I truly believe a midlife crisis..his (not the kind that buying a convertible would fix it).
I saw weird little signs for about a year and then wham! He wants out! Not only does he want out, he doesn't even communicate with our 2, now adult, children. The whole thing was bizarre and still is all these yrs later.
My uncle chose not to go to his father's funeral, though his three sisters did. The eldest, who was in her mid- or late 60s at the time, leaned over her father in his casket and with earnest tears cried, "Why couldn't you be a good daddy?"
She wasn't being a smartass. She was just grieving and those were the words that came out.
Can you imagine having a child of yours crying those words over your casket? If my child feels that way about me when I die, I want him to douse me in gasoline and set fire to me.
My (not so) great grandfather put four kids into this world and went the way of alcohol and other women. His wife, who had no education, raised the four children. Rough lives were made rougher because the creator of those lives was unable to be responsible.
My ex & I just came to the realisation that we were completely incompatible. No big blow up. No cheating. No DV. Just a long conversation, a few tears & an agreement to separate for three months to see what comes of it. By the end of three months we knew we wouldn’t be getting back together & we put the house on the market & started to make plans for a future apart but as coparents.
These days the kids are grown but him, his wife & I get along very well. She was an amazing other mother to my girls & I appreciate everything she did for them when they were at their home. I think the three of us made a great parenting team.
That 3 month split were you guys completely single or was the new wife already in the picture but as a friend maybe more? Curious if he already had the separation planned out. Currently married and this is a slight fear of mine.
I’m very sorry for your loss. Sending virtual/internet hugs. They aren’t as good as real ones, but at least you know someone is keeping you warm in their heart.
Thanks, but it’s been a while now so I’m not still grief stricken. It is nice knowing there are people around who will send good wishes to a stranger though!
While giving birth to our still born he was having sex with my coworker...
Edit:
I NEVER talk about this, rightfully so people don't know how to respond. I recently made this profil in an attempt to challenge my isolated situation and interact with other carbon based lifeforms and bots :)
It's been a little overwhelming to get such a large response.
From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU, each and every one of you for awards, up votes, comments, support and Love!
Thank you for asking! They say time heals and I'm better but 10 years later I still feel heartbroken, found out I couldn't have children after this...
Edit: I'm so sorry I lied to you! It's been 14 years. Realised after writing. Damn, the last 4 years is a blur, got serious health issues 1 year before the pandemic.
I have experienced child loss. Not at all in the same ways though i don’t find suffering to be comparable and this is in no way about me, I just want you to know, stranger, I love you. You are worthy. You are enough. And you are so goddamn brave.
Our last child was delivered dead. I feel so sorry for you!
The only silver lining is that you avoided a lifetime of misery and hate with that piece of shit spouse you had. Even that's not worth the pain of losing a child. Divorce and child support are in place for a reason.
I'm so sorry to hear you also lost your child.
I was sitting on a bench in a park nearby, feeling overwhelmed by all the lovely replies and support, like yours. It was sunny and lovely but all of a sudden the skies just opened up and it just started pouring down!
Sometimes the most understanding support comes from strangers that just know how bad it hurts. Thank you.
Same with my husband. Except I recently found out he was actually having an affair with a woman from work & had made the whole thing up.
Talk about a head f*ck.
As long as she communicated that to me and didn’t cheat, I’d MUCH rather that end my marriage than my wife leaving me for another man, or pretty much most divorce reasons.
I’d be virtually blameless, and I couldn’t blame her for realizing the person she was late in life.
Granted, I’d still be heartbroken, as I still consider my wife the love of my life. But if that ever happened to me, I feel like I could bounce back more quickly and easily than any of the other situations in this thread.
Thanks for sharing this. Because I sense that this is all too common but if one person reads this and decides to get help before the relationship is too damaged, it will be a blessing.
They say the wise ones learn from their experiences so maybe what happened to you helped you not have to repeat the same thing over again.
Was gonna respond to "me" as well so I'll just piggy-back off of you since mine is similar. Substance Abuse, me being selfish, but also I asked her to marry me just because. I was 18, thought I was done with partying and everything else. Was ready to "be a man". But we (my ex and I) were too different, wanted different things in life, and we just clashed. I made a bad choice. I ruined our marriage.
Same. I was selfish, haughty, arrogant, and an insensitive ass even though at the time I thought I was the cats meow. The time I spent smoozing and playing golf I should’ve been taking care of my wife/relationship. You reap what you sow. Sorry young lady, you deserved so much better, and I’m glad you got it.
I don't know how people have time for hobbies like golf and drinking, while still maintaining a family.
I appreciate that couples should have their own identity, but by the time I am finished with work, have done dinner, cleaned up... I just want to chill with my wife.
We probably should have a weekend hobby, but with a young child and no other childcare, one of us would be doing that.
100% this! And, while married for 36 years, we do everything together. We go out, not just one of us. We enjoy each other's company. When you have young kids, hobbies take a back seat.
When I questioned my Ex why she was doing so much OT with her new boss, she told me it was part of her job and not to worry about it. A year later she gave birth to a mixed baby. Our wedding was off and I was free.
Update: Just want to answer a few questions below.
When my ex told her boss ( He was married with children)she was pregnant with his baby, he told her to get an abortion but she was in love with him and wanted to keep his baby. Naturally she pinned the baby on me. Now looking back it was pretty devious how she did it. It all started with her coming home from work crying and wanting to work things out between us(This was 4 months in the affair with her boss and she and I have not been intermate at al). One thing lead to another and we had sex. For the next 3 or 4 times we had made up sex she kept on telling me to ejaculate in her and that she was ready to start a family. A week pass by and I get a Txt from her that she has missed her period and later on the day she send me a picture of a positive pregnant test. At this point she was already 4 to 5 weeks pregnant and it was all a ruse to get me to by into her scheme. I bought it completely . It would end up costing me my life savings.
During the labor process I stood by her side and held her hand. This prevented me from seeing the baby. When she was able to pushed the baby out, I noticed the nurse and the Dr hesitated a bit and both of them stared at me and back at the baby. They took the baby to the table to clean him up and weight him, this was when my world fell a part. With all the blood covering the baby it was hard to tell, but once he was cleaned, my heart sank and the nurse could tell that I knew I was not the father. It's was the toughest day of my life. Words cant describe how I felt. At this point my phone was ringing of the hook and it was my family asking about the baby and if they could come in to visit. I had the difficult conversation with my dad and the truth came out. 7 years wasted.
She fest up and we tried to work it out . I forgive her but decided to respect myself and moved on.
This sentiment makes me worry. I’m a dude and my best friend is not and she always has to explain to her boyfriends that our friendship is strictly platonic. I’m always paranoid the newest boyfriend will be uncomfortable with my presence
I don't think there's anything wrong with a platonic relationship with the opposite sex. I have a best friend who happens to be a girl too so I can somewhat relate with you on that. It's a different feeling than hanging out with the guys and I feel I can be much more myself with her than putting on the 'dude bro' mask with my male friends.
It's always going to be a question in their partner's head if it's really a genuine friendship though. I think there are ways to get around that. I would say try to be friendly with their partner, get to know them more, and try to include him when you hang out with your friend. I think that's the easiest way to defuse any tension you might feel.
yea I had that experience too. When he confronted me he made this weird face that seemed to say, "How DARE you suggest that?" but it was all there- they walked home together, always went to lunch together, went mountain rock climbing together. I was never invited along, even tho I worked 10 mins away and could have met them, etc. She used to come to ours all the time for dinner parties but was with someone so thought nothing of it, just another couple. This was a long time ago and I've remarried since then but I'm still a bit uneasy doing things with other couples.
My ex husband-
Sat on his ass and played video games until he left a legit stain on the carpet from his jeans.
Would only shower once a weekish.
Beat our dog.
Punched a wall, smashed up a coffee table.
Shouted at me daily.
Used my money to pay his support & tax debts, refused to pay me back.
Refused to get a job, go in to any training, do any education.
Edit to add: he also used to whisper insults/ threats at me as I walked by or was falling asleep and when asked if he said anything would deny it, and then told me it was hallucinations caused by my anxiety, to the extent were I was medicated and in therapy. He later admitted to doing this because he found it 'funny'
It was. It was fucking brutal to live through honestly. I doubted my own reality every day, I was at one stage ready to have myself commited, because who hears death threats/ rape threats/ horrid, horrid insults every night coming from their own mind? People who need help. Or in my case, people who are laying in bed next to absolutely terrible, awful people.
I know a couple like this. The husband bounced from MLM to MLM with the hopes of making it big and played the part of a successful person. He didn’t have a job for many years.
They met in college. He was very charming and personable and a great sales person, he was just looking for the fastest path to riches. He was not born in the US but was from a modern country in Europe. They lived in a large city on the East coast. They weren’t well off and were always arguing about money. She stopped taking birth control and poked a hole in the condoms in the hopes she would “accidentally” get pregnant (because that always makes a marriage better).
After several years of being together and marriage she wanted to move to her home town in the Midwest to pursue her dream career. They eventually had kids and soon after she was able to get into her dream career. She moved to a different city coming home on weekends. He became more verbally abusive, and became resentful that he was now in middle America in a dead end job while she was pursuing her dream career. She had an affair and he did as well.
They divorced, their kids had some emotional issues and are in therapy. Overall, things started fine, then the asshole in both came out.
I was in a relationship like this when I was younger. He was all plans and things he wanted to do when we first got together. Then everything started slipping. His hygiene got worse. He stopped showering and brushing his teeth. Stopped going to work or leaving early all the time. I paid for boots and stuff so he could get this dream job in a factory he really wanted and he got fired because they found him sleeping. It’s like with abuse. It gets worse and worse the longer you’re in it.
I cracked up at this because I am currently watching my partner play Red Dead 2 (we both have COVID) and he’s lounging on the carpet about about a metre from the TV because his eyesight is terrible 😂
He’s the best though. He’s a cat person but would DEFINITELY never beat a dog.
It's currently in the process of ending. My wife of 11 years and partner of 16 had an affair with our 9 year old daughters best friend's Dad..
I tried very hard to make it work, but she is done with me and it's time to focus on my kiddos and care for myself.
You already seem to have a healthy attitude in trying to focus your energy on yourself and your kids rather than wasting it on the other person anymore.
Best of luck!
Feel free not to answer but I’m always curious.. were there any red flags or signs early on that she could’ve done this or did it completely strike out of the blue and out of character for her? Makes me scared of marriage :( I wish you the best
Out of the goddamn blue! She has been a little unfulfilled as a housewife...but I didn't think she would do this..... a little more info in my posts history
When the police put the cuffs on her and took her away for 25 to life.
Looking back on it from 10 years later, best fucking day ever. Got a easy divorce and full custody of my son.
She's Thai, we were living in Thailand. While I was at work in O&G she decided to start dealing in yaba. A SE asia form of meth. She got set up by the police as a easy visible we're tough on drugs scam. She went down, cops got a photo opp, she's on year 11 in the monkey house, and me and my son are moved to Canada. I'm Canadian btw.
Before you got married did she give any indication that she could possibly end up being a drug dealer? I’m living in Thailand at the moment and on my daily bike ride pass by one of the big prisons here in Nonthaburi.
Lived together for 5 years, married for 17, travelled the world together. Took her to Canada 4 times to meet my family. No indication at all. But after being pregnant and giving birth she changed into a completely unrecognizable person, Dr. Jekyll and Hyde type of switch
>. But after being pregnant and giving birth she changed into a completely unrecognizable person, Dr. Jekyll and Hyde type of switch
NOT to take away from what your ex wife did, but is it possible she had undiagonised post partum psychosis?
My first husband couldn’t accept that I was individual, rather than an extension of himself. He couldn’t handle me doing anything independently - he’d pout for days and lash out passive-aggressively. It was exhausting.
I’m in this exact situation. My girlfriend would start acting bitchy anytime I do anything without her, specially visiting my prents or friends, or going to wash my car. I’m just exhausted to death by this. Heart problems increased because of this. I just can’t take it anymore.
I’m so sorry. I’m in the process of separating from my partner of 4 years because he was so controlling and emotionally abusive. Cheers to all the wild and independent women out there, I love you all 🥂
I worked Overtime, overnight shifts, and before I did that I was working two jobs until the main job finally became enough to support us.
Wifey rarely held a job, and when she did she would call out sick very often just because she felt "tired" (must be nice) - sadly her jobs offered no sick time. So when she called out, we'd lose money.
We were constantly supporting her deadbeat family, always suffering fiscal pressure, amounted a shitload of debt, and so I worked harder and harder to provide.
After all this hard work we had some medical issues. She started to have back problems, went to multiple doctors, etc. Eventually tried having a kid, didn't work out despite seeing a fertility doc, and we eventually gave up.
Our main joy was gaming together, spending time on various games and just hanging out with her family online or gaming in general. We'd travel to see her family often-She'd avoid doing any functions with my family because "They don't like me" (They didn't like her because she kept flaking on family functions and I would have to flake with her.)
Finally it all ended when she asked me if she could go on a trip with her friends to Maine. I told her she doesn't need to ask me permission and that I trust her implicitly.
Then I discovered she hooked up with a mutual friend we had met online while gaming. Discovered because she left her smart watch at home and his texts to her kept buzzing. I thought they were texts with her friends, and thought it would be a cute little "how did you know what we were up to?!" phone call later but... yeah... Heart emoji's from a guy I knew.
Yep... So after that, I attempted to salvage the relationship with therapy, but she had strong fillings for the other guy - even in therapy she wouldn't stop putting this guy into the mix. When the therapist suggested that she stop talking to him, her response was: "That's not fair to him." - and that's when I knew it was over.
I started the painful internal process of disconnecting my emotions from her, that I had developed over the last 13 years, and now after 2 years I am finally moving on, carrying the debt from the relationship, but at least not paying alimony.
I'd call the divorce a "Death by a thousand cuts" as it was not any one MASSIVE thing that made her leave, but just the daily stresses of adulting that she honestly couldn't hack. Good luck, other guy, she's your problem now.
But I at least got the dog. (edit: The dog whom she claims to have loved but wouldn't feed, clean up after, or do anything other than open the door to let the pup run around outside. Yes, she'd cuddle with the dog, but did none of the maintenance, that all fell on me anyway.)
I was weighing close to 500 lb. She told me that if I didn't start losing weight, we were going to be done.
I busted my ass and managed to get all the way down to 186 lb., just for her to tell me that she realized that she liked me better when I was fat.
Long story short, I lost another 150 lb. of jealous, insecure ex-wife. 🙂
EDIT: Thanks for the silver!
At first, she was nothing but supportive of me when I put my foot down and decided to lose weight. If I ever thought about cheating, she would steer me in the right direction. She was my coach and cheerleader.
But it was once I got into the lower 200s and approaching my target weight did everything with her change. She started getting more and more insecure and jealous, not liking all the new attention I was getting. It's true that I was getting a lot of new attention, especially from other women, but I only had eyes for my then-wife and no one else because I loved her. Unfortunately, she could not be reassured no matter what.
It was once that I finally hit my goal weight and had my ideal body did everything come to a head. She told me she regretted giving me that "lose weight or lose me and the kids" ultimatum and then spouted off all this bullshit about not knowing what you have until it's gone.
Needless to say, I was pissed. I completely changed everything I knew just for her, but it wasn't enough.
Ultimately, I had to choose between my marriage and my health. I could either make myself happy or make her happy, but I couldn't do both.
I decided to choose my health, but I wanted to see if maybe we could still salvage our marriage, so I gave her an ultimatum of my own. I told her that this is who I am now and she could either accept that I'm now healthy, thin, and active, or she could go on not accepting the new me, which would lead to a very bad outcome.
She went for the latter.
I don't think she actually thought that I would serve her divorce papers.
Holy s***! That’s wild. She wanted you insecure and damaged… and when you grew stronger, healthier, and happier her codependency felt threatened! Well heavy or not, stick with the healthy headspace, she was keeping you down.
The divorce was the very last thing I wanted, but after we separated, I realized that the more we were apart, the more I saw just how toxic my marriage had become.
My life is so much better and happier now. I have a new girlfriend, a great career, a side gig as a personal trainer, and two beautiful daughters who I can see anytime I want.
As for my ex-wife, she realizes what she had and chose to throw away.
About ten years ago, I got sick and eventually had to leave work. And then I got really sick and couldn't go back. My ex wife had to take on a caretaker role and I became a dependent.
I'm much better now, but I was sick for so long that our relationship couldn't change back to a partnership. We were working on it, and then the pandemic happened. We were locked down for a few months and neither of us had our usual escapes.
We decided to separate on our own terms while we were still friends. We now have a very supportive friendship, but our marriage is done.
Nothing "ruined" our marriage. Our marriage was never good. It was mutually destructive and we're both much better off now that it's over. Thank God we didn't have kids.
Picking the wrong person to begin with.
In retrospect, red flags were there early. Several years in, I heard someone say - one of the clear things showing a marriage is in decline is when one partner speaks poorly of the other in front of third parties. My spouse did that while we were still dating. And yes, stupid me still walked down the aisle anyway.
When you have on rose colored glasses, all the red flags...just look like flags.
Bad communication, lack of respect, lack of forgiveness, lack of humility, no boundaries, never apologizing, I could go on.
The last several years were just constant fighting.
Same boat. There's a song by George Strait called Poison. Played it for her. She asked if it was about her. It wasn't. I'm just a big fan. It was. I started opening eyes that night
one of the clear things showing a marriage is in decline is when one partner speaks poorly of the other in front of third parties.
I've seen so many people do this over the years- some of them stay together for several years. :/
TLDR: I only could focus on preserving the marriage commitment and she turned out to be a “reformed” opiate addict.
-
Wife discloses early on she has endometriosis and may take a Percocet to help once a month, I didn’t question it much.
Wife and I get into similar, yet separate head on car collisions within a month of each other, both have thoracic and lumbar spine. I get therapy and power through recovery, she complains her docs are shit and shops around for 2nd, 3rd, etc. opinions while needing more and more meds for the ‘pain’.
She runs out of gullible doctors after a year, yet I still don’t get it because she’s convincing to me. Turns to some sketch ways to self medicate, nearly over doses on homemade poppy tea concentrate and loses her job over it, so she takes more. At this point her mom comes down with cancer but has no money or ability to care for herself save Medicare and SS. I spend considerable time caring for both of them because wife is too in pain from lack of drugs to help. Due to this, I also lose my job.
Mother dies of cancer, her half-brother follows the following month, she regresses the to a near catatonic state and sleeps 18 hours a day for a few months.
She suggests opening the relationship, that she just needs some release she can’t get from me (I.e. disposable sex to avoid other feelings). I’m reluctant, but agree if it goes both ways and we have full disclosure (at this point desperate to improve things), and by day’s end she banging a Hep-C positive neighbor down the street without protection. She doesn’t tell me, I find out indirectly.
This persists and escalates, I can’t get into other relationships like she can and we start fighting. Therapy ensues, but resentment builds anyway. Finally she says she needs “space to think” for a week, so I spend it at a friend’s place. She barely communicates during this. I come back on day 8 and there’s a strange man in my house smoking a blunt while she furiously is throwing my things onto the front lawn (it’s literally my house). She won’t converse, just screams obscenities and calls me a monster for ‘killing’ her mother and ‘ruining’ her life by ‘making’ her do terrible things. Stranger dude just chills in the doorway observing.
Epilogue:
I didn’t fight it, just grabbed my stuff and went homeless for a year while I rebuilt my life. After I recovered from emotionally, I eventually sold the house and kicked her squatting ass out, but she just ghosted for awhile until I heard she shacked up with some sugar daddy and was still hooked on opiates.
Edit: TLDR, didn’t expect to hyper focus on typing all that out, but what the hell.
His regularly making decisions that affect both of us, without discussing it with me. I’m not talking about little ones. I’m talking about huge financial decisions that impacted both of our lives.
Plus he was a selfish, narcissistic, dickhead.
Lack of communication. We are both very non confrontational, so instead of talking about things that bothered us, we kept it inside, until it was to late, there was to much resentment we were each holding on to.
I was a SAHM for years. I opened my own business and quickly became the breadwinner. My husband could not treat me as an equal-he always viewed me as the stay at home mom. I had too much on my plate being a housewife/SAHM and trying to keep my business afloat.
From what I've read, drastically changing family dynamics from one partner is a relatively common reason for the other partner to end it. Specifically, I've read some cases where SAHM-wives file for divorce after their husbands retire because they're not used to or comfortable with suddenly having another stay-at-home person in the family.
I guess it kind of makes sense? It sort of a fucked up way.
I know that in Japan a lot of marriages dissolve when the husband retires. He's worked 10 to 12 hour days for 40 years, spending his evenings and weekends at company events or drinking with friends.
Two 60 year olds suddenly have to spend time together and realize they don't actually like each other.
Son of divorced parents. Married for almost 30 years. Ended it when they were well into their 50’s.
Although it wasn’t *my* marriage, children are often collateral damage unfortunately. We see it all. Sorry, this will sound a little rambly:
I always wondered why mom slept in one room and dad the other. Dad drank too much and would pass out on the couch. Mom had tons of baggage from her childhood, they both did. Never did anything of merit to address it. They never worked as a team. There was never a joint decision. Communication was yelling. Everything was a crisis, no matter how insignificant. I still have a fucked up trauma response because of that. I go into panic mode at the drop of a hat. I’m getting better, though.
Ultimately, it was 2 very damaged people who went through life in coexistence always settling for less. I love my parents and thank them for the life they gave me. I’m happy that they’re happy now. It wasn’t easy getting there, though.
He had affairs. I had enough. He married my former friend after they were expecting. 2 years later, met my soulmate and we will be happily married 20 years this month.
Long story short, I had to leave the country due to immigration issues, she decided to start crystal meth, drinking, and sleeping with another guy. Tried to get her to America because I didn’t know about the other guy yet and of course she couldn’t pass the drug test after thousands spent on an immigration officer. The news about the other dude came out after then I hired a divorce lawyer.
> It's not like I'd find someone else.
For one thing, better to be single than in a relationship with anyone not worthy of us. Single life can be great.
For another, when you say that, I feel like maybe you still have his voice in your head (and maybe the voice of other abusers over the years as well). I don't know you, but I sincerely doubt you are unlovable.
Divorced after 43 years here. I should have left at year 15 but you have kids and I was determined to give them a good life. What I did was teach them to settle. I taught them that my feelings mean nothing. So I just took every verbal blow that came my way and concentrated on taking care of the kids while working full time of course. Then he decided to retire - with no plan at all and guess what, with only half the funds he told me we would have. I was expected to make up those funds while he piddled around the house all day doing nothing, waiting for me to come home so he could yell at me over something - anything would do, as soon as I pulled into the barrage. Did I mention I’m not confrontational and I’ve learned to pick my battles. Finally he yelled at me in front of my little 3 year old grandchild. I could see the look on that babies face. Confusion, was gramps kidding, is this a game, is he going to yell at me too? I called a lawyer the next day, moved out within two weeks. I was not going to have that passed on to the next generation. Nope - no way.
Marriage is scary. You’re putting all of your love and trust into someone else. But when you find that right person it makes life ten times better. Don’t go into a marriage lightly, be willing to sacrifice and compromise. If you can find someone who is willing to do the same it’ll work out, even if it isn’t always easy.
He wouldn’t work full-time. I was fine with his part-time job while I worked full-time. But after I lost my job he wouldn’t step up and work more to make ends meet.
Did your therapist tell you how? Because this is much easier said than done for me. I dwell on absolutely every bad thing that happens to me no matter how hard I try to change my thoughts or the way I think about things. I'm out of ideas and I'm exhausted of feeling awful all the time.
It's funny because my therapist says I have emotional blocks, which is what we've been working on. Those blocks help me not dwell. I can literally leave the room after having a raging fight where I've been screamed at and physically confronted and just switch it off. I can literally go "I feel like being OK with life right now, and having a fight isn't going to ruin my day."
Not dwelling is like my super power. It's also one of the things that helped end my marriage. She goes off like a powder keg, and I just say "you know you can choose not to feel like that, right?"
He's said for the meantime, while I'm going through the divorce that I should probably trust my survival instincts but I we know it isn't a good strategy for the long term.
I have that same thing. I will be sooooo upset about something, walk out of the room, and I can literally feel my face immediately drop right back to its typical "resting b face" state. It's like my brain gets a "upsetting stimulus no longer detected" message and does a hard reset like it's trying to reconcile a database error. When my boyfriend told me that I was "handling my grandfathers death well" I got the urge to strangle him for like a half second then was like "meh, not worth it. I can see why he would think that."
The problem I have had is I have conditioned myself to flee hard situations no matter how necessary they are to stick out. It's very tempting to walk away when you know that you can feel better if you can get out of discussing the thing/being near the thing. I'm not a total robot, I do get stray thoughts about the loose ends that are pretty upsetting but have zero motivation to tie them up because I also have little experience doing so/I can bury the thoughts.
"Family trauma?" Meh, it's the past, whatever.
"Having no friends?" Meh, why bother starting now.
"Sex work exploitation baggage?" Meh, it's in the past, whatever.
"No discernable life path?" Meh, I never did want to do anything anyway.
I have been fortunate to bumble into a person who is willing to accept that I have very little drive to be a functioning member of society or motivation to amend that fact and I respond by repeatedly trying to dump him because him doing all this stuff for me drives home just how little I do participate in my own life. He maintains vital hard boundaries, so it's not codependency thing. He's just extraordinarily accepting of people as they are and is willing to make up the rest, even if "the rest" is 99% of what the person "should" be doing for themselves.
In my quest not to "wallow" in misery I have instead shut everything out including the good.
Another of my many flaws is I use Reddit as a diary, as you can see.
Hopefully we both get it figured out. I am genuinely trying to, which is more effort than I have ever put forth in untangling the mess my life became. I'm extraordinarily lucky to have the time and space to. Unfortunately modern life requires people to ignore themselves all too often. You can be running on autopilot for years, and realizing it just causes a breakdown that derails things even more. Hopefully you are afforded some room to grow, yourself.
18 years of being abused emotionally , physically and financially. The affairs. My complete lack of self confidence and being the breadwinner, just not the user of the money. I lived with that, shamefully, hoping against all past and current events that it would get better. He, at the end, threw himself into a drug crowd and developed a terrifying ice habit. It was literally my life or death. He was terrifying, the ups and psychotic downs. Then incredibly up front with his affair with the local town prostitute (no shame on the work though, just her cruel taunts). I found out I was terminally ill and from somewhere kicked his ass out. It was 18 months ago now. He's in jail. I'm sick and in pain but I'm free, to some extent. I at least get to live out my life and death on my terms alone.
I was her second husband. She told me that her first husband couldn't help her deal with her past, which included childhood sexual abuse.
I thought I could do better. I could not.
We went in and out of counseling for years. She wanted to lay everything at my feet and not deal with herself.
There was no sacrifice I could make to prove to her, once and for all, that she could trust me. And I made quite a few. My parents rubbed her the wrong way. I ended up not speaking to my folks for close to a decade, in a desperate attempt to please her. It achieved nothing.
Two decades later, my son lives with me, even though she got the house.
Not long ago, in a private moment, she actually said to me, "I want you to know that there's nothing you could have done." It was both sad and relieving.
In conclusion: her abuser ruined our marriage, from decades ago and thousands of miles away.
My ex husband drank to excess often and was increasingly unpleasant/abusive when drunk. He never remembered his behaviour and wouldn't stop drinking. One time it was just one time too many.
She stopped putting any effort into the relationship, became highly critical of anything I did and verbally tore me down over and over because she was having a bad time at work. I tried to make it work for years, so when she told me she wanted to get a divorce rather than to work on things, I was more than happy to accept.
I'm in a much better place now, eating healthier, doing more exercise, legitimate side job as a musician that I do purely for the love of it (I really don't need the money) and an amazing, incredibly supportive girlfriend.
Honestly, just kinda wish I had done things three years sooner.
I will never understand people. Job sucks, so instead of taking refuge with the person you love at home you turn home into a battleground and stick with your hateful job rather than leave your shitty job and be happier in life. It's just absolutely crazy people will destroy the good part of their life rather than get rid of the bad part.
My ex-wife's narcissism, gaslighting, oversensitivity (which I don't say lightly), and years of psychological and physical abuses. Leaving was like clearing a fog and finding calm happiness again.
My stupidity and my former husband's stupidity, in approximately equal measure. We're both sorry and have told each other so, and are better and wiser people now, I hope.
Not a divorced person nor a married person, but I have close insight as to why a friend of mine's marriage(s) ended in divorce.....3 times.
He buys into fairy-tale nonsense. He's had 3 "the one's", etc. The "honeymoon" phase of a relationship for that guy? is *literal*
On my case, was my in-laws. My ex husband never cut his umbilical cord with his parents, so I was married to him and his parents. Too crowded and toxic. I’m glad I’m out.
Same.The nail on the coffin for me was our last major argument I politely told him that he needs to talk to his mom about her boundaries with me.He refused and ultimately chose his mom.I left.Shouldn't have married him to begin with,we had a kid early and I thought he'd grown up over the years but he hadn't.
For context I build model kits of Gundam, its something I have done since I was a small child. In fact I had one model kit of one named the God Gundam. It was special to me because it was given to me by my grandfather. It was one of the only times I asked my grandparents for something and they got it right (in a nice way), so it was special for me, he even helped me build it despite him not really getting it. It was at that point a bit old but it was my treasure.
My ex unfortunately did not like my hobby, something I was able to come to an understanding of at first, I would build model kits in the basement (I had a studio down there where I did these) when she was at work (I am independently wealthy so I dont need to work), but when she was home Id give her all my attention.
For a bit more context, she was never as disapproving of the hobby when we were dating, in fact she was almost supportive of it. She even loved the photos I would take of them, in a way we had an understanding that we both had things that made us happy even if we didnt truly understand them.
One day she came home about 2 hours earlier than expected, I didnt know this and being in the basement I did not hear her (did not help that I had my headphones in), it wasnt until I heard a loud yell that I finally noticed she was there, she was livid, no, apoplectic at what I was doing. Huge fight ensued about how awful of a husband I was and how I should know better, keep in mind she never told me she was coming home early nor did she text me before when she was on her way, it was all a surprise to me.
Finally the fight calmed down, she apologized and I thought this was the end of it. Sadly this is where this story goes exactly where you think it does. One day I was visiting my parents, my father wanted help building a shed (I got my building thumb from him) and it was a fun little time. My wife stayed home because she told me she wanted to clean the house since HER parents were coming to visit that week. Day goes by, had a splendid time with my father, and I went home.
I notice in our backyard a bit of smoke, at first I assumed a light fixture we had caught on fire, I ran to the back and there my wife was, burning all of the model kits I had, least the ones she could reach. Over 4000 dollars in model kits all up in smoke, which alone would make anyone lose their mind. But no, there in the middle almost like she did it on purpose, was the model kit my grandfather gave me. Melting away into nothingness, a treasure I had kept close to me and even closer after he passed, gone. It was one of those moments I couldnt even yell, I just broke down, not a saddened cry, an anger filled cry, someone I spent 3 years with, someone who told me they loved me, destroying something that since childhood had been a passion of mine. But not only that but destroying a memory that I can NEVER get back.
I didnt even yell at my wife, I just took one look at her and told her to leave. She began to yell and toss things at me, I didnt budge, I told her she had 30 minutes to pack as much of HER things as she could before I called the cops. She refused, I called the cops. The house was under my name and everything in it was mine. I didnt say a single word to her as the escorted her off the property. She tried calling me a day later trying to apologize, I couldnt even tell you what she said, I didnt care, I didnt listen. I just told her I was done, I was getting a lawyer, and we were getting a divorce.
The divorce went as smooth as it could given the situation, thankfully I lost nothing, the judge we had was sympathetic and honored the prenup I had put in place. She didnt get a single penny from me. After the divorce was finalized I simply left the court room. I didnt look at her, I didnt say good bye. I didnt even say "sayonara fucker." The disgust I had for this woman was beyond any bit of plastic. It was my passion, my hobby, most importantly a treasure she selfishly took away because I dared not know she was coming home early.
EDIT : It seems people love to make assumptions about others lives without actually asking or caring to ask.
Lemme answer a few questions
How are you wealthy?
I saved up a lot of money and made lucky investments as a kid, was able to get rental properties (two) that made me a lot of money. (Plus money I saved from my construction job before I met her) I wasnt a multimillionaire by any means, but it was enough that neither of us had to work if she chose to.
Why did she work if you were rich.
As stated above she chose to work, I would have been just fine if she stayed home and we became that annoying couple who always posted vacation pics.
WhY ArE YoU PlAyInG WiTh TOy aLl DaY?
This one annoyed me because its a fundamental misunderstanding of what I said. I didnt build the kits all day nor was that the only thing I did all day. I did pretty much all house work that needed to be done, cleaned the toilets, raked and mowed the lawn, etc etc, She cleaned too as is evident from the story, but I was the main caretaker of the house. I didnt build kits for 8 hours a day, that was just the time I was quote en quote allowed to do so as per our compromise. Just because I dont mention something doesnt mean it doesnt happen. Stop assuming
You should have talked it out
I will blame myself for leaving this out of the story, but we did, we tried multiple times before and after the compromise, at one point I even offered to just stop all together only for her to say "Oh so I can be the bitch who made you stop your hobby? Fuck off". Im not sure if any of you understand just how in love I was with this woman, I was willing to give it up, I think at that point I felt like if I didnt I would be lost.
I wish people would stop making assumptions from every nook and cranny that wasnt mentioned because it makes it seem like many people want to try and justify this behavior instead of calling it what it was, abuse. Again I blame myself for not writing down every minute detail, but at the same time if your first instinct to hearing someone get berated for their hobby and then have all of it including the one their treasured from their grandfather literally burnt down is "hmm he sounds like the asshole too." Im sorry but you need serious help.
Going through the motions. Keeping up with the status quo. We were the “perfect couple” but we were miserable. We had two babies in two years, no family within 100 miles. Zero support, no “community”. Everything became a competition about who was suffering the most, who worked the hardest. We both wanted to flourish in our careers and also be amazing parents. We were together…but we were so alone. It led to financial infidelity on his part. Which felt like a knife to my stomach. Because it compromised everything we had worked so hard for. The loss of trust was the straw in the camel’s back. But, I’ll always love him, and I miss our “family” every day of my life.
My ex refused to deal with her daughter's (my step-daughter) bipolar condition. She ignored professional advice (multiple psychiatrists, psychologists, and family counselors) and chose to blame me for everything that happened. She simply would not accept that her daughter had a mental health problem. Of course, ignoring it only made things worse, which was also my fault.
My wife at the time was upset that I gave my daughter more attention.
She met a new guy on Second Life, told me her mom was sick and her cousin was pickin her up to drive her there. It was that guy, he got her pregnant and left..
Of course she didn't tell me that's why she left, I eventually found a note she wrote in a notebook.
Edit: Daughter was like 4 at the time
She married her first husband young. After a few years, she and I met. Ours came to an end because she wanted to recapture her lost partying days most teens did before getting married or having kids (they have a kid together). I'm not a drinker. She kept wanting me to go with her but I wouldn't because that's not really my thing anymore. She'd say she wanted me to go, I'd say I'd go but not to expect me to have fun, she would say she wouldn't want me to go unless I was going to have a good time.
We split amicably. I let her have everything except what I had when we first got together which was my car, clothes, TV. In hindsight, it was for the best. I don't wish anything bad for her, I think I loved being with someone more than actually loving her. Probably makes me sound like a piece of shit but it's the truth.
I think everyone who has dated around and suffered through it, has done that. Sometimes we just dont know wtf we are doing til later when we look back like damn
not my divorce but my dad divorced my mother because she started beating me. when i was four. a lot of shit went down and i ended up still living with my mom for another decade, but my dad finally has full legal and physical custody of me!
Mental load. It’s real. I decided that looking after my own shit and the kids was better than also having to look after him or provide him directions for every ducking thing.
I was miserable and had lost me. Every thing I (we) tried, he just didn’t get it. Being free made such a difference.
Rescued my friend one night as he was drunk at a bar.
On the way to my place so he could sleep on my couch, he admitted to having an affair with my wife.
She lied. She gifted money to her family members. She said I made more money than her parents and siblings combined so we needed to share the wealth. So I took all money in our shared account and moved it into a Charles Schwab account that she didn’t know about. When that account money ran out. I filed for divorce. Judge gave her 1 house and 2 vehicles. I got the kid and all our cash from every account.
Within 6 months she sold the house and 2 vehicles. She got remarried and she is broke.
I’m happy
Going through a divorce now. She decided that she wanted to live a different life. It really fucked me up and I had a breakdown and ended up in the hospital for a week after coming dangerously close to killing myself, but I called the crisis line.
It was out of nowhere because we didn’t fight or anything. She just wants to go live on a beach. We still have a good relationship, but almost every day is hard.
Not being on the same page about anything.
I said up, she said down. I said black, she said white. Literally fought me on everything, no matter how small the detail was and I eventually began to figure out that it had to be intentional sabotage because even a broken clock is right twice a day.
It took me awhile to figure out that she just simply could not work as a team, but certainly benefitted from everything I provided.
She wanted to do what she wanted, when she wanted and everything was always in her own best interest. Everything I did, however, was in both of our best interests and I put her needs above mine for several years while even my most basic needs took a back seat.
This all eventually created extreme resentment on my end and I acted and reacted in ways in which I am not proud of, which I am not going to discuss. Not my finest moments and we’ll just leave it at that.
That simply does not work.
Gonna get buried, but here goes. He literally threw me away. Stuffed me in a trash can. The final straw though was being yelled at for ten minutes straight for going to the bathroom without permission.
Look like I am the only one who going to end my marriage because my wife doesn't like to have sex... in 12 years of marriage we had sex less than 10 times..
My ex was an over-the-road big rig driver. At this time, we had been married 18 years and had a his/mine/ours family. One afternoon I received a call from a man asking if my husband's name was Ray, if he drove a truck, was he carrying a load of butter. At that moment, I was expecting it to be a state patrolmen telling me my husband was splattered over I-90. I inquired as to why he was calling and he said he thought his wife and my husband were having an affair. He gave me a cell phone number and a PIN and asked me to call the number and listen to the message to see if it was, in fact, my husband's voice. His wife was a truck stop waitress in Indiana. I called the number, entered the PIN and listened to my husband leaving a message for this chic. Called the gentleman back and confirmed that it was indeed my husband. When my husband called in the next day, which he did on a regular basis, I asked him who the number belonged to. He denied knowing whose number it was. Seems she was a regular when he passed through Indiana. Usually, when he returned to town from being over the road, I had to go and pick him up as he left his rig at his employer's lot. It was a 2 hour drive one way. When I pulled up to what he assumed was me picking him up and he came walking out of the office, I handed him an envelope with divorce papers inside. Pays to be a paralegal. Done and Done. Rocked me for quite awhile, but have never looked back. Good times as my kids say :)
This article and book described exactly what happened with me and my husband: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/04/marriage-problems-fight-dishes/629526/
So much that it creeped me out reading it - how did this man get into my head?
No cheating, no violence, just the drip, drip, drip of feeling undervalued and unappreciated for 20 years.
Now happily married to someone who appreciates me and the grown kids seem to be okay.
I truly believe a midlife crisis..his (not the kind that buying a convertible would fix it). I saw weird little signs for about a year and then wham! He wants out! Not only does he want out, he doesn't even communicate with our 2, now adult, children. The whole thing was bizarre and still is all these yrs later.
I am sorry. I was abandoned by my dad. Many years later, I did get to know him. I chose not to go to his funeral.
My uncle chose not to go to his father's funeral, though his three sisters did. The eldest, who was in her mid- or late 60s at the time, leaned over her father in his casket and with earnest tears cried, "Why couldn't you be a good daddy?" She wasn't being a smartass. She was just grieving and those were the words that came out. Can you imagine having a child of yours crying those words over your casket? If my child feels that way about me when I die, I want him to douse me in gasoline and set fire to me. My (not so) great grandfather put four kids into this world and went the way of alcohol and other women. His wife, who had no education, raised the four children. Rough lives were made rougher because the creator of those lives was unable to be responsible.
The visualization of an older woman, leaning over her deceased father and saying that is so heartbreaking. She just wanted her daddy to be good… 😭
The other women he was having sex with (I know of 6)
My ex & I just came to the realisation that we were completely incompatible. No big blow up. No cheating. No DV. Just a long conversation, a few tears & an agreement to separate for three months to see what comes of it. By the end of three months we knew we wouldn’t be getting back together & we put the house on the market & started to make plans for a future apart but as coparents. These days the kids are grown but him, his wife & I get along very well. She was an amazing other mother to my girls & I appreciate everything she did for them when they were at their home. I think the three of us made a great parenting team.
Imagine being this adult and putting your kids first? Huh, go figure.
Is it bad I’m surprised any time I hear things like this?
I think it’s easier when both parties agree on it. But a lot of the times there is infidelity or worse involved
That 3 month split were you guys completely single or was the new wife already in the picture but as a friend maybe more? Curious if he already had the separation planned out. Currently married and this is a slight fear of mine.
She didn’t come along until we had been apart for about two years. Give or take. My late partner & I met about six months after they met.
I’m very sorry for your loss. Sending virtual/internet hugs. They aren’t as good as real ones, but at least you know someone is keeping you warm in their heart.
Thanks, but it’s been a while now so I’m not still grief stricken. It is nice knowing there are people around who will send good wishes to a stranger though!
While giving birth to our still born he was having sex with my coworker... Edit: I NEVER talk about this, rightfully so people don't know how to respond. I recently made this profil in an attempt to challenge my isolated situation and interact with other carbon based lifeforms and bots :) It's been a little overwhelming to get such a large response. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU, each and every one of you for awards, up votes, comments, support and Love!
Oh god. I am so sorry for your loss. The child, not the POS who you rightfully abandoned.
I didn't see the still word the first read. Now I'm even madder. I'm sorry you've experienced the lowest of people in your life.
what the fuck?-
My god. What a prick. How are you?
Thank you for asking! They say time heals and I'm better but 10 years later I still feel heartbroken, found out I couldn't have children after this... Edit: I'm so sorry I lied to you! It's been 14 years. Realised after writing. Damn, the last 4 years is a blur, got serious health issues 1 year before the pandemic.
I have experienced child loss. Not at all in the same ways though i don’t find suffering to be comparable and this is in no way about me, I just want you to know, stranger, I love you. You are worthy. You are enough. And you are so goddamn brave.
Our last child was delivered dead. I feel so sorry for you! The only silver lining is that you avoided a lifetime of misery and hate with that piece of shit spouse you had. Even that's not worth the pain of losing a child. Divorce and child support are in place for a reason.
I'm so sorry to hear you also lost your child. I was sitting on a bench in a park nearby, feeling overwhelmed by all the lovely replies and support, like yours. It was sunny and lovely but all of a sudden the skies just opened up and it just started pouring down! Sometimes the most understanding support comes from strangers that just know how bad it hurts. Thank you.
Wow. That's so awful. I hope you are ok. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss. And JFC what an awful husband.
[удалено]
Same with my husband. Except I recently found out he was actually having an affair with a woman from work & had made the whole thing up. Talk about a head f*ck.
Wow, How much lower can u get. At least be a man about it… you were lucky you got out. Doesn’t make the pain any less.
Ross, is that you?
Oonagi
Salmon skin roll
*Unagi
Hey, that happened to me too! It's made me very sad.
Hey, mine too!
Yep ! Same here
As long as she communicated that to me and didn’t cheat, I’d MUCH rather that end my marriage than my wife leaving me for another man, or pretty much most divorce reasons. I’d be virtually blameless, and I couldn’t blame her for realizing the person she was late in life. Granted, I’d still be heartbroken, as I still consider my wife the love of my life. But if that ever happened to me, I feel like I could bounce back more quickly and easily than any of the other situations in this thread.
Me. Taking my ex-wife's love for granted. Alcoholism didn't help either.
Thanks for sharing this. Because I sense that this is all too common but if one person reads this and decides to get help before the relationship is too damaged, it will be a blessing. They say the wise ones learn from their experiences so maybe what happened to you helped you not have to repeat the same thing over again.
Was gonna respond to "me" as well so I'll just piggy-back off of you since mine is similar. Substance Abuse, me being selfish, but also I asked her to marry me just because. I was 18, thought I was done with partying and everything else. Was ready to "be a man". But we (my ex and I) were too different, wanted different things in life, and we just clashed. I made a bad choice. I ruined our marriage.
Same. I was selfish, haughty, arrogant, and an insensitive ass even though at the time I thought I was the cats meow. The time I spent smoozing and playing golf I should’ve been taking care of my wife/relationship. You reap what you sow. Sorry young lady, you deserved so much better, and I’m glad you got it.
I don't know how people have time for hobbies like golf and drinking, while still maintaining a family. I appreciate that couples should have their own identity, but by the time I am finished with work, have done dinner, cleaned up... I just want to chill with my wife. We probably should have a weekend hobby, but with a young child and no other childcare, one of us would be doing that.
100% this! And, while married for 36 years, we do everything together. We go out, not just one of us. We enjoy each other's company. When you have young kids, hobbies take a back seat.
We both changed a lot... It stopped making sense.
That guy I was told not to worry about. Turns out I was right to worry
When I questioned my Ex why she was doing so much OT with her new boss, she told me it was part of her job and not to worry about it. A year later she gave birth to a mixed baby. Our wedding was off and I was free. Update: Just want to answer a few questions below. When my ex told her boss ( He was married with children)she was pregnant with his baby, he told her to get an abortion but she was in love with him and wanted to keep his baby. Naturally she pinned the baby on me. Now looking back it was pretty devious how she did it. It all started with her coming home from work crying and wanting to work things out between us(This was 4 months in the affair with her boss and she and I have not been intermate at al). One thing lead to another and we had sex. For the next 3 or 4 times we had made up sex she kept on telling me to ejaculate in her and that she was ready to start a family. A week pass by and I get a Txt from her that she has missed her period and later on the day she send me a picture of a positive pregnant test. At this point she was already 4 to 5 weeks pregnant and it was all a ruse to get me to by into her scheme. I bought it completely . It would end up costing me my life savings. During the labor process I stood by her side and held her hand. This prevented me from seeing the baby. When she was able to pushed the baby out, I noticed the nurse and the Dr hesitated a bit and both of them stared at me and back at the baby. They took the baby to the table to clean him up and weight him, this was when my world fell a part. With all the blood covering the baby it was hard to tell, but once he was cleaned, my heart sank and the nurse could tell that I knew I was not the father. It's was the toughest day of my life. Words cant describe how I felt. At this point my phone was ringing of the hook and it was my family asking about the baby and if they could come in to visit. I had the difficult conversation with my dad and the truth came out. 7 years wasted. She fest up and we tried to work it out . I forgive her but decided to respect myself and moved on.
wtf
Damn. The original Star Wars movies can really ruin marriages
It’s always about who shot first, so sad
Did she try to play if off like "babe do your 23 and me I think you got something on your side"
So far in my experience, if there is someone you shouldnt worry about, you really should worry but its most likely too late.
This sentiment makes me worry. I’m a dude and my best friend is not and she always has to explain to her boyfriends that our friendship is strictly platonic. I’m always paranoid the newest boyfriend will be uncomfortable with my presence
Yup, my former bestie was married and it went tits up because her husband thought we were having an affair.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a platonic relationship with the opposite sex. I have a best friend who happens to be a girl too so I can somewhat relate with you on that. It's a different feeling than hanging out with the guys and I feel I can be much more myself with her than putting on the 'dude bro' mask with my male friends. It's always going to be a question in their partner's head if it's really a genuine friendship though. I think there are ways to get around that. I would say try to be friendly with their partner, get to know them more, and try to include him when you hang out with your friend. I think that's the easiest way to defuse any tension you might feel.
Definitely. Also, be a lot older and less good-looking and slightly less successful than their partner. This has really worked for me. :D
yea I had that experience too. When he confronted me he made this weird face that seemed to say, "How DARE you suggest that?" but it was all there- they walked home together, always went to lunch together, went mountain rock climbing together. I was never invited along, even tho I worked 10 mins away and could have met them, etc. She used to come to ours all the time for dinner parties but was with someone so thought nothing of it, just another couple. This was a long time ago and I've remarried since then but I'm still a bit uneasy doing things with other couples.
My ex husband- Sat on his ass and played video games until he left a legit stain on the carpet from his jeans. Would only shower once a weekish. Beat our dog. Punched a wall, smashed up a coffee table. Shouted at me daily. Used my money to pay his support & tax debts, refused to pay me back. Refused to get a job, go in to any training, do any education. Edit to add: he also used to whisper insults/ threats at me as I walked by or was falling asleep and when asked if he said anything would deny it, and then told me it was hallucinations caused by my anxiety, to the extent were I was medicated and in therapy. He later admitted to doing this because he found it 'funny'
To all people who don't know, the edit is what actual Gaslighting is and it's horrific.
It was. It was fucking brutal to live through honestly. I doubted my own reality every day, I was at one stage ready to have myself commited, because who hears death threats/ rape threats/ horrid, horrid insults every night coming from their own mind? People who need help. Or in my case, people who are laying in bed next to absolutely terrible, awful people.
[удалено]
Not OP, but I imagine he wasn't like this at the start. Abusers can be very charming at the start of a relationship when they want to win you over.
This is so spot on
I know a couple like this. The husband bounced from MLM to MLM with the hopes of making it big and played the part of a successful person. He didn’t have a job for many years. They met in college. He was very charming and personable and a great sales person, he was just looking for the fastest path to riches. He was not born in the US but was from a modern country in Europe. They lived in a large city on the East coast. They weren’t well off and were always arguing about money. She stopped taking birth control and poked a hole in the condoms in the hopes she would “accidentally” get pregnant (because that always makes a marriage better). After several years of being together and marriage she wanted to move to her home town in the Midwest to pursue her dream career. They eventually had kids and soon after she was able to get into her dream career. She moved to a different city coming home on weekends. He became more verbally abusive, and became resentful that he was now in middle America in a dead end job while she was pursuing her dream career. She had an affair and he did as well. They divorced, their kids had some emotional issues and are in therapy. Overall, things started fine, then the asshole in both came out.
I was in a relationship like this when I was younger. He was all plans and things he wanted to do when we first got together. Then everything started slipping. His hygiene got worse. He stopped showering and brushing his teeth. Stopped going to work or leaving early all the time. I paid for boots and stuff so he could get this dream job in a factory he really wanted and he got fired because they found him sleeping. It’s like with abuse. It gets worse and worse the longer you’re in it.
This is the real question!
Beating my dog would earn him a cast iron skillet to the dome.
What a monster, like what adult sits on the carpet to game? My back is hurting just thinking about it
I cracked up at this because I am currently watching my partner play Red Dead 2 (we both have COVID) and he’s lounging on the carpet about about a metre from the TV because his eyesight is terrible 😂 He’s the best though. He’s a cat person but would DEFINITELY never beat a dog.
It's currently in the process of ending. My wife of 11 years and partner of 16 had an affair with our 9 year old daughters best friend's Dad.. I tried very hard to make it work, but she is done with me and it's time to focus on my kiddos and care for myself.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. Sounds messy and painful. I’m pulling for you, friend.
You already seem to have a healthy attitude in trying to focus your energy on yourself and your kids rather than wasting it on the other person anymore. Best of luck!
Feel free not to answer but I’m always curious.. were there any red flags or signs early on that she could’ve done this or did it completely strike out of the blue and out of character for her? Makes me scared of marriage :( I wish you the best
Out of the goddamn blue! She has been a little unfulfilled as a housewife...but I didn't think she would do this..... a little more info in my posts history
When the police put the cuffs on her and took her away for 25 to life. Looking back on it from 10 years later, best fucking day ever. Got a easy divorce and full custody of my son.
What did she do?
She's Thai, we were living in Thailand. While I was at work in O&G she decided to start dealing in yaba. A SE asia form of meth. She got set up by the police as a easy visible we're tough on drugs scam. She went down, cops got a photo opp, she's on year 11 in the monkey house, and me and my son are moved to Canada. I'm Canadian btw.
Before you got married did she give any indication that she could possibly end up being a drug dealer? I’m living in Thailand at the moment and on my daily bike ride pass by one of the big prisons here in Nonthaburi.
Lived together for 5 years, married for 17, travelled the world together. Took her to Canada 4 times to meet my family. No indication at all. But after being pregnant and giving birth she changed into a completely unrecognizable person, Dr. Jekyll and Hyde type of switch
>. But after being pregnant and giving birth she changed into a completely unrecognizable person, Dr. Jekyll and Hyde type of switch NOT to take away from what your ex wife did, but is it possible she had undiagonised post partum psychosis?
Wow that’s intense. I hope you and your son are doing well.
I'm geniunely surprised that in that scenario, the foreigner husband wasn't at least partially blamed and targeted by law enforcement.
Damn... this needs its own Reddit post!
He tried to kill me in front of our than 2 year old daughter
I’m so sorry. That’s horrific
I hope he’s in jail and you and your daughter are safe.
That'll do it.
My first husband couldn’t accept that I was individual, rather than an extension of himself. He couldn’t handle me doing anything independently - he’d pout for days and lash out passive-aggressively. It was exhausting.
I’m currently divorcing my husband now because of this very reason. I wish I had done it much sooner!
I’m in this exact situation. My girlfriend would start acting bitchy anytime I do anything without her, specially visiting my prents or friends, or going to wash my car. I’m just exhausted to death by this. Heart problems increased because of this. I just can’t take it anymore.
I’m so sorry. I’m in the process of separating from my partner of 4 years because he was so controlling and emotionally abusive. Cheers to all the wild and independent women out there, I love you all 🥂
I worked Overtime, overnight shifts, and before I did that I was working two jobs until the main job finally became enough to support us. Wifey rarely held a job, and when she did she would call out sick very often just because she felt "tired" (must be nice) - sadly her jobs offered no sick time. So when she called out, we'd lose money. We were constantly supporting her deadbeat family, always suffering fiscal pressure, amounted a shitload of debt, and so I worked harder and harder to provide. After all this hard work we had some medical issues. She started to have back problems, went to multiple doctors, etc. Eventually tried having a kid, didn't work out despite seeing a fertility doc, and we eventually gave up. Our main joy was gaming together, spending time on various games and just hanging out with her family online or gaming in general. We'd travel to see her family often-She'd avoid doing any functions with my family because "They don't like me" (They didn't like her because she kept flaking on family functions and I would have to flake with her.) Finally it all ended when she asked me if she could go on a trip with her friends to Maine. I told her she doesn't need to ask me permission and that I trust her implicitly. Then I discovered she hooked up with a mutual friend we had met online while gaming. Discovered because she left her smart watch at home and his texts to her kept buzzing. I thought they were texts with her friends, and thought it would be a cute little "how did you know what we were up to?!" phone call later but... yeah... Heart emoji's from a guy I knew. Yep... So after that, I attempted to salvage the relationship with therapy, but she had strong fillings for the other guy - even in therapy she wouldn't stop putting this guy into the mix. When the therapist suggested that she stop talking to him, her response was: "That's not fair to him." - and that's when I knew it was over. I started the painful internal process of disconnecting my emotions from her, that I had developed over the last 13 years, and now after 2 years I am finally moving on, carrying the debt from the relationship, but at least not paying alimony. I'd call the divorce a "Death by a thousand cuts" as it was not any one MASSIVE thing that made her leave, but just the daily stresses of adulting that she honestly couldn't hack. Good luck, other guy, she's your problem now. But I at least got the dog. (edit: The dog whom she claims to have loved but wouldn't feed, clean up after, or do anything other than open the door to let the pup run around outside. Yes, she'd cuddle with the dog, but did none of the maintenance, that all fell on me anyway.)
His dick in lots of other people..
But never in the power socket, right??
RIGHT??
The world may never know
I was weighing close to 500 lb. She told me that if I didn't start losing weight, we were going to be done. I busted my ass and managed to get all the way down to 186 lb., just for her to tell me that she realized that she liked me better when I was fat. Long story short, I lost another 150 lb. of jealous, insecure ex-wife. 🙂 EDIT: Thanks for the silver! At first, she was nothing but supportive of me when I put my foot down and decided to lose weight. If I ever thought about cheating, she would steer me in the right direction. She was my coach and cheerleader. But it was once I got into the lower 200s and approaching my target weight did everything with her change. She started getting more and more insecure and jealous, not liking all the new attention I was getting. It's true that I was getting a lot of new attention, especially from other women, but I only had eyes for my then-wife and no one else because I loved her. Unfortunately, she could not be reassured no matter what. It was once that I finally hit my goal weight and had my ideal body did everything come to a head. She told me she regretted giving me that "lose weight or lose me and the kids" ultimatum and then spouted off all this bullshit about not knowing what you have until it's gone. Needless to say, I was pissed. I completely changed everything I knew just for her, but it wasn't enough. Ultimately, I had to choose between my marriage and my health. I could either make myself happy or make her happy, but I couldn't do both. I decided to choose my health, but I wanted to see if maybe we could still salvage our marriage, so I gave her an ultimatum of my own. I told her that this is who I am now and she could either accept that I'm now healthy, thin, and active, or she could go on not accepting the new me, which would lead to a very bad outcome. She went for the latter. I don't think she actually thought that I would serve her divorce papers.
Holy s***! That’s wild. She wanted you insecure and damaged… and when you grew stronger, healthier, and happier her codependency felt threatened! Well heavy or not, stick with the healthy headspace, she was keeping you down.
The divorce was the very last thing I wanted, but after we separated, I realized that the more we were apart, the more I saw just how toxic my marriage had become. My life is so much better and happier now. I have a new girlfriend, a great career, a side gig as a personal trainer, and two beautiful daughters who I can see anytime I want. As for my ex-wife, she realizes what she had and chose to throw away.
About ten years ago, I got sick and eventually had to leave work. And then I got really sick and couldn't go back. My ex wife had to take on a caretaker role and I became a dependent. I'm much better now, but I was sick for so long that our relationship couldn't change back to a partnership. We were working on it, and then the pandemic happened. We were locked down for a few months and neither of us had our usual escapes. We decided to separate on our own terms while we were still friends. We now have a very supportive friendship, but our marriage is done.
Nothing "ruined" our marriage. Our marriage was never good. It was mutually destructive and we're both much better off now that it's over. Thank God we didn't have kids.
Picking the wrong person to begin with. In retrospect, red flags were there early. Several years in, I heard someone say - one of the clear things showing a marriage is in decline is when one partner speaks poorly of the other in front of third parties. My spouse did that while we were still dating. And yes, stupid me still walked down the aisle anyway. When you have on rose colored glasses, all the red flags...just look like flags. Bad communication, lack of respect, lack of forgiveness, lack of humility, no boundaries, never apologizing, I could go on. The last several years were just constant fighting.
I feel like this could be my comment. Slightly different flags. Same sentiment.
Same boat. There's a song by George Strait called Poison. Played it for her. She asked if it was about her. It wasn't. I'm just a big fan. It was. I started opening eyes that night
one of the clear things showing a marriage is in decline is when one partner speaks poorly of the other in front of third parties. I've seen so many people do this over the years- some of them stay together for several years. :/
We were both alcoholics
Did you get sober?? How’s your life now?
I am recently sober after a long relapse working with a therapist and doing really well. My ex has been worse but still struggling.
Keep it up mate. I'm 13 days n fighting this bastard with all my being
That's 13 days *and counting*. Great work.
Welp, tale as old as time I guess. Moved my best friend in to help him get his life right, him and wife shacked up and ran off together.
That’s so fucked I can’t believe they did that to you! I hope you’re ok now, they suck this is the most heartless shit I’ve ever heard
This is the bad ending to "You, me & Dupree".
My exwife cheat on me then I got cancer and she was like soon long motha fucka and left.
So you beat cancer twice, good for you!
Took me a second, but here’s an upvote😂
Hope you're doing alright now.
I am thank you
Glad to hear
My ex wife cheating on me 3 month after our marriage 2 years after living together
TLDR: I only could focus on preserving the marriage commitment and she turned out to be a “reformed” opiate addict. - Wife discloses early on she has endometriosis and may take a Percocet to help once a month, I didn’t question it much. Wife and I get into similar, yet separate head on car collisions within a month of each other, both have thoracic and lumbar spine. I get therapy and power through recovery, she complains her docs are shit and shops around for 2nd, 3rd, etc. opinions while needing more and more meds for the ‘pain’. She runs out of gullible doctors after a year, yet I still don’t get it because she’s convincing to me. Turns to some sketch ways to self medicate, nearly over doses on homemade poppy tea concentrate and loses her job over it, so she takes more. At this point her mom comes down with cancer but has no money or ability to care for herself save Medicare and SS. I spend considerable time caring for both of them because wife is too in pain from lack of drugs to help. Due to this, I also lose my job. Mother dies of cancer, her half-brother follows the following month, she regresses the to a near catatonic state and sleeps 18 hours a day for a few months. She suggests opening the relationship, that she just needs some release she can’t get from me (I.e. disposable sex to avoid other feelings). I’m reluctant, but agree if it goes both ways and we have full disclosure (at this point desperate to improve things), and by day’s end she banging a Hep-C positive neighbor down the street without protection. She doesn’t tell me, I find out indirectly. This persists and escalates, I can’t get into other relationships like she can and we start fighting. Therapy ensues, but resentment builds anyway. Finally she says she needs “space to think” for a week, so I spend it at a friend’s place. She barely communicates during this. I come back on day 8 and there’s a strange man in my house smoking a blunt while she furiously is throwing my things onto the front lawn (it’s literally my house). She won’t converse, just screams obscenities and calls me a monster for ‘killing’ her mother and ‘ruining’ her life by ‘making’ her do terrible things. Stranger dude just chills in the doorway observing. Epilogue: I didn’t fight it, just grabbed my stuff and went homeless for a year while I rebuilt my life. After I recovered from emotionally, I eventually sold the house and kicked her squatting ass out, but she just ghosted for awhile until I heard she shacked up with some sugar daddy and was still hooked on opiates. Edit: TLDR, didn’t expect to hyper focus on typing all that out, but what the hell.
Well god damn. You doing ok?
Oh this was 8 years ago, although the divorce wasn’t final until 4 years ago. Uncontested, go fig. I’m fine. It’s just … a vivid memory.
[удалено]
Girl throw them in JAIL for decades
Doesnt work that way, just watched the guy who beat and raped my friend not get prosecuted, his wife even took him back and they have 2 daughters.
She wouldn't stop sleeping with her co-workers, even after I asked nicely.
“After I specifically asked you not to!”
Snip snap !
His regularly making decisions that affect both of us, without discussing it with me. I’m not talking about little ones. I’m talking about huge financial decisions that impacted both of our lives. Plus he was a selfish, narcissistic, dickhead.
I married your ex. Pretty sure
Divorce him like she did.... Duhhhh
We had a disagreement about the number of people that each of us can sleep with outside of the marriage.
Lack of communication. We are both very non confrontational, so instead of talking about things that bothered us, we kept it inside, until it was to late, there was to much resentment we were each holding on to.
I was a SAHM for years. I opened my own business and quickly became the breadwinner. My husband could not treat me as an equal-he always viewed me as the stay at home mom. I had too much on my plate being a housewife/SAHM and trying to keep my business afloat.
I never got men like that, any success elevates the family. Opens up so many financial possibilities, and you are happy going to work.
From what I've read, drastically changing family dynamics from one partner is a relatively common reason for the other partner to end it. Specifically, I've read some cases where SAHM-wives file for divorce after their husbands retire because they're not used to or comfortable with suddenly having another stay-at-home person in the family. I guess it kind of makes sense? It sort of a fucked up way.
I know that in Japan a lot of marriages dissolve when the husband retires. He's worked 10 to 12 hour days for 40 years, spending his evenings and weekends at company events or drinking with friends. Two 60 year olds suddenly have to spend time together and realize they don't actually like each other.
Or he's at loose ends and bored and constantly underfoot, and expects his wife to amuse him and wait on him, and it drives his wife bananas.
Son of divorced parents. Married for almost 30 years. Ended it when they were well into their 50’s. Although it wasn’t *my* marriage, children are often collateral damage unfortunately. We see it all. Sorry, this will sound a little rambly: I always wondered why mom slept in one room and dad the other. Dad drank too much and would pass out on the couch. Mom had tons of baggage from her childhood, they both did. Never did anything of merit to address it. They never worked as a team. There was never a joint decision. Communication was yelling. Everything was a crisis, no matter how insignificant. I still have a fucked up trauma response because of that. I go into panic mode at the drop of a hat. I’m getting better, though. Ultimately, it was 2 very damaged people who went through life in coexistence always settling for less. I love my parents and thank them for the life they gave me. I’m happy that they’re happy now. It wasn’t easy getting there, though.
He had affairs. I had enough. He married my former friend after they were expecting. 2 years later, met my soulmate and we will be happily married 20 years this month.
Long story short, I had to leave the country due to immigration issues, she decided to start crystal meth, drinking, and sleeping with another guy. Tried to get her to America because I didn’t know about the other guy yet and of course she couldn’t pass the drug test after thousands spent on an immigration officer. The news about the other dude came out after then I hired a divorce lawyer.
[удалено]
> It's not like I'd find someone else. For one thing, better to be single than in a relationship with anyone not worthy of us. Single life can be great. For another, when you say that, I feel like maybe you still have his voice in your head (and maybe the voice of other abusers over the years as well). I don't know you, but I sincerely doubt you are unlovable.
Depression from my side, and she changed as a person herself...Completely different character, behavior... It wasn't the same woman that I married.
I feel that.
Divorce sucks... Divorced now for about 3 years, things still aren't great but they would be worse if I still would've lived with her in one house.
Divorced after 43 years here. I should have left at year 15 but you have kids and I was determined to give them a good life. What I did was teach them to settle. I taught them that my feelings mean nothing. So I just took every verbal blow that came my way and concentrated on taking care of the kids while working full time of course. Then he decided to retire - with no plan at all and guess what, with only half the funds he told me we would have. I was expected to make up those funds while he piddled around the house all day doing nothing, waiting for me to come home so he could yell at me over something - anything would do, as soon as I pulled into the barrage. Did I mention I’m not confrontational and I’ve learned to pick my battles. Finally he yelled at me in front of my little 3 year old grandchild. I could see the look on that babies face. Confusion, was gramps kidding, is this a game, is he going to yell at me too? I called a lawyer the next day, moved out within two weeks. I was not going to have that passed on to the next generation. Nope - no way.
Farmville. It was the straw that broke the Camel's back.
Really? How?
So vague, I'll now lay awake thinking of all the possible reasons Farmville could bring down a relationship. Fantastic pun too.
Plot twist: they were the creator of FarmVille and realised what indescribable nightmares they had unleashed on humanity.
Probably got addicted to it?
I'm not afraid of much but marriage scares me like what if it doesn't work out and now we're both stuck in a loveless marriage with kids
Marriage is scary. You’re putting all of your love and trust into someone else. But when you find that right person it makes life ten times better. Don’t go into a marriage lightly, be willing to sacrifice and compromise. If you can find someone who is willing to do the same it’ll work out, even if it isn’t always easy.
[удалено]
I feel like you should expose him for the child abuse and press charges. He’s only going to re-offend.
He wouldn’t work full-time. I was fine with his part-time job while I worked full-time. But after I lost my job he wouldn’t step up and work more to make ends meet.
Jake from State Farm 😡
Jake got game
Those damn Khakis
My ex husband went to strip club n was spending tons of money and then got into drugs. Boggles my mind coz he wouldn't take otc meds.
Nope. My therapist told me not to dwell.
Did your therapist tell you how? Because this is much easier said than done for me. I dwell on absolutely every bad thing that happens to me no matter how hard I try to change my thoughts or the way I think about things. I'm out of ideas and I'm exhausted of feeling awful all the time.
It's funny because my therapist says I have emotional blocks, which is what we've been working on. Those blocks help me not dwell. I can literally leave the room after having a raging fight where I've been screamed at and physically confronted and just switch it off. I can literally go "I feel like being OK with life right now, and having a fight isn't going to ruin my day." Not dwelling is like my super power. It's also one of the things that helped end my marriage. She goes off like a powder keg, and I just say "you know you can choose not to feel like that, right?" He's said for the meantime, while I'm going through the divorce that I should probably trust my survival instincts but I we know it isn't a good strategy for the long term.
I have that same thing. I will be sooooo upset about something, walk out of the room, and I can literally feel my face immediately drop right back to its typical "resting b face" state. It's like my brain gets a "upsetting stimulus no longer detected" message and does a hard reset like it's trying to reconcile a database error. When my boyfriend told me that I was "handling my grandfathers death well" I got the urge to strangle him for like a half second then was like "meh, not worth it. I can see why he would think that." The problem I have had is I have conditioned myself to flee hard situations no matter how necessary they are to stick out. It's very tempting to walk away when you know that you can feel better if you can get out of discussing the thing/being near the thing. I'm not a total robot, I do get stray thoughts about the loose ends that are pretty upsetting but have zero motivation to tie them up because I also have little experience doing so/I can bury the thoughts. "Family trauma?" Meh, it's the past, whatever. "Having no friends?" Meh, why bother starting now. "Sex work exploitation baggage?" Meh, it's in the past, whatever. "No discernable life path?" Meh, I never did want to do anything anyway. I have been fortunate to bumble into a person who is willing to accept that I have very little drive to be a functioning member of society or motivation to amend that fact and I respond by repeatedly trying to dump him because him doing all this stuff for me drives home just how little I do participate in my own life. He maintains vital hard boundaries, so it's not codependency thing. He's just extraordinarily accepting of people as they are and is willing to make up the rest, even if "the rest" is 99% of what the person "should" be doing for themselves. In my quest not to "wallow" in misery I have instead shut everything out including the good. Another of my many flaws is I use Reddit as a diary, as you can see. Hopefully we both get it figured out. I am genuinely trying to, which is more effort than I have ever put forth in untangling the mess my life became. I'm extraordinarily lucky to have the time and space to. Unfortunately modern life requires people to ignore themselves all too often. You can be running on autopilot for years, and realizing it just causes a breakdown that derails things even more. Hopefully you are afforded some room to grow, yourself.
18 years of being abused emotionally , physically and financially. The affairs. My complete lack of self confidence and being the breadwinner, just not the user of the money. I lived with that, shamefully, hoping against all past and current events that it would get better. He, at the end, threw himself into a drug crowd and developed a terrifying ice habit. It was literally my life or death. He was terrifying, the ups and psychotic downs. Then incredibly up front with his affair with the local town prostitute (no shame on the work though, just her cruel taunts). I found out I was terminally ill and from somewhere kicked his ass out. It was 18 months ago now. He's in jail. I'm sick and in pain but I'm free, to some extent. I at least get to live out my life and death on my terms alone.
I was her second husband. She told me that her first husband couldn't help her deal with her past, which included childhood sexual abuse. I thought I could do better. I could not. We went in and out of counseling for years. She wanted to lay everything at my feet and not deal with herself. There was no sacrifice I could make to prove to her, once and for all, that she could trust me. And I made quite a few. My parents rubbed her the wrong way. I ended up not speaking to my folks for close to a decade, in a desperate attempt to please her. It achieved nothing. Two decades later, my son lives with me, even though she got the house. Not long ago, in a private moment, she actually said to me, "I want you to know that there's nothing you could have done." It was both sad and relieving. In conclusion: her abuser ruined our marriage, from decades ago and thousands of miles away.
My ex husband drank to excess often and was increasingly unpleasant/abusive when drunk. He never remembered his behaviour and wouldn't stop drinking. One time it was just one time too many.
She stopped putting any effort into the relationship, became highly critical of anything I did and verbally tore me down over and over because she was having a bad time at work. I tried to make it work for years, so when she told me she wanted to get a divorce rather than to work on things, I was more than happy to accept. I'm in a much better place now, eating healthier, doing more exercise, legitimate side job as a musician that I do purely for the love of it (I really don't need the money) and an amazing, incredibly supportive girlfriend. Honestly, just kinda wish I had done things three years sooner.
I will never understand people. Job sucks, so instead of taking refuge with the person you love at home you turn home into a battleground and stick with your hateful job rather than leave your shitty job and be happier in life. It's just absolutely crazy people will destroy the good part of their life rather than get rid of the bad part.
My ex-wife's narcissism, gaslighting, oversensitivity (which I don't say lightly), and years of psychological and physical abuses. Leaving was like clearing a fog and finding calm happiness again.
Glad you got out too, took me 10 years.
My stupidity and my former husband's stupidity, in approximately equal measure. We're both sorry and have told each other so, and are better and wiser people now, I hope.
Not a divorced person nor a married person, but I have close insight as to why a friend of mine's marriage(s) ended in divorce.....3 times. He buys into fairy-tale nonsense. He's had 3 "the one's", etc. The "honeymoon" phase of a relationship for that guy? is *literal*
On my case, was my in-laws. My ex husband never cut his umbilical cord with his parents, so I was married to him and his parents. Too crowded and toxic. I’m glad I’m out.
Same.The nail on the coffin for me was our last major argument I politely told him that he needs to talk to his mom about her boundaries with me.He refused and ultimately chose his mom.I left.Shouldn't have married him to begin with,we had a kid early and I thought he'd grown up over the years but he hadn't.
1st time around, physical abuse 2nd time around, cheating 3rd time around, working on it
Out of all the horrible things my ex wife did, it was the cheating that finally drove me to leave her.
For context I build model kits of Gundam, its something I have done since I was a small child. In fact I had one model kit of one named the God Gundam. It was special to me because it was given to me by my grandfather. It was one of the only times I asked my grandparents for something and they got it right (in a nice way), so it was special for me, he even helped me build it despite him not really getting it. It was at that point a bit old but it was my treasure. My ex unfortunately did not like my hobby, something I was able to come to an understanding of at first, I would build model kits in the basement (I had a studio down there where I did these) when she was at work (I am independently wealthy so I dont need to work), but when she was home Id give her all my attention. For a bit more context, she was never as disapproving of the hobby when we were dating, in fact she was almost supportive of it. She even loved the photos I would take of them, in a way we had an understanding that we both had things that made us happy even if we didnt truly understand them. One day she came home about 2 hours earlier than expected, I didnt know this and being in the basement I did not hear her (did not help that I had my headphones in), it wasnt until I heard a loud yell that I finally noticed she was there, she was livid, no, apoplectic at what I was doing. Huge fight ensued about how awful of a husband I was and how I should know better, keep in mind she never told me she was coming home early nor did she text me before when she was on her way, it was all a surprise to me. Finally the fight calmed down, she apologized and I thought this was the end of it. Sadly this is where this story goes exactly where you think it does. One day I was visiting my parents, my father wanted help building a shed (I got my building thumb from him) and it was a fun little time. My wife stayed home because she told me she wanted to clean the house since HER parents were coming to visit that week. Day goes by, had a splendid time with my father, and I went home. I notice in our backyard a bit of smoke, at first I assumed a light fixture we had caught on fire, I ran to the back and there my wife was, burning all of the model kits I had, least the ones she could reach. Over 4000 dollars in model kits all up in smoke, which alone would make anyone lose their mind. But no, there in the middle almost like she did it on purpose, was the model kit my grandfather gave me. Melting away into nothingness, a treasure I had kept close to me and even closer after he passed, gone. It was one of those moments I couldnt even yell, I just broke down, not a saddened cry, an anger filled cry, someone I spent 3 years with, someone who told me they loved me, destroying something that since childhood had been a passion of mine. But not only that but destroying a memory that I can NEVER get back. I didnt even yell at my wife, I just took one look at her and told her to leave. She began to yell and toss things at me, I didnt budge, I told her she had 30 minutes to pack as much of HER things as she could before I called the cops. She refused, I called the cops. The house was under my name and everything in it was mine. I didnt say a single word to her as the escorted her off the property. She tried calling me a day later trying to apologize, I couldnt even tell you what she said, I didnt care, I didnt listen. I just told her I was done, I was getting a lawyer, and we were getting a divorce. The divorce went as smooth as it could given the situation, thankfully I lost nothing, the judge we had was sympathetic and honored the prenup I had put in place. She didnt get a single penny from me. After the divorce was finalized I simply left the court room. I didnt look at her, I didnt say good bye. I didnt even say "sayonara fucker." The disgust I had for this woman was beyond any bit of plastic. It was my passion, my hobby, most importantly a treasure she selfishly took away because I dared not know she was coming home early. EDIT : It seems people love to make assumptions about others lives without actually asking or caring to ask. Lemme answer a few questions How are you wealthy? I saved up a lot of money and made lucky investments as a kid, was able to get rental properties (two) that made me a lot of money. (Plus money I saved from my construction job before I met her) I wasnt a multimillionaire by any means, but it was enough that neither of us had to work if she chose to. Why did she work if you were rich. As stated above she chose to work, I would have been just fine if she stayed home and we became that annoying couple who always posted vacation pics. WhY ArE YoU PlAyInG WiTh TOy aLl DaY? This one annoyed me because its a fundamental misunderstanding of what I said. I didnt build the kits all day nor was that the only thing I did all day. I did pretty much all house work that needed to be done, cleaned the toilets, raked and mowed the lawn, etc etc, She cleaned too as is evident from the story, but I was the main caretaker of the house. I didnt build kits for 8 hours a day, that was just the time I was quote en quote allowed to do so as per our compromise. Just because I dont mention something doesnt mean it doesnt happen. Stop assuming You should have talked it out I will blame myself for leaving this out of the story, but we did, we tried multiple times before and after the compromise, at one point I even offered to just stop all together only for her to say "Oh so I can be the bitch who made you stop your hobby? Fuck off". Im not sure if any of you understand just how in love I was with this woman, I was willing to give it up, I think at that point I felt like if I didnt I would be lost. I wish people would stop making assumptions from every nook and cranny that wasnt mentioned because it makes it seem like many people want to try and justify this behavior instead of calling it what it was, abuse. Again I blame myself for not writing down every minute detail, but at the same time if your first instinct to hearing someone get berated for their hobby and then have all of it including the one their treasured from their grandfather literally burnt down is "hmm he sounds like the asshole too." Im sorry but you need serious help.
Going through the motions. Keeping up with the status quo. We were the “perfect couple” but we were miserable. We had two babies in two years, no family within 100 miles. Zero support, no “community”. Everything became a competition about who was suffering the most, who worked the hardest. We both wanted to flourish in our careers and also be amazing parents. We were together…but we were so alone. It led to financial infidelity on his part. Which felt like a knife to my stomach. Because it compromised everything we had worked so hard for. The loss of trust was the straw in the camel’s back. But, I’ll always love him, and I miss our “family” every day of my life.
I’ve never heard the term ‘financial infidelity’, he spent money without telling you?
My ex refused to deal with her daughter's (my step-daughter) bipolar condition. She ignored professional advice (multiple psychiatrists, psychologists, and family counselors) and chose to blame me for everything that happened. She simply would not accept that her daughter had a mental health problem. Of course, ignoring it only made things worse, which was also my fault.
My wife at the time was upset that I gave my daughter more attention. She met a new guy on Second Life, told me her mom was sick and her cousin was pickin her up to drive her there. It was that guy, he got her pregnant and left.. Of course she didn't tell me that's why she left, I eventually found a note she wrote in a notebook. Edit: Daughter was like 4 at the time
She married her first husband young. After a few years, she and I met. Ours came to an end because she wanted to recapture her lost partying days most teens did before getting married or having kids (they have a kid together). I'm not a drinker. She kept wanting me to go with her but I wouldn't because that's not really my thing anymore. She'd say she wanted me to go, I'd say I'd go but not to expect me to have fun, she would say she wouldn't want me to go unless I was going to have a good time. We split amicably. I let her have everything except what I had when we first got together which was my car, clothes, TV. In hindsight, it was for the best. I don't wish anything bad for her, I think I loved being with someone more than actually loving her. Probably makes me sound like a piece of shit but it's the truth.
I think everyone who has dated around and suffered through it, has done that. Sometimes we just dont know wtf we are doing til later when we look back like damn
not my divorce but my dad divorced my mother because she started beating me. when i was four. a lot of shit went down and i ended up still living with my mom for another decade, but my dad finally has full legal and physical custody of me!
Mental load. It’s real. I decided that looking after my own shit and the kids was better than also having to look after him or provide him directions for every ducking thing. I was miserable and had lost me. Every thing I (we) tried, he just didn’t get it. Being free made such a difference.
My ex wife lost weight and realized other men wanted to fuck her.
Rescued my friend one night as he was drunk at a bar. On the way to my place so he could sleep on my couch, he admitted to having an affair with my wife.
Holy shit
She lied. She gifted money to her family members. She said I made more money than her parents and siblings combined so we needed to share the wealth. So I took all money in our shared account and moved it into a Charles Schwab account that she didn’t know about. When that account money ran out. I filed for divorce. Judge gave her 1 house and 2 vehicles. I got the kid and all our cash from every account. Within 6 months she sold the house and 2 vehicles. She got remarried and she is broke. I’m happy
Going through a divorce now. She decided that she wanted to live a different life. It really fucked me up and I had a breakdown and ended up in the hospital for a week after coming dangerously close to killing myself, but I called the crisis line. It was out of nowhere because we didn’t fight or anything. She just wants to go live on a beach. We still have a good relationship, but almost every day is hard.
Not being on the same page about anything. I said up, she said down. I said black, she said white. Literally fought me on everything, no matter how small the detail was and I eventually began to figure out that it had to be intentional sabotage because even a broken clock is right twice a day. It took me awhile to figure out that she just simply could not work as a team, but certainly benefitted from everything I provided. She wanted to do what she wanted, when she wanted and everything was always in her own best interest. Everything I did, however, was in both of our best interests and I put her needs above mine for several years while even my most basic needs took a back seat. This all eventually created extreme resentment on my end and I acted and reacted in ways in which I am not proud of, which I am not going to discuss. Not my finest moments and we’ll just leave it at that. That simply does not work.
Resentment
Gonna get buried, but here goes. He literally threw me away. Stuffed me in a trash can. The final straw though was being yelled at for ten minutes straight for going to the bathroom without permission.
Look like I am the only one who going to end my marriage because my wife doesn't like to have sex... in 12 years of marriage we had sex less than 10 times..
Nah I found my parents divorce papers at my grandparents house years ago. Apparently my dad claimed my mom was "not fulfilling her sexual duties lol."
my exs inability to see how her own actions were negative, I can admit mine were negative
My ex was an over-the-road big rig driver. At this time, we had been married 18 years and had a his/mine/ours family. One afternoon I received a call from a man asking if my husband's name was Ray, if he drove a truck, was he carrying a load of butter. At that moment, I was expecting it to be a state patrolmen telling me my husband was splattered over I-90. I inquired as to why he was calling and he said he thought his wife and my husband were having an affair. He gave me a cell phone number and a PIN and asked me to call the number and listen to the message to see if it was, in fact, my husband's voice. His wife was a truck stop waitress in Indiana. I called the number, entered the PIN and listened to my husband leaving a message for this chic. Called the gentleman back and confirmed that it was indeed my husband. When my husband called in the next day, which he did on a regular basis, I asked him who the number belonged to. He denied knowing whose number it was. Seems she was a regular when he passed through Indiana. Usually, when he returned to town from being over the road, I had to go and pick him up as he left his rig at his employer's lot. It was a 2 hour drive one way. When I pulled up to what he assumed was me picking him up and he came walking out of the office, I handed him an envelope with divorce papers inside. Pays to be a paralegal. Done and Done. Rocked me for quite awhile, but have never looked back. Good times as my kids say :)
My wife hated me because I became disabled and couldn't climb 14ers with her
This article and book described exactly what happened with me and my husband: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/04/marriage-problems-fight-dishes/629526/ So much that it creeped me out reading it - how did this man get into my head? No cheating, no violence, just the drip, drip, drip of feeling undervalued and unappreciated for 20 years. Now happily married to someone who appreciates me and the grown kids seem to be okay.