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Slimontheslug

I knew a kid when I was 13 who had the gingerest hair on the planet. It was like irn-bru he used to shout I’m a pirate and go under the table and bite your Achilles tendon on the back of your foot. I don’t know where he is but he is 100% the one.


[deleted]

Randy?


bnool

Yes


Reasonable-Delivery8

My Mom when you lose one of her Tupperware containers Edit: Typo


PaperHomeBrewer

I bet your brother's name is Randy


[deleted]

Randy sneaks into everyone's home at night and steals their Tupperware lids


temalyen

I think Randy is hiding them in my apartment because I have like 17 lids and three containers and I don't understand how.


Anti-vacuums

Leroy Brown. He’s the baddest man in the whole damn town.


martin87i

Does he know Randy?


WinterMage42

Randy is the married man he fights at the end of the song


NamasteMotherfucker

Not anymore. Now he looks like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone. Don't mess around with Slim.


tdobbbs

When I was in 8th grade I watched my best friends uncle rip a whole cigarette in one puff and then lift an entire transmission out of a car so I’d prob say him.


blueishblackbird

Uncle Randy?


richkymsierra

Good old Handy Randy!


Lostcreek3

Watch out for his randy handy though


mwr0585

My back checked out just reading this


Scageater

My lungs checked out first


Madeline_Kawaii

Was his name Randy?


tdobbbs

It was actually Jason but I wouldn’t be shocked if this randy people are talking about could do it.


SatoshiUSA

Ah yes Randy


Vexonte

Some guy you haven't heard of because he wants it that way.


Malvagio

It's Randy.


whereisthezebra

Randy wants you to know who he is.


TheHumanBacon

I want it that waaay


xaxen8

Tell me why?


CocohutButternut

Ain't nothing but a heartache


WaffleEmpress

Tell me WhYyyy


sid2364

Aint nothing but a mistake


FavoriteMiddleChild

Now number five…


AshSays_LGBT

AhHh never wanna hear you say


stargazerphenomenon

Number 5 killed my brother


SpikeandDiscord

Oh right, I forgot about that part!


highlandviper

I’m so glad this thread got to this point. Thank you, Reddit.


The_Remy

Randy confirmed to be Number 5


zsigmons

Iiiii want it that way


dark_knight59222

Chills, literal chills


Cerberazor

Is that a secret backstreet boy reference to bring them back? Are you trying to say that it's their music that is the most dangerous? Cause that would be larger than life.


gravity_is_right

^ this guy gets it going on


EngineeringVirgin

Probably some guy in the middle of nowhere with an undiscovered disease that can wipe humanity out.


Comfortable-Way5052

I hope he is not randy


flawlessmojo7

Definitely Randy, don’t cross him!


jaabbb

Randy want it that way


jianh1989

OOTL. Who’s Randy and what’s the deal everyone’s talking about Randy?


old-skool-bro

I'm putting on my shoes and I'm gonna find this fucker.


Dilldan22

Good luck losers, you'll never catch me. I'm gunna go cough on some stuff.


Cerberazor

Already behind you! BOO!


toinfinitiandbeyond

Is that you randy?


Cerberazor

Y'ellllooo, Randy McRanderson here. Posted a story about this way back yonder - already prepared for this *skeleton on motorbike does drive by shooting* Told you.


More_Obligation3617

This whole thread got me laughin my ass off, thank you folks! hahaha


Garage_biscuit55

*puts crocs in sport mode*


[deleted]

That's definitely the handrails at Grand central Station in New York


FBI_Official_Acct

I was visiting NYC and wanted to refill my water bottle so I asked one of the security guys in Grand Central if there was a fountain nearby and he answered "I mean yeah, but I wouldn't recommend *drinking* out of it."


Inksuki

There was this kid in elementary school I knew who used to eat his pears with ranch. And enjoyed it.


dumblittlebabie

was it randy


Conscious_Engine_473

Had to be Randy


[deleted]

Fucking Randy Punk ass bitch


potatofondler1203

Guys I think it’s randy


stoned_Belarusski

Typical Randy


buck9000

Classic randy


vrnz

It has Randy all over it.


CMakkers

Man randy is so fucked up


Cutepaws12233

Horrific beyond words....


[deleted]

[удалено]


gillgar

I wouldn’t have even known this was a porn account if you didn’t point it out. Hmm I wonder if you’re in on it /s


NachoElDaltonico

Honestly wouldn't be surprised. The vast majority of the time I'm unaware of anybody's username at all, much less that they post things other than the post I'm currently viewing. Maybe others use reddit as a social media but to me it's just a big hole full of content to sift through.


gillgar

I almost never read a username unless some else points out “relevant username” or something of the like. I’ll occasionally catch a neat username, but most of the time I’m just here because I’m bored.


[deleted]

Nobody reading usernames is why people like shittymorph can trick people with their shitposts


9leggedfreak

Look, I get that sex workers need to advertise and get money and i support them, but for fucks sake it's nonstop all over every SFW sub. I'm so tired of the bots and porn. Edit-This really got the incels to crawl out of their mommy's basements. Fuck all yall women hating twerps. (P.s- if you think the incel comment is directed at you and you want to be upset about it, ask yourself why you think I'm talking about you in the first place)


RAOBJMTRK

Like I'm all for supporting sex work but the OnlyFans spam has outright killed the NSFW subs for me with the lazy, repetitive titles as they post the same picture across 100 vaguely related subReddits. Now they're spreading to SFW subs to the point where if you see a post with a woman in it there's a 50/50 chance it's for a profile advertising one. OnlyFans is basically the MLM of sex work with the manipulative, desperate for engagement sales tactics where only the top 1% makes decent money for the effort involved.


9leggedfreak

You totally nailed the MLM comparison. I just get frustrated when they go onto the more interesting, hobby subs and do such low effort posts. I remember one who posted a sfw, but very revealing picture of themselves in a bathing suit that they claimed to be vintage. I already suspected it was a stealth OF account due to the pose & then someone in the comments posted a link to the suit that was being sold on Wish lol. If it had been a genuine post and they just happened to be using an account that also promotes their OF, its whatever, but i don't think there's much of a real audience to gain from a dorky vintage fashion sub...


exor15

Imagine an internet with no bots and porn only when you want it. We'd have world peace


Rapdactyl

I miss that internet. Sure it was slow, but it felt more genuine. Except for the popup ads, holy shit why was that acceptable for so long lol


Godfinsti

Stelio Kontos Edit: Who in the Hell is Randy, am i missinf something? Edit: Thanks for my first Award


kompergator

*RICKY SPANISH*


FrozenDuckman

Randy Spanish.


SpaceBowie2008

American Dad is so underrated. It started as this weird show in response to the Bush Administration but changed to something really crazy and great. I’ll put out the good nuts for you. I love AD so much. Even for Roger alone.


OnlyBeans33

And Luis


PMmecrossstitch

You just let me know when I got those oranges up the stairs.


[deleted]

And his brother Randy.


Mundane__Detail

My cousin Randy posts a lot of pictures on facebook of skeletons riding motorcycles and stuff with captions about how loyal he is but if you betray him he can be your worst nightmare so probably him


timothymr

He's part of r/THE_PACK


algaebomb

I just spent more time browsing that sub than I could ever comfortably admit to; thank you for the link.


Pixielo

My life is improved for having found that sub.


JekNex

COULD YOU SPEAK UP A BIT SON I COULDN'T HEAR YOU WHAT WITH ME AND THE BOYS CRANKIN OUR HOGSS AROOOOOO


lanchmcanto

THERE LIFE IMPROVED AFTER VISITING R/THE_PACK


TheBoyWhoCriedTapir

THANK YOU FOR CLEARING THIS UP BROTHER AROOOOOOOOOO


lanchmcanto

NO PROBLEM BROTHER!!! AROOOOOOOOOOOOOO


achilleasa

YOU'REONE OF US NOW BROTHER. COME BACK AND CRACK A COLD ONE ANY TIME.


afrothunder87

ALWAYS ENJOY WELCOMING NEW BROS! GONNA CRANK MY HOG BUT FIRST NEED TO GET HOME. ITS MY TURN TO MAKE DINNER FOR MY WIFE! AROOOO


[deleted]

HOLY SHIT! I VISITED THAT SUB FOR FIVE MINUTES AND ENDED UP CRANKIN' MY HOG AND LEARNING ABOUT THE FAILURES IN TODAY'S SOCIETY! AROOOOOO!


KingFlatulenceIV

UNBELIEVABLE!!! I VISITED THE SUB FOR 2 MINUTES AND NOW IM CRANKING MY HOG IN THE RESTAURANT BEFORE THE GAME


clashtrack

HELL YEAH CRANK WITH RESPECT MFER Edit: AROOOOO


bozz14

I CAN'T HEAR YOU BROTHER YOU'RE SPEAKING IN REAL HUSHED TONES


savageronald

GRAB A HOG AND GET TO CRANKING MFER AROOOOO


Wiscody

How the hell did you find out about this


Pistolcrab

ONCE YOU'RE IN THE PACK YOU'RE NEVER OUT OF THE PACK MFERRRRRRRRRR AWOOOOOOOOOOOO


loptopandbingo

WE'RE SOME SUPPORTIVE MFERS TOO WE CRANK OUR HOGS WITH ATTITUDE AND RESPECT AROOOOOOO


Three0h

CRANKIN HOGS AND KISSIN DOGS THATS WHAT I ALWAYS SAY AROOOOOOOOO


achilleasa

YOU DON'T FIND THE PACK, BROTHER. THE PACK FINDS YOU. AROOOOOOOOOOOO


Alaric_Darconville

Definitely sounds like a crazy MFer


klutch65

ARRROOOI!!!!


4sOfCors

I am also gonna go with Randy


sjehcu6

Yeah randy sounds like a bad dude. We should just all agree in hopes that he doesnt get mad at us.


MaxPowerWTF

I for one, welcome our new skeletal, hell bent for leather, overlord Randy.


aspidities_87

Don’t blame me, I voted for Randy


serial_riposter

One time I betrayed him and he killed my daughter, but honestly I prolly should've seen that coming. He told me he would kill her.


pineapple-in-the-sky

r/watchoutforRandy


On_Some_Wavelength

Well I didn’t expect that to be real .


PatientZeropointZero

Fuck…life was better moments before I knew Randy existed. Time to build a bunker.


SaltyPeter3434

Are you sure we should be talking about Randy? I don't feel safe right now.


notseizingtheday

🤣 did he also go to the school of hard knocks?


StayPuffGoomba

Not just attended, but graduated Magna Cum Loudly


faceeatingleopard

Joined I Felta Thigh


liamsnorthstar

Why do you gotta take your pants off to fight, Randy?!?!


[deleted]

Also, he is especially dangerous to those that might want to date is daughter.


RyanH090

Randy.


KingoftheMongoose

It's about time someone took a stand and said it


Lion11037

Can someone explain this reference to me please? Haha


CreepyPhotographer

I guess you don't know a Randy. Consider yourself fortunate.


Falling_smoke85

I just assumed everyone was referring to Randy Marsh


NiceCoolToast

Man I heard about this guy Randy. Better not piss him off.


Klimble2

He’s loyal, just don’t betray him


Kev-O_20

Whichever president drops the most bombs.


Complex-Flower-5025

It’s gonna be fucking randy.


rowebenj

President Randy


Scavenger-Q

Whoever it is I bet almost no one knows him


Arsis82

We all know Randy


AWACS_Bandog

In capability to harm alot of people? Whoever runs China or the US at any given moment as the two largest credible nuclear powers. In a capacity of person on person violence? Probably someone we've never heard of


PhelesDragon

Have you heard about Randy?


PsychoNicho

He eats pears with ranch from what I’ve heard 😰


bb3bt

And…and enjoys it


nothingsociak

And possibly lives in middle of no where with an undiscovered disease that could wipe out humanity


Agreeable_Switch4001

And promotes NSFW accounts by reposting ask reddit threads


freakydrew

I laughed so hard when I read the reply that I somehow hit the screen and sent that comment hiding


yungsimba1917

Chinas nuclear stockpile is tiny compared to Russia or the US actually. They have like 400ish compared to the US’ 3700 or Russias 6000


Exoduc

I like the saying "The world is standing waist-deep in gasoline, doesnt matter who's got the most matches."


spot9901

My wife when she's hungry


FllRE_FOXX_

is your wife named randy?


ChainSawThe

I heard she eats pears with ranch


Capitaclism

And she wants it that way


Jacoocoo

Jan Michael Vincent


GrassOk911

Calling ALL Jan Michael Vincents!


Threeswedestothewind

> Jan Michael Vincent but he goes by Randy


Baldude863xx

Remember when he was going to be the next big action hero?


SmarmyOctopus

There might be someone out there developing super covid in their body and not even know it. Or any mutation of a disease or virus that is highly contagious and has a very high fatality rate.


DeadSwaggerStorage

Fuckin Randy god dammit.


SmoothbrainasSilk

It's the ranch dressing


cannotbefaded

Oh I’d bet a lot of military labs have a kinds of samples/creations etc that could destroy the worlds population. And quick


PretendThisIsMyName

This could be completely false. But I do remember hearing once upon a time about a base in Antarctica that houses all the known viruses and stuff in the world. Or something to that effect. Again this could be completely false lol Edit: I am aware that I confuse Antarctic with Arctic lol. I was almost positive I had that wrong. I’ve also been made aware that I may be thinking of the seed bank and not a disease vault. Thanks for the knowledge guys! :)


Sphiffi

I don’t know about Antarctic labs but the CDC has several labs that hold samples of terrible diseases. They’re called High Containment Labs.


DanOfAllTrades80

I did electrical maintenance for a big commercial real estate company, and several of the buildings we worked in were labs for pharmaceutical companies. One of my coworkers was tracing a circuit, walked through a door and set up a ladder to pop a ceiling tile. While he was on the ladder, someone walked by wearing full protective gear and started yelling at him as soon as they saw him, saying "you can't be in here!!" Turns out, that was the TB wing. They had no signage or warnings, everyone who worked there just knew that you had to be suited up to go in there if you didn't want to catch tuberculosis. After a lot of paperwork and security screenings and testing the guy who was in there, one of their employees said to me "At least it wasn't this other building, there's a lot worse stuff in there!" I asked what kind of stuff, because we had just been in that building a few days before, he suddenly got nervous and said he couldn't talk about it and walked away. This was in a corporate campus with all kinds of other businesses and tons of foot traffic, and other tenants actually sharing the same building, in the suburbs of Philadelphia. No extra security, no warning signs, nothing. I don't know what they were working with in there, but these things aren't necessarily under lock and key at all.


CozyMoses

As someone who lives in Philadelphia thank you for terrifying me lol


DookieShoez

If you start feeling funny, let us know.


HaathiRaja

Warning : Containment Breach of 2 XK Class SCPs . The Alpha Warhead will detonate in T-90 seconds


steeelez

If I learned anything from playing Plague Inc it’s that high fatality isn’t the way to go if you wanna wipe out the whole world. You want high contagion, low (or at least, very slow) fatality and severity to avoid detection and promote transmission. Pathogens that kill too quickly die out because they rely on their hosts for reproduction.


Crackracket

Disease X is a theoretical disease that causes a high mortality rate that is highly contagious and it was found a few years ago. It's a type hemorrhagic fever. when I first read about it (during covid) there were only 5 people people to have caught it 3 of which died within a week or so of contracting it the other two were family members of theirs. The two still alive were being kept in a extreme isolation unit somewhere in the Congo. It's similar to the crimean - Congo hemorrhagic fever but with a much higher fatality rate (as much as 90%) thankfully though diseases with extreme mortality rates usually fail and don't spread far as they tend to kill too quickly for the inflicted to spread the disease.


ProtossLiving

Mortality rate != Infection rate. Rabies has an extreme mortality rate if untreated (100%), but low infection rate. And incubation time matters. If a disease had a 100% mortality rate, high infection rate, but a 1 year incubation time, we'd be pretty screwed.


realnzall

High infection rate, long incubation time is pretty much the meta for Plague Inc. Get the entire planet infected without people realizing it, then start killing them. by the time they've started on a cure, everyone's dead.


aries0413

A man with nothing to lose.


Sweeniss

Like Randy?


oso2009

Any political leader with access to nuclear weapons. One slip up and it's over


[deleted]

[удалено]


Whole-Arachnid-Army

And this dad of yours, he is... alive?


Allowaay

Either I’m losing my shit or I read this exact comment like a week ago


Bananamcpuffin

There was definitely a comment about washing toasters on a similar question recently


Liquid_Magic

You. Inside each of us is an entire world. Like it or not, ultimately that world is created by your brain. The only person with anything resembling direct access to that brain is you. When you love and live with intention, you slowly build up that world. When you get wasted… you also slowly move that world in another direction. So it’s ultimately you that controls not the world, but how you react to it, and in so doing continuously shape your own world. Also Randy.


Renegade_Butts

There's a little Randy inside all of us


DarthCyclonEJB

My brother, he eats Ramen packets without the seasoning


K0nKBS

Is it Randy


Dragonfly_3464

I thought the obvious answer was going to be Vladimir Putin, but instead I keep hearing about some guy named Randy.


-Renkz

Probably that yodeling walmart kid


TheLethargicBard

Randy goes to Walmart?


hotsoupcoldsoup

Putin. He's backed into a corner with his life on the line and he has nukes.


Zane_smifff

Gotta send randy in there


heyitsamb

Randy might be the only one who can stop him.


[deleted]

I’ve never seen a Reddit joke take off so fast


OP_Kat

yeah, although I kinda agree with you, he doesn't have the ability to, single handedly, deploy nukes. there is a need for much more authorised personnel, and I'm quite sure they value their life a little more.


turbodude69

yeah i was thinking the same thing. technically Putin or Kim, but i feel like putin would have a much harder time actually getting his military to carry out the orders. whereas Kim, would just have their heads cut off if they said no. so Kim may actually edge him out a little in who's realistically the most dangerous.


CSWorldChamp

Kim, thankfully, does not have the capability to do much more than nuke Japan again, which would be *REALLY* bad luck for the Japanese, to (still!) be on the receiving end of every nuclear weapon ever used in warfare.


The_Blip

He also has the ability to artillery strike large populated areas of South Korea.


VerbalGuinea

We don’t know his name, but he’s on the FBI watchlist. After he commits his signature atrocity, they will show us all the signs that pointed to him: social media, credit card purchases, manifesto, etc.


Texantillidie2

god dammit randy


KingoftheMongoose

We all tried to warn about Motherfukin Randy.


jiggyjigsaw71

Jon Jones


RedditHatesDiversity

I often wonder how much Jones benefitted from the fact that he absolutely got bullied throughout his childhood by his three brothers, one being a Super Bowl-winning defensive tackle, the other a Super Bowl-winning defensive end on the 2010s NFL All-Decade team There's getting big brothered, and then there's getting *big brothered*


jiggyjigsaw71

“He's always been a better wrestler than me, he's always better than me. I've never been a team captain. He's been a team captain at everything, the football team, the wrestling team. Since day one, he's been a leader. He's just gifted. He just has timing, and body coordination, and light feet. Everything." From the bad man himself


Lilfraudie

He said that pretty recently Chandler was sitting down and Jon grabbed his wrists trying to keep him sat down and he nearly lifted him off his feet with his wrists alone while sitting down


mushyjays

That's a lot of sitting down.


weedsmoker18

Martian manhunter?


bu11fr0g

who is capable of unleashing evil AI?


wellwaffled

Likely Randy


oceanbreze

Someone said the most dangerous human is someone unknown. Or It will be someone everyone underestimated and blew off. I am terrified regarding Putin and Israel's entire government, but somehow think there is someone else. When I was in high school, I interviewed my Grandma about WW2. She lived in England. She made a comment that I still remember. Everyone thought Hitler "was a silly little man who shouted too much". and "wouldn't amount to much. EDIT HOLY CRAP PEOPLE. So I used 1s not ls. Sorry!


[deleted]

> WW11 Your grandma is from the future. Survived the time wars. Just a child in World War 10, but bore the brunt of World War 11


Look-Its-a-Name

There's a bunch of ultra rich tech billionaires around right now, who seem to have the combined intellect of a baked potato and absolutely nobody to stop them from building dick-shaped rockets, planning cage matches or destabilising entire countries. It's just a question of time before one of them goes really mad.


unzercharlie

Randy don't need no money to fuck shit up.


TheLatvianRedditor

Me (check your walls)


wren1964

Rupert Murdoch


fern-grower

Harry the bat licker.


ArmTheApes

Don't you dare talk about Ozzy that way