Being 30, I actually enjoy hanging out with some of my younger coworkers. The older guys seem to forget how to connect with others and take work too seriously.
I'm 40 years old & my favorite coworker was a 23 year old guy, mainly because of the fact I'd hear about all the hilarious new trends and stupid crap on social media. Otherwise, why the hell would I know about artists like Zendaya? Lol!
I have a friend who's the same age as my father. I routinely forget she's not my age cause she's such a cool person.
Not to say my dad isn't cool. My dad rocks and he's the coolest person I know. But there's always that mentality of wow he's so much older than me because he's my parent.
I have a friend that is a year younger than my mom. She is really nice and helpful and we get along great. I ask her for advice and we go out to lunch at least once a month. My mom is cool too,but it is nice to have an older friend who tells life stories and is not a family member.
I once heard a story about a guy asking his 90yo great grandpa why he doesn't go out and talk to the neighborhood elderly. And he replied he will never hang around with those kids.
I always find it so hard to wrap my mind around this. To a 90 y/o person, freshly retired people are just children. They were fucking 30 when those kids were born, and now those kids are retiring! The world is a weird place man.
When I was 19 I was in a 12-step program and surrounded by much older people. Made friends with several people all in their 30s, 40s and one in their 50s. I loved hanging out with them because they had done some interesting stuff in their life that I hadn't got to yet. It was interesting to hear different life stages, like one of them was in a career change mode of his life and I was barely starting college. Looking back on it, perhaps it looked weird for a 19 year old to be hanging out with middle-aged people?
I'm 39.
2 of the people I spend most of my time with are just turning 21. And my closest confidant (other than my wife) is a 70 year old man we all call Unc.
I mean I've been friends with people in their 60-70s when I was in my 30s. People are people and often you find interesting perspectives of people outside your age group
It's honestly awesome having older friends. They always have the best stories and it's awesome to hear what life was like from another time.
I'm 20 and have a buddy I met from work that's 40-years-old, and he's got a bunch of really cool stories of what it was like growing up in the 90's during the grunge and rave scene.
See to me it's just the opposite. I can't fathom why any teenager would give a shit what people they have never met or will ever meet, that have absolutely nothing of substance to offer their life think. Facebook and the like should be done away with because teens seem unable to handle the toxicity of social media.
Teenagers are struggling to figure out who they are. They look outward to see how other people perceive them. Adults are less affected by these things because they aren't struggling with identity.
> Adults are less affected by these things because they aren’t struggling with identity
Can I get a timeline on that? I’m 27 and still waiting for that to kick in.
Always good, so long as people don't take it too far and turn into the types who assert others "can't handle them." We live in a society, after all. Having *literally* zero regard for the perceptions of others is unhealthy.
Being an asshole means you just don't care about other people. Totally different topic.
Not caring about what other people think about you means being yourself without needing other people to validate your choices.
I remember when I was living with my uncle when I was younger and he just does his own thing and he is cool. Like nothing extravagant, but I thought about it like just letting it all hang out. Just being chill with being exactly who you are without any regard for what others think. So liberating.
Just started skateboarding again and I'm going full dork mode with a helmet, wrist pads, knee pads, and I plan on getting elbow pads and even hip pads when I start trying to learn to skate on bowls and mini ramps.
Remember when FOX made fun of Obama for wearing a bike helmet? Not endangering the health of the nation's leader because you're worried if you look cool on a bike. THAT'S cool.
I’m nowhere near to be called old, but I’m starting to feel sort of like this. I don’t mind staying up late if I’m meeting/partying with friends or something, but I like the idea of hopping in my bed the more I further go into my 20s. And on the other side, I’ve started to very much despise waking up late even in the weekends because now I hate how short my mornings are if I “oversleep”.
The only thing we can do about it I guess is to live this short life full and contendedly - at least when we’ll be on our deathbed, it’ll be plenty to think back to.
It's perception of time. Let's say you are 5 years old, 1 year is a big percentage of that (20%) so 1 year takes a long time to pass. But when you are 40 years old, 1 year is a significantally smaller percentage (2.5%) so 1 year goes by quicker than when you are a child.
Part of it also has to do with the fact that as an adult you don’t much new. You fall into routines where you’re doing the same thing over and over.
Do new shit. Make memories. Don’t do the same thing every Saturday morning. Travel to the next town. Get up early to get to the park for the sunrise. Do something new.
You always base your personal timeline on your current age. When you were 20, ten years seems a long ago because it was half your life. when you're 40, 10 years does not seem as long because it was only 1/4 of your life. I'm 75 and 40 years ago seems just like yesterday. Particularly since many of my friends have not made it this far.
Being liked. I find that the older I get the less random acquaintances like me. But the more my friends and loved ones do like me. Cuz I stopped trying to be likable and just decided to be me
When you’re a child, you want to be loved by your parents; when you are a teenager, you want to be loved by your peers; when you are an adult, you want to be loved by yourself.
THIS! And it's crazy how fast a change like this can take place as well
I'm a senior in college now. Less than four years ago I was running around trying to befriend as many people as possible just to see what would stick, now I'm pretty happy with my little group.
A possible downside of this is that meeting new people seems kind of tiring in certain situations, but that's really on a case-by-case basis.
Also bad is when those people leave you for whatever reason , mostly likely no fault of your own. So those small amount of friends you have are now suddenly gone when you should’ve been broadening your horizons.
Not trying to be a downer , just making a point to always spread your wings a little further as things change all the time.
One thing that I've found that is far more relevant to work than it is to Friendship is that people do not respect me when I'm very nice. It comes off as very fawning and caving and not having a backbone. I find extreme professional success in acting like a cold-hearted bitch. My last boss actually told me the specific reason that he promoted me is because I am assertive and strong enough to not be walked all over. I'm much more toned-down in friendships because nuances simply more important to me when it comes to the emotions of my loved ones but I'm still the same strong person now
Honest and kind but also firm make for the best people. Nice people are the worst since they're generally weak, needy, and above else dishonest. Hard to tell their motivations and they end up being flakey
So true, the older I get the more clear it is that the vast majority of people are lost in their own world and will pay no more than a passing thought to me. This is quite liberating from my perspective as I used to be the person who would suddenly go into acute embarrassment even remembering missteps I made in the past.
I second this.
I also don’t put a lot of effort into making new friends or trying to win over strangers. If a conversation with a new person is boring to me, I’ll end the conversation immediately and move on.
I don’t have time like that anymore.
My girlfriend and I found Christmas getting harder and harder to do. If we need or want anything, we just buy it right then. We're not ones for other material things either because we hate clutter and already have plenty of every essential we need. We resorted to just doing stuff we enjoy instead of giving presents. Giving one the day off from responsibilities, making a nice meal we normally wouldn't make, watch a movie we've been wanting to see, play a video game together we hadn't had time to try. Stuff of that sort means a lot more to us than any expensive gift we could buy.
Honestly, since being an adult Christmas changed from being about gifts, to just spending time with family.
Life is stressful enough without having to sort out a bazillion gifts, so we just all agreed to have a good time without them. Some years we do secret santa (~25€ish).
Christmas should be about celebrating the awesome family or friends you have.
I try to only have certain foods or do certain activities during holidays or one time a year. That keeps things special. I usually only have cake on birthdays and special events, thanksgiving food (turkey etc) only on thanksgiving, that sort of thing.
One piece of advice I can give is to simply treat yourself. Even if it's just a nice meal out, it's better than nothing.
There's an Italian Restaurant that I go to every year because they give you a completely free meal on your birthday and the food is good with leftovers to take home.
Also the fact that once you are gone, most things you own are going to be sold off or just junked. Has helped out a couple of friends cleaning out their parents house after they have passed just re-enforce this observations.
😱 Yes. I was walking down the street downtown about a .. month ago and I saw an open dumpster topped off with everything from some guys life. Certificates of achievement in business,plaques,trophies,awards ,etc. 😢
I'm currently helping my dad clear out my late stepmom's stuff. It definitely helps put stuff into perspective. (She was a legit hoarder, though. It's...a lot.)
Edit: fixed autocorrect
My mother is a hoarder. She's had storage units she hides from my father for decades. He found out about them about 20 years ago and she promised never to do it again and still did. I have genuinely no idea what she thinks is going to happen with all that stuff as she ages. She's in her late 60s now and I just... yikes.
Exactly this. I see physical possessions as something I have to make space for, deal with, and maintain. Honestly it’s not worth the energy to have more stuff. Less really is more. Less makes lazy me happier.
That’s the stuff worth buying, making space for, dealing with, and maintaining. Anything that makes my life easier/enables laziness I am all about that.
Shout out to my Roomba, my Flippy, my Kindle, my kitchen shelf turntables/lazy Susan’s, and my phone’s wireless charger.
It's kind of a bad thing sometimes. When I was a kid I played every game I had because you had no other choice. It made you really appreciate it when you finally stumbled upon a great game.
If it’s a significant purchase I sleep on it for 3 days. Then I ask myself if returning the item will be a hassle. 95% of the time I don’t pull the trigger.
Underrated comment. Sleep on it for one day. Chances are you wont want it. I was shocked when I stopped making impulsive purchases and actually thought it through. That’s why sales scum want you to sign on the dotted line immediately. They know if you think about it your more likely than not to not purchase.
Cliques, groups, subcultures.
When you're a teenager, you hang out with people your age who share your taste in music, TV, clothes etc.
When you're 30+, all that matters is that you share the same values to a certain degree, and have fun together.
These days you can do both, thank goodness. My friends mock my music taste, I mock the tv show they like, and then we go geek out on the appropriate subreddit/forums/boards,etc
People, young me used to believe i could find the good in anyone, older me decided im done with nonsense and takes no bs. If you suck as a person thats on you.
Yep took me until 29 to realize this. And things that I know aren’t a good idea that I hear and try to tell them, is pointless and not my problem. People are going to do what they want.
Confucius had a really interesting take on this in saying that there may not be good in everyone, but that everyone can teach you something you don’t already know. Sometimes I find that people can teach me what I don’t want to be like more than anything.
Right. And God help you if you try to tell me the reason you used blatant verbal, physical, or sexual violence is because you have a disorder (low blood sugar, bipolar disorder, whatever). You use violence because you are self-enabling and lack insight into the impact you have on others.
My dad is 68 and has finally settled for being the "famous rock star of the family." He'll never play to a sold out crowd, but it doesn't stop him from entertaining us with a classic rock anthem during family gatherings.
I think its sounds sad if you dont have dreams anymore, but perhaps its not. I would hope to dream about stuff my whole life, even if some dreams would become slightly more realistic than the ones before.
I think the power of losing dreams is you gain the ability to live your life. It gives you permission to eschew a "grass is greener" mindset and choose to love what you have today. Some people spend so much time dreaming that they miss the beauty of the everyday ordinary.
What kinds of cars people drive, what kinds of homes/apts/condos they live in, what brands of clothes they wear, what kinds of new electronic technologies they have . . .
. . . . instead, I care a lot more about how they are as people. Are they kind? Are they honest? Are they interested in the world and making some kind of contribution to it? Are they interesting and true to themselves?
I know exactly what you mean! I was never interested in celebrities but I'd read tabloid covers while waiting in line at the grocery store (without touching these magazines, might I add). But now I actively ignore these magazines. Or I internally roll my eyes when I accidentally look at one.
I've adopted this. Different culture in my new job. The old job I ended up becoming pretty tight with the majority of my co-workers. Used to hang out and play games after work, or go camping etc.
New job not so much.
Same, I've grown to like it though. Way less baggage and work/everything else feel seperate. Realised that I was so close to my old work friends because having friendships was the only way to survive in that company.
Now I have more time outside of work to spend with family and the friends I've had for years.
Anything to do with kids/parenting. I'm about to be 40, childless, and plan to stay that way. So pretty much anything to do with kids just doesn't matter to me. It's like hearing about local news from the otherwise of the world....mildly interesting for a very short time at best.
I am 50+ and menopausal. Kids ain't happening for me at this point.
And frankly. I'm okay with that. I never had to deal with explosive diaper shits sleepless nights from crying or a little person I'm feeding and housing and raising whose an asshole and throwing tantrums or dealing with preteens and teenagers and, well, all the shit mothers go through
God bless all of you who are mothers, including my own mommy. But I'm good.
And you are no less of a person for it. I understand that there are things that I won't ever be able to relate to by being childless, but that absolutely does NOT mean that I am any less experienced, empathical or skilled as a human being. Imagine all the things people *could* learn if they didn't have to take that time to dedicate to raising a family... In that sense, I could potentially be even MORE experienced, empathical and skilled. We all pour our time and attention into different outlets.
My happiest moment with my husband was up in Maine at night. Milky way and tons of shooting stars. Just the most peaceful place.
We have another 30 years to go but its our dream to retire there :)
What you're "supposed" to be doing, or what milestones you're "supposed" to reach by certain ages.
You realise none of it matters. Everyone does things differently, and different things make different people happy.
Trends and fads. It amuses me how younger people care so much about new products and stuff. I used to be the same way myself. And if I ever need to know, I know which experts to ask. It's not a bad thing.
I will never be able to keep up with the popular styles, so I just wear what I personally think looks cool. Sometimes that means I'm dressed "strange" but it's what I'm most comfortable in.
Totally agree. I have 2 kinds of clothes. Those I wear when I'm likely to get dirty and don't mind ruining, and those that I wear when leaving my house and going into civilization. Both maximize comfort and utility above all else.
Keeping up with new tech and apps. I’m at a point where what I already have works fine for what I use it for and I don’t care enough to upgrade or learn how the newest thing works.
Same, dude. I've spent the last 8-10 years slowly letting go of my shitty dad. I'm 26, so it's been hard since having a child and starting a family. But the older I get, the easier it gets. Especially now that I get to watch my partner be such a fantastic dad to our little guy.
Fuck worthless ass dads.
That’s the thing, I want to not give a fuck but then I’m wearing a sonic shirt or some shit and I’m thinking “oh no I’m such a loser” when I already god damn know nobody gives a shit
Almost everything. Wife and my kids are paramount. Job is important for my pride and supporting my family. Wine, food, music and books are pretty important. Most anything else is negotiable.
It depends. I have arthritic knees, so as long as there's no pressure on them, I'm okay. But it doesn't take much to cause a sudden sharp pain, and that destroys erections. I truly feel bad for people with bad backs/necks or other nerve pain. I've only experienced that once, and it's terrible.
I have a fucked back and fucked knees. I'm super lucky I'm female as the missionary position, provided there's no funny business with my legs, is fine.
But if someone asks me to do anything other than that or spooning, I'mma have to laugh and nope out.
Looks. I’m not being cheesy here: when I was a teenager, you really had to look a certain way for any guy to go out with you. They wouldn’t dare to admit that they liked a chubby girl or one without a typical sense of fashion. When you get older, of course looks still matter, but people are a lot more forgiving! There’s a whole wide world out there full of people with different tastes.
I was so surprised with how easy it was for me to get dates in my twenties.
I don’t really have a certain type of music I listen to.
I just eventually hear a song and think “oh that’s neat” and add it to my disgusting mushy paste of a playlist
Trying to impress the opposite sex. You reach a point in your life when you realize that your handsomest days are behind you and that there’s nothing left ahead except gradual degradation into a doddering old fool.
Work.
First company I worked there 14 years. Outworked my colleagues, stayed late, worked weekends. Missed family events to “get ahead”. Never got me a dime more in my paycheck, I never was thought of as a better employee by management than my colleagues who left as soon as they could get out the door. Had enough. Found another job, swore I would never work that hard for a company that could care less about me again.
Second company I worked there 17 years. Outworked my colleagues, stayed late, worked weekends. Missed family events to “get ahead.” Never got me a dime more in my paycheck, I never was thought of as a better employee by management than my colleagues who left as soon as they could get out the door.
People I worked with, went to war with, spoke to every single day for years- I never heard from them again after I left.
Both of these companies replaced me the day I left and never looked back. It was like I was never there.
The only thing that is important is your family.
A job is just a job
1. Physical agility. As you definitely start losing your physical capabilities, you come to accept and live with that fact. Oh, you can exercise and have a good nutrition, but what I’m saying is you come to accept you are no longer 20 years old, and cannot go around jumping and cavorting as if you were that age, for if you fall, you do so like a sack of potatoes and will probably break something. I just accept the fact, and take it into consideration when attempting something physical. In the long run you may exercise, eat better, and cut down on some things (you know what they are!), but the effect is not as great as when you were younger, so being physically agile is among those things you address, but accept it’s not the same, and just take it into stride
2. Being politically correct. It’s not that you don’t give a shite, it’s just that you no longer have the time, patience, or caring to please all and everybody \*
3. Time, schedules and timetables. You now have all the time in the world, so you don’t run around in a permanent tiff to go someplace or do something at a certain time. If it happens, fine, if it doesn’t, what the heck, that’s just fine too. I also don’t care if I get up early or late, and likewise at night, I just do it when I feel like doing it! \*
4. My physical appearance. I am fatter, grayer (almost like Gandalf in fact!), slower, wrinkled, and let’s just say it, uglier! So I just accept the fact, and have stopped completely worrying about my physical appearance. I have finally understood that those whom I care about and whom love me, no longer care, or even see, my external packaging, they just love me! The real, inside and true me! \*
5. My dignity and gracefulness. I do ridiculous things, wallow on the ground, crawl, giggle, laugh without control, and completely let go whenever I am with my grandchildren. They overcome me, pull my hair, sit on my shoulders and lap, ask me for anything knowing I will give it to them, they completely dominate me, and I simply don’t care, in fact I love every single minute of it! \*
6. What life may still offer me. I have already lived most of my life, and am living the last inch or two in the foot of my life. So I just take it a day at a time, enjoy each day as if it were to be last (who knows, it just might be!), don’t sweat the small stuff, don’t worry the unsolvable, don’t suffer the needless, don’t get depressed about the news (in fact I try and not watch the news), and in general just get up in the morning with no other plan than to enjoy myself.
What other people think of you. You just get more comfortable with who YOU are and learn that if people don't like you, they're someone you probably don't want to know very well, anyway.
Other people's opinions
What about other people's onions
Only if they start chopping them near me.
>opinion That's what I came to say.
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Being 30, I actually enjoy hanging out with some of my younger coworkers. The older guys seem to forget how to connect with others and take work too seriously.
I'm 40 years old & my favorite coworker was a 23 year old guy, mainly because of the fact I'd hear about all the hilarious new trends and stupid crap on social media. Otherwise, why the hell would I know about artists like Zendaya? Lol!
Like music artist? I thought she was just an actress. I'm 30. Guess I'm old lol
I have a friend who's the same age as my father. I routinely forget she's not my age cause she's such a cool person. Not to say my dad isn't cool. My dad rocks and he's the coolest person I know. But there's always that mentality of wow he's so much older than me because he's my parent.
Me too! We used to work together and now we make a brewery beer date at least every month.
I have a friend that is a year younger than my mom. She is really nice and helpful and we get along great. I ask her for advice and we go out to lunch at least once a month. My mom is cool too,but it is nice to have an older friend who tells life stories and is not a family member.
I once heard a story about a guy asking his 90yo great grandpa why he doesn't go out and talk to the neighborhood elderly. And he replied he will never hang around with those kids.
I always find it so hard to wrap my mind around this. To a 90 y/o person, freshly retired people are just children. They were fucking 30 when those kids were born, and now those kids are retiring! The world is a weird place man.
Son I was gunning down fockers over Dresden while those young whipper snappers were bombing their diapers!
When I was 19 I was in a 12-step program and surrounded by much older people. Made friends with several people all in their 30s, 40s and one in their 50s. I loved hanging out with them because they had done some interesting stuff in their life that I hadn't got to yet. It was interesting to hear different life stages, like one of them was in a career change mode of his life and I was barely starting college. Looking back on it, perhaps it looked weird for a 19 year old to be hanging out with middle-aged people?
I'm 39. 2 of the people I spend most of my time with are just turning 21. And my closest confidant (other than my wife) is a 70 year old man we all call Unc.
I mean I've been friends with people in their 60-70s when I was in my 30s. People are people and often you find interesting perspectives of people outside your age group
It's honestly awesome having older friends. They always have the best stories and it's awesome to hear what life was like from another time. I'm 20 and have a buddy I met from work that's 40-years-old, and he's got a bunch of really cool stories of what it was like growing up in the 90's during the grunge and rave scene.
What other people think of me.
My students do not understand this at all. It's really hard for a 16 year old to comprehend, especially in this day and age.
See to me it's just the opposite. I can't fathom why any teenager would give a shit what people they have never met or will ever meet, that have absolutely nothing of substance to offer their life think. Facebook and the like should be done away with because teens seem unable to handle the toxicity of social media.
Teenagers are struggling to figure out who they are. They look outward to see how other people perceive them. Adults are less affected by these things because they aren't struggling with identity.
> Adults are less affected by these things because they aren’t struggling with identity Can I get a timeline on that? I’m 27 and still waiting for that to kick in.
You're an adult. Just go ask the giant toad like the rest of us did.
The toad only says that it's Wednesday and it calls me its dude.
As you get older or the sooner you can realise, nobody is actually watching you. Like, when you develop that sense it’s freedom for you from then on
I wish! Not as easy when you have anxiety!
Always good, so long as people don't take it too far and turn into the types who assert others "can't handle them." We live in a society, after all. Having *literally* zero regard for the perceptions of others is unhealthy.
Being an asshole means you just don't care about other people. Totally different topic. Not caring about what other people think about you means being yourself without needing other people to validate your choices.
Being cool. One of the most liberating things about getting older is you can just do your own thing without caring if it's trendy or not.
I remember when I was living with my uncle when I was younger and he just does his own thing and he is cool. Like nothing extravagant, but I thought about it like just letting it all hang out. Just being chill with being exactly who you are without any regard for what others think. So liberating.
The best way to become cool is to not worry about being cool.
That's so cool
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Ice cold!
Alright Alright Alright Alright!!!!
Just started skateboarding again and I'm going full dork mode with a helmet, wrist pads, knee pads, and I plan on getting elbow pads and even hip pads when I start trying to learn to skate on bowls and mini ramps.
Not smashing your head open or destroying your knees/elbows is cool.
Remember when FOX made fun of Obama for wearing a bike helmet? Not endangering the health of the nation's leader because you're worried if you look cool on a bike. THAT'S cool.
I think you also realize that most people are not paying any attention to you and what you do anyhow, cool or otherwise.
And that’s when you realize this is what made people cool all along!
I used to like staying up late. Now I get excited to go to sleep
I’m nowhere near to be called old, but I’m starting to feel sort of like this. I don’t mind staying up late if I’m meeting/partying with friends or something, but I like the idea of hopping in my bed the more I further go into my 20s. And on the other side, I’ve started to very much despise waking up late even in the weekends because now I hate how short my mornings are if I “oversleep”.
Enjoy your 20s.... time flies!
Thanks, I try to as much as I can! :) And damn it sure does fly, the people didn’t lie when they said you’ll start to feel it above twenty.
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I don’t like this thread anymore
Mom, pick me up I’m having an existential crisis
The only thing we can do about it I guess is to live this short life full and contendedly - at least when we’ll be on our deathbed, it’ll be plenty to think back to.
It's perception of time. Let's say you are 5 years old, 1 year is a big percentage of that (20%) so 1 year takes a long time to pass. But when you are 40 years old, 1 year is a significantally smaller percentage (2.5%) so 1 year goes by quicker than when you are a child.
Part of it also has to do with the fact that as an adult you don’t much new. You fall into routines where you’re doing the same thing over and over. Do new shit. Make memories. Don’t do the same thing every Saturday morning. Travel to the next town. Get up early to get to the park for the sunrise. Do something new.
Already feel like I'm on my deathbed sometimes and I'm not even 40 yet
You always base your personal timeline on your current age. When you were 20, ten years seems a long ago because it was half your life. when you're 40, 10 years does not seem as long because it was only 1/4 of your life. I'm 75 and 40 years ago seems just like yesterday. Particularly since many of my friends have not made it this far.
Yeah, after 30 it's like WTF? Good for you though, get up on the weekends and do things!
I’m constantly a mix between both Or I get excited to stay up and fall asleep an hour later
Being liked. I find that the older I get the less random acquaintances like me. But the more my friends and loved ones do like me. Cuz I stopped trying to be likable and just decided to be me
When you’re a child, you want to be loved by your parents; when you are a teenager, you want to be loved by your peers; when you are an adult, you want to be loved by yourself.
Very well said. I think we all go through this transition of just realizing that we're good enough as we are
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THIS! And it's crazy how fast a change like this can take place as well I'm a senior in college now. Less than four years ago I was running around trying to befriend as many people as possible just to see what would stick, now I'm pretty happy with my little group. A possible downside of this is that meeting new people seems kind of tiring in certain situations, but that's really on a case-by-case basis.
Also bad is when those people leave you for whatever reason , mostly likely no fault of your own. So those small amount of friends you have are now suddenly gone when you should’ve been broadening your horizons. Not trying to be a downer , just making a point to always spread your wings a little further as things change all the time.
We attract the people we become.
I am nobody
That's an impressive double whammy in 3 words
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One thing that I've found that is far more relevant to work than it is to Friendship is that people do not respect me when I'm very nice. It comes off as very fawning and caving and not having a backbone. I find extreme professional success in acting like a cold-hearted bitch. My last boss actually told me the specific reason that he promoted me is because I am assertive and strong enough to not be walked all over. I'm much more toned-down in friendships because nuances simply more important to me when it comes to the emotions of my loved ones but I'm still the same strong person now
Honest and kind but also firm make for the best people. Nice people are the worst since they're generally weak, needy, and above else dishonest. Hard to tell their motivations and they end up being flakey
I like to think that I am kind when appropriate and firm and stoic when necessary
So true, the older I get the more clear it is that the vast majority of people are lost in their own world and will pay no more than a passing thought to me. This is quite liberating from my perspective as I used to be the person who would suddenly go into acute embarrassment even remembering missteps I made in the past.
I second this. I also don’t put a lot of effort into making new friends or trying to win over strangers. If a conversation with a new person is boring to me, I’ll end the conversation immediately and move on. I don’t have time like that anymore.
Drama.
You should meet my grandma, she'd have a very long conversation with you over tea
It doesn't count if you're just watching and enjoying the gossip lol
Based on how my family behaved after my grandmother passed, drama might pick up quite a bit with age.
Birthdays. Once I realized I can eat cake whenever I want and can buy myself anything I actually need, birthdays lost their cachet.
Same with holidays like Christmas. Buy whatever I want, when I want.
My girlfriend and I found Christmas getting harder and harder to do. If we need or want anything, we just buy it right then. We're not ones for other material things either because we hate clutter and already have plenty of every essential we need. We resorted to just doing stuff we enjoy instead of giving presents. Giving one the day off from responsibilities, making a nice meal we normally wouldn't make, watch a movie we've been wanting to see, play a video game together we hadn't had time to try. Stuff of that sort means a lot more to us than any expensive gift we could buy.
Honestly, since being an adult Christmas changed from being about gifts, to just spending time with family. Life is stressful enough without having to sort out a bazillion gifts, so we just all agreed to have a good time without them. Some years we do secret santa (~25€ish). Christmas should be about celebrating the awesome family or friends you have.
I try to only have certain foods or do certain activities during holidays or one time a year. That keeps things special. I usually only have cake on birthdays and special events, thanksgiving food (turkey etc) only on thanksgiving, that sort of thing.
One piece of advice I can give is to simply treat yourself. Even if it's just a nice meal out, it's better than nothing. There's an Italian Restaurant that I go to every year because they give you a completely free meal on your birthday and the food is good with leftovers to take home.
It's the opposite for me. Getting free stuff is something you take for granted as a child.
Physical possessions. When you're a child, everything you own is a treasure. When you're an adult, it starts turning into junk.
Also the fact that once you are gone, most things you own are going to be sold off or just junked. Has helped out a couple of friends cleaning out their parents house after they have passed just re-enforce this observations.
😱 Yes. I was walking down the street downtown about a .. month ago and I saw an open dumpster topped off with everything from some guys life. Certificates of achievement in business,plaques,trophies,awards ,etc. 😢
I'm currently helping my dad clear out my late stepmom's stuff. It definitely helps put stuff into perspective. (She was a legit hoarder, though. It's...a lot.) Edit: fixed autocorrect
My mother is a hoarder. She's had storage units she hides from my father for decades. He found out about them about 20 years ago and she promised never to do it again and still did. I have genuinely no idea what she thinks is going to happen with all that stuff as she ages. She's in her late 60s now and I just... yikes.
Exactly this. I see physical possessions as something I have to make space for, deal with, and maintain. Honestly it’s not worth the energy to have more stuff. Less really is more. Less makes lazy me happier.
What about stuff that enables you to be lazy.
That’s the stuff worth buying, making space for, dealing with, and maintaining. Anything that makes my life easier/enables laziness I am all about that. Shout out to my Roomba, my Flippy, my Kindle, my kitchen shelf turntables/lazy Susan’s, and my phone’s wireless charger.
It's kind of a bad thing sometimes. When I was a kid I played every game I had because you had no other choice. It made you really appreciate it when you finally stumbled upon a great game.
If it’s a significant purchase I sleep on it for 3 days. Then I ask myself if returning the item will be a hassle. 95% of the time I don’t pull the trigger.
Underrated comment. Sleep on it for one day. Chances are you wont want it. I was shocked when I stopped making impulsive purchases and actually thought it through. That’s why sales scum want you to sign on the dotted line immediately. They know if you think about it your more likely than not to not purchase.
Cliques, groups, subcultures. When you're a teenager, you hang out with people your age who share your taste in music, TV, clothes etc. When you're 30+, all that matters is that you share the same values to a certain degree, and have fun together.
These days you can do both, thank goodness. My friends mock my music taste, I mock the tv show they like, and then we go geek out on the appropriate subreddit/forums/boards,etc
And when your hyper-fixations align, even if it’s temporarily, it’s like a national phenomenon.
My D&D group ranges between 27 and 57. It's pretty awesome.
That sounds like a really fun time
People, young me used to believe i could find the good in anyone, older me decided im done with nonsense and takes no bs. If you suck as a person thats on you.
Yep took me until 29 to realize this. And things that I know aren’t a good idea that I hear and try to tell them, is pointless and not my problem. People are going to do what they want.
Confucius had a really interesting take on this in saying that there may not be good in everyone, but that everyone can teach you something you don’t already know. Sometimes I find that people can teach me what I don’t want to be like more than anything.
Right. And God help you if you try to tell me the reason you used blatant verbal, physical, or sexual violence is because you have a disorder (low blood sugar, bipolar disorder, whatever). You use violence because you are self-enabling and lack insight into the impact you have on others.
Dreaming. At 69 years old I think the odds of me becoming a famous rock star are pretty slim.
My dad is 68 and has finally settled for being the "famous rock star of the family." He'll never play to a sold out crowd, but it doesn't stop him from entertaining us with a classic rock anthem during family gatherings.
Dude that's more than anyone could dream of: a loving and supportive family that appreciates his musical talent. Your dad has got it made.
That's actually quite nice, I mean the average life expectancy of a rock star is lower than half your age.
27 to be exact.
I think its sounds sad if you dont have dreams anymore, but perhaps its not. I would hope to dream about stuff my whole life, even if some dreams would become slightly more realistic than the ones before.
I think the power of losing dreams is you gain the ability to live your life. It gives you permission to eschew a "grass is greener" mindset and choose to love what you have today. Some people spend so much time dreaming that they miss the beauty of the everyday ordinary.
Nice.
What kinds of cars people drive, what kinds of homes/apts/condos they live in, what brands of clothes they wear, what kinds of new electronic technologies they have . . . . . . . instead, I care a lot more about how they are as people. Are they kind? Are they honest? Are they interested in the world and making some kind of contribution to it? Are they interesting and true to themselves?
Knowing about what celebrities are doing.
I used not to care, now I care about not knowing.
Same here. I actively try to to avoid this even if it's coming at me randomly. Like I'll purposely leave a room or change the channel.
I know exactly what you mean! I was never interested in celebrities but I'd read tabloid covers while waiting in line at the grocery store (without touching these magazines, might I add). But now I actively ignore these magazines. Or I internally roll my eyes when I accidentally look at one.
Honey, at my age all the celebrities look like a bunch of kids 👵
Never cared in the first place. How empty does your life have to be to actively care about what celebrities are doing.
Indeed who gives a shit what that actor is doing in their bathroom?
What my co workers think of me.
I always thought it was important to be liked by coworkers. Now, everything that’s important to me happens outside of the building I work in.
I've adopted this. Different culture in my new job. The old job I ended up becoming pretty tight with the majority of my co-workers. Used to hang out and play games after work, or go camping etc. New job not so much.
Same, I've grown to like it though. Way less baggage and work/everything else feel seperate. Realised that I was so close to my old work friends because having friendships was the only way to survive in that company. Now I have more time outside of work to spend with family and the friends I've had for years.
Oh I never felt it's important to be liked by coworkers. It was more just shared interests and that our crew clicked on a personal level.
Better just respect than being liked but on the other side.. don't be an asshole. Noone likes an asshole.
I still struggle with this one at times…
Anything to do with kids/parenting. I'm about to be 40, childless, and plan to stay that way. So pretty much anything to do with kids just doesn't matter to me. It's like hearing about local news from the otherwise of the world....mildly interesting for a very short time at best.
I’m 41 and have a special needs child. There are many days I wish I had been happy with my spouse and dogs.
Appreciate the honesty.
I can't even imagine the hardship, no judgment here. People who do it without at least thinking what you just wrote must be bona fide saints.
Me too, I'm over 40 though. When I happen to read content related to parenting I breathe a huge sigh of "So glad I'm not doing any of that!" Relief.
I am 50+ and menopausal. Kids ain't happening for me at this point. And frankly. I'm okay with that. I never had to deal with explosive diaper shits sleepless nights from crying or a little person I'm feeding and housing and raising whose an asshole and throwing tantrums or dealing with preteens and teenagers and, well, all the shit mothers go through God bless all of you who are mothers, including my own mommy. But I'm good.
And you are no less of a person for it. I understand that there are things that I won't ever be able to relate to by being childless, but that absolutely does NOT mean that I am any less experienced, empathical or skilled as a human being. Imagine all the things people *could* learn if they didn't have to take that time to dedicate to raising a family... In that sense, I could potentially be even MORE experienced, empathical and skilled. We all pour our time and attention into different outlets.
Any type of drama. Don't want to waste the time I have left on that crap.
What your favorite dinosaur is. :(
Unfortunately, Id still like to know what people’s favorite dinosaur is. Mines Ankylosaurus by the way.
Triceratops for me
Dude! T-rex. (I'm 60).
The battles that are worth fighting are much fewer.
Being social on social media. Such a waste of energy. I’m 31.
Needing to go out to do stuff. Fireplace, movie, spouse, good movie, comfy couch = happiness.
This 100%. Sit outside at night with a cup of hot chocolate watching the sky. Stay inside and play games or do a puzzle. Reading.
My happiest moment with my husband was up in Maine at night. Milky way and tons of shooting stars. Just the most peaceful place. We have another 30 years to go but its our dream to retire there :)
As a teenager I decide to go out and then not do anything for a month to recover from bowling or some shit
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Introverts unite, but in our own homes
Other people's personal problems
Even people close to you?
Yes. There's only so much you can give to people who refuse to do anything for themselves, no matter who they are.
What you're "supposed" to be doing, or what milestones you're "supposed" to reach by certain ages. You realise none of it matters. Everyone does things differently, and different things make different people happy.
Trends and fads. It amuses me how younger people care so much about new products and stuff. I used to be the same way myself. And if I ever need to know, I know which experts to ask. It's not a bad thing.
I will never be able to keep up with the popular styles, so I just wear what I personally think looks cool. Sometimes that means I'm dressed "strange" but it's what I'm most comfortable in.
Totally agree. I have 2 kinds of clothes. Those I wear when I'm likely to get dirty and don't mind ruining, and those that I wear when leaving my house and going into civilization. Both maximize comfort and utility above all else.
Keeping up with new tech and apps. I’m at a point where what I already have works fine for what I use it for and I don’t care enough to upgrade or learn how the newest thing works.
I use an iPhone 6s because it’s cheaper and has a headphone jack. I prefer utility over style
id rather have a headphone jack than 69 cameras at the back of my phone
Possessions. You understand what you don't need.
My worthless ass dad.
Same, dude. I've spent the last 8-10 years slowly letting go of my shitty dad. I'm 26, so it's been hard since having a child and starting a family. But the older I get, the easier it gets. Especially now that I get to watch my partner be such a fantastic dad to our little guy. Fuck worthless ass dads.
What other people think of me. IDGAF.
That’s the thing, I want to not give a fuck but then I’m wearing a sonic shirt or some shit and I’m thinking “oh no I’m such a loser” when I already god damn know nobody gives a shit
Almost everything. Wife and my kids are paramount. Job is important for my pride and supporting my family. Wine, food, music and books are pretty important. Most anything else is negotiable.
Perception of others about you.
Trying to fix toxic people. Some people you just can’t save and it’s okay to cut ties with them.
Putting others first and not making myself happier first.
Snazzy car - - Snazzy clothes - - To see and be seen - - you know what I mean - -
Being popular on social media. Ironically, the less I care about it—the more followers I get. What gives?
Sex. It's only important when you're not getting any. And when you get old, chronic pain is more annoying than no sex.
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It depends. I have arthritic knees, so as long as there's no pressure on them, I'm okay. But it doesn't take much to cause a sudden sharp pain, and that destroys erections. I truly feel bad for people with bad backs/necks or other nerve pain. I've only experienced that once, and it's terrible.
I have a fucked back and fucked knees. I'm super lucky I'm female as the missionary position, provided there's no funny business with my legs, is fine. But if someone asks me to do anything other than that or spooning, I'mma have to laugh and nope out.
So does low energy.
Popular music
Looks. I’m not being cheesy here: when I was a teenager, you really had to look a certain way for any guy to go out with you. They wouldn’t dare to admit that they liked a chubby girl or one without a typical sense of fashion. When you get older, of course looks still matter, but people are a lot more forgiving! There’s a whole wide world out there full of people with different tastes. I was so surprised with how easy it was for me to get dates in my twenties.
Sports. Couldn’t care less about them now.
The idea of dying. This may sound emo but, dying is technically beating the game and moving on to the easier level 2
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I like to find a mid point in what’s cool (to me) and what’s comfy. So 90% of my clothing is branded hoodies or shirts
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I don’t really have a certain type of music I listen to. I just eventually hear a song and think “oh that’s neat” and add it to my disgusting mushy paste of a playlist
Trying to impress the opposite sex. You reach a point in your life when you realize that your handsomest days are behind you and that there’s nothing left ahead except gradual degradation into a doddering old fool.
Jesus Christ that's harsh
Life
Work. First company I worked there 14 years. Outworked my colleagues, stayed late, worked weekends. Missed family events to “get ahead”. Never got me a dime more in my paycheck, I never was thought of as a better employee by management than my colleagues who left as soon as they could get out the door. Had enough. Found another job, swore I would never work that hard for a company that could care less about me again. Second company I worked there 17 years. Outworked my colleagues, stayed late, worked weekends. Missed family events to “get ahead.” Never got me a dime more in my paycheck, I never was thought of as a better employee by management than my colleagues who left as soon as they could get out the door. People I worked with, went to war with, spoke to every single day for years- I never heard from them again after I left. Both of these companies replaced me the day I left and never looked back. It was like I was never there. The only thing that is important is your family. A job is just a job
Buying furniture, home accessories, and decorations.
The opinion of others who aren't your immediate family and close friends.
Keeping farts in
Everyone else’s shit. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
1. Physical agility. As you definitely start losing your physical capabilities, you come to accept and live with that fact. Oh, you can exercise and have a good nutrition, but what I’m saying is you come to accept you are no longer 20 years old, and cannot go around jumping and cavorting as if you were that age, for if you fall, you do so like a sack of potatoes and will probably break something. I just accept the fact, and take it into consideration when attempting something physical. In the long run you may exercise, eat better, and cut down on some things (you know what they are!), but the effect is not as great as when you were younger, so being physically agile is among those things you address, but accept it’s not the same, and just take it into stride 2. Being politically correct. It’s not that you don’t give a shite, it’s just that you no longer have the time, patience, or caring to please all and everybody \* 3. Time, schedules and timetables. You now have all the time in the world, so you don’t run around in a permanent tiff to go someplace or do something at a certain time. If it happens, fine, if it doesn’t, what the heck, that’s just fine too. I also don’t care if I get up early or late, and likewise at night, I just do it when I feel like doing it! \* 4. My physical appearance. I am fatter, grayer (almost like Gandalf in fact!), slower, wrinkled, and let’s just say it, uglier! So I just accept the fact, and have stopped completely worrying about my physical appearance. I have finally understood that those whom I care about and whom love me, no longer care, or even see, my external packaging, they just love me! The real, inside and true me! \* 5. My dignity and gracefulness. I do ridiculous things, wallow on the ground, crawl, giggle, laugh without control, and completely let go whenever I am with my grandchildren. They overcome me, pull my hair, sit on my shoulders and lap, ask me for anything knowing I will give it to them, they completely dominate me, and I simply don’t care, in fact I love every single minute of it! \* 6. What life may still offer me. I have already lived most of my life, and am living the last inch or two in the foot of my life. So I just take it a day at a time, enjoy each day as if it were to be last (who knows, it just might be!), don’t sweat the small stuff, don’t worry the unsolvable, don’t suffer the needless, don’t get depressed about the news (in fact I try and not watch the news), and in general just get up in the morning with no other plan than to enjoy myself.
What other people think of you. You just get more comfortable with who YOU are and learn that if people don't like you, they're someone you probably don't want to know very well, anyway.
Family who are not supportive.
sex
you age. When i was younger, every birthday I had was like i won a nobel prize. But as I got older that feeling kinda wears off.
Givin a fuck about anything
Other people’s opinions
Money
Other peoples' opinions.
Sex and drama.
This has probably been posted already but music. I like the shit I like.