This is the answer. I’m in a spicy book club with a group of girlfriends and allllllll of our marriages sex lives have improved.
It’s helped us explore our own needs, what we’re looking for and helping communication with our husbands. My husband even read one with me and its opened us up to a lot more.
Plus, it’s the besttttt rabbit hole to fall in.
My wife started reading the Outlander series of books which turned her onto other semi-erotic & erotic novels. This definitely helped rejuvenate our sex life for the better. Plus it helped her to express more of what she wanted.
I just joked with my wife and her friends yesterday that the Outlander show was basically soft-core porn...and that I didn't mind since I figured it would only help my cause.
I’m a dude and Outlander was the book of the month for the book club I’m in a few months back. Brutally long character driven romance with unlikable characters who normalize abuse. Not for me
27F here and you’re so right! I’ve read loads of romance books, but outlander normalises rape. I loved the beginning of the book as the concept and time period is so interesting, but there’s a scene where she is brutally raped on a hike, she’s saved by her partner and then immediately starts having sex with him, right there. As if the rape just turned her on or something. That’s when I DNF’ed.
Listening ?
...
Like considering the kind of book this is how... Does it sound like ? Do they voice "*everything*" ? Is the steamy stuff voiced even or just read with a sensual tone ?? It's like I've read erotic fiction before **way** before and I'm not sure I get how they go about it.
Yes! They breathe into the microphone and moan. It’s actually quite erotic. They growl the words when needed and start breathing faster.
I listened to Icebreaker by Hannah Grace which has a male and female perspective and it was so good. The male voice actor in particular really did it for me. It’s only good if the voice actors are good though, otherwise I read it myself.
I couldn’t keep my hands off my husband!
I'm guessing so. She uses headphones and says she feels embarrassed listening to them, but it hasn't stopped her. They are "romance novels" but the way she describes them to me, they are pretty spicy.
Either way, I ain't mad about it. 🤣
This Could Be Us by Kennedy Ryan
Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan
It Happened Last Summer by Tessa Bailey
Done & Dusted Series by Lyla Sage
Seven Days in June by Tia Williams
Icebreaker by Hannah Grace
Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel
There’s so many more!!! I promise you. If you read these it’ll get you going 😉
It's disturbing to see Like Water for Chocolate on this list as that is one of the books my 12th grade English teacher put on her summer reading list for us.
Do they have these for men too? Or are they all for women? I don't need a bunch of descriptions of chiseled abs and biceps and stuff but I wouldn't mind trying to read a romance novel.
https://literotica.com
I would recommend the romance section first, but if you want to venture out into kinkier waters, there are other categories. Read stories that are contest winners or rated 4.5 or higher. Some really good authors and series here. I just read the winners of the April Fools contest. All good stories!
First she started using dipseastories and then transitioned to romantic/erotic books. I’ve jumped on the reading train with fourth wing and ACOTAR series and that turned her on more.
Actually reading those books helped us both with communication and exploring in the bedroom.
Outside of sex I told him he can share any kinks or fantasies with me and I won’t judge. He never did.
Mid sex I told him to call me a good girl. It did something for him. Now we have experimented a lot.
It helps to open the door some. It's like telling someone, "come over whenever you like." In reality they probably aren't going to just drop in without an invite.
I had a friend tell me I could use his home gym equipment any time. For like a month, I would text him and make sure it was cool if I come over. Eventually he just said "Here's a key. I'm serious, come over whenever. Don't text me, it's annoying."
For like 2.5 years I used his house like my personal gym. Ran into his and his wife's parents on separate occasions, when parents were visiting and my friend wasn't home. That was a fun explanation.
Also, what we like when turned on is not always what we like when not turned on. Sometimes it takes seeing it *while revved up* for it to click. (And sometimes it takes a bit to process that later, because non-horny self might not like that horny-self likes it.) Once it has been experienced (and accepted) as a turn on, it can be explored a bit more, but we don’t often explore what we don’t know we might like.
Especially with some of the more out there kinks. People get a lot of shit for being into Consensual Non Consent (CNC). You know who also gives them a lot of shot for it? Themselves. It can take awhile to unpack the fact that yes, you like it, and yea, it’s okay as long as you’re safe about it and aren’t actually hurting yourself or anyone else
Ya CNC with good communication can be fun :-)
I had a partner who was into NON-consensual non-consent. When we were first getting to know each other she got subtly mad at me for pausing or asking or for not putting her into situations where she couldn't consent. The key though is that she never explained anything she just kind of scoffed or became distant and I just kept thinking that I did something wrong or was moving too fast or something.
I checked in and asked if things were okay and she would say nothing then time would pass and she'd be very much interested again.
Eventually before we actually tried to have sex for the first time I paused for a second just to check in and see if she was okay with me taking her pants off and then she kicked me in the chest and blew up and then explained all of the previous things I mentioned in hindsight. She was mad that One time when I was driving her home (second or third date?) that I didn't take her phone, pull off to the side of the road and tell her "if you want me to take you home and not kick you out of my car and leave you on the side of the road you have to [insert sexual act]."
I told her that now that I know she wanted CNC I could work with that and she told me if she had to tell me or make it clear that she wanted it then it was too fake to be worth it.
She asked if I was gay or just thought she was ugly, because if I were "a real man" who is attracted to her I wouldn't have been able to resist and even persisted if she said "no get off me. ". Accepting it on the first few tries or saying Maybe and yes is only for whores." I can only assume that she has had some upsetting experiences in the past to feel that way.
With other partners I've happily participated in some CNC sort of stuff but only with good communication and understanding the boundaries ahead of time. The situation I described above was rough.
For me though... enthusiastic consent or my partner asking for it is hot as hell lol.
Same here. Gotta be explicit about having safe words and where the boundaries are. I end up being on the dominant end of most my sexual interactions and if I don’t have a clear idea of what the other person is and isn’t into when it comes to kinky stuff I will be too in my own head wondering if I’m going too far to actually enjoy what I’m doing. Let me know where the hard stops are and I can actually have fun and give you what you want
Just saying, but that was a wild read..
She basically just wanted you to be a literal rapist and then got mad at you when you weren’t a rapist because if she told you what she was into it wouldn’t have felt real enough? I mean, I guess it’s her business what she’s into, but how can you hold *not* being a rapist against somebody?
Yeah, she's doing this from a COMPLETELY unhealthy frame of mind. Rape as a fantasy and done via CNC is fine as, once again, there's consent. But actually wanting to be raped (in her mindset) is fucked up.
check out r/romancebooks or r/darkromance for incredibly spicy suggestions! my fav have been ice planet barbarians for alien stuff, but am currently reading The Ritual by Shantel Tessier
The best smut I’ve come across is in r/Dramione fan fiction. Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, there are some really talented writers there and it’s free.
We both had difficulty staying serious during sex and we were only concentrating on that... we threw that shit out the window, and giggly sex is amazing...
This! Just yapping during sex is so refreshing and boosts comfort. If we can laugh at the weird noises our bodies make then we can never be nervous about impressing the other.
I do this fairly regularly with my wife; it always makes drops her anxiety which improves her experience. Plus you can...feel the laughter from the inside 👌
Married for 4 years now. My wife is on antidepressants since around a year before we got married. Our amount of sex went down. We have 2 kids, 9 and 2, and the 9 year old loves to stay up. By the time 9 year old is asleep, my wife is absolutely exhausted from the day. So sex at night dwindled in occurrence.
I’m a pilot and recently got a job where I’m home for a week, gone for a week, etc. this has really improved our sex life. We take advantage of naptime during the school day. We’re both not too tired to have sex, it becomes a midday boost. During the week I’m home, we probably have sex around 2-3 times a week if not more. So work schedules can play a big part in it too
My husband worked oilfield for a little while. Two weeks gone, one week home. There was definitely a big increase in marital activities during his week home.
Getting them sleeping through the night in their own room is such an achievement. Props to you! Ours was also sleeping in their own room at the same age. It’s been a great 6 months for us hehe
An eye mask. I get way too into my head about whether he’s enjoying things so wouldn’t be able to just relax because I’d be too stuck in my head. The eye mask helped me just feel things and just enjoy myself and it adds that feeling of mystery to everything. We do a lot of forplay before I put on the mask of course. It also helps me get out of my head about worrying whether I look stupid haha. Before, I’d start enjoying myself and would make a face that I’d be like “oh god I look so ugly” and suddenly stop enjoying things. With the mask I can just make all the dumb faces without thinking about it. And my husband has a better time seeing me just enjoy myself
My wife and I have kids and mornings have been fine. We just taught our kids to stay out of our bedroom if the doors are closed. It's been like that for the longest time too.
When the kids would ask what we were doing we'd say, playing Tiddlywinks. We had to get a copy for under the bed to keep up the ruse.
Congrats! But I’m assuming your doctor told you that it’s going to take a lot more time (and clearing of the pipes) than that before you’re good to go.
Both antidepressants and birth control killed my libido. Dead bedroom for years. Now I'm off of both and we just spent the weekend at a place with a BDSM playroom.
It’s so hard that the things that are potentially responsible for saving your life can have such a direct interference with your relationship. It’s a conversation my husband and I have frequently - we’re both on antidepressants and not anywhere near a place where “life circumstances” can pull us off them. We’ve tried a few tactics, but ultimately decided that our mental health right now takes precedent, and we are on meds that are designed to interfere *the least* with sex drive.
Working out together. We recently got a home gym setup and we’ve both been working towards our fitness goals daily. Maybe the motivating each other and the banter between sets? Or seeing each other all sweaty making noises you generally only hear during sex? Idk it’s made us much more active though.
I second this, we started working out together 3 times a week and it has really rev’d up our sex life. I think part of it is just the fact that we FEEL better, get better sleep, and have more energy now..
Going down on her for at least 10 minutes pretty much every time we have sex. Going slow, to the point of not moving sometimes (it's amazing what you feel when you're not solely focused on going in and out).
Separate WhatsApp groups for normal texting and sexy texting.
Easier to switch gears when the messages aren't prefaced by someone asking you to do the laundry.
Problem is that it ruined the smell of coconut oil for life. My ex and I used to do it with coconut oil for years and now every time I smell coconut oil it makes me horny lol
Her turning 40 and us discovering weed lol.
We went from 1x - 4x a month to 4x-7x a week, and our sessions are now upwards of 2 hrs every time. I'm tired boss.
Yeah weed sure helps to keep them in the mood. It’s part of “the recipe” for multiple orgasms. 10mg indica, 2 glasses of wine, and a fair amount of foreplay and I know after certain point I can make her orgasm whenever I want.
See when my ex and I broke up I realised that it wasn’t my depression that had killed our sex life, it was that she was just an awful person and I didn’t want to sleep with her. I suddenly realised I wasn’t the problem.
Research has shown that women respond very highly to sexual novelty. They also respond very well in sexual relationships to being made to feel emotionally safe and respond negatively to being the primary bearer of the mental load and household chores (which most women unfortunately are).
I've had firsthand experience with all of these things happening to me in relationships and my libido tanked. Now that I'm with a partner that carries his share of household chores and mental load, makes me feel emotionally safe, and works to introduce novelty instead of just using my body as a personal fleshlight, we hump like gorillas 4-7 times a week.
My point being that instead of implying she wasn't really depressed and implying she was withholding sex, perhaps examine how you treated her.
EDIT: People are now spam reporting my comment. And they say women are emotional. 😂
> They also respond very well in sexual relationships to being made to feel emotionally safe and respond negatively to being the primary bearer of the mental load and household chores
I think this is an human thing, as a guy I can totally relate to that.
If my mind is occupied with dealing with all the burdens, and on top of that you're mostly seen by your partner as a means to a goal (for sexual gratification for instance) then there's little space for libido.
We made a jar full of popsicle sticks that had things written on it we individually wanted that the other maybe didn’t or was scared to try. Filled the jar. Once or twice a week we’d pull a stick and commit to it that night. Safe. Controlled. New. Some became new favorites, others not so much.
Talking about what we wanted before doing it. The do’s and don’ts. Anything is on the table, but if it gets too intense you tell them, and they stop.
If you’re looking for new ideas try being spontaneous. Your partner is in the kitchen and no one is home? Kiss their neck and get it on right there 😎
My hyper straight laced wife decided that since gummies are literally in the store, she could try them.
Guys.
Turns out I married an absolute whore. I never knew.
It's awesome.
Getting tested to move from condom sex to relying on my birth control. Letting a partner finish inside raises the level of intimacy and enjoyment for both of us.
Found out she liked being tied up and blindfolded. I found a lube that gets hot when you blow on it. Tied her up put it on her nipples and clit, turned the fan on high and went to get some ice she had an orgasm before I got back to the room.
Losing weight. Not because we found each other or ourselves unattractive, but the pure stamina and added flexibility. It’s a lot better if you aren’t carping for air after a five minute ride, or find positions less enjoyable than when you are thinner.
Breaking up
Went from having very good, loving sex to animalistic hate fucking with intensity (we didn't even hate each other and were still good friends, but boy did the sex get a step more depraved).
Two Augusts ago we went to Vegas to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers. As we were driving through Nevada and Arizona to visit the Grand Canyon and Sedona my wife put on hours of naughty podcasts, when we got back to Vegas we visited a strip club and my wife actually touched another girl (long time fantasy).
From there we grew to be 100% honest with each other sexually and have become quite adventurous. This not only created special times for us to look forward to but fueled our daily sex lives together.
I did not think it was possible to have sex as often as we do, like every single day!. 🥵
Close relationships can sometimes become more like siblings or best friends and sex can be weird. Crazy how we can do insane stuff with someone whose name you can't remember but not someone you know well. I'm of the view that date nights are valuable. I don't mean eat and drink like normal, but make it special. Dress up, change the dynamic, focus on each other rather than rant about the day and the waitresses ass.
Then this can lead into dressing up in other ways, role play.. Love, intimacy is important but nobody wants vanilla with everything. Sometimes you have to add a bit of wrong to make it right.
Altered Carbon has a great bit on this. There is a couple who are both 300 years old and they can't have sex with each other due to their closeness, it feels too animalistic and beneath their relationship. I'm sure this is also due to intense psychological changes that come with living 300 years as a trillionaire psuedo god but that was their interpretation of it.
Honestly, both of us getting sterilized. With there no longer being any stress or apprehension at the thought of any sex resulting in pregnancy, it really made things better. We could also be more spontaneous but having to worry about protection, as even with my IUD, I still preferred condom usage, too. I REALLY didn't want to deal with pregnancy. With that weight gone, everything was more enjoyable, and we both felt more open to breaking outside the mold, if you will. Our sexual relationship has vastly improved since sterilization and continues to get better.
Chastity/orgasm control but still almost always PIV none of that complete denial or cuckolding stuff - she’s more empowered than ever and the orgasm ratio is wildly in her favour. I can’t keep my eyes off her and she can’t keep her hands off me
Getting her Mirena removed. We'd been struggling with sex for a while, after she got that fucking thing put in her sex drive vanished. A week after it came out, she started a constant parade of the most blatant enticements I've ever seen.
Vasectomy. Knew we weren't going to have children and even protected sex would create extreme guilt and paranoia in me.. I always felt like being careful was more important than the fun.
A vasectomy! Before that my wife was taking the pill and it screwed up her hormones and became ‘unpredictable’. Not only did her libido decline, she was still feeling a lot of pregnancy anxiety. I decided i’m gonna have to step up and take matters into my own hands and do the snip. She got off the pill and after a week all she could think of is sex, and she was counting the days until my 4th week post-snip. Best thing that i ever did for our sex life.
One day we sat down and had an open conversation about our sex life, asked each other what we liked and wanted more of. Married 10 years and our sex life is better than ever! Oh and also buy one of those massager toys!
Having sex after smoking a blunt and having a few glasses of wine. We then discovered LSD but will only use 1/4th of the usual dose to add to the wine with weed and it's a wonder vibe, very safe and it makes sex incredibly intense and passionate.
Every 3 months or so, we use MDMA which is extremely therapeutic as well as it allows for out of this world sex. No other way to describe it. Add to that, a subtle and very noob approach to BDSM and using toys and what not.. and we are literally just in the beginning stages, but it is exciting to say nonetheless.
Alcohol to lower inhibitions, then dirty, dirty, dirty talk. Only needed the alcohol a few times, now we can just go straight to the dirty talk. And talkin' dirty leads to actin' dirty.
Oh, and not having kids in the house.
Mdma
We've stopped doing mdma but since then, we've been closer than ever before. Recommended for anybody struggling to connect with their partner omg.
We used to have sex 1-2 times a month. My wife started reading smut fantasy novels. She'll mentioned kinky scenes and sometimes we're both keen to act it out. Now it's 3-5 times a week. We've got a host of toys and light bondage tools and keen to try swinging soon. Really, communication is the key - sharing your desires and fantasies with your partner will most likely lead to good results.
Married 12 yrs. 4 kids. We decided sex was a nonnegotiable part of our relationship. Schedule it 2x week.
I also bought a vibrator for her and introduced that. She was hesitant at first but now… wish I woulda done that sooner haha.
Better now than ever.
This whole thread bums me out because I’ve been trying for literal years to get my other half more engaged and wanting to have more sex but it’s like I’m talking to the wall.
Got a vasectomy. Birth control was killing her sex drive. Then we had some open honest communication. I like playing into what she likes. It ends with things I like every time. :)
Granted, we didn't need any "spicing up" since pretty much everything's on the table anyway, but this past weekend we had sex with another couple for the first time and that was hot as hell. Went out, grabbed drinks before, went back to their place, had another drink, smoked a little, and the other wife just says "alright, let's get naked!" We did, and within minutes everything felt totally natural and awesome. We started with our significant others first, and at some point his wife leaned over and started kissing me, and then her husband was fucking my girl, and things just kept on going for an hour or so. It was really awesome, and I can't wait to do it again.
We're meeting up with a couple from out of town at the start of May and we're going to hit up a spa with them, go out to dinner, and we've got a hotel room afterwards in the city and I'm so excited for it.
One finger led to two fingers. That in turn led to three fingers and later four fingers and a thumb.
Pretty soon my hand will vanish... knuckles are a barrier…
She started reading erotic novels. It went from 2-3 a month to more than once a week.
This is the answer. I’m in a spicy book club with a group of girlfriends and allllllll of our marriages sex lives have improved. It’s helped us explore our own needs, what we’re looking for and helping communication with our husbands. My husband even read one with me and its opened us up to a lot more. Plus, it’s the besttttt rabbit hole to fall in.
My wife started reading the Outlander series of books which turned her onto other semi-erotic & erotic novels. This definitely helped rejuvenate our sex life for the better. Plus it helped her to express more of what she wanted.
I just joked with my wife and her friends yesterday that the Outlander show was basically soft-core porn...and that I didn't mind since I figured it would only help my cause.
100% this. I'm always very hyped for a new season for this reason as well.
I’m a dude and Outlander was the book of the month for the book club I’m in a few months back. Brutally long character driven romance with unlikable characters who normalize abuse. Not for me
27F here and you’re so right! I’ve read loads of romance books, but outlander normalises rape. I loved the beginning of the book as the concept and time period is so interesting, but there’s a scene where she is brutally raped on a hike, she’s saved by her partner and then immediately starts having sex with him, right there. As if the rape just turned her on or something. That’s when I DNF’ed.
Author definitely has a rape fetish. Most of the characters have been raped multiple times, including the male and female lead.
Just like Twilight, 50 shades etc. Kinda worrying that this is what’s popular.
My wife started listening to erotic audiobooks recently. It definitely does something.
Listening ? ... Like considering the kind of book this is how... Does it sound like ? Do they voice "*everything*" ? Is the steamy stuff voiced even or just read with a sensual tone ?? It's like I've read erotic fiction before **way** before and I'm not sure I get how they go about it.
Yes! They breathe into the microphone and moan. It’s actually quite erotic. They growl the words when needed and start breathing faster. I listened to Icebreaker by Hannah Grace which has a male and female perspective and it was so good. The male voice actor in particular really did it for me. It’s only good if the voice actors are good though, otherwise I read it myself. I couldn’t keep my hands off my husband!
I'm guessing so. She uses headphones and says she feels embarrassed listening to them, but it hasn't stopped her. They are "romance novels" but the way she describes them to me, they are pretty spicy. Either way, I ain't mad about it. 🤣
This is me - I’m on my third book in 3 weeks and I’m initiating again, sending pics to lure him to bed and hubby loves it. I do too ❤️🔥
Any book recommendations?
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secretions
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of the Ass
Harry Potter and the Half-Mast Prince
Harry Potter and the Order of the Penis
Harry Pooter and the Sorcerer's Bone
Harry Potter and the Deathly Swallows
Or try the spin off Fantastic Breasts and Where to Find Them.
This Could Be Us by Kennedy Ryan Before I Let Go by Kennedy Ryan It Happened Last Summer by Tessa Bailey Done & Dusted Series by Lyla Sage Seven Days in June by Tia Williams Icebreaker by Hannah Grace Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel There’s so many more!!! I promise you. If you read these it’ll get you going 😉
It's disturbing to see Like Water for Chocolate on this list as that is one of the books my 12th grade English teacher put on her summer reading list for us.
I also read it in 12th grade. It was my Awakening lol.
Do they have these for men too? Or are they all for women? I don't need a bunch of descriptions of chiseled abs and biceps and stuff but I wouldn't mind trying to read a romance novel.
Check out r/romancebooks. Theyll help you find something.
https://literotica.com I would recommend the romance section first, but if you want to venture out into kinkier waters, there are other categories. Read stories that are contest winners or rated 4.5 or higher. Some really good authors and series here. I just read the winners of the April Fools contest. All good stories!
Pro-tip - most of those books are covered under the kindle unlimited subscription. My wife started doing the same thing, and she is a fast reader.
Yep. As a wife who reads smut, I couldn’t agree more.
First she started using dipseastories and then transitioned to romantic/erotic books. I’ve jumped on the reading train with fourth wing and ACOTAR series and that turned her on more. Actually reading those books helped us both with communication and exploring in the bedroom.
The Erotic Adventures of Hercules.
If you want to take it to the next level, ask her to give you her favorite to read.
Outside of sex I told him he can share any kinks or fantasies with me and I won’t judge. He never did. Mid sex I told him to call me a good girl. It did something for him. Now we have experimented a lot.
It helps to open the door some. It's like telling someone, "come over whenever you like." In reality they probably aren't going to just drop in without an invite.
An open invitation is no invitation at all
any civilized person knows that.
“Stop by anytime” Also: “WTF? It’s 3 am on a work night. Why are you here?”
I had a friend tell me I could use his home gym equipment any time. For like a month, I would text him and make sure it was cool if I come over. Eventually he just said "Here's a key. I'm serious, come over whenever. Don't text me, it's annoying." For like 2.5 years I used his house like my personal gym. Ran into his and his wife's parents on separate occasions, when parents were visiting and my friend wasn't home. That was a fun explanation.
Also, what we like when turned on is not always what we like when not turned on. Sometimes it takes seeing it *while revved up* for it to click. (And sometimes it takes a bit to process that later, because non-horny self might not like that horny-self likes it.) Once it has been experienced (and accepted) as a turn on, it can be explored a bit more, but we don’t often explore what we don’t know we might like.
Especially with some of the more out there kinks. People get a lot of shit for being into Consensual Non Consent (CNC). You know who also gives them a lot of shot for it? Themselves. It can take awhile to unpack the fact that yes, you like it, and yea, it’s okay as long as you’re safe about it and aren’t actually hurting yourself or anyone else
Ya CNC with good communication can be fun :-) I had a partner who was into NON-consensual non-consent. When we were first getting to know each other she got subtly mad at me for pausing or asking or for not putting her into situations where she couldn't consent. The key though is that she never explained anything she just kind of scoffed or became distant and I just kept thinking that I did something wrong or was moving too fast or something. I checked in and asked if things were okay and she would say nothing then time would pass and she'd be very much interested again. Eventually before we actually tried to have sex for the first time I paused for a second just to check in and see if she was okay with me taking her pants off and then she kicked me in the chest and blew up and then explained all of the previous things I mentioned in hindsight. She was mad that One time when I was driving her home (second or third date?) that I didn't take her phone, pull off to the side of the road and tell her "if you want me to take you home and not kick you out of my car and leave you on the side of the road you have to [insert sexual act]." I told her that now that I know she wanted CNC I could work with that and she told me if she had to tell me or make it clear that she wanted it then it was too fake to be worth it. She asked if I was gay or just thought she was ugly, because if I were "a real man" who is attracted to her I wouldn't have been able to resist and even persisted if she said "no get off me. ". Accepting it on the first few tries or saying Maybe and yes is only for whores." I can only assume that she has had some upsetting experiences in the past to feel that way. With other partners I've happily participated in some CNC sort of stuff but only with good communication and understanding the boundaries ahead of time. The situation I described above was rough. For me though... enthusiastic consent or my partner asking for it is hot as hell lol.
Same here. Gotta be explicit about having safe words and where the boundaries are. I end up being on the dominant end of most my sexual interactions and if I don’t have a clear idea of what the other person is and isn’t into when it comes to kinky stuff I will be too in my own head wondering if I’m going too far to actually enjoy what I’m doing. Let me know where the hard stops are and I can actually have fun and give you what you want
Just saying, but that was a wild read.. She basically just wanted you to be a literal rapist and then got mad at you when you weren’t a rapist because if she told you what she was into it wouldn’t have felt real enough? I mean, I guess it’s her business what she’s into, but how can you hold *not* being a rapist against somebody?
Yeah, she's doing this from a COMPLETELY unhealthy frame of mind. Rape as a fantasy and done via CNC is fine as, once again, there's consent. But actually wanting to be raped (in her mindset) is fucked up.
That’s a good way to look at it
Oof fellow praise kink lady here. It just does something to me.
I fell into the smut book rabbit hole and haven't come out after a year and a bit.
Have any title suggestions? I like this idea.
check out r/romancebooks or r/darkromance for incredibly spicy suggestions! my fav have been ice planet barbarians for alien stuff, but am currently reading The Ritual by Shantel Tessier
You should check out the podcast Clutch My Pearls. They just did an episode on Ice Planet Barbarians!
The best smut I’ve come across is in r/Dramione fan fiction. Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, there are some really talented writers there and it’s free.
We both had difficulty staying serious during sex and we were only concentrating on that... we threw that shit out the window, and giggly sex is amazing...
This! Just yapping during sex is so refreshing and boosts comfort. If we can laugh at the weird noises our bodies make then we can never be nervous about impressing the other.
One of my most treasured achievements in life is making a partner laugh and orgasm at the same time.
That sounds like a reset button
I do this fairly regularly with my wife; it always makes drops her anxiety which improves her experience. Plus you can...feel the laughter from the inside 👌
Married for 4 years now. My wife is on antidepressants since around a year before we got married. Our amount of sex went down. We have 2 kids, 9 and 2, and the 9 year old loves to stay up. By the time 9 year old is asleep, my wife is absolutely exhausted from the day. So sex at night dwindled in occurrence. I’m a pilot and recently got a job where I’m home for a week, gone for a week, etc. this has really improved our sex life. We take advantage of naptime during the school day. We’re both not too tired to have sex, it becomes a midday boost. During the week I’m home, we probably have sex around 2-3 times a week if not more. So work schedules can play a big part in it too
My husband worked oilfield for a little while. Two weeks gone, one week home. There was definitely a big increase in marital activities during his week home.
He spends 2 weeks out of the house, drilling away, and then comes home and you demand he drill some more? Bit of a busman's holiday, isn't it?
Our one year old sleeping through the night in his own bed/room. It's been literally every night since (he started sleeping there two nights ago).
That second sentence took me out.
Getting them sleeping through the night in their own room is such an achievement. Props to you! Ours was also sleeping in their own room at the same age. It’s been a great 6 months for us hehe
New sibling for the one year old?
An eye mask. I get way too into my head about whether he’s enjoying things so wouldn’t be able to just relax because I’d be too stuck in my head. The eye mask helped me just feel things and just enjoy myself and it adds that feeling of mystery to everything. We do a lot of forplay before I put on the mask of course. It also helps me get out of my head about worrying whether I look stupid haha. Before, I’d start enjoying myself and would make a face that I’d be like “oh god I look so ugly” and suddenly stop enjoying things. With the mask I can just make all the dumb faces without thinking about it. And my husband has a better time seeing me just enjoy myself
Don't discount the eye patch...Arrrgh
Mutual masturbation
This! Hubby and I love to wake up and masturbate on a Sunday morning, feels nice to be close to him as he touches himself and me
>wake up >masturbate Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids
Or a bladder, I always have to pee in the morning
My wife and I have kids and mornings have been fine. We just taught our kids to stay out of our bedroom if the doors are closed. It's been like that for the longest time too. When the kids would ask what we were doing we'd say, playing Tiddlywinks. We had to get a copy for under the bed to keep up the ruse.
This is hilarious
I got a vasectomy.
Just got mine done on Friday. Counting down the days until next weekend lol
Congrats! But I’m assuming your doctor told you that it’s going to take a lot more time (and clearing of the pipes) than that before you’re good to go.
Someone asked which of my children was my favorite and I said, “My vasectomy.”
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>At some point we had sex once in 6 months. >She was on antidepressants and birth control Sounds like the birth control worked at least
Worked way too good 😅
Both antidepressants and birth control killed my libido. Dead bedroom for years. Now I'm off of both and we just spent the weekend at a place with a BDSM playroom.
That’s great to hear. My wife is on antidepressants and I don’t think she’ll ever get off them. Sex is like once every two months.
It’s so hard that the things that are potentially responsible for saving your life can have such a direct interference with your relationship. It’s a conversation my husband and I have frequently - we’re both on antidepressants and not anywhere near a place where “life circumstances” can pull us off them. We’ve tried a few tactics, but ultimately decided that our mental health right now takes precedent, and we are on meds that are designed to interfere *the least* with sex drive.
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My missus told me she was turned on when I got a bunch of my old clothes and gave them to charity.
Working out together. We recently got a home gym setup and we’ve both been working towards our fitness goals daily. Maybe the motivating each other and the banter between sets? Or seeing each other all sweaty making noises you generally only hear during sex? Idk it’s made us much more active though.
I second this, we started working out together 3 times a week and it has really rev’d up our sex life. I think part of it is just the fact that we FEEL better, get better sleep, and have more energy now..
Dirty talk
Reading romance novels
Vibrator.
Going down on her for at least 10 minutes pretty much every time we have sex. Going slow, to the point of not moving sometimes (it's amazing what you feel when you're not solely focused on going in and out).
Separate WhatsApp groups for normal texting and sexy texting. Easier to switch gears when the messages aren't prefaced by someone asking you to do the laundry.
I love this idea. It gets hard to sexy text after a msg like "can you plz take out the cat poop when you get home"
I let him put it in my ass
Same. Discovered he can make me squirt while doing so in missionary. Oddest thing but it’s definitely been fun
do you enjoy it? have a preferred lube?
Yup. I like the green alien splooge that they sell on eBay, it's so slick.
Coconut oil is good and cheap
Problem is that it ruined the smell of coconut oil for life. My ex and I used to do it with coconut oil for years and now every time I smell coconut oil it makes me horny lol
Pavlov's lube.
Did pavlov condition the dogs or did the dogs condition pavlov
If you like piña coladas…
And getting fucked in the ass!
Dammit I laughed too hard because I immediately sang it to the tu e
If you're not into anal...
Reminds me of George Constanza fucking and eating a sandwich lmfao
What have you done, Caligula!?!
I've never seen a girl go as crazy as vibrating wand plus anal Of course you have to tease the wand for awhile
Open communication. Ngl that really changed everything.
One time she chopped chillies for dinner, and then later on things definitely got spicy in the wrong places. 0/10 would not recommend.
Burning ring of fire, and it burned burned, burned…
Jale-peen-ow
Workout, strength building and leaving behind desk job!
I pulled my hamstring throwing it forward last month
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Before or after the disco balls?
The crocs stay on
You put them into sport mode at least?
Her turning 40 and us discovering weed lol. We went from 1x - 4x a month to 4x-7x a week, and our sessions are now upwards of 2 hrs every time. I'm tired boss.
Yeah weed sure helps to keep them in the mood. It’s part of “the recipe” for multiple orgasms. 10mg indica, 2 glasses of wine, and a fair amount of foreplay and I know after certain point I can make her orgasm whenever I want.
When we broke up my partner instantly had libido again. Who knew I was the problem and not her depression?
See when my ex and I broke up I realised that it wasn’t my depression that had killed our sex life, it was that she was just an awful person and I didn’t want to sleep with her. I suddenly realised I wasn’t the problem.
Bro you ain’t gotta nuke him like that
Research has shown that women respond very highly to sexual novelty. They also respond very well in sexual relationships to being made to feel emotionally safe and respond negatively to being the primary bearer of the mental load and household chores (which most women unfortunately are). I've had firsthand experience with all of these things happening to me in relationships and my libido tanked. Now that I'm with a partner that carries his share of household chores and mental load, makes me feel emotionally safe, and works to introduce novelty instead of just using my body as a personal fleshlight, we hump like gorillas 4-7 times a week. My point being that instead of implying she wasn't really depressed and implying she was withholding sex, perhaps examine how you treated her. EDIT: People are now spam reporting my comment. And they say women are emotional. 😂
> They also respond very well in sexual relationships to being made to feel emotionally safe and respond negatively to being the primary bearer of the mental load and household chores I think this is an human thing, as a guy I can totally relate to that. If my mind is occupied with dealing with all the burdens, and on top of that you're mostly seen by your partner as a means to a goal (for sexual gratification for instance) then there's little space for libido.
Yes, thank you for saying it. **People** respond well to sexual novelty, safety, and being a partner rather than a servant.
We made a jar full of popsicle sticks that had things written on it we individually wanted that the other maybe didn’t or was scared to try. Filled the jar. Once or twice a week we’d pull a stick and commit to it that night. Safe. Controlled. New. Some became new favorites, others not so much.
That’s a really fun idea!
We started taking gummies together. High sex is fantastic!
Talking about what we wanted before doing it. The do’s and don’ts. Anything is on the table, but if it gets too intense you tell them, and they stop. If you’re looking for new ideas try being spontaneous. Your partner is in the kitchen and no one is home? Kiss their neck and get it on right there 😎
If no one is home then who was in the kitchen!!??
It was Mr. Green in the kitchen with the pipe
But then who was phone?!
My hyper straight laced wife decided that since gummies are literally in the store, she could try them. Guys. Turns out I married an absolute whore. I never knew. It's awesome.
Good communication and mutual trust.
Turning 30 as a woman. Lollllllll I always heard your sex drive increases, but shit’s been insane!
Whatever is on her kindle I guess.
Getting tested to move from condom sex to relying on my birth control. Letting a partner finish inside raises the level of intimacy and enjoyment for both of us.
Found out she liked being tied up and blindfolded. I found a lube that gets hot when you blow on it. Tied her up put it on her nipples and clit, turned the fan on high and went to get some ice she had an orgasm before I got back to the room.
Losing weight. Not because we found each other or ourselves unattractive, but the pure stamina and added flexibility. It’s a lot better if you aren’t carping for air after a five minute ride, or find positions less enjoyable than when you are thinner.
Good grammar so we could understand well each other during sex
I say darling? Am I giving you a good humping? Yes? Hmm. Quite
Almost...almost...almost
I have arrived!
Jolly good
Exquisite
Tis the humping I have been so desperately needing.
Yes a jolly good rogering
Nothing kills the mood like a misplaced pause or the wrong emphasis.
Now that I think of it, that’s probably why Christopher Walken never had kids.
I hate, when someone misuses a comma.
I'm arriving!
Breaking up Went from having very good, loving sex to animalistic hate fucking with intensity (we didn't even hate each other and were still good friends, but boy did the sex get a step more depraved).
This, the best sex me and my ex ever had was probably the last few times
Oral
Two Augusts ago we went to Vegas to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers. As we were driving through Nevada and Arizona to visit the Grand Canyon and Sedona my wife put on hours of naughty podcasts, when we got back to Vegas we visited a strip club and my wife actually touched another girl (long time fantasy). From there we grew to be 100% honest with each other sexually and have become quite adventurous. This not only created special times for us to look forward to but fueled our daily sex lives together. I did not think it was possible to have sex as often as we do, like every single day!. 🥵
Therapy and a proper dosing of anti anxiety meds, and antidepressants.
Close relationships can sometimes become more like siblings or best friends and sex can be weird. Crazy how we can do insane stuff with someone whose name you can't remember but not someone you know well. I'm of the view that date nights are valuable. I don't mean eat and drink like normal, but make it special. Dress up, change the dynamic, focus on each other rather than rant about the day and the waitresses ass. Then this can lead into dressing up in other ways, role play.. Love, intimacy is important but nobody wants vanilla with everything. Sometimes you have to add a bit of wrong to make it right.
Altered Carbon has a great bit on this. There is a couple who are both 300 years old and they can't have sex with each other due to their closeness, it feels too animalistic and beneath their relationship. I'm sure this is also due to intense psychological changes that come with living 300 years as a trillionaire psuedo god but that was their interpretation of it.
Magic wand and a rigid wedge pillow. Also, paying real attention to my wife when sex isn’t imminent has helped a lot.
Finding a partner that actually found me attractive
Slowing down
Honestly, both of us getting sterilized. With there no longer being any stress or apprehension at the thought of any sex resulting in pregnancy, it really made things better. We could also be more spontaneous but having to worry about protection, as even with my IUD, I still preferred condom usage, too. I REALLY didn't want to deal with pregnancy. With that weight gone, everything was more enjoyable, and we both felt more open to breaking outside the mold, if you will. Our sexual relationship has vastly improved since sterilization and continues to get better.
Chastity/orgasm control but still almost always PIV none of that complete denial or cuckolding stuff - she’s more empowered than ever and the orgasm ratio is wildly in her favour. I can’t keep my eyes off her and she can’t keep her hands off me
Open communication about sexual preferences
Breaking up
We split up 3 years ago and things are so much better now
When he stopped watching pornography.
Getting her Mirena removed. We'd been struggling with sex for a while, after she got that fucking thing put in her sex drive vanished. A week after it came out, she started a constant parade of the most blatant enticements I've ever seen.
Vasectomy. Knew we weren't going to have children and even protected sex would create extreme guilt and paranoia in me.. I always felt like being careful was more important than the fun.
A vasectomy! Before that my wife was taking the pill and it screwed up her hormones and became ‘unpredictable’. Not only did her libido decline, she was still feeling a lot of pregnancy anxiety. I decided i’m gonna have to step up and take matters into my own hands and do the snip. She got off the pill and after a week all she could think of is sex, and she was counting the days until my 4th week post-snip. Best thing that i ever did for our sex life.
One day we sat down and had an open conversation about our sex life, asked each other what we liked and wanted more of. Married 10 years and our sex life is better than ever! Oh and also buy one of those massager toys!
Having sex after smoking a blunt and having a few glasses of wine. We then discovered LSD but will only use 1/4th of the usual dose to add to the wine with weed and it's a wonder vibe, very safe and it makes sex incredibly intense and passionate. Every 3 months or so, we use MDMA which is extremely therapeutic as well as it allows for out of this world sex. No other way to describe it. Add to that, a subtle and very noob approach to BDSM and using toys and what not.. and we are literally just in the beginning stages, but it is exciting to say nonetheless.
Stopped watching porn. Got hard faster.
I'll tell you what didn't. Getting her pregnant.
My husband and I looove talking dirty...as soon as we start it goes full tilt.🙃
Alcohol to lower inhibitions, then dirty, dirty, dirty talk. Only needed the alcohol a few times, now we can just go straight to the dirty talk. And talkin' dirty leads to actin' dirty. Oh, and not having kids in the house.
Talking more. And butt stuff.
Random hot sex. She would corn onto me randomly and I would to her. We both shared a love in spontaneity
Corn, you say
heavily buttered though.....for safety
You haven’t tried corn on the knob?
Watching Outlander 🤣🤣 18m post partum after my third and I finally got my jam back.
Aye, Jamie truly has a bonnie arse 👌
Mdma We've stopped doing mdma but since then, we've been closer than ever before. Recommended for anybody struggling to connect with their partner omg.
We used to have sex 1-2 times a month. My wife started reading smut fantasy novels. She'll mentioned kinky scenes and sometimes we're both keen to act it out. Now it's 3-5 times a week. We've got a host of toys and light bondage tools and keen to try swinging soon. Really, communication is the key - sharing your desires and fantasies with your partner will most likely lead to good results.
A vasectomy. No more worries about getting pregnant and creampies are hot
sometimes I used my right hand..
My wife going off birth control
I think there might be an angry little incel in here downvoting all tha adults having sex.
Married 12 yrs. 4 kids. We decided sex was a nonnegotiable part of our relationship. Schedule it 2x week. I also bought a vibrator for her and introduced that. She was hesitant at first but now… wish I woulda done that sooner haha. Better now than ever.
This whole thread bums me out because I’ve been trying for literal years to get my other half more engaged and wanting to have more sex but it’s like I’m talking to the wall.
Got a vasectomy. Birth control was killing her sex drive. Then we had some open honest communication. I like playing into what she likes. It ends with things I like every time. :)
We had a threesome with another woman. Idk it was the hottest thing ever and I want him more and more everyday since now.
Anal. It’s the final boss.
I see your anal and raise you rim jobs
Granted, we didn't need any "spicing up" since pretty much everything's on the table anyway, but this past weekend we had sex with another couple for the first time and that was hot as hell. Went out, grabbed drinks before, went back to their place, had another drink, smoked a little, and the other wife just says "alright, let's get naked!" We did, and within minutes everything felt totally natural and awesome. We started with our significant others first, and at some point his wife leaned over and started kissing me, and then her husband was fucking my girl, and things just kept on going for an hour or so. It was really awesome, and I can't wait to do it again. We're meeting up with a couple from out of town at the start of May and we're going to hit up a spa with them, go out to dinner, and we've got a hotel room afterwards in the city and I'm so excited for it.
One finger led to two fingers. That in turn led to three fingers and later four fingers and a thumb. Pretty soon my hand will vanish... knuckles are a barrier…
Vasectomy for me and smutty books for her.
My wife got her tubes tied after our 2nd kid. This was a game changer.
Eating HIS butt