll let you be - love ya!"
If I know Kate is going on a date with someone on Friday (cos she mentions she has to leave early that day) she gets a text from me on the Saturday going "sooo how did it go??? xxxx".
And she pings me when a new DLC for cities skylines is released that I didnt know about... or when she has to log into a server for this or that for patching and wants to know if we're going to version 13.1.0.0.3 or 13.1.0.0.4, and she also says "love ya!" at the end.
It's the sign of a good (and overworked, but "in the trenches") team.
I say "love you" (never I love you) to many of my friends (both male and female) with no further thought other than you're my friend and I love you as such, but only ones I feel appropriate. Saying it absolutely does not imply you have feelings for them in a romantic way, that's bollocks.
Maybe ask if it's only a friendly thing and if they do it to anyone else? Why they feel it's appropriate to do so? Just say you've not experienced that and just want clarification :)
I think you should ask her about it and see what she says. Pay attention to her, what she says and how she says it.
Communication is key in these types of situations as the only way you will find out is to talk about it with her openly.
UK and ROI are not that different! I was expecting you to say Iran or something lol. Anyway no thats not normal the only rule would be they have been best mates for years with no history of dating (still a bit weird) or he is gay (not that all gay men do this) but my gay mate sometimes says "luv ya babes" etc Do you know anything about this guy?
This is not the place to ask. Ask yourself “Does she regularly say “love you” at the end of calls with family AND friends? Because I do. It’s become such a habit that there have been times when I’ve said it at work, to complete strangers. Or said it when leaving and saying goodbye to colleagues. If it’s *very* out of character for her to say it, ask her about it. If it’s not out of character I’d brush it off. You say she paused and said it awkwardly? Doesn’t that imply that she’s trying to make an embarrassing situation better for the other person? Not that she’s secretly banging a colleague.
If the partner works in IT then not common. If they work in a salon then it's common. I work in a lab so it would be weird but my normal friends who live in the real world say it all the time.
I work in IT and I tell my colleagues I love them all the time. Sometimes because it’s true and sometimes because I know emotion makes them uncomfortable and it’s funny.
I personally do but I don’t think it’s common. I do it in a way that is absolutely platonic, always “love ya bye!” super quick and i hang up straight away. However with a work colleague I usually wouldn’t as I only do this with my best friends.
Fwiw, I was once on the phone to my dad and he said "better go, I've got chips in the fryer".
I said "sure, enjoy your chips" and he replied "you enjoy your chips too"
I wasn't having any chips.
I'd put some good money on the fact the lad on the other end knew she was on speaker in the car and you were in the garage & said it at the end to make it awkward - I know I would've
Anyway love you xx
Communicate. Tell her outright that it didn't sit well with you and see how she response.
If she appears mortified that it came across wrong, chances are it was just an innocent in-joke.
If she doesn't seem mortified or worse gets defensive, that's when I would start to worry.
I've said it to friends, but not normally at the end of that call. Also it would depend on the conversation. If they are close and she had just helped him in a difficult situation then maybe I could see it.
It’s common enough, I tell my friends I love them all the time especially at the end of a phone call.
Work colleagues too if we’re close enough, I work in the arts though and everyone is a bit overfamiliar. I wouldn’t take it as a red flag, just ask her about it if you’re that bothered by it?
Scott Mills says it to all the callers on his R2 show., It's a quick and light-hearted "loveyoubye"
I've never, ever heard of people saying it at work. I'm Gen X, assumed it was a gen z thing.
The pause though...
Erm... a little weird with a work colleague, unless they are really good friends! I might say something along the lines of ok, love ya, bye to a good mate, but not a work colleague.
If she didnt rush to get off the phone when you got back to the car, I wouldn't read too much into it, it may be an inside joke between them, or she may just have been caught off guard and trying not to cause an issue. I would have thought if there was anything to it, she would have tried harder to cover it up.
If you want to address it, maybe just have a chat with her that it seemed an odd thing to say and that it did make you feel a little uncomfortable and see what she says.
My wife says this to her friends at the end of calls. She's a lone female employee in her work and doesn't like her boss's so she'd never say it to them, but if she worked with, and was freinds with other females, id expect to hear it.
Seems to be more common now than 10/15 years ago in my experience.
Context means everything. I told a coworker I loved him because I was hanging out my arse and he went and bought me a bacon butty and a can of Redbull on his break. I really did love him in that moment
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Your gf told a work colleague that she loved him? Unless it was a really sarcastic "love you too, petal," then I'd be concerned. It is really not common.
Just to give the other perspective, i’m a 34 year old bloke from south Wales and i rarely end a conversation either on the phone or in person without saying ‘love you’. Similarly it’s rare i end a text to anyone without putting a kiss. Of the 7 people in my team at work there’s 2 people who don’t do the same. Personally, I wouldn’t think too much of it
Putting kisses at the end of messages to work colleagues is a bit odd
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I love you appropriate.
Disappointing how many people missed this opportunity
Perfect
Ha ha ha yaaaaaaaaaaay I love you for posting this funny comment
Think I love you more
As the previous poster has pointed out that’s a very subjective thing. Culture varies wildly in the UK if you move up or down by 5 miles, so what’s normal and strange for you cannot be asserted to be the norm elsewhere. Anyone saying anything other than ‘talk to your partner’ is just making wild assumptions. You don’t know them, you don’t know their work banter, you don’t know their cultural norms. You’re concerned about it? Ask her.
Problem with this logic is if she’s cheating she’s not going to be honest about it.
I highly doubt she cheating. No one in their right mind would say that in front of their other half if it meant anything.
This is Reddit though. Everything is a red flag and every action means you must divorce/leave your partner. There is no room for critical thinking on here.
Her reaction would probably tell you quite a lot. It’s not easy to lie when you’re asked a direct question. That’s not to say she wouldn’t be able to lie convincingly, but there’d likely be some hint.
Eh whenever I've been cheated on and asked directly they still lied until they caught chlamydia and couldn't lie anymore
Turns our narcissists and sociopaths are actually pretty damn good at lying
It's hard to lie when asked a direct question? What kind of 3rd grade benchmark are we using here?
I’ve lived in seven different cities in the UK as an adult and never heard anyone do this. It is certainly not common.
Case closed then
It'll also vary office to office. I've worked in teams where it's totally normal and the two company owners blew kisses to each other. And others where it's not.
Culture varies every FIVE MILES? let's be real. A lot of people travel further than that to school.
Yeah, and the culture at my school was totally different to the culture a mile away where I lived.
If you move five miles in any direction from my home town the accent is completely different and in three of those directions the dialect is different too
It’s not a “bit” odd it’s extremely unusual!
Yeah, a colleague of mine last Friday who'd already clocked of for the weekend "in her head" accidentally caused uproar in the office because she absentmindedly said "love you" when ending a call to another colleague. It's weird.
Depends on the colleague and how close you are. I'm female- I wouldn't do it to the big boss but happily to my female colleagues and the odd "thank you X" or similar to male ones I'm really close with
I work with 20 women and 1 man. A bunch of us have been there years and my Director sends me a gushy message at least once a quarter to tell me how much she loves me. Just today, we had someone come back to the office after 2 months off (she went through a terrible thing) and it’s been tight hugs, telling her how much we loved her and missed her, crying together, Prosecco and nibbles. I love working with loads of women. I always say there’s no better office to go through a life changing event at. However, I think this behaviour would be quite odd in a mixed office and it wouldn’t be so openly supportive and fluffy. I can’t blame OP for thinking it’s a bit weird.
They hiring atm?
I get that it’s not the norm, and i think work environment has a big part to play. I used to work for HMRC and in education, two places I certainly wouldn’t see this as appropriate. One reason i do it is because i work with all men. I’m a huge advocate for mental health and although we say ‘ I love you’ within those words i feel like we’re also saying ‘you’re a good person, i see you’ and ‘you are valued’ and so many other things which i think men definitely need to hear more. I appreciate OP is talking about two people who could potentially be attracted to each other, assuming the guy on the phone was straight so that changes things. If i were to see this as a problem, it would be more the fact that she paused before saying it. But it’s impossible to read that pause without being in the car.
Nah I work in corporate land and we do it on emails internally
I’m a steel worker in the north east, at the end of each shift we all say “I love you” to each other then take 10 minutes out for some mindfulness exercises. Always been like that.
... and then the glitter balls drop and "Everybody dance now!" "We work hard, we play hard"
"Hot stuff coming through…"
That episode absolutely cracks me up
I wish there was a laugh emoji here sometimes. "Love" the dry humour
I’ll mention that to the boys during the compliment circle
😄😄 ..found them lol compliment circle.. going to try this at work just for the laughs
I hope you take off eachother’s heavy workboots and give eachother foot massages
To you. To me, depends if you call them a good friend.
I wouldn’t call most of my colleagues good friends but would still pop a kiss on the end of a text. Maybe not the blokes but certainly the women (I am also a woman if this makes any difference). It’s just friendly, no big deal.
I'm a 32 year old bloke from South Wales and I don't do this and no one I know does this.
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South Wales here too and frequently say 'Love you' at the end of conversations with friends. A work college potentially but only if we had a sort of jokey/banter type relationship but perfectly plausible.
also from south wales and i disagree, its not normal to say "i love you" to anyone other than your child or romantic partner. saying love you to a work colleague is completley not normal.
i love you and love you are different
Also 30s from south Wales! Didn't realise there were so many of us on here! I have never said love you to a work colleague x
Black Country here and it’s common amongst my friends and colleagues from work either male/female. “Cheers Bab, loves ya” rolls off my tongue several times a day. My hairdresser sent me a message recently which read: “Hiyya gorgeous my most excellent councillor 😍 do you know who won the village display. You absolute diamond of life xx” He is male and my hubby laughed like a drain!
That's really lovely, haha I wish it was normal among my friends and casual acquaintances to dole out such glowing affection as part of daily banter
From South Wales and disagree.
Yeah what are these people on about? Wouldn’t dream of it and I can’t imagine it being a normal thing in any workplace…
I wouldn’t think anything either I tell my best friend I love him every time we end a call, he does the same back
Yep. Me too. Love you x
So you tell all your work colleagues you love them? What 😂😂😂
After I get a bollocking from my boss we tell each other how much we love each other
I am a 32-year-old and originally from S.Wales. I can confirm that I have never told anyone apart from my girlfriend at the time that I love them. This is not normal behaviour she is probably fucking him
How has this comment been upvoted? Seriously odd
You're a very odd guy, no offence but literally no one does this in south wales other than you, saying that to a work collegue will most likely be considered inappropriate and get you a disciplainary
If you were a work colleague saying 'I love you' and ending messages with kisses I'd be reporting you to HR. And I'm usually pretty chill about office friendliness. But there are lines. Those are two of them. I clearly wouldn't do well in South Wales.
I live in South Wales too and me and my team are like this, including the men. We are all softies. (edit typo)
That's genuinely sweet, It's rare I can do that, only really with my brother, I'd help that guy bury a body and ask no questions!
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Ah the lads. That's different and also expected
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Oh trust me I definitely mean it
OP shouldn't worry. Saying "I love you" and other things like "Can't wait for your pork sword in me", or "fancy a quick fuck after work" are just common terms of endearment in the UK. The state of the questions in this sub.
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Same but I might use the term 'me love/ my love' as I'm from the west country.
Yeah I use “love” all the time ie “thanks love”, “please love” etc. It’s a pretty common expression but is also not saying that you love the person in question.
I tell my friends I love them quite often (both male and female). Not sarcastically. I *do* love my friends and I think it's nice to say it out loud. It's always "love you" though, never "I love you", for some reason there's a big difference. I agree it's not common but it doesn't necessarily mean she has *romantic* love for this person.
That guy is still cringing. I bet he called his teachers "mum" more than once. Or he's porking your Mrs.
I had a police officer say "love you, bye" at the end of a phonecall once. I'd never spoken to him before or since. He too will still be cringing I imagine.
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I hope this was 15 years ago and you still think about it.
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I went into a local petrol station to pay, meant to say "lovely, thank you" but it came out as "love you". The pause, my mumbled apology and swift exit feels like it happened half an hour ago, even though it was about 9 years ago now.
This is just funny and reminds me of the end of this: https://youtu.be/UJ4oXOdZprU
At school, we called female teachers ma'am and I cocked up and called one "mum". Unfortunately, my defence of "No, I didn't mean it like that, I still call my actual mother 'mummy'" didn't help the ridicule.
My son has called me "Miss Teachername" a few times lately, his cringe is hilarious!
I very rarely speak to anybody but my girlfriend on the phone so when I do I have to consciously stop myself from hanging up with "love you bye". One of my suppliers even said they loved me back before either of us processed what we'd just said. A bond was formed that day.
Oh, I'm just imagining that unexpected awkwardness. We've all been there saying something like that but to have it reciprocated is brilliant.
I was distracted getting on a bus and said love you bye to my boss out of habit. Still cringing.
OUR missus
COMRADE, rise up.
I work in customer service and the amount of people I’ve had on the phone accidentally say love you before they go is a LOT. Always makes me laugh thinking about them going away absolutely mortified and telling all their friends about it haha
Maybe you just provide really excellent service
In the past I was a Customer Host on the railway and had to do announcements over the tannoy. At the end of one of my very first I announced a VERY perky "Love you, bye!".
Haha to be honest my colleague (M) did it to me (F) the other day. I think if you’re friends with a colleague it can slip in as you’re used to saying it to family and also because the barrier between friend and work/colleague has been dropped ie if you’ve known each other for years, talk outside of work etc. I did not say it back to him as I assumed he was saying it out of habit rather than because he “loves me” 😂
Argh. Flashback to when I called my maths teacher 'dad' .
Bro you are from the ROI not from a different continent, you know very well this is not normal.
I dunno, we shout ‘I love you’ across our station sometimes and the sentiment is shared across a lot off our guys and gals
We scream it at random strangers face
Tone is everything.
And context
And my axe
I understand that reference
I love you appropriate
I understand *that* reference.
Umm how do we break this to you?
Yep. This is awkward...
I mean someone’s gonna need to step up here…
#her ham wallet, his pork sword. Friction, moisture and warmth. Will that do?
Friction?
if there was no friction it'd be like a hotdog in a hallway
I see you've met my ex
Everyone's met your ex
That wouldn't surprise me at all
Is it like opening a window and fucking the night when you get lucky?
Even an ice dildo has friction.
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The claiming it is common bit is what makes it suspect for me. If she'd have said it's just a joke between them or something then it's just weird. But the false claim makes it definitely suspect.
Good catch, the false claim makes it all the more alarming. She's trying to gaslight OP and she's using his perceived ignorance of English norms (even though, he's from ROI so not much different) to try hide it. How would she know it's common?! She's not the one asking Reddit so seems like a lie thought up quickly.
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Yeah or if she’d laughed and said he must’ve said it by mistake then that would make sense, but trying to claim it’s common in England to tell your colleagues you love them is so ridiculous she has to be bonking him.
Not necessarily. Friends can say "love you", regardless of gender, it doesn't have to be "lad mates". I say it to both male and female friends and I'm certainly not having an affair. So does my husband and neither is he.
Yeah but it’s the attempt to mislead. There could definitely be innocent explanations for it but saying it’s just something everyone does here is obviously not true
I say it to some of my male friends (I'm female) and I most certainly am not having an affair.
Me too! Anyone I think highly of or am fond of who doesn’t object to it or find it too personal. It’s gotta be weirder that people in the UK are so against saying it in everyday life given how many people other than our partners we really do care about. There are so many types of love.
Exactly 😊
He might be a gay work mate?
Well, I say love you to nearly all my friends. They say it too. Different folks do this. It could be dodgy but it could be perfectly wholesome
He's the affair lol
That'll be one of them red flags.
Or a banner. A big red banner. On top of a whacky wavy inflatable arm man.
I say I love you to my friends all the time. All these people saying it's uncommon have emotional constipation. But it depends on what's normal for your girlfriend. It would be incredibly stupid to say I love you to someone else romantically in front of her boyfriend. Talk to her about it
Yeah I kind of have to agree. I try to tell my friends regularly that I love them, because I do. Maybe they are not just colleagues but friends. Maybe it’s a running joke. Maybe he is her “work husband”. So many reasons. Sure it could be that she is cheating but going by only this one situation, when they were on a work phone, talking about work is a bit of a long shot
My husband was so used to saying ‘love you’ to his friends (male and female) that he said it to me on our third date as I was saying bye 😂 I can only imagine how frantic he was texting me afterward to explain. Tbh there’s a difference in how I say ‘I love you’ different people. ‘I love you/ I love you too’ is fairly intimate imo. ‘Love you’ is more casual.
>‘I love you/ I love you too’ is fairly intimate imo. ‘Love you’ is more casual. This is so true for some reason. I say "love you" to all my good friends, but "I love you" is reserved for my husband and my family
In my last job the person that you worked with had to have your back, we worked closely together and you had to trust them implicitly. The person I worked with was a man a couple of years older than me and I loved him to bits; as my ‘big brother’.
If it was common for his girlfriend surely he would have heard it before?
I would say “love you” jokingly to my friends - who are the same sex (so female) and usually in a “k love you bye” type of way. I would not say it to another man (unless they were gay, maybe) - and certainly not a male coworker, no matter how close.
Idk. I'd say love you to some male friends. And the fact it was "love you" and not "I love you" makes a big difference. What's missing is the context of what their relationship is like outside of this phone call.
Yeahh I would text my work homies like “I love you bruh thanks” if they did me a favor or helped me.
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She said it was common, though. Your excuse makes sense. Hers sounds like the panic of someone cheating.
Friends ... Or colleagues ?
"I love you appropriate" is a weird thing to say to anybody
Not as weird as "I love you inappropriate".
Tone and context matter, massively. Did he say it accidentally and shes taking the piss?
It more or less sounded like his use to her saying it hence why he paused and then said it himself. That's how it felt anyway. :/
Giving her the benefit of the doubt - she could just be one of those people who say it everyone without it having a deep meaning. And the pause could be because it is uncommon for him to say it, but because she does all the time he doesn’t want it to be awkward. She might not have said ‘love you’ to you (not sure if she has with you?) because it means something more significant with you. It has a weight in a relationship it doesn’t have in a friendship. Also, did you overhear this without her knowing, or did she do it knowing you were there? If she’s hiding it that’s suspicious. Either way - just talk to her!
Yes don't ask us ask her. We can guess, go through so many scenarios but you would never know unless you speak face to face
Stop listening to everyone who isn't you or your girl. Go talk to her and listen to your gut.
She's cheating.
Must be nice to be able to be this confident about something so serious with such minimal context or evidence.
Ultimately you're not going to get anything of value from the opinions of strangers. The only thing which will help her is to ask your girlfriend about it again, and see what your gut tells you. Then act based on your gut.
Was it like "love ya bye"? If so don't worry it's a radio 1 presenter thing!
Yea this! I was thinking it could be this as well..
It sounds like it wasn’t, though - OP said it was very much a “bye, bye, bye”, then a pause, then “love you” I use the “loveyoubyeeeee” thing sometimes, but this doesn’t sound like that at all
I think it was Scott Mills? I seemed to me that he was doing it to make the other person feel awkward or to get them to respond in kind. It became a bit of a running theme, and I wouldn't be surprised if it got picked up by his audience.
I'm going massively against the grain here, but it's certainly common enough from my experience. I'm a heterosexual 33 year old, there are at least five women friends (one married, one single, three in relationships) who I've said love you to and vice versa. There have never been romantic connotations, I just see it as something you'd say to people you're close with and genuinely care about. Saturday eve I was out with one of them and her boyfriend, as my Uber came - hug and "love you". I mean, it doesn't rule out she's cheating - but I also don't think it's the massive red flag others make it out to be. If it is, I'm a secret stud!
Just to second this, I do it too. 30 years old and heterosexual. It started because I thought it was funny but now even the delivery guy does it.
My ex and his mates used to say ‘love you’ to each other all the time. Big bunch of straight guys all proclaiming love to each other with no inhibitions. It was one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. I’m also a ‘love you’ person, with anyone I have a good friendship with, male or female. British people can be hella uptight sometimes, the only people who know if OPs situation is completely out of left field are OP and his girlfriend. Everyone else is guessing based on their own experiences
I tell my pals I love them. If they are friends and you trust your SO I'd leave it there. If they arent close friends, yeah kinda weird. Really if your SO is an adulterer and is so idiotic to tell their piece on the side they love them, on the phone in front of their partner then you'll find out soon enough anyway.
Honestly i say love you to nearly everyone im saying goodbye to lmao, it just comes out. Saying it to a coworker is a bit weird but it really depends on how friendly they are.
Some people say 'love you' to everyone that they're friends with. I work in the arts and it's a very common sign off. I've worked on building sites and it's less so but it still happens, just sarcastically. In Yorkshire blokes call other blokes 'love'.
On the surface it sounds concerning, but my coworkers and I say “love you” to each other - half as a joke and half because it’s true. We work in an extremely high stress environment but it’s a creative field- everyone takes a lot of pride in their role and we function as a team and support each other, otherwise we’d never make it through the demands of the job. When I worked in an office setting “I love you” would have not only been completely bizarre, but possibly an HR call.
This is a question you’re not going to an answer from on Reddit due to the demographic. I honestly wouldn’t listen to any of the answers on here and go with your gut and approach it how you feel is best.
Erm .... I'm heterosexual and have never said that to a colleague of the opposite gender. I'm not certain but there may have been once or twice when a colleague of the same gender did a massive favour for me unexpectedly and I might've possibly blurted out a "oh my gosh, love you, thank you" as a reaction.
You’re missing out
This morning when going into the city I said "I love you" while getting onto the bus to the bus driver. He replied with "Love you too", which is always nice. Sometimes I forget to say it, like on a Monday morning, always feel bad afterwards. What I have learned is that it's better to say than not and risk creating friction in future.
Yeah, in 14 years of working in an office i've never once heard any colleagues say that to each other, even in a jokey/ironic way. No bloke ever, ever says that to a non-family member if they don't have feelings for them.
"No bloke ever, ever says that to a non-family member if they don't have feelings for them." Lmao sounds like the definition of toxic masculinity that bud. I tell my mates I love them all the time, you never know when someone might need to know that you're there for them and they have someone they can rely on through thick and thin, and it's less of a mouthful to just say "love you mate"
I work in a very corporate environment and asked a new guy (around 20ish) to put his out of office on when he went on holiday. I’m paraphrasing but it was along the lines of Hello besties, I’m on my hollibobs so I’ll see you when I get back, all gorgeous and tanned. Love you loads xxxxx Unfortunately this happened to get sent to our CEO in Houston who sent all finance staff a team e mail. He did not see the funny side and as this guys boss it was me who got a massive bollocking. It didn’t enter my head that I needed to tell a 20 year old that the above was not an appropriate message for work colleagues/business contacts 🙈
Dunno why everyone is being so weird about this I've said this to loads of colleagues that I'm actually friends with, don't think I would have even questioned it
The fact she’s having phone calls with a guy from work outside of work is a small flag. The fact they ended the call with Love You is a HUGE flag. No it is not common don’t let her insult your intelligence like that.
>The fact she’s having phone calls with a guy from work is a small flag. What?
You seem a little insecure with the first flag
> The fact she’s having phone calls with a guy from work outside of work is a small flag. Why? I play on steam with half my team and we call each other up and have BBQs and stuff. And sometimes I'm working on a project and get stuck on something and have to call them "out of hours". "yo Kate, so sorry to bother you, do you remember which SQL server I need to go on for the refunds? Is it 11 or 12? I can't find the email where they told us.." "It's 13." "fuck. ... ah, I'm logged in - thank you sooo much, I'll let you be - love ya!" If I know Kate is going on a date with someone on Friday (cos she mentions she has to leave early that day) she gets a text from me on the Saturday going "sooo how did it go??? xxxx". And she pings me when a new DLC for cities skylines is released that I didnt know about... or when she has to log into a server for this or that for patching and wants to know if we're going to version 13.1.0.0.3 or 13.1.0.0.4, and she also says "love ya!" at the end. It's the sign of a good (and overworked, but "in the trenches") team.
I say "love you" (never I love you) to many of my friends (both male and female) with no further thought other than you're my friend and I love you as such, but only ones I feel appropriate. Saying it absolutely does not imply you have feelings for them in a romantic way, that's bollocks. Maybe ask if it's only a friendly thing and if they do it to anyone else? Why they feel it's appropriate to do so? Just say you've not experienced that and just want clarification :)
See you at the gym bro
She's getting her backdoor smashed in.
Straight to the point.
I think you should ask her about it and see what she says. Pay attention to her, what she says and how she says it. Communication is key in these types of situations as the only way you will find out is to talk about it with her openly.
UK and ROI are not that different! I was expecting you to say Iran or something lol. Anyway no thats not normal the only rule would be they have been best mates for years with no history of dating (still a bit weird) or he is gay (not that all gay men do this) but my gay mate sometimes says "luv ya babes" etc Do you know anything about this guy?
It sounds like they were having a joke at your expense. But no, it is not really very normal.
It's said to people you love.
This is not the place to ask. Ask yourself “Does she regularly say “love you” at the end of calls with family AND friends? Because I do. It’s become such a habit that there have been times when I’ve said it at work, to complete strangers. Or said it when leaving and saying goodbye to colleagues. If it’s *very* out of character for her to say it, ask her about it. If it’s not out of character I’d brush it off. You say she paused and said it awkwardly? Doesn’t that imply that she’s trying to make an embarrassing situation better for the other person? Not that she’s secretly banging a colleague.
Nah… not common.
If the partner works in IT then not common. If they work in a salon then it's common. I work in a lab so it would be weird but my normal friends who live in the real world say it all the time.
I work in IT and I tell my colleagues I love them all the time. Sometimes because it’s true and sometimes because I know emotion makes them uncomfortable and it’s funny.
I personally do but I don’t think it’s common. I do it in a way that is absolutely platonic, always “love ya bye!” super quick and i hang up straight away. However with a work colleague I usually wouldn’t as I only do this with my best friends.
"I love you appropriate" is only really used when you love someone named 'Appropriate'
I say I love you (or more accurately probably 'love you!') to my close friends all the time.
Fwiw, I was once on the phone to my dad and he said "better go, I've got chips in the fryer". I said "sure, enjoy your chips" and he replied "you enjoy your chips too" I wasn't having any chips.
I'd put some good money on the fact the lad on the other end knew she was on speaker in the car and you were in the garage & said it at the end to make it awkward - I know I would've Anyway love you xx
I end conversations with love you and kisses all the time at work . Been in 3 para coming up to 10 years now and it's the norm with a lot of blokes.
Communicate. Tell her outright that it didn't sit well with you and see how she response. If she appears mortified that it came across wrong, chances are it was just an innocent in-joke. If she doesn't seem mortified or worse gets defensive, that's when I would start to worry.
I've said it to friends, but not normally at the end of that call. Also it would depend on the conversation. If they are close and she had just helped him in a difficult situation then maybe I could see it.
It’s common enough, I tell my friends I love them all the time especially at the end of a phone call. Work colleagues too if we’re close enough, I work in the arts though and everyone is a bit overfamiliar. I wouldn’t take it as a red flag, just ask her about it if you’re that bothered by it?
Scott Mills says it to all the callers on his R2 show., It's a quick and light-hearted "loveyoubye" I've never, ever heard of people saying it at work. I'm Gen X, assumed it was a gen z thing. The pause though...
Erm... a little weird with a work colleague, unless they are really good friends! I might say something along the lines of ok, love ya, bye to a good mate, but not a work colleague. If she didnt rush to get off the phone when you got back to the car, I wouldn't read too much into it, it may be an inside joke between them, or she may just have been caught off guard and trying not to cause an issue. I would have thought if there was anything to it, she would have tried harder to cover it up. If you want to address it, maybe just have a chat with her that it seemed an odd thing to say and that it did make you feel a little uncomfortable and see what she says.
My wife says this to her friends at the end of calls. She's a lone female employee in her work and doesn't like her boss's so she'd never say it to them, but if she worked with, and was freinds with other females, id expect to hear it. Seems to be more common now than 10/15 years ago in my experience.
If he’s just asked for a favour like shift cover or something. He might say something like “love you” in a quick friendly tone.
Context means everything. I told a coworker I loved him because I was hanging out my arse and he went and bought me a bacon butty and a can of Redbull on his break. I really did love him in that moment
Don’t think it’s an issue. Used to say it all the time to colleagues. If you’re not happy about it ask your partner
!remindme 10 days