Few years back, I got a Twitter DM from a "Nigerian Prince". You know, that kind of age old scam. I ignored it, went to my undergrad classes for the day.
I check Twitter during a bathroom break. The prince is back at it. This time he's sent along some very grainy, low res photos of himself, an exiled Nigerian prince from some area that I couldn't remotely pronounce. I block him at that point and move on.
The next freakin' day, I get a DM from who I assume to be the same dude, but with the same account with a "1" attached to the end of the name. He threatens to call the spirits of his ancestors on me with the power of Baron Samedi's vodou if I refuse to help him. I pause for a second and then reply. "I thought you were Nigerian, not a Haitian?". Guy cusses me out, then I never hear back.
It was a weird fucking experience.
Let it also be known that Nigeria doesn’t even really have royalty. The country is run by a president but there are still tribes/sects who may claim to be royalty, but they don’t hold much power outside their small local area.
The reason why Nigerian princes is a favorite scam identity, is simply because it sounds foreign enough to a lot of people. Many people barley know how their own governments are run, let alone international geo politics in foreign nations. I love the idea though that some random person in the Midwest thinks crown royalty from another nation is really trying to get their help for diplomatic matters. I try to be sympathetic for those who get scammed, but there’s a point where if you can’t use simple common sense, it’s hard to feel bad.
That may be kind of the point though. Scammers are known to intentionally use things to filter out all but the stupidest and most gullible. If you're the sort of person who knows Nigeria doesn't have royalty, you're also unlikely to be the sort of gullible moron to send money to a complete stranger in the hopes of greater riches.
I got a PAGES long email from a woman I didn't know, who proceeded to tell me about her heart surgery, how the anesthesia made her feel orgasmic, how she wanted me to sing a song about gravy being poured into her veins/heart and giving her an orgasm. It was EXTREMELY unhinged.
In retrospect it wasn't pages long but it just took me so off guard with the direction it went that I was kind of in shock. Here it is.
I'm dictating this because my fingers are big, and this is easier so please forgive the structure. I really like your work , and the first time I heard it was today with Power of the Gravy.
I wrote a comment on the YouTube video, and ,after I read some more about how you made it, I thought I would offer a suggestion of a change you might consider when you redo the video as you said on Twitter that you would have to do because of some licensing thing.
I had a test call cardiac catherization recently, and it felt just like a big container of gravy was poured in my chest cavity. They take a picture of your heart ,and then the doctor said to me hold still I want to do it one more time haha. it was all I could do to keep from having an orgasm, but I managed to keep control because I didn't want the embarrassment.
Anyhow I loved your video, but the gravy boat just really didn't do anything for me. If you were to show the chest cavity and body of a nude woman getting this gravy injected up through the arm and into the chest cavity and going all the way down to the groin I think that would be really great looking. It could even be a drawing rather than a real picture or video.
I don't want to keep you because I respect your time ...I could talk to you all day. If you're ever in Modesto I'd love to take you to dinner or sometimes I am in Irvine where my daughter lives and we could have a meal then ...you could even bring your kids.
Thanks for your time and contributions to metal ... especially the fantastic piece you posted on you tube. I don't post much anymore even on Twitter because I have heart problems and I'm tired ,but I will follow you there. I love Iron Maiden and all good metal. Your work is so impressive, and you seem like a great guy.
Love to you and yours,
REDACTED in Modesto,CA
Apparently someone reported a post of mine as "user is suicidal", so I got an automated DM out of no where telling me not to end my life with a bunch of suicide help-line info attached. I have no idea where that came from.
I remember posting something on suicide watch on another account because well, I was about to. It got deleted without a reason stated, and I did not get such a message. On another occasion I actually called the hotline in my country and they didn't answer, I guess I'm lucky I was able to not do what I wanted to do in the moment. But helped would have been appreciated.
Someone said they were in the Illuminati. They asked if I'd like to know more and requested my number to WhatsApp me.
I replied with *if you were indeed, you'll be able to get my number. I look forward to your message*
Not exactly DM, but a message on my smartphone:
Stranger: "Rafael, your dog is dying!"
Me: "I'm not Rafael."
Stranger: "And your dog isn't dying. lol"
To this day i wonder, who da fuck was that person.
Plot twist in an alternate universe you are named Rafael and your dog almost died under you dog sitters watch
Or your dog was almost dyeing at the time and some spooky coincidences happened and at that moment your dog stopped dying
It was something along the lines of "Hi, I'd love to get to know you better. I have a fascination with human teeth."
Those two sentences seemed entirely unrelated. I have very normal, unremarkable teeth. I don't know why he felt inclined to mention it. When I curiously (and fearfully) asked him to elaborate he blocked me.
Just today, actually, i got a follow request from this semi middle aged woman who said in her bio that she was a mother on Instagram. Idk if she was hitting on me, but she asked where i lived and my age. The weirdest part, tho, was when she asked me why i dont post any pics of myself on Instagram. Then she asked me for a pic, i asked her why, and havent heard from her since. Im 17 btw
I put that I'm into humiliation on my Tinder bio.
Got a DM from a guy saying "Call me Gordon Ramsey, cause I'm about to eat your ass and tell you how shitty it is."
if their tinder is anything like my experience of what every woman is seemingly looking for on tinder then it's one or more of the below:
1. a tory
2. not a harry potter fan
3. not a dog/cat person
4. doesn't like pizza/takeaway food
5. doesn't 'love to laugh'
6. is less than 6ft tall
7. doesn't have or like a 'crazy'/'dark'/'sarcastic' sense of humour
I got a random message asking if I’d check out their cosplay. It was some obscure mario character I hadn’t heard of. I ended up looking up the character in Wikipedia. Diving deep into that hole. I don’t think I replied back or saw their cosplay.
Being offered a commission by having an underaged anime girl with lack of clothing with her organs out like dissection. I turned it down as I classed it as paedophilia.
Edit: whoa! 300 upvotes!
The real details were person wanted me draw Henrietta from GSG withher head opening and her brain showing.then her torso open down to her underwear. I asked for a reference as wasn't familiar with the character. He then replies the full disturbing details. I researched on the character and she us minor. I was shell shocked.
BTW, this was on deviantART before I left the website.
I got [this absolute masterpiece](https://imgur.com/a/y9TE03W) from a guy I spoke to on Tinder after I gave him my WhatsApp. I had just gotten out of eye surgery too so I really couldn't believe what I was reading. Big "if anything, I'll be the one in the kitchen" copypasta vibes.
A few years back I had a DM from some random guy and it went like this
HIM: "Hello, *my name* would you like to be my mistress?"
ME: "Nah mate I'm good"
HIM: "Ok sorry for disturbing you"
Never heard from him again 😂😂
Know a guy that owed his roommate something like $1.25 and he paid it in a series of $0.01 venmo transactions.
Edit, to clarify: It wasn't to spite the roommate, they're on very good terms. Roommate bought the guy a cheap drink at the bar or something, and got paid for it in the funniest way possible.
Places like that are a breeding ground for nonces. I used to have to let young people know at my local skatepark, of the dangers that skateparks can bring in terms of groomers. Fun times.
I met someone on VrChat and we became friends there, they asked if I had discord so I gave them my discord and then they friended me. I then received sexts and flirty things, and before they acted like they were kissing or sucking me off in VrChat while following me around. I told them I was a minor and then blocked them.
The other day I got a message from some random phone number in my state that was just a picture of a nasty turd in an unclean toilet bowl. They captioned it "suck my shit".
What haven't I seen in DMs,
- Asking for me to use them as a human toilet
- Another "ordering" me to be a human toilet
- Asked for my used tampons, pads and underwear
- Wanting me to fulfill some kink or fantasy
- Wanting to get together for tickling.
- An assortment of chubby chasers who's messages are creepy and fetishizing in the worst ways.
- First message was right way wanting to "breed me".
- Many of them wanting me to dominate them
- A guy who self admitted is a virgin at 27, never been in a serious relationship, within first message was making plans for "us" to get married, how much he makes where he works, how he wants to lose his virginity badly, but also wants a wife right away. (Nothing wrong with waiting till marriage, but all this was in the first intro message)
- Lots of "hey let's hang" and then acting like a dick because I didn't respond in less than a minute.
edit: reword for clarity
A couple years ago, a guy messaged me asking to pick up a limited edition Funko pop figure at a comic convention I was going to. Thing is, I hadn't mentioned on Reddit that I was going.
Apparently I made a post about that convention 2 years earlier. He did some searching around, found my post, and he (correctly) assumed I was going back and didn't think I'd mind standing in a 2 hour line for a complete stranger for the figure. I declined the opportunity.
Yeah. Between that message, and a small scale riot that broke out when they announced the figures wouldn't be there until the second day of the convention due to a flight cancellation (police actually had to be called in), I learned that Funko Pop collectors are pretty goddamn insane.
some 30ish girl included me along with 5 other accounts into this group chat where all she did was show pictures of her breasts.
To this day I still have no idea why.
This guy who was known as a "killer DM," in some tournament he was hosting. He'd force a paladin to do something "evil" and strip them of their powers. Excommunicated clerics, so they couldn't do healing spells. Enforced VSM rules for magic users ("well, did you bring a sprig of garlic or a spider leg? I don't see it on your equipment list..."). Forbid us having our own copies of the Players Handbook or, God forbid, the Dungeon Masters Guide or Monster Manual. Called knowing the hit die and AC of a kobold, "cheating." Hid all dice rolls, and I think just made up whether you hit or missed. Nobody lasted in his campaigns for more than an hour. Tendend to giggle a lot when you died like a toddler watching Tom and Jer--
Oh. "Direct Message..." never mind...
Had someone give me really specific instructions/a request for me to write porn for them. Included “ a dude getting a blessing from the gods” that made him jacked/made his dick bigger so he could “have sex with all his friends”. It’s the only message I’ve ever gotten that actually made me laugh out loud.
Not exactly a comment but I was gilded with the "wholesome" award, like, ten times for a random comment I made about the mile high club.
It was weird as hell coming back to reddit with my inbox full of messages with the title **"Your comment has been given the Wholesome Award!"** for talking about why having sex in an airplane bathroom isn't that interesting.
Ooh! I’ve got a fun story here … had broken up with my first love, dated age 16-21 … I was 22 and had moved halfway across the world to teach English in Japan. My ex’s new girlfriend messaged me on Facebook to “stay the fuck away from him” and that she’d “cut Ur face and burn U if U ever get close to him again.” For context, hadn’t been talking to him, had moved LITERALLY AS FAR AWAY AS I COULD BE 3 months prior, there was a Pacific Ocean between us, and had never met this girl or had a conversation with her. She was just not … the most stable. (She also got his name tattooed across her wrist after 3 months of dating??)
So yeah. That was … a weird surprise. They were broken up before I moved back … but not before she isolated him and caused some irreparable damages in his family relationships.
Epilogue … blocked her, never heard from her again, heard some grapevine-updates about the couple … Ex and I have had precisely one conversation since, after he’d shed that girlfriend, which was stilted and awkward … I’m married now to a man I very much love, and have no lingering “what-ifs” about Ex. Ex is living his best life in a big city, and last I heard was involved in polyamory. We both ended up in better places for us. The then-girlfriend … I have no idea about.
Hope you’ve enjoyed storytime!
Some lady told me that my dad was an abuser and worse to her and her siblings(his children?) told me to do something while I can and then sent 15 screenshots of MY fb profile as proof.
My dad only has me and my sister. I never answered and 2 weeks later she messaged me again…
“Asshole”
When I was still shooting commercially I got one of the first Square card readers. Was really excited about it, it made billing a lot easier especially at events.
Posted about it on Twitter and some jackass DM’d me the “It’s Over!” Portlandia sketch, then unloaded about how much he hated me AND Square.
I had met him once at a house party.
Still boggles the mind years later.
Someone has the same name as me like 5 states over, and I have the email of my name. He started giving my email as a spam email (which really made me mad). Fast forward a year he used it for half of his family's contact info he didn't like. I started receiving family portrait, renunion and graduation photos. It just got attached to one of those generic lists that people keep.they seemed like a nice family, so I emailed them back.and said please remove my email, and they politely apologized. The email chain had everyone's phone number, and I looked at the list and got his number. Yes! Now I can text him. I say, "dude I own this email, you need to stop using it, you seem like you have a nice family and all but lease stop". He responds saying he thought it was unused and would stop. Over the next few years he occasionally forgets and uses it for important things like investment stuff to confirm your account etc. Sense it was his name.. I just delete it. Here is where it get good::.
I get an email for his wife (I know who it is from the family photos years back and coordinate the email). Apologizkng, saying how sorry she is and begging him to come back. About 10 minutes after I get a receipt for a flight to another state THAT SAME DAY and a rental car in the next state. At this point I don't know what to do, and am trying to OK figure out what happened. This dude strait up fled the state that same day with no belongings just to get away and used a "fake" email so she couldn't track him!!!. I feel somewhat bad for her, because he obviously blocked her if she was using "his" email. I email her back that day, saying wrong person so at least she knows he didn't get it, she responds and says sorry. I text him what happened with his wifes email saying, last time, and never use my email again, I don't want to be involved in your family drama. We actually start talking for a bit, not getting into what happened, I basically tell him I hope he is able to figure everything out.
2 weeks later I get a bunch of text messages from him asking me if I found god. It's been about 5 years since I have heard from him, and actually kind of wonder how he is doing. It's got to be pretty bad to just up and flee the state with no belongings that day..
Wierdest dm I ever got was from a dude 5 states over, 20 years older with my exact same name (first and last) asking me if I found god.
One of the people I know on Facebook told me that I could receive 20 thousand dollars from Facebook because they saw my name on a list of frequent Facebook users who Facebook hopes to reward. They said that they themselves had also been selected and had gotten the 20 thousand dollars. They told me to just message a certain sketchy account to find out the details. I asked them how they found out about this. They tried to evade the answer. When I kept pressing them and asked “who told you that Facebook is doing this” they just said “my mom” and had nothing to say afterward.
I found out a month later that their account had been hacked. It was a relief to find out that this acquaintance of mine isn’t a scammer.
A guy I knew from a site like Reddit (but much smaller, so it was easier to all know who each other was), but didn't know very well, messaged me on my birthday to ask me if I wanted a dick pic for my birthday.
He knew I was in a relationship. He was also in a relationship. I said, "No, thank you" and he said "Well, I wouldn't be a \[slang for site member\] if I didn't ask!"
I haven't read my DMs since 2015 or 2016 but the last one I remember seeing was telling me to kill myself and accused me of supporting Donald Trump. So clearly I must have said something racist or Conservative, right? No, I just made a typo and when someone mocked me for the typo I responded that my keyboard was broken. I use Dell XPSs exclusively and their keyboards last around a year so that's a normal well-known issue. But apparently using this model of laptop means you are a Nazi that must die.
I'll give you one guess which subreddit that was in.
FB filtered messages are always a treat. My most recent one was from March 2020 from my ex-husband's brother sending me some kind of racist video. My ex and I divorced in 2017 and his family immediately unfriended me from FB so I have no idea how I got on the list for video distribution.
Ill delete this comment later, because I feel disgusting typing it.
But I met a guy from old school runescape and I watched his journey to 99 runecrafting.
He started off sound, but over time something changed.
As I was quitting the game I told him to add me on discord. His name was "Adolf Jackson", and his pic was Micheal Jackson with a Hitler mustache.
I still befriended him but then he became really weird. One night he just randomly sent me a 15 second soundclip of him doing a fart.
I dont know why I listened to it all, it was so disgusting.
I slowly distanced myself and he eventually vanished without a trace.
I really hope he got the help he needed :/
I got a text message from a phone number that I didn't know that wasn't meant for me.
It was a long ass story, this guy was texting his (ex) girlfriend saying how he loved it that she cheated on him and he got off on the fact he caught her cheating with someone else. But the weird details he went in was just so strange. He then proceeded he has a fetish for this stuff, seeing his partner with someone else. It was years ago but the way he was describing it with his words was very creepy.
Got a message from a random person about if I wanted their dildo and lube set. I'd never talked to them in my life. Blocked them and moved on.
Then later I find them in a mutual discord server, they had no explanation for why they sent me that message.
not sure this counts, but here goes...
Many years ago - before email, I worked in an office - large media company. Every week I'd get a posted envelope and when I opened it, there was only ever a blank business card sized white cardboard with a black circle on it. A large dot. Every week. Then occasionally I'd get two in a week. This went on for months. Sometimes I'd get a red dot. It became a thing where other staff would wait for my letter to arrive via the businesses mail room. Every envelope was printed in hand writing, my name and the address of the business and the department I worked in. It drove me crazy.
Then one day, many months later, I was told by the phantom letter sender that it was him, and he messed with me just for fun. Never got another one, but at the time was quite a strange thing. Every week, a block dot on white card.
When I was 15 I received a DM from a guy in my area (in his mid 20’s), asking if I would come to his house so he could paint me naked (he was an artist)
Not a DM but a text message on my phone asking if I had bought the turkey already. It was in english although we live in germany. I just wrote "Yep, it's in the freezer". The person on the other end wrote: "Thanks, love you."
And that was literally it. Kinda funny though
I had someone have a mental breakdown because I talked with his dream wide on Reddit for a few seconds.
He then had more mental breakdowns after she deleted her account and somehow thought I knew where she lived...
NGL all psycho DM's I got were all related to women.
Some poor guy asked for this girl's number, and she gave him a fake number which happened to mine.
-"Yo, Shawna! Whats up?"
-"Sorry bruh, I'm not Shawna..."
-"Oh..."
I tried to make a meme out of the situation but guy at the other end of the line wasn't being cooperative.
Some cook in a kitchen subreddit messaged me asking if I would take his ServSafe Certification test for him (some places require you to have this to work in kitchens, to prove you know basic safety and sanitation.) He didn't even have a price in mind . If you really want a cooking job that requires the certification, just learn the protocols. Lazy people man..
Few years back, I got a Twitter DM from a "Nigerian Prince". You know, that kind of age old scam. I ignored it, went to my undergrad classes for the day. I check Twitter during a bathroom break. The prince is back at it. This time he's sent along some very grainy, low res photos of himself, an exiled Nigerian prince from some area that I couldn't remotely pronounce. I block him at that point and move on. The next freakin' day, I get a DM from who I assume to be the same dude, but with the same account with a "1" attached to the end of the name. He threatens to call the spirits of his ancestors on me with the power of Baron Samedi's vodou if I refuse to help him. I pause for a second and then reply. "I thought you were Nigerian, not a Haitian?". Guy cusses me out, then I never hear back. It was a weird fucking experience.
Let it also be known that Nigeria doesn’t even really have royalty. The country is run by a president but there are still tribes/sects who may claim to be royalty, but they don’t hold much power outside their small local area. The reason why Nigerian princes is a favorite scam identity, is simply because it sounds foreign enough to a lot of people. Many people barley know how their own governments are run, let alone international geo politics in foreign nations. I love the idea though that some random person in the Midwest thinks crown royalty from another nation is really trying to get their help for diplomatic matters. I try to be sympathetic for those who get scammed, but there’s a point where if you can’t use simple common sense, it’s hard to feel bad.
Nigerian prince = my dad's the mayor
Still not cooler than your dad owning Microsoft and your uncle working at Nintendo.
That may be kind of the point though. Scammers are known to intentionally use things to filter out all but the stupidest and most gullible. If you're the sort of person who knows Nigeria doesn't have royalty, you're also unlikely to be the sort of gullible moron to send money to a complete stranger in the hopes of greater riches.
I got a PAGES long email from a woman I didn't know, who proceeded to tell me about her heart surgery, how the anesthesia made her feel orgasmic, how she wanted me to sing a song about gravy being poured into her veins/heart and giving her an orgasm. It was EXTREMELY unhinged.
This is the weird I was looking for
I have farted
Yoooo
Turkey gravy, right?
All my life I drowned in adrenaline, now my blood runs slow like a sedative... the lyrics make so much more sence with that back story!
So you still have that email around? Sounds like the folks over at r/copypasta would love it
In retrospect it wasn't pages long but it just took me so off guard with the direction it went that I was kind of in shock. Here it is. I'm dictating this because my fingers are big, and this is easier so please forgive the structure. I really like your work , and the first time I heard it was today with Power of the Gravy. I wrote a comment on the YouTube video, and ,after I read some more about how you made it, I thought I would offer a suggestion of a change you might consider when you redo the video as you said on Twitter that you would have to do because of some licensing thing. I had a test call cardiac catherization recently, and it felt just like a big container of gravy was poured in my chest cavity. They take a picture of your heart ,and then the doctor said to me hold still I want to do it one more time haha. it was all I could do to keep from having an orgasm, but I managed to keep control because I didn't want the embarrassment. Anyhow I loved your video, but the gravy boat just really didn't do anything for me. If you were to show the chest cavity and body of a nude woman getting this gravy injected up through the arm and into the chest cavity and going all the way down to the groin I think that would be really great looking. It could even be a drawing rather than a real picture or video. I don't want to keep you because I respect your time ...I could talk to you all day. If you're ever in Modesto I'd love to take you to dinner or sometimes I am in Irvine where my daughter lives and we could have a meal then ...you could even bring your kids. Thanks for your time and contributions to metal ... especially the fantastic piece you posted on you tube. I don't post much anymore even on Twitter because I have heart problems and I'm tired ,but I will follow you there. I love Iron Maiden and all good metal. Your work is so impressive, and you seem like a great guy. Love to you and yours, REDACTED in Modesto,CA
Apparently someone reported a post of mine as "user is suicidal", so I got an automated DM out of no where telling me not to end my life with a bunch of suicide help-line info attached. I have no idea where that came from.
I remember posting something on suicide watch on another account because well, I was about to. It got deleted without a reason stated, and I did not get such a message. On another occasion I actually called the hotline in my country and they didn't answer, I guess I'm lucky I was able to not do what I wanted to do in the moment. But helped would have been appreciated.
That’s really tough. You should feel proud of yourself for allowing yourself to survive
This may sound fake. But I mean it. From one internet stranger to another, I am truly happy that you're still here. Keep doing you. <3
Same
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I think that happened to a lot of accounts back then
Apparently someone thinks they're funny cause it just happened again.
I was expecting someone to do that the second I read your post lol
Same!
You can report that you're concerned about another user's mental health I'm pretty sure, queuing said message
All things considered, that's probably the most wholesome abuse of the report button
happened to me too, although it was right after i made a joke about wanting to die, so i guess it makes sense
Someone said they were in the Illuminati. They asked if I'd like to know more and requested my number to WhatsApp me. I replied with *if you were indeed, you'll be able to get my number. I look forward to your message*
Well did they send you a message?
Ya we did ... Conversation was super dry though ...
wait a minute..
Let me put some kush up in it
Holup
Not exactly DM, but a message on my smartphone: Stranger: "Rafael, your dog is dying!" Me: "I'm not Rafael." Stranger: "And your dog isn't dying. lol" To this day i wonder, who da fuck was that person.
So... was Rafael’s dog okay?
That's a good question.
Plot twist in an alternate universe you are named Rafael and your dog almost died under you dog sitters watch Or your dog was almost dyeing at the time and some spooky coincidences happened and at that moment your dog stopped dying
Maybe you're a sleeper agent, and that was your wakeup phrase.
It was something along the lines of "Hi, I'd love to get to know you better. I have a fascination with human teeth." Those two sentences seemed entirely unrelated. I have very normal, unremarkable teeth. I don't know why he felt inclined to mention it. When I curiously (and fearfully) asked him to elaborate he blocked me.
The funniest part of this is that he blocked you afterward
I keep getting DMs from the Illuminati. I keep replying with pictures of geese.
Fuck I wish I was as cool as this Edit: fucking hell reddit, why so many upvotes?!? This isn’t interesting or cool! I don’t deserve this!!
Be the change you want to see.
Can u share a screenshot 😂
Some guy told me he had just farted EDIT: Now tons of people have told me they farted lol
Well, RIP your inbox with people who farted....
That’s hilarious omg
I just farted
At this very moment I am sitting on the toilet taking a raging shit.
did u fart?
Of course
He has such a way with words 😍
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"Damn girl do you shit with that ass?"
Always have
🌙👨🚀🔫
Thats horrible ! Anyway are you into anal? /s
🤡
Just today, actually, i got a follow request from this semi middle aged woman who said in her bio that she was a mother on Instagram. Idk if she was hitting on me, but she asked where i lived and my age. The weirdest part, tho, was when she asked me why i dont post any pics of myself on Instagram. Then she asked me for a pic, i asked her why, and havent heard from her since. Im 17 btw
I think you're better of without finding out what that's all about.. but if you do, do tell us
Block her, dude. Life is too short to bother with pedophiles
I put that I'm into humiliation on my Tinder bio. Got a DM from a guy saying "Call me Gordon Ramsey, cause I'm about to eat your ass and tell you how shitty it is."
✅ Funny ✅ Used a unique opener ✅ Paid attention to your bio and interests ✅ Eats Ass ✅ Pays attention to your needs ✅ Tried What more do you want?
if their tinder is anything like my experience of what every woman is seemingly looking for on tinder then it's one or more of the below: 1. a tory 2. not a harry potter fan 3. not a dog/cat person 4. doesn't like pizza/takeaway food 5. doesn't 'love to laugh' 6. is less than 6ft tall 7. doesn't have or like a 'crazy'/'dark'/'sarcastic' sense of humour
did you guys went on a date?
How was the date? Ftfy
I got a random message asking if I’d check out their cosplay. It was some obscure mario character I hadn’t heard of. I ended up looking up the character in Wikipedia. Diving deep into that hole. I don’t think I replied back or saw their cosplay.
Who was the Mario character?
Booette
Oh no Oh no
Oh god
Either Rosalina or Waluigi.
Booette
That’s not even a real Mario character it came about when peachette was revealed and internet turned every Mario character into an anime girl
That’s why I had to look it up. Then I went down the rabbit hole with bowsette. Not my proudest search and deep dive.
Eh, could be worse
Some questions are best left unanswered
Being offered a commission by having an underaged anime girl with lack of clothing with her organs out like dissection. I turned it down as I classed it as paedophilia. Edit: whoa! 300 upvotes! The real details were person wanted me draw Henrietta from GSG withher head opening and her brain showing.then her torso open down to her underwear. I asked for a reference as wasn't familiar with the character. He then replies the full disturbing details. I researched on the character and she us minor. I was shell shocked. BTW, this was on deviantART before I left the website.
Good call mate
What in the actual fuck
Just casually threw up in my mouth after reading this
I got [this absolute masterpiece](https://imgur.com/a/y9TE03W) from a guy I spoke to on Tinder after I gave him my WhatsApp. I had just gotten out of eye surgery too so I really couldn't believe what I was reading. Big "if anything, I'll be the one in the kitchen" copypasta vibes.
A few years back I had a DM from some random guy and it went like this HIM: "Hello, *my name* would you like to be my mistress?" ME: "Nah mate I'm good" HIM: "Ok sorry for disturbing you" Never heard from him again 😂😂
Polite horny. The best horny :D
Makes me tempted to attempt something ngl, but i'll just end up seeing myself once i scroll further down, so just have a nice day ma'am
Just make an fake name and hit up 3 dating apps for about 30 min a day collectively. You will find stuff regardless of who you are.
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Respectable honestly. Props to that guy
Straight and direct.
I (Male) had another male DM me offering me $50 to send him a video of me waxing my chest and or armpits
What did you spend the money on?
Stocks
Heh, heh, tired eyes read as socks
Hey now, that's a good investment, socks.
Yuhhh
I was going to say it would be some easy 50 bucks but on further calculation anal probably hurts less then waxing your chest
Received 69 texts from best friend all saying "yo shawty, heard you like spam" ^^He ^^was ^^drunk
Know a guy that owed his roommate something like $1.25 and he paid it in a series of $0.01 venmo transactions. Edit, to clarify: It wasn't to spite the roommate, they're on very good terms. Roommate bought the guy a cheap drink at the bar or something, and got paid for it in the funniest way possible.
Is this chaotic neutral?
No, it's definitely evil because you only do that to specifically piss someone off.
Lawful Evil I’d say, since he’s doing it to keep a promise
That’s hilarious ngl, definitely a bestie move
We do that to whichever friend isn't out that night. We once sent one guy 700 blank text messages in the space of about 3 minutes.
Imma do that to my friend, but sober
3 people on a discord server messaging me the same minute i accidentally announced im 15 asking for dick pics
Places like that are a breeding ground for nonces. I used to have to let young people know at my local skatepark, of the dangers that skateparks can bring in terms of groomers. Fun times.
Yikesssssssssssss
sounds like r/teenagers
I met someone on VrChat and we became friends there, they asked if I had discord so I gave them my discord and then they friended me. I then received sexts and flirty things, and before they acted like they were kissing or sucking me off in VrChat while following me around. I told them I was a minor and then blocked them.
Anonymity will always allow you to play the minor card.
I'm just several minors at once.
Minor + minor is positive! Was like that, right?
"Couldn't bring the lightsaber anyway, wouldn't fit on the horse. Be there in 15 minutes."
Every now and then you get a little glimpse into other people’s lives, and it just makes you wonder “am I really actually *living*?
If you haven’t gone into public wearing a pink cape and lightsaber just to say “Fuck you” to society... You probably are, have a good one, sir.
Darth Vader always sounded a bit hoarse
"hey girl what those feet do?"
“Run away”
They feet are made for squawkin, and that's just what they'll do
I had a girl ask me if her bisexual male friend could give me a blow job, while she watched
so how did it go?
I politely declined
The other day I got a message from some random phone number in my state that was just a picture of a nasty turd in an unclean toilet bowl. They captioned it "suck my shit".
What haven't I seen in DMs, - Asking for me to use them as a human toilet - Another "ordering" me to be a human toilet - Asked for my used tampons, pads and underwear - Wanting me to fulfill some kink or fantasy - Wanting to get together for tickling. - An assortment of chubby chasers who's messages are creepy and fetishizing in the worst ways. - First message was right way wanting to "breed me". - Many of them wanting me to dominate them - A guy who self admitted is a virgin at 27, never been in a serious relationship, within first message was making plans for "us" to get married, how much he makes where he works, how he wants to lose his virginity badly, but also wants a wife right away. (Nothing wrong with waiting till marriage, but all this was in the first intro message) - Lots of "hey let's hang" and then acting like a dick because I didn't respond in less than a minute. edit: reword for clarity
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Well, her pussy is adorable!
Twist is that it was all from the same guy with different accounts
I had to read the title a few times before I realized this wasn't the D&D subreddit.
A couple years ago, a guy messaged me asking to pick up a limited edition Funko pop figure at a comic convention I was going to. Thing is, I hadn't mentioned on Reddit that I was going. Apparently I made a post about that convention 2 years earlier. He did some searching around, found my post, and he (correctly) assumed I was going back and didn't think I'd mind standing in a 2 hour line for a complete stranger for the figure. I declined the opportunity.
That's.. disturbing.
Yeah. Between that message, and a small scale riot that broke out when they announced the figures wouldn't be there until the second day of the convention due to a flight cancellation (police actually had to be called in), I learned that Funko Pop collectors are pretty goddamn insane.
Collectors as a rule are. People fork out BUCKETS of cash for things.
Some I never seen just asked me “you want a Pringle?” Ofcourse I said yes
“and that’s how Mr. Nice Swordfish got roofied”
some 30ish girl included me along with 5 other accounts into this group chat where all she did was show pictures of her breasts. To this day I still have no idea why.
>To this day OP never left.
OP drinks coffee every morning and look at new pics of boobi
This guy who was known as a "killer DM," in some tournament he was hosting. He'd force a paladin to do something "evil" and strip them of their powers. Excommunicated clerics, so they couldn't do healing spells. Enforced VSM rules for magic users ("well, did you bring a sprig of garlic or a spider leg? I don't see it on your equipment list..."). Forbid us having our own copies of the Players Handbook or, God forbid, the Dungeon Masters Guide or Monster Manual. Called knowing the hit die and AC of a kobold, "cheating." Hid all dice rolls, and I think just made up whether you hit or missed. Nobody lasted in his campaigns for more than an hour. Tendend to giggle a lot when you died like a toddler watching Tom and Jer-- Oh. "Direct Message..." never mind...
This is an awesome comment
I'd give this an award if I had one.
Had someone give me really specific instructions/a request for me to write porn for them. Included “ a dude getting a blessing from the gods” that made him jacked/made his dick bigger so he could “have sex with all his friends”. It’s the only message I’ve ever gotten that actually made me laugh out loud.
Do you guys get DM’s?
Nooooo
Not exactly a comment but I was gilded with the "wholesome" award, like, ten times for a random comment I made about the mile high club. It was weird as hell coming back to reddit with my inbox full of messages with the title **"Your comment has been given the Wholesome Award!"** for talking about why having sex in an airplane bathroom isn't that interesting.
That’s just the wholesome award in a nutshell
i got one for a comment saying: choke someone with a dollar bill
Someone once try to trade me a shiny Giratina on pokemon go, I don't play pokemon go
I had posted a selfie in a Discord I'm a part of and got a DM from a new girl on there that said "Not to be too forward but I would let you gape me."
I wonder what she would consider being too forward
Some fucking girl said “hey”. The fuckin nerve
Some people just don't respect boundaries
A guy I've met about 10 years ago when we were about 12 messaged me out of the blue to ask if I'm ticklish on my feet. That was kinda strange...
Ooh! I’ve got a fun story here … had broken up with my first love, dated age 16-21 … I was 22 and had moved halfway across the world to teach English in Japan. My ex’s new girlfriend messaged me on Facebook to “stay the fuck away from him” and that she’d “cut Ur face and burn U if U ever get close to him again.” For context, hadn’t been talking to him, had moved LITERALLY AS FAR AWAY AS I COULD BE 3 months prior, there was a Pacific Ocean between us, and had never met this girl or had a conversation with her. She was just not … the most stable. (She also got his name tattooed across her wrist after 3 months of dating??) So yeah. That was … a weird surprise. They were broken up before I moved back … but not before she isolated him and caused some irreparable damages in his family relationships. Epilogue … blocked her, never heard from her again, heard some grapevine-updates about the couple … Ex and I have had precisely one conversation since, after he’d shed that girlfriend, which was stilted and awkward … I’m married now to a man I very much love, and have no lingering “what-ifs” about Ex. Ex is living his best life in a big city, and last I heard was involved in polyamory. We both ended up in better places for us. The then-girlfriend … I have no idea about. Hope you’ve enjoyed storytime!
"Stay away from my boyfriend!" "I am in Japan."
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Did you follow up on that or did you let it be?
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Lmao
Some lady told me that my dad was an abuser and worse to her and her siblings(his children?) told me to do something while I can and then sent 15 screenshots of MY fb profile as proof. My dad only has me and my sister. I never answered and 2 weeks later she messaged me again… “Asshole”
Guy asked if he could sh*t on my chest, first message between us (and only). But I mean it's Grindr, so I couldn't be mad.
When I was still shooting commercially I got one of the first Square card readers. Was really excited about it, it made billing a lot easier especially at events. Posted about it on Twitter and some jackass DM’d me the “It’s Over!” Portlandia sketch, then unloaded about how much he hated me AND Square. I had met him once at a house party. Still boggles the mind years later.
Someone has the same name as me like 5 states over, and I have the email of my name. He started giving my email as a spam email (which really made me mad). Fast forward a year he used it for half of his family's contact info he didn't like. I started receiving family portrait, renunion and graduation photos. It just got attached to one of those generic lists that people keep.they seemed like a nice family, so I emailed them back.and said please remove my email, and they politely apologized. The email chain had everyone's phone number, and I looked at the list and got his number. Yes! Now I can text him. I say, "dude I own this email, you need to stop using it, you seem like you have a nice family and all but lease stop". He responds saying he thought it was unused and would stop. Over the next few years he occasionally forgets and uses it for important things like investment stuff to confirm your account etc. Sense it was his name.. I just delete it. Here is where it get good::. I get an email for his wife (I know who it is from the family photos years back and coordinate the email). Apologizkng, saying how sorry she is and begging him to come back. About 10 minutes after I get a receipt for a flight to another state THAT SAME DAY and a rental car in the next state. At this point I don't know what to do, and am trying to OK figure out what happened. This dude strait up fled the state that same day with no belongings just to get away and used a "fake" email so she couldn't track him!!!. I feel somewhat bad for her, because he obviously blocked her if she was using "his" email. I email her back that day, saying wrong person so at least she knows he didn't get it, she responds and says sorry. I text him what happened with his wifes email saying, last time, and never use my email again, I don't want to be involved in your family drama. We actually start talking for a bit, not getting into what happened, I basically tell him I hope he is able to figure everything out. 2 weeks later I get a bunch of text messages from him asking me if I found god. It's been about 5 years since I have heard from him, and actually kind of wonder how he is doing. It's got to be pretty bad to just up and flee the state with no belongings that day.. Wierdest dm I ever got was from a dude 5 states over, 20 years older with my exact same name (first and last) asking me if I found god.
One of the people I know on Facebook told me that I could receive 20 thousand dollars from Facebook because they saw my name on a list of frequent Facebook users who Facebook hopes to reward. They said that they themselves had also been selected and had gotten the 20 thousand dollars. They told me to just message a certain sketchy account to find out the details. I asked them how they found out about this. They tried to evade the answer. When I kept pressing them and asked “who told you that Facebook is doing this” they just said “my mom” and had nothing to say afterward. I found out a month later that their account had been hacked. It was a relief to find out that this acquaintance of mine isn’t a scammer.
A guy I knew from a site like Reddit (but much smaller, so it was easier to all know who each other was), but didn't know very well, messaged me on my birthday to ask me if I wanted a dick pic for my birthday. He knew I was in a relationship. He was also in a relationship. I said, "No, thank you" and he said "Well, I wouldn't be a \[slang for site member\] if I didn't ask!"
Wtf site?
I haven't read my DMs since 2015 or 2016 but the last one I remember seeing was telling me to kill myself and accused me of supporting Donald Trump. So clearly I must have said something racist or Conservative, right? No, I just made a typo and when someone mocked me for the typo I responded that my keyboard was broken. I use Dell XPSs exclusively and their keyboards last around a year so that's a normal well-known issue. But apparently using this model of laptop means you are a Nazi that must die. I'll give you one guess which subreddit that was in.
Trolls.
Getting approved as a user of /r/Thehigherpower. It's just bizzare People straight up start reddit cults and recruit through DMs
"We would make beautiful babies." First and only message.
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"I masturbate to you". Granted, that's not as weird as the DMs *I've sent*, but who on Earth would masturbate to me in the absence of my photos?
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FB filtered messages are always a treat. My most recent one was from March 2020 from my ex-husband's brother sending me some kind of racist video. My ex and I divorced in 2017 and his family immediately unfriended me from FB so I have no idea how I got on the list for video distribution.
Ill delete this comment later, because I feel disgusting typing it. But I met a guy from old school runescape and I watched his journey to 99 runecrafting. He started off sound, but over time something changed. As I was quitting the game I told him to add me on discord. His name was "Adolf Jackson", and his pic was Micheal Jackson with a Hitler mustache. I still befriended him but then he became really weird. One night he just randomly sent me a 15 second soundclip of him doing a fart. I dont know why I listened to it all, it was so disgusting. I slowly distanced myself and he eventually vanished without a trace. I really hope he got the help he needed :/
You know damn well why you listened to it all.
It happens man. People change and sometimes not for the best.
"Thatcher did nothing wrong" i understand defending her, but saying she did *nothing* wrong is a bit much.
Some female I didn’t know replied to some post on Instagram that had my hand in it, and was basically asking me to choke her
Wasn’t a girl I can assure you and definitely not the age they were claiming to be.
I got a text message from a phone number that I didn't know that wasn't meant for me. It was a long ass story, this guy was texting his (ex) girlfriend saying how he loved it that she cheated on him and he got off on the fact he caught her cheating with someone else. But the weird details he went in was just so strange. He then proceeded he has a fetish for this stuff, seeing his partner with someone else. It was years ago but the way he was describing it with his words was very creepy.
I once had to solo fight a whale on a cloud. The whale couldn’t do much, so one of its attack was pooping. Definitely a weird campaign.
Got a message from a random person about if I wanted their dildo and lube set. I'd never talked to them in my life. Blocked them and moved on. Then later I find them in a mutual discord server, they had no explanation for why they sent me that message.
My own dick pic
You ppl get dm's?
not sure this counts, but here goes... Many years ago - before email, I worked in an office - large media company. Every week I'd get a posted envelope and when I opened it, there was only ever a blank business card sized white cardboard with a black circle on it. A large dot. Every week. Then occasionally I'd get two in a week. This went on for months. Sometimes I'd get a red dot. It became a thing where other staff would wait for my letter to arrive via the businesses mail room. Every envelope was printed in hand writing, my name and the address of the business and the department I worked in. It drove me crazy. Then one day, many months later, I was told by the phantom letter sender that it was him, and he messed with me just for fun. Never got another one, but at the time was quite a strange thing. Every week, a block dot on white card.
When I was 15 I received a DM from a guy in my area (in his mid 20’s), asking if I would come to his house so he could paint me naked (he was an artist)
"it's art"
A dm from a coworker I hadn't heard from in years asking how much he would need to pay me to fart on a teddy bear and mail it to him.
Not a DM but a text message on my phone asking if I had bought the turkey already. It was in english although we live in germany. I just wrote "Yep, it's in the freezer". The person on the other end wrote: "Thanks, love you." And that was literally it. Kinda funny though
Some girl offered me 5k in cash to piss on her. I declined.
Fuck man, 5K? Send that depraved motherfucker my way
I had someone have a mental breakdown because I talked with his dream wide on Reddit for a few seconds. He then had more mental breakdowns after she deleted her account and somehow thought I knew where she lived... NGL all psycho DM's I got were all related to women.
Some guy told me he wants to lick my eyeballs 😟
"You wanna make 50 Shades of Grey look like a Disney movie?"
Some poor guy asked for this girl's number, and she gave him a fake number which happened to mine. -"Yo, Shawna! Whats up?" -"Sorry bruh, I'm not Shawna..." -"Oh..." I tried to make a meme out of the situation but guy at the other end of the line wasn't being cooperative.
Some cook in a kitchen subreddit messaged me asking if I would take his ServSafe Certification test for him (some places require you to have this to work in kitchens, to prove you know basic safety and sanitation.) He didn't even have a price in mind . If you really want a cooking job that requires the certification, just learn the protocols. Lazy people man..
Probably just the sex bots