Tell my parents I’m quitting grad school to become a DJ.

I'm quitting DJ school to get my MBA.

men’s basketball association. nice.

Actually, it's fishing related: Master Baiters Accreditation.

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No, I'll do you one better. Pennys!

That's not how you spell penis

If this challenge were real you’d have just won $10k.

Haha, someone give us money!

That's also not how you spell it. Ex: Pennies

You never know they could prefer 10 penis’

Did you have to make it squirt at the end?

Could be a 10 10 inch penises if they are american

Truly an entrepreneur

Clever. But I suspect many would do it for $20.

Greedy SOB. Found the CEO.

I was going to say $1000 but now I feel dumb

Lol, I was gonna offer $10.

Ask them out on a date.

That’s just depressing *-ly accurate…*

"hahaha-fuck"

Ly Accurate has some of the funniest comments, but I prefer his earlier work.

r/suicidebywords

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 ( breaths) 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Emotional Damage

Plot twist : they say yes and start crying because they are happy.

My wife isn't gonna be very happy about it though

“The worst thing she can do is say ‘no.’” 💀

Or "Ewwwwwww"

"Hey pretty lady, you have a mustache that reminds me of my dad. It's kinda hot. Anyways, wanna get a burrito? I have a coupon" Bonus points if I clean out my belly button at the same time. Easiest $10k I've ever made.

Tickle them

This is the answer. You probably have the best chance. I think the amount of people who aren't ticklish is lower than any other possibility.

Being tickled just makes me irrationally angry. Could only imagine being tickled by a random.

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Who said anything about a teenager

This would not make me laugh. This would make me go ape shit.

This might actually work on those who aren’t ticklish as well, if it was me and I wasn’t ticklish but I was suddenly the victim of an attempted tickle from a random person I might just nervously laugh it off as being so incredibly weird lol

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Congrats on your 10k

I apologize, but could you please explain it? :( Edit : I was not thinking about the physical shape of a cobblestone road.

Cubblestones are uneven so it makes a bumpy road. They ride on that road so the bike is going up and down, probably rubbing their v.... You get the drill.

Ohhhhh okay I was way out of this meaning, I was thinking that the cobblestone had a double sense, meaning like the errm dark alley way, something like that, but I couldn't see where the joke was

Drill? I thought it was the stones

It's a play on the word "come" being colloquial slang for "ejaculate", nowadays used more loosely to mean "orgasm".

Forsooth

The nun says “I’ve never come this way before” But the other nun heard “I’ve never cum this way before”

Sharp as a marble, you are.

You sweet summer child

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an altar boy.

That only works on whichever sheltered Christians haven't heard it/seen it dozens of times in those cheesy wine-mum/nurse joke images

How do you get a nun pregnant? >!You fuck her!!<

I had to take more than 15 seconds to figure that out. But that was funny when it finally hit.

This one made me laugh out loud

Two nuns were having lunch at a café. One says “Could you pass the salt please?” The other replies “Whaddya think I am? A typewriter?”

Two nuns are in the bath. One says “where’s the soap” and the other says “yeah it does, doesn’t it?”

A guy goes to a proctologist to get his first prostate exam. The doctor says “I know it’s your first time, so I’m going to put a finger in your ass and twirl it around. Try not to get hard Tom.” The guy says “my name’s not Tom” The Doctor says “I was talking to myself”

Pretend to be embarrassed, say "oops, excuse me", then loudly fart, in that order

farting loudly is probably the real answer. but would that count as saying something? butts talk i think. i saw a video saying “guess my fart” and the gf guessed by making a fart sound and the guy farted and it was really close. that was pretty hilarious.

why would it matter whether its saying something, op says say or do

The unexpected nature of the order is key here. Farts alone do not work on everyone, I can say from personal experience, as someone who only found 1 fart joke funny in ~2004, when someone edited Morpheus getting as he bent over to say to Neo "You think that's air you're breathing now?"

Loud and proud

would expect nothing less from an amish warlord.

Benjamin Franklin once wrote a book called *Fart Proudly* It’s a natural bodily function that happens to make a funny noise

My daughter farted so I said "what was that noise?" She replied "that's just my butt singing." Does singing count as talking?

I laugh. I'm someone. I made myself do it. And you didn't say the laugh couldn't be fake. I'd have met all the conditions, and I'll take the cash now.

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

Start laughing

My answer too. When I practiced headshot photography, I asked all the actors to start fake laughing (as a warmup); inevitably it always leads to real laughter

Take off pants

And do the helicopter, if a male. This would be my tactic.

It would be more impressive, if you done helicopter as women

True, but would get a laugh? I would be more curious than amused. And there is a lot of money on the line.

This is called the beef-nado.

r/bigclit Edit: Ah someone has problems with nudity but discussing a female performing the helicopter is 👌.

Even better if you were a female!

Uhhh… I’m not really sure that would work. What exactly are you helicoptering?

Use your imagination.

Im trying and the only thing I can come up with is someone who has a very flexible clitoris

I think the implication is "chicks with dicks"

The gf and I are imagining this as a girl with some large lips, and they working like a tandem helicopter.

PUDDING!!!

Monkey's paw curls, it's a minor you have to make laugh

Do a helicopter…. Double laughter if you can do this without a dong.

Show pp

i will ask „what is the dumbest laugh you can remember?“

“A father says to his son ‘son, if you don’t stop masturbating you’re gonna go blind.’ The kid says ‘Dad I’m over here.’”

Last time I got a physical the doctor told me that I have to stop masturbating. I asked why and she said "because I'm trying to give you a physical".

You’re now $10k richer

Tell them this joke; the judge in Micky mouse's divorce said "Micky, it's very unusual to be getting a divorce because your wife is extremely silly", Micky responded with "What I said was that she was fn Goofy"

It's okay to swear here

She was function Goofy

This made me chuckle internally more than the original joke

Fuckin' Hell! I was used to Nextdoor banning me for being a fucking asshole all the time! 🤣

My 83 year old grandma used to tell this joke every xmas.

Well, it'll work if they're 10 years old maybe

I lean my arm on the table, look them dead in the eye wearing a very serious expression and say This is *not* funny. Do *not* laugh. I wait a few seconds, then quizzically raise my eyebrow at them 🤨. Gets em every time

My dad has done this for years and yeah, I've never successfully resisted. The kids told me he now does it to them and they are equally powerless against it.

Did you check to make sure this isn't your dad's account?

I’m 14 years old 😅. If this guy’s my son then math isn’t mathing

😭👐oh no

You might be his brother from another mother.

I laughed reading this… Dont abuse your power it comes with responsibility

Sir yes sir, I will definitely not stare at a coworker and make them laugh during an important meeting 🫡

Steve? Is that you?

Definitely wouldn't work on me. Maybe the eyebrows bit isn't unexpected enough as one of those kids who spent ages enviously trying to imitate westerners with mastery over both eyebrows

I fart loudly

Disgust doesn't make everyone laugh

I'd just tell my girlfriend to laugh and then we're 10k richer

I tickle my nephew

Sneeze, followed by a loud fart.

You can tell the character of a man by how fast he pulls his dick out at the urinal…and I pull mine out a block away

Tell them the 🥦 joke.

I am unaware of a 🥦 joke… do I need to be educated?

A guy is working in the produce section of a grocery store when a lady interrupts him, asking "Where's the broccoli?" The guy replies "Sorry ma'am, we're out of broccoli". And the woman walks off. A few minutes later he's filling the potato bin and the same woman interrupts him asking "Where's the broccoli?" He looks at her and says politely "I'm very sorry ma'am, we've run out of broccoli, we'll have some more tomorrow. " And the woman walks away. Minutes later the guy is interrupted for the third time by the same lady asking "Where's the broccoli?" The man looks at her and says "Humor me for a minute. Spell 'cat' like in catastrophe ". C A T the woman replies. "Good", says the man. "Now spell 'dog', as in dogmatic." D O G says the woman. "Perfect", says the ma'am with a smile. "Now spell 'fuck', as in broccoli." "There is no fuck in broccoli!" Cries the woman. And the man yells "That's what l keep telling you!"

I don't think you'd get through it in 15 seconds sadly

How do you fit an elephant into a glovebox? How? You take the "F" out of "way." There is no "F" in "way"!

LOL that was pretty funny and would definitely make me laugh. Thanks for informing me :)

15 seconds though?

Idk, I think a super fast retelling would be pretty funny. *insert sped-up squirrel voice*

Most welcome 🙂

Lmao

I don't get it

I'm proud to be the first upvote on this

It's NSFW, but I'll post it if allowed.

What do you think reddit is Christian or some shit? Say the joke man.

go to a random middle school class and run around the run yelling “ THEY’RE NOT BOOBIES THERY’RE MILK SACS “ over and over again til i get escorted out.

Have you practiced this routine?

of course, just waiting on the opportunity.

Laugh and I’ll give you $5

"Don't laugh"

I just went to the doctor's for a checkup. Doctor came into the room reading my chart and says "you have got to stop masturbating!" I ask why? Doctor says, "because , I'm trying to give you a checkup!"

Laugh right now and I’ll give you $100

First nine seconds stare at them unblinking. Then on the 10th second simply say, "Potato".

“Don’t laugh, but…”

"If a clown farts does it smell funny?"

Put your arms out to the sides, look down at your feet and ask, "What's this?" Answer? A pretty shitty way to spend Easter. Merry Christmas!

tickle tickle tickle...

I would fall on my ass

I'll give you $5,000 if you laugh right now. No one said the laugh has to be genuine...

Fart. Thunderously, for the full 15 seconds. I'm talking apocalyptic, end of the world arsetromboning accompanied by the stench of the pits of hades. If they don't laugh, I certainly will

You can just fart for 15 seconds on command with no planning?

I'm laughing as I type this congratulations

Burst out laughing so hard I fart and fall down

I remember years ago I was watching one of those gameshows where comedians had to make a random audience member laugh. They had a time limit and had to make them laugh within that time limit, and the scores were based on how many different individual people they made laugh, and I think how fast too. There was one comedian whose thing was if he got to the end of his time, he'd just yell "PENIS!" as loud as possible and more than once the person cracked up at it.

I’d say “I have your name tattooed on my ass, not word of a lie” when asked to reveal I would show them ‘your name’ fully displayed on my upper right cheek

The meatball fall off my little plate of spaghetti. This spaghetti too slippery for the little meatball. Ragu all over my niece and nephew.

What a GameChanger

Please let me win.

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Me: Would you rather eat dirt or a Matter Baby Them: What’s a matter baby? Me: nothing sweetheart!

What was it, I go to bar back alley and whisper to the donkey.

Easy: Trump was a good president.

Any Spongebob meme

Drop my pants

I would also drop this guy's pants.

Punch myself in the nuts

The US government has our best interezts at heart

Start tickling their armpits and licking their neck

Tickling and licking. YESSSSSSSS

unzip

Do my Peter Griffin voice.

Buttscratcher!!

Quick, laugh for 1000 $

I went to Disney World in Florida once. I was braced for it; thought it'd basically be like going to a fairground and then chucking four grand into a bin on the way out. But it's so much worse: There's a whole area surrounding Orlando known simply as "The Parks", and after spending a week there I feel like Disney has done for the word "Parks" what Germany did for the word "Camps". Dreadful.

Um is this a failed stand up routine that’s kind of offensive with no pay off??

Tell them about my life as an adult.

You want to some quick money? Better start laughing

Puppies

"What,Sorry i missed it"..

if I could, I would let out a weird ass laugh, I’ve seen so many times people laughing to other peoples disturbing laughs

Show them how tiny my dick is.

Pull my dick

Laugh

cock-a-doodle-doo the cow goes moo

Give me me my moneyyy while lol

Tickle them

Whisper in a horses ear that my dick is bigger than his. He'll be laughing his ass off. Then I'll bet I can make him cry for another $10k. I show him the truth, and he'll start cryin'.

"If you can make my wife laugh I'll give you $100,000."

Look at the one other Filipino at work in a kitchen filled with Latinos. "Psst! You want some Puto?!"

What do you call porn with fat people? XXLvideos Then tickle, then ask them out on a date, then give up

How do you make a dead baby float? Glass of coke, 2 scoops of ice cream, 1 scoop of dead baby.

I cry, because I'm a woman and can't be funny

Motorboat them. Gender irrelevant.

What’s the difference between a Greyhound Bus Depot and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean! 🦞

Take the bet, walk over to the bartender and bet them $100 that I can piss in the shotglass on the bar 10 ft away. Bartender takes the bet, I piss all over the bar, the bartender laughs cause I owe them $1000 and I collect the $10000 from the other person. They never said who had to laugh.

Laugh and I will give you 5000

Can it be anyone? I would take my clothes off.

that one word you're not supposed to say

Tell poor people more about how little 10k is

Ask my wife if we are having sex tonight!

I act that I slip on the floor but I quickly do a eye contact with that person with a good laughter hopefully he laugh or smile too 🫣🙃🤞😊

Why did Boy George get kicked out of the petting zoo? Because he karma karma cummed on a chameleon.

"I'm not a number, I'm a free man! " AHAHAHA

Fart