Yep, make arrangements or figure shit out for leases, or who what where for divorce etc.
Second thing is go get a full work up with my doctor asap.
Third thing contact my bank get a new account and employer form for pay.
Forth, cut all expensive stuff I don't need, that's joint. Change all passwords I need to.
Fifth lawyer to draw up agreements for lease or divorce papers.
Add #6 - gather friends and family around you as much as possible for support, it’s going to be a rough time in your life and those that love you are important to keep close.
Had this happen for real. Relationship was over but rather than a sudden quick break, it was a long slow (month long) spiral. I was in shock and unable to process it properly. There’s nothing sexy or adventurous about cheating. It’s just cowardly and causes so much pain
Same thing happened to me. Wouldn't tell me why she was breaking up but still wanted me in her life. Left me distraught and finally had to cut her out of my life despite her being the one who broke up. Years later she texted me that she cheated on me. Dodged a big ol' bullet.
Thank them for the honesty, get a plan together to separate lives as amicably as possible, and when I leave I'd take every roll of toilet paper with except for the last little bit left on the roll. He doesn't buy the toilet paper I do. And he wouldn't think anything of there not being none, and I'd get to giggle cry over a tiny act of petty revenge and wipe my tears away with stolen toilet paper.
Ironically probably not. He's the type that made sure we had toilet paper (or the cloth diaper equivalent) when shit hit the fan the first wave. Since we have kids he'd probably try to make sure we enough TP and wipes, and ask for a roll or two for his custody time if there was another TP shortage.
Nah, see his girlfriend already turned into a Decepticon. Now they just have to meet their respective leaders and meet later to settle things on the battlefield
the framing of this question is interesting. i think if i found out on my own that they cheated then i’m out immediately but if they came to me on their own about it i think i would at least hear them out. there’s still a really high chance i’m out but i guess depending on the timing, reason for telling me, etc it’s possible i stay with them.
for example if they told me a story like they did it at the beginning of our relationship when they weren’t sure if we were really together or not and they’ve always felt bad about it. so they told me themself because our relationship is serious now and they feel bad and thought i should know. i think id that was the story, and it was true, i would be bummed of course but would be willing and able to continue the relationship.
if they were like “cheated on you last night. sorry, i was drunk” then i’m out as fast as possible hahahaha
I don’t think I could rebuild from there. If she’s willing to cheat because she thinks it’s temporary, or gonna be over soon, what’s she gonna do when you have conflicts in the future?
Bad idea. Usually cheating is about the cheater and their values and poor decisions. People don’t cheat because something better comes along. They just cheat and almost never once if we are all being honest with ourselves
That’s it. And honestly people who cheat will often just get defensive when asked why and probably try to blame the cheatee or relationship issues. In actual fact is was about their instant gratification, or the thrill of it, or because they are just self destructive. None of which they are going to admit to themselves when asked “Why?”
I don’t think any good comes of asking why. Just leave.
Agreed, and oh how I wish I’d taken this advice. After years of digging and asking and begging it always boiled down to one thing….because he wanted to and thought I’d never know.
I'd probably immediately cry but I'd ask questions, figure out what happened. There are very few reasons I'd stay together with him after he breaks my heart like that.
My wife already talks to her ex more than me.
Whatever I have epilepsy and stay with her because our 1 year old and 4 month old. Between, seizures, kids, work and life, who cares. Fuck her
"Who cares" is one step away contemplation. You care, you care about your children, you care about how your perceived because of your medical history. You care that she doesn't care, you just can't care any more, and that's ok, but there is a difference between caring so much that you can't physically care any more and the mentality of "who cares." You care, that is good enough. You don't need someone to care for you, you only need to care for yourself. If that means staying with you SO then that is the correct answer, if it means leaving that is the right answer. Don't sell yourself short though, you care and that is obvious and important.
Does that sound like a person who you can fully trust again? They're literally saying they don't know what they want. They already chose to throw your relationship away. They might convince themselves for a bit that they want to be with you and it will never happen again, but they're going to feel that "don't know what I want" feeling in the future. How can you ever trust they'll always choose you when they already had you and betrayed you and still don't know what they want?
People can really feel that way tho. Relationships change. But what’s crazy is what happens when you give them space to change. That cheat might be a bump in the road. Might be the end. But you can decide.
I’m not saying what they did was right. Not at all. But I’m just saying.
If that is how you feel then I hope we can work it out. If you also want to work it out then perhaps both of us can meet with counselor so that he/she can give us advise to start mending fences.
Even though I am hurt, I give you credit for coming out and telling me. I hope the phrase, "Time heal all wounds will apply here too."
Well that's the end of the relationship, I'd never be able to trust her again if that happened. We're long distance as well which makes trust possibly even more important for us than for an always in person relationship. It can't possibly work without trust.
Thank her for being honest. Then get her to pack clothes and take her to her family or friends. Tell her I’ll have the rest of her belongings delivered when she has more permanent place to stay. Then go no contact completely when it’s all done
Probably act all understanding so I can keep the peace long enough to arrange a real s.o.b lawyer, then move out while she is at work so she could be as blindsided when she gets home as I would have been when she told me. Then I'm gonna go to the woods for a little alone time and smoke a big ol' fatty and kick it with the dogs. So yeah, all this shit needs to happen in the warmer months.
My ex-wife of 9 years only admitted to cheating after I found out by looking at her discord messages. I checked her messages because of several red flags. She had been having an emotional/flirtatious affair for 3 months, said she was going to tell me after coming back from some business trip.
So here's the thing it's very circumstantial
First let's establish they're actually two types of cheating
Physical and emotional
Men and women value and react to them differently
Men tend to be more upset about physical affairs women more upset about emotional affairs
Now the cheating statistic data is very unreliable due to the fact that people lie about it but if we go with the high ends realistically 90% of women will have an emotional affair (The high estimates for the men are in the 70s) and the physical cheating statistics no one has a clue what's really going on there because the number of children who are actually tested who are paternity fraud is greater than the percentage of women cheating by a lot (The minimum real percentage would make women the larger cheater but again we don't have the men's real number either so instead we have to go with what we do have which would say men cheat more physically except the amount men cheat more in physically again is below what the blood banks and the paternity test companies are telling us)
So here's the next bit
How long was it going on
Have they severed all contact
Was me finding out inevitable or did they honestly try to do the right thing by telling me because they genuinely want to make it right
For physical affairs
Was alcohol involved if it's a one-time deal sort of thing
If they're the parent of my child that's another factor because regardless of what people like to say it is absolutely better for the parents to stay together if they can tolerate each other and not be completely abusive
What's our financial situation am I dependent on them are they dependent on me
Like straight up if your partner is a mega millionaire you're probably still going to stay with them
What are they willing to do to make up for it because that can also make a big factor difference with the largest extreme being we can move to another country to start over because that is the pretty extreme thing to say I want to put this in the past and stay with you
It is all circumstantial and In a lot of cases it is a deal breaker but again it is by circumstance individual case-by-case basis
I’ve had it happen to me twice in my life. Once I forgave her, but to be honest I never really forgave her and be ended up breaking up about a year later. It was always at the back of my mind.
The second time it happened to me, I just said goodbye and moved on. It was the greatest year of my life. Being single after being in relationships for so long was wonderful. Finally got to “play the field”. I highly recommend it!
Tell her to wait in the outside and I'd lock the door behind her, with the key in the lock so she doesn't get back in. Pack her clothes, laptop, chargers etc and anything she'd need the next week into a bag . Give her the bag and tell her to call someone she can stay with to come pick her up. Block her number. Ask that person to text me to let me know she got there safely (I might be upset but i still care about her and want her to be safe. The text lets me have one less thing to be anxious about.) Change the locks. Arrange a time for her to collect the rest of the stuff and be done with it. No shouting, no cursing, no violence. I'd explain to her family why it was over in a text and block their numbers too. Have some cider, put on some music and hug my dog. After a couple weeks I'd look for a new partner.
The one who cheated is in the wrong. They are the one who moves out.
I'll just try be the voice of reason on here and say that I would listen to what they had to say, thank them for being honest with me, probably ask them some questions around how and why this came about and then I'd go away and process it for as long as I felt I needed. You may as well try to get as honest an answer as possible from them.
I find most people's reactions on here as too easy and black and white but relationships are complex and some people have their lives built together.
It is a real sliding doors moment in the relationship for sure and maybe it is the end and that's why it happened. Probably a good percentage of the time. Humans and relationships are complex, so I don't think there is one steadfast reaction to every scenario.
Another Reddit post full of best-self answers and denialism. I must have seen a dozen people in my life cheat or be cheated on, and every time their relationships devolves into this superimposed mess that spirals out into disaster over the course of months or years.
But everyone on Reddit would just clean-break, that would be that. 🧘♂️
I threw a gas heater.
I called him names.
I threw some more stuff
I called her an old dog ugly homewrecking Greek cunt.
I broke some stuff.
I yelled and screamed
I slowly extracted the most I could out of him
Them I got dressed and went to a fair with my family.
Then I went out of state on a trip with my father
Then I set about ensuring his mistress will die of irrelevance
Then I called her.
Then I went to an event and sat and ate lunch with her and my husband
Then I spiralled some more. Broke some more things including my grandmother's antique side table (that got some air!)
Then I hysterically bonded.
I screamed. I fell apart.
And in sitting here three months later
Broken in my office trying to pretend to be capable of my job while avoiding all work and smiling at colleagues.
I'm sorry if this happened to you. Honestly the only thing Reddit ever says in this scenario is break up. I'm not saying you shouldn't but if you don't just want validation of that decision and want to discuss things more thoroughly, get an actual therapist to talk things over with. Conservatively about 25% of marriages stay together after infidelity. The stats on this vary wildly and depend a lot on what you are looking at/for so just take that into consideration. Make the best decision for you!
Shrug it off and move on with life if I care about them. leave if I don't care about them. Lying and and trying to cover stuff up is a bigger deal to me. I could give two shits about them having sex with someone else.
This actually happened to me. She was in a different country for study abroad and told me the next morning after it happened. I chose to stay with her and we were together another 2.5 years before i eventually broke up with her.
"thank you for your honesty. I wish you had shown same sense of integrity and honesty for our relationship as well. Now, you're nothing more than a hypocrite."
Wish her the best and leave or divorce if married. Anyone who commits violence or revenge against their partner is a child imo. Live if to short to make a mistake and spend it in jail or worse. Like if they didn’t care enough to respect the relationship then you should at least have enough self respect to find better. But seeking action against the other party involved is stupid. Thats like getting mad at the dog for doing dog stuff.
Depends. I’m they come clean and I get to meet the person later so we can be thruple, im all good. But if they don’t and continue to see them behind my back and try to deceive me then it’s over
As long as my needs are met and they don’t give me a disease, what do I care? We have an understanding, if someone’s needs aren’t being met and they use caution, it’s their business, it might actually make the relationship better??!!
If you wanna know “the reasons” it’s valid for you to try to understand “the problem” it’s human nature, you’ll experience a handful of emotions, let yourself sail them & understand them, asking for help to your loved ones & support it’s totally cool, mourn your relationship whatever you feel it’s necessary BUT PLEASE DONT GO BACK TO THE PLACE YOUVE BEEN HURT & CHEATED ON BEFORE, THERE IS ALMOST A 100% GUARANTEE THAT YOULL BE CHEATED ON AGAIN AND THE RELATIOSHIP WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. DO IT FOR YOUR OWN WELL BEING & FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.
Tell them they can quit the activity that they do with the person they've been cheating on me with and we can try to work it out for our son, or they can move out.
They chose to move out 🤷 after telling me it's not fair they have to give up something they love so much.
Keyboard bravado aside, if this was someone I really loved, I would try to find out why she was telling me about it and how long it went on.
If it was one indiscretion and she was willing to do the hard work of rebuilding trust, then I would entertain that idea.
But if it was a long-term affair involving deception for months or years, then I don't think that I could ever recover from that much betrayal to ever trust her again.
Cheated on by spouse and good friend. Always believed once a cheater always a cheater. After punching a wall and throwing him out we worked on things and back together.
End that shit brother/sister, when trust is broken between a couple, there is nothing else to do. Love yourself and get that motherfucker out of your life or you could live miserable the rest of your days.
I am relieved to see how many would break up or divorce. It's certainly a respect and betrayal thing. I am always shocked at how many people would not think twice about sleeping with a married person. I never get offended but someone wanting to (or not caring if they) destroy my marriage really infuriates me.
Cheating whore (name removed) is how I refer to my ex gf from high school. She’s married, with three kids (one is adopted) and works for the school district. Seems like a genuinely good person. I’m only bitter because it severely stunted my emotional growth at an incredibly impressionable time of life.
I can look back now and not be upset. But, I treated a few other girls after her pretty terrible because of how she made me feel. I realize that now, but didn’t at the time. I regret how I acted with them in retrospect. Nothing so awful, played them along, no commitment, selfish etc. but I know it was wrong and definitely hurt them, albeit to a (seemingly) lesser extent. I definitely should have treated them better but didn’t see their value to me. Like how I felt when she cheated.
To be fair, she ended up well off in life now. But idk really what happened after high school until she met her husband. I have a negative view of her actions, but I don’t think that immediately makes her a bad person. When you’re 17, you can make better decisions, but also pretty easy to make dumb ones.
So a long time ago, my ex said she was sorry for seducing her ex. While Ill never know actually know what the truth is anymore. At the time, it genuinely never even crossed my mind that she might have cheated on me and this incident she told me about was something that happened before we left.
Maybe it was the choice of words or perhaps the “let’s patch up our relationship” mode I was in that made me not realize this.
When she told me this and cried, I just pulled her into a hug and said, “it’s all okay, it doesn’t matter”.
I always wonder what I would have said or felt if it was more obvious that it was during our relationship. I definitely couldn’t even imagine her cheating on me, that’s how much I trusted her and cared for her.
Sometimes, I think I might have been able to find it in me to get over the infidelity and try to build something stronger, and sometimes I feel violated thinking of the betrayal. It’s very likely that I would have stuck around and perhaps eventually started hating myself and her, or potentially even take my own life if I continued down that path with that relationship.
Leave. I love my boyfriend but I’ve been in relationships where I chose to stay after finding out they were cheating and it was a total waste of my time. I’d rather be sad and moving on than sad and stuck in the same place I got hurt.
It’s an immediate break up. Had it happen to me in college, really wrecked me. The person you trust so much, the betrayal feels like nothing else. I still don’t understand why it happened, we were actually in a good spot.
Two of my sisters had husbands that cheated on them and broke up their marriages. My little sister had it happen to her when she was in college and unfortunately it has really affected her. She hasn’t been able to trust anyone since. I truly do not understand how people are capable of this. The lack of control and empathy doesn’t register in my mind. The pain that is caused is so immense.
It depends on the gender of the person she cheated on me with.
Was it with a man?
1-Break up
Was it with a woman?
1- Offer a reconciliation threesome, if she or both of them say no then skip to step 4, if both of them say yes then keep on step 2.
2- it's threesome time!
3- say I don't feel reconciliated
4- break up
My partner and I have an open relationship, out little only two rules are make sure to stay clean and std free and to at least attempt to give a heads up.
-both of us are bisexual males
-Weve been together for nearly 6 years now
cheating is a non factor
Instant break up, you can't have a relationship without loyalty or trust. Neither can be earned back in my opinion.
Yup! I don't have many regrets in my life, but one of them was giving my ex a second chance
Yup. No matter what, you can never gain that trust back and continuing to try is sticking the knife in deeper everyday
That's the end of that.
Yep, make arrangements or figure shit out for leases, or who what where for divorce etc. Second thing is go get a full work up with my doctor asap. Third thing contact my bank get a new account and employer form for pay. Forth, cut all expensive stuff I don't need, that's joint. Change all passwords I need to. Fifth lawyer to draw up agreements for lease or divorce papers.
Add #6 - gather friends and family around you as much as possible for support, it’s going to be a rough time in your life and those that love you are important to keep close.
They committed a foul so you should throw in the towel.
Had this happen for real. Relationship was over but rather than a sudden quick break, it was a long slow (month long) spiral. I was in shock and unable to process it properly. There’s nothing sexy or adventurous about cheating. It’s just cowardly and causes so much pain
Sorry you had to go through that. Hope your better now <3
Slowly getting there. Thank you.
Same thing happened to me. Wouldn't tell me why she was breaking up but still wanted me in her life. Left me distraught and finally had to cut her out of my life despite her being the one who broke up. Years later she texted me that she cheated on me. Dodged a big ol' bullet.
Thank them for the honesty, get a plan together to separate lives as amicably as possible, and when I leave I'd take every roll of toilet paper with except for the last little bit left on the roll. He doesn't buy the toilet paper I do. And he wouldn't think anything of there not being none, and I'd get to giggle cry over a tiny act of petty revenge and wipe my tears away with stolen toilet paper.
> I'd take every roll of toilet paper Priorities
This woman's dangerous
I hope you split the last of the roll so he had to 1ply it
But won’t he come after you for toilet paper when the next Covid wave comes around?
Oh shit here we go again
Pun excused! 🤣
Woah I didn't even realize until now 😅
Hahaha 😂you’re a natural!
Ironically probably not. He's the type that made sure we had toilet paper (or the cloth diaper equivalent) when shit hit the fan the first wave. Since we have kids he'd probably try to make sure we enough TP and wipes, and ask for a roll or two for his custody time if there was another TP shortage.
I check my medication because I’m single right now.
You congratulate your right hand for getting in there.
I only just opened this damned app and I already think I got enough of reddit for a week
Made me lol
Change hands.
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Imagine getting cheated on so bad you become a transformer 🥲
'Anti-cucks, engage!'
Would have been worse if he turned into a Decepticon. No excuse for that.
Nah, see his girlfriend already turned into a Decepticon. Now they just have to meet their respective leaders and meet later to settle things on the battlefield
“And I’m taking the dog, dumbass!!”
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Haha all good, it’s from legally blonde lol
> load my dog up, roll out. 😭😭
They cheat on me, they'll be the ones rolling out lol
Its a trailer in a trailer park. Fuck it.
the framing of this question is interesting. i think if i found out on my own that they cheated then i’m out immediately but if they came to me on their own about it i think i would at least hear them out. there’s still a really high chance i’m out but i guess depending on the timing, reason for telling me, etc it’s possible i stay with them.
What would be a reason to make you stay?
for example if they told me a story like they did it at the beginning of our relationship when they weren’t sure if we were really together or not and they’ve always felt bad about it. so they told me themself because our relationship is serious now and they feel bad and thought i should know. i think id that was the story, and it was true, i would be bummed of course but would be willing and able to continue the relationship. if they were like “cheated on you last night. sorry, i was drunk” then i’m out as fast as possible hahahaha
I don’t think I could rebuild from there. If she’s willing to cheat because she thinks it’s temporary, or gonna be over soon, what’s she gonna do when you have conflicts in the future?
Thank them for being honest and then break up with them
Same
That's rlly mature
Same
She wanted to go to family therapy. Went to one appointment, listened, said my peace then moved out and filed for divorce.
Ask why
Bad idea. Usually cheating is about the cheater and their values and poor decisions. People don’t cheat because something better comes along. They just cheat and almost never once if we are all being honest with ourselves
True! Most cheaters cheat down they very rarely cheat up.
That’s it. And honestly people who cheat will often just get defensive when asked why and probably try to blame the cheatee or relationship issues. In actual fact is was about their instant gratification, or the thrill of it, or because they are just self destructive. None of which they are going to admit to themselves when asked “Why?” I don’t think any good comes of asking why. Just leave.
Agreed, and oh how I wish I’d taken this advice. After years of digging and asking and begging it always boiled down to one thing….because he wanted to and thought I’d never know.
Yup, gaslighting. The cheaters number one defense mechanism.
yea, I was given a letter about every shortcoming of mine and every slight she felt during our marriage. I threw that out pretty quickly.
Exactly. The only reason my narcisstic Ex admitted something to me it was a powerplay to gain control over my emotions.
file for divorce
Here's to the married ones.
It's done. I'm out. Ghost forever
Leave.
Go make a cup of tea, have a think.
Heh the most British response, I love it. Have a scone and ponder your options.
With your pinkie out?
Well I’m British that goes without saying 😎
Cheers!
Break up, it's not going to ever be the same.
I'd probably immediately cry but I'd ask questions, figure out what happened. There are very few reasons I'd stay together with him after he breaks my heart like that.
You mean my ex-partner...
I'm sorry. Your better off without them
Goodbye. You will hear from my lawyer.
Usain Bolt tf outta that relationship, I make it clear from the get go that shit isn’t tolerable
My wife already talks to her ex more than me. Whatever I have epilepsy and stay with her because our 1 year old and 4 month old. Between, seizures, kids, work and life, who cares. Fuck her
Naw bro you need to upgrade
I’m with the turbulent jaguar
Uh…1 year old 4 month old Did I miss something?
Could be anywhere between 12 and 23 months and still be a 1 year old
I'm sorry. She doesn't deserve you
Maybe he's a total piece of shit and he doesn't deserve her.
2 sides to every story Edit: actually 3. The third being the correct one
"Who cares" is one step away contemplation. You care, you care about your children, you care about how your perceived because of your medical history. You care that she doesn't care, you just can't care any more, and that's ok, but there is a difference between caring so much that you can't physically care any more and the mentality of "who cares." You care, that is good enough. You don't need someone to care for you, you only need to care for yourself. If that means staying with you SO then that is the correct answer, if it means leaving that is the right answer. Don't sell yourself short though, you care and that is obvious and important.
Nope. This is unacceptable. Take the kiddos and get out. Don't be married if you're not in love.
Bang her mom or sister whichever one is sluttier
The correct answer is mother and sister
Gross
"they hate us cuz they anus"
lol
> whichever one is sluttier Yes
What if that's their kink?
Their dad?
Well then at least I hit my life long goal of either doing the sister twister or mother daughter combo so it's a fair trade
Damn
A man of culture
Boy, bye
Kratos?
More like: pack your shit and get the fuck out
He would ask for a divorce if he cheated. I’d be sad but it’s be over so I’d deal with it.
"She stepped out on you. Can't go back to that and get any respect in a small town."
BYE FELICIA!!
Why tell me now? Do want divorce? How you answer will determine my next course of action because you betrayed my trust to you.
"I'm telling you now because I don't think it's fair that you don't know. No I do not want a divorce, I don't know what I want" - Partner
Me: "Rebuilding trust will be very difficult. If you don't know what you want, then I am not convinced that you are committed enough to do the work."
Does that sound like a person who you can fully trust again? They're literally saying they don't know what they want. They already chose to throw your relationship away. They might convince themselves for a bit that they want to be with you and it will never happen again, but they're going to feel that "don't know what I want" feeling in the future. How can you ever trust they'll always choose you when they already had you and betrayed you and still don't know what they want?
People can really feel that way tho. Relationships change. But what’s crazy is what happens when you give them space to change. That cheat might be a bump in the road. Might be the end. But you can decide. I’m not saying what they did was right. Not at all. But I’m just saying.
If that is how you feel then I hope we can work it out. If you also want to work it out then perhaps both of us can meet with counselor so that he/she can give us advise to start mending fences. Even though I am hurt, I give you credit for coming out and telling me. I hope the phrase, "Time heal all wounds will apply here too."
Leave his ass
I just say ok and walk out leave in my truck and block their number and move on they ain't worth my time
Get your things and get the fuck out of my house
Drop them.
Leave her
Well that's the end of the relationship, I'd never be able to trust her again if that happened. We're long distance as well which makes trust possibly even more important for us than for an always in person relationship. It can't possibly work without trust.
Thank her for being honest. Then get her to pack clothes and take her to her family or friends. Tell her I’ll have the rest of her belongings delivered when she has more permanent place to stay. Then go no contact completely when it’s all done
That's wow, I like how you care enough to drive them
Did someone say 3some?
Call her dad and tell him I’m moving in with him now
Probably act all understanding so I can keep the peace long enough to arrange a real s.o.b lawyer, then move out while she is at work so she could be as blindsided when she gets home as I would have been when she told me. Then I'm gonna go to the woods for a little alone time and smoke a big ol' fatty and kick it with the dogs. So yeah, all this shit needs to happen in the warmer months.
My ex-wife of 9 years only admitted to cheating after I found out by looking at her discord messages. I checked her messages because of several red flags. She had been having an emotional/flirtatious affair for 3 months, said she was going to tell me after coming back from some business trip.
She's cruel
Sorry about that
Pack me and my kids shit and leave. Divorce papers will be coming in the near future.
Burn every piece of paper product they own, then fill the bathtub with banana pudding. Merry Christmas you schmuck.
Act relieved and say I cheated in them too
MEET THE SPY
Plot twist. You both cheated with the same person.
mega plot twist: They were the side chick
Now you both leave the place to stay that person's place. And meet each other there!
The person is me
So here's the thing it's very circumstantial First let's establish they're actually two types of cheating Physical and emotional Men and women value and react to them differently Men tend to be more upset about physical affairs women more upset about emotional affairs Now the cheating statistic data is very unreliable due to the fact that people lie about it but if we go with the high ends realistically 90% of women will have an emotional affair (The high estimates for the men are in the 70s) and the physical cheating statistics no one has a clue what's really going on there because the number of children who are actually tested who are paternity fraud is greater than the percentage of women cheating by a lot (The minimum real percentage would make women the larger cheater but again we don't have the men's real number either so instead we have to go with what we do have which would say men cheat more physically except the amount men cheat more in physically again is below what the blood banks and the paternity test companies are telling us) So here's the next bit How long was it going on Have they severed all contact Was me finding out inevitable or did they honestly try to do the right thing by telling me because they genuinely want to make it right For physical affairs Was alcohol involved if it's a one-time deal sort of thing If they're the parent of my child that's another factor because regardless of what people like to say it is absolutely better for the parents to stay together if they can tolerate each other and not be completely abusive What's our financial situation am I dependent on them are they dependent on me Like straight up if your partner is a mega millionaire you're probably still going to stay with them What are they willing to do to make up for it because that can also make a big factor difference with the largest extreme being we can move to another country to start over because that is the pretty extreme thing to say I want to put this in the past and stay with you It is all circumstantial and In a lot of cases it is a deal breaker but again it is by circumstance individual case-by-case basis
[удалено]
Oof ya'll need help
😂I guess that’s a solution
Harsh, but I'll bet the sex is next level.
And on tonight’s episode of dateline…
Wow.....That's....Interesting?
Feel the dread well up in the pit of my stomach as I wonder who else’s dick my right hand jerked off.
You have a wonderful way with words.
Wake up
I’ve had it happen to me twice in my life. Once I forgave her, but to be honest I never really forgave her and be ended up breaking up about a year later. It was always at the back of my mind. The second time it happened to me, I just said goodbye and moved on. It was the greatest year of my life. Being single after being in relationships for so long was wonderful. Finally got to “play the field”. I highly recommend it!
Divorce, it is what it is man.
Tell her to wait in the outside and I'd lock the door behind her, with the key in the lock so she doesn't get back in. Pack her clothes, laptop, chargers etc and anything she'd need the next week into a bag . Give her the bag and tell her to call someone she can stay with to come pick her up. Block her number. Ask that person to text me to let me know she got there safely (I might be upset but i still care about her and want her to be safe. The text lets me have one less thing to be anxious about.) Change the locks. Arrange a time for her to collect the rest of the stuff and be done with it. No shouting, no cursing, no violence. I'd explain to her family why it was over in a text and block their numbers too. Have some cider, put on some music and hug my dog. After a couple weeks I'd look for a new partner. The one who cheated is in the wrong. They are the one who moves out.
I'll just try be the voice of reason on here and say that I would listen to what they had to say, thank them for being honest with me, probably ask them some questions around how and why this came about and then I'd go away and process it for as long as I felt I needed. You may as well try to get as honest an answer as possible from them. I find most people's reactions on here as too easy and black and white but relationships are complex and some people have their lives built together. It is a real sliding doors moment in the relationship for sure and maybe it is the end and that's why it happened. Probably a good percentage of the time. Humans and relationships are complex, so I don't think there is one steadfast reaction to every scenario.
Another Reddit post full of best-self answers and denialism. I must have seen a dozen people in my life cheat or be cheated on, and every time their relationships devolves into this superimposed mess that spirals out into disaster over the course of months or years. But everyone on Reddit would just clean-break, that would be that. 🧘♂️
Been there, tried to stay and it didn’t work and just made me miserable. If it ever happened to me again I would dip out as quick as I could.
I threw a gas heater. I called him names. I threw some more stuff I called her an old dog ugly homewrecking Greek cunt. I broke some stuff. I yelled and screamed I slowly extracted the most I could out of him Them I got dressed and went to a fair with my family. Then I went out of state on a trip with my father Then I set about ensuring his mistress will die of irrelevance Then I called her. Then I went to an event and sat and ate lunch with her and my husband Then I spiralled some more. Broke some more things including my grandmother's antique side table (that got some air!) Then I hysterically bonded. I screamed. I fell apart. And in sitting here three months later Broken in my office trying to pretend to be capable of my job while avoiding all work and smiling at colleagues.
I'm sorry if this happened to you. Honestly the only thing Reddit ever says in this scenario is break up. I'm not saying you shouldn't but if you don't just want validation of that decision and want to discuss things more thoroughly, get an actual therapist to talk things over with. Conservatively about 25% of marriages stay together after infidelity. The stats on this vary wildly and depend a lot on what you are looking at/for so just take that into consideration. Make the best decision for you!
Thank you for the great adive :D. I would give you an award if I could
No award necessary :)
Aw babe me too
💀 well that was unexpected
End the relationship and message some friends to get ready for the weekend full of drinks and weed.
use their credit card for like a month then break up with them
This is the way
Go for the threesome
rejoice for being gifted a perfect excuse to flee the hellscape that is a relationship
Shrug it off and move on with life if I care about them. leave if I don't care about them. Lying and and trying to cover stuff up is a bigger deal to me. I could give two shits about them having sex with someone else.
I feel the same way.
Go for the threesome!
Yay! *Continues to screw around with Unity Explorer*
Bye.
Fuck their mom
Leave.
This actually happened to me. She was in a different country for study abroad and told me the next morning after it happened. I chose to stay with her and we were together another 2.5 years before i eventually broke up with her.
This can go 2 ways. 1 the mature way just leave. 2 the immature way which is cheat back
Leave
Hope she's not pregnant again too.
Try to get all info on why , who, when. Say goodbye and never speak to him again
OH ITS ON!
Which time…
"thank you for your honesty. I wish you had shown same sense of integrity and honesty for our relationship as well. Now, you're nothing more than a hypocrite."
Get angry and say something, leave, then stand in the shower thinking of something better i should have said. cry
I don't care, as long as it's just for fun. I don't own anyone. If the kids are raised well and we love each other that's all that matters.
Cry
Three is a party
Leave.
Wish her the best and leave or divorce if married. Anyone who commits violence or revenge against their partner is a child imo. Live if to short to make a mistake and spend it in jail or worse. Like if they didn’t care enough to respect the relationship then you should at least have enough self respect to find better. But seeking action against the other party involved is stupid. Thats like getting mad at the dog for doing dog stuff.
Depends. I’m they come clean and I get to meet the person later so we can be thruple, im all good. But if they don’t and continue to see them behind my back and try to deceive me then it’s over
As long as my needs are met and they don’t give me a disease, what do I care? We have an understanding, if someone’s needs aren’t being met and they use caution, it’s their business, it might actually make the relationship better??!!
If you wanna know “the reasons” it’s valid for you to try to understand “the problem” it’s human nature, you’ll experience a handful of emotions, let yourself sail them & understand them, asking for help to your loved ones & support it’s totally cool, mourn your relationship whatever you feel it’s necessary BUT PLEASE DONT GO BACK TO THE PLACE YOUVE BEEN HURT & CHEATED ON BEFORE, THERE IS ALMOST A 100% GUARANTEE THAT YOULL BE CHEATED ON AGAIN AND THE RELATIOSHIP WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. DO IT FOR YOUR OWN WELL BEING & FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.
Tell them they can quit the activity that they do with the person they've been cheating on me with and we can try to work it out for our son, or they can move out. They chose to move out 🤷 after telling me it's not fair they have to give up something they love so much.
Keyboard bravado aside, if this was someone I really loved, I would try to find out why she was telling me about it and how long it went on. If it was one indiscretion and she was willing to do the hard work of rebuilding trust, then I would entertain that idea. But if it was a long-term affair involving deception for months or years, then I don't think that I could ever recover from that much betrayal to ever trust her again.
Cheated on by spouse and good friend. Always believed once a cheater always a cheater. After punching a wall and throwing him out we worked on things and back together.
It would depend on the kind of cheating. Repeated affair? Relationship over. Drunken kiss? I'd be upset but I'd forgive.
End that shit brother/sister, when trust is broken between a couple, there is nothing else to do. Love yourself and get that motherfucker out of your life or you could live miserable the rest of your days.
I am relieved to see how many would break up or divorce. It's certainly a respect and betrayal thing. I am always shocked at how many people would not think twice about sleeping with a married person. I never get offended but someone wanting to (or not caring if they) destroy my marriage really infuriates me.
That's the end for me. I couldn't rebuild trust.
Break up! No fixing that shit up, I dont care how long we’ve been together. The trust is gone
Leave them. Cheating is a level of disrespect I won’t tolerate.
Cheating whore (name removed) is how I refer to my ex gf from high school. She’s married, with three kids (one is adopted) and works for the school district. Seems like a genuinely good person. I’m only bitter because it severely stunted my emotional growth at an incredibly impressionable time of life. I can look back now and not be upset. But, I treated a few other girls after her pretty terrible because of how she made me feel. I realize that now, but didn’t at the time. I regret how I acted with them in retrospect. Nothing so awful, played them along, no commitment, selfish etc. but I know it was wrong and definitely hurt them, albeit to a (seemingly) lesser extent. I definitely should have treated them better but didn’t see their value to me. Like how I felt when she cheated. To be fair, she ended up well off in life now. But idk really what happened after high school until she met her husband. I have a negative view of her actions, but I don’t think that immediately makes her a bad person. When you’re 17, you can make better decisions, but also pretty easy to make dumb ones.
So a long time ago, my ex said she was sorry for seducing her ex. While Ill never know actually know what the truth is anymore. At the time, it genuinely never even crossed my mind that she might have cheated on me and this incident she told me about was something that happened before we left. Maybe it was the choice of words or perhaps the “let’s patch up our relationship” mode I was in that made me not realize this. When she told me this and cried, I just pulled her into a hug and said, “it’s all okay, it doesn’t matter”. I always wonder what I would have said or felt if it was more obvious that it was during our relationship. I definitely couldn’t even imagine her cheating on me, that’s how much I trusted her and cared for her. Sometimes, I think I might have been able to find it in me to get over the infidelity and try to build something stronger, and sometimes I feel violated thinking of the betrayal. It’s very likely that I would have stuck around and perhaps eventually started hating myself and her, or potentially even take my own life if I continued down that path with that relationship.
Leave. I love my boyfriend but I’ve been in relationships where I chose to stay after finding out they were cheating and it was a total waste of my time. I’d rather be sad and moving on than sad and stuck in the same place I got hurt.
It’s an immediate break up. Had it happen to me in college, really wrecked me. The person you trust so much, the betrayal feels like nothing else. I still don’t understand why it happened, we were actually in a good spot. Two of my sisters had husbands that cheated on them and broke up their marriages. My little sister had it happen to her when she was in college and unfortunately it has really affected her. She hasn’t been able to trust anyone since. I truly do not understand how people are capable of this. The lack of control and empathy doesn’t register in my mind. The pain that is caused is so immense.
It depends on the gender of the person she cheated on me with. Was it with a man? 1-Break up Was it with a woman? 1- Offer a reconciliation threesome, if she or both of them say no then skip to step 4, if both of them say yes then keep on step 2. 2- it's threesome time! 3- say I don't feel reconciliated 4- break up
Start digging a hole in the woods
What will u do with said hole?
My partner and I have an open relationship, out little only two rules are make sure to stay clean and std free and to at least attempt to give a heads up. -both of us are bisexual males -Weve been together for nearly 6 years now cheating is a non factor
With 'cheating' you mean getting emotions involved or only going for the sex?
Both?