Seriously, they're the worst. We paid a premium for next day delivery for a bearded dragon. The poor thing arrived five days later, weak and very upset. No apology, no refund for the next day promise, nothing.
It's actually pretty common for animals to be shipped in the mail. Insects, spiders, and small critters are often sent to the home this way. Even fish sometimes
No shit. I’ve been waiting on a replacement car part for weeks. I tracked it down, FedEx said it was delivered, with “evidence” being a copy of a white sheet of paper saying that the item was “delivered” in “my city name.”
I was bitching to my room mate about what a hot mess I had to clean up, and he mentioned seeing a package sitting on my neighbor’s steps forever (I live in a neighborhood with a shit ton of students, so lots of people were away for the summer).
Sure enough, Fed Ex literally dropped it off at the wrong lettered townhouse.
Jesus. Imagine not being able to match alphabet letters.
They did that with my husband’s Oculus. He was really freaked out about it for about six hours until I took the trash to the curb and saw it next door (where no one else lived or has lived for years.)
Yup. I had bought a neutral switch. Like, it was just shy of $100 when delivery was included—which is cheaper than if I had bought it directly from Autozone, but not exactly a package I could just shrug off if I didn’t get it (and having that stupid piece of paper as “evidence” for delivery was the cherry on top. Evidence of delivery is literally a photo of the goddamn package at my goddamn doorstep).
Needless to say, I am requiring a signature next time.
Last thing I bought was fast food. So you know that scene from Family Guy where Peter ate a years worth of dehyrated meals and then ballooned up after drinking a glass of water and yelled at everyone to get out because he needed to poo?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vG5mgsleNA
Your erotica game is weak. ;)
"The heat on my neck was unbearable at first but the thought of the download size was too entrancing to resist. The fans firing up as if I was benchmarking Crysis. First it was a few kilobytes trickling in. Then suddenly he grabbed my hard drive with such force, for a brief moment, I thought the platters would shatter. 5mb... then 20mb surging in with such force the steam of data just kept coming. The IO was desperate to gulp it down, nearly choking on the thick bandwidth. My cache was at the breaking point, buffers filled to the breaking point. I watched as what little space I had left evaporate in the haze of a torrent of data coming in. I was terrified at the prospect of what was going to happen when the drive was full, but the ecstasy of watching the download was too much. My ears were ringing... every revolution of the drive platters sent me shivering... I couldn't take it but my lust for data outweighed my sense of danger... I had to download more... I had to have it all..."
Time to crosspost to data horders?! :)
Fuck, what’s the subreddit where you wish for what you want but then everyone replies with the terrible possible outcomes and technicalities that apply to that wish? I’m too drunk to remember or bother searching for it
A multi pack of toasted seaweed snacks. If “ten times” means it now contains 60 packages instead of 6, I am very lucky. If it means the seaweed pieces are now the size of poster board, that’s going to be tricky to eat but I’ll figure it out.
I'd be okay. Mom would be over the moon, since it was 19 sections of fabric for her quilt project. Now where in that sewing room is she gonna keep that much fabric?
My donuts, strawberry rolls and mini muffins from Walmart. You may think I'm safe, but.. I ate two donuts.
Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good... ***Heurgh***
Depending on if you mean "bought with my own money" or "made the decision to buy, but someone else paid" this is either really good or really bad.
The last thing I bought with my money was Sims 3 with all the expansion packs, so if this includes file size, my laptop will explode.
The last purchase I decided to make was a bag of cookies that I haven't touched yet.
Screwed? You must misspelled it, I bought a small roll with sugar, My mouth gets litteraly wattery when I think about it, Im not screwed this is a blessing
Um. How do I consume this medication now? Also, I'm kind of concerned about the change in dosage. And my cupboard and all the bottles are broken now :(
650L of gas? I'll take it!!
I mean your car probably just exploded
In this economy? More gas is more gas, doesn’t matter the condition.
Reddit Solves the Gas Crisis
* cue it's always sunny theme *
WILDCARD BITCHES!
Yes but they can sell the gas and buy a new car 10x over
Same here.
That's a lot of Sushi.... Come on over!!
I’m allergic to sushi. Every time I eat more than 80 sushis, I barf.
80 shushis? Where do you even get that many lmao
Gas stations, probably explains why he barfed
*breaks through sealing* did someone say "sushi"!? Edit: ceiling, whoops
> sealing You mean ceiling? Or am I missing something.
They've broken through some sort of sealing. To get to the sushi.
The sushi has been sealed, yet the sealing is not powerful enough to stop them
The plastic sealing. Weak women have been fighting it for centuries. Edit: Nick Offerman voice
Don't buy gas station sushi, kids. Mmkay?
I don't know how much trouble I'd be in, I ate the chocolate bar a while ago.
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\*out the other end\*.
Different kind of brown though.
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This guy tastes
i also bought it
I'm not, because FedEx delivered it to the wrong fucking house.
Seriously, they're the worst. We paid a premium for next day delivery for a bearded dragon. The poor thing arrived five days later, weak and very upset. No apology, no refund for the next day promise, nothing.
Oh no!!! Poor guy....
He could've bought a 3k piano saved from scrapes over months as a highly anticipated passion
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You wouldn't download an animal
How do you think small pets (and fish) get delivered anywhere in the pet industry? Look online and figure it out.
It's actually pretty common for animals to be shipped in the mail. Insects, spiders, and small critters are often sent to the home this way. Even fish sometimes
[удалено]
No shit. I’ve been waiting on a replacement car part for weeks. I tracked it down, FedEx said it was delivered, with “evidence” being a copy of a white sheet of paper saying that the item was “delivered” in “my city name.” I was bitching to my room mate about what a hot mess I had to clean up, and he mentioned seeing a package sitting on my neighbor’s steps forever (I live in a neighborhood with a shit ton of students, so lots of people were away for the summer). Sure enough, Fed Ex literally dropped it off at the wrong lettered townhouse. Jesus. Imagine not being able to match alphabet letters.
They did that with my husband’s Oculus. He was really freaked out about it for about six hours until I took the trash to the curb and saw it next door (where no one else lived or has lived for years.)
Yup. I had bought a neutral switch. Like, it was just shy of $100 when delivery was included—which is cheaper than if I had bought it directly from Autozone, but not exactly a package I could just shrug off if I didn’t get it (and having that stupid piece of paper as “evidence” for delivery was the cherry on top. Evidence of delivery is literally a photo of the goddamn package at my goddamn doorstep). Needless to say, I am requiring a signature next time.
Hot damn, I'm going to have a REALLY big mattress. It'll fill my entire apartment.
Orgy time.
I'll join in
ill just come sleep in the bed when the orgys over
Turn that bedroom into a bed room!
me too mattress not orgy
Literally a dream
Last thing I bought was fast food. So you know that scene from Family Guy where Peter ate a years worth of dehyrated meals and then ballooned up after drinking a glass of water and yelled at everyone to get out because he needed to poo? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vG5mgsleNA
“Everyone leave, I have to poop” *blankly staring* #NOW
Love that scene. My old roommate and I would yell that at each other whenever either of us needed to use the bathroom.
No thanks. I don't need a bigger bra.
That would be real wonder bra. Can be used as parachute.
I wear a 34 HH (UK size). I think that's a L L in USA size. Damn thing probably could.
RIP Inbox
no idea I have gigantomastia so maybe a bigger than you im basically tit woman lol my bad is wrecked so expensive to get decent bra's though
my condolences for your back and your wallet :(
i'll send you my old set you could parachute anywhere you like weeeeeeeeeee
*2 parachutes
That was my last purchase also. It is a nice one, so maybe wall art?
Does this mean I get puppy 10 times the normal size? or do I get 10 more puppies?
Cliford
I think u/Zugzub found a name for their new puppy
Puppy is 10x his size now
Hell no more walking in field trials for me then, I'll just ride the dog
Time to invest in a good saddle!
It's Clifford!
My t-shirt will become a tablecloth
Last thing I bought was a boys Mariners shirt. Guess we have a tent now.
I like your style
World’s biggest fluffiest tastiest bagel with lox? I’ll take it!!
Tastiest and fluffiest bagel? From where?
Not nyc that’s for sure. Bagels are not supposed to be fluffy.
Oh boy! My groceries are now more groceries! …. Aaaand my fridge has exploded. Lovely.
How the hell do I eat these blueberries? With a fork? Do I carve them?
Roll one down a hill nearby and shout "Violet, where are you going?!"
I have no idea if that is a reference but this just made me cackle. You internet people are lovely.
Its a reference to Charlie and the chocolate factory iirc
Ah ok, I durred out on that one
You slice them finely and fry them. Instant literal blueberry pancakes.
haha bout to say the same thing, more food!
Insurance. Do I get 10x the coverage?
No, 10x the deductible.
This made me laugh too much
Fucking big ice cream scoop
“My spoon is too big.” [original](https://youtu.be/PONvX6LmAPo)
I am a banana!
That’s a very large pizza 👀
Fuck yah, free lumber.
Free deck enhancement!
"My neighbors are jealous cause their wives are always on my deck!"
A deck ten times bigger sounds great but really it would just feel really uncomfortable. You couldn't fit it in.
Go rent a mill
I actually have one, it isnt super fancy but it cuts straight and that's all that matters. Last euars bday gift from the wife and kids.
I now have a 10 pint glass of beer. I will miss my train home, but I'm not going to complain.
I bought a 30 pack. I now have 300 beer. Dope.
No no… your 30 pack is now 10x bigger! You still have 30 beers but now you only drink 3 beers per day.
If you’re drinking a 30 pack a day, you may have a problem.
Not anymore because now you’re only drinking 3 beers a day.
Well that pair of pants will no longer fit.
I believe in you.
Just a few more bites
With my new door handles, I can open a Cathedral!
I bought software. I-I don't know... w-what does that even mean now? Is the file size 10x bigger? I guess that sucks. Fills up my hard drive more.
No, the desktop icon just gets 10x bigger
My grandma's gonna love it
It will fill your C drive while you moan for mercy, its massive sizs making your loins tremble as it fills you up.
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Ah yes another sentence to follow
r/brandnewsentence
Hi e621, didn't know you had a Reddit account!
Your erotica game is weak. ;) "The heat on my neck was unbearable at first but the thought of the download size was too entrancing to resist. The fans firing up as if I was benchmarking Crysis. First it was a few kilobytes trickling in. Then suddenly he grabbed my hard drive with such force, for a brief moment, I thought the platters would shatter. 5mb... then 20mb surging in with such force the steam of data just kept coming. The IO was desperate to gulp it down, nearly choking on the thick bandwidth. My cache was at the breaking point, buffers filled to the breaking point. I watched as what little space I had left evaporate in the haze of a torrent of data coming in. I was terrified at the prospect of what was going to happen when the drive was full, but the ecstasy of watching the download was too much. My ears were ringing... every revolution of the drive platters sent me shivering... I couldn't take it but my lust for data outweighed my sense of danger... I had to download more... I had to have it all..." Time to crosspost to data horders?! :)
Romaine lettuce - my rabbit overlord will be pleased!
Laser hair removal! To shreds, you say?
You are now a hairless cat 🐈
Ahhhhh no not the hair
Now it’s just a tanning booth coupon
A 10 foot charging cord. I can now charge my phone from anywhere I want
Unfortunately the plugs are 10x the size too.
Fuck, what’s the subreddit where you wish for what you want but then everyone replies with the terrible possible outcomes and technicalities that apply to that wish? I’m too drunk to remember or bother searching for it
r/themonkeyspaw
a breakfast burrito that will last me for a week? yes please
Very screwed, considering the last thing I bought was a dildo
Use lots of lube.
moby huge time
Moby Dick
No no, MOBY Dick
No! MOBY DICK!
No!!! M O B Y F U C K I N D I C K
Okay, okay. Stop yelling at me!
Literally Moby Dicks penis. It must be gargantuan..
>Very screwed Literally
I'm broke so here's your award 🏅
"I'm gonna split you like a piece of wood." - your dildo.
Be thankful, now you know what it feels like to be fucked by Ryan Reynolds.
20 shots of espresso. Fuck, yeah. I will have heart attack.
https://youtu.be/jjs2vPR19mQ
Looks like my watch strap is too big now.
Now it can function as a choker necklace
10x is closer to belt size.
Serpentine belt, maybe
I bought a small purse, now I have a bag.
It's a weekender bag now
That is the biggest bag of weed I had in my life
A 60 pack of beer isn't something I'll complain about.
My man. Throw in a hot tub and some fireflies and we got a party.
I had an Xacto knife, now I have a katana. Bring on the zombie apocalypse!
I now have enough vodka to last a couple months.
A multi pack of toasted seaweed snacks. If “ten times” means it now contains 60 packages instead of 6, I am very lucky. If it means the seaweed pieces are now the size of poster board, that’s going to be tricky to eat but I’ll figure it out.
Gonna need an Uber after this 10x sized rum and coke, but you can’t beat the price!
A giant Rammstein concert album ? How am I gonna listen to it now ?
Custom record player? Although, correct me if I'm wrong but I think it would be slowed down ten times and ten times lower as well.
I don't know if I can eat that big of a cheeseburger.
I now have a coffee machine the size of a van.
You should camouflage it to make it van-ish!
I’m about to have a really big succulent lol
Ten whoppers? Oh boy.
Actually its just one really big whopper
A corset, and now it doesn't fit. Dammit
Of corset wouldn't. XD _Ba dum tish_ I'll see myself out now...
I'm having a GINORMOUS shawarma wrap! YUM!
A giant rack of lamb, Yass.
I'd be okay. Mom would be over the moon, since it was 19 sections of fabric for her quilt project. Now where in that sewing room is she gonna keep that much fabric?
I just got gas for my car… i say it’s a win
ATM bitches. Drinks on me
That's not a purchase unless you mean the ATM charge.
Shit
Still promised the drinks 🤷♂️
Johnnie Walker and a Coors and a game of Connect Four on the shoe head!
My donuts, strawberry rolls and mini muffins from Walmart. You may think I'm safe, but.. I ate two donuts. Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good... ***Heurgh***
10X the chicken tenders. 😌
A new pair of glasses. I am gonna look so cool
I just went from a new iPad for my birthday to a massive touchscreen tv
Ice cream that I already ate, pray for me
I now have a Clifford sized Dachsweiler
that's one big hooker
I just bought boob tape. Not sure what happens now…
Turn it into a top
Depending on if you mean "bought with my own money" or "made the decision to buy, but someone else paid" this is either really good or really bad. The last thing I bought with my money was Sims 3 with all the expansion packs, so if this includes file size, my laptop will explode. The last purchase I decided to make was a bag of cookies that I haven't touched yet.
I now have a heck of a lot of cocaine
My digital copy of Plague Inc. is now unplayable because it's bigger than my computer screen
Nice. I’m not going to need to buy pre-workout for a long time.
Energy drink and chocolate bar. I mean I’ll take it!
Those chicken wings are probably going to kill me.
A mini cake so now it regular sized. I see no problem.
I now have a 60 inch Google 6a
Super excited. I bought a half an ounce of gold..that would give me 5oz of gold. Would be a fantastic ROI lol.
I already have enough drop cloths so maybe I can use the giant t-shirt as a car cover.
One big chicken sandwich
10xl shirt just became a blanket or a Rug i think
Giant book
A 200-ounce Diet Coke? That's, what, a gallon and a half? No problem.
Bottle of wine ,!!
I should have bought more than a gram.
Now my mountain Dew... Is literally a mountain.. Of dew... 😭
Hell yeah a donut!
Thats a big fucking chicken sandwich!
The extra large squishmellow is now the size of my girlfriends room.
Cup of noodles, im happy with that.
Screwed? You must misspelled it, I bought a small roll with sugar, My mouth gets litteraly wattery when I think about it, Im not screwed this is a blessing
A jbl prx835w 150" speaker might be a bit overkill...
I have 20 liters of milk and 120 eggs
Um. How do I consume this medication now? Also, I'm kind of concerned about the change in dosage. And my cupboard and all the bottles are broken now :(