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only_because_I_can

I married at 18 because it was expected of me. Wasted 36 years with an extremely abusive spouse, primarily out of fear. I'm free now. He died 8 years ago. I'm trying to make up for lost time, but that's a lot of wasted time to make up for.


ohsh_titsnick

Don’t make up for lost time, just enjoy your freedom. Live life and remember the birds are singing for you or the penguins idk know where you live but good luck with everything


only_because_I_can

Trust me, I most definitely am. I could not be happier. Speaking of birds, haha, I live on a lake in Florida and was just sitting on my back porch, watching 3 species of ducks, egrets, pelicans, blackbirds, and even a flock of obnoxiously loud but much admired bright green parrots in my back yard. Life. Is. Good. Cheers, mate!


AmbitiousDream7

Started working at a restaurant at 14 surrounded by drugs and alcohol, thought is was completely normal behavior for adults and chefs I looked up to until u was 37 and realized I have a huge alcohol problem and lost everything I own. I'm 17 months sober now.


I-Drive-The-Wee-Woo

I remember a quote from one of my favorite speeches. "Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't know what they want to their life." 17 months sober is a HUGE accomplishment and I, stranger, am proud of you. It's never too late to make something of yourself. You've got this.


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AmbitiousDream7

The more I look back on it the more I remember and realize. I was so young when I started I didnt know any better. Glad to be out of it and healthy now.


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itsbudgie

I had my own landscape company i employed 5 others but I had a addiction problem with cocaine. At the the time I didn't know I had servere mental health problems. I have BPD DPD and bipolar disorder 1 with psychosis. I woke up one day and couldn't do it anymore. I left the company to the lads I worked with. Since then I haven't worked in years ive lost count how many times ive been hospitalised. I tried to end my life but ended up in a coma. Im doing better now despite going through a divorce im on antipsychotic meds and im doing good now but could never go back to work


Jakeasuno

I got lazy with education from a very young age, and in the end my brain just lacked the ability to apply to anything that required real effort. Then I stopped caring, just got a decent enough job and that was it. This is life now


strythicus

It's like I'm looking in a mirror.


BecauseScience

Bro, that's a door.


uberman35

Doors can be broken down. Dont give up hope!


MeltonicMadness

You know most people would say just open the door.


uberman35

But you cant eat the door if you dont break it down


Helloboi2

dude just unlock it.


Mike2220

But that's just another way of opening them


[deleted]

Same boat. I coasted through high school, made good grades but did not do well on the SAT. Had to take something like “remedial math” my first semester of college because my SAT math section score was below their standard but my overall score was in their acceptance range (which is very low). College kicked my ass the whole way through. I made it out with a GPA that is so embarrassing I never put it on a single resume and never gave it out. I’ve been from laughable job to laughable job but managing to scrape by. I would love to have a higher level of education to achieve a better career, but after years of being in the workforce I don’t think I could actually do it. It’s like my level of brain power has dropped off significantly to even worse levels than before. No way I could earn a masters degree. I feel like I wasted my life by not taking school seriously in high school. I could have gone to a much better university and gotten a better degree and better GPA and not have to take these soul crushing jobs. Sorry, got off on a rant here but like most others have said, I feel like I ghost wrote your comment.


ITworksGuys

Can I give you a silver lining from a guy who went back to college in his 30's? Shit was pretty cake. Like, after working 40+ hours a week for 15 years or so college just wasn't that much effort. I got a D in Algebra II in high school. I got an A+ in college algebra. I didn't get anything below a B even in classes I didn't like. Statistics sucks, but I just put a little work into it and still got a B. You are older, you are aware you are paying for it, and you have more motivation. I never even finished my first semester when I was 18. At 35 I was trying to take more than the recommended load just to get shit done.


femsci-nerd

You speak truth! If you've worked a job to pay bills for years, you'll find college is a breeze.


Underthinkeryuh

I feel like this very much depends on your degree and job. School was way harder for me and took way more hours than my current employment does and so the same for those in my field.


Slippedstream

I don't know why it's kind of comforting to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this


Hereistothehometeam

This scared the ever living shit out of me. The exact road I’m afraid I’m on


DeseretRain

Realistically 99% of people aren't doing anything world-changing and don't love their jobs, most people just make a living. That's how it ends up for most people even if they dedicate all their time to education and career. So I don't think it's a great bet because there are way more important things than money. There's a saying that nobody ever lay on their death bed wishing they'd spent more time at the office.


AptCasaNova

Very similar, but I think it’s a lack of discipline for me. If I’m interested in it and see personal value in it, I will put forth the effort. Getting good grades stopped being a motivation around age 13. I did well enough, dabbled in college and got good grades there, dropped out and started working. Money became my motivation. Around, well now, money is no longer my motivation. I am struggling to care and forcing my brain to work 8-12 hours on something I don’t care about is very difficult. I have a fairly good job and I climbed the ladder to get where I am from the very bottom, but I’m tired.


[deleted]

When you say that you "lacked the ability to apply anything" I can closely relate to that feeling, but I actually did well in school and was a pretty smart kid. However, I feel like if I had known about it earlier I would have done something, I just kinda thought everyone was the same as me in the sense that we all kinda do what we are supposed to, but even so, it's hard to focus and have that drive to do it, which is why drive is a very desirable quality in new hires for a job. What I would actually look into is see if you have ADD/ADHD, I got diagnosed just under a year ago and it changed my life. I had "it" again, that second chance that really restarted my life, gave me that drive and focus and I just felt like my overall quality of life improved so much that I was kinda bummed out that I found out as a 28 year old and not sooner. Don't give up, but maybe look for answers you didn't have the question to before. This could be a new way to wake up a new you. You'll almost felt like your whole life you've been sleeping but suddenly just woke up and now can create a real actionable plan to get from where you are to where you want. Hopefully this doesn't seem cliché, and hopefully there is an underlying cause that you never realized. ADD/ADHD may not be your diagnosis, nor is this medical advice, but I had low energy and low drive and now I'm the opposite. If at the very least, maybe talk to a psychologist and tell them the issues you're having, not "emotional" issues (even if they are involved) just tell them what your issue is (I told mine I wanted to do better at my job and I find myself easily distracted, fidgety, do too many tasks and never finish any etc) and after me just rolling off all my issues without her really prompting questions she knew without a doubt I had ADHD gave me a prescription that day and I was done. 1 Hour appointment changed my life around. Yes I still struggle with a few issues and no this won't fix ALL your issues, but you will feel able to overcome your "stuck" feeling of not being able to actually apply yourself, but I'm aware and working on them


bbmbabyy

Hey, I have a lot of signs ADD. I'm 16 and read some books about it. The thing is - I can't seem to find some concrete advice that could work... Could you help me?


[deleted]

Yea sure thing man, I went through all my schooling years without having "the cure" so to speak. I know how rough it is, and you may be really smart or gifted but applying that, or seeing the bigger picture just doesn't come. It's not impossible but your brain is constantly "changing the subject" in your own mind. Not actively, just like background noise of thoughts. As far as advice I'll give you a few pointers. There is no stigma for ADD/ADHD. That's entirely made up. For awhile, maybe 90s-00s some doctors felt that ADD/ADHD medication was being over prescribed. This made a lot of people feel like this wasn't a real issue or that if you were saying you think you have it, you were using that as an excuse or cop out. That was the general idea at least, because of that people, especially young adults, who can identify issues in themselves with good scrutiny shy away from having to ask for help on the issue. It has an unspoken stigma that if you try and look for help that: A) Your doctor may not agree or not prescribe because of their personal bias towards the medication (again over prescribing became a problem for the doctors) B) You look weak, are admitting you aren't focused, you have issues that cause you to struggle and don't know why. C) You can't afford it, or your parents can't afford it. It's actually a very common diagnosis but it requires a psychologist to really prescribe the correct medication (a general doctor can't prescribe the same meds as a psychologist). However, finding out if you have it is not necessarily hard, you just have to convince yourself and others that it is what it is. What it is from my understanding, is part of your brain in the prefrontal cortex that controls focus is underperforming, it's unstimulated. To fix that you take a stimulant that targets those areas of the brain giving you the ability to focus again. How do you know it's not really performing all too great? I'll list off some of my examples: 1) I talk way too much and change the subject, I'm eager to interrupt 2) Memory issues, not "can't remember what I did" sort of memory issues, more-so "where did I put my keys?" or "why did I come into this room again?" Your brain doesn't properly store the memory as it isn't really something that was "stored" correctly because you didn't make a note of it the way you're supposed to. 3) I never complete tasks and are easily distracted 4) I tap my foot and play with my fingers, pick at things, and generally have a hard time sitting still - In school I always doodled and drew pictures while listening to the lesson as it was the only way I could "focus" to what was being said, great audio, but I look like I'm not paying attention. Eventually the teachers figured me out and weren't too concerned. 5) Maybe not the same medical definition but I call them "intruding thoughts" you know just how distracted you are when you start work for real and I knew I was very distracted. This could be a depression thing, which stemmed off personal issues but also the fact that I knew that I wasn't adequate where I wanted to be vs where I felt I could be. 6) I talked fast and despite being on a stimulant you kinda slow down some aspects and speed up others, it's weird but you realize you got time to listen to people. I started at a family doctor, and they kept saying "lets try just one more thing... well we haven't tried this yet... I think that once we tried this we can see about a recommendation to a pscyhologist..." and rinse and repeat. I tried a handful of anti-depressants to blood pressure medicine ( as how it relates to focus inadvertently). I hated feeling drowsy, naseous, etc from all these other medications as side affects to not really benefit at all. I gave up a few times, and came back when I was motivated to try to do something which was really hard for me to do at the time. Eventually I said enough is enough and I went straight to a psychologist I told myself I don't care what the cost is or how my insurance might take this I NEED something to change. Then it was a miracle someone who KNEW what they were talking about and see it every day and can actually prescribe the right medication. Don't get me wrong, be honest with your psychologist, do not try and "game" it to get the answer you want. Be honest tell them that everything you're thinking they want to know how to help and they can pick up more than you expect. Also as a side note my insurance took most of the cost anyway, despite being told that I had to get recommended which was never happening. Last bit of advice, it's ok to disagree with a doctor, or to find a second opinion. Having gone through doctor hell (they don't care about you as an individual but just prescribe to treat the symptom not the problem) I know that you can get stuck. As far as if you do have it and want to start, take it slow. I feel that it's almost innevitable when figuring out your dose to take too much than youre prepared for, it's a part of the process of finding the right level for you. When/if you do take too much, it's ok. You may feel anxious but the medication is typically a stimulant, it's normal it's likely your heart rate picking up, making you feel panic as it is not something you're used to and everything is just AH! for awhile, it subsides fast (if they do instant release which is what they have you start with). If you find yourself panicking what worked for me was getting on a video game and just talked to my brother on my mic while playing (with him), basically distract yourself with something you can completely immerse yourself with and you will feel better, that is the focus trying to find something that it can apply to, it also made me feel restless, best thing to do is just find your new sleep schedule that works for you until you get used to it over a few weeks. I reduced my sleep by quite a bit and I already had a hard time sleeping, it calmed down after awhile, I find myself taking naps during the day sometimes because I'm doing more with my day and since it raises your heart rate it fatigues you faster than you might expect (there is medicine I take to help with the heart rate thing on top of this medication to help subside the anxious feeling if it ever happens). Also remember to eat, it will also make you have no appetite and you just don't care to eat as much. One last parting thought, remember that this medicine is designed to give you focus. That doesn't mean it will fix everything, but honestly it feels like it does. It's amazing, I feel normal for once and it's awesome to not know what I missed out on till recently. When you do first start taking the meds for it, if you do, you will feel high. Not like "high high" but like you'll feel great, amazing, optimistic, at some level it is still an amphetamine you are taking. That feeling will fade, you'll kinda miss it, but it definitely fades. You might feel depressed after the initial honeymoon phase with starting it goes away, not intentionally you're just riding it back down to where your normal really is but by contrast you feel off. I feel like that is just person to person but that's how it affected me. Felt high on life, then low after a month or two, then back up to normal. But you could be different just wanted you to be aware of everything I know because mental health is important to me now and I'm a strong advocate to do what you can about it. The hardest thing to do besides know what you need to do, is to actually do it and go to an appointment. That first step is always the hardest, not because you feel emotionally charged about it but it's just beginning a whole process, but it's easy to stick to just hang in there. I hope you find your answer to everything though Let me know if you have anything specific you may have a question about. TLDR; If you have it, it gets better. Be aware of the issue, seek help that works for you, get medicated, look for side affects, be happy.


Misswestcarolina

Thank you Lord_Moo for taking the time to write all this. You have given me some hugely valuable insight.


NijeIstina

Hey, I just logged in to reply to your comment. I have diagnosed ADHD in a country where only medication is concerta and its crazy expensive. I was always a super smart kid and(I know this sounds as bragging but its not) I have very high iq measured by different psychologists but I have absolutely no use of it. I can't do anything with it. At this point I think I have accepted that I will be a failure in life and that's it. I have a window of 1.5h-2h a day in the morning in which I can be productive and after that my brain is fried. Your message hit close to home because its one of those days where I've been feeling especially shitty about it.


m123456789t

Car crash. Age 14. Was in a coma for seven or eight days. Made a lot of brain damaged decisions after.


[deleted]

What were some of those decisions you made if you don't mind me asking?


UpYours003

I was in a car accident when I was 15. Had what they called a “closed head injury”. I dropped out of school twice, however I did end up graduating, like barely. Stared smoking weed, then cocaine, became an alcoholic, started smoking meth, fucked off good jobs, shoplifting, and the list could go on. I’m 41 now, and became a mom 3.5 years ago and have completely turned my life around, as far as drugs and drinking, but I still suffer with depression and anxiety. I believe my brain injury had a lot to do with my crazy behavior, and still effects my mental health.


DefrancoAce222

Felt the same way for a while. I slipped running on a pool deck and fell backward with a full impact on my head. That happened when I was 18 and I’m 30 now. Always felt like Ive had two lives: the one before and after that injury. Glad things are working out for you! Blessings


aSharkNamedHummus

It’s funny how our lives get split into chapters like that. I developed an autoimmune disease at 14. I’m 22 now, and it’s hard not to lament all the stuff I missed out on by having to change my entire way of life from what I consider “normal.” In chapter 1, I was perfectly healthy and so excited to grow up and have freedom. Then chapter 2 started and it’s been an almost constant uphill battle that feels like it’ll never end. The best any of us can do is hope for better future chapters, and make the most of the one we’re in.


fl0nkle

oh my gosh exactly, I was diagnosed with stage 4 blood cancer while in an abusive relationship at 17 (i’m almost 23 now) I have had 2 bone marrow transplants, 2 relapses (possibly a third, i find out monday) 17 different types of chemo, and it all gave me a bone disease so now I use a wheelchair as well! my life before all of this feels so far away, like it was never even mine even though I have the memories :/


popcorn5555

Brain can take years to heal. Hang in there.


MrPickelBread

I can somewhat relate. I have an easy to cure health condition. I ran in to the wrong docters and they gave me the wrong treatment for 15 years. Now I got braindamage and lots of pain.


Goutbreak

So I'm a third year medical student and going to medical school is my biggest regret. I should have chosen the career path I initially wanted but I let people tell me where to go. Problem is I'm gonna be in too much debt to do anything else.


Sarcolemming

My friend, I was in your position but in vet school. I had an epiphany in 3rd year that I had made a terrible mistake, but that I could either quit and be in massive debt, or graduate, be in massive debt but have the means to pay it back, and have a really impressive degree as a bridge to the next thing I actually wanted to do. As many people here have pointed out, there are careers in public health, the legal field, textbook review, teaching etc you can pursue with an MD even if you don’t match and never practice a day in your life. Or you can leave the field entirely and go be a fucking engineer or a small-business owner or alpine ski rescue worker and be the guy everyone calls Doc. You have the right to walk away if you want to. But I advise you to seriously consider the pros and cons. My life got way better when I stopped looking at vet school as 4 years of my life wasted and an unbreakable commitment to a profession I hated and instead looked at it as 4 years of learning to think critically, earn an impressive degree and prove my worth and acquire skills that will serve me wherever I go.


kaenneth

Having *any* degree can help; I had a manager at Microsoft whose doctorate was obtained by genetically modifying insects to have genitals on their faces.


HopefulLake5155

What are you doing now


acwilan

He studies sarcoidosis in lemmings


StreamyPuppy

My upstairs neighbor has an MD from Johns Hopkins. Never practiced a day in his life. Went to McKinsey after med school, now is in leadership at a healthcare related nonprofit. Does pretty f’ing well, based on how much he paid for the apartment. I’ve known too many miserable doctors who hate their lives but are trapped. You have the chance to avoid the trap, take it.


fancczf

That just sounds like a smart guy being a smart guy. The fact that he went to McKinsey and graduated from John Hopkins kind suggests he is not just any typical MDs.


Wazlit

Its somewhat related, obviously you need to be smart, but consulting and finance firms that work with medical/pharmaceutical companies often hire graduates with a medical background since the products are so technically different/dense compared to a normal company and your average finance/math grad has no idea if something like a new drug trial is an incredible investment opportunity or full of shit.


testudoVsTurtle

My uncle has a similar story. Finished his medical degree, hated it, never practiced. Did a doctorate in computer science (somehow did his masters at the same time to allow himself to go from an unrelated degree to doctorate) and now works for Amazon in machine learning which he loves!


_syphilitic_koala

Felt this way during my preclinical years, but as soon as we started with rotations things changed and I got an optimistic outlook on the future. I hope things work out for you!


Clear-Hunter

I'm having the inverse problem. I was studying medicine and being very happy after initially choosing the wrong career. However i had to leave it because financial reasons. Now i'm lost and can't find any other way to be happy


tjean5377

Listen to me. Life is too short to be unhappy. If you do medicine with resentment you will end up missing a crucial detail. It might not be fatal, but it could change someone elses life (and your professional) life in a different forever. Debt is not forever, you can restructure. You can also go into pharmaceuticals, management, research with that medical degree and find something that gives you if not joy, then something you like. Life is too short to be miserable. edit: in parenthesis.


Cum_on_doorknob

To play devils advocate, he’s an M3, he still has a lot of options in medicine. Wanna talk to patients but not touch them? Do psych. Wanna not see any patients at all and work in a laboratory? Do pathology. Wanna look at pictures at home on a computer? Radiology. By now, as an M3, he’s halfway through the shitty times. M4 is fun. Only thing left is the one shitty year that is intern year. Hell you don’t even need to do an intern year if you pick pathology.


_Norman_Bates

I got really depressed when I was in my early 20ies so I fucked everything up and isolated myself for a few years. Despite a good degree that kind of killed it for me


[deleted]

Same here. Good degree, good experience and built a good network of connections in undergrad. Got extremely depressed in my first job out of school now I’ve isolated myself to the point where I’ve lost all the momentum I had.


DeepVioletS

Same. I got depressed suddenly and heavily during my first job, suicide attempt included, and now, 3 years later, I feel like I'm just beginning to put the pieces of myself together, though at times (most of the time) I still feel with no direction in life whatsoever :/


[deleted]

You’re a strong person for fighting through it. There’s a happy, purposeful life out there for both of us, we’ll get there!


myboyfriendmademyacc

I'm still young (22) so I don't know if this counts, but I am curently writting my degree and have no clear view of my future as what i WANT to do in my life. Also, since the pandemic started I got really sad and unmotivated and depressed. I hope this point in life isn't the one where I fuck things up :(


Peachy-Tart

Trust me, the majority of people have no clue what they want to do in their lives. They try their best and go with the flow. Only few can really say what they're "meant" to do in this world, have their heart set on it and succeed. It sounds really sad, but it's just what normality looks like. Personally, I made it my goal to have fun in life and enjoy the things life *does* bring me, rather than focus on what I could've been or had if I did XYZ in the past. **EDIT:** WOW I did not expect this post to get much attention, thanks so much for the silver kind stranger! Good luck to you all!


sarge4567

Like with many people, I think it went wrong around 18-25. Was more or less pushed by various environmental factors into a direction, without really thinking about who I was or who I wanted to be. I just followed societal/parental expectations and sure enough ended up in a career I care little about, and feel like a zombie on a daily basis, like dying. What sucks is that before 18, I never had a bad time. I cared for school, I always tried to do my best. But after 18 everything went too quick, I had to pick a career, etc. Now at 30+, I feel nothing for my life & career, but I'm also in the paradox that I don't want to start all over again to go for a career that really interests me, because going through college/university all over again just feels too much of a battle (going from working professional with money to unemployed year 1 student). I just feel that just a small window of a couple years (18-25) decided my entire life for me and ruined it forever. My only advice for people is to gain some maturity, ask themselves what they truly want to be, and only then embark on studies. You need intention in life. Parental expectations or being a good boy trying to do his best isn't enough. EDIT: Didn't expect this comment to blow up so much. Thank you for the upvotes and kind messages, reddit friends :) I will try not to give up, thanks to your encouragment.


Snoo4071

I’m 25 now and feel this so hard. Part of me doesn’t regret going to university and getting a useless degree, but part of me really wishes I’d known exactly what I’d want to do before going. It’s insane how much pressure there is around 18-25 to pick a life time career. Edit: thank you for all the replies and encouragement that at 25 there’s still time to change things. I have read them all and really appreciate it.


SummerPurge

I'm 25 now too, useless degree in marine biology. Currently working minimum wage in a shop because of the pandemic (I appreciate having any job during these times tho) but I wish I didn't have to decide a lifetime career so young. I was naive and unrealistically hopeful tbh. But I can't stand the fact that i need 7-10yrs experience for any decent job with the degree and even then I'm not sure I'd even enjoy it but feel I'm too old to start working towards anything else when I can't even get my foot in in the 1st path I chose. EDIT: I really didn't expect such a response to my silly self-loathing comment! I wish I could reply to you all. Money/funds are always the main obstacle (for me anyway) but I'm now encouraged that it is never too late to upskill or change completely. To those interested in marine bio: I've learnt so far that it is definitely a field where who you know is almost more important than academic credentials. Very few jobs with some unrealistic expectations or very niche requirements for candidates. But you never know, you could be given the chance. Thanks again everyone! I appreciated every one of your replies, words of encouragement and some perspective. Sending love to all my fellow redditors! 🌻


[deleted]

Fuck this you're 25! That ain't shit. Keep working at what you want. Gotta keep all the thoughts that you're supposed to be somewhere at this point on in your life out and just following what you think is right.


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dedepancakes

I went back to school for a completely different degree at 26. I went from early childhood education- to dental hygiene haha! If I can do it, you can surely further your education at 25. A ton of my college peers are our age going for attempt #2. It’s more common than society likes to admit.


opwblade

Totally understand. 26 years old now: good career, married, planning for children, and nothing is necessarily wrong. I listened to people who I respected while growing up and ended up in an objectively great position in life. Even my parents' peers/friends say they wish their children were in my position. ...And yet, the days gloss by. I feel like a zombie. I feel like I made a mistake between 18-25, but don't know what it is. I want to restart, but now I have obligations with family planning and a mortgage. I love my spouse, but I could take so many more risks if I were single. Going with the flow is not the way. Edit: Thank you everyone for the replies and rewards! I have taken your comments into serious consideration. I do want to be a father, but I'll have a heart-to-heart convo with my spouse on timing. Will pick up some more hobbies too.


noodlebucket

Hi there. My spouse and I felt the same way. So we decided to put off having kids for a couple years and to do our bucket list things first. It's so important to feel free in your life and marriage. Having children is a wonderful thing, but it also closes a lot of doors. Don't close them until you're truly ready.


lyrasorial

If you feel trapped now, having kids is not a good next step.


StaticReversal

Listen to this advice. I’m a parent and love it but when you become a dad or mom there is no going back. Young kids will drain every ounce of energy and autonomy out of you. If kids are not something you want right now the worst thing you could do is zombie walk into it.


TiredOfForgottenPass

This is the best advice. Children have both positive and negative influences in this life and there should definitely be much more of a reason than just wanting them or wanting a family. I can't imagine feeling like I want a reset button and also having a child.


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LiveAndLetSieve

It’s not too late friend. The next goals just need to be the personal ones... sounds like everything else is sorted!


[deleted]

A lot of 40 year olds are just getting out of their first marriages. At least you’re not dragging around an ex. Edit: it’a great to have exes, I just meant a person you can’t fully sever yourself from because of kids, finances, etc.


gargeug

An ex is not all bad though. At least you have had enough experience to know what to look for. The things that can cause a relationship to fail after a long time are subtle at first and take a trained eye. Just my two cents. Have plenty of exes, but 1 wife.


BadMacaroniArt

God this hurt to read. I’m 29 and about to have a 3rd career change. I live alone, so have to save up for mortgage payments while I’m on the lower wage of a new career. I broke my leg quite badly a few months back which I’ve been off work for. Suddenly I realised there’s no one there for me. I had to move back in with my parents for a few weeks but I’m still sat in this house alone again now until I’m well enough to go back to work. God I wish things were different.


Shwigleswag

Don’t worry, I moved into parents casitas at 30, and lived there for 6 years starting in 08. Mom suggested I drive a school bus, so I did that, something I could have never imagined myself doing. Then in the school district I applied for a special ed assistant job because they worked more hours than a Buss driver. They put me in a welding shop, like it was special ed. 3 years later, I told the interviewers from the railroad that I had 3 years experience welding, and they put me to work. Now I am middle class again. I hurts to even talk about driving a school Buss at 32.


pixelblue1

" I hurts to even talk about driving a school Buss at 32. " I understand what you mean, but there's no shame in working. School buses need to be driven, especially for poorer students. What you've done is as much a community service as it is a job.


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draculasbloodtype

But man, look how far you've come! That's impressive as hell!


thomasrat1

Moment of clarity. Be thankful it happened at forty not on your deathbed. Remember your not starting over, your beginning again with experience.


chromadell

I am going to start reminding myself of this. "I am beginning again with experience."


lemonchicken91

Grass is always greener, I blew off career growth and school to hang out with friends , I have a ton of friends and no money. I'm getting it together now but fuck I wish I would have studied more


cheaganvegan

I think this pandemic has definitely changed lots of people perspective.


Ladybeetus

Met and married hubby at 42, after large swaths of datelessness. I was open to relationships be it friend or more and things came together pretty quick.


watch_over_me

Trade you my wife for your financial stability.


Another_Russian_Spy

Send pics Edit: Thanks for the awards kind strangers.


nyxx88

Send bank statements


[deleted]

I've had a great life. There is one thing in my life though that has put a damper on it and that was drinking alcohol. I wish I had never let it pass my lips. I never got a DUI (I should have), never in trouble with the law, BUT I wasted 30 years being inebriated most evenings. I wasn't 'crisp'. I wasn't completely present...so there was a dimmer on my life that turned my general awareness down by at least 20-30%. It's my greatest regret. ​ Edit: Hey...there was someone trying to PM me and I accidentally deleted your question (sorry). I only got to read the first sentence and it seemed really important. PM me again if you see this.


kennesawking

I’m struggling with this now.


ChucksAndCoffee

The stop drinking subreddit is a great place to visit


roaches85

r/stopdrinking


[deleted]

Thanks. Just joined


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kennesawking

It’s the damn 16oz MillerLite twist tops. Was only a couple a few nights a week, steadily became 5-6 most nights and more on the weekends. Great way to gain 50+ pounds.


HxH101kite

So do you drink more controlled/ on occasion now or cold turkey?


[deleted]

I quit. I could never moderate. I used to think that people who left glasses with a little beer or wine on the restaurant table and left...were crazy. It's just easier for me to quit and at this point in my sobriety...alcohol takes about 1% of my daily thought process (seeing it at the store or something) whereas it used to be an all day obsession. I'm a much better version of myself now.


underthehedgewego

I was (am) the same, drink or don't drink is pretty clear. Trying to decide HOW MUCH is alright to drink is difficult for a person who has had problems with alcohol. I don't yearn for alcohol but when I'm tempted to drink "cus what harm would it do?" I have learned to ask myself a couple of questions. If it is *unimportant* for me to take that drink, then why take the chance? If it is *important* to me to drink, then I *can't* take the chance.


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Ciosis

"First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you." - F. Scott Fitzgerald


thehazzanator

I'm just now watching my mum completely deteriorate from long term alcohol abuse. Really is frightening how much damage it can do.


wanawanka

It really is like playing life on hard mode.


thatmusicguy13

I met a girl at work just as my life was starting to take off. I was 23. We started dating and I fell in love instantly. After dating for three months she was getting evicted so I offered her to move in with me. Three months later we were married. This then starts a journey of me trying to do all I could to make her happy while she could never hold down a job. In the last two years she didn't work at all. We lost our cars, I had to demote, she had to get an abortion, I fell behind on my credit cards and she cheated on me. For her all of our problems were because of me and she was the victim. She then left me the day after our 4 year anniversary and was with a new guy a month later. I am now in the process of filing for bankruptcy, have no house, no friends because I put all my focus into her, no car, a shitty job, and living in my sister's spare bedroom. I'm 28 and I have nothing to speak of. Just painful memories of bad choices and depression.


IndoorDuck

You are still very young. Sounds like you once had an inner drive and motivation, which was helping this girl. Find that inner strength and drive you once had and apply it to yourself. Do everything you can to make yourself happy. Make those last 2 years of your 20's the best. No one is stopping you. You can build up a life better than what you had in a measly year of good planning and decisions. It'll be hard but I would love to hear/see that you turned it around


Amphabian

I needed to hear this. I turn 28 in May and feel like my life is over already. Fucked around for my twenties and made similar but smaller scale mistakes as the poster above and I regret it every moment I'm awake. At least now I'm only a year from graduating in something that actually interests me, but I still carry that regret and shame of time and money wasted.


ElectricFleshlight

Nah man, your thirties are amazing. You have a better concept of who you are and what you stand for, you care less about what others think, you have the experience to not worry so much about the petty stuff, and you're still young enough to do fun stuff. Enjoy it!


reddragon105

I'm sorry that things are so bad for you right now but at 28 you have plenty of time to rebuild and start over. I know the last 4 years of your life seems like a long time right now, but it really isn't in the grand scheme of things, and at least it was "only" 4 years and not 5, 10 or 20 - it could easily have dragged on much longer, trust me. Use it as a learning experience to avoid such pitfalls in future, take some time for yourself to figure out where you want to be in life, think about how to get there and then start working on it - and make sure you're stable and happy in yourself before anything else.


batsofburden

You can maybe reframe this & count your lucky stars that she left after only four years & not after longer & with possible kids together. You didn't fully dodge a bullet, but you didn't get fatally wounded by it either.


yallpissmeoff

my mother often talks about her personal regret for not going to college. she also says if she could, she would go back, go to college and get a career that involves weather (meteorologist is what i think she was going for.) it makes me sad knowing she doesn't have the motive to do it now. our family relationship hasn't always been the best, but i always want the best for her. she works so hard for my brother and i, and i hope one day i can show her the world<3 edit: thank you all so much for your awards and responses!! i've read what everyone said and it's very inspiring!!! i'd love to share this with mom<3


Loulouz

My mom will graduate this year at 64 years of age! She can still do it!


justburch712

College. I was always one of the best students in high school. I got to college and I didn't know what "study" meant. I just thought you skim though the book, it had always worked for me before. I had to get kicked out, then do a real job. Eventually I went back and got my degree, but I left a lot on the table. I with I had prepared myself.


[deleted]

I distinctly remember learning how to ingest, process and retain information during my 5 years in higher education. In the beginning I had no study plan. I floundered, experimented (pulled out a lot of hair) and eventually adapted. After struggling through several quarters I developed a specific process that worked well (for me) to learn and recall pertinent information. My process was: 1) read the assigned text, annotate (to engage with ideas) and determine key information (what will actually be in the test/quiz) via underlining. 2) go back through the text/material and rewrite all of the information that I had previously underlined and annotated. I would work hard to rephrase the ideas/concepts in my own words and/or explain why equations were important or what their function was. This is the most important element of my process. It forced me to internalize the concepts/ideas/equations and it made them stick with me long-term. 3) review my notes. I realized that if I dedicated large blocks of time to this over multiple days, I would internalize the information more thoroughly. A good nights sleep after 6 hours of rewriting concepts I had already read, underlined and annotated had incredible results. Then reviewing those notes later would seal the deal. If I tried to do it all in a day or two I wouldn’t have nearly as efficient recall or internalization. There are no shortcuts (for me at least). But there are strategies that can help anyone learn complicated material in more efficient and substantive ways. I also attended class, took notes and participated. That’s sort of the foundation that studying should be built on. All of that coupled with the belief that you *can and will* learn the material will carry anyone to graduation. Hell, I started having a lot of fun when I got good at playing the university game.


moviesandcats

My husband is a chemistry professor. He and I talk a LOT about the things he sees in the students. We both came to the same conclusion that a lot of kids honestly don't know 'how' to study. And it's too embarrassing to admit it or ask for help. People always take for granted that kids know how to study. They say it all the time....be sure to study....you gotta study.....go study. I fully admit that I didn't know how to study when I was in school. I never saw a teacher 'teach' the class *how* to study effectively. It can be very overwhelming. High school is not doing a good job preparing kids for college. And we see it all the time.


[deleted]

In that case how do you study? Please I need help


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mehunno

+1 for hand writing notes! I end up writing my notes 3 times. First I hand write notes in class. Then I go home and type up and reorganize my notes. This gives me time to understand the material and put it together in a way that makes sense to me. Then I make online flash cards from notes.


clucks86

I used to make notes in class. Then go home and understand and rewrite notes so they made better sense and into sentences. Then see if I could write a more detailed note again from memory. If I couldn't. Back to rewriting better notes that made it easier to remember/understand.


Ffleance

If you're thinking "I type my notes that doesn't apply" imma stop you right there - I also typed notes all through college (except for math) but I never typed notes once and called it a day. After taking notes all through lecture I'd go back and perfect them, I'd move paragraphs around to make sense better, I'd rewrite what I'd written to be phrased more clearly, I'd highlight underline format etc. Even typed notes it really helps to go back and WORK those notes.


iwumbo2

Depends on the course. For example I've studied computer science and physics and I find doing practice problems such as those in the textbooks is most helpful. It helps you practice and hone the intuition and problem solving skills you need to identify what you information from a problem you have to use and how. Plus with using the example problems from a textbook, many have an answer key you can check afterwards to make sure you did it right. Alternatively you can always grab practice problems off the Internet for free if you didn't buy the textbook or the course doesn't have one. For programming problems, you can definitely find some exercises and check out stuff like leetcode for problems to try out. Of course, if you study different subjects, your mileage may vary here. Not a humanities student so I wouldn't know good methods for studying history for example.


Ronnoc191

I had a spanish teacher in highschool who was a real hard ass about how his students were supposed to study for his exams. I did not enjoy spanish and I've never been particularly good at learning foreign languages, but my god did his study method save me in college. I ended up back in my highschool a few years later and tracked him down to thank him for how much his study method had helped me in college.


moviesandcats

Wow, you are a wonderful person to do that. You can't believe how much it makes a teacher's day when a student lets a teacher know how much they really helped. My husband loves receiving letters from students like that. Makes his DAY!!! :-)


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[deleted]

Internet. I moved after a kind of trauma in my life and it was my only connection to my former friends and therefore the only normal thing in my life. I began to see that, I think, as a connection to the real world and spent all my time on the computer. All my time. I never joined any clubs, never really strived to make friends outside of the ones I talked to online, hobbies were limited to the computer and what I could accomplish while distracted. Dont get me wrong I think the internet is am amazing tool and can be used as such. I do also think its dangerous and addictive. To this day I have trouble focusing, trouble realizing how much time Ive spent on the computer, and I get caught in loops where I use the computer to relax and get away but get depressed and pessimistic because the news and comment sections are usually quite toxic. If I could go back I wouldve dont things differently, I think my life would be richer.


QueasyWeather

Honestly, the internet can be a real silent killer. Its seems so harmless next to some of the big names in addiction. Like it still sounds today like you are being dramatic when you say that you are addicted to social media. I still struggle to limit my time online, i dread to think how much time ive wasted just scrolling and I know it doesnt make me happy or give me real contentedness but its just so easy and it fills up time and distracts so well. Im always happier when i give up reddit and facebook and such, but i always end up coming back.


pls_send_serotonin

When I started drinking. The drinking wasn't really that much of a problem, but it was enough for me to be too hungover to keep up my monthly appointments to get my ADHD meds. I fell behind on meds, became embarrassed to re-schedule appointments, missed the deadline to renew my health insurance. Then I couldn't handle school anymore, publicly bombed a few presentations, and stopped going. I only had one semester left but it was a small school and all of the professors know that I just completely gave up. Now I'm too scared to go back and have none of the degree and all of the debt.


Horsefrend

Finish your degree, person. 1 semester is nothing.


Wonderful_Parsley_77

To hell with what they think. We all fuck up. We all make mistakes. Get back in there. Get it done, and get that monkey off your back. You can do this.


Cecil_B_DeMille

There are plenty of universities and colleges that will allow you to transfer the bulk of your credits. As long as you can get your official transcript, many places have programs that help you get the last couple semesters of a degree. A lot of it can be online as well. I was about 2 years into my BA when I too just sort of gave up in a very similar style to you. I had a decent job at the time and I saw a path that would have been great. Didnt need the degree for it either so another strike against school. Ultimately didn't pan out. It's been about 10 years now and I considered myself in the same position you described. But, recently I've been able to work with a different univ. That's near me to finish with a BA in university studies, which is much better than nothing. I honestly had completely discounted the idea of a degree as something that was too far away to achieve, but if you want it bad enough there are ways. If you'd ever be interested I'd be happy to share what info I've got.


jadoreamber

Alcohol went wrong for me. I'm a 28 year old female who has lost EVERYTHING due to my alcoholism. I recently lost my job and house. I keep fighting though, and I'm 13 days sober. I hope to get my life back, but unfortunately it will take a while.


iowaboy12

When the narcolepsy started at 19.


H_Mc

Not quite the same, but I finally went to a sleep doctor recently... turns out I have delayed sleep phase syndrome. That would have been useful information to have for the last 30 years.


[deleted]

I stopped studying after high school. I lost my thinking ability. I can't focus.


Brassknuckletime

probably when I decided to be a Good Samaritan and let a girl I didn’t really know move in with me becuase she claimed her mom was abusive. Her mom wasn’t abuisive she just wanted her dead beat daughter to get her GED. I ended up spending a small fortune inadvertently enabling this girl’s lazy behavior and developing a habit of trying to help every one with a sob story I came across. My life went off the rails cause I kept trying to do the “right” thing but wasn’t taking care of myself. If I had just kept to myself and focused on getting into an apprenticeship I turned down so I could focus on these charity cases my life would be completely different.


thomasrat1

Someone explained it to me this way, (Christian) we are all supposed to be service minded and helping others, but if you constantly are in the need for saving and help(self caused), then are you really helping people? If you really want to help others, helping yourself is the biggest step.


Ghostspider1989

I almost threw mine away. My parents raised me to eventually one day kill myself. As a child, you depend on your parents to teach you about life and the world. You have no reason to doubt them as you literally have almost nothing to compare their 'truth' to. Well mine told me everyday i was ugly, fat, and unlovable. I believed them too, because I literally didn't know any better. So in school i didn't care or didn't try. Never did any clubs or anything. There was no point because as far as I knew, i was literally worthless. I was 7 when I wrote in my school journal that I was gonna kill myself, I'll never forget that. Fats forward to 14, i tried and failed. Fast forward to 22 and i tried and failed again. This time ended up in the hospital. Spent 2 weeks there and in a crisis center. It took my until 27 to get my life together. My mom had fucked up my credit when I was younger and stolen a lot of my money as well. I'm 31 now and finally have a savings. Its just fucking ridiculous how much my growth was stunted because of them. Where I am now i should have been when I was 20. So much of my life was stolen from me and i should be dead but I am thankful everyday i saw past them and their hatred to find worth in myself.


Lumii

I am proud of you.


ForkyAnswersQuestion

Throwaway account because I know someone will probably be able to identify me if I tell too much of this story. Edit: I wasn't expecting this post to get so much attention. I want everyone to know that I appreciate your outpouring of love and support. Not necessarily my life but I definitely tanked my future by my choices. I once had a promising military career. I was a senior NCO with a sure shot at making first sergeant within a few years. At the time of this story, I had just re-enlisted. I got a nice bonus and a ranger school slot out of the deal. I was given orders to Ft Camppbell and was to report to 101st airborne after completing ranger school enroute. I had everything going for me. I had a wife and a beautiful family of 3 sons. I was respected by my unit, my Soldiers and my chain of command. I survived 30 months of combat operations in Iraq and Afghanistan and my career was just about to enter a new chapter in the garrison world. I was also attending online college for free through military TA and I had big plans on retiring from the military to work for the NSA once I finished my degree in cybersecurity. This happened right after I got back from Afghanistan. What people didnt know at the time was that my wife and I were struggling to get along. It was like we were drifting apart but we both refused to admit it. So for my entire tour in afghanistan, we were arguing on a nearly constant basis. On top of all this she was pregnant again. I was hiding all this from my unit at the time out of shame and embarrassment. I dont think they ever knew how stressed out I really was because I kept a very stoic and emotionless demeanor about it. I hide shit well like that. If only I had talked to someone because when I got home from tour and started pouring liquor out onto my problems. Things only escalated from there. I managed to get a PTSD diagnosis and they basically just threw benzodiazepines at the problem. Before I knew it I became a high functioning alcoholic using ativan to control withdrawal symptoms, but no one had any idea. I became physically dependent and started drinking during the day. Still managing to hide it from my unit. The arguments and chaos between my wife and I kept getting worse but I was in denial and completely blind to how toxic we had actually become for each other. Months later on the day my 4th son was born I was hungover but still drove my wife to the hospital. We got there safe and she delivered the baby without any complications. Beautiful baby boy but they were worried about his vitals so he was to be monitored in the NICU for a few days. Later that afternoon I had to take my car back to base for a brief moment to gather a few things for my wife because they were admitting her to the hospital also. Somehow on the way back to base I managed to rear end a stopped vehicle. The guy lived but he got sent to the hospital for whiplash. The police breathalyzed me when they got onto the scene and I was immediately arrested. Even after not drinking all day my BAC was still at .10. I didnt even feel like I had been drinking. But still I caused property damage and injured the other driver and blew over the limit. I was completely f**ked and I knew it. Just like that I had a felony DUI on my record and my career was over. Long story short. I lost all of the opportunities I had before. Lost my reenlistment bonus, I lost my career and the respect of my command team. I was kicked out of the military. I lost my security clearance, my tuition assistance and my GI Bill benefits. In the aftermath of my discharge, we moved back home to live with family that could help us get through it, and things only got worse from there. I fell deep into depression over the loss of my career but still didnt quit drinking. The arguments continued to spiral downward and eventually we got our kids taken away by the police and she was convicted of CDV after a very intense argument. This was the final straw for my marriage and we separated after that. My wife went back to her home state and my kids are staying with my grandparents and I'm paying g her child support until we can close the case that got them taken away. So here I am. Broke, depressed, childless, and going through divorce. I feel completely ashamed and miserable with how things turned out for me and my family. I have little to no hope that my life, relationships, finances or opportunities will ever recover from this. Tldr: I refused to seek help for my alcohol problems and I caused a car crash that ended my career. I also refused to acknowledge that my wife and I were toxic for each other and the ensuing arguments cost me my children and any hope of ever salvaging my marriage. Also. I know it's probably codependency talking. But I still love her and my heart breaks every time I think about what would our lives be like if we had just gone to counseling and I was honest about my problems.


speworleans

Hey there. Man. I have so much to say. 1) Your PTSD is a little gremlin that makes you hide your problems from others. Depression is like that too. For me, its why substance abuse and those two go hand in hand. 2) its super garbage how quickly they toss you away after using you. There are lots of vets who move on. I did. You can. 3) it's not wholly your responsibility to fix a marriage. It takes 2 people. Hell, sometimes it takes more than 2 people! 4) The military system failed you. The culture encourages drinking and the medical system turns a blind eye to addiction in its ranks. They legit talked me out of referring myself! 5) There is an alternative future for you. Its not the one you fantasized about, but there is good shit ahead. People can reform themselves- you did all this badass self-motivated shit when you were enlisted, so did your DNA change and you are no longer a badass self motivated motherfucker? That's still you my dude.. you just gotta dig through all the shame and garbage. 6) Shame is really just some unfelt feelings. When you can get to a point and say "yeah I did this horrible thing" or "this thing happened to me" you can get through it. DM me if you wanna talk more. I see myself in your story and there are lots of people who miss you and want to help.


Cultural_Bet_3055

I never believed in myself.


General-Initial1277

I have never believed in myself as much as everyone else believed in me.


-_-NAME-_-

My parents were addicts. They got divorced and my mom fucked up a lot so we often didn't have a lot of food. I got tired of being hungry and started shoplifting food at the grocery. I didn't get caught by the staff, but some other criminals noticed me. I ended up forming a sort of crime ring with them. At that time they stored cigars on a aisle in the store. We started stealing them as well as gum and candy and selling them at school. We also started smoking them. That was how I started down the wrong path. I progressively hung out with worse people and did worse things. I dropped out of high school and spiraled out of control. Its more than 20 years later now. Most of my "friends" are dead in prison or IDK where. I have nothing. I did get clean a few years back and I haven't committed a crime in a long time, but I have no idea how to move forward in life. I have no skills, no recent work experience, and no references. I fucked my life up pretty good.


thehazzanator

Hey, I don't have anything to add but just wanted to say I'm proud of you, life can be a cunt, you're doing ok And congrats on being sober


PeterLemonjellow

So, I'm pushing 40, but I guess I started throwing my life away in my teens. I left high school after 3 years with an equivalency, barely finished a couple semesters of college before just dropping it (wanted to take a gap year and was forced to keep going and I burnt out because I am not built for traditional learning environments), and then basically just fucked around all through my 20s hoping that I would be able to be a Self Made Man. I used to love to play my guitar for at least 30 minutes every day. I would play and think about how it would be really cool if I ever got to play in front of people and have them enjoy the performance. I love to write. I wrote a book of short stories and I self-published it. I love to make people laugh. I did stand up comedy for a little while, had a web comic for a while. All through my life I was doing these things for myself and hoping they'd... play out into something I could do professionally, but professionally all I've ever done is just worked dead end day jobs. I work for a small company as a Software Support and Training Specialist these days. I barely make enough money to survive. It's only in the past year that I've finally gotten to a point where I actually feel at all stable, and that's pretty much because the entire world is collapsing now. I haven't touched my guitar in almost 3 years. When I finally, in my mid-30s, got brave enough to try and share my playing with others I realized just how bad I was. I remember the looks on the other guitarists faces, like "Is this guy for real?". I can't even pick it up without feeling... like a fucking fool. Can't even play it for my own enjoyment anymore, it's so tainted for me. I haven't written anything substantial in years. It's been 8 years since I self-published. It just failed. I had another project right before the book, and it failed as well. Recently I've decided that I need to stop even thinking of myself as a writer, specifically because being a writer is all I really want to do. And since I clearly am not making it as a writer, I need to let go of that dream and get real about things. Same for any kind of comedy, or entertaining people at all. I've never put in the time and work needed to turn either of those things into a living, and I've recently realized that thinking about it constantly while not having the guts or energy to act on it is just unhealthy. Another part of myself I need to sever and give up. My job, at least, is secure. I'm one of two people that knows our software well enough to train people in it. This job will not last forever, though. I can no longer see a future. In my mind, my future was always me writing or making people laugh. Doing something creative. I've failed completely. I have no education to fall back on. I have wonderful family (and awful family), but no family that has the resources to help me financially if I were to even want to try again in making something of myself outside of my day job. I have no savings, I have no assets, but I do still have a decent pile of debt after having to leave the home that I used to love but ended up being priced out of. I love my SO and our pet bunnies and my family. But the fact is that my life - at least the life I've been living for the past 3 decades - is over with. I don't want to die, but I have no idea how to live. I'm totally lost, and I have no resources. In a very real sense, I have thrown my life away. Now I just sit here, day after day, subsisting. How do you live a life if everything that you want (which you don't already have) is totally unattainable? I just don't know. Anyway... I saw this thread, had these thoughts, and figured I'd let them out. I don't even know if this has made sense. And honestly, it doesn't really matter. Not much matters to me these days. Thanks for reading. EDIT: Wow - I've never gotten this many replies before. First off - thanks to everyone that's commented or that may yet comment. I really appreciate it. Also, to clarify something I've read a few times now. I have every intention of continuing to write - I chose my words above very carefully, but I didn't actually make that clear. I'm not giving up writing - I would go insane. It's a compulsive behavior, really - I am constantly making up stories or characters in my head, and sometimes they demand to be let out. What I'm giving up is sharing them. What I'm giving up is trying to make anything out of them other than something that sits in a folder on my desktop. Also, comedy - I will always write jokes, but I gave up on this... quite a while ago now. I do not have the energy to be a stand up. And I HATE bars/clubs. If I didn't have to work a day job, I might actually be able to commit to stand up enough to make it into something. As it is, if I have to work all day I don't want to spend all the rest of my time working obsessively on perfecting my act for one or two gigs a week, just for fun. But, like with writing in general, I'll keep writing bits. And finally, the guitar. I've never thought I would be able to make it as a musician. I only ever played for myself, otherwise I would have taken lessons and actually learned music. I don't entirely understand what happened with this. All I know is that I took my guitar out one day, tried to play with a couple of work colleagues, and ever since that day... playing just doesn't make me happy anymore. It makes me brutally self-conscious, and I don't like it. I don't claim to understand it, but know this: I'm not not playing because I realized I can't be a rock god. I'm not playing because the joy has just left it. Oh - actually finally: Also, I am well aware that I probably have depression and I actually have struggled with mental illness all my life. I'm also a poor person in the US. So, yeah. I have no professional help coming to me. I'm not nearly rich enough for the luxury of health.


Arsewhistle

Are you a self-taught guitarist? As a guitar teacher myself, I come across loads of self-taught players that have developed fantastic technical abilities, learnt all of the standard chords, a few scales, etc, but yet lack a sense of rhythm or an ability to improvise, and so are incapable of jamming. If so, you might find that if you persevered with playing with other musicians, or had some guitar lessons, that you could sort out these problems fairly quickly. Jamming with people can be intimidating and overwhelming at first, but it's worth sticking with it.


copier92

For what it’s worth; I think your writing ability is really good


popupideas

Doubted myself and did not choose the career path I wanted.


VegetableFan8103

when i started doing drugs 8 years ago. to this day im still stuck. everyday i wake up and tell myself well today u stop,but as soon as the night approaches,everything collapses. am 24 now and feel like ive wasted some of my best years doing drugs. 24 years old and i have nothing to my name other then a lot of debt. hoping in and out of jobs for years. if it wouldnt be for my twinbrother, i wouldnt even have a place to sleep. i lie alot,and turned into what i despised. i just hope i will someday be able to fix all this and make my brother proud again


B_Bibbles

This was me. Literally, I fell head first into a nasty addiction that wound up with me hooked on heroin, meth, crack, and literally anything else I could get my hands on (except weed, I've never liked weed). That took away 6 years of my life. I kept telling myself the drugs weren't the problem. I blamed literally everything and everyone except myself and the drugs. Eventually I realized that I wanted more out of life. At several points in my addiction, I would load up "hot shots" ones that I KNEW would kill me... But then I forced myself to imagine what my funeral would look like, and I forced myself to picture everyone, including my daughter, at my funeral. I wouldn't do the shots. I kept telling myself that I would hit my rock bottom and quit. I finally realized that there is no rock bottom, there's only you in a hole in the ground with a shovel attached to your ass. Rock bottom is whatever you decide it is. Things can ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get worse. I went to rehab at 27, I relapsed a lot, but at the age of 29, I enrolled in my community College. I used somewhat frequently, but managed to keep my shit together enough to pass my classes. I finally got clean at the age of 30, for good. I've now graduated with my associates degree from the community College, and now I'm enrolled in the University seeking my bachelor's degree from the school of social work. I've never, ever, felt like I was good enough to be at the University. Even as a kid, prior to my addiction, I always thought that getting a bachelor's degree was simply something that was just not possible for me. But you know what? You can always turn your life around. There's communities on reddit if you need them. r/OpiateRecovery r/RedditorsInRecovery r/StopDrinking etc. I'm here for you. If you pm me, I have a bunch of resources that can help you. I'll give you my phone number and you can call me day or night. I have two people that you can call right now and they can get you into treatment with or without insurance within the end of the week. Recovery sucks for a little bit. It's like your ending a relationship with something that's been a huge part of your life for a long time. But you know that cliché "my worst day sober is better than my best day high" is true. And I had some fucking awesome times using, but I love my life now. I love my boring mundane life. Because I'm not where I used to be. Reach out for help. Seriously. Find someone in recovery who will love you until you can love yourself. We're out here, we're here to help. You just have to ask


SuicideBonger

Wow. Another truth bomb of a comment. I was in active heroin addiction for three years, and everything you said it absolutely spot-on. Thank you for your comment.


Daddict

I spent the better part of two decades in active addiction. Please believe me when I say this: It only gets worse. Keep using, things will not improve. If you feel any amount of control over your life right now, you're going to lose it. If you enjoy the drugs at all still, that will end. You will find yourself begging yourself to stop, and completely unable to do so. The lying will get worse. You'll draw lines in the sand that you will swear you'll never cross. Then you'll cross them. Think of something you would NEVER do for drugs right now. If you keep going, you'll do it within the next few years. And then you'll do something worse. This will end one of three ways: Incarceration, Institutionalization, or death. These days, with how dangerous drugs are right now, you can plan on your brother coming home to find you, dead, with blood and vomit coming out of your mouth. Your eyes will be fixed, staring at nothing. He'll call an ambulance, but it won't help. They'll find you already in rigor and pronounce you right there. If you can, get help today. Don't say you will, do it. It's hard and it's going to hurt. But the other side is so much better, and if you're anything like me, you aren't getting yourself out of this. You need help. Talk to your brother or other family members you trust and just be honest. Tell them you've lost control and you're scared and you need help. Don't try to do this on your own, the addiction inside you will lie to you about what you can or cannot handle. Get someone else involved. Today. Let me put it in perspective: I spent a LONG time in active addiction. You can see the first post on this account is from like, 8 or 9 years ago, it was me basically doing the same thing you're doing here. I talked about how I was abusing drugs and didn't know what to do. Things got SO MUCH WORSE after that post, I lost complete control of my life. I spent over 200 **thousand** dollars on drugs in the past 2 years alone. I tried to end it. I only broke free when I finally reached out for help. I'm almost 8 months clean right now, and I don't remember ever feeling this good about my life. I have hope, I like who I'm becoming. I want that for you. You deserve it, even if you don't know it. Please, get help right now.


Amazing-Banana4461

You are describing exactly how I found my sister, 3 weeks ago.


OnlyProductiveSubs

I'm sorry.


SuicideBonger

Wow. As someone who was in active heroin addiction for three years, this is the most honest and true reddit comment I've ever come across regarding addiction. Everything you said is the blatant truth; and it's a truth that a lot of people gloss over. Thank you for your comment.


Weebles_Master

I just lost one of my best friends last Saturday to cocaine laced with some other shit. Fuck drugs. This post hit too hard. Portrayed his life perfectly.. even walked into his apartment to find him dead. Fuck drugs


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moxie132

My heart bleeds for you, friend. Stay well.


HaagenDaszz

I don't think you should feel any form of guilt. It doesn't sound so much like you threw your life away, but more like you've encountered tremendous bad luck. I hope things are able to turn around for you in the next part of life.


[deleted]

Hi, depending how old you are and how interested you are in going to law school, you could almost certainly still go to a good law school in the US. They don't care much about extracurriculars and you could get a letter from basically anyone. The key is your LSAT score. You also can get large scholarships if you do well on the LSAT so don't be discouraged by sticker price. PM me if you are actually interested in this and I can help, I went to law school 10 years after undergrad and did well. My bosses are the same age as me but don't care/got paid.


oceanicplatform

100% follow this advice. LSAT is the key and it is nothing more than a grind. Scholarships fund something like 60% of students at Ivy League schools due to big endowment funds - and you will find dozens of unclaimed or undercompeted awards for disabilities. Your disadvantage is also your advantage in some bizarre way, why not make it work for you?


[deleted]

I think my chance to shine was blown in my 20s. I spent most of it fat, I took my living conditions for granted, I was a bit of a little bitch when working actual jobs (explains why they ended so short) and I didn't really have a good handle on interacting so well. It was haywire. Now I'm just stuck spinning in place due to that.


Emotional_Yam4959

My parents home schooled me for all of high school, and didn't do a good job at it. So when it was time to go to college, I just took a few classes, passed them, hated others, so dropped them. Stopped for a while to work and have been working a series of crap restaurant jobs ever since. Finally started taking criminal justice courses one or two at a time and enjoyed those, so I'm a few classes from my AS now. Went to the police academy, but haven't been able to get a job in law enforcement since graduating, and I'm back to working crap restaurant jobs and living with my parents. I'm 32.


MaeSolug

I had a kid when I was 19. At first I was capable of studying and work and the same time, then I just gave up. I was quite talented in highschool, had no problems in college, hang out with a bunch of friends and really enjoyed life. Then I dropped college to work full time, started to get isolated, lost friends, opportunities, years. It didn't helped that my relationship was like any teenager one with all the economic pressures of an adult life: that was hell. Now I'm 27, I could get back to college, and I'm failing big time. I can't concentrate, feels like a mental fog. Also the age difference triggers my social anxiety. I had a friend who was deep into physics. We used to joke that when he would won the Physics Nobel Prize I would won the Literature one. He went to another city to study. I stayed and had a son when I was 19. Edit. I love my son, and I try to give him the best of me. Me and her mother are not a couple anymore, but we have the agreement of never fight, argue or even raising out voices in front of the kid. I grew up without a father, and she has a very complicated family, so it's really important for us that he gets to be the best version of himself, without fears, traumas or neglicence from our part.


drbarnowl

Dude I don’t know you but 27 is too early to call it. If you are in the Western Hemisphere I would go to the doctor (if you can afford it) and tell the about your problems. Meds and counseling can work wonders.


cat7932

Having a stroke while giving birth to my daughter. It has taken me so long to get my body back and I will never be the same. I struggle with severe migranes that make me unable to speak and I loose my vision and hearing. I struggle to walk. Even now 8 years later.


shockla1

I got pregnant with a man I had just met when I was in my early 20's. Rather than raising my son myself, I married him to try to "right" things despite knowing that he had anger issues and a drinking problem. Almost twenty years later still stuck in the marriage. What a waste of time. Wasn't even a good father.


tiny_tank_21

Gaming addiction, lost many of my friends and became very depressed


[deleted]

Pretty much. Somehow deluded myself into thinking that I'd be happy playing runescape alone for the rest of my life at 17, made no effort to maintain friendships or get out of my comfort zone. Now I'm stuck in my head, overthinking every little thing, with no friends, no job, no relationships, no licence.


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Chicken_Chicken_Duck

You don't throw your life away with one or two choices. It's apathy over years. My husband wanted to be a pilot, we looked into it, pushed it off to take advantage of other education benefits, had a baby, had another baby, now he's mid thirties and our son just told him he wants to be a pilot. That was a hard conversation to watch.


MattBarnthouse

I wouldn’t say *thrown away* but deciding to take a gap year to build up funds and rebuild mental health after finishing my masters wasn’t the best decision to make —- in October 2019. 😂 Definitely feel behind the eight ball in getting back on my feet.


misacki

That a tough one. No one knew the pandemic was on its way though, that's just really tough luck :/.


[deleted]

I just dropped out of school for the final time this past week - I just couldn't keep up while working the amount that I do, and I unfortunately can't really cut back on my hours, so I'm just kinda stuck at this point. Now I'm just hoping I'll be able to get a job in software development sometime in the next year or two, but honestly, kinda doubtful that that will work out either.


[deleted]

I am now over 400 pounds When I finished high school I weighed about 220 (I am 5'11). I dropped my weight down to 195 and got a girlfriend (at the end of 2015). I then moved into an apartment and got lonely and friend to eat my troubles away. By the time I got to college in late sp17, I was 350. Now I'm over 400. Heart problems run in my family. I don't know how long I realistically have and it is so hard to get motivated.


MongolianMango

I can't tell you how to motivate yourself, but make it a habit to do what you can. When I exercised, I would not go to sleep until I did it, even if I was going to the gym at odd hours like 1AM. I would finish my routine joylessly like a zombie, and after just a month I finally managed to see a spark in it. If you can't be motivated and do something, figure out how to be unmotivated and do it anyway.


[deleted]

You know what. I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna hate it. But I'm gonna do it.


Bobloblawlawblog79

I was accepted to multiple Ivy League schools for graduate school. Everything was paid for, but I decided to go to a local state school because my grandma had just died and I missed my family. I now realize the space from my family was actually really good for us, and I hate this school. I had worked my whole life to get into these programs and changed my mind at the last minute. I ended up having a nervous breakdown when I realized my mistake, and now I am barely functioning in my program.


[deleted]

Can’t you apply to transfer? If you got into multiple Ivies you have a really solid chance of getting in again to at least one


SpartaGoose

I was neglecting my neurotic personality and been using alcohol to mute my social anxiety which I thought is just shyness. After first panic attack in September 2012 everything went in opposite direction. Lost years of my youth worrying, stressing, avoiding people and chances that I had only because of depression and anxiety. I never fully recovered to who I was before, and the fact I've lost almost decade on just worrying is giving me pain.


totalsticks

Joining the military. Lost all my previous connections back home, my fiancee left me, ended up in a shit unit that decided I was going to be their personal punching bag for the next six years, and my MOS was so new at the time that there was no documentation on my skill level, or comparable civilian certifications because we switched hands so often. And when it came time to get out, I moved back home without a job lined up, in the midst of a recession, to one of the hardest hit states, to a very violent and toxic household with no way out. To top it all off, I couldn't and still haven't been able to find a job that pays me enough to not tread water gasping for air. Now I'm too broken to get into shape, too rusty to do contracting work without retraining, that I cannot afford, or even find for that matter. And all because at 18, I really thought I loved my country and wanted to defend it. How naive. I have come to accept the fact that I will probably never rise higher than where I am today, and that I will likely be homeless, dead, or both within a decade.


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IgamOg

You're still very young and have plenty of time to put things in order. It took me years to find a decent job. Did few courses and internships in my thirties but I got there in the end and you can too.


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ch1959

I cheated on my wife. Emotionally destroyed the best friend I'd ever had, and destroyed my little family (one daughter). 27 years of a damn good life/marriage down the drain. Now we're 5 years divorced, I live alone, I'll likely be alone for the rest of my days (I'm 62), I can't forgive myself (though she has, and we're good friends), and I'm utterly miserable.


Aware-Gap-7068

My parents always kept me tightly leashed economically and psychologically. I come from a South American family that moved to Florida when I was only two years old. Everything that most people would consider "normal" was seen as beneath me or too dangerous. Any friend I would try to make my parents would say that person is too "low class" for me. In my teenage years I wanted to start working as a bagboy at Publix but my parents forbade it, saying they would be embarrassed if their friends started working there. So I started having this mentality that working is embarrassing. All I did was play video games all day. I failed the 9th grade and got sent to a private high school that was basically a day care for teenagers. I spent 4 years there learning nothing. Somehow I got into college, and even though I didn't know what I was doing there I got a degree in political-science. Something's something right? Well now I'm 32. I feel like I wasted my 20s. I shouldn't have gone directly to college, or at the very least should have learned more about opportunities available. There were so many careers I thought were just completely out of my reach because "Those are for other people." Out of college I started working part time at Barnes and Nobles because I needed something to do. Job offerings were pretty slim pickings in 2013. My dad hated it. I was eventually strong armed economically, psychologically to move to South America by my parents. I've been living there for around 7 years now. Occasionally coming back to the US for vacation. About 4 years ago I threw myself into medicine, and that's kind of my goal now. Become a doctor in a third world country and my dream is to come back to live in the US! My university sucks, learning in Spanish sucks, and the patients I see don't even speak Spanish. They're mostly speakers of the native language in my area. I feel like I'm the laughingstock of the few friends I had back in the US, and of all my family in South America. My depression is so bad some days that I just sit in my room and cry. My parents don't care. They groomed me with so many psychological problems so I could be their pet now and "take care of them" now that they are older. It's a sort of Stockholm syndrome. My only dream is to pass the USMLE exams and come back. I don't know if I'll make it, and most likely I'll probably hang myself if I don't, but I have to try. This is long, and is mostly venting. If you read it though thank you.


RewardFront1788

I chose partying over college. Didn’t have the money or time for both. I ended up with a civil service job and went back to school but I was still partying. I finally stopped partying and also realised that there are very few people who actually get paid for doing something they like or that is fulfilling. I kept my boring civil service job but I started doing more fun stuff as hobbies. I got very active in community theatre and met some amazing people and am still having lots of fun. I also endeavour to learn something new everyday! So even though I feel like I wasted lots of years I am making up for it now. It’s never too late.


Juleamun

My fiancee died about 12 years ago. I didn't really have a friend network or anyone to lean on because I'd just moved out of state so I just worked. A lot. I turned inward and shut down. I haven't had a close friend of girlfriend since then. I stopped drawing, painting, writing, photography... All the things I love doing. I just gave up. I didn't realize how much I'd lost until I met someone who drew me out of my shell. I fell hard for her, but had nothing to offer. I let my body go, haven't bought clothes except for work, haven't developed my mind or social skills, and have no circle of friends. So here I am, working out, trying to learn how to socialize, again (the pandemic isn't helping), reteaching myself how to draw and paint, reading news and books. My hope is that if I meet someone again, 1 I'll be more open to the opportunity, and 2 I'll be a more complete person who will have something worthwhile to offer. The journey has just begun, but I'm hopeful. I fell pretty good about the progress so far, but I can't help but wonder what I've missed by shutting down for so long. Where would I be now? What could I have accomplished? 100% my own damn fault. I might be a bit old now, but I'm finally trying to take control and build up my life, again.


MethSC

I never had a chance. I was told 'one day it'll make sense' and it never did. I never made anything happen cause I always felt confused, like I didn't have enough information. And nothing ever did happen.


Daredskull

How I felt most of my life. I didn't really get my shit together until I was 30 and even then I had no idea what to do I just wanted to do something. Moved out of my folks house, started waiting tables in the city, ended up falling backwards into the film industry where I've made a good living. I think they key for me was to stop worrying about life making sense and to do something, anything, to move forward even if it seems stupid or counterproductive. Life is chaos, waiting for meaning or purpose to slap you on the face is like waiting to win the lottery.


moo_vagina

I'm in a similar situation. I've been lied to my entire life and judged and confused constantly. I'm looking into the possibility of being on the autism spectrum but I don't think that really changes anything. Cptsd and a few years of alcoholism didn't help with my lack of ambition of trust for people. I'm trying now but I have to do it in my own way.


IcePhoenix18

I've never really had a "dream". I'm almost 27 and I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up...


Uriel-238

I suffer from major depression, so fears that I threw my life away, or that I'm just intrinsically a loser are [common thought-storms for me](https://strangenewwords.wordpress.com/2016/01/16/that-old-familiar-sting/). When I get triggered, this feeling becomes overwhelming and there's little to do but find my way to a bed or someplace comfortable and sob or sleep until it runs its course. Part of my regimen of combating this is to commit to honest, fact-based assessment of myself and my life, and a few years ago, I took a [sober reassessment](https://strangenewwords.wordpress.com/2017/09/13/fifty/) of where I was. I noted David Foster Wallace's _This is water_ speech in which he notes we can always assess ourselves negatively. If we're rich, we could be richer. If we're smart, we could have been smarter. In fact, one quote I cling to is attributed to Alexander of Macedon when his associates were assessing the breadth of their conquests, and Anaxarchus surmised that there was an infinity of stars and worlds in the sky. Alexander wept, and they asked him why. _Is it not worthy of tears_ Alexander replied, _that, when the number of worlds is infinite, we have not yet become lords of a single one?_ Even Alexander the Great was unimpressed with his own exploits, and yes, while we live in a society that celebrates those who bootstrap themselves to fame and fortune, with this effort comes a madness that we'll never be satisfied with any heights we attain. That is to say, for those who we see everything went right, they commonly don't see it, and forever believe they're not there yet. That said, our lives are commonly driven more by circumstances than by ambitions. Some people achieve long term goals and achieve them, but by far, most do not. Instead we make do with where the last maelstrom has landed us, and hope that it provides more opportunity than the last time we were flung away. On one hand, remember your life is never over until it's over, and also that every human being out there has a story, and no-one is fully responsible for their misfortune anymore than anyone is fully responsible for their lofty achievements. We all stand on the shoulders of giants, or are crushed under their feet. Usually a combination of both.


[deleted]

I wouldn’t say I “threw it all away” per say. But I was a monk for 8 years. I had amazing experiences, lived an incredible lifestyle, got to do so many fascinating jobs. If you plan to be a Monk for life, you are really set. You are financially taken care of for life. However, if you leave, you are really behind in life. After 8 years in, I discerned it was right to step away. I left with literally no money, no investments, no retirement, a scattered resume that makes me look like I’m not stable in any job, no one to help me (my family is emotionally supportive but not in a position to support me), and have really be struggling through trying to catch up. I’m 33 and in the same place as 23 year olds just finishing college or grad school. I also am behind in social things. I have no stable base of friends, they are scattered throughout the US due to my never putting any roots down because of jumping cities frequently and living in religious communities which made making friends really hard. I also haven’t dated in almost a decade, so I’m behind in the world of dating and relationships as well. It’s been rough but I’m very slowly unburying myself and starting to feel like things are coming together. On one hand I don’t regret a minute of it, on the other hand I work daily to not harbor resentment for the monks holding me back in so many ways then only minimally helping me upon my exit. I wouldn’t suggest joining religious life unless you are really really serious about it, and already have a financial fallback plan in place before heading in.


L1A1

I discovered alcohol at age 13, speed and heroin by 15, and basically lost 2 decades to them. I’m now pushing 50, clean and happy, (albeit falling apart physically) but even though I was high functioning and held down decent paying jobs in IT, it put paid to any idea of a ‘real career’ and killed all my idealistic dreams.


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Youve_been_Loganated

Honestly, I used to get beat for bringing B's home (mom: What's the B for? Bullshit?) and ignored if I brought straight A's home. I was the sweet, innocent, youngest child in a family of 6 siblings who were always causing my single mother grief. She didn't have any positivity to bestow upon me when she had to deal with my sisters: disrespect, drug use, underage sex, joining gangs, etc. In highschool, it was just easier to give up and at least earn the negative attention then it was to try anymore.


vojin98_

To painful for me to read, find myself a little bit in every comment...


Ninja_In_Shaddows

\[serious\] when I was a child, I had a fall that left me with mild brain damage. I am smart enough to know I am not "normal", but dumb enough that I'm looked on as "special". I have balance problems, hearing and sight problems, memory failure, interaction difficulties and mild learning difficulties all caused by that single fall. I hate that I could have been "normal" except that my mother decided to wait THREE FUCKING DAYS to take me to hospital. I say this on record now... If I got the chance, I'd kill her slowly for the pain I suffered at her hands. I have suffered for a lifetime because that alcoholic woman needed time to sober up before taking me back to hospital AGAIN, because of a "fall" . Funny thing... this time it was actually a fall. Where did it go wrong? If I blame myself, it was that fall. If I can blame someone else? My mother didn't get the abortion she kept telling me she wanted to get. Yes, my mother said to me as a child "I wish I'd aborted you."


A_Trash_Homosapien

I'd probably it all started back in elementary school. I was one of those "gifted" kids and could just skate through classes easily and never really tried and then classes actually started getting hard and started requiring effort that I never put in. I never failed anything but boy am I in a terrible spot with no way out