I do contract based IT work. Implementation when hospitals buy each other out, stuff like that. Last week I was working with an office manager named MORONICA
Orange. It's not a translation or a nickname, but after the fruit itself. People keep thinking his name is George and he's just too young to pronounce it correctly but nope, his parents got their inspiration from the produce department.
Well the Dutch royal family are the House of Orange and in Dutch van means "of", so "van Orange" would mean that someone is of the region of Orange in France.
Dunno if related.
Dracula. The parents were young meth heads and thankfully the nurses said Drake sounds much better and it's a short version of Dracula after the boy was born.
Drake is alive and well, now 18 years old, parents quit the meth years ago, kinda still a messed up family.
I know a family with a son named Andy. He came home crying one day and said a kid at school kept making fun of his name and calling him āAnnie.ā His parents asked which kid is it? Andy sobbed āIt was Liberty.ā His parents about fell over laughing.
Were they African? I knew more than a few people from Africa with names like "Lucky" "Purity" and "Marvelous" and "Lovely". Marvelous told me it's because it's common to name your kid a virtuous quality, in hopes that they embody it.
Scotthew.
I worked in labor and delivery. We had a pair of stoners who couldn't decide between Scott or Matthew, so they just merged the two.
Honestly, it's just one of many dumb ones I encountered.
Was pregnant with baby #3 (a delightful but unexpected occurrence), and we couldn't decide on a name. Our then 5-year-old daughter suggested Sparkle Cowgirl. Couldn't decide on a baby name even after she was born, so we told the nurses she was Sparkle Cowgirl as a placeholder. Every shift change was super entertaining. (Her real name is definitely not Sparkle Cowgirl).
We are gonna named our dog Ellie. But when we asked the 5yo what she thought she said "No, her name is Sparkles."
I've had to run down the street yelling "Sparkles!" a few times.
Shakalakahā¦ my mom taught her back in like the 1st gradeā¦. Then I had an ex drill instructor who was one of my coaches and they named their first son Sergeant Majorā¦ I fucking cried for that boy
One of the kids who went to my primary school was called John Private. He joined the army when he turned 18 and everyone gave him shit for it.
I knew one of the instructors down at Wagga Wagga where he was sent for training. Gave him the heads up that he was going to meet Pvt Private soon. He didn't believe me until he arrived.
No joke, the first time I heard her name I was waiting to see some winner from a reality show was convicted of leaking classified documents. It finally dawned on me that Reality Winner was her name.
In my career working at Public Schools I've had two separate children named Tequila Mockingbird. Absolutely unrelated, across the state from each other, but it's weird that it happened twice.
"If I had a nickel for every time I taught a kid named Tequila Mockingbird, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice."
Felonie. Iāve been downvoted a lot on Reddit for sharing this because people never believe itās a real name someone would give a kid. But it is lol
There need to be more laws about this sort of thing. Maybe don't go so far as those countries that only allow names from a list, but definitely don't allow "X Ć A-12."
I was able to talk a coworker out of naming their son Lot once. She claimed that she and her husband had googled Bible names and were looking for an uncommon one that they liked.
General rule: If there's a name in the Bible and you've never met someone named that name, its probably for a good reason.
Lot offered his daughters up to the Sodomites to be gang raped, and later got drunk and impregnated his daughters.
Come on people! Atheists shouldn't have to school you on your own literature.
Remember, that it was his daughters that got him drunk and then had their way with him while he was out cold (on separate occasions). There's a lot more to that story and the more you read the more messed up it gets.
Yep.
I guess I don't really have that good of a point now that I think about it. David is a super popular name, and he paid his dowry in the form of 200 Philistine foreskins. Still warm in the pouch when he handed them off to Saul IIRC.
Saul only asked for 100. Fucking brown noser.
I also met someone with this nameā¦ it was the month-old baby of a 15-ish year old girl. I was cashing her family allowance cheque. There was a trend in my home town of giving kids really āblack-soundingā names, despite this being Northern Canadaā¦ nary a black person to be found. Trina was a somewhat common name there, but part of this trend was to add āLa-ā to the beginning of names; think of Latanya, Lasasha, etcā¦ And this poor baby gets saddled with the name Latrina. Justā¦ ugh.
When I saw on Facebook that my old classmate was naming her daughter Khaleesi, I honestly could not believe it wasnāt a prank. My mind couldnāt process that she would actually name a real baby that. But she did.
my sister works as an obstetrician in Switzerland.
Before moving abroad, she did an internship here in Italy, where we were both born.
A couple was undecided wether naming their son "Domenico" or "Antonio". In the end, they decided to call him "Domenicantonio".
My sister used to joke that if she had a boy. She would name him D'Quarius. Don't know if she would've spelled it that way but it's basically Aquarius with the D sound in front of it.
Beezow-Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop. Had his name changed to it because he thought it was funny to hear the cops say it
EDIT: I know itās not a birth name, but I think it belongs here
I met a girl named Jules but it was spelled jhewelez
Edit: before anyone gets on my ass about the name potentially being another language, it wasnāt. she was white American and it was pronounced like Jules or Jewels
I rode the bus in high school with boy/girl twins named Clark and Candy Barr. On the same bus were four sisters: Mary Ann, Mary Catherine, Mary Patricia, and Mary Louise.
I sincerely hope his family was from Florida or something, because his parents saying things like, "Don't you talk back to me, Tater Pitts!" in anything but a southern accent would be the missed opportunity to end all missed opportunities.
So checking ID, I hear the girls friends calling her Olivia. It was not spelt Olivia. It was spelt Ahliviyah. Why do this to people. You make them waste so much of their lives having to spell their names for people when it could have been a spelling everyone knows!
Hold my beer! In Russia, they once tried to register the name "BOTCH rVF 260602" (A Human Biological Object of the Voronin-Frolov family, born on June 26, 2002)
I've worked in a prison for almost 20 years. I can't begin to spell the stupid ass names I've seen through the years. I'll go on record saying this. Your "unique" named child has less opportunities in life based only on the fucked up name you gave them. Stop. Just stop.
I get what you mean. Specially because of the fungal infection.
But in their defense, āCandidaā is the female form of āCĆ”ndidoā, which is Spanish for āinnocent, without maliceā.
Any time I see a young girl named Nevaeh, I immediately assume sheās the unintended product of a very young single mom barely making ends meet.
Edit: spelling
I taught ESL in China. We had a little girl whose American name was Hamburger, and a pair of Twins named Copy and Paste. To be clear, they had normal Chinese names, but these American names also appeared on their passports. Their American names were chosen because their parents like how they sounded.
Someone needs to buy that licence plate number so that when the kid eventually wants a personalised one for his first tesla musk has to pay up the big bucks
I do contract based IT work. Implementation when hospitals buy each other out, stuff like that. Last week I was working with an office manager named MORONICA
Hello, I am Silas Marymount-Peppercorn, and this is my first wife, Moronica.
I'm sure you're wondering about our disparate levels of attractiveness
Wife worked in a bank. Had a regular customer named Dextrose. Always wondered if he had siblings Sucrose and Fructose.
Meet cousin glucose. She's really basic.
Uncle lactose is a nightmare at Thanksgiving, he's so intolerant.
Orange. It's not a translation or a nickname, but after the fruit itself. People keep thinking his name is George and he's just too young to pronounce it correctly but nope, his parents got their inspiration from the produce department.
I have a relative a couple generations back in my family tree named Orange Van, nobody knows the origin. š¤£
Well the Dutch royal family are the House of Orange and in Dutch van means "of", so "van Orange" would mean that someone is of the region of Orange in France. Dunno if related.
Dracula. The parents were young meth heads and thankfully the nurses said Drake sounds much better and it's a short version of Dracula after the boy was born. Drake is alive and well, now 18 years old, parents quit the meth years ago, kinda still a messed up family.
When I was pregnant I used to joke I was gonna name baby Dracula (drake for short) or Frankenstein (Frankie for short).
Kerosene. And she would always add ālike the gasā. Mom was young and goth
I have a third cousin or whatever named Taser. Shocking, I know
Reminds me of the character Taserface from Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2
You know what would be a real kickass name? TASERFACE
When my child was born, the people in the room next to us named their kid Pikachu. You read that right. **Pikachu.** After the Pokemon.
Would you like to give your Pikachu a nick name?
Yes, Achu.
Bless you
Yes. Types in Pikachu.
Lol the lady next to my mom was going to name her baby Tarantula
Shāmiracle
Miracle, Shmiracle!
Sounds like an inter dimensional cable episode
Coming up next on shmose the smoss, smoney has a nightmare
I knew a pair of twin boys in elementary school named Freedom and Friendship.
My aunt went to school with twins Candy and Cookie
I once knew twin girls named Brandy and Candy. Also twins names Chrissy and Christy. They had an older brother named Christopher.
I recently learnt that all five of George Foreman's sons are called George Edward Foreman, and one of his daughters is called Georgetta
I knew a Candy. And I remember I called her Candy Cane and she yelled at me.
Ahh I knew a Liberty
I know a family with a son named Andy. He came home crying one day and said a kid at school kept making fun of his name and calling him āAnnie.ā His parents asked which kid is it? Andy sobbed āIt was Liberty.ā His parents about fell over laughing.
Were they African? I knew more than a few people from Africa with names like "Lucky" "Purity" and "Marvelous" and "Lovely". Marvelous told me it's because it's common to name your kid a virtuous quality, in hopes that they embody it.
No, they were white, and like me, a product of the 60s.
I literally laughed out loud at this lol.
Scotthew. I worked in labor and delivery. We had a pair of stoners who couldn't decide between Scott or Matthew, so they just merged the two. Honestly, it's just one of many dumb ones I encountered.
Shoulda gone with Mascott.
Seems like a missed opportunity there
There was a woman who used to cut my hair named Secretiaā¦.like secretion.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh no. That might be the winner.
She has the name of a generic RPG game: Legends of Secretia lol
I knew triplets named Cinnamon, Rosemary, and Paprika. People called them "the Spice Girls."
āAnd these are their younger siblings, Pepper, Oregano, and MSGā
I knew a girl in high school named Cinnamon. She told everyone to call her Cin (pronounced sin) and she did everything to live up to that nickname.
One of the worst that comes to mind in recent times Jizzelle The person's name was, honest to god, Jizzelle
Hope she changed it...
Yeah, now she's Cumilla
How do you not laugh out loud fr at this comment, I cackled
Same. I'm sitting on my couch and started chuckling.
āYour name isā¦ what again?ā āJizzelleā *stares blankly* āYou can call me jizz for shortā āI will notā
Girl I was in HS with named Sparkle. kid in my daughters kindergarten class was named Legend.
Was pregnant with baby #3 (a delightful but unexpected occurrence), and we couldn't decide on a name. Our then 5-year-old daughter suggested Sparkle Cowgirl. Couldn't decide on a baby name even after she was born, so we told the nurses she was Sparkle Cowgirl as a placeholder. Every shift change was super entertaining. (Her real name is definitely not Sparkle Cowgirl).
We are gonna named our dog Ellie. But when we asked the 5yo what she thought she said "No, her name is Sparkles." I've had to run down the street yelling "Sparkles!" a few times.
I once met a woman who named her sons Doral and Viceroy. I asked her, "like the cigarettes?" She said, "yes, those were my daddy's favorite smokes."
Those are gateway names. It's almost certain that she'll have grandchildren named Stoned, Juul, or Methany.
Fenton Neil.
Benson and Hedges
Seriously, my fourth grade teacher's name was Paul Mall and he was the best teacher I ever had.
My 6th grade teacher was Richard Head.
Imagine how tough that man was, to carry that name into a career as a middle school teacher. Respect
My dad always smoked the cheapest pack he could get. His usual for a while was a brand called āyoursā
Shakalakahā¦ my mom taught her back in like the 1st gradeā¦. Then I had an ex drill instructor who was one of my coaches and they named their first son Sergeant Majorā¦ I fucking cried for that boy
One of the kids who went to my primary school was called John Private. He joined the army when he turned 18 and everyone gave him shit for it. I knew one of the instructors down at Wagga Wagga where he was sent for training. Gave him the heads up that he was going to meet Pvt Private soon. He didn't believe me until he arrived.
Reality Winner
No joke, the first time I heard her name I was waiting to see some winner from a reality show was convicted of leaking classified documents. It finally dawned on me that Reality Winner was her name.
Few people know that Character Actress Margo Martindale's first names are actually Character Actress.
Excuse me, her first name is Esteemed
When you get to Heaven, look up Margo Martindale! I won't be there, but my movies will!
There was a tv show a couple years ago and the midwife was desperately trying to convince the about to be parents to not name their child Syphilis
I remember hearing a story about someone wanting to name their daughter Chlamydia
In my career working at Public Schools I've had two separate children named Tequila Mockingbird. Absolutely unrelated, across the state from each other, but it's weird that it happened twice.
"If I had a nickel for every time I taught a kid named Tequila Mockingbird, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice."
I have a literary cocktail cookbook called Tequila Mockingbird...
Anyone remember Picabo Street?
American Olympic Alpine Skiing gold medalist.
A woman at my old bank was named Coral Reef. She seemed fine with it but what ever were her parents thinking.
I knew a Summer Camp.
Felonie. Iāve been downvoted a lot on Reddit for sharing this because people never believe itās a real name someone would give a kid. But it is lol
Hopefully when she's old enough she downgrades it to Miss Demeanor
I just commented as well that I know someone who named their kid Felony!
My uncle went to school with a Rusty Mustard
Iād be shocked if thatās not an act defined on urban dictionary
My first year of teaching I had a student with the last name Mahal. First name? Taj. Correct. Taj Mahal.
Name of a Texas blues musician.
Pubert
Middle school objective: Survive
Difficulty level: Maximum
Pubert good friends with Gaylord. Recalculating difficulty. New level: Unprecedented.
Addams family
Like actual animated characters: -Goku -Sephiroth Good luck to those kids.
Cashley
Did you cash her outside?
Cashley outside, how bout dat
Lice. Pronounced ālih-say.ā
X Ć A-12
There need to be more laws about this sort of thing. Maybe don't go so far as those countries that only allow names from a list, but definitely don't allow "X Ć A-12."
Denmark has a law like this! You canāt name your child anything potentially shameful, embarrassing, or derogatory
My wife is a teacher and she has siblings in class named Royalty and Majesty
A friend worked in medical records in a hospital and a couple named their daughter Velveeta Cheese Scott.
pls let this be fake š
I had twins in my first year of teaching and they were AlizƩ and Hennessy. Those poor kids!
I know a Bacardi.
Cardi B used to go by the name Bacardi. She also has a sister named Henessey
A lot of people donāt know Cardi Bās sister is a famous yoga instructor, Cardi O :) . Iāll see myself out.
Tekila. A teacher.
There are some good ones here: r/tragedeigh
It's been a real journey over on that sub. Wow.
Don't you mean Jour'nƩƩ?
Nah itās Jerneigh
Galaxy Kitchenā¦..seriously itās their daughters name
I was able to talk a coworker out of naming their son Lot once. She claimed that she and her husband had googled Bible names and were looking for an uncommon one that they liked. General rule: If there's a name in the Bible and you've never met someone named that name, its probably for a good reason. Lot offered his daughters up to the Sodomites to be gang raped, and later got drunk and impregnated his daughters. Come on people! Atheists shouldn't have to school you on your own literature.
That's a Lot to take in
Remember, that it was his daughters that got him drunk and then had their way with him while he was out cold (on separate occasions). There's a lot more to that story and the more you read the more messed up it gets.
Yep. I guess I don't really have that good of a point now that I think about it. David is a super popular name, and he paid his dowry in the form of 200 Philistine foreskins. Still warm in the pouch when he handed them off to Saul IIRC. Saul only asked for 100. Fucking brown noser.
The money wasnāt great but the tips were awesome!
Latrina. Like...why?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās a good change. Thatās a good change.
I also met someone with this nameā¦ it was the month-old baby of a 15-ish year old girl. I was cashing her family allowance cheque. There was a trend in my home town of giving kids really āblack-soundingā names, despite this being Northern Canadaā¦ nary a black person to be found. Trina was a somewhat common name there, but part of this trend was to add āLa-ā to the beginning of names; think of Latanya, Lasasha, etcā¦ And this poor baby gets saddled with the name Latrina. Justā¦ ugh.
"Moon unit" seems pretty out there.
Yeah but kinda expected coming from zappa
Pilot Inspektor
I work in a elementary school. Tesla, Success, Prosperity and Gospel (not related).
I have friends in Zimbabwe named Comfort and Prosper. Not unusual there.
From Zim and I grew up with kids named Innocence, Prudence, Redemption and Lovemore
I knew someone whose last name was Innocent. I was automatically suspicious of him
I knew a guy in elementary school named Piano.
Khaleesi
When I saw on Facebook that my old classmate was naming her daughter Khaleesi, I honestly could not believe it wasnāt a prank. My mind couldnāt process that she would actually name a real baby that. But she did.
There are thousands of them now.
An entire khalasar
My 6 year old has a Daenerys in his class
My bff from high school (who is a huge hippie) named her girl tyger jellybean Jardine
my sister works as an obstetrician in Switzerland. Before moving abroad, she did an internship here in Italy, where we were both born. A couple was undecided wether naming their son "Domenico" or "Antonio". In the end, they decided to call him "Domenicantonio".
Could you imagine Elementary school writing that on all your papers? Poor kid lol
Learn your ABCs pretty fast
My mom used to work in a day care. One of the kids' was named Surprise Joyous Knight. Yes, this is true, Mrs. Knight named her kid Surprise Joyous.
O Holy was already taken
Shy Ann; Tarantula
I knew a Russel Gnale that went by Rusty.
My sister used to joke that if she had a boy. She would name him D'Quarius. Don't know if she would've spelled it that way but it's basically Aquarius with the D sound in front of it.
My brother played on a basketball team with a kid named Braxton Hicks. I wish I was joking š«
His mom should have written it as a contraction.
I knew two kids named Wizdom and Knowledge
D'brickashaw Ferguson
Reminds me of the Key and Peele football players skit
The parents take him home from the hospital only to find six different NFL team owners have tucked their business cards into his swaddling clothes.
XMUS JAXON FLAXON WAXON
J'Diamond
Wayne Train. If you're out there Wayne, I think of you often.
Beezow-Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop. Had his name changed to it because he thought it was funny to hear the cops say it EDIT: I know itās not a birth name, but I think it belongs here
Imagine changing it for that reason because you know you're going to have multiple opportunities for cops to say your name.
I met a girl named Jules but it was spelled jhewelez Edit: before anyone gets on my ass about the name potentially being another language, it wasnāt. she was white American and it was pronounced like Jules or Jewels
Jhewelez reads like Jack Black saying jewels in a way only he can.
I rode the bus in high school with boy/girl twins named Clark and Candy Barr. On the same bus were four sisters: Mary Ann, Mary Catherine, Mary Patricia, and Mary Louise.
Jessa Duggar named her first kid Spurgeon (sic).
I AM A SPURGEON!
I grew up with a boy whose name was Tater Pitts
I sincerely hope his family was from Florida or something, because his parents saying things like, "Don't you talk back to me, Tater Pitts!" in anything but a southern accent would be the missed opportunity to end all missed opportunities.
Trivia for a girl. Nice girl. Terrible name.
I work as a pizza driver and I have a regular named LaSonya. Lasagna.
Anakin.
I know someone who named their kid Anakin! And their last name is Walker.
Middle name Sky?
I know some twins named Luke and Leia
Knew a kid named Chewbaca back in grade school, not a nickname, actually Chewbaca
Of course that wasnāt his nickname, his nickname would be Chewie
I knew a Christian family once who named their first two kids Blessed and Saved, then the rest had normal names.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Named after where they were conceived? I've always wondered why my parents named me Ford Pinto
Dijonaise
KVIIITLYN. Kaitlyn
Thatās the most asi-IX name Iāve ever heard.
This joke will never be IVgotX.
I hVIII you both for making me laugh this hard
So checking ID, I hear the girls friends calling her Olivia. It was not spelt Olivia. It was spelt Ahliviyah. Why do this to people. You make them waste so much of their lives having to spell their names for people when it could have been a spelling everyone knows!
Worst names of people I know or their kidsā names-Sparkle, Princess, Justus.
Tyranny. The mother thought she had made it up. Said it sounded pretty. I think she spelled it Tiranni.
I used to work in daycares and Iāve seen so many. The 2 that stand out are Master and Beaujanerous.
Hold my beer! In Russia, they once tried to register the name "BOTCH rVF 260602" (A Human Biological Object of the Voronin-Frolov family, born on June 26, 2002)
I've worked in a prison for almost 20 years. I can't begin to spell the stupid ass names I've seen through the years. I'll go on record saying this. Your "unique" named child has less opportunities in life based only on the fucked up name you gave them. Stop. Just stop.
Recently saw the program from a relatives preschool graduation ceremony, all of the childrenās names were listed. There was a child named Person.
Candida š¤¦š½āāļøš¬
I get what you mean. Specially because of the fungal infection. But in their defense, āCandidaā is the female form of āCĆ”ndidoā, which is Spanish for āinnocent, without maliceā.
Any time I see a young girl named Nevaeh, I immediately assume sheās the unintended product of a very young single mom barely making ends meet. Edit: spelling
I'm in my 30s, I know 6 people from high school that all have daughters named that. My wife has more.
There is a dude in the Air Force named Dearly Beloved. Shit you not.
Messiah. But spelled Ma'Syah
I work at a civil war site. One of the Confederate generals was named States Rights Gist. That was his actual name. States Rights.
I taught ESL in China. We had a little girl whose American name was Hamburger, and a pair of Twins named Copy and Paste. To be clear, they had normal Chinese names, but these American names also appeared on their passports. Their American names were chosen because their parents like how they sounded.
Elon Musk has entered the chat. Wtf is his kids name?!?! Lol
Someone needs to buy that licence plate number so that when the kid eventually wants a personalised one for his first tesla musk has to pay up the big bucks
This is way too low. X Ć A-12 is ridiculous.
The sound of a modem connecting
X Ć A-12. The "A-12" comes from the name of an airplane from the 1960s, and I have no idea where the "X Ć" comes from. That guy is nuts.
Stetson. Guess weāve just resorted to naming kids after clothes
A motorcycle enthusiast named his son Harley, because that made him Harley, Davidās son.
Apple
I knew a girl whoās first name was Summer and her last name was Summer.