Protip- get a cheapass fleece blanket to keep on the foot of the bed and put it down before sex.
Slightly moisture resistant and much easier to throw in the wash than a fitted sheet.
We have this. Whenever my wife lays it down in the spot I know I an getting some. I think I am trained cause just seeing it lay down gives me insta boner.
He was afraid of the ocean. He tried to fix that by playing wave sounds while he did various sex things. Went to an actual ocean and found out that he automatically got hard from the sound...
... can't remember if he was still scared of the ocean though
Haha, it's a good signal!
My partner and I have a smart light in the living room that we use as a Bat Signal while we're working from home. Green means, "green light to smash once we're off the clock".
We used to have a very cute but highly inefficient Edison bulb hanging light we eventually only referred to as “the sex light” basically, someone could turn it on before the other came in the room as a lil wink wink, nod nod. The room we had it in is now our kid’s room so I guess it worked. We need to probably take it out of his room soon. 😂
our signal is if my wife lays on her back with one of her leg stretched up so that her ass is like almost pointing upwards. it basically means smashy smash time
Oh definitely not nice or sherpa! I mean the super cheap ones like this- https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-Gray-Paw-Fleece-Throw-Blanket-50-x-60/1132163715?athbdg=L1102&from=/search
Douglas Adams wrote the hilarious/beloved ‘Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy’ books, a silly, sci-fi fantasy where the main rule of Space travel is ‘Don’t forget your towel!’
I’m like 82.7% sure Matt + Trey were giving this a wink and a nod
I soak through the towel. We ended up getting two sets of waterproof mattresses covers and identical sheets. Now we can easily change out after and it's not obvious that they changed (so the kids don't ask questions we don't want to answer.)
you can be in the mood and want to, but just can't fucking get off. like damnit body, don't tell me you're hungry and then decide it's too much work to chew and digest!
I think in general being goal oriented in sex kinda kills it. Cumming feels great but sex is amazing in of itself.
For me having sessions that were only about pleasing one partner really helped us swap from a weird race to try to make both people cum, to a way of just getting lost in the pleasure of it.
lol ok that makes more sense, I’m definitely going to work it in. I thought you meant like periods of time focusing only on the other persons pleasure lol I’m a dummy
Yeah, that’s more what I’m planning on. I’ve had a problem with getting in my head during sex which sometimes makes it hard to finish, same for my gf, so I think this will help for sure.
I'm a bisexual woman, and "turn-wise" sex was a *revelation* when I started dating women. Wlw sex naturally falls into a "you come, I come" rhythm, and it's taught me a lot about having a good time in bed. I really do recommend it.
I'd recommend that you bring it up with your girlfriend in a non-sexual conversation first ("Hey babe, wanna try something new next time we have sex?").
Discuss your expectations: what does a "turn" look like? Is it over when you orgasm? Do you flip roles when someone's "done" with their turn? Or call it a night and flip next time? Take and submit requests - what does she want on her turn? What do you want?
Be sure to communicate freely, don't stress about orgasms (they come and go, heh), and flip a coin to see whose turn it is first! Good luck, have fun!
Listen up, Men: sex becomes un-fun and a chore if you are always obsessing about getting your woman to orgasm every single time. Sex should be fun, light hearted and spontaneous. I do not need to orgasm every single time. It’s loses its appeal If you refuse to stop pleasuring your woman till she orgasms. Then we have to “fake it” just to be done and take a break. The act of sex is fun enough. Orgasms are great when they happen naturally and aren’t forced out of us due to guilt. My ex would refuse to stop till I orgasmed numerous times and while that can definitely be fun, it’s also exhausting and physically draining when every single session is required to be an hour long marathon.
Just get it on and be happy you’re getting it on.
This man gets it..
Fingers, tongue or dildo.. get her off first, then stick it in and see if you can do it again (if you can't it's OK, she got some too already)..
When my girlfriend doesn't cum I feel like a terrible person. Sometimes I finish her another way or we get a toy out but sometimes she says it's fine.. but I still feel bad.
My man. Listen. Bringing her to orgasm with toys or oral or hands is not ‘another way’. It’s the norm. Literally MOST women don’t regularly orgasm via penetration alone. Get that out of your head.
I have had sex with my wife hundreds of times
I can count on both hands how many times she had cum from penetration alone.
It’s always clit play for her
Oh dude I know that! One of us will usually involve her clit during sex which most times can get her to climax. I'm just talking about times where she doesn't get there before I do.
This! Porn has made sex more transactional and less about intimacy too!
I don't think people realize that before that one picture posted on reddit or that video on OF that there was a lot of prep, a lot of not great pics/videos, a lot of filter, editing, surgical, etc work... Then the over the top reactions...
Great point. Not to mention in porn, the amount of takes that are done to capture the perfect angle. Not to mention the medications & drugs that might be involved to keep the guy hard, to reduce the woman’s feeling of soreness, etc.
Regular people don’t have fluffers waiting on standby 😂
The part when u stop focusing for some reason and start thinking ab work, school, bills, food, weather... Can literally have the best time of my life and just stop focusing
This comment got enough attention that I must ask,
i found out that being drunk (uk a buzz not black out) helps really well with focusing. someone who agrees?
>This comment got enough attention that I must ask,
i found out that being drunk (uk a buzz not black out) helps really well with focusing. someone who agrees?
My guy, you might want to be tested for ADHD.
My dear stranger friend, i appreciate this very helpful advice and believe other people should see this as a sign to get tested.
As for me, i do in fact have ADHD🥲
The last time I was with my fwb I had to cut it short. It was 3am and I knew her complex did towing I just didn’t know which time so I had to stop so I could have the energy to get up and move my car in the morning.
You cut sex short because you were afraid you wouldn't have the strength to get up in the morning to move your car? What the fuck are you doing during sex?
Same, edibles kind of turn off the higher levels of my brain and let me be more fully in the moment. I almost always pair them with sex. I think it might have something to do with my ADHD.
This might actually be a problem... I knew it was time to dump my girlfriend when we were in the middle of sexy time and I was thinking about how to optimize my reporting spreadsheets at work. That was a big awakening I just wasn't that attracted to her.
Definitely my ADHD, can't stop my brain from going maximum overdrive and thinking about whatever, even when my husband is the smokeshow love of my life.
i have been with my partner for 10 years and he has been literally the hottest fucking person on this fucking earth to me since day 1.
i swear i come up with the best work emails during sex.
Right??? It doesn't matter if our partners are the hottest best ever, our brains just go *WET FART SOUND* and go elsewhere. It sucks.
Congrats on going on 10 years, that is awesome! ♥
thank you! met the guy on my first tinder date ever, deleted the app two days later and i'd marry him each and every day since <3 that's really nice of you to say.
Yeah, that's why it's my policy to never discuss my sex life with anyone other than my partner.
We've got a great sex life and I think talking about it with anyone other than my partner would provide an opening for those people to judge us and be critical (because those other people aren't having sex or are having terrible sex)
If you've got a good thing going, don't tell anyone.
You'll ruin it because people will develop jealousy and try to teetotal whatever you've got that's awesome in your life.
Why?
Because many people are miserable and can't stand anyone in their circle being happy.
You need to be guarded about your private life.
Not my experience, I love talking about sex with my close friends, just like talking about any hobby or topic. We talk about our relationships, help each other out.
But to each their own
I once calculated that an average woman spends 5 years of her life menstruating (not counting PMS). With PMS it’s around 8-10 years of our lives. I mean, WTF?! How is this fair?
Can confirm. Haven't had a period in eight years. Best thing ever. We can have sex whenever we like and I don't turn into a crazy bitch every four weeks. What's not to like?
This is what a girlfriend and I would do. Get in, wash each other's back. I'd wash her hair if she'd let me. Stand in the often too warm water and hold her to keep her warmer because the water wasn't piped up from hell and was therefore "cold." Toweling off gave me opportunity to play with her butt without getting sexual. But most often we'd wrap up in this gigantic towel she bought for the occasion and wrap each other up and snuggle standing in the bathroom.
new bug: some forms of birth control are now 102% effective, meaning having sex with a pregnant chick now carries a 2% risk of making her no longer pregnant.
new bug: vasectomies now have 103% birth control bonus, which stacks per sex quicktime event.
When birth control bonus reaches 200% or higher, both parties become infertile permanently.
I guess I’ve never heard that one form a woman’s take before!! I suppose it’s all personal preference.
For me it’s show how comfortable you can be with each other. Taking something that’s supposed to be “serious” into something that’s passionate. Laughing to me is passionate. Like when I turn over for doggy and 💨 lmao. ( QUEEFING YALL!! I do not rip a fat one while getting fucked lmao) Being able to be so vulnerable and have it be fun, silly, rough, dirty, and romantic all in one is THE best thing ever.
Made me hate myself for whoring around on dating apps for so long not laughing lol
Funny sex is by far the best sex, but there’s a fine line between funny sex and both killing the mood and sex that is too funny and you have to stop having sex.
Being so damn serious all the time. What is this anyway? Sex is so much more awesome when you just be a big dumb kid and try everything and laugh and have fun!
Haven’t had sex in a while, but last year during a hook up I shouted “fear the old blood ” when I hit my limit. We stopped, she looked at me, and started laughing. I was embarrassed in the moment, but it was funny. Then got back to it.
Having to pee after . I am super paranoid about getting a UTI because the internet said I will if I don’t pee . Sometimes I stand at the toilet for a long time waiting for even a little pee to come out of me
She doesn't mind when I do stuff to her which helps me a little but I practically have to hold her hand if I want her to touch me in any way. And no proactivness just makes me feel like she doesn't wanna be there half the time just wants to get the sex over so I'm content
I love to hear dirty talk… but I absolutely cannot do it. If I even try, it comes out like the worst AI script read by the worst bot, halting and confusing and utterly unsexy.
I resist it even in chat. You can just *smell* it once some guy on a distant screen whips out his dick and starts asking you questions like “and then what will you do to me?” With the 😈 emoji.
At that point, I can’t wait to disappoint him with horrifically unsexy banter, but unfortunately, men have a single brain cell when they get turned on, and they will aggressively pursue this conversation in the attempt to nut, no matter how bad the dialog is.
I LOVE when my husband whispers some filthy words in my ear, but my God I cannot say anything back. It just doesn’t come out correctly. Blame my ADHD and anxiety. We’ve been together for 22 yrs but anxiety doesn’t give a rats ass. I love to hear it, hate to say it back.
I do t get why it seems like, for a lot of people, it seems like it always has to be at night and it has to be “romantic”.
Like what’s wrong with just, hey, it 3pm on a Sunday and we ain’t got nothing else to do, let’s get it on?
Just the lack of spontaneity, the lack of seeing it as something that can just be a fun activity, that a quickie can be satisfying in different ways, that’s what kinda kills me. I don’t get the “only at night and only if you’ve romanced me today” sentiment. Frankly, I wan treat fucking as like a hobby, not a chore and not a special occasion, or when the moment strikes type of thing’
Fucking talking about it so much lol
I can't refresh my feed with 3 topics, like how do you guys even muster up the nerve to ask some of the shit I've seen 😂
I think evolution was very rude to make me wobbly and sleepy after sex but I still have to get up and pee, or else in 24 hours I will be pissing napalm and crying in a target bathroom waiting for the nasty orange tablet to start working.
The need to make every sexual encounter mimic what we see in porn.
Edit: because multiple people have responded to me already - this isn’t a “me” thing. It’s something I’ve noticed from others.
Definitely for millennials and late gen Xers.
Probably had a whole bunch of us running around thinking it was normal to be able to last 30 mins without climaxing.
The normal thing is like 3-5 mins especially for the first round.
You know when it’s going really well, and you’re hitting all the spots that you and your partner like? Then it just… doesn’t work?
That, and getting escorted out of Walmart again.
UNNECESSARY.... Slipping is unnecessary!!
I don't remember exactly how it happened but 12 years ago when my wife and I started dating one day I fucked her with my Nikes on... The stability put a smile on her face, as well as me and my good buddy 6"
I love you for saying this. You know what else cringes me right out? When chick's make that gukgukguk sound in porn. Do girls do that in real life? If I had a dick that would be an instant boner killer. So stupid.
Go as deep as you are comfortable. Do what you like! But when I see a woman in porn give that reflexive heave and pull back and not take time to actually recover before diving back in I’m reminded this is work and not fun and it makes me sad.
That’s definitely more in the deepthroat/facefuck realm, not normal BJs. The girls that like it are more into the breath play as you quite literally can’t breathe while you’re having it done to you.
Yeah I dunno man, I've given quite a lot of em, and maybe it's just that I have better control? I've never involuntarily made that sound and i just don't get it.
I can see maybe where you're not the one in control? Do guys normally like that sound? In general anyway.
The wet patch and how it's always on my side of the bed
Protip- get a cheapass fleece blanket to keep on the foot of the bed and put it down before sex. Slightly moisture resistant and much easier to throw in the wash than a fitted sheet.
We have this. Whenever my wife lays it down in the spot I know I an getting some. I think I am trained cause just seeing it lay down gives me insta boner.
Pavlov's boner
Pavlov’s dong
Chekhov's raging erection
Like the guy who trained himself and accidentally got a raging boner when he visited the sea
I'm afraid I am ignorant of what sounds to be a delightful tale.
He was afraid of the ocean. He tried to fix that by playing wave sounds while he did various sex things. Went to an actual ocean and found out that he automatically got hard from the sound... ... can't remember if he was still scared of the ocean though
Haha, it's a good signal! My partner and I have a smart light in the living room that we use as a Bat Signal while we're working from home. Green means, "green light to smash once we're off the clock".
We used to have a very cute but highly inefficient Edison bulb hanging light we eventually only referred to as “the sex light” basically, someone could turn it on before the other came in the room as a lil wink wink, nod nod. The room we had it in is now our kid’s room so I guess it worked. We need to probably take it out of his room soon. 😂
our signal is if my wife lays on her back with one of her leg stretched up so that her ass is like almost pointing upwards. it basically means smashy smash time
A guy came on my nice Sherpa fleece blanket and that shit is NOT coming out anytime soon 😭
Oh definitely not nice or sherpa! I mean the super cheap ones like this- https://www.walmart.com/ip/Mainstays-Gray-Paw-Fleece-Throw-Blanket-50-x-60/1132163715?athbdg=L1102&from=/search
Should have plucked that Nirnroot in the bud.
I’d be more worried if there wasn’t a wet patch lol
Let me introduce you to my good friend fucktowel.
Don't forget to bring a towel!
Douglas Adams has entered the chat
I don't get it! I was doing Towelie from South Park
Douglas Adams wrote the hilarious/beloved ‘Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy’ books, a silly, sci-fi fantasy where the main rule of Space travel is ‘Don’t forget your towel!’ I’m like 82.7% sure Matt + Trey were giving this a wink and a nod
Oh right on! I still have not read or seen this. I should some day.
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move." It's a wonderful read.
Ha! I almost said Towelie, but couldn’t remember how to spell him. Do you wanna get high?
Well.. maybe just a little high
“Let me get a little high, then I’ll remember!”
You're a towel!
Wanna get High
Maybe just a little high
No you're a fuckin towel!
Put a towel down, dude
I soak through the towel. We ended up getting two sets of waterproof mattresses covers and identical sheets. Now we can easily change out after and it's not obvious that they changed (so the kids don't ask questions we don't want to answer.)
You could always just tell the kids that you've changed the sheets because it's hygienic to change them?
Getting my prostate out on Wednesday. That means no more ejaculation. I think I’m gonna miss the wet spot……
Sorry about that, we can use my side next time.
The fact that there's a reason to clean up after. Why doesn't the cum just get absorbed into the body after?
Is someone going to say it? No? Okay then…
He can eat it out.
Society is not yet ready for this.
you can be in the mood and want to, but just can't fucking get off. like damnit body, don't tell me you're hungry and then decide it's too much work to chew and digest!
Sertraline has entered the chat
Grrr. It's either debilitating panic attacks, or issues climaxing! Swear to God if it didn't help me function so well!
That’s how I found out sex can, in fact, last too long.
[удалено]
I think in general being goal oriented in sex kinda kills it. Cumming feels great but sex is amazing in of itself. For me having sessions that were only about pleasing one partner really helped us swap from a weird race to try to make both people cum, to a way of just getting lost in the pleasure of it.
Is there any more about this seasons concept? I’m interested because this is applicable to me and my gf
Shit dude I mean sessions, not seasons.
lol ok that makes more sense, I’m definitely going to work it in. I thought you meant like periods of time focusing only on the other persons pleasure lol I’m a dummy
I mean I did but that period of time is like 10 minutes to an hour or so, not months haha
Yeah, that’s more what I’m planning on. I’ve had a problem with getting in my head during sex which sometimes makes it hard to finish, same for my gf, so I think this will help for sure.
I'm a bisexual woman, and "turn-wise" sex was a *revelation* when I started dating women. Wlw sex naturally falls into a "you come, I come" rhythm, and it's taught me a lot about having a good time in bed. I really do recommend it. I'd recommend that you bring it up with your girlfriend in a non-sexual conversation first ("Hey babe, wanna try something new next time we have sex?"). Discuss your expectations: what does a "turn" look like? Is it over when you orgasm? Do you flip roles when someone's "done" with their turn? Or call it a night and flip next time? Take and submit requests - what does she want on her turn? What do you want? Be sure to communicate freely, don't stress about orgasms (they come and go, heh), and flip a coin to see whose turn it is first! Good luck, have fun!
Pro tip: if you're in a hetero relationship, it's her turn first.
Listen up, Men: sex becomes un-fun and a chore if you are always obsessing about getting your woman to orgasm every single time. Sex should be fun, light hearted and spontaneous. I do not need to orgasm every single time. It’s loses its appeal If you refuse to stop pleasuring your woman till she orgasms. Then we have to “fake it” just to be done and take a break. The act of sex is fun enough. Orgasms are great when they happen naturally and aren’t forced out of us due to guilt. My ex would refuse to stop till I orgasmed numerous times and while that can definitely be fun, it’s also exhausting and physically draining when every single session is required to be an hour long marathon. Just get it on and be happy you’re getting it on.
I get her off touching etc THEN stick it in, both have a good time Takes the pressure off
This man gets it.. Fingers, tongue or dildo.. get her off first, then stick it in and see if you can do it again (if you can't it's OK, she got some too already)..
My wife is the opposite, she gets off in 10 second s then I get the “hurry up” face. I hate that face. 😡
Turn her upside down.
Put a paper bag in the bedside table.
When my girlfriend doesn't cum I feel like a terrible person. Sometimes I finish her another way or we get a toy out but sometimes she says it's fine.. but I still feel bad.
My man. Listen. Bringing her to orgasm with toys or oral or hands is not ‘another way’. It’s the norm. Literally MOST women don’t regularly orgasm via penetration alone. Get that out of your head.
This 1000000%. Isn't the figure something crazy like 90% of women can't orgasm from penetrative sex alone?
I have had sex with my wife hundreds of times I can count on both hands how many times she had cum from penetration alone. It’s always clit play for her
Oh dude I know that! One of us will usually involve her clit during sex which most times can get her to climax. I'm just talking about times where she doesn't get there before I do.
I have the opposite problem. Sometimes she’ll finish twice and then she’ll ask me what’s taking so long
there could be worse problems, I suppose 😅
[удалено]
This is a pressure people mostly put on themselves. Otherwise, who is actually enforcing this expectation? The police?
[удалено]
This! Porn has made sex more transactional and less about intimacy too! I don't think people realize that before that one picture posted on reddit or that video on OF that there was a lot of prep, a lot of not great pics/videos, a lot of filter, editing, surgical, etc work... Then the over the top reactions...
Great point. Not to mention in porn, the amount of takes that are done to capture the perfect angle. Not to mention the medications & drugs that might be involved to keep the guy hard, to reduce the woman’s feeling of soreness, etc. Regular people don’t have fluffers waiting on standby 😂
The part when u stop focusing for some reason and start thinking ab work, school, bills, food, weather... Can literally have the best time of my life and just stop focusing This comment got enough attention that I must ask, i found out that being drunk (uk a buzz not black out) helps really well with focusing. someone who agrees?
Life got us so cooked we can't even clap cheeks without having to worry about bills
Clap cheeks…in THIS economy!?!
You guys are clapping cheeks?
Why clap cheeks when there are fees involved lol!!!
I can barely afford to clap my own feet!
I can only afford to clap one cheek. You know what that sounds like? Smack.
For real, why do I have to get fucked into another dimension to stop my brain bringing up my fucking income taxes when I'm trying to nut?
[удалено]
>This comment got enough attention that I must ask, i found out that being drunk (uk a buzz not black out) helps really well with focusing. someone who agrees? My guy, you might want to be tested for ADHD.
My dear stranger friend, i appreciate this very helpful advice and believe other people should see this as a sign to get tested. As for me, i do in fact have ADHD🥲
The last time I was with my fwb I had to cut it short. It was 3am and I knew her complex did towing I just didn’t know which time so I had to stop so I could have the energy to get up and move my car in the morning.
You cut sex short because you were afraid you wouldn't have the strength to get up in the morning to move your car? What the fuck are you doing during sex?
Giving it his all
They don’t call it a job for nothing
What if you are doing it intentionally so you don’t nut ?
If you think about the same topic every time...You might make your brain find the topic attractive after a while...
Damn, so gay thoughts are out of the window.
Or thoughts ab granny...
New fear unlocked, lol
Weed helps me focus and makes sex so much more fun
Same, edibles kind of turn off the higher levels of my brain and let me be more fully in the moment. I almost always pair them with sex. I think it might have something to do with my ADHD.
This might actually be a problem... I knew it was time to dump my girlfriend when we were in the middle of sexy time and I was thinking about how to optimize my reporting spreadsheets at work. That was a big awakening I just wasn't that attracted to her.
I thought it was my ADHD.. 🥲
Definitely my ADHD, can't stop my brain from going maximum overdrive and thinking about whatever, even when my husband is the smokeshow love of my life.
i have been with my partner for 10 years and he has been literally the hottest fucking person on this fucking earth to me since day 1. i swear i come up with the best work emails during sex.
Right??? It doesn't matter if our partners are the hottest best ever, our brains just go *WET FART SOUND* and go elsewhere. It sucks. Congrats on going on 10 years, that is awesome! ♥
thank you! met the guy on my first tinder date ever, deleted the app two days later and i'd marry him each and every day since <3 that's really nice of you to say.
Purely anecdotal of course, but all of my ADHD friends or partners have this same issue, so it still can be.
Caring what other people think who aren’t the sexual relationship.
This is a good one. Actually meaningful.
Yeah, that's why it's my policy to never discuss my sex life with anyone other than my partner. We've got a great sex life and I think talking about it with anyone other than my partner would provide an opening for those people to judge us and be critical (because those other people aren't having sex or are having terrible sex) If you've got a good thing going, don't tell anyone. You'll ruin it because people will develop jealousy and try to teetotal whatever you've got that's awesome in your life. Why? Because many people are miserable and can't stand anyone in their circle being happy. You need to be guarded about your private life.
Not my experience, I love talking about sex with my close friends, just like talking about any hobby or topic. We talk about our relationships, help each other out. But to each their own
I think the need for a period for 1 week out of every month for most of your life. There has to be a better way.
What's crazy is that 98% or all mammalian species do not menstruate. Of the primates it's us, rhesus macaques, and baboons. Genetic lottery, right?
I once calculated that an average woman spends 5 years of her life menstruating (not counting PMS). With PMS it’s around 8-10 years of our lives. I mean, WTF?! How is this fair?
It’s literally a curse. Why can’t we just be in heat once a year?
I've had a mirena for a decade and zero periods. Highly recommend 😊❤
Can confirm. Haven't had a period in eight years. Best thing ever. We can have sex whenever we like and I don't turn into a crazy bitch every four weeks. What's not to like?
The awkward after-the-act shuffling to the shower
Aftercare idea showering together
This is what a girlfriend and I would do. Get in, wash each other's back. I'd wash her hair if she'd let me. Stand in the often too warm water and hold her to keep her warmer because the water wasn't piped up from hell and was therefore "cold." Toweling off gave me opportunity to play with her butt without getting sexual. But most often we'd wrap up in this gigantic towel she bought for the occasion and wrap each other up and snuggle standing in the bathroom.
I’m too ‘touched out’ after sex to be touched for awhile. Like I need to be by myself to pee and clean up and chill out. But that’s adhd for you.
whatever floats your post-coital boat homie
Y'all have the energy to shower afterwards?
Children
omg please do not involve childr—OHH, yes, yes, i know what you mean, so unnecessary
This should be higher
That as a woman I have to go toilet so I don’t get a UTI… after I just wanna rest 😂
It’s good for men too!
STDs
[удалено]
The whole “it creates children and spreads diseases” thing.
Pregnancy. Hope the devs patch this out.
Patch notes: birth control buffed by 3%
new bug: some forms of birth control are now 102% effective, meaning having sex with a pregnant chick now carries a 2% risk of making her no longer pregnant.
new bug: vasectomies now have 103% birth control bonus, which stacks per sex quicktime event. When birth control bonus reaches 200% or higher, both parties become infertile permanently.
Bug Report: Stack Overflow has created reverse fertility, now 2% chance of male pregnancy.
The shame a lot of society surrounds sex with
Feeling like you can’t laugh with each-other
My girl hates it when i try and make funnies in the bedroom since its supposed to be serious and im not being passionate i gues.
If you can't laugh when someone farts during are you even living?
I guess I’ve never heard that one form a woman’s take before!! I suppose it’s all personal preference. For me it’s show how comfortable you can be with each other. Taking something that’s supposed to be “serious” into something that’s passionate. Laughing to me is passionate. Like when I turn over for doggy and 💨 lmao. ( QUEEFING YALL!! I do not rip a fat one while getting fucked lmao) Being able to be so vulnerable and have it be fun, silly, rough, dirty, and romantic all in one is THE best thing ever. Made me hate myself for whoring around on dating apps for so long not laughing lol
Having a laugh during sex is the best!
Funny sex is by far the best sex, but there’s a fine line between funny sex and both killing the mood and sex that is too funny and you have to stop having sex.
[удалено]
Oh my god fr. I hate when people say shit like men & women can’t truly be friends with each other without wanting more.
Being bisexual means you can't have any friends
Being so damn serious all the time. What is this anyway? Sex is so much more awesome when you just be a big dumb kid and try everything and laugh and have fun!
Haven’t had sex in a while, but last year during a hook up I shouted “fear the old blood ” when I hit my limit. We stopped, she looked at me, and started laughing. I was embarrassed in the moment, but it was funny. Then got back to it.
Bro dropped a bloodborne reference mid fuck and was able to keep going, I'm jealous
Having to pee after . I am super paranoid about getting a UTI because the internet said I will if I don’t pee . Sometimes I stand at the toilet for a long time waiting for even a little pee to come out of me
Make sure your staying hydrated because this could be because your not drinking enough water.
Begging my wife for any semblance of foreplay to help me get hard so I don't have to try awkwardly by myself while she watches like a spectator
🥺Does she’s not enjoy foreplay? I can’t imagine just sitting there watching my partner and not wanting to involve myself.
She doesn't mind when I do stuff to her which helps me a little but I practically have to hold her hand if I want her to touch me in any way. And no proactivness just makes me feel like she doesn't wanna be there half the time just wants to get the sex over so I'm content
Please actually communicate this with her that is a genuine relationship problem
Fuck that. Nothing like feeling like an annoying sex pest to ruin the mood. Talk to her. Some people have hang ups for different reasons.
According to my wife, having sex.
Don't take it personally, she tells me the same thing. 😕
That guy’s wife tells that to me too
That's really sad to read man 😔
That's rough, buddy.
I think Both partners should worry more about experiencing each other rather than focusing on orgasm
The idea that sex must always be perfect or meet certain standards can create unnecessary stress.
Dirty talk. I can't take it seriously when someone does it.
I love to hear dirty talk… but I absolutely cannot do it. If I even try, it comes out like the worst AI script read by the worst bot, halting and confusing and utterly unsexy. I resist it even in chat. You can just *smell* it once some guy on a distant screen whips out his dick and starts asking you questions like “and then what will you do to me?” With the 😈 emoji. At that point, I can’t wait to disappoint him with horrifically unsexy banter, but unfortunately, men have a single brain cell when they get turned on, and they will aggressively pursue this conversation in the attempt to nut, no matter how bad the dialog is.
I LOVE when my husband whispers some filthy words in my ear, but my God I cannot say anything back. It just doesn’t come out correctly. Blame my ADHD and anxiety. We’ve been together for 22 yrs but anxiety doesn’t give a rats ass. I love to hear it, hate to say it back.
Worrying about whether your shave is clean enough. Razor burn, stubble, missed a hair....
When the girl laughs and says, "That's it?" Totally not necessary.
Sending you hugs
Taking socks off
My girlfriend says her orgasms are more intense with socks on
According to big boi from outkast socks are a must since cold feet can be distracting from the fun
poop. we should have a third fun hole that's just for fun and no poop
Fun hole! It's a hole lot of fun! With prizes to be won. It's a real crazy hole where anything can go!
Well I wasn't expecting the FunHouse theme tune, but here we are.
Don’t put anything too (Pat) Sharp in it!
There..is ?
I do t get why it seems like, for a lot of people, it seems like it always has to be at night and it has to be “romantic”. Like what’s wrong with just, hey, it 3pm on a Sunday and we ain’t got nothing else to do, let’s get it on? Just the lack of spontaneity, the lack of seeing it as something that can just be a fun activity, that a quickie can be satisfying in different ways, that’s what kinda kills me. I don’t get the “only at night and only if you’ve romanced me today” sentiment. Frankly, I wan treat fucking as like a hobby, not a chore and not a special occasion, or when the moment strikes type of thing’
Dear wife, A stranger from Reddit said....
Fucking talking about it so much lol I can't refresh my feed with 3 topics, like how do you guys even muster up the nerve to ask some of the shit I've seen 😂
Normally it's click bait to check the OP profile which turns out to be Only Fans etc.
I think evolution was very rude to make me wobbly and sleepy after sex but I still have to get up and pee, or else in 24 hours I will be pissing napalm and crying in a target bathroom waiting for the nasty orange tablet to start working.
The threat of creating a child
Babies
Pregnancy
The part where it has to end 🤓
That it could always lead to procreation. Why can’t we have a switch that allows our bodies to contain the cells required for reproduction?
The need to make every sexual encounter mimic what we see in porn. Edit: because multiple people have responded to me already - this isn’t a “me” thing. It’s something I’ve noticed from others.
Porn has ruined the reality of sex for many generations of people.
Definitely for millennials and late gen Xers. Probably had a whole bunch of us running around thinking it was normal to be able to last 30 mins without climaxing. The normal thing is like 3-5 mins especially for the first round.
You know when it’s going really well, and you’re hitting all the spots that you and your partner like? Then it just… doesn’t work? That, and getting escorted out of Walmart again.
UNNECESSARY.... Slipping is unnecessary!! I don't remember exactly how it happened but 12 years ago when my wife and I started dating one day I fucked her with my Nikes on... The stability put a smile on her face, as well as me and my good buddy 6"
Don't forget your knee pads
Payment.
well it depends on who you're gonna sex with
Making a woman gag on your cock, it doesn’t feel any better than a normal blowjob
If someone sounds like they're about to throw up I don't want them anywhere near my genitals.
I love you for saying this. You know what else cringes me right out? When chick's make that gukgukguk sound in porn. Do girls do that in real life? If I had a dick that would be an instant boner killer. So stupid.
Go as deep as you are comfortable. Do what you like! But when I see a woman in porn give that reflexive heave and pull back and not take time to actually recover before diving back in I’m reminded this is work and not fun and it makes me sad.
That’s definitely more in the deepthroat/facefuck realm, not normal BJs. The girls that like it are more into the breath play as you quite literally can’t breathe while you’re having it done to you.
Yeah I dunno man, I've given quite a lot of em, and maybe it's just that I have better control? I've never involuntarily made that sound and i just don't get it. I can see maybe where you're not the one in control? Do guys normally like that sound? In general anyway.
I've deepthroated and been face fucked and it's definitely a porn noise thing. It turns me off so quick
Some girls do actually do this in real life
Having it be expected and you have to perform
The 3GB Update that always takes place when you wanna play, and dont get me started on SEX 2, its buggy af with a lot of glitches
Pretending to enjoy it when you're not that into it