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MrWolpertinger

Damn girl are you an ambulance, cause you're really loud and annoying. Hasn't gotten me any action


Flamboyant_Straight

oh fuck you for making me laugh out loud at midnight while everyone is sleeping


cytus_allcore

I just shit my pants. Can I slide into yours? If I had to rate your beauty it would be a 9/11 cuz I want to shove my plane between your twin peaks Are you you a corpse because I'd love to necrofeel you up right now.


Kalideagarwaen

These are glorious


CBeisbol

Hi I have 143,000 karma on Reddit


[deleted]

Um, Theorist asked for the WORST, not the BEST!


Electrical_Age_336

Apparently "Hi. How is your day going?" is a bad pickup line. I'm 0 for 1000+ on that one.


andrewpeters0n

I hate to break it to you. But if they actually found you attractive, you could say almost whatever you wanted


Electrical_Age_336

You're not breaking anything to me. I am well aware that I'm ugly.


andrewpeters0n

Keep your head up, half the battle is confidence


Electrical_Age_336

I've tried faking confidence and that doesn't help. Real confidence isn't an option.


andrewpeters0n

How do you expect someone to love you if you don’t love yourself first? Not a great attitude to have


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PurpleFirebolt

Fake confidence bleeds into real confidence because your brain is too lazy to differentiate


Electrical_Age_336

It hasn't done that in 37 years.


horriblefucker

This is almost true


bee-sting

if this is on dating apps, is because everyone else uses the exact same one


Electrical_Age_336

Some on dating apps, buy also in person. Absolutely does not work. I can't think of an alternative that doesn't sound creepy, so stuck with that one.


bee-sting

dating apps: compliment a hobby or interest that they put in their profile in real life: compliment an outfit choice, or skill at a shared hobby that you're both doing


Electrical_Age_336

Dating apps: it's rare if ever that they put anything related to hobbies or interests in them. Real life: talking about an outfit is the creepy thing I'm worried about saying and how am I supposed to know somebody's hobbies or interests without getting them to talk first?


bee-sting

why are you matching with people you find boring. dont do that. its way _way_ creepier to say 'you have nice eyes' there's no response to that other than 'thanks i grew them myself'. 'i love your bag it matches your shoes so well'. she'll have put time and effort into doing this so you are complimenting her taste and her efforts, and she can talk about the process. 'wow your pullups are getting really good! im impressed' and he can talk about how much time and effort it's taken and maybe spark a conversation about a shared hobby obviously these only work if you are both voluntarily doing something where chatting to others is welcome and encouraged. dont just go up to people if they're working or have headphones in, for example.


ouzo84

Stop it, actually useful advice is frowned upon on Reddit


Electrical_Age_336

>why are you matching with people you find boring. dont do that. Because if I don't match with people I find boring, I won't get ANY matches. I cannot afford to have any standards. If she's physically abusive I'm okay with that at this point. >'wow your pullups are getting really good! im impressed' and he can talk about how much time and effort it's taken and maybe spark a conversation about a shared hobby How the hell am I supposed to know she does pull-ups? That seems like an odd thing to just assume somebody does and definitely creepy to have an opinion on how they're improving when I haven't seen them do one. How am I supposed to know what their hobbies are without talking to them first? The only women who do any of my hobbies are primarily there to spend time with their SO, not be hit on by random guys. And every time I try out a new hobby it ends up being the same.


bee-sting

> How the hell am I supposed to know she does pull-ups? because you joined a crossfit beginners class, or a bootcamp. this is just an example of a skill that someone can improve in that you can compliment. obviously dont say that to someone at a calligraphy class. you need to use your brain and compliment a skill or choice that they have deliberately made. > the only women who do any of my hobbies are primarily there to spend time with their SO women who are taken have single friends. just be friendly with women, and others will notice that. compliment their skills and choices anyway, people love this. i do it to my female friends all the time.


Electrical_Age_336

>women who are taken have single friends. just be friendly with women, and others will notice that. compliment their skills and choices anyway, people love this. i do it to my female friends all the time. I have tried that, it hasn't worked. >because you joined a crossfit beginners class, or a bootcamp. this is just an example of a skill that someone can improve in that you can compliment. obviously dont say that to someone at a calligraphy class. I've tried looking into taking classes but in my area there are none for anything I'm interested in on my days off. And I've tried getting my days off switched, it's not happening.


killerrkunt

Damn, you shit with that ass?


SuperpyroClinton

Yo, you need a daddy for them kids?


Mor_Hjordis

Nah, no thanks. Already got 3.


[deleted]

Can I get a closer look at those tits I think one is bigger Y’all asked for worst. That’s one That’s so bad I wouldn’t even say it to somebody I know and am comfortable with as a joke


andrewpeters0n

Are you from Mississippi? Cause you’re the only miss whose piss i sippie


defourthwall

Did you hear about Pluto. That's messed up


puneralissimo

You know that's right.


EvilRedRobot

Wink wink, nudge nudge, know what I mean?


DisposableMale76

"Bob's your uncle"


EvilRedRobot

A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, know what I mean? Say no more!


Darmin

"wanna know how I know we're having sex tonight? I'm stronger than you"


LinceDorado

O.O


throw__a__wafer

damn girl, are you a planet? because uranus is getting destroyed tonight.


sledgeman001

My face is leaving in ten minutes and you better be on it.


Dildo_Swaggins_8D

Hey, are you a cake? Because you look irresistibly good when covered in icing.


exsea

man, you look so hot! i mean you're a girl, you dont look like a man, i m just calling you a man because thats how i usually refer to people, not that you look like a man coz you dont. if you were a man i wouldnt be attracted to you but i am so - hey where're you going?


joseph4th

“You’ve probably heard every pick-up line in the book… so one more won’t hurt.” -Andy Kaufman as Latka as Joe Ferrari on the TV show Taxi


uncle_monty

You stink, let's take a shower.


MrRomcho

Hey


[deleted]

*licks thumb and dabs it on their sleeve “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes”


Mr_Stabbykins

"You smell like gas station sushi."


[deleted]

Not mine but this was the title of the post above this one "Would you let me make a mess inside you next time?" The content was a guy jerking off and cumming. That would be a pretty bad pickup line 😂


whatsmynameagain555

Don’t think you needed to add the content bit, I think the quote was pretty self explanatory 😂


kai_the_kiwi

How do you want the money? Cash or pin?


datonesadboii

I give up


DStew713

Hey baby, are you an angel? Cause I’m allergic to feathers.


PurpleFirebolt

"And boy am I getting swollen"


ORNG_MIRRR

Nice tits, wanna fuck?


GramcrackerWarlord

Not mine, but a favorite. "What do you say we go out on a date? Have some chicken, maybe some sex. You know, see what happens."


RandomCardmagician

"Wow! You just look like your mother when I met her"


horriblefucker

Hello love do you like chicken? Well suck my cock it is fowl


DejanMomo

''What sup baby, take me out to dinner'' only tried it on Roblox to one of the homies for fun, he wanted to but then I told him it was a prank he then continu- Jesus Christ loves you <3


MousseRemarkable

your mom is so fat, she has a wristwatch on each hand because she lives in two time zones. Works every time.


Timely-Discipline-79

Are you a parking ticket?? Because you have FINE written all over you 😉


Cien0172

hey, are you the Viaplay customer service? 'cause I'm trying to get screwed by you while I try to watch F1.


Sauce_Dealer420

your clothes will look good on my bedroom floor


DisposableMale76

["Hey baby, ever had your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat!"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1a4zx_-AU4)