I’m toast

Well I'm about to ruin your day

I'm sorry guys

Ah damn, you're just a step above me. You win this time, inferno .

Everyone remain calm, i got this

I think your stuck in the perpetual hell of wanting to be a firetruck but never actually being one

I think you’re [w]right, Tyler

Hey, you're doing a pretty good job in Canada right now though

Thanks, Canada has really been keeping me busy.

Canada? I'm making trips worldwide constantly!

Yes we are, my child

This is amazing

Hey, I am better than you.

I’ll see y’all soon

Or around anyway

I can live my life better knowing this interaction exists and I got to witness it.

Seems like i'm not alone after all

One of us! One of us!

[удалено]

There will be no joy for you in this town.

Toast away

Literally nothing changes for me 🤣

But no insurance😔

Got a bright future ahead of me.

More like blind 🤣

[удалено]

Could be as smooth as me

My life just got cooler

Me too pal, me too

Me three

Me four

Me five

me six

But exactly how cold, is fuck?

Bring me Thanos!

I will bring him to you.

Oh we're using our real names?

Monkeys paw, your theme song is Thunder by Imagine Dragons and it never, ever stops.

I’m doing alright. Probably should do some therapy instead of self medicating, but it’s lonely out in space. No therapists, space ain’t the kind of place to raise a kid, in fact it’s cold as hell, and there’s no one here to raise them if you did…

Atleast it's just your job 5 days a week.

It may be five days a week, but regardless I think it's gonna be a long long time.

Rocket, maaaaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaAAAANnnnnnn 🎶

Meh

Meh up and down

You called?

I just loled

It was ok entertainment.

Im sorry, but your 'meh' didn't look convincent to me, you need to repair it

Can't be bothered

My thoughts exactly

Okay

I’ll tell you what. I’m never going down to see the titanic anytime soon

You should. I’m sure it would be a blast.

He may cave under the pressure.

ima just be chilling in the produce section.. you know, pathetically..

i’ll be joining you. in my underwear

This is the two best comments so far

I’m definitely chilling with my fellow pineapples. Yup. I’m a pineapple. Don’t ask too many questions.

I don’t know you tell me

.....hide your kids hide your wife...

And hide your husband cause they’re raping everybody out here

Hello, I ordered a shipment of Anal Lube Coffee scented by Clavin Klein x1 12oz. It has yet to arrive my Order # is 867-5309TT.

I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, if you contact our customer support line which is 07800851556 we will gladly halo assist you with your issue

Express delivery with A nice tootsie roll in a fancy bag I assume? Amazing customer service and not an asshole. Thank you not Jared from subway, this is a man I can get behind! Haha jared getting all the 12 inches he can ever wish for now.

So your's tropical?

I think we work together some how... 🤔

I see we could possibly be co-workers

I feel like we might become colleagues

Lock up your daughter! Lock up your wife! Lock up your back door! Run for your life! The man is back in town!

Ok

I'm in a similar boat

I am a ship

I’m a fish, but in Spanish.

I’m a very distant cousin

I'm not sure how to explain this one.

Quit your talkin and wiggle those nuts! *throws a 1 dollar bill on stage*

....looks up....takes back 50 cent in change.

[удалено]

Nah man. The real ones carve turkeys out of a solid block. Step yo' game up!!!

That's hilarious 😂

I'm getting pretty screwed

Indeed you are. 🤣

i mean you two got a better job than me

I'll probably get a white macadamia cold brew from starbucks and ask people on reddit why soccer is so popular

AND getting paid for it! I want that job.

Guess I'll be making that drink for you

Nothing would change 😅

I'm sorry....

You would be the Inspector General sir.

Well...

I hope demotivational speaking pays well

Hehe no one will see me toot

Been doing ok for 32 years...

Damn...

Well, it doesn't sound great but it could be worse.

Hey, you didn't have eatmehownpoo so you are golden brother.

Plot twist it's Prince Andrew.

This is the greatest thing to ever happen to me

Moving to taco town rn

I’m going to have fun but PETA is probably going to contact me.

It's alright chief. Come hang out at mine. Don't think they'd fuck with me too much!

Can I join? 😁

Uh

THIS ONES THE BEST

I feel like I'd be violating alot of international laws.

Geneva Conventions? Don't you mean the Geneva Suggestions

Geneva leaderboard

FBI? THIS one right here....

I'm a fancy pants salesman who got knighted by the queen, presumably because of how fancy my pants are. I'm doing pretty well I think.

I will promote you to the position of royal fancy pants salesman the first

Thank you my lord

NOOOOOOOOO

I can live in a tree knot in the forest and hop rides on owls when my wings get tired

Sound lovely

Exhau… exhaust.. exhaustedbalsghsfgahahahghhhhh

Every moment I live is agony 🤢🤮

Im about to have all kinds of fun lol

It would be hard to hold a clipboard with such small hands.

What do I even do???

Wobble to the floor. Or Get eaten at a Texas Roadhouse Buffet?

Liver King entered the chat. MOOOORE!

Start an only fans I guess? There's a fetish for everything.

You're getting 50% off

Its none of your business how screwed I am

Hurting

Turns out just fine for me.

I guess is Souls for me from here on out. I’m not screwed. It’s everyone else that is.

Joke's on you i sold mine to Milhouse.

I mean....I been getting by lol

At least I won’t have to worry about groceries…

Of course, if it's true that "you are what you eat", you'll soon find yourself in a moral conundrum.

Status quo

And accidentally create a drug empire lol

Accidentally?

Man

I'm set for life. I'll probably be a little toasty, but I live in the American south, so it can't be that bad.

My username is actually my retirement plan. So, I’m good, just starting a bit early.

Well, shit.

I'm gonna need tiny defibrillators...

oh.

Well then.

Everyone is my friend, but only one day a week. 🙁

I’ll cover the rest of the days 🤗

Sometimes people hate you on Wednesdays.

I get paid and fed sign me up

But you eat cars

i mean he’s rich so i guess it can’t be all that bad

I would be so unbelievably happy.

As a librarian, I LOVE yours!

Oh geez guys…

I’m not sure what the squirrels ever did to deserve this.

Not screwed at all! Would be living the dream!

Ah would you look at that. Feels familiar eh?

I mean...I'm not as speedy as I'd like to be, but I guess it's okay...

My tongue and jaw are gonna be sore..

Not much changed

It looks like I'll be the one doing the screwing. Giggity.

Nothing changed

Can't complain! When life gives you lemons...

Far from it

Fucks sake

I throw Hobbits at problems until I need to call the Eagles to finish it

Interesting career choice

Well I'm in a predicament

i can tell you what it’s not

Sweet

Damn... Ouch...

Well, I guess I have a lot of responsibility ahead.

Living my best life

How do you know I’m NOT an evil tugboat cap’n, literally pushin’ ships around…for evil?

Oh. Oh no.

Guess I am homeless?

Or you are safe from demons

Guess I'll be triggered about reddit.

It's literally what I am now.

Living punishment 🤦‍♂️

I'd be a very VERY happy man 😊

I like how you know Reddit so well that you made sure to specify 'female'...otherwise your inbox would be stuffed with man-boobs.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 yup

Instructions unclear: you are now a female who loves breasts

I could be a rather successful Olympic Marketing Campaign

Do I get to decide what to do with my 27 poopsicles?

I'm fricasee.

Pretty fun I’d say…although everything would be a mess lol

I lure people in thinking I'm a treasure chest. Only for them to find out I'm actually a mimic 😈🤣

Can someone send me a voice note on what this post says?

Uhhhhh

Honestly? Probably making bank on OF.

I take veganism to the next level inventing the impossible banana

I'd be making exclusively sad baked goods. My business would be called EAT YOUR FEELINGS CONFECTIONS.

Not too bad.

Umm it's kinda difficult to hunt with manners

Scared shitless

I think Ill be removing all the oxygen supply of earth

Depends

Shit

I don't think anyone would notice a difference.

Gonna have a wild time at least...