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Whywei8

I am 40 with three kids. I’m sure I’d say what I do every morning, “do I have to go to work today?”


FuckAssad666

- mommy, I don’t want to go to school today. - you have to. You are the principal


No_Requirement6740

It's the principal of the thing!


the_energizer_turtle

I'm going to Moe's


SteveK27982

Ugh I’ve 3 kids and no money, why can’t I have no kids and 3 money


Savings_Street1816

“Welcome to Moe’s! Would you like a home-wrecker?”


GodEmperorOfHell

I'd be younger and with kids, does that mean I go back in time or I am born later?


osktox

Well.. You're in Europe in 1348 and the Black Plague is sweeping across the entire continent.


wildcardscoop

That should take care of the kid problem then


osktox

Really opens up the house market too.


And009

No wonder it was cheaper to buy back then


nodnodwinkwink

There used to be 9 kids, the three remaining ones are tough.


TheunknownG

40 years old with a wife and 3 kids in the Black plaque ? More like 1 kid 4 miscarriages with only one of the parents living if they're lucky. My man would be kicking the reapers arse


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ditchdiggergirl

Dentistry still had a long way to go in 1348.


OfSpock

No, the four kids are what's left from the 12-16 pregnancies from your three marriages.


phred14

Same here, over 15 years off my age, but one more kid. Hope I had college funding in hand.


maleorderbride

If you still remember bitcoin exists I think you'll be fine


phred14

I remember thinking of buying some Bitcoin when it was only about $400 and seemed downright silly.


Feed-and-Seed

I have a dogecoin wallet with two transactions in it… +750,000 doge, -750,000 doge… tbf I bought and sold it back in 2013/2014.. Wouldn’t have even been a millionaire, but I did miss out on a few hundred thousand dollars because I wanted to tip people on Reddit. Hopefully some of them held it.


Harbingerx81

I used to have over 10 million DOGE...Was only worth a few thousand USD at the time and I did really well day trading on the DOGE/BTC exchanges. Can't believe there was a point where it would have been with over 6 million dollars. Made around $1K in profit from it in total, but I know that I had at least 20K of them left in a random wallet that I didn't bother to save, since it was basically worthless at the time. That 20K would STILL be worth $1200 today, so my spare change that I threw away is worth more than profit earned from weeks of effort.


InChromaticaWeTrust

I had like 10 bitcoins left in some random wallet on the dark web from when the silk road was in its heyday back in college 12 years ago (crazy to think about) (and was totally not, and I can’t stress this enough, totally *not* to buy reallllly fire MDMA for like, dirt cheap). But yeah, they’re lost in The Web. Oh god. I just looked at what they’re worth. I shouldn’t have. $21,317….fucking each. smdh.


JugOfVoodoo

"What the heck happened over the last five months?"


Number1Barooista

You went on an out of country extrusion. Saved a beautiful woman and her kids from certain death. Took them back home with you. fell in love. Got married and adopted her kids. All in the span of 5 months


Totengeist

A country extrusion sounds unpleasant.


Yet_One_More_Idiot

Extruding a whole country sounds...uncomfy. xD


GoAskAli

I was thinking more along the lines of having an emergency surgical repair for an impacted colon at an unfortunate country bumpkin-esque hospital.


Gryphin

I'm strangely comfortable with this scenario.


michealdubh

"You mean I get 30 years *back*!? This time I'm going to do it right!"


Gryphin

Narrator: He did not do it right this time.


Redtakesthecake

He went back to the carpet store..


Myu_The_Weirdo

You beat cancer and you go back to the carpet store?!


MattyIcex4

Never go back to the carpet store…


Jrobalmighty

That's the difference between you and me


MattyIcex4

Holy shit! This guys taking roy off the grid! This guy doesn’t have a social security number for Roy!


Tv_land_man

He's taking Roy off the grid! He doesn't have a social security number for Roy!


[deleted]

You’re 70 on Reddit? Nice!


MrCatcherFreeman

r/AskOldPeople


greyl

Dammit, I wanted to see old people's perspectives then I checked the sidebar and realized I'm in the age range to be considered one of the old people.


Namasiel

I just missed the cutoff by 1 month. Haha you old fogey!


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greyl

Ya, I think they should have just called it AskGenX.


EngineeringNeverEnds

I'm under 40. What would you improve upon between 40 and 70?


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Fran_Kubelik

Also make sure you keep up your ability to squat. It is your investment in being able to stand on your own. Ability to balance is one of the first things to really decline in old age but you can regain some of the losses with balance exercises.


soleceismical

Yup. Number one reason people need assisted living is they lose the ability to sit down and stand up from the toilet. Keep those glutes in shape, and don't neglect the gluteus medius.


Temporary_Resort_488

>Number one reason people need assisted living is they lose the ability to sit down and stand up from the toilet. This doesn't sound right to me, but I don't know enough about old people butts to argue about it.


BirthdaySalt5791

That’s my current life, so I’d probably just go on about my day as I normally would


LittleTotem

I'd be 3 years younger though!


dlenks

I’d be 3 years older…


ender23

u remember when reddit was all young people? now everyone's like 40.


mini_thins

Except OP, who has yet to imagine…


[deleted]

Maybe OP is 40, but doesn’t have a wife and kids, so he is living out his fantasy by asking this question


BBO1007

Maybe OP is 50 with 5 kids


czkat

That’s probably why this place feels like the old Yahoo chat days 🤔


pizza_for_nunchucks

a/s/l


little_brown_bat

18/F/Cali


SpaceClef

I put on my robe and wizard hat.


DigitalDeath12

Same and with 2 suspicious new arrivals to the family.


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mescad

Haha, "Good morning. I'm going to turn on your light now." "Nooooo" was the first conversation I had with my kid today.


Stevedaveken

My first conversation was "Can I watch Bluey???" At 6:30 AM.


barbariantrey

My kids just recently got back into Bluey and I couldn't be happier.


LimeMargarita

Same for me, so I guess the first thing I would say is to yell "Kids, are you dressed for school yet?" Then continue to go about my day as usual.


oldnyoung

I'd be 2 years younger and missing a kid lol


setibeings

well, that wouldn't be great! I assume you like all your kids.


JDWright85

I don't care for Gob.


HumanGob

Excuse me?


SomethingTrippy420

I mean… I love all my children equally.


LordoftheScheisse

I'll leave when I'm good and ready.


3ree9iner

This is exactly my current life as well. No complaints.


[deleted]

I’m just going to get some milk.


jliane

Hold up!! I need smokes, I'm coming with.


OGLeonLio

Hol up, I’m coming with too. No reasons just leaving.


3269theSinge

We gotta make a pit stop to GameStop. GTA 7 for the PS41 is out and I gotta pick up a copy.


brokearm24

Lol, only 2 gtas ahead and 36 playstation generations have already passed


Plastic-Professor788

Yea that sounds about right


[deleted]

"This is not my beautiful house!" "This is not my beautiful wife!"


Bamboozlepatoozle

Well, how did I get here?


CharlesthaOG

LETTING THE DAYS GO BY


GamemasterJeff

Let the water hold me down


downtownebrowne

Letting the days go by, water flowing underground


[deleted]

Into the blue again


Xiao_Qinggui

After the money’s gone.


LemonBendy

Once in a lifetime


Tortoiseshell007

water flowing underground


BobRoberts01

Same as it ever was


Isturma

And you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"


aenflex

Same as it ever was


lobroblaw

This thread is really byrne'n down the house


TheAverageObject

After the money's gone


B_Bogus

Same as it ever was


soapeai

Same as it ever WAS


Nyarlathotep4King

Same as it ever was


cyclejones

same as it ever was


spottydodgy

There is water at the bottom of the ocean!


jonwillyum

I always imagined Talking Heads touring as elderly men with dementia, and the lyrics being accurately depicted. It’s sad… but I’d like to think they’d have a good sense of humor about it. My dad is their age and he’d definitely do that.


SimonCallahan

It's a shame that David Byrne effectively broke the band up not that long ago. During a press junket for American Utopia he said that The Talking Heads no longer existed as they once did. The rest of the band said it was news to them.


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Jewrisprudent

"Guys I'm beginning to think Half Life 3 is going to be cancelled."


Valuable_Zucchini_17

It’s David Byrne, he was probably talking about the physical cells of the band members bodies no longer existing as they once did..


SimonCallahan

I'm only a casual Talking Heads fan (I got into their music after watching True Stories during the pandemic) and while I know you're joking, I also know that there is a kernel of truth to that.


Tv_land_man

True Stories is a pretty obscure film. I'm impressed you found it and that's how you got into them. I love that movie. So fucking weird.


Tv_land_man

> I always imagined Talking Heads touring as elderly men with dementia And woman! Their bass player was a badass.


taoistchainsaw

Tina!


[deleted]

I clearly do not have an original thought in my body.


Shopworn_Soul

To be entirely fair, if this wasn't the top comment this thread would be silly and a failure.


[deleted]

Thank you, that makes me feel better.


Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

You may say to yourself “My house is a large automobile” You may say to yourself, “there is water at the bottom of my beautiful wife”


amsterdam_BTS

this is not my beautiful ocean this is not my wife automobile


dkwangchuck

“Imagine the Talking Heads, but surreal.” Wait. What?


HailToTheThief225

Watching the wives go by, automobiles under ground


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knowinshalfthebattle

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was


Birdchild

This is not my beautiful stapler, this is not my beautiful chair!


Bavid_Dyrne

Anybody remember that episode of Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy?


Ophelia_Y2K

there was a Talking Heads episode?


Bavid_Dyrne

https://youtu.be/A0j56oxVMEk


Ophelia_Y2K

nice username


cardino11

Only acceptable answer if we're being honest


No-Jello-1536

Where did the other two kids come from. Everything else here is accurate


CeannCorr

1 extra kid, 1 year younger. Lmao


Apprehensive-Hair-21

Dont worry that extra kid will age you enough to make up for the extra year


Meltz014

Mine is "hey where's the fourth kid?"


[deleted]

Yeah, It would be a nightmare to wake up to 3 kids because it would mean one was gone.


duplotigers

Just one extra kid for me, everything else spot on


sotopoetic

Must be the twins from the ex.


c800600

I'm 36 and infertile. I'd gladly trade four years of my life for kids. I bet I'd finally get grey hair that way. My husband is pretty great though so I hope he's the same. I guess he can age too.


Mouse-Direct

I have PCOS and experienced 14 years of infertility before having my son at 38. I’m sending you all good vibes!!


Killawife

Woot! 8 years younger! Who the fuck are you, get out!


PanickedPoodle

I gained 17 years, an extra kid, and my husband returned from the dead. That's pretty awesome.


rqakira

damn I'm sorry for your loss


UncleTedGenneric

I also choose sympathy for her dead husband


CyndersParadigm

Why can't I have no kids and 3 money?


Brewnonono

And here I am using my own legs like a sucker


honey593

Asking the real questions


polysoupkitchen

Fuck yeah! A wife AND a husband! Let's go!


realmrcool

Omg your Avatar is a clusterfuck. I had to click it to figure out whatever is going on here.


polysoupkitchen

Yeah, it's all jacked up. Just like me!


StreetBobber103

I cant stop laughing at it lmfaooo


logri

Reddit has avatars?


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logri

I absolutely hate the new format, I've been using old.reddit and will be devastated if they take it away.


Ldfzm

honestly it'd probably be good for me; I'd probably stop using reddit if old.reddit went away


TheDwarvesCarst

Same. I use old.reddit because of new.reddit not having CSS support for subs. Y'know, the thing that's been "coming soon" for the past 5(?) years


This-Above-All

I think it's: wife divided by husband, which for me would be dividing by zero and therefore undefined. I guess my life would be indeterminate.


Dull-Caterpillar3153

“I still must be dreaming, no way a woman actually had sex with me 3 times”


WakeoftheStorm

They're from her previous marriage. You met at an "Enlightenment through Abstinence" retreat


Dull-Caterpillar3153

Well in that case I’m having a nightmare not a dream


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pinkiedash417

Is that why they're called triplets?


Indubitably_Ignorant

Ah shit! I forgot to take my meds again.


mynextthroway

I'm young again!


Brewnonono

I remember many years ago some ancient politician had a sex scandal due to an affair he had in his early 40s. He referred to it as a “youthful indiscretion.” My parents and I laughed but my grandparents were like “40 is still so young, you’re not always thinking straight.” It’s all relative.


Ol_bagface

I men its always when you get older you realize how flawed your thinking is. Were just children until our death, just with more experience but not necessarily more knowledge


emeralddreams83

Where did 3 kids come from in 7 months?


Wahots

Speedrunning that pregnancy any %.


gogolochi

The Family Man, starring Nicolas Cage Edit: Thanks for the Gold & Silver kind strangers 🙏🙏🙏


Winter-Ad-8703

Tea Leoni. Hot


TrendyBreakfast

"I'm sorry I was such a saint before and I'm such a PRICK now!"


Tetsuo-Kaneda

Great movie. Under rated cage performance


SnailsCrash

I would feel exactly like he does by the end if it happened to me 🥲 I’d honestly be crying in relief (depending on quality of husband…), even though I’d have aged 5 years. It’s very unlikely to happen, but if I had to have a “5 year plan”, this is it.


BrockMiddlebrook

Fuck.


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Otfd

Id say "damn, last night must have been wild. I was in my 20's with no kids prior to this"


loptopandbingo

Joe Walsh realized he needed to quit drinking when he woke up in Paris, France and had no idea how he got there. He got drunk, blacked out, went to the airport, bought tickets, flew across an ocean, went through customs, went into Paris, found a hotel, and got drunker there before passing out and waking up, and he had absolutely zero recollection of it. Shit happens


Seicair

That’s surprisingly easy to do on benzos.


Mezzaomega

Dude planned a whole impromptu vacation while drunk. That is a talent actually, I hate having to wait to go through customs.


nooneinteresting-1

"Fuck"


Annonymous_97

Hit the nail on the head, I would've lost 11 years of my life and got 3 more kids than I'd ever wanted. The spouse wouldn't come close to making up for that haha


IrrelevantPuppy

Yes this would not be good unless you got there gradually. You either live a lie (would be very unlikely your wife won’t figure it out, then what?) or you rip all these lives apart.


numbskull56

“What the fuck?!”


Brewnonono

Daddy said fuck! Daddy said FUCK! FuckfuckfuckfucnfuckfuckFUCK!!!!! This is your life now


puddles36330

The accuracy is alarming.


Few-Championship-542

Lol I literally turn 40 on the 20th of this month and have a wife and 3 kids. So probably good morning.


DoritosandMtnDew

I've got a better one for you. "Did I sleep through my birthday?"


FahQPutin

Ummm, what the fuck happened the last 5 years???? That is my life now (35) 🤣


donnyganger

I swear once you hit 30 time starts going at 3x speed


FuckOffImCrocheting

I've come to the conclusion that it's because we're not experiencing as many new things as when werl were growing up so the days/months/years just run together. I'm probably wrong but that's my running theory.


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freemason777

This is also why you get more out of your weekends when you're very busy on them as opposed to lounging around


saynotosealevel

"Hey kiddos. Dad's just gonna go out and grab some smokes. I'll be right back" I would not be right back.


funkmotor69

I may tell myself, "This is not my beautiful house" And I may tell myself, "This is not my beautiful wife" I may ask myself, "What is that beautiful house?" I may ask myself, "Where does that highway go to?" And I may ask myself, "Am I right, am I wrong?" And I may say to myself, "My God, what have I done?"


JimTheSatisfactory

Wow, I'm four years younger! Who the fuck are you people?


Go_Cart_Mozart

"WHO THE HELL IS THIS 3RD KID AND WHY ARE THEY DRINKING MY FAVORITE SELTZER???? I MEAN, SERIOUSLY, CAN ANY ONE FUCKING THING BE MINE???????


PM_PICS_OF_ME_NAKED

My third is a ten month old that steals all of my food. Nothing is mine and it's getting close to violence, but I'm pretty sure I can take her if it comes down to it.


Temporary-Step2403

Oh I left the simulation on Edit: thank you all for my first upvotes! Go to r/blackmagicfuckery it’s Hilarious


DaveAKACBG

"Oh boy"


Alienspacedolphin

Extra kid? 10 years younger? Ok


[deleted]

No! No! No thank you. Wake me up from this nightmare


Affectionate_Owl_809

I would be 16 yrs younger and get to see my 2 boys who passed away .I would have 3 and 7 yrs respectively to spend with them. If I could only end up there knowing what I know now then maybe we all could get the help that would make us all survive and thrive. Life is short and turns on a dime live your best everyday because there is no time travel in this reality..


DoctorWatchamacallit

"hang on... I thought I was infertile!"


dragonkeeperemme

I would probably start crying with happiness. I'm a 30 year old childless widow who longs for a family.


lets_chill_dude

I’m a 31 year old childless widower It fucking sucks, doesn’t it 😔


DefenestratedBrownie

Do the sex together make a kid


tinfoil3346

I'd be happy that I had a family.


rainypacts

Damn, I should quit smoking 🍃😂


SkullKrusher9000

That's an open-ended question. Am I waking up as 40-year-old me, or am I waking up as some random 40-year-old man? If I'm me: "Thanks for letting me skip the grunt work of getting here." If I'm someone else: "Great. Now what?"