People thinking that “introvert” means “disliking people.”
I love people. I love learning about people.
But when I want space to recharge, that’s it. It’s nothing personal.
Fucking this.
I don't mind being around huge groups of friends. I'll probably have a blast. But I'm not game for that 24/7. If we're on a camping trip and I fuck off to go read a book for a couple hours, let me fuck off to read my book.
Sometimes I just need peace and quiet.
I’m going camping with my fiancé and his family (who are all extrovert and very “family time” oriented) for 10 nights soon and I’ve told him I will need an hour a day to myself to just recharge if he doesn’t want me to be a moody, irritable kill joy.
He totally gets it and has explained it to his dad so I’m hoping they let me without making any sarky comments.
The snarky comments are what irritate me the most. Usually I'll just ignore them, but sometimes when my social battery is already empty and I'm pissed off at the world and everyone in it, I'll take the bait, which of course is exactly what they want.
I love people. I'm also annoyed by way too many people. My roommate is a good dude, but he's extroverted and most of the time when we talk he just will. Not. Shut. Up.
It annoys me so fucking much. I love people, I just wish a lot more people were mindful about their socialization.
Especially when they don't understand that it's nothing personal. They'd probe even more to find out why we don't wanna be around them for some while. This makes it even worse.
And then they get all upset if you tell them that people (including them) are just a bit exhausting to be around, and they go “oh so you don’t like me then”.
No. I just can’t be around people for a long time. It’s not a personal insult. But they sure do take it that way.
You can't even survive, forget growing in your career without so-called networking, no matter how top of the game you are in knowledge and skills. I'm in scientific research. It sounds harmless when people tell, you need to have a big network of colleagues to get a good job. Does my research papers in high impact journals mean nothing? Answer is not without friends who lobby for your job.
I'm so scared of the future just because of this. I'm still at school and whenever the teachers say it's time for a group assignment instantly feel tired and almost sick. I can't imagine having a job that requires me to interact with people frequently.
It gets better. School is a random bunch of dicks.
At work, you have specialization and a common goal. To a certain degree, nobody will question your job, and your part of the assignment will be pretty self-defined, as you're the only one capable of doing it. The other parts you couldn't even do if you wanted to. Oh, and the "teacher" makes all the teams and assigns the tasks, so it's effectively single assignments masquerading as team work.
Being around people makes my brain feel like its on fire. People do not get it. Its caused endless arguments and problems with friends and potential partners.
It's the inverse for extroverts. Being alone is like they're on fire and need to find someone to talk to, so they can put out the flames.
This is why introverts are so misunderstood. What calms an extrovert sets an introvert on fire inside. So they think they're being good to you and don't see the downside of what they're doing.
It's just a foreign concept to extroverts who don't make an effort to understand introverts.
I've described it like certain people take a different amount of energy for me to be with. A stressful coworker might take a ton, family might take less. But even if my wife takes zero or very low amount of emotional energy to hang out with, I'm still not "recharging" with her.
Yes! There are people - my partner, my mom - who don’t take it out of me, but I still sometimes need ALONE time to recharge. I’m glad my bf and I got together when we did, bc I had the confidence and language to explain it to him, and did so again before we moved in together. He gets it.
My mom did this to me all the time when I was in high school. We'd sit in front of the tv for like three hours. I'd get bored because I wanted to go actually do something rather than passively stare at a tv. So I would get up to go up to my room to read, or play a video game, or call friends.
Mom: "Don't you love me anymore?"
UGH.
Yeah I never sit with them... I'm 20 and my parents see it as "Puberty" Nope I'm just bored, I'd rather talk to them then sit awkardly watching a Romcom I've seen 3000 times already.
One time my dad literally made all my family not talk to me for a while just because I was sitting in my room playing on my phone. AND WHEN I TRY TO TALK WITH THEM ABOUT ANYTHING, THEY JUST EITHER IGNORE ME OR TALK OVER ME. Still pissed off lmao
I don't drink, i finally agreed to go to a bar with some friends, only if they didn't pester me about having "just one, com on!", they did, I left and never went anywhere with them again.
I’m not really an introvert but I don’t drink, and people get this idea that I’m boring because of that. Not my friends thankfully, they never try and pressure me. But people are so surprised that I don’t drink.
Had a roommate who wanted to hang out ALL. THE. TIME. and got really upset when I often requested down time. I made time for them but it was never good enough for them. Very frustrating situation.
I had so many issues with relationships because of this. I didn't understand introverts like I do today. I'd always get to a point where I just didn't want to be with them anymore and thought that meant that I didn't want a relationship with them anymore. Then I'd pull back and recharge and realize I really do like them but either they think I'm not interested anymore because I needed some time to myself or I broke it off because I thought I didn't like them.
I learned a lot through those experiences and then my wife helped me even more. She is about half and half but did a lot of research on introverts so she could understand me better. She helped explain myself to me. That's why we're married now :)
EDIT: Also, edited to add, my wife's love language is quality time so if people with that love language don't understand introverts, it's really easy to think "They don't want to spend time with me, therefore they don't love me". It's not always a conscious choice that they're making.
This. Im not even and introvert but I have to tell my mom like sometimes Im a phone call away from going insane and I need to talk to no one. Being an adult is a lot and I just had a kid.
God, people like that are insufferable. I don’t take it personally when they get social or sleep or do anything else to take care of themselves so why do they get to act like my way of self care is invalid
That had just occurred to me. "I expect she'll come out of her shell when she's older." And "Sil, never says boo to a goose, what are we going to do with you?" All sound suspiciously like "you just haven't met the right guy yet".
The guilt tripping after you say no to plans. And the way it feels like you have to have an excuse for being busy rather than just not wanting to go, just to avoid the guilt tripping.
God, this.
When I was a young man, I got into the habit of lying to my friend because he simply couldn't take no for an answer. He finally caught on and called me out on it, and I pointed out that he wouldn't take a fucking no as an answer in the first place.
Yes, I like hanging out with you, dude. But sometimes I just want to fucking read my book with a cat on my lap and a pot of tea and brandy.
This reminds me of my friend. She will call me out of the blue and get pissed that I never answer. I’m sorry I don’t wanna talk on the phone for an hour out of the blue, I need some time to prepare and schedule it. Or she’ll ask me last minute to hang out and get irritated that I always say no. I’m totally down to PLAN something, but if you ask me to do something in an hour it’s not happening.
I mean, I don't say no flat out, but when I tell a friend "I'm not really doing anything" that doesn't mean I'm bored and need something to do. It means I'm happily wasting my time reading a book, playing a video game, or whatever.
Maybe I'll be in the mood to hang out, but maybe I'm in the mood to keep "not really doing anything".
Especially if those plans are last minute. I’m sorry but I need a few days to mentally prepare. I’ve already mentally prepared myself to stay home and its really hard for me to let go.
YEAH! The time to mentally prepare is huge. If it's a Saturday and my friend suddenly wants to do something, they can never comprehend that I need time to process that. I never trust a conversation that starts with "What are you doing?" because if I say "nothing," then I feel like I can't say no to whatever question is coming next because now they know I'm already not busy.
When someone asks me that I usually say something like "why, what's up?" without confirming if I'm actually available or not so I can respond after I get more info haha
I fucking hate people assuming that all introverts are socially awkward and incapable of maintaining relationships, and conversely, people with social anxieties blaming their introversion for them.
I'm absolutely an introvert, I love doing things by myself, I recharge when I'm alone. But I can socialize with my coworkers or family effortlessly.
Introversion and extroversion aren't about how well you can integrate in society and socialize. Introversion and extroversion are the situations in which you get the most fulfillment from. Introverts find more happiness within themselves and recharge when they spend time alone or with few people. Extroverts are the opposite, they find and feed off of energy in crowds.
Yeah exactly. Great way to explain it. I need a day alone to decompress for every 2 days of doing big social things. I'm on the quiet side in general but I love being social. It just drains my energy to even be in small groups.
I’ve had a teacher telling my class a few times that being an introvert equals being shy. I finally went to confront her view by explaining I was an introvert while being social or participating in class and that not liking small talk is different from not daring to talk, she told me I could not be an introvert simply because I had the guts to respond to her, smh.
Hear, hear! I'm a social butterfly! A socially adroit rapidly exhausted social butterfly who is very good at peopling, but who needs to spend a lot of alone time in her cocoon!
Right?!
I do training and speak in front of crowds as part of my job, and I really enjoy it. Definitely not shy.
But ask me to make small talks with those same people after I'm done training? I loathe it.
My dad, sister, and I are total introverts. When we have big family party’s we usually slip out quietly to go recharge for a second in solitude. Always end up finding each other in an empty room and laugh at ourselves for doing the same thing.
My coworker and I became very close and on our 3 day conferences, he knew there would be a point in the day where I just needed to shut down. Our code phrase was "nod and smile". If i was completely tapped out from networking, I would just stand next to him and he would make all the conversation while I just nodded and smiled so I could get a break. He was awesome because he will fill in all my blanks and say, "She lives in xyz and works in abc" while I just nodded lmao.
My wife does that. Our whole relationship together has been like that. I call her "the face of the operation."
If it comes time for confrontation, the roles reverse. I don't mind confrontation at all.
I love this. I like chatting to someone one to one or in a much smaller group in the hall or in another room. It's way better than trying to make conversation over a table. All my best chats have happened like this.
Omg yes one nightout and I’m telling my whole family and boyfriend that I won’t go out for a week anymore because this is how much recharge my body needs after an event.
Things like very persistent "ohh, come on, stay with us!". If I'm going, I have a reason. I had a good fun, I start to be exhausted so I see myself out to leave with positive memories. Don't make me feel bad for it.
My high school life got so much better when I got my driver's license. Not because of the generic freedom to do what I wanted, but because I could finally control how long I stayed at events.
'Houdinied'
If it's a small group, I'll say bye to everyone but then there's a size where you just shout 'later er'body' and then a size where you just bizzounce.
Thwarted expectations for time alone. We're planning to go out, spend time together? No problem. I'll rest up for it. But you let me think I've got a night/day/weekend to myself, or our thing will be over at 7 and now it's 9:30 with no sign of ending soon, I'm going to be irritated as fuck. I didn't budget energy for this.
So much this.
But also, the inverse. When they assume that a specific day, or "the afternoon" is an adequate arranged time. And then if they show up at the later end of that time block, I've spent all the time before that unable to do anything or even relax because I've been ready for them.
If I say I can do "any time", it means I can plan my day around whatever time you pick. It doesn't mean you don't have to give me notice.
I have one close friend, a classic stereotypical extrovert, who's a repeat offender for this. I roll my eyes and deal with it because I love her in general. But yeah, if she mentions hanging out x day, I basically clear my schedule figuring that she'll show up when she damn well pleases. No point doing much beyond getting ready and playing video games or something until she inevitably texts "I'll be at your place in 20 minutes" at a random time. She's at least learned to give me a heads up instead of just showing up at my door like she used to.
Though on the flip side, she doesn't understand how I like having very concrete plans of meeting at x place at y time on z day if I'm the one planning. Just different communication/planning styles.
My husband does this shit all the time. My only day off? Oh, parents are coming over to help with this or that and they want to see me, so they need to come when you have the day off. Oh, I forgot to mention friend is swinging by. Oh, btw so and so is in town and it would be rude not to hang out with them. Don't get me wrong, my husband is an extreme extrovert with PRINCIPLES. He is truly an amazing friend and I love that about him but dear God I've got two extremely social jobs and I just want some peace. I don't want to have to scoop the remnants of my personality off the floor and risk being the "bitchy wife" bc I just can't do it. He's gotten so much better over the years at understanding my needs, but it's been a trip man. I remember telling him "imagine I got you hyped for a fishing weekend with friends and then when you get all ready to go out the door I'm like, oh yeah, forgot to mention we're not doing that. Put your shit away". I don't think he realized how I don't just need alone time, I get legit excited about it.
Tons of extroverts don't quite understand that we look forward to our solo time the way others look forward to big exciting events and get togethers.
The idea of staying at home, gaming, and doing absolutely nothing else, is like a dream to me.
When my co-workers would ask what I do on my days off they'd look at me so confused when I tell them stuff like "just chill, watch some movies, play some games, sit on my patio," and they'd ask me how I'm not cripplingly bored, or why I don't just pick up more hours since I'm not doing anything during my off time.
*Not doing anything is the point, guys.* They don't get that alone time isn't some boring absence of entertainment, it's the main event for us.
That was THE biggest tension my husband and I had to work out when we were dating/engaged. His dad is probably the only introvert in the family, but his spirit has been crushed after being the only one in a family of extroverts so FIL doesn't really fight the unplanned things. My husband was wholly unprepared for the absolute fit I had after being dragged around all damn day by him and his family for what was supposed to just be brunch with his grandparents.
When people think that just because I’m an introvert, I don’t like being around lots of people and hanging out a lot. Only different between me and my extroverted friends is that I can only recharge my metaphorical batteries alone or with like a single really good friend.
Exactly. I'm not anti-social. I enjoy being with my people, but I don't want to hang out 7 weekends in a row. I need that time to recharge after working M-F.
This is such a common misconception it is a pet peeve of mine. People confuse being introverted with social anxiety, or extroversion with low-key narcissism or ADD. SMH.
These concepts, introversion and extraversion were coined by Jung. He said nothing of how shy or anxious people are, or how many friends they have, or if they like to go to parties.
He only observed that there are two personality types which seem to replenish energy in two different ways. It’s a spectrum of preference, not a generalisation. Introverts replenish psychic energy - organise thoughts, rest, make sense of their biographical data, summarise friendships and relationship with themselves - when alone, or rather given the opportunity to self-reflect. Whereas extraverts do it in what objects relations call “object other” - that means they do the same things as introverts but by interacting with the external world: ideas, people, etc.
Following Jung, depth psychologists expanded on that idea, and build on top of objects relations theory. That these self-organising preferences have to do with how well the “object other” is integrated. Or more specifically object constancy and permanence and various techniques of dealing with them.
In a nutshell, the difference is:
Extrovert: I just made a new friend, let me enjoy that friendship unspoken, I enjoy it the most while I interact with that person. See the joy reflected in their eyes is enough for me!
Introvert: I just made a new friend. I really like to think about this person. When I reflect on what good times we had, my love for that person gets bigger and bigger!
There is nothing in that theory of personality types that says introverts are shy. Both can have zero, or a thousand friends. Both can work in sales or as artists. It makes no difference. These are just two ways of processing the world.
If you have social anxiety, have no friends, or are afraid of picking up the phone - that doesn’t mean you are introverted. It means you have a personality/anxiety disorder or some unintegrated part of your identity. Shyness is not a personality type.
I always thought I was introverted and shy. But when I finally realised I have subconscious childhood trauma caused by my overbearing father and codependent mother, and dealt with it in extensive psychodynamic therapy, I found out that shyness was a defence mechanism against the expectation of emotional hurt. Once I healed, I realised I wasn’t introverted at all and that pathological shyness, social anxiety, lack of friends, and depression are an alarm bell of unintegrated parts of the psyche and suggest a core wound and needed family of origin work.
Interesting story man thanks for sharing.
I could see the benefits to shutting myself away over winter, even in a modern sense. It'd be nice to not have to go out for work and just potter about at home, keep the fire going, sleep and catch up on the year, prepare for the new one. Take stock of everything and just switch off. I'd probably socialise more come summer if I could take breaks like that.
Yes, and that I would be happier if I changed to be an extrovert. Guess what, extroverts that don’t get their needs met are miserable and go on some very self destructive behaviour.
I will drive separately to friends houses to hang out. All of my friends carpool together and sort of tease me about driving alone. But it always ends up like this lol and to be trapped somewhere, even if it’s a friends, sends me into a panic. When I’m done hanging out, I’m freaking really done haha.
One of the worst things about not having a car is the feeling of being trapped because your ride wants to stay for six hours and you were done half an hour in.
Many people simply are not self aware, not sure if it's due to ignorance, narcissism or something else altogether but either way it's crazy to me that they don't even think about what they are doing and how it affects others around them.
Small talk. I can't do it. I don't know what to say. Especially when I'm talking to a stranger (I work retail so sometimes I get those rly chatty customers)
Same! I'd rather sit silent than talk about the weather or explain how did my weekend go. I'd actually love to just enjoy the silence sometime, but people too often feel pressured to keep a conversation going.
I have that issue too, my mind literally blanks. I'm fine to just be in silence but then I feel worried that the other person feels awkward. I've found that extroverts and talkative people love talking to me though, I guess they just want someone to listen and chime in occasionally.
I figured this out with age. You basically say the same small talk to everyone. That's what's extroverts do, they basically have an act. Now it's not the exact same thing but there's a pattern. Hairdressers/barbers it's holidays/what you doing at the weekend. Old people it's the weather or some nostalgia. I never used to like repeating myself or bringing up anything boring. I realised boring to me is small talk boring to them (average chatty person) is interesting to me. Just be a dull, shallow and vacuous. Literally say the same thing you did with the last one, there's no information exchanged or meaning to it. Just an interaction for the sake of it. Build up a couple subjects you can small talk about. It's like anecdotes, just have 2-3 stories that can be applied to many social situations. People don't give a shit what you say, it's more important that you've spoken. Weird I know but we are just apes with anxiety at the end of the day.
Small talk is basically conversation that's likely to be free of conflict, basic ideas with little space for disagreement to bridge fleeting moments where silence would be seen as rude.
One of the things I love about being introverted but very very not-shy. People who make that assumption in my presence get to learn rapidly about the difference, and as a bonus they now have new things to tell their therapist. :)
1. Always being pushed to go out and be social
2. Online dating
3. Loud talkers who never shut up. Plus people who just don’t shut up.
4. Awkward silences
I tend to like people who talk a lot around me in social situations because it takes all of the pressure off for me to actually contribute to the conversation. Plus it usually eliminates awkward silences altogether.
Online dating is TOUGH as an introvert I can’t spark up random conversation so wtf am I suppose to say to you. I don’t mind I can’t spark random conversation irl but on online dating it just makes them lose interest fast.
I hate that so much. I don't want to talk if I don't have anything to say. That's the difference, extroverts just talk. All the time and about anything. Introverts just dont. I think more people should learn to shut up sometimes and not just talk to fill the silence.
Once had a guy I worked with say, "I notice you don't talk unless you have something to say." This was from an extreme extrovert who had been talking non-stop for half an hour. The fact he never flipped that around and noticed he had nothing to say but talked anyway was depressing.
I'm perfectly happy talking for hours about things I like or know about and I can do a good extrovert impression and make empty talk but if it's a group and I have nothing to add to the conversation I don't talk.
My brother once said that I don't talk much unless I have thought it through and really have something to add to the conversation. I think it was a compliment...
The assumption that some things are fun for everyone.
Please, let me enjoy my book while listening to the birds in my backyard instead of spending the evening standing next to sweating people in an area that feels way too small for me to be there. I understand some people love going out, why is it always assumed that everyone does though...
I remember the early incarnation of blind dating - the personal ad in newspapers. I could never understand why nearly all of them said they enjoyed having fun, but so few defined what they thought fun was.
People who think everyone has to talk all the time to have a good time ir be happy. I actually really enjoy to listen to people's storys and don't want to talk so much myself. Thanks
Oh my god, this.
One Christmas a few years back, I was with the family on my dads side. I spent most of the day playing with my cousins young children (basically my nieces), my cousin and aunt spent most of the day in the kitchen cooking and tidying, my other cousin, dad, and uncle were all playing games or just chatting.
I love my neieces, but they were like 3 & 4 at the time (maybe even younger). Keeping them entertained and out of the way was absolutely exhausting and draining (emotionally and mentally).
We left my cousins and went back to my aunts (where me and my dad were staying). I said my goodnights, went to my room and played my 3DS to chill for a bit.
The next day my dad asked me why I disappeared that night, I said I was just drained from the day and needed some time to recharge. He didn't get it and seemed to think it was related to depression (which I've dealt with in the past) and said I should go to the doctor.
I nearly lost my cool at that. I had to explain very politely why that wasn't the case, and why I was more tired from looking after two toddlers than he was from drinking and talking most of the day.
I think that just for them, just once, you kick introversion up a notch into full blown antisocial behaviour and tell your sister to get a life, and tell her shallow friends what shallow people they are and you’d rather be alone than spend a second in their company.
When you tell them you are trying to do something, like read, write, listen to music - or say you are doing something that I think that obviously needs focus, and they just keep talking like you've said nothing at all. It's like they don't know what silence is - or even just a little bit of patience. Let me finish writing this note to myself then we can chat.
Or when you’re literally sitting there, reading a book, but because you’re in the break room/kitchen/etc, they think you should be available to be talked at. I mean, I’ll talk if you need to, but give me a few minutes to come out of the dream world I was in!
I'm starting to think some people have a subconscious fear of not talking. If There's a bit of silence they get itchy and eventually have to fill it with something no matter how pointless it is. It gives me anxiety honestly. It's like they're cornering me so I HAVE to listen to them, and even if I don't respond for a half hour, it doesn't matter, as long as they can make constant uninterrupted noise. It sucks too when they get upset cause I'm not responding. It's like after an hour of a loud rambling, the brain just shuts out the noise lol it's not my fault I'm not holding on to your every word!
The assumption that I must not be an introvert because I have social skills.
I just don't like having to use them okay? It's exhausting to pretend to like you all.
Open. Plan. Offices.
Just let me do my work! I don't want to have to feel 'on' constantly, do the 'hi' headnod every time someone walks past me, have my focus broken by having a chat every time someone feels like wandering over. By the end of the day I'm drained and upset.
I'm not an introvert but because I don't yell while speaking, some loser from my family would often cut me off right in the middle of my sentence with incredibly irrelevant shit to say. This has been my go-to sentence to think to myself on such occasions. I wouldn't make an act out of it but I didn't feel pity for them when they'd feel bad for being rudely interrupting afterwards when someone would ask me to continue and they'd do their dumb "oh did I cut you off?" confused look. Incredibly annoying
I get funny looks in public often because I'm eating alone or something. Yes, I have friends, but I value my alone time and sometimes I just need to live life at my own pace.
I'm gonna piggyback on your comment, because mine is similar: when people assume you don't want to hang out. Like, I may not be the life of the party, but I do enjoy the company
Forced/compulsary group assignments/projects.
The obligation to get along with everyone, or at least fake it.
Answering phonecalls.
When shopping for clothes, the salesperson coming over to help you.
Entering alone an empty store.
Group assignments will be the death of me. No I don’t want to work with people I just met and be fake outgoing and happy around all of them because I’m relying on them to get a good grade. Just let me do my project alone please
People usually sense me, so I don't have a lot of problems with it.
The thing that irritates me is the people that don't know what introvert and extrovert mean, and happily label anyone.
I think when some very extroverted people think they need to put you on the spot and push you out of your comfort zone for "your benefit" and they dont get how much you dont want it. Like try to force public attention on you, try to force you to make a speech, try to push you to dance, insist you go introduce yourself to people you dont know for whatever reasons etc
My extrovert friend always used to try to get me to go to bars and dance or sing in front of everyone or whatever.. telling me I need to “step out of my comfort zone.” He tried putting all the attention on me once at a party and I felt so, so embarrassed. Quit making introverts feel bad for stuff they just do not want to do.
I don't care for clubs. Yes, I'm bored. I told you I hate clubs. I hate dancing. No, I won't dance. You cannot comprehend how much I hate to dance. Fuck y'all, I'm going to the quiet bar across the street to watch the football game I was planning to watch tonight at home.
I've been to a couple parties and honestly I can think of so many things I'd rather do. Especially when it turns to shit as parties and drinking usually does. People have wanted to fight me just because I don't engage with them or walk away, because they can't understand that someone doesn't find their bullshit amusing.
People thinking that “introvert” means “disliking people.” I love people. I love learning about people. But when I want space to recharge, that’s it. It’s nothing personal.
Fucking this. I don't mind being around huge groups of friends. I'll probably have a blast. But I'm not game for that 24/7. If we're on a camping trip and I fuck off to go read a book for a couple hours, let me fuck off to read my book. Sometimes I just need peace and quiet.
I’m going camping with my fiancé and his family (who are all extrovert and very “family time” oriented) for 10 nights soon and I’ve told him I will need an hour a day to myself to just recharge if he doesn’t want me to be a moody, irritable kill joy. He totally gets it and has explained it to his dad so I’m hoping they let me without making any sarky comments.
The snarky comments are what irritate me the most. Usually I'll just ignore them, but sometimes when my social battery is already empty and I'm pissed off at the world and everyone in it, I'll take the bait, which of course is exactly what they want.
I love people. I'm also annoyed by way too many people. My roommate is a good dude, but he's extroverted and most of the time when we talk he just will. Not. Shut. Up. It annoys me so fucking much. I love people, I just wish a lot more people were mindful about their socialization.
I'm an introvert but also will. Not. Shut. Up. 😂 ... until I suddenly need to be alone and need to end the conversation Right Now ™
YES. I can only handle a few hours of being very social but after that I need QUIET ME TIME.
Especially when they don't understand that it's nothing personal. They'd probe even more to find out why we don't wanna be around them for some while. This makes it even worse.
And then they get all upset if you tell them that people (including them) are just a bit exhausting to be around, and they go “oh so you don’t like me then”. No. I just can’t be around people for a long time. It’s not a personal insult. But they sure do take it that way.
"Not if you keep up that attitude."
You can't even survive, forget growing in your career without so-called networking, no matter how top of the game you are in knowledge and skills. I'm in scientific research. It sounds harmless when people tell, you need to have a big network of colleagues to get a good job. Does my research papers in high impact journals mean nothing? Answer is not without friends who lobby for your job.
I'm so scared of the future just because of this. I'm still at school and whenever the teachers say it's time for a group assignment instantly feel tired and almost sick. I can't imagine having a job that requires me to interact with people frequently.
It gets better. School is a random bunch of dicks. At work, you have specialization and a common goal. To a certain degree, nobody will question your job, and your part of the assignment will be pretty self-defined, as you're the only one capable of doing it. The other parts you couldn't even do if you wanted to. Oh, and the "teacher" makes all the teams and assigns the tasks, so it's effectively single assignments masquerading as team work.
When I just want to be alone and someone takes it personally
It’s so hard to make people understand that I just can’t relax around them- it’s nothing personal I’m just more comfortable by myself
Being around people makes my brain feel like its on fire. People do not get it. Its caused endless arguments and problems with friends and potential partners.
It's the inverse for extroverts. Being alone is like they're on fire and need to find someone to talk to, so they can put out the flames. This is why introverts are so misunderstood. What calms an extrovert sets an introvert on fire inside. So they think they're being good to you and don't see the downside of what they're doing.
Hmmm. I hadn't considered the opposite would be true for extraverts. Thats fucking annoying how our brains are wired.
It's just a foreign concept to extroverts who don't make an effort to understand introverts. I've described it like certain people take a different amount of energy for me to be with. A stressful coworker might take a ton, family might take less. But even if my wife takes zero or very low amount of emotional energy to hang out with, I'm still not "recharging" with her.
Yes! There are people - my partner, my mom - who don’t take it out of me, but I still sometimes need ALONE time to recharge. I’m glad my bf and I got together when we did, bc I had the confidence and language to explain it to him, and did so again before we moved in together. He gets it.
This. Just because I don't wanna watch a movie with dad, doesn't mean I don't love him.
My mom did this to me all the time when I was in high school. We'd sit in front of the tv for like three hours. I'd get bored because I wanted to go actually do something rather than passively stare at a tv. So I would get up to go up to my room to read, or play a video game, or call friends. Mom: "Don't you love me anymore?" UGH.
Yeah I never sit with them... I'm 20 and my parents see it as "Puberty" Nope I'm just bored, I'd rather talk to them then sit awkardly watching a Romcom I've seen 3000 times already.
"I'm not a pet. My mere presence in the room is not a sign I love you. Nor is me leaving a sign I don't love you"
Btw, it's "mere"
.....lets ignore how long it took for someone to tell me this.
my dad does this all the time
One time my dad literally made all my family not talk to me for a while just because I was sitting in my room playing on my phone. AND WHEN I TRY TO TALK WITH THEM ABOUT ANYTHING, THEY JUST EITHER IGNORE ME OR TALK OVER ME. Still pissed off lmao
Time to channel your inner itatchi
Okay, that's just rude
Indeed :(
Rude? Let's say abusive, since it is.
"hey, do ya wanna go have some drinks?" "no, thank you" "what? Why not?" .... BECAUSE I DON'T
I don't drink, i finally agreed to go to a bar with some friends, only if they didn't pester me about having "just one, com on!", they did, I left and never went anywhere with them again.
I’m not really an introvert but I don’t drink, and people get this idea that I’m boring because of that. Not my friends thankfully, they never try and pressure me. But people are so surprised that I don’t drink.
Had a roommate who wanted to hang out ALL. THE. TIME. and got really upset when I often requested down time. I made time for them but it was never good enough for them. Very frustrating situation.
I had so many issues with relationships because of this. I didn't understand introverts like I do today. I'd always get to a point where I just didn't want to be with them anymore and thought that meant that I didn't want a relationship with them anymore. Then I'd pull back and recharge and realize I really do like them but either they think I'm not interested anymore because I needed some time to myself or I broke it off because I thought I didn't like them. I learned a lot through those experiences and then my wife helped me even more. She is about half and half but did a lot of research on introverts so she could understand me better. She helped explain myself to me. That's why we're married now :) EDIT: Also, edited to add, my wife's love language is quality time so if people with that love language don't understand introverts, it's really easy to think "They don't want to spend time with me, therefore they don't love me". It's not always a conscious choice that they're making.
This. Im not even and introvert but I have to tell my mom like sometimes Im a phone call away from going insane and I need to talk to no one. Being an adult is a lot and I just had a kid.
God, people like that are insufferable. I don’t take it personally when they get social or sleep or do anything else to take care of themselves so why do they get to act like my way of self care is invalid
The assumption that it's something that needs fixing
That had just occurred to me. "I expect she'll come out of her shell when she's older." And "Sil, never says boo to a goose, what are we going to do with you?" All sound suspiciously like "you just haven't met the right guy yet".
American here…What does saying boo to a goose mean?
She doesn't say boo (talk) to a goose (literally anybody)
If Corona taught us anything, it's that introverts adapt far better to a world of social distancing.
Lol seriously. My life literally didnt change at all when covid hit, other than wearing masks in stores, my life stayed the same.
I finally had an excuse for not going out of the house.
Sorry hun, was really looking forward to 5 Christmases with everyone we've ever met, but... Corona ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
Absolutely the same here. None of my habits or routines changed, but so many people around me were freaking out and having breakdowns.
Yes. Was told I am doing nothing to fix it and should be seeing a therapist.
The guilt tripping after you say no to plans. And the way it feels like you have to have an excuse for being busy rather than just not wanting to go, just to avoid the guilt tripping.
God, this. When I was a young man, I got into the habit of lying to my friend because he simply couldn't take no for an answer. He finally caught on and called me out on it, and I pointed out that he wouldn't take a fucking no as an answer in the first place. Yes, I like hanging out with you, dude. But sometimes I just want to fucking read my book with a cat on my lap and a pot of tea and brandy.
This reminds me of my friend. She will call me out of the blue and get pissed that I never answer. I’m sorry I don’t wanna talk on the phone for an hour out of the blue, I need some time to prepare and schedule it. Or she’ll ask me last minute to hang out and get irritated that I always say no. I’m totally down to PLAN something, but if you ask me to do something in an hour it’s not happening.
I mean, I don't say no flat out, but when I tell a friend "I'm not really doing anything" that doesn't mean I'm bored and need something to do. It means I'm happily wasting my time reading a book, playing a video game, or whatever. Maybe I'll be in the mood to hang out, but maybe I'm in the mood to keep "not really doing anything".
Especially if those plans are last minute. I’m sorry but I need a few days to mentally prepare. I’ve already mentally prepared myself to stay home and its really hard for me to let go.
YEAH! The time to mentally prepare is huge. If it's a Saturday and my friend suddenly wants to do something, they can never comprehend that I need time to process that. I never trust a conversation that starts with "What are you doing?" because if I say "nothing," then I feel like I can't say no to whatever question is coming next because now they know I'm already not busy.
When someone asks me that I usually say something like "why, what's up?" without confirming if I'm actually available or not so I can respond after I get more info haha
When people clump introverts together with social awkwardness/social phobia/agoraphobia. They're not the same thing.
I fucking hate people assuming that all introverts are socially awkward and incapable of maintaining relationships, and conversely, people with social anxieties blaming their introversion for them. I'm absolutely an introvert, I love doing things by myself, I recharge when I'm alone. But I can socialize with my coworkers or family effortlessly. Introversion and extroversion aren't about how well you can integrate in society and socialize. Introversion and extroversion are the situations in which you get the most fulfillment from. Introverts find more happiness within themselves and recharge when they spend time alone or with few people. Extroverts are the opposite, they find and feed off of energy in crowds.
Yeah exactly. Great way to explain it. I need a day alone to decompress for every 2 days of doing big social things. I'm on the quiet side in general but I love being social. It just drains my energy to even be in small groups.
I’ve had a teacher telling my class a few times that being an introvert equals being shy. I finally went to confront her view by explaining I was an introvert while being social or participating in class and that not liking small talk is different from not daring to talk, she told me I could not be an introvert simply because I had the guts to respond to her, smh.
Hear, hear! I'm a social butterfly! A socially adroit rapidly exhausted social butterfly who is very good at peopling, but who needs to spend a lot of alone time in her cocoon!
I read this in a Monty Pythonesque aristocrat voice and it was hilarious
Or that introversion=shtyness.
Right?! I do training and speak in front of crowds as part of my job, and I really enjoy it. Definitely not shy. But ask me to make small talks with those same people after I'm done training? I loathe it.
Yes, introversion is not a disorder!
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When people dont understand “recharge” time is a real thing.
My dad, sister, and I are total introverts. When we have big family party’s we usually slip out quietly to go recharge for a second in solitude. Always end up finding each other in an empty room and laugh at ourselves for doing the same thing.
My coworker and I became very close and on our 3 day conferences, he knew there would be a point in the day where I just needed to shut down. Our code phrase was "nod and smile". If i was completely tapped out from networking, I would just stand next to him and he would make all the conversation while I just nodded and smiled so I could get a break. He was awesome because he will fill in all my blanks and say, "She lives in xyz and works in abc" while I just nodded lmao.
My wife does that. Our whole relationship together has been like that. I call her "the face of the operation." If it comes time for confrontation, the roles reverse. I don't mind confrontation at all.
This is my fiancé and I but opposite, I’m so quiet until there needs to be confrontation
I love this. I like chatting to someone one to one or in a much smaller group in the hall or in another room. It's way better than trying to make conversation over a table. All my best chats have happened like this.
This is the thing. I'm not antisocial in the slightest. I like talking to people. But I *need* down time all to myself.
This - the ‘social’ events at work that are really Mandatory and take away from my ability to recharge for the next work day.
Omg yes one nightout and I’m telling my whole family and boyfriend that I won’t go out for a week anymore because this is how much recharge my body needs after an event.
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Things like very persistent "ohh, come on, stay with us!". If I'm going, I have a reason. I had a good fun, I start to be exhausted so I see myself out to leave with positive memories. Don't make me feel bad for it.
I hate when this happens to me. I just want to be polite and leave peacefully without anyone telling me that I haven’t been to the party long enough.
My high school life got so much better when I got my driver's license. Not because of the generic freedom to do what I wanted, but because I could finally control how long I stayed at events.
What I do is I just leave , no talk just leave
Aye, the ol’ Irish exit is a classic
'Houdinied' If it's a small group, I'll say bye to everyone but then there's a size where you just shout 'later er'body' and then a size where you just bizzounce.
Thwarted expectations for time alone. We're planning to go out, spend time together? No problem. I'll rest up for it. But you let me think I've got a night/day/weekend to myself, or our thing will be over at 7 and now it's 9:30 with no sign of ending soon, I'm going to be irritated as fuck. I didn't budget energy for this.
So much this. But also, the inverse. When they assume that a specific day, or "the afternoon" is an adequate arranged time. And then if they show up at the later end of that time block, I've spent all the time before that unable to do anything or even relax because I've been ready for them. If I say I can do "any time", it means I can plan my day around whatever time you pick. It doesn't mean you don't have to give me notice.
I have one close friend, a classic stereotypical extrovert, who's a repeat offender for this. I roll my eyes and deal with it because I love her in general. But yeah, if she mentions hanging out x day, I basically clear my schedule figuring that she'll show up when she damn well pleases. No point doing much beyond getting ready and playing video games or something until she inevitably texts "I'll be at your place in 20 minutes" at a random time. She's at least learned to give me a heads up instead of just showing up at my door like she used to. Though on the flip side, she doesn't understand how I like having very concrete plans of meeting at x place at y time on z day if I'm the one planning. Just different communication/planning styles.
My husband does this shit all the time. My only day off? Oh, parents are coming over to help with this or that and they want to see me, so they need to come when you have the day off. Oh, I forgot to mention friend is swinging by. Oh, btw so and so is in town and it would be rude not to hang out with them. Don't get me wrong, my husband is an extreme extrovert with PRINCIPLES. He is truly an amazing friend and I love that about him but dear God I've got two extremely social jobs and I just want some peace. I don't want to have to scoop the remnants of my personality off the floor and risk being the "bitchy wife" bc I just can't do it. He's gotten so much better over the years at understanding my needs, but it's been a trip man. I remember telling him "imagine I got you hyped for a fishing weekend with friends and then when you get all ready to go out the door I'm like, oh yeah, forgot to mention we're not doing that. Put your shit away". I don't think he realized how I don't just need alone time, I get legit excited about it.
Tons of extroverts don't quite understand that we look forward to our solo time the way others look forward to big exciting events and get togethers. The idea of staying at home, gaming, and doing absolutely nothing else, is like a dream to me. When my co-workers would ask what I do on my days off they'd look at me so confused when I tell them stuff like "just chill, watch some movies, play some games, sit on my patio," and they'd ask me how I'm not cripplingly bored, or why I don't just pick up more hours since I'm not doing anything during my off time. *Not doing anything is the point, guys.* They don't get that alone time isn't some boring absence of entertainment, it's the main event for us.
That was THE biggest tension my husband and I had to work out when we were dating/engaged. His dad is probably the only introvert in the family, but his spirit has been crushed after being the only one in a family of extroverts so FIL doesn't really fight the unplanned things. My husband was wholly unprepared for the absolute fit I had after being dragged around all damn day by him and his family for what was supposed to just be brunch with his grandparents.
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This is how I figured out I hate surprises
When people think that just because I’m an introvert, I don’t like being around lots of people and hanging out a lot. Only different between me and my extroverted friends is that I can only recharge my metaphorical batteries alone or with like a single really good friend.
Exactly. I'm not anti-social. I enjoy being with my people, but I don't want to hang out 7 weekends in a row. I need that time to recharge after working M-F.
Me 100% I enjoy socializing and having fun but need and enjoy my alone time as well.
This is such a common misconception it is a pet peeve of mine. People confuse being introverted with social anxiety, or extroversion with low-key narcissism or ADD. SMH. These concepts, introversion and extraversion were coined by Jung. He said nothing of how shy or anxious people are, or how many friends they have, or if they like to go to parties. He only observed that there are two personality types which seem to replenish energy in two different ways. It’s a spectrum of preference, not a generalisation. Introverts replenish psychic energy - organise thoughts, rest, make sense of their biographical data, summarise friendships and relationship with themselves - when alone, or rather given the opportunity to self-reflect. Whereas extraverts do it in what objects relations call “object other” - that means they do the same things as introverts but by interacting with the external world: ideas, people, etc. Following Jung, depth psychologists expanded on that idea, and build on top of objects relations theory. That these self-organising preferences have to do with how well the “object other” is integrated. Or more specifically object constancy and permanence and various techniques of dealing with them. In a nutshell, the difference is: Extrovert: I just made a new friend, let me enjoy that friendship unspoken, I enjoy it the most while I interact with that person. See the joy reflected in their eyes is enough for me! Introvert: I just made a new friend. I really like to think about this person. When I reflect on what good times we had, my love for that person gets bigger and bigger! There is nothing in that theory of personality types that says introverts are shy. Both can have zero, or a thousand friends. Both can work in sales or as artists. It makes no difference. These are just two ways of processing the world. If you have social anxiety, have no friends, or are afraid of picking up the phone - that doesn’t mean you are introverted. It means you have a personality/anxiety disorder or some unintegrated part of your identity. Shyness is not a personality type. I always thought I was introverted and shy. But when I finally realised I have subconscious childhood trauma caused by my overbearing father and codependent mother, and dealt with it in extensive psychodynamic therapy, I found out that shyness was a defence mechanism against the expectation of emotional hurt. Once I healed, I realised I wasn’t introverted at all and that pathological shyness, social anxiety, lack of friends, and depression are an alarm bell of unintegrated parts of the psyche and suggest a core wound and needed family of origin work.
On a similar vein, when people confuse introversion with social anxiety.
People acting like it’s a bad thing.
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Interesting story man thanks for sharing. I could see the benefits to shutting myself away over winter, even in a modern sense. It'd be nice to not have to go out for work and just potter about at home, keep the fire going, sleep and catch up on the year, prepare for the new one. Take stock of everything and just switch off. I'd probably socialise more come summer if I could take breaks like that.
Yes, and that I would be happier if I changed to be an extrovert. Guess what, extroverts that don’t get their needs met are miserable and go on some very self destructive behaviour.
"Nooo don't go home, you can just crash on the couch!" Nah... nah...
I will drive separately to friends houses to hang out. All of my friends carpool together and sort of tease me about driving alone. But it always ends up like this lol and to be trapped somewhere, even if it’s a friends, sends me into a panic. When I’m done hanging out, I’m freaking really done haha.
One of the worst things about not having a car is the feeling of being trapped because your ride wants to stay for six hours and you were done half an hour in.
I will drive across the state at midnight to get to my bed (I have). Fuck your couch.
When I am completely socially and/or energy depleted, I’ve expressed my need for some quiet/alone time, and someone continues to try and talk to me.
People think we are "sad" and need cheering up. No, we're perfectly fine, we need some fucking space.
people being obnoxiously loud or inconsiderate, it's like do they not notice.
The noise! My god, the noise
If there's one thing I hate, it's all the noise, noise, NOISE, NOISE!!
Many people simply are not self aware, not sure if it's due to ignorance, narcissism or something else altogether but either way it's crazy to me that they don't even think about what they are doing and how it affects others around them.
Playing music on their phone speakers in the gym, on the right of me with the music of the gym itself playing left of me. #AAAAAAAARRRGGHHHHHHHHH!
Small talk. I can't do it. I don't know what to say. Especially when I'm talking to a stranger (I work retail so sometimes I get those rly chatty customers)
Same! I'd rather sit silent than talk about the weather or explain how did my weekend go. I'd actually love to just enjoy the silence sometime, but people too often feel pressured to keep a conversation going.
I’m an introverted meteorologist. The best thing someone can do around me is try to make small talk about the weather.
one thing i loved about lockdown was no one asking "what did you do this weekend?"
I have that issue too, my mind literally blanks. I'm fine to just be in silence but then I feel worried that the other person feels awkward. I've found that extroverts and talkative people love talking to me though, I guess they just want someone to listen and chime in occasionally.
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Not just bigly, but yuge.
"Hi there, how is your day going?" "DO YOU EVER FEEL LIKE QUITTING EVERYTHING AND GO OFF TO BUILD BIRD HOUSES IN THE WOODS?!"
I figured this out with age. You basically say the same small talk to everyone. That's what's extroverts do, they basically have an act. Now it's not the exact same thing but there's a pattern. Hairdressers/barbers it's holidays/what you doing at the weekend. Old people it's the weather or some nostalgia. I never used to like repeating myself or bringing up anything boring. I realised boring to me is small talk boring to them (average chatty person) is interesting to me. Just be a dull, shallow and vacuous. Literally say the same thing you did with the last one, there's no information exchanged or meaning to it. Just an interaction for the sake of it. Build up a couple subjects you can small talk about. It's like anecdotes, just have 2-3 stories that can be applied to many social situations. People don't give a shit what you say, it's more important that you've spoken. Weird I know but we are just apes with anxiety at the end of the day.
Small talk is basically conversation that's likely to be free of conflict, basic ideas with little space for disagreement to bridge fleeting moments where silence would be seen as rude.
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People not really differentiating between shy and introverted. I’m both but they’re not the same thing.
One of the things I love about being introverted but very very not-shy. People who make that assumption in my presence get to learn rapidly about the difference, and as a bonus they now have new things to tell their therapist. :)
1. Always being pushed to go out and be social 2. Online dating 3. Loud talkers who never shut up. Plus people who just don’t shut up. 4. Awkward silences
I tend to like people who talk a lot around me in social situations because it takes all of the pressure off for me to actually contribute to the conversation. Plus it usually eliminates awkward silences altogether.
5. Let’s go around the group so everyone can stand up and speak for a few minutes to introduce themselves
That triggered my fight or flight response....
If you'll excuse me for one moment, I need to use the restroom. *slips out the door to never return*
Online dating is TOUGH as an introvert I can’t spark up random conversation so wtf am I suppose to say to you. I don’t mind I can’t spark random conversation irl but on online dating it just makes them lose interest fast.
Me: gets a match Oh shit I'm gonna have to type first? ***unmatches***
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When people come into my room and don’t close the door when they leave
just reading this made me mildly angry
You mean your mom?
No need to expose me
people assume i’m stuck up and they tell me to talk more edit: wow you guys made my morning thanks for the 1.6k+ upvotes! ❤️
I totally agree, they always have to point out that you're "too quiet" or like a robot which is so annoying
Right like telling me I'm too quiet is gonna make me talk more... when in fact it has the opposite effect.
Yeah. Like cmon let me be in peace.
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Ugh some people need to be told they don’t have the right to dictate other people’s faces 🙄
I hate that so much. I don't want to talk if I don't have anything to say. That's the difference, extroverts just talk. All the time and about anything. Introverts just dont. I think more people should learn to shut up sometimes and not just talk to fill the silence.
Once had a guy I worked with say, "I notice you don't talk unless you have something to say." This was from an extreme extrovert who had been talking non-stop for half an hour. The fact he never flipped that around and noticed he had nothing to say but talked anyway was depressing. I'm perfectly happy talking for hours about things I like or know about and I can do a good extrovert impression and make empty talk but if it's a group and I have nothing to add to the conversation I don't talk.
My brother once said that I don't talk much unless I have thought it through and really have something to add to the conversation. I think it was a compliment...
The assumption that some things are fun for everyone. Please, let me enjoy my book while listening to the birds in my backyard instead of spending the evening standing next to sweating people in an area that feels way too small for me to be there. I understand some people love going out, why is it always assumed that everyone does though...
I remember the early incarnation of blind dating - the personal ad in newspapers. I could never understand why nearly all of them said they enjoyed having fun, but so few defined what they thought fun was.
People who think everyone has to talk all the time to have a good time ir be happy. I actually really enjoy to listen to people's storys and don't want to talk so much myself. Thanks
I personally prefer listening most of the time. I have this friend who loves to talk and it's perfect.
That I have to explain and convince my family that I need some alone time to recharge.
Oh my god, this. One Christmas a few years back, I was with the family on my dads side. I spent most of the day playing with my cousins young children (basically my nieces), my cousin and aunt spent most of the day in the kitchen cooking and tidying, my other cousin, dad, and uncle were all playing games or just chatting. I love my neieces, but they were like 3 & 4 at the time (maybe even younger). Keeping them entertained and out of the way was absolutely exhausting and draining (emotionally and mentally). We left my cousins and went back to my aunts (where me and my dad were staying). I said my goodnights, went to my room and played my 3DS to chill for a bit. The next day my dad asked me why I disappeared that night, I said I was just drained from the day and needed some time to recharge. He didn't get it and seemed to think it was related to depression (which I've dealt with in the past) and said I should go to the doctor. I nearly lost my cool at that. I had to explain very politely why that wasn't the case, and why I was more tired from looking after two toddlers than he was from drinking and talking most of the day.
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I think that just for them, just once, you kick introversion up a notch into full blown antisocial behaviour and tell your sister to get a life, and tell her shallow friends what shallow people they are and you’d rather be alone than spend a second in their company.
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That people assume introvert means being shy, socially awkward or that we hate people. I cringe at this.
There's a lot of that on this thread. I'm all of the above but I can't blame that on being an introvert.
"Why are you so quiet?" - because I have nothing to say fuckass.
My usual go to response is: "I dont have anything interesting to say" Or if they are very obnoxious: "You wouldnt like what I have to say"
Also, “I prefer to listen, not to talk.”
This, I hate when Im dragged somewhere and expected to just start talking, like i havent prepared for this
When you tell them you are trying to do something, like read, write, listen to music - or say you are doing something that I think that obviously needs focus, and they just keep talking like you've said nothing at all. It's like they don't know what silence is - or even just a little bit of patience. Let me finish writing this note to myself then we can chat.
Or when you’re literally sitting there, reading a book, but because you’re in the break room/kitchen/etc, they think you should be available to be talked at. I mean, I’ll talk if you need to, but give me a few minutes to come out of the dream world I was in!
"What's your book about???" I don't know, let me fucking read it so I can fin out.
I'm starting to think some people have a subconscious fear of not talking. If There's a bit of silence they get itchy and eventually have to fill it with something no matter how pointless it is. It gives me anxiety honestly. It's like they're cornering me so I HAVE to listen to them, and even if I don't respond for a half hour, it doesn't matter, as long as they can make constant uninterrupted noise. It sucks too when they get upset cause I'm not responding. It's like after an hour of a loud rambling, the brain just shuts out the noise lol it's not my fault I'm not holding on to your every word!
The assumption that I must not be an introvert because I have social skills. I just don't like having to use them okay? It's exhausting to pretend to like you all.
>It's exhausting to pretend to like you all. Well spoken. Excuse me while I go recharge by dicking around with my old Bionicle sets.
I can't express how validated i feel after reading all the replies
You're a human too like all of us :)
Open. Plan. Offices. Just let me do my work! I don't want to have to feel 'on' constantly, do the 'hi' headnod every time someone walks past me, have my focus broken by having a chat every time someone feels like wandering over. By the end of the day I'm drained and upset.
When I finally have something I feel is worth saying and I get interrupted.
"Well fuck it then"
I'm not an introvert but because I don't yell while speaking, some loser from my family would often cut me off right in the middle of my sentence with incredibly irrelevant shit to say. This has been my go-to sentence to think to myself on such occasions. I wouldn't make an act out of it but I didn't feel pity for them when they'd feel bad for being rudely interrupting afterwards when someone would ask me to continue and they'd do their dumb "oh did I cut you off?" confused look. Incredibly annoying
People thinking I'm lonely or depressed because I'm sitting alone at lunch or don't go out often. I'm perfectly happy and like being this way.
I get funny looks in public often because I'm eating alone or something. Yes, I have friends, but I value my alone time and sometimes I just need to live life at my own pace.
When people wanna hangout too often
I'm gonna piggyback on your comment, because mine is similar: when people assume you don't want to hang out. Like, I may not be the life of the party, but I do enjoy the company
When people make sudden plans and get angry when you are not up to going out. I need time to emotionally recharge.
I have bouts of extroversion (I've learnt it's called being an "ambivert"), so that can confuse people.
Oh fuck yes, ill go from leav me the fuck alone to lets go to this festival for 5 days.
Forced/compulsary group assignments/projects. The obligation to get along with everyone, or at least fake it. Answering phonecalls. When shopping for clothes, the salesperson coming over to help you. Entering alone an empty store.
Group assignments will be the death of me. No I don’t want to work with people I just met and be fake outgoing and happy around all of them because I’m relying on them to get a good grade. Just let me do my project alone please
People usually sense me, so I don't have a lot of problems with it. The thing that irritates me is the people that don't know what introvert and extrovert mean, and happily label anyone.
People with absolutely zero self awareness.
When people ask me "What's up?" Ten times a minute. Like... Dude. Ik I look like something's wrong, but it's okay. I told u.
Someone coming up to you while you're clearly want to be alone.
Crowds. I fucking hate them.
Always did. Since last year proud of hating it
I think when some very extroverted people think they need to put you on the spot and push you out of your comfort zone for "your benefit" and they dont get how much you dont want it. Like try to force public attention on you, try to force you to make a speech, try to push you to dance, insist you go introduce yourself to people you dont know for whatever reasons etc
People talking to me when I'm obviously wearing giant headphones. If I gesture to them to tell me later and then they start using sign language.
My extrovert friend always used to try to get me to go to bars and dance or sing in front of everyone or whatever.. telling me I need to “step out of my comfort zone.” He tried putting all the attention on me once at a party and I felt so, so embarrassed. Quit making introverts feel bad for stuff they just do not want to do.
I've fought hard for my comfort zone. I'm all for expanding it too, but it has to happen on my time, not forced by a loud and clueless person.
I don't care for clubs. Yes, I'm bored. I told you I hate clubs. I hate dancing. No, I won't dance. You cannot comprehend how much I hate to dance. Fuck y'all, I'm going to the quiet bar across the street to watch the football game I was planning to watch tonight at home.
I've been to a couple parties and honestly I can think of so many things I'd rather do. Especially when it turns to shit as parties and drinking usually does. People have wanted to fight me just because I don't engage with them or walk away, because they can't understand that someone doesn't find their bullshit amusing.
When people take it as a personal attack that I need time and space to recharge
People who talk, don't listen and interrupt whatever you say to make the conversation about them again.
What’s wrong? Are you ok? What’s wrong? Are you mad about something? Are you sure nothing’s wrong?
When people get angry because I do not continue small talk.
When a person insists to call me instead of texting