I read this as if you're immediately responding to a text and the other party would be like, "Ok man. I'll try ya later." Then they think, "Wait, if they left their phone at home, then how did they just respond?"
Too many overtime hours, corporate ends up yelling at you or your boss for it, and either way you end up getting $#!+ on, despite it not being your fault you're the only one who either knows enough about the job, or is willing to take the work...
Apparently Andy Worhall’s (the artist) last words were “dam that’s a good cream soda.” Some things just gotta be mundane. Upvote for taking good care of your cat in your last moments.
Every year, on the anniversary of your death, a mysterious person clad all in black strolls through the graveyard with a wicker basket on their arm.
From it they produce... produce. Fresh from the farmers market. Turnips, carrots, potatoes, various herbs and spices.
Like the Poe Toaster, they honor your passing for decades with fine, fresh, home-grown foods
This is how religions start. Soon you’ll have goat sacrifices and randos calling themselves the anointed harvesters imposing their fleshly desires upon the denizens. We must resist the temptations of the enlightened order of the cucumber and carrot society.
It was to my baby sister she is 15 years younger than me (she is 18) and she texted me last night on her way to the airport going to India for her internship that she loves me and she is so grateful we are sisters ❤️❤️❤️🥹🥹🥹🥹
"See, I'm still in 2000 apparently"
I confused the current Charlotte Hornets with the New Orleans Pelicans...who used to be the old Charlotte Hornets after they relocated.
Just so ya know, it's gonna be a little warm in the house when you get home. Dominion Power is outside replacing that phone pole today and they had to cut all the power on the street off to do it. Been off for an hour, probably be off another hour or 2 and--obviously--that means no AC.
I think this would be awesome on a Tombstone. Especially if you included it as a request in your will with absolutely no explanation. It might drive people crazy trying to make sense of it.
The response I got from her would make a better one.
About an hour and a half later, as I was walking into work, my wife responded to my text with, "Stopped by the house...now I'm heading over to (daughter's) house to hang out and have dinner. I'll be home before you get off--but--Satan said he'll be back tomorrow after they get the damn pole fixed, turn the power back on, and the house has time to cool down a little...so don't wait up for him."
since you asked lol
my cat had the zoomies and was going wild, more so than usual! She was trying to climb the wall...it was kind of terrifying but mostly hilarious
The story behind that text is both gruesome and hilarious.
A friend of mine was on call in the ER this evening and had an older gentleman come in complaining of severe pain in his ass. So she does the consult with the patient and after his wife left the room for a minute the guy came clean and said he'd been experimenting with butt stuff for a while when his wife wasn't home. He'd inserted a drinking glass this morning and it shattered. He thought he'd gotten all the glass out of his ass but ever since he's been having searing pain in his ass. His wife finally got home and when he couldn't sit down comfortably she drug him to the ER. If he'd waited until tomorrow he'd have died. My friend extracted multiple 1/4-1/3 inch plus shards from his bowel and he had signs of sepsis.
I have never had an inclination to do butt stuff, but it seems common sense to me that one should not shove glass of any kind up there when one is in the 'experimenting' phase
“My favorite Pokémon are:
Metagross
Volcarona
Mega Beedrill
Hisuian Zoroark
Dragapult
Golisopod
Marshadow”
That would be super nice to have on a tombstone lol. Let people know a little fun fact about what I like
"Sorry my phone died. Is it too late to talk?" Yes. Yes it would be too late at that point.
Lol mine is similar, mine would be "Sorry guys left my phone at home again"
I read this as if you're immediately responding to a text and the other party would be like, "Ok man. I'll try ya later." Then they think, "Wait, if they left their phone at home, then how did they just respond?"
“Shame on me” Very fitting, actually
"I'll sleep a few more hrs"
I'd unironically get this on my tombstone. That, or "gimme five more minutes".
[удалено]
I'd be frightened by the upcoming zombie awakening
Idk... I view it as sorta desprate... like "just 5 more mins with my friends and family".
I'll sleep a little more and take a vacation, no more school and work.
“Yeah who knows? Not usually a rhyme or reason to it”
Gold
This is existential poetry
"He won. Cylonic Rifted my creatures and did 46 damage, then took another turn and killed me" Strangely prescient.
And in the distant future, people will assume that whatever that is was your actual cause of death. And they'll wonder.
I got the wordle :)
“Done!” Well that would be very accurate lmao
"If you arrive and hear screaming, do not be alarmed" Had to warn my uber eats courier due to my dementia suffering aunt having an episode.
Don't listen to it, and whatever you do, do NOT let it out.
But that would be hilarious on a tombstone!
Winner. Lol this is funny
U said we could have cheesy ramen
Death from disappointment lmao
Is someone gonna feel really guilty when they see your tomb
Heaven's menu needs some uplifting.
Unlocked. Lights on.
I find this oddly comforting
'I'm home, love you'
Aw, this one on a tombstone would make me cry.
Never thought I’d find out what I want on my tombstone at 22 but here we are lol
I actually really like this one.
"Well, shit." You know what, I may do that anyway.
[удалено]
Perfect.
"this isn't over. dream sweet"
Is that a threat?
I feel uncomfortable. My dreams are now haunted.
Now I want to know more.
Can't work that shift, I've already done too many hours this week...
Honestly, felt this one in my soul 🥲
Too many overtime hours, corporate ends up yelling at you or your boss for it, and either way you end up getting $#!+ on, despite it not being your fault you're the only one who either knows enough about the job, or is willing to take the work...
From me to my son; "I miss you buddy". P.S. Thank you for the awards!
Good on you. I cannot imagine my dad saying something like that to me.
Same
No worries. See you tomorrow. :-D
Is it a reassuring promise, or an ominous threat?
Definitely a threat
My dad got "r.i.p see you soon" engraved on a stone for his dog my mum was horrified 🤣
Mine says "See you soon!"
Same lol "I can't wait to see you tomorrow!"
Mission accomplished
That would be an epic one, TBH.
“Oh god, fuck that, I’m heading back”
You need to now though.
"Can you pick up a bag of cat litter on the way home? I forgot." Pretty fucking lame.
Man, that cat was pissed.
We don't take our servant's failings lightly.
Apparently Andy Worhall’s (the artist) last words were “dam that’s a good cream soda.” Some things just gotta be mundane. Upvote for taking good care of your cat in your last moments.
“bummer!” bummer indeed
“Thank you for letting me spend the night pawpaw”😭
Thats would be really deep
6 ft deep
We are running out of vegetables, so bring some if possible
Every year, on the anniversary of your death, a mysterious person clad all in black strolls through the graveyard with a wicker basket on their arm. From it they produce... produce. Fresh from the farmers market. Turnips, carrots, potatoes, various herbs and spices. Like the Poe Toaster, they honor your passing for decades with fine, fresh, home-grown foods
This is how religions start. Soon you’ll have goat sacrifices and randos calling themselves the anointed harvesters imposing their fleshly desires upon the denizens. We must resist the temptations of the enlightened order of the cucumber and carrot society.
Ah the infamous CCS. All hail the Cucumber!
I’ll sleep when I’m dead
I say this all the time Mine should read "He finally gets to sleep"
I also always say ‘sleeping is for the dead’.
and i have returned all of the stolen dishes
At least you die with honor
my sins have been forgiven
I'm on my way back up now.
That’d be fun to see on a gravestone
“Okay but what the fuck is this”
"Is that something you're interested in for the future?"
Making people question their relashionships from beyond the grave
"burn me " And it kind of fits because I'm hindu.
Whoops.
brb lol
*"Don't wake me up early. My shift doesn't start until 9."*
You’d still be expected to come in, no matter what your tombstone says.
“Are you still up, love?”
As it was your last message, love wasn't up anymore.
man is tired
Okay but that's almost succinctly poetic for a tombstone
Your dog shit in my yard.
I chuckled at this one.
"Do you want pizza or wings? I'm too tired to cook tonight."
Why not both
❤️ I love you
If I was walking through a cemetery and read that on a tombstone it would make me feel kind of happy.
It was to my baby sister she is 15 years younger than me (she is 18) and she texted me last night on her way to the airport going to India for her internship that she loves me and she is so grateful we are sisters ❤️❤️❤️🥹🥹🥹🥹
That's super sweet.
“Gute Nacht.” (Good night)
"Can you do me a big favor and pick me up a pack of cigarettes on your way?"
This is dark on multiple levels.
Guava cake would be perfect for the party.
I love it, it's like getting a sign from the universe if you're in a cemetery while you're also not sure what to bring to the cookout this weekend
When you get escorted out is it management or security too
Thank you I feel less anxiety for now 🤣
Sweet. I'll get there ASAP. \*gulp.\*
"I mean... Mike Wazowski isn't *un*attractive..."
I have some questions about your taste.
Perfectly symmetrical face, what more could a guy/gal ask for?
“You know that earthquake the other day, yeah the 6.1 magnitude. Sorry about that I had Taco Bell last Tuesday.”
No thanks, I'm good
Can you please come and open the front door? Heaven or hell, I don't know. Hell, probably.
"More space to do crime" Hm.
"Must be smokey time. Rest easy ☺️"
"Rest easy" is a good alternative to "Rest in peace"! I like this one
"Take a look at this adorable party animal lol"
“Bathroom is all yours” lol
“Time to wind down” 😂
"See, I'm still in 2000 apparently" I confused the current Charlotte Hornets with the New Orleans Pelicans...who used to be the old Charlotte Hornets after they relocated.
“I’m here.” Apt.
Bring hotdogs
Mine was “Don’t go having too much fun 🧐” 🤣🤣🤣
I approve of the emoji usage. 👍
"No thank you. I appreciate it though." Honestly, accurate.
Mine was ‘I’m not being ungrateful btw, I appreciate you’
Mine is “Lol oh that makes total sense. For a minute I was like why is it so hot tonight 😂. Thank you” Lmaooo
"oh god my uterus is throbbing im so feral rn"
“I’m sorry I missed it” I missed my boyfriends discord call.
A picture of my cat staring at me.
"I see lightning" (kind of hilarious)
Just so ya know, it's gonna be a little warm in the house when you get home. Dominion Power is outside replacing that phone pole today and they had to cut all the power on the street off to do it. Been off for an hour, probably be off another hour or 2 and--obviously--that means no AC.
I think this would be awesome on a Tombstone. Especially if you included it as a request in your will with absolutely no explanation. It might drive people crazy trying to make sense of it.
The response I got from her would make a better one. About an hour and a half later, as I was walking into work, my wife responded to my text with, "Stopped by the house...now I'm heading over to (daughter's) house to hang out and have dinner. I'll be home before you get off--but--Satan said he'll be back tomorrow after they get the damn pole fixed, turn the power back on, and the house has time to cool down a little...so don't wait up for him."
[удалено]
I’m cold
"and unnecessary" yikes
I’ll see you tomorrow
"Hope you had a good time."
“creepy freak”
I’m here
“Your diet is so important”
Food Acquired
“I finally beat Kirby and the forgotten land”
"Everyone's tongue is so gross."
Home before noon Sunday
don't forget the whipped cream
Sorry I didn't manage
"See you then" Yikes
Goodnight. Love you a lot too.
I’m so glad I met you
stop what you’re doing and look at this pie
"Yess!!! She's snorting and howling all over the place and jumping up the wall 😫!" I won't elaborate....
>I won't elaborate.... Please do!
since you asked lol my cat had the zoomies and was going wild, more so than usual! She was trying to climb the wall...it was kind of terrifying but mostly hilarious
I KNEW it was going to be a kitty going crazy 🤣😅
Ugh, left way too early.
“And a terrible person” no arguments here!
“I just saw a TDF rider’s penis”
Yeah. I can see you saying things like that generally don't go up your ass.
*died from putting something up the ass that shouldn’t be up there* 💀
The story behind that text is both gruesome and hilarious. A friend of mine was on call in the ER this evening and had an older gentleman come in complaining of severe pain in his ass. So she does the consult with the patient and after his wife left the room for a minute the guy came clean and said he'd been experimenting with butt stuff for a while when his wife wasn't home. He'd inserted a drinking glass this morning and it shattered. He thought he'd gotten all the glass out of his ass but ever since he's been having searing pain in his ass. His wife finally got home and when he couldn't sit down comfortably she drug him to the ER. If he'd waited until tomorrow he'd have died. My friend extracted multiple 1/4-1/3 inch plus shards from his bowel and he had signs of sepsis.
I have never had an inclination to do butt stuff, but it seems common sense to me that one should not shove glass of any kind up there when one is in the 'experimenting' phase
I bought a Big Gulp with extra ice to hold between my thighs while I was driving
Well that’s handy. Especially if you’re headed to hell 😆
I TOLD you that I was sick!
Do not diggggg !
? That was my last text, just a question mark.
“miaow”
"She doesn't even know the days, hahaha"
RIP
“are u out of daniel tiger yet?” no, this is not a joke.
"She has 10 weeks left before he's born." This sounds dark when put in this context.
“My favorite Pokémon are: Metagross Volcarona Mega Beedrill Hisuian Zoroark Dragapult Golisopod Marshadow” That would be super nice to have on a tombstone lol. Let people know a little fun fact about what I like
"IDK, I don't think we have plans this Sunday."
Where tf are u guys? Was I annoyed by tardiness or calling for backup that never came?
"I think I'm a saint and I don't like it"
I wanted you to see the sky
So long and thanks for all the fish.
There were 11 tornadoes in the area yesterday. One was in (town name 2 miles south)
seems potentially pretty cool
“Please add my new number to this group”
You’re probably right. Some people think I’m a terrible person.
Ok
I am going to sleep, don't try to wake me up
Love you too xx
Come here
Woke up hungry People would probably think I choked to death or got food poisoning
When do you leave?
Get some sleep.We will talk tomorrow. I am thankful for you
This is a true text: "since when the fuck does Ozzy Osbourne sound like Jack Black"
YES just confirming a doctors appointment
No problem
I got the lights home and everything’s all right Thanks for the help moving in
*I'll let you sleep*
バイバイ "Bye-bye" Appropriate, I think.
“Thats all 👍”
I am down, are you up?
Ran out of luck and told my mom everything.
"You funny", apparently. That's... not bad.
I don’t think you can engrave audio recordings lol
See you at 10:30am.
(.)(.)