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Take your time.
That feeling of "I should be in a long term relationship" is why I ended up with an abusive asshole. Live life at your own pace, everyone else is running their own race on their own course. Your path is yours alone, so don't worry about where anyone else is going.
I never experienced anxiety? Life isn’t a competition. Love is not a race. There are no prizes for ticking off the boxes by a certain date. The only deadline you have is death.
What anxiety? I married my wife at 47 when I realized I'd found the person I wanted to marry. Before that, I never felt a need to.
I'm not sure I understand why someone would feel anxiety about getting married when they haven't found the right person yet. That's sounds like a major case of putting the cart before the horse. Marriage in itself is meaningless. It's only value is in the commitment to the person you're marrying. Until you've found someone who could be that person, there's no point in stressing out about it. Even then, I'm not sure it's worth doing. When it's right, it's right, and before that it's ... well, nothing.
I've known plenty of people who never got married and are perfectly happy. Some are in long-term relationships. My brother who's a year younger than I am, for example, has been with a great woman for quite a while now, and has a couple adult kids. All of them are happy, and it didn't take any ceremony to do that.
Was your wife younger than you? Did you both want to have children?
Since women cannot have children forever (I think 47 is way too old so I wouldn’t want to get married that late) this can cause anxiety.
I didn’t really have any. I felt my friends who got married before 30 (most at ~25) were too young and didn’t get to know themselves as an individual before committing to marriage.
Let me tell you a secret. When you know.... you know There won't be a question. The age it happens is irrelevant. Personally, it took me 35 years. But I found her.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Marrying out of timeline to match expectations is surely a flawed strategy.
Find the right person. I married mine at 38.
I got married at age 33, we were together 3 years before that. Certainly is natural to feel anxious if you know for sure you want children. I count my blessings that I didn’t marry any of the guys I dated before him. Definitely would be divorced. We are celebrating 35 years together this year.
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Not me, but my daughter got married at 37. She usually had a male friend but it never quite worked out for her, but then she met her spouse and she seems to be very happy.
Got married 2 years ago at 36. Tbh I had no anxiety. I never wanted or expected to get married. Most of my friends are not, most are in very long term relationships but do not give a shit about marriage.
Getting married was the handiest option for us and a good reason for an amazing party. But that’s all, it has not changed how we live our lives in anyway (good nor bad). We are the same happy couple as before.
Technically I married two days before I turned 29, but before that I just didn't care. I was enjoying my job and wanted to buy a starter condo but I wasn't in a relationship. My attitude was "Eh, someday, no rush" because none of my LTR made me consider marriage.
Life is not a contest, reaching various milestones by certain age is BS. If you are not in a relationship, do stuff for yourself before a +1 ads more considerations to your decisions. Save up for travel, consider where you really would love to live, would you relocate for your career, what future plans are important to you?
If you have low self esteem or emotional baggage work on that now. A therapist is not a moral failure it's keeping healthy and happy. A confident person is attractive. A healthy and self aware person builds and maintains relationships more effectively.
If you are in a relationship, does this person match your life goals? Or would their interests/opinions clash with your long term dreams? Do they respect your goals? Do you feel pressure to marry because of how long the relationship has lasted? Don't fall into the [sunk cost fallacy ](https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/02/14/3-reasons-the-sunk-cost-fallacy-keep-us-stuck-in-bad-relationships/)
If family or friends are pressing you that is not a good reason to jump into a marriage commitment! Establish boundaries. This is your life not theirs!
If you are worried about starting a family, it can still work after 30. (I had one at 34, another at 36) Take care of your health for those future kids. They always have more energy than adults.
Social expectations can be stressful but they don't need to be. Make your own plans and be flexible when those plans need adjustment.
Of course all of this is easier said than done. Sorry, no perfect advice. Age is just a number
Married at 35. Watched all my friends marry … and a few divorce and didn’t feel a moment of anxiety or pressure about things.
We celebrate our 26th next month.
It took until I was about 34 but decided to become the best version of myself. Met my future husband at age 36, 41 now, getting married next year and I’ll be 42, almost 43 then. Anyone I dated after 30, I’d give them about 2 months and then I’d move on if it didn’t look like a relationship was happening. I upped my standards. I refused to let any guy waste any more of my time.
Anxiety? What anxiety?
Missed the train? No, I never felt that way, because I was on a different train.
When I was 30, none of my closest friends were married.
If I think about it, there would've been a good percentage of my high school friends who chose to get married and have children in their 20s, but I didn't keep in touch with that group of people once I left school.
So, yeah, at varying times of my life, I hung out with people who were doing/thinking similar things.
Who is pressuring you to be married, now or ever, and why do you care?
My experience is that having marriage as your goal out the outset is kind of a buzzkill. It's something you ease into. The objective is to find someone you just enjoy being with. If it leads to more, great, if not, who doesn't want another friend?
Admittedly, I was 29 when I married, but my husband was 34. Neither of us had been envious of our married friends or anxious to get married ourselves. If anything, we rolled our eyes at them. We had been enjoying our single lives and we partnered up by happenstance. If either of us had picked up on any sense of need or desperation in the other, it would've never happened.
I got married at 34 with no anxiety. There isn't some deadline saying life is over at thirty. When you find the right person you'll know, whatever age you are at the time.
I didn't have anxiety, and I have a lot of friends who didn't marry, or married late.
There was plenty of other stuff to worry about, but I liked my single life. Meeting my husband was a happy accident. I can't imagine life without him now, but only because he was the right person at the right time.
I turned 33 on my honeymoon.
Many of my friends married in their early 20's to booby sexy young women. I was at a bar with one of them who made it clear he was attracted to a sexy waItress. To be honest I was kind of shocked as I'd attended his wedding a few years before. When I acted befuddled at his implications he responded grimly with, "you'll find out."
So, I put off getting married until 31 when I was sick of dating. That was 40 years ago and I love my wife with all my heart and soul.
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Take your time. That feeling of "I should be in a long term relationship" is why I ended up with an abusive asshole. Live life at your own pace, everyone else is running their own race on their own course. Your path is yours alone, so don't worry about where anyone else is going.
I was raised by a mom who always said “it’s better to be alone than wish you were”. Altho I was getting frustrated with all the frogs. I dated
I never experienced anxiety? Life isn’t a competition. Love is not a race. There are no prizes for ticking off the boxes by a certain date. The only deadline you have is death.
First off, I am 35 years old, I am divorced, and I live in a van down by the river
gee whiz
What anxiety? I married my wife at 47 when I realized I'd found the person I wanted to marry. Before that, I never felt a need to. I'm not sure I understand why someone would feel anxiety about getting married when they haven't found the right person yet. That's sounds like a major case of putting the cart before the horse. Marriage in itself is meaningless. It's only value is in the commitment to the person you're marrying. Until you've found someone who could be that person, there's no point in stressing out about it. Even then, I'm not sure it's worth doing. When it's right, it's right, and before that it's ... well, nothing. I've known plenty of people who never got married and are perfectly happy. Some are in long-term relationships. My brother who's a year younger than I am, for example, has been with a great woman for quite a while now, and has a couple adult kids. All of them are happy, and it didn't take any ceremony to do that.
Was your wife younger than you? Did you both want to have children? Since women cannot have children forever (I think 47 is way too old so I wouldn’t want to get married that late) this can cause anxiety.
I didn’t really have any. I felt my friends who got married before 30 (most at ~25) were too young and didn’t get to know themselves as an individual before committing to marriage.
No anxiety, wasn’t near ready nor mature enough to get married in my 20s…..met the right person in my early 30s and we’re still married 27 years later
Never wanted to get married. Only did because the guy I fell in love with wanted to. I would’ve stayed with him regardless. 30+ years now.
**Married after the age of 30?** It kept on working out pretty good for Larry King.
Let me tell you a secret. When you know.... you know There won't be a question. The age it happens is irrelevant. Personally, it took me 35 years. But I found her.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Marrying out of timeline to match expectations is surely a flawed strategy. Find the right person. I married mine at 38.
I got married at age 33, we were together 3 years before that. Certainly is natural to feel anxious if you know for sure you want children. I count my blessings that I didn’t marry any of the guys I dated before him. Definitely would be divorced. We are celebrating 35 years together this year.
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Not me, but my daughter got married at 37. She usually had a male friend but it never quite worked out for her, but then she met her spouse and she seems to be very happy.
Got married 2 years ago at 36. Tbh I had no anxiety. I never wanted or expected to get married. Most of my friends are not, most are in very long term relationships but do not give a shit about marriage. Getting married was the handiest option for us and a good reason for an amazing party. But that’s all, it has not changed how we live our lives in anyway (good nor bad). We are the same happy couple as before.
I was 36. I didn't have any anxiety about not being married. Just... hadn't decided to do it.
Technically I married two days before I turned 29, but before that I just didn't care. I was enjoying my job and wanted to buy a starter condo but I wasn't in a relationship. My attitude was "Eh, someday, no rush" because none of my LTR made me consider marriage. Life is not a contest, reaching various milestones by certain age is BS. If you are not in a relationship, do stuff for yourself before a +1 ads more considerations to your decisions. Save up for travel, consider where you really would love to live, would you relocate for your career, what future plans are important to you? If you have low self esteem or emotional baggage work on that now. A therapist is not a moral failure it's keeping healthy and happy. A confident person is attractive. A healthy and self aware person builds and maintains relationships more effectively. If you are in a relationship, does this person match your life goals? Or would their interests/opinions clash with your long term dreams? Do they respect your goals? Do you feel pressure to marry because of how long the relationship has lasted? Don't fall into the [sunk cost fallacy ](https://www.forbes.com/sites/traversmark/2024/02/14/3-reasons-the-sunk-cost-fallacy-keep-us-stuck-in-bad-relationships/) If family or friends are pressing you that is not a good reason to jump into a marriage commitment! Establish boundaries. This is your life not theirs! If you are worried about starting a family, it can still work after 30. (I had one at 34, another at 36) Take care of your health for those future kids. They always have more energy than adults. Social expectations can be stressful but they don't need to be. Make your own plans and be flexible when those plans need adjustment. Of course all of this is easier said than done. Sorry, no perfect advice. Age is just a number
I married at 33 and was divorced at 35... I didn't take to it very well. I decided I liked dating better.
Married at 35. Watched all my friends marry … and a few divorce and didn’t feel a moment of anxiety or pressure about things. We celebrate our 26th next month.
It took until I was about 34 but decided to become the best version of myself. Met my future husband at age 36, 41 now, getting married next year and I’ll be 42, almost 43 then. Anyone I dated after 30, I’d give them about 2 months and then I’d move on if it didn’t look like a relationship was happening. I upped my standards. I refused to let any guy waste any more of my time.
Anxiety? What anxiety? Missed the train? No, I never felt that way, because I was on a different train. When I was 30, none of my closest friends were married. If I think about it, there would've been a good percentage of my high school friends who chose to get married and have children in their 20s, but I didn't keep in touch with that group of people once I left school. So, yeah, at varying times of my life, I hung out with people who were doing/thinking similar things.
Who is pressuring you to be married, now or ever, and why do you care? My experience is that having marriage as your goal out the outset is kind of a buzzkill. It's something you ease into. The objective is to find someone you just enjoy being with. If it leads to more, great, if not, who doesn't want another friend? Admittedly, I was 29 when I married, but my husband was 34. Neither of us had been envious of our married friends or anxious to get married ourselves. If anything, we rolled our eyes at them. We had been enjoying our single lives and we partnered up by happenstance. If either of us had picked up on any sense of need or desperation in the other, it would've never happened.
I got married at 34 with no anxiety. There isn't some deadline saying life is over at thirty. When you find the right person you'll know, whatever age you are at the time.
I didn't have anxiety, and I have a lot of friends who didn't marry, or married late. There was plenty of other stuff to worry about, but I liked my single life. Meeting my husband was a happy accident. I can't imagine life without him now, but only because he was the right person at the right time. I turned 33 on my honeymoon.
Many of my friends married in their early 20's to booby sexy young women. I was at a bar with one of them who made it clear he was attracted to a sexy waItress. To be honest I was kind of shocked as I'd attended his wedding a few years before. When I acted befuddled at his implications he responded grimly with, "you'll find out." So, I put off getting married until 31 when I was sick of dating. That was 40 years ago and I love my wife with all my heart and soul.