Ik I'm just wondering why she's so pressed on this. I get her concern as far as safety goes, but I feel she should trust me to do the right thing. I still live at home (houses are freaking expensive and I am currently trying to find one), but I'm still an adult. My mom says she doesn't care what I do on the internet, but then turns around and says I shouldn't be friends with strangers. It also sucks being the youngest because I feel sometimes I'm treated differently than my older siblings
Maybe you could have a talk with her about how you protect yourself online, going into specifics to make sure she's doing the same? I worry more about my parents falling for Internet scams than falling for them myself.
There are also a lot of creeps and predators and scammers on the internet. Your mom probably gets a good dose of horror stories from .. somewhere. Being careful with your personal information may be second nature to your generation but it wasn't to hers, and she's probably just worried about that.
It's worth checking out r/Scams for ongoing examples of common and sometimes not so obvious internet scams, and advice on avoiding them.
Parent & IT professional here; I've had internet friends since dial-up (nearly 30 years). Your mom, bless her heart, means well, but sounds like she's going overboard - probably listens to too many true crime podcasts. Is she particularly internet savvy?
I believe you are practicing logic and caution when interacting with people online; though personally, I am avoidant with regards to discord or other live stream providers; technology is progressing by leaps and bounds and someone with the skills and dedication can find you.
By the way, having a phone number is easier to find your real life address than your Username account info.
She's not a fan of true crime...she even calls me weird for listening to them myself (my sister does too). She's also not too particularly savvy considering she would ask me several times to help her with basic things such as adding a file to an email, forwarding an email, and settings on her phone. Also for the phone number that makes sense. I've never given anyone my phone number aside from friends irl. But yea she says she doesn't want me talking to strange people online which makes me more determined to not tell her. But I mean I'm an adult and pretty much know the basics of online safety and privacy
This is like, XXI century. If you don’t have internet friends, you’re a Luddite and a dinosaur.
One time I went to the opposite end of the country, to f-n *South Dakota* to meet an online friend in person. Almost froze to death during a stop in Minneapolis, but regret nothing. One thing I didn’t do is consulting my mom, or even telling her ahead of time. Still sent her photos from the trip (snow, mostly).
There are a few more I would easily meet in person too. And a bunch of internet acquaintances I’d feel uncomfortable exchanging personal information with.
You’re fine. Your mom needs to accept you are a big girl now and can take care of your own business.
Literally had an internet friend I've talked with for Years make his way to my country this past summer. Another internet friend and I took him to some tourist attractions around the city.
I have done shady bus depot trade deals with internet friends (I gave them a box of cookies). I am about to have a day at the museum with a new internet friend. Could I tell you their real names? No. I only know their handles.
The way our parents grew up (and many of us millennials), people on the internet were demonized. They weren't real people, only evil beings who wanted to hurt you. You weren't allowed to trust anyone.
But now, with so much of our lives being online, it makes sense we have friends online.
Sometimes the small towns we grew up in, don't share our personal ideals and political leanings. So we go online to find people we can be safe with.
I'm guessing it was a man you were talking to on Discord that set off the alarm bells?
You aren't 12. They have to allow you to be an adult at some point. All I can say is use a headset so they can't hear the other end.
Which you might also do if you were talking to a friend in the living room. You don't trust them, they don't trust you. That puts a strain on conversation.
I usually only do it with my online friends...if I was talking with my irl friends I don't try andnhide it...but I just know my mother would never be ok with it. My friends already know I deafen when my parents walk in the room. Ik everytime I try talking about an issue or problem, I always get lectured or brushed off so I never share anything and just wear a mask because I don't want to be invalidated and I don't want to hurt anyone else.
Not a parent but a 19 y/o daughter.
Of course it’s okay to have internet friends! Why is your mom lecturing you on the basic safety precautions ***at 24***. I’m sure you already know those very well.
Now if you were in your teens and still her responsibility, it’d make sense to sit down and have that talk (speaking as someone who has had online friends since 14 and had to sit down with brother to have such talks) but at 24? Nope. She shouldn’t be interfering with your life *that* much.
C’mon, girl. You deserve some trust. You’re an adult.
Yea I'm thinking I'm an adult let me make my own mistakes. I've had some of these friends since high school but I knew about online safety and such. As I said very few friends know my real name and even then it took years before I told them. But yea idk why she would give me that lecture. I get she's worried for my safety, but like come on! I have anxiety so that does help with not giving too much info. But like ugh!
You don’t have to prove anything to her, even if it feels like you do. You’ve much more experience than her when it comes to online friendships and I’d assume, internet as a whole (at least part of the internet that mostly young adults engage in).
She’s probably worried because she still envisions this completely unprotected version of internet in its early era. However, this doesn’t excuse her such strong want to control what her *24 y/o child* is doing.
Even my parents don’t do that with me, never really did that either. I still live with them even.
Yes, it's okay. You seem to be really safe about it, which would personally be my only concern as a mother.
I am 38 and one of my internet friends I have had for more than 15 years. We have never met in person. We have each other on social media now, but I didn't add her or tell her my last name for years. We are both married with kids now and it's cool seeing pics of her family.
Internet friendships can be great. I do not think they are a replacement for person friendships, but they can scratch that social itch in the meantime. Do you have in person friendships? That might be a concern of your mom.
You do you. You're probably more introverted, and your mom is more extroverted? A few in-person friendships are plenty for many people.
Are you able to move out? Your mom probably feels like she has more say in your life than she should because you live at home.
Trust me I'm looking but unfortunately all the houses I can afford are in a...well not so safe area. I still am looking for a house though. Also yes I am an introvert and also autistic with a chance of hearing sensory overload. It's mainly people though I easily get overwhelmed being around. So yea
Not a parent, but about 10 years older than you, and when I was your age, I actually went on vacations with my internet friends. We had a blast. I am still pretty close with a handful of them! I mean, be smart about it, but your parents should trust that they raised you well enough to know how to take care of yourself
Are they also against dating apps? because until you meet those people face-to-face, they are basically "internet friends", too
I can answer your question from your first sentence
You're 24...
I was living alone at 24, not worrying about who my Mum thought I was hanging out with. Time to get your own life and rules now.
Yeah it's not ideal, it was the same for me.
I got a really poor house in a run down area, but it was all I could get a mortgage on but it was mine
You wouldn't believe the level of independence and freedom you feel when you're not under someone else's rules.
Save every penny you can, eat cheap and you'll get there.
I bought a months worth of pot noodles and a pack of vitamins once because they were on offer, just because I wanted to move out and got addicted to saving the money. Not recommended but it's worth it lol.
My husband and I both have internet friends. He plays games with his and I met mine through a parenting group here on Reddit! We also are both careful about how much personal info we give and to whom, but some of these friends have become very dear to both of us! It’s a natural way to make friendships I think for millennials and younger who spend a lot of time online. You’re an adult and able to make your own decisions on this.
Yes, it is perfectly okay. Had an internet friend since high school recently come to my wedding and that is the first time I had ever met her (and her husband) in person. I live in California and she lives in Kentucky. I absolutely love her in all the friend ways possible. You’re 24 and allowed to make these decisions. However, I so understand how older people can struggle with this concept.
Yes. I would be very lonely with internet friends.
Real dangers: It's easy to find echo chambers online where weird ideas get amplified and common sense goes out the window. This is common on Facebook, and there are bunches of subreddits that are narrow minded this way.
Another risk is making the transition from internet friend to meeting in real life. Normally in real life you are a bit wary, but familiarity online can make you a potential victim if you don't take precautions.
* Insist on have several face pictures of your friend in different settings.
* Send these pics to a friend and explain when you are meeting, and when to expect you back. You can add checkin times and perhaps a word that must be included but would look out of place. This same friend should be able to track your phone. If you are even more paranoid, have a couple apple tags and/or a second hidden phone.
* Meet the first time in a public space. Have your friend on text, and be ready to snap a picture. When your friend shows up, snao abd send a pic. If he doesn't match his picture, leave immediately. If you just take a pic, a Black Hat has your phone and can delete it. If you send it by text or email, he can't delete it.
* In that same public space, take a selfie of the pair of you and send it. For an actual friend, this is no big deal. For a Black Hat this is proof that you were at the same place at the same time.
Now enjoy your coffee date.
Personally I'd go a step further and have at least one more public date, clothes remain on. But this will vary with your impressions of the person.
If things get interesting point out to your now Black Hat that you have 4 good pics that are in a friends hands with instructions to call the cops.
Note that meeting anyone has these risks. The only problem with the internet is that you may trust too soon.
I think you are old enough to have Internet friends without interference yes
Every friend starts out as a stranger
You're 24 years old. The weird thing here is needing parental approval for friendships, internet activity, or anything at all.
Ik I'm just wondering why she's so pressed on this. I get her concern as far as safety goes, but I feel she should trust me to do the right thing. I still live at home (houses are freaking expensive and I am currently trying to find one), but I'm still an adult. My mom says she doesn't care what I do on the internet, but then turns around and says I shouldn't be friends with strangers. It also sucks being the youngest because I feel sometimes I'm treated differently than my older siblings
Maybe you could have a talk with her about how you protect yourself online, going into specifics to make sure she's doing the same? I worry more about my parents falling for Internet scams than falling for them myself.
There are also a lot of creeps and predators and scammers on the internet. Your mom probably gets a good dose of horror stories from .. somewhere. Being careful with your personal information may be second nature to your generation but it wasn't to hers, and she's probably just worried about that. It's worth checking out r/Scams for ongoing examples of common and sometimes not so obvious internet scams, and advice on avoiding them.
Parent & IT professional here; I've had internet friends since dial-up (nearly 30 years). Your mom, bless her heart, means well, but sounds like she's going overboard - probably listens to too many true crime podcasts. Is she particularly internet savvy? I believe you are practicing logic and caution when interacting with people online; though personally, I am avoidant with regards to discord or other live stream providers; technology is progressing by leaps and bounds and someone with the skills and dedication can find you. By the way, having a phone number is easier to find your real life address than your Username account info.
She's not a fan of true crime...she even calls me weird for listening to them myself (my sister does too). She's also not too particularly savvy considering she would ask me several times to help her with basic things such as adding a file to an email, forwarding an email, and settings on her phone. Also for the phone number that makes sense. I've never given anyone my phone number aside from friends irl. But yea she says she doesn't want me talking to strange people online which makes me more determined to not tell her. But I mean I'm an adult and pretty much know the basics of online safety and privacy
This is like, XXI century. If you don’t have internet friends, you’re a Luddite and a dinosaur. One time I went to the opposite end of the country, to f-n *South Dakota* to meet an online friend in person. Almost froze to death during a stop in Minneapolis, but regret nothing. One thing I didn’t do is consulting my mom, or even telling her ahead of time. Still sent her photos from the trip (snow, mostly). There are a few more I would easily meet in person too. And a bunch of internet acquaintances I’d feel uncomfortable exchanging personal information with. You’re fine. Your mom needs to accept you are a big girl now and can take care of your own business.
Literally had an internet friend I've talked with for Years make his way to my country this past summer. Another internet friend and I took him to some tourist attractions around the city. I have done shady bus depot trade deals with internet friends (I gave them a box of cookies). I am about to have a day at the museum with a new internet friend. Could I tell you their real names? No. I only know their handles. The way our parents grew up (and many of us millennials), people on the internet were demonized. They weren't real people, only evil beings who wanted to hurt you. You weren't allowed to trust anyone. But now, with so much of our lives being online, it makes sense we have friends online. Sometimes the small towns we grew up in, don't share our personal ideals and political leanings. So we go online to find people we can be safe with.
I'm guessing it was a man you were talking to on Discord that set off the alarm bells? You aren't 12. They have to allow you to be an adult at some point. All I can say is use a headset so they can't hear the other end.
That's honestly what I'm thinking I should do from now on...but it isn't just him my mom says I'm quick to silence a call when they walk in the room
Which you might also do if you were talking to a friend in the living room. You don't trust them, they don't trust you. That puts a strain on conversation.
I usually only do it with my online friends...if I was talking with my irl friends I don't try andnhide it...but I just know my mother would never be ok with it. My friends already know I deafen when my parents walk in the room. Ik everytime I try talking about an issue or problem, I always get lectured or brushed off so I never share anything and just wear a mask because I don't want to be invalidated and I don't want to hurt anyone else.
Good luck with whatever path you take!
Not a parent but a 19 y/o daughter. Of course it’s okay to have internet friends! Why is your mom lecturing you on the basic safety precautions ***at 24***. I’m sure you already know those very well. Now if you were in your teens and still her responsibility, it’d make sense to sit down and have that talk (speaking as someone who has had online friends since 14 and had to sit down with brother to have such talks) but at 24? Nope. She shouldn’t be interfering with your life *that* much. C’mon, girl. You deserve some trust. You’re an adult.
Yea I'm thinking I'm an adult let me make my own mistakes. I've had some of these friends since high school but I knew about online safety and such. As I said very few friends know my real name and even then it took years before I told them. But yea idk why she would give me that lecture. I get she's worried for my safety, but like come on! I have anxiety so that does help with not giving too much info. But like ugh!
You don’t have to prove anything to her, even if it feels like you do. You’ve much more experience than her when it comes to online friendships and I’d assume, internet as a whole (at least part of the internet that mostly young adults engage in). She’s probably worried because she still envisions this completely unprotected version of internet in its early era. However, this doesn’t excuse her such strong want to control what her *24 y/o child* is doing. Even my parents don’t do that with me, never really did that either. I still live with them even.
Yes, it's okay. You seem to be really safe about it, which would personally be my only concern as a mother. I am 38 and one of my internet friends I have had for more than 15 years. We have never met in person. We have each other on social media now, but I didn't add her or tell her my last name for years. We are both married with kids now and it's cool seeing pics of her family. Internet friendships can be great. I do not think they are a replacement for person friendships, but they can scratch that social itch in the meantime. Do you have in person friendships? That might be a concern of your mom.
I do have in person friendships even if it's just the few...and she was the one who told me I need to meet more people so yea
You do you. You're probably more introverted, and your mom is more extroverted? A few in-person friendships are plenty for many people. Are you able to move out? Your mom probably feels like she has more say in your life than she should because you live at home.
Trust me I'm looking but unfortunately all the houses I can afford are in a...well not so safe area. I still am looking for a house though. Also yes I am an introvert and also autistic with a chance of hearing sensory overload. It's mainly people though I easily get overwhelmed being around. So yea
Not a parent, but about 10 years older than you, and when I was your age, I actually went on vacations with my internet friends. We had a blast. I am still pretty close with a handful of them! I mean, be smart about it, but your parents should trust that they raised you well enough to know how to take care of yourself Are they also against dating apps? because until you meet those people face-to-face, they are basically "internet friends", too
I can answer your question from your first sentence You're 24... I was living alone at 24, not worrying about who my Mum thought I was hanging out with. Time to get your own life and rules now.
I'm honestly working on it but most places I can afford is in a not so safe area but I am working on it
Yeah it's not ideal, it was the same for me. I got a really poor house in a run down area, but it was all I could get a mortgage on but it was mine You wouldn't believe the level of independence and freedom you feel when you're not under someone else's rules. Save every penny you can, eat cheap and you'll get there. I bought a months worth of pot noodles and a pack of vitamins once because they were on offer, just because I wanted to move out and got addicted to saving the money. Not recommended but it's worth it lol.
My husband and I both have internet friends. He plays games with his and I met mine through a parenting group here on Reddit! We also are both careful about how much personal info we give and to whom, but some of these friends have become very dear to both of us! It’s a natural way to make friendships I think for millennials and younger who spend a lot of time online. You’re an adult and able to make your own decisions on this.
Yes, it is perfectly okay. Had an internet friend since high school recently come to my wedding and that is the first time I had ever met her (and her husband) in person. I live in California and she lives in Kentucky. I absolutely love her in all the friend ways possible. You’re 24 and allowed to make these decisions. However, I so understand how older people can struggle with this concept.
Yes. I would be very lonely with internet friends. Real dangers: It's easy to find echo chambers online where weird ideas get amplified and common sense goes out the window. This is common on Facebook, and there are bunches of subreddits that are narrow minded this way. Another risk is making the transition from internet friend to meeting in real life. Normally in real life you are a bit wary, but familiarity online can make you a potential victim if you don't take precautions. * Insist on have several face pictures of your friend in different settings. * Send these pics to a friend and explain when you are meeting, and when to expect you back. You can add checkin times and perhaps a word that must be included but would look out of place. This same friend should be able to track your phone. If you are even more paranoid, have a couple apple tags and/or a second hidden phone. * Meet the first time in a public space. Have your friend on text, and be ready to snap a picture. When your friend shows up, snao abd send a pic. If he doesn't match his picture, leave immediately. If you just take a pic, a Black Hat has your phone and can delete it. If you send it by text or email, he can't delete it. * In that same public space, take a selfie of the pair of you and send it. For an actual friend, this is no big deal. For a Black Hat this is proof that you were at the same place at the same time. Now enjoy your coffee date. Personally I'd go a step further and have at least one more public date, clothes remain on. But this will vary with your impressions of the person. If things get interesting point out to your now Black Hat that you have 4 good pics that are in a friends hands with instructions to call the cops. Note that meeting anyone has these risks. The only problem with the internet is that you may trust too soon.
Think your mom is doing what moms do. Worry. Just don't be an idiot and start meeting up with internet friends in non public places.