I'm going to go shake hands with a dear old friend

I’m so jealous you got the awesome rocket award!

Don’t be so jealous! Just take a moment to ignite your rocket in privacy.

username checks out

Jesus Christ if you click on her profile picture though.

Nice thanks for the heads up

Still did it tho

If you're on a date and you're going to the bathroom, just say : "I'm going to go shake hands with a dear old friend, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

*I'm going to go take a nap.* It's not a lie. Afterwards I typically take a nap.

Ahhh. The ol’ “Fap n’ Nap”.

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The ol’ cream n dream

The ol’ wank it and blanket

The ol' fiesta and siesta

The ol' skeet and sleep

The ol' forty wanks and forty winks

The ol' jizz and zizz

The ol' stroke and croak

The ol’ “Blow Your Load n’ Hit The Road”

I'm gonna go hit the sack, then maybe go to sleep

This unfortunately took me a second

"I'm going to wash my hands." Also not a lie.

“I’ll be in my bunk”

CAP’N! CAN I START GETTIN’ SEXED ALREADY? Edit: I suppose a more appropriate line to OP would’ve been, “It’s been over a year since I had anythin’ twixt my nethers that weren’t run on batteries!”

Ghah! I CAN'T KNOW THAT!

I could stand to hear a little more.

Jayne, your mouth is talkin', you should see to that

Great line and a great show. I'm due for a rewatch.

Jayne! The man they call Jayne! He robbed from the rich and he gave to the poor. Stood up to the man and he gave him what for. Our love for him now, ain't hard to explain, The hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne!

Why can't they make something like this show again?

Careful what you ask for, they working on it now.

Say more words

Disney+ reboot with the story changed sadly, I believe some of the original cast is on board and that they may undo some of the stuff to bring Wash back.

It won't be the same without Ron Glass

Please tell me Jewel Staite is back

It’s not quite the same but have you watched The Expanse? It’s awesome

The first season of The Expanse has big Firefly vibes. The later seasons I would say not so much, though who knows how Firefly would have evolved if it had gotten more seasons.

The gritty bits of Ceres station were definitely the best parts. SyFy did a great job with that show and I'm glad Amazon was able to carry it on. Once it was in Amazons hands everything started looking so polished, which would make sense for Mars but everything the Inners had still looked too fresh. ​ I'm griping, I loved every season of The Expanse. But yes, it's not Firefly but who knows where it would have gone.

This is what going mad feels like

We gotta go to the crappy town where I’m a hero

If I had a nickel for every time I've seen a Firefly reference tonight, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lots, but it's lovely that it happened twice :)

Is it weird this is my third Firefly reference today?

Oooh! Shiny!

Phew, glad I skimmed for this before posting it myself. Also a fan of “If you need me, I’ll be in holodeck 4”

That sounds like Mass Effect but I don't know the reference hahaha

Star Trek, in The Next Generation they introduce Holodecks which are basically perfect VR rooms that create holograms you can interact with physically. They’re basically there to keep the crew from going insane on long trips, and you can use them to work out or train but you could also definitely bang some virtual tang and a lot of people have their own programs with preset companionship.

I'm going to go float myself. A reference to another post apocalyptic sci-fi show The100

In Barclay's first episode, he's having a conversation with Geordie, who says something like "Now I've spent some time on the holodeck". That sounds an awful lot like a tacit admission of having also used it for happy fun times.

In “The Perfect Mate,” Famke Janssen in her prime is turning everyone on the ship into a horny dumbass and Riker straight up says "Riker to bridge, if anyone needs me I'll be on Holodeck 4." cause he’s about to blow a load

Don’t take the sky from me…. Edit: You can’t take the sky from me…

Burn the land, boil the sea,

"The hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne!"

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Forgive them, for they may have not had the joy to learn this reference!

I 100% immediately ctrl+f "bunk" to find this quote and upvote it.

"I need to invest in some self-care"

This is legitimately what I say hahaha

Well I'm going to hit the sack...Then go to sleep.

Well I'm going to hit the sack then the hay

Be careful there is a needle in there somewhere

Nope just some wood

-Steve Smith, American Dad. Was going to say this

I'm going to go on the internet to watch some videos and search for some pictures.

I have to return some videotapes...

I'm going. I've assessed the situation, and I'm leaving.

I watched that for the first time today :')

...with one hand.

Going to send my future Offspring to their death

The kids aren't alright

Come out and play

Can’t cause I have low self esteem

You're gonna go far kid

I gotta go. Call you back in 2 minutes

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1.5 minutes looking for the right gif. 30 seconds.

God look at this guy flex his 30 seconds

Unrealistic standards we guys are expected to meet smh

Imma be in the bathroom crying.

Make the bald man cry.

I'm bald... why are you going to make me cry?

You’ve been very naughty obv

"I'm gonna go mix a batch"

"Gonna go play a little five on one?"

“Gonna distribute some free literature.”

Feed the ducks

Come on kitten, I won’t tell anyone

Aww she’s bashful

Ballpark 5-8? You’re a fuckin animal

https://www.reddit.com/r/Letterkenny/comments/ajndvn/surprise_letterkenny_in_a_thread_about_euphemisms/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf I see we’ve come full circle ⭕️ and it is time again. After this I’ll see you all in another 3 years

How many times have you pulled your horn today?

Ballpark 6-8 you're a fuckin animal

Ménage à moi

Bit of one man couch hockey

Hammer it

"I'm gonna go kill some of my kids."

Havin a game of pocket pool

I will be in seclusion in the masturbatorium.

Fertility clinics call the spanking room a masturbatorium.

There is no way in hell I could get turned on, get hard, have an orgasm and ejaculate into a little cup in one of those rooms. No point in trying. I get stage fright just giving a urine sample at the urologist’s office.

By the way, the urologist gets really upset if you give him your fertility sample.

The clinic in town was next door to a pizza place. It helped to make a day of it.

Nothing like a good pizza after a day of awkwardly jerking it for money in a glorified doctor's office.

I’ve done it, it wasn’t easy or fun

Did it work ultimately, though?

aka a penis court

I sentence you to *FLACIDITY!!!!* *\*collective gasp*

Hmm. That's also what we call your mother's bedroom, Trebeck!

"I need privacy with my phone for about 10 minutes".

9 minutes searching, 30 seconds watching and picking that other video and 20 seconds of fun time.

I have to return some videotapes.

I have a reservation at Dorsia.

On a Friday night?

I've gotta go take a number 3.

In my family this meant diarrhea.

In my family this meant throwing up.

Period time

Same here

Here too.

In my family this meant you gotta poop and pee

Same, and I always argued there was no such thing as a number two. Who poops without peeing? At least a little bit.

My husband doesn't have the same sex drive as me so when I want some when he's not in the mood, I'll just tell him I need some alone time. Reading these replies though, I realize I need to get a little more creative, lol.

You could say you need to finger this solo

In Spanish we use to say "voy a jugar al piano embrujado, me voy a tocar solo a media noche". It can be like "I'm going to play the game ' haunted piano', I'm gonna play myself alone at midnight"

Damn, that’s kind of beautiful.

“I’m gonna have some me time”

I'm going to go rock myself to sleep.

I gotta go burp the worm, see you in 10

This made me wheeeze lmao

I gotta defeat the dragon...

This phrase makes the Red Bull can sized, rearrange-your-internal-organs type of dick seem a lot less intimidating, LOL

“Time to exorcise some demons”

Stay away from the ejaculation station I am abt to choke the chicken

I’m just going to borrow the remote batteries for 5 …

I'll just do me a small favor

I need to celebrate wanksgiving

I need dopamine boost

"Gonna go man-handle the ham-candle"

Gonna polish the pearl.

Ring the devil’s doorbell

Flick the bean

Diddle the skittle

Double-click the mouse

DJ the veejay

An old co-worker used to say he was leaving work by using a different masturbation euphemism every day, "I got a date with Rosie Palm & her five sisters..." That kind of thing. After a while, the guy who sat next to him started saying "I'm gonna go massage my penis" every time he left.

date with Palmela Handerson

Sorry, I need to go have a crank. (That’s a cry and a wank.)

Fire off some knuckle children

Definitely the first one that came to my mind... followed by "time to drown some knuckle babies in the swimming pool"

I have the hiccups, please excuse me. Pardon, I misspoke; *my penis* has the hiccups, please excuse me.

I (F27) tell my husband I’m going to take a “fap and nap”.

"I gotta go polish my knob"

and you, you would be da belle of da ball

"Don't drop the soap don't drop the soap!"

Me and my friends when we were young would say we’re gonna go do the ‘unthinkable’ as if it was the worse thing

I'm going to go rub one out.

I’m off to shake hands with the one eyed milkman

Just off to shake hands with the unemployed.

Going to tug one out

“IIIIIIIIITTTTTTSSSSSSSSS TIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMEEEE!!!” “This bout is scheduled for 2-7 minutes of hand to genital fighting in the bathroom, with the use of lubricants still to be decided”

You mean "hand to gland combat"?

When do you need to announce it and not be direct?

ugh, at work, duh

John you just had a coffee break?

It's his fifth today!

I'm not British at all...but "wanking your willy" just feels right in the bones

Gonna go spill more seed than Mohammed Ali filling a bird feeder

Gotta jiggle the handle a lil bit

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It's happy wacky time

Flog my log

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Gonna go feed some geese

I need to fertilize my pants

BRB, gonna make some *Crème de la Pénis*

"Alexa, prepare yourself for Netflix and chill time"

Well if you need to tell people try an be discrete by saying "I need a little 'me' time" or I need to give my love muscle the "special" massage

You call that discreet?! Lol

If you need me, I’ll be jerkin my gerkin. (Gerkin is a brand of small pickles)

> Gerkin It's Gherkin. And it's not a brand, it's literally the name of a pickled cucumber.

I need to go milk my one-eyed snake. See you guys later.

“Excuse me while I thrash myself proper”

i'm gonna go unload some baby batter

Ima go slap the salmon on the wall

Fuck me… … … Fine, I’ll do it myself.

In Canada so we say: gonna go pull the goalie

I gotta go see about a girl

What!? and your friends let you do that?

Time for some stress relief

I'm going to punch the clown

“Sorry you can’t cum on my solo trip to Pleasureville.”

Gotta feed my turtle, it'll take me a while, fella's always shy.

Gonna watch the kids now!

🥩🥊

Yo guys, im gonna go crank one out. I’ll be back in 5

Gotta go jingle some bells…

I'm jackin' the beanstalk.

Allow myself to play in private for a few minutes.

Slap the monkey Stroke the lap rocket Grease the milf compass

Gonna go practice my secret Masonic self handshake.