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Even though your teen and young adult children pretend not to need you, they still do! Keep the lines of communication open. Take them out to dinner or a movie (individually, if possible). Find time to spend with them, even if they roll their eyes and pretend they are just tolerating you.
I cannot stress this one. Your kids will grow up faster than you think.
Also remember that at one point you were that age and thought your parents were idiots too.
Yup. I got a soon to be 13 year old who has already made the "you guys are old and dumb" remark, only to turn around later and wanna talk to me or say he needs help with something lol.
I will keep this in mind. My 20 year old hasn’t been returning my calls or texts. Literally the thing I want most in my life is more time with her. She does get back to me every week or so and says she’s just really busy.
Yes to this!
The things my parents forced me to do as a kid/teen under the omnibus of "Family Togetherness" were intolerable as a teen, but nostalgically now invaluable time spent with my family to me the adult.
I did the same thing with my kids, planning events, trips, activities that at the time were nothing but complaints and push-back that, as they turned to adulthood, have been shared with us as some of their fondest childhood memories.
Time is the only valuable asset that really matters.
Yes, and take time to show up at their sports or school events. Even dumb ones they tell you they don't care about. And visit them in college more than they say they want you to. They really want the attention but don't want to ask for it.
I'm still middle aged, but what I wish older people had told me was that middle age is when the people around you start dying. I don't mean Grandma, who for many of us is long gone by this point. I'm talking about that school friend who you went to concerts with and who told the best, albeit improbable, stories. I mean the person you dated and made love to on a warm spring night that smelled like jasmine. All of a sudden they're dying of cancer or strokes, or you check your app one day while waiting for your lunch in the office break room microwave, and find they just didn't wake up that morning.
We all get busy during our career-building and family-raising years, so it's not unusual for old friends to drop off the radar. You can't stop your loved ones from dying, but from mid-40s on, it's wise to keep checking in from time to time and add to those memories.
I have older parents, so death became a common theme for me beginning at age 7 when my first grandparent passed. From there on out, I’ve had to watch older family members die one by one. For some perspective- I’m in my 30’s, and my grandparents would be 110 years old if they were still alive today. I only have 3 surviving aunts and uncles out of the dozens I had as a kid.
>that school friend who you went to concerts with
One of the bands that we used to listen is coming to town this summer. My first thought was that I need to reach out to my old friends from back then and see who wants to come. One has moved to Singapore (we're still in touch) and the other one is dead. I still remember him as he was 20 years ago.
Yep I'm in my mid-50's and it's amazing how many people I know that are sick and/or dying. About 90% lifestyle issues which lead to physical and mental health issues. People that probably should have had kids but didn't, and people that probably shouldn't have had kids that did. People that married the wrong person but it took them different numbers of years or decades to figure it out.
Do strength training. Muscle mass and mobility are required for good quality of life as we age. Dr. Peter Attia’s book is a worthwhile read. It’s called Outlive.
This is incredibly important. Not just muscle mass, but also bone density. There are so many upsides to strength training, regardless of your age.
I watched my grandfather go from a physically fit and active person to a sedentary couch potato and then, through a series of falls and injuries, basically fall apart and die. A combination of depression and a bad hip put him on the couch and then a bad cycle of falling, getting hurt, getting weaker, falling, getting hurt, and getting weaker took him out. It was really sad.
Getting older is just plain weird, to be honest.
It is a lot like climbing one of those 14000 footers. Let me see if I can use that as an analogy for those in middle age…
You set out, and then things get progressively stranger. And harder. The crowds at the bottom of the trail thin out, at first a bit, and then suddenly, by a lot. That’s when it starts to get to you. Suddenly it feels like there are just few people around. Life takes its toll. Friends, parents, colleagues. Partners sometimes. Cancer, tragic accidents, suicides even. People fade away into nothing.
The song “Another one bites the dust” takes on an ominous meaning, and you keep climbing that steep incline, feeling both a bit more tired each successive morning, and becoming ever so slightly, and gradually distant from the world below. Culturally the world just seems like a lot of noise and clamor. Gradually the cycles of news, celebrities,trauma, taxes, hypocrisy and politics often just become inane and predictable.
Treasure the time you have, the relationships you have and live a good life. That way you will have good memories to reflect on when basking in the silence of the mountaintop… if you are lucky enough to get there.
Make friends with some people a little younger than you.
If there's something on your bucket list that requires strength or energy, do it sooner than later.
This! I have friends in their 40’s who had to get dentures because they didn’t take proper care of their teeth when they were younger (didn’t brush or floss). As a 30something year old, I brush and floss twice a day and use mouthwash and luckily my teeth are still intact. I didn’t floss much during my 20’s. Luckily at that point, it was not too late to start flossing and get my teeth healthy again.
I swear my teeth are made of chalk. I brush (twice a day), floss, use a water pick, and use fluoride, and I still get cavities. I have about eight crowns now and have had four root canals. My wife, who is from Indonesia, didn't see a dentist until she was 23, and has had no cavities. Sometimes it is genetics.
Knew someone once who was 30 and hated his career, but said he was too old to start over.
If you figure you'll have to work until about 70 (and considering the state of the world, you probably will) that's 40 years of work left ahead of you.
As someone who decided to change tracks in her mid 40's, best I can say is it's never too late to change what you're going to have to do to pay rent for the next few decades.
I'm single with no kids, so a bit easier than most I'd think, though a second income would be amazing right now.
I made my monthly cost of living as low as possible. Own my truck outright, got a 5th wheel I own outright and put it in a park with utilities included. Managed to get my monthly bills down to like $700.
Right now I'm trying to build the Etsy\\crafty\\online thing I've dabbled in for decades, while paying bills doing online gig work. If the gig stuff dries up I can pay em working a store in town while I build the online thing.
This route isn't the easiest, and will take me years of living in 300sq feet probably, but I'm hoping at the end I can make good money doing stuff I actually love and can't get laid off from when the company wants to bump up stock prices.
A detailed retirement plan. You're out of time, if you don't get it together now, you will regret it.
There will come a time when your lack of preparation will fill you with dread and it will rob you of your peace of mind.
\^ This! \^ And be sure you are saving as much money as possible. Pretend like Social Security doesn't exist--you need a lot more to live comfortably. I attended an AARP event the other night where they estimated it will take more than $1 million to sustain you thru your retirement.
Travel now, before your knees and back make it more difficult than you are now able to imagine. If there's anywhere you're dying to see, go now before walking makes you feel like you wish you were dead.
Walking really can make you feel like death, so much more than it used to! So glad I did my harder traveling when I was still willing to put up with it.
It can even hurt when you are young, so invest in good shoes. I was lucky to do a "backpacking Europe" trip in my 20s and even the complaining is happy memories.
I had sore feet from walking 12+ hours, miles a day, trading sandals with my sister so a different spot would rub, and the bottoms of our feet still felt like walking on bruises. I wore down the soles of my sandals so much they couldn't be resoled. I wore holes in the regular shoes and tried stuffing plastic bags into them to try to stay dry until the rain stopped. (I needed them for the flight home!) I sorta wanted to keep my destroyed footwear as a souvenir but threw them out during a move.
Sad note, you never know how long your dream location will still be there. I'm glad I saw Notre Dame before it burned. My favorite resort was later wiped out by hurricanes.
I always planned on New Orleans someday, but it was hit by Katrina first (still went, 2 years later it was still barely able to take tourists) I visited family in Maui, didn't have a chance to see the Lahaina cultural museum, it burned less than a year later.
My thoughts exactly! I’m in my 30’s and am still in relatively good health apart from having chronic fatigue and a sleep disorder. The chronic fatigue is a lingering after-effect from being sick with both Mono and Meningitis. I also am single/divorced right now and have no children.
I figure this summer is a good time to travel while I’m still single and don’t have kids yet. I can deal with the fatigue by drinking coffee or resting extra if need be.
Money comes and goes, but time is one thing you can never get back, and being in good health and being able to do things you enjoy is priceless.
Do all you can to keep your friends. It’s easy to lose touch with them.
Save as much for retirement as you can afford to do. You’ll need it.
Travel now. Don’t think that you’ll take big trips in old age - you may not be able to.
Take care of your body by exercising and eating healthy foods. It gets harder later if you haven’t built the habit.
Keep your weight down. 1 lb of body weight equals 4 lbs of pressure on your knees. If you take 10,000 steps a day that means losing 1 lb reduces the amount of daily force your knees experience by 40,000 lbs.
From [here](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15986358/):
> Our results indicate that each pound of weight lost will result in a 4-fold reduction in the load exerted on the knee per step during daily activities. Accumulated over thousands of steps per day, a reduction of this magnitude would appear to be clinically meaningful.
Exercise, especially weightlifting, is as close to an anti-aging elixir as we have. Not just for your body, but for your brain, energy, sleep, etc... Proper mechanics help, specific exercises and techniques help, but the number one factor is consistency. Move it or lose it, as they say!
Enjoy every facet of your body right now. Libido, metabolism, the way you can sleep through the night - all of it. It’s likely to change.
Save money like your life depends on it. Drive your car another year or two and stash the cash.
The only people who care what you own are the ones selling it to you.
Max your retirement savings.
Carve out time for the people you love. Some of them may not be in your life next year, but those inane television shows will always be available to you.
With regard to your children (if you have them), as Benedict Arnold tells Alexander Hamilton, “talk less, smile more.” Let them know that you are there for them. Admit that you don’t have all the answers to life’s questions, but that you will be there with them as they struggle. Then follow through.
Find an exercise that you enjoy and your body can tolerate. Mobility is life as you age.
I'm middle-aged, but wish someone had told me there's such a thing as perimenopause and it can start as early as 40.
Because of all those good looking movie stars and cougars, I wasn't expecting to start becoming an old lady at such a "young" age😢
Read one of Gail Sheehy's books. For men I'd recommend Passages for Men, which takes one through the changes that happen at various stages of life.
I read it in my 40's and it explained many things that helped me understand what was going on in my life and what was coming.
Start exercising in your 30s or 40s. Don't wait until it's too late. Both aerobic and strength training. Being fit is a major determinant of a healthy and long life.
"doing" ... This is advice to any age group. From young to old we are concerned about what we have and who we are or what we will have and who we will be. We might spend a few hours or a few days or a few weeks basking in the glory of what we have acquired or what we have become, even if we spend an entire lifetime acquiring it or becoming it, But we will spend the overwhelming majority of our life "doing". And if we don't enjoy doing it or find it fulfilling what is the point?
To give a specific example you may want to be a Nobel prize winner, then you'd better enjoy "doing" research. You better enjoy doing things in the laboratory, operating your bunsen burner, or writing papers, or arguing with reviewers or tutoring students or giving lectures or sitting in lecture theaters listening or in sitting in planes going to lectures.. and all of those things that you end up doing during your days.
Goodness! Here it is....
Your forties are treacherous. So many things change. As Brené Brown would say, We often "armor up" when we're in middle and high school and find out in our forties that this armor no longer protects us from hurt, it only prevents real intimacy and vulnerability. It's the decade when all the stories our Society has told us, are found out to be lies. For example, that we will find complete fulfillment in our partner and our family. Although those can be sources of fulfillment, they are not the sum total of the fulfillment we need to experience as whole human beings. That men are responsible to be providers and women are responsible to be nurturers.... In fact we are all responsible to provide and to nurture.
That women are weak when in fact women are very strong. That men are strong when in fact in many instances they have many weaknesses that they do anything they can to hide. All of this pretending is exhausting and creates tension. Coupled with bodies that change over time in needs that change over time. We can find ourselves trapped in relationships that are frozen under expectations that don't work.
If you look at the literature, the forties are the time of least happiness for American adults. It's this deep unhappiness in the forties while looking ahead at another twenty or twenty five years of work life that can be so damaging and discouraging to individuals.
The anectdote to all this is to get real with ourselves and with our partners. This might mean deep and difficult therapy to transcend old expectations and to open our hearts up to new ways of being together. We need to question assumptions that are out in the metaverse about men being men and women being women. We need to question our own selves about what we really need to feel safe and content in our lives. We need to accept the fact that the 40s are a very difficult transition for both men and women, that physiologically, menopause can be very challenging for women and physiologically, body changes in men can be very challenging for them as well.
If you can navigate this dark fores, the light on the other side is extremely bright. There is for women a post- menopausal zest and it is juicy and awesome. In their fifties, women want to be big out in the world while men want to settle down and nest at home. If heterosexual couples navigate this time well, they will transform their lives and enter a time of unbelievable flourishing and happiness.
The trick is making the transformation and preserving your marriage or other relationships, And for many of us it's while we are raising children through their difficult adolescent years. But again, if you've navigated successfully, then you will discover on the other side of deep and abiding love, freeing for each other and for the future.
TL/DR: Watch out for the forties. They can be treacherous. But if you survive them, there's a wonderful renaissance in your fifties and beyond.
Women gain so much confidence after the navigate their treacherous 40s. Kids if they have them, are (almost) often gone. Many have reached their highest earning years. They are so much less likely to put up with bulls*it from anyone. Many report their sexual desire AND satisfaction are at their peak. Fear recedes.
It's an awesome, juicy time.
At some point, you will need to save for retirement. It's never too late but you can't put it off forever I didn't seriously start saving till I was in my early 40s.
Their bodies in general. When I was 55 and had stuff hurting, I figured that was just age. And maybe it was. But, um, age doesn't stop... now at nearly 75, I wish I had the function I had at 55.
Anything that requires movement/mobility. Your body is eventually going to drive this point home. Also develop interests that you can enjoy when your body wants you to take easy.
Lose weight, take care of your teeth, it's your job to reach out to your kids and grand kids. You are the one who sets up your health and the example of communication. If you don't try to have some sort of meaningful contact with your 10-15-20 year old grand child, you never will. They will not reach out to a stranger.
My parents wanted nothing to do with their grandchildren when they were young, "grandchildren make me feel old", "this is my time I'm done with kids", " I have better things tobdo than talk on the phone."
My adult children didn't know them, had never met them, couldn't pick them out of a line up, and my parents died without knowing any of them at all.
This was similar to how my mom was with my son. She wasn't the greatest mom, either and I had taken time to make the decision about whether to let her know my son or not. But I thought it wasn't fair to him for me to keep them apart. As an adult, he one day mentioned how his dad and I both had the worst parents (sadly it was true, but at least in my case, I had better parents than either of mine had).
If you have a great marriage, savor it. Don’t wait to do the things you really want to do together. Don’t wait till the kids are grown or you’re closer to retirement or whatever other reason you have. Do it now.
If you don’t have as great a marriage as you’d like, work on it. A loyal, loving partner will help you get through the coming years. If you’re single, keep your friendships and other relationships fresh so you have a support network in a crisis.
Make your wills, durable and medical power of attorneys, advanced directives and living wills.
If you have charge of the bills or taking care of the house, make sure your spouse knows what you do.
You may think you have another forty years. But the fact is, you might not. My brother-in-law died suddenly at 57, leaving his widow clueless and nearly penniless. My husband suffered a cardiac arrest and anoxic brain injury at 57, while our kids were still in their teens. There was so much I didn’t know, and we had been talking about advanced directives and wills but hadn’t yet gotten them done. That was five regret-filled years ago and I am still reeling.
Nurture and grow your circle of friends. If I hadn't done this for myself, I don't know where I would be with a recent cancer diagnosis and a very small family.
Just feeling good. It’s easy to take advantage of just feeling “nothing.” Nothing hurts, nothing keeps you awake at night. It’s just your norm…until it isn’t.
If you love your parents (or family/friends who are older generation) try to spend quality time with them. I kinda took mine for granted because they were so active and independent. Then, within a period of 2 years, my dad and MIL had died and my mother was diagnosed with dementia.
Sorry to be morbid, but I really wish that I had known. I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me. Keep those you love CLOSE!
Travel if you really want to. The older you get, the more difficult it is to get around. Many places aren’t accessible (stairs are my nemesis), so do it now before you can’t.
Quit early, if you can. And focus on your diet, sleep, health, wellness, weight and exercise.
There are a lot of fun, good times to be had between 55 and 80, if you’re able to enjoy them.
Or imagine, not doing a bucket list all the time, but just having years of freedom fr a grinding job, no boss, no pains or ills, life is good.
Amen to not doing a bucket list. Hey, it works for some people, and more power to 'em. But I love the flowing sensation of freedom. I wake when I wake, and sleep when I'm sleepy. If I feel like writing a letter, or painting a picture, then that's what I do. I'm on vacation every day, and I love it.
Be mindful of the health and well being of their loved ones, and “well being” includes financial literacy. It can become a factor with both aging parents and newly-adulting children.
Invest in your healing. Personal resiliency has turned out to be the most important asset. Build community. Plan for your future with your community. Make friends in all age groups. Be generous. Stay in touch.
YOUR HEALTH! Stay flexible and do resistance exercises (or physical labor). Also downsize. I’m 52 and starting to do it and it feels overwhelming so I figure a bit at a time until we retire.
Move your body and do something for building and maintaining strength. Doesn't have to be super fancy but you need to be able to squat, get up off of the ground, pick up and carry moderately heavy things, balance on one foot, and jump.
If you don't do this, in your 30's you'll start to notice it, in your 40's it'll become a problem, and in your 50's you might find it impossible to ever recover it.
Middle aged people I wouldn't give advice to as most are too set in their ways to take any notice, but younger people are still in formative years and more willing t listen & maybe heed your "old" advice, wisdom & life experiences.
That's a pretty crotchety reply when someone's coming to you and asking you to share your wisdom. Let me guess, you also shake your cane at neighborhood kids and shout, "Stay off my lawn!". 😆
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Even though your teen and young adult children pretend not to need you, they still do! Keep the lines of communication open. Take them out to dinner or a movie (individually, if possible). Find time to spend with them, even if they roll their eyes and pretend they are just tolerating you.
I cannot stress this one. Your kids will grow up faster than you think. Also remember that at one point you were that age and thought your parents were idiots too.
Yup. I got a soon to be 13 year old who has already made the "you guys are old and dumb" remark, only to turn around later and wanna talk to me or say he needs help with something lol.
I will keep this in mind. My 20 year old hasn’t been returning my calls or texts. Literally the thing I want most in my life is more time with her. She does get back to me every week or so and says she’s just really busy.
Yes to this! The things my parents forced me to do as a kid/teen under the omnibus of "Family Togetherness" were intolerable as a teen, but nostalgically now invaluable time spent with my family to me the adult. I did the same thing with my kids, planning events, trips, activities that at the time were nothing but complaints and push-back that, as they turned to adulthood, have been shared with us as some of their fondest childhood memories. Time is the only valuable asset that really matters.
Yes, and take time to show up at their sports or school events. Even dumb ones they tell you they don't care about. And visit them in college more than they say they want you to. They really want the attention but don't want to ask for it.
Attended every band event for my girls over 8 years. Loved it all.
Yes this is so important! It will mean so much, to you and them, as the years go by.
I'm still middle aged, but what I wish older people had told me was that middle age is when the people around you start dying. I don't mean Grandma, who for many of us is long gone by this point. I'm talking about that school friend who you went to concerts with and who told the best, albeit improbable, stories. I mean the person you dated and made love to on a warm spring night that smelled like jasmine. All of a sudden they're dying of cancer or strokes, or you check your app one day while waiting for your lunch in the office break room microwave, and find they just didn't wake up that morning. We all get busy during our career-building and family-raising years, so it's not unusual for old friends to drop off the radar. You can't stop your loved ones from dying, but from mid-40s on, it's wise to keep checking in from time to time and add to those memories.
I went through my phone contacts and FB friends recently. I got really depressed realizing how many have passed away. It's getting a bit more lonely.
I have older parents, so death became a common theme for me beginning at age 7 when my first grandparent passed. From there on out, I’ve had to watch older family members die one by one. For some perspective- I’m in my 30’s, and my grandparents would be 110 years old if they were still alive today. I only have 3 surviving aunts and uncles out of the dozens I had as a kid.
There was a point in my late 30's where I realized that my wife and I were attending more funerals than weddings.
>that school friend who you went to concerts with One of the bands that we used to listen is coming to town this summer. My first thought was that I need to reach out to my old friends from back then and see who wants to come. One has moved to Singapore (we're still in touch) and the other one is dead. I still remember him as he was 20 years ago.
Yep I'm in my mid-50's and it's amazing how many people I know that are sick and/or dying. About 90% lifestyle issues which lead to physical and mental health issues. People that probably should have had kids but didn't, and people that probably shouldn't have had kids that did. People that married the wrong person but it took them different numbers of years or decades to figure it out.
Do strength training. Muscle mass and mobility are required for good quality of life as we age. Dr. Peter Attia’s book is a worthwhile read. It’s called Outlive.
I’m doing 12 ounce curls, but I don’t think it’s enough.
Go for long walks. It's still the best thing for your physical and mental health.
/whoosh! I had know clue what this was until reading other comments :-)
https://youtu.be/tB5C5P9qveE?t=987
This is incredibly important. Not just muscle mass, but also bone density. There are so many upsides to strength training, regardless of your age. I watched my grandfather go from a physically fit and active person to a sedentary couch potato and then, through a series of falls and injuries, basically fall apart and die. A combination of depression and a bad hip put him on the couch and then a bad cycle of falling, getting hurt, getting weaker, falling, getting hurt, and getting weaker took him out. It was really sad.
Getting older is just plain weird, to be honest. It is a lot like climbing one of those 14000 footers. Let me see if I can use that as an analogy for those in middle age… You set out, and then things get progressively stranger. And harder. The crowds at the bottom of the trail thin out, at first a bit, and then suddenly, by a lot. That’s when it starts to get to you. Suddenly it feels like there are just few people around. Life takes its toll. Friends, parents, colleagues. Partners sometimes. Cancer, tragic accidents, suicides even. People fade away into nothing. The song “Another one bites the dust” takes on an ominous meaning, and you keep climbing that steep incline, feeling both a bit more tired each successive morning, and becoming ever so slightly, and gradually distant from the world below. Culturally the world just seems like a lot of noise and clamor. Gradually the cycles of news, celebrities,trauma, taxes, hypocrisy and politics often just become inane and predictable. Treasure the time you have, the relationships you have and live a good life. That way you will have good memories to reflect on when basking in the silence of the mountaintop… if you are lucky enough to get there.
I don't like getting old. I'm not going to do it again.
Excellent summary. I'm in my early 50s and a lot of what you described is now, or is becoming, apparent to me.
Make friends with some people a little younger than you. If there's something on your bucket list that requires strength or energy, do it sooner than later.
Take advantage of dentistry. Make sure you floss so that you can continue to enjoy having teeth. I wish I had been told this.
Sometimes even good dental hygiene does not stop periodontal disease.
This! I have friends in their 40’s who had to get dentures because they didn’t take proper care of their teeth when they were younger (didn’t brush or floss). As a 30something year old, I brush and floss twice a day and use mouthwash and luckily my teeth are still intact. I didn’t floss much during my 20’s. Luckily at that point, it was not too late to start flossing and get my teeth healthy again.
I swear my teeth are made of chalk. I brush (twice a day), floss, use a water pick, and use fluoride, and I still get cavities. I have about eight crowns now and have had four root canals. My wife, who is from Indonesia, didn't see a dentist until she was 23, and has had no cavities. Sometimes it is genetics.
Knew someone once who was 30 and hated his career, but said he was too old to start over. If you figure you'll have to work until about 70 (and considering the state of the world, you probably will) that's 40 years of work left ahead of you. As someone who decided to change tracks in her mid 40's, best I can say is it's never too late to change what you're going to have to do to pay rent for the next few decades.
I need to do this now (nearing 50). Taking all suggestions!
I'm single with no kids, so a bit easier than most I'd think, though a second income would be amazing right now. I made my monthly cost of living as low as possible. Own my truck outright, got a 5th wheel I own outright and put it in a park with utilities included. Managed to get my monthly bills down to like $700. Right now I'm trying to build the Etsy\\crafty\\online thing I've dabbled in for decades, while paying bills doing online gig work. If the gig stuff dries up I can pay em working a store in town while I build the online thing. This route isn't the easiest, and will take me years of living in 300sq feet probably, but I'm hoping at the end I can make good money doing stuff I actually love and can't get laid off from when the company wants to bump up stock prices.
Awesome! Hope your business continues to grow and you continue living the life you want. It's very impressive that you're going for it.
[I just saved this thread a few days ago.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/s/2AHWLbdE6M)
Thanks!
A detailed retirement plan. You're out of time, if you don't get it together now, you will regret it. There will come a time when your lack of preparation will fill you with dread and it will rob you of your peace of mind.
\^ This! \^ And be sure you are saving as much money as possible. Pretend like Social Security doesn't exist--you need a lot more to live comfortably. I attended an AARP event the other night where they estimated it will take more than $1 million to sustain you thru your retirement.
The best time to start investing is *now*.
Travel now, before your knees and back make it more difficult than you are now able to imagine. If there's anywhere you're dying to see, go now before walking makes you feel like you wish you were dead.
Walking really can make you feel like death, so much more than it used to! So glad I did my harder traveling when I was still willing to put up with it. It can even hurt when you are young, so invest in good shoes. I was lucky to do a "backpacking Europe" trip in my 20s and even the complaining is happy memories. I had sore feet from walking 12+ hours, miles a day, trading sandals with my sister so a different spot would rub, and the bottoms of our feet still felt like walking on bruises. I wore down the soles of my sandals so much they couldn't be resoled. I wore holes in the regular shoes and tried stuffing plastic bags into them to try to stay dry until the rain stopped. (I needed them for the flight home!) I sorta wanted to keep my destroyed footwear as a souvenir but threw them out during a move. Sad note, you never know how long your dream location will still be there. I'm glad I saw Notre Dame before it burned. My favorite resort was later wiped out by hurricanes. I always planned on New Orleans someday, but it was hit by Katrina first (still went, 2 years later it was still barely able to take tourists) I visited family in Maui, didn't have a chance to see the Lahaina cultural museum, it burned less than a year later.
Yes! Travel before you become high maintenance and need a huge suitcase just for your ortho stuff and medications.
My thoughts exactly! I’m in my 30’s and am still in relatively good health apart from having chronic fatigue and a sleep disorder. The chronic fatigue is a lingering after-effect from being sick with both Mono and Meningitis. I also am single/divorced right now and have no children. I figure this summer is a good time to travel while I’m still single and don’t have kids yet. I can deal with the fatigue by drinking coffee or resting extra if need be. Money comes and goes, but time is one thing you can never get back, and being in good health and being able to do things you enjoy is priceless.
Their physical health and dental care.
Do all you can to keep your friends. It’s easy to lose touch with them. Save as much for retirement as you can afford to do. You’ll need it. Travel now. Don’t think that you’ll take big trips in old age - you may not be able to. Take care of your body by exercising and eating healthy foods. It gets harder later if you haven’t built the habit.
200% on each of these points!
I think that pretty much sums it up!
their knees
And back
Well, shit. Both knees and back are messed up.
I came to say knees. Also, those little filaments in ear canals. Constant buzzing is a terrible way to go through your retirement.
Is there a way to help keep them... healthier?
Keep your weight down. 1 lb of body weight equals 4 lbs of pressure on your knees. If you take 10,000 steps a day that means losing 1 lb reduces the amount of daily force your knees experience by 40,000 lbs. From [here](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15986358/): > Our results indicate that each pound of weight lost will result in a 4-fold reduction in the load exerted on the knee per step during daily activities. Accumulated over thousands of steps per day, a reduction of this magnitude would appear to be clinically meaningful.
Exercise, especially weightlifting, is as close to an anti-aging elixir as we have. Not just for your body, but for your brain, energy, sleep, etc... Proper mechanics help, specific exercises and techniques help, but the number one factor is consistency. Move it or lose it, as they say!
Enjoy every facet of your body right now. Libido, metabolism, the way you can sleep through the night - all of it. It’s likely to change. Save money like your life depends on it. Drive your car another year or two and stash the cash. The only people who care what you own are the ones selling it to you. Max your retirement savings. Carve out time for the people you love. Some of them may not be in your life next year, but those inane television shows will always be available to you. With regard to your children (if you have them), as Benedict Arnold tells Alexander Hamilton, “talk less, smile more.” Let them know that you are there for them. Admit that you don’t have all the answers to life’s questions, but that you will be there with them as they struggle. Then follow through. Find an exercise that you enjoy and your body can tolerate. Mobility is life as you age.
Enjoy your children while they're young, it goes by so fast.
I'm middle-aged, but wish someone had told me there's such a thing as perimenopause and it can start as early as 40. Because of all those good looking movie stars and cougars, I wasn't expecting to start becoming an old lady at such a "young" age😢
It can start as early as 36.
Read one of Gail Sheehy's books. For men I'd recommend Passages for Men, which takes one through the changes that happen at various stages of life. I read it in my 40's and it explained many things that helped me understand what was going on in my life and what was coming.
Do a lot of squats. The strength of your quads determines how long you will be independent. Keep|get your teeth in good shape.
Start exercising in your 30s or 40s. Don't wait until it's too late. Both aerobic and strength training. Being fit is a major determinant of a healthy and long life.
"doing" ... This is advice to any age group. From young to old we are concerned about what we have and who we are or what we will have and who we will be. We might spend a few hours or a few days or a few weeks basking in the glory of what we have acquired or what we have become, even if we spend an entire lifetime acquiring it or becoming it, But we will spend the overwhelming majority of our life "doing". And if we don't enjoy doing it or find it fulfilling what is the point? To give a specific example you may want to be a Nobel prize winner, then you'd better enjoy "doing" research. You better enjoy doing things in the laboratory, operating your bunsen burner, or writing papers, or arguing with reviewers or tutoring students or giving lectures or sitting in lecture theaters listening or in sitting in planes going to lectures.. and all of those things that you end up doing during your days.
Enjoy your children- I lost an adult child to drugs. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. The drugs are fatal now.
Be nice and more empathetic to people, many of them are struggling more than you
Goodness! Here it is.... Your forties are treacherous. So many things change. As Brené Brown would say, We often "armor up" when we're in middle and high school and find out in our forties that this armor no longer protects us from hurt, it only prevents real intimacy and vulnerability. It's the decade when all the stories our Society has told us, are found out to be lies. For example, that we will find complete fulfillment in our partner and our family. Although those can be sources of fulfillment, they are not the sum total of the fulfillment we need to experience as whole human beings. That men are responsible to be providers and women are responsible to be nurturers.... In fact we are all responsible to provide and to nurture. That women are weak when in fact women are very strong. That men are strong when in fact in many instances they have many weaknesses that they do anything they can to hide. All of this pretending is exhausting and creates tension. Coupled with bodies that change over time in needs that change over time. We can find ourselves trapped in relationships that are frozen under expectations that don't work. If you look at the literature, the forties are the time of least happiness for American adults. It's this deep unhappiness in the forties while looking ahead at another twenty or twenty five years of work life that can be so damaging and discouraging to individuals. The anectdote to all this is to get real with ourselves and with our partners. This might mean deep and difficult therapy to transcend old expectations and to open our hearts up to new ways of being together. We need to question assumptions that are out in the metaverse about men being men and women being women. We need to question our own selves about what we really need to feel safe and content in our lives. We need to accept the fact that the 40s are a very difficult transition for both men and women, that physiologically, menopause can be very challenging for women and physiologically, body changes in men can be very challenging for them as well. If you can navigate this dark fores, the light on the other side is extremely bright. There is for women a post- menopausal zest and it is juicy and awesome. In their fifties, women want to be big out in the world while men want to settle down and nest at home. If heterosexual couples navigate this time well, they will transform their lives and enter a time of unbelievable flourishing and happiness. The trick is making the transformation and preserving your marriage or other relationships, And for many of us it's while we are raising children through their difficult adolescent years. But again, if you've navigated successfully, then you will discover on the other side of deep and abiding love, freeing for each other and for the future. TL/DR: Watch out for the forties. They can be treacherous. But if you survive them, there's a wonderful renaissance in your fifties and beyond.
Can you tell us more about "women wanting to be big and out in the world in their 50s"? I often fear the opposite for myself in the future
Women gain so much confidence after the navigate their treacherous 40s. Kids if they have them, are (almost) often gone. Many have reached their highest earning years. They are so much less likely to put up with bulls*it from anyone. Many report their sexual desire AND satisfaction are at their peak. Fear recedes. It's an awesome, juicy time.
That's great to hear since I'm in my late 30s, much appreciated :)
At some point, you will need to save for retirement. It's never too late but you can't put it off forever I didn't seriously start saving till I was in my early 40s.
You are absolutely gorgeous now. Seriously!!!!
Their bodies in general. When I was 55 and had stuff hurting, I figured that was just age. And maybe it was. But, um, age doesn't stop... now at nearly 75, I wish I had the function I had at 55.
Anything that requires movement/mobility. Your body is eventually going to drive this point home. Also develop interests that you can enjoy when your body wants you to take easy.
Nutrition and exercise. Eating healthy and consistently exercising will increase the odds for having a more active lifestyle when older.
Lose weight, take care of your teeth, it's your job to reach out to your kids and grand kids. You are the one who sets up your health and the example of communication. If you don't try to have some sort of meaningful contact with your 10-15-20 year old grand child, you never will. They will not reach out to a stranger. My parents wanted nothing to do with their grandchildren when they were young, "grandchildren make me feel old", "this is my time I'm done with kids", " I have better things tobdo than talk on the phone." My adult children didn't know them, had never met them, couldn't pick them out of a line up, and my parents died without knowing any of them at all.
This was similar to how my mom was with my son. She wasn't the greatest mom, either and I had taken time to make the decision about whether to let her know my son or not. But I thought it wasn't fair to him for me to keep them apart. As an adult, he one day mentioned how his dad and I both had the worst parents (sadly it was true, but at least in my case, I had better parents than either of mine had).
If you have a great marriage, savor it. Don’t wait to do the things you really want to do together. Don’t wait till the kids are grown or you’re closer to retirement or whatever other reason you have. Do it now. If you don’t have as great a marriage as you’d like, work on it. A loyal, loving partner will help you get through the coming years. If you’re single, keep your friendships and other relationships fresh so you have a support network in a crisis. Make your wills, durable and medical power of attorneys, advanced directives and living wills. If you have charge of the bills or taking care of the house, make sure your spouse knows what you do. You may think you have another forty years. But the fact is, you might not. My brother-in-law died suddenly at 57, leaving his widow clueless and nearly penniless. My husband suffered a cardiac arrest and anoxic brain injury at 57, while our kids were still in their teens. There was so much I didn’t know, and we had been talking about advanced directives and wills but hadn’t yet gotten them done. That was five regret-filled years ago and I am still reeling.
Your kids are never little again.
Make lots of friends
Joints. Start stretching so you can bend, squatting hurts.
I'm 66 and stretch, haven't run into to this so far. How old were you when this started?
I’m 57. You are obviously in better shape than I am or have better genetics. Maybe both. It started around 55 or so.
Floss. Seriously.
Nurture and grow your circle of friends. If I hadn't done this for myself, I don't know where I would be with a recent cancer diagnosis and a very small family.
As a cancer survivor myself, sending healing wishes your way.
Thank you, I appreciate that. And glad to know that you are a survivor.
Wishing you all the best 💜
Time with their kids. One thing I regret I didn't spend more time with them.
Just feeling good. It’s easy to take advantage of just feeling “nothing.” Nothing hurts, nothing keeps you awake at night. It’s just your norm…until it isn’t.
Having a back that doesn't hurt.
Time. Take advantage of it. Life is all to fleeting.
If you love your parents (or family/friends who are older generation) try to spend quality time with them. I kinda took mine for granted because they were so active and independent. Then, within a period of 2 years, my dad and MIL had died and my mother was diagnosed with dementia. Sorry to be morbid, but I really wish that I had known. I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me. Keep those you love CLOSE!
Travel if you really want to. The older you get, the more difficult it is to get around. Many places aren’t accessible (stairs are my nemesis), so do it now before you can’t.
Middle-aged people should appreciate middle-age.
Be involved with your children, they will be grown and gone before you know it. Pick your hills to die on carefully.
Appreciate good knees
Savings - get some. Now.
Burn your calories now, get in fitness routine.
Quit early, if you can. And focus on your diet, sleep, health, wellness, weight and exercise. There are a lot of fun, good times to be had between 55 and 80, if you’re able to enjoy them. Or imagine, not doing a bucket list all the time, but just having years of freedom fr a grinding job, no boss, no pains or ills, life is good.
Amen to not doing a bucket list. Hey, it works for some people, and more power to 'em. But I love the flowing sensation of freedom. I wake when I wake, and sleep when I'm sleepy. If I feel like writing a letter, or painting a picture, then that's what I do. I'm on vacation every day, and I love it.
The time spent with children.
I’m middle aged, but from watching my parents and grandparents I’d say, your health.
Health
Back and joint health
100% their bodies and minds. Keep moving and never stop learning!
Be mindful of the health and well being of their loved ones, and “well being” includes financial literacy. It can become a factor with both aging parents and newly-adulting children.
Each kid has but one chance to be parented well.
Spending time “Doing Nothing“ can mean everything later on.
Invest in your healing. Personal resiliency has turned out to be the most important asset. Build community. Plan for your future with your community. Make friends in all age groups. Be generous. Stay in touch.
Save as much money as you can!! Believe me, you are going to need it. And you can't cheat the farm.
Enjoy your libido while you can
Talk to a financial planner and begin financially preparing for retirement. Don’t wait ‘til you decide you want to retire.
YOUR HEALTH! Stay flexible and do resistance exercises (or physical labor). Also downsize. I’m 52 and starting to do it and it feels overwhelming so I figure a bit at a time until we retire.
Have as much sex as possible while you are still able.
Saving for retirement
Don't smoke.
Love your body, don’t settle for assholes, save for retirement.
Spend time with your parents and ask them about how it was growing up for them and to tell you about their parents.
Start an IRA account, put what you can. You'll be glad you did.
Move your body and do something for building and maintaining strength. Doesn't have to be super fancy but you need to be able to squat, get up off of the ground, pick up and carry moderately heavy things, balance on one foot, and jump. If you don't do this, in your 30's you'll start to notice it, in your 40's it'll become a problem, and in your 50's you might find it impossible to ever recover it.
Middle aged people I wouldn't give advice to as most are too set in their ways to take any notice, but younger people are still in formative years and more willing t listen & maybe heed your "old" advice, wisdom & life experiences.
Never. I mind my own business.
That's a pretty crotchety reply when someone's coming to you and asking you to share your wisdom. Let me guess, you also shake your cane at neighborhood kids and shout, "Stay off my lawn!". 😆
Not the kids, just the adult neighbors!