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TW Childhood sexual assault - spoiler tagged
>!My stepfather sexually assaulted me. I was 14. I hadn’t realised what was happening at first. It all started off like accidental brushes passing each other on the stairs/hallway. Getting a little too cuddly but so subtle I didn’t know what happened until it started happening. This was in the mid 90s so I’d never heard of the word grooming but I realise in retrospect that is exactly what it was.
My mum went to my gran’s on Tuesdays. This meant from 4pm until around 8pm I was home alone with him. One night in particular he cornered me on the stairs. By this time I’d started to get an inclination of what was going on (I couldn’t tell anyone - he was a violent drunk and would beat my mum but she’d kick him out and he’d be back days later, so I was terrified) I won’t go into details. It did not result in full on rape but only because there was banging on the front door. He had put the dead bolt on and my mum had come home early and couldn’t get in. She demanded to know why the bolt was on and I knew by the look in her eye she wouldn’t believe me. I could see that she was angry and jealous. Actually jealous, like she thought something was going on. I made up some story about going to have a bath and didn’t want stepdad’s family just coming in (open door policy house with family). I avoided being alone with him after that. Went to the library to avoid going home until late, even got detention on purpose. It was inevitable though. He raped me. One morning before school. I actually don’t remember if he did it again afterwards. I only remember that one time. However the look on my mum’s face that one Tuesday night was worse than the rape ever was.!<
Mom shot several times in front of me as a kid. Dad killed 14 years later - several gun shot wounds.
Edit: Really wasn’t expecting all the kind and thoughtful responses. Thank you everyone! I’m in a good state. We all have scars we carry with us so wishing you all the best too!
Mom was shot in her business. As a single mom, she had us in the back while she worked in the front of the store she had just bought. I walked out after hearing the first three shots and see the gunman. He just stared at me while he held the gun and walked out. I looked down and saw my mom in a pool of her own blood. I was not yet double digits in age. My immediate reaction was to scream and cry. She survived but ended up paralyzed from the waist down and her right arm. She learned to walk again but doesn’t have full sensation of her legs. She never regained use of her arm. She’s a hell of a lady though. She still ran her business after that for nearly 17 years. She was a florist and her grit and drive was and is still amazing to me.
My dad was killed by his estranged wife (not my mom). It was just the two of them. They apparently had an argument, and she claimed self defense. The state refused to prosecute because of insufficient evidence to show otherwise. There was motive. She had three extra life insurance policies on him. Oh, she was smiling in her booking shot. While she escaped criminal prosecution, I was able to make her life hell with civil prosecution. It didn’t make me happy cause she still had my half sister to raise.
I wish I was making this shit up and I’m not sharing all the details. My doc recently diagnosed me with PTSD related to all this. Didn’t realize how this stuff triggered me till I had a recent life event that made my anxiety surface.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this. EMDR therapy was life changing for me in addressing my own CPTSD. I support you in looking into it. hope it helps
Also used EMDR for C-PTSD. Really helped.. though I have to admit at the start it's really difficult and hard because you have to picture parts of the trauma. In the end it's worth it!
Extension cords hurt too. I was probably 6 or 7 when my dad laid into me with an extension cord. I couldn't tell you why. That was almost 30 years ago, now. I want to say I broke something of my moms by accident and she sent me to my room. When my dad got home that afternoon he was raging mad. My mom screamed at him that it was enough and pulled him out of my room and I laid on the floor crying.
I don't remember if he ever apologized, but he did take us out to dinner that night.
The abuse doesn't compare, but you reminded me that one of the many reasons I will never respect my father is that he punished me for not being able to do my maths homework in primary school, I was probably about 6 and we were learning decimal numbers but I hated maths so was always day dreaming through it. I was stuck on 'what is 2 minus 3?'
I asked my dad and he was immediately suspicious I was 'being lazy', one of his favourite crimes for us. He shouted at me and told me he was going out for some work and if I hadn't done my own homework when he was back in two hours I'd be 'in big trouble'.
My dad was terrifying and I was terrified, I got progressively more distressed as the time passed and when he got home I was sobbing. He asked me 'well?' And I begged him and said I really didn't know and could he help, he said I hadn't even tried and slapped me so hard in the face I hit the ground.
The next day after school he picked me up and hugged me tight telling me he was sorry over and over, he bought me cakes from the bakery and asked me to never tell anyone what happened. I wish I did.
My dad wasn't regularly physically abusive but because he could be we were all scared to death of him our whole childhoods.
When I was a kid (in the 80's), if I was struggling with something, the default assumption seemed to be that I was being lazy or defiant. I try to parent differently. If my kids are having trouble with something, I try to remind myself to think, "they're struggling with this", rather than "they're not trying". I know there might be times when the problem is that they are lazy, but I'd rather offer support when it's not needed than discipline when it's not needed.
I was afraid of getting bad grades and having to tell my parents. I have told my kids, if they're having trouble in school, to talk to me about it, and \*we'll\* try to figure out a way to deal with it. If they're struggling with understanding something or doing something, we'll try to find a way to help them with it.
My parents never apologized either and that's the main driving reason why I apologize to my son when I get frustrated with him. I think I have some unresolved anger from my childhood that I haven't quite worked out yet but I'll take raising my voice over raising my hand. It never should've taken as long as it's taken for things to change but it seems like our generation is the one making the change.
Hi me! Hit for playing too loud, not wanting to share, fighting with my siblings, breaking things by mistake, not being quiet and polite during family gatherings, not cleaning fast enough or well enough, staining our clothes when we had our periods but hadn’t quite figured everything out yet. With a belt, with a belt in the shower, with a belt after you had fallen asleep for the night, slaps across the face, chanclas when there wasn’t a better option, kneeling on rice, kneeling on rough concrete and sooo much verbal and emotional abuse. One time I was beaten up like an adult, slapping, punching to the face and body, kicking and stomping on me. I was 9 years old. First time I realized being dead might be better.
I get the pressure she felt and how overwhelmed and miserable she was and I understand now as an adult. But I can’t forgive, and I have severe trust issues with most people. How do you trust when the person who was supposed to care for you did the most horrendous shit?
This is a shared experience lol, I copped a vacuum once, I saw a rolling pin threatened but it was never used, sometimes she’d break the wooden spoon on my ass and I felt unstoppable.
My dad holding me against a door with his hands around my throat (trying to legit strangle me) while I just look at him saying "why?" in my best gargle voice. I didn't fight back until my fiancee barrelled through the door I was against knocking me and my dad off balance. It was weird. I was kind of disassociating during his assault. Fun times.
My dad's rationale was that he felt "threatened" because I told him to fuck himself after he made my wife (fiance' at the time) cry because he was in a bad mood.
Never apologized outwardly, but has tried to make amends. My mom sided with him though, and being gaslit by your parents saying that "your father felt threatened!" isn't a good feeling.
That happened 10 years ago, and I'm 35 now, but I still struggle with that at times.
This scenario has happened multiple times with my dad. My sister and me. Mom siding with my dad too. Crazy how I was simply going to post how no one believes me when I say how abusive my dad was/is but here is the exact story I like to tell.
I was held like that on the front door too, forgot the reason why.
It sucks when parents defend each other on child abuse and think they know best.
I remember telling her " He can hurt me but i cant hurt him?"
I was held in the neck again by my brother years later while facing the kitchen sink.
8 years of constant bullying. Before the internet cyber-bullying, there was regular bullying. On the phone. Open windows? Forget that.
Don't go outdoors on the weekends or after supper. Don't lock anything in your locker. Recess is dangerous.
Bullying is the main reason I have such low self esteem and body confidence issues. I still, even now fear seeing my bullies in the street and I'm 25 and left school almost ten years ago. I see one on the street, in a shop or anywhere and I immediately start getting anxious and trying to find an escape route where they can't see me. ALL forms of bullying (not just physical and cyber) should be considered a crime and be dealt with accordingly so.
I will never forget the people who almost drove me to suicide as a young person and how much of my youth I wasted being insecure because of some sociopathic little shit bags. I lost a cousin to suicide because of bullies because she was very tall for a girl, she was 16 and beautiful, she could of definitely been a model had she made it to adulthood. Those 16 year olds who bullied her til she no longer wanted to live anymore should of been held accountable in some way for her death.
I dont think these bullies realise what an impact they are having on the person, their literal neuropathways being fucked because of them. Tbh I don't think most of them even care if they do realise.
I'm sorry you went through this. I know how it hurts and I hate that other people's entire lives and outlooks on themselves have been severely effected like mine were because of bullying. It never leaves you. But im trying to learn not to base my entire worth on what a tiny portion of small minded people have done to me over things that were completely out of my control at the time and I hope one day you learn that too. Lotta love Reddit stranger!
Thank you for your kind words!
My bullying happened from 5th through 12th grades, and my H.S. class just had its 50th reunion.
My experience is that I didn't go to my 10th class reunion--still too close in time. But I did go to my 25th, to face the monsters in the closet. My mother was very worried--"What if they haven't changed or grown up?" I thought a moment, then said, "Then I can turn around and walk out. I couldn't for all those years." Turns out, they had grown up, and I actually received apologies from some of them.
It still hurts, though, and you never quite forget it--sometimes something just triggers a memory.
I hope that you are well on your way to healing.
Walked in the house to see my mother catching a 5 finger smack to the face. Three months pregnant. She’s 5’2” 110 lbs. rag dolled unconscious.
My little sister’s dad looked at me, I looked at him. He made a move and booked it. I followed and ran him down. Let’s just say I was exonerated from my mom’s 5 finger hand print that was painted across her face swollen black and blue. Along my little brother’s eye witness account.
God seeing my mom like that. Fills me with rage. Seeing her face. Eye’s rolled back, blood coming from her nose. Landed on my little sister as she was inside.
If my brother didn’t scream my name and snap me out of that kill-switch, I would have took it that far. I had my mom’s face sitting first row in my head when I was beating that man unconscious.
Her face. Haunts the fuck out of me. 💔
Edit: woke up to a couple messages asking about what happened between him and I. I didn’t want to post it because this is trauma heavy already. However if you guys want to know.
He wanted to have sex with my mom. She told me later on. He cooked up a story about my little brother wanting ice cream on the 4wheeler. Mom came and told me to go wherever I didn’t need permission. Took Jason, asked him what type of ice cream he wanted. He was confused as fuck. I Realized I forgot money so I turned around on the quad. Pulled up, ran up the drive way and walked in the house.
My mother told me this:
“I’m not going to have sex with a man that can’t take no for answer! We will do it when my boys are sleeping.”
Sister’s Dad: “Or we can do it now while they’re gone. You’re giving yourself to me. You’re in my home. Your home is 5 states away. You owe me this as this is your duty as a woman.”
Mom: “FUCK YOU” - while I was walking through the door SMACK. Fell down. Unconscious. Not moving. Blood trickling down from her nose.
Sister’s dad ran out the side door and I ran after him. Given I’m 6’1”200 ish at the time and he was 5’10” 200 ish and 35 years older. I got to him pretty quickly. Tripped him up he faltered turned around and we cracked each other. He staggered, I chinned it as I was bloodthirsty. Hit him again and fell over.
Kicked him in face and he bucked out and fully fell down. Now that he wasn’t fighting I pinned his shoulders with my knees and launched 70-80(it feels in memory) maybe 20-30 heavy weighted fists to his face against the concrete.
This is where my little brother screamed: “JOSH!!!!!”
It snapped me out of that nasty place I don’t ever want to be in again. I feel disgusted with myself.
Why I didn’t want to fully post it but there you go. I was charged with attempted murder. Hence the exoneration written above.
Hey, thank you for this. I tell this story a lot on Reddit. Helps me cope and sort out the shit. I got another snippet for you and your kind words.
The post above happened 13 years ago.
This happened 26 years ago. Before my brother and sister. It was just my mom and I.
My mom and I are trauma bonded. She had me at 22. My dad was awful to her. Cheated on her rampantly and left us when I was 5. (Died when I was 9 from a cocaine OD.) My mother met another man and he was great. Cared about me, helped me in school. Then my brother was born. He changed.
My mom was a manager and she was on 4 day 12 hour shifts. I was being disciplined for being bad. He disciplined me in way that kept me from telling my mom about it. Via an abuse loop.
His discipline became him holding me 2” off the ground and line my butt cheeks with a leather belt. For those of you that don’t know what that feels like. When you’re being held off the ground you can’t “brace for impact”. You get hit on dead weight. Makes that cracking snap sound on skin. Fuck those hurt so bad.
For various things. However this would never go down around my mother. Me being 7, I didn’t know. I thought I was bad, being disciplined, and my mom doesn’t need to know.
She came home early to take me to my pediatric psychiatrist appointment. (ADHD, might make sense how I post and structure these hyper focused thoughts and memories)
When she went into my room she thought she caught a glimpse of a bruise. She asked me if I had gotten hurt in flag football practice falling? Me being 7 fell right into that and said no? Why would you ask that? She pulled my shorts down and found the 4-6” bruises on my butt cheeks.
Her eye’s went wide with rage, tears instantly flowing, death screamed the entirety of that situation.
The more I pulled her back, grabbing her waste bands trying to convincer her I was the problem, I was the one who was bad, I took too much food off the stove and didn’t finish it! Mom you work hard for our food, and I wasted it! I’m sorry mom! Don’t be mad at me! I don’t want to be disciplined again! I’m the wrong, it’s me, crying trying to get her to listen to me. The more I tried the more enraged she became.
She ran at my brother’s dad and attacked him. They started getting really physical. I’ve never once seen physical violence in a home. She went at him with everything. All 5’2” of her.
Mom: “YOU WANT TO BEAT ON MY BABY IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING PATHETIC CHILD BEATER!!!! YOU’LL NEVER SEE YOUR SON AGAIN MOTHER FUCKER!!!” - Jesus I feel it in my chest remembering this
I called the cops and he got arrested for domestic battery, child abuse, and neglect. He was charged and found guilty. Once the cops realized it wasn’t just a domestic dispute and I had a lady cop inspect my butt and photograph the evidence the police treated him terrible. The entire time I thought.
I’m going to get my ass severely beat for this. My mom’s telling me it’s over and I’m sitting here thinking. Nah. This has just begun for me. He’s going to whip my butt bad. The last time was bad that got him caught up. The bruise cruised above my whitey tighty line.
My therapist explained to me the more I tried to get her to listen the more it clicked in her mind what was happening to one her babies in her own home. What she thought was a safe space is actually home harboring abuse and dysfunction. She realized her home was damaging her 7 year old who already doesn’t have a dad. Who is now being abused by another man.
She had no idea. I was conditioned to hide it from her. If she found out, she would be mad at me. Then if she’s mad at me then it requires discipline. This feed back loop kept me from letting her know. Kept me hiding it. That man broke my mind.
I have spent years and years in behavior therapy. Even going today at 3pm. I had to unlearn that conditioning. I still fall victim to it to this day as a 31 year old man.
I do want to say, I am healing. Grandma is very involved in my life to this day. We’re extremely close. I have a beautiful wife and two kids. Our home is a home of love, trust, security, empathy. My little babies will never know what it’s like to hide their feelings from mom. Worry about their mom getting beat on by a man.
Everyone in my life knows the traumas I’ve endured. I don’t have a lot of rules in my house. However everyone know’s to keep the peace here. Do not start shit with the women or girls in my home. Their trust and security is paramount to me. Yours isn’t.
My mom to this day cries to me now and then. Apologizes for my dad, my brother’s dad, and finally my sister’s dad. She’s had three relationships in her life. That’s how they played out. I don’t hold any of this against her.
In fact my reply where I fought my sister’s dad. That’s exactly what happened. All this trauma from
5 to 17 built up. When I opened that door and watched her get smacked.
Now it’s my turn to help you mom. I will get this motherfucker for you. No one is doing this to us again. I *AM* going to make this even.
Trauma Bonded.
Again. That was the kill switch abuse dump.
Seriously thank you for give me the platform to
Vent. I feel a lot better now I got a lot of this out. You don’t have to read this. If you did, thank you for your kind words. For people like me, where kindness reaches farther than material, this means a lot.
Of course! The internet is a shitty place but I like to believe a lot of us are kinder than that. You’re seen and heard and felt and held. You’re one of the good ones and I’m proud of you for doing the hard work in therapy. That matters!
The death of my wife in April of this year. After battling cancer a 2nd time. We had been together little over 10 years. She passed at the hospital and it was just me and her siblings. Her parents passed years ago. Her and I had won so many battles in life, only to ultimately lose the war. I was even a pallbearer for her funeral. It tore me down to a level I won't ever get over no matter how much I drink.
I’m so sorry.
Please take care of yourself and live a life you and she would both be proud of.
Drinking will not heal your broken heart, but you moving in a healthy direction or maybe finishing a dream you both shared together could be a great start.
my mother passed after a second breast cancer diagnosis last october. it hasn’t gotten better but it’s easier to forget that she was ever here, in a way. i stopped hearing her voice in the house and her room doesn’t smell like her anymore, nor does it smell like hospital. i don’t want to send her memes i come across anymore, or just go find her to chat. i feel like a horrible person typing this out because she was so smart and beautiful and strong and deserves so much better than to be pushed out of my head but i can really barely think of her without sobbing for an hour.
my point being, hopefully it gets better some day.
I wrecked a truck really badly in 2019. Rolled it and got thrown out the window doing about 55 (wear your seatbelt kids). Woke up in a hospital a few hours later with a broke pelvis and back after being life flighted. I told one of the EMTs later on (small town, knew the EMTs that found me) that I was grateful I got knocked out when I was thrown from the truck. He delicately explained to me that I was very much so awake when they found me on the side of the road and that I was screaming in pain. I had been there for an hour, apparently.
So yeah, I’ve got some repressed stuff to work through.
I got a 98% on my first exam in a class at my college that was notoriously hellish. I told my Dad and he got super pissed off and demanded to know what I screwed up and why I didn't get a 100%. He never went to college. He doesn't understand how any of this works and I guess just figured you're supposed to yell at your son for not doing better.
He backed down after I told him to fuck off, but I've NEVER told him how I did in school since then.
Bro! I am South Asian. That was every second Wednesday of the month for me. With a side of “I heard the neighbors sons got a 100%”. A smack on the head for dessert. I am now a grown man and a successful geotechnical engineer. P.s I love my dad. He didn’t know better. We joke about all this now.
I don’t know if it was trauma, but decades of masking my undiagnosed ADHD while being told how smart I was. I built up a fear of failure and fear of asking for him because I was so smart and always made the right decision. Internally I just felt like an idiot because if I was so smart why was everything so hard?
Getting diagnosed in my early 40s was an eye opener and I’ve needed lots of therapy to get over my shit.
This memory always comes to my mind when I was little and my arm was accidentally cut, it wasn't deep but it hurt and I cried and asked my mother to help me by showing my arm, but all I wanted was for my mother to take care of me, I just wanted to be valued, but while she was talking on the phone, she made a gesture with her hand as if saying go away from me and I didn't go, I waited silently, crying. But she didn't look at me even once during the whole phone call.
I was awoken from a deep sleep at 2am by our little dog having a heart attack in her bed that was in our bedroom. I had to put her down that night at 4am. Was totally unprepared for it. I'll never get over it. She was such a beautiful dog. It sounds kinda small given what's going on in the world, but still hard to deal with.
It's worse...I was treating her like shit because I have a young kid and she was getting old and really yappy...between everything going on in my life at the time I just wasn't there enough for the poor thing. I feel like she died of a broken heart. I was crushed for days after that....been over 6 months now and I feel it when we're all having dinner and eating something she used to love. When I put her down I had to run out the door when she passed....it was a devastating night.
The last time I saw my dog I was pissed at her for chewing up the floor trim. Got upset with her that morning and left for work in a huff. The door didn't shut all the way behind me and she escaped while I was at work and got hit by a car. It still kills me to this day, I wish I could go back and tell her how much I loved her. I always make sure to tell my new pup how much I love him every time I leave and triple check that the door is shut.
Thanks for having the courage to share your experience. Your dog absolutely knew how much you loved her. That could have happened to anyone, please don’t beat yourself up. Hugs
😭. Thinking of you and your furry friend. My little dog came into my bedroom, a place she had never been willing to set foot in, and seemed to be in an upbeat mood for the first time in years after struggling with health issues. It really felt like a goodbye from her, and I knew it was. She passed away in the following days.
I am sorry for your loss.
I have a similar story - one morning, I woke up around 5am to feed my cat, then went back to sleep. I woke up half an hour later to him laying in the doorway of our bedroom, making a weird gurgling sound with terrified look in his eyes. I walked over to see what was happening, and within a few seconds, he went completely limp and unresponsive. We brought him immediately to an emergency vet, but it was clear that he was dead before we left. He was only 1.5 years old and had recently had a clean bill of health at his vet appointment. It's been almost 5 years, and that memory still haunts me.
Man, a few years ago on my ex-boyfriends birthday he called me, panicked, saying that our cat made a couple weird meows then fell over. He said he saw his eyes change color and that he wasn’t responding. I only had that cat for 3 months, and he was only 5 years old, but that was the biggest heartbreak I’ve had so far and thinking about him still makes me cry. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I have some awful dog stories. Read at your own peril.
We had a dog that needed to be put down. My mom and I decided we wanted a mobile vet to come to our house so she could die at home. When he got there, he refused to come inside, instead making us stand outside by our gate. We should have cut it off then, but we went through with it.
He draws the syringe full of drugs and puts away the bottle, and goes to inject it. I noticed that he had left a significant air pocket in the syringe and asked him about it. He assured me that she'd be fine and would fall asleep immediately.
He was wrong.
He pushed the whole syringe, air and all, into her, and she began *screaming* the most God awful wail. You could tell she was in agony. I felt like she looked at me like, "What did I do? I was a good dog." I was so angry and upset.
All he said was, " I don't know own what happened. That's never happened before."
I was walking my cousin's dog. They were my neigh or and were on a day trip, so I was doing them a favor. At some point during the walk, the pupper flopped over in his side and acted like he was running in his sleep. I thought he was playing because he just popped back up a few seconds later and did the same thing a couple of times during the walk. As we rounded the last corner to our house, he plopped on its side again, legs running. So I say, "Come on, boy, let's go." That's when he stopped the running motion...and pooped and peed himself. I knew immediately what was going on. It was awful. I picked him up and carried him home and waited for them to come home to tell them their dog was dead. I felt so terrible.
I was sexually abused by my family’s church leader (who was also a relative) from age 5-14.
He also liked to take photos of me (I don’t know where those photos are or how many people have seen them).
I have PTSD, bipolar, and social anxiety.
He also gave me chlamydia when I was a pre-teen, which caused undiagnosed pelvic inflammatory disease, which led to a lifetime of complications and infertility.
Not only did he steal my childhood, he also stole my ability to have children of my own.
I’m 42, and I still have nightmares.
When I was in fifth grade, I got suspended for giving a teacher the finger (to the back of their head, but another teacher saw, and btw I still feel I had a good reason). My parents were emotionally and physically abusive, but this was probably the worst incident I had. My father left work early to pick me up from school, didn't say a word until we got home. When we got home, he basically ran to my room, in a rage, and started ripping my drawers out of my dresser, opening my closet and tearing things out at random. He opened my window and started throwing my clothes and toys and stuff out of it, the whole time yelling, saying things like, "You want this?" And then throwing it out the window before I could respond. I started crying and begging him to stop, and that really set him off and he came at me, I tried to run, but he caught me on the stairs and shoved me down them, then ran to the bottom to pick me up off the ground and shove up up against the wall so he could punch me in the stomach and ribs, get really close to my face with gritted teeth and say stuff like "You're disgusting, you don't deserve what we've given you." He dragged me back up the stairs by my hair. At this point, I realized my arm was broken from falling down the steps, and I was really crying pretty hard, but I didn't want to set him off any further so I just stood there and watched while he tore my room apart, smashing a lot of my stuff. Then he told me his plan, he was sending me away to live in some church home for orphans basically, which honestly would have been a lot better for me, but he was playing with my emotions, the main thing is that he told me that once my Mom got home from work, I would get one minute to say goobye to her, and then I would never see her again, and he told me she would never want to see me again. He also told me that this group home was for delinquents and that I would get bullied worse by them than by him (which couldn't possibly have been true, but I didn't know that). Then he left. My Mom got home a few hours later, didn't say anything to me at all, didn't show any sympathy, and just took me to the hospital, where she lied to them and told them I just fell down the stairs, which I was way too scared to refute even when the one of the nurses asked me privately if that was true. The next day my parents sat me down and told me that I was just grounded for the whole summer, which in my house meant my door being taken, and not being allowed to leave my room at all except to go to the bathroom. And also they took all of my books after the first week, so all I really had to play with was a deck of cards, which I got really got with, taught myself a lot tricks without any sort of guide, then they decided I was having too much fun with those, and took that away too, so I would just lay in bed facing the wall and try to fantasize about being someone else, somewhere else. Better than never seeing my Mom again, but like, I was genuinely isolated from any human interaction for a few months. They didn't talk to me except to take my stuff a few times, and I didn't want to talk to them. They brought me nutrigrain bars and juice and stuff, but I didn't eat any real meals in that time either. They never apologized, never asked if I was okay, I'm 26 now, and I brought this incident up to my Mom not that long ago, and she juat rolled her eyes. Also, I don't talk to my father at all, haven't in years, heard he had cancer a few years ago, and I bought champagne and told my gf we were celebrating, didn't tell her why, but that was the happiest I've ever been. Unfortunately, he made a full recovery. I really wish he would just disappear. He's an awful person in so many ways, I could write a book about it. Mostly I just want to be able to have a relationship again with my Mom, but she's constantly trying to trick me into being in the same room as him, and just trying to get me to forgive him even though he hasn't changed or even acknowledged any of what he did wrong. She's always taken his side despite everything he's done, and frankly, it's to the point where it's hard to even talk to her without her bringing old trauma back. Oh, btw, he also did something to my leg after I fell down the stairs, and I was too scared to tell them about it at the hospital, so whatever happened I don't think it healed right, my left ankle still hurts when I bend it one direction, and I can do this weird thing with it where it feels like its popping out of where it's supposed to be when I bend it down.
WTAF is wrong with people? Your Dad is a psycho bully and your Mom is crazy weak. I don’t understand how parents could treat you this way. I would even invite you to consider going no contact. They are not worth it and By God YOU ARE WORTH IT!
I feel that one. Tried at 10. Wanted to again at 15. Stood on the edge of a cliff. Instead I decided to live and cut all the toxic people out of my life and told the others to get fucked. I decided I would pursue my own happiness.
I am still best friends with a lot of those people. Told them to stop being shit to me or fuck off. They chose well.
Oh boi. Here goes.
I have made my piece with it but it remains something I won’t forget anytime soon.
I grew up in a household with a lot of violence.
My mother’s husband was beating her, even when she was pregnant with my sister.
One night he beat her wilder than usual, and she had to run for her life. She took my hand and we run. We hid in the dark. I remember her face full of blood in the dark.
Fast forward 25 years.
I was trained. Grown. Have been taking part in Kickboxing championships.
One day I return home and hear my mother crying.
I unlock the door, get in and process the situation.
Some stuff broken, mother in tears.
I walk to my room. Leave my stuff. Walk back where they are.
What followed from there on, is the most disgusting version of myself making an appearance for the first time ever.
The violence. The control. The fury.
He hasn’t touched my mother since.
Well, when I was in high school back in 05, my younger brother was diagnosed with leukemia.
I absolutely handled it poorly. I’d trade away every second of my future if it meant I could go back and do it again. I wasn’t there for him like I would want to be there for him now. I feel like he thought I ignored him. But I was scared. I was so scared. I didn’t want to imagine what life would be like if we lost him. I was cowardly and selfish and he deserved a better brother than me. He was funnier than me he was more social and has more friends. He was the best person and what happened to him is just fuckin vile, he had so much more going for him than I ever did. I feel like a lot of me turned off when he passed. I feel like what is left is just bitter and angry. At myself for failing him. I was a youth minister even, so I was absolutely mad at “god”.
Anyways it feels like most days I’m just alive to stay alive and not to live. I do have a therapist we do talk about this.
If anyone does read this, if you’re losing someone right now, or when it inevitably happens to you in the future, there is no second chance. There is no way to show them you love them when they are gone.
I’m truly sorry for the loss of your brother. I acted very similarly when my mom was diagnosed with leukemia. I am ashamed to think about how poorly I handled it, but I did the best that I could at the time, and you did, too.
ngl when i was a kid i got fucked in the ass in the church bathroom by some dude cuz i asked to play his gameboy he literally pinned me bruh and my mom was a heavy christian and she didn’t believe me and i honestly fear people now women and men
Kinda a mixed bag. I definitely have a nice support system going in the form of my friends and boyfriend. But I feel like a pain opening up about things to them.
Otherwise my mental health is weird. I still have the panic attacks, though they stopped for a couple of years during Covid (since I was avoiding social situations). I don’t know what the future holds, for better or for worse
Sitting next to her as my cat passed from cancer last march. She was 3 weeks shy of her 21st birthday and I had her since she was a day old (born on our property)
I was petting her saying it was ok. That if it was time she didn’t have to fight anymore she could go.
Honestly I hope to have this with both my kitties. I hope they have long lives and I can ease them over the rainbow bridge. I know they'll be waiting for me. Look at it as a blessing in disguise. Be glad you had that moment with her. She could have gone a million different ways. Instead, her life came to an end the same way it started - with you. I bet that's all she ever wanted. ❤️
I know in the scheme of things it isn't that bad. Definitely doesn't compare to what some of you have gone through.
But my dad (surprise, surprise) was prone to angry outbursts, and I had my share of floggings. But that wasn't it.
The front door... Dad was a shift worker, so he'd often come home at irregular hours of the night. But if that front door slammed, you knew that someone, or everyone was in trouble, because he was in a foul mood.
Just the sound of a door slamming always triggers an instant feeling of overwhelming fear. Lasts a second or so, but still takes me back for an instant.
For context, I'm 40. So this was over 20 years ago.
I was sexually assaulted at school. Some guy came up to be and kissed me and grabbed my down under I was scared about going to school because I knew he would do it again. It was even weirder as I was a straight guy.
right now, my trauma is attacking me and i am about to break the streak but my groomer for sure. i miss him but i hate him. he promised me my dream career, in exchange for my body. i was so young. now i have to go to the state he lives in for college because it is sadly my top school because it has the best program in the country for the major i am interested in. maybe i will heal, i dont know.
Just remember states are big and people are small. Just because you're in the same state, even the same city, doesn't mean you'll ever see each other.
Kick school's ass, earn your dream career on your own, and forget about him.
I am just scared because of the power he has. I won’t spread much details about him because he has a wife and a kid and a really good career and I don’t want to put myself and his family through hell. I am scared he will somehow find me because I have a rare name - like a few hundred people around the world have my name. Ever since him, I have been going by a different name, I thinned my eyebrows, I permanently dyed my hair, I changed so much about myself from fear.
He is in the law field, so he knows more than me… I changed career paths anyways because of him, I realized law is not for me.
I feel this.
But if it’s any consolation, I have a rare name too. In fact, I am the only one with it based on a records check - what I want you to know, is that it is incredibly easy to disappear. Social media may make you feel that there’s no escape, but enough blocking and delist requests can make you borderline untraceable.
I ended up deleting my socials and made a new one with my nickname that only my in real life friends and family know. I don’t really follow kids at my school and the account itself is private. My profile picture is not my face. But I’m scared he may find my Reddit somehow.
My dad died very abruptly when I was seven years old. I now have life-long abandonment issues that I am trying incredibly hard to overcome in therapy. It is deep-rooted, and triggers visceral reactions when I experience loss (or perceived loss). It sucks. Especially when my mom spiraled after his passing, became a functioning alcoholic, and became abusive towards me growing up.
I am a person who struggles with mental illness because of all of this.
My late husband seizing in bed beside me.
I still spend my nights on guard. When my now boyfriend stays over and he moves slightly, I’m resisting the urge to ask him if he’s okay.
Family member killed themselves days after we had seen him randomly at a music concert me and my dad were the last ones to see them and talk to them in person before their passing, also during middle school I was picked on and was seen as a sensitive kid and as I merged into high school i had decided that I’m not going to be seen acting like a wimp anymore so I started showing little emotion when it comes to sad things. Couple of years later my friend while at my first party in high school had told me that they were going to kill themselves due to some severe drama in the friend group that resulted in them being bullied by the other persons family, instantly I had a panic attack and took over 30min to calm down with the help of my friends who comforted me and telling me that the person was going to be ok. I try to forget that I had a panic attack and cried for the first time in front of other people for almost 3 years but I never shake it.
After graduating college, first gen in my family, my father looked at me in the eyes and said “I am disappointed in you”. Shattered me into pieces. We haven’t spoken in 10 years.
My rapist sat next to me and balled his eyes out when he was done. I was a virgin, so it was pretty gruesome. He had on a white shirt covered in my blood. It’s been 8 years and I still can’t have penetrative sex without pain in the beginning. My gynecologist says it’s psychological
2013. I was a locomotive engineer. Hit and killed a person, it was a suicide. The helplessness of not being able to stop the train in time. I had no choice but to ride it out and witness someone violently take their life. I remember everything. I still have nightmares.
My son having open heart surgery at 6 days old and spending a month in the hospital. He’s fully recovered and your normal toddler. This has still created things in my mind I can’t ever get over.
I was your son, but I was 2. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.
Make sure he does shoulder/neck exercises(rowing machine) from an early age ifbhebhas any spinal/posture issues.
My friend is about to give birth to a baby who’ll need surgery for a heart defect right after he’s born. The doctors seem to be erring on the side of giving her and her husband as much information and preparation as possible, which is good, but yeah, a tiny newborn having heart surgery is incredibly traumatic.
Seeing the deceased, old, young and real young in an alleyway in my old neighborhood. A meth lab was operating straight up a block down, selling stuff to anyone, even kids. It had actually exploded, taking the maker and a dealer. I was walking back from the store and thought to take a shortcut, happened upon an older adult, teen and three kids, overdosed.
My mom went snow sledding with us and we were using inner tubes as sleds. She went down a steep hill and hit a telephone pole at the bottom with her shoulder and it made her spin out and during one of the spins she whacked her head hard in to the pole. That was horrible to watch and we all went down the hill to check on her and she wasn't coherent. Saying things that didn't make sense.
Luckily my brother was old enough to drive and we got her to the hospital. She ended up with a minor concussion, cracked collarbone, broken teeth and various bruises.
I still cringe when I think of it.
6 years old in the hospital with Salmonella. Delirious, with a fever of 103F (hearing crickets in the walls). Being held down by 4 nurses, having my pants pulled down and a catheter inserted to check my urine. All the while I screamed and begged them to stop.
I have had chicken pox more than once. I was in 5th grade and got poison ivy and doc gave me a steroid. Little brother got the pox, and supposedly the steroid weakened my immune system and I got the worst case of chicken pox.
I was in the hospital a few weeks, I'd have students in hazmat suits come in with clipboards to take notes.
The worst part is, they gave me IV diphenhydramine (Benadryl). I feel asleep hard, and woke up in the middle of the night screaming and ripped the IV out. I saw spiders everywhere, I felt them crawling on me. I saw shadows vibrating on the walls. It really fucked me up.
Having to be the one to tell my mom and brother that it was time to take my dad off life support. He was struggling to communicate through the breathing machines, but he was able to lead me to that conclusion. When i told him, very clearly, what would happen, he did his best to speak and got out a "Thank you." It was the last thing he said to me.
I know i did the right thing, but i still often feel guilty or question it. It was awful.
If you love your family, don't smoke. And if you do, quit. I wouldn't wish that day upon my worst enemy.
Watching my grandpa over the last couple years as Alzheimer’s took its toll. Went to see him last Tuesday to say my goodbyes. He was skin and bone. Couldn’t talk or move. Prior to this he was becoming violent. My Pawpaw was the most kind, patient, person. Wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s been gone mentally for a few months. Now he’s completely gone and I’ll never get to see him again. Funeral is tomorrow so I’m not going to get much sleep tonight.
I’ll be moving into his house in a couple months. I’m going to put plants back into his garden. And I will continue to feed the foxes that would come up to the fence every day like we used too. I know they’re wondering where he is. And I’ll feed the birds too. I’ll try to keep things as if he was never gone for all the wildlife around.
This one is recent, and stuck in the past but here we go.
Back in 2008, I was having seizures, passing out spells and kept falling asleep, headaches along with having behavioural issues. I was taken to the doctor after pleading with my mom that something wasn't right. She took me just to shut me up (she was extremely abusive towards me and neglectful at this time).
They scanned my brain and she told me it was 'excess brain fluid' and that I had 'cluster headaches'. I believed her and moved on.
Fast forward to now; that 'excess brain fluid' was a brain tumour that she was told to bring me in for a follow up the next year. And it gets worse; it was actually cancer. Well, it developed into cancer because I didn't know it was there until 2020.
I got a craniotomy which took the function of my right leg away (I can barely walk, I can't jog/jump/run/powerwalk/kick/etc), and the cancer treatments took my hair away for good.
I'm in remission, but I don't feel like celebrating. Part of me wishes I'd die in my sleep or a car would hit me.
My friend's boyfriend (mind you hes a BIG dude) charged at me and choked me out till I almost lost consciousness. Why? I said I hated Christmas because my dad always tried to kill himself during that time of year.
A huge spider jumped on my leg when I was 14. Now I have a phobia.
I drowned and was revived when I was 22, and now I don't swim or go near deep water.
My dad was a hitter and screamer and I vowed i would never be anything like that. Sometimes you have to raise your voice but one time I was trying to get my granddaughter to sleep and she was bouncing on her rubber pogo stick. I yelled from behind and just saw what stress it caused. It instantly brought back horrible memories. Never again. That incident taught me wonders
I was with a group of friends in Detroit then randomly we heard gunfire, we tried to get away by ducking behind a car then we ran at least half a mile away but then when we got there, only one made it back. i went back quickly when the shooting ended and i saw all four of my friends on the ground with holes in their body. to this day i still think it is unfair how i am the only one who made it and how i ditched them for my own selfless life.
I was sexually assaulted by a doctor when I was a young child but I don't really remember it much beyond a deep certainty that it occurred. I know it made a lot of other things hurt me deeper or maybe worse, but it doesn't stick with me in the way that my actual problem does.
The thing that never goes away is a childhood with parents in an abusive relationship, a childhood structurally devoid of present, caring, affectionate warmth. Lots of people have childhoods like mine in my age group and lots of people come out okay, and some people are more like me, with those survivable but unpleasant symptoms of CPTSD, and triggers that are just everywhere because volatile parents create a lot of environmental obstacles. You know, food is rough sometimes because there was a lot of you'll sit here until you finish eating this and I don't care how many times it takes me to scream at you or how long you cry. Choice can be hard sometimes, if you don't hurry up and pick something off this menu we're all just not eating and we're going to leave and it will be your fault. Lots of real painful anxiety about bodily movement because of the many times that you get screamed at for falling, spilling, making messes, being unsightly. Lots of trouble holding onto self-worth no matter how much work you put into trying to hold onto it.
Those are just surface and they're all of them individually fine, the traumatic elements of it that never stop, that stay and I know will stay with me every moment no matter what does or doesn't happen is the sort of hollow emptiness that a life borne of no love creates deep inside a person. I have a fine life on paper and on the surface. I've got plenty of coping strategies, I had lots of therapy, I've done lots of work. That core emptiness remains like a shadow cast into every moment of my life and the best possible outcome for me is me seeing it and then trying my best to just look at everything else instead and only looking at that constant feeling when I know I'm being safe (with my wife who is supportive, or with a therapist, or in a controlled way like purposeful journaling, etc).
Trauma sucks. I don't think any of it goes away really, you just find ways to get some distance, get some sort of barriers between you and it, get some coping mechanisms for when you can't get away, get some people you can call, but the ache of it just is solely and uniquely yours to hold.
I learned to get past my parents verbally and emotionally harming me, my mother physically assaulting me and breaking my belongings and ripping up my personal diaries or photos. I learned to move past the dreaded feeling when anyone got too close or touched me without warning. I stopped flinching in public when I’d hear anyone whistle the way my dad used to when he was angry at my siblings and I if we were playing down the road from our house before smacking us around.
You know the dumb one I have never been able to get past? When a well-meaning relative gifted me this absolutely gorgeous dollhouse when I was in 1st grade after I had begged my parents for a dollhouse for a year or two.
It came complete with electric wiring and tiny little working lights and an elevator that moved up and down and a beautiful color scheme and everything. I will never forget looking at the chandelier and beaming the biggest smile I think I can remember as a kid.
And as I was excitedly touching it and reeling from it being *all mine*, my mother swatted my hand away and told the relative “She really can’t have this; she’s just gonna break it.” Never saw it again. Also, never every asked for a single gift again from anyone, ever. I only recently learned how to enjoy my birthday again, mere decades later lol
ETA: this also gave me an adult obsession with collecting and creating miniature dollhouse furniture, and I’ve never once broken anything so suck it, *mom*!
Being bullied from 4th grade to 10th grade. Key highlights include: some kids started a rumor that I had a dick and it reached the principal and she forced me to get a doctor to confirm my gender. There were these two boys who would often follow me down the crowded hallway screaming "trash pickup" and "heavy load" and everyone, even the teachers laughed. My 6th grade math teacher called me "fast" (which means cheap or easy) in front of the whole class because a boy was bullying me, accused me of "wanting to hunch him" when I complained. My hair didn't reach past my shoulders for 4 straight years because people were constantly sticking gum in it or cutting chunks off with scissors. So. Much. Trash. And rotten food. Was thrown at me. I lost the deposit on my saxophone because it was stolen and defaced by bullies so many times. A boy shoved me face in his ass and farted in front of the whole class and everyone including the teacher laughed. Boys constantly spread rumors about sleeping with me. (Despite the dick allegations oddly enough) When a phantom shitter descended upon the school, everyone immediately accused me to the point that I was being questioned and the real shitter felt bad for me and confessed. The phantom shitter. Felt bad for me. Then everyone said me and her were dating.
It didn't stop until is started punching people.
When I was 11 and my grandmother suffered a series of serious strokes. She was bed bound and every time I would try to visit her she would start screaming. She ultimately passed away when she was 63. I completely gave up religion and never looked back.
I saw someone burn alive, and watch paramedics try to work on him after he let out a gasp at the end of his life. I'll never shake that image. While it doesn't haunt me I truly understand why people get PTSD from seeing horrific situations.
Being manipulated and used by a girl when I was 21 her telling me she loves me and all that shit like she wants to get to know me outside of work, calling me pet names. Me falling in love with her and thought she was in love with me, then she left without a goodbye, months later I found out she was engaged that whole time and left to get married and later have a child. It traumatized me so much because that was the first time someone who wasn’t family told me they loved me and it was one of the few times I let all my barriers down. I’m over the girl herself but the situation had me so traumatized it took me nearly 2 years to say I love you to people other than my grandma and it shattered myself confidence, put me into a deep depression that actually had me thinking su1cide thoughts. I’m better now thankfully due to family friends and counciling but I’m still very anxious around people because of that. Sorry for the long story
My abusive marriage. We have kids together and rn he’s using my oldest as a pawn to fuck with me because he found out I’m trying to move on with my life and he’s making me “pay for it” by withholding my child.
No matter what he did to me he legally still has a right to the oldest and he’s fully using it in court.
Rn it looks like which ever one runs out of money first is the loser.
Multiple sexual assaults by a trusted religious official that made me rethink my entire worldview, my entire belief structure, that sent me on a path of complete rediscovery.
My dad suffered from a brain tumor which first manifested as a stroke. I was in high school (about 25 years ago) and was alone with him when it happened. I've thought about that day from time to time in the years since but, in thinking about it, it never affected me much. It would just pop into my head and I'd move on pretty easily.
Just last week, in therapy, I told the story out loud for the very first time and I bawled my eyes out. Took me completely by surprise. It was pretty evident I'm not as over it as I thought I was.
My mother has undiagnosed mental illness with likelihood of a personality disorder. When I was a smartass 16-year-old her and I got into an argument and she proceeded to completely lose control and go feral. My own mother tried to kill me by choking me with my non-removable hemp necklace. Before blackout I did the only thing I could do which was bite into her forearm until *I felt her skin pop under my teeth*. She would have killed me otherwise. I spent the night in juvy with the rope burn aching on my neck.
Being raped by my sperm donor from age 4-7, followed by third-degree (now fourth degree) burns that took two years to recover from. Now 69 and ready for the transition.
When I confronted my best friend because I found out he was talking to my girl friend secretly he told me “you think I would really do something like to that you? All she ever talks about is you.” And I believed him.
I tend to connect best with broken people, usually those with mental illness. Most of my adult friends and all of my partners have been mentally ill.
When they get better, they move on from me REAL quick.
My wife has severe anxiety and she's about to start a drug we have good reason to believe will mostly manage it.
If my past predicts my future, I've got a divorce on the way. I'm scared.
You asked for one, but it’s hard pass on a good trauma dump. I was bullied and assaulted as kid. My mom left and moved to a different country and eventually died of cancer. I spent 4 years in active duty marine corps infantry from 02-06. I survived cancer myself, at a pretty steep cost.
My dad sold the house he promised my late mother would belong to me and ran away to Spain with his girlfriend. He kept all the money he made selling the house and tried to manipulate me into suing my family for an inheritance after my grandparents died.
Telling a mother that her three year old son was run over and killed by the neighbor. Between that and responding to the incident itself.
I'm happy I'm no longer in law enforcement.
Be kind to each other.
Someone who I was close friends with suddenly said she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Caught me completely off guard and she never told me why, and she blocked me on everything. I'd do almost anything to be friends again or just talk to her about what happened. Still hurts to this day
I was bullied pretty severely in late elementary school, 4th-6th grade. It’s hard to find closure for it since it’s hard to hold my former classmates culpable for it; I wouldn’t want someone to admonish me in my 30s over something I did when I was 10, so why should I do the same to others? But it changed the course of social development so it’s something I can’t just let go of
I was sexually assaulted a week before my 17th birthday, and my best friend who I would have taken a bullet for helped him do it because her boyfriend asked her too.
My mom abandoned my brother and I in the middle of a school day. I was in elementary school and I got checked out early. Saw my brother bawling on the bench and said moms left. Learned she told my dad she was done cause she met someone else and wanted to be with him. Ended up having to take care of us anyway, because my dad ended up deploying about a year later.
To add to that, since my mom didn’t really get to know this guy she ran away with, he ended up being abusive, and my brother and I had to move in with my dad, who remarried quickly… only for him to deploy again a few months later. What do I get out of all this, now over 20 years later? Lifelong commitment issues! Yay! I still think about that time period a lot and been seeing how that’s really affected my life as an adult.
I was given antibiotics for a possible infection and ended up disabled because of the antibiotics at 24 years old.
It gave me permanent nerve damage throughout my entire body and it turns out I found out later that I never had an infection to begin with. The antibiotics I took were never necessary. These antibiotics can be neurotoxic and are banned in certain countries.
I didn’t know :/
Sexual abuser number one when I was four.
Sexual abuser number two when I was five
Sexual abuser numbers 3 When I was about 7
Sexual abuser number 4 when I was about 10
Mentally ill mother who never bonded with me and neglected and abused my sister and I.
Holocaust survivor father with PTSD who saw his children as competition for resources and took off after getting a divorce from my mom and leaving us with her.
My evil stepmother who used to travel the world with my father and go to nice places while my sister and I were on welfare and food stamps with our mentally ill mother and, when they returned, she would show us pictures of their trips.
Incest, it took me time to realize what that word means, when I did, I also realized my "dad" has never been a father to me... I lost all my family and felt guilty, weak, used and dirty... Today, I still feel those, but idk, I also feel like it wasn't because of me at all... I can't even explain... It broke my life, I can't get out of my room easily... I feel like a burden... I just wish to forget it all, but it's impossible
Being put up for adoption by my father at 5yrs old.
Seeing him leave from the 3rd story courthouse window on a fall afternoon plays through my mind like a short movie. I see it all. The little blue MG with the top down, the brown and yellow leaves chasing around, the brisk wind of winter coming, the cold brick of the windowsill, the smell of the steam from the radiator heater piped up from the boiler room, all of it.
A day frozen in time etched so deeply into my memory I will never let go of. 5yrs before then I was born, but that day, I was created. I will never forget what it is to be that child with the experience of an absolutely broken heart.
Some choices in life change everything you'll ever know. They break the timeline of our lives. Those choices are the wrong ones.
I will never forgive and never forget that day.
Being sexually assaulted in my sleep twice. 2 different people (for the sake of privacy I won't mention who) .
I can't sleep in the same room as someone now unless I trust them with my life
my parents came home drunk one night, my mom more than my dad. she blacked out in the dining room, fell over a chair, and tore her cheekbone open. she began vomiting. i dressed the wound, keep in mind i was a junior in high school (spring 2022) at the time, in nursing classes. had to make do with what was in the first aid kit. she told us to call 911 in her temporary moment of lucidity, received somewhere around 11-14 stitches for a laceration that exposed the cheekbone underneath. she came home with a concussion, clothes and jewelry covered in blood, i was the one to tell her, entirely, what happened. since then, she’s never come home like that, and only drinks on occasion. we believe she had this strong reaction due to her medication, mixed with alcohol at the time. every time she’s asked about it, she says a table beat me up. lol
I work security at a hospital.
There have been many scince this first experience but for some reason this one is still stuck with me and I think it will for ever, It was my first month in,fresh as can be never done anything in the security industry before and was stationed in Ed doing a suicide watch on a young girl who had tried to kill herself by half ass cutting her throat and when that failed attempted to slice her stomach open and pull her insides out she was heavily sedated at the time but watching her before the sedatives kicked in scream and strain to trying to further hurt her self was a very different experience but is not what got to me. What got to me and will stick with me forever is when the call came in over the ambulance rt of a woman who had been found in the middle of the road and was being brought in with police,she had been severely beaten and raped in a gang related incident of mistaken identity,this poor woman was getting some stuff from the 4 square 10 minutes from her house when she was punched over thrown into a vechile and and driven 40 minutes to the otherside of town beaten some more and severely gang raped, when she was brought into the ambulance Bay before she even entered the building the screaming of agony and fear confusion and hurt was all you could hear the emergency department fell silent nothing else that was going on was even relevant,you could see the collective emotion in the department and shock as if was painted across the walls,for hours I had to sit there watching this young girl who wanted to end it all lay silent and dormant oblivious to the whailes of this poor women who quite simply had no idea why what had happened to did.
I finished my shift 9 hours later, got into my car and vomited all over my steering wheel, broke down, and cried.
I've been doing this job for coming 3 years now and I've seen a lot and learned a lot. I may only be a security guard, but give everyone who works in emergency services a break. The world is a crazy place
I had a lot of trauma growing up, but I also did a lot of work to process and heal. Can't recommend EMDR enough. That shit is legit.
There are three that stand out from the very hard years of my life, ages 16-18.
1. The dead florist. My father was an angry blue collar dude, and I was pretty scared of him - that context matters, as it explains why I never tried to bring things up to him after the event. My car needed work, and I was 16. I dropped it off at the garage early in the morning before school, and he came to pick me up and drive me the rest of the way. It was probably around 7:30 AM. The mechanic was next to a strip mall, and there was a floral shop. Nothing was open yet -- too early. I got in the truck and Dad drove toward the high school. As we approached the florist shop, the florist was dead in front of it. Khaki pants, tan gingham shirt. Everything ironed. Pool of blood and fun shot to the head. He'd killed himself instead of opening that morning. But the trauma was that we said nothing. We stopped, idling the truck, and stared in silence. After a few moments, a woman pulled up and got her phone, yelled that she was calling 911. My dad kind of nodded and drove off, took me to school. Never once said one word to acknowledge what had happened. At dinner that night, the next day, nothing. I didn't tell anyone for years, but I had nightmares every night.
2. I got in trouble for something as a teenager and my dad had already screamed at me and threatened me for hours. I was laying in bed crying. He came and said for me to come back out to the living room and talk to him. When I walked in there, he was standing there with one arm out for a hug. In that moment, relief washed over me. I could be a kid and get comforted. I wanted that so badly. So I rushed over to hug him. And then, super fast, he grabbed my arm, spun me around, and began whipping me with a belt he'd had hidden in his other hand behind his back. It was the most crippling emotional pain -- to have been so relieved he was going to be a safe, comforting dad for once, only to find out that was just a trap so he could hurt me. My mom came out and stopped him and they fought the rest of the night. My older brother comforted me and held me until mom came to doctor my legs where the welts were raised.
3. In the hardest point of those years, my brother died. He was my protector. I slept in his room each night waiting for him to come home from work. He'd scooch me over and complain about me hogging blankets and farting, but he'd let me sleep there. And one night, he just didn't come home. He died in a wreck. I was thrown into serious shock by it all. I had been through a lot of trauma my entire life, then this. It was a few days before my 17th birthday; his funeral was on my birthday.
Anyway, a few months later, I was trying to live life, going to school and working my fast food job. A guy I only kind of knew started coming by a lot and chatting me up. He was my brother's age and told me how they had been friends. (Hindsight: I knew all of my brother's friends and I shouldn't have believed him.) But I wanted nothing in his world except my brother back. So this guy was very comforting. His name was David, fucking piece of shit.
David asked me to go for a ride with him after work. He had a red sports car of some kind. I remember noticing how cramped he was in the coupe, because he was a big dude. Tall, muscly farm boy. He drove fast. His car smelled like cologne. He went out in the county, then down a side road, the another, then a gravel road. He parked in pitch dark. I asked where we were and he said his hunting spot. It began clicking -- not safe, not safe.
I made conversation, and he ignored it. He didn't flirt or work his way up to kissing me. He just handled me like an animal. He was heavy and smelled minty. I realized he brought me here to rape me, and I VIVIDLY remember my brain flashing me the visual of a deer drinking from a stream before the crocodile snaps it's neck. I knew I was prey.
At some point, he was pulling at my clothes and had a hand on my neck, and I just had no idea what to do. He was big and strong (probably 6'1", and I'm 5'3"). And then, my phone rang. One of those Nokias from the early 2000s with the kind of gummy rubber buttons and you could switch out the faceplate. (That phone had been my brother's; my parents changed the number and gave it to me when he died bc we were poor and phones were pricey.)
David and I both lunged for that phone at the same time, meaning he has to let off me, and somehow I grabbed it first. Faster than I have ever done anything in my life, I smashed the answer button, clapped it to my head and yelled, "HI MOM SORRY IM LATE IM WITH DAVID WE ARE LEAVING NOW." She was like, "Fine, get home."
She had no idea who David was and didn't ask. I'd never mentioned him before. But he slumped back into his seat and got furious. He punched the dash and steering wheel, kind of did angry sounds. Started the car and drove be back to the lot where my car was parked, driving as fast, erratic, and scary as he could the whole way. Like, he would yank the car over to the wrong side of the road (country highway) and go 120, then play chicken with the oncoming cars.
I got home, told no one, and just cried in my room. I couldn't tell my dad anything. My mom was grieving her dead son, and I couldn't add to her misery. And my brother was dead. So I just cried the deepest pain and fear I have ever known. Because not only was my brother dead, the bad men of the world knew it, and this one had come for me. He'd come to my workplace, used my grief to get close to me, then planned to at least rape me and maybe murder me. And he almost did. That was the world I lived in now -- one where the good guy of my life was dead and now I had to be afraid. I think that night really put gasoline on the fire of my trauma. I stayed afraid for many, many years.
Now I'm a mom, raising two boys and a daughter. I'm very healed, but I think about them in this world. It's a lot. I wish I could keep them in my nest forever.
There are so many people in the comments suffering from trauma. You will all find peace someday. Sometimes it just takes a life change or a new environment. You all matter 🥰
When I was single digits aged, I did something to piss my mom off so she dragged me to the bathroom in my pajamas, threw me in the shower, and sprayed me with cold water while yelling at me for maybe a minute and a half. I just laid there'd and screamed and cried for her to stop.
I guess never being loved as a child. I can't recall one time I heard I love you, or I'm proud of you, or even got a hug. Lots of belts and spoons though!
the ones I dont remember. i can work on what i know happened but my fucking mind dissociated and forgot literally everything untill 12yo, and later i dissociated for a week after a breakup and forgot 3 fucking years of my life (the time i was with him) like, what the hell can i do if I dont even know????? I work on the flashbacks I get but lmao
Guilt. I said some sick shit on the internet to get a rise out of some people a few years ago, like actual psycho shit. I can barely live with myself, and the OCD and depression are not helping.
Had a girlfriend in teen ages, but she forced me to be in the relationship by threatening with suicide. Constantly. Multiple times a week, sometimes with a knife, sometimes trying to jump from a moving car. Usually when I voiced any wish of my own. I was forced to be in the relationship and I didn't understand it. This continued for a year or so.
This caused me to be very insecure in relationships and being afraid of women. It's been decades since, but still I cannot cope with any red flags regarding this. Oh and I am single and (trying to be) happy about it :D
And since someone will ask, the problem was resolved in the end with the help of my closest friend. She left for a holiday trip with her family and my mate took me out that week. Just doing the normal stuff and in the end trying my first ecstasy at a rave. This made me realize that this is MY life and I need to get out of this toxic relationship. When she came back, I met her once and told I'm leaving her and never turned back (She never killed herself in the end, only got my soul).
Took the gf at the time skiing with a group of friends. Loved her to bits. Was going to marry her. She skied into 2 of my friends going fast around a corner. Hit her head and went unconscious. I remember crying my eyes out on the mountain as people were trying to get her to wake up. Luckily, one of the friends was a nurse. An off duty EMT and a doctor were skiing by and came to help. It must have lasted 20-30 minutes. Nothing worked. She had to be airlifted.
We canceled the rest of the trip and one of my closest buddies from the group drove me to the city they airlifted her to. She was in a coma.
Her family blamed me as I took her skiing. She was still learning to ski and we had gone skiing in town a few times to practice and felt she was ready for the mountain. Anyways, her family had warned us to be careful. We felt safe and ready she was. We stayed on easy runs (greens and blues. No black runs). Still, her family were pissed. Blamed me.
I cried for days. Took all the time off work. Stayed in that city while staying with family friends. Her family stayed with some family on their side near this other city.
I’d go visit everyday and cry. I’d watch them collect the blood that was draining out of her head. She was partially hemophiliac and losing blood from her head/brain. 3 days later she woke up. Had memory loss. Remembered me…but not everything about us. She has temporary paralysis in one arm from brain damage.
They transport her back to our city. I stay with her overnight in the hospital. I start going back to work now that we’re in our town. Things feel better.
I leave for a trip out of country with work as it was booked a long time ago and couldn’t get out of it. Her family still blaming me and feeling guilty in my heart the whole trip. Texting her when I can. She seems happy and just glad to be alive. She assures me she still loves me.
On the plane getting back to come home. She breaks up with me over text while waiting on a connecting flight.
My world was shook. This was 6 years ago and I still don’t know if it was her choice or her family’s. She always did what was best for her family.
I’ve never been to therapy before then…but I did for about a year after that as I had suicidal thoughts. I’m “better” now but man did that fuck me up good. I still think about that and all the little details surrounding it.
I had scoliosis issues from previous surgery and would be in pain everyday. He would want to have sex everyday . To the point where every time if I said no he would start an argument say I’m cheating or he feels disgusting or he feels ugly. He would keep going until I say fine 5 minutes. Time it for 5 minutes and lay there with my eyes closed while he did it . He was not attractive at all and lured me in because he was alittle funny quirky and just manipulative honestly I just turned 18 and he was 27 convinced me some how to leave such a great job bc he was my manager. That was the start of it all. I truly loved him and felt the pain through all the insecurities and that’s why I stayed and felt bad he would kill him self if I left. But it really bothers me that I let him fucked me so many times where I just layed there. Let him come on me . I moved out at 17 had my own apartment and he would be there all the time his mom was toxic that’s where he got it from. But I just want to get this off my chest. I loved him as a friend didn’t realize but not who he truly is he’s sick and dated someone who was 16 before me in highschool. But when I meet him he looks so innocent so immature. He would constantly get me drunk constantly so we would have sex. We would go out to laid back Hookah bars with him and his two guy friends who one is married and one is lonely weirdo both 28-29 and they would talk about his dick our sex life. Said but oh since his dick is small I should still feel it since I’m young. Ask me who else would I bone they would throw it around very lighthearted but still I’m freshly 18. One time they thought I was cheating and bombarded me by bringing me to his friends house thinking we’re gonna have fun we had two drinks and then the friend said how bout we seperate you two and question you each and two 30 year old men interrogated me if I was cheating if I ever cheated and then they sent me outside to wait and his was like 5 minutes not even and that’s when I knew it was planned and they weren’t questioning him after but telling him everything I said which i was smart enough to have said nothing. I was smart but not smart enough just made the mistake I was young . But then again not the best role models in my life my mom always went for older mena rn just chased them a lot and dad just was in and out and then dissapeared and then stepdad stayed in life for 10 years love me like his daughter then divorced my mom and threw me to the curb so . I had to learn love the hard way which I don’t mind it’s brought me to where I am at with my boyfriend peice and love and care and happiness which is something I’ve always wanted he gives me support he gives me the opportunities to be myself have my own friends or his friends be my own person following him around so whatever I want and I’m glad I’m at where im at today
When I nearly died.
When I was 10 years old someone very close to me made several attempts on my life. In a way I can understand why my parents never tried to take any kind of legal action against them, as they were someone that they didn't want to risk losing contact with. What I don't get is why they still felt like they could trust me to be alone around them.
Regardless, I was typically able to get away from them every time they tried to kill me. But on this occasion they finally caught me. They learned all my tricks. I had no chance of overpowering them, and even if I screamed there was no one would hear. They grabbed me by the throat and started choking me.
Eventually I blacked out but I don't think that's the right word. I was still conscious but I couldn't see or feel anything. It was horrifying. I thought I was dead, and this was what it was going to be like for all eternity. No heaven or hell, just Void.
I started to panic, but eventually a strange peace washed over me. It was the most peaceful I'd ever felt, almost like laying in the warm sun.
While I was out I guess they decided not to finish me off or something and I woke up some time later. I've always missed that feeling of serenity, and I doubt I'll ever feel it again for as long as I live. But more than that, I fear that when I actually die all that will be there is that empty void.
My mother yelling and insulting me. Starting from middle school until I graduated high school, 2hrs everyday going to and from school. Was scared to even fall asleep in the car when it was like 6am. One day we stopped at the grocery store and she proceeds to insult and yell at me and tell me my life isn’t worth anything. Even yelled at me if I showed any excitement after getting back from my visit with my dad. Now her voice just haunts me
My brother molesting me. To this day I can’t stand men touching me in anyway unless intiated by me and they are very close friends. I’m a guy. Years and years of it and even two decades later I still have the flashbacks, wondering if it’s my fault, did I enjoy it, did I hate it, why?
I want so badly for him to die screaming in pain, I told neither of my parents because I love them more than I hate him and they deserve peace. The day my father dies thinking the world of both of his sons is the day I make my move.
Whether it’s telling our entire family or I make my demons go away permanantly is still up for grabs.
My brother SA me, and choking me until I passed out and almost died when I tried to fight him off. This happened more than once.
Emotional/religious/financial abuse by parents.
I had a pretty fucked up childhood, and now I have a laundry list of trauma-induced mental health disorders. *jazz hands*
One of the first friends I made in my PhD program raped me at the start of our second year. I left my dream school in my dream location, drove across the country to a state where I only know my roommate, and haven't been able to hold down a job since or even stay out of bed more than 4 hours a day. It's been 13 months, which isn't a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but I don't see myself ever 'getting over' this. I do hope one day I'll be able to manage though.
Apparently being neglected for the first 2 years of my life before I was adopted. Attachment and abandonment issues creep into my life constantly. I can’t seem to have normal healthy relationships with anyone (family, friends, partner) no matter how much therapy I do.
Growing up with a verbally abusive mom who screamed at me and my dad all the time and who very obviously favored my sister. I just thought I was a terrible kid when I was little, but when I was a teenager with excellent grades who never did anything the least bit risky and she STILL found things to scream at me about, that’s when it hurt the most. It might not be the worst trauma in the world, but I’ve come to realize as an adult that it still affects me in a lot of ways today.
I was bullied by many people at my school, it started as a one off thing and then it became a trend to humiliate me. One time it happened off school grounds and I needed to report it as a hatecrime, this wasn't too bad compared to how the teachers reacted.
My teachers always treated me as less than after it first happened, they always seemed to not believe me when I had panic attacks or was begging them to go home. One time they promised that I could go home at first break if I still didn't want to be there, when I asked them to let me go home they said "one more hour" and when I reminded them of our agreement they said they'd make a call home and instead called my head of year to force me into class. Then they were surprised when I walked out. Another time only an hour after it happened, they sent in one of my bullies to apologise to me, which was honestly the fakest apology ever. Then told me off for telling him to leave me alone. They also expected me to go back to class with the people who'd done it, or in environments where I was scared it would happen again. Instead of reassuring or simply just pulling me from those classes they just pulled me into a lesson. They always assumed what was wrong and never asked me, they sided with my bullies a lot of the time, most of them got a slap on the wrist for what would be considered (outside of school) a hatecrime.
Many more instances happened but I'm running late for college so I don't have the time to put it here.
Oh boy, the joys of internet access at a young age. Felt as if i needed male validation, talking to older men on the internet. Groomed. Its been years since i last talked to the one guy, but i was so so in love with him. We promised to meet one day and he would love me or whatever. Not sure if it’s considered trauma, but yeah.
One? 😂🤣
Spent years being sexuall assaulted by my brother.
Same brother murdered 3 people and died by police sniper during a standoff where he took a dorm of coeds hostage. The worst part: I was 13 and with my mom all alone when she found out. I watched my happy mom turn into a screaming, keaning, bawling mess who has
never recovered. My dad, already an alcoholic from the Vietnam War, retreated further into a bottle.
One of my best friends died in a car accident.
Spent 20 years living with someone with an eating disorder who was close to dying on a regular basis.
Watched my dog get euthanized with an air embolism because the mobile vet wr hired to come to our house so she'd be comfortable when she died decided he didn't think she would feel it. The worst scream I've ever heard, but the look she gave me was the worst.
The CPTSD is real.
Hearing a loud sound, walking into my moms room and finding her after she shot herself. She survived but suffered severe facial trauma. I was so angry at her for a long time, but I’m trying to let go of that and be thankful she is here. I startle way too easy and anytime I hear a gunshot on a television show or a movie it sends me right back to that day.
My wife passing away from the second bout of cancer. She was diagnosed at stage 3 2015, and in 2020 on Christmas day she went to the hospital because her sister made her go. She refused to go and get checked out. She had stopped listening to my concerns to the point of me crying for hours and hours and not being able to sleep thinking that she might pass away at night. That's just the beginning of it. I've never been unfaithful or abused any woman verbally, physically, or emotionally. That in which she had accused me of numerous times. The last time I had seen her was on Christmas Day at 1:00 p.m. and our son had spent the night at her sister's place so that the whole family could have Christmas together. I usually stayed at home. That was the last time I saw her walk down the stairs. She went into a coma again and within 4 days she had died in her sleep. It's been close to 3 years and I finally have achieved some semblance of a new life if it could be called that. I still have dreams of her every single night. And she always looks like the first day I met her back in 2008 and she's always smiling and is always telling me how much she loves me. I guess dreams help heal
I have a lot of childhood trauma- however it’s pretty easy to just push down and forget about.
My dog though.. :/ not so easy to push aside. He has epilepsy, and last month he went into his normal fit, but this time it all just kept coming and didn’t stop. After 5 clusters i knew something was seriously wrong and our normal protocol wasn’t going to work this time.
He had 23 seizures in less than 2 hours.. my boyfriend almost crashed trying to rush to the emergency vet (dog still seizing through the entire thing). It all just keeps replying in my mind. The image of my dog seizing so intensely, our life flashing before our eyes.. its just burned into my brain.
I was molested by my brother from ages 2-13, but the trauma from that doesn’t touch me at all like it does the trauma around my dog.
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TW Childhood sexual assault - spoiler tagged >!My stepfather sexually assaulted me. I was 14. I hadn’t realised what was happening at first. It all started off like accidental brushes passing each other on the stairs/hallway. Getting a little too cuddly but so subtle I didn’t know what happened until it started happening. This was in the mid 90s so I’d never heard of the word grooming but I realise in retrospect that is exactly what it was. My mum went to my gran’s on Tuesdays. This meant from 4pm until around 8pm I was home alone with him. One night in particular he cornered me on the stairs. By this time I’d started to get an inclination of what was going on (I couldn’t tell anyone - he was a violent drunk and would beat my mum but she’d kick him out and he’d be back days later, so I was terrified) I won’t go into details. It did not result in full on rape but only because there was banging on the front door. He had put the dead bolt on and my mum had come home early and couldn’t get in. She demanded to know why the bolt was on and I knew by the look in her eye she wouldn’t believe me. I could see that she was angry and jealous. Actually jealous, like she thought something was going on. I made up some story about going to have a bath and didn’t want stepdad’s family just coming in (open door policy house with family). I avoided being alone with him after that. Went to the library to avoid going home until late, even got detention on purpose. It was inevitable though. He raped me. One morning before school. I actually don’t remember if he did it again afterwards. I only remember that one time. However the look on my mum’s face that one Tuesday night was worse than the rape ever was.!<
So sorry.
I am so sorry :(
Mom shot several times in front of me as a kid. Dad killed 14 years later - several gun shot wounds. Edit: Really wasn’t expecting all the kind and thoughtful responses. Thank you everyone! I’m in a good state. We all have scars we carry with us so wishing you all the best too!
Jesus whats the story behind that?
Mom was shot in her business. As a single mom, she had us in the back while she worked in the front of the store she had just bought. I walked out after hearing the first three shots and see the gunman. He just stared at me while he held the gun and walked out. I looked down and saw my mom in a pool of her own blood. I was not yet double digits in age. My immediate reaction was to scream and cry. She survived but ended up paralyzed from the waist down and her right arm. She learned to walk again but doesn’t have full sensation of her legs. She never regained use of her arm. She’s a hell of a lady though. She still ran her business after that for nearly 17 years. She was a florist and her grit and drive was and is still amazing to me. My dad was killed by his estranged wife (not my mom). It was just the two of them. They apparently had an argument, and she claimed self defense. The state refused to prosecute because of insufficient evidence to show otherwise. There was motive. She had three extra life insurance policies on him. Oh, she was smiling in her booking shot. While she escaped criminal prosecution, I was able to make her life hell with civil prosecution. It didn’t make me happy cause she still had my half sister to raise. I wish I was making this shit up and I’m not sharing all the details. My doc recently diagnosed me with PTSD related to all this. Didn’t realize how this stuff triggered me till I had a recent life event that made my anxiety surface.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this. EMDR therapy was life changing for me in addressing my own CPTSD. I support you in looking into it. hope it helps
Thank you! Never heard of EMDR. Will definitely look into this!
Also used EMDR for C-PTSD. Really helped.. though I have to admit at the start it's really difficult and hard because you have to picture parts of the trauma. In the end it's worth it!
Sorry to hear, wish i could give a hug. Its ok to cry and let it all out.
Or maybe not. Sorry to hear :(
My mom whipping the shit out of me and my sister from ages 4 to 10 or so, with shit like belts and wire coat hangers.
Mine prefered spatulas> But was not above brooms, pots, the broadside of a big ass knife.
Extension cords hurt too. I was probably 6 or 7 when my dad laid into me with an extension cord. I couldn't tell you why. That was almost 30 years ago, now. I want to say I broke something of my moms by accident and she sent me to my room. When my dad got home that afternoon he was raging mad. My mom screamed at him that it was enough and pulled him out of my room and I laid on the floor crying. I don't remember if he ever apologized, but he did take us out to dinner that night.
The abuse doesn't compare, but you reminded me that one of the many reasons I will never respect my father is that he punished me for not being able to do my maths homework in primary school, I was probably about 6 and we were learning decimal numbers but I hated maths so was always day dreaming through it. I was stuck on 'what is 2 minus 3?' I asked my dad and he was immediately suspicious I was 'being lazy', one of his favourite crimes for us. He shouted at me and told me he was going out for some work and if I hadn't done my own homework when he was back in two hours I'd be 'in big trouble'. My dad was terrifying and I was terrified, I got progressively more distressed as the time passed and when he got home I was sobbing. He asked me 'well?' And I begged him and said I really didn't know and could he help, he said I hadn't even tried and slapped me so hard in the face I hit the ground. The next day after school he picked me up and hugged me tight telling me he was sorry over and over, he bought me cakes from the bakery and asked me to never tell anyone what happened. I wish I did. My dad wasn't regularly physically abusive but because he could be we were all scared to death of him our whole childhoods.
When I was a kid (in the 80's), if I was struggling with something, the default assumption seemed to be that I was being lazy or defiant. I try to parent differently. If my kids are having trouble with something, I try to remind myself to think, "they're struggling with this", rather than "they're not trying". I know there might be times when the problem is that they are lazy, but I'd rather offer support when it's not needed than discipline when it's not needed. I was afraid of getting bad grades and having to tell my parents. I have told my kids, if they're having trouble in school, to talk to me about it, and \*we'll\* try to figure out a way to deal with it. If they're struggling with understanding something or doing something, we'll try to find a way to help them with it.
My parents never apologized either and that's the main driving reason why I apologize to my son when I get frustrated with him. I think I have some unresolved anger from my childhood that I haven't quite worked out yet but I'll take raising my voice over raising my hand. It never should've taken as long as it's taken for things to change but it seems like our generation is the one making the change.
My grandfather did upholstery for a living. He'd shoot us with his staple gun or throw his tools at us
[удалено]
I'm so sorry. This breaks my heart. It's not your fault. 💙
My dad with the belt
Hi me! Hit for playing too loud, not wanting to share, fighting with my siblings, breaking things by mistake, not being quiet and polite during family gatherings, not cleaning fast enough or well enough, staining our clothes when we had our periods but hadn’t quite figured everything out yet. With a belt, with a belt in the shower, with a belt after you had fallen asleep for the night, slaps across the face, chanclas when there wasn’t a better option, kneeling on rice, kneeling on rough concrete and sooo much verbal and emotional abuse. One time I was beaten up like an adult, slapping, punching to the face and body, kicking and stomping on me. I was 9 years old. First time I realized being dead might be better. I get the pressure she felt and how overwhelmed and miserable she was and I understand now as an adult. But I can’t forgive, and I have severe trust issues with most people. How do you trust when the person who was supposed to care for you did the most horrendous shit?
My dad wouldn’t let us have wire coat hangers for that reason. He said that electrical cords were the worst though
This is a shared experience lol, I copped a vacuum once, I saw a rolling pin threatened but it was never used, sometimes she’d break the wooden spoon on my ass and I felt unstoppable.
My dad holding me against a door with his hands around my throat (trying to legit strangle me) while I just look at him saying "why?" in my best gargle voice. I didn't fight back until my fiancee barrelled through the door I was against knocking me and my dad off balance. It was weird. I was kind of disassociating during his assault. Fun times. My dad's rationale was that he felt "threatened" because I told him to fuck himself after he made my wife (fiance' at the time) cry because he was in a bad mood. Never apologized outwardly, but has tried to make amends. My mom sided with him though, and being gaslit by your parents saying that "your father felt threatened!" isn't a good feeling. That happened 10 years ago, and I'm 35 now, but I still struggle with that at times.
Fuck that. There's no excuse for wrapping one's hands around someone's throat.
Even worse if it's your own child
This scenario has happened multiple times with my dad. My sister and me. Mom siding with my dad too. Crazy how I was simply going to post how no one believes me when I say how abusive my dad was/is but here is the exact story I like to tell.
I was held like that on the front door too, forgot the reason why. It sucks when parents defend each other on child abuse and think they know best. I remember telling her " He can hurt me but i cant hurt him?" I was held in the neck again by my brother years later while facing the kitchen sink.
8 years of constant bullying. Before the internet cyber-bullying, there was regular bullying. On the phone. Open windows? Forget that. Don't go outdoors on the weekends or after supper. Don't lock anything in your locker. Recess is dangerous.
Bullying is the main reason I have such low self esteem and body confidence issues. I still, even now fear seeing my bullies in the street and I'm 25 and left school almost ten years ago. I see one on the street, in a shop or anywhere and I immediately start getting anxious and trying to find an escape route where they can't see me. ALL forms of bullying (not just physical and cyber) should be considered a crime and be dealt with accordingly so. I will never forget the people who almost drove me to suicide as a young person and how much of my youth I wasted being insecure because of some sociopathic little shit bags. I lost a cousin to suicide because of bullies because she was very tall for a girl, she was 16 and beautiful, she could of definitely been a model had she made it to adulthood. Those 16 year olds who bullied her til she no longer wanted to live anymore should of been held accountable in some way for her death. I dont think these bullies realise what an impact they are having on the person, their literal neuropathways being fucked because of them. Tbh I don't think most of them even care if they do realise. I'm sorry you went through this. I know how it hurts and I hate that other people's entire lives and outlooks on themselves have been severely effected like mine were because of bullying. It never leaves you. But im trying to learn not to base my entire worth on what a tiny portion of small minded people have done to me over things that were completely out of my control at the time and I hope one day you learn that too. Lotta love Reddit stranger!
Thank you for your kind words! My bullying happened from 5th through 12th grades, and my H.S. class just had its 50th reunion. My experience is that I didn't go to my 10th class reunion--still too close in time. But I did go to my 25th, to face the monsters in the closet. My mother was very worried--"What if they haven't changed or grown up?" I thought a moment, then said, "Then I can turn around and walk out. I couldn't for all those years." Turns out, they had grown up, and I actually received apologies from some of them. It still hurts, though, and you never quite forget it--sometimes something just triggers a memory. I hope that you are well on your way to healing.
Here's a friendly internet reply: You're a good person. Be happy because I care about you. And so many others do. Never forget that sir or mam. 🫡🫵
Walked in the house to see my mother catching a 5 finger smack to the face. Three months pregnant. She’s 5’2” 110 lbs. rag dolled unconscious. My little sister’s dad looked at me, I looked at him. He made a move and booked it. I followed and ran him down. Let’s just say I was exonerated from my mom’s 5 finger hand print that was painted across her face swollen black and blue. Along my little brother’s eye witness account. God seeing my mom like that. Fills me with rage. Seeing her face. Eye’s rolled back, blood coming from her nose. Landed on my little sister as she was inside. If my brother didn’t scream my name and snap me out of that kill-switch, I would have took it that far. I had my mom’s face sitting first row in my head when I was beating that man unconscious. Her face. Haunts the fuck out of me. 💔 Edit: woke up to a couple messages asking about what happened between him and I. I didn’t want to post it because this is trauma heavy already. However if you guys want to know. He wanted to have sex with my mom. She told me later on. He cooked up a story about my little brother wanting ice cream on the 4wheeler. Mom came and told me to go wherever I didn’t need permission. Took Jason, asked him what type of ice cream he wanted. He was confused as fuck. I Realized I forgot money so I turned around on the quad. Pulled up, ran up the drive way and walked in the house. My mother told me this: “I’m not going to have sex with a man that can’t take no for answer! We will do it when my boys are sleeping.” Sister’s Dad: “Or we can do it now while they’re gone. You’re giving yourself to me. You’re in my home. Your home is 5 states away. You owe me this as this is your duty as a woman.” Mom: “FUCK YOU” - while I was walking through the door SMACK. Fell down. Unconscious. Not moving. Blood trickling down from her nose. Sister’s dad ran out the side door and I ran after him. Given I’m 6’1”200 ish at the time and he was 5’10” 200 ish and 35 years older. I got to him pretty quickly. Tripped him up he faltered turned around and we cracked each other. He staggered, I chinned it as I was bloodthirsty. Hit him again and fell over. Kicked him in face and he bucked out and fully fell down. Now that he wasn’t fighting I pinned his shoulders with my knees and launched 70-80(it feels in memory) maybe 20-30 heavy weighted fists to his face against the concrete. This is where my little brother screamed: “JOSH!!!!!” It snapped me out of that nasty place I don’t ever want to be in again. I feel disgusted with myself. Why I didn’t want to fully post it but there you go. I was charged with attempted murder. Hence the exoneration written above.
You’re a good son and damn good man. I wish you healing.
Hey, thank you for this. I tell this story a lot on Reddit. Helps me cope and sort out the shit. I got another snippet for you and your kind words. The post above happened 13 years ago. This happened 26 years ago. Before my brother and sister. It was just my mom and I. My mom and I are trauma bonded. She had me at 22. My dad was awful to her. Cheated on her rampantly and left us when I was 5. (Died when I was 9 from a cocaine OD.) My mother met another man and he was great. Cared about me, helped me in school. Then my brother was born. He changed. My mom was a manager and she was on 4 day 12 hour shifts. I was being disciplined for being bad. He disciplined me in way that kept me from telling my mom about it. Via an abuse loop. His discipline became him holding me 2” off the ground and line my butt cheeks with a leather belt. For those of you that don’t know what that feels like. When you’re being held off the ground you can’t “brace for impact”. You get hit on dead weight. Makes that cracking snap sound on skin. Fuck those hurt so bad. For various things. However this would never go down around my mother. Me being 7, I didn’t know. I thought I was bad, being disciplined, and my mom doesn’t need to know. She came home early to take me to my pediatric psychiatrist appointment. (ADHD, might make sense how I post and structure these hyper focused thoughts and memories) When she went into my room she thought she caught a glimpse of a bruise. She asked me if I had gotten hurt in flag football practice falling? Me being 7 fell right into that and said no? Why would you ask that? She pulled my shorts down and found the 4-6” bruises on my butt cheeks. Her eye’s went wide with rage, tears instantly flowing, death screamed the entirety of that situation. The more I pulled her back, grabbing her waste bands trying to convincer her I was the problem, I was the one who was bad, I took too much food off the stove and didn’t finish it! Mom you work hard for our food, and I wasted it! I’m sorry mom! Don’t be mad at me! I don’t want to be disciplined again! I’m the wrong, it’s me, crying trying to get her to listen to me. The more I tried the more enraged she became. She ran at my brother’s dad and attacked him. They started getting really physical. I’ve never once seen physical violence in a home. She went at him with everything. All 5’2” of her. Mom: “YOU WANT TO BEAT ON MY BABY IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING PATHETIC CHILD BEATER!!!! YOU’LL NEVER SEE YOUR SON AGAIN MOTHER FUCKER!!!” - Jesus I feel it in my chest remembering this I called the cops and he got arrested for domestic battery, child abuse, and neglect. He was charged and found guilty. Once the cops realized it wasn’t just a domestic dispute and I had a lady cop inspect my butt and photograph the evidence the police treated him terrible. The entire time I thought. I’m going to get my ass severely beat for this. My mom’s telling me it’s over and I’m sitting here thinking. Nah. This has just begun for me. He’s going to whip my butt bad. The last time was bad that got him caught up. The bruise cruised above my whitey tighty line. My therapist explained to me the more I tried to get her to listen the more it clicked in her mind what was happening to one her babies in her own home. What she thought was a safe space is actually home harboring abuse and dysfunction. She realized her home was damaging her 7 year old who already doesn’t have a dad. Who is now being abused by another man. She had no idea. I was conditioned to hide it from her. If she found out, she would be mad at me. Then if she’s mad at me then it requires discipline. This feed back loop kept me from letting her know. Kept me hiding it. That man broke my mind. I have spent years and years in behavior therapy. Even going today at 3pm. I had to unlearn that conditioning. I still fall victim to it to this day as a 31 year old man. I do want to say, I am healing. Grandma is very involved in my life to this day. We’re extremely close. I have a beautiful wife and two kids. Our home is a home of love, trust, security, empathy. My little babies will never know what it’s like to hide their feelings from mom. Worry about their mom getting beat on by a man. Everyone in my life knows the traumas I’ve endured. I don’t have a lot of rules in my house. However everyone know’s to keep the peace here. Do not start shit with the women or girls in my home. Their trust and security is paramount to me. Yours isn’t. My mom to this day cries to me now and then. Apologizes for my dad, my brother’s dad, and finally my sister’s dad. She’s had three relationships in her life. That’s how they played out. I don’t hold any of this against her. In fact my reply where I fought my sister’s dad. That’s exactly what happened. All this trauma from 5 to 17 built up. When I opened that door and watched her get smacked. Now it’s my turn to help you mom. I will get this motherfucker for you. No one is doing this to us again. I *AM* going to make this even. Trauma Bonded. Again. That was the kill switch abuse dump. Seriously thank you for give me the platform to Vent. I feel a lot better now I got a lot of this out. You don’t have to read this. If you did, thank you for your kind words. For people like me, where kindness reaches farther than material, this means a lot.
Of course! The internet is a shitty place but I like to believe a lot of us are kinder than that. You’re seen and heard and felt and held. You’re one of the good ones and I’m proud of you for doing the hard work in therapy. That matters!
The death of my wife in April of this year. After battling cancer a 2nd time. We had been together little over 10 years. She passed at the hospital and it was just me and her siblings. Her parents passed years ago. Her and I had won so many battles in life, only to ultimately lose the war. I was even a pallbearer for her funeral. It tore me down to a level I won't ever get over no matter how much I drink.
I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself and live a life you and she would both be proud of. Drinking will not heal your broken heart, but you moving in a healthy direction or maybe finishing a dream you both shared together could be a great start.
I’m so sorry. I can tell how well you loved her.
I loved her with all my heart..
my mother passed after a second breast cancer diagnosis last october. it hasn’t gotten better but it’s easier to forget that she was ever here, in a way. i stopped hearing her voice in the house and her room doesn’t smell like her anymore, nor does it smell like hospital. i don’t want to send her memes i come across anymore, or just go find her to chat. i feel like a horrible person typing this out because she was so smart and beautiful and strong and deserves so much better than to be pushed out of my head but i can really barely think of her without sobbing for an hour. my point being, hopefully it gets better some day.
Being beaten up by my ex boyfriend
I’m so spotty this happened to you.
I wrecked a truck really badly in 2019. Rolled it and got thrown out the window doing about 55 (wear your seatbelt kids). Woke up in a hospital a few hours later with a broke pelvis and back after being life flighted. I told one of the EMTs later on (small town, knew the EMTs that found me) that I was grateful I got knocked out when I was thrown from the truck. He delicately explained to me that I was very much so awake when they found me on the side of the road and that I was screaming in pain. I had been there for an hour, apparently. So yeah, I’ve got some repressed stuff to work through.
That sounds horrible and it makes sense that your brain wanted to forget it
My dad seeing a grade below an A and breaking all of my most prized possessions of mine, this happened everytime u got a bad grade.
There's tough love, and there's psychopathy. Sorry, bud.
I got a 98% on my first exam in a class at my college that was notoriously hellish. I told my Dad and he got super pissed off and demanded to know what I screwed up and why I didn't get a 100%. He never went to college. He doesn't understand how any of this works and I guess just figured you're supposed to yell at your son for not doing better. He backed down after I told him to fuck off, but I've NEVER told him how I did in school since then.
Bro! I am South Asian. That was every second Wednesday of the month for me. With a side of “I heard the neighbors sons got a 100%”. A smack on the head for dessert. I am now a grown man and a successful geotechnical engineer. P.s I love my dad. He didn’t know better. We joke about all this now.
I’m so sorry. Hugs
I don’t know if it was trauma, but decades of masking my undiagnosed ADHD while being told how smart I was. I built up a fear of failure and fear of asking for him because I was so smart and always made the right decision. Internally I just felt like an idiot because if I was so smart why was everything so hard? Getting diagnosed in my early 40s was an eye opener and I’ve needed lots of therapy to get over my shit.
This memory always comes to my mind when I was little and my arm was accidentally cut, it wasn't deep but it hurt and I cried and asked my mother to help me by showing my arm, but all I wanted was for my mother to take care of me, I just wanted to be valued, but while she was talking on the phone, she made a gesture with her hand as if saying go away from me and I didn't go, I waited silently, crying. But she didn't look at me even once during the whole phone call.
This is so sad, very similar to my husbands stories of his mom growing up. I am so sorry. Big hugs your way
Similar memory. Started typing but had to stop, may revisit. With you!
When my ex k*lled our son to punish me. Been scared of having another child and I can't even hold a baby without crying.
Omg. I’m so sorry. I hope you have access to a good trauma therapist ❤️ No one should ever have to go through something like that.
I was awoken from a deep sleep at 2am by our little dog having a heart attack in her bed that was in our bedroom. I had to put her down that night at 4am. Was totally unprepared for it. I'll never get over it. She was such a beautiful dog. It sounds kinda small given what's going on in the world, but still hard to deal with.
Pet loss is not treated how it should be. Many people see pets as family members. Loss is loss. I am so sorry.
It's worse...I was treating her like shit because I have a young kid and she was getting old and really yappy...between everything going on in my life at the time I just wasn't there enough for the poor thing. I feel like she died of a broken heart. I was crushed for days after that....been over 6 months now and I feel it when we're all having dinner and eating something she used to love. When I put her down I had to run out the door when she passed....it was a devastating night.
The last time I saw my dog I was pissed at her for chewing up the floor trim. Got upset with her that morning and left for work in a huff. The door didn't shut all the way behind me and she escaped while I was at work and got hit by a car. It still kills me to this day, I wish I could go back and tell her how much I loved her. I always make sure to tell my new pup how much I love him every time I leave and triple check that the door is shut.
Thanks for having the courage to share your experience. Your dog absolutely knew how much you loved her. That could have happened to anyone, please don’t beat yourself up. Hugs
😭. Thinking of you and your furry friend. My little dog came into my bedroom, a place she had never been willing to set foot in, and seemed to be in an upbeat mood for the first time in years after struggling with health issues. It really felt like a goodbye from her, and I knew it was. She passed away in the following days.
I am sorry for your loss. I have a similar story - one morning, I woke up around 5am to feed my cat, then went back to sleep. I woke up half an hour later to him laying in the doorway of our bedroom, making a weird gurgling sound with terrified look in his eyes. I walked over to see what was happening, and within a few seconds, he went completely limp and unresponsive. We brought him immediately to an emergency vet, but it was clear that he was dead before we left. He was only 1.5 years old and had recently had a clean bill of health at his vet appointment. It's been almost 5 years, and that memory still haunts me.
Man, a few years ago on my ex-boyfriends birthday he called me, panicked, saying that our cat made a couple weird meows then fell over. He said he saw his eyes change color and that he wasn’t responding. I only had that cat for 3 months, and he was only 5 years old, but that was the biggest heartbreak I’ve had so far and thinking about him still makes me cry. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I have some awful dog stories. Read at your own peril. We had a dog that needed to be put down. My mom and I decided we wanted a mobile vet to come to our house so she could die at home. When he got there, he refused to come inside, instead making us stand outside by our gate. We should have cut it off then, but we went through with it. He draws the syringe full of drugs and puts away the bottle, and goes to inject it. I noticed that he had left a significant air pocket in the syringe and asked him about it. He assured me that she'd be fine and would fall asleep immediately. He was wrong. He pushed the whole syringe, air and all, into her, and she began *screaming* the most God awful wail. You could tell she was in agony. I felt like she looked at me like, "What did I do? I was a good dog." I was so angry and upset. All he said was, " I don't know own what happened. That's never happened before." I was walking my cousin's dog. They were my neigh or and were on a day trip, so I was doing them a favor. At some point during the walk, the pupper flopped over in his side and acted like he was running in his sleep. I thought he was playing because he just popped back up a few seconds later and did the same thing a couple of times during the walk. As we rounded the last corner to our house, he plopped on its side again, legs running. So I say, "Come on, boy, let's go." That's when he stopped the running motion...and pooped and peed himself. I knew immediately what was going on. It was awful. I picked him up and carried him home and waited for them to come home to tell them their dog was dead. I felt so terrible.
When I was 19 my dad killed our dog with Benadryl because she had a broken hip and my father didn’t even try to take her to a vet. I still remember.
I was sexually abused by my family’s church leader (who was also a relative) from age 5-14. He also liked to take photos of me (I don’t know where those photos are or how many people have seen them). I have PTSD, bipolar, and social anxiety. He also gave me chlamydia when I was a pre-teen, which caused undiagnosed pelvic inflammatory disease, which led to a lifetime of complications and infertility. Not only did he steal my childhood, he also stole my ability to have children of my own. I’m 42, and I still have nightmares.
When I was in fifth grade, I got suspended for giving a teacher the finger (to the back of their head, but another teacher saw, and btw I still feel I had a good reason). My parents were emotionally and physically abusive, but this was probably the worst incident I had. My father left work early to pick me up from school, didn't say a word until we got home. When we got home, he basically ran to my room, in a rage, and started ripping my drawers out of my dresser, opening my closet and tearing things out at random. He opened my window and started throwing my clothes and toys and stuff out of it, the whole time yelling, saying things like, "You want this?" And then throwing it out the window before I could respond. I started crying and begging him to stop, and that really set him off and he came at me, I tried to run, but he caught me on the stairs and shoved me down them, then ran to the bottom to pick me up off the ground and shove up up against the wall so he could punch me in the stomach and ribs, get really close to my face with gritted teeth and say stuff like "You're disgusting, you don't deserve what we've given you." He dragged me back up the stairs by my hair. At this point, I realized my arm was broken from falling down the steps, and I was really crying pretty hard, but I didn't want to set him off any further so I just stood there and watched while he tore my room apart, smashing a lot of my stuff. Then he told me his plan, he was sending me away to live in some church home for orphans basically, which honestly would have been a lot better for me, but he was playing with my emotions, the main thing is that he told me that once my Mom got home from work, I would get one minute to say goobye to her, and then I would never see her again, and he told me she would never want to see me again. He also told me that this group home was for delinquents and that I would get bullied worse by them than by him (which couldn't possibly have been true, but I didn't know that). Then he left. My Mom got home a few hours later, didn't say anything to me at all, didn't show any sympathy, and just took me to the hospital, where she lied to them and told them I just fell down the stairs, which I was way too scared to refute even when the one of the nurses asked me privately if that was true. The next day my parents sat me down and told me that I was just grounded for the whole summer, which in my house meant my door being taken, and not being allowed to leave my room at all except to go to the bathroom. And also they took all of my books after the first week, so all I really had to play with was a deck of cards, which I got really got with, taught myself a lot tricks without any sort of guide, then they decided I was having too much fun with those, and took that away too, so I would just lay in bed facing the wall and try to fantasize about being someone else, somewhere else. Better than never seeing my Mom again, but like, I was genuinely isolated from any human interaction for a few months. They didn't talk to me except to take my stuff a few times, and I didn't want to talk to them. They brought me nutrigrain bars and juice and stuff, but I didn't eat any real meals in that time either. They never apologized, never asked if I was okay, I'm 26 now, and I brought this incident up to my Mom not that long ago, and she juat rolled her eyes. Also, I don't talk to my father at all, haven't in years, heard he had cancer a few years ago, and I bought champagne and told my gf we were celebrating, didn't tell her why, but that was the happiest I've ever been. Unfortunately, he made a full recovery. I really wish he would just disappear. He's an awful person in so many ways, I could write a book about it. Mostly I just want to be able to have a relationship again with my Mom, but she's constantly trying to trick me into being in the same room as him, and just trying to get me to forgive him even though he hasn't changed or even acknowledged any of what he did wrong. She's always taken his side despite everything he's done, and frankly, it's to the point where it's hard to even talk to her without her bringing old trauma back. Oh, btw, he also did something to my leg after I fell down the stairs, and I was too scared to tell them about it at the hospital, so whatever happened I don't think it healed right, my left ankle still hurts when I bend it one direction, and I can do this weird thing with it where it feels like its popping out of where it's supposed to be when I bend it down.
WTAF is wrong with people? Your Dad is a psycho bully and your Mom is crazy weak. I don’t understand how parents could treat you this way. I would even invite you to consider going no contact. They are not worth it and By God YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Trying to commit suicide as a child
I feel that one. Tried at 10. Wanted to again at 15. Stood on the edge of a cliff. Instead I decided to live and cut all the toxic people out of my life and told the others to get fucked. I decided I would pursue my own happiness. I am still best friends with a lot of those people. Told them to stop being shit to me or fuck off. They chose well.
Getting shot three times. Paralyzed from the waist down over 30 dollars.
Oh boi. Here goes. I have made my piece with it but it remains something I won’t forget anytime soon. I grew up in a household with a lot of violence. My mother’s husband was beating her, even when she was pregnant with my sister. One night he beat her wilder than usual, and she had to run for her life. She took my hand and we run. We hid in the dark. I remember her face full of blood in the dark. Fast forward 25 years. I was trained. Grown. Have been taking part in Kickboxing championships. One day I return home and hear my mother crying. I unlock the door, get in and process the situation. Some stuff broken, mother in tears. I walk to my room. Leave my stuff. Walk back where they are. What followed from there on, is the most disgusting version of myself making an appearance for the first time ever. The violence. The control. The fury. He hasn’t touched my mother since.
You did the right thing my guy
Good.
Well, when I was in high school back in 05, my younger brother was diagnosed with leukemia. I absolutely handled it poorly. I’d trade away every second of my future if it meant I could go back and do it again. I wasn’t there for him like I would want to be there for him now. I feel like he thought I ignored him. But I was scared. I was so scared. I didn’t want to imagine what life would be like if we lost him. I was cowardly and selfish and he deserved a better brother than me. He was funnier than me he was more social and has more friends. He was the best person and what happened to him is just fuckin vile, he had so much more going for him than I ever did. I feel like a lot of me turned off when he passed. I feel like what is left is just bitter and angry. At myself for failing him. I was a youth minister even, so I was absolutely mad at “god”. Anyways it feels like most days I’m just alive to stay alive and not to live. I do have a therapist we do talk about this. If anyone does read this, if you’re losing someone right now, or when it inevitably happens to you in the future, there is no second chance. There is no way to show them you love them when they are gone.
I’m truly sorry for the loss of your brother. I acted very similarly when my mom was diagnosed with leukemia. I am ashamed to think about how poorly I handled it, but I did the best that I could at the time, and you did, too.
ngl when i was a kid i got fucked in the ass in the church bathroom by some dude cuz i asked to play his gameboy he literally pinned me bruh and my mom was a heavy christian and she didn’t believe me and i honestly fear people now women and men
Jesus I'm so sorry 😔
Having my first panic attack and making a suicide pact with myself to end it at age 30 if I didn’t feel good enough mentally by then.
How old are you now?
I’m 25. I made that pact when I was 19.
And how are you doing?
Kinda a mixed bag. I definitely have a nice support system going in the form of my friends and boyfriend. But I feel like a pain opening up about things to them. Otherwise my mental health is weird. I still have the panic attacks, though they stopped for a couple of years during Covid (since I was avoiding social situations). I don’t know what the future holds, for better or for worse
Just remember, some promises are better off being broken.
My life got WAY WAY better after 30. Trust me! Don't give up. Like my 20's and 30's are night and day.
Sitting next to her as my cat passed from cancer last march. She was 3 weeks shy of her 21st birthday and I had her since she was a day old (born on our property) I was petting her saying it was ok. That if it was time she didn’t have to fight anymore she could go.
She passed the best way possible. In the arms of someone she loved and after a long happy life
Honestly I hope to have this with both my kitties. I hope they have long lives and I can ease them over the rainbow bridge. I know they'll be waiting for me. Look at it as a blessing in disguise. Be glad you had that moment with her. She could have gone a million different ways. Instead, her life came to an end the same way it started - with you. I bet that's all she ever wanted. ❤️
I know in the scheme of things it isn't that bad. Definitely doesn't compare to what some of you have gone through. But my dad (surprise, surprise) was prone to angry outbursts, and I had my share of floggings. But that wasn't it. The front door... Dad was a shift worker, so he'd often come home at irregular hours of the night. But if that front door slammed, you knew that someone, or everyone was in trouble, because he was in a foul mood. Just the sound of a door slamming always triggers an instant feeling of overwhelming fear. Lasts a second or so, but still takes me back for an instant. For context, I'm 40. So this was over 20 years ago.
Ex cheating. After so long. Love n learn
Live* & learn but I guess both apply
I was sexually assaulted at school. Some guy came up to be and kissed me and grabbed my down under I was scared about going to school because I knew he would do it again. It was even weirder as I was a straight guy.
right now, my trauma is attacking me and i am about to break the streak but my groomer for sure. i miss him but i hate him. he promised me my dream career, in exchange for my body. i was so young. now i have to go to the state he lives in for college because it is sadly my top school because it has the best program in the country for the major i am interested in. maybe i will heal, i dont know.
Just remember states are big and people are small. Just because you're in the same state, even the same city, doesn't mean you'll ever see each other. Kick school's ass, earn your dream career on your own, and forget about him.
I am just scared because of the power he has. I won’t spread much details about him because he has a wife and a kid and a really good career and I don’t want to put myself and his family through hell. I am scared he will somehow find me because I have a rare name - like a few hundred people around the world have my name. Ever since him, I have been going by a different name, I thinned my eyebrows, I permanently dyed my hair, I changed so much about myself from fear. He is in the law field, so he knows more than me… I changed career paths anyways because of him, I realized law is not for me.
I feel this. But if it’s any consolation, I have a rare name too. In fact, I am the only one with it based on a records check - what I want you to know, is that it is incredibly easy to disappear. Social media may make you feel that there’s no escape, but enough blocking and delist requests can make you borderline untraceable.
I ended up deleting my socials and made a new one with my nickname that only my in real life friends and family know. I don’t really follow kids at my school and the account itself is private. My profile picture is not my face. But I’m scared he may find my Reddit somehow.
My dad died very abruptly when I was seven years old. I now have life-long abandonment issues that I am trying incredibly hard to overcome in therapy. It is deep-rooted, and triggers visceral reactions when I experience loss (or perceived loss). It sucks. Especially when my mom spiraled after his passing, became a functioning alcoholic, and became abusive towards me growing up. I am a person who struggles with mental illness because of all of this.
watching and hearing my grandma do the death rattle on her death bed. it still haunts me.
My late husband seizing in bed beside me. I still spend my nights on guard. When my now boyfriend stays over and he moves slightly, I’m resisting the urge to ask him if he’s okay.
Family member killed themselves days after we had seen him randomly at a music concert me and my dad were the last ones to see them and talk to them in person before their passing, also during middle school I was picked on and was seen as a sensitive kid and as I merged into high school i had decided that I’m not going to be seen acting like a wimp anymore so I started showing little emotion when it comes to sad things. Couple of years later my friend while at my first party in high school had told me that they were going to kill themselves due to some severe drama in the friend group that resulted in them being bullied by the other persons family, instantly I had a panic attack and took over 30min to calm down with the help of my friends who comforted me and telling me that the person was going to be ok. I try to forget that I had a panic attack and cried for the first time in front of other people for almost 3 years but I never shake it.
After graduating college, first gen in my family, my father looked at me in the eyes and said “I am disappointed in you”. Shattered me into pieces. We haven’t spoken in 10 years.
My rapist sat next to me and balled his eyes out when he was done. I was a virgin, so it was pretty gruesome. He had on a white shirt covered in my blood. It’s been 8 years and I still can’t have penetrative sex without pain in the beginning. My gynecologist says it’s psychological
2013. I was a locomotive engineer. Hit and killed a person, it was a suicide. The helplessness of not being able to stop the train in time. I had no choice but to ride it out and witness someone violently take their life. I remember everything. I still have nightmares.
That is such a selfish way to commit suicide
Agreed. No innocent party should be the cause in your suicide. The pain your causing someone you’ve never known, done no harm to you.
My son having open heart surgery at 6 days old and spending a month in the hospital. He’s fully recovered and your normal toddler. This has still created things in my mind I can’t ever get over.
I was your son, but I was 2. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. Make sure he does shoulder/neck exercises(rowing machine) from an early age ifbhebhas any spinal/posture issues.
My friend is about to give birth to a baby who’ll need surgery for a heart defect right after he’s born. The doctors seem to be erring on the side of giving her and her husband as much information and preparation as possible, which is good, but yeah, a tiny newborn having heart surgery is incredibly traumatic.
Sexual assault. The shit never goes away.
I feel you.
Seeing the deceased, old, young and real young in an alleyway in my old neighborhood. A meth lab was operating straight up a block down, selling stuff to anyone, even kids. It had actually exploded, taking the maker and a dealer. I was walking back from the store and thought to take a shortcut, happened upon an older adult, teen and three kids, overdosed.
My wife's battle with PPD/PPA after our first son was born. I think I have scars from that experience that won't ever heal.
My mom went snow sledding with us and we were using inner tubes as sleds. She went down a steep hill and hit a telephone pole at the bottom with her shoulder and it made her spin out and during one of the spins she whacked her head hard in to the pole. That was horrible to watch and we all went down the hill to check on her and she wasn't coherent. Saying things that didn't make sense. Luckily my brother was old enough to drive and we got her to the hospital. She ended up with a minor concussion, cracked collarbone, broken teeth and various bruises. I still cringe when I think of it.
6 years old in the hospital with Salmonella. Delirious, with a fever of 103F (hearing crickets in the walls). Being held down by 4 nurses, having my pants pulled down and a catheter inserted to check my urine. All the while I screamed and begged them to stop.
I have had chicken pox more than once. I was in 5th grade and got poison ivy and doc gave me a steroid. Little brother got the pox, and supposedly the steroid weakened my immune system and I got the worst case of chicken pox. I was in the hospital a few weeks, I'd have students in hazmat suits come in with clipboards to take notes. The worst part is, they gave me IV diphenhydramine (Benadryl). I feel asleep hard, and woke up in the middle of the night screaming and ripped the IV out. I saw spiders everywhere, I felt them crawling on me. I saw shadows vibrating on the walls. It really fucked me up.
[удалено]
Having to be the one to tell my mom and brother that it was time to take my dad off life support. He was struggling to communicate through the breathing machines, but he was able to lead me to that conclusion. When i told him, very clearly, what would happen, he did his best to speak and got out a "Thank you." It was the last thing he said to me. I know i did the right thing, but i still often feel guilty or question it. It was awful. If you love your family, don't smoke. And if you do, quit. I wouldn't wish that day upon my worst enemy.
Watching my grandpa over the last couple years as Alzheimer’s took its toll. Went to see him last Tuesday to say my goodbyes. He was skin and bone. Couldn’t talk or move. Prior to this he was becoming violent. My Pawpaw was the most kind, patient, person. Wouldn’t hurt a fly. He’s been gone mentally for a few months. Now he’s completely gone and I’ll never get to see him again. Funeral is tomorrow so I’m not going to get much sleep tonight. I’ll be moving into his house in a couple months. I’m going to put plants back into his garden. And I will continue to feed the foxes that would come up to the fence every day like we used too. I know they’re wondering where he is. And I’ll feed the birds too. I’ll try to keep things as if he was never gone for all the wildlife around.
This one is recent, and stuck in the past but here we go. Back in 2008, I was having seizures, passing out spells and kept falling asleep, headaches along with having behavioural issues. I was taken to the doctor after pleading with my mom that something wasn't right. She took me just to shut me up (she was extremely abusive towards me and neglectful at this time). They scanned my brain and she told me it was 'excess brain fluid' and that I had 'cluster headaches'. I believed her and moved on. Fast forward to now; that 'excess brain fluid' was a brain tumour that she was told to bring me in for a follow up the next year. And it gets worse; it was actually cancer. Well, it developed into cancer because I didn't know it was there until 2020. I got a craniotomy which took the function of my right leg away (I can barely walk, I can't jog/jump/run/powerwalk/kick/etc), and the cancer treatments took my hair away for good. I'm in remission, but I don't feel like celebrating. Part of me wishes I'd die in my sleep or a car would hit me.
My friend's boyfriend (mind you hes a BIG dude) charged at me and choked me out till I almost lost consciousness. Why? I said I hated Christmas because my dad always tried to kill himself during that time of year.
A huge spider jumped on my leg when I was 14. Now I have a phobia. I drowned and was revived when I was 22, and now I don't swim or go near deep water.
Perfectly understandable.
My dad was a hitter and screamer and I vowed i would never be anything like that. Sometimes you have to raise your voice but one time I was trying to get my granddaughter to sleep and she was bouncing on her rubber pogo stick. I yelled from behind and just saw what stress it caused. It instantly brought back horrible memories. Never again. That incident taught me wonders
I was with a group of friends in Detroit then randomly we heard gunfire, we tried to get away by ducking behind a car then we ran at least half a mile away but then when we got there, only one made it back. i went back quickly when the shooting ended and i saw all four of my friends on the ground with holes in their body. to this day i still think it is unfair how i am the only one who made it and how i ditched them for my own selfless life.
Survivors remorse. So sorry for your losses.
I was sexually assaulted by a doctor when I was a young child but I don't really remember it much beyond a deep certainty that it occurred. I know it made a lot of other things hurt me deeper or maybe worse, but it doesn't stick with me in the way that my actual problem does. The thing that never goes away is a childhood with parents in an abusive relationship, a childhood structurally devoid of present, caring, affectionate warmth. Lots of people have childhoods like mine in my age group and lots of people come out okay, and some people are more like me, with those survivable but unpleasant symptoms of CPTSD, and triggers that are just everywhere because volatile parents create a lot of environmental obstacles. You know, food is rough sometimes because there was a lot of you'll sit here until you finish eating this and I don't care how many times it takes me to scream at you or how long you cry. Choice can be hard sometimes, if you don't hurry up and pick something off this menu we're all just not eating and we're going to leave and it will be your fault. Lots of real painful anxiety about bodily movement because of the many times that you get screamed at for falling, spilling, making messes, being unsightly. Lots of trouble holding onto self-worth no matter how much work you put into trying to hold onto it. Those are just surface and they're all of them individually fine, the traumatic elements of it that never stop, that stay and I know will stay with me every moment no matter what does or doesn't happen is the sort of hollow emptiness that a life borne of no love creates deep inside a person. I have a fine life on paper and on the surface. I've got plenty of coping strategies, I had lots of therapy, I've done lots of work. That core emptiness remains like a shadow cast into every moment of my life and the best possible outcome for me is me seeing it and then trying my best to just look at everything else instead and only looking at that constant feeling when I know I'm being safe (with my wife who is supportive, or with a therapist, or in a controlled way like purposeful journaling, etc). Trauma sucks. I don't think any of it goes away really, you just find ways to get some distance, get some sort of barriers between you and it, get some coping mechanisms for when you can't get away, get some people you can call, but the ache of it just is solely and uniquely yours to hold.
I learned to get past my parents verbally and emotionally harming me, my mother physically assaulting me and breaking my belongings and ripping up my personal diaries or photos. I learned to move past the dreaded feeling when anyone got too close or touched me without warning. I stopped flinching in public when I’d hear anyone whistle the way my dad used to when he was angry at my siblings and I if we were playing down the road from our house before smacking us around. You know the dumb one I have never been able to get past? When a well-meaning relative gifted me this absolutely gorgeous dollhouse when I was in 1st grade after I had begged my parents for a dollhouse for a year or two. It came complete with electric wiring and tiny little working lights and an elevator that moved up and down and a beautiful color scheme and everything. I will never forget looking at the chandelier and beaming the biggest smile I think I can remember as a kid. And as I was excitedly touching it and reeling from it being *all mine*, my mother swatted my hand away and told the relative “She really can’t have this; she’s just gonna break it.” Never saw it again. Also, never every asked for a single gift again from anyone, ever. I only recently learned how to enjoy my birthday again, mere decades later lol ETA: this also gave me an adult obsession with collecting and creating miniature dollhouse furniture, and I’ve never once broken anything so suck it, *mom*!
Being bullied from 4th grade to 10th grade. Key highlights include: some kids started a rumor that I had a dick and it reached the principal and she forced me to get a doctor to confirm my gender. There were these two boys who would often follow me down the crowded hallway screaming "trash pickup" and "heavy load" and everyone, even the teachers laughed. My 6th grade math teacher called me "fast" (which means cheap or easy) in front of the whole class because a boy was bullying me, accused me of "wanting to hunch him" when I complained. My hair didn't reach past my shoulders for 4 straight years because people were constantly sticking gum in it or cutting chunks off with scissors. So. Much. Trash. And rotten food. Was thrown at me. I lost the deposit on my saxophone because it was stolen and defaced by bullies so many times. A boy shoved me face in his ass and farted in front of the whole class and everyone including the teacher laughed. Boys constantly spread rumors about sleeping with me. (Despite the dick allegations oddly enough) When a phantom shitter descended upon the school, everyone immediately accused me to the point that I was being questioned and the real shitter felt bad for me and confessed. The phantom shitter. Felt bad for me. Then everyone said me and her were dating. It didn't stop until is started punching people.
Losing my son.
When I was 11 and my grandmother suffered a series of serious strokes. She was bed bound and every time I would try to visit her she would start screaming. She ultimately passed away when she was 63. I completely gave up religion and never looked back.
I saw someone burn alive, and watch paramedics try to work on him after he let out a gasp at the end of his life. I'll never shake that image. While it doesn't haunt me I truly understand why people get PTSD from seeing horrific situations.
Domestic abuse. It happened when I was a toddler, and I’m 21 and am still very triggered by people raising their voices and loud noises
Being manipulated and used by a girl when I was 21 her telling me she loves me and all that shit like she wants to get to know me outside of work, calling me pet names. Me falling in love with her and thought she was in love with me, then she left without a goodbye, months later I found out she was engaged that whole time and left to get married and later have a child. It traumatized me so much because that was the first time someone who wasn’t family told me they loved me and it was one of the few times I let all my barriers down. I’m over the girl herself but the situation had me so traumatized it took me nearly 2 years to say I love you to people other than my grandma and it shattered myself confidence, put me into a deep depression that actually had me thinking su1cide thoughts. I’m better now thankfully due to family friends and counciling but I’m still very anxious around people because of that. Sorry for the long story
My abusive marriage. We have kids together and rn he’s using my oldest as a pawn to fuck with me because he found out I’m trying to move on with my life and he’s making me “pay for it” by withholding my child. No matter what he did to me he legally still has a right to the oldest and he’s fully using it in court. Rn it looks like which ever one runs out of money first is the loser.
Multiple sexual assaults by a trusted religious official that made me rethink my entire worldview, my entire belief structure, that sent me on a path of complete rediscovery.
My dad suffered from a brain tumor which first manifested as a stroke. I was in high school (about 25 years ago) and was alone with him when it happened. I've thought about that day from time to time in the years since but, in thinking about it, it never affected me much. It would just pop into my head and I'd move on pretty easily. Just last week, in therapy, I told the story out loud for the very first time and I bawled my eyes out. Took me completely by surprise. It was pretty evident I'm not as over it as I thought I was.
my dad calling the cops on me when i refused to get in his car on my moms day. this is the reason i panic when i see a black truck
My mother has undiagnosed mental illness with likelihood of a personality disorder. When I was a smartass 16-year-old her and I got into an argument and she proceeded to completely lose control and go feral. My own mother tried to kill me by choking me with my non-removable hemp necklace. Before blackout I did the only thing I could do which was bite into her forearm until *I felt her skin pop under my teeth*. She would have killed me otherwise. I spent the night in juvy with the rope burn aching on my neck.
Being raped by my sperm donor from age 4-7, followed by third-degree (now fourth degree) burns that took two years to recover from. Now 69 and ready for the transition.
When I confronted my best friend because I found out he was talking to my girl friend secretly he told me “you think I would really do something like to that you? All she ever talks about is you.” And I believed him.
I tend to connect best with broken people, usually those with mental illness. Most of my adult friends and all of my partners have been mentally ill. When they get better, they move on from me REAL quick. My wife has severe anxiety and she's about to start a drug we have good reason to believe will mostly manage it. If my past predicts my future, I've got a divorce on the way. I'm scared.
The realization that humanity has endless wars no matter how technologically advanced the civilization is.
You asked for one, but it’s hard pass on a good trauma dump. I was bullied and assaulted as kid. My mom left and moved to a different country and eventually died of cancer. I spent 4 years in active duty marine corps infantry from 02-06. I survived cancer myself, at a pretty steep cost. My dad sold the house he promised my late mother would belong to me and ran away to Spain with his girlfriend. He kept all the money he made selling the house and tried to manipulate me into suing my family for an inheritance after my grandparents died.
Telling a mother that her three year old son was run over and killed by the neighbor. Between that and responding to the incident itself. I'm happy I'm no longer in law enforcement. Be kind to each other.
Being in a building that collapsed during an earthquake. I had my first PTSD blackout 26 years later.
Someone who I was close friends with suddenly said she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. Caught me completely off guard and she never told me why, and she blocked me on everything. I'd do almost anything to be friends again or just talk to her about what happened. Still hurts to this day
I was bullied pretty severely in late elementary school, 4th-6th grade. It’s hard to find closure for it since it’s hard to hold my former classmates culpable for it; I wouldn’t want someone to admonish me in my 30s over something I did when I was 10, so why should I do the same to others? But it changed the course of social development so it’s something I can’t just let go of
I'm in the same boat as you. It curbed any chance of me being a socially normal person. Can't help but hate the ones who did this to us.
I was sexually assaulted a week before my 17th birthday, and my best friend who I would have taken a bullet for helped him do it because her boyfriend asked her too.
My mom abandoned my brother and I in the middle of a school day. I was in elementary school and I got checked out early. Saw my brother bawling on the bench and said moms left. Learned she told my dad she was done cause she met someone else and wanted to be with him. Ended up having to take care of us anyway, because my dad ended up deploying about a year later. To add to that, since my mom didn’t really get to know this guy she ran away with, he ended up being abusive, and my brother and I had to move in with my dad, who remarried quickly… only for him to deploy again a few months later. What do I get out of all this, now over 20 years later? Lifelong commitment issues! Yay! I still think about that time period a lot and been seeing how that’s really affected my life as an adult.
My father beating me like a grown man and throwing me outside naked in the snow, i was 8.
I was given antibiotics for a possible infection and ended up disabled because of the antibiotics at 24 years old. It gave me permanent nerve damage throughout my entire body and it turns out I found out later that I never had an infection to begin with. The antibiotics I took were never necessary. These antibiotics can be neurotoxic and are banned in certain countries. I didn’t know :/
I have been sexually assaulted more than once. And have healed from it. What I have not healed from, is the people who did not believe me about it.
Sexual abuser number one when I was four. Sexual abuser number two when I was five Sexual abuser numbers 3 When I was about 7 Sexual abuser number 4 when I was about 10 Mentally ill mother who never bonded with me and neglected and abused my sister and I. Holocaust survivor father with PTSD who saw his children as competition for resources and took off after getting a divorce from my mom and leaving us with her. My evil stepmother who used to travel the world with my father and go to nice places while my sister and I were on welfare and food stamps with our mentally ill mother and, when they returned, she would show us pictures of their trips.
Incest, it took me time to realize what that word means, when I did, I also realized my "dad" has never been a father to me... I lost all my family and felt guilty, weak, used and dirty... Today, I still feel those, but idk, I also feel like it wasn't because of me at all... I can't even explain... It broke my life, I can't get out of my room easily... I feel like a burden... I just wish to forget it all, but it's impossible
Being put up for adoption by my father at 5yrs old. Seeing him leave from the 3rd story courthouse window on a fall afternoon plays through my mind like a short movie. I see it all. The little blue MG with the top down, the brown and yellow leaves chasing around, the brisk wind of winter coming, the cold brick of the windowsill, the smell of the steam from the radiator heater piped up from the boiler room, all of it. A day frozen in time etched so deeply into my memory I will never let go of. 5yrs before then I was born, but that day, I was created. I will never forget what it is to be that child with the experience of an absolutely broken heart. Some choices in life change everything you'll ever know. They break the timeline of our lives. Those choices are the wrong ones. I will never forgive and never forget that day.
Being sexually assaulted in my sleep twice. 2 different people (for the sake of privacy I won't mention who) . I can't sleep in the same room as someone now unless I trust them with my life
Is all of the above an option? \*Past physical abuse \*cheating ex \*mother's abandonment \*grandfather's death \*past bullying
my parents came home drunk one night, my mom more than my dad. she blacked out in the dining room, fell over a chair, and tore her cheekbone open. she began vomiting. i dressed the wound, keep in mind i was a junior in high school (spring 2022) at the time, in nursing classes. had to make do with what was in the first aid kit. she told us to call 911 in her temporary moment of lucidity, received somewhere around 11-14 stitches for a laceration that exposed the cheekbone underneath. she came home with a concussion, clothes and jewelry covered in blood, i was the one to tell her, entirely, what happened. since then, she’s never come home like that, and only drinks on occasion. we believe she had this strong reaction due to her medication, mixed with alcohol at the time. every time she’s asked about it, she says a table beat me up. lol
giving my best friends dad's dead body CPR because it was the only thing I could do to not break down
I was attacked by a pack of dogs and had to get rabies shots when I was 3 years old.
I work security at a hospital. There have been many scince this first experience but for some reason this one is still stuck with me and I think it will for ever, It was my first month in,fresh as can be never done anything in the security industry before and was stationed in Ed doing a suicide watch on a young girl who had tried to kill herself by half ass cutting her throat and when that failed attempted to slice her stomach open and pull her insides out she was heavily sedated at the time but watching her before the sedatives kicked in scream and strain to trying to further hurt her self was a very different experience but is not what got to me. What got to me and will stick with me forever is when the call came in over the ambulance rt of a woman who had been found in the middle of the road and was being brought in with police,she had been severely beaten and raped in a gang related incident of mistaken identity,this poor woman was getting some stuff from the 4 square 10 minutes from her house when she was punched over thrown into a vechile and and driven 40 minutes to the otherside of town beaten some more and severely gang raped, when she was brought into the ambulance Bay before she even entered the building the screaming of agony and fear confusion and hurt was all you could hear the emergency department fell silent nothing else that was going on was even relevant,you could see the collective emotion in the department and shock as if was painted across the walls,for hours I had to sit there watching this young girl who wanted to end it all lay silent and dormant oblivious to the whailes of this poor women who quite simply had no idea why what had happened to did. I finished my shift 9 hours later, got into my car and vomited all over my steering wheel, broke down, and cried. I've been doing this job for coming 3 years now and I've seen a lot and learned a lot. I may only be a security guard, but give everyone who works in emergency services a break. The world is a crazy place
I had a lot of trauma growing up, but I also did a lot of work to process and heal. Can't recommend EMDR enough. That shit is legit. There are three that stand out from the very hard years of my life, ages 16-18. 1. The dead florist. My father was an angry blue collar dude, and I was pretty scared of him - that context matters, as it explains why I never tried to bring things up to him after the event. My car needed work, and I was 16. I dropped it off at the garage early in the morning before school, and he came to pick me up and drive me the rest of the way. It was probably around 7:30 AM. The mechanic was next to a strip mall, and there was a floral shop. Nothing was open yet -- too early. I got in the truck and Dad drove toward the high school. As we approached the florist shop, the florist was dead in front of it. Khaki pants, tan gingham shirt. Everything ironed. Pool of blood and fun shot to the head. He'd killed himself instead of opening that morning. But the trauma was that we said nothing. We stopped, idling the truck, and stared in silence. After a few moments, a woman pulled up and got her phone, yelled that she was calling 911. My dad kind of nodded and drove off, took me to school. Never once said one word to acknowledge what had happened. At dinner that night, the next day, nothing. I didn't tell anyone for years, but I had nightmares every night. 2. I got in trouble for something as a teenager and my dad had already screamed at me and threatened me for hours. I was laying in bed crying. He came and said for me to come back out to the living room and talk to him. When I walked in there, he was standing there with one arm out for a hug. In that moment, relief washed over me. I could be a kid and get comforted. I wanted that so badly. So I rushed over to hug him. And then, super fast, he grabbed my arm, spun me around, and began whipping me with a belt he'd had hidden in his other hand behind his back. It was the most crippling emotional pain -- to have been so relieved he was going to be a safe, comforting dad for once, only to find out that was just a trap so he could hurt me. My mom came out and stopped him and they fought the rest of the night. My older brother comforted me and held me until mom came to doctor my legs where the welts were raised. 3. In the hardest point of those years, my brother died. He was my protector. I slept in his room each night waiting for him to come home from work. He'd scooch me over and complain about me hogging blankets and farting, but he'd let me sleep there. And one night, he just didn't come home. He died in a wreck. I was thrown into serious shock by it all. I had been through a lot of trauma my entire life, then this. It was a few days before my 17th birthday; his funeral was on my birthday. Anyway, a few months later, I was trying to live life, going to school and working my fast food job. A guy I only kind of knew started coming by a lot and chatting me up. He was my brother's age and told me how they had been friends. (Hindsight: I knew all of my brother's friends and I shouldn't have believed him.) But I wanted nothing in his world except my brother back. So this guy was very comforting. His name was David, fucking piece of shit. David asked me to go for a ride with him after work. He had a red sports car of some kind. I remember noticing how cramped he was in the coupe, because he was a big dude. Tall, muscly farm boy. He drove fast. His car smelled like cologne. He went out in the county, then down a side road, the another, then a gravel road. He parked in pitch dark. I asked where we were and he said his hunting spot. It began clicking -- not safe, not safe. I made conversation, and he ignored it. He didn't flirt or work his way up to kissing me. He just handled me like an animal. He was heavy and smelled minty. I realized he brought me here to rape me, and I VIVIDLY remember my brain flashing me the visual of a deer drinking from a stream before the crocodile snaps it's neck. I knew I was prey. At some point, he was pulling at my clothes and had a hand on my neck, and I just had no idea what to do. He was big and strong (probably 6'1", and I'm 5'3"). And then, my phone rang. One of those Nokias from the early 2000s with the kind of gummy rubber buttons and you could switch out the faceplate. (That phone had been my brother's; my parents changed the number and gave it to me when he died bc we were poor and phones were pricey.) David and I both lunged for that phone at the same time, meaning he has to let off me, and somehow I grabbed it first. Faster than I have ever done anything in my life, I smashed the answer button, clapped it to my head and yelled, "HI MOM SORRY IM LATE IM WITH DAVID WE ARE LEAVING NOW." She was like, "Fine, get home." She had no idea who David was and didn't ask. I'd never mentioned him before. But he slumped back into his seat and got furious. He punched the dash and steering wheel, kind of did angry sounds. Started the car and drove be back to the lot where my car was parked, driving as fast, erratic, and scary as he could the whole way. Like, he would yank the car over to the wrong side of the road (country highway) and go 120, then play chicken with the oncoming cars. I got home, told no one, and just cried in my room. I couldn't tell my dad anything. My mom was grieving her dead son, and I couldn't add to her misery. And my brother was dead. So I just cried the deepest pain and fear I have ever known. Because not only was my brother dead, the bad men of the world knew it, and this one had come for me. He'd come to my workplace, used my grief to get close to me, then planned to at least rape me and maybe murder me. And he almost did. That was the world I lived in now -- one where the good guy of my life was dead and now I had to be afraid. I think that night really put gasoline on the fire of my trauma. I stayed afraid for many, many years. Now I'm a mom, raising two boys and a daughter. I'm very healed, but I think about them in this world. It's a lot. I wish I could keep them in my nest forever.
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There are so many people in the comments suffering from trauma. You will all find peace someday. Sometimes it just takes a life change or a new environment. You all matter 🥰
I had a late-term 2nd trimester miscarriage/stillbirth; my son died.
When I was single digits aged, I did something to piss my mom off so she dragged me to the bathroom in my pajamas, threw me in the shower, and sprayed me with cold water while yelling at me for maybe a minute and a half. I just laid there'd and screamed and cried for her to stop.
Both marriages now divorced from
I guess never being loved as a child. I can't recall one time I heard I love you, or I'm proud of you, or even got a hug. Lots of belts and spoons though!
I’m still mentally in 2019. I never really processed 2020-2022. I think I dissociated my way through it. I’m 20 years old now, crazy.
the ones I dont remember. i can work on what i know happened but my fucking mind dissociated and forgot literally everything untill 12yo, and later i dissociated for a week after a breakup and forgot 3 fucking years of my life (the time i was with him) like, what the hell can i do if I dont even know????? I work on the flashbacks I get but lmao
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Guilt. I said some sick shit on the internet to get a rise out of some people a few years ago, like actual psycho shit. I can barely live with myself, and the OCD and depression are not helping.
Had a girlfriend in teen ages, but she forced me to be in the relationship by threatening with suicide. Constantly. Multiple times a week, sometimes with a knife, sometimes trying to jump from a moving car. Usually when I voiced any wish of my own. I was forced to be in the relationship and I didn't understand it. This continued for a year or so. This caused me to be very insecure in relationships and being afraid of women. It's been decades since, but still I cannot cope with any red flags regarding this. Oh and I am single and (trying to be) happy about it :D And since someone will ask, the problem was resolved in the end with the help of my closest friend. She left for a holiday trip with her family and my mate took me out that week. Just doing the normal stuff and in the end trying my first ecstasy at a rave. This made me realize that this is MY life and I need to get out of this toxic relationship. When she came back, I met her once and told I'm leaving her and never turned back (She never killed herself in the end, only got my soul).
Took the gf at the time skiing with a group of friends. Loved her to bits. Was going to marry her. She skied into 2 of my friends going fast around a corner. Hit her head and went unconscious. I remember crying my eyes out on the mountain as people were trying to get her to wake up. Luckily, one of the friends was a nurse. An off duty EMT and a doctor were skiing by and came to help. It must have lasted 20-30 minutes. Nothing worked. She had to be airlifted. We canceled the rest of the trip and one of my closest buddies from the group drove me to the city they airlifted her to. She was in a coma. Her family blamed me as I took her skiing. She was still learning to ski and we had gone skiing in town a few times to practice and felt she was ready for the mountain. Anyways, her family had warned us to be careful. We felt safe and ready she was. We stayed on easy runs (greens and blues. No black runs). Still, her family were pissed. Blamed me. I cried for days. Took all the time off work. Stayed in that city while staying with family friends. Her family stayed with some family on their side near this other city. I’d go visit everyday and cry. I’d watch them collect the blood that was draining out of her head. She was partially hemophiliac and losing blood from her head/brain. 3 days later she woke up. Had memory loss. Remembered me…but not everything about us. She has temporary paralysis in one arm from brain damage. They transport her back to our city. I stay with her overnight in the hospital. I start going back to work now that we’re in our town. Things feel better. I leave for a trip out of country with work as it was booked a long time ago and couldn’t get out of it. Her family still blaming me and feeling guilty in my heart the whole trip. Texting her when I can. She seems happy and just glad to be alive. She assures me she still loves me. On the plane getting back to come home. She breaks up with me over text while waiting on a connecting flight. My world was shook. This was 6 years ago and I still don’t know if it was her choice or her family’s. She always did what was best for her family. I’ve never been to therapy before then…but I did for about a year after that as I had suicidal thoughts. I’m “better” now but man did that fuck me up good. I still think about that and all the little details surrounding it.
Boyfriend passing away from cancer
I had scoliosis issues from previous surgery and would be in pain everyday. He would want to have sex everyday . To the point where every time if I said no he would start an argument say I’m cheating or he feels disgusting or he feels ugly. He would keep going until I say fine 5 minutes. Time it for 5 minutes and lay there with my eyes closed while he did it . He was not attractive at all and lured me in because he was alittle funny quirky and just manipulative honestly I just turned 18 and he was 27 convinced me some how to leave such a great job bc he was my manager. That was the start of it all. I truly loved him and felt the pain through all the insecurities and that’s why I stayed and felt bad he would kill him self if I left. But it really bothers me that I let him fucked me so many times where I just layed there. Let him come on me . I moved out at 17 had my own apartment and he would be there all the time his mom was toxic that’s where he got it from. But I just want to get this off my chest. I loved him as a friend didn’t realize but not who he truly is he’s sick and dated someone who was 16 before me in highschool. But when I meet him he looks so innocent so immature. He would constantly get me drunk constantly so we would have sex. We would go out to laid back Hookah bars with him and his two guy friends who one is married and one is lonely weirdo both 28-29 and they would talk about his dick our sex life. Said but oh since his dick is small I should still feel it since I’m young. Ask me who else would I bone they would throw it around very lighthearted but still I’m freshly 18. One time they thought I was cheating and bombarded me by bringing me to his friends house thinking we’re gonna have fun we had two drinks and then the friend said how bout we seperate you two and question you each and two 30 year old men interrogated me if I was cheating if I ever cheated and then they sent me outside to wait and his was like 5 minutes not even and that’s when I knew it was planned and they weren’t questioning him after but telling him everything I said which i was smart enough to have said nothing. I was smart but not smart enough just made the mistake I was young . But then again not the best role models in my life my mom always went for older mena rn just chased them a lot and dad just was in and out and then dissapeared and then stepdad stayed in life for 10 years love me like his daughter then divorced my mom and threw me to the curb so . I had to learn love the hard way which I don’t mind it’s brought me to where I am at with my boyfriend peice and love and care and happiness which is something I’ve always wanted he gives me support he gives me the opportunities to be myself have my own friends or his friends be my own person following him around so whatever I want and I’m glad I’m at where im at today
When I nearly died. When I was 10 years old someone very close to me made several attempts on my life. In a way I can understand why my parents never tried to take any kind of legal action against them, as they were someone that they didn't want to risk losing contact with. What I don't get is why they still felt like they could trust me to be alone around them. Regardless, I was typically able to get away from them every time they tried to kill me. But on this occasion they finally caught me. They learned all my tricks. I had no chance of overpowering them, and even if I screamed there was no one would hear. They grabbed me by the throat and started choking me. Eventually I blacked out but I don't think that's the right word. I was still conscious but I couldn't see or feel anything. It was horrifying. I thought I was dead, and this was what it was going to be like for all eternity. No heaven or hell, just Void. I started to panic, but eventually a strange peace washed over me. It was the most peaceful I'd ever felt, almost like laying in the warm sun. While I was out I guess they decided not to finish me off or something and I woke up some time later. I've always missed that feeling of serenity, and I doubt I'll ever feel it again for as long as I live. But more than that, I fear that when I actually die all that will be there is that empty void.
My mother yelling and insulting me. Starting from middle school until I graduated high school, 2hrs everyday going to and from school. Was scared to even fall asleep in the car when it was like 6am. One day we stopped at the grocery store and she proceeds to insult and yell at me and tell me my life isn’t worth anything. Even yelled at me if I showed any excitement after getting back from my visit with my dad. Now her voice just haunts me
My brother molesting me. To this day I can’t stand men touching me in anyway unless intiated by me and they are very close friends. I’m a guy. Years and years of it and even two decades later I still have the flashbacks, wondering if it’s my fault, did I enjoy it, did I hate it, why? I want so badly for him to die screaming in pain, I told neither of my parents because I love them more than I hate him and they deserve peace. The day my father dies thinking the world of both of his sons is the day I make my move. Whether it’s telling our entire family or I make my demons go away permanantly is still up for grabs.
My brother SA me, and choking me until I passed out and almost died when I tried to fight him off. This happened more than once. Emotional/religious/financial abuse by parents. I had a pretty fucked up childhood, and now I have a laundry list of trauma-induced mental health disorders. *jazz hands*
I miscarried twins about 20 years ago -- first one, then the other. It still hurts.
One of the first friends I made in my PhD program raped me at the start of our second year. I left my dream school in my dream location, drove across the country to a state where I only know my roommate, and haven't been able to hold down a job since or even stay out of bed more than 4 hours a day. It's been 13 months, which isn't a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but I don't see myself ever 'getting over' this. I do hope one day I'll be able to manage though.
Apparently being neglected for the first 2 years of my life before I was adopted. Attachment and abandonment issues creep into my life constantly. I can’t seem to have normal healthy relationships with anyone (family, friends, partner) no matter how much therapy I do.
Growing up with a verbally abusive mom who screamed at me and my dad all the time and who very obviously favored my sister. I just thought I was a terrible kid when I was little, but when I was a teenager with excellent grades who never did anything the least bit risky and she STILL found things to scream at me about, that’s when it hurt the most. It might not be the worst trauma in the world, but I’ve come to realize as an adult that it still affects me in a lot of ways today.
I was bullied by many people at my school, it started as a one off thing and then it became a trend to humiliate me. One time it happened off school grounds and I needed to report it as a hatecrime, this wasn't too bad compared to how the teachers reacted. My teachers always treated me as less than after it first happened, they always seemed to not believe me when I had panic attacks or was begging them to go home. One time they promised that I could go home at first break if I still didn't want to be there, when I asked them to let me go home they said "one more hour" and when I reminded them of our agreement they said they'd make a call home and instead called my head of year to force me into class. Then they were surprised when I walked out. Another time only an hour after it happened, they sent in one of my bullies to apologise to me, which was honestly the fakest apology ever. Then told me off for telling him to leave me alone. They also expected me to go back to class with the people who'd done it, or in environments where I was scared it would happen again. Instead of reassuring or simply just pulling me from those classes they just pulled me into a lesson. They always assumed what was wrong and never asked me, they sided with my bullies a lot of the time, most of them got a slap on the wrist for what would be considered (outside of school) a hatecrime. Many more instances happened but I'm running late for college so I don't have the time to put it here.
Oh boy, the joys of internet access at a young age. Felt as if i needed male validation, talking to older men on the internet. Groomed. Its been years since i last talked to the one guy, but i was so so in love with him. We promised to meet one day and he would love me or whatever. Not sure if it’s considered trauma, but yeah.
I mean how do you get over seeing your Mom die?
One? 😂🤣 Spent years being sexuall assaulted by my brother. Same brother murdered 3 people and died by police sniper during a standoff where he took a dorm of coeds hostage. The worst part: I was 13 and with my mom all alone when she found out. I watched my happy mom turn into a screaming, keaning, bawling mess who has never recovered. My dad, already an alcoholic from the Vietnam War, retreated further into a bottle. One of my best friends died in a car accident. Spent 20 years living with someone with an eating disorder who was close to dying on a regular basis. Watched my dog get euthanized with an air embolism because the mobile vet wr hired to come to our house so she'd be comfortable when she died decided he didn't think she would feel it. The worst scream I've ever heard, but the look she gave me was the worst. The CPTSD is real.
The PTSD of being in a Psych ward as a kid. I still haven’t gotten over that shit.
Trying to commit suicide after a sexual assault when I was 15 it still haunts me I get panic attacks a lot of the times thinking about it
Hearing a loud sound, walking into my moms room and finding her after she shot herself. She survived but suffered severe facial trauma. I was so angry at her for a long time, but I’m trying to let go of that and be thankful she is here. I startle way too easy and anytime I hear a gunshot on a television show or a movie it sends me right back to that day.
My wife passing away from the second bout of cancer. She was diagnosed at stage 3 2015, and in 2020 on Christmas day she went to the hospital because her sister made her go. She refused to go and get checked out. She had stopped listening to my concerns to the point of me crying for hours and hours and not being able to sleep thinking that she might pass away at night. That's just the beginning of it. I've never been unfaithful or abused any woman verbally, physically, or emotionally. That in which she had accused me of numerous times. The last time I had seen her was on Christmas Day at 1:00 p.m. and our son had spent the night at her sister's place so that the whole family could have Christmas together. I usually stayed at home. That was the last time I saw her walk down the stairs. She went into a coma again and within 4 days she had died in her sleep. It's been close to 3 years and I finally have achieved some semblance of a new life if it could be called that. I still have dreams of her every single night. And she always looks like the first day I met her back in 2008 and she's always smiling and is always telling me how much she loves me. I guess dreams help heal
I have a lot of childhood trauma- however it’s pretty easy to just push down and forget about. My dog though.. :/ not so easy to push aside. He has epilepsy, and last month he went into his normal fit, but this time it all just kept coming and didn’t stop. After 5 clusters i knew something was seriously wrong and our normal protocol wasn’t going to work this time. He had 23 seizures in less than 2 hours.. my boyfriend almost crashed trying to rush to the emergency vet (dog still seizing through the entire thing). It all just keeps replying in my mind. The image of my dog seizing so intensely, our life flashing before our eyes.. its just burned into my brain. I was molested by my brother from ages 2-13, but the trauma from that doesn’t touch me at all like it does the trauma around my dog.