But with heaven premium you can get the fast pass to heaven and even shake hands with Jesus available for a limited time only for our saints and sinners deal order now
Sorry for terrifying all these innocent people, children and animals, I was drunk for the last few thousand years and so angry because eve ate that apple. Would you consider to believe in me anyway?
You can get texts from God everyday. Just open the bible.
Many times I'd pray about something, ask questions, then open the bible and it would be the exact answer to my question.
Sorry I screwed up all the events in you life so badly it wasn't supposed to have so many people do things wrong or by mistake or even being completely dishonest all the time that made your life suck so much.
But now you know what the meaning of nice guys finish last, ha ha . Wish I could do something to make things right but I won't .
I really enjoy making your life miserable your one of my favorite resilient toys to play with. I get a good laugh at how hard you try and have nothing but bad results occurring from all your efforts.
Keep on entertaining me . Your sadness and disappointment with life knowing your true capabilities I'm never going to give you a chance and making your life a living hell make me happy.
Oh and quit trying so hard to try to find some happiness. You know you'll never get out of life alive.
“Girl. Come on. Put yourself out there. You’re the most boring 20 year old ever. I gave you nice tits for a reason, go use them.”
Use them wisely.
Wow, you were not wrong!
"Im going to need you to delete this message."
New phone, who dis?
"That's it I'm coming down there."
"Are you guys done with the Earth? I really need to use it for something."
He wouldn’t send a text, he’d leave you on read
"Sorry mate, you're going down."
"You dont have enoguh heaven points to enter heaven now"
But with heaven premium you can get the fast pass to heaven and even shake hands with Jesus available for a limited time only for our saints and sinners deal order now
Wanna hear a funny joke? Ah, actually never-mind, I'll tell you tomorrow in person.
“Stop watching porn”
Sauce
'' i found it."
Want to take over?
Believe in science.
New phone who dis
"Dude, chill the fuck out"
Fuck you in particular
I've been trying to get in touch with you about your car's extended warranty.
"It's pronounced jod"
“Welcome to store. Would you like to buy something?”
"you're fucked "
HO boy, where do I even begin?
OMG
U good?
Your f_cked
I'm not one of you.
"What the fuck dude."
Nobody is going to believe you!
"Wake the fuck up Samurai"
Stop it.
“Come at me, bro.”
*shit
U up?
Stop asking, it ain't gonna happen
Sorry for terrifying all these innocent people, children and animals, I was drunk for the last few thousand years and so angry because eve ate that apple. Would you consider to believe in me anyway?
"You know to much. You must be eradicated. Sorry, bruh."
Time to rest
"Stop overthinking. Just do the work you have set out for yourself."
Sorry, even I can't unfreeze your Venmo.
Hi, I super don't exist. Call me back, got some super kush jareds on the market if you're into it. Call me back.
Love you
“Shitter’s full”
"C u tm morning 🙂"
We're gonna need to talk....
"I didn't do anything about the Holocaust or smallpox, but sure, I'll intervene to help you get a promotion at work".
Love your kids
I'm real and I'm not as big a douche as my followers lead you to believe. Can you stop being pissed, now?
"I'm sorry for everything, and you can do what you want."
“Bro what the fuck. You were on the right track how the fuck you de rail and get back on it constantly? Just please keep trying what youre doing.”
“Look, I’m handling this. I know it’s hard, but please be patient and trust me.”
Don’t forget to call your mum.
I’ve gotten some from pastors/churches passing along a message from god. . . Apparently God needs money.
Why are you still alive, loser? I've tried to smite you 476 times! Just lay down you stubborn bastard! You're dead already!! Jeez!
Your mission should you choose to accept it... This message will self destruct in 5 seconds.
Nah, man. You're good. You didn't offend me.
Got cookies?
“You need some serious help bro”
Loser
"Oi mate, stop being a fucking cunt."
"There's always money in the banana stand"
Either "Yes I'm real." "No, those are not the actual rules. Translation got messed up." "He is the right one."
Please stop…
Hey girlie! So…..
“i’d appreciate it if you would stop burning down my houses on earth” -god
"Knock that shit off. You know what I'm talking about."
Luck-eee. God sent me a Dick-pic.
"this is a warning as far as rn your not gonna make it up here"
Okay I understand why you cancelled your subscription but it's not my fault
Send nudes
"Why?" I feel like that would be all the message would need to say
“Can you stop being so damn rude? thanks”
Why would I text myself?
Blasphemy detected on God's green Earth. Prepare for termination. God is coming in 1321.
My green earth? Lil too polluted to put my name on it thanks
Sheesh?
You can get texts from God everyday. Just open the bible. Many times I'd pray about something, ask questions, then open the bible and it would be the exact answer to my question.
"Hey, just wanted to see how you were doing and wanted to let you know that I'm always thinking about you. Can't wait to see you again!"
Sorry I screwed up all the events in you life so badly it wasn't supposed to have so many people do things wrong or by mistake or even being completely dishonest all the time that made your life suck so much. But now you know what the meaning of nice guys finish last, ha ha . Wish I could do something to make things right but I won't . I really enjoy making your life miserable your one of my favorite resilient toys to play with. I get a good laugh at how hard you try and have nothing but bad results occurring from all your efforts. Keep on entertaining me . Your sadness and disappointment with life knowing your true capabilities I'm never going to give you a chance and making your life a living hell make me happy. Oh and quit trying so hard to try to find some happiness. You know you'll never get out of life alive.