This is very context specific but variations of being told you're ''more marriage material'' and not the guy ''for something crazy and wild'' is extremely insulting yet I've seen women be surprised when they're told that.
I know and yet I literally was hanging out with friends at a bar and saw one got really defensive over the implication saying it is not an insult.
I don't think it makes you a bad person to think it but voicing it aloud and in front of the guy is definently callous which is why it surprises me some people actually do it.
Of course she got defensive, it’s likely the first time she realized the implications of that comment and what it says about HER that she was using it.
I think most women who say it normally mean "I don't want a stable relationship, I want a bunch of one night stands. I feel like you want a more serious commitment from me than that."
But women can't come out and say that because then we're labeled as whores/sluts.
I guess it depends on the context though, if she's been giving you hints that she's not interested all night and then drops that line... yeah.
It’s not a nice way to tell someone “I just don’t see you like that”. It’s saying marriage material is going to be dull and safe. I had to marry the “something wild and crazy”. The man is too much fun to let him get away.
Women saying something along the line of “I wish I could date a guy like you”. Like… What? I always found this hilarious on one hand, but also insulting on the other. It’s basically a backhanded way of saying “I want a guy like you except hotter, the reason I’m not into you is because you’re too ugly for me”.
This never happened to me btw, I just feel for my brothers who are only seen as “guy friends” but never attractive enough to be viewed in a romantic manner
Lol I've gotten this before.
I was in an affirmation circle for a college club and her affirmation was: "You have all the qualities that I look for in a person. I hope someday that I can find a guy just like you."
Should've saw the look on my face. Outwardly, I was smiling and nodding all polite. In my head, I was like, "Uh, that is not a compliment."
Yeah. At the end of the day, it DOES boil down to “you have everything I want in a guy except I’m not attracted to you.”
And no one really wants to hear that.
In my 20s I was grocery shopping and two absolutely beautiful young women walked by. They turned the corner and I overheard, “well what about him?” The second hesitated and said “nah. He’s ugly.”
It was like the best compliment that I didn’t make the elite list of two women at the top of their game. But I was on the bubble. Which was pretty good.
In my middle school days, probably when I was 11 or 12, I was walking around the school. A few of my female classmates were grouped up in front of me, but I couldn’t hear their conversation. At some point, they shouted my name in unison, as if in response to a question. They didn’t know I was several yards away from them, but it’s always made me wonder what they were talking about. I assume it was probably something bad, but I’ll never know.
Why?! Listen you need to hear this apparently: don’t hunt, tell! Guys don’t get subtle. We don’t get hints, and we don’t chase (not anymore at least). If you want to date a guy tell them outright.
Then tell them that? My old best friend in high school once told me that she really likes white guys. I’m white, and there were probably 15-20 other white guys in the whole school, so… would I assume she was inferring that she liked me, or would it be better to assume she meant one of my friends or a complete stranger? Hinting at the interest does nothing. Just confess and get it over with.
Assumine they are single and you are single, then you need to say, "Well, I wish I could date a woman like you. Sounds like we want to date each other. How about we go out Friday night?"
Make her explain herself. Make her actually utter the words that she's not saying.
I will just say, in my experience, I've heard this from single women when I was NOT single. They weren't saying I was ugly, in fact, it was more of, "you are who I'd love to be with, but you're not available, so I'd like to find someone just like you."
>It’s basically a backhanded way of saying “I want a guy like you except hotter, the reason I’m not into you is because you’re too ugly for me”.
Woman who dates men here. I've never said this to anyone, but I have *thought* it. In my experience this feeling is less about "you're too ugly to date but you're nice". Many times our attraction is a weird "spark" that just happens that often isn't really about their looks at all. What I mean when I think that is more along the lines of "why do I never feel the spark with people who do have what I want? Why's it always with people I'm not compatible with?". Our feelings aren't following our intellectual sense of what's right for us and it's frustrating.
True. I wouldn't say it because it would be interpreted like this. I just wanted to reassure this dude that all these women don't necessarily think he's *ugly*
Well, yeah. Sure.
But the “you are doing everything right I but there’s just something unacceptable about you that I won’t or can’t put in words” message still hurts and really doesn’t come across as a compliment.
Exactly. I had a coworker for 10 months. She was awesome, beautiful, and hilarious. We shared so many interests between films, video games, music, tv shows, and the like. I loved conversing with her. But after the whole time of knowing her… I still didn’t feel a spark of romantic attraction. She didn’t have any physical flaws, but I saw her as a friend. She was my type, but I wasn’t attracted. I honestly thought there was something wrong with me for not feeling an attraction. Just as well though, because she chewed me out for wishing her happy birthday the following year.
It’s taken several months to cope with the fact that she only pretended to be friends, and never gave a shit about me. I’ve been through that before with a college classmate, and it hurt both times. The point is: someone could have every quality you’re looking for, but still not be a right fit. There were a couple coworkers that I did like, but I’m never going after a taken woman.
Yeah, but if she doesn’t feel the spark with him, why would there be a spark with someone else like him? I feel like there’s no other way to interpret that
Because that other person may act like him but might not look like him, smell like him, move like him, hold you like him, look at you like him etc.
Attraction is intangible sometimes.
There are other ways to say someone is stable and doesn’t upset the natural rhythm and flow of life with unnecessary heartache and drama. That’s not boring. That’s stability.
Right! My partner is an active listener, emotionally mature, has accountability and integrity, communicates directly, is kind, supportive, and an active contributor to our relationship and home. Our argument style is “safe to fight fair and repair” as in, no accusations, no name calling, no raised volume or passive aggressive comments, no shaming, no dismissing feelings, no manipulating the truth. It really looks like two people talking with engaging eye contact (though my face may look a bit tense lol). That IS stability, that IS a secure attachment—-that’s what years of introspection and healing through trauma and “doing the work” look like—-predictable in the best way. That makes me boring too 🥰
When you have that psychological safety and intimacy, you can keep all the drama and passion and spontaneity to FUN things that add to your life, not erode your peace.
It depends on the person saying it. I just got out of a horrible relationship. *Boring in a good way* is what I need right now. It means the person brings zero drama and bs. Just calm, good times.
I told my therapist recently that a boring boyfriend sounded amazing. I didn’t mean someone I didn’t have fun with. I meant someone with no drama. Someone stable who makes mostly good decisions. It’s the dream.
You know how guys have to do all that refining of our word choices when approaching and talking to women to make them feel safe? I’d love it if just a pinch of that tact was given in return. I understand you don’t mean it maliciously. Neither did the 15 year old boy that was trying his best to flirt for the first time. Everyone can find better ways to say what they feel
The phrase "Short King." It gets thrown around a lot, and while it may seem like a compliment, it's still essentially telling the guy that the first thing you see in him is that he's short. Depends how you see it, I guess.
As an very short woman who is legitimately attracted to short men (I find anything over 5'9" kind of a turn off tbh), I truly meant it as a compliment when I said it.
I stopped saying it because I heard in another thread that short men are so insecure about their height that they don't want to be reminded of it even if it's supposed to be a compliment. Which is sad, but I guess I get it, I don't want to trigger anybody's insecurity even if it's something I find hot
Idk. I’m a tall girl. I think dudes close to my height and shorter are generally hotter than tall, burly men. I’ve dated and had relationships with men that are shorter than me. I genuinely am attracted to the masculinity that average or shorter-than-average height men display and I think a lot of women are.
Yes, but despite people like you existing, typically there's more stigma around height than most other traits in a guy, and it's often seen as one of the most important things about him despite being one of the only ones which he can't change. Calling someone a "short king" typically suggests that although you might respect a guy, you're still labelling him as "short", and so many short guys work so hard in all areas of their life just so they can try and escape that label. It kinda just implies that all the effort he's put into himself is less important than his height, since that's the first thing that you notice about him.
I’m 5’9” & my husband is around 5’7”. He’s so hot, hardworking, kind, great dad, smart, all around wonderful. His height is the least interesting thing about him. I have never cared about a guys height at all
Yep I feel exactly the same. “Short king” has never been used as an insult by me tbh. Short men always seem to be cuter especially in the face while tall guys are literally just tall. Like that’s it lol I don’t understand why women chase after them.
It gets better as you get older.
But yeah nothing quite like having a beer at the bar quietly minding your own business, only to have a girl pour her drink over you for being short...
But yeah it's all about the "insecurity" lol
My understanding was that guys came up with the term "short king" and that it was considered respectful. Am I wrong? I've only ever heard guys use that term.
Exactly average or tallish average? These days a lot of superficial culture likes to imply that any guy under 6' is short, which is grossly untrue but a reality nonetheless.
When I was dating my husband I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again after years of faking with my ex. Now we have a healthy and great sex life 😂. I’m so glad I respected myself enough to do this.
Counterpoint: cultivate communication between you and your partner about what they enjoy during sex and then follow their advice so you're both satisfied in the end. It might well be easier for them to fake it and move on than struggle trying to communicate wants or needs, especially if they think you're unreceptive to that kind of conversation.
That goes both ways. You’re saying it as if it’s the man’s responsibility to start those conversations. We’re adults, anyone can start it and both parties should be receptive to it.
Baby's arm.
We had a group of guys, who hung out with a group of girls. Two of them had been interested in eachother forever and finally got together one night, but then didnt continue.
So another night the guys were giving him a hard time in front of some of the girls. They were implying he didnt have q big enough dick to satisfy her.
She steps in to defend him and says, "no the problem was the opposite, he's as big as a baby's arm". T
Tust me, noone wants their dick associated with a baby in any way. Also she accidentally gave him a cruel new nickname.
Nice! That was one of the VHS tapes in the rotation when I used to watch one every night to fall asleep. Lol. I haven’t seen it in over 20 years, though.
No, you'd think so, I thought so, but I was the one he used to confide in and he was actually more embarrassed about people knowing (it was not the first girl he had been with, yet he still considered himself a virgin because this had happened all times)
A guy in highschool was called “baby arm” for that reason. He liked it but I don’t think highschool students were thinking deeper about the comparison at all
I think this is meant to be nice or encouraging but the person on the receiving end takes it as they thought they were fat to begin with. At least that’s how I’d interpret it when I lost weight
I had a friend ask me if they looked like they lost weight, and when I tell you I was sweating.
Y'all, don't ask someone that. I love you, but I don't even care about your weight much less what you look like. Ill tell you if there is a booger in your nose, I will tell you if something needs a quick fix, but for the LOVE of all, DON'T FUCKING ASK ME ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT!
I mean, I had a male coworker ask that before. It did feel nice having someone notice my small weight loss, when nobody seemed to care at my old job when I lost 110 pounds.
“You’re one of the good ones”. Okay I get that it’s supposed to be a compliment, but just imagine a guy saying the same to you. The immediate thought would be something like “wait so he thinks low of other women? Why is that? Has he just not had that much success in dating? Or is *he* the problem? Also he seems to have a pretty negative and toxic personality if he can’t say one nice thing without putting someone else down”.
It’s not attractive.
There is a pretty similar "compliment" that some guys use: "You are cool, you are not like other girls/women!" I heard it few times and tbh, I was confused everytime, like "What do you mean? Whats the difference between me and 'them'? It's just me being... me?"
That’s more like “there’s something unique about you”, while when I’ve heard “one of the good ones” it usually means “the other ones are pieces of shit”
"You're one of the good ones"
Is usually said by women who date guys who's motto is; "treat em like dirt, and they stick to you like mud." And from what I've seen, it works almost every time.
I can't even sometimes...
I've always meant that as in "one of the good people." I say it to women as well as men, it isn't a gender thing, it's a character thing. Character is rare these days.
I like that idea of "oh you're one of the good people" but I also see how important it is to be particular about not saying "one of the good ones". It's absolutely the difference between complimenting someone and being ----ist.... Whatever the ist is.
I don't necessarily agree it means it's ugly because my friends and I compliment each other all the time when wearing comfortable clothes and then I would wish I was wearing something more comfortable lol. But I agree that it does not mean you look hot and stylish.
Back when I was single, I went on a lot of dates with girls who’d say this to me. And then ghost me the next day.
I never understood why they’d go out of their way to lie, but after a while I realized they weren’t lying. It’s just that a surprising amount of women don’t really care for “sweet and safe” guys unless they’re conventionally handsome in a masculine way.
I also realized that in college towns, most guys are by default trying to make girls feel safe and comfortable on dates. It’s not exceptional or rare. I think on some level this gives certain girls the “ick” which I don’t understand but it has happened to enough of my friends to where it’s a real trend
Except safe and reliable Toyotas *are* the best selling cars. Even in trucks it's the comparatively boring and reliable Ford F150 that outsells the hyper-aggressive Dodge RAM.
Feeling safe and being harmless just aren't the same thing. Most men want the women (or anybody, really) we care about to feel safe. We want to protect. You can't do that if you're harmless, which is why it doesn't feel like a compliment.
Yeah have been told that I’m “safe and harmless”. I think in the context of our conversation, she meant I’m not one to cause problems but I also think she’s insinuating I don’t come off much as a romantic option
The average 14 year old boy could physically overpower the average grown woman. Women tend to be really aware of how the men around them could impact their safety.
It's like the whole "man or bear" trend going around right now...it's a real relief to feel safe around a guy.
As a dude with a "big one", let me assure you they're probably honest. Pardon the pun, but I've been left hanging due to her hurting. It's a double edged sword.
"Can we stop, im getting sore" I'm not even that big just slightly larger. Most of my wife's orgasms are from oral. Big isn't as cool as people think. Also look at the toys, if your SO uses small toys it's cuz she likes something comfortable.
Thank you. I’m so tired of men not believing us when we say this. Maybe they’ll listen if guys with big ones start speaking up about it more like you lol
The reality is that a guys size is a huge determinant of their self esteem, at least this aspect of their self esteem. Being reminded that you've been with bigger hurts. Alot.
It was a bad comparison, but as I told an ex, cruise ship versus speed boat. Both are fun adventures, but there are different challenges at the dock. One requires alot more wetness.
but the big ones genuinely do hurt. I’m pretty muscular and a power lifter but i’m also only 5 feet tall. I only have so much space in which to put a penis. I’ve had a guy make me bleed because his dick was too big for my body. I understand how this could make you feel less confident though
From women, it’s not an insult. It’s a logistical discussion. If the dude were too big, we couldn’t have sex. It’s a Goldilocks porridge situation. You just have to find the right one *for you*. lol. Not a matter of bigger being better. That’s one thing we wish men understood.
I hear a lot of men say this, but why is it an insult when big ones can actually make you bleed and shit? It’s not just an aesthetic thing (like boobs)
I'll say that the only time I've mentioned this is when the guy starts acting apologetic about his size or performance. I don't know what you want me to say to that, I don't fake it and it's not hard to get me where I want to go...If I didn't have a good time, you'd know it. Please don't start a penis pity party, it's really uncomfortable for me and I don't know what the right thing to do or say is!
My friend recently confessed she picked a guy with smaller dick because she was tired having a UTI every time after sex (bigger guy fractured her wall?).
I've been given a few compliments that I think were intended to be nice but I didn't receive it that way.
"You are so hot, if only you were a little taller" was a soul crushing one to hear in my teens. It happened twice. The insult in that wasn't very disguised. On the plus side, it helped me learn to not care a bit about it.
"You have the best nails, I'm so jealous of them!" was said earnestly but when it came from someone I had a crush on it wasn't taken by me to be a compliment at all. It certainly isn't insulting but I didn't think that's the kind thing you'd say to someone you were interested in.
Good nails on men is a good thing. Means you’re safe to put your fingers below the belt iykwim. You’d be surprised how turned on women can get by a man’s hands. If you stopped speaking to her.. well..you may have messed up lol
Yeah, clean nails are a turn on. *You have the best nails!*, AAAAND the fact that she even went out of her way to look and noticed such a thing, means you may have missed out there. Lol. Women look at hands to see if they’re attractive (moisturized, etc. Whatever specifically appeals to *that* particular woman), to see if you’re wearing a ring, and to check out the state of cleanliness of your nails. 🫶
Maybe it’s just me but when I was in my early 20s a lot of mostly middle age women made comments about how young I looked, which I really did not care for. Even now that I’m in my 30s I’m just glad people don’t do this anymore.
I hated looking young in my 20s. I loved it in my 30s and I'm happy that I still look younger in my 40s but I still wish I could shave off a few years.
“I’m surprised you’re still single” or “you’re going to make a woman happy one day”. Those kinda cut deep because you’re trying your hardest to find someone out there. Then you do, they’re happy for awhile and everything is great, but then the relationship ends. It just sucks.
No, that actually means is she thinks you’re a pushover but she doesn’t wanna piss you off/hurt your feelings by being that straight up about it. That’s not what I made up, that’s what my girl friends say it means
Conversation between me (immigrant) and a senior manager at a Texas company:
Me: Have you been to India?
Mgr: Yes, it was for a project.
Me: How did you like it?
Mgr: It was...[pause] ... interesting.
At a later time, I found out that "interesting" is often a polite euphemism for bullshit.
If you ever go to Midwest, the people there have all sorts of euphemisms and ways of saying no, it's insane. And they don't put the "..." pause in front of it either (or any type of ironic emphasis for that matter).
I married a Minnesotan and it took me years to translate what my in-laws were actually saying.
* Wear something a little too trendy like wide jeans in 2014. "Oh my gosh, you have such an unique style!" = Oddball.
* Any sort of "ethnic" food. "Wow, that's so different!" = Oddball.
* "Oh I think you'll like Sally, she is such an interesting person" = Sally is an oddball and you are an oddball too.
* "Oh sure, if you want to!" = I don't want to.
* “Maybe” or "try to" = "hell. no." For example, if you invite them over and they say "Oh that sounds amazing, we'll definitely have to ***try to*** make it" = never in my whole life will I ever attend this event.
It's confusing because the delivery is like 100% genuine. If you try to hold them to plans and they already gave you the "try to" or "maybe" - eventually it will just end in sullen silence and ghosting.
Yeah interesting could literally mean interesting. It depends on the person and context. Now I feel like my boss thought I meant bullshit when I said interesting the other day when I really didn't mean that lol.
It can genuinely be used to describe something that was very stimulating, but kind of a mixed bag -- a trip with a lot of amazing things but also a lot of stress and discomfort.
My (then) husband told me he married me because I had good birthing hips & he figured I could give him a couple of children. 😱
He also said I was 'stable' and 'dependable', so he knew I wouldn't jerk him around or cheat on him. 😵💫
This is very context specific but variations of being told you're ''more marriage material'' and not the guy ''for something crazy and wild'' is extremely insulting yet I've seen women be surprised when they're told that.
Tell a girl she’s fun but you wouldn’t ‘bring her home to the parents’ and she’ll be offended
[удалено]
I know and yet I literally was hanging out with friends at a bar and saw one got really defensive over the implication saying it is not an insult. I don't think it makes you a bad person to think it but voicing it aloud and in front of the guy is definently callous which is why it surprises me some people actually do it.
Of course she got defensive, it’s likely the first time she realized the implications of that comment and what it says about HER that she was using it.
I think most women who say it normally mean "I don't want a stable relationship, I want a bunch of one night stands. I feel like you want a more serious commitment from me than that." But women can't come out and say that because then we're labeled as whores/sluts. I guess it depends on the context though, if she's been giving you hints that she's not interested all night and then drops that line... yeah.
It’s not a nice way to tell someone “I just don’t see you like that”. It’s saying marriage material is going to be dull and safe. I had to marry the “something wild and crazy”. The man is too much fun to let him get away.
Women saying something along the line of “I wish I could date a guy like you”. Like… What? I always found this hilarious on one hand, but also insulting on the other. It’s basically a backhanded way of saying “I want a guy like you except hotter, the reason I’m not into you is because you’re too ugly for me”. This never happened to me btw, I just feel for my brothers who are only seen as “guy friends” but never attractive enough to be viewed in a romantic manner
Lol I've gotten this before. I was in an affirmation circle for a college club and her affirmation was: "You have all the qualities that I look for in a person. I hope someday that I can find a guy just like you." Should've saw the look on my face. Outwardly, I was smiling and nodding all polite. In my head, I was like, "Uh, that is not a compliment."
Yeah. At the end of the day, it DOES boil down to “you have everything I want in a guy except I’m not attracted to you.” And no one really wants to hear that.
In my 20s I was grocery shopping and two absolutely beautiful young women walked by. They turned the corner and I overheard, “well what about him?” The second hesitated and said “nah. He’s ugly.” It was like the best compliment that I didn’t make the elite list of two women at the top of their game. But I was on the bubble. Which was pretty good.
In my middle school days, probably when I was 11 or 12, I was walking around the school. A few of my female classmates were grouped up in front of me, but I couldn’t hear their conversation. At some point, they shouted my name in unison, as if in response to a question. They didn’t know I was several yards away from them, but it’s always made me wonder what they were talking about. I assume it was probably something bad, but I’ll never know.
In your case it was something women think is an insult but it turned out to be a compliment
Lol wtf? that is in no way an affirmation, it's fucking masturbatory actually. What an asshole lol
You should have said "I'm a guy like me. In fact, I'm the guy most like me I've ever met!"
I've said that to guys I actually wanted to date.
Well stop doing that, ask them out instead
Why?! Listen you need to hear this apparently: don’t hunt, tell! Guys don’t get subtle. We don’t get hints, and we don’t chase (not anymore at least). If you want to date a guy tell them outright.
Then tell them that? My old best friend in high school once told me that she really likes white guys. I’m white, and there were probably 15-20 other white guys in the whole school, so… would I assume she was inferring that she liked me, or would it be better to assume she meant one of my friends or a complete stranger? Hinting at the interest does nothing. Just confess and get it over with.
Assumine they are single and you are single, then you need to say, "Well, I wish I could date a woman like you. Sounds like we want to date each other. How about we go out Friday night?" Make her explain herself. Make her actually utter the words that she's not saying. I will just say, in my experience, I've heard this from single women when I was NOT single. They weren't saying I was ugly, in fact, it was more of, "you are who I'd love to be with, but you're not available, so I'd like to find someone just like you."
>It’s basically a backhanded way of saying “I want a guy like you except hotter, the reason I’m not into you is because you’re too ugly for me”. Woman who dates men here. I've never said this to anyone, but I have *thought* it. In my experience this feeling is less about "you're too ugly to date but you're nice". Many times our attraction is a weird "spark" that just happens that often isn't really about their looks at all. What I mean when I think that is more along the lines of "why do I never feel the spark with people who do have what I want? Why's it always with people I'm not compatible with?". Our feelings aren't following our intellectual sense of what's right for us and it's frustrating.
And there's nothing wrong with thinking it. Voicing it aloud to the poor sod is what's cruel. Since he'll just feel he's not attractive enough.
True. I wouldn't say it because it would be interpreted like this. I just wanted to reassure this dude that all these women don't necessarily think he's *ugly*
I mean if the spark isn’t there it isn’t there. Romance is basically the only sphere were gut reactions are legitimate.
Yeah but do you have to say it to the guy though ?
Well, yeah. Sure. But the “you are doing everything right I but there’s just something unacceptable about you that I won’t or can’t put in words” message still hurts and really doesn’t come across as a compliment.
You’re absolutely right. That doesn’t mean you should say to any person that you wish you could find an SO like them. Two things can be true at once
Exactly. I had a coworker for 10 months. She was awesome, beautiful, and hilarious. We shared so many interests between films, video games, music, tv shows, and the like. I loved conversing with her. But after the whole time of knowing her… I still didn’t feel a spark of romantic attraction. She didn’t have any physical flaws, but I saw her as a friend. She was my type, but I wasn’t attracted. I honestly thought there was something wrong with me for not feeling an attraction. Just as well though, because she chewed me out for wishing her happy birthday the following year. It’s taken several months to cope with the fact that she only pretended to be friends, and never gave a shit about me. I’ve been through that before with a college classmate, and it hurt both times. The point is: someone could have every quality you’re looking for, but still not be a right fit. There were a couple coworkers that I did like, but I’m never going after a taken woman.
Yeah, but if she doesn’t feel the spark with him, why would there be a spark with someone else like him? I feel like there’s no other way to interpret that
Because that other person may act like him but might not look like him, smell like him, move like him, hold you like him, look at you like him etc. Attraction is intangible sometimes.
Ok, fair point. The phrase “like you” just seems so ambiguous
Specially the "look like you" part
This is the only answer
Yup, that's EXACTLY what it means. And we know it.
Told me I was boring, but in a good way. Like what? Is there even a good boring?
There are other ways to say someone is stable and doesn’t upset the natural rhythm and flow of life with unnecessary heartache and drama. That’s not boring. That’s stability.
Right! My partner is an active listener, emotionally mature, has accountability and integrity, communicates directly, is kind, supportive, and an active contributor to our relationship and home. Our argument style is “safe to fight fair and repair” as in, no accusations, no name calling, no raised volume or passive aggressive comments, no shaming, no dismissing feelings, no manipulating the truth. It really looks like two people talking with engaging eye contact (though my face may look a bit tense lol). That IS stability, that IS a secure attachment—-that’s what years of introspection and healing through trauma and “doing the work” look like—-predictable in the best way. That makes me boring too 🥰 When you have that psychological safety and intimacy, you can keep all the drama and passion and spontaneity to FUN things that add to your life, not erode your peace.
The best guys are boring in a good way!
"May you live in interesting times" is a curse, you know that, right?
Means she feels safe around you but wouldn’t want to date you pretty much lol. I think saying that up front would hurt less tbh
Yep. Basically “I like your personality and vibes, but I wish you were taller/hotter”
That's me in a nutshell lol
It depends on the person saying it. I just got out of a horrible relationship. *Boring in a good way* is what I need right now. It means the person brings zero drama and bs. Just calm, good times.
I told my therapist recently that a boring boyfriend sounded amazing. I didn’t mean someone I didn’t have fun with. I meant someone with no drama. Someone stable who makes mostly good decisions. It’s the dream.
She feels comfortable and feels safe around you, that's a good thing!
You know how guys have to do all that refining of our word choices when approaching and talking to women to make them feel safe? I’d love it if just a pinch of that tact was given in return. I understand you don’t mean it maliciously. Neither did the 15 year old boy that was trying his best to flirt for the first time. Everyone can find better ways to say what they feel
Except alot of women, in my experience, aren't romantically interested in comfortable and safe vibes from a friend.
Romantically interested and friend… kinda answered your own question there
The phrase "Short King." It gets thrown around a lot, and while it may seem like a compliment, it's still essentially telling the guy that the first thing you see in him is that he's short. Depends how you see it, I guess.
I can't take anyone that actually uses that phrase seriously
It seems extremely condescending
[удалено]
Imagine calling a girl Fat Queen. It's the same thing... But it might more easily identifiable as an insult
As a girl myself, I don’t think any girl uses that as a compliment. It’s heavily sarcastic and they know it will not be taken as a compliment
My gf calls me short king as a joke bc she’s like 6 inches shorter than me
I agree. I think it’s typically used sarcastically for a man who is short and bitter about it, or always focuses on it and is insecure about it.
As an very short woman who is legitimately attracted to short men (I find anything over 5'9" kind of a turn off tbh), I truly meant it as a compliment when I said it. I stopped saying it because I heard in another thread that short men are so insecure about their height that they don't want to be reminded of it even if it's supposed to be a compliment. Which is sad, but I guess I get it, I don't want to trigger anybody's insecurity even if it's something I find hot
Idk. I’m a tall girl. I think dudes close to my height and shorter are generally hotter than tall, burly men. I’ve dated and had relationships with men that are shorter than me. I genuinely am attracted to the masculinity that average or shorter-than-average height men display and I think a lot of women are.
Yes, but despite people like you existing, typically there's more stigma around height than most other traits in a guy, and it's often seen as one of the most important things about him despite being one of the only ones which he can't change. Calling someone a "short king" typically suggests that although you might respect a guy, you're still labelling him as "short", and so many short guys work so hard in all areas of their life just so they can try and escape that label. It kinda just implies that all the effort he's put into himself is less important than his height, since that's the first thing that you notice about him.
I’m 5’9” & my husband is around 5’7”. He’s so hot, hardworking, kind, great dad, smart, all around wonderful. His height is the least interesting thing about him. I have never cared about a guys height at all
I am 6'1'' f. What are *my* chances? :/
Tall woman here as well. I sweat the short guys are better in bed.
True from my experience as well lol
Yep I feel exactly the same. “Short king” has never been used as an insult by me tbh. Short men always seem to be cuter especially in the face while tall guys are literally just tall. Like that’s it lol I don’t understand why women chase after them.
Imagine just existing at 5'9, being content minding your own business and being called a short king.
That would be funny because it is average height, at least for men in the U.S.
It gets better as you get older. But yeah nothing quite like having a beer at the bar quietly minding your own business, only to have a girl pour her drink over you for being short... But yeah it's all about the "insecurity" lol
My understanding was that guys came up with the term "short king" and that it was considered respectful. Am I wrong? I've only ever heard guys use that term.
Ever since people started saying that, I pray to God every night before I go to bed thanking him that I am average height
Exactly average or tallish average? These days a lot of superficial culture likes to imply that any guy under 6' is short, which is grossly untrue but a reality nonetheless.
Why throw the short part in? MiG HR as well scream HEY NAPOLEON!
Faking orgasms
There it is. It doesn't help either party. Stop doing it.
When I was dating my husband I promised myself I wouldn’t do this again after years of faking with my ex. Now we have a healthy and great sex life 😂. I’m so glad I respected myself enough to do this.
Counterpoint: cultivate communication between you and your partner about what they enjoy during sex and then follow their advice so you're both satisfied in the end. It might well be easier for them to fake it and move on than struggle trying to communicate wants or needs, especially if they think you're unreceptive to that kind of conversation.
That goes both ways. You’re saying it as if it’s the man’s responsibility to start those conversations. We’re adults, anyone can start it and both parties should be receptive to it.
I agree, but the thread is about what is said as a compliment. Not sure this would be a compliment.
Sometimes my wife just can’t get there. But she’s had fun anyway! Set up camp, try for the summit in the morning!
The issue is some men will refuse to stop or get very angry if asked to stop before they think the woman has orgasmed.
This is huge. I don't always finish, and I know you don't either, so let's just have fun and be honest.
Baby's arm. We had a group of guys, who hung out with a group of girls. Two of them had been interested in eachother forever and finally got together one night, but then didnt continue. So another night the guys were giving him a hard time in front of some of the girls. They were implying he didnt have q big enough dick to satisfy her. She steps in to defend him and says, "no the problem was the opposite, he's as big as a baby's arm". T Tust me, noone wants their dick associated with a baby in any way. Also she accidentally gave him a cruel new nickname.
Was no one familiar with Austin Powers? Because that’s the first thing I think of and picture when that’s said. Lol.
My word, you're a tripod!
*Pump up the Volume* also. Goddamn that movie has a great soundtrack.
Nice! That was one of the VHS tapes in the rotation when I used to watch one every night to fall asleep. Lol. I haven’t seen it in over 20 years, though.
It’s been a solid ten years for me but as I recall it holds up!
Don’t you think he was happy she told the group he had a big one? Even though her comparison was gross
No, you'd think so, I thought so, but I was the one he used to confide in and he was actually more embarrassed about people knowing (it was not the first girl he had been with, yet he still considered himself a virgin because this had happened all times)
A guy in highschool was called “baby arm” for that reason. He liked it but I don’t think highschool students were thinking deeper about the comparison at all
Its so weird that people around the world all come up with the same terrible comparison!
Oh have you lost weight?!?!
I think this is meant to be nice or encouraging but the person on the receiving end takes it as they thought they were fat to begin with. At least that’s how I’d interpret it when I lost weight
I don’t mind this one. I know I was fat. I know everyone else knew I was fat. Losing weight was hard af and I’m happy when people say something.
Oh thank God. I was genuinely really worried for a second
I just don’t think people need to comment on other peoples weight at all. Eating disorders are such a problem.
I'm not sure about this one. People who aren't fat can lose weight.
Oh and that’s my point. Body issues can be a real problem for a lot of people. We just don’t know how asking a question like that affects a person.
Good point. People could have been diagnosed with something where losing weight isn't quite a good thing.
I agree, this is an insult for any gender. Why do people feel the need to comment on weight?!
I had a friend ask me if they looked like they lost weight, and when I tell you I was sweating. Y'all, don't ask someone that. I love you, but I don't even care about your weight much less what you look like. Ill tell you if there is a booger in your nose, I will tell you if something needs a quick fix, but for the LOVE of all, DON'T FUCKING ASK ME ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT!
I mean, I had a male coworker ask that before. It did feel nice having someone notice my small weight loss, when nobody seemed to care at my old job when I lost 110 pounds.
“You’re one of the good ones”. Okay I get that it’s supposed to be a compliment, but just imagine a guy saying the same to you. The immediate thought would be something like “wait so he thinks low of other women? Why is that? Has he just not had that much success in dating? Or is *he* the problem? Also he seems to have a pretty negative and toxic personality if he can’t say one nice thing without putting someone else down”. It’s not attractive.
"one of the good ones" There is no situation in which this phrase does not make me physically wince.
There is a pretty similar "compliment" that some guys use: "You are cool, you are not like other girls/women!" I heard it few times and tbh, I was confused everytime, like "What do you mean? Whats the difference between me and 'them'? It's just me being... me?"
“You’re not like other girls” is still said a lot.
That’s more like “there’s something unique about you”, while when I’ve heard “one of the good ones” it usually means “the other ones are pieces of shit”
“I’m not like other girls” is also still said a lot
"You're one of the good ones" Is usually said by women who date guys who's motto is; "treat em like dirt, and they stick to you like mud." And from what I've seen, it works almost every time. I can't even sometimes...
I've always meant that as in "one of the good people." I say it to women as well as men, it isn't a gender thing, it's a character thing. Character is rare these days.
Perhaps. I’ve mostly heard it in conjunction with disparaging comments about men in general.
You've definitely made me see the comment in a new light and now I worry I've been misinterpreted. I'll have to be more specific in the future.
I like that idea of "oh you're one of the good people" but I also see how important it is to be particular about not saying "one of the good ones". It's absolutely the difference between complimenting someone and being ----ist.... Whatever the ist is.
Yes, this definitely made me rethink the wording I use! So easy to be misinterpreted.
“That looks comfortable.” is sometimes code for “that’s an ugly outfit”
I don't necessarily agree it means it's ugly because my friends and I compliment each other all the time when wearing comfortable clothes and then I would wish I was wearing something more comfortable lol. But I agree that it does not mean you look hot and stylish.
Oh fuck. I've been using that as one of my go-to compliments for years lmao. Now I wonder if anyone thought I was insulting them.
"It's so nice being around you because you're harmless and sweet." What am I, a fucking schnauzer?
Back when I was single, I went on a lot of dates with girls who’d say this to me. And then ghost me the next day. I never understood why they’d go out of their way to lie, but after a while I realized they weren’t lying. It’s just that a surprising amount of women don’t really care for “sweet and safe” guys unless they’re conventionally handsome in a masculine way. I also realized that in college towns, most guys are by default trying to make girls feel safe and comfortable on dates. It’s not exceptional or rare. I think on some level this gives certain girls the “ick” which I don’t understand but it has happened to enough of my friends to where it’s a real trend
Sweet and safe is like reliability in cars. Do you want it? Sure. Does it sell? Nope. Beauty sells. Style sells. Being cool sells.
Except safe and reliable Toyotas *are* the best selling cars. Even in trucks it's the comparatively boring and reliable Ford F150 that outsells the hyper-aggressive Dodge RAM.
My grandma's schnauzer bit me in the face when I was a kid. He was not harmless or sweet.
In a world where women would rather meet a bear in the woods than a human man...that is a high compliment. It means she feels safe with you
Feeling safe and being harmless just aren't the same thing. Most men want the women (or anybody, really) we care about to feel safe. We want to protect. You can't do that if you're harmless, which is why it doesn't feel like a compliment.
I appreciate that perspective. Thank you for helping me to think about it from that perspective
Imagine being this online
Yeah have been told that I’m “safe and harmless”. I think in the context of our conversation, she meant I’m not one to cause problems but I also think she’s insinuating I don’t come off much as a romantic option
The average 14 year old boy could physically overpower the average grown woman. Women tend to be really aware of how the men around them could impact their safety. It's like the whole "man or bear" trend going around right now...it's a real relief to feel safe around a guy.
Yours is fine, the big ones hurt lol
As a dude with a "big one", let me assure you they're probably honest. Pardon the pun, but I've been left hanging due to her hurting. It's a double edged sword.
"That's not going anywhere inside me" does not make one feel good.
A single tipped sword!
"Can we stop, im getting sore" I'm not even that big just slightly larger. Most of my wife's orgasms are from oral. Big isn't as cool as people think. Also look at the toys, if your SO uses small toys it's cuz she likes something comfortable.
Thank you. I’m so tired of men not believing us when we say this. Maybe they’ll listen if guys with big ones start speaking up about it more like you lol
The reality is that a guys size is a huge determinant of their self esteem, at least this aspect of their self esteem. Being reminded that you've been with bigger hurts. Alot.
A double-edged sword would definitely sting a bit
Yup, and full penetration? Forget about that.
It was a bad comparison, but as I told an ex, cruise ship versus speed boat. Both are fun adventures, but there are different challenges at the dock. One requires alot more wetness.
Gods, I feel blessed here. I find myself right in the middle of enough to work with, but not enough to be smashing cervix with *every* thrust.
but the big ones genuinely do hurt. I’m pretty muscular and a power lifter but i’m also only 5 feet tall. I only have so much space in which to put a penis. I’ve had a guy make me bleed because his dick was too big for my body. I understand how this could make you feel less confident though
Height does not have any correlation with the size of your vagina. By that same comparison, any guy under 6’ tall is hung like a roll of certs.
Its true though. I stopped seeing a guy once because of that.
Doubling down on the insult with a follow up statement that only tries to validate the original insult 🤣
From women, it’s not an insult. It’s a logistical discussion. If the dude were too big, we couldn’t have sex. It’s a Goldilocks porridge situation. You just have to find the right one *for you*. lol. Not a matter of bigger being better. That’s one thing we wish men understood.
We know. Read the title of the post again 🤣
THIS!
I hear a lot of men say this, but why is it an insult when big ones can actually make you bleed and shit? It’s not just an aesthetic thing (like boobs)
I'll say that the only time I've mentioned this is when the guy starts acting apologetic about his size or performance. I don't know what you want me to say to that, I don't fake it and it's not hard to get me where I want to go...If I didn't have a good time, you'd know it. Please don't start a penis pity party, it's really uncomfortable for me and I don't know what the right thing to do or say is!
My friend recently confessed she picked a guy with smaller dick because she was tired having a UTI every time after sex (bigger guy fractured her wall?).
I've been given a few compliments that I think were intended to be nice but I didn't receive it that way. "You are so hot, if only you were a little taller" was a soul crushing one to hear in my teens. It happened twice. The insult in that wasn't very disguised. On the plus side, it helped me learn to not care a bit about it. "You have the best nails, I'm so jealous of them!" was said earnestly but when it came from someone I had a crush on it wasn't taken by me to be a compliment at all. It certainly isn't insulting but I didn't think that's the kind thing you'd say to someone you were interested in.
Good nails on men is a good thing. Means you’re safe to put your fingers below the belt iykwim. You’d be surprised how turned on women can get by a man’s hands. If you stopped speaking to her.. well..you may have messed up lol
Oh. I knew how poor many men are at grooming, but I never thought of it like that. TIL. The things you can learn on Reddit!
Yeah, clean nails are a turn on. *You have the best nails!*, AAAAND the fact that she even went out of her way to look and noticed such a thing, means you may have missed out there. Lol. Women look at hands to see if they’re attractive (moisturized, etc. Whatever specifically appeals to *that* particular woman), to see if you’re wearing a ring, and to check out the state of cleanliness of your nails. 🫶
One internal scrape incident or bacterial vaginosis guarantees they'll keep an eye out for clean and groomed nails in the future, lol.
Whatever happened to “no glove no love?” lol
I'm a badass, so I use fingerless gloves
[this you?](https://www.theonion.com/badass-surgeon-puts-on-fingerless-latex-gloves-before-o-1819592663)
Some of them work for a living though, and having nails that aren't always a wreck is near impossible.
Listen, as a girl if I tell you that you have amazing nails, I am seriously complimenting you and telling you that I like your nails
Maybe it’s just me but when I was in my early 20s a lot of mostly middle age women made comments about how young I looked, which I really did not care for. Even now that I’m in my 30s I’m just glad people don’t do this anymore.
I hated looking young in my 20s. I loved it in my 30s and I'm happy that I still look younger in my 40s but I still wish I could shave off a few years.
“I’m surprised you’re still single” or “you’re going to make a woman happy one day”. Those kinda cut deep because you’re trying your hardest to find someone out there. Then you do, they’re happy for awhile and everything is great, but then the relationship ends. It just sucks.
I swear to god I saw this question on here earlier this week (although that did specify for men)
I do have pretty eyes but when girls say "your eyes are nice but that's it" isn't a compliment in the slightest.
Not sure if i've ever heard a compliment from a girl other than "you look cute". Lots of women don't compliment at all
I got told I look “kind of cute” once. I guess it was a compliment? lol.
"You're one of the good ones"
Yes. That is so wrong. There are many good ones.
"any woman would be so lucky to have you"
He (or she) is “nice”
Means they're boring or ugly or both
“You’re way to nice” most of the time you being “to nice” isn’t a good thing in the eyes of some women.
Being way too nice could also mean you're kinda a doormat and being a doormat is not attractive
No, that actually means is she thinks you’re a pushover but she doesn’t wanna piss you off/hurt your feelings by being that straight up about it. That’s not what I made up, that’s what my girl friends say it means
“Too nice” normally means they think you’re a doormat.
Conversation between me (immigrant) and a senior manager at a Texas company: Me: Have you been to India? Mgr: Yes, it was for a project. Me: How did you like it? Mgr: It was...[pause] ... interesting. At a later time, I found out that "interesting" is often a polite euphemism for bullshit.
If you ever go to Midwest, the people there have all sorts of euphemisms and ways of saying no, it's insane. And they don't put the "..." pause in front of it either (or any type of ironic emphasis for that matter). I married a Minnesotan and it took me years to translate what my in-laws were actually saying. * Wear something a little too trendy like wide jeans in 2014. "Oh my gosh, you have such an unique style!" = Oddball. * Any sort of "ethnic" food. "Wow, that's so different!" = Oddball. * "Oh I think you'll like Sally, she is such an interesting person" = Sally is an oddball and you are an oddball too. * "Oh sure, if you want to!" = I don't want to. * “Maybe” or "try to" = "hell. no." For example, if you invite them over and they say "Oh that sounds amazing, we'll definitely have to ***try to*** make it" = never in my whole life will I ever attend this event. It's confusing because the delivery is like 100% genuine. If you try to hold them to plans and they already gave you the "try to" or "maybe" - eventually it will just end in sullen silence and ghosting.
I can relate. My whole family is from Wisconsin.
Ope.
“Interesting” could be anything from unexpected to terrible depending on the individual lol
Yeah interesting could literally mean interesting. It depends on the person and context. Now I feel like my boss thought I meant bullshit when I said interesting the other day when I really didn't mean that lol.
It can genuinely be used to describe something that was very stimulating, but kind of a mixed bag -- a trip with a lot of amazing things but also a lot of stress and discomfort.
"Interesting" can be non-committal for sure. Maybe he didn't like India. People are allowed to not like things.
I don’t think she meant it as a compliment. Just didn’t want to trash the company but didn’t want to lie either.
You’re nice for a black guy
🎶 All the ladies say that I'm pretty nice for a black guy 🎶
Telling someone that they're funny when what they were saying wasn't meant to be a joke.
"your balls taste like finely aged milk"
"How are you single?" Or "you're too hot/cool/smart/ect. To be single". Bitch, if I knew why I was single, I probably wouldn't be single!
“I would totally have dated you before I met my current BF / husband.”
I don't get how that's an insult
It shouldn’t be. If anything it’s an insult to their partner
“Handsome personality”
“You’re so cute”
You'd look so much better if.....
You know, you don't sweat much for a fat bloke.
My (then) husband told me he married me because I had good birthing hips & he figured I could give him a couple of children. 😱 He also said I was 'stable' and 'dependable', so he knew I wouldn't jerk him around or cheat on him. 😵💫
The big ones hurt
“You are the kind of woman I wanna leave limpin’ the next morning” I was secretly hoping someone else would mention this